#clay x reader angst
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he's a biter! 𖦹 clay. m

cw: implied smut, clay being a biter, fluff; kinda edited, all mistakes are my ownノ pairings: established clay miller x gn!readerノ wc: 484
You never expected Clay Miller to be a biter, but he is.
It started off subtly at first. When the two of you were slowly becoming more comfortable in your relationship and when you guys went on a picnic date that you had planned.
He was laying in your lap as your back rested on the thick tree trunk, your free hand carding through his thick hair as the other he was holding to his chest, pressing the occasional kiss to the back of it. But in this case, he let the kiss trail down your fingers, and his mouth lingered.
Clay couldn’t help himself and nipped at your fingertips like a bird would to show their affection.
You pulled your hand back from his mouth, and a surprised laugh escaped you. “What was that for?”
“Just felt like doing it.” Clay sent you a smile, his eyes lidded from your nails scratching at his scalp.
You pressed your thumb against his smiling lips. “So you’re a biter huh?”
Clay laughed, grabbing your wrist and pulling your hand away from his mouth. He sat up from your lap, his face getting closer to yours. “Maybe.” He murmured.
“Maybe?” You parroted back as you leaned closer to him. The scent of pine, amber, and tobacco filled your lungs as you rested your forehead on his.
“Would you like to find out?” His hazel eyes glittered with desire as his lips ghosted over yours.
And found out you did once you got back to your apartment. You traced the faint imprints on your skin from his mouth as you looked into your mirror after your shared shower. He came up from behind you, pressing apologetic kisses to the bite marks that littered your skin.
“M’sorry if I bit too hard.” Clay murmured into your neck.
“It’s fine, I kinda asked for it.”
Clay pressed a gentle kiss to the crook of your neck before turning you around his arms. You let your hands rest on his bare chest as he looked down at you with a serious gaze.
“If it’s too hard, just let me know okay?”
“I promise.” You reassured Clay, seeing the concern in his eyes.
“Good.” He murmured before pressing a soft kiss to your lips.
From then on, Clay would casually bite anything he could reach in the comfort of either of your apartments. They were never too hard, just little nips anywhere he could reach, your fingers, forearm, neck, inner thighs—the only time that they were was when Clay lost himself in you as he chased his release.
His hips pistoned into you, Clay’s face shoved into your neck, nipping and biting at the skin there, marking you up as his own. You couldn’t help but let out moans at the feeling of his teeth on your skin as sweat coated the two of you.
Yeah, he was definitely a biter.
a/n: here's a little clay miller blurb in honor of it being friday the 13th since im still working on my lust for life fic and i wanted to post something for you guys :]
#daisy writes#i cooked this up so quickly while watching criminal minds lol#so apologies if it seems rushed and bad lol#clay miller#clay my baby#clay miller x reader#clay miller x you#clay miller x fem reader#clay miller x fem!reader#clay miller one shot#clay miller fluff#clay miller angst#clay miller fanfiction#friday the 13th#friday the 13th fanfiction#friday the 13th 2009#jared padalecki#jared padalecki x reader
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OFFICIAL MASTERLIST
Requests: Open! (please request things!)
Sam Monroe:
Love is a gentle thing
So Rich, So Pretty
A rebel without a clue
Piercing
Hey Emo Boy! (NSFW)
Pregnancy
we might as well just fuck (NSFW)
Excuse me?
Clay Beresford:
Best day of the year (NSFW)
Scott Barringer:
Listen to Iron Maiden with me
Pretty girl
Spiderman! Scott Barringer
Nail Polish
Frenemies part 1
Frenemies part 2
Hickeys
Idiots in love
So kiss me
Tatted Up
Anakin Skywalker:
Nerdy Boy
#hayden christensen#scott barringer#hayden christensen imagines#scott barringer x reader#scott barringer fluff#scott barringer angst#scott barringer imagine#scott barringer smut#anakin skywalker#anakin skywalker x reader#anakin fluff#anakin angst#anakin imagine#anakin smut#clay beresford angst#clay beresford fluff#clay beresford smut#clay beresford x reader#clay beresford imagine#sam monroe angst#sam monroe smut#sam monroe imagine#sam monroe x reader#sam monroe
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Do I Know You? Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker x Reader {Part. II}
author's note: here is part two aka the final chapter to my alternate universe/timeline!au fic. I wasn't expecting to release this chapter so late, but here it is!
summary: Where Darth Vader is sent on a mission and finds himself traveling through another timeline and meets another version of you were you aren't dead. part I: Do I Know You? I
Obi-Wan took his saber off his belt and held it firmly in his grasp now. "Let's try this one more time. You will leave at once and return to where you once came." Obi-Wan stated.
Vader's demeanor shifted. The dark side influencing him to become more angry by the moment. He grew impatient at this, other Obi-Wan, standing in his way between his wife once again. With a hiss of his helmet, Vader's helmet was back on his head again. His vision now giving him the advantage to see in the dark penthouse.
"You will not take her away from me, again." Darth Vader's mechanical voice boomed as he lit his red lightsaber. "You will surrender her over to me alas."
"Oh I don't think so." Obi-Wan lit up his blue lightsaber as he got into his fighting position.
-
I stirred around in my bed. Something felt off, I could feel it in my stomach. My eyes shot opened at the faint sound of what sounded like lightsaber clashing.
Artoo had awaken from his rest state and beeped quietly at me, telling me that there was something or someone was here.
I stuck my hand under my pillow to pull out my handy blaster. I haven't needed to use it yet, but it was a precaution in situations like this. I got out the bed and cracked the door open ajar.
"Someone's here Artoo." I whispered to him, to which he quietly beeped in response.
I opened the door wider, only to see Obi-Wan's blue lightsaber clashing with a red lightsaber.
"There is no need to resist me." A deep, mechanical voice spoke. "Search your feelings Obi-Wan, only then you will know that I was once your appreintience, Anakin Skywalker."
I raise up my blaster, trying to find the person Obi-Wan was fighting, but it didn't help that it was dark and I couldn't tell who was who and what I would be aiming at specifically.
After moments of locking on the person Obi-Wan was fighting, I took a shot at what looked like his torso. A booming mechanical cry was heard, but that wasn't enough to take him down. In fact, it made him angrier. He used the force and threw Obi-Wan across the room and into the wall.
"Don't move! I'll shoot you again." I spoke up, my breath shaking. My other hand searching to find the light switch on the wall next to me. I turned on the lights only to be met face to face with the tall masked figure that was couple of feet from me. I pointed the blaster at his head, my hands shaking.
His breathing was mechanical. He sounded like a droid, but seemed human at the same time.
"Angel..." The tall figure said. My eyes widen, my blood ran cold as I froze in place. A nickname I haven't been called over year, a name I haven't been called since...Since Anakin's death. I gripped my blaster tighter, only for him to use the force and pull it out of my grasp and fling it across the room. I looked over to where Obi-Wan was on the ground unconscious.
-
Artoo rolled into the living space with a scream, attacking Vader's leg, only for him to be forced kicked across the room by Vader. This gave you time to run over to your blaster where Vader had flung it, but you couldn't move. That bastard was holding you in place with the force.
"Do not be afraid. I will not harm you." Vader spoke up, pulling you closer to him with the force. You were trying to wiggle out of his grasp, but it was no use.
"You will not harm me? Then release me this instant!" You exclaimed, still wiggling around the air, as he pulled you closer to him. You felt your feet touch the ground as he released his grasp from you. You were now standing face to face with Vader. "What is it that you want from me?" You brush out your silk nightgown as he stared at you in awe. You were slowly becoming uncomfortable under his gaze, but you wouldn't let yourself fold.
"Hello? Did you not hear me?" You asked again as you crossed your arms, your patience growing thinner.
"Apologies...I just." Vader mustered out, unable to find the words.
"You just what?"
You couldn't tell, but Vader was panicking under his suit. He didn't think this through, or what he would say to you if he faced you. You were very much alive, at least since the last time he saw you. Your e/c gleamed under the living room lights. Your locks of h/c hair were longer now, cascading down to your hips. Your lips were plump and rosy, just taunting Vader to smash his lips against yours.
Without thinking, Vader's hands had found his way up helmet once again. Hoping that this time you would give him a chance, unlike Obi-Wan who was a bit apprehensive and combative toward him. You watched in bewilderment as the person who was after you revealed himself as a humanoid man? But your shock didn't end there. Your eyes scanned all over Vader's face, analyzing it. You didn't know what to expect what this man would look like, but you weren't expecting him to look like this.
Vader's eyes were no longer yellow, but were his original cerulean colored eyes. You took a step closer to him as you cupped his face, your eyes meeting his. You couldn't believe it, you didn't want to believe it. His eyes were just like Anakin's, if not the exact same. Though Vader was now hairless and heavily scarred, he still resembled Anakin. In fact, there were still remnants of Anakin within Vader that he believed he had rid of years ago.
"I-it can't be..." You whispered out. It had been over a year since Anakin's death. There have been many nights where you dreamed of the life that both you and Anakin could have had after the war. How you would have left your position as senator, Anakin leaving the Jedi, just so you both could have a family somewhere in the star system. But every morning as you woke, it was a constant reminder that it was only a dream, and that every waking hour you were awake, it was a nightmare for you.
"Angel.." Anakin said softly, cupping your cheek. Your eyes were glossy now, tears slowly forming in the corner of your eyes.
You had dreams and hopes, hopes that one day both you and Anakin would find each other again. You couldn't care if Anakin had been reincarnated into a Wookie or some hideous creature, but as long as there were remnants of Anakin, you would be happy and content. Perhaps it had been the lament you had over the loss of Anakin or the loneliness you've endured the past year, you did everything and anything in your power to be with him once again.
Now, here he was, standing in front of you. Though he didn't look like the same Anakin you once knew and loved, but you had gut feeling that he was like Anakin at least.
"Ani...Is it really you?" You were desperate, desperately hoping that this was the Maker giving you another chance to have your happy ending with Anakin.
Anakin nodded in response as you wiped away a tear that fell from his eyes. You let out a sob has you threw yourself into his strong arms, to which he engulfed your small frame. He held onto you tightly, afraid that you would slip away from him.
You pulled away from Anakin, your eyes meeting his once again. Smiling up at him, you stood on your tippy toes, inching closer to his face as you closed the gap between yourselves. Your lips were soft against Anakin's slightly chapped lips. The kiss soon turned passionate as Anakin's pressed you harder against him, his hands roaming up and down your body, desperate to touch every single inch of you.
You let out a small moan, however your passionate session came to an end when you heard someone clearing their throat. Both you and Anakin pulled away, turning your heads at Obi-Wan who shifted uncomfortably in his spot, clutching his elbow that had been injured.
"How long was I out for?" Obi-Wan spoke up, trying to shift the awkward mood between the three of you.
"A good 15 minutes I'd say?" You responded, your cheeks now tinted pink as you looked up at Anakin, before looking back at Obi-Wan.
"Well, I'm gonna go get some rest. If you need me, I will be in my chambers." With that, Obi-Wan swiftly made his way out of the living area and into his room. You couldn't help but giggle, as Anakin let out a chuckle. Obi-Wan definitely had been watching the both of you make out for a good minute or so before intervening.
Anakin let out a hiss, forgetting the fact that you had shot him earlier with your blaster. You looked at him with concern.
"Oh darling... Let's get you patched up." You tell Anakin, your hand gently brushing against the wound. To which Anakin sucked in a breath.
"Could you patch me up in your bedroom love?" Anakin spoke up. You rolled your eyes at his comment, before hooking your arm around his and leading him to your quarters.
thank you for reading!!! <3
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tags: @mistress-amidala
#anakin#anakinskywalker angst#anakinskywalker slowburn#anakinskywalkerxreader angst#anakinskywalkerxreader#angst#darthvader#darthvaderxreader#darthvaderxreader angst#haydenchristensen#hayden christensen x reader#hayden christensen#Hayden christensen x reader#anakin x reader#clay beresford#sam monroe#scott barringer#haydenchristensenxreader angst#vader#darth vader x reader angst#darth vader#dark vader#lord vader#vaderwan#obi wan#darth vader x reader#anakin skywalker x reader#anakin fanfiction#anakin angst#starwars angst
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Hug Time? Male Reader x John Dory
A/N: First time writing angst. Yay.
Throughout the saving Floyd mission, you've noticed John Dory always tried to hug his siblings and you, but neither you nor his brothers hugged him. It seems you and his brothers are still uncomfortable. After a few months have passed since that day and you've grown accustomed to being touchy with John Dory but his brothers still need a bit of time, which was understandable, yet John Dory felt...distanced from his brothers, no matter how hard or how much he tried they never seem to get around and be comfortable with him. He thinks that maybe he'll never convince them but you always assure him that he can and it'll take time. John Dory felt assured but the feeling still lingered inside of him. One day, you were going out to buy some groceries, Bruce also came to visit at this time, John Dory, Poppy, Branch, Viva and the rest of the Brozone brothers were all talking inside the bunker, talking about anything really. Then the hug time bracelets went off and everyone started to hug each other, except for John Dory, whenever he would try to hug one of his brothers someone hugged them first, and he didn't want to just hug them still since he knew that they may not be so comfortable still. Now everyone has hugged someone.
John Dory was on the verge of a mental breakdown, he felt like crying, he was slightly trembling, thinking to himself "No John Dory, don't do it. Don't ruin the mood" He stands up and leaves without anyone noticing, he then goes to his shared room with you, locks the door and just quietly cries in bed. He had you and he was grateful but he still wanted at least one of his brothers to hug him or show the same affection he was giving them. He knew that he brought this upon himself but, it still hurts, to know your brothers still don't feel comfortable enough with you. Time passes by and Poppy notices John Dory is gone, and she gets a little concerned "Wait, did anyone hug John Dory?" She says. The brothers and Viva look at each other and shrug. All of them then went to your bedroom with John Dory room knocking on his door to no response.
You finally got back home with groceries, putting them on the table, you see a small commotion outside your room. "What's going on?" You ask, concerned and curious. "Well we're not sure. I think no one hugged John Dory during hug time, and we're trying to let him let us inside his room to maybe help him feel better" Poppy says before continuing "But he's not opening the door" You sigh, a frown on your face, visibly worried about how John Dory's feeling "Let me handle this" You say knocking on the door saying "John? Can you let me in? It's me, Y/N" The door then opens and you enter it, and close it, while the rest of the group goes back to the living room.
It was now just you and John Dory. He guys you, still quietly sobbing, as you take him to bed, sitting beside him "How are you feeling?" You ask, your voice is soft, stroking his hair, as you take off his goggles that cover his tear filled eyes, John Dory then just let's it all out on you, as you comfort him "It's fine, just let it all out" after a while of crying John Dory stops, it's been a while since he's ever actually cried so this was new, John Dory felt good letting it all out, as you both continue to hug "I just feel that maybe they still don't love me like a big brother. Maybe they'll never love me like a big brother, maybe I'll never get them to be comfortable with me. I-I" You sush him "Nonesense" John Dory then removes your hand and says "No! It's not nonesense! They still can't bring themselves to hug me, and every time it's just me and one of my brothers alone it's always awkward!" He yells, the walls were thankfully thick enough to make it soundproof which you're glad "I don't know what I can do to make them like me anymore. It seems no matter how hard I try, they still have resentment over me, no matter how hard they try to hide it, and maybe I deserve it. I-I just wish I can get them to at least not be awkward with me anymore, to be comfortable with me" He continues, his voice is breaking, he isn't yelling anymore, tears rolling down his cheek, he stopped hugging you, as he just puts his hands on the bed.
You always saw John Dory as being a bit too confident but now, it seems like this whole new side of him is new to you, he was being vulnerable with you, and he was letting himself cry, he's letting himself be all sad around you. You have a frown on your face, concerned for John Dory's mental health, you sigh and say "Look....sure it's true, you may have deserved this kind of treatment from your brothers but I assure you they still love you. It just takes time to get used to being around the person who was the reason you ran away from home, the person trying to force them to be perfect, so please John, don't give up and don't think that just because they haven't gotten comfortable with you doesn't mean they won't ever will" You kiss John Dory, in hopes it'll make him feel a bit better, John Dory kisses you back, and after pulling away, he smiles and wipes his tears "You're right, maybe they'll come around some day." He says "That's the spirit! Now let's go back to the living room." You exclaim.
Once you two are back in the living room, the Brozone brothers, Poppy and Viva, all hug John Dory, he's quite shocked by this, then Bruce starts to talk "We're sorry for not hugging you John. We know we may have been a bit resentful towards you at times but we want to assure you that we do still love you" Branch continues by saying "Yeah, we've seen your efforts in trying to make us be comfortable around you and we have been too harsh on you" All the brothers, Poppy and Viva then nod in agreement of Bruce and Branch's statement, John Dory starts to cry tears of joy "I love you guys. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that." He says. You watch this unfold with a smile on your face, appreciating the heartfelt moment. The day continues on as Bruce decides to cook you all dinner, you all eat together and The brothers now seem to be more comfortable around John Dory. Sharing laughs, sharing embarrassing stories about each other during the Brozone days (Mostly from John Dory). Yes this is truly the start of a new beginning among the brothers.
#trolls 3#trolls#trolls john dory#john dory#john dory x reader#trolls branch#brozone x male reader#bruce trolls#john dory x male reader#trolls bruce#trolls poppy#trolls x reader#clay trolls#x male reader#male reader#floyd trolls#trolls Floyd#angst with a happy ending#angst#john dory angst#john dory needs a hug#gay
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˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊ 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 .ᐟ ────────
⭑ 𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐫 ⭑
⭑ 𝐭𝐨𝐦 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝 ⭑
⭑ 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐲 𝐣𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐧 ⭑
⭑ 𝐣𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐚 ⭑
⭑ 𝐣𝐮𝐣𝐮𝐭𝐬𝐮 𝐤𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐧 ⭑
#tom holland x reader#peter parker#tom holland#spiderman#peter parker x you#peter parker x reader#fluff#angst#blurb#reader discretion advised#drabbles#fic writing#fanfic writing#fanfic writer#fanfiction writing#marvel x you#mcu#mcu fanfiction#marvel cinematic universe#marvel#avengers#my writing#tom holland masterlist#peter parker masterlist#clay jensen fanfic#clay jensen x reader#clay jensen imagine#clay jensen fluff
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THE THREE OF US - CLAY ROACH
female!reader x clay roach
word count: 2,160
contents: 18+, angst, suicide
When you first met Clay you were both in highschool, he was in grade 12 and you were in grade 10. As soon as you met each other you fell into his world.
He would take you to parties practically every weekend letting you sit in his lap while he shared joints and drinks with you. You both were absolutely hammered and higher than kites as you stumbled back to your house with him. You giggled as you stumbled up the staircase with Clay holding onto you. You tumbled into your bed with him. You both laid on your backs taking in each other's features. You admired the way his hair fell around his face and the way his lips curled up in a smile. You noticed how the veins in his hands bulged slightly as he squeezed your hand. You smiled at the way his eyes flickered down from your lips to your breasts that were almost spilling out of your dress as you laid with him. One simple movement changed everything in a split second. His lips pressed against yours as his hand moved up to cup your cheek. His tongue slid past your lips as his hand moved to the back of your head pulling you closer as he kissed you. Before you knew it his hands were pushing up your dress so it was bunched up around your waist as he pulled down your panties. Your hands fumbled with his belt trying to unbuckle it but you couldn’t seem to manage. It made Clay smile as you struggled, making him gently push your hands away as he unbuckled his belt followed by him pushing down his jeans. Clay’s lips connected with your neck kissing and nipping at it as the leaking head of his cock pressed against your entrance. He slowly pushed inside of you until he bottomed out making you both moan in unison.
“ Taking me so well.. Fuck you feel so good, ” he punctuated every word with a thrust of his cock.
You could only respond with whimpers and moans as his pace began to quicken. Your fingers tangled in his long wavy brown hair as he thrusted into you with a newfound desperation. Soft praises escaped his lips as his fingers dug into your hips. Your legs locked around his hips as your cunt squeezed him impossibly tight signaling your oncoming release. You cried out Clay’s name loudly as you came around his cock and at the same time he was filling you full of his seed.
Clay pressed a soft tender kiss to your lips before rolling off you as he looked into your eyes. “ Are you alright princess? ”
I smiled at the nickname as I brushed hair from his face. “ Mm’ okay, ” I smiled softly as he kissed me again before he tucked himself back into his boxers before moving down between my thighs. “ What are- are you doing, ” my question was answered with his mouth greedily moving to suck on my clit.
Clay responded only in a soft hum as his tongue lapped at your folds. His fingers pushed inside of you as his mouth sucked on your clit. He had your hips pinned to the bed as he fucked you with his fingers faster. Lewd noises left your mouth as you shamelessly grinded against his face while he eagerly moved his fingers faster as his tongue swirled around your clit. Clay curled his fingers hitting the perfect spot inside of you making your back arch as moans slip past your lips. He sped up his movements as he saw you coming undone.
“ Fuck- mm’ gonna.. ” Before I could finish my sentence I was cumming around his fingers as he lapped at my folds cleaning up the mess he made.
He withdrew his fingers after a few moments, licking them clean as he crawled back up onto the bed. Clay kissed your forehead gently as he pulled off your dress followed by his clothes as he moved you under the plush duvet that covered your bed.
This seemed to be how you spent your weekends now. You’d get wasted and high at a party and stumble home on Clay’s arm. He’d spend the night tangled in your arms and you’d wake up with him sleeping peacefully next to you. Those were your favorite moments with him in the morning. You admired the peacefully relax fullness of his features as the sun cascading through your window on his soft brown hair and face. It was all perfect until it all came crashing down in your senior year of highschool. Clay was out of highschool but was still partying as hard as ever. You had stumbled home with him to his new apartment, but this time you were reckless with him. He had you bent over the arm of his new couch as he slammed his cock into you. You hadn’t bothered to ask if he had a condom, you hadn’t even remembered to remind him. By the time you did remember he was filling you full of his cum. As you laid awake in his bed he came back from the bathroom looking higher than he ever had. You hadn’t thought to ask what he might have been on as you fell asleep in his arms that night.
A few weeks had passed since that night and you began to get sick, you wanted to push it off as the flu or even a common cold, but deep down you knew it was more than that. A week had passed and you were dropping weight like it was nothing. You were sleeping over at Clay’s and he began to notice how wretched you looked.
“ Baby, what’s the matter, you’ve been looking worse and worse, ” Clay questioned you as he felt your forehead for the familiar warmth of a fever but he was met with the normal coolness of your skin. His brow furrowed slightly as he pulled you into his arms.
You didn’t have the heart to tell him that you might be pregnant as you laid in his arms before drifting off to sleep. The next morning like clock work you ran to the bathroom vomiting into the toilet. Your hands pushed your hair from your face as you heaved into the toilet. Clay soon followed you and kneeled next to you as his hands held back your hair. Once you had finished he pulled you into his lap stroking your hair before he got you a glass of water from the sink. He pressed it to your lips gently allowing you to rinse your mouth. He tucked you into his bed as he stroked your hair.
“ It’s just the flu, it'll be alright, you can stay here till you’re feeling better. ”
You nodded and turned over laying on your side facing away from him as anxiety filled your gut.
The next day when Clay went to work you snuck away and went to a small drugstore on the corner. You bought two pregnancy tests and walked back to Clay’s apartment as you took the first test. It came back positive with a small smiley face next to the words. You knew it had to be wrong so you took the second and the two pink lines couldn’t have been clearer screaming at you that you were pregnant. You heard the front door open making you panic as you shoved the tests in the trash can. You greeted Clay as he knocked on the door gently. He hugged you tightly before moving his hand up to your forehead feeling no abnormal temperature again. He laid with you in bed as you both soon drifted off to sleep for a short nap. You woke up alone in his bed, your heart immediately dropping. You crept out of his bed and found him on the couch with a needle in his hand and a belt pulled snug around his bicep.
“ Clay- Clay what are you doing, ” you stood in the doorway like a child who just had a nightmare in Clay’s large sweater.
He immediately put the drugs away trying to convince you it was anything but heroin. You laid in his bed with him as he explained how it “wasn’t that bad” he was almost convincing you to try it.
The next few months went on and your now child filled stomach was beginning to grow and so were the size of your clothes. Clay laid asleep in bed but had woken up to find you changing. Before you could pull your sweater over your bump Clay was out of bed holding your face in his hands. The next moment those three words left his lips. The words you dreaded to hear.
“ Are you pregnant? ” His face was one of concern and amazement as you gave a small nod.
His arms engulfed you into a tight hug as you sobbed. The tears left your eyes because of your stupidity and your negligence. You didn’t know how you let yourself get pregnant in your last year of highschool by a boy your parents hated but you loved. You sunk into Clay’s arms as he whispered soothing words into your hair as he peppered your head with small kisses.
The next few months were the hardest you could tell the reality of it all was hitting Clay head on. The arms you once loved wrapped around you were now being covered in deep brown track marks as his addiction grew worse by the days. You begged Clay to stop but he kept making empty promises. You’d wake up to him crawling back into bed high out of his mind on heroin, as he kissed you gently before slipping off into a deep drug induced sleep.
As the months went on and you were nearing your due date you spent what seemed like less and less time with Clay as he was always slipping off to get high. You decided to go to his apartment as you knew he didn’t have work today. You knocked on his door once.. Then twice… and now a third time. All your knocks go unanswered, causing you to begin to become nervous. You knocked louder again until you remembered he gave you a key when he moved in. You fumbled for the key that was buried in your school back. You grabbed it as your hands shook while you tried to press the key into the lock. You opened the door to find Clay on the floor with a needle sticking out of his arm and his belt pulled as tight as he could around his bicep. You dropped to the floor as fast as you could, accommodating your swollen belly as you dropped to your knees next to Clay.
“ Please- Please wake up, ” I sobbed as I stroked Clay’s hair with shaking hands.
You began to shake him as you sobbed against his chest. You begged him to wake up as you shook him violently. His eyes fluttered open as he looked around the room, his eyes not landing on anything specific until they met your tear filled ones. He tried to speak but no words passed his lips. You clung to him like a life line begging him to keep his eyes open but yet they began to flutter shut anyways.
“ No.. No- No! Please Clay you’re all I have anymore, ” I sobbed as I tried to keep him awake and yet he let his eyes fall shut again.
You laid with your head on his chest as your sobs subsided. You slept on the floor next to him waiting for him to wake up. You waited to feel him move but slowly the rise and fall of his chest subsided and the thumping of his heart stopped. You laid there with your head resting against his chest feeling his skin grow cold against yours. You didn’t know what to do as you laid there until you found yourself standing in front of the bathroom mirror with a razor blade in your hands. Your life was falling apart in a matter of hours, the only man you had ever truly loved was lying dead on the floor in the other room, meanwhile your parents had practically disowned you after you told them you were pregnant. Everything was falling apart. Before you could even think of what to do next your hand was dragging the blade down your wrist all the way to your bicep. You quickly followed this action by doing the same to the other arm. You sunk to the floor as blood seeped from your wounds covering your clothes and the bathroom floor as you clutched your swollen belly. You thought about the life you could’ve had with Clay, a little white picket fence, with your precious little baby that he would cherish. You began to lose consciousness as you clutched onto unlived dreams.
#i ❤ rory culkin#rory culkin x reader#i love rory culkin#rory culkin#clyde electrick children#clay roach#city on a hill#rory culkin smut#angst#su1c1d3#fluff#smut#clay roach smut#charlie walker
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"Was it really worth it..?"
Veneer x Fem!Reader (angst)
mentions of death
(third person pov, pronouns used are she, her for y/n and he, him for veneer)
Plot: Instead of Velvet and Veneer performing the rage dome show (Mount Rageous), it was Veneer and (Y/N). (Everything that Velvet did while performing in the movie, the reader did instead.), when the reader reached out for Floyd, Veneer couldn't catch her on time..
(song gives better angsty effect imo 😉)
It all went by so fast, one minute (Y/N) and Veneer were trying to keep Poppy, Branch, and Viva from saving brozone, and the next Veneer was watching the love of his life plummet to her death. Why couldn't he have saved her? Why wasn't he quick enough? Why couldn't it have been him and not her?
The crowd went completely silent as they watched her fall, the silence was loud, the air was tense, Veneer was numb in fear and shock. He quickly lowered the platform he was on and rushed to her side, praying she survived the fall. Time seemed to move slow as he yelled out her name, falling to his knees next to her lifeless body.
"Y/N! WAKE UP PLEASE" He practically screamed out while shaking her by her shoulders. He didnt even notice the little trolls rushing to him and (Y/N), placing their little hands on (Y/N) to check for a pulse. Nothing. Poppy and Floyd tried their best to comfort Veneer, placing their hands on his knees, slightly rubbing them and patting them. Even Crimp and Velvet rushed to the scene to try and help.
Veneer held (Y/N) as close as he could, rocking her body gently while sobbing, his fingers dug into her hair, pressing her face into his chest while his other hand gripped the back of her shirt. "Please (y/n), I cant keep going without you.." "What about the future we were supposed to have together? We were supposed to get married, have kids..maybe get a cat! Please (y/n) wake up!" He said, hoping it was all just a cruel prank and she would wake up.
As 20 long minutes passed and you didn't wake up, Veneer went completely cold, dizzy, and nauseous. He couldn't believe it, eventually medical services and cops jumped into action, offically announcing (Y/N) as dead. Veneer decided to slowly put her back down before standing up.
"Listen up mount rageons..I am a fraud! And I have been torturing little trolls, and I even brought my girlfriend into it..I knew the consequences of my actions were gonna be severe but I didnt know it was gonna cause me to lose the love of my life.." Veneer yelled out to the crowd "I just wanted to be famous..both me and my sister wanted to be famous.."
"I shouldn't have brought (y/n) into this" He says, turning to look at his dead girlfriend, "I am so so sorry my love.." He whispers before being placed into handcuffs along with Velvet.
As him and Velvet were walked off from the scene, he thought to himself, "Was it really worth it..?"
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IM SORRY IF ITS OOC BUT I WANTED TO WRITE IT SO BAD
#trolls 3#trolls veneer#velvet and veneer#velvet trolls#imagines#fanfics#trolls band together#veneer x reader#fanfic#angst#miralunawritez#trolls crimp#trolls floyd#brozone#queen poppy#trolls viva#clay trolls#trolls spruce#branch trolls#john dory trolls#Spotify
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update on heartbreak au
i really want to post the heartbreak au and get it out to the world, iv already planned so much for it, but I don't have nearly enough time to draw all the comic panels for each scene, would you guys be fine if I made it more of a fanfiction that had a picture every now and then?
#trolls#trolls fanart#dreamworks trolls#trolls world tour#trolls poppy#trolls au#art#trolls viva#trolls x reader#trolls movie#JD HeartBreak Au#trolls fandom#trolls dreamworks#au trolls#trolls comic#trolls fanfic#tumblr polls#my polls#polls#trolls angst#trolls floyd#trolls john dory#trolls jd#trolls cliva#trolls clay#trolls cloud guy
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best friend's brother ── . ✶ c. miller
summary: you weren't one for clichés, but you ended up falling into one anyway
pairings: clay miller x reader, clay miller x fem!readerノ: wc: 4.4k warnings: set after the events of the movie, no use of 'y/n', falling for your best friends brother trope, slight enemies to lovers, smoking (both reader and clay), mentions of the events of the movie, flangst, shot gunning, some sexual tension, kissing, making out, fluff at the end, kinda edited; all mistakes are my own a/n: RAHH CLAYY MILLER MY LOVE!! my first fic for this final boy (and it certainly won't be the last) also i had to make up a lot of shit for bc we get crumbs of clay's backstory and the timeline of the movie, so is this canon? absolutely not! but that's what fanfiction is for :p so enjoy me writing for a jarpad character that isn't sam winchester <33 clay miller masterlist
GOD THIS WAS SO CLICHE.
Sitting on the porch with Clay and sharing a cigarette while your heart was beating so fast at how close he was, your shoulders were touching as fingers brushed against one another as you passed the dwindling cigarette between the two of you. You thought that you would be the exception to the rule of falling for your best friend’s older brother.
You had been best friends with Whitney since you moved to New Jersey when you were four years old, and your mom made your small family of three introduce themselves to their next-door neighbors.
You remember you hid behind your mom’s leg when the door opened, and a woman with brown hair and kind eyes answered the door. You hadn’t wanted to move from your old house in California. But your dad had found a better job across the country and moved despite your complaints, dismissing you because you were a kid and didn’t know any better.
But the woman at the front door managed to coax you out from behind your mom when she mentioned that she had made cookies the day before and asked if you wanted one. You lit up at the prospect of getting a sweet treat before dinner that day. The woman introduced herself as Miss Jenny and called for her kids to come and meet the new neighbors while she grabbed a cookie for you.
You could hear the thundering of footsteps from the open door, and a boy who looked to be around two years older than you and a girl your age came into the doorway. Your parents introduced themselves to them while you stared at the floor, shyness creeping back into your system, and all you wanted to do was dash to your new house.
But the girl was bright and bubbly and didn’t seem to mind your shyness.
“Hi! I’m Whitney!” She greeted you cheerfully.
You murmured your name in response, just barely being able to meet her hazel eyes.
“Here you go sweetie.” Miss Jenny had come back from the kitchen and handed you the cookie on a napkin from behind her kids.
“Thank you.” You said quietly as you sent her a small smile.
The boy scowled. “Mom! That was the last cookie!”
“Clay.” Miss Jenny's tone sounded like your mom’s when you didn’t listen to her. “We can make more later.” She promised him.
The boy you now knew as Clay looked slightly happier, but his eyebrows were still scrunched as he stared at the cookie in your hands. Clay huffed before ducking back into the house.
Your lips were pursed. “He can have it if he wants.” You went to hand the cookie back, but Miss Jenny shook her head.
“It’s fine sweetie, I planned to make some more tomorrow anyway.”
Whitney looked at your parents. “Is it okay if she could come over and play with me tomorrow?”
You stared at Whitney in surprise. You hadn’t expected to make a friend this quickly.
You looked behind you to see your parents nodding.
“Of course!” Your mom said with a smile.
From that day on, you and Whitney stuck beside each other like glue. You were the more introverted one out of the two of you, while Whitney was the social butterfly. But she never once left you behind and always tried to get you out of your shell. Whitney was the sun to your moon; the two of you balanced each other perfectly. Meanwhile, you and Clay never seemed to get along with each other. It wasn’t like you did anything to him, but he took you getting the last cookie personally and made it known.
He was relentless in his teasing of Whitney and you if you were over at their house, which was quite often. And it didn’t stop when you guys grew up, if anything, Clay acted more like a dick when he was a teenager. He went through his “bad boy” phase, as you would like to call it. You heard all about him ditching class, getting a motorcycle, smoking, and going to parties from Whitney as you and your parents helped her with their mom.
Eventually, Clay left your life when you were fifteen and he was seventeen. Your parents took Whitney under their wing, and the two of you grew closer than ever as you supported her while her mom went through her chemo treatments. But you guys slowly drifted apart when you guys got into different colleges.
Whitney wanted to stay local to help with her mom while you tried to go to school in New York. Although you wanted to stick by Whitney and apply to schools in the state, she encouraged you to apply to your dream schools in New York. You remember the day you left for NYU, which was bittersweet, filled with tears and promises that you’d call often and come back home for the holidays, which you did.
Your world turned upside down a few years later, and you were finishing your last year of undergrad. Whitney had gone missing, her mom died, and Clay came crashing back into your life.
You remember the day of Miss Jenny’s funeral and seeing him for the first time in years at the podium, speaking about his mother. You managed to make it to the funeral, letting your professors know about the family emergency and taking the first flight to New Jersey back to your hometown.
You vaguely remember Whitney telling you about calling Clay and getting into a fight about not helping and being there for their mom.
You lingered in the cemetery long enough for Clay to approach you.
“Whitney’s missing.” Clay’s voice was slightly thick with grief as he stared at you hard.
Your brows furrowed. “What?”
“Are you kidding? Did you not notice her absence here?” He gestured to the nearly empty graveyard.
“Of course I did!” You scowled at him. That was all you could think about, but you didn’t want to question him when he was being bombarded with his own family members and receiving condolences from others.
“When was the last time you talked to her?”
“I can tell you it was more recent than you had.” You couldn’t help but snark at Clay, crossing your arms over your chest.
Clay glared at you, his jaw clenching in frustration. “When?”
You sighed. “Right before she hit a dead zone. Whitney told me about the camping trip with her boyfriend and his friends.”
“And you haven’t checked in on her?”
“She said she wasn’t going to have service.” You said through gritted teeth. “Besides, I've been a little busy with school.”
“So school is more important than your missing best friend.” Clay nodded in mock understanding. “Got it.” He flashed you a sarcastic grin before shaking his head, his hair falling in his eyes.
“Oh, fuck you! Says the guy who ran off doing god knows what and refused to come home to help his sister care for their dying mother.” You pointed a finger into his chest. “Do not accuse me of not caring for your family when it's clear you didn’t in the first place.”
Clay’s eyes flashed with anger as his nostrils flared. He stared down at you with a clenched jaw but said nothing.
The two of you stared at each other in tense silence. Your eyes took in Clay for the first time since you saw him earlier. If it was possible, he grew even taller since he was seventeen, and he definitely filled out his lanky frame—the broadness of his shoulders wasn’t something you could overlook. Clay’s hair was the longest you’ve ever seen, but his eyes kept the intensity he had since he first laid eyes on you. The hazel color swirled and shifted into a stormy grey like the overcast sky overhead.
Clay was attractive—you weren’t blind. There were times when you thought he was cute in your youth, but his callous attitude towards you never failed to remind you why you never tried to befriend him.
“Help me look for her.” Clay whispered into the silent afternoon, breaking the tense atmosphere.
You closed your eyes as you took a step back, putting a distance between you and Clay. “I can’t.” You murmured, your heart cracking at your admission.
“Why not?”
“I don’t have time.”
“What do you mean you don’t have time? Your best friend is missing!” Clay looked at you incredulously. The person that Clay knew would have said yes to him in a heartbeat.
You could feel the tears that you kept suppressed all day, threatening to spill over. “I’m going back tonight.”
Clay scoffed. “Back to New York right? To some big fancy school in the big city while Whitney is out there missing? Some best friend you are.” The venom dripped from his voice as he shook his head, disappointed.
You had no idea that Clay even knew where you were going to school or that he apparently kept tabs on your life. But his remark about going back to school instead of looking for Whitney got under your skin, but you’d never admit to it, never to his face.
“Fuck you, Clay Miller.” You spit out, fury coating your words. You walked away, shoving at his shoulder with your own. You didn’t want to be there any longer than you had to with Clay.
About a month later, after graduating, you were back home for the summer, having applied to grad school in New Jersey, and you would stay at your childhood home until you found a job and an apartment. You had gotten a call from an unknown number, which you almost didn’t pick up, but there was a pull in your gut that compelled you to answer.
The woman on the phone asked for your name, which you confirmed. She called to inform you that Whitney was in the hospital, and you needed to come in and check in on her.
The phone call was soon over at that point; you quickly grabbed your bag and left the house hastily. You vaguely remember your parents asking where you were in a rush for, spitting out that Whitney was in the hospital and that you’d call them once you saw her in the flesh.
The drive was short, almost breaking all the traffic laws to get to the hospital as fast as you could. Anxiety twisted at your stomach as you walked through the lobby; your voice was wavering, asking the nurse at the desk about Whitney.
The nurse had a reassuring smile on her face as she looked up your information, and once you confirmed your identity, she led you to Whitney’s room.
You practically sobbed in relief at the sight of Whitney, bringing her into a fierce hug as the two of you cried in each other’s arms. You guys had a tight grip on one another as she shoved her head into the crook of your neck.
You guys only pulled apart until no more tears were running down your faces. You wiped at your face with your jacket as you pulled back and took in Whitney’s appearance.
She looked a little thinner from the last time you saw her, and you knew Whitney had some cracked ribs and a few other bruises, but other than that, she was fine. But you had a feeling that what she saw or experienced was worse than how she looked right now. You had so many questions fluttering around in your head but kept them to yourself so as to not overwhelm her.
You went to open your mouth to say something, but before you could, the door opened and cut you off before you could speak.
Your head snapped to see Clay entering the room. His clothes were covered in dried mud, and Clay’s shirt was stained beyond recognition. Your eyes zeroed in on his face. There was a large gash on his cheekbone that looked to be cleaned since butterfly bandages were covering the wound.
The two of you locked eyes, his eyes were filled with relief but you could see the lingering fear within his hazel gaze. They flashed with something unfamiliar, but it looked akin to fondness before it was gone.
“Hey.” You murmured, the corners of your lips twitching slightly.
Clay swallowed thickly. “Hey.” He responded with a nod of his head, his dirty hair falling in his eyes. Your eyes followed his hand as he brushed it back, noticing how big they were.
You cleared your throat before you turned back to face Whitney. There was a knowing smirk on her face, and you rolled your eyes at her.
The cold concrete seeped through the thin pajama pants you were wearing as you blew out the smoke from your mouth, the tenseness from your shoulders relaxing as the nicotine flooded your system. Smoke curled around you as moonlight lit the street, and the small porch light you were sitting underneath illuminated the path up your porch as you sat on the steps leading up to your childhood home.
You glanced at the house right next to yours before taking another drag of your cigarette.
It had been over a year since Clay found Whitney. That night you came to the hospital, Whitney and Clay filled you in on what happened hours before they made it to the hospital—being kidnapped at Camp Crystal Lake, Clay finding Whitney, and killing the guy that kidnapped her. You were in shock as they recounted the experience, seeing how Clay could barely get through his story without stumbling over them. Your heart broke when he mentioned how he met Jenna and how she was killed.
They had to spend the night at the hospital for evaluation, and you picked up Jenna the next morning. Clay followed behind you on his motorcycle back to their house. Clay was surprised that the house hadn’t been claimed by the bank, but you explained that your parents helped pay it off, and it was all theirs if they wanted to stay.
You looked away from the house and back down to the cigarette in your hand. It was on its last legs, so you stamped it out and let it rest on the ashtray that you had brought out before taking out your last one of the pack.
“You know those things that wreck your lungs?” The familiar timber of Clay’s voice broke the serenity of the late summer night.”
You huffed, looking at Clay approaching your porch and walking up it. “You’re one to talk Mister ‘I started to smoke in high school’.”
Clay let out a low chuckle, shaking his head, knowing that you were right. “Yeah, but I stopped a couple of years ago. Besides, I thought you hated smoking.”
“Things change.” You murmured as you looked up at Clay. “But I only smoke if I’m stressed or really drunk.” You didn’t know why you felt the need to explain, but seeing Clay in grey sweatpants and a tight v-neck shirt was loosening your tongue.
Fuck, it should be illegal to have shirts that tight. You thought as you saw how Clay's sleeve was snug around his bicep. You swallowed thickly as he sat down next to you, Clay’s scent filling your nose, notes of pine, amber, clean linen, and something that was distinctly him.
“Right, so I’m assuming that you’re stressed then?”
“You’d be correct in that assumption.” You grabbed the lighter from beside the ashtray that was in between you and Clay and lit your cigarette, inhaling as you did and letting your lungs feel the slight burn from the process.
“Can I bum one off of you?” Clay was silently glad that you kept your gaze in front of you, his eyes zeroing in on how your lips wrapped around the filter.
“Thought you stopped smoking Mr. Paramedic?” You asked with a smirk, blowing the smoke from the side of your mouth as you turned to look at him.
“I like to indulge from time to time.” Clay couldn’t help but smirk back at you.
If someone told you that you could hold a conversation with Clay without wanting to strangle him when you were a teen, or better yet, a year ago—you would have laughed straight into their face.
In the past year, there were bumps in the road after Clay and Whitney came back home. There were a lot of late nights staying up because of nightmares from both of the Miller siblings (whether Clay wanted to admit it or not), and it was clear that they were struggling with them.
You remembered how Clay’s face twisted when you handed him a business card with your mom’s practice on the front of it.
“Mom can’t take you as her client because of conflict of interest and whatnot, but she has a few other people that you can be referred to.” You explained after seeing Clay stare hard at the card in his hands.
“I don’t need-”
“Nope, you do need it, don't deny it.” You quickly shut down any protests coming from him.
You saw how much he pretended to be okay, to be strong for his sister, who suffered from nightmares as well. But Whitney was proactive and started therapy after one terrible nightmare that plagued her for days after she had it.
Ever since the siblings moved back into their childhood home, you were there almost every night to help and comfort Whitney. One night, Whitney was sleeping soundly, but as you were walking back from the bathroom, you passed by Clay’s room and heard murmuring, followed by a quiet shout of Whitney’s name.
You opened the door to see his head jerking side to side, his eyes shut tight, and tiny no’s falling from his lips.
You made your way to the edge of his bed. “Wake up! Clay!” You called his name out in a whispered shout as you shook his shoulder.
Clay’s eyes snapped open, and he woke up with a sharp gasp. He sat up quickly. The blanket that was covering him fell from his chest and pooled around his waist. His eyes were frantic as he looked around his room before they met yours.
Clay visibly relaxed when he realized that he was at home and rubbed at his face. “Sorry if I woke you up.” His voice was rough and thick with exhaustion as he mumbled his words
You shook your head. “You didn’t.” You replied with a whisper.
You realized that your hand was still on his shoulder—Clay’s bare shoulder. Your eyes flickered down his body, he wasn’t wearing a shirt and you could see his tanned skin being illuminated by the soft glow of the moonlight peaking through his curtains. You almost choked on your breath at the sight of his sculpted body, so you immediately averted your gaze and ripped your hand off of his shoulder.
You locked eyes with Clay again, and something passed between the two of you. When the Miller’s came back, Clay was still cold towards you but after this night, things changed between you. There was this unspoken tension between you, but a tentative friendship started to develop over the months.
You remember how he came to you and told you about planning to be a Paramedic and that he had started the process of being trained. Something in your chest warmed when Clay revealed that you were the first person he told.
“Besides I’m not a paramedic yet.” Clay shook his head. His hair was getting long enough to where he could tuck the wayward strands behind his ears.
“Right but you'll be one soon." You waved his words off. "It’s my last one.” You told him, waving around the now-lit cigarette. “But I’m feeling generous.” You passed it over to Clay.
“I’m honored.” Clay joked as he took it from you, his fingers brushing against yours, and the brief contact sent a shiver down your spine.
You practically had to tear your eyes away from Clay; seeing his lips wrapped around the cigarette and taking a drag was making you feel warm, and you stared out into the street.
With the friendship that you built with Clay, you learned a lot more about him from him rather than from Whitney. He was witty, kind, caring, and fiercely loyal to the ones he cared about. Somehow, along the way of developing this friendship, you started to fall for him. But I pushed it down because there was no way that Clay wouldn’t see you as more than Whitney’s best friend.
“I’m sorry.” Clay said after he exhaled the smoke, passing the cig back to you.
Your eyebrows furrowed before taking a drag. “For what?” You asked, blowing the smoke away from him and tapping the excess ash in the tray.
“For being a dick to you at the funeral.”
“Oh.” You were slightly surprised that he even brought it up. You guys hadn’t really rehashed any problems that had occurred before you guys became friends.
“And for being an asshole to you growing up.” Clay added when you didn’t say anything else.
You chuckled. “At least you’re owning up to the fact that you were mean to me when we were younger.” The cigarette was a little halfway done, and Clay took it from your outstretched hand.
Clay huffed a laugh through his nose after he inhaled some of the smoke. “Yeah, well you took the last cookie so we had gotten off on the wrong foot.”
“I get that." You snickered quietly. The cookies that Clay's mom used to make were delicious. "But you continued to tease me even when we grew up. Especially when we were teens.” You pointed out with a raised brow after you calmed down, looking at Clay with a knowing look.
He shook his head. “That was because I thought you were pretty and I didn’t want to find my little sister’s best friend pretty.”
You swallowed hard as you felt your heart start to pound against your chest. “Ah.” your voice was slightly hoarse before you cleared it. “So, you decided to be mean. God, you were such a teenage boy.” You teased as you shook your head.
Clay laughed. “Yeah, well it's not like I knew how to talk to girls all that well. The ones I really liked at least.” Clay corrected himself when he saw the sharp glance you shot him.
“Do you still find her pretty?” You asked boldly.
“Who?” Clay’s eyebrows furrowed, and there was a wrinkle in between them that you wanted to smooth out with your thumb.
“Your little sister’s best friend?” You bit your bottom lip as you met his gaze, nerves ratting your senses.
The wrinkle between his brows became more prominent before it smoothed out, and a smirk pulled at his lips. “Yeah, she’s gorgeous now.”
You couldn’t help but smile at him. “That’s good. You still like her?”
“Yeah, even after all these years, I don’t think I ever stopped.” Clay leaned in closer to you, his scent getting more potent and more intoxicating, with smoke lingering around the two of you.
“That’s good to hear.” You murmured in the tiny space that was left between you and Clay.
“Want to finish this off?” He tapped off the excess ash of the almost-finished cigarette.
“Sure.” You went to pluck it out of his hand. But he brought it up to his lips instead of taking the last drag of it—the orange glow of the cigarette illuminated the amusement that filled his eyes. You looked at him in confusion.
Clay extinguished the now-finished cigarette into the ashtray, his mouth and lungs filled with smoke. He took your chin in between his thumb and forefinger and tipped your face up towards him.
Your mouth parted instinctively as his lips got closer to yours until there was only a sliver of space between the two of you, and you knew what he was trying to do. It had been a while since you shotgunned anything with someone, but doing it with Clay was making a heat pool in your lower belly.
Clay started to blow a steady stream of smoke into your mouth as you inhaled it, your eyes locked on his increasingly darkening ones, his pupil eclipsing the hazel color of his gaze. Your hands itched to grab his face and pull his lips towards his, but let him shotgun the remnants of your cigarette with you.
You blew out the smoke once you had inhaled it all, and the two of you were left staring at each other. Clay's fingers on your chin moved to extend and encompass your jaw, and his thumb was resting on your bottom lip.
Your noses were brushing against each other as your hand hesitantly rested on his clothed thigh.
You blinked up at him, eyelashes practically fluttering against his cheek. “Kiss me.”
Instead of a response, Clay’s lips descended onto yours, and fireworks sparked behind your eyes as Clay kissed you passionately. His other hand came to rest on your free cheek as you moved closer to him, the hand on his thigh coming to rest on his waist.
You couldn’t think about anything else but Clay, the flavor of nicotine and mint flooded your taste buds as Clay’s tongue danced with yours. You hadn’t felt like this with anyone else before, the world faded as you lost yourself in the feeling of Clay’s soft lips against yours. It was overwhelming in the best way possible, and you could feel arousal zipping through your body as Clay dominated the kiss.
The two eventually broke apart, unfortunately needing air that was in your depleted lungs. But you didn’t stray far, resting your foreheads together as you took in sharp breaths together. You opened your eyes to find Clay already looking at you, his gaze filled with adoration and lust.
“Do you want to go on a date with me?” Clay asked, stroking your cheek with his thumb.
“Shouldn’t you have asked me that before you kissed me?” You had a teasing smile on your face. But you felt giddy at the idea of Clay taking you out.
Clay rolled his eyes. “I didn’t hear you complaining about it.”
You giggled at his words, riding the blissful feeling that flooded your veins from the kiss the two of you shared. “You’re not wrong. But I’d love to.”
Clay sent you a bright smile that filled your stomach with butterflies. “Good.” He murmured before leaning in again and pulling you into a gentle kiss, making you melt into it.
Yeah, falling for your best friend’s brother was cliche, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.
#daisy writes#RAHH HERES MY FAV FINAL BOY !!#guys enjoy this bc i had a lot of fun writing this#once again im here to feed a niche audience bc thats how i roll#clay miller#clay my baby#clay miller x reader#clay miller x you#clay miller x fem reader#clay miller x fem!reader#clay miller x whitney's best friend!reader#clay miller one shot#clay miller fluff#clay miller angst#clay miller fanfiction#friday the 13th#friday the 13th fanfiction#friday the 13th 2009#jared padalecki#jared padalecki x reader
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Death do us Part- Clay terran x gn!Justice!Reader & Apollo
Return to File- Event Masterlist
Recovery date: July 27th, 2020
Description: Clay X _____ after his death- Apollo's twin grieves their bf's death, and he comes to comfort them
Notes: An entry from my 2020 research project into the universe of Ace Attorney. You can find the next entry here.
Word count: 258
Back to directory
“Y/N?” Apollo asked, opening their door. The hinges creaked, but they didn’t move. “Come on, you can’t stay here forever. You should see if Mr. Wright has a case you can take. Get your mind off-”
“Like your one to talk,” they hissed, not moving from underneath their blanket. “Leave of absence,” they scoffed,” what do you plan on doing?”
“I’m going to find his killer.” They sat up at that and scowled.
“Wouldn’t that be easier as the defense on the case? We both know starbuck didn’t do it, he adored Clay.”
“Then why don’t you?” Apollo asked. They had no response to that, and simply curled back up beside Apollo. He began to stroke their hair, and humming.
“Why do we always end up alone?” They asked, and Apollo could hear a hitch in their voice. “First our parents, then- and now Clay… Why can’t people just stay for once?”
“Move over,” Apollo sighed, and lay down beside them, laying Clay’s jacket over them as a blanket. He went back to stroking their hair. “I don’t know, I wish I could give you an answer but… I don’t have one. We promised him we’d take care of eachother, didn’t we?” They nodded. “Then I promise, that even if the whole world abandons you, I’ll stay by your side.”
“Heh, that’s cheesy,” They giggle slightly. “But the same goes for me, I’ll always be by your side, no matter what.”
“Good,” he kissed their forehead, “now get up! We'll just have to catch Clay’s killer together.”
#researcher s's recovery#S's 2020 recovery project#ace attorney#apollo justice#clay terran x reader#x reader#gender neutral reader#reader insert#angst#fluff#oneshot#aa oneshot
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Clay beresford and soft birthday sex 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈 jajajajajja
I DO WARN YOU I HAVENT FINISHED AWAKE YET SO THIS MAY BE OUT OF CHARACTER 😞😞 I APOLOGIZE. IVE ALSO NEVER WRITTEN SMUT SO IT MIGHT BE BAD
Best day of the year
warnings: smut obvi
“You’re so pretty” Clay said peeking up from in between my thighs. This was the 3rd time he has eaten me out today and it was only noon. “Fuck Clay I can’t take it anymore” I whimpered as I tried to push his head away but he just kept eating me out like a starved man. “one more baby just one more and then i’ll give you what you want I promise” He said into my pussy.
What I wanted was for him to make love to me. I knew that he was going to go softer on me today unlike the normal days of the year when he fucks me. “Fuck Clay-“ I moaned, turning my head into the pillow and biting down on it so the neighbors wouldn’t hear me screaming his name. I was close I could feel the knot in my stomach ready to come undone. “that’s it baby cum for me.” Clay said while adding two fingers into me. Feeling him inside of me while also him licking my clit was almost to much for me to handle and I came almost instantly.
“Good girl..” Clay whispered while crawling up to me and kissing me, making me taste myself on his lips and tongue. “You did so good for me baby..” He cooed while rubbing my cheek. “You want me to make love to you now baby or do you need to rest?” He asked while giving me little kisses on the forehead.
“Need you..please” I whispered almost pathetically. “I’m right here sweet girl” Clay said as he pushed his cock into me. “F-Fuck Clay” I moaned into his lips while kissing me. Clay started to softly move while kissing me. At this point I couldn’t think and only babbles of words came out. “That’s it baby you’re doing an amazing job so proud of you” Clay Praised while rubbing my scalp and kissing my cheek.
“Clay gonna cum” I whimpered. “me too baby, I want you to cum with me. Can you do that sweet girl?” He groaned. I nodded my head quickly. “Words baby gonna need words” He whispered into my ear. “yes wanna cum with you” I said quickly. “good girl” Clay started to speed up and started rubbing my clit at the same time. “Cum with me baby” I started to cum so hard that I saw stars while I felt Clay spill into me.
Clay didn’t move out right away while we caught our breath. “Did so good for me my sweet sweet girl” Clay said while kissing my head and slowly pulling out. I just continued to babble nonsense while I came down from my high.
“Stay here beautiful I’ll be right back” Clay quickly got up and ran to the bathroom where I could hear the sink running and than turning off. When Clay came back in he had a wash cloth and grabbed two water bottles from the mini fridge that was by our bed.
“Drink up baby while I clean you up” Clay said while kissing my forehead and gently rubbing the washcloth over my face to clean off the sweat. Then he started to clean up his cum that was leaking out of me. “Clay” I whimpered while closing my legs while he grazed my sensitive clit with the warm rag. “I know baby I know just cleaning you up.” He told me. Clay then through the wash cloth in the hamper and laid us down on the bed and cuddled me into his chest while rubbing my back and playing with my hair.
“Happy birthday baby I love you” Clay said while I was starting to fall asleep “Thank you baby I love you too” I replied while slowly drifting off. The last thing I remember is Clay pulling me closer and kissing the top of my head.
HIII I HOPE THIS WAS GOOD!! IF YOU WANT ME TO ADD OR CHANGE ANYTHING PLEASE LET ME KNOW🫶🫶🫶 THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING🫶🫶
#clay beresford#clay beresford angst#clay beresford smut#clay beresford fluff#clay beresford x reader#clay beresford imagine#hayden christensen#hayden christensen imagines
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Ⓜ Ⓐ Ⓢ Ⓣ Ⓔ Ⓡ Ⓛ Ⓘ Ⓢ Ⓣ
credit to @cafekitsune for the divider! ༺♥༻❀༺♥༻ Blurbs ༺♥༻❀༺♥༻ ➨ Anakin and Obi-wan Saving Slave!Reader
༺♥༻❀༺♥༻ One Shots ༺♥༻❀༺♥༻
➨ This Wasn't The Plan - {Former!Anakin Skywalker x Reader} ➨ It's Casual Right? - {Modern!Anakin Skywalker x Reader} ➨ The Aftermath - {Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker x Deceased!Reader}
➨ Into You - {Unburnt/Darth Vader x Reader}
༺♥༻❀༺♥༻ Mini-Series ༺♥༻❀༺♥༻ ➨ Do I Know You? - {Burnt!Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker x Reader} - Part I ➺ Part II ➨ It's Been a Long Time, Old Friend - {Unburnt!Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker x Reader} - Part I ➺ Part II ➺ Part III
#anakin#anakinskywalker angst#anakinskywalker slowburn#anakinskywalkerxreader#angst#anakinskywalkerxreader angst#darthvader#darthvaderxreader#hayden christensen x reader#darthvaderxreader angst#Hayden christensen#revenge of the sith#star wars anakin#rots#darth vader#sw anakin#sam monroe#sam monroe x reader#life as a house#sam monroe smut#james kelly x reader#clay beresford#clay beresford smut#anakin skywalker x reader#hayden christensen smut#Hayden christensen angst#haydenchristensenxreader angst#haydenchristensen#haydenchristensenxreader#darth vader x reader angst
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tags: nerd!chan x cheerleader!fem!reader, angst angst angst, mentions of jealousy and self doubt, inner turmoil on y/n’s side (forgive my girl she’s trying her best), mentions of other idols (enhypen, aespa, stayc, etc), alcohol usage, more angst…, slight inclusion of depressive feelings and thoughts, confrontation, arguments, confessions, kissing, fluff, brief grinding/dry humping, oral (m. receiving), brief throat fucking, car sex, mentions of virginity loss, unprotected sex (plz don’t i beg), creampie, just sweet lovemaking, use of nicknames (baby, channie, pretty girl, etc), chan being a sweetheart (when is he not), etc
wc: 15.76k
add. notes: it is finally here!!! the long awaited pt. 2 of nerd!chan!!! thank u guys so much once more for all the love u gave to the first part i did Not expect it to gain that much traction to the point u guys wanted me to expand on the universe of it but i am grateful nonetheless <3 i’m also very sorry it took so long i just could not bring myself to write the whole thing in one sitting as it is decently long so thank u sm for waiting as well.. this fic is honestly my baby n while it was very frustrating to work on at times, i hope u all enjoy it n will give it lots of love for me :]
nerd!chan pt. 1 / nerd!chan headcannons / drabble #1
. . .
it’s been a few days since you last saw chan after your “encounter” in the locker room. granted how that might be primarily because you’ve been avoiding him like the plague ever since, but you suppose he also hasn’t done much to try and meet you. you’re not even sure why you’re doing this, and if you’re being honest, some part of it leaves a sense of dread lingering at the back of your mind, your thoughts swirling with what if’s that consist of wondering if he’s finally had enough after the way you walked out on him the previous time you guys were, err.. entangled, to say the least. but, you know; you know you’re not at liberty to feel this way, not when you’re the one who’s imposed these rules on yourself and whatever means of a relationship you’ve both got going on. it’s not your right to police how chan acts around you after you constantly push him away. you think it probably never was to begin with.
regardless of the consequences that you’ve reaped, you decided to forego the situation you’re stuck in and throw yourself into the one solution that always seems to find you when you’re rock bottom in the barrel— alcohol. your cheer girls had tried dragging you out once more to another party thrown by some guy called jake, and initially you’d declined, far too stuck in your own negativity to even consider going out and letting loose at this point, but karina insisted on you tagging along, practically yanking you to you guys’ shared dorm room and dolling you up in the cutest outfit possible that had even your low spirits lifting.
that is, until now.
you’d both arrived to the occasion half an hour prior to the incident, your friend basically pulling you in behind her and forcing you to socialise with people she knew even if all you contributed to the discussion was a small smile and greeting. however, at some point, you lose sight of her. it doesn’t alarm you much considering karina goes around on her own to do her thing a lot, so assuming she must be busy chatting it up with some guy, you shrug and make your way towards the kitchen to fix yourself a drink. and it’s when you’re in the middle of tossing back the red solo cup filled with bitter liquid and letting it burn as it goes down your throat, wincing despite the tinge of sweetness to it when it happens, no less when you see it—
chan.
but, not just chan, no no.
chan with another girl.
it’s immediate the way your hand which is gripping the beverage in it tightens on instinct, and you feel a surge of emotion wash over you that you can’t identify, or rather you don’t want to identify it. arrays of questions swirl in your mind at the sight in front of you, ranging from ‘what is he doing here after claiming he hates parties?’ to ‘did they come together?’. the last of your queries almost makes you want to throw up, the plausibility that chan was invited here by another woman leaving bile forming at the back of your throat. still, you pause momentarily to consider the possibility that this is a mere coincidence, that you’re just misunderstanding the scene playing out in front of you and that this is all a big joke and chan is going to turn around to leave at any point now.
but, then your eyes land on the way she caresses his arm, batting her eyelashes up at him and watching the way her actions cause his ears to tint red, the very same ears you’ve been responsible for making blush every occasion that you find yourselves together. and suddenly, it’s like everything in your world is spinning. the floor seems to be moving, the music fading out and everyone passing around becomes a blur, because your only focus is on chan.
your chan. your chan who isn’t yours.
it’s like he senses you looking at him too, because he stops mid-sentence out of the blue and turns his head in your direction, leaving your gazes to lock with each other’s. it has his eyes widening, and you don’t know whether that’s from simply seeing you or seeing the fact that you’re standing in the middle of the kitchen alone with trembling hands you hadn’t even noticed were shaking. you try so desperately to look away, to avert your stare from his brown orbs that seem to be swirling with something you can’t quite put your finger on, but it doesn’t work. he’s so.. captivating, dressed in casual clothes and his signature glasses that remain perched on the tip of his nose, the same nose you’ve kissed so many times in your heated state of affairs. you’ve always known chan is beautiful, though you’ve never admitted it, but something about today solidifies it in your mind even more, makes him look ever so mesmerising, ever so alluring, and ever so.. distant.
you feel like someone has dumped a cold bucket of water on top of your head when the last word resonates in your mind, and you somehow rip your eyes off of the boy standing across the room to avoid impulsively doing something you might regret, instead opting to go look for your friends. a cacophony of taunts torment your brain as you busy yourself in the futile task, varying from insults thrown against you for being so stupid to think this could ever work out to questions about why you’re doing this even if you don’t know the response to them, or rather you do but don’t want to answer them. you don’t know whether chan is still looking at or for you, and some sick, twisted part of you wishes he is, wishes that he’s so wrecked by the idea that he’s hurt you even though you have no right to feel that way.
allowing yourself one last glance to where he was previously situated to satisfy the lingering emotions inside, you turn around, confused when you don’t find him there until a loud voice calls out for him throughout the booming of the music in the room, making your head snap in its direction. it belongs to who you presume is his friend, changbin or whatever you recall from a study session turned to a late night conversation chan had initiated to get to know you better. he’s yelling something incoherent that you can’t make out through the noise levels of the house, and you’re about to shake your head and resume your previous activity when you notice chan being dragged onto the dance floor, no less by the girl who you’d found talking to him.
your heart instantly sinks into your chest at the picture in front of you, burning against your ribcage as the pounding in your head increases by the minute. chan’s smile is radiant, spread wide across his face as he tries to awkwardly mimic the gestures being made by everyone around him. if you were in a different predicament, you would’ve found it endearing regardless of whether you would’ve let yourself relish in that realisation or not internally, but right now, all you can focus on is the fact that it’s not you. it’s not you who’s making him laugh so bright, it’s not you who’s dragging your hands across his to place them on your waist, and it’s not you who’s captivated his attention in the moment, even if you so desperately wish it was.
“y/n?”
a voice drags you out of your mind, and you shake your head to find karina looking at you in worry, her hand coming up to gently place itself on your shoulder. she questions if you’re okay a second later, and you muster up a smile the best you can and nod, despite the churning in your stomach only growing worse at the existence of what you’d just witnessed a few meters away from you. “what’s up?” you decide to ask your friend instead, sensing the way she doesn’t seem to buy your response reassuring her you’re fine, but even so, she decides not to push you, instead pursing her lips and pointing her thumb behind her.
“heeseung and his friends are going to play a round of beer pong. wanna join them?” the last thing you want to do is indulge with other people, instead wishing you were cooped up under your blanket to wallow in your self misery all alone, but the way karina looks back at you with distress in her eyes, her pretty face contorted in concern for you only pushes you to put up a front, not wanting to alarm her any further. “yeah, let’s go. i wanna get wasted.” you grin with everything in you, and it seems to be enough with the way your friend beams back at you, taking your hand in hers before whisking you away to wherever the game is taking place. you still cast one last glance back behind your shoulder before she drags you away though, hoping to catch sight of chan once more, but he’s nowhere to be seen.
you think maybe that’s best for now.
. . .
it’s one in the afternoon when you wake up the next day, a dull throbbing present in your head as you clutch it with one hand, groggy eyes attempting to adjust to the light streaming through the barely drawn curtains of your dorm room. you slowly sit up and lean back against the pillow underneath that’s probably caught remnants of your makeup on it after last night, especially considering the fact that you hadn’t even bothered taking off the outfit you wore yesterday before crashing out in bed. giving yourself some time to get used to your every day surroundings, you take a peek over to the other side, noticing karina’s bed to be empty. she’d probably gone for classes, you think to yourself, cursing when you realise you had most definitely missed your own.
grabbing your phone off the nightstand, you unlock it, ready to shoot a text to your friends asking for any notes they’d taken in the lecture, only to find the messaging app already open. you scroll through your group chats in confusion, flicking through the several photos or videos people had taken and shared in hopes of remembering why you’d even left off on this. it wasn’t like you’d sent any embarrassing messages in them, the only evidence of your own responses being from two days ago. you try rack your brain for the last possible memory of last night, recalling yourself stumbling through the door and into bed, drinking with sieun and sunghoon during the game before that, and then opening your phone to record drunken voice notes to send to—
oh fuck.
“no, no, no, no, no, please.” you mumble to yourself in panic, eyes widening with horror as you frantically swipe out of the group chat threads and check your last sent texts. you flick furiously through the notifications in your phone, trying to find the one chat you’re looking for until the name you’re searching pops up. you close your eyes, covering your screen to try and calm down your nerves, praying to whatever entity is up there that your memory is mistaken and that you indeed did not do what you think you did. after a short minute, you take a deep breath, cracking your vision open as your fingers twitch. you hesitantly move your thumb that’s blocking your desired end goal out of the way to take a look at last, and—
“shit!” you swear with a yell, tossing your phone aside in favour of cupping your face in your hands and screaming into them out of frustration. you hadn’t even bothered to listen to the voice notes knowing they’d just consist of spewed gibberish the same as the texts, and ultimately what makes this entire ordeal all the more worse is chan’s lack of a reply. rather, he’d left you on seen, the realisation of it dawning on you as you flop back in bed and roll to the side to curl yourself up into a ball as if it’d provide some sort of comfort, mindless thoughts rushing into your brain at the very same.
what does chan think of you now? what did he think of you when he got those texts? was he annoyed? did he want to cut you off forever and finally drop you for good? maybe he laughed about your pathetic attempts to gain back his attention with the girl you’d seen him with yesterday. the idea only makes you want to throw up, although you can’t tell if it’s because of that or your splitting hangover. so, in an effort to drown in your self pity anyways, you yank the covers of your blanket over your head, trying to lull yourself back to sleep now that you’ve already missed out on your attendance.
unfortunately, your attempts don’t last long, the device you’d flung to the edge of your bed ringing with your roommate’s call shortly after in which she scolds you for still not having woken up. you bite back the answer that threatens to escape you when she proceeds to go on a tangent on how this is probably because you’ve been looking so dull lately, not having it in yourself to open up to your closest friend about the fact that you’ve secretly suppressed all your innermost feelings about somebody outside your social circe in fear they’d rise to the surface and force you to do things you’d never do sober.
karina eventually ends her rant with urging you to come to the building at least to meet up for lunch, convincing you in your very much hungover state that you need something in your stomach, to which you begrudgingly agree. dragging yourself out of bed to put on some simple clothes and trudging outside the door in all your miserable glory is a task in itself, but you manage somehow. you can’t help but grumble to yourself as you parade the halls of the student accommodation with only one goal in mind— avoid chan at all cost.
fate, however, is not on your side, it seems.
because the minute you step out and about underneath the midday sun, your eyes fixated on the cobblestone path underneath your feet which leads to the university buildings located right outside the student housing, you stop dead in your tracks, stumbling upon a certain scene—
the certain scene in question being chan with his very same arm candy from yesterday.
your breath hitches in your throat at the sight, and it’s like you’re glued to the ground, unmoving as if you’ve turned static and become bound to the floor. chan doesn’t seem to have noticed you yet from your spot that’s metres away from him, too busy focusing on conversing with the girl to even look up and catch his surroundings. you wonder if that’s because she’s his girlfriend, or someone he’s interested in given the fact that he seems so engaged with her and how you’ve caught them together so many times by now (twice, actually, but in your head it seems like a much bigger number), and in all honesty, that just makes everything all the more worse.
you don’t even understand why you’re so upset about this. you wanted chan to not cling to you, or a better way of putting it instead is that you weren’t ready for him to do so. you wanted to save him the heartbreak that would come from becoming entangled with you, warning him right at the start implicitly in the way you ran from him that you weren’t going to share anything deeper than whatever you guys had. in some twisted way, you think maybe that was your idea of trying to be a good person when you knew you weren’t. even so, the fact that he could become attached to you alongside your lack of an ability to commit to you guys’ messed up relationship was terrifying. you were aware it would leave him hurt in the end, alone and stuck onto you, and that scared you in ways you’d never been.
it also scared you to think chan might see something more in you, might find something worth sticking around for; that in turn, he’d manage to change the perspective you have of yourself due to the fact that he was so.. so good. too good, maybe. because the crux of it all is that you two are from such different worlds, with different needs and different lives that just so happened to become mingled amongst each other. you found him by chance encounter, not having even known his name a few months back, and now you’re here, shamelessly tormented by the fact that the boy you didn’t want to hurt is unknowingly hurting you despite the fact that you have no right to be hurt by him. you knew from the start mixing up with someone like him didn’t make sense. it never would make sense. you’d always thought that these circumstances would be the cause of chan’s own downfall, that he was just running in a losing race.
oh, how the tables have turned, you think.
“see you around, channie.” you hear from the corner, the voice snapping you out of your inner dilemma in mere moments as you come to realise it belongs to ‘that’ girl. you think your heart rate physically spikes when you watch the way she winks at him, gently touching chan’s arm before brushing past him to walk away. part of you feels relieved that she’s gone, but another part of you can’t ignore how your stomach swirls in disgust at the way she behaves around him, or rather the way it flusters him in return. you don’t miss the burning red of chan’s ears or how he shakes his head to try recover out of it, especially not because of how it makes you feel disgusted. it’s so much so that in the midst of everything, you don’t even realise his head is springing up in your direction until his eyes are locked with yours once more, just like the night before.
white, coarse shock flashes through you, and you’d think your frozen body would finally listen when you see chan making his way over to you. instead, you stand there like an idiot, akin to a kicked puppy even with the way you’re sure your emotions are written clear as day on you. it’s only by the time that he’s almost face to face with you, an unreadable expressing playing on his face and the proximity of your bodies sending you reeling that you feel like you regain control over yourself, not daring to waste another second before you’re turning around on your heel and stepping away.
chan’s voice calls out for you in instant at your actions, and you desperately try to ignore the way your name sounds falling from his lips, swallowing a lump down in your throat that threatens to break the dam nearing explosion. it’s only when you hear his footsteps speed up and a warm hand grab your arm that you stop in place for what feels like the nth time this week, feeling like you can’t go on any further. you’re so tired of running, of detaching yourself from the situation and moving out of the picture that something in you just feels so defeated. so, you slowly turn around to meet his gaze again, heaving a breath that you don’t intend to come out of your mouth at the way he’s looking at you.
“sorry. um,” chan sighs, clearing his throat as he pushes back his glasses which are sliding off his nose. “hi?” he starts, not sure where to begin. you can tell he’s tense with the way he’s fiddling with his fingers and slightly tapping his sneaker clad foot, and you wish you could ease his nerves despite the fact that you’re equally as nervous, wishing you didn’t have to face him at all today, much less so soon. “i just, uh.. wanted to ask how you are.”
“‘m good.” you respond meekly, eyes falling on your feet, or the bushes, or the speck of dirt on the floor, or just fucking anywhere that wasn’t chan’s tender gaze which makes you feel messy and confusing feelings. “how are you?” you weakly offer, risking a glance at him as he nods and says the same, which only makes you feel like your heart is about to burst with the way he’s so concentrated on your face. his expression is still unreadable, and you’re not sure what’s burning through his mind right now, although if you had to take a wild guess, you’d think he’s probably wondering how the fuck he’s supposed to bring up your stupid behaviour, and it’s much to your dismay that your suspicions are confirmed with his next sentence.
“listen, i—“
“please ignore what happened. i was drunk, and it didn’t mean anything.” you quickly blurt out, cutting him off before he can say what he was going to. you’re not even sure if he was going to bring it up because you don’t give him the opportunity to do so in fear it’ll mortify you further than you already are, so much so that you don’t seem to notice the way the look in his eyes falls, that slight glimmer of hope dying down just as soon as it had appeared. “you can just leave it be, honestly.” you add on, the next words on your tongue slipping before you can stop them.
“i’m sure your girlfriend will be happier if you do that.”
it’s venomous, the tone that you speak in, sounding bitter and hurt despite the fact that you know you’re being petty. chan just blinks at you in return, opening his mouth, closing it and then opening it again as if he’s trying to find the right words to say. he doesn’t really know what to say, not when you’ve given him so much to process in so little time. “y/n,” he eventually lets out, and you have to physically shut your eyes to compose yourself from the way he sounds so soft as he addresses you. when you open them, he’s deep in thought, stare fixated on the space between your shoulder as if it’ll help him come up with an adequate response to this fucked up situation.
“i don’t think i should move past it.” chan swallows, his voice slightly trembling if you strain to hear it. something in you burns when you realise he doesn’t even bother to correct you about calling the previous woman you’d seen him with his girlfriend, and now you’re left wondering if there really is something deeper brewing between them. your stomach plummets at the potential, so much so that you can feel hints of irrational anger rising to the surface in you, and before you know it, you’re seeing red. “what the fuck does that even mean?” you spit out in your mild fit of rage that’s just begun, and chan’s eyes widen at you use of words.
“i-i mean, you’ve been avoiding me this whole time, and i just wanna know if it was something i did from last time, or if—“
“god, you just don’t know when to quit, do you?” you continue to snap, trying desperately to ignore the fresh sting of tears threatening to leak. you know this isn’t what you want to say, your heart speaking something different that it’s been trying to tell you for ages now, but the phrases tumbling out of your mouth are anything but the truth that yearns to be shared with probably the one person who would choose to understand and listen to it.
“this was nothing to begin with, and it never will be, chan. i said what i said ‘cause i was wasted out of my mind, it doesn’t mean jackshit. so, you can go ahead and do whatever the hell you want, and i’ll do the same.”
you don’t even realise the gravity of your words until you’re done, finally meeting chan’s gaze which only makes you want to let out the sob you’ve been holding back this entire time. instant regret floods your system at the way his shoulders slump and eyes appear emotionless, and before you can think to take it back, to tell him how everything you just said is a lie and that you’ve been trying to ignore whatever you feel towards him all this while, he flashes you a smile. it’s small, and you can tell it hides unspoken emotion in it, but you don’t question nor point it out, too stunned to even process it.
“i understand. i’ll leave you be from now on.” chan says quietly, his voice broken and dull. the lump in your throat sits at the back, ever so present and persistent as you try to swallow it away whilst watching his defeated frame turn around and walk off in the opposite direction. a desire deep inside of you itches to scream after him, to run over and yank him into your arms at last, but your pride overshadows it. you know you’ve done what you need to, your mind trying to convince you of the very fact because this is what’s best for you; it’s best for you to not continue mixing with chan in order to stop hurting both him and yourself, although it seems it’s too late for that by now.
moreover, even with that previous acceptance, you still feel uneasy, like something in you remains unresolved. part of you knows exactly what the truth is, but you refuse to acknowledge it. you think you’ll never know when or if the time for you to do so will ever come. so, with a heavy heart and so many unsaid thoughts, you turn around and trudge your way back to the dorms, shooting karina a quick text about feeing under the weather to eat before getting beneath your covers to lay down. a million thoughts buzz in your head as you try to sleep, desperately wanting to evade reality, yet your efforts do little to satiate the noises in your mind.
it’s only when you feel the fresh roll of a single tear against your cheek that you truly come to understand just what’s happened. you know you’ve pushed chan away for the millionth time by now, yet something about this instance feels different. maybe it’s the fact that you stuck around to see the pain in his eyes, or maybe it’s how he still tried to reach out to you despite your avoidance of him. maybe it’s even the way he’s finally found someone who probably loves him the way he deserves to be— openly, something you could never dare to give him despite your blatantly obvious jealousy. your very admissions make the weight in your heart heavier, the knowledge that you’re jealous, that you’ve been jealous this entire time only solidifying the fact that you care. you care so fucking much to the point it’s been eating you alive, and that’s all it takes for you to break before you’re full on crying, body shaking as you cover your face in your hands. one lone thought remains in your mind in the midst of your tears, the thought that chan may have not been yours to begin with, but now?
now, he’s definitely never going to be.
. . .
“l/n, what’s the matter with you today? keep up, you’re falling behind!” your coach’s frustrated voice cuts through the evening air once more as you squint, the stadium lights behind her highlighting her form that’s menacingly staring at you with hands on her hips. a loud sigh leaves your lips, causing you to clutch the plastic of your cheer tassels tightly in your hand as you try and ignore the stares coming from your girls. this is probably the fifth time you’ve messed up the routine for everyone today, an event highly unlikely for you in normal occurrences, but after having spent a few days since.. that, you can’t seem to get into the zone and focus on anything anymore.
practise drones on for another hour, filled with more groans and scolding from your instructor directed your way in specific until she finally gives up and dismisses everyone for the day. she grumbles something about how you guys should just come back tomorrow in the morning prior to the game instead and stomps off to her office, leaving you with a pit in your stomach because you know this is all because of you. there’s silence that lingers in the atmosphere once she’s gone, and no one dares to speak up, instead opting to stare at you through stolen glances as you heave a breathe. tossing your equipment aside, you move to go fill up some water, chugging it down in hopes that quenching your thirst will get you to snap out of the haziness that’s currently fogging your mind.
“hey.” a voice greets you from behind, and you whip your head back to find yunjin and giselle standing there. crumpling the paper cup in your hands, you fling it into the nearby bin, mustering up a smile as you nod at them which pushes giselle to bite the gun. “you okay? you seem kind of.. off today.” she questions in worry, causing you to shrug.
“yeah, sorry. i’ve just got a lot on my mind, i guess.” you huff out a laugh, although there’s nothing but annoyance laced in your tone. your teammates exchange looks between them at your words, and yunjin steps forward to place a hand on your shoulder. “we get it, the big game is nerve-wracking for us too.” you hum, her voice offering the same encouraging dialogue to you droning out in your head as reality fades away and your inner monologue with yourself begins once more.
what was the actual point of all of this anymore? were you even in it for the long haul? did you really want to continue giving it your all even after knowing you’ve lost something that means so much to you? you realise belatedly now that everything around you has become superficial, and that none of it seems to matter in the grand scheme of things except for.. well, him. even the concept of going to parties, getting wasted, missing classes, being on a team with the rest of the girls, it all feels endlessly futile now. that’s not to say you haven’t had fun this entire time, but something in you feels like it’s finally come to terms with what’s surrounding you. the ringing in your ears only gets louder by the minute as you try to will it away, and it genuinely seems like the alarms in you have finally woken up after months of staying dormant.
“sorry, yun, but i have to go. i’ll see you two later.” you mumble, and before either of them can protest, you’re turning around and walking off, the evening’s cool air following you closely behind.
you don’t even say hi to karina when you reach your dorm room, ignoring her greeting as you toss your shoes to the side, but she seems to pick up on what’s going on after seeing the longing look in your eyes. she doesn’t question it either when you lock yourself in the bathroom, simply going back to reading her book as if nothing had happened, and you’re honestly grateful for that realisation when you start the water. once the tub is all filled up, you strip down naked and dip your body in, closing your eyes at the warm sensation which envelops you after slipping in.
even still, the hug your bath seems to wrap you up in doesn’t take away from the heaviness of the day that continues to wear you down, almost like what happened over the course of this week is dragging your tense muscles with it. your chest still feels tight and the voices in your head remain muffled, like they’re being deafened by white noise that hasn’t stopped increasing in pitch ever since you came to terms with how you’re feeling. how you’re feeling. you swallow at that.
it feels like hours pass by the time you finally heave your soaking wet limbs out, bundling yourself up in a towel to dry yourself off before creaking the door open. when you step out, you notice karina’s side of the room to be empty, checking your phone to see if she’d messaged you, only to find texts from her saying she’d gone down to the dining hall with her classmates. you shoot her a quick reply back, adding some obscure emoji so she knows not to worry too much and then proceed to flop down on your own bed, frowning when you feel the still remaining dampness of your hair hit the pillow.
your eyes drift to your device which illuminates in the darkness of the room again, fingers moving to grab it as you unlock it only to flick through the rows of messages flooding in from group chats you don’t even know why you’re part of in the first place. some part of you feels empty upon eyeing them, watching the way everyone buzzes in excitement about the game tomorrow knowing you feel far from how they do. rather, it’s the opposite, some sort of twisted sensation washing over you as you scroll past all your notifications only to land on a particular chat.
“fuck.” you mutter to yourself, groaning whilst your eyes rake over chan’s contact name. you press on the profile photo hesitantly, biting your lip as it enlarges to give you a better look at what picture you’ve set for him; the picture you took of him.
you still remember it vividly�� the both of you had gone down to the convenience store to grab a quick study snack, only to end up chatting over long gone cold ramen for hours on no end up until the point it had turned dark outside. you’d brushed off the dirt on your jeans after getting up from the stairs you two had sat on, turning around to face chan who was also about to stand but stopped at your request for him to pose for the camera. he’d gone red in the face when you teased him about how good he’d looked after snapping some photos of him, nervously scratching the back of his neck as he brushed off your compliment despite his giggles.
you’d been so busy pointing out the details of the photo that you hadn’t even noticed the way he’d laced his hand in yours, his palm soft against your cooler skin which caused the insides of your stomach to leap in a weird way. you’d ignored it of course, letting him enjoy his moment seeing as no one was around to catch you both anyways, but the blooming contentment you’d felt in your body remained until he’d walked you back to your dorm room, shyly flashing you a smile before placing a small kiss on your forehead. you rode out on that high for the next few days without even knowing it.
it’s only when your screen becomes wet with a few drops of your tears that you snap out of the memories, realising you’re crying once more. you use the back of your sleeve to wipe at your face, sniffling slightly all while trying to hold back the emotions that threaten to escape you yet again after having bottled them up for days now. your previous texts with chan stare back in your eyes as a sore reminder of everything, and you can’t help but scroll through them, reading back the silly messages you’d exchanged which only make you want to wallow in self pity even more.
was chan thinking of you the way you were of him? was he cooped up and unable to progress with his day because he was still hung up on how things had ended? did he care? did he.. ever care? did he care half as much as you did right now?
he did.
you realise belatedly that he cared, cared so much that maybe it was even more than you do right now or ever could and will. chan cared for you so deeply, so passionately in a way nobody else had the capability to do so in your entire life. he replaced the love you lacked growing up with his boyish charms and soft spoken personality, and he was willing to give up parts of him for your sake so as long as it meant you were happy.
he cared. he had cared.
he’d cared so fucking much and you’d thrown it away like it was nothing.
before you can even process your next actions, your thumb presses on the call icon next to chan’s profile. the ring goes out immediately, his nickname and photo appearing on your screen once more as you wait with bated breath. you don’t even know what you’re doing right now, you don’t think you ever have known to be honest when it comes to chan, but some irrational, impulsive part of you feels like it’s taken over, yearning to satiate the desires you’ve ignored for a long time now.
beep. beep. beep.
please pick up. please don’t pick up. please pick up. please don’t pick up. please—
“the number you have dialled is..“
it’s immediate the way you click off the call, bottom lip wobbling once you’re sure there’s no way anyone can hear as all your pent up frustration comes crashing down on you in an instant. a beat of silence passes as you exhale a shaky breath, which seems to be the beginning of the floodgates opening because by the time the air even leaves your mouth, you’re choking back a sob, much like you have been for these past few days. your heart tightens in a way that makes you extremely uncomfortable, and your hands shake as you try embrace yourself by hugging your knees to your chest so you can bury your face in them.
chan hadn’t picked up. he hadn’t picked up unlike all the previous times you’ve asked him to come over in the dead of the night to meet up with you just so you two can make out in the backseat of his car. he hadn’t picked up unlike all the previous times you’ve texted wishing to facetime with him because you’re bored of trying to do your assignments. he hadn’t picked up unlike all the previous times you’ve wanted him to let you know to ring you up once he’s arrived home safe after having driven you back to your dorm.
he hadn’t picked up unlike all the previous times because he was gone from your life once and for all.
. . .
the next morning arrives far too soon for your liking, and it takes everything within you to drag your body out of the solace of your bed which currently seems to be the only thing providing you any semblance of comfort in your dull times. you do your best to make small talk with karina as you both get ready for the game, your roommate chatting your ear off about something mundane and irrelevant that you suspect is her way of filling the uncomfortable air lingering around you that she’s picked up on. you’re grateful for her trying to compensate for your lack of a response, but even with karina’s support, your soul feels extremely hollow and devoid of any meaning still. you hum and offer simple quips to her regardless of your mind screaming at you to go non-verbal, and before you know it, you’re both out of the door with you dressed up in your cheer uniform despite not feeling the slightest bit prepared to tackle what the day is about to bring.
by the time you both reach the stadium, everyone has already filled out the majority of the seats, the loud buzz of excitement resonating through the surroundings as you rake your eyes over the large turnout. karina flashes you a smile before giving you a quick hug, assuring you that you’ll do great and disappearing into the crowd to find her own spot to sit down. you want to believe her words, you truly do, but all your mind is fixated on right now is how sheerly empty you feel, your thoughts still drowning you in negativity with the way they haven’t shut up since last night, or maybe even for the past few weeks if you’re being honest. despite whatever emotions and jitters you’re feeling though, you try shrug it off, breathing in deeply before making your way over to where the rest of your team has gathered.
it’s the same speech that you’re met with when you finally stand around the huddle that everyone has formed in, their bright grins and your coach’s encouraging ment making you feel guilty for not being as fully into this as everybody else is. despite the drawbacks, you beam anyways, participating in the pre-show ritual of putting your hands into the centre and laughing alongside your girls. you all separate eventually and stand in your positions, and it doesn’t take long before the event begins and you’re all starting the crowd off with the all too familiar chant of your university’s slogan that everybody joins in on.
the game begins and generally progresses with no major hiccups, and in the end, you do manage to pull off the routine you’ve practised multiple times seamlessly without any issues. your limbs burn, and your voice is hoarse by the time the band takes over, but you try your best to maintain your outgoing nature despite the inner turmoil that’s been brewing inside you for a while now. nonetheless, before you know it, halftime is over and both teams are on the brink of a match point stopping them from taking victory. everybody watches with their nerves at a full time high, and for a moment, your thoughts seem to fade as you focus on keeping the gathering of people upbeat and motivated to encourage the players, but it’s short-lived after the star player manages to score the winning goal once and for all.
upon the realisation that your team has won, everyone erupts in loud celebration and applause, some even standing from their seat to make their way down and join in on the crowd of players who have formed around the one who threw the last shot. your girls and coach all yell in joy, a few of them hugging each other after a successfully executed performance which leaves them jumping up and down. you stay to watch from the sidelines, happy for your team’s hard efforts despite your still heavy shoulders dragging you down from getting into the spirit. some of the girls try and grab you by the hand to bring you into the hug, but you politely decline, saying you need to catch your breath for a second as some meaningless excuse to avoid having to be surrounded by a large group of people for too long.
observing everyone feels bittersweet. you want to be as pumped up as everybody else is, want to join in and ride on the high of having tackled what was quite possibly the biggest, most important match of the season, but a part of you holds back. no matter how much you try drag yourself out of your low spirits, you can’t succeed, instead feeling the need to chew on your bottom lip with your rising inability to hide your emotions as you stand in the middle of the ground alone. you don’t know where karina’s sauntered of to after the news of today's game outcome, and you’re not even sure where the rest of the team is heading to now; you assume it’s to some nearby diner for further commemoration. everything in you remains the same, numb and drained of any potential happiness that could’ve been because of what you’ve come to realise is completely your fault.
with a deep sigh and a gradual acceptance that you should just head back to the dorms, you turn on your heel, tossing your tassels somewhere in the basket you’d picked them up from before slowly trudging your way in the direction of the student accommodation. your eyes feel glossy, and that weird lump you keep getting before you’re about to cry is back in your throat as you watch everyone whizz past you, clearly bustling in thrill that’s much different from how you’re feeling. you do catch a few glances on you, feeling people’s stares and knowing they’re probably wondering why a member of the cheer team isn’t out partying with the rest, but you can’t find it in you to care anymore. you don’t know how you ever did in the first place.
y/n.
your ears perk at a familiar voice shouting your name in the distance, goosebumps spiking on your skin at the way it sounds so similar to chan’s. you feel like you’re hallucinating at this point, just hearing things because of your growing infatuation with him that’s finally made its way up from the underlying surface, and that only prompts you to walk faster as you tug your arms to your chest. if you’re starting to imagine things, it’s best that you get out of here. so, with your eyes squeezed shut, you try carry yourself as fast as your legs can take you, the call of your name only growing louder regardless of how much you ignore it. you swear you’re going mad from the way each time it returns, it sounds even closer and identical to how chan does, springing up memories of when he’d called you by your name the previous times you’d spent together.
y/n. y/n. y/n.
“y/n!”
your eyes widen when you hear the same voice and footsteps jogging up directly right behind you, this time knowing for sure that it’s not just in your head and rather coming from a few meters away. your heart accelerates with the possibility of what that means, of what that would entail if it were true. it couldn’t be.
..could it?
you’re quick to spin around when the thought crosses your mind, your eyes raking over your surroundings to search for that one figure you’ve been looking for in everyone you’ve met for the past few months. your breath catches in your throat, and you whip your head side to side to try and find the source, but it’s only when your vision stabilises and settles on the emerging figure in front of you that you realise it—
chan.
it’s chan.
chan is here.
“y/n.” he breathes out when he finally catches up to you, his glasses slipping off the bridge of his nose in his haste to greet you. you don’t respond, mouth open and feet frozen in place with your mind rushing at a million miles per hour and so many different questions echoing in it. is this real? have you fallen into some delusional state of existence where you’re envisioning the one person you’ve needed for so long? is he just a figment of your imagination that’s been burning with his face for so many days now? you can’t believe it, you don’t want to believe it, you think you don’t deserve to believe it. you long to reach out to him and place your hand in his, to feel and see if he’s actually present and standing in front of you, but your body acts like it’s been caught up in utter shock, something chan seems to pick up on after your prolonged silence.
“g-good job on the game.” he decides to stutter out as a way of starting conversation hopefully, cursing internally at how his voice wavers before letting out a nervous chuckle. “you were really great out there, and i saw you lead everyone really well. you know, if i think about it, cheerleading is kinda an intense sport, ‘cause why were you guys jumping so high, and—“
“you came.”
chan blinks as if to process your words, his eyes softening immediately at the admission that’s slipped out of you when you cut his rambling off mid-sentence with two simple words. you look so shocked, and it’s with a proper glance at your face he’s getting after not having been able to see you well enough for a while that he notices the remnants of your bloodshot eyes and slight dark circles, all of which you’d tried to cover up with makeup. he thinks you’re still as pretty as ever like this, and his hand twitches with the urging need to take you in his arms. he wants so badly to hold you, but he hesitates, instead settling on two, even more simpler words—
“you called.”
that’s all it takes. all it takes is two words which inherently have no meaning unless you give it to them to set you free and rid you of the static in your brain, your orbs stinging with the all too knowing tears that slowly drop out of them as you let everything sink in. it may sound like the most mundane sentence on the outside, but to you, after weeks of uncertainty and these last few days filled with what you would honestly classify as the worst depressive thoughts of your life, they feel like the most uplifting thing ever.
chan’s gaze widens when he catches the sole droplet of salty water roll down your cheek, and he’s instinctively extending his finger to wipe it away until he realises what he’s just done. you don’t even get to speak as he splutters out apologies for touching you while looking around to see if anyone caught that. his actions make your heart ache, knowing it’s because of you that he feels so cautious, and before you can even think, you’re crashing into him. the sudden weight of your body causes him to stumble a little on his feet, but he manages to stabilise himself as you wrap yourself around him in his embrace, burying your face into his chest.
“‘m sorry. ‘m so, so sorry.” your voice cracks as you speak, muffled into his jacket to the point he has to strain to hear it. you keep repeating the same thing over and over again to the point it makes his frown deepen, and he’s instant in cradling you back in his hold, other people be damned because he’d be an idiot not to take care of you now of all times. he lets you mumble into his clothes as long as you need to, grip on your smaller figure tightening while he rubs your back soothingly. his touch feels warm and comforting, and you don’t even know how you’d gone so far without it, pulling back with a sniffle after a short instance so you can scan your eyes over his features.
he’s dressed in simple clothes today, but that same combo of his signature snapback and glasses he always has remain resting on his head and face. you don’t even know what it is about them, maybe it’s the fact that you’ve gotten so accustomed to seeing him in these things, or maybe it’s how you’re finally catching a glimpse of it all after having been away for so long, but the sight of his accessories that you know all too well only makes you cry harder. you try move your arm to wipe at your tears, but chan is quicker, the soft pads of his thumbs brushing against your wet cheeks as he cups your face in his hands. your bottom lip juts out shamelessly as he wipes the remnants of your emotions away, to which he just smiles.
“i’m sorry too.” he admits, your confusion urging him to elaborate. “i saw you called yesterday night, but my brother had my phone and wouldn’t give it back to me, so i couldn’t pick up. i debated calling you back too, but i wasn’t sure if it was just another drunken mishap, and then after you said everything that day, i-i didn’t want to risk bothering you, and..“ he trails off, biting his bottom lip. you swallow at his words.
“it wasn’t a drunk call.” you shake your head, voice still wobbly as you clear your throat. “chan, i..“ you struggle to find a plausible explanation, wishing you could say a hundred words and none at the same time. you want to tell him everything in your heart, all the fears you’ve had this entire time that you want to get over with his help, all the nonsense your brain has been spewing ever since you told him to walk out of your life, all of it. you want him to know every deep, dark secret you’ve kept this entire time, but you can’t seem to find the right way to phrase it all.
“i get it.” he offers a lopsided grin as if having read your mind, and it’s pathetic really how it instantly eases all your worries. “you don’t have to say anything, not unless you want to. but, y/n,” chan hesitates, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves. “there’s something i need to tell you before it’s too late.”
that makes you gulp, and you wonder for a split second if maybe this is the end. maybe this is chan finally putting himself and his needs first before you can even profess all the unsaid declarations of your feelings for him. maybe he’s become fed up with you at last and came to see you in person today to let you down easily, telling you sweet things and comforting you so you’d ease your guard and be more susceptible to what he’s about to say. maybe it’s finally time for you to let go before you could’ve even had a taste of what was to come, maybe this is the universe’s way of letting you know you lost your timing due to your insolence, maybe—
“i love you.”
…what?
your eyes practically bulge out of your head at this point, and for a while, you wonder if you really heard him right. it’s like your entire world seems to slow down around you too, your surroundings spinning even with you trying to stabilise your vision after what you’d just been told. everything feels like it’s fading into background noise, and suddenly your entire focus is only on chan; chan with his gorgeous face and honey-like voice that you’ve heard so many times letting you know the one thing you’ve longed to hear from him these past few weeks.
“i think— no, i know you’re it for me.” he continues to blurt out, his anxiety gnawing him at the back of his mind with the way you don’t say anything. “i’ve wanted to tell you for so long because i’ve been in love with you for a while now, but i didn’t because of what you said that day. a-and i know you told me not to bother you again, and maybe you’re not in the right mindset right now and i’m just imagining all of this, and you’re going to wake up tomorrow having changed your mind and we’ll go back to the way we were, and—“
chan’s words die down in his throat before he can even get the rest of his sentence out, a surprised yelp leaving him when you abruptly cut him off by pressing your mouth against his. he lets out a small noise of shock at the way you lean into him, but his hands wrap around you as if its instinct, caging you into his body when he eventually does reciprocate your actions. your lips are soft; they’re so warm and taste like your strawberry chapstick, but he doesn’t care that it’s probably staining his face, at least not when he’s finally got you with him, no less in the way he’s longed for ever since he met your drunk figure stumbling into the balcony with him that night at the party.
your head isn’t any quieter either, adrenaline coursing through your veins and heart impossibly beating out of your chest as you enthusiastically mould yourself to him. your fingers bunch up the jacket he’s wearing, and the way he’s kissing you makes your toes curl inside your shoes, but none of that matters when you’re here at long last with chan. chan, chan, chan. your chan. your chan who has never been yours but is now saying he is. your imperfect, awkward, nerdy chan who holds the door open for you and respects all your wishes regardless of how they make him feel. the realisation makes your insides twist in a way you think might make your legs give out on you, but chan is quick to squeeze your waist as a way of reassuring you that he won’t let you fall, and you can’t help the fluttery sensation in your stomach that passes with that.
when you both do pull away, it’s with much reluctance, and you can see the faintest hint of a pout on chan’s face decorated with the remnants of your makeup, but he doesn’t seem to care so you think neither should you. your eyes lock when he opens his, those same orbs you’ve felt such complicated feelings for reflecting back at you with unspoken tension and so much adoration. you think you might physically melt with the way he’s staring down at you, so lovestruck and completely in awe, but that’s exactly what gives you the push to say your next words—
“i love you so much.” you choke out, unexpected emotions washing over you as you finally admit what you’ve been wanting to say for so long. it feels liberating in a way you’ve never experienced, to be honest and real with him, but you think you could get used to it.
“how could i not love you, chan? you’re everything i’ve ever needed.” your voice comes out in a whisper, and chan feels his shoulders relax at that, relief flooding through his system when he finally, finally hears what he’s wanted to since he’s known you. “‘m sorry for pushing you away, ‘m sorry for hurting you, and i’ll try my best to stop running from what i want. so.. if you’ll still have me even after all that, i promise i’ll make it worth your while.” you look down at your feet, swallowing in fear that he’d think otherwise after being reminded of everything you did to him. you know you don’t deserve a second chance, but the thought of chan changing his mind after everything that’s happened feels way too cruel, although you think maybe that’s your karma.
“hey,” your ears catch his gentle voice speak up, dragging you out of your thoughts. before you can even look up, chan’s hooking his finger under your chin and making you do so, his beautiful face that you’ve fallen for throughout these past few months coming into your view. the way he’s staring down at you is so tender, so full of admiration that you genuinely believe you might pass out. chan has always looked at you like you hung the stars up in the sky, like he wants you and you only in every lifetime. but, seeing it now after his confession, seeing the way his gaze rakes over your features as if he’s trying to commit them to memory, you feel like you might cry again.
“of course i’ll have you, are you kidding me?” he huffs out in a laugh that pulls you back to reality, although it sounds more like him being in disbelief. “i’ve been dreaming of this ever since i even saw you.” he shyly mumbles, and you can’t stop the goofy grin that spreads across your face at his admittance. you want to jump in joy, to shout out your feelings for him from the top of the bleachers after finally having it all laid bare in front of you, but you can’t, so instead you settle on smashing your lips against his once more, cradling his face in your hands.
chan’s quick in responding this time, and you can sense the way he’s beaming when he moves his mouth in sync with yours. your hand slides up his chest to grip the edge of his jacket, and you swear you can feel the rapid thumping of his heart under your skin, wondering if he can hear yours too with the way you’re both pressed up to each other. you stay like that to the point your lungs burn, exchanging kisses and unspoken feelings amongst each other until you finally have enough (not really). your hand interlocks with his once you pull away and flash him a cheeky smile, the words already leaving you—
“let’s get out of here.”
. . .
by the time you and chan make it to his car, you’re already panting, lips bruised with the way you’ve been pushing them against one another’s for the past few minutes. it took long enough to even drag him to the parking lot, chan not being able to let go of you in favour of walking the short distance to the outdoor area where he'd driven and stopped. the morning sky that’s illuminated above you with hues of orange stretches out for miles, and if anyone’s up there looking down at you both, they’d probably see two young adults giggling amongst themselves as one of them presses the other up to the side of his vehicle. you feel butterflies erupt in you with the way chan slots his body against yours, his leg pushing its way through the gap between yours, and his mouth is on you before you can even speak.
“you look so pretty today.” chan retracts from you to whisper suddenly, his slightly foggy glasses once again sliding off his nose. you reach up and push them back with a mischievous glint in your eyes, and he swears he's never seen a sight so alluring in his life; his red ears are enough evidence of that fact. “so, am i not pretty every other day, mr. bang?” you tease, causing him to let out a chuckle. he missed this, missed the banter between you two that was the start of what could've been mistaken as a lighthearted relationship if no one bothered to correct the details of it. regardless of all the trials and tribulations it took to get you both to this point, he doesn't care, at least not when he finally has you in his arms, your top bunched up in his hands as he looks down at your precious face.
“nope.” he pops the ‘p’, thumb brushing against your cheek. “because those days, you're even prettier.” he murmurs, and you think if your heart races anymore that it might actually burst. the love and adoration that you’re experiencing for him right now, the love and adoration that you've been experiencing for a long time now, it all feels like a fever dream. you're finally able to do and say what you want to him, but you think the best part of it all is him reciprocating it. the way he gazes at you, the way he touches you, the way he kisses you, all of it— it's all so full of emotion to the point you fear that you can't ever give it all back. you'd be damned if you didn't try though.
“alright, romeo, pipe it down. you're gonna get all the ladies with that line.” you joke, and chan throws his head back to let out a laugh that makes your insides twist. you try to move your head away to hide the tint of pink that's rapidly spreading across your face, but he notices anyway, a large grin plastered all over his mouth that he doesn't even bother hiding anymore. he fumbles around with his keys a little until he finally finds the one that unlocks his car, instantly opening the door to the backseat to which you usher in at lightning speed, drawing another laugh from him.
“c’mere.” he sighs once he's in too, grasping your hand to tug you onto his lap somehow despite the cramped space. you let out a noise of surprise as he settles you over him, but your hands instantly move to his shoulders to stabilise yourself, finding the familiar position you've been in far too many times. “someone’s eager.” you let out breathlessly, unable to hold back the giggle that bubbles in your throat at the way he flushes red at your observation. his hands find purchase on your waist, the smooth feel of your uniform being bunched up in his larger fingers causing your heart to beat out of its chest.
“well, yeah, but.. also, i missed you.” chan confesses quietly. “i mean, i’ve been dreaming about this for so long and now it's finally real.” he mutters in disbelief, and you can't stop the pout that forms. your fingers trace along the soft skin of his face, moving past the outline of his jaw to his swollen mouth that you've probably kissed at least ten times by today. you don't hesitate to kiss it again, lips moulding perfectly against his as your eyes slip shut to revel in the moment. chan is nothing but full of sighs of content at your actions, and when you pull away, he swears he almost whines.
“i missed you too. so much.” you admit, full and honest because you had. you'd missed him so much to the point you'd have thought you were going crazy. you missed him every day you had waken up whether or not you wanted to be aware of it, and you'd missed him every night that you'd cried yourself to sleep. and yet, here he is now, sitting with you in his lap all the way in the back of his beat up car, telling you all these sweet words that make you want to do absolutely sinful things to him.
“missed talking to you.” you boop his nose, and he smiles at you, irrevocably down bad. “missed hugging you.” your arms wrap around his broad shoulders, and while you shudder at the visible idea of how much stronger chan actually is compared to you, you sign it off as a fantasy you'll have to indulge in someday later. “missed kissing you.” you mumble, leaning in to pepper a soft trail across his cheeks. “and, most of all..” you trail off, inching closer so you're at level with his burning ears before you speak—
“i missed tasting you.” your voice comes out in a low tone, and chan all but groans at the dirty admission. he shifts slightly underneath you as evidence of his discomfort, but you know that's only from the way you can feel him filling out his jeans. your hips purposely push down on his to grind against the slowly forming bulge tucked away behind his boxers, and he jerks forward, nails digging into the fabric of your skirt with a loud hiss leaving him.
“don’t— don’t do that.” chan gasps out, the sight of your glossy, doe eyes instantly having blood rush between his legs. he can tell you’re in the mood to play games, but he also knows that if he goes one more minute without having claimed you in any sort of way, he might actually die. “‘m literally on the brink of it, baby. please.” you bite your lip at his small plea, ignoring the way the old nickname falls from him as the faintest hint of a smirk forms across your features. you choose to rock your clothed core on his once more anyway, which makes chan toss his head back so rough that a slight thump resonates in the air after he hits the seat.
his gaze is hooded whilst he watches you hump your slowly growing wetness over his pants for the next few minutes, mouth parted as heavy exhales leave it alongside the rapidly rising tension between you both. one particular press of your probably damp by now panties on his bulge has him keening, which only makes you smile. “shit, you still love teasing me, huh?” he curses in question, breathy laughter escaping him at the sight of you nodding as his tongue pokes the inside of his cheek. the sight alone is so attractive that you can’t resist leaning in to capture him in another searing kiss, one that’s much hotter and heavier than the previous ones.
chan’s confusion is audible with the way he voices it out loud when you suddenly pull away, but any and all complaints die down in his throat the minute he sees you shuffle from his lap, biting back the groan that threatens to rumble through his chest at you sinking to your knees instead. you’re thankful that his passenger seat is adjusted forward to give you space to sit, likely being that way from all your previous activities, or maybe it could be from anybody else he brought in during the technically no contact period you both broke moments prior to this. hot jealousy bubbles under the surface at the potential of someone else getting to see him how you do, but you swallow it down in lieu of making the most of what situation you’re in now.
“pretty girl.” chan’s voice is merely a whisper, dragging you out of your thoughts as one of his hands caresses the flesh of your cheek, leaving you to nuzzle against it. he glances at you so softly regardless of whatever erotic position you’ve put yourself in, still in utter awe at the fact that you’re here, physically and in front of him instead of the daydreams he’s often found himself imagining of you. he can’t decide whether you look like the epitome of perfection with the sunlight streaming through his windows and highlighting your face, or the epitome of sin with the predicament you’re in which leaves you situated on the floor of his car between his legs; he chooses to settle on both.
your fingers graze his denim clad thighs, and chan retracts himself from brushing his thumb against the skin of your face to hurriedly undo the zipper of his jeans. you’re more than eager to help, assisting him in unbuttoning and shimmying them off despite the cramped space you’re both in. eventually, chan’s pants and boxers are pooling around his ankles, and his leaking cock awaits prettily for any sort of relief you may be able to provide it, the tip a slight shade of red as precum dribbles out. you’re quick to swipe it off, chan’s noises at you doing so falling on deaf ears as you bring the essence up to your mouth and lick it off. the familiar tinge of sweet and saltiness invades your senses, only making the uncomfortable stickiness between your own legs grow.
“you’re so beautiful, channie.” you say after popping your finger out of your mouth, small hands instantly moving to wrap around his length and squeeze just a tad, which has chan’s chest rumbling with a moan. “gorgeous face, gorgeous body, gorgeous everything. how could i have been so foolish to almost let go of it?” you wonder out loud, eyes flickering up to him when he buries his face in his palms, getting flustered at your compliments. “my shy boy.” you giggle at his actions, mesmerised by the way he twitches in your hold when you softly pump him up and down.
“been such a bad girl ignoring you, yeah?” you sigh in faux frustration, although a part of it is true. “no more of that, though. let me make it up to you.” you gather a wad of spit in your mouth before letting it dribble across his cockhead, smearing the saliva over it with your thumb once more. your ministrations have chan’s hips threatening to buck up in your hold, but he restrains himself, embarrassed at how worked up you’ve already gotten him without even having done anything really. “i promise i’ll make you feel so good.” you assure, eyebrows furrowing when he just shakes his head.
“no, y-you always make me feel good.” he stutters at the way your fingers squeeze just a bit harder from his words, and before he can even add anything else to his previous sentence, you’re leaning forward to wrap your warm mouth around him.
a loud groan shudders its way past chan’s lips at how you practically swallow him whole in one go, taking him in so deep that he can feel the way his mushroom head kisses the back of your throat just a smidge. you pull off a little to let your tongue slide out and lick around the underside of his dick, another hand coming up to fondle with his balls simultaneously. soon enough, his low grunts fill the air, only prompting you to hum around chan as the vibrations of your voice shoot up his body. “fuck, angel.” he manages to utter out, a deep moan slipping out when he dares to peek a glance at you, almost cumming prematurely from the way you look up at him through your lashes.
“wan’ you to fuck my throat. please.” you pull off of him to plead instead, rubbing the spit-stricken head of his sensitive cock against your swollen lips. the way you’re staring back at him with wide eyes, your wet muscle darting out to dip into his slit as he chokes on his own words makes him want to take you right then and there, but chan holds back, choosing to oblige your request with a shaky nod as he reaches forward to thread his fingers through your hair. you smile at him sweetly, enveloping his length back into your hot cavern of a mouth and pushing your nose flush to his pelvis.
this time, he feels his tip bump deliciously against the back of your throat, and it doesn’t take much longer for him to start slowly push himself in and out whilst gripping you in a makeshift ponytail. the sloppy sounds of your gagging fill the space of his car in an instant, and the mere sight of your tears welling up nearly sends chan toppling over the edge. he’s quick to take you off of him at that, and you’re about to protest to ask why he stopped when he cuts you off. “‘m sorry, angel, but if we don’t stop, i'll end up finishing like a teenage boy in your mouth.” you huff out a small laugh at his choice of words.
“i wouldn’t have cared, channie. that’s kinda the goal of sex.” you point out, rising from your crouched position with burning knees to settle on his lap once more as you wrap your arms around his neck. “yeah, but..” chan trails off, his breath hitching at the way he presses up against your clothed stomach, and you titter from how he seems absolutely awestruck at the sight of you in his hold. it’s so endearing that you lean forward to press a soft kiss to his nose, letting your lips trail across his cheeks, ears and jaw before finally landing on his mouth. chan feels like he’s going to go mad when you eventually retract from him. “yeah, but?” you remind him with a smug grin, watching him blink to gather his thoughts again.
“i-i want you to feel good too.” he mumbles shyly, averting his gaze elsewhere in embarrassment as you coo. you bring your fingers up to move his face so he’s glancing at you once more, his shining eyes locking with yours and making your heart swell.
chan’s love for you has always been selfless; he doesn’t seem to care for his own pleasure much when it comes to you and always insists on making you feel good over having himself do so. it’s one of the things you’ve grown so familiar with when being around him, and before he came along, the concept of someone being so giving had never even crossed your mind. you’re aware a part of it lies in the fact that you’re his first— first kiss, first time, first everything. it used to scare you before, making you feel like he was missing out on what everyone else could offer him by being stuck to you, but the minute the possibility of him having the experiences he shared with you with somebody else became a reality, you knew you could give less of a fuck about being selfish.
because right now in this very moment, or two hours from now, one day from today, a few weeks from this time, and in every lifetime to come too, you wanted chan. you wanted him on his good or bad days, wanted him through thick or thin, and wanted him even if you had the chance to choose from anybody in the world. he’d become it for you, and god, were you glad he felt the same way.
“it makes me feel good when you do, baby.” you remind him, flashing him a smile that makes his insides melt. “but, if you insist, then who am i to deny my pretty boy?” chan has to bite back the grin that threatens to spread across his face at your words. your pretty boy. yours. he’d wanted to be nothing more ever since you walked into his life and now he finally had it, the idea being so incredulously unfathomable to him that he doesn’t even register you taking off your top. it’s only when your fingers graze his cheek and you lean in for another kiss that he notices you’re now half naked and straddling him, a noise of pleasure leaving his mouth at the realisation which you swallow up. your lips slot against his so perfectly, almost like they’re two pieces of the same puzzle finally meeting each other, warmth blooming in both of you at the idea of being each other’s missing link.
“no, no, just lemme pull ‘em to the side.” you pull back and whisper when he lifts your skirt to yank down your underwear. shakily, you reach below and hook your fingers into the damp material, tugging it to one end and exposing your wetness that nearly drips out of you. chan has to hold back the dirty noises that bubble inside him at the sight of your soaked panties, but even more so when you grab his length and line him up to your entrance. both of you can’t stop your sighs of long deserved relief when his tip breaches your opening, barely sucked in but still nestled inside, and before chan can beg you to put him all the way in, you’re sitting down on his cock completely, biting your lip at the burning stretch.
“fuck.” is the only thing that you hear from chan once he’s fully bottomed out, looking up to see him staring down at where you’re both connected with blown out pupils. his gaze makes you burn up, involuntarily causing you to clench to the point your boy is digging his nails into your side, leaving crescents in your skin for you to wake up to tomorrow. “missed you so much.” chan’s voice is strained alongside the small laugh that escapes him, his hips slightly bucking up and causing you to whimper as the sound goes straight to his dick. he has to physically stop himself from fucking up into you, your warmth enveloping him in the best way possible.
“please move, princess. please.” he begs, pleas dripping with raw desire as he gazes up at you with wide eyes. it’s all the confirmation you need to slowly lift your hips up and lower them down on his, your warm walls clinging to his cock having the both of you moaning out loud at the feeling it provides instantly.
your movements are slow, deep and deliberate with how you rock your hips in a gentle grind against chan’s length buried to the hilt inside you. the angle of your bodies locked together allows his mushroom head to breach far inside you, and it almost feels like he’s all the way in your stomach. chan’s cock has always been girthy and heavy, a large vein protruding along the side of his shaft and leading to the bulbous tip of his dick. the first time you took him, let him feel what it’s like to not just fuck his fist, he almost tore you in half with his misplaced, rabid actions. but right now, with you riding him in the backseat of his car, the windows fogging up and no doubt giving away your scandalous activities, he feels even larger in you, especially with how he pushes up to meet you halfway.
“baby.” you mewl at a particularly well-placed thrust, preening at how his cockhead brushes against that spot tucked safely inside, and chan bites his lip at the way your face is contorted in absolute bliss. he brings one of his knobby digits up to wet it before trailing it down to press into your clit, and you almost fall forward from the sudden jolt of pleasure. “s’good?” he murmurs, continuing to rub tight circles on your swollen nub as you whimper in agreement, vision going crosseyed from how great your body feels at the moment.
sex with chan is always an experience to say the least. you still remember the time he lost his virginity to you, rutting inside your heat freely in his childhood bedroom at a study session gone wrong (or right even) with the headboard bumping into the wall. thankfully, nobody was home that day, and you got the privilege of being as loud as you wanted, an occurrence you didn’t expect to happen because well, everything was new to chan. you hadn’t anticipated him being able to make you cum at all, but he had anyway, drawing at least one orgasm from you with his mouth and fingers before he even slipped in. the entire act had been so.. domestic. the way he’d held you, let you use him, and how he’d kissed you so tenderly, it really should’ve dawned on you right then and there that there was no escaping this. chan had gotten you in the palm of his hand from the start contrary to what he thought; you just hadn’t been aware of it until now.
“i love you.” chan blurts out suddenly, drawing you back to reality as the confession falls so easily from his lips, and your heart races for what feels like the nth time today. it makes you fuck back onto him even harder, your actions become more fervent and desperate with how you lift your hips up to slam them back down on his cock. his car is probably rocking back and forth deliriously by now, and when you slap your hand against the glass to stabilise yourself, it leaves an imprint, but neither of you can find it in yourselves to care about that. “you’re the only one for me. always have and always will be.” chan pants out, his whimpers growing louder with the way your pussy tightens around him at his words.
“i love you.” you whine when he pinches your clit slightly between his fingers, feeling your slick juices dripping down the both of you and making a mess of his backseat. “love you so much, channie. you’re my one and only too.” chan shudders at that, wrapping a hand at the back of your neck to pull you in for a messy kiss. it’s a swap of dirty moans and spit, and chan swears he sees heaven when you slip your tongue inside his mouth to lick into it, the knot in his stomach growing closer to snapping.
“cum with me. please, baby, ‘m so close. cum inside me, please, please, please.” you pull away slightly to whimper, smashing your lips back on his to moan muffled against them. chan just nods rapidly at your pleading, feet planted flat on the floor to give him enough leverage for drilling up into you. the slight curve of his cock pistons into that same spot from before, and it isn’t long before your cunt clamps down on him with your high washing over you like a tidal wave. the tingling sensation resonates through your entire body, and you can’t stop lewd sounds from spilling out of you and into chan’s mouth.
chan follows close behind, balls tightening and limbs shaking as his cock twitches inside you. it barely takes him one, two thrusts until he’s painting your walls white in his release, warm cum oozing and almost leaking out of you with how much of it there is. curses and low grunts leave him, and it takes a minute for the two of you to calm down with how intense the spiking pleasure feels. you remain in his embrace until the ringing in your ears dies down, panting onto each other as sweat trickles down your back and his forehead. when you open your eyes, chan has still got his shut, and you lean forward to press a gentle smooch to the underside of his jaw, kissing it until he regains his composure and faces you.
“i think i died.” he sighs in bliss at last, and you can’t help but roll your eyes at his playful remark, yelping when his finger pokes you in the side for your attitude. “better than your other side pieces, huh?” you question breathless, still worn out and tired from your previous activities. chan stares at you in pure confusion as you give him a pointed look like it’ll remind him of the girl you’d seen him with countless times at the party or outside your dorms, and it takes a while until the lightbulb in his head goes off, orbs wide before he’s bursting out in laughter. “it’s not funny, she was all over you.” you grumble at his reaction, crossing your arms across your chest.
“baby, that was just a friend’s ex who was trying to make him jealous. i barely know her.” he explains with a wide grin on his face. “although, it looks like she got to you instead.” chan chortles when you slap him lightly on the shoulder at his words, having the time of his life as you flush bright pink in embarrassment after having gotten worked up over nothing. “still, she didn’t have to call you nicknames and flirt with you.” you try and defend yourself which only makes chan shake his head before cupping your face and pressing a short kiss to your lips.
“‘m all yours, pretty girl. don’t even worry.” he reassures, eyes so full of love that it’s hard to argue against him anymore. you still choose to pout anyways, and he takes that as an invitation to lean in and push his mouth back to yours. each kiss you exchange makes you melt little by little, and by the time chan is pulling away, you’ve forgotten all about what made you mad in the first place. “so,” your ears perk up when he speaks again, and you look down to find his expression filled with slight hesitation.
a beat of silence passes as chan struggles to find the words to say what he wants, choosing to busy himself in fiddling with the ends of your skirt that you’d failed to take off in your frenzy to claim him. you tilt your head to the side in expectance, but your eyes soften as he heaves out a breath that seems to be filled with deep emotion. instinctively, you take his hand that’s playing around with your clothes and intertwine your fingers, squeezing and dragging it up to nuzzle your face into the back of his palm lovingly in hopes it may calm him down. your little plan works, and before you can even speak up yourself to just ask what’s on his mind, chan beats you to it.
“um, what does this make us?” he mumbles quietly, swallowing the small lump that’s forming at the back of his throat. chan doesn’t want to return to whatever it was that you guys had going on prior to what happened just now between you two, and even though you’ve both declared your feelings for one another countless times by now, it’s still unclear where everything stands, or rather where you stand. he wants you to be his, completely and fully so he can show you off to everyone, but fear gnaws him at the back of his mind that maybe that’s not quite what you want. despite what you’d said while entangled with him, he finds it hard to believe that you’d crave for the same relationship he wants, and he prays that he’ll hear the answer from you that he’s yearned for ages by now.
on the other hand, you simply blink at his words, letting them sink into your head. it’s only when they fully register that you break out into a small smile, heart sinking at how chan looks away with worry evident in his eyes. you know you’re the reason behind his reluctance to want more with you, and that it’ll take some time for him to understand your feelings are on par with his and have been for a while, or may even be further ahead at this point, but you’re more than willing to fix that, regardless of how long it takes.
“channie,” your voice comes out soft and sweet, and chan resists the urge to tear up at the way you call his nickname with so much love. he gulps when you tilt his face to look at yours, shoulders relaxing instantly when he sees you beaming back at him. it’s insane to think how a simple happy look from you makes him feel lighter on his own feet, but with the way some of the anxiety brewing inside him seems to fade away after having gotten a glimpse of your smiling face, he thinks it’s far from implausible.
“if it’s okay with you, and if you’ll have me once more,” you take a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves before saying the next of your sentence. “then, i’d love to be your girlfriend.”
chan’s world seems to slow down at your words, the sentence you’d just uttered seeming to have cast some sort of spell on him. it’s like everything in his surroundings fades away into silent noise or sightless objects, and he can’t stop the way his mouth falls open slightly. you want to be his girlfriend? his girlfriend? you, the absolute love of his life, the one person he never thought he could have, want to be his officially? he looks up at you dumbfounded as if you’d just presented the most disbelieving offer of all time, although he supposes you kind of have done that honestly.
“i mean, it’s fine if that’s not what you want.” your voice drags him out of his thoughts, leaving him blinking as you start to blurt out more stuff in your nervous haze. “i’m aware i behaved stupidly and pushed you away for no reason, and maybe you said everything in the heat of the moment, and now that we’re done with it all, you’ve changed your mind and want nothing to do with me, and—“
now it’s chan’s turn to cut off your rambling, his body surging forward to capture your lips with his again, and it doesn’t take long before you’re succumbing to his touch much like the previous instances you’ve melted into him, eyes slipping shut as he cradles your face in his fingers delicately. his entire hold on you is gentle, like you’re a piece of expensive china that might break if he even so as much makes a sudden move. the way he embraces you is filled with tender, all-consuming love, and you think you might start crying once more if he continues with his actions.
“is this real?” he whispers against you, still in complete shock when you nod slowly as an answer to his question, a disbelieving laugh leaving him as he shakes his head. “you’re mine now? like you, the girl of my actual dreams?” his questions have you visibly relaxing, and any and all doubt physically leaves you as you smile back at him in approval, laughing when he hugs you tightly to his chest. “i’m so fucking lucky.” chan breathes out in content, leaving you to simply bury your flustered face into his neck at the way he sounds so utterly in awe.
“ah, wait, no.” he suddenly starts, pulling back to look at you. his curls stick messily over his eyes, and you move to brush them back under his signature hat to get a clearer look at the features of the man you’ve fallen so deep for. “i have to ask you properly to commemorate the occasion.” he purses his lips, mustering up a serious expression that basically makes you simper, far too blinded in love to even point out or make fun of how silly he’s being. because that’s just chan. your chan.
“y/n l/n,” chan clears his throat, taking your hand in his and holding it over his rapidly beating heart which you can feel thumping under your palm. “will you do the honour of letting me be your boyfriend?” he asks, eyes twinkling when you giggle, so enamoured that you can’t resist leaning your forehead against his, nodding instantly.
“i’d love nothing more, bang christopher chan.”
. . .
comments and reblogs are always appreciated! <3
#✰ sunny's oneshots!#skz x reader#skz x you#skz x y/n#skz smut#stray kids x reader#stray kids x you#stray kids x y/n#stray kids smut#bangchan x reader#bangchan x you#bangchan x y/n#bangchan smut#skz#stray kids#bangchan#skz fluff#skz angst#stray kids fluff#stray kids angst#bangchan fluff#bangchan angst#stray kids imagines#stray kids hard thoughts#stray kids hard hours#skz imagines#skz hard hours#skz hard thoughts#bangchan imagines#bangchan hard thoughts
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You Are In Love | y.jh (18+)
A life-changing event caused you to escape to the countryside—a coastal village with a small population of mostly old people and women. It was there that you found peace in your turbulent life and an unexpected connection with Yoon Jeonghan.
Genre: mistaken identity, strangers to lovers, smut Pairing: Yoon Jeonghan x afab!Reader Warning: mature themes, explicit sexual content (18+), NOT PROOFREAD! Canceled out the angst bcs, just bcs. Notes: 19k words, song prompt was You Are In Love by Taylor Swift. I miss Hannie sm. Why can't he be like jaehyun and taeyong who appear in public from time to time? jk, obviously. I'm not complaining (I am). Guys it's been a while! Although, I'm sure you're already used to me popping in and out randomly. Just wanna let yall know that I see your asks all the time and most of them make me giggle. I'm just a little shy so I don't interact much. I'll try tho :> Disclaimer: I do not know them, nor do I claim they would ever act irl the way they are portrayed in this story.
Playlist: You Are In Love - Taylor Swift, Star Blossom - Doyoung x Sejeong, Magnets - NIKI, Starlight - Taeyeon Enjoy~
After four hours on the road, you finally passed the sign marking the entrance to the small town. The coastal highway had felt endless, a stretch of asphalt lined with rolling hills, but now, the ocean breeze was carrying the freshness of the countryside and the faint scent of salt. You drove through gentle hills before reaching the heart of the village, where a few modest establishments lined the narrow streets.
You knew what was waiting for you—a small, idyllic town—but even so, the retro charm of the downtown area caught you off guard. No buildings rose taller than four stories. It was like a pocket of time frozen in place, with shopfronts displaying modern signs over worn wooden frames. The colors faded but were still vibrant in the afternoon light.
You drove past the last few storefronts, through rows of homes and wide open fields until you reached the guest house. It looked much like the other houses in the neighborhood—simple and unassuming, save for the bright red roof and the wooden signpost by the gate.
The gates were open, so you let yourself in, taking a moment to soak in the quiet surroundings. The house had a traditional Korean setup, with a low table outside, a shed of large clay crocks (probably holding kimchi or fermented soybean paste), an outdoor cooking area, and other signs of daily life scattered around.
Then, the front door swung open, and a petite elderly woman stepped onto the porch, dressed in a floral blouse and loose pants. Her silver hair was neatly pinned back, her sharp eyes scanning you before she broke into a warm smile.
“You must be the city girl,” she said, hands on her hips. “Took you long enough.”
You blinked at her bluntness but caught the teasing glint in her eyes. You smiled apologetically. “I know, I’m sorry. Something came up, so I had to delay for a day. Is the room still available?”
“Of course! We don’t get many guests here. Haven’t had a single one this year until you.” She waved you inside. “Come. I don’t usually take in long-term guests, but I liked the way you spoke on the phone. You seemed polite.”
Inside, the house was warm and lived-in, wooden beams stretching across the ceiling. Something was cooking in the kitchen, filling the space with a savory aroma.
“You must be starving. Lunch is almost ready,” she called from the kitchen.
“Thank you. I’ll just grab my things from the car,” you said, pointing toward the door.
She nodded. “Ah, right. Let me help you with that.”
“No, it’s alright—”
“Hannie!” she called out, ignoring you. “Come out and help our guest with her luggage.”
A moment later, a figure appeared at the doorway. Tall, dark soft-looking hair trimmed just above the shoulders framed her delicate features—a straight nose, lips, and sharp, striking eyes with long lashes that would make anyone jealous.
There was something boyish in the way she moved. Her stride was quick and heavy, her clothes were loose and simple. A plaid button-down over a plain white t-shirt, and pair of dark sweatpants. Not exactly the dainty look you might’ve expected from someone with a face like that, but it suited her.
“Hannie,” the elderly woman called again, motioning to the car outside.
She only hummed in response before stepping down from the porch and heading straight for your trunk. You followed after her, popping the trunk open just as she reached it.
“Thank you,” you said. “I can get the heavier ones,” you offered, out of habit more than anything.
Hannie barely spared you a glance before hauling out your largest suitcase like it weighed nothing. “It’s fine.”
You blinked. Okay, strong girl.
A small duffel bag dangled from her other hand as she turned back toward the house, moving easily despite the weight. You had to admit, you were a little relieved to know there was another girl your age in the house. You’d expected to spend most of your time with elderly folks—nice as they were, they didn’t quite offer the same kind of connection. But with Hannie here, at least you’d have someone to talk to.
Shutting the trunk, you grabbed the rest of your bags and followed her inside.
The first three days passed uneventfully. You quickly became familiar with the routine in the house: the sounds of cooking from the kitchen, the fluttering of old curtains in the breeze, and the occasional gathering of the elderly ladies just outside the gates of the guest house. You had been expecting peace, but this was something else entirely—a rare kind of mundanity, where time seemed to stretch and slow down. You loved it more than you had anticipated.
Hannie, the granddaughter of the house, was always present in some way but never fully there. She rarely spoke, her gaze slipping past you instead of meeting your eyes, and she was gone for long stretches of the day. You sometimes wondered where she went—perhaps to town, perhaps somewhere even quieter than here—but it wasn’t a question you felt the need to ask. It didn’t seem like she would answer, anyway.
When you did cross paths, the interactions were brief. A polite nod from her, a quick greeting from you. Occasionally, you’d catch her in the kitchen, stirring something at the stove, or stepping onto the porch with a towel slung over her shoulder, hair damp from a shower. Once, when you mumbled a sleepy “good morning” while rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you thought you saw the corner of her mouth twitch upward before she disappeared out the door.
You assumed she was just a little shy. Maybe reserved. That was fine with you. It was oddly nice having another girl around who didn’t expect constant conversation.
The guest house owner—Gram, as she liked to be called—was warm and thoughtful, though she saw your lack of movement as odd. She often encouraged you to explore, to go into town, to at least take a walk.
“Most people get restless after a day or two,” she said one morning, watching you sip your tea at the low table outside. “You, though, you act like you’ve been waiting your whole life to sit still.”
You grinned. “Honestly, Gram? I have.”
She clicked her tongue, unconvinced. “Hannie, why don’t you take her into town today? Show her around. The store won’t burn down without you for a day.”
At the mention of her name, Hannie, who had been quietly peeling fruit by the water pump, finally glanced at you. Her expression was unreadable, but her head tilted ever so slightly, as if sizing you up. Then, just as quickly, she shrugged. “Sure.”
It wasn’t exactly an enthusiastic invitation, and you didn’t want to force anything. “Thanks, Gram, but I promise, I’m fine. I’m enjoying myself.”
Gram sighed, shaking her head. “If you say so. But if you change your mind, just tell Han.”
You nodded, and across the table, Hannie met your gaze again, her lips pressing into something like a faint smile before she went back to peeling.
Still, Gram refused to let you be completely idle. Every day, she gave you a small task—flipping sun-dried herbs at noon, covering them before sunset. It wasn’t much, but it made you feel like a part of the household rather than just a passing guest.
Hannie never commented on your meandering presence in the house. Sometimes, she’d walk past you on the way out, sometimes you’d catch sight of her returning in the late afternoon, looking effortlessly graceful yet somehow boyish in the way she moved.
As the days passed, little things about Hannie started catching your attention—details that didn’t quite match the soft-spoken, delicate image you’d formed of her at first. Her voice, though quiet, had a low, steady timbre. Occasionally, she’d roll her shoulders or rub the back of her neck in a way that felt oddly... rugged. There was something in the way she leaned against doorframes too, hands stuffed in her pockets, with a relaxed posture. And yet, she still looked as graceful as ever, dark hair soft against her skin, her features almost too pretty.
The contrast was interesting, but you didn’t think much of it—so what if she was a little rough around the edges? Plenty of girls had tomboyish sides.
Strong, you thought idly one afternoon, watching her haul in a sack of something from outside. Strong for someone so pretty.
But you didn’t dwell on it. More than anything, it was just nice having another girl around. She wasn’t unfriendly, but she wasn’t exactly inviting either. It wasn’t awkward, though. If anything, it suited the peacefulness of the guest house. You weren’t looking for company, and Hannie didn’t seem eager to offer it. But of course, living together would make people grow closer.
One morning, you found yourself at the kitchen table, lazily flipping through a magazine Gram had left lying around. Hannie stood by the sink, rinsing a handful of freshly picked persimmons.
“Do you eat these?” she asked.
You looked up. It was the first time she’d spoken to you without it being a response to something you said first. “I like them, but I never really had them fresh like that,” you admitted.
She grabbed a towel and started drying one. “They taste better chilled.”
“Oh?” You watched as she set a few aside and placed the rest in the fridge. “So you like them cold?”
She shrugged, placing one on the table in front of you. “Try it later.”
After that, you noticed other little things.
When you forgot your slippers outside one evening, you found them neatly placed by the door the next morning. The first time you struggled to lift one of Gram’s large water jugs, Hannie walked past, muttered, “You’ll hurt your back,” and hoisted it up with ease before you could protest.
“Thanks,” you said, surprised.
Gradually, your paths started crossing more. If she was already outside when you went to dry the herbs, she’d sit nearby, scrolling through her phone while you worked. If you ended up in the kitchen at the same time, she’d slide you a cup of whatever she was drinking without a word.
The conversations stretched a little longer, too. One weekend morning, you found her on the porch, sitting quietly under the sun. Without thinking, you sat beside her, stretching your legs out and basking in the sunshine.
“Gram says you haven’t gone to the beach yet,” she said.
You raised an eyebrow. “She’s been trying to get me out of the house since day one.”
Hannie smirked slightly, eyes still on the road. “She’s not used to people who like sitting still.”
You laughed. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”
You talked about the weather, the best place to buy snacks in town, how the local stray cats had more attitude than city ones. They weren’t deep conversations, but they were comfortable.
Hannie still wasn’t overly talkative, but she started meeting your eyes more, responding with more than just a nod. And sometimes, when she thought you weren’t paying attention, you’d catch a small, amused smile on her lips.
It wasn’t much, but you were getting used to each other.
On a cool Saturday afternoon, you sat cross-legged at the low wooden table outside, with a basket of vegetables sitting between you and Hannie. Gram had roped the both of you into helping with dinner, which, in her words, “would taste better with young hands working on it.”
You didn’t mind. It gave you something to do.
Hannie, across from you, was peeling potatoes efficiently. You, on the other hand, were going slower, carefully stripping the skin from each one with a small knife.
“How long have you been staying here?” you asked.
Hannie didn’t look up from her task. “I live here.”
“Like, since birth?”
“Maybe,” she said, lips twitching.
You gave her a flat look. “That’s not a real answer.”
She considered for a second before finally saying, “I wasn’t born here, but I grew up here. I left a few years ago, but I came back.”
You nodded, filing that away. “Where did you go?”
She flipped a potato in her hand. “Seoul.”
“You lived there?”
“For a bit.”
“You’re very specific,” you said dryly.
She smirked. “You ask a lot of questions.”
“Of course. I have to know who I’m living with.”
“Mm.” She switched to peeling carrots. “Your turn, then. I have to know who I’m living with, too. That’s fair, isn’t it?”
You rolled a potato in your hands. “Depends on the question.”
Hannie shot you an amused glance but didn’t push. “Why’d you come here?”
You shrugged. “I wanted a change of pace.”
She peeled another strip from the carrot. “That’s a vague answer.”
“The specifics are boring,” you said through gritted teeth, unwilling to divulge anything.
She let out a small huff of laughter. “Fair enough.”
For a while, neither of you spoke, just continuing your work. The sun had begun to dip lower in the sky, and you were realizing once again why they called this guest house The Sunset House. The smell of something simmering in the kitchen drifted through the air.
“What do you do all day, anyway?” you asked, breaking the comfortable quiet. “I always see you coming and going, but you never say where you’re headed.”
Hannie hummed. “I go to work at the grocery shop.”
You nodded. “So you’re not just freeloading off your Grandma, then?” you teased.
She snorted. “I have my own money and I know how to work for my meals.”
“Okay, but I have a real question,” you said, squinting at her. “What’s your skincare routine?”
Hannie blinked at you, clearly caught off guard. “My what?”
“You have really nice skin,” you said matter-of-factly. “Like, it’s annoyingly flawless. I need to know what you’re using.”
She chuckled. “I just use whatever’s around.”
You frowned. “Liar.”
“It’s the truth,” she said, looking far too entertained.
“No fancy routine? No expensive products?”
“Nope.”
You narrowed your eyes at her, but she just kept peeling, smug as ever. You huffed. “This is so unfair. Your skin is prettier than mine and I have like, a ten-step skincare routine.”
“Sounds like a you problem.”
You grabbed a potato and chucked it at her arm. She caught it easily, shaking her head with a grin.
The conversation continued, flowing from one topic to another with no real direction—just small questions, half-answers, and the occasional amused remark. It wasn’t deep, but it didn’t need to be.
By the time you finished, the basket of peeled vegetables was full, the sun had lowered into a deep orange, and you had learned just enough about Hannie to know there was still more to figure out.
It was hard to ignore the nagging thought in your head ever since you arrived in town. While you tried to brush it off, convincing yourself that you deserved this break from your turbulent city life, the anxiety that you should be doing something more productive lingered in the back of your mind.
It was probably because your mind and body were so used to being on high alert all the time, functioning at full capacity every day for the last several years that you start getting anxious when you’re not doing anything and just relaxing. You could feel an odd sense of suspicion, nagging at the back of your mind like, “Shouldn’t you be doing something?”
Watering Gram’s garden plants was enough to push away all these thoughts, though.
As you stood under the gentle heat of the morning sun, you maneuvered the hose expertly, a result of doing the chore every day for the last few weeks. You let out a slow breath, feeling oddly content with the simplicity of it.
“Are you planning to drown my plants?”
You startled slightly as Gram’s voice rang out. Turning, you found her watching you with a hand on her hip. “Come here,” she said, beckoning you over to the low wooden table. “I have a better use for those hands.”
You shut off the water and wandered over, only to be greeted with a rice cake shoved into your hand. “Would you like to come to the beach today?” she asked.
“The beach?”
“There’s a new teacher at the daycare center. Seola, a very lovely lady. She arranged a picnic with the elderly and the children.” Gram gave you a pointed look as she patted your hand. “You should come. You need to socialize with someone your age before you forget how to hold a conversation.”
Before you could respond, Hannie stepped out onto the porch in her usual shirt-over-tee combo and denim jeans, brushing her hair back with her hand, she slung a bag over her shoulder, acknowledging you with a brief nod before passing by.
“Gram, I’m off,” he said.
“Alright, see you later,” Gram replied. She waved him off before giving you another look. “Han will be there too, so you don’t have to worry about being around people you don’t know.”
Not that you needed much convincing. You had already planned to explore town today anyway. You finally had enough of the idle days, and you were now ready to see and experience the quaint charm of this small town.
So at noon, just before lunchtime, you drove to the beachside with Gram, the car packed with the food she had heartily prepared all morning.
The beach was lively with old and young voices, laughter, conversation, and the sound of waves rolling against the shore. You helped Gram set up the food, spreading it out on the picnic blankets as she introduced you to the small group already gathered there—a few elderly folks, some parents, and a handful of kids darting around with beach toys and shells. It felt like stepping into a family reunion, where everyone knew each other and shared years of memories you could only imagine.
Gram introduced you as a temporary resident. “She’ll be here for six months,” she explained, smiling as curious eyes turned your way. “Let’s all be nice to her. She’s from the big city.”
“Ah, so that’s why you look so pale,” an older woman teased, squinting at you. “You need some sun on you, dear.”
“She should eat more, too,” another one chimed in, eyeing you like she was already planning to pile food onto your plate.
“You’ll love it here,” one of the older women assured you. “Life moves slow, but there’s always something to do if you know where to look.”
Another joined in with a chuckle. “A bit of gossip now and then, a trip to the market, a walk by the coast… it doesn’t take much to stay busy here!”
They were warm, welcoming, and funny, and their playful remarks had the same lightheartedness as Gram’s. You found yourself smiling more than expected, caught up in their conversation as they asked about your stay. You also met Seola, the new daycare teacher who moved to town just two months ago. She was the same age as you were, and you felt a sense of kinship with her as someone who came from the big city yourself.
At one point, a little boy ran up to you out of nowhere, his face bright with excitement as he held out a shell. “Look! This is the best one I found today!”
You knelt down, taking the shell from his hands to admire it. “Wow, this is a good one,” you said, humoring his enthusiasm. He beamed, launching into a detailed explanation of why it was superior to all the others. You nodded along, half-listening—until something just past his shoulder caught your eye.
Out by the water, Hannie emerged from the waves, hands pushing through his soaked hair, slicking it back from his face. Droplets clung to his skin, sliding down sharp cheekbones and along the lines of his jaw. You blinked, something about the sight snagging on a thought you couldn’t quite place.
Then she stepped fully onto the shore, reached for the hem of her wet shirt, and pulled it over her head. And your mind went blank.
Time seemed to slow as your eyes registered the defined shoulders, the abs, the arms that clearly belonged to someone used to physical labor. The sunlight played across his skin, highlighting every line and shadow. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t speak. All you could do was stare.
Hannie wasn’t just a little masculine. Hannie wasn’t just oddly strong. Hannie… was a man.
Your breath caught in your throat, and an unexpected heat rose to your cheeks. The boy in front of you was still talking, but you couldn’t hear a word of it anymore.
How could you have missed this? It was as if every little sign from the past several days were suddenly lining up like pieces of a puzzle. The deeper voice, the way he carried himself, the fact that he had never once actually referred to himself as a girl. And then there were the times Gram had mentioned her grandson—the one you thought you’d never met, yet had been living with all along. He had never corrected you. And you? You had been so sure—so certain you knew exactly who you were living with.
As you stood there, still absorbing the shock, two teenage girls approached you excitedly.
“What’s it like living with Jeonghan?” one of them asked, practically bouncing on her toes.
“Who?” The name threw you off entirely.
“Yoon Jeonghan,” the other girl chimed in, as if it were obvious. “You’re staying at Gram’s guest house, right? Isn’t he amazing? He’s like the pride of our town.”
Jeonghan. The name sounded foreign to you, yet as you watched him crouch down to help one of the kids collect shells, it suddenly seemed to fit him perfectly.
“I thought his name was Hannie?” you asked, though the moment the words left your mouth, you realized how foolish they sounded. Hannie—it wasn’t his name. Just a nickname, something his grandmother must have been affectionately calling him.
The girls giggled, exchanging amused glances. “That’s just what the grandmas call him.”
One of them leaned in, lowering her voice like she was sharing a juicy secret. “He’s kind of famous, you know? We run a fan page for him—it’s almost at 100k followers.”
“He gets a ton of idol trainee offers. Some people even come all the way here just to see him,” the other added. “But he always turned them down. Now, he works at the store downtown. Everyone loves him.”
Jeonghan. Jeonghan. Yoon Jeonghan.
You blinked, still grappling with the idea that the quiet, elusive Hannie was actually Jeonghan, the town’s golden boy. Before you could think of what to say, Gram’s voice called out, interrupting the conversation.
“Lunch is ready! Come here and eat!”
The girls scampered off toward the picnic mat, giggling about something you couldn’t quite catch. You turned to follow, but your thoughts were still spinning.
“Kids! Hannie!” Gram called again, waving him over. “Come on, let’s eat!”
Jeonghan straightened, brushing sand from his hands before jogging up the beach. The sunlight glinted off his skin, drawing your gaze before you could stop yourself. Heat crept up your neck again.
He reached the mat and, without hesitation, plopped down next to you, his damp hair falling casually over his shoulder.
“You’re here too,” he said, smiling at you before grabbing a bottle of water. He seemed completely at ease, oblivious to the turmoil running through your mind.
Lunch was a lively affair, the mat spread under the shade of a large tree, bowls and plates of food passed around as conversations overlapped. The elders were particularly chatty, most of their attention—unsurprisingly—focused on Jeonghan.
“You know, our Hannie here was top of his class in university,” one of the grandmothers boasted, nudging the woman beside her. “Always so clever.”
“And so hardworking,” another added, her tone exaggerated in a way that felt suspiciously rehearsed. “Had all sorts of offers after graduation. He even worked in Seoul for a bit.”
“Really?” Seola, the teacher, perked up with interest, chopsticks pausing midair.
You, however, narrowed your eyes slightly. There was something oddly deliberate about how they were talking about him, as if… as if they were trying to sell him.
Jeonghan, sitting beside you, seemed completely unfazed. He took a sip of water, then casually met your gaze. “What are you thinking so hard about?”
You blinked, realizing that you had been staring. “I was just wondering why they’re talking about you like you’re a prized cow.”
Jeonghan nearly choked on his drink, turning away with a cough. Beside him, one of the elders clapped her hands together, unaware of your remark. “And! He’s very good with children,” she announced, nodding toward the group of kids playing nearby. “They all adore him.”
Seola chuckled. “That’s rare. Most guys aren’t patient enough with kids.”
“Exactly!” The older woman beamed. “That’s why any girl would be lucky to have him.”
Your eyes flickered to Jeonghan, curious as to how he’d react, but he was busy picking the green onions out of his soup. As if this whole matchmaking attempt had nothing to do with him.
You stifled a laugh. “You seem very popular, Jeonghan.”
“Mm,” he hummed in agreement, finally looking at you. “Are you convinced?”
“Of what?”
“That I’m a catch.” He tilted his head, the corner of his lips twitching up just slightly.
Your chopsticks hovered over your plate. The way he said it was so casual, but something about his tone—low, smooth, just teasing enough—made your stomach flutter.
You masked it with an eye-roll. “I don’t know. You don’t seem that impressive to me.”
Gram clicked her tongue, shaking her head as she picked up a piece of grilled fish and placed it onto your plate. “Clearly, you need to spend more time with him.”
“Gram?” you questioned, genuinely perplexed by the insinuation in her tone.
The lunch continued in the same direction, the elders throwing more praises, Seola responding with polite interest, and Jeonghan humoring them without ever actually engaging. It was almost funny how unfazed he was—until you caught a few of the older women exchanging glances as if they were mentally taking notes on how both you and Seola were responding.
Oh god. They weren’t just selling Jeonghan. They were matchmaking him.
You needed some air.
As the meal wrapped up, you slipped away from the group, stepping onto the shore where the waves lapped at your feet. The realization of the past hour was still in your mind—not just about the elders’ intentions but also the fact that your whole perception of Jeonghan had shattered today.
And, of course, just as you were attempting to collect yourself, he appeared beside you. “Escaping?”
You glanced at him. “You too?”
“Sort of.” Jeonghan walked alongside you, hands in his pockets, letting the wind ruffle his damp hair. “Figured you’d need company.”
You hesitated before blurting, “Why didn’t you tell me you were a guy?”
Jeonghan stopped mid-step. “What?”
“The whole time, I thought you were a girl, maybe a little masculine or a lesbian, but biologically, a girl. I’ve been calling you ‘Hannie,’ but that’s not even your real name. Your name was Jeonghan. You never corrected me.”
His expression shifted from confusion to pure shock. “Wait.” He turned fully to you, blinking rapidly. “You thought I was a girl?!”
You crossed your arms. “You’re really pretty with equally pretty hair. Your grandma calls you Hannie.”
Jeonghan ran a hand down his face, half-laughing, half-exasperated. “Oh my god.”
“I mean, can you blame me?” You gestured vaguely at him. “Look at you.”
His mouth opened, then closed. He looked down at himself as if seeing what you saw. Then he exhaled a laugh, shaking his head. “Unbelievable.”
You smirked. “I think it’s kind of funny.”
Jeonghan shot you a look, smirking. “I bet you do.”
You basked in the comfortable silence as you continued walking. The waves were cool against your feet, and the voices behind you grew distant. Every now and then, you caught Jeonghan glancing at you, as if still processing what you had just confessed.
Finally, he sighed, shaking his head. “A girl.”
You grinned. “I’d say I’m sorry, but…”
“But you’re not.”
“Not even a little bit.”
Jeonghan let out a sharp laugh, the kind that came from deep amusement rather than disbelief this time. You got the feeling he wouldn’t let this go anytime soon.
The next morning, Jeonghan was heading downtown for an errand, and Gram suggested you go with him. “You should get out more,” she said, nudging your arm. “Let Han show you around. It’ll be good for you.”
You didn’t see a reason to refuse. The town was still unfamiliar, and a trip to the market sounded more productive than another slow morning at the guest house. Plus, you figured you might as well start your car after letting it sit idle for so long.
Which was how you found yourself in the passenger seat, watching as Jeonghan adjusted the mirrors before smoothly pulling out onto the road. He drove leisurely, one hand resting on the wheel, his other elbow propped against the window.
By the time you reached the market, the streets were busy. Stalls lined the sidewalks, vendors calling out to passersby, with the scent of fresh produce, grilled food, and sweet treats. Jeonghan was greeted warmly at every turn, engaging small talks with vendors who seemed genuinely happy to see him. He was polite, smiling when an elderly woman at a vegetable stand patted his arm and called him “our handsome Jeonghan.”
Then she turned to you. “And who is this?” she asked with a teasing smile. “Have you finally brought a girlfriend home, Hannie?”
Before you could react, Jeonghan laughed. “She’s not, but she wished she was.”
“No, I don’t!” you exclaimed.
“No need to be shy, dear,” the vendor said, grinning. “If I were a few decades younger, I’d wish I was his girlfriend too.”
You groaned while Jeonghan bit back a laugh, handing over the money before gently steering you away.
“I can’t believe you have fans in every age group,” you scoffed.
“Well, it’s a small town,” he replied, chuckling.
After finishing the errand, Jeonghan led you to a small café tucked between two shops. The place had a cozy charm—wooden tables, hanging plants, and an old vinyl player in the corner playing soft jazz.
A man behind the counter beamed when she saw him. “Jeonghan! It’s been a while.”
“Hi, Joon. I’ll have the usual,” he greeted, then turned to you. “You?”
You looked up at the menu hanging overhead, wondering what to order or if you wanted coffee at all.
Joon’s gaze flicked to you. “This must be the pretty guest Gram was talking about.”
You glanced at him, curious. Jeonghan waved a hand. “Yeah. She doesn’t get out much. I’m showing her around town.”
“You should come more often. We make the best coffee in town,” Joon said proudly. “Not that there are any other coffee shops around,” he added, chuckling. “What can I get you?”
“Uh, I’ll have what he’s having,” you said, smiling politely at him.
“Coming right up!”
Jeonghan led you to a vacant table by the window. “You come here often?” you asked.
“Now and then.” He pulled out a chair and sat across from you, resting his forearm against the table. “The owner, Joon’s mom, used to sneak me free pastries when I was a kid. I feel obligated to keep giving her business.”
Your lips quirked up. “Bribed into loyalty. Classic.”
He just laughed, watching you for a moment before asking, “What do you think of the town so far?”
You thought about it and then shrugged. “It’s charming and peaceful. Everyone seems to know each other. It’s kind of nice.”
He hummed, stirring his drink lazily. “It has its charms.”
“Well, they seem to adore you,” you noted.
He shrugged. “I’m very likeable,” he said smugly, making you laugh.
Minutes later, Joon set two iced drinks on your table before slipping away. You took a sip and raised a brow. “Oh, this is sweet. Vanilla latte?”
Jeonghan nodded. “Decaf. You don’t like sweet?”
“I do,” you admitted. “But I didn’t peg you as the type.”
Jeonghan took a sip of his own drink. “And what type did you peg me as?”
You tilted your head, pretending to analyze him. “Black coffee. No sugar. Maybe a shot of espresso if you’re feeling adventurous.”
He gave you an unimpressed look. “Do I look like I hate myself?”
You laughed. “No, but,” you shrugged, making him smirk.
“I’ll have you know I like nice things. Why would I suffer through bitter coffee when I could enjoy this?” He lifted his drink in emphasis.
You smirked. “So you have a sweet tooth.”
“Does it bother you?”
“Do you care what about I think of you?” you asked back, narrowing your eyes playfully.
Jeonghan just took his drink and looked out of the window, ignoring your question entirely. You didn’t press, enjoying the coffee instead and the nice ambience of the cafe.
Before heading home, Jeonghan made one last stop at the grocery store. It was bigger than you expected, with stocked shelves and a steady flow of customers.
“You work here?” you asked as you followed him inside.
He nodded. “I own it. Well, not really. It was my grandpa’s. After he passed, someone had to take over.”
Something about the way he said it made you pause. “Is that why you came back?”
Jeonghan didn’t answer right away. He picked up a basket, taking his time as he strolled past the produce section. “You could say that,” he said eventually. “I came back because Gram would be lonely by herself. She’s old now, someone has to be here and make sure she’s alright.”
You glanced at him, noting how his expression didn’t change, but something about his voice softened.
“She still works at the pear farm,” he added, shaking his head fondly. “She said she’d go crazy if she had nothing to do, so someone has to be around to make sure she doesn’t overdo it.”
Hearing that made you feel like you understood them both a little more. The quiet life they had here, the small routines that kept them moving forward—it all made sense now. You became more curious about them, but you didn’t want to pry, so instead of asking, you just took what he told you and left it at that.
As you trailed behind him, your gaze landed on the skincare aisle. “Alright, spill. Which one is it?”
Jeonghan followed your line of sight, then let out a dramatic sigh. “Are you still on this?”
“You’re ridiculously pretty,” you said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “It’s only fair that I find out how.”
He gave you an unimpressed look, then reached out, grabbed a random product, and handed it to you. “Here.”
You examined the label. “This is a body wash.”
“Exactly.”
You narrowed your eyes. “You’re lying.”
He smirked. “You’ll never know.”
“And if I sneak into your bathroom later?”
He stuck his tongue in his cheek, then smirked before saying, “I guess I'll see you there, then. I take really long showers at night, you see.”
You blinked rapidly, surprised at the sudden turn of the conversation. Clearing your throat, you put the bottle back and turned away. “Fine. Keep your secrets.”
The days that followed were more eventful than the previous ones. You still helped Gram around the guesthouse, still found time to sit outside with her in the afternoons, listening to the occasional stories she decided to share. But now, there was something different about your days—Jeonghan.
He wasn’t just around anymore. He was in your space, in your routine, slipping into your life as if he had always been there. Like how he took it upon himself to be your unofficial tour guide, showing up outside the guesthouse just as you were about to head out.
“Where are you going?” he’d ask.
“I’m not sure, but I’m going around town again today,” you’d say, tossing your bag over your shoulder.
His eyes would glint with amusement. “You’ll get lost.”
“No, I won’t.”
But you always did. Turning one too many corners in the winding streets, ending up somewhere you hadn’t planned. And somehow, Jeonghan was always there, lounging by a store or leaning against a wall like he’d been waiting for you the whole time.
“You have a terrible sense of direction,” he’d say, grinning.
“And you have too much free time,” you’d shoot back, but you never minded when he fell into step beside you.
He took you everywhere. To the best lookout point in town, where the cliffs met the endless blue of the sea. To the hills, where wildflowers bloomed in untamed clusters, swaying lazily under the afternoon sun. To the pear farm, where you met Gram’s friends—hardworking women who took one look at you and started teasing.
“She’s the one staying at the guesthouse?” one of them asked Jeonghan, squinting at you. “You’re showing her around, aren’t you?”
“Something like that,” Jeonghan replied, glancing your way with a smirk.
“Ah, what a handsome pair,” the woman sighed dramatically. “You look great together. You’d make the most beautiful babies.”
You choked on your own breath while Jeonghan just laughed, handing you a pear like nothing happened.
There was also the day he dragged you onto a boat. It wasn’t planned. You had only gone to the dock to look around, but Jeonghan had other ideas.
“Ever been boating?” he asked.
You eyed him warily. “No.”
“Great.” That was your only warning before he pulled you toward a small boat, casually untying it from the dock.
“Wait—what if I get seasick?” you protested.
“You won’t.”
“How do you know?”
“We’ll find out when we get there,” he chuckled, offering a hand to help you board the boat.
You hesitated, but you took his hand anyway. He had never done anything to disappoint you so far, so you trusted him. And despite your initial wariness, you had to admit—it was nice. The air was crisp, the water was calm, the reefs below were beautiful, and the silence between you was comforting.
At one point, Jeonghan leaned back against the edge, stretching his arms. “You like it here, don’t you?”
You glanced at him. “I do.”
He smirked. “I’d bet fifty bucks you never leave.”
You scoffed. “Never leaving is a stretch. Maybe I’d never want to, but I will anyway because I have to.”
Jeonghan flashed a mischievous smile as if you had just challenged him. “A hundred, then. You will never want to leave, and you never will.”
You rolled your eyes. “Now you’re making me want to leave just so I can take your money.”
“Are you gonna play or not?”
“No,” you said, shaking your head. “I don’t need it.”
Jeonghan sighed nonchalantly. “Fine. But I know I’m right.”
You weren’t sure when it happened, but somewhere between stolen pears and getting lost in town, between late afternoon coffees and spontaneous boat rides, you had started to enjoy his company. And maybe he had started to enjoy yours, too.
That afternoon, as you and Jeonghan strolled back home, he glanced at you and asked, “You free tonight?”
You arched a brow. “Why?”
“It’s Joon’s birthday,” he said. “He’s having a small party at the café. Just us and some friends. He invited you too.”
You hesitated. “He did?”
Jeonghan smirked. “He mentioned it the other day. You probably forgot.”
You did remember Joon casually saying something about it, but you hadn’t thought much of it at the time. A small celebration at the café didn’t sound bad, and truthfully, you weren’t opposed to seeing other people your age, too. Most of the people you’d seen around were old enough to be your grandparents.
“Alright,” you said. “I’ll come.”
“Good. We can go together.”
Later that evening, you followed Jeonghan to the café, which was livelier than usual. Warm lights glowed from the ceilings, the scent of coffee still permeating the air though none of it was being served now. All you could see on the table were bottles of soju and beer, spicy and fried food, and a cake sitting at the center.
The small space had been rearranged to fit a gathering, with a handful of tables pushed together. A few people were already there, chatting, laughing, clinking glasses. Most of them seemed around your age, and it didn’t take long to notice that many of them were couples.
“Jeonghannie hyung!” Joon’s voice rang out the moment you stepped inside. He grinned, wiping his hands on a towel before pulling him into a quick hug. Then he turned to you. “And look who actually came. Finally.”
You scoffed. “Happy birthday, Joon. And I do go outside, you know.”
“Only because Jeonghan drags you everywhere,” he teased, earning a snicker from Jeonghan himself. “Come in. Let me introduce you.”
You met a few of Jeonghan’s friends. You barely remembered their names, but it didn’t take long to notice that most of them had grown up together—and many had ended up marrying each other. Seola was also there, curled up beside a guy, her arm draped lazily over his.
“You made it,” she said, smiling when she saw you.
“I did.” You nodded toward the guy beside her. “Boyfriend?”
She nodded. “I’m glad you came,” she said. “Joon said he invited you, but I wasn’t sure if you’d actually show.”
You shrugged. “Figured I should experience the town’s nightlife at least once.”
Seola laughed. “This is about as lively as it gets.” She leaned in conspiratorially. “So, you and Jeonghan, huh?”
You rolled your eyes. “Not this again.”
“What? You don’t like him?”
“He’s fine, but he annoys me a lot.”
She laughed. “That’s how you know he likes you.”
Before you could protest, Joon clapped his hands together. “Alright, drinks are on me tonight. Eat, drink, have fun!”
“Happy birthday, Joon!”
The evening unraveled in a blur. There was food, laughter, and lots of conversation. At some point, someone turned on music, and people started to sway along. Jeonghan stuck to your side for most of the night, occasionally teasing you, occasionally offering you bites of his cake as if you didn’t have your own. You didn’t realize how late it had gotten until a few guests started nodding off in their seats, the conversations had grown louder, and the laughter became more unrestrained over the clinking of bottles and half-finished drinks.
Joon was already passed out on the table by the time you and Jeonghan decided to leave. His friends—still rowdy despite the late hour—bid you both a noisy farewell, slurring words and waving exaggeratedly as they walked you out the café doors.
The night air greeted you like a sigh of relief, cool against your warmed skin. You stretched your arms above your head, exhaling contentedly. “It’s nice out.”
Jeonghan hummed in agreement, stuffing his hands into his pockets as the two of you strolled down the quiet village road. “Yeah. I should thank you for coming tonight. Because of you, I wasn’t assigned to take care of Joon. He gets drunk so quickly and I have to clean up after him most of the time.”
You laughed, tilting your head toward him. “You’re welcome? I guess? I thought he could hold his liquor because he kept insisting he could outdrink everyone.”
“Well, he’s also the best liar among all of my friends too, so…” he replied, making you chuckle. The alcohol had settled pleasantly in your system, making it easy to laugh at whatever nonsense he spewed.
“You held your liquor pretty well,” he remarked, side-eyeing you with a smirk.
You grinned. “I have a high tolerance.”
“Almost as high as mine.”
“Almost?” You scoffed. “I was drinking at your pace all night, and I’m still standing. Do you see me stumbling into ditches or tripping over my own feet?”
Jeonghan smirked, challenging. “Well, not yet.”
You gasped, feigning offence. Eager to prove him wrong, you stepped ahead, turning to walk backward easily. Arms spread wide, you gave him a smug grin. “Look at that. Not tripping.”
That made him laugh and shake his head fondly as he beckoned you back to his side. “Alright, fine. You can walk.”
“I’m not even drunk at all,” you said, falling into step beside him.
“Yeah? How’s your balance?” he asked just before bumping his shoulder into yours, playful, teasing.
You almost tripped over yourself, but regained your balance in time. Scoffing, you nudged him back. He nudged harder, almost making you lose your footing again. Huffing, you shoved him, but he didn’t budge. Before you could react, Jeonghan caught you by the shoulders, pulling you flush against him.
The sudden closeness sent a jolt through you—not from surprise, but from the unmistakable heat of his body against yours.
And you didn’t pull away.
Maybe it was the alcohol making you more uninhibited, or maybe you simply wanted this too. You weren’t sure, but you didn’t want to think about it too much.
Neither of you spoke,as you both continued walking. His hands remained firm on your shoulders, like it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. And you basked in the warmth of it, not even noticing that you were gradually leaning closer against him.
But then a sharp bark split through the silence, making you flinch and pull away from him. A dog stood behind a fence nearby, watching you both with wary eyes, still growling slightly. You held your breath, staring back at it. Then it barked once more, and you squealed.
“Run,” said Jeonghan, but you were already bolting.
The two of you raced through the empty streets, feet pounding against the road, breathless laughter echoing into the night. He nearly overtook you, but you darted ahead at the last second, reaching the guesthouse gate just before he did.
Panting, you turned to gloat—only to freeze when you realized how close he had stopped. Face-to-face, no, face-to-chest with Jeonghan, who was also catching his breath. You stood there, chest rising and falling, staring at each other in the dim glow of the streetlamp.
He looked ethereal under the yellow light, his hair slightly tousled from the wind, his lips parted as he exhaled. There was something almost dreamlike about the way he gazed at you, his eyes dark and unreadable, as if he were seeing something in you he hadn’t before.
The cool night air did nothing to ease the heat creeping up your skin. You were still drunk, or maybe just lightheaded from the run, but it was hard to focus on anything except how close he was—how easily he could reach for you if he wanted to.
“You’re staring,” he murmured.
Maybe you were. But you were also a little drunk. And he was very, very handsome.
So you said it. “You’re so handsome.”
This wasn’t the first time you’d told him that, but this time, he didn’t laugh like he usually did. Instead, he stared at you with a soft expression on his face. Then, slowly, his eyes dipped lower, stopping on your lips. You did the same, your eyes landing on his plump lips, so pretty, so inviting.
For the first time, the thought crossed your mind.
What would it feel like to kiss him?
Would he be slow about it, teasing? Would he pull you in lazily, like it wasn’t anything special? Or would it be something else—something that would leave you breathless and light-headed?
“We should get inside,” he said, eyes still fixed on your lips.
You nodded. But neither of you moved. He didn’t touch you, but you felt it anyway—the intensity of his gaze, the way he stared at your lips.
Would he kiss you if you leaned in first? The thought was dangerous. But you couldn’t help it, not when he looked at you like that, like he was thinking the same thing.
Jeonghan exhaled deeply, like he had just come to a decision. He took a slow step toward you to close the distance and your entire body awoke with anticipation. Just as he was about to reach for your face, the gate rattled loudly.
Both of you jumped as it swung open, revealing a very awake, very confused Gram. “What are you two doing standing there?” she asked, peering at you both suspiciously.
Jeonghan, ever the smooth talker, recovered first. “We were just about to go inside, Gram.”
Gram squinted at him before clicking her tongue. “If you’re gonna flirt with our guest, at least do it inside where it’s warm.”
Your face heated instantly. “We weren’t—”
“Mm-hmm,” she cut you off, unimpressed. “Come on in, it’s late.”
She turned, leaving the gate open for you to follow. You swallowed, glancing back at Jeonghan who was watching you with a knowing glint in his eyes. Then, with a slight smirk, he gestured toward the door.
“After you,” he murmured.
You weren’t entirely sure what had just happened between you. But you had a feeling it wasn’t nothing.
You had barely finished setting down Gram’s breakfast tray when she sighed and pressed the back of her hand to her forehead. “I swear, I feel fine,” she insisted, but the slight rasp in her voice and the warm touch of her skin told a different story.
“Gram, you have a fever.”
She waved a dismissive hand. “A slight fever never kills anyone.”
“Should I take you to a clinic?” you asked, but she shook her head.
“No need. I just need some rest,” she said, patting your hand. At that moment, Gram’s friends arrived with hearty chatter and warm smiles.
“How are you feeling?” one of them asked, squinting at Gram sprawled on the couch.
“I’m fine, but I’m worried about Hannie. He’s at the farm handling the inventory today, but it’s too much for one person,” Gram said, sighing almost too dramatically.
“Oh no, the poor boy,” said another who turned to you with a suspicious grin on her lips. “You should go help him.”
Another grandma agreed. “Oh, my. Yes, dear. You should.”
You hesitated. “I don’t wanna leave Gram alone—”
“She won’t be alone. We’re here,” said another, already nudging you out of the way.
“Go on, dear. Fret not. We’ll take care of her. We’ll make her soup.”
“She’ll be fine. You think we don’t know how to take care of one of our own?”
You hesitated, looking back at Gram, but she only chuckled weakly. “Go on. You’ll be more useful there than fussing over me.”
So you went. Jeonghan looked genuinely surprised when you arrived at the farm. He was sitting on a crate with a clipboard in one hand and a pen on the other. He took one look at you and cocked his head.
“Hi. What are you doing here? How’s Gram?”
“She’s fine her friends came over. She sent me here to help,” you said, brushing past him. “Said you had too much to do alone.”
Jeonghan snorted. “Did she now?” He leaned back, arms crossed. “Was it her or the other women?”
You frowned. “Um, all of them? Why does it matter?”
He smirked. “You’ve been tricked.”
“Tricked?”
“They’ve been trying to marry me off for years. This is exactly the kind of thing they’d do. Trick a poor, unsuspecting woman into spending time alone with me."
“Excuse me?” You blinked, thrown off. “And you just… let them?”
“They mean well. Just desperate to see me settled. Been at it for about four years now. And there’s not much I can do.” He shrugged, tapping the pen against the clipboard. “Besides, it doesn’t happen often. There aren’t that many women around my age who are still single. So when someone new shows up, they start getting ideas. Poor Seola kept getting baited on her first week here.”
That sent a rush of heat up your neck. You looked away, pretending to inspect the baskets of pears stacked nearby. “Well, sorry to disappoint them, but I’m only here to help.”
“Right,” he said, his voice laced with something teasing. “Strictly business.”
You nodded, clearing your throat. “Strictly business.”
“You’re not here thinking about how you almost kissed me a few nights ago.”
“Excuse me?” you gasped, indignant. You pointed a finger at him. “You almost kissed—” then pointed the finger at your chest— “me. Get your facts straight!”
Jeonghan chuckled but didn’t push it further. Instead, he handed you a clipboard and gestured toward the stacks of wooden crates. “If you insist on helping, you can double-check these counts while I finish up the rest.”
You huffed but took the clipboard anyway, moving toward the crates while he returned to his own work. The quiet stretched between you—not uncomfortable, but filled with a hyper-awareness that had been there for days now, ever since that one drunken moment outside the guest house.
You focused on counting and scribbling notes, but every so often, you caught glimpses of Jeonghan moving nearby. He worked with efficiency, sleeves rolled up, hands deftly sorting through the inventory. The sunlight filtering through the trees left patterns over his skin, making him look almost too picturesque for a man just organizing pears.
At one point, you were so absorbed in pretending not to be aware of him that you lost your footing, nearly stumbling over a crate. Jeonghan glanced up from where he was standing, just as you had steadied yourself.
“Careful,” he said, smirking. “Wouldn’t want Gram’s ‘strictly business’ helper to break something.”
You shot him a glare. “I tripped over a crate. Nothing to break here.”
He smirked. “Still, I’d be devastated if you got hurt on my watch. What would the old ladies say? Probably accuse me of mistreating my future wife.”
You groaned. “Can you not bringing that up?”
“Why? Does it bother you?”
Yes. Maybe. A little. You weren’t sure. But instead of answering, you tossed a pear at him. He caught it effortlessly, turning it over in his hand.
“You’re very defensive,” he mused, biting into the pear.
“And you’re very annoying,” you shot back, before returning to your clipboard.
The work continued. He teased you every now and then and you’d retort but mostly tried to drown him out. By the time you finished your part of the task, you felt the kind of exhaustion that wasn’t just physical.
Jeonghan stretched, rolling out his shoulders. “I think that’s good for today.”
“Great,” you said, setting down your clipboard. “Then I’ll—”
Before you could finish, rain started falling. It was so sudden that you both stood there for a second, blinking up at the sky as the cool droplets hit your skin. Soon, you realized it wasn’t stopping, and Jeonghan nudged your arm.
“Run to the warehouse,” he said, pointing to the warehouse which looked so far away. “Go,” he repeated, and you started running.
You reached it in no time, but not without getting soaked. Inside, the space was dry, the scent of cardboard boxes and ripened pears filling the air. You wrapped your arms around yourself, shaking off the water clinging to your skin. Jeonghan leaned against the doorway, watching the rain with furrowed brows.
He glanced at you a few moments later. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” you replied, rubbing your arms. “The weather was so nice today. I didn’t think it would rain.”
“Well, the weather likes to be unpredictable sometimes,” he said, gaze drifting over you before he reached for something on a nearby shelf—a folded blanket. He tossed it over your shoulders without a word.
You blinked. “Where did that come from?”
“Emergency stash,” he said simply. “Most of the workers here are old women. They prepare for anything and everything.”
“Thanks,” you mumbled, pulling it tighter around yourself.
Jeonghan just hummed, still watching the rain. And for a while, neither of you spoke. The world outside was misty and gray, but in here, it was warm and quiet. The warehouse was fairly large, but the space between you felt small. And it may be because the place was packed with endless crates of pears and shelves of pear products.
You weren’t sure how long you stood like that before he turned toward you fully, head tilting slightly as he studied you.
“You really don’t mind being here, do you?” he mused.
You frowned. “Well, I didn’t but if I had known it would rain, I wouldn’t have come up here at all.”
He chuckled. “No, I meant in this town. At the guesthouse. Helping out on some pear farm.”
You thought about it, about the slow mornings, the sense of peace you’d been trying to chase, the way you’d felt so much more at ease these days.
“I don’t mind,” you admitted, leaning back against the wall. “It’s… nice. No deadlines to chase. No stuck-up superiors breathing down my neck. No endless stack of workload to bury my face in.” You sighed in relief, smiling absentmindedly. “It’s really nice.”
“What happened?” he asked, joining you in your corner. “Back in the city?”
“It’s nothing,” you shrugged. “I’m just taking a break from corporate life.”
“I see,” he replied, unconvinced but knew better than press for answers you weren’t ready to share.
The rain was coming down harder now, drumming against the roof of the warehouse and soaking the ground outside. You could hear the soft trickle of water running off the edges of the roof, pooling into the dirt. The crates of pears sat forgotten outside, and you wondered if they’d be fine, though seeing Jeonghan not worrying about it made you assume they would be.
You noticed how Jeonghan shivered slightly, damp clothes clinging to his skin. “Cold?” you asked.
He shook his head, but you could tell he was lying. You scooted closer to him and draped the blanket over his shoulder, too. It was then that you realized that it was a small blanket, just enough to wrap around you but too small for the two of you.
Jeonghan chuckled. “Thanks, but I don’t think this is helping.”
“Right?” you replied, chuckling.
He shifted slightly, lifting one arm and draping it over your shoulder. You hesitated at first, but you let him pull you closer, letting the warmth of his body seep into yours. He rubbed your arm with his hand, squeezing gently in an attempt to fight the cold against your skin. It worked, though not well enough.
“How long do you think this rain will last?” you asked, slowly leaning against his chest.
Jeonghan hummed, and you felt his chest vibrate. “Not too long, I think. An hour at most. Maybe half.”
“My car is just below the hill. I should have driven it all the way up here,” you sighed, closing your eyes.
“You didn’t know this would happen,” he said, rubbing your shoulder. “Did you see my pickup down there? I didn’t drive up, too.”
You chuckled, pulling away to look at him. You were gonna say something, but the way he was looking at you made you hold your breath.
His gaze was steady, searching, as if something was fascinating about your face. He didn’t move, didn’t say anything. He just looked, and something about it sent a slow, burning heat in your chest. Your gaze drifted lower. His lips were slightly parted, and you knew—just as you had known that night outside the guesthouse—that this was going to happen.
You weren’t sure who moved first. One moment, there was space between you; the next, Jeonghan was leaning in, and your fingers had curled against the fabric of his shirt. His lips met yours. A slow, quick peck. Barely a kiss at all—just a taste. But then you exhaled, and he was kissing you again, properly this time.
Soft and lingering like he was savoring the moment, like he had thought about it and now that it was happening, he didn’t want to rush. His lips were warm, even with the cold outside. You responded without thinking, tilting your head, pressing closer. Your fingers tightened in his shirt. He hummed against your lips, low and pleased, his other hand finding the small of your back and pressing you closer. The blanket slipped from your shoulders, but you barely noticed.
Jeonghan angled his head, his hand sliding up to your jaw, thumb stroking just under your ear. His tongue brushed against yours, coaxing you into parting for him. A quiet sound escaped you, something between a sigh and a gasp, and that was all it took for him to press you back against wall, his body flush against yours.
The heat between you burned hotter than the cold rain. His hands roamed, brushing over the curve of your hips, slipping under the hem of your shirt to find the warmth of your skin. You gasped against his mouth at the sensation, fingers tightening in his shirt.
He took that as encouragement. His lips left yours only to trail lower, to your jaw, and down to your neck. You shivered—not from the cold, but from the way he touched you. Your own hands moved, pushing beneath his damp shirt, palms pressing against his stomach. He let out a quiet, surprised laugh before he kissed you again, deeper, hungrier.
The rain outside blurred into nothing. It was just him. His lips, his hands, the heat of him against you. But then, he stopped, pulling away just enough to look at you. His fingers flexed against your waist, as if holding himself back.
He pressed his forehead against yours, exhaling sharply as he asked, “Is this okay?”
The words sent a jolt through you, cutting through the haze of heat and desire clouding your thoughts. Your pulse pounded in your ears, and for the first time since kissing him, you could hear the rain again—the steady downpour, the distant rumble of thunder.
Reality came crashing in, making you pull back slightly with a shaky breath. Your hands gripping his shirt loosened. His gaze searched yours, unreadable but patient. He was waiting.
“I…” You swallowed, looking away. “We shouldn’t.”
There was a second of silence, Jeonghan’s hand leaving your waist and reaching up to tuck stray strands of hair behind your ear. Then he planted a soft kiss on your forehead and said, “Okay.”
You weren’t sure if the cold you felt now was from the rain or from something else entirely. But it was gone as soon as he pulled you into a hug.
“But we can do this, right?”
You chuckled lightly, closing your eyes and basking in his warmth. “Yeah,” you replied, wrapping your arms around him too. “Yeah, we can.”
You tossed and turned all night, replaying every moment at the warehouse. The way his lips felt against yours, the way he touched you with veneration, the addicting heat that had consumed you. All of it.
It was just the heat of the moment, you told yourself. Just a fleeting lapse of judgment, nothing more. But the longer you lay there, the more you realized you were lying.
You wanted it. You liked it. And you liked Jeonghan.
It wasn’t just your imagination. You didn’t imagine the way your heart raced when he kissed you. You didn’t imagine the sparks of pleasure dancing on your skin when he touched you. You didn’t imagine the way you melted in his arms when he held you close until the rain stopped.
You were still trying to come to terms with it when you heard faint voices outside. Curious, you pushed yourself up and peered through the window.
Outside, it was the early hours of dawn. In the dim dawn light, Jeonghan stood with Gram by the shed, lifting the lids off large clay crocks. Even though you couldn’t hear them, it wasn’t hard to guess what they were doing—Gram was transferring kimchi into a large container, with Jeonghan helping her.
As if sensing your gaze, he suddenly glanced up and caught you watching. You froze when his gaze met yours. But Jeonghan just smiled and raised a hand in a lazy wave, which you returned sheepishly.
Then he sent kisses your way, gestured that it was still too early, and mouthed that you should go back to sleep. Clearly, he had no idea you hadn’t slept a wink yet.
You huffed but nodded anyway, and just as you pulled back from the window, you heard Gram say something. Jeonghan turned to her, his head tilting in mock innocence, and you could imagine her scolding him for slacking off. Smiling to yourself, you shut your window and crawled back into bed.
As expected, you woke up late the next morning. It was almost noon, but it was the weekend, so you knew Jeonghan and Gram would be home all day. But he was nowhere to be seen.
Gram told you over lunch that he had gone to the city to visit his parents. You only nodded in response, pretending it didn’t affect you. But as the day stretched on, you found yourself missing him.
Which was stupid.
He was just a guy—a good-looking guy, yes, but that didn’t mean anything. Good-looking guys had a way of making you think you liked them when you really didn’t. Besides, liking Jeonghan wasn’t part of the plan. You had come here for peace and quiet—to breathe and to heal, not to get swept up in whatever this was.
So you spent the day distracting yourself—helping Gram in the kitchen, reading in the shade, taking a walk along the shore. Anything to push thoughts of him away. The more you did, the more you convinced yourself that you didn’t like him that much.
You weren’t that attached to him. You didn’t care that he wasn’t around, didn’t notice the way the day felt quieter without him. You weren’t thinking about the way he always leaned too close when he talked or how he made even the dullest moments entertaining.
Would he be back today? Tomorrow? Would he have texted you if you had exchanged numbers?
Stop it. This wasn’t you. You didn’t get flustered over a guy. You didn’t sit around waiting like some lovesick idiot. You were better than this.
You were fine. Your thoughts kept circling back to him, but you were fine. You just needed to reset. Get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow, you’d be back to normal.
So you sat outside on the porch after dinner, telling yourself you weren’t waiting for him. You were just enjoying the evening air after a hearty meal. You weren’t glancing at the road every few minutes. You weren’t hoping he’d arrive before you ran out of reasons to stay outside.
Then, as if answering an unspoken wish, Jeonghan’s pickup came rolling into view, kicking up dust along the quiet road. The second you saw it, the day seemed brighter, and your heart felt lighter, warmer.
Oh.
So this was it. This was what it felt like to really like someone.
Jeonghan parked his truck and hopped out, already smiling from ear to ear as he walked over to where you were sitting on the porch. “Waiting for me?” he asked, opening his arms as if he was waiting for you to jump into them.
You scoffed, crossing your arms defensively. “No. I’m just getting some air.”
Jeonghan raised his brows. “You could’ve just lied and said you were. You’re hurting my feelings here.”
“I— what?”
He sighed, pouting. “I’m hurt because you’d been on my mind all day, and I couldn’t wait to come home and see you again.”
You blinked, suddenly feeling too warm despite the cool night air. The way he said it so smoothly, so easily, like it was just a simple fact, left you scrambling for a response. But nothing came.
Neither of you spoke.
Instead, you just stood there, staring at each other in the warm porch light. He didn’t even try to laugh it off or take it back so your heart thudded a little harder, unsure what to make of this.
Then, the front door creaked open, and Gram stepped out. “Hannie, you’re back so soon,” she greeted, eyeing him up and down. “Have you had dinner yet?”
“I did,” he answered, stepping back slightly. “I picked up something to eat on my way here.”
Gram huffed. “You should get some rest, then. You must be tired. Why didn’t you just spend the night at your parents’ house? Driving back and forth like that—” She gave him a knowing look, voice lilting with mischief. “It almost seems like you were excited to come home for some reason.”
You caught the implication immediately. Jeonghan did too, if the way he smirked was any indication.
“You’re right, Gram,” he said without missing a beat. Then, with a glance at you, he added, “Actually, I was wondering if I could take the reason out for a stroll.”
Gram barely spared him a glance as she waved a hand dismissively. “Do whatever you want.” She turned back toward the house, muttering, “Young people these days. So forward. Too liberated.”
And just like that, she was gone. You, however, were still standing there, completely dumbfounded.
You turned to Jeonghan, who was watching you with an all-too-pleased expression. He tilted his head toward the road.
“So? You coming?”
You walked in silence for the first few minutes. You were expecting Jeonghan to start the conversation because, obviously, he should be the one making conversation. There were plenty of things he could start with, like clarifying what he meant when he implied that you were the reason he chose to come home right away despite the long drive.
“Don’t you have anything to say to me?” he finally asked, leaning down slightly to peek at your face.
You turned away. “No. What would I even say to you?”
Jeonghan straightened up, huffing. “I practically spelled it out for you, and you have nothing to say?”
You stopped in your tracks, exhaling sharply as you ran a hand over your nape. “Okay, what the hell is this? How about communicating clearly and more openly like grown adults instead of whatever this is?”
Jeonghan turned fully to face you. His expression was unreadable, but his voice was light when he said, “I like you.”
For a second, your mind went completely blank. You opened your mouth, then closed it, then let out a breath. “Are you sure?”
His brows furrowed. “What kind of question is that?”
“I mean—” You gestured vaguely. “It’s not just because of yesterday? Maybe it’s a momentary lapse of judgment. We kissed, and there was…” You hesitated to say it. “...a moment, and now you think you like me because of it.”
Jeonghan tilted his head, then asked, “Are you drunk?”
“No.” You shot him a look. “Jeonghan, I’m serious.”
He chuckled, but when he spoke again, he was serious. “No, it’s not just because of yesterday. I don’t pull something like that on just anyone. I’ve liked you for a while now.”
“Why?”
He grimaced, like he couldn’t believe you had to ask. “What do you mean why? Because I do. You’re pretty and nice. You’re smart. You’re good with kids, good with elders.” His voice was steady, without hesitation. “I’m not in love with you or anything. Not yet, at least. I just think you’re… amazing. And honestly, I wasn’t planning to act on it.”
You frowned. “Then why are you?”
“Because,” he said, watching you closely, “I think you like me too.”
Your pulse quickened. “No, I don’t,” you lied, shamelessly.
Jeonghan’s was menacingly confident. “Yes, you do.”
You rolled your eyes and walked ahead, heading straight for the beach. He followed closely behind, undeterred. “Come on, I’m being honest here.”
“Well, what do you want me to do about that?” you asked, not even glancing back.
“Nothing. Just—” He caught up to you and slipped his hand into yours. “At least tell me you heard what I said.”
“I did.”
“So? What do you think?”
You sighed, pulling your hand back. “I haven’t thought about it yet.”
And truly, you hadn’t. You liked him too, yes. But what to do about it? You hadn’t thought that far ahead. Did you want a relationship with him? Were you going to act on your feelings or pretend none of this ever happened? You haven’t decided yet.
That didn’t seem to discourage him, though. If anything, his smile turned triumphant. “So you’re gonna think about it?”
“Even if I do, there’s no guarantee that—”
“It’s alright,” he cut you off, grinning. “I know I can change your mind.”
You raised an eyebrow. “You’re making me want to reject you just to spite you.”
Jeonghan laughed, his head tipping back as he did. “You can try, but you wouldn’t want to.”
That made you laugh, too, though you weren’t sure if it was because it was funny or because he was right. Either way, it didn’t matter. You shook your head, exhaling sharply. “You’re really confident, huh?”
Jeonghan shrugged. “It’s not confidence. I just know I’m right.”
You scoffed, lightly kicking sand at him. He dodged with a laugh, but you caught the way he was still looking at you—like he already knew what you’d decide.
You weren’t sure exactly when Jeonghan decided to start his little mission, but once he did, it became impossible to ignore. Maybe it was when he started showing up more often, always finding excuses to be around you. Maybe it was when he started helping you without being asked—fixing the latch on your door when it got stuck, carrying things before you could, slipping you an extra slice of fruit without a word.
Or maybe it was when he stopped being subtle about it.
“You’re really going all out with this, aren’t you?” you asked him one afternoon when he took the heavy bag of groceries from your hands. One moment, you were struggling with the weight, and the next, he was lifting it effortlessly—like he’d been waiting for the chance.
“This isn’t even half of it.” He flashed you a smile. “Date me for real, and I’ll show you what all-out really means.”
At first, it was playful, something you could brush off. Jeonghan was naturally charming; he knew exactly what to say and how to say it to fluster you.
“If you keep staring at me like that, I might get the wrong idea,” he’d tease whenever you so much as glanced his way.
But then there were moments when the teasing fell away, leaving something else in its place.
One evening, after a long day, you sat on the porch, stretching your legs and watching the sky change from gold to deep blue. Jeonghan appeared beside you, holding two cups of tea. He handed you one without a word, then sat down beside you, close enough that your shoulders brushed.
You took a sip, the warmth spreading through you. “Did you make this?”
“I did,” he said, propping himself on his hands. “Gram told me you liked this kind.”
You turned to look at him, but he was already watching you. The usual mischief in his eyes had softened into something else. You looked away first.
But if his actions weren’t enough, he made sure everyone else knew he liked you, too.
It wasn’t over the top—no grand declarations or dramatic gestures. Jeonghan was smoother than that. He let people assume what they wanted and simply confirmed it with a smile. He wove it so naturally into conversations that it left no room for argument.
“You’re a good boy, Jeonghan,” a man at the market told him one day. “I should introduce you to my niece. She’s a lovely girl—smart, well-mannered—”
Jeonghan barely let him finish before shaking his head. “Ah, that won’t be necessary,” he said, glancing at you. “I already have someone I like.”
The man’s gaze flickered between you both before he let out a knowing laugh. “Oh, I see. You two make a nice couple.”
Before you could open your mouth to correct him, Jeonghan sighed dramatically. “I know, right? But she’s making me work for it.”
“Well, keep at it then.”
You groaned, moving to another stall before he could make it worse. But it didn’t stop there. As you browsed through vegetables, another vendor—a woman in her forties—raised an eyebrow at you. “You two seem close,” she said knowingly. “Are you finally together?”
Jeonghan sighed again, this time heavier, as if burdened. “Not yet. She’s making me suffer.”
You turned to glare at him. “Oh my god, stop saying that.”
The vendor laughed. “Smart girl. Make him work for it, dear.”
You let out an embarrassed chuckle. “That’s what everyone keeps telling me.”
At the market, the vendors chuckled and nodded approvingly when he sighed about how hard he was working to win you over. At the café, the barista raised an eyebrow when Jeonghan ordered your drink before you could even say it.
“He’s already ordering for you,” she mused, sliding the cup across the counter. “Boyfriend privileges?”
Jeonghan took the cup and handed it to you without missing a beat. “Not yet, but I’m working on it.”
You swatted his arm. “Why do you keep telling everyone that?”
“What? It’s true.” He looked at the barista. “She is making me work for it.”
The barista laughed. “Sounds like you’ve got a good shot.”
“Exactly.” He flashed her a grin before steering you toward a table.
Then there were the aunties. The older women in town had a habit of doting on Jeonghan whenever they saw him, always fussing over how handsome he was, how polite. And, naturally, they always tried to set him up with their nieces or granddaughters.
“You’re not seeing anyone, right, Hannie?” one of them asked one afternoon as you both helped carry groceries to her house.
“No, but I’m trying,” Jeonghan replied.
The auntie’s eyes twinkled with amusement. “Well, dear, you should consider it. He’s a catch.”
Jeonghan turned to you, smirking. “Hear that? I’m a catch.”
You rolled your eyes and walked off, pretending not to hear the rest of their conversation.
But despite all his teasing, despite how easy he made it seem, you could tell he meant it. The way he always lingered close, the way he took things from your hands without asking so you wouldn’t have to carry them, the way he looked at you—warm, steady, reassuring. He wasn’t playing around.
Soon, three months had passed and the town’s founding anniversary festival came. The celebration took place at the townhall by the beach, with tables stretched across the clearing. The scent of grilled fish and food blended with the salty breeze, and children ran barefoot across the sand, shrieking as they chased each other. It was the kind of gathering that felt timeless, a tradition that was part of the town itself.
You watched from the shade of a large tree, with a cup of cold barley tea in your hands. The scene before you was lively, familiar now, yet something inside you was restless.
Jeonghan was at the center of it all.
You weren’t sure when you lost track of him, but now, across the clearing, you spotted him with a group of aunties fussing over him. One of them reached up to pinch his cheek, scolding him for not eating enough, and he only laughed, throwing an arm around her shoulder and promising to come by for dinner next week. Not far from them, a group of kids tugged at his sleeves, demanding that he join their game. He let them drag him off with a grin, playfully ruffling a boy’s hair as they ran.
He was so at home here. And a strange feeling twisted in your chest as you took it all in—the way people naturally gravitated toward him, the way he moved through the crowd like he belonged, because he did. He had a place here, something his, something permanent.
And you… you were just passing through. A guest in their steady everyday life.
Strong breeze rustled the trees overhead, and you exhaled, as if trying to shake the thoughts away. It shouldn’t matter. You knew from the start that this was temporary, that eventually, you’d have to leave. Which was why the idea of starting something with him felt so selfish.
Across the clearing, Jeonghan’s gaze caught yours and the smile that tore across his lips made your heart melt. You smiled back as he chased the kids away and started jogging toward you.
“Why do you look like that?” he asked as soon as he was sat next to you.
You blinked. “Like what?”
He carefully grabbed the cup from your hand and took a sip. “Like you’re about to cry.”
You huffed, smiling sheepishly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Jeonghan crouched beside you, resting his forearms on his knees, watching you carefully. “You’re thinking too hard about something,” he said. “What is it?”
“It’s nothing.” You looked away, but he reached out, gently tucking your hair behind your ear.
“You’re a bad liar.”
You sighed. “It’s just… it’s really nice here,” you admitted, gesturing toward the gathering. “You’re really part of this town, aren’t you?”
Jeonghan tilted his head. “Of course. I grew up here.”
“Exactly.” You let out a small, self-deprecating laugh. “You belong here, Jeonghan. This is your home. And I’m just a guest.”
He studied you for a second, then said, “Is that what this is about?”
You shook your head, but it was unconvincing, even to yourself. Jeonghan exhaled, then reached up, lightly flicking your forehead.
You winced. “Ow—what was that for?”
“For being stupid.” He rested his chin on his hand. “You think just because I’ve lived here longer, that means I belong here more than you?”
“You do, though,” you muttered.
“Maybe.” His gaze softened. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t.”
You opened your mouth, but no words came. Because wasn’t that the problem? No matter how much you loved this town, it wasn’t yours. And if you started something with him, would it really be fair, knowing you’d have to leave eventually?
Jeonghan must have sensed your hesitation because his lips curved into a small, knowing smile. “You’re thinking too much.”
“I can’t help it,” you chuckled.
“It’s okay.” He reached for your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. “Just don’t talk yourself out of liking me.”
Shaking your head with a grin, you said, “I’ll try.”
“Good,” he replied, still holding your hand, thumb brushing absentmindedly against your skin.
You were staring at each other when someone called your name. “Enough with the eyes! Come help us with the lanterns,” one of the women called, waving you over to where a group of ladies sat beneath a pavilion.
Jeonghan rose to his feet, patting his knees as he said, “Go on, then.”
But before you could pull away, he leaned in to press a quick peck to your cheek. Your skin burned as a chorus of delighted gasps and giggles erupted from the women.
“Oh my,” someone cooed.
You turned to glare at Jeonghan but he was already walking away with a satisfied grin. “I’ll see you later,” he said casually, hands in his pockets like he hadn’t just done that in broad daylight, in front of an entire audience.
You inhaled sharply, willing your face to cool before reluctantly stepping toward the pavilion. It didn’t help that all eyes were on you, their smirks making it painfully clear that you were about to be teased the moment you step under that shade.
“Oh, look at her,” one of them teased, nudging another. “Her face is all red.”
“About time, don’t you think?” another woman drawled, folding the paper carefully over the frame. “They’ve been at it for weeks now. It’s a wonder why they’re not dating yet.”
“You’re not?” asked one, turning to you with curious eyes.
You blinked, chuckling awkwardly as you sat down. “No. We’re not.”
You glanced around at the lanterns in progress, carefully folded and held together with thin wooden frames. “So how does this work?” you asked, steering the conversation elsewhere.
“Ah, you’ve never done this before?” one of them asked, already making space in front of you. “Here. let me show you.”
“Flying lanterns are part of the festival. Every year, we make these, light them up at night and send them out to sea,” another explained, demonstrating how to fasten the frame together. “Most people make wishes on them before letting them go.”
You nodded, watching her hands. “That’s nice.”
“It is,” she agreed. “Some people write their wishes down, but most just send them off and let fate handle the rest.”
The conversation wandered after that. The women shared stories about past festivals, about childhood memories, about their work, their families. Some had left the town for a time but eventually returned. Others had never left at all and found both their purpose and their love in this small town.
“Isn’t it funny how life works?” one of them mused. “Some of us spend years wanting to leave, only to realize later that there’s nowhere else we’d rather be.”
A few nodded in agreement, their expressions wistful. You listened quietly, fingers tracing the smooth paper of your lantern.
You never thought about staying, not once. This town had been an escape, a peaceful pause in your fast-paced life. But somehow, it kept drawing you in. You used to feel like a visitor passing through, but then there were mornings spent sipping tea with Gram, evenings watching the fishermen return with their catch, and nights when laughter—yours and Jeonghan’s—echoed through the town. Eventually, it got to a point where when you looked up, the sky was no longer unfamiliar. The people here weren’t strangers anymore.
And Jeonghan…
“You know,” another woman started, glancing at you with a knowing smile, “there’s a popular myth about these lanterns.”
That got your attention. “A myth?”
“It’s probably just that, a myth with no truth to it,” she said lightly, her hands expertly tying a knot, “but it’s been passed down longer than anyone can remember. They say that you can make wishes when you send out a lantern, but if you send one with your lover, it’s a wish to stay together forever.”
You smiled, finding it unsurprisingly typical but interesting nonetheless. “That’s… romantic.”
“That’s why couples always do it together,” another woman added, grinning. “It’s tradition.”
The first woman turned to you again. “Has Jeonghan asked you to send one with him yet?”
You blinked, caught off-guard by the question. Then again, you should have expected the conversation to take this turn. Before you could answer, another woman let out a laugh. “Of course he has! He wouldn’t miss the chance.”
You pressed your lips together, knowing there was no way out of this. If you admitted that Jeonghan hadn’t asked, they’d tease him mercilessly. If you denied everything outright, they wouldn’t believe you. So instead, you focused on your lantern, pretending to be engrossed in aligning the edges.
The women continued chatting around you, discussing the upcoming lantern release, while your thoughts drifted.
Jeonghan hadn’t asked you to send one with him. Would he?
And if he did… would you say yes?
You waited for him to ask. Maybe it was foolish, but as the day stretched into the night and festivalgoers started making their way to the beach with lanterns in hand, you kept expecting Jeonghan to turn to you and say something. An invitation, even a playful one—anything that would suggest he wanted to go together.
But he never did. And somehow, you still ended up going with him. Not that you were expecting to go with someone else.
There was a mini talent show by the beach, with townsfolk participating by singing or dancing. Jeonghan had simply taken your hand and led you away from the main stage, settling on a low stone wall far from the noise of the crowd. From where you sat, the music was still within reach but the space around you was quiet.
He left to get food and returned not too long after, making you raise an eyebrow. “That was quick.”
Jeonghan handed you a skewer with a smirk. “Don’t ask, just eat.”
You narrowed your eyes at him, but you still took the food. You talked over the hearty food. He complained about how long the lines were, you accused him of cutting them. He neither confirmed nor denied it, only smiled in that way that said maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.
At some point, his gaze drifted to the lantern resting beside you.
“Did you make that?”
You hummed, nodding. “Where’s yours?”
He stretched his legs out, leaning back on his hands. “I don’t need one.”
You glanced at him. “Why not?” You instinctively pushed the lanter away from him. “You are not taking mine.”
He frowned. “Are you saying you don’t want to send one together?”
You stared at him, heat creeping up your cheeks. “W–What are you talking about?”
Jeonghan smirked teasingly. “So you already know the myth?”
You blinked but didn’t say anything. He turned his head toward you. “You’re not gonna make me go light one alone, will you?”
You scoffed. “Is this how you’re gonna ask me to light one with you? Surely you can do better.”
“Asking is for people who don’t get what they want.”
You let out an incredulous laugh and rolled your eyes. “Have fun lighting one by yourself then.”
He hummed, seemingly satisfied. For a moment, the conversation paused, the music from a young girl singing a ballad echoing through the cool night air. The warm glow of festival lights flickered over Jeonghan’s features as he watched you eat quietly and watch the show.
Then, in a quieter voice, he said, “What would you wish for?”
That made you glance at him, looking away just as quickly when you saw the fond look in his eyes. You cleared your throat. “I don’t know. Peace, maybe.”
Jeonghan chuckled. “Like world peace? That’s so generic.”
“No. Peace in my own life,” you corrected, scoffing.
He hummed. “That’s not what most people wish for.”
“Yeah? What do most people wish for?”
He leaned back on his hands again, gazing toward the dark sea. “Love, money… fame?” He smirked. “A kiss under the fireworks.”
You chuckled. “That last one sounds oddly specific.”
“Does it?” His tone was light, but his eyes flickered back to you, holding yours for a second too long.
You looked away first, exhaling. “I think peace is a good wish.”
Jeonghan didn’t reply right away. “Is that why you left the city?” he asked eventually.
There it was, the question about your life and choices. Somehow, it didn’t feel as jarring as the previous times he tried to bring it up. Maybe because you wanted to tell him this time.
You pressed your lips together before answering. “I got fired for exposing a senior executive who sexually harassed one of my coworkers. Long story short, the company protected him and I got fired. I sued for wrongful termination but my own lawyer told me to back down, said the fight wasn’t worth it. They were too big and I was too small.”
Jeonghan’s expression hardened slightly. “So you gave up?”
“I didn’t at first,” you murmured. “But they made sure no one else would hire me. There spread rumors about me. That I leak information to rival companies. None of it was true, but in my field, something like leaking information is a big deal. It was enough to ruin me.”
Jeonghan didn’t say anything at first, but his jaw clenched. “That’s bullshit.”
You let out a breath of a laugh. “It was. But I had no choice so I took the settlement and left. I just… wanted to be somewhere far away. I needed a temporary escape.”
“Temporary?” he echoed.
You glanced at him, only to find him still watching you intently.
You hesitated, fingers curling around the wooden frame of the lantern. You thought about the town, about the people who had unknowingly made space for you in their world. About Jeonghan who had secured a place for himself in your heart. And about you who had slowly started to belong here.
“I don’t know,” you admitted. “I think I’m starting to change my mind.”
Jeonghan didn’t speak, just watched you, his gaze steady in the lantern-lit dark. Then he leaned in, slowly. You weren’t sure if you moved too, only that suddenly he was too close, his eyes flickering to your lips. His fingers brushed over yours on the cool concrete, squeezing as he continued leaning closer.
And just when your lips were about to meet, a loud boom echoed the air, and the sky erupted into colors.
You were startled, glancing at the sky as fireworks exploded in bursts of gold and red, reflecting in your eyes. Beside you, Jeonghan chuckled. “You wished for a kiss under the fireworks, didn’t you?”
You burst out laughing. “Shut up.”
He grinned, jumping down the ledge and nodding toward the crowd gathering by the beach. “Let’s go. They’re starting.”
You scrambled to grab your lantern and get down the wall. But Jeonghan was already lifting you by the waist and setting you carefully on your feet. Then with your fingers intertwined, he led you down the sandy path to the beach where people were starting to light their lanterns.
And for the first time since arriving in this town, staying sounded like a really good idea.
The drive up to the pear farm was quiet, but not in a way that felt empty or awkward. Jeonghan’s hand was warm against yours, his thumb absentmindedly tracing the back of your palm as he steered with his other hand.
When the lanterns started floating into the sky, he had leaned down to whisper, “The view is better from up the hill.”
And before you could even respond, he was already tugging you toward his truck, grinning like he knew you wouldn’t say no. And you didn’t.
Now, sitting on the rooftop of the warehouse, you could see what he meant. From here, the town stretched below, the coastline shimmering with lanterns drifting over the sea like golden fireflies. It was breathtaking.
For a while, neither of you spoke. It was much quieter than the festival down below. Up here, it felt like the rest of the world had fallen away. Jeonghan sat close, one arm over your shoulder as you rested your head against his chest, his heartbeat steady and soothing. You turned your head, wanting to say something, only to find that he was already watching you.
He smiled. “I really, really, like you. You have no idea.”
“Well,” you breathed, smiling back at him. “I really, really, like you too.”
He smirked. “I knew it.”
You rolled your eyes. “Boy, bye,” you muttered, moving to stand up but he stopped you.
“I’m sorry,” he chuckled, looking nowhere near sorry at all. “Don’t go.”
His fingers brushed over your cheek, light at first, as if waiting for you to stop him—but you didn’t. Instead, you nuzzled into the warmth of his hand. The slight furrow of his brows and the affection in his eyes stirred something inside you, igniting some kind of courage that made you reach for his cheek and lean forward to press a soft kiss on his lips.
A quick one. Fleeting but it left a tingling sensation on your lips, itching for more. Something flickered in Jeonghan’s eyes before his lips crashed into yours in a slow, searching kiss. It wasn’t hurried or desperate, just deep, lingering, like neither of you wanted to let go. So you didn’t let go.
Jeonghan kissed you like he had all the time in the world. His lips moved over yours in a way that made your breath hitch, slow and thorough, like he was memorizing you, savoring the shape of your mouth, the way you sighed against his lips.
Your fingers curled into his shirt, clinging onto him as warmth spread through you. He made a quiet sound when you pulled him closer, one hand slipping down to your waist, the other threading through your hair to tip your head back. The angle deepened the kiss and sent a shiver through you when his tongue pushed into your mouth.
You caught your breath when he pulled back slightly, eyes searching yours, his thumb tracing your jaw. Then, just as easily, his lips were back on yours, softer this time but just as insistent.
You didn’t know how long you stayed like that, only that at some point, you found yourself stepping down from the rooftop, hand in hand with him. The warehouse door creaked as he pushed it open, revealing the dim interior where weeks ago, something had almost happened between you. This time though, you weren’t stopping.
Jeonghan glanced at you with an inquiring look in his eyes, as if asking for a confirmation to continue. But you had already made up your mind. You reached for him, and he caught you in his arms with a breathless laugh. Then his lips were on yours again.
His hands slid down your back, pressing you flush against him. The warmth of his body, and the firmness of his touch was intoxicating. His lips trailed along your jaw, down the line of your throat, lingering at the sensitive spot beneath your ear.
“We can still stop if you’re not sure about this,” he murmured against your skin, his breath warm and teasing.
Your fingers tightened around the fabric of his shirt, already half undone from when you’d tugged at it earlier. “Stopping is the last thing in my mind right now.”
That was all the permission he needed.
His lips were on you again, hungrier this time, as if something had snapped inside him. The restraint he had so carefully held onto unraveled with every touch, every kiss. Your back met the cool surface of a stack of crates, but you barely noticed, too caught up in the way his hands slipped under the hem of your dress, the way he pressed into you like he couldn’t get close enough.
His hands slid higher, slipping beneath the tight band of your bra. The heat of his palm cupped your breast, sending a new wave of warmth through you. His lips left yours to trail lower, nipping at the hollow of your throat before pressing open-mouthed kisses along your collarbone. Your back arched into him before you even realized, his hands tightening at your waist in response.
“Jeonghan,” you breathed before you could stop it.
He hummed in response, the sound deep and approving. His fingers brushed along your ribs, teasing the hem of your dress upward, giving you plenty of time to stop him—but you didn’t. Instead, you tugged at his shirt and yanked it from his shoulders.
You could barely see him in the dim light, but you could still make out the smooth lines of his skin, the way his chest rose and fell with each breath, his smooth long hair slightly disheveled from your hands running through it.
Without a word, he lifted you off your feet and kissed you again. Your legs wrapped around his torso, arms around his neck as he walked further into the warehouse and set you down an empty worktable.
The cold surface of the worktable sent a shiver through you, but Jeonghan’s hands were warm as they slid along your thighs, pushing them apart just enough to step between them. His gaze darkened as he took you in, his fingers trailing on the bare skin beneath your dress before he pulled it over your head, tossing it somewhere behind him.
“So beautiful,” he murmured, almost absentmindedly, like he was too distracted by you to realize he’d said it aloud.
He leaned in again, capturing your lips in another slow, lingering kiss as his hands worked the clasp of your bra. The second it slipped from your shoulders, he palmed your breasts, thumbs brushing over your nipples in circles. A whimper escaped you, your back arching into him.
He lowered his head, lips parting just before he wrapped them around your nipple, sucking slowly and deeply. The warmth of his mouth sent a sharp jolt of heat through your nerves, pooling low in your stomach.
“Jeonghan,” you gasped, thighs tightening around his waist as he switched to the other, his tongue flicking over the sensitive bud before closing his lips around it and sucking again. He groaned, like he was savoring the taste of you, like he couldn’t get enough.
His hands slid down your back, gripping your hips, pressing you firmly against him and there was no mistaking the hard press of his erection through his jeans. The realization sent another wave of heat through you, and you bucked against him without thinking.
He grunted and pulled back just enough to meet your gaze, half-lidded eyes directed at you. “You’re gonna make me lose my mind,” he murmured, voice rough.
You kissed him, messy and eager, before smirking against his lips. “Well, wouldn’t you love it if I did?”
“Oh, fuck you,” he breathed before laying you down the table with urgency.
Your skin prickled with anticipation as you watched him unbuckle his belt. His fingers worked quickly, shoving his jeans and boxers down just enough, freeing himself from the restraints of his clothes.
Your lips parted at the sight of him—hard, flushed, and already leaking at the tip. You felt yourself clench at nothing as he leaned over you again, hands gripping your hips as he pressed himself against the damp fabric between your legs. The friction made you whimper, your thighs trembling around him.
“So sensitive,” he groaned, rolling his hips against yours, dragging himself along your clothed sex. “So soaked too.”
“Please do something about it,” you whispered, tilting your head back as his mouth found your throat, sucking at the supple skin, leaving behind a delightful sting that you knew you’d still see tomorrow.
His hands slipped into the waistband of your underwear, hooking his fingers in the fabric and dragging them down in one swift motion. The cool air against your bare skin made you shiver, but Jeonghan was quick to settle between your legs again, his fingers tracing teasingly up your inner thigh.
He paused, gaze flicking up to yours, searching. You knew what he was asking. pulling him down, capturing his lips in a desperate kiss. “I need you,” you whispered in his ear.
Jeonghan groaned into your mouth, pressing you deeper into the table as his hands roamed your skin. His fingers trailed lower, brushing against your inner thigh before sliding between your legs. A sharp gasp left you at the first stroke of his fingers. You didn’t bother pretending to be shy, not when he was rubbing delightfully against your clit, not when your hips bucked into his touch on instinct.
Then, just when you thought you couldn’t take any more, he pulled back. You were just about ready to protest but your voice disappeared the second he dropped to his knees.
His hands gripped your thighs, dragging you closer to the edge of the table. He looked up at you, eyes dark with something ravenous.
“Oh—” before you could form a word, his mouth was on you.
The first swipe of his tongue sent a full-body shudder through you. “Jeonghan—” His name broke off into a gasp as he sucked your clit.
He hummed, satisfied, as he settled between your thighs like he belonged there, his fingers digging into your hips to keep you still—though that did little to stop the way your legs trembled around him. Then, without warning, he buried his tongue inside you, licking deep, slow, dragging obscene noises from your lips.
Your hands flew to his hair, clutching and pulling when the pleasure became too much, only for him to groan in approval, his grip tightening on you. The sounds—his mouth, your gasps, the heat—filled the empty warehouse, making your tummy coil tighter and tighter with every movement of his tongue.
“Jeonghan,” you whimpered, thighs squeezing around his head. “I’m—”
“I know.” His voice was hoarse, breathless, and he didn’t stop—if anything, he doubled down, sucking harder, fingers replacing his tongue, thrusting deep, curling just right until the knot in your stomach came undone.
Your body arched off the table, waves of pleasure crashing through you, leaving you breathless, dazed, trembling beneath him.
Jeonghan kissed his way back up your body. He lingered at your boobs, then at you collarbone and your neck, his breath warm as he whispered against your skin, “You’re beautiful like this.”
You barely had the voice to respond, still trembling from the way he’d unraveled you so effortlessly. But when his lips met yours again, you tasted yourself on his tongue, and something about that sent a fresh wave of pleasure through you.
You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer, feeling the warmth of his skin against yours. His forehead rested against yours, his lips brushing yours with every breath.
“Please tell me you want this,” he whispered, his voice low and unsteady. Not because he didn’t know it, but because he needed to hear it.
You cupped his jaw, your thumb brushing over his cheekbone. “I want you, Jeonghan.”
His hand slid down your thigh, lifting it higher against his waist as he positioned himself with you, moving slowly. His lips found yours again, swallowing your gasp as he pushed himself in, filling you inch by inch, stretching you in the most delightful way.
He groaned softly into your mouth, his fingers intertwining with yours beside your head as he pushed deeper, until there was no space left between you. He didn’t move right away, just held you, let you feel him, let you adjust to the feeling of him buried inside you.
“You okay?” he murmured, his thumb brushing over your knuckles.
You nodded, breath shaky, overwhelmed by the way he was looking at you—like you were something to be cherished, something to be loved.
Then he started to move slowly, deeply, like he was practicing the clench, like he never wanted to forget the way you felt around him. He kissed you between every thrust, your lips, your cheek, your jaw, anywhere he could reach—his hands never leaving yours.
“You’re trembling.”
You were. From his hands, his mouth, his manhood and the intoxicating euphoria that clouded your head and left you gasping, arching into him, chasing every movement, every moment.
And when he finally whispered your name like a prayer, you knew you were completely, utterly lost in him.
Neither of you said much on the ride home, still giddy about what had just happened but too shy to talk about it. He kept one hand on the wheel, the other resting on your thigh, as he hummed quietly with the music from the stereo. The cool night air slipped in through the open window, carrying the faint echoes of the festival, but here, in the car, it was just the two of you.
The guest house was dark when you arrived, Gram still out enjoying the festival somewhere. You half expected Jeonghan to go back to his room, but you knew he’d follow you inside yours.
“Wanna shower together?” he asked, hugging your from behind and kissing the side of your head.
You huffed a quiet laugh. “I think I’ll go by myself.”
“Oh, come on. Just say yes,” he whined, burying his face in the crook of your neck. “Please?”
You chuckled, shaking your head. “Fine.” He was quick to tug you down the hall and into the bathroom.
In the bathroom, steam floated in the air as warm water cascaded over your shoulders. Jeonghan stood behind you, arms wrapped loosely around your waist. He reached for the soap, lathering it between his palms before smoothing it over your shoulders, down your arms, his touch more soothing than teasing.
His fingers traced along your spine, his lips brushing over the back of your neck before he whispered, “Don’t get turned on. We’re just taking a bath.”
You smacked his chest, laughing as you took the soap from his hand. “Turn around.”
Like an obedient puppy, he did as he was told and you lathered the soap against his back. For a long moment, you just stood there, quietly helping each other wash up.
As you were running your fingers into his hair, Jeonghan said, “You keep touching me like that, and we’re never getting out of here.”
You scoffed. “Take your mind out of the gutter.”
He grabbed your wrists gently, making you pause. “Okay, I hope you know that’s too much to ask when you’re standing here naked with me.”
“Oh my god, you’re the insatiable type, aren’t you?” you asked, shaking your head as you wriggled your hands free from his grip.
Jeonghan only grinned. “Baby, every man with a working penis is insatiable.”
You scoffed, flicking water at him. “That’s so insightful. Thanks,” you said with a deadpan expression.
He smirked. “I like to think I’m a man of wisdom.”
“You’re a menace. That’s what you are.”
“Yeah? And yet, here you are. Naked again. With me.”
You rolled your eyes playfully. “Obviously, I have bad judgment.”
“Mm. Bad judgment is agreeing to shower with me and expecting nothing to happen.” He leaned in, his breath warm against your ear. “Admit it. You wanted to see this again,” he added, gesturing to his body.
You shoved him under the water, laughing as you said. “Yeah, whatever.”
“See?” He slicked his hair back, giving you a triumphant look. “I always knew you liked me too much,” he teased, pressing a kiss to your shoulder before stepping back under the spray.
You rolled your eyes but didn’t pull away when he reached for the loofah, running it down your arm with care. For all his teasing, he took his time with you, washing your skin with gently strokes, like he enjoyed the act itself, not just the excuse to touch you.
At some point, his fingers found yours under the water, linking them together. You looked up to find him watching you. He didn’t say anything—he didn’t need to. The silence, the warmth, the feeling of standing here with him in the warm light of the bathroom, it was enough.
Steam was still in the air as you stood side by side in front of the bathroom mirror, you wrapped in a towel and him shirtless with gray sweatpants. You reached for your moisturizer while Jeonghan lazily brushed his teeth, watching you through the mirror.
“I saw a house for sale near the pear farm the other day,” you said casually, dabbing the product on your skin.
Jeonghan hummed, dipping his head down the sink to rinse his mouth. “Oh yeah?”
You nodded. “It’s nice. Small, but cozy. Has a garden.”
“I know that one. Nice house. The owners moved abroad with their daughter.” He wiped his mouth with a towel.
“Do you know how much they’re selling it for?”
He capped his toothbrush and turned to face you fully. “It should be affordable. Real estate isn’t too expensive around here. Why? You interested?”
“Maybe,” you replied, shrugging.
He made a thoughtful sound, turning back to the mirror. “I won’t move in with you unless you marry me first.”
You snorted. “Don’t we technically live together already?”
“This is a guest house. That’s different,” he countered. “Buying a house is serious. I like you a lot, but I won’t spend money on a house unless we’re official official.”
Rolling your eyes, you turned to him. “I have my own money, you know?”
“So?”
“So? I’ll buy the house myself.”
Jeonghan nodded. “Yeah, I admire strong and independent women, but no. Not moving in with you unless you put a ring on it,” he said playfully, wiggling his fingers.
You shook your head, packing your skincare products back in your pouch. “I didn’t say I was gonna live there with you.”
“Oh?” he scoffed, crossing his arms. “Well, then if you’re living in that house, I should at least get a key.”
He turned to wash his hands, but halfway through, he froze. The bathroom went quiet except for the steady trickle of water against porcelain. Slowly, he turned back to you, his brows furrowing in realization.
“Wait a minute…”
You didn’t say anything, just shrugged. His eyes widened, and he straightened, covering his mouth in mock shock. “You’re staying?”
“I’m considering it.” You walked out of the bathroom, and as expected, Jeonghan was right behind you. “There’s a few things I can do if I settle down here. I could open a shop or something. Take up teaching or do marketing consults for the pear farm. I don’t see why not.”
You turned to find him still standing there, hand over his mouth like he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard.
“Seriously?” you deadpanned.
He ignored you, blinking a few times before asking again, “You’re staying?”
You chuckled. “Yeah. I’m—”
Before you could say anything else, Jeonghan pulled you into a tight hug. He let out a breathy laugh against your hair, one hand sliding up to the nape of your neck.
You smiled, wrapping your arms around him too. You hadn’t expected it to be such a simple decision. When you first arrived, you told yourself this was just temporary, a place to breathe before figuring out where to go next. But now, the thought of leaving felt impossible. The town had settled into your bones. The people, the warmth, the way the sea stretched endlessly against the sky—it had all become a part of you. And of course, admittedly one of the main reasons of your stay, Jeonghan.
Maybe you’d known for a while. Maybe you’d been staying long before you admitted it to yourself. Maybe your doubts were just the shadows of a past self trying to resist the peace you had found here.
You hugged him a little tighter, pressing your face into his shoulder. Jeonghan pulled back just enough to meet your gaze, his lips lifting into a mischievous smile.
“Let’s get married before you change your mind.”
You scoffed, patting his chest. “Okay, slow down, cowboy.”
And just like that, you were walking into a new phase in your life. Something slower, more mundane but steadier, and uneventful in the best way. It might have seemed too soon to say, but deep down, you knew you’d never regret choosing this life.
Choosing him.
[fin]
#jeonghan x reader#jeonghan smut#seventeen smut#jeonghan x you#yoon jeonghan fluff#yoon jeonghan x reader#yoon jeonghan x you#seventeen au#seventeen fanfic#jeonghan fanfic#jeonghan au#seventeen x reader#seventeen imagines#jeonghan imagines#jeonghan fluff#calcali works
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Fyi girls we’re not celebrating thanksgiving tmrw we’re celebrating my birthday 🥳
୨୧ say happy early birthday ୨୧
#birthday#happy birthday#rory culkin#fluff#i love rory culkin#i ❤ rory culkin#rory culkin x reader#charlie walker#rory culkin smut#clyde electrick children#clay roach#scream 4#tom kaulitz angst#tom kaulitz x reader#i love tom kaulitz#bill kaulitz angst#bill kaulitz fanfic#tokio hotel x reader#tokio hotel smut#tokiohotel
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paper cut stings from my paper thin glands
chuuya n. x reader
the trials and tribulations of dating a criminal executive ❥ angst with comfort, pros and cons format
song: death by a thousand cuts

pro: he’s incredibly romantic
chuuya has seen more than plenty of scumbags in his life. womanizers, cheaters, abusers. he didn’t make it this far as an executive without meeting unsavoury people. he’s seen darker sides of the city, the sides that he’s had to survive in.
meeting all these people, he’s had the good fortune of learning- the hard way- how not to treat someone you love. he does all the classics- fancy dinners, late night joyrides, pretty flowers.
but he also manages to make everything, including the most mundane things, even just a little romantic. he waits for you in the clinic for every appointment, folds clothes while you order dinner (he can’t cook to save his life), and sits through hours of old sitcoms and reality tv while rotting on the couch with you.
you could have skipped a shower, be in yesterdays clothes with crumbs on your lips and he’d still tell you every second: “you’re beautiful.”
you almost laugh, standing up to clean the empty plates and wine glasses. he joins you shortly after. what a pleasure it is to wash dishes at 2am in your apartment.
con: he’s got a temper
perhaps apart of it is survival instinct. everyone loves puppies, but never wounded dogs that bites. chuuya has lived most of his life a wounded dog.
when he’s silent, its because he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing. when he does open his mouth, he usually regrets what he says about 2 seconds after. he often has so much left unsaid, so many emotions swirling around in him, that he doesn’t know how to not notice. he’s more empathetic than one would imagine, seeing all the anger and hatred in the world, often shouldering those feelings without even realizing it.
he just wants to kiss the ground you walk on, to get inside your mind and see himself through your eyes. he never fully understands why you put up with him, why you’re so patient. but he also chooses not to question it, because he knows its more than he deserves.
“…i was angry but you didn’t deserve what i said. i shouldn’t have taken it out on you. i’m so sorry.” he says firm, biting his tongue. he’s never sure when his apologies will fall onto deaf ears. he hopes you won’t look at him like a bad drug and toss him out.
“is that what you were practicing in the mirror?” you smile a little. for the first time in hours, he breathes.
“does that mean you forgive me?” he asks sheepishly, almost like a child.
you take his hand and pull him into the room. “just come to bed, baby.”
at least he’s not on the couch tonight.
pro: he’s loyal
when people see chuuya, they see the silk clothes and expensive accessories. they see his piercing glare and leather shoes. they see the surface, the hard, shiny exterior, and think that he can get anyone he wants. partly true.
but chuuya bristles at the thought of disposability. anyone who has ever loved him has either died, left, or simply doesn’t know he exists. after all he’s lost, he simply can’t afford to play fast and loose with you. he jumped out of a helicopter for someone he claims he doesn’t like. imagine what he’d do for you.
he knows of your insecurities, but he’ll never brush off jealousy as something silly or childish. he wants to show you off and, at the same time, keep you as something sacred and private to him. your heart, your hips, your body, your love, all of it something he worships. he somehow quiets all your fears with just the touch of his hand.
theres no part of him that you don’t exist in. his eyes, the way they light up upon your arrival. his hands molded like clay just to hold you. lips with your name on them. theres no part of him that you haven’t touched. and he wants you to know it.
con: he hardly knows himself
it isn’t his fault, really.
living on survival mode gives you little time for self discovery. he’s never thought of the future, or of his plans- just day to day. living just to survive the next few hours is how you end up in the shadows of city, a feared criminal, wondering how things ended up this way.
he knows what he doesn’t want to be. he doesn’t want to be a corrupted monster, an amalgamation of all the darkest years of his life. he wishes, more than anything, just to be human. he never wanted to be a god, or a even an executive, just human. but somehow, he still finds himself sinking his teeth into skin, wondering why he’s still biting, wondering why anyone would ever want a wounded dog that bites.
he’s hardly open about his own fears. but its not hard to spot the way it lingers in his eyes when he’s up at night, sweat sticking to his skin, staring down his hands. he’s searching for the humanity you see in him. he wants to believe that its there.
some nights he doesn’t fully find it. its the nights he pulls you closer to him, closing his eyes only when they grow heavy, needing to feel another human presence next to him.
pro: he gives you all he is, and more
his humanity doesn’t come from origin but rather his love and loyalty, devotion to people like you. you feel it in the way he kisses you- pecks on the cheek before he leaves work, or deep longing ones when the night has dawned and you’re in bed. he’s made peace with his mysteries if it means he can give all of himself to you, all the parts of him that you’ve chosen to love.
you’re the centre of his universe, the gravity that keeps him alive. and to you, he’s not chuuya nakahara: the god, or the night warden, or even a dog. he’s funny and faithful. he’s a terrible cook but a good motorcyclist. he’s incredibly handsome, cocky but somehow humble at the same time. he’s yours, for as long as gravity pulls him to you.
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