#clint was a loser and coward in more ways than one

[minecrafttortie]

my hear me out cake (or its barest essentials)

[penpatronuswhump]

WHUMPTOBER 2020 

No. 22

Fandom: Avengers

Whumpee: Tony Stark

Caregivers: Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff

Title: If Lips Could Kill

By: PenPatronus // PenPatronusAooO 

“Can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Steve muttered to Tony as they approached the stage at the annual Stark Relief “FUN”draiser. The crowd was laughing and clapping, enjoying the anticipation and suspense. Natasha stood at the podium, also clapping, cocking an eyebrow. She was wearing a long sequined black and red gown with red lipstick that made her eyes pop.

 “Sore loser already?” Tony unbuttoned his tuxedo jacket and ran a hand through his hair. “I bet I go for 50% more than you.”

 “You have a girlfriend. You shouldn’t be doing this anyway.”

 “My girlfriend knows that this money is going to a good cause. She’s fine with a little kiss.”

 “Why doesn’t Thor have to do this?”

 “Thor’s off-world, and Clint, Sam, and Bruce did this last time. They were happy to contribute to the fundraiser. Why aren’t you?”

 “Sorry, but unlike you, I’m not used to kissing girls I’ve known for three seconds.”

 “Ouch, Rogers! Just because I’m auctioning you off like a whore doesn’t mean you have to go through the low blows.”

 Steve sighed as they climbed the stairs. “Don’t call it that. This isn’t prostitution.”

 “You sure about that?” Tony summoned his most charming smile and waved to the clapping crowd. The two Avengers stood side-by-side on Natasha’s right, half-blinded by the stage lights, looking out on an audience of a thousand people. Some of the richest in the world turned out for the fundraiser. Friends of Stark, people curious to see the Avengers up close and, likely, some who just wanted to participate in the “main event.” That main event was a glorified kissing booth. Natasha was about to auction off Steve and Tony’s lips.

 Natasha had reached the end of her explanation of the rules when Steve suddenly sidestepped Tony and whispered something in her ear. “Really?” she sighed. Then she pouted, “You’re no fun.” She then turned back to the audience and, after making her opinion clear with a scowl, announced that the only people allowed to participate were the females. More than one voice in the crowd booed loudly.

 “Coward,” Tony said when Steve returned to his side.

 “Ladies and… Ladies! Who would like to kiss Tony Stark, Iron Man himself!” said Natasha with an entertainer’s flair the boys didn’t know she had in her. “Let’s start the bidding at $1000!”

 The woman who won with a whopping $10 million dollar donation was at least 70. She wore a dress more appropriate for a 20-year-old, with white gloves up past her elbows. “Oh my god, she’s ancient,” Tony whispered to Steve while maintaining his smile. “This one should be yours, old man.”

 Steve was enjoying every minute of the situation, and so was Natasha, and the hooting and hollering crowd. “Still enjoying this ‘fun’draiser?”

 “I hate you.”

 Nat stepped away from the mic, reached down the stairs, took the woman’s gloved hand, and helped her ascend by grasping her upper arm. “This is Winnie!” she said, introducing her new friend. “She’s here to kill you.”

 Still maintaining their smiles, Tony and Steve both said, “What?”

 “Yeah!” Natasha maintained her composure, too. She smiled and laughed and spoke with her hands while she said, “She’s a much younger woman wearing makeup to make her look old and frail, and under that glove is a metal arm that probably has a hand strong enough to pop your Adam’s apple out of your throat like a champagne cork.”

 “Winnie” also kept smiling. “Ok, ok, ok… Look, you got me, all right? I’m a hired gun, yes, but I did still give you $10 million dollars. Can’t I get a kiss anyway?” Before Tony could say “hell, no!,” Winnie darted forward and kissed him on the lips with bright red lipstick. The crowd loved it. “There,” Winnie said, “was that soooo bad?”

 Tony chuckled and waved bashfully at the crowd. “Go backstage and turn yourself over to secur—security—” Tony tugged his bowtie away from his neck. “If you don’t cooperate now we’ll… We’ll…” Tony suddenly reached backward, blindly, fingers opening and closing.

 Steve realized his friend was reaching for him, and stepped forward. He took the hand Tony was reaching with, and then put his other hand around Tony’s upper arm. “Stark?”

 Ninja-quick, Natasha suddenly grabbed the woman by the neck and flipped her over onto her back. Before that, she yanked off Tony’s bowtie. She pressed it to the woman’s lips, then smelled the lipstick on the fabric. She looked up at her teammates, horrified. “It’s poison!” She quickly wiped the poison off Tony’s lips, but they all knew it was too late.

 The crowd was probably shouting. Security stormed the stage and took the woman away. The running shoes of a thousand people sounded like thunder. Steve noticed none of this. None, because Tony collapsed back into his arms. He’d wrapped his arms around himself as if from a sudden chill. At first he tipped forward but, in trying to right himself, leaned too far back right when the weakness hit. His lips were blue and his entire body was trembling. Steve watched, dismayed, helpless, as Tony’s body arched toward the ceiling and he cried out in pain.

 “Hang on. Hang on, Stark,” Nat urged. Tears hovered in her eyes – all professionalism gone, replaced by desperation. “Ambulance is on its way.”

 Tony’s head rested on Steve’s knee. He reached out a hand for each of them. They took it and squeezed back. The blueness around his lips spread to his cheeks, then down his neck, all the way to the tips of his fingers. He stared at Steve, whispered something about Pepper, and then his eyes rolled back into his skull and he went still.

 “He stopped breathing!” Natasha cried. She checked his pulse and found none. “You breathe for him,” she ordered Steve. “I’ll do the compressions.”

 ----------

 A day later, Steve sat drinking from a bottle of water and reading a Tolkien book beside Tony’s hospital bed. Stark had been in and out of consciousness. They’d gotten an antidote to him in time and although he had a long recovery time in front of him, he was going to make it.

 “Hey,” Tony whispered around his sore throat when he woke up and saw Steve. “Hell of a party.”

 “Hey. Yeah. Let’s never do it again.” Steve rose, then sat on Tony’s bedside. “You scared me.”

 Tony snorted. “Should I apologize?”

 “I should apologize. I should’ve stopped her before she got to you. I’m sorry.”

 Tony made that buzzing sound by flapping his lips. “Cap, I know you expect yourself to be able to save everyone, but shit happens.”

 “Shit happens?”

 “It means that bad things happen and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

 “Hmm.” Steve looked down at his hands. “Scared me,” he whispered, mostly to himself.

 The two men sat in silence for a moment, each reliving what had happened. Steve shuddered.

 “Heard you did the CPR.” Tony eventually said. “You do know that whole show was being recorded, right? Thought you didn’t want to kiss a guy?”

 Steve chuckled and put his face in his hands. “Shut up.”

 The End