#clearly im very unstable. i didnt know that at all. tjought ive been the most stable ive ever been | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

n0phalt · 1 year ago

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just waffling about my day im being personal ignore me

dear diary (kinda public online space that 21 people have made the unfortunate choice of following but its not a direct person so interacting and being vulnerable does not activate my Instant Dissociation Response) today is a day . i am going to have a challenging conversation i fell asleep thinking about but im slowly figuring my life out :) minor inconveniences keep happening in adjusting to. honestly yeah it is a move. Adjusting To The Move . like i havent had sheets at all, just an old blanket and a mattress. and have run the dryer 6 times on my own blankets and it finally dried but my brothers friend was over so she got them instead so i have to restart the cycle. and none of the foods im used to are here. and i dont have as much privacy even tho it was minimal before (actually. lie. im less alone but i have more private spaces which means a lot more) and i miss my susan and scooby. and the first few days fucked up my carefully cultivated sleep schedule bc alarms went off from 3:30-5:30 and nobody else wakes up to them. but my grandpa may be coming home from the hospital this weekend! and i Feel like i cant draw anymore and i lost that part of myself but i think if i keep trying ill find it. and today if i can schedule it around visiting my grandpa and doing copious amounts of laundry . i will be able to call with a few of my friends and play games ive been excited for all week :-) i am happy this morning i think

#clearly im very unstable. i didnt know that at all. tjought ive been the most stable ive ever been #but thats fine and the world keeps turning and this too shall pass and i think im just gonna talk on here more bc it helps me. stay aware of #life if that makes sense. unfortunately a recent trauma(?) response i discovered that prompted the move was that. for as long as i can remem #ber. venting to someone immediately leads me to wanting to give them a happy ending. not even consciously. my brain blocks off the things #that were bothering me so i can crack jokes and feel like everythings fixed. but then it comes right back eventually #which. kinda sucks. but also to spare ppl how erratic i think ive always been around ventnh im just. shoving this out here #which SHOULD make me feel bad bc a core component of my ethos is to be impersonal in public and i really dont like seeing even tiny 'public #figures' being so brazen about their mental health and life in objectively public spaces #but i think this is the first step to healing and its still. tiny. this thing is still next to nothing. and ill certainly be hiding all the #'meat' of the info like so #at least going forwards #i do feel bad about the few times i certainly just threw open bad vibes on ppls tls #condolences #anyways

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