#cloey talks games

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

I heart Until Dawn and it's collection of comically stupid characters. and I do mean all of them. and I do mean it affectionately. I just. god. the reason that anything can happen to these people At All is because, somehow, Every Single One Of Them decided that it was a good idea to accept an invite to the World's Most Suspicious Event at the World's Most Suspicious Place. "hmm!! I'm sure nothing strange or horrific is going to happen to us up on our rich friend's isolated mountain lodge; why would it?? I mean, sure, we Are going to be up there on the exact same date that we inadvertently triggered the events of his sisters' disappearance, but surely he's not upset with us about that or anything. let's go!!" seven separate people. nobody thought anything of it. it's incredible. impressive, even. I mean, I don't know. me personallyyyyy?? I probably would've received that invitation and thought, "oh, he's For Sure gonna do something to us up there, and he For Sure has the means to get away with it; I'm Not Gonna Go." but. hey. that's just me.

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

I'm just saying, they're remaking and remastering the wrong games. you're gonna remaster Until Dawn?? which was made less than ten years ago?? and it still looks relatively fine?? there are like so many survival horror games that are bordering on lost media because they're not accessible on any modern consoles; people are paying like two hundred dollars for a shitty little game with horrific combat systems on eBay because they can't get it anywhere else, but no. we're remastering Until Dawn. which I found at my local game store. and you're making it look WORSE, to boot. I mean. okay. if you insist.

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

being kind of a dick to Jessica while playing as Mike so that when she gets dragged down to the mines, she's wearing a warm outfit. I am the boyfriend of all time; misogyny wins.

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

oh. Matt and Josh. notably eroded relationship, even by the time that you first get to play as Josh; bizarre, considering that by this point in the story, his relationship status with literally Every Other Character should be worse than the one he has with a guy that he hasn't even seen since chapter two. even if you decide to make The Worst Choices Ever, throughout The Entire Game, and even if you say that you prefer Matt over others during the therapy sessions, their relationship is Still the worst one that Josh has. the only other one that can rival it is the one he has with Chris, if you've went through the whole song and dance of punching Ashley and choosing to kill Josh. and also!! in the beginning therapy sessions, if you say that you dislike Matt the most, the conjured image of Dr. Hill that Josh cooks up Cannot Fathom Why. "but he's so nice?? and hot?? and sporty and strong?? maybe you're just intimidated by him. nothing else makes sense." you get a similar response if you say that you dislike Sam the most, funnily enough; the only major difference is that the word "handsome" is swapped out for "pretty." anyway. I am just. throwing this out there. as something to gnaw on.

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

Jessica and Emily should've just gotten over themselves and fucked nasty. probably would've made the game better.

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

Sam Giddings and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Case Of Severe Hypothermia.

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

Emily Davis and the immense depths of her lesbianism should be studied in college psychology classes.

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

genuinely hysterical that one of the few situations in which Ashley can die is only made possible because her friends couldn't bother to wait for her while she Moved A Manhole Cover. you guys are in the sewers, none of you have weapons, and at least One person has died at this point; maybe Wait For Her?? for the Six Seconds that it takes her to move the fucking lid?? oh my god??

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

I shake and shudder and whimper like a wet despondent dog whenever a horror game remake axes the fixed camera angles in favor of over the shoulder ones. like eugh. must you?? must WE??

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

you roll up to the Halloween party and the Silent Hill OST is playing. you immediately convulse and die.

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

I'm not sure if I actually like Matt or if I just like Jordan Fisher.

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

Ashley issss my least favorite Until Dawn character, but it's not because of like. Morality reasons. "she leaves Chris to die!!" I mean. okay. FIRST of all. she should've done worse. she should've!! she Should have strangled him with her bare hands!! and that's not even me hating on Chris; he's pretty alright, for a blonde man. MY point is that there was a tragic lack of unapologetically evil bitches in that game, and yet people can't even handle a little bit of inaction in the face of crisis!! that's all it takes?? please. her major party foul, in my personal opinion, was the Emily Thing. and honestly, it's because she was a little bit too passive about the whole thing. really, she was only advocating for banishment. which kind of Is a murder attempt, given the circumstances, but. she could've done more. been a little bit more wicked. she Could have been rooting for active slaughter. but she wasn't. also Mike is the one who actually shoots Emily in the end. so. hey. maybe He should be the person that you have a problem with. but. oh no. I forgot!! HE doesn't have an active whine in his voice!! why would we blame Him for the things that he does when Ashley was Annoying in the same scene?? #fuckwomen, #thatmanissosexyorwhatever. god. LAME!!!! it's lame.

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

I mean, yeah, Ashley does leave Chris to die if you try to shoot her, but like. it's a little funny. it is!! a girl wearing leggings and jorts just let you die!! how humiliating!!

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

understand the palm of my hand, bitch.

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

"why'd you have to fucking HIT HER!?" he says, after he's just attempted to shoot her directly in the face.

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

"you are so fucking stupid that it will literally impede your ability to function as an adult in the world. you will be jobless and alone. also you're a Whore." "oh?? oh yeah?? well... I'm hot. it's actually Insane, how hot I am. also I won Homecoming queen in high school. so. take that. skank."