#clawing at the walls waiting for s7

[frootertooter]

Random assortment of Rogues! The Podcast doodles

how the hell do u draw Ed

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

A Fitting Finale: Bringing Ian Full-Circle

Is everyone sick of my essays yet? Excellent. Here’s another anyway!

I’ve been trying to put my finger on what it is about Ian’s story in s11 that I love so much. It’s clear that he’s struggling on a number of levels, and he’s certainly spent the first third of the season under so much stress that it’s impacted his moods and marriage. In 11x04, we began to see hints of the tension breaking, and it made me realize that there’s a common trend in Ian’s behavior throughout the series coming to a head in his final act. It’s part of what has him so passionately advocating for Mickey to get a legal job, communicating their need to hammer out the specifics of what their marriage means, and upset at his own employment status.

From start to finish, Ian has been driven by two important motivators: love and fear.

Ian’s deep sense of love and compassion for others is well documented. We know that he will do anything for his family. I’ve mentioned before that Ian is at his best when he’s with them and his worst when he’s not. They’re his support system, and he’s a key part of theirs. They look after each other and rely on one another when the chips are down. They’re all grown up now, Liam being the exception, but those bonds are strong. They’ve matured and branched out to include Mickey, Tami, Franny, and Freddie. Ian’s heart belongs to his family, and he’s given as much of himself as he can to the people he’s been with over the years in whatever capacity they’ve needed him to.

Ian has also always been a fearful character, though not in the manner we typically visualize. He’s strong and motivated, ambitious and sensible, clever and insightful. When he decides that he wants something, he goes for it, from a South Side thug hovering in his orbit to pursuing the highest military accolades despite his small beginnings. Over and over again, we’ve seen him leap into serious and often strange situations in order to achieve his ends or something for the people he cares about. This man stole a water heater from a dead person’s house with his brother and tried to help his best friend hide a body. Certainly, he doesn’t fit the traditional stereotype. He’s not a coward.

But Ian is terrified—of everything:

·        Not amounting to anything

·        Not being worthy of love

·        Being the center of attention

·        Fading into the background and being forgotten

·        Not being able to help other people or those he loves

·        Not having a path

·        Not being in control of himself

·        Not being enough

He’s never said it. He’s never discussed these issues, except perhaps not having control. That isn’t who he is. That’s never been his way. Maybe we should add fear of communicating too, or fear of being seen as weak.

In s1, Ian makes a lot of brave choices. He comes out to three people, two of them family members, knowing how that is viewed in their neighborhood. When Mickey is after him, Ian takes the battle to his doorstep. He turns his back on an arguably easier life in a nice, middle-class neighborhood and a home with a father who would provide for him to live in the constant struggle to which he has grown accustomed. On the surface, he’s one put together kid. But then there’s Kash. There’s this man who preys on him, a middle child so responsible (and so male) that no one thinks he’d fall into any sort of trap—and Ian is desperate to keep him. He fights Lip over it and so painfully tries to make him understand his perspective, that he’s spending money he should probably be using for things he needs to buy Kash music and baseball tickets, to make him like what Ian does so that they can build their so-called relationship. That Kash is married with kids is unimportant to him; that he’s exploiting Ian’s fear of loneliness and not finding love outside his siblings, unthinkable. We know it. Lip sees it, powerless as he feels to do anything about it. Ian can’t. To date, he never will. He’s blinded by a culture that doesn’t believe such things can happen to males, and until Mickey comes along as a viable outlet for his affections and source of the ones he needs, he’s too afraid to be cautious.

Throughout s2 and s3, Ian makes difficult decisions. They’re not always smart, but it takes great strength to commit to the choices he makes: allowing Monica into his life, voicing even an ounce of his feelings to Mickey, pursuing West Point, and running away. All of them, however, are driven by love and fear alike. He’s vulnerable and needs his mother, the one who slaps Frank for shoving him and listens when he feels alone. She assuages his fears by telling him what he needs to hear: that he can do and be anything. We know there’s a danger in that, especially when she takes him to enlist when he’s nowhere near old enough, but it’s still validating for him. It feeds that need for attention but not too much attention, for understanding but not coddling, for love that originates from someone who isn’t his siblings. We see similar trends emerge: fear of losing Mickey on multiple occasions, fear that he’ll forever be in Lip’s shadow when he receives a letter of recommendation instead of Ian, and fear of never having Mickey’s full affections spiraling into fear of facing his own emotions in the aftermath of the wedding. We’ve seen that Ian runs from what he can’t process. He runs from what he can’t handle. He runs when he’s scared, especially of himself.

It continues repeatedly throughout the series. In s4, Ian is afraid of going backwards and once again losing his position in Mickey’s life. In s5, he’s afraid of being a burden on everyone around him, changing them, and losing control of his own mind. In s6, he’s afraid that this is it: his path and his goals have come to nothing, and he’s doomed to fall into the shadows where no one will ever see or love him. In s7, that fear of himself re-emerges when a patient is hurt on his watch and he has to come to terms with the fact that being better doesn’t mean he’s “cured.” In s8, he’s afraid of the void where Monica and Mickey used to be, and it sends him spiraling into a deeper one he doesn’t fear until it’s too late. In s9, he fears a lack of guidance, an indecisiveness born of having been able to rely on his hallucinations to tell him what to do. His path is gone, and he has no options. And that’s terrifying. Then Mickey is there, and he can put some of his fears to rest until they resurge with the idea of marriage in s10. All of a sudden, he’s back where he was in s5, fearing himself but also what he’ll do to someone he loves.

In s11, we’re seeing an Ian far more like he was in earlier seasons: rigidly devoted to having a plan, knowing what’s coming next, and ticking off certain boxes on the list of things you’re “supposed to do” as a married adult male. He’s spent a lot of this season seeking value in his employment and position in their marriage, and the stress has been dragging him down—quickly.

And it’s no wonder: he has every reason to be scared right now.

The thing about prison is that it is what’s known as a total institution. It is removed from society and, as such, operates under its own social beliefs, values, and norms. Like the military, another total institution, prison involves an initial period of sloughing off roles and identities from the greater society and subsequently being resocialized into a new role set. Upon release, a person undergoes the same process in reverse, and there’s an adjustment period to reintegrate into normal society. We can see that process begin when Ian gets in the car with Lip and shudders a bit, unsettled at the prospect of being outside these walls for the first time in months—going home far earlier than anticipated. For many people, it’s a difficult transformation, especially once they realize the full extent of how your life changes as an ex-convict in the U.S.

Ian doesn’t really get to adjust. From s8 to the start of s11, he undergoes a whirlwind of emotion and change. He literally loses touch with reality, starts a cult, commits a felony, is on the run from law enforcement, allows himself to be captured with one final display, goes to jail, remains unmedicated until he’s bailed out, panics at what his movement became, feels alone in the house as everyone deals with their own business and leaves him to his own devices, seeks guidance from above only to realize it wasn’t what he thought it was, can’t find answers, has warring factions telling him how to plead in court, ostensibly takes a plea deal that requires some amount of time behind bars, goes to prison, finds the love of his life there waiting for him, has to let his sister go, is released without Mickey, gets repeatedly screwed over by a corrupt PO, gets engaged, breaks up (sort of), gets engaged again, sees his wedding venue burned down, gets married, and hurtles straight into a pandemic. That’s… That’s a lot. Being a newlywed in a pandemic is a lot without all the rest of it, but this is what Ian is dealing with going into s11, and he hasn’t had the benefit of a stable readjustment and reintegration period.

He’s drowning.

He’s scared.

He has every reason to be. Marriage is scary, especially if you are so young and so in love with the person you’re marrying. Employment is scary, especially for them, because it could mean the difference between paying the utilities and running out of water. Change in general is scary, especially when it hasn’t done you any favors before.

Add all that to what Ian’s behavior has indicated that he’s been afraid of since the start, and you have a recipe for disaster.

To a great extent, that’s what I think his arc is all about this season: learning how to live again. It’s about not being so afraid of himself that he desperately grasps for any stereotypical structure for married life that he can. It’s about regaining the confidence that has always left him clawing his way to the top instead of letting life beat him down. It’s about finding the happy medium where he and Mickey aren’t doing anything illegal but aren’t stuck in a valueless spiral, scrambling and struggling to pay the bills like when they were kids.

It’s about learning not to be so afraid anymore, and I think that’s a beautiful goodbye for a beautiful character.

[atlas-psychi]

Now that the theme is settled. I am just going to do a mini rant/vent/ spill tea what ever you call it. So I have a few issues with Shadam being called Manipultive and abusive. Onto the salt, Under the cut, This is a personal Opinion and my take on their relationship/ship.

So i’m trying to make this sound as even and open as I can. I have seen the First episode of season 7, Yes it gave me feels and a ship that hit me out of left Field. I did not expect to Ship it, let alone be a single ship for it; But in reality I can see why I do.

The issues that I am having with people calling Shadam a Manipulitve and Abusive ship are: It was in the heat of the moment, Things were said out of a high stress point, They didn’t really seem to talk about it more, There was genuine worry on Adam’s part, I understand Shiro’s urge to just DO the mission.

So, the first point: Heat of the moment.

      People do say stuff in the heat of the moment, where emotions run high and judgement is clouded. I do not like that people are just judging a character from a 1:15 clip and not the ENTIRE Season. When you are in the heat of the moment, your emotions do get the better of you; fear and anxiety can claw at the inside of your heart and you don’t know how to release those emotions so you lash out. 

     This isn’t to say that some stuff said, should be left unsaid BUT You don’t let that moment define who you are. You apoligize and move forward. From what I saw from the flashback; Adam and Takashi didn’t really seem to talk things through even on the matter at hand. Adam was worried (in his expression and tone) and from what we know, they had been in a relationship for YEARS before Kerberos came up. 

The second point I want to get to: The high Stress point.

      It’s pretty fricken clear that at the flashback, everyone was stressed. Takashi’s health was going to decline soon and he wanted to do SOMETHING before he wasn’t able to said thing. I have Degeneritve Disk Disease. My back is so fucked up, I can’t bend over well; I have Osteoarthritis; I have already had 1 major back surgery. I know the exact pain that Takashi is feeling, at least with the Degeneritve disease. I have no disk in my L5 vertebra. it’s not good, it’s not going to get better and i know that. I know that hopeless feeling that you get when people start to baby you because of it. I know the frustration when you can’t do something that you use to be able to, just months or years ago. 

     I know why Takashi wanted to go, He wanted to at least get something amazing done before he wasn’t able to. He didn’t want to say ‘no I can’t go’ or ‘no, I can’t do that.’ No, Takashi want to prove to he garrison, to Adam that he could do this; Achieve his dream while dealing and coping with his Disease. 

The third point that I want to get to: The closed off body language.

      The closed off body language suggest that there was some form of either miscommunication or no communication at all between them. Sure there was the line of ‘not this again’ by Takashi, which could be interpreted as that they had fights but it was more or less over his disease  than the mission itself. 

The fourth Point: Adam’s worry 

    I understand Adam’s worry, hell if I was in his shoes I would be just as worried. Takashi only had a FEW years left before his health severely declined. I have a friend who has been on Adam’s side of the conversation. They know the pain of watching a loved one leave without a conversation about it at all. They gave me some insight on Adam’s reasoning as well.

    I have a feeling that the conversation of Takashi’s disease and what he has accomplished have been somewhat frequent. I have a feeling that Takashi was done being babied because of what he had, he didn’t want to let his disease define him. Hense the extreme worry on Adam’s behalf. Yes the line ‘Don’t expect me to be waiting for you when you get back’ is a bit sketchy but it was said out of worry; heated emotions bubbling over. 

    Adam and Takashi have been in a relationship for Years. Yes; Adam should have supported him but at the same time- he was dealing with the information that his loved one could die while out in space and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it. He wanted to cling onto the one thing that he cared about; He wanted to protect Takashi.

   Takashi didn’t need protection, he didn’t want to be babied either.

Okay so. I know i’m going to get hate for this post, and honestly? I don’t give a shit. This my take on the Shadam ship and what happened between them. We are all going to have our disagreements; but what I wanted to get across... was that; PERSONALLY; I don’t see this ship as abusive or Manipulative. I see this ship as Lovers pulled apart by Fate and goals more than anything. 

Do I wish that there will be a reuinion episode during s7? Absolutely; but Takashi and Adam have a lot to work out before they jump back into a relationship again. Communication is key with any real and working relationship. Everyone has their flaws and their quirks. 

So yea, Thanks for reading this massive wall of salt and opinion. I hope all of yall have a good day!

[ahornedgod]

Jonsa S7 Summer Challenge - Day 3

day 3: gifts or fixations 

a/n: finally! i got this one on time, yus. ok, so, this could def work with both options, but i stuck to the second one. enjoy!

unbeta’d.

@jonsa-creatives

the sequel to this.

(jurassic world au)

Bran doesn’t know what his sister plans to do, he only hopes it doesn’t take too long; he dearly hopes she’s safe.

Safer than us, at least, he thinks, trying to keep himself and Rickon quiet as to not attract unwanted attention.

Hidden away as they are in the gift shop, Bran knows that keeping quiet is their best bet; his broken ankle will prevent any speedy escape and he dreads the thought of having to send Rickon away if something were to happen. His little brother, brave as any other Stark, would put up a fight at leaving him—God knows he would, fight tooth and nail to stay with him.

Bran can’t allow that.

The terrifying screech of the Indominus Rex—and what kind of idiot is this Viserys Targaryen to even think of creating such an hybrid?—echoes around the deserted park, followed closely by a rapid series of gunshots and Bran feels the fear grip at him again.

Because there is another matter that worries him about this situation, about his broken ankle; because while Rickon would fight him through every bit of whatever argument he can think off to make him run away, Bran knows he’ll eventually outwit his little brother. In a way he cannot outwit Jon Snow. Not because he wouldn’t be able to come up with the right argument, but because he is Jon.

Robb’s best friend since forever, Arya’s favorite big brother even if the blood relation isn’t there – he was an honorary Stark in his own right. Jon is family, and Bran knows he would never leave him behind, no matter the circumstances.

He had been so shocked at seeing him here, working in this park with Sansa; his sister having never said anything about it—

The gunshots stop.

Bran presses himself further against the back wall, Rickon tucked under his arm, completely still as they wait for the silence to end. He grips his brother tighter.

“Rickon…” he begins, but is cut off rather rudely.

“I’m not leaving you.”

Yup, his brother is every bit the Stark – stubborn to the very end.

Before he can begin persuading, however, Jon chooses that moment to crash through the door and skid to halt in front of them, turning around and assuming a protective position over them. Using himself as a shield seems to be what he’s going for.

“Jon!” Rickon doesn’t remember much of Jon, only from that Christmas six years ago, but he’s heard enough to have formed a sort of attachment to the idea of Jon. “What happened?”

“Ran out of ammo,” is his answer, and the grim look on his face is telling enough that they might as well be, as Arya would say, screwed.

“Did you see Sansa?”

Jon gives them a grim look over his shoulder and shakes his head. He’s about to say something when the whole front of the store explodes inside and one of the Indominus’ claws sweeps towards them, trying to catch them. The rumble of the shop’s shaking foundations and the screech of the beast reverberate all around them.

Now or never.

“Jon!” shouts Bran, grabbing his shoulder to catch his attention for good measure. “Jon! Take Rickon and go! Go!”

“Like hell I will! I’m not leaving you here!”

“I’m not leaving you either, Bran!”

“Listen, I can’t run! You need to leave, find Sansa and—”

Another screech, this one of a slightly higher pitch, cuts him off. It is a split second; the three of them look beyond the wreckage that is the front side of the gift shop, beyond the Indominus Rex, at a tiny glowing red dot growing closer and closer. And the closer it gets, it becomes clear to what’s happening.

Jon starts, hissing in surprise. “Is that—?”

Because that’s Sansa, running at full speed towards them, holding up high a sparkler. And for a moment Bran can’t understand what she’s doing, why she’s doing it, until he focuses on a point behind his sister.

Jon curses, trying to scramble to his feet but Bran grabs a hold on him, keeping him still.

Lo and behold, his dear big sister has brought with her the cavalry—in the very form of the formidable T-Rex.

Rickon lets out a delighted shout. “That’s Sansa!”

*

Her feet are killing her; that’s a thought that won’t leave her alone. Her feet are killing her; her brothers are safe and sound, if a little beaten up – Bran had gotten the worst with his broken ankle. But they are safe, mostly unharmed, and right there where she can keep an eye on them until the helicopters come to pick them up.

Her feet are killing her, her brothers are safe and sound, and Jon is currently cradling her into his lap – not letting go, he has made it clear he has no intention of letting her go. Ever, he’d said. Not that she minds, but for the sake of trying to keep things as normal as it is for them, she has to say something to that.

“Is that so?”

Jon hums, nuzzling her neck; she feels the semi dried blood from the cut on his temple stick to her jaw and cheek. Funny, how she no longer cares; she wants to laugh, thinking how a little blood staining her cheek would have bothered her, once upon a lifetime ago, back when her skirt had still being a crisp white and didn’t have a tear up the side of her tight and her blouse wasn’t covered in sweat and mud and blood.

Back when she had sworn to never ever think of Jon Snow as anything other than a family friend; when she wasn’t covered in bruises from their stroll in the woods—sixty-five million years ago, supplied her mind. Way back when she was convinced her job was fulfilling enough that she could afford skipping family reunions and holidays.

Sansa can’t quite believe how much she’s changed in a few hours; she doesn’t think she can go back to being who she was before.

Jon nudges her gently, effectively snapping her out her thoughts. “Yeah.”

She has a witty remark, she does. But right now she can’t remember it, instead she turns her head a little to place a kiss to his cheek.

“You were very brave, Sansa,” he says, tilting his head until their noses bumped. “What you did; it was very brave, and stupid, but mostly brave.”

“Just those?”

He groans and presses his lips to her cheek among fevered kisses. “And hot as all seven hells. God, Sansa,” he pauses, taking in a shuddering breath, “I’ve always loved your legs, but now I think I’ve reached a new level of appreciation for them—for you on high heels. I’ll be forever fixated on that from now on.”

She smirks. “Me in high heels, huh?”

He chuckles, lets one of his hands trail carefully down her leg and then up. “Aye, and only in high heels.”

Rickon leaps to his feet suddenly and starts jumping up and down, shouting at something. At something that turns out to be the helicopter, nearing at last. Jon helps her stand up, kisses her once on the lips, and then goes to help Bran.

Sansa knows, she should be as ecstatic as her little brother is to get out of this island, but her mind is miles away and sometime into the future, on the second date Jon promised, that she also promised.

Only in high heels, she thinks, casting a quick glance in Jon’s direction, I think that can be arranged.

[brokenart-jukebox]

AAAAAAA JON AND JERVIS JONJONJONJONJONJONJONJON

Random assortment of Rogues! The Podcast doodles

how the hell do u draw Ed

[flying-flockof-gooseys]

IM SOBBING 😭

THIS IS SO REAL

Random assortment of Rogues! The Podcast doodles

how the hell do u draw Ed