#clint is in no shape to be a dad in any universe

[rainstories]

this version of clint is written so much better than whatever 616’s clint’s writers are up to rn 🤭

edge of the spiderverse (2024) v4 issue #4

[nerdydaydreamer]

The Edge of A Blade

Word count: 3035

Description: The Avengers Tower gets attacked during a movie night, and Y/N must protect herself, but can she handle the aftermath? Loki/reader. One-shot.

Masterlist

~~~~~

It was our bi-weekly movie night at The Avengers Tower. Everyone not doing a mission was there, as per tradition. Steve, Bucky, and Bruce on one couch, and Wanda, Sam and Peter on another. My parents Tony and Pepper were snuggled together on an oversized chair and my boyfriend Loki (much to the chagrin of my dad) was sitting beside me on the giant beanbag chair that I begged my dad to buy. Nat and Clint were on a mission, Thor was off world and Vision, well, he was doing whatever it is he does. I may be above average in smarts, but it still hurts my brain to try and understand the android.

It was my turn to pick the movie and I picked one of my favorites, ‘The Other Guys’. It was something that we could all laugh at and help with some the stress everyone has. We had just made it to the part of the ‘desk pop’ when I run out of popcorn. I say I because I am a complete hog when it comes to movie snacks.

I let my head fall back against the beanbag chair. “Nooooooo,” I groan out, “the universe is too cruel.” A low chuckle comes from beside me. I turn my head towards Loki and growl out, “It’s not funny.”

“On the contrary my dear, it is,” he whispers in my ear.

I stick out my bottom lip. “But I’m so comfortable,” I pout. I wasn’t even lying. I had borrowed (read: stole) one of Loki’s hoodies, and I had on a pair of sweatpants and my unicorn fluffy socks. There was also a giant dark green blanket over the both of us. I normally would’ve been too warm but sitting beside Loki was like having a personal A/C unit. I was perfectly comfortable in my cloud of fluffiness and didn’t want to leave.

Unfortunately, my pout was having very little effect on Loki. “Darling, you’re the one who ate all your popcorn so quickly. If you want more then go get more.”

I let out a long sigh at the idea of leaving my cozy cocoon, I gathered my energy and flipped off my side of the blanket. I wasn’t even sorry when it landed over Loki’s head.

Mumbling to my dad to keep the movie playing as I passed him, I made my way to the kitchen. Grabbing a bag of microwaveable popcorn, I tossed in the microwave and started it. I leaned against the counter, watching the seconds tick by, when I felt it. The weird drop in my stomach, it always happens right before something big. I stand up straight and slowly turn, focusing on tuning out the hum of the microwave. I couldn’t hear anything abnormal, but as I turned back to lean against the counter again, I saw a quick flash from outside the floor to ceiling windows. I could just make out the shape of a body hurling towards the window before it broke apart.

“Dad!” I screamed out, but I could hear more glass breaking from the other room. “Shit!”

I was on my own for this one. Of course I trained with Steve and Bucky, learning how to fight and protect myself, but I’ve never actually had to use any of that knowledge. The person who broke into the kitchen started running toward me just as I see the knife block on the far counter, the only viable weapon I could see. I almost reach it when a hand tangles into my hair and I’m yanked back and thrown to the ground. The air rushes out of my lungs from the impact. I open my eyes and quickly roll to the side as I see him raise his foot above me, as if to stomp. I stand and look up, and up.

‘Oooh, I am so fucked.’ The guy is several inches taller than my five foot seven frame and he is much wider than myself. I’m not weak by any means, but compared to the guy in front of me, I am far outclassed. He stalks toward me, armed raised, ready to punch and take me down. I raise my own arms in a familiar pose that has been drilled into me by Steve, fists by my face and arms close together to protect my torso.

He throws a punch towards my face but I dodge, another punch and I duck down. He lunges at me and tries to grab around my torso but I dip low to dive away. I couldn’t dodge his next move though as he kicked me in the side as I was turning back toward him. I fell sideways against the counters edge behind me, my ribs on both sides aching from the hit. To make it worse, my head smacks against the upper cabinets and in my daze, I don’t see his fist. My jaw cracks from the impact and I let out a short scream before he wraps his hands around my throat and then drags me toward the ground. My arms try to find purchase on anything around me, but all I succeed in doing is grabbing the side of the knife block and dragging it down with us. Unfortunately, none of the knives stab him as they fall out.

My head slams against the floor and my vision goes dark for a moment. When it clears, I see him over me straddling my hips, and an arm is reared back. I can’t pull my arms up fast enough before his fist makes contact with my face. I feel something wet trail down from my forehead and I know it’s blood. He wraps both of his hands around my neck and squeezes. My hands grab his wrists, trying with all my strength to pull then off, release some pressure, anything at all, just so I can breathe, but he isn’t budging. The pressure in my head grows, and it’s getting harder to focus.

I let go of his wrists and bring my hands above my head, then slam them into his elbows. His grip loosens for a moment, and I immediately suck in air, but my relief is short-lived as he applies even more pressure than before.

‘I can’t beat him,’ I think. All that training, learning how to defend myself and I can’t even win my first real fight. I faintly hear fighting in the other room where everyone else is. I hope they’re all okay. I internally scoff. ‘Of course, they’re okay!’ They’re the Avengers. They have years of training and experience, and they have each other. But I’m by myself.

The pressure in my head is immense and if I survive, I wouldn’t be surprised if my eyes are completely bloodshot.

If I survive.

If?

No. I can’t give up now. I flail my arms out around me, trying, praying, that something useful is around me that will give me a chance to live. As my vision darkens almost completely, my hand knocks into something. I grab it as tightly as I could and I swing it toward the man’s head.

His hands immediately drop away from my neck, and I cough violently as I try to get in as much sweet oxygen as I can. I twist my body to the side and come up onto my elbow, waiting for my breathing to settle and the white spots to go away in my vision.

It must’ve been several minutes that I just lay there. My throat sore and any breaths I take make a wheezing sound. There is still fighting in the next room but the man beside me hasn’t moved, I turn toward him to see if I had knocked him out.

Red.

So much red.

The floor around him was a pool of blood. He had fallen backward so he was leaning against the cabinets, and there was a knife in his neck.

A knife that I had knocked down when he grabbed me.

A knife that I had held in my hand and swung at his head.

A knife that was sticking out of his neck, creating a steady waterfall of blood that collected around him.

I killed someone. I actually killed someone. I scurried backwards to the opposite side of the kitchen, and when my back hit the wall, I folded my legs up and wrapped my arms around them. I don’t know how long I sat there, staring at the man and his lifeless eyes.

I didn’t notice the fighting in the other room had stopped and several people were calling my name. My eyes were still glued to the blood. There was so much blood.

Y/N.

I heard my name, but it was like it was underwater.

Y/N!

Closer now. My view of the man was blocked as someone crouched in front of me. I couldn’t move though. Even though I couldn’t see him, I could still smell it. Blood. Metallic and copperish. It burned my nose.

“Y/N!” Hands cradled the sides of my head and tilted it upward. I tried to focus my eyes but they wouldn’t cooperate. Instead, I focused on the cold seeping into my skin from his touch.

“Loki?” I rasped.

Letting out a breath of relief, he said, “Yes, Darling. I’m here.”

“Are you okay?” I whisper, hoping he wasn’t hurt.

“You’re asking me if I’m okay?” he choked out in surprise. “Darling, you’re shaking.”

I reluctantly let go of my legs and held my hands in front of me. They were shaking so much they looked blurred, but that didn’t stop me from seeing the dark red stain that started from my fingertips and disappeared into the cuff of my sweater. I try to stop the sob from escaping but failed miserably.

“Loki! I couldn’t… I had to…” I gasp out, trying to explain what had happened but I couldn’t get the words out. “Oh my god,” I whisper. Tears were running down my cheeks and I felt like I was getting strangled all over again. “…what have I done?”

I just killed a man. I look over Loki’s shoulder and see him sitting on the floor not ten feet from me, unmoving. Eyes still open, staring at the same spot. The blood on the floor expanded even more from when I last looked. I didn’t know that there could be so much.

It was too much.

I was breathing faster now. Too fast. I couldn’t get enough air. My throat was sore and tight, and I couldn’t breathe.

Loki grabbed one of my hands and placed it directly over his heart, using his hand to hold it there. “Y/N! I need you to focus!” His other hand gently tilting my head up so I would look only at him. “Please, Darling. Breathe with me. Focus on my breath.” He inhaled deeply and I could feel his chest expanding. I tried to copy but I only gasped. He exhaled slowly, watching me struggle to do the same. He kept at it for several minutes before I could follow along with him.

After I let one more breath out, I whisper, “I killed him.”

Loki’s expression softens before he leans in and wraps his arms around my back and under my knees, and smoothly picks me up off the floor. I curl into him and press my face into the crook of his neck, not noticing the tears that stain his shirt. Loki says something to the others about cleaning up, but my focus is on his heartbeat. It beats steadily as he moves us away from the kitchen.

As he walks through the hallways, Loki constantly checks on you. He’s worried. The blank look in your eyes, the panic attack, if you’re injured. Since you were curled up on the floor, he couldn’t get a good look. The only injuries he saw were on your face, and those alone made him want to torture and kill that bastard for even touching you.

Loki steps into his room and lightly kicks the door closed. He places you gently on his bed. “I’ll be right back, okay darling?” he asks, making sure you’ll be okay for the few moments he’ll be gone. At your slight nod, he goes into his bathroom and grabs the first aid kit under the sink, silently thanking Tony for making sure there is one in literally every room in the tower. He walks back over and takes a knee in front of you. He opens the first aid kit and places it beside you, before taking a deeper look at your injuries.

“Y/N?” he asks.

I know what he wants me to do, but I just feel so tired. Slowly, I tilt my head up to I can look at him properly. His gaze travels over my face, stopping at the gash above my eyebrow. His eyes darken before he grabs the disinfectant and some gauze from the kit. He gently cleans the cut and bandages it, thankful that it isn’t bad enough to need stitches. However, the more blood he cleans from your face, the more it reveals the bruising on your jaw. Loki clenches his teeth, but his touch is feather light as he tilts your head side to side.

He brushes his fingers along my cheeks and jaw, and murmurs, “nothing broken, just bruised.” There wasn’t any pain until his fingers traveled below my jaw and touched my throat. I suck in a breath and shut my eyes, not wanting to see Loki’s reaction.

He tilts my head up slightly so he can see my neck better in the light. And see it he did. Dark bruises in the shape of fingers clearly circle around my neck. My skin no longer pale but mottled with blues and purples. He digs his nails into his palm, trying to remain calm, but the anger was buried under concern when he spotted the fresh tears running down your face.

“Y/N?” he whispers. You hear him clearly as the room is dead quiet, but all you do is sniffle and turn your face away even more.

“Baby, please, look at me,” he begs. He clasps his hands into yours and kisses your knuckles, unfazed by the blood flaking off them. You turn your head toward him and slowly open them, blinking a couple times to unstick your wet lashes from the tears.

You see him looking at you with so much concern and love in his eyes. It makes you want to cry all over again. “I’m okay,” you whisper to him, but you correct yourself. “I’ll be okay.” He nods and does another once over, noticing the blood covering you, and him from carrying you.

“We should shower,” he says but I could hear the question in it. We have showered together in the past, but this is different. I nod my head, knowing that I’ll need his help. He stands up, still holding my hands, and uses them to help me stand too. My torso aches, and I try to hide the pain, but I know he’ll see the evidence soon enough.

He helps me into the bathroom and starts the shower, letting the water heat up and the steam to fill the room. He grabs the bottom hem of the sweater and starts to lift it up, allowing me time to raise my arms. I watch him throw it onto the floor, too stained to keep.

“I’m sorry Loki,” I say as he reaches for the bottom of my shirt, causing him to pause.

“What for, Darling?”

“Your sweater is ruined.”

He leans in to place a soft kiss on your forehead, whispering, “A sweater can easily be replaced. You on the other hand,” he lowers his head to place a kiss on your lips, “are priceless.” I smile into the kiss, and thoughtlessly lift my arms to help him take my shirt off. When he looks down to help me with my sweatpants, he sees the rest of the damage the man did. Blotchy blue and purple spots spread across my ribs, one side from his boot, and the other from the edge of the counter.

His hands freeze by my hips, and I hold my breath, waiting for his reaction. I look at his face and I’m surprised to see a tear trailing down his cheek. I step toward him and wrap my arms around his middle, squeezing gently. “I’m still here, Loki,” I say, my voice slightly muffled as I press my face into his chest. I feel his arms gently wrap around me, trying not to hurt me more.

“I should’ve been there to help. I should’ve tried harder to get to you,” his voice is filled with pain.

“Loki, look at me,” I say as I place my hands on either side of his face. As his eyes meet mine, I’m touched by how much emotion is showing in them. “I know that you did everything in your power to beat those guys, and to protect us. ALL of us,” I say, knowing that everyone at the Avengers Tower has wormed their way into his heart, as much as he is loathe to admit it. “We all did our best tonight, and we all survived. That’s what’s important Loki. We’ll have cuts and bruises after every fight, but we keep on fighting.”

It sinks in as I’m telling Loki this, that I need to take my own advice. Yes, I killed someone, but it was in self defense. It was him or me. I was hurt but I’ll heal, and I’ll be stronger next time.

It seems Loki notices the change as well, as he looks at me with pride shining in his eyes. He helps me finish undressing before quickly removing his own clothes, and then helping me into the shower. He gently washes my hair and body, careful of my injuries, before helping me dry off and dress for bed.

As I lay in his bed, curled up in his arms, surrounded by a cloud of fluffiness and cooled down by Loki, I fall easily into a deep sleep.

~~~~~

Thank you so much for reading!

[avengerscompound]

The Tower: Happily Ever After - 5

The Tower: Happily Ever After An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist | Character Refrence PREVIOUS //

Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 1601

Warnings:  Pregnancy

Synopsis: Almost 40 years after Elise Cooper first crashed into Natasha Romanoff outside the library at Columbia University, she and the Avengers are adapting to a near-immortal life together with their large brood of children.  Yet things aren’t perfect.  Life is moving on without them and they’re starting to discover who isolating being immortal can be.When Angela comes and asks Thor to take the throne of Asgard once more, the group leaves Earth in the hopes that they will find their Happily Ever After there.

Chapter 5: Farewell to Our Old Life

It was kind of strange how little there was to organize for us regarding our move.  There was packing, but we couldn’t exactly hire a moving truck so it needed to fit in bags that we could carry or it had to stay behind.  That was difficult.  We had had a long time to collect a lot of things we considered precious to us.  The glass artwork that Thor and I had inadvertently made on our honeymoon was the thing I wished we could bring the most.  It would stay in the fountain in the entry and hopefully, we’d come back sometimes and see it.

Thankfully, most of our things were fairly portable.  We also wouldn’t need a lot of clothes because Asgard would provide things more fitting for the palace, and it’s not like we would need any furniture.  Mostly it was just personal effects and tech that Tony wanted to use there.

Other than that it was just letting the doctors know I was leaving, pulling Marya out of school, and organizing the party.

It was still leaning on the stressful side though - especially considering we were still waiting to hear what the rest of the kids were going to do.

Even though Rose and Paul had appeared closest to deciding to come, it was Billy and Teddy who came back to us first with a yes.  They had also said they wanted to do a bonding ceremony when we were there, which added another level of excitement and another level of stress.

Rose and Paul came next.  They said that they would try it out and see.  The concern about their children’s lifespan was a big issue for them, but Paul also said he’d be crazy to give up at least trying to live on Asgard as actual royalty.

As expected it was Eddie who took the longest to decide.  He really did love his job, and I think even with his talk about having children, he, Lyra, and Rory were still right into the rich, young party lifestyle.  He was worried about what they’d lose going to Asgard, rather than focusing on the things he might gain. 

No one pressured him though.  Any questions the three had were answered as honestly as we could and if we didn’t know we’d send word back to Asgard and Loki would come and give the answers they were looking for if at all possible.  Eventually, he decided that he’d give it six months for us to settle and make sure things with Stark Industries and the Avengers was transitioning smoothly given our sudden departure, and then he and his family would join us there to try it out.  He mentioned maybe doing six months on each planet or returning to Earth for a month or two every year, but we were all just glad he was willing to try it out, and his delayed departure from Earth was a good idea.  He even promised to come and visit when his new siblings were born.

When our goodbye party began, the whole family was excited for this new chapter in our lives and sad to say goodbye to the last.

Many of our friends were elderly or had passed on, so the party was going to be a mixture of different people.  Clarke was still around, though Jax had passed a few years ago.  We’d lost Rhodey and Fury, though Hill was still running the day-to-day operations of the Avengers, even in her old age, and Coulson had retired after years as successfully being director of SHIELD.  Vision was the same as ever, and people often came to him for direction when it came to the Avengers.  Carol also hadn’t changed though she still spent more time in space than on Earth.  A lot of the people we had met that had seemed so young when we met them, were all not officially middle-aged.  Even Peter Parker who was only fifteen when I met him was now pushing fifty and had a wife and daughter of his own.

They would all be at the party, including a lot of the new Avengers lineup.  Most of whom were much heavier hitters than any of us, even when we were wielding Mjolnir.  It was definitely going to be sad to say goodbye.

“It’s going to be okay, you know?”  Wanda said, snapping me out of my mini-trance as she ran a brush methodically through my hair.

“No, I know,” I said, tilting my head back.

“Then tell your brain that,” she teased.

I giggled and leaned up and pecked her lips.  “I’m sorry.  I would if I could.  Just hormones I guess.  Feeling stressed.”

“Well, stop it,” she scolded playfully.  “It’s bad for the babies.”

She began to braid my hair and I hummed as her fingertips grazed over my scalp.  “Imagine it though, Elly,” Wanda said.  “All the kids nearby - the new babies.”

“You’re a baby-oholic,” I said, laughing softly.

“It’s true,” she says.  “I am.”

She ran a hand around my side and pressed it on my stomach.  “I can’t wait to meet them,” she said.  “They already have such busy thoughts.”

I looked up at her and I’m not sure whether it was the look of pure and complete love in her eyes or the way the light caught in her hair, but I was struck by how beautiful she was and how much I loved her.  She smiled and pressed a kiss to my forehead.  “I love you too,” she said and picked up a strand of silver wire with black opal and threaded it into my hair.  “All done.”

I stood carefully and straightened out the skirts on my blue lace cocktail dress.  “How do I look?” I asked.

“Perfect as always,” she said.  “Let's go say goodbye to our friends.”

We made our way down to the party deck where the party was only just starting up.  Bruce, Steve, and Clint were all already there, but there was no sign of Tony, Natasha, Clint, Sam, Thor, or Bucky.

Some of our kids were there and their kids all played out in the garden atrium that was built on the protruding wing of the tower and the party deck opened out into.  I greeted everyone and as I made my way around the room more people arrived.

Clarke came over and tapped me on the shoulder.  I turned and smiled, hugging her tightly.  She had aged well, not as well as I had obviously, but while her face was lined and she was a little frailer looking, she had kept in good shape and she continued to color her hair.  It would be easy to think she was in her early fifties rather than her mid-seventies.  Her eyes were what gave it away.  What had once been vivid violet had faded to pale lavender and were slightly cloudy.  They were heavily lined at the corners, the years having carved deep crevices to mark each time she was happy or sad or angry or worried.  It was still my Clarke though and I was going to miss her.

“I can’t believe you’re not going to be here when these two are born,” she said, indicating to my stomach as we pulled apart.  She was one of the select group of people I would be totally fine with touching my stomach unasked - but she never assumed.  “Where am I going to get my baby kisses from?”

I laughed and shook my head.  “I guess you’ll have to visit me on Asgard.”

“You can do that?”  She asked.

“I mean… I’m the Queen.  I think I can pull some strings,” I teased.

She laughed.  “God, thinking of you as a Queen is such a trip.”

“Hey Auntie Clarke,” Billy said, appearing behind us.  “I haven’t seen you for a while.”

Clarke hugged him and looked around.  “It’s been too long.  Where are those kids of yours.”

“Come on, I’ll take you to them,” he looked over at me and narrowed his eyes.  “You go sit down, mom.  You know you’re supposed to be taking it easy.”

“I am taking it easy,” I argued, holding up my hands.  “I’m just standing here.”

“Go on,” he said.  “Don’t make me page Dad Tony.”

“Heaven forbid,” I laughed and he wrinkled his nose at me and led Clarke out to the atrium.  I got myself a little plate of appetizers and a glass of punch and went and took a seat.

It wasn’t long until the whole room was teeming with people.  The Avengers had gotten to be a rather large collection of people since the original six had been reluctantly dragged together all those years ago.  Having so many of the people who meant so much to all of us here at the same time couldn’t help but make me think about how I’d first joined this group that would one day be my family.

All those years ago I had been a traumatized woman in her mid-twenties, just trying to get by.  I didn’t have many good friends, because it took a lot for me to trust people.  It took a superhero to get through and with her, so many other people flooded in after.  I was so grateful to them, and so in love with each of them to this day.  It would be hard letting this life of ours go, but it was inevitable.  I still had my 9 chosen people though, and I always would.  I was glad to be taking this next step with them at my side.

// NEXT

[buckybeardreams]

Loss

Chapters: 1/16

Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Brock Rumlow/Sam Wilson, Clint Barton/Brock Rumlow/Sam Wilson

Characters: Clint Barton, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Brock Rumlow, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes, Lila Barton, Cooper Barton, Nathaniel Pietro Barton, Kate Bishop, Harley Keener, Darcy Lewis, Rebecca Barnes Proctor

Additional Tags: Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Minor Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Past Clint Barton/Laura Barton, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sappy, Happy Ending, Kid Fic, Grief/Mourning, Depression, brief alcohol abuse, Brief suicidal thoughts, Separation Anxiety, Insecurity, Misunderstandings, Protective Brock Rumlow, Sam Wilson is a Saint, non-sexual nudity, Soulmates, Mates, Non-Explicit Sex, Anal Fingering, References to Knotting, Bonding, Claiming, Claiming Bites, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000, Breastfeeding, Co-Sleeping

Summary:

After Clint lost his soulmate he didn't think he'd ever love again, then he started to hook up with Brock. At first it was just a nice distraction but after a while he thought that maybe it could be something more, that is until Brock met his own soulmate. Clint was sure that would be the end of things, but now Sam and Brock both are flirting with him and he doesn't know what to do with that.

This is the 2nd part in a 3 part series, second chances, but they can be read as stand alone fics so it's not necessary to read the first one to enjoy this one.

You can find part 1 on tumblr or on ao3.

I'm not gonna be posting the full chapters for this fic here after this one, but you can read them on ao3. I'll be updating every Mon, Wed, and Fri.

Words: 1,890

Tony grinned when Brock opened the door, Harley strapped to his back and a bottle of sparkling apple cider in his hand.

"I brought non-alcoholic beverages!"

Brock laughed and pulled him in for a hug.

"You still doing that attachment parenting thing," Brock teased.

"Yeah, you?"

Brock nodded.

"Yeah, Sam's got Sonny right now. He took him for a walk in the park so I wouldn't strangle him."

"Oh no, is it teething?"

Brock raised a brow.

"What? No, not Sonny. Sam. He's driving me crazy. Sonny's a perfect little angel. He gets that from me."

"Uh-huh, sure," Tony indulged, passing the sparkling cider to Brock and following him into the kitchen.

"How's the restaurant? Running smoothly?"

"Smooth enough anyway. Running a business is no easy task, but I manage."

"I'd hope so, seeing as you are the manager," Brock teased as he grabbed the bottle opener and opened the cider before pouring it into glasses.

Tony rolled his eyes at the lame joke.

"At least the transition from a bar into a family restaurant by day, bar by night went smoothly. Everything else is just icing on top now. With the renovations done and the remodeling out of the way, now all we have to do is manage the staff. Well, then there's the paperwork and finances and whatnot, but Steve handles all of that."

"Yeah, I gotta admit, as much as I love hanging out with your baby daddy, I do miss you at all the mommy and baby classes."

Tony hummed, shrugging.

"Not really my thing, but Steve says Harley loves the baby ASL. He's not a fan of the swim lessons though."

Brock nodded in understanding.

"Sonny hated those ones at first too. He doesn't really care too much about the ASL, but the messy arts class is right up his alley. Sam says it's because I insist on having a sparkly clean home. He acts like it's a bad thing. A home can't be too clean."

Tony just hummed, because his Alpha had a similar need to keep things spotless and Tony definitely didn't care for it. At least Steve was willing to do all the chores for him, because Tony would definitely object if he had to do the cleaning. A place could definitely be too clean, but he wasn't about to open that can of worms with Brock. 

"Yeah, Steve was disappointed that Harley wasn't more into the art classes. He just doesn't like getting messy. He takes after Steve like that, kind of a neat freak, and yet Steve loves painting, which I really don't get. His paintings are fabulous though and his studio is a mess. The rest of the house though? Spotless."

Brock laughed and they headed to the couch to sip their sparkling cider.

Harley started to squirm when his feet touched the cushions and Tony set his glass down, standing back up to remove him from the carrier.

"Hi, pretty baby! Look at you! You're so pretty!" Tony cooed at him.

Harley just giggled and reached out to grab at his curls. Tony scrunched up his face and pried his grabby hands out of his hair.

"Okay, enough of that. Mommy likes his hair too much to let you pull it all out."

Tony set Harley down in a large octagon-shaped playpen. It had pillows and toys in it that Harley immediately made a beeline for. It's what Brock liked to call a yes zone, because pretty much everywhere else in their apartment he had to say no to Sonny constantly, but in his playpen everything was a yes.

"How are things going with you and Sam?" Tony asked, sitting back down.

Brock groaned.

"I'm not sure."

"Uh-oh," Tony said and Harley looked around like he was trying to figure out what was an uh-oh. "Trouble in paradise?"

"I don't know. Maybe? Things aren't bad or anything. Actually Sam's kinda annoyingly perfect. Sometimes I feel like it's hard to live up to that."

"Aw, Brock, I don't think Sam cares so much about that."

"I know he doesn't," Brock groaned. "Because he's freaking perfect and I'm a lost cause."

"No, you're not. You just need to give yourself a break. Trying to be perfect is just going to leave you feeling like you're not good enough."

Brock narrowed his eyes at him.

"When did you get to be so wise?"

"When my firstborn turned one," Tony teased, nudging him with his shoulder. "No, seriously though. Don't worry so much about trying to keep the house perfect and all sparkly clean and worry more about living your life. Spend more time with Sam."

"I spend almost all of my time with Sam."

"Yeah, but Sonny's there too. There's nothing wrong with family time, but when was the last time you went on a date night?"

Brock wasn't even sure. It had been months.

"You need to get yourself a babysitter, or drop Sonny off with us, and then spend some time alone. Remember why you became mates in the first place. It wasn't because you wanted a baby. It was because you loved each other and you fell in love at first sight. So spend some time looking at each other again and maybe you'll find that spark you used to have."

Brock sighed and downed the rest of his cider.

"God, I wish there was alcohol in this."

"Don't we all?"

They could hear the sound of keys in the door before it opened and Sam came in, Sonny strapped to his belly. Brock got up when the baby started saying mamamamama and pulled him out of the carrier.

"Hi, angel, look at how big you are? You want to go see Tony? Show him your new skills?" Brock cooed at his son, setting him down on his feet. "Go get him!"

"Come here, Sonny! You gonna walk to me?"

Sonny took a few wobbly steps before he got close enough for Tony to reach out and snag him up.

"Woah, you're so big! Such a big walker, huh?" Tony praised the baby. "Did you see that, Harley? Did you see how big your friend is? Walking up on his feet like a big boy? You're gonna be doing that soon too."

Harley was already pulling himself up and walking around while holding onto things, so he probably would be walking soon. He was only a month behind Sonny in age, so they played really well together, for the most part at least. Sharing wasn't any baby's strong suit.

Tony set Sonny down in the playpen after they cooed over him for a few minutes and Harley immediately crawled up to him and tried to crawl on him. Sonny shoved him off, but Harley wasn't offended. He just giggled and rolled over onto his belly, so he could push back up and go after the ring stacker. Sam came over somewhat hesitantly. Brock had been pretty irritated this morning, so he wasn't sure if he should give him space or not.

"Hey, Tony! It's good to see you!"

"You too! Always happy to come over and eat all of your food."

Sam laughed.

"You doing good, babe?" Sam asked Brock carefully.

Brock nodded, biting his lip. He had been pretty distant and irritable the last few weeks and he felt bad about it. Sam didn't deserve that. He was such a good Alpha and a good dad.

"Yeah, I'm good, Alpha," Brock said, licking his lips.

He patted the cushion next to him.

"Wanna sit with me?"

Sam looked surprised for a moment, then he smiled softly and sat down, looking like he'd just been given the best gift ever when Brock curled into his side and rested his head on his shoulder.

"I've missed you," Sam murmured in his ear.

"Missed you too, Alpha."

 *****

Brock was trying to make more of an effort and Sam definitely didn't miss the signs. He was more affectionate and he even got Sam a gift. It was important to point out that while Sam had felt the strain on their relationship, he hadn't really been upset at Brock about it. It was just one of those things where he assumed Brock would come around eventually and, well, he wasn't wrong.

"What is this?" Sam asked when Brock tossed a water bottle at him.

He caught it thanks to his great reflexes, not because Brock had given him any warning before throwing the metal cylinder his way. Brock rolled his eyes.

"What does it look like? It's a water bottle, Sam."

"Yeah, but why?"

"I got it for you," Brock said with a shrug.

Sam's heart fluttered at the thought of Brock getting him something, but his brows furrowed in confusion.

"I already have a water bottle."

"No, you don't. I threw it away."

Sam pursed his lips.

"May I ask why?"

"No, you may not," Brock said plopping down on the couch.

Sam raised his brow at him and Brock ignored him for a moment, flicking on the TV before glancing back at Sam with a groan.

"Fine, I got you a new one, because I read that the owner of Hydra Flask is an asshole who doesn't support Omega rights. I can't have my Alpha running around sporting that logo on his bottle, now can I? People might think you're a traditionalist. God forbid."

Sam blinked at him for a moment before a fond look fell over his features and he sat down next to Brock, pulling his Omega into his side. Brock blushed when Sam pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Thank you, love."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Brock grunted, but he leaned into Sam's side, turning to press his face into Sam's neck and hide a small smile.

Sam could feel it against his neck, but he didn't comment on it. He just ran his fingers through Brock's hair until his Omega yawned and made a sleepy little whimper.

"Come on, baby. Let's go to bed," Sam said softly.

Brock grunted, but didn't protest when Sam scooped him up off the couch and carried him off to bed. His back hit the mattress and his hands shot out to grab Sam's shirt, whining when Sam gently pried his fingers off of him.

"Shh, you're okay. Just let me undress you, then I'll cuddle with you."

Brock pouted, but let his Alpha do what he wanted. When Sam climbed into the bed he was wearing only his boxers and Brock had on only his shirt. Brock usually liked to sleep naked, but he had whined when Sam asked him to sit up, so Sam had just rolled his eyes, pressed a kiss to his forehead and left his shirt on. 

Sonny usually slept with them, even though he technically had a crib in the nursery, but tonight was one of those rare nights that he actually was using that crib that usually stood around empty like a decorative piece. Brock rubbed at his eyes, turning to press his face into Sam's neck and Sam smiled softly, wrapping his arms around him.

"Night, baby," Sam whispered softly.

"Night, Alpha, love you."

"Love you too, Omega."

Things weren't perfect between Sam and Brock, but that didn't mean they didn't love each other. Just because something isn't perfect, doesn't mean it's wrong.

[seapandora]

Bellicose ｜One-Shot

Tony x Reader

A/N: This belongs to the same universe as Tranquility, but we´re hitting it hard this time. Families fight, at least mine does. Words can hurt, actions even more so. I´m not saying grab your tissues, but you know… keep´em close… GIF-cred to owner. 

Warnings: fighting (a lot), swearing, angst

Words: 1378

Tags: @creativenamedotexe-not-found​

It was always the same with Tony… He was always off fighting aliens or bad guys because that was his job. Y/N was an avenger as well. It was her job too. But as per usual her father had made sure she had a small job to do in New York. This time it was to track a former Hydra-member and make sure Nicks men got to her.

She had done that before breakfast. It wasn’t even hard and the jet hadn´t left the compound when she was done. She was still told to stay back by her dad. He just wouldn’t let her get experience in the field. That had all turned into a shouting match and here Y/N was sitting in her room shooting at the wall with her blasters. What else could she do? Friday wouldn’t let her leave the compound and she couldn’t call Bucky or Steve. They were somewhere in Greenland and didn’t have any phones.

Morgan and Pepper were in Atlanta for some sort of business meeting. Y/N hadn´t bothered to ask Pepper to explain it all. She had been too upset with her father for that. Y/N was alone. Natasha and Bruce were on vacation. Clint was with his family. Thor was, god knows where and Peter was of course in school, and if that wasn’t the worst, he was on a school trip, to Europe.

Fucking hell, no. This wasn’t going to cut it. Y/N had to get out there. There were a million bad guys that had to be taken care of, a few in the vicinity of the compound… That was her key, wasn’t it? Y/N would have to trick Friday into believing she was just going out on town and nothing more. But how would she get her suit out? She had the microchips, just like her dad, but it would take too long for the suit to reach her if it was all the way at the compound and she was mid-city. That wouldn’t work.

Y/N´s only option was to hack into her own system and access the suit that she had in the safe-house. The safe-house that was an apartment in Queens. That would work. Of course, it would, Y/N thought to herself. If anyone could hack her own system, it was her. She got her laptop started at her desk. It took her some time to get into the system but she managed. Luckily she knew all of her own passwords, so that wasn’t a problem.

She hated hacking her own system, it was so unnecessary, but she couldn’t access it unless she was in the safe-house, which meant she had to override it now. Get it all set. She had her chip-codes remembered and she typed them in quickly. Coding had been hard for her to learn, and it was still hard, but at least she knew her own system. She had created it. She closed her laptop once she was done and took a deep breath before she stood up and packed her backpack.

“Friday, can you please call my dad,” She asked out into her room. A small panel on the side of her door lit up. “Of course Y/N, would you like to have a visual?” The AI asked and Y/N shook her head as she told the AI to just do an audio-call. “Y/N, what is it? If the compound isn´t on fire, I don’t want to hear it,” Tony said and Y/N could hear the fury in his voice. Fuck, this was bad. “I… I wanted to say that you were right, and Y/F/N, asked if we could go for smoothies in town tonight. I wanted to check with you first,” She answered and bit her lip as she put on her backpack.

Tony wouldn’t keep her from her friend, she didn’t have many, to begin with, and he wanted her to have some sort of normality in her life. He realized he hadn't given you much of one as a kid. “That’s fine, but you've to be home by 10 pm. No later or I´m coming for your ass and I´ll put you on suit probation, are we clear?” He said through gritted teeth. “We´re clear dad, home before 10. And… thank you, I know I disappointed you today,” Y/N said and sighed softly. She wasn’t one o apologize, just like her dad. She took after her more than anyone wished.

The call was killed and Y/N let out a breath of relief. “Friday, can you give me the keys to the Audi?” Y/N asked and smiled as the AI complied. The keys would be by the garage, unlocked for her. She pulled her backpack on a little tighter and hurried down to the garage where she got the keys to the Audi. It was one of the fastest cars her father owned, but it was also one of the less conspicuous.

Her ride to the city was short and once she had parked the car she pulled off her backpack and picked up her phone. Hacking into the police-database wasn’t hard, it wasn’t legal either but hey, she would be helping, wouldn’t she?

The first thing to come up was an armed robbery, reported in just seconds earlier. The cops wouldn’t be on sight for another few minutes. Y/N could get there much quicker. She put her phone down and took a deep breath before she called for her suit through her nervous system. Her blasters and arms around first. She hadn't taken the time to finesse the details so the speed they came at her was a little too quick for her liking, but hell. People could be in trouble, and bad guys needed to be caught.

She got her helmet last and she caught it in her hand before putting it on. Friday didn’t have access to her system unless Y/N cleared it, or in the worst-case scenario if Tony cleared it. That had never been needed though. And she wouldn’t need it tonight. She tried her blasters one at the time before she took off and flew to where the report of the robbery had come from.

“Hello there,” She said as she landed in the store in front of the robbers. Armed was pushing it. They had bats and one of them had an ax, but they were quite a lot of them. Y/N could count 8 while her suit had detected 6 more hidden by shelves or walls. “Who the hell are you?” One of the larger robbers asked. “That’s not how it goes loser, but I´m Obi-Wan Kenobi, duh,” Y/N answered. Sass was her go-to defense mechanism.

The fight was on. Y/N held her own for quite a while, but even someone in a suit made of titanium can be beaten down. And that hadn´t been her plan, but there she was now, beaten to the floor when she heard the familiar whoosh of her father's suit. Shit, yeah, there goes that chance to go to university. “Y/N get up! I can´t have you lying in the middle of a fight.” Her father said over the comms and Y/N groaned but shot the robbers over her with her blasters before she got up as she was told. She used her blasters to get some air and get away from the bad guys.

She was in bad shape. “Friday, get her out of here,” Tony said but Friday couldn´t access Y/N´s systems. Y/N was refusing. “I can fight dad, I´m not five anymore,” She said and shot at one of the guys coming towards her father. “Jesus Christ Y/N, stop being bellicose and do as I fucking say,” he said and shot two guys coming at him.

Y/N was mad, mad enough to make a rash and bad decision. She landed her suit and got her helmet off. That was the one thing she shouldn’t have done. Her father had stopped paying attention to having her back and one of the rubbers had snuck up on her and now took the chance when it presented itself. Y/N was hit in the back of the head but she could only feel pain and then it was dark.

The world ceased to exist.

[starkerforlife6969]

Tony Stark’s Home for Wayward Monsters

irondad and spiderson fluff

Tony’s life isn’t normal. He’s always known that. Hell, he’s Ironman. He’s been to outer space. Seen planets, defeated monsters, and when his own little boy gets bitten by a radioactive spider, honestly-

It’s all part and parcel of his life.

Peter Stark is the cutest little six year old in the world, as far as Tony and the other avengers are concerned. He’s so tiny, with the chubbiest cheeks and angelic chestnut curls and he bounces around and climbs up ceilings and makes little web-hammocks in the corner of rooms and often scares the life out of his old man by poking his little head down from the ceiling and Tony jumps so hard he nearly breaks his leg.

Peter is also the sweetest thing in the world. He’s such a good kid. Kind to a fault, and Tony would destroy everyone if Peter so much as grazed his knee.

Peter eats all his vegetables and gets excited by homework and is patient and adoring when watching Tony in lab- all big deer eyes and enthusiastically asking if he can have a go with the radioactive goo now, please daddy?

Natasha strolls in after picking Peter up from kindergarten one sunny afternoon, and Tony sips his coffee, frowning at the look on her face. She looks happy. That’s never a great sign-

And then Peter walks in-

He’s got a gigantic husky in his arms. The dog is bigger than him, seriously- but Peter’s strength- Christ- and that dog is all teeth and scabbed fur and-

“Daddy! Daddy! Look, Auntie Nat and I found a puppy!” says the big ball of fur with legs.

Tony stands, immediately wanting to yank Peter away from the dangerous canine, but the husky is apparently very content to be petted as Peter sets him down and then throws his arms around him in a bear hug.

The husky hooks its giant head over Peter’s shoulder- surrounding the boy- and bares his teeth as if Peter’s his young and Tony is the threat when-

Natasha takes pity on him, and hoists Peter easily out of the dog’s hold, and into Tony’s arms.

Peter giggles delightedly- dog fur all over his clothes. “Can we, daddy? Please! Please, please! I’ll look after him, I promise!” And his eyes are so wide and so earnest and-

Tony can’t say no.

***

But he taught his son a lesson that day. He taught his son that scared things, with too many teeth and not enough love, are to be brought up to the penthouse for their new home.

Peter, not two weeks later, comes in with Bruce (who was on pick up duty today, not like it’s a chore, though) and a man smeared with dirt and one very shiny metal arm.

“Daddy!” Peter announces proudly, “this is Bucky!”, and he tugs ‘Bucky’ (who looks so terrifyingly like an assassin that Tony briefly considers suiting up) into the penthouse.

Bruce looks utterly dazed.

Bucky looks frightened.

Ginger- the ferocious, but in actuality adorable, husky, rushes over to lick Peter’s face, and then nuzzle like a cat between Bucky’s legs.

Bucky relaxes, just a little, and pets the dog’s head.

“He was lost, daddy! And he doesn’t have a home!” His little face looks utterly-heart broken, and Tony stares in disbelief.

“I…” Bucky shakes his head, and tries to gently extract his fingers from Peter’s little hands, and looks very confused when the grip doesn’t come away. “I…He found me- I was- in an alley, and he said- something about-“

“A feeling,” Tony sighs. Peter’s ‘spider-sense’. A sort of extra-sense that tells him when something wrong is happening close by. “Listen, Peter- I’m sure Bucky here has-“

“Nowhere to go.” Peter pouts firmly, looking up at Tony with wide-eyes that glimmer with betrayal. “We’re gonna…he’s staying, right daddy?” He whispers, and Tony looks down at his little boy and-

Gives Bucky a guest room.

Just for the night.

***

Three weeks later, Bucky - the winter soldier- is firmly a part of the family. He takes Ginger for walks and has nightmares which make him stay up late at night with Tony in the lab, talking in hushed tones about Hydra, and giving information that’s vital- incredibly vital- to tracking down the last remnants of them.

Steve had taken one look at him and Tony had groaned.

Steve’s eyes had gone immensely blue and his jaw had dropped and Bucky had blushed and-

Tony had pinched the bridge of his nose and poured more coffee, before making Peter another blueberry pancake.

*** Peter is a few days before his seventh birthday, when he comes home with an astounded Clint, and a man with long black hair and angry-defiance in his eyes.

Peter is also dragging a huge hammer in his free hand.

It’s leaving a dent in the floor.

Tony stares.

And then sighs.

So Loki is a god, who Peter and Clint had stumbled across on their way home (maybe Tony should switch Peter’s school) and found Loki crying and trying to lift this hammer.

Peter had thought he’d needed help- and lifted it in one easy motion and now-

His seven year old is heir to the throne of a planet he’s never heard of.

“Cool,” Clint grins, ruffling Peter’s curls as Loki sulks in the corner, “make me a Duke or something, yeah, Petey?”

Peter shakes his head solemnly. “That would be abusing my powers.”

Tony can’t help it- he laughs. But he waggles a stern finger at Loki. “We are not keeping him.”

Loki gapes indignantly. Peter scrunches up his tiny nose in confusion. “But he’s hurt- and we…we help people when they’re sad and lost, don’t we, daddy?”

Bucky doesn’t meet Tony’s eyes, and Tony sighs.

*** It turns out though, Loki only stays for a few months.

And it’s a shame, really, because- goddamnit, the snooty prince was starting to grow on Tony.

Loki could conjure allusions- beautiful and intricate- and had spent a great many hours showing Peter little stories in the air- looking pleased at Peter’s effusive praise over Loki’s talents.

Loki could shape-shift- into anything- but mostly a pretty pony that Peter would ride around the penthouse.

Although, Loki sometimes stared at Tony’s arc-reactor for a touch too long, like he wanted to steal it and its power-

But then Peter would ask for some hot chocolate and tug on the end of Loki’s green robes and-

The god would settle back down.

But then in a hail of thunder and lighting, there’s another god landing in his living room- yelling with joy over having found his brother and his hammer and the new heir to the throne-

And Tony finds himself with the newest member of the avengers.

*** Bucky’s packing to move in with Steve when Peter’s eleven.

Tony muses over how different the penthouse will be without him-

And that’s when Peter comes home with a homeless man.

“He’s not homeless, dad,” Peter rolls his eyes, dragging in the sweaty wreck of a human being in behind him, “he’s got a symbiote.”

“It’s a parasite!” The man chokes desperately, looking like he’d love to run out, but his limbs keep jerkily propelling him forward. “A parasite!”

“Don’t call Venom that!” Peter scolds, reaching out his hand to pat some black goo on Eddie’s arm. “He’s much more than a parasite.”

“Yes, little spider,” croons a hissing voice that Tony- Tony cannot be dealing with this shit right now. “The spider understands. The spider would make a good host. But not better than you, our dearest Eddie-“

Tony hoists Peter up into his arms, settling him on his hip and shaking his head at Eddie (who he’s starting to recognise as that reporter who went missing) and saying firmly: “Ground rule: No using my son as a host.”

Eddie scrubs his face deliriously, and Venom asks for chocolate.

***

On Halloween night, Eddie comes back complaining about the taste of blood in the back of his throat, but his arms are cradled protectively around Peter who’s cuddled into his chest- supported by a tangled mass of black lines.

Tony looks up from his work and jerks to his feet- rushing over to his son.

“Some dude- tried to grab him.” Eddie whispers, and Peter is still crying a little, and Tony holds him tight- heart pounding. “We- I- We- we ate him.” Eddie mumbles. “Sorry.”

Tony decides right then and there, that Eddie might be his favourite... monster?Stray?

Tony spends the whole night eating chocolate with his son, praising him, telling him how kind and good and amazingly brave he is, and Ginger snuffles into Peter’s neck until the boy starts smiling again- wobbly and cautious.

Thor and Loki visit as soon as they realise what’s happened.

They bring a ship full of Asgardian gold.

Bucky comes too- and tells Peter about nightmares and how to make them go away.

Tony thinks there might be a thing to having a home for Wayward….monsters? Strays? Alien-people?

*** When Peter’s sixteen, he brings home a stray in the form of a boyfriend, and Tony is saying no before they’re even introduced.

“Dad,” Peter grins, rocking on his heels excitedly. “This is Wade-“

“No.” Tony says, but he has a horrifying feeling he’s already lost, because Wade is smiling like he won the lottery and- “No.” Tony says again, horrified.

Maybe he will send Peter to be the Asgardian King after all.

At least there won’t be any Wade Wilsons in space.

(Tony says yes, 6 years later, when Wade asks for permission for Peter’s hand. He also blasts him right in the chest with his gauntlet and Wade lets out a little ‘oof’. “You treat him right.” Tony says, though he’s said it before, and Wade has never ever treated Peter wrong. “It’s not just me who’ll destroy you- there are-“

“I get it, I get it. A whole universe of people on Pete’s side. Damn, your son’s really good at making alliances. You know he met some woman the other day? We were walking along and he got this feeling, so we went over to an old blockbusters and this woman named Carol was-“

“No.” Tony says, walking away. “No.”)

[the-loners-library]

Teach Me - Part 3/?

Prompt: Clint teaching you how to do a cartwheel.

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Pairing: Clint / Reader

Rating: G

Warnings: None

Authors Note: I’m going a little off Clint’s backstory in comics (acrobatic background from his carny days). Clint also still has his family a secret from everyone except for Natasha.

       The training room at Avengers Tower was usually occupied by at least one person at any time. That was to be expected when you worked with highly trained superheros, assassins, and gods. However, you weren’t exactly the physically adept type. You were only a part of the team because of your somewhat supernatural abilities- Fury had found you and brought you into the fold not long after the Battle of New York. You wouldn’t call yourself out of shape or unhealthy, but you couldn’t dead lift a car or call a man with your pinky finger. That wasn’t news to anyone, but you still felt embarrassed trying to work out in front of the others. It was because of that that you had worked out the perfect time when the training room was empty.

      You were trying (and failing, in your opinion) to learn something between a gymnastics floor routine mixed with kung fu. To be honest, by the looks of your reflection in the floor to ceiling mirrors that made up one whole wall of the room, you weren’t very successful in looking fierce and capable. That feeling was exacerbated by the sound of someone trying and failing to hide their laughs. You quickly tried to stop your body movement halfway during a spin to look at the culprit, and promptly fell on your face.

      “Owwww,” you whimpered. Luckily the floor was padded. You heard soft padding footsteps coming towards you before a hand was shoved in front of your face. You gripped and were pulled up face to face with Clint.

      “Nice an ice pack, Ballerina?” he asked, laugh still evident in his voice. You huffed at him and turned your back, embarrassed that he had caught you.

      “Awwww, I’m sorry,” he said to your back. “Didn’t mean to laugh, but you looked so into it!”

      You cocked your eyebrow at him and walked slowly over to the treadmill. At least you could walk on that for a little bit and then return to your room to lick your wounds.

      Clint likewise made his way his way to a machine close to you. You both worked quietly, just the hum of the air conditioner in your ears.

      “You know,” Clint suddenly spoke, almost making you jump in shock. “Nat may be the trained ballerina, but I know a thing or two about acrobatics.” 

      You merely turned your head to look at him. 

      “It’s true!” he urged. “I’ve even beaten her a few times with my twists and turns.”

        As he spoke he made some contortions with his boy that almost made him slip on the treadmill. He quickly caught himself and you chuckled to yourself. Guess you weren’t the only clumsy one.

      “I believe you. Perfect gymnast specimen right here.”

      “Don’t be mean,” he pouted. “No pressure. But I could try and show you something simple for now. I’m not much of a teacher, but I’m willing to try.”

      You bit your lower lip in contemplation. You did want to try and become more capable on missions, physically. But what if embarrassed yourself further?

      “Come on. It’s just me. I got all my laughs out, I promise,” he swore, lifting his hands in a mock boy scout salute.

      “Fine,” you sighed, turning off your treadmill and making your way to the middle of the gym primarily used for floor work.

      Clint cheered before following you.

      He shook out all of his joints, looking pointedly at you to do the same. You gave him a strange look, but did as suggested.

      Suddenly, he did a perfect floor routine that wouldn’t have been out of place at the Olympics.

      You were speechless, before giving him a round of applause. He did a mock bow and blew kisses to an imaginary crowd.

      “Okay, I submit. You are pretty good at gymnastics.”

      “Damn straight. Okay, fun stuff first…. Cartwheels!”

      “Oh no no no,” you muttered, backing away and crossing your arms back and forth. “I like my neck not broken, thank you very much.”

      Clint approached you like you would a wild animal. “I thought you said you trusted me? I swear I will not let you hurt yourself.”

      You made a high pitched whining noise, internally freaking out.

      “The last time I did a cartwheel I was in elementary school and a lot more flexible and probably 50 pounds lighter.”

      “Weight doesn’t have too much to do with it, neither does flexibility. Mostly balance.”

      He ran you through a few basic warm ups- mostly yoga poses that stretched your back and made you nearly fall over a dozen times.Clint started out holding your body in place making sure you didn't actually fall. You don’t know how long you were both there, but eventually, you found that Clint was no longer holding your balance for you and you were less shaky.

      It was then that Clint decided that you were ready to start trying a headstand against a wall. He helped you place your head on the cushioned floor and pulled your legs up until you were upside down. Neither of you mentioned the squeal that came out of your lips at that.

      After you were able to do that for a full minute by yourself without falling on your face, Clint led you back over to the middle of the floor. It was now time to actually try to do a cartwheel without falling on your face. 

      You had to admit, Clint was very helpful in this “lesson”. Even now, he slowly set you up so you were doing a handstand, and then guided your body sideways until your feet were on the round again. You went through this routine many more times- going faster each time.

      “Now… the moment of truth,” Clint announced. You looked at him in fear. “You’re going to do one yourself.”

      You let out a small, “Eeeep,” as you watched Clint take a huge step back. You took a deep breath and shook out all of your limbs. You stood straight-backed with your arms in the air, and with a final breath, quickly spun your arms down to the side- your body quickly following. 

      SUCCESS!!!

      As you stood upright once more you felt your eyes bugging out of your head as you looked at Clint. He grinned at you and started applauding. You should have felt humiliated, but strangely, you felt that despite his usual antics that he was actually proud of you.

      “You know,” you started as you walked closer to him. “I think you’d make a pretty good dad someday.”

      Clint raised an eyebrow in question.

      “Even though I really sucked, and that must have been really hard for you you never burst out into laughter. It was… nice…” you admitted.

      Clint had a strange look on his face that you couldn’t decipher for a moment before he quickly rushed to you and ruffled your hair into a mess.

      “You’re lucky I’m not your dad. You’d be grounded for trying to mix kung fu and gymnastics. Badly, I mean.”

      You tried to fix your hair before giving up and simply crossing your arms in protest.

      “You try and I’ll kick your ass, Bird Brain.”

[lastcenturykindagirl]

I love that Endgame can be essentially summarized as the filmmakers/studio/RDJ wanting us to believe Tony was the most brilliant, mature, and selfless person after all those films. And who he’s a stand in-for and what it’s trying to redeem. Let’s explore the history of Marvel never holding Tony and the things he stands for accountable, shall we?

Endgame spoilers...

Rich industrialist and weapons dealer/playboy Tony gets the opportunity to do better after escaping from war profiteering as a billionaire superhero! But by AOU, he is creating a Space Force with an AI he personally programmed and controls (they dropped that ball, right when it’s actually topical. LOL).

But they did manage to have him bring it up again in Endgame and insist he was always right about this. Even as they are about to fight the ultimate space Fascist, Tony is insisting he would have gotten it right. Although Tony is in terrible emotional and physical shape in that moment, the idea is never challenged. Because everyone learned their lesson when they opposed him in Civil War. The team is stronger when Tony gets to be in charge.

Instead of Tony ever having to take real responsibility for any of his past actions, Tony in Endgame is presented as coping better than Steve, Tasha, and Thor, who are all mocked and told that they need to “move on” or “pull themselves together” or, more subtly, “reproduce if you can.” The team come to him begging for him to help save 1/2 the life in the universe which he turns down because he’s discovered all he needed to be whole was to be a father.

Even after the HYDRA/SHIELD mess in CATWS, which involved his Technolegacy from dad, Tony tries to replicate the HYDRA idea, but improved as his own. When it all goes to hell, he buys his way out of his copycat disaster with actual money (!) and by cooperating with the Feds, selling out friends and colleagues with anti-Fascist concerns all along in the process.

In Endgame, rather than be concerned about HYDRA’s success if they mess up the past timeline, it’s played for jokes and for Tony to have a sweet memory with his neglectful, womanizer father, getting a makeover here so Tony can finally resolve his dad issues, now that he’s a father himself.

Which brings me to Tasha, a victim of brainwashing and extreme abuse, sacrificing her life in Endgame so Clint can get his family back and have manpain fodder and co-opt Tasha’s red ledger (now with racism!) for his own tv show. She gets no funeral not even a memorial, not even a word from Nick Fury on screen who shows up to Tony’s funeral.

Tony, who hit on Tasha in her first MCU appearance (as celebrated womanizers do) but has now finally proved his maturity by settling down and having a child with Pepper and being a substitute father to Peter (because Marvel handed off Uncle Ben’s role to RDJ to shoehorn him into Spider-Man).

Childless Tasha, as this movie subtly reminds us again, gets manpain reactions to her sacrifice, but she is expendable because she doesn’t have a REAL family to look after like Tony or Clint. She also dies earlier in the film because like every other character besides Tony in this movie, no one can be allowed to upstage Tony in his final moment of sacrifice, the only one worthy of wielding god-like power (because he finally became a parent).

The message of Endgame is that the person that ultimately saved the universe aren’t the women and MOC that remained vigilant when the world fell apart walking on a tightrope of grief and chaos. It was the rich white capitalist whose legacy was creating better tech weapons he could control, that always has everyone’s best interests at heart. Who needs the help of all the women and POC (and that one gay guy with no name in Steve’s support group) to come together under his brilliant leadership so he can do what must be done.

What a great American hero for our time, right? And don’t forget, that it’s okay to “rest” once you have a mini me to pass your obscene wealth onto like all good olicharcal capitalists do. Legacy!

[buckybarnesbingo]

BBB Week 22 Roundup!  Go give our fabulous creators some love!

Title: Choose your destiny Collaborator: Kalee60 Link: AO3 Square Filled: K3 - Abandonment Issues Ship: Stucky Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Shrinkyclinks, Explicit Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Light Angst Summary: Steve Rogers had been waiting for his soulmate for a lifetime. And was still waiting. Actually, he was sick of waiting, if they didn’t want to find him, that was their business, but he couldn’t wait around any longer. Not when a cute guy just moved into his apartment block that he wanted to get to know better. Bucky Barnes had spent his adult life trying to find his soulmate, and although he didn’t want to give up on his one true partner, it was disheartening. He was starting to think that maybe he should take Natasha’s advice and meet new people. Like the cute guy in the apartment block he’d just moved in to. In a world where your soulmate’s vision is overlaid on yours at different times, and finding them can prove tricky, will two weary men whose other halves seemed impossible to locate, find something together instead? And what happens when their soulmates seem to be closer than either of them expected? Word Count: 4241

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Title: Unusual You Collaborator: abitnotgoodiebag Link: AO3 Square Filled: K5 - surprise dancing Ship: BuckySam Rating: Mature Major Tags: homophobia, minor violence, semi-public sex (ish) Summary: Maybe he’s not even human, ‘cause only an angel can be so unusual. He’s a sweet surprise, Sam could get used to. Word Count: 7506

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Title: I Had A Plan Collaborator: avidreader6 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: K2 - I Had A Plan Ship: BuckySam Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Getting together, minor smut, mission fic, nsfw gif inspired, sexual content Summary: Sam and Bucky get together after a mission gone sideways Word Count:745

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Title: Guarding You - Chapter 1: En Garde Collaborator: Fighting_for_Creativity Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y2 - Bodyguard Ship: WinterIronHusband Rating: Explicit Major Tags: AU Bodyguard, AU College/University, College Student Tony Stark, College Student Rhodey, Bodyguard Bucky Barnes, Fluff, Angst, Happy Ending, Dorks in love, Falling In Love, Fade to black sex, slices of life, Mention of alcohol, creep tries to creep on Tony, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Pining, Minor Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau/Nick Fury, mentioned dog, betrayal, Violence, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Injury Recovery, Clint Barton Trolls People Summary: As Tony Stark always managed to get rid of the bodyguards Howard sends, the older Stark decided to try a different agency, one he knew had specialized bodyguards.The man he ends up hiring seems competent enough.James "Bucky" Barnes gets a job which leads him back to college. He might or might not gets into trouble with his neighbors Tony Stark and Rhodey Rhodes.And those troubles might lead to something neither of the three could have anticipated. Word Count: 2585

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Title: Afterglow Collaborator: trekchik Link: Tumblr Square Filled: U4 - KINK: AFTERCARE Ship: Stucky Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content Summary: Steve basks in a little aftercare. Word Count: 347

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Title: [Art] Bingo Clusterfuck - Chapter 6: fire away Collaborator: Call_Me_Kayyyyy Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y1 - Soulmate Ship: Stucky Rating: Explicit Major Tags: art, sexual content Summary: You're born with the outline of your soulmark but the color doesn't fill in till you meet your soulmate. Not everyone is born with a soulmark, Bucky never had a soul mark before hydra got their hands on him, and it didn’t matter because he never expected to find love no matter how well his recovery went. Steve was born with the faded shape of a star on his right shoulder, being sickly his whole life he never imagined he’d live long enough to meet his soulmate anyway.One day coming out of a coffee shop Steve slammed into the other person going through the door and landed on his ass, his coffee unsalvageable. The massive guy he crashed into, who felt more like metal than muscle, reached his hand out to help Steve up. The second he gripped Bucky Barnes hand the skin of his soulmark began to itch and fill in red. They got to know each other fast, and though neither of them felt like they deserved the other, they just couldn’t stand to be apart. Steve felt safe, and Bucky felt needed, and they both felt seen for who they really are.No one can quite explain how and why this happened but no one can deny it either, Steve and Bucky were just means to be.

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Title: family man Collaborator: jurassicworjd Link: AO3 Square Filled: C4 - Meeting The Family Ship: BuckySam Rating: Gen Major Tags: fluff  Summary: Sam has always been a family man, and Bucky’s heard so many wonderful stories about his family. Sam suggests Bucky comes with him to meet them on his next visit, but just the thought of meeting new people gives Bucky anxiety. Word Count: 2334

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Title: Iron Dad Collaborator: hddnone Link: Tumblr Square Filled: C4 - reunion Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: Humor, fluff, interrupting kids Summary: Bucky just wants to sex up his boyfriend after a long day, but Tony being the Team Dad to the next generation makes that difficult. Word Count: 887

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Title: Life is a Circus Collaborator: jamesbuckystark Link: Tumblr Square Filled: B3 - Occupational Hazard Ship: WinterIronHawk Rating: Mature Major Tags: Violence, Animal attack, Blood and gore Summary: The Avengers as a found family of circus performers Word Count: 1408

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Title: [Podfic] Marvel: Internet War - Chapter 1 Collaborator: shadow-ravin Link: AO3 Square Filled: U2 - Peter Parker Ship: Stucky Rating: Not Rated Major Tags: podfic,  Bucky Barnes Returns, BAMF Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes-centric, US History teachers are so fucking done with this shit, Coming Out, Boys In Love, Steven Grant Rogers’ Star Spangled Ass, Kamala Khan is such a fangirl, Jewish Bucky Barnes, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Podfic, Podfic Length: 0-10 Minutes Summary: Podfic of Marvel: Internet War by Lasgalendil Author's summary: Bucky Barnes vs. The Internet

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Title: [Art] Bingo Clusterfuck - Chapter 7: Well you're a real tough cookie Collaborator: call-me-kayyyyy Link: Tumblr Square Filled: U5 - Surveillance Ship: Stucky Rating: Explicit Major Tags: art, Shield Agent Bucky & Steve, Burlesque, surveillance, USO Outfits Summary: Steve and Bucky are S.H.E.I.L.D. agents on a fact finding mission about an "enhanced" individual. They're known to frequent this burlesque club, so the boys donned some USO themed costumes and put on their best star-spangled tease. They end the night with leads on the suspect's abilities and associates, a couple of crisps dollar bills, and more than few phone numbers. They start packing up, knowing they have reports to file before the night is over. Bucky turns to Steve and asks, "So your keeping the outfit right?" Steve responds with nothing but a smirk as he heads toward the door, he was already planning on holding on to them both!

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Title: Guarding You - Chapter 2: Guard Your Heart Collaborator: Fighting_for_Creativity, Purple_ducky00 Link: AO3 Square Filled: B1 - Thirst (for Fighting_for_Creativity) Ship: WinterIronWar Rating: Explicit Major Tags: AU Bodyguard, AU College/University, College Student Tony Stark, College Student Rhodey, Bodyguard Bucky Barnes, Fluff, Angst, Happy Ending, Dorks in love, Falling In Love, Fade to black sex, slices of life, Mention of alcohol, creep tries to creep on Tony, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Pining, Minor Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau/Nick Fury, mentioned dog, betrayal, Violence, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Injury Recovery, Clint Barton Trolls People Summary: Bucky complains about his job and realizes that he might have a crush on a certain genius. But that was impossible, right? Word Count: 9906

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Title: You Promised Me! Collaborator: queen-of-the-avengers Link: Tumblr Square Filled: B4 - image prompt Ship: Bucky/Reader, Steve/Reader Rating: Not Rated Major Tags: love triangle (kind of), the snap, angst Summary: You and Bucky were like two peas in a pod. You two loved each other more than anything in the whole world… then the snap happened, and you spent five years without him in your life. During that time, you grew closer to Steve and learned to fall in love him. Now, everyone who died because of the snap is back, and Bucky doesn’t know you and Steve are now a thing. Who will you choose? Bucky or Steve? Word Count: 2.6k

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Title: Aria in B♭ - Chapter 5 Collaborator: 27dragons, tisfan Link: AO3 Square Filled: fisfan, Y5 - Accidental Feelings Ship: WinterIron Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content, attempted rape/noncon Summary: Lord Stark has his faults -- a bit too fond of a drink, a little too reckless at cards, and entirely too happy to flout his good fortune in his rivals’ faces. But a man as wealthy and powerful as Tony Stark is bound to have a few peccadillos. What he is not, is the sort of man who would force himself upon another unwilling, unlike Lord Killian, who seems to have taken a particular shine to an opera singer in the troupe Killian is hosting. Tony rescues Mr. Barnes from Killian’s untender mercies, moves the troupe into his own home, and takes Mr. Barnes as his bed companion for the season. The arrangement provides protection for Bucky and the troupe from Killian’s spite, and tweaks Killian at the same time -- a win all around, as far as Tony is concerned. He wasn’t counting on Bucky being so utterly charming and wonderful, or for the possibility that he might actually, after so many years a bachelor, fall in love. Word Count: 18,803

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Title: [Art] Bingo Clusterfuck - Chapter 8: Put up you dukes Collaborator: call-me-kayyyyy Link: Tumblr Square Filled: K2 - Rifle Ship: Stucky Rating: Explicit Major Tags: art, sexual content, airport, sex toys, tsa agent, weapons Summary: A TSA agent is taking apart Bucky’s carry on with indescribable look on her face. Something between rage, confusion, and pure joy. “Mr. Barnes how exactly would you explain this,” holding up a rubber phallus that was borderline terrifying.

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Title: I Was Cold Collaborator: trekchik Link: Tumblr Square Filled: B5 - Intercrural Ship: Stucky Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content Summary: Bucky wakes up cold and Steve is a convenient heater. Word Count: 697

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Title: [Art] Bingo Clusterfuck - Chapter 9: Knock me down, it's all in vain Collaborator: call-me-kayyyyy Link: Tumblr Square Filled: C1 - Nightmares Ship: Stucky Rating: Mature Major Tags: nightmares, friends with benefits, cuddles Summary: Bucky has a nightmare so bad it breaks Steves heart to see him in so much pain. “Sorry you had to see that Stevie, they’ve been a lot better lately.” “This happens a lot?” “Yeah but it’s better when I’m with you” “Well I’m not going anywhere pal.” Steve says while cradling Bucky’s head to his chest.

[thegoldenavenger]

Hmm, i was thinking about that fusion au post (that "full on steven universe fusion soulmate" post) and,, well. Fuck the word block limit. anyways i wrote this in three hours from like 1 am to 4am so it’s not beta’d and possibly fever-dream ish. this is around 4k. and has a readmore.

Tony gets a bit of a reputation. He's maybe a little too young when he goes to MIT, and too eager to learn and grow. Up to this point he'd been pretty isolated from those he could call peers and fusing with parents just never happened.

But at MIT, well.

He had maybe fused a lot.

Once or twice, unintentionally at parties where everyone was plastered and fusion was as natural as stepping in time with the next beat. He'd always been an adaptable kind of person, it was easy to fall in sync. He'd wanted to, badly. He'd wanted to be a part of something more than himself.

These times often ended with bewildered laughter and too many limbs overbalancing their awkward new body, and falling away from each other, no harm no foul. Snatched moments where Tony didn't have to be stuck, alone, in his own head.

There were times he fused deliberately. Clasping hands with Rhodey in his apartment, grinning to the low bass of his sound system as they embraced each other and became each other. Luxuriating in late night drives in Rhodey's car, deciding what gas station snacks he wanted--or no, a 24 hour diner! He loves those homefries.

Or when Tony met Ru and his hands shook so, so much when she grinned at him underneath a maple tree but he took the step forward anyways and they walked along the river side, peering into the water at their reflection. Their hair curled around them, textured differently, held a different length than they expected but they liked it. They liked a lot of things. Relearning Rumiko's elegant motorbike was one of those things.

There's Ty, and Janet, and Gene. He's not indiscriminate, but rumours fly as they are wont to do. And then some pap catches the moment Tony and Ty become one, and. Well. Tony doesn't necessarily care, but Ty does. And when his father finds out, Howard is furious.

Still, Tony can't find it in himself to change. He steps perfectly with Sunset when she asks. It's so easy to get lost in her eyes. And maybe it's weird how together she’s so... limbed, and her voice feels like gravel in their mouths. But she’s having fun, even if she seems distracted by the papers Tony had left out.

Sunset cashes in on Tony's blueprint barely a week later.

He gets it, he does. There's a reason people wait for The One. Incompatible fusions can be dangerous. He understands that.

But he doesn't want to be, you know, himself for this Christmas. With the Rhodes on vacation and him stuck in a cold manor. Only his parents for conversation. Good ol' Obie takes some kind of pity on him, because he invites old friend Ty over for Tony's sake. And just like old times he manages to bully his way through the dinner.

He's in Tony's room, because he's not fit for public, after the dinner. He drinks and has a party of just himself, while Tony's parents drive to some fancy gala.

For some reason he's gelling more than usual, the swirling anxieties in his minds complementing even though he has too sharp teeth and eyes too many.

It's not great when Obie knocks on Tony's door and says a set of words that has half of himself blanking out. His shape gets wobbly, and he spills apart. Tony's too numb to sync with anyone anymore.

Later he'll over think this moment. If he hadn't been fused, he might've gone with his mother and dad. Been there for the accident. Maybe he'd be driving instead. Maybe he could've stopped it.

He stopped fusing for a time. His reputation never left him, but stepping up to helm the Stark business meant he had to change. There was no more room for something more than just Tony Stark.

The less said about his captivity the better.

He thinks they broke him.

He thinks that when they scooped out his chest they took the part of him that could sync, that let him become a them.

He thinks that, because when Rhodey clasps his arms around him and their foreheads touch, Tony should stop being Tony and start being Them. He and Rhodey had long grown out of having to dance to sync. Just the emotion ought to be enough and God knows Tony is feeling it.

Anyways.

So Tony never loses that reputation. It makes it awkward when he won't fuse with the team.

"It's not you," he says, and it must feel like the most cliche of cliches. "Except for you, big guy, it’s definitely you." Hulk gets a gentle pat though, because honestly, Tony would pick Hulk over the rest of the team to fuse with if he could. SHIELD would quake at the thought, and that's almost tempting enough to try.

The rest of the team is seamless with their fusions. Even Steve, who had given up his dream of waiting for The One with a 70 year ice nap and a resigned look, and excepting Thor, whose people didn't Work Like That.

Tony doesn't--can't--doesn't fuse anymore.. But he watches. The graceful arc Nat's body makes as Clint lifts her and they shimmer into a large, deadly, graceful fusion. Strong limbed and silent as they stalk through the battlefield.

Steve hurling his shield and catching Hulk's hand, the two of them seeming more to force themselves together like two cement walls colliding. And they aren't anything as graceful as Black Hawk Down over there, leaping across rooftops, but they catch Steve's shield and remember not squash all the cars in their way.

Tony has JARVIS in his ear, Iron Man wrapped around him closer than an embrace. He likes to say Iron Man is his fusion, and in a way it is; it's the closest he'll ever get to syncing with JARVIS--or anyone, now.

Watching Captain America's face as he sees a piece of his past walk into his life again shifts something in Tony's chest. (Of course he recovered the footage from the helicarriers)

Tony is surprised they don't fuse the moment Bucky's fist hits Steve's cheek.

He thinks Steve is surprised as well.

Tony thinks he can't fuse anymore. But there's no reason Bucky shouldn't be able to. Natasha is almost exact proof of that concept. But for some reason, Bucky and Steve haven't fused once. Even now, that Bucky's nominally an Avenger. Tony has seen Sam and Steve's fusion fall apart more than once even when they'd start out strong.

Steve's guilt throwing them out of wack, Tony would guess, but he's not an expert on fusing.

"Neither am I," Pepper says, long suffering as Tony bats a perpetual motion gadget on her desk. He looks into her liquid blue eyes. If he'd met her earlier he'd know the rhythm she would move in and how best to compliment it. He thinks, if he'd met her in college he'd have fallen into fusion as often with her as he had with Rhodey.

He's a little melancholy at the fact that he'll never know what they could be as a them. He likes to imagine they'd be as competent as the super spies, but for some reason he thinks they'd turn out more like the Hulk.

He tries not to think about Rhodey and Pepper determinedly not touching, like accidentally fusing in his presence would be a crime. Like they don't think he could handle them. Like they thought he should be a part of them.

"Yeah, but you have all those romance novels hiding on your shelves--"

"They aren't hiding, and if you think comparing Steve and James' situation to a book where everything can be solved with a little lucid dreaming--"

"That's it!"

"What--no, that's not what I said!"

"You're a genius, Potts!"

And Tony gets to work.

The glasses reframe past events so your present mind can work on getting closure from them.

Bucky is hesitant at first.

"They're mostly safe--"

"Mostly?" Bucky asks, his mouth held in a resigned, bemused little quirk.

"I've tested them myself, just a little mild nausea and headaches--yes mostly, this is bleeding edge right here. You have to expect the bleeding part to come in somewhere." A pause. "Metaphorical bleeding. Or cathartic bleeding, I guess."

Bucky asks for some time to think about it.

The next time they talk about it, it's like no time has passed. "It's immersive, but there's a hard stop motion involved. It can be cut off at any time, immediately, with little more repercussion than a headache."

"Immersive?"

"Well, what's the point of reliving trauma if you're not interacting with it at a 120 refresh rate?"

Bucky shakes his head. But he has that little amused despite himself smile.

Steve asks for updates and progress reports and generally floats around like a mother hen. He's nervous but eager, asks if he can be involved, if that would help, he's always there to help.

Tony says that Nat will probably be helping Bucky since she has an exceptional frame of reference for this, and a relationship with Bucky to boot.

"I don't mind Natasha, but I want you there, too."

It surprises both of them that Bucky means Tony and not Steve.

The first session with the retroframing device is more like a sleep over. Tony is using it, to demonstrate how it works with a relatively low chance of running into something heavily traumatizing for a dry run.

"I love the guy, it's just, hard, to focus on this stuff when he's right there."

"Feels like too much pressure to get it right?"

Bucky humms so Natasha says, "It feels like getting it right would almost be worse than how it is right now?"

Bucky shakes his head, then nods.

"I remember what he does, mostly, but it's so much farther away from me. I don't love him less but I've changed. And I think... even if this works I'll still be changed and he won't know how to deal with that."

"He might think you still need to be fixed, even when you're fine," Tony says, as he watches a younger him walk across a red lacquered bridge.

"I don't want to disappoint him, but what if I've just. Changed too much. What if we're too different now?"

The Tony from his memory pauses at the end of the bridge as a gust of wind blows plum tree petals across him. He reaches out but doesn't catch any.

"He'll get over it," Natasha says, straight forward as ever, the corner of her mouth lifted.

"Friends are good like that," Tony says.

Behind them, the rev of a motorcycle peals into the scene, disturbing the quiet of the blossoms and the other Tony, leaning against the bridge. The bike brakes in front of Tony, and the rider pulls off her helmet. The passenger doesn't have a helmet.

"Sorry Tony, I had to crash your date," Tyberius says, grinning as he holds Rumiko's waist.

"His father called," Rumiko said, her eyes rolling. But all three of them knew about fathers.

The other Tony wrinkled his nose, but waved them off, "Yeah, yeah. Next you'll be telling me you're working late and you can't come home." He pouted, in character, as Rumiko revved her bike.

"You'd never buy it," Ru laughed, "You know I don't work!"

The memory dissolved around them as Tony lifted the glasses off his face.

Tony and Nat and Bucky work together well. On the field and in the lab, where they help walk Bucky through his past and help him reclaim it.

It's not any surprise when, halfway through a seemingly innocuous memory of The Winter Soldier learning ballet Bucky and Natasha fuse. Almost unintentionally, but with an elegance that Tony almost misses it completely.

The environment glitches--the glasses unsure how to deal with this--before settling on a semi fragmented repetition of the current scene. The culmination of Bucky and Nat, blinking confusedly at her hands, repeated endlessly.

She take off the glasses, study herself and say, "it's been so long."

So Bucky can fuse. Steve recoeves the news with restrained glee, but he doesn't push to get a punch on Bucky's new dance card. He seems happy enough that Bucky is on the metaphorical upswing.

Knowing Bucky is taking care of himself seems to help Steve take care of himself too. He no longer stumbles out of step in battle, and holds his battle fusion with sam for longer than strictly necessary.

"You're an indescriminate, selfish piece of work!" Steve had said when he and Tony had first met. "You'd throw yourself at anything that moves as long as your life isn't on the line!"

Tony hadn't been thinking of it then, because the scepter had been pushing him into focusing more of the red hot feeling of, "You don't know anything, times have changed cap! But I guess an ice nap will do that to you, even if you are a super soldier." but with time as a buffer Tony can now wonder what SHIELD had been showing Steve.

"You want to talk big but can you back it up?"

"You wanna fight? Of course you do, that's all you were made for."

"Put on the suit."

"What, tired of looking at me?"

"I'm going to punch you and I'd rather fall out of this plane then touch you."

Steve had apologized. Tony doesn't know what prompted it, because Tony hadn't changed his attitude after diving into a worm hole, but Steve had gripped his hand, solidly. There hadn't been music playing but Tony doesn't think that would've stopped him.

Steve had certainly put a lot of effort into showing Tony that he definitely didn't mind touching him, even when the risk of fusing was high.

Something that had unseated itself when the scepter had been playing games edged back into place.

"This is going to be rough," Natasha said.

"Can't be rougher than seeing the Red Room," Tony said, expecting Natasha's husky laugh. Instead, she was frowning.

Bucky--memory Bucky, the Winter Soldier--was gearing up for something.

Bucky--the now Bucky--watched with furrowed brow.

The Iron Man suit was a prosthetic of a sort, but not the kind that would be able to replace a limb. Tony had to reach out to a dozen consultants to get the frameture right. To figure out how to counterbalance weight and friction.

Bucky had been hesitant to accept a new arm, and Tony found himself unwilling to push it. But it sure made latching onto Steve's shirt before he jumped off a building without a parachute again a lot easier.

The Winter Soldier revved the motorbike and cut through the cold night air, headlight lighting the way.

"What, what's worse than handcuffed little girls?" Tony asked, a little alarmed.

"He didn't tell you?"

The data drop was huge, and Tony had JARVIS scrape for every piece of data he could. He helped Barton coordinate rescue efforts for agents with blown covers.

It helped him put in a framework for a location program that would be ready by the time Steve reached out to him.

Seeing Steve's face as a piece of his past walks into his life again wrenches something in Tony's chest. Like a chance, or a choice.

The Winter Soldier turns down a road. The road. Tony blinks.

"What--" he knows this road.

Nat turns her head sharply and starts forward. "Bucky! нет--"

"Thank you," Steve says, which surprises Tony because it's not like he's stopped being an asshole all this time. He's still Tony. But helping Steve help Bucky slots something into place.

Tony crashes Rhodey's whatever it was he had planned to whine at him, and generally be relieved that Rhodey is there to whine at. He finds himself thinking, thank God it was me and not him. Tony doesn't envy Steve.

There's a car that the motorcycle is fast approaching. It speeds up, and the Winter Soldier reaches out and

The world dissolves as Nat shouts нет again and Bucky takes off the glasses, wincing hard.

Tony is still. "I know that road--I--" he stops.

"I mean it, Tony. Thanks for bringing him home."

Tony can't find the words to respond, he's too busy hyperfocusing on one word: home.

It's taken years. This is the first time any of the avengers has referred to the tower as "home".

Tony's had a couple homes. His Malibu cliffside mansion, where he and Pepper and Happy hide out. This tower. The pent house suite in Japan with Ru, even after the scandalous photosin the gossip rags. Rhodey's house, and Roberta's cooking. And, despite everything, the manor Fifth Avenue and all it's ghosts.

"That was my father's car," Tony says, harshly.

"I thought he told you," Natasha puts herself between Tony and Bucky, like Tony is the threat here.

"Told him what?" Bucky asks and Natasha's eyes wince a little.

"My parents were in that car!" Tony's voice is a little hysterical.

Captivity hadn't made Tony paranoid though it hadn't helped any. Papparazzi, paid spies. Sunset Bain using fusion to get his plans. Tyberius Stone filling binders with photos documenting Tony's life for profit.

His father didn't take care of much besides his business and his cars. The wreck had seemed fishy.

The Iron Man suit started out as a Frakenstein of misisle parts and sheet metal, but now he had a gauntlet in a watch.

"My mother was in that car!"

At some point, Steve had been alerted.

Tony can't beat Natasha in a fair fight. That's just a fact. But he doesn't think about that as his watch unfurls around his hand. She's not expecting it, clearly--she'd written narcissist not paranoid--because he can push her away with it's strength.

Bucky shakes his head, "I don't--I don't know, what," but he's not stupid either, he can put together the peices.

Steve can't be heard through the reinforced glass, and JARVIS is reluctant to let him in. He starts punching.

Tony reaches Bucky, who raises and arm. It's barely a fight. Even with the gauntlet, Tony built Bucky's arm too well. Tony just needs to get under his gaurd though, and he clenches his gauntleted hand in Bucky's shirt, and Bucky starts trying to pry it off.

Tony doesn't know where Natasha is but that matters less than nothing to him as he rears back his right fist and punches Bucky square on the jaw.

Glass shatters.

There's a moment where Tony and Bucky meet eyes, where they inhale the same breath. Fear and loathing and raw anger flush in their hearts and they may as well be stepping to the same song and

they stop being Tony and Bucky

And start being They.

Their hair falls in their eyes and they don't move for the longest time, heart rate slowing as they heave breaths.

Irrationally their first thought is "there's no way I'm going by Bony." It sends a wave of laughter through them, startling their friends.

"Bucky?"

"Tony?"

Come two voices, cautiously.

"Starchanan." They--he? Yeah, he.--says.

"Of course." That's Natasha's wry humor.

"What happened?" That's Steve, standing in a pile of reinforced glass, his knuckles bloody.

Starchanan focuses on that and frowns. He's mad about that. Not only should the glass have stopped Steve--Steve shouldn't have been using his knuckles in the first place, the dumb ass is incapable of not hurting himself when there's a door right there.

Natasha faces Steve. "I thought you told Tony!"

Steve's face lifts in surprise, shock, dismay. Starchanan decides he doesn't want to hear what he has to say.

It's been literal decades since Tony has fused and Bucky isn't all that practiced anymore either. But fusion is always a conversation and they both know how to talk.

Starchanan isn't as tall as Black Hawk Down--is that what I call them? Yeah, it's funnier than Clintasha--but he is built like a shit brick house.

Bucky's arm must have--

Tonys electronics got--

He's got some fancy equipment straight from the box. Shining palms wired to a glowing heart--that's all Tony. There's a heaviness in his shoulders and when he investigates it, it feels like there's a structure underneath--that's gotta be Bucky's fault.

"It's to help with recoil," he says aloud, cautiously. "Without it, 'd probably dislocate my arms using these." Saying it outloud feels better. Like it's truer.

He looks in the mirror. He looks surprisingly stable for a fusion made after discovering a murder. He should probably call someone.

"Rhodey, Pepper." He says immediatly, then winces. Then shrugs. He'd feel bad for leaning too much on Tony's friends, but he doesn't want to see Bucky's.

"This is..." Pepper starts.

"Unexpected?" Rhodey finishes.

"Yeah," Starchanan agrees.

Rhodey shakes his head, "You're really going with Starchanan?"

"Are you saying you're voting for Bony?" He asks, incredulously.

"I was thinking Winter Man sounded nice," Pepper said from behind a smile.

"Iron Winter," Rhodey tried.

"The Man Winter," Starchanan added.

It was a distraction but it was a nice one.

Now that he knew he could do it, he kind of was overwhelmed with a desire to fuse with his friends. The people he had spent the last years, months, days getting to know (again). But he wasn't done with this conversation yet, so he walked through the halls of Avengers Tower and talked.

"Eh, I'm practical." Clint says, pressing buttons on the remote, opening menus, closing them, shaking the remote in frustration. "You know, someone says fetch I fetch, someone says shoot I shoot."

Starchanan grabs the remote from Clint's hand and turns the captions on for him. "Someone says kill the enemy spy, you drag her in from the cold."

"Like I said, practical."

"Betty would've stayed with me, but I was too afraid." Bruce says. "I didn't know what would happen if I lost control, or if we fused. Or if I lost control while fused--or fusing." He takes off his glasses and cleans them.

"She wasn't worried?" Starchanan asks, spinning himself around on a chair.

"She was worried I hated myself so much I'd do something about it."

"Did you?" He asks, though half of him knows the answer.

Bruce looks placidly at him, then smiles. "Yeah."

"How'd that work out for you?" He couldn't help the disgruntled frustration stirring in him.

"Surprisingly, that wasn't the healthiest thing I could've done."

Starchanan stops spinning to fold his hands on the island, and press he forehead to them. He made a noise like the spinning made him dizzy, but Bruce could see through it no doubt.

"But. I'm here now, and this is. A lot better than I'd ever let myself dream of before. Letting myself have it is hard, but worth it."

"I thought he had explained." Natasha said.

"You could've instead."

"It wasn't my secret."

"It shouldn't have been a secret."

She presses her lips together. Sighs. "I didn't want to be a reason Steve and Tony fought."

"We fight all the time."

She laughs. "A real fight--I don't like when mom and dad fight."

His mouth twitches. "You'd be a hell child."

"That's the only good kind."

"Sharing your entire being with another, without reservation, is truly a wonder." Thor said, grabbing another bag of popcorn.

"Little bit," he replied.

"What's it like? Jane had described it to me as a joining of two books. Reshuffled to make a new story."

Starchanan thought on that, but decided the metaphor didn't feel right for him. "For me--both of us--It's like a conversation."

"A good one?"

"It can be."

"What is your conversation about?"

He looks into the mirror. It's safety glass because Tony has a habit of punching his reflection. Starchanan understands the action, but feels no urge. His reflection is interesting, not frightening.

His face is even, with big eyes and heavy brows. His hair is wavey, soft, and curls around his ears.

His face is growing familiar.

"I'm sorry." Steve apologises. Of course he does.

"I don't think I forgive you."

"Will he? Will they?"

"You'll have to talk to them yourself." Starchanan says.

Steve nods, shoulders heavy and tense as Atlas. Starchanan doesn't resist the urge to punch Steve's shoulder. "Look, I don't forgive you. But we should talk anyways."

"I didn't think--"

"Not about that, we're, well. Not done. But we're moving on from that now."

"Then what do you want to talk about?"

"Hmm. Have you ever been on a road trip?" Starchanan asks, "There's a lot of places I haven't been."

Steve looks up, done wringing his hands. "I might be able to help with that."

[tchalla-rogers]

stubborn as a stark

avengers x stark!reader

masterlist 

8,795 words

strictly based on infinity war. 

This was the first time that you went with Steve to his session. It had been five years since Thanos snapped his fingers and half of life on Earth had been wiped out. Even though Thor had aimed for the head like he was hoping for, it didn’t bring back anyone. So, now you sit in this room full of strangers listening to their stories about life after Thanos. Steve prompted you to speak up but you kept quiet the entire time continuing to listen to how these people are trying to move on.

One man told the story of how he was on a date and broke down and his date broke down. “That’s great. You did the hardest part. You took the jump, you didn’t know where you were gonna come down. And that’s it. That’s those little brave baby steps you gotta take. To try and become whole again. To try and find purpose-,” Steve began. You suddenly felt the urge to cut him off which caused the room to finally look at you for the first time in the therapy session. You looked in the corner of your eyes and saw Steve had raised his eyebrows.

“Steve went in the ice in ‘45 right after he met the love of his life. Woke up 70 years later. We gotta move on…gotta move on. The world is in our hands. It’s left to us guys and we have to do something with it. Otherwise…Thanos should’ve killed us all.”

***

You sat in the room with Natasha as she talked with Rhodey, Okoye, Rocket, Nebula and Carol. Natasha knew you probably weren’t paying attention to what they were discussing, even though it might’ve been about Clint. It always was. Yet, your mind had drifted to your dad, wherever he may be. The last time you saw him was when he was found in space with Nebula. He didn’t talk to you and didn’t even look your way. But, you hoped and never felt like moving on.

The sound of Natasha crying didn’t even enter your ears, but you only noticed her when you looked up to see Steve walking in. “You know I’d offer to cook you dinner but you both seem pretty miserable already.”

“You here to do your laundry?” you joked, which she hadn’t done in a while.

Steve sighed. “To see my friends.” This caused you to raise your eyebrow. You always saw Steve as something more than a friend. Maybe it was the fact that you had been more than quiet recently. Your dad had been missing after Thanos’ snap and you thought he was more than likely dead. Steve and you were both so close to each other but the dread of wondering if Tony was dead seemed to take over. Your strong bond seemed to drift more apart and any hopes of being in any romantic relationship dwindled. Even when Carol had found Tony and your dad didn’t even feel like talking to you. Steve still took care of you and cared about your wellbeing, but you never felt like leaving the tower half of the time.

“Clearly, your friends are fine,” you whispered, grabbing the peanut butter sandwich you were sharing with Natasha on the table and taking a bite.

“You know I saw a pod of whales when I was coming up the bridge.”

“In the Hudson?” Natasha questioned.

“There’s fewer ships, cleaner water…”

“You know, if you’re about to tell me to look on the bright side. Um… I’m about you to hit you in the head with a peanut butter sandwich,” Natasha smirked and the feeling in the room definitely lifted. Steve sat down in the chair near you and smiled at you. You once again looked away and your mind wandered off as Natasha and Steve continued to chat. What brought you back was the sound of someone yelling for help on the camera footage that had just popped up in front of you three.

“Is this an old message?” you asked, staring inquisitively.

“It’s the front gate.”

***

“Have either of you ever studied Quantum Physics?” Scott Lang, or Ant-Man, stood in front of you guys. You remember him fighting on Steve’s side during the battle over the Sokovia Accords. Honestly, you had forgotten about him after everything. There was so much going on with Thanos that Ant-Man had completely skipped your mind.

“Alright. So… five years ago, right before Thanos, I was in a place called the Quantum Realm. The Quantum Realm is like its own microscopic universe. To get in there, you have to be incredibly small. Hope, she’s my…she was my…she was supposed to pull me out. And then Thanos happened, and I got stuck in there,” Scott explained frantically.

You felt bad for him, mainly because you forgot about his existence for the past five years. “I’m sorry. That must’ve been a very long five years,” you stated.

“Yeah, but that’s just it. For me, it was five hours,” Scott said. Steve, Natasha, and you looked at each other bewildered by what Scott said. “See, the rules of the Quantum Realm aren’t like they are up here. Everything is unpredictable. Is that anybody’s sandwich? I’m starving.”

“I mean…yes-,” Nat had slapped your arm in the process of you almost getting mad that he was eating your sandwich. “Ow! What? That’s my sandwich!”

Steve ignored your friend banter and continued on with the conversation. “Scott, what are you talking about?”

“What I’m saying is, time works differently in the Quantum Realm. The only problem is right now, we don’t have a way to navigate it. But what if we did? I can’t stop thinking about it. What if, we could somehow control the chaos, and we could navigate it? What if there was a way to enter the Quantum Realm at a certain point in time but then exit at another point in time? Like… Like before Thanos.”

You smirked, knowing he what he was most definitely talking about. “So, a time machine?”

“No. No, of course not. No, not a time machine. It’s more like a… Yeah, a time machine. I know it’s crazy. But I can’t stop thinking about it. There’s gotta be some way… no, it’s crazy.”

“Nat gets emails from a damn raccoon and my dad was stuck on some ship shaped like a donut being flown by Squidward. Nothing sounds crazy anymore, Scott,” you reassured him.

Scott nodded, knowing they agreed with what he wanted to do. “So who do we go to about this?” You saw Steve and Natasha look at you, knowing exactly who to go to. It definitely was someone you wanted to see, but you didn’t know if they would want to see you.

***

Steve, Natasha, Scott, and you pull up to your dad’s house. You knew about Morgan Stark, your own baby sister. Pepper had told you about her when she would call and you would actually answer. At first, you felt as if your dad would never love you again and definitely not now. Then you grew to love your baby sister even though you never met her and you were also sure Tony wouldn’t bring you up to her.

It’s when he’s walking in the front of the house that he finally notices you four walking up. You see that he doesn’t want to be a part of this discussion, especially when Scott is explaining his plan about Quantum Physics. Your dad tears down the plan immediately and you remain quiet as the other three are speaking. You aren’t even looking at him and appreciate the scenery around the house. It especially breaks your heart when Morgan runs to Tony to break the conversation.

“Mommy told me to come and save you,” Morgan admits as Tony picks her up into his arms.

“Good job. I’m saved.” Tony looks so proud of his daughter and glances at you. “I wish you’d come here to ask me something else. Anything else. Honestly, I…I missed you guys, especially you Y/N. Oh, and table’s set for seven.”

You decide to speak up for the first time during this encounter. “Listen…Dad, I get it. I’m happy for you and want to rekindle our relationship, I really do. But this is a second chance. For us and everyone else who can’t be here right now.”

“I got my second chance right here, Y/N. I wanted you to be apart of it. I can’t roll the dice again. If you don’t talk shop, you can stay for lunch.”

The other three start to walk back to the car as your feet remain planted on the porch. You had missed your dad and not once had you thought he would want you to be apart of his second chance or his family. He’s had five years to try and do something, but I guess he had hoped you would do it first. You feel Steve place his hand on your arm as you glance over at him. “He’s scared,” you whisper.

“He’s not wrong,” Steve says, tucking a few strands of your hair behind your ear. He found this to be one of the things that could calm you down. “I think we’re going to need a really big brain if Tony doesn’t want in.”

You almost smirk, knowing who he is talking about.

***

Bruce sits across from you at all at a diner, chowing down on all of his food at the table. I think the absolute breaking point for your during this discussion was when Bruce decided to dab. Maybe half of Earth’s population was fucked at this point.

Tony was washing the dishes in the sink after Pepper, Morgan, and him just had dinner. He couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if you were sitting at the table with him. He grabbed his favorite photo of you and him, the happiest you two have probably ever been. He remembered Pepper had taken it. Morgan asked about you every single day since Tony had told her about you and was wondering when Tony would let her meet you. He didn’t want to bring up how he was waiting for you to come instead of bringing himself to you. He couldn’t help it; he was the most stubborn and he knew his daughters were the same.

So, he went to his computer after finishing the dishes. Tony knew his daughter wasn’t apart of the fallen but maybe if he finally finished what he was working on he could make you proud. Maybe you’d forget about the past five years…maybe. He randomly spewed out some words as for the past few years he couldn’t seem to figure out this device. Yet, now the model now was rendered.

He immediately rushed over to Pepper, not knowing how to bring up his model. He finally got his second chance and now he didn’t want to give it up. But he wanted Pepper to at least know after putting Morgan to bed.

“What? Wow…that’s amazing…and terrifying,” Pepper said after Tony had revealed that he had figured it out. At this moment, he was scared. The excitement dwindled away because he had a second chance and he didn’t want to let that go. Who knew what would happen if a few billion people came back to Earth? He definitely didn’t. He just knew he didn’t want to let this go or lose anyone else he loved in the process. “We got really lucky.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“A lot of people didn’t.”

Tony sighed almost like he didn’t want Pepper to admit that he should do this. “No, I can’t help everybody. I can barely rekindle a relationship with my own daughter. She probably thinks I never want to talk to her again and I miss her a lot more than she knows.”

“You can help people and yourself, with whatever happened with Y/N. You don’t even need this device to go to your daughter.”

“Not if I stop. I can put a pin in it right now and stop.”

“Tony, trying to get you to stop has been one of the few failures in my life,” Pepper jokes, wanting Tony to know that he was just what everyone in that compound needed. He smiled at her.

“I sometimes feel I should put it in a locked box and drop it at the bottom of a lake…go to bed.”

Pepper shook her head. “But would you be able to rest?”

“Okay, here we go. Time travel test Number One. Scott, fire up the uhh…van thing,” Bruce announced after you finally got him to join.

“Breakers are set. Emergency generators are on standby.”

“Good. Because if we blow the grid, I don’t wanna lose tiny here in the 1950’s,” responded Bruce which most definitely caused almost all of you to panic, mainly Scott.

You try to calm Scott down. “He’s kidding!” Natasha says something to Bruce quietly, probably telling him to watch what he says around Scott. By the time they’re done, Bruce states that Scott is ready to time travel. He says he’ll send Scott back a week. It’ll be for a few hours for him, but for the rest of you, it’ll be only a few seconds.

“Good luck, Scott. You got this.” You knew he was literally just going to walk around for a few hours, but hopefully, that’s actually what happens.

“You’re right. I do, Mrs. Captain America.”

“Wha-?” you started but Bruce had cut you off. “On the count of three! 3…2…1!” Bruce pressed the button to send Scott into the Quantum Tunnel. It was only a matter of seconds before Bruce pressed a button again to hopefully get him back. Instead of Scott, you’re met with some teenager in the same suit that Scott was sent in. What is happening?

“That…who is that?” Bruce continues to press multiple buttons, wondering who was this random teenager that showed up through the tunnel. “Hold on!”

“Is that Scott?” you question, looking over at Steve. The teenager assured you that yeah, he was Scott. Fuck. Bruce managed to send Teenager Scott back into the Quantum Tunnel, hoping that the older one would come back.

“Ow! My back!” an old man yelped, most definitely the older version of Scott.

“We’re fucked. We’re definitely fucked,” you mumbled, trying to find a solution. “Can you take off 40 years?”

“I’m working on it!” Bruce hollers, once again pressing more buttons. A baby appears.

“Bruce, I said 40 years, not his entire lifetime.”

“It’s Scott!” Bruce almost says excitedly, trying to defuse the situation.

“As a baby!” Steve added, knowing that this was definitely not going to help anyone come back.

“He’ll grow!”

“Bring Scott back.”

Bruce told Natasha to kill the power after pressing a few buttons repeatedly. This thankfully brought Scott back, but the look of defeat was on everyone’s faces except Bruce’s. You left the compound, groaning at the attempt that everyone in the room almost had hope for. Steve comes up behind you, rubbing your shoulder to try and soothe you. He somehow knew that they definitely needed Tony for this. Bruce was smart but more minds working together could only lead to a better outcome. “Look, we’ll get them back,” Steve voiced, making sure that you weren’t too upset by the defeat. “You got Mr. Captain America on your side.”

“Steve-,” you almost groaned from his attempt at a joke. He knew you were uncomfortable mentioning your past together. You wanted to work on Tony and you before you worked on trying to build back up what Steve and you had. It might bite you ass later on, but it’s what you wanted. And Steve respected that.

The sound of an expensive car speeding towards the compound has you both looking over. It drives too far past you both but then reverses. When the window rolls down, it’s your father. “Why the long face? Let me guess…he turned into a baby.”

“Among other things, yeah,” Steve answered, knowing you probably weren’t ready to talk. “What are you doing here?” Tony began to walk to the back of his car and explained why what they did went completely wrong. Honestly, you were attempting to listen but the nervousness of him being there was the only thing you were focusing on.

Tony pulled out a device. “A fully functioning time space GPS. I just want peace.” He holds up a peace sign, which almost sends your eyes to the back of your head. “Turns out resentment is corrosive, and I hate it.”

“Me too,” you whispered and you both made eye contact. He smirked in a way that only you would notice.

“We got a shot at getting these stones, but I gotta tell you my priorities. Bring back what we lost? I hope, yes. Keep what I got? I have to, at all costs. And…maybe not die trying will be nice.” You couldn’t imagine your father dying over something you had asked him to be apart and you knew you would try and stop it from happening. Although, stopping Tony was something that never worked. Steve and you both nodded your heads.

Tony reached into the back of his trunk, pulling out Steve’s shield. The smile on your face was something Tony had missed seeing over the past five years. “Tony, I don’t know…”

“Why? He made it for you. Plus, honestly, I have to get it out of the garage before Morgan takes it sledding.” Steve thanks him, grabbing the shield. “We’re getting the whole team, yeah?”

“We’re working on that right now.”

***

Bruce and Rocket had both offered to go to New Asgard as they attempted to get Thor back. Natasha was trying to get Clint back in Tokyo. Honestly, you had missed Thor’s excited and determined personality. You missed everyone. You sat in the kitchen, sipping on a cup of tea you had just made. It was scorching hot, just how you liked it. Behind you, you heard scuffling of feet getting closer to the table you sat at. The eyes that you looked at were Tony’s. “Hey…” he started, although not knowing exactly where to start.

“Dad.” That was the only thing you could think of saying after a few moments of silence. Nothing could prepare you for this conversation. As much as you had wanted to talk with your dad over the past five years, you never thought about what exactly to say.

“Honey-.”

“You know, Pepper called me more than you ever did. Actually, she was the only one who called me. And I cried to her countless times about how I missed my dad. We were worried sick after the snap when we didn’t know if you were dead or alive. And when you came off of that ship looking like hell, my heart broke. But…what…what hurt my heart, even more, was when you…you didn’t even look my way. And now my heart hurts, even more, knowing that for the past five years I’ve been without a dad. You didn’t give me an address, a number…nothing. Pepper had to do that for me.”

Tony definitely knew you weren’t angry. The only thing he heard in your voice was devastation. And he was hoping you would be more angry than sad. He always knew how to try and calm you down when you were raging angry or sad, but devastation over something he did was hard to think about. He never knew what to say over the past five years either, but he knew you were right. His stubbornness took over.

“Listen…for the first time, I don’t know what to say. I spent forever trying to figure out what to say when you came to my doorstep. And now I know I shouldn’t have waited.  I shouldn’t have blamed you. I was pissed, hell, I was furious when you picked Steve’s side during the Accords. I didn’t want my daughter to be seen as a criminal, I thought it was because you just loved him.” You knew Tony didn’t approve of your relationship with Steve, at first. He grew to be fine with it, but once you had told him that you weren’t signing the Accords, he tried to talk you out of it. He blamed Steve of all people. “It took me five years to realize that you have a mind of your own and you can make your own decisions, have your own opinions.”

“You should’ve realized that after you disapproved of what I wear for combat and I still wore it anyway.”

He smirked. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Tony reached across the table and grabbed your hand, something you missed over the last five years. Your dad’s presence was always something that could calm you down. Recently, it felt like that would never happen again but this moment proved different. “And as much as I don’t want you fighting this battle, I know you won’t listen. Trying to get you to stop has been one of the few failures in my life.”

***

Witnessing Thor drinking beer with a more than noticeable beer belly was sad to see. You couldn’t lie either. After the snap, so much resentment sent you into a battle with yourself. You continued to gain too much and lose too much weight and most days were spent laying in bed for hours not thinking about anything. Yet, watching Thor like this seemed almost worse than that. He blamed himself for the death of billions, for killing people he loved.

All of you were inside the Testing Chamber, wondering how this would go. Scott was dressed up in his time travel suit and already used one red vial of Pym Particles, leaving us with one test run left. “Alright. I’m not ready for this,” Scott admitted.

“I’ll do it,” you said, but Tony grabbed you by your arm. “Dad, I make my own decisions.”

Clint stepped up and shook his head. “No, I’m game. I’ll do it.” You retreated, almost angry at your dad trying to control your every move again. He probably should trust his device, but Tony didn’t fully.

“Wa-wait a second, let me ask you something. If we can do this, you know, go back in time, why don’t we just find baby Thanos, you know, and…” Rhodey suggested strangling a baby, which had you cringing just a bit.

“Wow…that’s disgusting,” you muttered, a disgusted look on your face.

“It’s Thanos.”

“Time doesn’t work that way. Changing the past doesn’t change the future.”

The boys continued discussing the stones and “ancient” movies that you barely watched. Bruce finally sent Clint into the Quantum Tunnel. It was only a few seconds before Bruce had signaled that he was bringing Clint back. When Clint came back, he was breathing heavily on the platform which sent Natasha running up to check on him.

“Yeah, it worked. It worked.”

***

All of the Avengers sat in a room, trying to figure out where you could go back in time to get all of the six infinity stones before Thanos did. You sat in between Steve and Scott, taking notes every so often to try and figure this out in your head.

“Thanos found the Soul Stone on Vormir.”

“What is Vormir?” you asked, not knowing much about space since the trip to kill Thanos was your one trip.

“A dominion of death, at the very center of Celestial existence. It’s where…Thanos murdered my sister.”

You stumbled with your pen, looking up at Nebula. Your blood ran cold because you hoped that this wouldn’t cause someone to die. You didn’t want anyone to die trying to bring back anyone else. Scott shakes his head. “Not it.”

Eventually, you, Natasha, Tony, and Bruce discussed where to find the other stones. They discussed Doctor Strange and how he lived in New York, which sent a bulb off in your head. “Guys, if you pick the right year, there are three stones in New York.”

Bruce jolted up in surprise from your suggestion. “Shut the front door!”

***

In the end, you had decided to go with Clint and Natasha to Vormir. Steve and Tony begged you to go to New York to get the stones, but you felt as if five of you would be too much. Tony reminded you of what Nebula said and Steve told you about how he saw the fear in your eyes with what she said. You told them that didn’t necessarily mean anything and Thanos was just a son of a bitch who murdered his daughter. As usual, Tony sighed disappointedly but respected your decision, nonetheless. Steve persisted more than your dad did, told you that it wouldn’t end well. He felt it in his bones. You kissed him on the cheek, not saying another word during this discussion. He hugged you tightly knowing that you wouldn’t change your mind. After all, it was hard to stop a Stark.

“Five years ago, we lost. All of us. We lost friends…we lost family…we lost a part of ourselves. Today, we have a chance to take it all back. You know your teams, you know your missions. Get the stones, get them back. One round trip each. No mistakes. No do-overs. Most of us are going somewhere we know. But it doesn’t mean we should know what to expect. Be careful. Look out for each other. This is the fight of our lives. And we’re gonna win.” Steve glanced over at you and made sure you were paying attention to what he said next. “Whatever it takes. Good luck.”

“He’s pretty good at that.”

“Eh, you get tired of it after a while,” you joked and Steve heard. He shook his head, smiling in a sad manner, hoping this wasn’t the last time he would see you. “See you in a minute.”

The feeling of shrinking into the Quantum Realm and going to 2014 was a feeling you couldn’t shake. It was exhilarating but something you would never want to do again. After splitting off from Rhodey and Nebula, the ship was set for Vormir. You had decided to sit in the back and let Natasha and Clint talk quietly. For most of this, you were just thinking and worried about something bad happening. Sure, you wanted to get everyone back. Whatever it takes. But, you barely bid anyone a proper goodbye. Steve was the only one you hugged tightly, but it was more of a “see you soon”.

Eventually, the ship arrived and you found the planet to be quite beautiful in an unsettling way.

“I bet the raccoon didn’t have to climb a mountain,” Natasha muttered as the three of you made your way up.

“Technically, he’s not a raccoon, Nat.” She laughed at your comment, enjoying the three of you as working together.

“Whatever, he eats garbage.”

“Welcome.” The three of you drew your guns on the person standing before you. “Natasha, daughter of Ivan. Y/N, daughter of Tony. Clint, son of Edith.”

“Who are you?” you asked, not dropping the gun despite him knowing who your dad was. Something was up.

“Consider me a guide. To you, and to all who seek the Soul Stone.”

“Oh, well…good. You tell us where it is. Then we’ll be on our way,” you stated and dropped your gun to your side. If he happened to know Tony’s name, Clint’s mom’s name, and even Natasha’s dad…then you thought you trusted him. Especially since Natasha once told you that she didn’t even know her dad’s name.

“If only it were that easy…” the Stonekeeper said, sending chills up your spine. He led the three of you to a cliff. “What you seek lies in front of you. As do what you fear.”

“The stone is down there.”

“For two of you. For one…in order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love. An everlasting exchange. A soul, for a soul.” Fuck.

***

You don’t know how long the three of you sat, trying to figure out how to go about this situation. Steve’s speech rang through all of your minds about doing whatever it takes. Natasha and you believed what he had said, but Clint was trying not to believe it.

“Maybe he’s making this shit up.”

“No…I don’t think so.”

“Why? Cause he knows your Daddy’s name?”

“Well, she didn’t know his name, Clint. Thanos left here with the stone without his daughter. You heard what Nebula said. It’s not a coincidence. Whatever it takes. If we don’t get the stones, billions of people stay dead.”

“Then I guess we all know who it’s gotta be,” Clint admitted, thinking we were all thinking the same person.

“I’m starting to think we mean different people,” you muttered, looking at both of them. You didn’t want to disappoint Steve and Tony. You knew that they told you not to go, they heard Nebula in that room. It didn’t take long to figure out exactly why Nebula’s sister didn’t return with Thanos. Yet, you felt like this is what you wanted. Clint and you used to be close but you hadn’t seen him in a while. He had a family and one he definitely shouldn’t let go. Natasha was your best friend from the Avengers and you guys were super close after the last five years. You didn’t want anything happening to either of them. You wouldn’t allow it.

“For the last five years I’ve been trying to do one thing: Get to right here. That’s all it’s been about. Bringing everybody back,” Natasha said.

“Nat, no.”

“What, you think I wanna do it? I’m trying to save my best friends’ lives, you idiots.”

“Yeah well, I don’t want you to, because I…Natasha, you know what I’ve done. You know what I’ve become,” Clint said, begging for Natasha to change her mind.

“I don’t judge people on their worst mistakes.”

You slipped from the conversation, staring at the end of the cliff. So, this is where Nebula’s sister died. You knew it wasn’t because she wanted to. She didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve to lose her life for Thanos to kill billions with the stone. Yet, simply jumping from this cliff could bring back those billions of lives. Steve might’ve been hiding how much he missed Bucky. He lost his best friend and then after you slipping away, life probably wasn’t the same. You wanted to see the genuine smile back on his face when Bucky is back. “Tell Tony and Steve I love them.”

The two of them immediately looked at you while you were close to the edge. You could see the fear in both of their eyes, both of their eyes widening. Natasha knew she had to think quick as your leg moved over the cliff. “You tell them yourself.” Natasha ran, jumping and hooking you with a grappling hook.

“Nat!” you scream, holding onto her hand. “No!” You tried to get out, but it was no use. Attempting to get out almost dropped your best friend.

“It’s okay.” She kicked off the wall, falling to the ground beneath her. You yelped, looking away from her on the floor. A sob took over your body as both you and Clint didn’t know what to do. It was heartbreaking. Someone that stood by your side for the worst five years of your life was now gone. And you couldn’t bring her back.

***

“Did we get them all?”

You dropped to your knees, sobbing. Everyone’s eyes shot to you and they began to realize someone was missing. Steve walked over to you, trying to stand you up. He pulled you into a hug, wondering what could’ve gone wrong. “Clint, where’s Nat?” The fact that Clint didn’t answer and your continuous sobs showed that she wasn’t coming back. Steve had squeezed you tighter, feeling the grief.

Tony, Steve, Bruce, Clint, and you sat by the lake. Your cries were subdued, but thinking about how Natasha should be standing here instead still had tears falling down your face. “It was supposed to be me. She sacrificed her life for that goddamn stone. She bet her life on it.”

Steve and Tony looked at you, wondering what you were talking about. They didn’t think you would actually sacrifice yourself, leaving them behind to struggle to grapple with your death. Tony was even sadder because after not talking to you for five years, he was so happy that you guys were talking. He was ecstatic that he could finally rekindle something he was too stubborn to do before. And, yet all of that could’ve gone to shit and he would never see you again. “She’s not coming back. We have to make it worth it. We have to.”

“We will.”

After this discussion, Tony pulled you to the side. He had tears falling down his face, not knowing what to say. “You…you were gonna do it?” You didn’t want to answer his question. It was hard to admit it back there because you couldn’t imagine how devastated your dad would be if it were you that didn’t come back. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if that was you that we were all mourning right now. I couldn’t imagine.”

“Dad, I was right there. I was at the side of the cliff and yet Natasha was so determined on being the one. She wouldn’t let either of us sacrifice ourselves.”

“Natasha could stop you before I ever could.” He pushed a few strands behind your ear, kissing you on the forehead. He couldn’t imagine if you weren’t there when everyone got back. You appreciated him bringing light to this situation. Tony left after a bit, going to the lab to place the stones on the gauntlet. After a few minutes, you followed after him into the compound and walking to the lab. Steve stood outside of the lab, a look of sorrow on his face. You knew that he was sad over Natasha, but thinking more about how sad it would’ve been to be in your place. To watch your best friend die and being the one wanting to sacrifice yourself. Before you stepped into the lab, his hand moved to grasp his around yours. You smiled at him, reassuring him that we are about to get back everyone we lost. The two of you walked into the lab.

After figuring out who would be the one to do the snap, Bruce stepped up to the plate. Thor wanted to, badly, but you knew it would kill him. You all saw what happened to Thanos after he snapped away billions of lives.

“You remember… everyone Thanos snapped away five years ago and just bringing them back to now, today. Don’t change anything from the last five years.”

“Got it.” Bruce nodded. Everyone suited up.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., do me a favor and activate Protocol 8.”

“Yes, boss.” The compound soon went on lockdown.

You were still holding Steve’s hand, squeezing it a bit tighter from fear of what would happen to Bruce. He put on the gauntlet, screaming in pain from how strong the gauntlet is. “Talk to us, Bruce,” you said, hoping he was okay.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” he grunted. Through the pain of the gauntlet, he tries hard to snap his fingers and bring everyone back. His groans of pain continue before he finally snaps his fingers. The power became so strong that he collapsed and you kicked the gauntlet away. Bruce held onto your arm as you bend down to his level, asking in pain, “Did it work?”

“Worth a shot. It’s over. It’s okay.” In the distance, you hear a phone ringing, but you’re too busy trying to assure that Bruce is okay. His arm has definitely seen better days.

“Guys…I think it worked!” you heard Scott yell from the other room while looking out the large window. A shadow began to overcast over the compound, and Bruce’s eyes widened. You feel a push, arms around you and then everything goes black.

***

“Come on, you two. Wake up.” You groaned, feeling the blast ache your body. Steve’s arms were wrapped around you loosely and you realized that was the push you felt before the blast. Opening your eyes, you see your dad trying to wake you and Steve up. Steve soon opens his own eyes after you stumbled to stand. “There you go. You lose this again, I’m keeping it.” Tony handed Steve his shield.

“What happened?” Steve asks, eyes scanning yours to make sure you’re okay.

“We messed with time. It tends to mess back.”

The three of you walk to where Thor is standing as he observes Thanos a few hundred feet away. “What’s he been doing?” you question, noticing that he sat there acting as if he didn’t blow up the entire Avengers facility.

“Absolutely nothing.”

“He doesn’t have the stones, right?”

“No, and we should keep it that way.”

You more than knew that this was a trap. Thanos quietly sitting there, staring at the four of you nonchalantly. There was no way that he was willingly going to sit there after the compound was obliterated. “You know it’s a trap right?”

“Yeah…and I don’t much care,” Tony admitted, the adrenaline beginning to run through his veins. “Listen, Y/N, I want you out of this. Go help find everyone else, this isn’t your battle.”

“It became my battle when Nat sacrificed herself to get us to where we are right now.” Your suit formed around you, something Tony had designed to make sure you remain protected during battle. His technology became more advanced and he made sure to update everything he could to prepare something protective. It wasn’t thick like his was, but it fit your body nicely and allowed for proper movement. Countless practicing with Steve had prepared you for fighting on the battlefield, but Tony made sure to add more that could higher your chances of success. You could hear a sigh escape his mouth, muttering in disbelief at how stubborn Starks were.

Thor summoned Mjolnir and Stormbreaker and you watched the thunder surround him. “Let’s kill him properly this time.” Soon, you all were standing face to face to Thanos.

The smirk on his face was something you desperately wanted to wipe off. “You could not live with your own failure. And where did that bring you? Back to me. I thought by eliminating half of life, the other half would thrive. But you’ve shown me that’s impossible. And as long as there are those that remember what was, there will always be those that are unable to accept what can be. They will resist.”

“Yep. We’re all kinds of stubborn,” Tony replied.

“I’m thankful. Because now, I know what I must do.” Thanos stood up, slowly moving towards his helmet, making sure to put it on. “I will shred this universe down to its last atom. And then…with the stones you’ve collected for me, create a new one. Teeming with life, but knows not what it has lost but only what it has been given. A grateful universe.”

“Born out of blood.”

“They’ll never know it. Because you won’t be alive to tell them.” Thor and Tony run at Thanos. Once Thor and Tony’s attempts were done, you and Steve ran to attack. Thanos went to hit you but Steve blocked you, holding up the shield.

“Okay, Thor. Hit me.” Thor slammed Mjolnir and Stormbreaker together and uses his lightning to hit Tony’s suit with energy. Tony uses it to blast Thanos. It’s back and forth, someone getting knocked out and someone else stepping into their place as they quickly recover. Thanos used your dad as a shield, which left Tony laying on the ground.

“Dad!” You ran over to your dad, checking to make sure he was okay.

Steve instantly ran up to Thanos, trying to attack him but Thanos shields him away. Thor continues trying to get the upper hand against Thanos, but it seems no use. Everything Thor did was instantly blocked by Thanos. At this point, Thanos stood over  Out the corner of your eye, you see Mjolnir lifted from the ground and hit Thanos as it moves towards Steve’s hands. You gasped in amazement as Steve picked up the hammer. Soon after, Thanos goes after Steve as he fights with both his shield and Mjolnir. Tony soon wakes up, both hands going on your shoulders. “You okay?” he grunts, standing up.

“I mean I’m not the one who was just used as a shield for lightning.”

“Good point.” A painful grunt from Steve was heard and you quickly turned around. Thanos continued to obliterate Steve’s shield and threw him. You were about to run over to Steve, but he staggered to stand up a few seconds after.

“In all my years of conquest…violence…slaughter…it was never personal. But I’ll tell you now…what I’m about to do to your stubborn, annoying little planet…I’m gonna enjoy it. Very, very much.” Thanos’ army descends to the ground where you all stand. Tony and you walked over to Steve, bewildered by the four of you having to fight against Thanos’ entire army. Steve looks at Thanos with determination and tightens his shield to his arm, despite it being completely broken. He suddenly stops, almost leaning his head towards his comm device in his ear. The sound of crackling fills your ears.

“Cap, you hear me?” Was that Sam? “Cap, it’s Sam. Can you hear me?” The sound of whirring filled your ears and you turned behind you. A yellow portal was starting to appear on Steve’s left-hand side, reminding you of Doctor Strange’s portal. Holy shit. “On your left.”

The battlefield was suddenly covered in Doctor Strange’s yellow portals, thousands of people walking through. Okoye, T’Challa and the Wakandan army, Shuri, Sam, Drax, Mantis, Star Lord, Groot, Wanda, who you assumed was Hope, Scott’s girl, Peter, Valkyrie, and the Asgardian army, Pepper, Wong and the Masters of the Mystic Arts and several Ravager ships. What stood out to you the most was Bucky, ready for battle. “Avengers!” Steve summoned Mjolnir, ready to say his favorite words. “Assemble.”

Everyone began running towards Thanos’ army. You picked up a sword from the ground, slicing through his army as they dropped like flies. One of Chitauri jumped in front of you, causing you to jump. You readied your stance to hopefully slice this guy in half when Mjolnir smacked it and sent it a few hundred feet away. You glanced to your right and Steve smirked at you, running to fight more of Thanos’ army. Eventually, you found your way over to Tony and Doctor Strange in the chaos, fighting alongside them. Scott realized that even though Thanos destroyed the quantum tunnel, there was still another one in his van. Now, everyone worked together to get the stones far from Thanos so that Scott and Hope could restart his ugly van.

“Hey. You said one out of 14 million, we win, yeah? Tell me this is it,” Tony asked, fighting off some of Thanos’ army. He blocked you from one running up behind you, blasting it.

“If I tell you what happens, it won’t happen.” You saw Stephen look over at you, an almost sorrowful look in his eyes. This caused you to raise one eyebrow but the look was gone almost as quickly as it came.

“You better be right.”

After more fighting, you hear F.R.I.D.A.Y. alert Tony and you about something entering the atmosphere. You would’ve believed it was more of Thanos’ army about to rain down more fire, but they were firing at it instead. “I think I know who it is.”

Carol Danvers came flying down straight towards Peter who was holding onto the gauntlet tightly. She was relentless, wanting to knock Thanos down but once again, Thanos seemed to always have the upper hand. He pulled the power stone from the gauntlet, using it to hit Carol away. The gauntlet rolls toward your feet and you know exactly what you had to do. Tony was preoccupied and attacking Thanos, not noticing that you were about to do something that would kill you. Thanos quickly threw Tony away, getting ready to snap his fingers. You slipped the gauntlet on as it adjusted tightly around your arm and looked over at Strange. He raised one finger and you knew this was the one out of 14 million. Tony struggled to stand up, staggering before noticing that Thanos was about to snap this universe’s existence.

“I…am…inevitable.” He breathes heavily, ready to watch everyone on this planet turn to dust again. He snaps his fingers but the stones aren’t on his gauntlet. The power of all six stones on the gauntlet wrapped around your hand was something you couldn’t endure for too long. You saw your dad’s wide eyes lock with your own and Steve running towards you, yelling at you to stop.

“Enjoy this…you motherfucker.” You snapped your fingers and the power ran through your body too strongly. A pained scream escaped your lips as you dropped to the ground and leaned up against debris, whimpering from the pain from the stones. If this basically burned Bruce’s entire arm, you were definitely not going to make it. The best thing you saw was Thanos disintegrate into ash and his entire army as mostly everyone stood to watch.

Steve stumbled up to you as tears were running down his bloodied face. You were badly burnt and your whimpers soon vanished as you could barely make any noise. He grabbed the side of your face but he knew there was nothing that he could do. “God…” he choked out, laying his forehead against yours. “You weren’t supposed to do this.” The whisper escaped his mouth and even though your eyes were ringing, all you could do was simply look up at him. “I…I love you. I should’ve told you sooner.” He kissed the top of your head and heavy footsteps were pounding behind him.

“Y/N, oh god. What have you done now? Y/N…” Tony couldn’t breathe, trying to collect the last words to say to his own daughter. Steve was still kneeling next to you, struggling to breathe. The two people the Avengers barely saw cry were huddled around your body, not knowing what to say. The Avengers surround you as they began to realize they would lose someone very important. Tony knew that he couldn’t even fix you up, there was no reversing this. It wasn’t supposed to end like this, but it was. This was the one out of 14 million.

“Hey, Dad…” you mumbled, barely able to get it out. You weren’t sure if he heard you but the sob that escaped his body was verification.

“I wish…I wish I could take back the last five years-. Friday?”

“Life functions critical.”

“Y/N…look at me.” You try to stare long enough, feeling your body breaking down to its final moments. “We love you. You can rest now.” Everything faded to black as your body took its last breath.

***

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back,” Steve teased, looking at his best friend. He knew that Bucky knew exactly what he was going to do.

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.” Steve and Bucky hugged, Bucky making sure to slip two extra Pym Particle bottles into Steve’s hand.

Steve walked over to the Quantum Tunnel, suiting up to bring back all of the infinity stones to the exact time everyone took them.

“How long is this gonna take?” Sam asks.

“For him? As long as he needs. For us? Five seconds.” Steve picked up Mjolnir, knowing that this was his moment.

“Going quantum. Three, two, one…”

2014

This was Steve’s last destination. He used his supposed-to-be last bottle on getting to America during this year, where you sit in the restaurant before a date. He sees you sitting by the window, waiting for 2014 Steve to arrive. The restaurant was actually quite empty, so he tapped on the window quickly. You looked over, looking at Steve questioningly. He motioned for you to walk to the door and you rolled your eyes, grabbing your stuff and walking to the door. He waited for you to meet him.

“Steve…what the hell are you wearing?” you ask as you walk away from the restaurant.

“Look, this isn’t going to be easy to explain…” Steve didn’t know where to begin. Being apart of the Avengers, you saw things that many other people wouldn’t believe. But, this was way before you knew about Thanos.

“Well…whatever it is, just know I’ll believe you.”

Steve smiled, knowing that you had so much faith in him. “There’s really no easy way...to begin this…I am here to bring you to the future. To 2023.” He said confidently, glancing up at you.

“And somehow I don’t believe that.”

“Look, I am from the future. We lost half of Earth’s population and to get it all back…it took a sacrifice. More than one.” You looked at him, wondering just exactly what the sacrifices were. Overall, you weren’t sure if you wanted to know but you asked anyway.

“Was one of them…me?” The look on Steve’s face broke, as he held onto your hands. He missed you. He was overwhelmed and nervous before, but now he missed the look you gave him. Even though you slightly changed during the years after Thanos’ snap, he knew deep down you still loved him. It was touchy to bring up what you two used to have, but he wasn’t going to leave you here.

Tony barely spoke with anyone after you died, only to Morgan and Pepper. He would talk to Steve most of the time, also. Tony hoped to bring you home to Morgan to finally introduce you two and that didn’t happen. It was only a few days after the second battle against Thanos and Tony couldn’t shake what happened.

“Yeah…yeah, it was. And…Nat.”

“Nat? Natasha?” you gasp, rethinking going with Steve.

“Look…it’s irreversible. I would try to bring her back, but I can’t.”

“You could, though. If you could bring me, we could get her.”

“I don’t have enough time.” You shook your head, thinking how selfish it would be for you not to relive your death, but for Natasha having to. “Look, Y/N…please, come with me.”

You stared at Steve, looking into his eyes. His eyes were screaming for you to come, hope coursing through them. The pained look Steve gave you at the window made you believe what happened even more. It was almost painful in a way that had you believing it was because he was desperate to see you again. As if he was pained from watching people he loved sacrifice themselves to live a life Thanos took away. “Removing me from the past, doesn’t mess up what I did?” you ask, as Steve shakes his head.

“I promise this is different.” You nod your head, trying to come to terms with what you’re about to do.

“I just have one more question.”

“Yeah?” He grabs the side of your face, his thumb massaging your cheek. Just a few days ago your cheek was burned from the power of the stones. He loved having you back in his arms and he brushed a few strands out of your face, again. Something he knew calms you down.

“Does my dad approve of this…of us?” Steve laughs, nodding his head yes. You sigh contently, letting Steve know that you’re ready to go. “I’m ready, then.”

***

Bruce called for Tony to the woods. It was a few days after the battle with Thanos and frankly, Tony didn’t want to be bothered. So, when Bruce called him to the woods, he was pissed. It took some encouraging and Bruce saying that he just needed to come. He knew Steve went back to return the stones, so he thought something went incredibly wrong. Bruce sounded excited, so he didn’t know why he was stumbling behind Bruce to the quantum tunnel.

He definitely wasn’t as energetic as Bruce, merely sauntering behind him muttering in annoyance. He was still in his pajamas and slippers, wanting to be back in his living room watching T.V. with Morgan. When Morgan begged to come with them, Tony said no in fear that it wasn’t something good. He stumbled into the woods, following Bruce’s tracks but he wasn’t prepared for who was in front of him and stopped him in his tracks.

“Y/N…?” he whispered.

[scifrey]

In February of 2017 I had the great pleasure of addressing the Grant MacEwan University English Department with a keynote speech titled “Your Voice is Valid.”

This speech was all about Mary Sues, fandom, and marginalized voices, and is a direct response to the negative reactions that media texts receive when they announce a protagonist that is deemed to be a "Mary Sue".

In the intervening years I think the message of my talk has become even more vital to creators, so I thought I’d record a  new video of the speech to share with a wider audience.

 If you liked this video, you can find more of my writing advice on my website.

Read the full speech on Wattpad, or below:

(Text may not match the video exactly as I did alter some of the phrasing.)

*

My friends, I have a declaration to make. A promise. A vow, if you will. And it is this:

If I hear one more basement-dwelling troll call the lead female protagonist of a genre film a ‘Mary Sue’ one more time, I’m going to scream.

I’m sure you’ve all seen this all before. A major science fiction, fantasy, video game, novel, or comic franchise or publisher announces a new title. Said new title features a lead protagonist who is female, or a person of color, or is not able-bodied, or is non-neurotypical, or is LGBTQA+.

It might be the new Iron Man or Spider-man, who are both young black teenagers in the comics now, or the Lt. Michael Burnham of Star Trek: Discovery, or the new Ms. Marvel, a Muslim girl. It could be Jyn Erso, the female lead of the latest Star Wars film or Chirrut, her blind companion. It could be the deaf FBI Director Gordon Cole from Twin Peaks or Clint Barton from Fraction and Aja’s Hawkeye graphic novel series. It could be Sara, of Dragon Age fame or Samantha Traynor from Mass Effect, both lesbians, or Dorian also from Dragon Age, who is both a person of color and flamboyantly queer. Maybe it’s Lt. Stamets and Dr. Hugh Culber, played by Anthony Rapp of (best known for his time as Mark in Rent) and Wilson Cruz, both open out gay men playing openly out gay men in a romantic relationship in Star Trek Discovery. It could be Captain Christopher Pike, from both the original Star Trek series and the reboot film, who uses a wheelchair and assistive devices to communicate. Or maybe it’s Bucky Barnes, aka the Winter Soldier, fights with a prosthetic arm in the comics, or Iron Man, whose suit serves as Tony Stark’s ego-tastic pacemaker.

And generally, the audience cheers at this announcement. Yay for diversity! Yay for representation! Yay for working to make the worlds we consume look more like the world we live in! Yay!

But there’s a certain segment of the fan population that does not celebrate.

I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about.

This certain brand of fan-person gets all up in arms on social media. They whine. They complain. They say that it’s not appropriate to change the gender, race, orientation, or physical abilities of a fictional creation, or just protest their inclusion to begin with. They decry the erosion of creativity in service of neo-liberalism, overreaching political-correctness, and femi-nazis. (Sorry, sorry – the femi-“alt-right”).

It’s not realistic. “Women can’t survive in space,” they say, “It’s just a fact.” (That is a direct quote, by the way.) “Superheroes can’t be black,” they say. “Video game characters shouldn’t have a sexual orientation,” unless – it seems - that sexual orientation is straight and the game serves to support a male gaze ogling at half-dressed pixilated prostitutes.

“And strong female characters have to wear boob armor. It’s just natural,” they say.

These fan persons predict the end of civilization because things are no longer being done the way they’ve always been done. “There’s nothing wrong with the system,” they say. “So don’t you dare change it.”

And to enforce this opinion, to ensure that it’s really, really clear just how much contempt this certain segment of the fan population holds for any lead protagonist that isn’t a white, heterosexual, able-bodied, neurotypical, cismale, they do everything they can to tear down them down.

They do this by calling that character a ‘Mary Sue.’

When fan fiction author Paula Smith first used the term ‘Mary Sue’ in her 1973 story A Trekkie’s Tale, she was making a commentary on the frequent appearance of original characters in Star Trek fan fiction. Now, I’m going to hazard that most of these characters existed as a masturbatory avatar – wanna bone Spock? (And, um, you know, let’s face it who didn’t?) They you write a story where a character representing you gets to bone Spock.

And if they weren’t a sexual fantasy, then they were an adventure fantasy. Wanna be an officer on the Enterprise? Well, it’s the flagship of the Starfleet, so you better be good enough to get there. Chekov was the youngest navigator in Starfleet history, Uhura is the most tonally sensitive officer in linguistics, and Jim Kirk’s genius burned like a magnesium flare – your self-representative character would have to keep up to earn thier place on that bridge. This led to a slew of hyper sexualized, physically idealized, and unrealistically competent author-based characters populating the fan fiction of the time.

But inserting a trumped-up version of yourself into a narrative wasn’t invented in the 1970s. Aeneas was totally Virgil’s Mary Sue in his Iliad knock off. Dante was such a fanboy of the The Bible that he wrote himself into an adventure exploring it. Robin Hood’s merry men and King Arthur’s Knights of the Round Table kept growing in number and characteristics with each retelling. Even painters have inserted themselves into commissioned pictures for centuries.

This isn’t new. This is not a recent human impulse.

But what Paula Smith and the Mary Sue-writing fan ficcers didn’t know at the time was that they were crystallizing what it means to be an engaged consumer of media texts, instead of just a passive one. They had isolated and labelled what it means to be so affected by a story, to love it so much that this same love bubbles up out of you and you have to do something about it, either in play, or in art. For example: in pretending to be a ninja turtle on the play ground, or in trying to recreate the perfect version of a star fleet uniform to wear, or in creating art and making comics depicting your favorite moments or further adventures of the characters you love, or writing stories that encompass missing moments from the narratives.

‘Mary Sues’ are, at their center, a celebration of putting oneself and one’s own heart, and one’s own enjoyment of a media text, first.

Before I talk about why this certain segment of the fan population deploys the term ‘Mary Sue’ the way it does, let’s take a closer look at this impulse for participatory play.

Here’s the sixty four thousand dollar question: where do ‘Mary Sues’ come from?

I’d like you take a moment to think back at the sorts of games you enjoyed when you were about seven years old. Think back. Picture yourself outside, playing with your siblings, or the neighbour’s kids or you cousins. What are you doing? Playing ball games, chase games, and probably something with a narrative? Are you Power Rangers? Are you flying to Neverland with Peter Pan? Are you fighting Dementors and Death Eaters at Hogwarts? Are you the newest members of One Direction, are you Jem and the Holograms or the Misfits? Are you running around collecting Pokémon back before running around and collecting Pokémon IRL was a thing?

That, guys, gals and non-binary pals, is where Mary Sues come from. That’s it. It’s as easy as that.

As a child you didn’t know that modern literary tradition pooh-poohs self-analogous characters, or that realism was required for depth of character. All you knew was that you wanted to be a part of that story, right.  If you wanted to be a train with Thomas and Friends, then you were a train. If you wanted to be a magic pony from Equestria, you were a pony. Or, you know, if you were trying to appease two friends at once, then you were a pony-train.

Self-insert in childhood games teach kids the concept of elastic play, and this essential ability to imagine oneself in skins that are not one’s own, and to stretch and reshape narratives is what breeds creativity and storytelling. It shapes compassion.

Now, think of your early stories. As a child we all told and wrote stories about doing what, to us, were mundane everyday things - like getting ice cream with the fictional characters we know and love.

My friend’s three year old tells his father bed time stories about going on walks through Home Hardware with his friends, the anthropomorphized versions of the local taco food truck and the commuter train his dad takes to work every morning. He doesn’t recognize the difference between real and fictional people (or for him, in this case, the stand-ins that are the figures that loom large in his life right now as a three year old obsessed with massive machines). When you ask him to tell you a story, he talks about these fictions as if they’re real. And he does not hesitate to insert himself into the tale. “I did this. I did that. We went there and then had this for lunch.” He is present in all his own stories because, at this age, he understands the world only from his limited personal POV.

As we grow up, we do learn to differentiate between fantasy and reality. But, I posit that we never truly loose that “me too!” mentality. We see something amazing happening on the screen, or on the page, or on a playing field, and we want to be there, a part of it.

So we sort ourselves into Hogwarts Houses. We choose hockey teams to love, and we wear their jerseys.  We buy ball caps from our favorite breweries. We line up for hours to be the first to watch a new release or to buy a certain smartphone. We collect stamps and baseball cards and first editions of Jane Austen and Dan Brown. We want to be a part of it. Our capitalist, consumer society tells us to prove our love with our dollars, and we do it.

And for fan creators, we want to be a part of it so badly that we’re willing to make more of it. Not for profit, but for sheer love. And for the early writers, the newbies, the blossoming beginners, Mary Sues are where they generally start. Because those are the sorts of stories they’ve been telling yourselves for years already.

But as we get older, as we consume more media texts and find more things to adore, we begin to notice a dearth of representation – you’re not pony trains in our minds any more. We have a better idea of what we look like. And we don’t see it. The glorious fantasy diversity of our childhoods is stripped away, narratives are codified by the mainstream media texts we consume, and people stop looking like us.

I’m reminded of a story I read on Tumblr, of a young black author living in Africa – whose name, I’m afraid, I wasn’t able to find when I went back to look for it, so my apologies to her. The story is about the first time she tried to write a fairytale in elementary school. She made her protagonist a little white girl, and when she was asked why she hadn’t chosen to make the protagonist back, this author realized that it hadn’t even occurred to her that she was allowed make her lead black. Even though she was surrounded by people of color, the adventures, and romance, and magic in everything she consumed only happened to the white folks. She did not know she was allowed to make people like her the heroes because she had never seen it.

This is not natural. This is nurture, not nature. This is learned behavior. And this is hegemony.

No child grows up believing they don’t have place in the story. This is something were are taught. And this is something that we are taught by the media texts we consume.

I do want to pause and make a point here. There isn’t anything fundamentally wrong with writing a narrative from the heterosexual, able bodied, neurotypical, white cismale POV in and of itself. I think we all have stories that we know and love that feature that particular flavor of protagonist. And people from that community deserve to tell their stories as much as folks from any other community.

The problem comes from a reality where when it’s the only narrative. The default narrative. The factory setting. When people who don’t see themselves reflected in the narrative nonetheless feel obligated to write such stories, instead of their own. When they are told and taught that it is the only story worth telling. ‎

There’s this really great essay by Ika Willis, and it’s called “. And I think it’s the one – one of the most important pieces of writing not only on Mary Sues, but on the dire need for representation in general.

In the essay, Willis talks about Mary Sues – beyond being masturbatory adventure avatars for young people just coming into their own sexuality, or avatars to go on adventures with – but as voice avatars. Mary Sues, when wielded with self-awareness, deliberateness, and precision, can force a wedge into the narrative, crack it open, and provide a space for marginalized identities and voices in a media-text that otherwise silences and ignores them.

This is done one of two ways. First: by jamming in a diverse Mary Sue, and making the characters and the world acknowledge and work with that diversity. Or, second: by co-opting a pre-existing character and overlaying a new identity on them while retaining their essential characterization. For example, by writing a story where Bilbo Baggins is non-binary, but still thinking that adventures are messy, dirty things. Or making Sherlock Holmes deaf, but still perfectly capable of solving all the crimes. Or making James Potter Indian, so that the Dursleys prejudiced against Harry not only for his magic, but also for his skin color. Or making Ariel the mermaid wrestle with severe body dysphoria, or Commander Sheppard suffer from severe PTSD.

I like to call this voice avatar Mary Sue a ‘Meta-Sue’, because when authors have evolved enough in their storytelling abilities to consciously deploy Mary Sues as a deliberate trope, they’re doing so on a self-aware, meta-textual level.

So that is where Mary Sues comes from.

But what is a Mary Sue? How can you point at a character and say, “Yes, that is – definitively – a Mary Sue”.

Mary Sues can generally be characterized as:

-Too perfect, or unrealistically skilled. They shouldn’t be able to do all the things they do, or know all the things they know, as easily as they do or know them. For reasons of the plot expedience, they learn too fast, and are able to perform feats that other characters in their world who have studied or trained longer and harder find difficult. For example, Neo in The Matrix.

-They are the black hole of every plot – every major quest or goal of the pre-existing characters warps to include or be about them; every character wants to befriend them, or romance them, or sleep with them, and every villain wants to possess them, or kill them, or sleep with them. This makes sense, as why write a character into the world if you’re not going to have something very important happen to them? So, for example, like Neo in The Matrix.

-A Mary Sue, because it’s usually written by a neophyte author who’s been taught that characters need flaws, has some sort of melodramatic, angsty tragic back-story that, while on the surface seems to motivate them into action, because of lack of experience in creating a follow-through of emotional motivation, doesn’t actually affect their mental health or ability to trust or be happy or in love. For example, like the emotional arc of Neo in The Matrix.

– A Mary Sue saves the day. This goes back to that impulse to be the center of the story. Like Neo in The Matrix.

-And lastly, Mary Sues come from outside the group. They’re from the ‘real world’, like you and I, or have somehow discovered the hero’s secret identity and must be folded into the team, or are a new recruit, or are a sort of previously undiscovered stand-alone Chosen One. Like, for example, Neo in The Matrix.

Now, as I’ve said, there’s actually nothing inherently wrong with writing a Mary Sue. Neo is a Mary Sue, but The Matrix is still a really engaging and well written film. And simply by virtue of the fact that an individual with ingrained cultural foundations is writing a story, that story is inherently rooted in that writer’s lived life and experiences. As much as a writer may try to either highlight or downplay it, each character and story they create has some of themselves in it. The first impulse of storytelling is to talk about oneself. We write about ourselves, only the more we write, the more skilled we become at disguising the sliver of us-ness in a character, folding it into something different and unique. We, as storytellers, as humans, empathize with protagonists and fictional characters constantly – we love putting our feet into other people’s shoes. It’s how we understand and engage with the world.

And we as writers tap into our own emotions in order to describe them on the page. We take slices of our lives – our experiences, our memories, our friend’s verbal tics or hand gestures, aunt Brenda’s way of making tea, Uncle Rudy’s way having a pipe after dinner, that time Grannie got lost at the zoo – and we weave them together into a golem that we call a character, which comes to life with a bit of literary magic. I mean, allow me to be sparklingly reductionist for a second, but in the most basic sense, every character is a Mary Sue.

It’s just a matter of whether the writer has evolved to the point  in their craft that they’ve learned to animate that golem with the sliver of self-ness hidden deep enough that it is unrecognizable as self-ness, but still recognizable as human-ness.

For years, mainstream western media has featured characters that were primarily heterosexual, able bodied, neurotypical, white cismales. And, regrettably, because of that, this flavor of human is now assumed to be the default for a character. When people from other communities speak up requesting other flavours, for characters for whom the imbedded sliver of humanity remains just as poignant and relatable, but the outer shell is of a different variety, this is when that certain segment of the fan population looses their cool.

That certain segment of the fan population has been telling us for years that if we don’t like what we see on TV or in video games, or in books, or comics, or on the stage, that we should just go make our own stuff. And now we are.

“Make your own stuff,” they say, and then follow it up with: “What’s with all this political correctness gone wild? Uhg. This stuff is all just Mary Sue garbage.”

Well, yes. Of course it is. That’s the point.

But why are they saying it like that?

Because they mean it in a derogatory sense.

They don’t mean it in the way that Paula Smith meant it – a little bit belittling but mostly fun; a bemused celebration of why we love putting ourselves into the stories and worlds we enjoy. They don’t mean it the way that Willis means it – a deliberate and knowing way to shove the previously marginalized into the center. They don’t even mean it the way that I mean it in my own work - as a tool for carefully deconstructing and discussing character and narrative with a character and from within a narrative.

When a certain segment of the fan population talks about ‘Mary Sue’, they mean to weaponize it. To make it a stand-in for the worse thing that a character can be: bland, predictable, and too-perfect. Which, granted, many Mary Sues are. But not all of them. And a character doesn’t have to be a Mary Sue to be done badly, either.

When this certain segment of the fan population says ‘Mary Sue’, they’re trying to shame the creators for deviating from the norm - the white, the heterosexual, the able bodied, the neurotypical, the straight cismale.

When this certain segment of the population says ‘Mary Sue,’ what they’re really saying is: “I don’t believe people like this are interesting enough to be the lead character in a story.”

When this certain segment of the population says ‘Mary Sue,’ what they’re really saying is: “I don’t think there’s any need to listen to that voice. They’re not interesting enough.”

When this certain segment of the population says ‘Mary Sue,’ what they’re really saying is: “This character is not what I am used to a.k.a. not like me, and I’m gonna whine about it.”

When this certain segment of the population says ‘Mary Sue,’ what they’re really saying is: “Even though kids from all over the world, from many different cultural, religious and ethnic backgrounds have had to grow up learning to identify with characters who don’t look or think like them, identifying with characters who don’t look or think like me is hard and I don’t wanna.”

When this certain segment of the population says ‘Mary Sue,’ what they’re really saying is: ”Even though I’ve grown up in a position of privilege and power, and even though publishing and producing diverse stories with diverse casts doesn’t actually cut into the proportionate representation that I receive, and never will, I am nonetheless scared that I’ll never see people like me in media texts ever again.”

When this certain segment of the population says ‘Mary Sue,’ what they’re really saying is: “Considering my fellow human beings as fellow human beings worthy of having stories about them and their own experiences, in their own voices, is hard and I don’t wanna do it.”

When this certain segment of the population says ‘Mary Sue,’ what they’re really saying is: “I only want stories about me.”

They call leads ‘Mary Sues’ so people will stop writing them and instead write… well, their version of a ‘Mary Sue.’ The character that is representative of their lived experiences, their power and masturbatory fantasies, their physical appearance, their sexual awakenings, their cultural identity, their voice, their kind of narratives.

Missing, of course, that the point of revisionist and inclusive narratives aren’t to shove out previous incarnations, but to coexist alongside them. It’s not taking away one entrée and offering only another – it’s building a buffet.

Okay, so who actually cares if these trolls call these diverse characters Mary Sues?

Well, unfortunately, because this certain segment of the population have traditionally been the group most listened-to by the mainstream media creators and the big money, their opinions have power. (Never mind that they’re not actually the biggest group of consumers anymore, nor no longer the most vocal.)

So, this is where you come in.

You have the power to take the Mary Sue from the edge of the narrative and into the centre. And you do can do this by normalizing it. Think back to that author who didn’t think little black girls were allowed to be the heroes of fairy tales. Now imagine how much different her inner world, her imagination might have been at the stage when she was first learning to understand her own self-worth, if she had seen faces like hers on the television, in comics, in games, and on the written page every day of her life.

And not just one or two heroes, but a broad spectrum of characters that run the gamut from hero to villain, from fragile to powerful, from straight to gay, and every other kind of intersectional identity.

You have the power to give children the ability to see themselves.

Multi-faceted representation normalizes the marginalized.

And if you have the privilege to be part of the passing member of the mainstream, then weaponize your privilege. Refuse to work with publishers, or websites, or conventions that don’t also support diverse creators. Put diverse characters in your work, and do so thoughtfully and with the input of the people from the community you are portraying. And if you’re given the opportunity to submit or speak at an event, offer to share the microphone.

The first thing I did when actor Burn Gorman got a Twitter account was to Tweet him  my thanks for saving the world in Pacific Rim while on a cane. As someone who isn’t as mobile as the heroes I see in action films - who knows for a fact that when the zombie apocalypse comes I will not be a-able to outrun the monsters – it meant so much to me that his character was not only an integral and vital member of the team who cancelled the apocalypse, but also that not once in the film did someone call him a cripple, or tell him he couldn’t participate because of his disability, or leave him behind.

Diversity matters.

Not because it’s a trendy hashtag, or a way to sell media texts to a locked-down niche market, but because every single human being deserves to be told that they have a voice worth listening to; a life worth celebrating and showcasing in a narrative; a reality worth acknowledging and accepting and protecting; emotions that are worth exploring and validating; intelligence that is worth investing in and listening to; and a capacity to love that is worth adoring.

White, heterosexual, neurotypical, able-bodied cismales are not the only people on the planet who are human.

And you have a right to tell your story your way.

Calling something a ‘Mary Sue’ in order to dismiss it out of hand, as an excuse to hate something before even seeing it, is how the trolls bury your Narrative and your Identity.  We are storytellers, all of us. Every person in this room. Whether your wheel house is in fiction, or academia, or narrative non-fiction, we impart knowledge and offer experience through the written word, through the telling of tales, through leading a reader from one thought to another.

And we none of deserve to be shouted down, talked over, or dismissed. No one can tell you that your story isn’t worth telling. Of course it is. It’s yours.

And don’t let anyone call your characters, or your work, or you a ’Mary Sue’ in the derogatory sense ever again. Or I am going to scream.

[slytherinfinity]

ENDGAME SPOILERS!!

Okay I saw Endgame last night and I need to vent... AHHHHHH!!! haha I have so many mixed emotions and I don’t even know. Also I typed this on mobile so sorry for any typos. 

So I first saw Iron Man when I was 11, and it was so cool. I grew up watching all of these movies. At first, Cap was my favorite bc he was ~cute~ and I was a young teen girl and so were all my friends. I also loved Loki for this reason haha. Then I saw Iron Man 3 and LOVED IT. I bought it on DVD as soon as it came out. Tony Stark was amazing, but also he dealt with anxiety and panic attacks? His and Pepper’s relationship was everything as well, and also his and Happy’s and Rhodey’s friendships. Tony felt real and human and relatable, and it was cool he was able to overcome so much even with all of his trauma. In AOU he just wanted to protect his team, and no one truly listened to or respected him or tried to understand him, and he ended up with more trauma and guilt. I just wanted him to have a happy ending. Then he met Peter and it brought me hope, after all the Civil War crap. Infinity War was crushing but not completely because I knew another movie was coming out, so there was still some hope. But then Endgame. Honestly... I’m still processing, but I don’t think I’m happy with it. And for more reasons than just Tony, though I’ll talk about that first. His storyline just seemed... blah. He gets back, gets to yell at Steve, and then goes and lives in seclusion with Pepper and has a kid. Yet you know that even with that life he’s still depressed and guilt-ridden. It’s how Pepper knows he won’t stop. So he does his best to help, time travels or whatever (honestly that whole part is still kinda confusing to me- it created alternate timelines, but what are the implications of that- and also for the rest of the MCU??) and then Tony comes back and it looks like they’ve succeeded. I was expecting him to notice something off about Nebula, tbh. But anyway, final battle, and we all know what happens. He makes the sacrifice play. He dies. Pepper says it’s okay, but I just can’t agree. He already made the sacrifice play in the first movie. I think it should have been Steve or someone else in this one to do it. If all Tony’s pain and trauma has been building to this- I just feel empty inside. It’s not a satisfying end. Sure, he saved the universe, but I feel like Strange literally could have like left a message saying don’t send Nebula to the past and all of that would have been avoided. It felt so pointless. They’d already won. Tony also only got to reunite with Peter for like 30 mins, which is lame, and will bring a whole lot more trauma to him. He didn’t even get to see Morgan again. Ughhh I’m just annoyed. And then Steve?? He just goes to live in the past?? The whole movie he’s been saying he doesn’t move on, and then he literally never does, he never grows from there. He doesn’t really develop at all. It’s true- he never truly moved on from the past, and so that means... he’ll just go live there??? I think a better move would be to have him grow to accept his life and try to be happy and actually move on. Or, like I said earlier, he could have realized he can’t move on and made that sacrifice play himself in order to allow others to live and move on. I think that would have been a more satisfying arc to his story. And it would show the love he actually has for Tony- to allow Tony to live with his family and show that he heard and understood what Tony said at the beginning of the movie. (Also, they never had a real conversation where they made up. It was like they kind had that “do you trust me” moment but Steve never truly apologized and I feel like we got jipped out of a good heartfelt moment between those two.) Also- the Natasha sacrifice was sad, but I’m not totally surprised by it. It feels like a very her thing to do, to save her family and Clint’s. But then after everyone got mad and had a quick moment of silence, it was kind of forgotten?? Like they could have even had a memorial or small tribute at Ton’s funeral or elsewhere but like put something in?? It feels like she was just kind of brushed aside. (Also- I didn’t like BruceNat at first but grew to be okay with it, but then it never became anything? Bruce made himself into Professor Hulk and there was no real closure or conversation between him and Natasha? So like... what. was. the. point???) Again, everything with her just wasn’t that satisfying, but it’s something I may grow to view differently. I did enjoy Clint’s arc and I actually think they did a great job with him. Probably the strongest arc of the movie, actually. The way they handled Thor kind of annoyed me. I think it’s perfectly understandable that he would end up like that. He’s lost his family and most of his kingdom, and he feels responsible. I don’t have a problem with that. I have a problem with how the movie and the characters responded to that. Judgmental looks and jokes... like I’ll be honest, I did chuckle at Rhodey’s Cheez Whiz joke, but now I regret that. Like being fat is funny, haha look at Thor, he’s out of shape! Uhh yeah he’s depressed! And Rhodey should know better, being friends with Tony, he should know how to handle anxiety and depression. Nobody was really trying to help or even talk to Thor much, they really just wanted him to help them. Like he was clearly struggling, and yet that was used as a joke... it makes me sad. And also Thor never even looked back at Loki? The convo with his mom was nice though. But that reminds me? Was Loki’s infinity war death actually real then? Bc ugh. I’d be more willing to accept him being permanently dead if it wasn’t in such a lame way. Daggers, seriously?? Loki has freakin magic, and he’s smart!! He could have duplicated himself or something, and that type of lame death is so unsatisfying. Also. Captain. Freaking. Marvel. I went to the movie in a Captain Marvel T-Shirt, hers is one of the first actual comics I read, and I loved her movie. I was soooo excited to see her in this movie and become part of the team and to have some really fun banter with everyone. But then she just... disappears for basically the whole movie and hardly speaks at all (thinking about it- I think all the female characters speaking overall was wayyy low compared to mens which is sad) and she blows up the big ship at the end and that’s basically it. She didn’t really join the team, and she could have been so helpful! You’re telling me they didn’t make a way to communicate with her and they didn’t want to include her in their time travel adventures?? She could have had a funny interaction with Nick in 2012, or stopped Nebula from getting taken in 2014, or helped out more overall, idk. But she should have been a bigger part of the team. They hyped her up so much when she was hardly in the movie at all, which was extremely disappointing. Like I feel so cheated about this. This is something I’ll probably be bitter about for a while tbh... ugh she’s a queen and deserves so much more haha. Also Okoye and Wong would have been useful assets for the time travel and yet they were hardly in the movie at all? So many underutilized characters smh.... (Also I know this would be impossible and the point of the movie is for the main Marvel characters but you’re telling me that in 5 years, there was no random like French or Chinese or any other country’s scientist that could have developed time travel or another method of reversing the snap? Or someone from one of the bazillion planets out there? Like there have to have been other smart people/aliens who went all Liam Neeson after the snap and were out for revenge and solutions and they could have come up with something in those five years. But again, I know that wouldn’t work for the movie...) I just feel that a conclusion to the first real era and characters of Marvel should be more satisfying. But that’s just me, I know there are people who are plenty happy with it, and I think that’s valid. These are just my thoughts. Also, that was a long rant but I don’t want to be completely negative. Here’s some things I did enjoy. -Clint’s arc. Again, I felt it was really strong and emotional and hit all the right notes. They did a good job with him and I’m glad he got to go back to his family. -Nebula. She’s grown so much y’all. I do wish she got the final blow on Thanos, and that she clicked the button to go to the present faster so Thanos couldn’t come after them, but other than that I thought her storyline was great. She’s awesome. -That moment with all the female characters after Peter got hurt. I cheered. Marvel has so many amazing women and it was great to see them all together. I kinda wish they were given more lines and screen time though but this moment was super cool. -Morgan was adorable and I love her. -Pepper’s understanding of Tony was also great. She knew he needed to do something if he could, especially for Peter, she’s grown so much and she loves her mans I love her. -Almost the whole 2012 time travel thing was great. Some good humor and nostalgia, it was fun, I really liked it. The Loki alternate timeline would be cool to explore and I wonder if that’s what the show will be about. -Wanda had a great moment against Thanos. -Okay, while I do think that whole final battle was ultimately pointless and could have easily been avoided, the moment when T’Challa and the Guardians and everyone came in through the portals was amazingly epic and beautiful and powerful. The audience cheered and I did too. It was a cool scene. -Tony and Nebula in the ship at the beginning was great. -If Steve isn’t gonna be Cap anymore, Sam deserves it and I’m glad they went with him. -The Ancient One, Frigga, and other’s cameos were pretty cool. I liked those moments. -Tony’s convo with Howard was great. I like that he got a little bit of closure with his dad. There’s probably more but I’ve written a lot so I need to be done haha. Let me know your thoughts!! :)

[cchellacat]

Vacation (Part 2 of It’s Not A Cuddle)

Love All The Marvel Ships Challenge 

Day Nine ~ Hanging Out With Friends

She stared Steve down as he locked his jaw and gave her that judgmental holier than thou frowny face. God, the guy was such a disapproving stick in the mud sometimes.  She bet he shit in red white and blue too, the sanctimonious party pooper.   They didn’t come any more Apple Pie than good old Captain America.  But Darcy had had enough, this was her home too, technically it was her home first. Not that Rogers had figured that out yet.  She knew the others had and she also knew the pool down in security was pushing ten thousand at this point on when he would find out.  

“Bucky’s got a long road of recovery ahead, he needs quiet, not your usual brand of disturbance Darcy. I know you’re a good person, that you’ll respect my position in this.  Just keep your distance for a while, I think your behaviour is confusing him.”

Darcy mentally counted to ten, then ten again and just for good measure started reciting the periodic table too.  She would not lose her temper in a pointless argument with Captain Righteous.  Except the other part of her brain, the Stark part was screaming in the back of her head to taser him in the balls.

“Look Steve.  I know you mean well, but Bucky’s a big boy, he can use his words just fine.  If he doesn’t want me around, he can tell me himself, but I am not abandoning him just because you’re jealous.”

Steve glared down at her while she sneered back.

“I have no interest in you Miss Lewis.”

“I never said you did. I’m not blind and this isn’t 1940 anymore.  You’re losing your cool because your BAE has been flirting with me nonstop since I gave him a ‘Welcome Back, Glad You’re Not Brainwashed’, cupcake back in June.”

“I am not jealous Miss Lewis, Bucky is like a brother to me.”

“Sure you aren’t, and the Lannister’s were just siblings too, doesn’t mean they didn’t bang like rabbits.”  

Her sarcasm was so thick she could probably cut it with a knife.

Steve went a brilliant shade of puce and stalked away.  

Darcy watched him go and wrinkled her nose.  This was getting ridiculous; the guy had a massive bug up his butt about Bucky spending so much time with her.  What he needed was to pull the stick out of his ass and have some fun.  When she really thought about, all of them could use a little down time.  When was the last time any of them had had a vacation?  Probably not since before the Mandarin had blown up the house in Malibu.  Darcy hums to herself as she makes her way down to Tony’s workshop.

“Hey Pop, Peter.  What you doing?”

Tony was elbow deep in a piece of machinery and Peter was hanging upside down from the ceiling peering at whatever their dad was pointing out to him with an expression of awe.

“Just some adjustments for the engine we’re putting together”

“Cool, you building a car as some sort of father son bonding exercise?”

Tony and Peter shared an identical look of mischief and Darcy felt the hair on the back of her head rise in warning.  That was never good, the last time they had worked on something there had been doppelgangers popping in and out through portals to alternate universes, the clean up on that mess had been a bitch.  As always it had landed in her lap to deal with the fall out.  On the other hand, it had been really sweet getting to meet her counterpart in another world. In that one she was happily married to one James Buchannan Barnes with a baby on the way.  She really hoped it worked out for them, they seemed really happy together.

That world had been running a little ahead time wise though, so she figured her own delectable Mr Barnes and she had plenty of time to get their romance on the way to happily ever after, or at least she had till Captain Cockblock started lurking around every time she managed to get some alone time with him.

There was a clunk and spark from the table the boys were messing with which brought her attention back to the possible trouble the two were no doubt brewing.

“Do I have to call Mom and tell her you guys are “Up To Something” again?”

Twin looks of terror washed across their faces and the curl of satisfaction in Darcy’s gut turned her grin wicked.

“Darcy, light of my life, child of my heart, what can dear old dad do to keep you from ratting me out to Pepper?”

The look of delighted triumph that sprang up told Tony he was going to regret offering almost cart blanch for whatever scheme his daughter had concocted this time.

“Can the new house in Malibu be ready for guests this time next week?”

“Why?”

“I think the Avengers and their various support staff and significant others could really do with a vacation, some family time to recharge after the craptastic year and half we’ve had.  I’ll even arrange some cover for a week with Xavier. What do you say, family Va-kay?”

Tony let go a long suffering sigh and gave her ‘The Look’ TM.

“I’m not gonna get out of this am I?”

“Nope.”

“Fine, but if Barton breaks anything it’s coming out of your allowance.”

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“Bucky, are we cuddling again?”

For a long minute he just continues to hold her close, tucked into his arms protectively.  She squirms a little till he slackens his hold enough for her to look up and check his eyes.  Well that’s good, no Winter Soldier today, but something must have triggered him, he’d been doing much better in the month since she’d dropped Sam in that vat of goo.

“Umm, sorry Darcy.”  He shrugs a little and goes to step back but the squishy part of her heart has just been bent out of shape again and she wraps her arms around his waist and buries her nose in his chest.

“No sorry’s allowed Bucky-Bear.  We can hug now it’s fine, I like cuddles, remember?” Her playful tone has him slipping his arms around her again and she melts into his embrace.  

They stand that way for a few minutes, leaning into each other.  It’s the strangest way a guy has ever come onto her in her life, but she’s learning to appreciate these odd moments when Bucky just seems to need an anchor.  

For whatever reason, almost as soon as he’s been brought to the Tower, it was Darcy who had been his focus when the world around him got to be too much.  Natasha thought it was because Darcy was the least threatening looking person there, Clint was adamant that Darcy just looked like the softest most cuddly woman imaginable and that Barnes was probably a boob man.  Tony had got a pinched look on his face and told her that she probably reminded Barnes of the pin ups the guys back in the day would have postcards of, that the familiarity was a comfort.  To be honest she could see the merit in all the answers, it was probably a combination of the three.  Also, bonus for her because he was an absolute snack.  Who wouldn’t want to be wrapped up in the embrace of a six-foot super soldier with muscles like that?  Just being around him gave her the shivers, the good kind, and his eyes were a thing of beauty.  Anytime he had her caged in his arms she felt safe and warm and was tempted to start purring like a kitten.

The only thing stopping her from moving things forward was Captain “I can do this all day” Rogers.  Every time it seemed like Bucky was going to go in for a real, honest to goodness kiss the Captain would show up and she’d be back at square one.

Well, she was going to fix that.  She had plans to make, lots of villain level plans that were going to get her laid, damn it. All she needed was the house in Malibu, Sharon Carter and a little favour from Fury.  

“What are you plotting, Doll?  I can almost hear the wheels turning in you brain.”

“How would you feel about a little sun, some time by the pool and me in a bikini?”

“Sounds like a plan. How are you gonna pull it off?”

“I have my ways.”

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  A week later Darcy settled into the hot tub and was quickly pulled onto Bucky’s knee.  One arm held her securely over her waist and the other handed her a drink.  She snuggled back and bit her lip as he nuzzled into her neck and placed tiny kisses at the juncture of her shoulder, sweet mother of Thor she could get used to this.  Everything had went off without a hitch.  Currently Fury had sent Steve and Sharon undercover for a month, a conveniently timed operation in Russia.  Without the good Captain to muck up her plans the rest of the Avengers had all headed to Malibu and the new house to take some vacation days.  

Everyone looked happy and relaxed.  Clint and Laura and the kids were by the pool, the kids getting a swimming lesson from Sam.  Laura was snuggled into Clint’s side on the double lounger as the archer read a book.

Peter, MJ and Ned were playing volley ball on the beach a little way down with Tony, Pepper and Happy.

Natasha was lying on a lounger, Bruce happily rubbing lotion into her back, they’d been doing that for a while now and no one was about to mention it or even raise an eyebrow.

Across the hot tub from them, Thor and Jane were enjoying a little cuddle time of their own.  

Sipping on her Mojito as Bucky’s fingers skimmed the edge of her bikini bottoms Darcy felt like everything had fallen into place nicely.  This was exactly what they had needed.  Just a nice relaxing time away from New York, the whole gang getting the chance to hang out together without the usual pressures and stresses of every day Avenging business.  

Without Steve to cock block her at every turn Bucky been in had every night since they arrived.  With both of them able to relax they had fallen into a nice routine of going to bed early and getting up late.  This morning had been especially good, waking up in his arms and exchanging sleepy kisses he had told her he loved her and then he’d shown her just how much with as much enthusiasm as he could.  

“We should do this every year Darcy.”  Bucky told her she traced her fingers over the plates in his arm.

“What, get Steve sent off for a month?”  she throws him a cheeky grin, the responding smile and chuckle and the sweet kiss he plants on her cheek brings a swell of happiness in her heart.

“No, just this, spend time together as a family, just hanging out, having fun.  Think everyone needed it, even you Doll.  You haven’t pranked anyone once since we got here.”

“Well I did promise Tony not to break anything.”

“And I know you’re more than capable of coming up with ways to inconvenience people without property damage.”

“Tony would disagree, he had to rip out the whole air filtration system at the tower three months ago on account of the number of glitter bombs that I’ve set off.”

“You never did tell me where you had Fury send Steve?”

The feral smile that graces her lips makes his cock twitch.

“Well…..  you remember that Sharon’s been working with Interpol on infiltrating a Russian human trafficking ring?  I had Fury send her Steve to help out.  Right now, he’ll be sitting in a brothel in St Petersburg which is being used as a front for illegal money laundering and weapons distribution. Sharon said she’d send him in as a customer, you know, get him a regular girl and turn an asset for them.”

Bucky choked on his drink then threw his head back and laughed.  She giggled right along with him, the thought of Steve stuck in that situation gave her a ridiculous level of satisfaction.

“Doll, I love you, don’t ever change.”

“I love you too soldier.”

He kissed her then, right in front of everyone.  The wolf whistle from Clint had her flipping him off while she closed her eyes and sank into Bucky’s warmth.

Best.  Vacation.  Ever.

NEXT

@captain-rogers-beard

[takaraphoenix]

For MCU Ask Game!! 1, 3, 27, 47, 50 (*^_^*)

Thanks for asking! :3

1. Favorite male character

*lol* Like that’s even in any way or shape a question! Anthony Edward Stark, of course! The heart and soul of the MCU. *^*

3. Favorite actor

RDJ, I suppose, though I don’t really have a favorite MCU actor.

27. Favorite moment

Good question. Excellent question. Yeah. Question. Mh. Answer... uhm... Honestly, the “I am Iron Man” moment? It was such a power-move and as someone Overly Tired by the “I have to angst a lot about keeping my secret identity!!!” trope, that was bafflingly nice.

Though a close second is the flag-pole scene from the first Captain America, it was such an amazing Steve moment and... I wish the future of the MCU had done more with clever!Steve...

47. Do I still like Mcu?

*again, actually. Guardians 2 and Thor 3 made me feel like “Yeeeah, they’re done. This is it. The MCU has reached its expiration date.”. But Black Panther and Infinity War really injected my love back into it and I am so eager for Captain Marvel.

50. Characters that deserved better

Janet van Dyne, who deserved to be a founding Avengers member instead of being canned because Nat was already signed on and we don’t need two women, followed by literally being fucking fridged and then being unfridged just to be dusted. Like. Stop fucking with my girl

Wanda Maximoff, who deserves to not be a terrorist Nazi who just switched sides without actual redemption arc and then just became “Nooo my boooyfriend!!!” for the latest movie like yeah goodness gracious Wanda could be such a good character why did they do this

Clint Barton, who has been nothing but a) a mind-controlled puppet, b) a... farm... dad... I guess... c) a complete asshole. Seriously it’s sad when one of your main characters’ best movie is fucking Thor where he’s only a minor side-character *snorts*

Bucky Barnes, who deserves to be his own damn character instead of Cap’s man-pain prop

Natasha Romanov, who started out as a real interesting character and then AoU just reduced her to Bruce’s Girlfriend, while CW made her a turncoat without any actual personal agenda that justified her actions and honestly IW didn’t do a lot with her either... In the year after Avengers, she would have deserved at the very least a shared movie with Clint, followed by actual consistent characterization

Pietro Maximoff, who is literally the best X-Men right now showing us how cool that character could be and instead of using him at least for a while, the MCU decided to kill him off within the first damn movie

Flash Thompson, who deserves to actually be Flash Thompson instead of some damn OC with his name slapped on. Seriously. You can’t ““update”“ a character. Flash Thompson is a jock bully, that is part of who he is. The actor’s decision to be ““clever”“ about it and make him a... modern bully... was so stupid and also so failed? Calling Peter “Penis Parker” a couple times is... not... bullying? Especially since no one even took him seriously? Not to mention Flash is a jock, instead of casting a physically fit actor who could pass as a jock, they cast a dude who looks more like a nerd than the titular nerd of the damn movie. We live in a universe where Peter Parker is more of a jock than Flash Thompson and that’s just ridiculous and I hate it, because I actually love the character of Flash Thompson - the character development of coming from a place of being a “dumb jock bully” to discovering his own good side. MCU!Flash is weak and a coward and there is no way he could ever have the Venom-redemption-arc-of-character-growth that Flash should get. And it pisses me off a lot

Literally every single female character who has ever been reduced to Love Interest by the movies and then shelved due to a break-up or just not being mentioned anymore at all like the only value they hold is their romantic relationship to a male Avenger (namely: Sharon Carter [lack of her in IW after she was basically there to just kiss Steve and help him out in CW], Sif, Jane Foster, Pepper Potts [oooh yes; CW])

MCU Ask Meme

[180abroad]

Seattle & PodCon 2 (Special Post)

For this post, I wanted to share a more recent adventure of mine. This past weekend, I flew up to Seattle to attend a podcast convention. I went with my friend Heidi (@electricabyss), who actually suggested it to me while I was in Europe with Jessica last year.

We landed at SeaTac early Friday afternoon. The flight was quick and easy, and we didn't have any trouble getting through security despite the ongoing government shutdown affecting the TSA. Getting from the airport into town proved simple--if not exactly speedy--by taking the super-affordable Link train from the airport to the main downtown train station, which dropped us off just a few blocks from the convention center and our Airbnb.

Heidi had never used Airbnb before, so I got to share a bit of my knowledge and experience from using it extensively in Europe. I'd managed to find us a very nice place right around the corner from the convention center and considerably cheaper than a double room at the convention center hotel.

After a slightly awkward check-in process, we set out to do some sightseeing. We wouldn't have much free time during the weekend, so we went straight for the place we most wanted to see: Chihuly Garden and Glass.

I was vaguely aware of Chihuly as an artist who created beautiful and extravagant glass installations, and Heidi, being an artist, was very aware of who he is. The museum is clustered together with many other interesting museums right next to the iconic Space Needle.

The museum, which was a pricey but tolerable $25, starts with a quick introduction to Dale Chihuly's career, starting with glass interpretations of Native American basket and blanket designs and moving on to his increasingly stylized and larger-than-life works.

After passing under the gorgeous Persian Ceiling, we saw the truly amazing Mille Fiori (Italian for "thousand flowers").

After some more stunning pieces, we came to Chihuli's Ikebana and Niijima floats, featuring boats loaded with floral and sphere motifs, respectively. We found the Niijima float especially tranquil and calming to look at.

On the wall opposite from the floats hangs a series of "Burned Drawings"--mixed media artworks created by Chihuly after he lost the use of one eye in a glass-blowing accident and had to relinquish much of the grunt work to his apprentices. He turned to drawing as a way to channel his visions into reality, using paints, metallic pigments, charcoal, and even an acetylene torch to create some truly unique mixed-media effects.

Yet another amazing display was the Macchia Forest--a series of scalloped bowls made using all 300 colors in Chihuly's workshop.

Moving outside, we wandered through the magnificent gardens, filled with colorful glass tendrils rising from the ground like a beautiful alien invasion.

At the center of the museum is the Glasshouse, which houses one of the largest and most complex suspended installations Chihuly has ever made. It looks like one continuous string of exploding flowers, but from the side we could see that it was actually composed of many smaller pieces cleverly hung together to give the impression of continuity.

And faintly visible through the ceiling, the iconic Space Needle towered directly over us.

Before we left, we got to see a live glassblowing demonstration by a team of three museum employees. They were using a mobile workshop converted from a vintage Airstream trailer.

It was fascinating to watch them work, and the darkening evening made the glow of the molten glass all the more spectacular. Even though they were only creating a simple cylindrical vase, we were enthralled to see them start with a small, egg-sized ball of molten glass and expand and shape it, adding bits of clear and colored glass along the way.

It was especially impressive to see the way the team worked together with practiced ease, each anticipating and preparing for the others' needs.

After the show, we took one last look into the gardens, then headed over to the Space Needle gift shop, where all of the artwork made by the glassblowing demonstrations is put up for sale.

We made our way to the Armory, a food court in the center of the museum plaza. Most of the restaurants were already closed despite it being early evening on a Friday, but we stuck around since we were meeting up with some of Heidi's old college friends. Afterward, we went home on the monorail, which exists solely to connect the museum plaza with the main train station downtown.

That night, as I tried to sleep on the pullout couch, I was reminded just how nice it is to sleep in a real bed.

The rest of the weekend was dominated by PodCon.

It was the second annual PodCon convention, featuring the Green and McElroy family podcasting empires, as well as a host of other great podcasters including--but far from limited limited to--Roman Mars of 99% Invisible, Helen Zaltzman of The Allusionist, Ross and Carrie of Oh No Ross & Carrie, the Hannahs Hart and Gelb of Hannahlyze This, and Cecil Baldwin, Jeffrey Cranor, Joseph Fink, Symphony Sanders, Dylan Marron, and Meg Bashwiner of Welcome to Nightvale.

Heidi and I were mainly fans of the various McElroy and McElroy-adjacent podcasts, but we were excited to discover new great podcasts and podcasters as well.

Saturday started with a fun opening ceremony. Highlights included listening to Hank Green and Travis McElroy talking about being dads of toddlers, Cecil Baldwin encouraging us all to take a break and appreciate floors, and Griffin McElroy passing on the crown of “cronching.”

Next, we saw a live performance of Oh No Ross & Carrie, which Heidi hadn't seen before. Ross talked about his experiment to see if their ban from Scientology had reached this far north, then they covered a Seattle ghost tour they'd taken the night before. There had been a bit of a mix-up with regard to the question of whether there would be a projector in the meeting room, but Carrie kindly kept us apprised of just how much we would have enjoyed the pictures they'd taken.

It was everything I'd hoped for.

We managed to get into a meet and greet with the Smirl sisters of Still Buffering, including Sydnee McElroy, who also hosts the medical history podcast Sawbones with her husband Justin McElroy, of My Brother, My Brother, and Me and The Adventure Zone. (Confused yet?)

I was able to get my copy of The Sawbones Book signed by Sydnee and Teylor, who did the book's fantastic artwork, and Heidi was able to have a very brief chat with Teylor about art school and continuing to do art even when you don't end up being able to make a full-time living off of it.

All three of them were incredibly sweet and wholesome.

After that, we saw a live performance of Buffering the Vampire Slayer, which neither of us had seen before. Hosted by the formerly married Kristin Russo and Jenny Owen Youngs, each episode recaps an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, reveling in its silly awesomeness while also appreciating its relevance to ongoing social, political, and LGBTQ issues. Even having never seen the episode they were recapping, it was very entertaining and accessible.

Last two shows of the night were Still Buffering and My Brother, My Brother, and Me, the two shows we had been most excited to see. They were both very fun, and the episodes have already been posted this week.

After day's events were over, we took an Uber over to Pair, a fine Franco-Mediterranean tapas restaurant in the university district where another of Heidi's old friends works. The food was absolutely delicious, and for dessert Heidi's friend prepared a special "raindrop cake."

It was�� interesting.

The second day of the convention, we saw three panels: one on podcasting with family (featuring Teylor and Riliegh Smirl), one on dealing with anxiety and depression as a comedic entertainer (featuring Justin McElroy), and one on telling complex stories in a simple and accessible way (featuring Sydnee McElroy). The last panel also introduced us to the delightful Helen Zaltzman of The Allusionist, a non-prescriptivist podcast about the charms and foibles of the ever-evolving English language.

We also got to meet Clint McElroy, father of the McElroy brothers, co-host of The Adventure Zone, and author of the Adventure Zone graphic novels. He was a surprise guest on the family panel and was more than happy to lead his "disciples" out into the hallway afterward for book signings, photo ops, and fatherly hugs. Like everyone else we met, he was incredibly kind and respectful.

Taking a break, we walked down to the Pike Place Market for lunch. We got chicken katsu and a chocolate and strawberry crepe, both of which were among the tastiest either of us had ever had. We also checked out Golden Age Collectibles, which is apparently the world's oldest comic shop.

Last big show of the convention was Sawbones, where Justin and Sydnee talked about auriculotherapy--a pseudoscientific practice similar to reflexology that claims you can cure just about any ailment just by applying the right pressure, vibration, or radiation to specific pressure points in the ear.

The con ended with a wonderful closing performance. Highlights included an experiment to record an entire ten-episode podcast season in ten minutes (One Question, With Allegra Frank), Roman Mars and Justin McElroy conversing through prerecorded sound bites, and a hilarious and terrifying game where four podcasters had to compete to say catchphrases while wearing a dental mouthpiece. Carrie Poppy handily won, then proceeded to deliver an amazingly drawn-out and over-the-top victory speech--while still wearing the mouthpiece.

I’ve never been much of a convention person. I don’t like crowds, and I don't have a deep-seated desire to share my obscure obsessions with total strangers. Liking the same thing is good fuel for a friendship, but I don't see it as a basis for one. Still, getting to see the live performances and panels was a thrill, and it was truly touching to see people enjoy themselves and revel in their weirdness in a way that they probably don't feel free to in their regular lives.

All in all, it was a fantastic weekend and a much-needed break from the busy holiday work season. I have to say that, while our Airbnb experience was quite positive, in retrospect I probably would have stayed at the hotel instead. It was cheaper than a hotel, but not that much cheaper. Close to the convention center, but still a bit of a walk. And we didn't really have time to take advantage of the kitchen or any of the other amenities. Having a larger space and separate rooms was the main benefit, but the beds really weren't that great.

Anyway, we had a great time, and the trip home was as easy and uneventful as our flight over. In fact, the TSA agents were unnervingly friendly and cheerful--an experience I'd never encountered before in a US airport.