#clockwork is watching it all like his own personal sitcom

[spacedace]

@proshipper-on-ship & @fantasticbluebirdfan how does it feel to be the most correct it's possible for people to be? 😂

Like Clockwork fully just shows up to Jason, Tim & Damian like "you know if you want to get your brother to stop stealing your Fentons, might I interest you in this one? He's a bit wild, but I have full faith in your abilities to get him under control."

And they're like, you know what sure why the fuck not how hard could it be?

Just imagine a full comedy montage of three of the most unhinged members of the batfam trying to domesticate the most unhinged Fenton and while they mostly keep him from murdering (there was one night where there was an exception and Dan got to go on a murder field trip, well 3 nights but each Bat swore Dan to secrecy so as far as each of them know it was only the one murder field trip) they largely all just end up becoming more and more feral together.

Then one day Dan runs into Dick at like the dog park or something and they hit it off and Dick, entirely unaware of what his brothers are attempting or why or even really what Dan's deal is, fully redeems him with bad puns and ice cream and blatant flirting over the course of a single afternoon.

And just when his brothers were thinking they'd just keep Dan as their fellow unhinged friend too.

I love the posts talking about how everyone in the BatFam keeps stealing all of Dick's friends and it made me think of a dc x dp thing where Dick keeps stealing the Fentons from his various siblings.

Dick and Jazz become best friends, bonding over their Eldest Sister Complex, worrying over their younger siblings and the stress of trying to be the diplomats between their parents and younger siblings. They get into their shared trauma of a younger brother dying and coming back and how they feel like they're not doing enough to help and help each other with the hard days.

All while Jason is annoyed that his older brother keeps stealing his girlfriend so they can have a No-Siblings Spa Day.

Danny thinks Dick is the coolest dude ever and looks up to him as someone who started being a vigilante at a young age and knows hoe hard it is to be a kid fighting guys bigger and meaner than you. They have the most god awful pun competitions where the only true loser is everyone else stuck listening to them. Dick teaches Danny insane aerial stunts and they have fun giving everyone around them heart attacks by throwing themselves off the highest buildings possible.

Tim is losing his mind because Dick will just drop in while he and Danny are mid date and derail everything by delivering the worst joke Tim had heard in his life and the two are off trying to out cornball each other.

Damian thinks he's safe because he and Elle aren't dating - aro/ace queer platonic Damian/Elle superiority- but NO, Elle and Dick have a blast hanging out and pranking everyone and being total chaos gremlins. And they talk about the joys of traveling around and Dick talks about how that was one of the hardest things about living with Bruce after his parents were killed was that he was suddenly stuck in one place and then he and Elle are off on a spontaneous road trip.

Damian gets a call from Elle that she can’t join him for dinner because she and Richard are in Peru and about to get on a boat to they don't know where but they probably won't have cell service for a while.

Just, Dick getting his revenge on his siblings by "stealing" the Fentons from them 😂

[lokiondisneyplus]

Every Marvel Cinematic Universe TV series to date has had its own distinct look and feel, from the sitcom-derived pastiche episodes of WandaVision all the way back to the grim-and-gritty, dimly lit street narratives of Jessica Jones and Daredevil. Marvel’s Loki has been one of the MCU’s more distinctive-looking series, though, from the dimly lit, industrial-brown corridors of Time Variance Authority HQ to the vivid neon city of Sharoo on the doomed moon Lamentis-1.

Series director Kate Herron confirms that some of these designs were directly inspired by classic science fiction, while others were more personal experimentation. We sat down with Loki’s cinematographer, Autumn Durald Arkapaw, to break down what went into designing some of the most striking and memorable sequences from the series’ first three episodes.

This interview has been edited for concision and clarity.

EPISODE 1: TIME THEATER INTERROGATIONS

Autumn Durald Arkapaw: Kate [Herron]’s sensibilities led me to get the job in the first place. We shared those sensibilities, around noir films and more moody thrillers, so we were already on the same page as far as lighting and tone. So when it came to the Time Theater, Kasra [Farahani], the production designer, did a fantastic job of creating a space that had a lot of opportunity to feel textural and moody, and create symmetry. I’m big on symmetry. I like to frame center-punched, keeping in mind the architecture of the room, and framing for the architecture and the people at the same time. Stanley Kubrick does that very well. A Clockwork Orange obviously came up in our discussions. Some of our main references were David Fincher’s Zodiac and Terry Gilliam’s Brazil, and the original Blade Runner, in terms of creating spaces that feel strong and weighted, with the people in them placed in a way where the conversation feels very heavy, so you’re paying a lot of attention to the lines, and where your eyes are drawn.

We did some lighting changes above, in the Brutalist ceiling. The lights move, so when we’re cutting back and forth, you see the lights change on the actors. We’re trying to time those movements to the dialogue. The editing was fantastic with that scene. We shot a good amount of coverage, and [series stars Tom Hiddleston as Loki and Owen Wilson as Mobius] play in that space a lot. So we’re trying to always keep it interesting, every time they go back there, changing up the lighting and the projections. That’s probably one of my favorite spaces in the show.

And then the acting, obviously — they’re riffing off each other, and you’re in the room with them and feeling the energy. It was very exciting. That scene was up front in our schedule, so Owen and Tom were getting to know each other in general. We got to watch that happen before our eyes, and it was very comical.

One of the most noticable things about that space is the harsh, rectangular overhead spotlights — Tom Hiddleston starts his interrogation under a spotlight, and when he gets angry, he moves himself back under it. How did you discuss that kind of blocking and framing?

The thing with Tom is, he’s a genius. He’s just a fantastic actor, The amount of things I could say about how amazing he is on set, and character-wise, the list goes on and on. You can introduce marks and let actors know where you’d like them to be for a shot, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s where they’ll go. Some actors like to be more freeform. But with Tom, I wouldn’t have to say “Stand under that light.” He just knows, and he’ll play off that because of the space. He walks in, sees how it’s lit, knows our agenda, and uses that in the character.

So there were certain moments where he asked, “Is this what you’re thinking?” or we would have a discussion. But mostly, he uses the environment around him to tell the story as well, and he took in that lighting as part of the character. Actors know how they look in certain types of light. He’s very good at that. So he played with that in that space, for sure.

When we pull back and take in the whole room, the lighting feels punitive — the striped shadows are noir-movie standards, like light coming through blinds, but they also feel like prison bars. Is that something you discussed?

We never talked about prison bars, but in designing that space, Kasra was thinking about what that space was — being arrested, and being judged. It’s a claustrophobic space. Loki is slightly free to communicate and move around, but the walls and ceiling are concrete, there’s this fake light coming in, because obviously, in the TVA, there’s no day or night. You can see the light moving above, but there’s no sun there. It’s just moving at certain moments.

I had an idea, after seeing the latest Blade Runner, where Roger Deakins moves the lights around: Why don’t we have the lights move? It’s not easy to have big tungsten light sources above a ceiling set move like that, because it takes heavy motors. But my gaffer and key grip are amazing, and they figured out a way we could move the lights without causing shadows between each of the sections of lighting. It looks all like it’s moving at the same time. That took a lot of thought, getting those lights to move, and not just creating shafts of light that fade in and out. I think it helped a lot, because it’s very subtle. You’re only going to see it as they’re sitting. You’ll see sometimes the light moves from Owen’s shoulders into his eyes at the right moment, when you get lucky in the edit, and catch it at the right moment. It was great to have the resources to actually do stuff like that.

EPISODE 2: THE ROXXCART VARIANT PURSUIT

I’m a fan of green. If we’re designing a clinical environment, or a shopping mall, and we’ve got overhead fluorescents, I like to use cool white fluorescents that have kind of a green kick. I’m a big David Fincher fan, and there’s an undertone of green in his setups that I appreciate. So Roxxcart is a bigger shop that is now closed down, and Kasra outfitted it like a big-box Costco-type place? That wasn’t a full set — we went to this big warehouse, and he made it feel like that kind of store.

Above the space where we shot in, there were a bunch of fixtures. We completely removed those and put in our own tubes. They were RGB, and we could fade them and turn them off and on to our liking, flicker them, make them red when we wanted. When they’re cool white, I appreciate that green kick. I did a lookup-table color correction as well, to give it that tone. It’s meant to be clinical, but make you feel like you don’t know what’s at every turn. And we’re keeping lights on or off depending on which way we’re looking. Kate was a big fan of that space being very dark, with pockets of light. Our antagonist is supposed to come out of the darkness as people change identities.

We’re also trying to make that space look bigger than it actually was. We’re creating depth with light. That was a bitch to shoot — we had so much rigging. My team was amazing. If you go into a space like that, a Target or something, you’d think “The lighting here is not that big of a deal. It’s just overheads.” But being able to control all those overheads and make them different colors and flicker them takes a lot of rigging, with a dimmer board and the programming. In the editing afterward, it really does feel like a space that’s a lot bigger than it actually was. The red sequence is one of my favorites, for sure.

The camera is below waist level a lot in that sequence. What are you communicating there?

I always like to shoot low! It’s just how I see things. Some of my favorite films are detective thrillers from the past, Zodiac being one of those. I’ve always just loved shooting below the eyeline. Obviously there are moments in features I’ve shot where I want to be higher, because it’s more emotional or romantic or something. But in this kind of story, where you have these amazing spaces, and you have multiple characters you’re trying to frame, all facing off and being strong, I’m just a bigger fan of seeing a ceiling than a floor. It’s an appreciation I have, as far as it feeling more mysterious. When a character is looking more mysterious, and you’re not trusting them, you’re trying to figure them out, I love that kind of framing. It’s amazing.

EPISODE 3: FIGHTING TO REACH THE LAMENTIS-1 ARK

That sequence has a great backstory. I did a lot of prep with Kate. We started prep in Los Angeles before we ended up in Atlanta. We knew that sequence was coming up. but in the script, it just says “Okay, so they end up at Sharoo, and then go on.” The description of that sequence went through an evolution, with the filmmakers discussing things, building the set, and collaborating, so early on, we spitballed about what we thought that could be. Having the support of Marvel and being able to build, and being able to do great stunts, we went bigger.

With the sequence as it evolved, Children of Men was a big reference for us. Kate was really interested in that feeling. She wanted to be with the characters the whole way. We tried to figure out, should the camera be handheld? Should it be Steadicam? We ended up with Steadicam. We looked at some previous oners, because we wanted this sequence to feel like a oner to the audience. Obviously, there are cuts in there, but we seamed certain shots together so the audience wouldn’t feel as though we cut. The intention was to feel like you’re on the run with Loki and Sylvie, racing to the ark, building up tension. You’re there with them as they’re fighting.

My husband’s a DP, and he shot True Detective season 1. That oner in True Detective was something we looked at as well, because it’s just one of those great oners that feels real and has those kinds of textural elements. We did pre-viz, we did rehearsals in the space, prior to shooting there. We went there a couple times and did camera rehearsals. We had an amazing Steadicam operator who I’ve worked with on my last four projects and features. He’s very in tune with my eye, and he’s great with those kind of moves. Kasra understood that we needed certain paths to go down, to help us get from point A to point B, so it feels like a run, it doesn’t feel like people keep entering the same space. Obviously, it’s hard to build really big sets where you can go very far. So he did a great job of knowing what we needed, and then adding stunts, and figuring out how we could feel like we were turning corners whenever we’re moving into different spaces.

How big was the physical space? How much of what we’re seeing there is digital?

Shiroo was very different from Roxxcart. At Roxxcart, we had blue at the end of the aisles, so they look like they’re going on a lot longer than they are. But we traveled to that space. It wasn’t built. Shiroo was built on a backlot. That was a set we had full control over, to build to our liking. Above a certain point, as you’re looking up at the buildings, that’s VFX. But we built the actual buildings up to a certain height, and then beyond that is a digital extension. As far as the depth as well, beyond a certain part of the street, it’s a digital extension. Obviously, the ark is an extension, and we’re using the explosions as cues to do a lot of lighting cues. But it was a very big set, a gorgeous set. It has a lot of texture.

Kasra had the idea of painting a lot of the set in black-light paint, which I’d never seen before, and putting black lights everywhere. Also, we had a bunch of units on top that lit the set for the moon color and those sources, and we had VFX helping us stitch it all together. We had to shoot the sequences and look at the overlays on set to make sure we were creating matchups that would work in the final edit.

For me, that’s a very successful collaboration of in-camera elements — that whole set was real — and having explosions on set along with lighting cues, and then the effects to seam it together and do the extension above and the depth. So everyone really had to play like a good chunk of that. But they’d be effects overall, I think taking what we shot and making it feel like something that big, you know, the buildings are falling. Obviously, we didn’t drop buildings on people. There’s some foam stuff. That was really fun. We shot all that stuff at night.

The camera work in that sequence is some of the most dynamic movement in the series. What was the most difficult part about coordinating that sequence for you?

Rehashing it now, it was the prep. When we were actually there in the space with Tom and Sylvie, running through all of this stuff, it really made sense by that time. We’d been pre-vizing it and reworking it and massaging it for so long that ultimately, once we got on the set and had to follow them with the camera, and the energy was going, and we had the extras there, it all fell together. I think one day, we even wrapped a little early, because we’d just nailed it. When you’re prepping those types of shots, in your mind, you’re always like, “This is gonna be hard, it’s going to be difficult to seam these together, I like perfect headroom.” And you also want it to feel real, and people have to jump and fly and tumble into the frame. But on the day, our execution ended up being pretty good. So that was the most surprising thing to me, because it was kind of a pain in the ass prepping, because there are so many elements. And we’re doing six episodes, so we’re always working, trying to chase the next prep. But it really fell into place nicely.

[yandere-society]

Hi. Classic bestfriends to lovers au with insecure yandere!JK who changes in the beggining of the relationship? Thank you sm!

Admin/Writer- Chinkbihh 

Trigger Warnings- Yandere, Violence, Unhealthy Relationship Behavior, Mention Of Split Personality

Word Count- 6.7k

Puppy Love

“And they called it puppy love, just because we’re seventeen…tell them all, oh please tell them it isn’t fair, to take away my only dream.”

“Jungkook, if you say what I think you’re going to say… then I’m gonna have to roundhouse kick you.”  

You glared at the doe-eyed boy as the warning left your lips in a mock menacing tone.

Jungkook held his hands up in surrender and gave you his traditional wide eyed innocent look when he knew he had successfully fucked with you.  

“I’m just saying, I really think you should give deep dish pizza a second chance.”  His breathy voice pleaded.

You rolled your eyes and turned your attention back to the assignment that you were meant to be working on.  Jungkook instead favored discussing what type of pizza to order tonight, knowing that he could push your buttons by mentioning your least favorite kinds.

“Kook, if I wanted to drink a jar of tomato sauce then I would’ve done it by now.”  You grumbled, trying to end this stupid argument before it got too out of hand. Sometimes you and Jungkook would have the biggest blowouts over the most unimportant things.  One time, you guys didn’t talk for a week because Jungkook had the audacity to bring you an onion bagel instead of your prefered rasin one.

Immature?  Yes.

But with that stupid bunny like grin that sparkled with mischievousness at every little bicker and trick he pulled, you couldn’t help but think he did it on purpose.  

So of course you fought back.  

But it never got too crazy.  

Jungkook and you were the best of friends.  

In a weird way, it was an opposites attract type of deal.  Jungkook was timid, a perfectionist and neat. On the other hand, you were outspoken, laid back and a tad messy.  Hell, you guys could’ve been your own sitcom. But it was simply just a good platonic friendship.

You were too boyish to have many girl friends.

Jungkook was a bit too shy to be part of the bro pack.  

Thus you found alliance within each other.  

That didn’t mean you didn’t have any moments of not wanting to punch him in the face.  

“Can you stop being an ass and help me with this problem?”  You moaned in misery, you had been on the same problem for ten minutes now with no solution.

Jungkook was a whiz with math meanwhile you were awful at it, like having dyslexia with numbers.  

Jungkook tilted his head and leaned over your desk, taking a good look at the problem before popping his head back up to smirk at you.  “I could…but why should I?”

You groaned and plopped your head face-first onto the desk.  You should’ve expected this, Jungkook never gave anything away for free.  You always had to bribe or blackmail him into doing anything helpful for you.  

Blackmail.

That’s it!

Acting as casual as one coul, you mumbled just loud enough for him to hear; “I guess I’ll have to ask that Namjoon kid for help.  He’s always getting straight A’s.”

1.

2.

3.

Like clockwork, Jungkook sprinted into action and snatched your paper away,

You looked up to see him with a pencil already in hand, scribbling down answers at lightning speed.

Secretly, you smirked.  

Worked like a charm.

You see, Jungkook had this weird overprotective thing with you.  It can best be described as what an older brother probably feels with a younger sister and boys.  All you had to do was threaten to hang out with a boy that wasn’t him, and Jungkook was putty in your hands.  

You must admit, you did abuse this power at times.  But you never took it too seriously.

Jungkook would never hurt anyone.  He was like a little puppy. And it wasn’t as if you had any serious intention of being with a guy, therefore it was all in good fun.  

When Jungkook was finished, he handed you back the paper.

You attrieved it, but while doing so Jungkook looked at you intensely and said; “You don’t need to run to other boys.”  

You chortled and stood up to pack your things.  “Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard this lecture before. All men only think with their dicks and I can only trust you.”

“It’s true (Y/n)!  You’re not in the boy’s locker room everyday, I am.  The things they talk about are disgusting and I don’t want you to be just one of these bastards’ tale to share.”  

You rolled your eyes and motioned for him to get up as well.  

“I wouldn’t put it past them.  C’mon, we gotta go. My mom wants me home early tonight.  So if we’re going to watch that movie then we better leave now.”  

–

Jungkook and you had a deal.  

You pick the pizza while he chose the movie.  

You readily agreed, already knowing that you wouldn’t eat whatever crap he would order just to spite you.  

So there you two sat, in his dark room as the screen glowed with some stupid action movie that Jungkook had probably seen hundred times already.  

It was kinda cute really, the way Jungkook’s eyes would light up or how he would mouth ‘woah’ everytime the good guy would do a cool move while defeating the evil dude.  He was like a nine year old fanboy of some dumb superhero.

You personally didn’t care for the film, so when you felt your phone buzzing, you felt no guilt in checking whom it was.  

You pulled out the device quietly, making sure to lower the brightness to not disturb Jungkook’s viewing.  He tended to get cranky when he caught you on your phone during movies.

Briefly, you took a peek from the safety of your notifications screen.

It was a DM from one of your social media accounts.  

The sender?  

Park Jimin.  

You inwardly face palmed as that name rung a familiar bell.  

To be honest, you were surprised it took him this long to reach out to you.  

He must have run out of girls to bother.  

Park Jimin was one of school’s biggest fuckboys.  The boy had more dick pics floating around than followers.  And that was saying something. A lot of girls had fucked him, half of them were just worn down by his constant begging for some pussy.  The other half genuinely thought he was attractive and wanted to hop on that dick. You couldn’t deny it though, Jimin was indeed good looking.  To bad he had a walnut for a brain and most likely more STDS than letters in the alphabet.

You clicked on the notification to see the message.  The choice was centered on the fact that you were curious and would’ve loved a good laugh.  

‘Heyy ;)’ it read, intentions somehow loud and clear.  

You couldn’t help but giggle.  How fucking orginal was this guy?!  It was as if he had the fuckboy for dummies book right beside his phone and was using it to start this conversation.  

‘Gee never heard that one before.  Not like most guys huh?’’ You texted back.  Might as well fuck with him…

“Who are you texting?”  

Your head snapped up to see Jungkook facing you, face wiped off of any amusement and movie long forgotten, focused solely on you.  Or more importantly…the phone in your hand.

You had been caught.  

“N-no one.”  You stuttered and tried to shuffle away to shield the screen.  

Bad choice.  

Jungkook leapt for your phone and with the obvious advantage for strength, he managed to pry the phone from your hand.  He stood up to his full height and positioned the phone over his head, looking up to read the screen and ignoring your eager jumping to get the device.  

Curse his height.  

You watched with dread as Jungkook’s face grew more grim as he without a doubt took note of who reached out to you.  

He was still for a moment.  

Creepily still.

You then watched in horror as Jungkook began typing something onto your phone.  

“Jungkook what the fuck?1”  You shrieked as he sent his message and tossed your phone back to where you two had been sitting.  

“No, what the fuck Y/n?!  Park Jimin, seriously?!” He yelled, his face growing red as his inky black eyes glared at you.  

“He messaged me and I literally sent something back for fun.  You’re acting like I’m trying to be his wife or something.” You couldn’t believe how absurd he was being.  Did he genuinely think you were trying to seriously talk to such a notorious fuck boy? How could your best friend think so low of you?

“You shouldn’t be responding to boys at all, Y/n.”  he huffed this out as if it was obvious.

Your eyes widened in shock at his own audacity to say something so blatantly wrong.  He had said ‘boys’….as in all males in general and not just Jimin. Now it wasn’t like you had any intention of getting a boyfriend or something, but to know that Jungkook wouldn’t even support you being with a decent guy just because he had such a deep rooted hatred towards his fellow gender was blood boiling.

“Jungkook, you can’t tell me who I can and cannot respond to.  And newsflash; I’m going to probably have a boyfriend one day and maybe get married in the future so you better accept that or stop being friends with me!” you yelled at him.  

His face crumpled in despair and instead of looking livid like we was before, he just looked depressed as if he just received soul crushing news.  You watched in bewilderment as unshed tears began to make his orbs look more glossy as his lips morphed from a snarl to a frown as his lips wobbled.  

“You-You don’t understand, Y/n.  I can’t let you be with any other guy.”  He choked.

Jungkook wasn’t usually a sensitive guy, you rarely ever saw him cry so this sight was new territory for you.  However you also were still angry. Why was he being so unreasonable? You thought it was obvious that you were going to marry someone one day.  You also thought it was obvious that one day Jungkook would find a nice girl and marry her. You could go to each other’s weddings and give speeches…why did he suddenly act like this was the end of the world?  What did he think was going to happen? That you two were just going to live out your days watching stupid action movies and video games until one of you croaks?

“Jungkook, what’s wrong?  Of course I’m going to get a husband one day.  Just like you’ll get a lovely wife one day. Maybe we’ll meet them in college or something and go on double dates.  I would be so happy for you. Won’t….won’t you be happy for me?” You trailed off at the end, watching closely as Jungkook’s face only got more and more dejected with every word you spoke.  

Your heart dropped as he avoided your eyes and your question.

He wouldn’t be happy for you….

You rolled your eyes and rushed to get your things before going home.  

So maybe your best friend wasn’t that good of a friend after all.  How tragic. Maybe you should’ve heeded the warnings given earlier.  You should’ve known something was up with how ‘overprotective’ he was.  

You gathered your things and was about to head to the door when Jungkook panicked and began to mumble incoherently.  You attempted to tune this out and reached the door, until he exploded with something that made you freeze in your tracks.  

“I like you, okay?!  I fucking like you and I don’t want you to be with another guy that isn’t me!”  

Silence.  

All that you heard was the sounds of your pounding heartbeat and his frantic panting after he just said something that could possibly ruin your friendship.

You took a deep breath and twisted the doorknob before walking out of it.  

Only on your way home did you allow yourself to send a text to Jungkook.  

‘I hope you’re a better boyfriend than you are a best friend.  FWI if our first date is a mortal combat night I’m literally dumping you.’

–

Dating Jungkook was not much different than being best friends with him.  

Surprisingly, the banter and casual playfulness amongst you two never stopped.  

Sometimes Jungkook would try to be ‘manly’ and ‘gentlemanly’ while doing something he thought was ‘romantic’, but that would only like about 5 seconds before you both fell into a giggly mess.  You guys never took yourselves too seriously and simply enjoyed each other’s company.

However, something was a bit different  

He became a bit more…present in your life.  

One day, you were complaining to him about how you had just started the swim unit in gym.  He didn’t seem to have a problem with it (even jokingly asked if he can get bikini pics) until you mentioned that the class was co-ed and the guys liked to be jerks and do constant cannonballs  in the pool.

His face dropped so fast.  

“What?  There’s boys in there?”  He asked incredulously.

You just nodded, pretty sure everyone knew that all the gym classes in your school weren’t separated by gender.  

He then proceeded to demand that you put on some type of shirt and shorts over your bathing suit because he didn’t want anyone ‘looking at you like that’.  Whatever that meant….nonetheless you agreed just to shut him up. You thought that this would be the end of it.

Nope.  

The first day of the unit was the teacher just going through some basic pool rules before the students would hop in the next day.  You were in the middle of listening to the dumb lecture about caution in the deep end when you felt your phone buzz within your pocket.  You looked up to make sure the teacher was too engrossed to what they were saying before you pulled out your phone to see who it was.

It was Jungkook.

‘Are u in gym rn?’  

‘…..yes, why?’  

‘Send me a pic of the boys in your class.’  

‘Im sorry WHAT?’

‘I wanna see the guys in your class so I know what i’m dealing with if they see too much.’

‘Jungkook….pls reread the text you just sent and tell me you know how crackheadie you sound.’

‘I’m not playing around Y/n.  Send me pic. How am I supposed to know they’re not fuck boys?’

You briefly glanced at the other side of the room where the majority of the boys were sitting, grouped up together in some weird testosterone cluster/pack.  You scoffed after scanning their faces and almost giggled at how ludicrous Jungkook’s suspicion was.

‘Fine, see for yourself.’  you sent before you carefully took a quick snap of the boys and delivered it to him.  

You smirked as you saw Jungkook’s three little dots pop up only to disappear again, hinting that he was having trouble sending out another message.  

‘See?  It’s just soundcloud rappers and nerds.  I don’t think you have to worry ;)’ you tauntingly sent back to him.  

“Miss (L/n), please do explain why you have your phone out.”  

Your head snapped up as you stuffed the phone back into your pocket for safe-keeping.  

“Sorry Mrs. Bennett.”

��

Jungkook had you on your phone much more often too.  

He was in constant contact with you 24/7, and if you didn’t answer a text or call in time then you’d never hear the end of it.  

“I just don’t understand why it takes you forever and a day to answer a fucking snap Y/n.”  Jungkook huffed over facetime one night.

You rolled your eyes as you positioned your phone so you could comfortably get into your bed while not ruining his viewing of you.  “Kook for the last time pal, I was in the shower.”

“Still.”  He childishly pouted.   “You need to answer your phone more consistently.  How am i supposed to know if you’re alright or not if I can barely get ahold of you?”

You snorted as you nuzzled your pillow and brought your phone closer to your face.  “Jungkook, my phone literally dies like 5 times a day because of how often I’m on it with you.”  

“I hate not being with you all the time.”  He groaned. A sudden text notification popped up on your screen, you clicked on it and a reaction from Jungkook was instantaneous.  “Hey! What did I say about going on pause while we’re on facetime? If I wanted to look at a blank screen and not my beautiful girlfriend I would be doing that right now!”  He whined.

“It’s my cousin, kook.”  you blandly answered while reading over the message you just received.

“What do they want?”  he wasn’t pleased with anything that stole your attention.  World War Three could break out and he’d still want to be your main priority.  

“It’s her birthday this weekend and she wants me to go to her birthday party.”  You told him while clicking back to the facetimes screen to face his pouty expression.  

Your cousin was the same age as you but she attended another highschool and had other friends from that school.  For this reason, whenever she invited you to hang out with them you would always decline given you knew none of them.  But since it was her birthday party, you supposed you could put aside your awkwardness to celebrate with her.

“I thought we were going to that new cafe this weekend!”  he interjected, brows scrunching in frustration as he also got into his bed.  

“Jungkook I’m pretty sure our little coffee date won’t take 48 hours.”  you laughed.

His face melted into a expression of seriousness as he leaned towards the camera and stared at you with a dreamy gaze.  

“I never thought we’d end up together.”  He whispered, seemingly enchanted by your laugh with his previous frustrations forgotten.  

You blushed under the intensity of his gaze.  

It was quiet for a moment as you just let him study you with the adoration practically drowning you from across the screen.  He tended to do this often too; compley zone out and only focus on you no matter where he was or what he’s doing.

“Y/n?”  

“Yeah?”

“….you have a booger.”  

–

“Everyone is already here!  Y/n where are you?” Your cousin asked over the phone.  

You huffed and rushed apologizes through the receiver as you ransacked your closet in search of a dress to wear.  “I’m so sorry (c/n). I swear I lost track of time.”

This was a lie given that you were just at Jungkook’s house and he refused to let you leave his hold even after you pointed out that you were going to be late.  He needed his cuddles or else heads were gonna roll. His words, not yours.

“Whatever, be here as soon as possible.  My friends are stoked to meet you.” She told you before hanging up.  

You hastily tried to get ready and make yourself presentable under such a harsh time crunch.   When you were done you quickly ran out the door.

–

Jungkook hated the term ‘highschool sweetheart’.  

It was so offensive to him.  

It gave the implication that the love wasn’t serious or as valid as older people’s romances.  He hated it for it was such an umbrella term to shrug off the emotions people like Jungkook felt when he was with you- all because of his age.  But whenever he spent time with you or even just looked at you; he knew deep down that you were his soulmate. He knew that husbands who have been married to their wives for years could not hold a candle to the devotion he had for you.  

He was so relieved that you let him be your boyfriend, it was becoming so tiresome to have to play the ‘friend’ role.  He finally felt free to express his true thoughts and feelings with you due to no barrier of misunderstanding.

He was your boyfriend now.

The only man you should be with in a romantic way.  

He knew the relationship between you two was becoming more and more serious.  He could feel the intimacy grow whenever he was with you. Somehow, Jungkook found it hard to think he could ever be so vulnerable or real with anyone else.  The ‘awkward’ stage so many talked about was simply nowhere to be seen with you. You were comfortable and fit by his side like a puzzle piece. It was like you were made for him and the humorous and warm hearted banter never left because you two were just so….in sync.  

The moments he spent with you made him feel so delirious with joy that he quickly found himself experiencing withdrawals whenever he wasn’t near you.  

You were such a beautiful, smart and funny girl that he couldn’t help the paranoia that ate at him whenever you weren’t by his side.  Only a blind man wouldn’t be able to see what a angel you were. So of course he had a primal urge to keep what was his, his. He somehow just knew that when he wasn’t near you, other men were eyeing you with gazes that he should only be directing at you.  It was downright blasphemous for such things to be allowed.

The only way he could soothe his pandemonium of rushing thoughts is if he could talk to you.  So obviously he bombarded you with texts and snapchats to get his reassurance that you belonged to him.  He knew you noticed the change within him. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out. Yet Jungkook wasn’t embarrassed by his growing clinginess, surely if you had a problem with it then you would have voiced it by now?  But you didn’t, you seemed annoyed by it at times but it was a more fond type of annoyance as you only laughed and brushed it off. This was the only green light Jungkook needed to continue his obsessive streak.

He needed you by his side.

He finally got you by some sheer dumb luck that decided to take pity on Jungkook and gift him with the most flawless human being he’s ever encountered.  

He’d have to be a madman to let anything take you away after barely getting you himself by the skin of his teeth.  

When he wasn’t with you, he was thinking of the next time he would be with you.  

Thus here he was, pacing his bedroom while pulling on his messy raven strands and trying to ignore the sensation of his own skin smothering him.  

Only hours ago, you had been in his room; blessing it with your addicting perfume and honeyed voice as you cuddled with him.  His arms still tingled with anticipation to feel your impeccable body mold wonderfully against his once again, but he reminded himself with a cry that you were ripped away from him.  

You had to leave in order to go to your cousin’s party.  

He decided to be merciful and let you go with as little fuss as he could muster.  Your cousin was your family and even he was aware of his inability to completely take you away from them.  But now as the time passed, Jungkook was beginning to regret his decision. He should’ve just told you to send a card or something, that way he wouldn’t have to be spending his saturday night all alone in the shadow of your former presence.

He had pleaded with you to at least give updates.  You had laughed and told him that you would most likely be home early but you’d try to text him when you could.  This gave him some comfort, but it was quickly melted away when the night went on and he still had an empty inbox.

Were you hurt?

Did you forget about him?

Did you find someo-

No.

Jungkook wildly shook his head side to side and tried to end that train of thought.  He couldn’t let himself think like that. If he allowed himself to ponder the likelihood of someone else stealing you, he’d most likely punch his wall in rage.  

Maybe your phone is just low on battery?

Yeah!  That must be it.  

However a sudden ding sounded from his phone and shut down this idea.  It wasn’t a text from you, but it was a notification he had set for all of your social media account. Hastily, Jungkook rushed to the precious device to drink up whatever info he could possibly get on you.

It was your snapchat.

He clicked on the little circle that showed you recently added to you story and studied that image with great focus.  

It was  group photo of all the party guests posing for a picture while the birthday girl grinned and held up the cake in front of them.  

Jungkook’s young, black and glossy eyes skimmed through the faces with great intensity.  Until the phone in his hands began to shake.

–

The party turned out to be pretty decent, your cousin’s friends welcomed you and were overall very nice people.  You found out quickly that It was strictly a teenage party, your aunt and uncle weren’t home and one of the friends managed to bring some alcohol for the event.  Although you liked your cousin’s friends, they seemed liked they partied often which was a sentiment you could not relate to.

You declined every offer for a drink but still conversed and participated in any way that you could.  That was until your phone started ringing like crazy; demanding your attention.

You quietly excused yourself and went to the bathroom for the seclusion that couldn’t be found anywhere else in the house.  

It was Jungkook.  

You pulled the phone to your ear and quietly answered; “hey, what’s up Kook-”

“Who the fuck were those people on your story?”  He growled over the line, interrupting your greeting.

“Umm…what are you talking about?  It’s just my cousin’s friends.” You responded, confused.  

“I thought it was going to be a family type of celebration….” your boyfriend whined.

Your eyebrows shot up at that.  “Kook, I never said that.”

You heard a tired exhale as he probably realised that you indeed hadn’t lied to him.  You had hopes that he would recognized how unreasonable he was being and apologize or at least hang up but instead he said; “I want you home.  Now.”

“Tough shit bro.  You’re not my dad and there’s no reason for you to demand me to come home.”  

“Y/n, I saw the beer bottles in the pictures and I know there’s multiple guys there.  What if they take advantage of you? You look gorgeous in that dress and I’m sure at least one of them has taken notice.”  

“I’m with you, you idiot!  You can’t even trust me to attend a party on my own?!”  You shrieked, baffled by his ignorance.

“Of course I trust you but I know jack shit about those guys there and liquor almost never helps any situation!”  

“I…can’t even talk to you right now.  I haven’t had a single drink and all the guys here have been keeping their distance while still talking to me.  You’re just being a jealous jackass.” you huffed.

“Y/n don’t han-”  you clicked the ‘end’ button  and exited the bathroom.

You tried to forget the whole conversation, but it was clawing away at you even after the call.  Jungkook was usually a nice and reasonable guy, but his temper was slowly decreasing after you had agreed to be his girlfriend.  When you were with Jungkook and no one else was around, he was back to being that sweet and playful guy you have know all along. But if anyone else (particularly men) was around you?  He morphed into a paranoid asshole who’s suspicion was spared for no one. It was exhausting having to keep up with two split personalities. You never felt like you were doing the right thing unless you locked yourself away to prevent Jungkook’s possessive streak.  But you were a smart girl and obviously you were aware of how unhealthy this was. Yet you wanted to see the best in him, he wasn’t always like that and as his first girlfriend he probably didn’t know how to properly filter his emotions.

You continued to laugh and talk to the other guests but there was a constant buzzing of your phone from your pocket.  

Jungkook wasn’t giving up and he continued to send text after text.  But you were also stubborn and you refused to look at them. You didn’t want to enable his behavior any further than you already have.  Maybe this was just your first ‘fight’ as a couple but to you it was deeper than that.

The messages couldn’t be ignored for too long.  You had to check the time on your phone and the home screen was littered with texts from Jungkook.  Your eyes briefly went over them but the most recent one caused your stomach to drop.

‘If you don’t come home in the next thirty minutes, I’m telling your mom what those kids are doing at the party.’  

You bit your lip to suppress yelling at the device in anger.  

You couldn’t believe that he would blackmail you like that!  Just to get you away from the boys he deemed a ‘threat’. He would cut your night short just to satisfy his stupid little male ego.  Naturally, you wanted to tell him to fuck off and that he couldn’t control you. But, you knew that Jungkook didn’t bluff and you couldn’t risk your mother finding out what was happening around you at the party.  Plus she would most likely tell your aunt and uncle and that would be opening a whole other can of worms. With a huff you got up and began your search for your cousin, hoping she could give you a ride home.

Said family member was dancing wildly on her kitchen table, laughing loudly as her friends down below cheered her on.  You eyed this scene with a frown, knowing right away that she was far too drunk to drive safely.

How the fuck were you supposed to get home now?  

It was too late, far and dark for you to walk.  

You were screwed.  

“You good?”  

You turned around to see one of your cousin’s friends standing next to you.  You recalled getting introduced to him earlier, his name was Max and he seemed like one of the more mellow ones of the group.  You smiled at him despite being sure that he just saw you inwardly panicking. “Um, no actually. (C/n) was my ride home and something just came up so…”  

Max looked over at the dancing girl and cringed.  “Yeah, I wouldn’t want her on the road either.”

You groaned and pulled out your phone. “I guess I can just uber home.”

“Nonsense!  I can take you home.”  He offered with a grin.  

–

“I cannot thank you enough for this, Max.”  

He laughed as he pulled into your house, “It’s no problem, really.  I was also gonna leave anyway.”

It was quiet for a moment in the car as you tried to form the words to say goodbye while also confirming your gratitude.

“No seriously, you didn’t have to.  I’m forever in your debt.” You joked while opening your door to step out.  When you were fully out, you bent down to wave goodbye once more before slamming the door close to begin your jog to your front door.  

You were just a few feet from your door when you heard the sound of a car opening and a shout, “Hey, can I get your snap or something?”  

You turned around to see Max had gotten out of his car and was holding out his phone, most likely hoping you’d go back and put in your information.  

You shrugged and figured that it was the least you could do for him.  

But you halted your steps forward when you caught a flurry of movement from your peripheral.  

All you could see was a figure wearing black that had emerged from the bushes and was striding toward Max.

It was moving really fast and had jumped onto the unsuspecting man, knocking him to the ground.  

You watched in horror as a storm of fists began assaulting Max with such animalistic ferocity that you couldn’t help but scream.  

You raced forward out of instinct to help the victim.  

Max groaned and tried to put up his hands as barriers to the beating but it was no use as the attacker seemed much stronger and was already straddling him.  Soon, blood made a appearance as the attacker broke Max’s nose with more punches. It sprayed everywhere as you moved to shove the guy off.

Your desperate attempts to knock the male off Max seemed to have little effect, the man being big and sturdy while having such focus on beating this guy to near death.  

However one of your pushes managed to pull down the hood of this attacker.  

It was Jungkook.

His usual innocent and boyish face was overshadowed with a barbaric fury that was tainted with blood splatters, completely contrasting the pale complexion.  

“Jungkook?!  What the fuck are you doing?!”  You shrieked in shock.

As if broken from a trance from your voice, Jungkook snapped his head towards you.  

His eyes got wide and terrified, like a kid who was just caught doing something wrong and was awaiting a yelling.  He slowly got off Max and stood on shaky feet, holding his hands out as if you were a wild animal he was attempting to tame.  

You heard Max pathetically crawl back into his vehicle before taking off like a mad man.  

You didn’t break eye contact with Jungkook as this was happening, too paralyzed by the turn of events.  

“Y-Y/n, I can explain.”  

“YOU ATTACKED A STRANGER FOR NO REASON!”  You yelled at him, accusatory tone causing him to flinch.  

“What were you doing with him anyway?!”  He growled back, defensive tone entering his voice as he stood straighter; like he just remembered that he too was mad.  

“I needed a ride home!”  You cried.

“With a guy?!  What the fuck Y/n?!  Don’t be naive. I know how men think.”  He threw his hands up in disbelief. “He even asked for your snap and you almost gave it to him!”  

“Jungkook, he was the only one at the party who wasn’t drunk who could safely take me home.”  You explained before pointing a finger at him in prejudice. “And I wouldn’t have had to rush home if you didn’t demand I come back within 30 minutes or else you were going to snitch!”  

You were about to turn around and march right into your home when another thought dawned on you.  “And why the fuck were you in my bushes?!”

Jungkook opened his mouth to explain, before quickly snapping it shut in realization that he had no good explanation for why he was there.  You felt the color drain from your face as a horrible conclusion formed without the need of words.

Jungkook once was a sweet guy, like an older brother that was a little dorky but protective nonetheless.  The very worse he would ever do was huff and puff when he saw you doing something he didn’t approve of. But it was almost as if becoming his girlfriend was a triggering point for his sanity.  Never did you think you would see Kook attack someone without being provoked, you never thought you would have to witness him dent someone’s face in and stain his in return with blood. He would always look down on those meatheads who would brawl in the hallways at your school over the dumbest shit, but now he was (if not even more) violent and childish than those jocks.  It was terrifying to feel like you had known someone for so long, only for them to turn around and shed their pleasant persona as if it was a second skin and the true core of them was much darker than you ever thought possible.

You teared up and stared at those bottomless chocolate orbs that always held a film of fondness over them when they focused on you and only you.  

“Kook….”  Your trailed up as a lump started to raise in your throat, begging you not to say what you were going to.  “….We need to break up. I don’t know who are right now or why you changed but….you fucking terrify me. I-I can’t.  Please, don’t contact me again.”

His face crumpled within itself.  

Your hurriedly turned around and booked it to your front door, ignoring the tortured cries of your name and luke-warm apologies that escaped his scorched throat as he hollered like a mad man on your front lawn.  

–

Rest was hard to acquire after such a dramatic night.  

It took lots of crying into your pillow and listening to sad songs but eventually you managed to doze off.  You awoken the next morning with a blotchy face and swollen eyes, your night of sleep did little to rejuvenate.  

It took you a little longer than usual to hurl your dense body over your bed, but you did so as your bladder was screaming for relief and your stomach was loud with hunger.  After the first need was taken care of, you began your journey downstairs in search of food.

Luckily, the smell of pancakes and coffee was drifting in the air.  You noted with a grin that your mother must’ve decided to take the time to make a hearty breakfast, something that was reserved for weekend mornings.  But your quest to the kitchen halted when you saw who was helping your mom with the cooking.

“Oh looks who’s up, sleepy head!”  Your mom glowed after spotting you in the entrance.  “Your boyfriend decided to stop by and make breakfast with us.”

Indeed, Jungkook stood by your mom and was dutifully mixing the pancake batter as she flipped the ones on the stove.  He was wearing a white sweater, his hair neatly put together and his face as doughy white and innocent as his bunny grin that was slapped on.  

He was putting on a show.

He hummed with that musical and breathy voice of his as he whisked away the batter.  

Your mother noticed your strange silence and awkward stance.  She giggled and motioned for Jungkook to keep an eye on the cooking pancakes before she guided you over to the table and gave you your usual cup of coffee.  “What’s that look for? Jungkook told me that you two recently became more than friends. Don’t be mad! He’s just a very honest boy who wanted my approval.”  

You heard weighted footsteps as Jungkook approached you both to hand you a plate of food.  He pretended to be sheepish and rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry babe, I just wanted to tell your mom so she could understand why I’ll be coming over more often.”  

“Frankly it’s about time you guys realized your feelings for each other!  I always knew something was up.” Your mom chided playfully while heading back to tend to the food.  Jungkook took his cue to sit beside you, wrapping a sturdy arm around you as he nuzzled your neck. “Also, we need to talk prom.”

“P-prom?!”  You spluttered, finally able to make a noise of any kind.  

“Of course, Jungkook and I were just talking about it before you came downstairs.  I said you looked lovely in blue but he said he adored green on you.”

Jungkook’s arm tightened around you as he propped his chin on your shoulder to grin up at you, voice sugary but eyes serious as he said; “No worries, honey.  Your mom said she’d help us dress shop today.”

Jungkook was a puppy when needed.  

But a feral dog when no one else was around.  

Later your mother muttered how she noticed there seemed to be some blood stains on her lawn and she sure hoped that no one got hurt last night.  

Jungkook just laughed and glanced at you with an odd gleam in his eyes as if it was some sort of inside joke.  

“Let’s just hope it doesn’t have to happen again.”  

[sunnysynthsunshine]

9th Comedy Monologue

“Hey comrades”

“How are you now that summer is upon us?”

*listens to the responses*

So a lot has happened, Endgame happened and the BAFTA’s happened and lots of other stuff happened

The BAFTA’s were disappointing and some jokes lasted too long….like the joke I’m telling right now

Endgame though, cue to the part where I skip spoiling the film for people who still haven’t seen it

There was a scene where Ant-man….lost a taco

*melodramatically tries to look sad*

I know, very emotional scene, it looked like a such a good taco luckily Hulk shared his instead

Thor though, boi I have something to say about Thor,

Thor should be nominated for Queer Eye,

That is all

apparently, the guy that did Gangnam Style, PSY was inspired by Queen to start performing

speaking of music stars I learnt that Bowie once got struck in the eye with a lollipop during a Norway gig

“Ouch” but despite that, he continued on extending the gig

Legend,  he also did a radio theatre concert, the year before my birthday and way before that Labyrinth was released, then again goblins are getting quite popular again

I am goblin kin

iconic, so...

Way back in 2011 I made my first youtube channel and I made my own series of youtube stories with my dolls think a cheesy sitcom version of Toy Story about a place called DreamLand which was an "afterlife/home for fictional characters".

It was about the adventures of Pauline Super Mario's first girlfriend before Peach, and how she lives in DreamLand with the girls she adopted, however, I was a beginner when it came to writing and comedy so it was similar in tone to Disney teen sitcoms

the characters were Lexa, Merlin, Avery, Ava, Scarina, Snow Bow, Mako, Emily, Lucky, Felica, Emma and Marshmellow, I had a sad backstory for most of them but most of them also already had established names so only a few were original characters mainly it was just Pauline, Lexa, Merlin, Avery, Scarina and some others, but in the story versions there was Ava, Snow Bow and a couple more

I wanted it to be a big production with lots of sets but I couldn't afford all the "props" I wanted at the time (I was also a bit of a brat who would make Christmas lists that were like 4 pages long so I grew out of it)

I also paraded DreamLand like it was the best thing since sliced bread and it wasn't, the production was not good and I used an iPod to record and the camera was almost always shaky

I also had a multiverse movie thing planned that would involve the Mario characters but that couldn't happen, back then I focused more on the stories, backstories and props rather than the character development, personalities and camera movement

on one hand, it taught me early skills about story writing and short film making but boi a lot of the dialogue was cringy, and the characters weren't made with much personality.

     this was also when my "American sounding voice" had started to show and I was still a young teenager who at times had a very high voice

I felt a bit ashamed of having made the series until I watched one of Charlie Brooker's programmes and after learning that other producers and directors have done similar small scale productions with their toys and action figures as kids that's made me feel less bad about that

It was a multiverse small scale youtube series that referenced Nintendo, Bratz and My Little Pony with characters that mixed between being Original and being reinterpretations of already established characters

And the dialogue for this series, My Goodness it was cringy

I would mispronounce genre as Jenner and….the first episode involved a talking toothbrush, not just any talking toothbrush, a Fred figglehorn toothbrush, the kid who did youtube videos of him screaming in a chipmunk voice, No wonder I’d get into the young ones later in life with its cutaway gags and surreal themes

Or in the scene that references Clockwork Orange the character, Scarina is being held captive by the character Yasmina who says “I went to medical school but I'm not a doctor”  how my 12-year-old self came up with that I’ll never know

My early youtube influences were quite mixed I’d watch film and video game critique channels, makeup gurus and animators

In fact, one of them actually unexpectedly noticed me on twitter a month ago

It was another post I made about asking my viewers about what famous people they think I resemble or look like

And the youtuber said One of those guys from the vintage TV show “The Young Ones”

That made my day

The former youtuber was Mike Mozart, he was a reviewer of vintage and notoriously bad toys, he also was one of the first people to get involved in spreading awareness of the copyright controversies going on at the time, he’s also a part-time graffiti artist, one of my idols

Another youtuber who has recently noticed me was Blaire White

She made a post about the current  beauty guru drama

I'm sorry but all these Beauty Influencers have the easiest job. All y'all had to do was blend some eyeshadow and collect your millions but you choose to cause WW3 instead.   

I responded it's not world war 3 it's world war tea

She simply laughed in her response, the last I recall “world war tea” being said was when people were commenting on an old Tumblr post that advertised a large jug of Tea next to several McNuggets

..in other news Tommy Robinson and other twits have got milkshake spilt on them...

the year is 2019

World War Tea is upon us

makeup gurus causing a dumpster fire

while comrades fight fascists and Nazis with eggshells and milkshakes

keep the milkshakes coming bois

And Burger King thinks they can join in on the fun…

*pauses folding my hands*

They don’t want to wave a red flag they just want your money, and if you think that’s bad over in the us,they’re also making mental health a theme in some of their new meals, the  hashtag feel your way campaign…

Ugh, absolutely soulless

Like what’s going on in America right now...

I’ll say this, the one good thing you can take from Clockwork Orange

is the message about the importance of one's right to choose

Now, my fellow droogs what choice will you make?

[demytasse]

[Shizaya] Key to My Heart

In response to @allshewhispers for her Drabble Challenge propmt. It spiraled out of control and became a oneshot rather than a bloody drabble. *throws up arms*

Prompt 84: “Show me what’s behind your back.”

The dial tone that played over Izaya’s cell speaker mocked him. He had already restarted the monotonous song three times and had began to pattern the impatient tap of his fingers after the incessant beeps.

Had he not been in a fairly pleasant mood he would have started to count the minutes that his secretary neglected answer her phone in order to dock her pay appropriately; had he not been running sparse of time, he would have given up with a shrug and an ‘oh well’. Izaya was neither at the moment so as he heard the professionally terse voicemail recording yet again, a redial was in preparation.

Fourth time, unlike the idiom stated, was the charm as a click and an unspoken greeting interrupted the second beep and caused Izaya to jump in his chair, now alert.

   “Ah, Namie-san, it’s nice to finally hear your voice on this fine morning.”

If anything was muttered on the other end of the line the phone didn’t pick up on it. Izaya took the cue to continue.

   “This might seem like a cheap plot point from a prime-time sitcom, but spare me your sarcastic remarks. As ridiculous as it sounds, I can’t leave my apartment due to my inability to lock the door from the outside,” he chirped.

   “You’re right. It does seem like you're jumping the shark with that excuse to drag me into work on a weekend.” Namie huffed.

   “Hey now, what did I say about that sarcasm? Besides, why would I make something like that up? I’m more upfront than most people think I am.”

An empty sigh roughed up the receiver and Izaya found himself lucky that she didn't immediately hang up.

   “Dare I ask how this happened?”

   “Would you believe me if I said that I lost possession of my key due to unforeseen circumstances?”

   “I should have known that you would immediately go from being upfront to hiding the truth behind lies.”

   “Harsh! Honestly though, I have lost my key and I need to leave in an hour and a half for a meeting. I need you here before then with a duplicate of your key,” he spoke with a concise tone that played down his anxiousness.

   “Honestly, nothing would humour me more than you missing your appointment. Tell me what really happened or I won’t come over there, Izaya.”

Already behind schedule, the informant hummed while he expediently battled the pros and cons of rewinding his morning for Namie. Reclined in his office chair, a leg over the other, Izaya rocked back and forth with a nervous twitch of his foot. He was reluctant to tell the real story, but decided to compromise with a deviation from lying entirely.

   “Alright, I’ll play along.”

   “Keep it short.”

   “Please, you speak as though I don’t know how to keep my thoughts appropriately brief.”

Namie coughed.

   “Fine, fine,” Izaya sighed, “How did I even get into this mess? Oh that’s right! It started the same as always: with an aggressive bartender that managed to invade my apartment...”

Up to this point, Izaya had shared his bed with Shizuo well past a handful of times, better described as a spill from one’s hands into the other’s. It was more than enough time to build a tolerance for most of the brute’s less appealing sleeping habits. While some he could deal with, others were harder to forgive.

As it would seem, Shizuo's violent tendencies weren’t exclusive to when he was conscious. The severity of his attacks were decreased for sure, but the hefty drop of his arm over Izaya's shoulders or his unpredictable shoves to the edge of the bed were just as annoying as his full-fledged attacks. However those nuisances were easy to retaliate, so it was more the shock that got to him if anything.

His completely intolerable quirk was his rooster-like instincts that woke the beast at undesired hours like clockwork. Izaya was glad he didn't crow out an alarm upon the filter of sunlight through the windows, but Shizuo’s inconsiderate lug off the mattress was equally jarring. As he did so without mind of his bed partner it especially grated against his nerves.

The insomniac info broker wasn't a talented sleeper to begin with, but on the occasions when the two partook of heated sleepovers he was afterwards knocked out with more success than a pill could ever hope to achieve. And yet when the blond woke at the crack of dawn, the brunet was soon to follow.

With the way that Shizuo abruptly removed himself from the bed, it seemed like an act of desperation to flee the scene of an accidental one night stand. Since their first time was more of a drunken stumble through an awkward romp in the sack, it could have easily inspired Shizuo to run from the consequence of their affair. But as the two continued well beyond tens of what could have been marked as mistakes, it made Izaya wonder if he actually meant to put an end to their weekly tousles or if the way he woke was just a Shizuo-ism.

What clued Izaya to reevaluate his assessment was the patterned way that Shizuo prepared himself to leave after he tossed the covers away. He’d gather up his clothing in a specific order that he never strayed. First acquired was his pre-wrinkled shirt, followed by his worn-in slacks, his slightly faded vest, and always ended with his bowtie; each article was a cross on his checklist as if to prevent him from forgetting his beloved uniform and seemed more organized than Izaya would suspect him to be.

Regardless of how he procured them, Shizuo would shove himself into his garments in a jumbled order before he headed to the doorway while he did up his fly and secured his buttons. It was both a show and lack of care; a hilarious contradiction of habits.

The part of his agenda that tickled Izaya’s curiosity the most was his stall at the exit. With his fingers laid on the handle, body faced forward, Shizuo would glance back to whom he left behind. Izaya was always in keen observation at this point, but all Shizuo knew was that he watched the other as he slept.

The first morning, his crinkled nose read conflicted, the second through the fifth turned into stoic contemplation, but onward it became the most natural of smiles to ever creep his face. Maybe Izaya was blessed by some god he didn't believe in, because in no other situation did he manage to witness this candid display and it seemed that only divine influence could hide his alert eyes from Shizuo's notice. The brief pause would draw longer with each occurrence, but inevitably ended shorter than Izaya wanted with a bashful escape.

Usually Izaya left him to his own thump down the stairs and unintentionally slam the door, but in current he decided to act on a hunch that he figured was in his favour to follow. Sheets slipped off his back onto the floor as he snatched discarded briefs and tripped his way into them while in pursuit.

From the top of the stairs, Izaya crouched low behind the handrail without much care to hide. If he was caught, he was caught. He’d roll with it and have some fun, but the strategy proved useless as Shizuo barely had control of his faculties, let alone spacial awareness, and stumbled into the kitchen.

While stationary he ran his bleary eyes across the countertops. Izaya pondered what the other could possibly be looking for with an inquisitive raised brow.

Within seconds the blond located his sought item and jumped to wrap his grip around it. He brought his prize up close to observe. A jingle and catch of light helped Izaya identify the unknown: his keys.

The minimal accessories made for an easy discern and soon Shizuo wedged a blunt thumbnail into the groove of the ring only to hiss out a curse when he dropped the metal onto the floor with a clatter. The second try at the puzzle allowed a removal of the key from the collection.

A goofy grin spread on Shizuo’s tired face as he pocketed the item and tossed the others away. Izaya restrained himself from a burst of laughter and barely managed a quiet snicker.

   What a dweeb the usually grumpy bodyguard could be.

As Izaya hoped, Shizuo failed to notice him even with the poor cover of his inescapable humour.

The thief’s dress socks aided a boyish skate across the hardwood over to the front where he shoved his shoes on in haste. A slam shook the door on its hinges per Shizuo's accident, just like Izaya predicted.

   “It's embarrassing to admit, but the beast did indeed best me. He stormed off with my key as payment for something he assumed I did, yet again.”

Izaya sung through the end of his tall tale he created for Namie. It skimmed across the top of his intricate memory of the situation and twisted most of the truth, but all-in-all it shared the important facet of Shizuo leaving with his key. There was no use to reveal the intimate details of his rendezvous with Shizuo.

   “And you let him leave with it.” She replied dryly with near disbelief.

   “I did.”

   “So it's your own fault.”

   “If you want to narrow blame onto one person it would seem appropriate to tag the thief. But I suppose you'll only ever accuse me so… Probably, yes.”

Namie groaned into the speaker. Izaya knew that the particular version used was in accompaniment of a deep tissue massage of her temple.

   “You can call a locksmith to come change the lock then. I'm not heading all the way over there for something you could have avoided.”

Izaya hummed in thought, “I can’t do that, though.”

   “Yes you can. You’re an informant. Put your ‘skills’ to good use and Google a professional.”

   “Ah, that's not what I meant.”

   “...”

The silence held for few moments as the two respectively sussed out what was taken from the comment and what the ascertained meant.

Izaya cleared his throat unnecessarily.

   “Well, I suppose I’m just going to have to reschedule this appointment or see if they can Skype. Take care of the key situation before you come in on Monday.” His phone already lowered from his ear, he added a dismissive wish, “enjoy your weekend, Namie-san.”

   “You've got to be kidding me--”

Late in the evening a surprisingly soft click of the front door revealed a nervous blond that skulked into the entry of the apartment.

He was dressed in an outfit entirely casual rather than his usual professional; a loose fitted t-shirt showed a sliver of his belt from where he lazily tucked a corner of the hem into his slim jeans. His designer sneakers, that he clearly hadn’t bought himself, were toed off so he could walk into the open as if he naturally belonged in the space while he dampened his heavy steps with difficulty.

The floorboards creaked beneath his wobbled step, but he didn’t pause until his presence was called out.

   “How strange it is for Shizu-chan to bark up my tree two nights in a row, let alone waltz into my apartment without my assistance at the door.”

Shizuo froze. He refrained from a snap of his attention towards the occupied couch to strategize an appropriate response.

   “...the door was unlocked.”

His eyes made brief contact with Izaya’s before they took to another object in the room.

   “Oh~?” An amused smile crept closer to half-massed eyes while his brows remained neutral. ”Maybe I was absent minded when I re-entered my apartment this morning. Funny story, I tried to leave for an appointment in the city, but when I went to lock the door…”

Shizuo winced as a tell of what he knew would follow.

   “...my key was missing! It was unfortunate that I had to reschedule my meeting as I wasn’t able to locate it. You know how dangerous it is for a man of my profession to leave his apartment door unlocked, even if it’s a highly secured building.”

   “Oh, er, sorry about that.” Shizuo motioned to scratch the back of his head, but caught himself midway and dropped his hand at his side.

   “Why? You’re not to blame.”

   “...right.”

   “Anyway, are you going to show me what's behind your back?”

Izaya pointed his finger in perfect beeline of Shizuo’s hidden possession.

An immediate correction of his posture from slumped to militant, Shizuo attempted to remove suspicion and received an sarcastic head tilt from the accuser.

   “Why do you think something’s behind my back?”

   “Well, Shizu-chan, usually you’re more open with the way you walk. You bumble about like an idiot without a care of your appearance. Suddenly, you’re restrained and janky much like a trope criminal in a TV mystery.”

   “Do you have to fuckin’ analyze everything?”

   “It comes naturally, so it's unavoidable,” he shrugged in neglect of his other arm that draped the back of the couch.

   “Just forget it.”

Shizuo started to walk off as if he had a predetermined destination in mind.

   “You're still hiding something.”

   “So?” his head snapped back towards Izaya.

   “He admits it now…” Izaya chuckled.

   “Fuck.”

   “There's no use in hiding it. Besides, all I have to do is go over there to figure it out.”

   “Why don't you walk over and prove it then, hah?”

Annoyance replaced guilt. Accentuated creases formed at Shizuo’s browline in partner with the ones at his lips.

   “I’m lazy.”

   “Yeah, I'm especially not showin’ you now.”

   “What a brat,” he sung.

   “Look who's talkin’!”

   “Come on… I’m going to find out sooner or later.”

   “No shit? That's the point of a surprise, Izaya.”

   “Oh!” A delighted clap and a brightened smile had Izaya scooch to the edge of his seat. “So it's a surprise for me then?”

   “...”

Shizuo grumbled in defeat. The tension at his crooked elbow let up to reveal that his hand held onto an item to which was covered by his fist. Izaya circled his hand in beckon of his company.

With a scoff, Shizuo made a feeble attempt to shield his appreciation for how eager the overly-observant informant was; he walked up and aggressively bumped their kneecaps. No longer in care of keeping distance the blond attacked with a brown paper bag to the brunet’s face.

The back of Izaya’s hand brushed the sharp corner away from his jabbed eye.

   “What's this?”

   “The surprise.”

   “Your surprises are terrible. It's still in the paper bag--”

   “Just fuckin’ open it, flea!”

Still agitated from the scuff of his cornea, Izaya snatched his gift. His eye was dramatically held in a wink and matched his frown. The bag crinkled under his nimble fingers that worked at the egregiously folded top. He peeked inside before he removed a piece of polished metal.

   “Why, it's my missing key,” he held it out to inspect; remainant shavings clung to the sharp edges. “Rather, a new one. You shouldn't have, Shizu-chan!”

   “Shut up! That's not the surprise. Err... well it's part of it.” Shizuo bit his retort while he tugged his shirt up to shove a hand into the pocket taut against his hip bone.

Izaya laughed when he noticed it was the opposite pocket from the one already exposed by tucked fabric.

   “Stop laughing, louse!” Shizuo struggled to dig out the hidden item. He finally managed to pull out a key ring and immediately rifled through the decorations before he held up an assumed twin of what Izaya held.

   “I uh... figured it was time we moved to the next step.”

Izaya darted his glance from their respective keys and back onto Shizuo.

   “Next step? You mean, beyond occasionally indulging in our wack sexual desires?”

   “I guess.”

A worthy moment of silence let the reality settle. Izaya had expected something akin to what Shizuo proclaimed after that morning, but the almost non committal response caught him off guard.

   “You know, normally it’s the apartment owner’s job to offer their key and not the guest's duty to steal and duplicate it.”

   “Yeah well... I wasn't sure if you’d accept.”

   “So you forced it.”

   “Hey, I’m asking you!”

   “Not really. You danced around asking me.”

   “Izaya,” he growled.

   “I’m just saying. Properly follow the semantics, Shizu-chan.”

   “Would ya just answer already?!”

   “Mmm,” Izaya rest a finger on his chin, “No.”

   “Hah!?”

A nod flit dark bangs into Izaya’s eyes. He tilted to the side to slip his new key into his pocket, then retracted back into his previous position.

   “You might as well move in rather than simply having access to my flat.”

Shizuo blinked, “Wait, wait. That's a bit quick... Right?”

   “Are you refusing?”

   “No.”

   “It's not too quick, then.”

The duo mirrored each other’s smile without realizing.

   “So, we’re dating? No,” Shizuo shook his head and looked into space, his hand rested beneath his lip, “that happens before moving in together.”

   “Don't think too hard about it.”

   “We’re a couple, then.”

Izaya was caught off guard for the second time that night, “if you need to title it, I suppose that’s correct.”

Shizuo shrugged, “We hated each other since high school, kinda feels like we need the label so we don’t forget, or something. Ugh, no that sounds dumb--”

   “Then we’re a couple,” Izaya rolled his eyes as if it were originally his offer. It surprised him that it didn’t rile the other.

   “Fuck. That's weird.”

When Shizuo called out the oddity, suddenly it did feel quite weird.

   “Indeed… There's still time to call it off, Shizu-chan.”

   “No! Fuck you, flea! That's not what I meant!”

Izaya was already mid-stretch towards Shizuo who sputtered through his nerves; he eased off the couch just enough to pull the flustered man to rest his knees on the floor beside him. He angled his form to align their sight to reassure his confidence, “sometimes you’re insufferable, Shizu-chan.”

Fingers buried into the blond’s hair and massaged a path to the back of his head. Izaya invited Shizuo forward into a press of their lips. Their muscles relaxed at the touch. In opposition to their usually frantic attacks, their gentle exchange spoke of how they long desired something more sentimental.

It was technically their first kiss as every other act of intimacy had sexual intent. Neither of them had tried to coerce the other to give into what they both unconsciously knew they wanted even after months had past. Their affair was passionate, but always lacked true emotion, unlike what they showed in the moment with their tender caress of one another.

Space continued to lay between them in respect of their adolescent infatuation they had only wished to act upon several years back. The work of their lips was coy and the flutter of their shared pulse was innocently juvenile and brought a splash of warmth to their cheeks. Izaya’s quirked lips pressed into Shizuo’s joyful beam while they nuzzled closer.  

Off to the side, Izaya walked his fingers over to his intentionally positioned phone; going off instinct he blindly woke the screen and slid his fingertip over to send a prepared text message to his secretary.

   [Never mind getting my key duplicated. It’s been taken care of.]

He pushed the cell over the slick leather surface onto the plush rug; the cushioned drop went ignored by the other man crawled over his partner who lay himself back onto the couch. They ditched their act of teenaged romance for a more appropriate indulgence with skilled removal of their shirts and clothes to follow. Relieved chuckles bounced off their chests as they celebrated their newfound relationship with proper exercise of their shared love.

Only later would Izaya realize that he saved a draft of his text message rather than sent it when Namie entered the apartment early Monday morning. As her purse dropped to the ground in annoyance, her deadpan stare met the couple that trekked the living room before her; dressed in boxers and mixed-up t-shirts, her presence barely registered as Shizuo boosted his hold on a sleep deprived Izaya that sprawled over his back with a slack grip on his shoulders.

   “...how am I not shocked?”

[scrawnydutchman]

My Top 10 Favorite Cartoons

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Animation is the greatest art form in the world. It’s film making, painting, doodling, caricature, satire, illusion, literature and music all at the same time. Truly poetry in motion. It simply does not get enough credit for just how miraculous the form can really be. Being the innovation in our culture that it is, making this list was difficult; because every time I thought of a worthy candidate for the list another worthwhile one popped up in my memory. As such, expect an honorable mentions before we get to number one. Before we jump in though, some ground rules.

1. If it’s animation, it counts. It doesn’t matter if it’s western animation or Anime, 2d or 3d, traditional or motion tweened, for children or for adults, for television or on the web. If it involves the cycling of drawn pictures to create the illusion of life then it qualifies.

2. This is not in order of objective quality and is strictly opinion based. Overall quality is a factor, but this list is mostly about how much of an impact it’s had on me as an individual.

enough ado, let’s get into it.

10. Being Ian

It’s more then Likely those of you readers who are American or anywhere besides Canada for that matter don’t know about this show, so in order to make sense of this entry let me provide a bit of information about myself. I am Canadian, and thus grew up with an entire library of Canadian produced shows intended for Canadian audiences. While I think the U.S.’s animation game is undeniably stronger then what we’ve got up north, we had some pretty solid entertainment like 6teen, What’s With Andy?, Total Drama Island, stuff like that. While it’s all well and good, the only thing I regret about our history as animators is that we rarely aim for more fantastical premises and almost always make shows about hijinks in mundane Canadian smalltown life. It’s nice every once in a while but we do it a little too often. I’d kill for a Canadian Adventure Time or Gumball. So why is Being Ian here? Well, the simple answer is this is the show that made me want to get into film making. Seeing as the premise is all about a nerdy kid with his camera trying to make an inspiring career out of his mundane life and constantly imagining scenarios that are treated as homages to famous movies like King Kong, Clockwork Orange, Jurassic Park and so on (many references I didn’t get as a kid) it makes sense that this would make me want to take on the same kind of lifestyle. It put me on live action for a while but as I found my talents are more in line with animation I moved onto it shortly after. Quite honestly, that’s it’s only real reason for being here. The animation is passable but nothing to write home about, it’s comedy got a chuckle out of me at times but isn’t really the most clever show ever (in fact sometimes it relies a little too much on grossout humor, as do most Canadian shows in fact), but the show undeniably played a major role in my development as a person. Also, it’s theme song is by Parry Gripp (the “Do You Like Waffles?” guy) so that’s a plus.

9. Wander Over Yonder

Alright, now that some of the country-based sentimentality is out of the way, let’s get into the really high quality stuff. The stuff with the bright colours, the wacky characters, the emotionally driven storylines and just everything great about cartoons. Craig McCracken is among my favorite animated show producers of all time (as previously stated in another article I wrote: Why Craig McCracken is a genius). This show is the perfect example of his talent and skill. Effectively just Road Runner on an intergalactic level with a touch of The Muppets, Wander Over Yonder is the cartoonist cartoon you will ever watch in your cartoon-filled life. It’s got a great sense of humor, intoxicatingly likable characters like the optimistic too-nice-for-his-own-good Wander, the spunky and adventure loving Sylvia and of course the abundantly evil yet adorable Lord Hater and his number one henchmen Commander Peepers, and it’s animation is miles upon miles in quality in comparison to what you may find on the air most of the time. I think objectively it is one of the finer shows on this list. So why only number 9? Well, the truth is . . . I haven’t watched very much of it. I watched the first season and pieces of the second. I intend to watch the rest once I get a bit more spending money but for now I gotta settle with what I bought, and for a show as high quality as this I refuse to pirate it. But this show left a great impact on me and came into my life when I needed somethin this cheery most. I discovered it when I was coming off of a really hard breakup that was way more difficult then it really needed to be and it bent me out of shape real bad, so putting this on felt like turning the lights in my brain back on. For that I’m really grateful.

8. Avatar: The Last Airbender

Ho man. Who knew Nickelodeon of all networks would make a move as artistic, risk-taking, original and highbrow as Avatar: The Last Airbender?? Oozing with eastern culture influence (so much so that there is an ongoing debate as to whether or not it counts as an anime), hours and hours of some of the most fantastic animation and fight choreography ever to hit the waves of television all done in glorious hand drawn frame by frame no less AND being the premiere of some of the most unforgettable characters in pop culture like the lovable Aang, the witty Sokka, The badass Katara and Toph and the honorable (haha) Zuko, this show is something you absolutely can’t miss out on for any reason at all. I would know as much, because I actually binged watched the whole thing as an adult instead of catching it while it was still on the air even though I was totally aware of it’s existence at the time. I was a stupid, stupid kid. It’s too bad Nickelodeon developed a history of terrible decision making that screwed over the follow-up series The Legend of Korra SUPER hard. All well. This show is fantastic and you need to watch it right now.

7. Venture Brothers

Alright, so at this point I feel an obligation to point out a certain bias I have when picking favorite shows. That bias being my love for superheroes. I. LOVE. Superheroes. They are a bigger chunk of my life then they realistically should be. So fair warning; a lot of these entries are superhero themed, this being one of them. But Venture Bros isn’t just that: it’s one giant satirical love letter to every kind of adventure show you can imagine. It homages everything from James Bond to Indiana Jones to Scooby Doo to Johnny Quest to Superfriends to Marvel Comics. It’s got fast witty dialogue that seamlessly alternates between high and lowbrow in seconds and has an ever expanding cast of great celebrity voices like Stephen Colbert, Clancy Brown, Seth Green and of course the manliest man who ever manned in the history of mankind, Patrick Warburton as Brock Sampson. Testosterone incarnate. The show has great appealing character design and so many memorably hammy characters that all comes together for a great slick style that’s every bit as badass as it is hilarious. You can totally get enraptured in the gut wrenching dialogue while still being invested in the plot full of conspiracy and espionage.

favorite line from this show: “If that were a woman, I’d marry it!” “Yeah, and then I’d jeopardize our friendship by bangin’ yer hot wife!”

6. Cowboy Bebop

Anime fans rejoice; I put the most cliché basic answer for favorite anime on my list! In all seriousness though, Cowboy Bebop is often regarded as the gateway anime for an American audience and rightfully so. It’s heavily influenced by American culture, it’s got a soundtrack comprised almost entirely of Jazz, Blues and Bebop as is it’s namesake, every episode homages some sort of American genre of film like Noir, Sci-fi horror and even Blacksploitation flicks and it’s American dubbing is considered one of the few on par with the original if not better, with Steve Blum giving a cool as ice raspy take on Spike as the lead character as well as the rough but fatherly Jet, the seductive but sensitive Faye and the optimistic child prodigy Edward (who is a girl, in case you don’t know). But none of that would matter if the anime wasn’t good . . . . so it’s a relief that this show KICKS SO MUCH FUCKING ASS THAT IT DOES OH MY GOD!! If I could sum this show up in one word, it’s “cool”. You will never find a show cooler then this. That is a challenge. It’s got great Bruce Lee inspired martial arts action as well as Reservoir Dogs esque shootouts, and most importantly it’s got a lot of heart and dripping emotional tension enraptured in mystery that insists the viewer keep watching to peel back the layers of every character. Through nuance storytelling choices, heavy atmosphere and carefully chosen dialogue this show has a style and edge that will never be known again. Let’s just hope the live action adaptation doesn’t fuck it all up (it’s got Sunrise Pictures backing it though so that’s reassuring).

5. The Simpsons

This gif is just the tiniest taste of the timeless wit behind the golden age of this show. What can I say about the Simpsons that hasn’t already been said before? It’s one of the most culture revolutionizing pieces of all time, let alone the 20th century. It perfected the archetype of the family sitcom, is the longest running American television show in history, was once so ahead of it’s time to predicted the future eerily frequently and has even had some of it’s original dialect like “D’oh!” make it into the dictionary. This show is no doubt one of the largest reasons for our cultures current sensibilities and outlook. Most importantly though, it was just something me and my whole family could watch and bond over. Some of my fondest memories as a kid was getting so excited whenever this show would come on because it was a time where me and all the siblings and our folks would huddle around the couch and all laugh together at some great slapstick, clever one liners and just straight up bizarre jokes at times where the only way you can logically respond is to laugh. It’s too bad this delicious fruit has rotted quite a bit and Fox won’t just send it to compost already. I already wrote up an entire article about why the current Simpsons sucks now so if you’re interested, go check it out. For now, I’m just going to look fondly on it’s golden age through clips, old episodes and internet shitposts.

“Don’t cry for me. I’m already dead.” - Barney.

4. Homestar Runner

Oh, Homestar Runner. Ye ancient relic of the early days of the Internet before youtube. A simpler time when Flash cartoons were all the rage and you can tune into the surreal misadventures of a star spangled armless oblivious dolt and his more popular counterpart, the boxing glove wearing e-mail answering Luchador Strong Bad. When I was very little I was obsessed . . . OBSESSED . . . with Homestar. I think the great appeal of Homestar was that while it was clearly popular enough for references to pop up here and there purely by word of mouth and for the series to eventually get a videogame developed by Telltales and for the creators Matt and Mike Chapman to eventually move on to working for Disney, it was JUST obscure and surreal enough to make its fans feel like they were in a unique and secret club where they could really bond over references to the show and not have it ruined by having the brand just pop up everywhere and anywhere. As hipstery as that sounds, my point is that Homestar felt like a Niche where problems were simple, everything was up for ridicule and old Atari and computer games were always cool. They went on a hiatus for a few years and only recently came back with a little cartoon every once in a while (nothing regularly scheduled though) but if you want to dabble in a little bit of early 2000s lighthearted weirdness then I highly suggest checking out their website. I’ll link to it down below.

http://www.homestarrunner.com/

3. Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends

When I first came up with the idea to do this list this was the first show to immediately pop in my head. I just get into a good mood whenever I think about this show. It’s colour scheme, it’s wildly imaginative characters, it’s silly yet offbeat sense of humor, it’s great pacing. Mostly it’s premise is just so ingenious you have to wonder how nobody ever thought of it before. This show is the sole reason why Craig McCracken is among my absolute favorite Animation Directors. Everytime I heard the intro to this show come on as a kid I had to immediately stop whatever it is I was doing and catch a hilarious episode. This was a show my sister really liked too, so much so she learned how to play the theme on the piano. Whether it was letting awkward tension build or immediately escalating to a high speed chase, this show would always keep me giggling the entire way through. Not to mention some of it’s episodes were really heart wrenching and actually made me choke up a bit. I know leave you with one of it’s funnier bits.

2. Teen Titans

That superhero bias I was talking about is coming back with a vengeance. This show is great for a lot of the reasons I really like previous entries in this list actually. It’s got a great art style that’s heavily anime influenced, a cast of diverse and unforgettable characters (with my childhood favorite being the quirky and wise cracking Beast Boy and my adulthood favorite being the hilarious, innocent and lovable Starfire), a hell of a lot of heart that makes me tear up in some of it’s most emotional moments, FANTASTICALLY fluid and suspenseful action (once again done in glorious classical animation), a great soundtrack with a hype as hell opening number that’s so good I have it on Spotify, all sorts of homages to action show tropes as well as nods to the larger DC universe and takes itself the right amount of seriously to let some of it’s sillier aspects shine. I distinctly remember seeing the first episode when it came on for the first time and getting instantly hooked. Every main character in this show is cast spot on and give some of the most memorable performances I’ve ever heard. Plus it’s a show that only gets better with time . . . especially in comparison to . . . that other show.

Before we get into number one, here are some honorable mentions: Rick and Morty, Disney’s Recess, One Piece, The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, Batman: The Brave and the Bold, Clone High, Samurai Jack, The Legend of Korra, The Amazing World of Gumball, Steven Universe, Fairly Odd Parents, Danny Phantom, Young Justice, Spectacular Spider-Man, 6teen.

1. Justice League Unlimited

Let’s take a moment to appreciate just how Amazing Bruce Timm’s take on the DC universe is, because . . . oh man . . . it is masterful. The stupendously likable characters, the intense action and suspense, the drama, the fast paced and impactful action and animation, the simple yet effective character design, the ever engrossing storylines. These are just some of the reasons why Bruce Timm is my favorite animated show developer of all time. There have been many great DC shows to come after this like Batman: Brave and the Bold or Young Justice, but none of them come close to the majesty of Justice League: Unlimited. When it comes to Bruce Timm shows most people would put Batman: The Animated Series higher up there, and while I without a doubt respect it’s legacy the fact that it’s Bruce Timm’s earliest show as director for the DC universe is pretty prominent in it’s pacing, action and to an extent it’s line delivery. The show moves rather sluggish and has more then a few issues in it’s animation, especially in it’s first season. I don’t hold that against the show in any way as it’s still very impressive for what it is, but you can tell Timm and his crew were just beginning to hone their style and would go through some growth pains further down the road. Justice League had some remnants of these problems here and there but they were beginning to shake these issues off. JLU is where Timm’s style got perfected. Perfect pacing, perfect line delivery, perfect animation, perfect action sequences where you can feel the impact of every punch and blow, perfect storytelling, and most impressively perfect juggling between the largest cast of characters Bruce Timm has tackled in his run. While Justice League would keep it between the original 7 in terms of juggling, JLU would take on characters like Green Arrow, Captain Marvel, Huntress, Black Canary, The Atom, Vigilante and so many more and make them all just as likable as the main cast if not more at times. And of course, there is the number one reason to watch the show . . . The Question.

God, do I love the Question. This show is the sole reason he is my second favorite DC character (first being the Flash). But anyway, to wrap it up, Bruce Timm once said in an interview that JLU was his favorite work because it was the only show he could keep going back to and continue to enjoy. I wholeheartedly agree.

So that’s my list. I hope you saw some of your favorites on there, and if not just enjoy what you enjoy and keep this medium alive dammit!

[kashlyn]

I love the posts talking about how everyone in the BatFam keeps stealing all of Dick's friends and it made me think of a dc x dp thing where Dick keeps stealing the Fentons from his various siblings.

Dick and Jazz become best friends, bonding over their Eldest Sister Complex, worrying over their younger siblings and the stress of trying to be the diplomats between their parents and younger siblings. They get into their shared trauma of a younger brother dying and coming back and how they feel like they're not doing enough to help and help each other with the hard days.

All while Jason is annoyed that his older brother keeps stealing his girlfriend so they can have a No-Siblings Spa Day.

Danny thinks Dick is the coolest dude ever and looks up to him as someone who started being a vigilante at a young age and knows hoe hard it is to be a kid fighting guys bigger and meaner than you. They have the most god awful pun competitions where the only true loser is everyone else stuck listening to them. Dick teaches Danny insane aerial stunts and they have fun giving everyone around them heart attacks by throwing themselves off the highest buildings possible.

Tim is losing his mind because Dick will just drop in while he and Danny are mid date and derail everything by delivering the worst joke Tim had heard in his life and the two are off trying to out cornball each other.

Damian thinks he's safe because he and Elle aren't dating - aro/ace queer platonic Damian/Elle superiority- but NO, Elle and Dick have a blast hanging out and pranking everyone and being total chaos gremlins. And they talk about the joys of traveling around and Dick talks about how that was one of the hardest things about living with Bruce after his parents were killed was that he was suddenly stuck in one place and then he and Elle are off on a spontaneous road trip.

Damian gets a call from Elle that she can’t join him for dinner because she and Richard are in Peru and about to get on a boat to they don't know where but they probably won't have cell service for a while.

Just, Dick getting his revenge on his siblings by "stealing" the Fentons from them 😂