#class and she's me in an alternate life and i am SO glad i didnt turn out to be her but she is so annoying and i cant take itttt 😭😭😭😭😭

[pepprs]

this prof is literally fucking insane i know thats mean but she straight up calls people out in front of everyone for not having done their homework or for being absent from class or for doing their assignments poorly or for having their cameras off and its like... dominique i really and truly hate to break it to you but your 2.5 hour tuesday evening class is really not as important as you think it is

[arlakos]

You said you were looking for ML writing prompts? How do you feel about writing something short for Kagaminette (Marinette/Kagami ship)? If you’re so inclined, anything will do, but for a more specific prompt what about an alternate meeting between the two of them. Please and thank you if you decide to write this prompt.

“Well, this is certainly an interesting request, and a non-salt one as well! I do admit that I did have an idea for a fanfic involving a Kagaminette moment (that would expand into a rather comedic story involving multiple ships), but I like the challenge of creating an alternate meeting (as it restricts my writing out of my comfort zone. With that being said, lets take this story back to where it all began, with a couple of bumps in the plot…”

Marinette grumbled to herself as she walked down to the school, feeling bummed out today. Thanks to a rather untimely order at the bakery taking so long, she was unable to join the enrollment class for  D'Argencourt fencing school, which just so happened to be the one Adrien was doing fencing at! Sure, she wasn’t entirely there for the actual fencing (If anything she was hopefully just there to see Adrien perform and actually get the chance to be with him for a while), but the point still stands that she missed out! Talk about a bummer…

Still, she refused to let a bad moment bring her down! Despite being wayyyyy to late to join the classes, Marinette went to the College Dupont where the fencing classes were, carrying a bag of freshly baked goods. Aside from Adrien, some of her other classmates were also doing their post-school activities, so she figured she would make a quick stop and give them a couple of snacks. She had a pain au Chocolate for Alya, and apple danish for Nino, and a bunch of other treats for her classmates!

Of course, she left aside a perfectly baked croissant just for Adrien…

Of course, as she was imagining Adriens look of happiness getting a croissant, she ended up colliding into someone.

The bag slipped from her hands and onto the floor, but miraculously none of the treats fell out or got bruised. The same couldnt be said for Marinette as she fell onto her butt, groaning at the mild, yet aggravating pain.

“Oh, I’m sorry about that. Here, let me help you up.”

A hand was raised out in front of Marinettes face, the latter graciously taking the hand as she was pulled to her feet.

“Oof! Its fine, its not the first time this has happened to me. Most of the time it…usually…my fault…”

Marinette finally got a good look at the person she collided with.

At a first glance, Marinette thought she was looking into a mirror, given that the girl in front of her also had the same shade of blue hair. However, that was where the similarities ended. The girl’s face had much more of an Asian look compared to Marinette, and her eyes were brown compared to Marinette’s own. The girl also had a much serious look on her face.

Her serious look however, did nothing to impact her beauty. From the way she held herself in a prideful stance to her perfectly styled hair to the way her eyes pierced Marinette’s soul, the latter found herself gobsmacked by the girl in front of her. Marinette could tell that this girl was proud of herself, but in a good kind. Like the kind who knew she was best and owned up to it with her actions alone.

Despite not even knowing her, Marinette found herself developing a small amount of jealousy for the girl in front of her. Although she didn’t know her, Marinette could tell at a glance was clearly someone who was confident no matter where she is and when. Marinette hoped for a small tibit that she never met Adrien. If she ever wanted to ask him out, she could probably do it in a heartbeat.

“…Miss? Miss!”

“Huh? Wha-?” Marinette said as she was brought out of her stupor.

“Miss, are you alright? Here’s your bag by the way.”

“Oh! Uh, im fine!” Marinette said as she gratefully took back the bag, glad that her bakery sweets were all intact

“That’s good. I was afraid I might have offended you. I’m quite new to the area, so I wasn’t sure where to go.” The girl said without ever changing her expression. She hummed for a moment, then looked at Marinette again, making the latter’s heart almost stop at the intensity. “Say, are you a student in this area?”

“Yeah, sure. Why?”

“I got lost looking for the Fencing school in the area. I was hoping to find it.”

It was then Marinette noticed the fencing sword that was being carried in a duffel bag. ‘So she’s a fencer too?’ Marinette thought to herself.

“Sorry If I am inconveniencing you. Normally I would catch a ride with the family butler, but he was unfortunately sick today. Fortunately I didn’t live that far as, so I thought I’d try to walk. Unfortunately, I have found myself confused by the structure of the roads and streets.”

‘Butler? So she’s a rich person huh? Just like Chloe….’ Marinette thought, the last bit making her want to grimace. ‘And its obvious that she wants my help…’

For a second Marinette was just tempted to just brush off the girl’s obvious ask for help, as there was a good possibility she could be a pompous brat just like Chloe. The thought however reminded herself that the last time she tried that, she blamed Adrien for Chloe putting gum on her seat, and she berated herself for thinking like that. She should give her a chance, especially after the girl took her time helping her up a minute ago.

“If you need some help getting to the school, I’d be glad to help!” Marinette said smiling. “The fencing school is at the same place as my normal school. I need to go there anyways to see some friends, so i’d be glad to take you there.”

The girl looked at Marinette in shock, as though she never thought the latter would go out of her way to help her. When she recovered though, a small smile covered her face.

“Thank you”

Marinette motioned for the girl to follow her, she realized she forgot something.

“Hey sorry, what’s your name by the way.”

“It’s Kagami Tsurugi”

“Alright then Kagami, follow me!”

———————————————————————————————————–

Marinette continued to walk to the school area, with the new girl (now known as Kagami) following her, without saying a single word.

So naturally, Marinette tried to break the ice. “So…. you are new to Paris or just this part of the area?” she asked.

“New in Paris. I have been to other places in France though. It’s how I was able to learn French” Kagami replied

“Makes sense.” Marinette said “So from what i can tell, you don’t go to Dupont, I assume you go to the other lycee nearby?”

“Oh, i dont go to school”

“What?”

“I’m homeschooled. My family doesn’t like me talking with other people, unless they approve.”

“…Oh.”

There was a pause of silence.

“You know…” Marinette paused, questioning whether she should say it, “You remind me of my friend Adrien. He was homeschooled as well.”

“Really?”

Okay, Marinette really didn’t want to continue, but based on the expected look of Kagami, she couldn’t turn back now. “Yeah. He apparently was homeschooled his whole life, and didn’t have anyone to be friends with aside from Chloe, who isnt … exactly a rather nice person.”

“Hmm, it sounds like you don’t like this Chloe very much. Is Adrien like that as well?”

Marinette gasped, “Oh, Nononono. He is anything but that, he’s been so kind to everyone ever since he got here!” Marinette said smiling. “He’d do anything for his friends, and even strangers, even if they dont deserve it. It was how Adrien and I met unfortunately. Chloe put some gum on my seat and Adrien tried to take it off. Unfortunately i saw him, and because he didn’t say it was Chloe I thought it was him.” Marinette said “Yeah… we didn’t start off on the right foot, but we got better afterwards. He’s such a sweetheart.” Marinette finished smiling

“Sweetheart?”

“Yeah! He’s so nice to everyone and kind and charming…” Marinette said half-effortly as she fell into a brieF daydream. Oh she wished she could be in his arms right now!

Kagami looked at Marinette, who just notice the formers presence, and awkwardly returned to her normalcy. “Oh sorry, I don’t usually do that-”

“You love him, don’t you?”

“Huh?”

“You love this boy, Adrien, right?”

“W-Well uh…N-no of course not-”

“You really don’t have to pretend that you don’t. Does he make you…happy?”

Marinette was a bit confused by the question but replied notheless.

“Well… yes, he really makes me happy.”

Kagami frowned for a moment. As Marinette looked into her eyes, she appeared sad. 

“Oh no! I’m so sorry! I didnt realize what was going on?!”

“Huh… you do?”

“Yes! I didnt realize that you hadn’t found someone to love as well, and i just ended up bragging about it in front of you! I swear i didnt mean to do that i was just talking about someone that you were similar to and i got off track imsosorrypleaseforgiveme-” Marinette said rushingly.

Kagami stood there a bit shocked. “Huh? Oh no that wasn’t the-”

Kagami didnt get a chance to finish as she felt two slender arms wrap around her. Kagami’s breath started to hitch as she felt Marinette’s body close to her own, with the latter’s head on her shoulders. Kagami realized she was in a hug, but was too shocked to do anything about it

The stood like this for a few seconds before both realized what was going on. Marinette removed herself from Kagami as the latter stood there with a blush on her face.

“I-I shouldn’t have done that. I was just trying to comfort you, but then I realized that we had just met and all-”

‘It’s fine.”

“R-Really”

“Yes. It was just…unexpected.”

“Unexpected. Don’t your family or friends give you hugs.”

“I-I dont have any friends. And my family is not as liberal with giving hugs as you are.”

Marinette gasped slightly.

Kagami smiled sadly “It’s fine… I am used to the lack of-”

Kagami was again, lost for words as Marinette hugged her for a second time. When Marientte finally pulled back, she had a confident smile on her face.

“Well It’s about to change now. I can be your friend!”

“You want to be my friend?”

“Of course. I know that you are homeschooled and all, but we can both be friends. And maybe you can meet my other friends as well. You’ll probably be able to since you are going to the fencing classes here, so once you finish you can hang out with us!”

“Hmm…” Kagami pondered in though, but Marinette could see that she had a small but genuine smile on her face. “Friends… That would actually be nice.”

Marinette smiled back “Great! I am sure people will love you there!”

As Marinette continued on to the school with Kagami following her, she was briefly worried for a second. Despite Kagami’s lack of social friendliness, Marinette still felt inferior around her, as the former carried herself with such elegance and grace that she herself lacked. What if she meets Adrien and decides that she likes him? What would Marinette do then?

Yet, despite her worries, as she looked back and saw Kagami give her a small smile, Marinette began to relax and smile

‘Kagami seems so lonely though… she seemed really happy at the idea of having new friends.’ Marinette though. ‘It wouldn’t be fair to me to deny her that just because of my own crush… I’ve got to help her, despite what might happen… besides…’

Marinette looked foward as she continued on ‘I think everything will be alright.’

————————————————————————————

As Marinette and Kagami came to the school, Kagami turned to Marinette.

“Thank you for helping me get here. I probably never would have found it without you.” Kagami said.

“Oh no problem. So I’m guessing you are here to enrol for training right?”

Kagami stopped, then grinned.

“I never said I was here for training.”

Kagami put on her Fencing mask and grabbed her sabre.

“I never mentioned this. My family comes from a long line of fencers. My family has won every tournament they have been to. Every challenge they faced, they overcame. My family bloodline flows through me, and my must prove myself worthy of that blood line.”

“Then why-” Marinette said, before Kagami cut her off.

“I’m here for a challenge. And I cannot lose. I must not lose. For the sake of my family honour and my respect.”

Kagami turned from the door and kicked it open, scaring Marinette. Kagami instantly starts to walk forward, causing Marinette to unconciously follow. Marinette watched as Kagami strode up to the fencing class, the people inside stunned by her entrance. Kagami looked at Mr  Armand D’argencourt.

“Hey, you! Are you Mr. D'Argencourt, the fencing master? I wanna join your team.”

Armand looks at her in suprise, and huffs in indignation. “Only the best are admitted here, you knave.”

Kagami however was quick to retort “And I was, everywhere I went.”

Marinette, looked at Kagami in slight awe. She knew from a first glance that she was confident, but this…

Armand however, would not take it lying down “Part le fer! This whippersnapper has nerve! All right! I may consider your admission, shall you defeat one of my students.” he says while flourishing his blade.

Kagami walks past Armand. “ Which one of you is the best combatant?!”

The crowd, nervous, shuffles a bit, before parting to reveal a boy. He lifts his helmet, and Marinette see’s her crush Adrien Agreste walking forward to challenge Kagami. Marinette felt a small blush at the sight of her crush, but also a tinge of worry.

Armand however, just grinned. “Adrien, please give our visitor a lesson in chivalry.”

Adrien smiled back. “I shall Master” he says as he lowers his helmet.

As the two get their equipment ready, Marinette’s worries started to increase for the sake of her two friends. It was clear for Kagami that she wanted to win so she could join the fencing team, but she was worried what would it mean for Adrien if he was to lose. 

As the two tested the equipment for detecting hits, the whole room was tense.

D’Argencourt look at the two combatants, then said “Prêt… allez!”

The two fencers lunged simulatneously, and both buzzers went off as the same time.

“Simultané! Par un toucher!” D’Argencourt declared as both went back to their starting positions

“I could have sworn Adrien touched her first…” Marinette commented to herself.

As Kagami and Adrien went back to their starting positions, D’Argencourt readied himself.

“En garde! Prêt… allez!” he declared again. Simulatneously both combatants moved at a speed faster than Marinette could see, and again both buzzers went off.

“Uhh… Abstention!” D’Argencourt said sheepishly

“Huh? Whats happening?” Marinette asked out loud.

A student to Marinette’s left chimed in. “Mr D'Argencourt isn’t sure who won, so he’s chosen to abstain. This is a tight bout.”

Both combatants readied themselves again.

“En Garde-”

“Wait”

D’Argencourt and Adrien looked at Kagami.

“I request that we do it the old-fashioned way. We’ll be much more at ease without the machine.” Kagami declares.

D’Argencourt looks at Adrien. “Adrien?” He questions.

Adrien grins, “Fine with me.” He says, as he unplugs the body cord.

Kagami does the same, and they both ready themselves.

Marinette looks at the student next to her “But how will we know who touched the other one first?”

“By watching very closely.” the student replies.

“En garde! Prêt… allez!”

Without the body cords holding them back, the two start going at it like crazy, both of them simultaneously attacking and defending within milliseconds of each sabre hit. The crowd started to go wild as all who stood there witnessed the unrestrained skill of the two proteges constantly lunging, blocking, dodging, and overall giving neither the breathing room.

“Woah…” Marinette said weakly “Is this what fencing’s all about?!”

“Part le fer! This IS what fencing’s all about!” D’Argencourt said excitedly as the rest of the crowd agree with him in cheers of excitement.

Soon after, the fight started to move up the stairs, causing the crowd to follow at the bottom of the stairs. Marinette, being blocked by the crowd, went to the other set of stairs and climbed up those, allowing her to follow the two fencers into the library.

Both fencers were starting to wear down from the intense speed, yet neither wanted to give up.

“Let’s finish this off.” Kagami declares as she readies another lunge. Adrien does the same.

Marinette watches as both fencers lunge, and both fencers foils press each other at the same time.

Kagami suddenly broke off. “Marinette! Who got the first hit?! Who?!” she said breathlessly as she looked at Marinette.

D’Argencourt suddenly appeared, crawling in pain. “Who touched first? Tell us now!”

Marinette looked flustered, everyone was looking at her. “I-I-I don’t know,” she said closing her eyes in stress.

Suddenly time for her seemed to go to a crawl for her. It was like whatever happened next rested on that decision she made.

Marinette closed her eyes, remembering what had happened. It seemed that both of them had hit at the same time, but Adrien’s foil did seem to bend a bit faster, meaning that he could have hit first, but Kagami seemed a bit faster on her feet. So who won?

Marinette didn’t consider herself lucky as a civilian but in that memory of hers, her Lucky vision seemed to flare up. It slowed the memory to a crawl, but then both foils lighted up in red and black spots at the exact same time they made hits on each other. So it seemed that both fencers had hit each other at the same time after all.

So the question was, who to give the point to.

Marinette knew that Adrien’s father was really strict with him. If she didn’t give him the point, his father could get mad. Adrien would get grounded and in deep trouble, or worse, take him out of school because he wasn’t being perfect with his study and practices! Then she would never see him again!

Kagami however….

My family comes from a long line of fencers. My family has won every tournament they have been to. Every challenge they faced, they overcame. My family bloodline flows through me, and my must prove myself worthy of that blood line.

- I cannot lose. I must not lose. For the sake of my family honour and my respect.

Kagami seemed to be in a similar predicament to Adrien, even more so than Adrien. Sure Adrien did fencing as a hobby, but Kagami’s family took fencing as something important to them, and Kagami herself. If she lost the match, then Kagami wouldn’t be able to join the team, and it would likely be in trouble with her family, if Adriens family was anything to say about rich families.

Marinette made her mind.

Time seemed to resume around her. “Kagami got the first hit.”

The crowd gasped. D’Argencourt was in shock. “Wha- Are you sure?”

Marinette nodded. “Kagami was able to get the first hit in. I saw it.”

Kagami relaxed, and Adrien lifted his helmet to give a smile to his competitor.

“Well, it seems you won that match.”

He reached out his hand, and both of them shook in mutual respect

“Sacre Bleu! It seems that It is a loss for the D’Argencourt Academy.” D’Argencourt said miserably. However, he quickly perked himself up. “However, it is not an entire loss, for today we have a new member in our ranks. The D’Argencourt fencing team would be happy to have you if you would accept.”

Kagami pulled off her helmet, causing some murmurs at the surprising beauty, but she didn’t let it faze her. “I would be happy too.”

Marinette smiled, happy that neither Adrien or Kagami seemed to be in any sort of trouble. Adrien seemed to take the loss with no issue, and Kagami got her wish. Marinette hoped to apologize to Adrien later, but as Kagami, Adrien, and D’argencourt walked off to finalize the former’s entry into the fencing team, she felt that she did the right thing…

Oh, darn, the baked goods!

Marinette quickly grabbed the bag and ran off to where her other friends were having their after school activities. She would give Adrien his croissant later, she had others to deliver to.

———————————————————————————————

Time passed… and Kagami was officially one of the new members on the fencing team alongside Adrien. Marinette managed to give Adrien his croissant after delivering all the other baked goods, which he graciously accepted with a smile. Marinette managed to meet Kagami outside of the school, who was waiting for the family car.

“Hi Kagami.”

“Hello Miss.” Kagami said. “Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah! I managed to deliver the bakery foods to my classmates. Congrats on making the team by the way!”

“Yes, it’s really good,” Kagami said. For a second, she looked a bit forlorn “I have to ask though, did I really win?”

“Huh?”

“Did I really win? Or did you do it because you felt pity for me?”

“Pity?-Nonono I was just trying to help you- No wait that came out wrong as well.”

“…I understand.”

“No you don’t understand. You didn’t lose, it’s just- Look, both of you hit each other at the same time.”

“W-What” Kagami said in shock.

“Y-Yeah, I saw it with my own eyes, both of you were so extremely skilled that you were both neck and neck, I saw both of you hit each other at the same time. I was just pressured to make a choice, so I chose you.”

“But why didn’t you say we both hit? We could have just started over”

“Because both of you would keep going for no reason at all! Both of you are amazing out there, and if i declared that you lost you would have never forgiven yourself for something you didn’t need to forgive!”

Marinette placed a hand on Kagami’s shoulder. “I chose you because I thought you deserved it, because you were really amazing out there and did not deserve one loss to affect your life and self-worth. Besides, now you’re in the team like you wanted, your family would be happy with you and Adrien is fine regardless, I’m sure he’ll be ok.”

“She’s right you know. I still wouldn’t mind a rematch though.”

Kagami gasped in shock and Marinette screamed as Adrien came up behind them with a slight grin on his face

“Sorry if I scared you both.” Adrien said sheepishly.” I just wanted to say congratulations on making the team. And don’t worry, I won’t tell Mr D’Argencourt about the tie, you really deserved to join the team with us, you were really an amazing fencer, miss…?”

“Kagami Tsurugi. And you must be Adrien Agreste.”

They both shook hands like after the fight. Marinette felt a slight twinge of jealousy for Kagami’s confidence but said nothing. She wouldn’t ruin Kagami’s celebration, not after everything.

“And you must have met my good friend Marinette.” Adrien said pointing to Marinette.

And that’s the moment where Adrien Marinette wanted to crawl under a rock. Adrien had called Marinette a friend. Just a friend. She really felt sad inside.

“Yes I did. She helped me get to the school when i got lost.” Kagami said.

“That’s Marinette for you. She really is so kind and helpful.” Adrien replied,

“Yes. She really is.” Kagami said as she gave a smile to Adrien.

Adrien’s car pulled up. “Sorry Kagami, Marinette, I gotta go home. Talk to you later.” Adrien said as he entered his family car.

As Adrien left, the two girls stared at eachother.

“Marinette huh? That is your name...”Kagami said, pondering the name on her lips.

It was at this point that Marinette realised in all the stuff she did today with Kagami, she had forgotten to give her name to her. She gave Kagami an awkward grin.

“Ehehe...sorry. I was just so-”

“It’s a cute name.”

That off hand comment stopped Marinette, causing her to blush.

At that moment, Kagami’s own car popped up. Walking towards the car together, Kagami turned to Marinette.

“Thank you for everything Marinette. It means a lot.”

“Oh uh, it was nothing!”

“Even so, thank you.”

Marinette stood in shock as Kagami moved in slowly and gave a slow gentle kiss on her cheek.

“U-Um, Kagami?” Marinette said flustered.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I though french customs involve kissing others on the cheek?” Kagami said in surprise, although a small part of Marinette said Kagami knew what she was doing.

“W-Well, yes, but its usually on both sides.” Marinette said, who was blushing.

“Hmmm. In that case, let me fix it.”

Kagami moved to the other cheek, and gave it another slow gentle kiss. Marinette felt that this one was even slower than before.

“U-Um, I should mention that it’s usually done a bit faster?” Marinette said, who at this point looked red from embarrassment and the rather intimate action

Kagami just grinned, almost mischievously. “Oh, im sorry then, I’ll make sure to fix it next time.”

Marinette watched Kagami get into the car. “It was nice to meet you Marinette, and thanks for all that you did. Do tell Adrien that I would like to have that rematch with him, if he doesn’t mind.”

“O-ok, I will!”

“And I’ll make sure to improve my greeting next time. I could have done better with that kiss.”

“Oh-Um…”

Kagami grinned and got into the car. Marinette watched it drive off.

“I think she likes you!”

“Wah! Tikki?!”

“Sorry Marinette! I couldn’t talk, there were too many people around.” Tikki said from inside the bag. “But Kagami really took a liking to you. I think she really likes you, thats why she gave you that kiss!”

“H-Huh?! N-No way! W-we are just friends, t-thats all. She just made a mistake with the kiss that’s all!”

“Didn’t she say that she has been to other parts of France? Surely she learned French customs there.”

Marinette blinked for a moment. 

Then she screamed into her shirt.

—————————————————————————

As Kagami went home, she looked out the window with a small smile on her face.

‘Marinette….’ Kagami thought. ‘I hope to see you again soon.’

———————————————————————–

Sorry for the long wait @vitaliciouscreations! I had a lot of stuff to do, and it takes a while for me to write something this big. I tried to make a slight Kagami/Marinette ship, but I didn’t want it to be so noticeable until the end for a slight slow burn! Anyway’s, I hope this Kagaminette fic with the alternate introduction makes you happy!

[luisneer]

selected tweets 2016-17

These are tweets from my first @luisneer twitter account. Recently I made a new twitter account with the same username, after having deleted my account and having been without twitter for several months. These tweets are from August 2016 to March 2017, which was most of my first year of college at Shepherd University, in Shepherdstown, West Virginia. I don't go to Shepherd anymore; I transferred to West Virginia University, in Morgantown, WV, after my second semester. My tweets from late March 2017 to [July or August] 2017, when I deleted my twitter, were not archived. 

I'm creating this blog post so the world will have access to some of my tweets from the deleted @luisneer, in case they have any merit as literature. I'm still not sure if I will continue to use twitter in 2018/the future. Usually when I use twitter I feel like I'm actually wanting to be doing something else, but I don't know what; or wanting to be using "another app" that doesn't exist. Twitter generally seems bad for me. Questions about my tweets August 2016-March 2017 can be directed at luisneer@gmail.com. Thank you

    2016

   morgantown has ~48 vape shops

 **morgantown has ~480 vape shops

 siri has werner herzog-like inflections

 considering changing outfits when i take several walks in one day (so nobody thinks im a serial killer, stalker, spy, alien)

 think i remember ~5% of things i said today

 imagined vague connection btwn 'vitamin d' and 'reptar'

 felt distinctly that i was a monkey or chimpanzee while crouching in the corner of my dorm room eating peanuts out of a jar

 just thought (as a request to my mom) 'fax me my skateboard...'

 looked at toilet in bathroom stall with expression of 'utter terror' for what felt like ~15 seconds while it flushed

 listening to bright eyes with headphones at house show

 feel that the toothpaste i use is advancing decay of my teeth

 feel 100% certain that i could train myself to use telepathy to operate my phone during classes

 enjoying the sensation of my right leg 'falling asleep' during psychology class (left foot is also 'asleep')

 felt 'sociopathic' after eye contact w library worker who watched me pick up & pocket a pair of apple headphones someone had left on a chair

 left stolen apple headphones on gray bench across the street from my dorm

 repeatedly placed/removed sunglasses while walking in hallway

 strong desire to remove all positive patterns from my life and perpetuate/embrace all negative ones

 feel that my laptop 'knows' which parts of its screen im looking at

 in winchester, VA

 thought of my own music as having 'no compelling audible elements'

 thought of myself as being legally named 'the fuck up', then couldnt remember my actual name

 successfully, i feel, duplicated 'sociopath facial expression' during eye contact with arch-nemesis in stairwell

 ive taken 13800mg ibuprofen since i got to college

 feel compelled to ask my 9 yr old brother for advice re 'college-level' personal issues

 feel smart after sitting on couch in painting studio + reading art magazines for 2 hours

 persistent notion that 100% of students at my college personally hate me

 psychology professor muttered something like 'scary snake... endocrine system...'

 feeling heavily drugged/sedated in psych class

 psych professor seems obsessed with/terrified by snakes

 imagined kanye smoking crystal meth and tweeting something like 'please help me... cant feel mouth... need help'

 saw a moth at open mic, thought about god

 experiencing difficulty trying to smile

 enjoying using numerous cliches ('the case is closed', 'taking a step back', 'harsh realities') in an essay

 intrigued by conversation i had 9 hrs ago w/ 2 boys who countered my tone (calm, eloquent) exactly by being loud and rude in a friendly way

 felt simultaneously really cute and really lonely while giggling with my mouth closed in french class

 imagined kanye inventing the word 'compactualize' and using it in a sentence during a televised interview

 enjoyed 8-sentence john updike bio in norton lit anthology

 perceived person standing outside bathroom stall occupied by me could 'sense', via something like echolocation, that i was/am depressed

 spoke to french professor in what felt like a distinct persona/alternate luis neer called 'marge simpson voice' luis neer

 feel confidently that the public debut of 'marge simpson voice' luis neer was a success

 feel that 'marge simpson voice' luis neer is the culmination of an unconscious process that initiated in my mind maybe 3-5 years ago

 i want to identify/analyze additional alternate luis neers

 i dont like videos

 i came to college and got weirder, better at writing, more arrogant, more defeated, more sensible

 simultaneously feel that i should run 3 miles and that, at this moment, i would be incapable of running any distance

 feel urged to draw new attention to my 'marge simpson voice' tweets

 huge power outage at shepherd lol

 realized theres no such thing as a 'nation'

 remembered ive blown off obligations to several people, not just one person, so my irresponsibility doesnt 'have a focus', felt comforted

 feel that my follower count is 'crystallized' / will never increase or decrease ever again

 struggled to convert 'stick-and-poke' to past tense during conversation in line at sheetz

 feel it would be pleasurable to take a donut + bottle of coca-cola from this sheetz via armed robbery

 crossed busy road, felt really surprised i didnt get hit by a car, also i wasnt wearing glasses, was walking to sheetz, bought an icee

 laughed alone in my dorm thinking that i should print out a picture of barack obama to put on my wall

 drank from separate glasses containing soymilk, coffee, iced coffee, apple juice, cranberry juice, water, sprite for dinner/breakfas

 just thought 'from adorno to zizek' sans context while shitting

 opened gmail, emailed my father, closed gmail, opened gmail again, viewed email to my father, forwarded it to myself

 'camcorder' would be a good band name

 i thought arnold palmer had already died

 willem dafoe doesnt make me uncomfortable

 i want to stop being mean

 i hate bfs but i want to be someones bf

 wishing i was in a car with friends and no cellular service

 tangled up in myself and others

 twin peaks is depicted as a small town but its population is greater than that of every city in west virginia including the state capital

 eating shark

 thought of my own intelligence as 'frightening'

 thought while walking to class that ginger ale should be made public domain

 had the stitches on my chin removed today, touched the scar tissue for the first time

 i miss being in therapy

 i love carpet

 i love carpet !!

 just thought about my own tweets and lol'd

 mood lately very fragile

 this is what i get for staying up til 5 am

 all night i've felt a wave of dread swelling up, now it's really hitting me

 sound of laughter in public still frightening + unnerving

 my instinct for when to unfriend people on facebook has adapted so that i unfriend people over statuses that make me feel no emotions at all

 fuck, im feeling so much terror

 gucci mane was born 3 days before conor oberst

 the other day i mentioned that i was a poet and this vape guy interrupted me to say "and you didnt know it" and i went fucking nuclear

 interacted with mailman who was picking up mail as i was trying to mail chapbooks, he didnt notice at first that i was talking to him

 what if old people have secrets

 my dad is making me root for a football team but im in pain emotionally

 i feel guilty in general

 thought of my poem "portrait of a nation without any people" as the "lead single" for my full length; it appeared in potluck 14 months ago

 im close friends with satan rn

 feel like travis scott never intended for people to spell his name with a $

 from now on every time i get honey on something ill list the thing in this thread

 finger

 desk

 coffee cup exterior

 pajama pants

 knee

 carpet

 chin

 phone

 shirt

 shoe

 thought that my elderly geography prof. moves by "shuffling"

 feeling shorter, broader

 the only part of the new bright eyes box set i want is the booklet

 is there a booklet? i know there are nvr b4 sn photos

 the song "lime tree" came to conor oberst in a dream

 i like citing things in MLA

 i write essays by pretending im werner herzog

 doesnt seem to be getting later

 lit professor gave my project (sequence of 6 sonnets) a C, i wish she would have gotten me expelled, shelley + ginsberg both were expelled

 heard someone in another room ask "where's wal-mart?" as if wal-mart were a person whose location could change

 i think i just swallowed a filling while eating popcorn, i am very scared, please help

 crazy how things get worse

 there are people on my floor having tons of fun and im upset

 bit my mattress while sitting in the chair next to my bed

 weird that chance the rapper only has 2.4 million followers when he's sort of one of the most famous artists in the world rn

 also weird that donald trump has made 34,000 tweets, seems like an incredibly large number

 the strangeness of yesterday was, for me, augmented by people on the internet talking about a tv show that ive never seen or heard about

 the sunlight is obscene

 im so upset about the sun being so bright im afraid to go outside

 im glad im the only poet who likes trailer park boys

 i slept in a blanket fort under my bed and havent left it all day

 yr = your ur = you're

 my favorite things are pdfs

 now that ive adapted my living space to allow me to never leave my blanket fort i feel like my roommate, omar, exists in a parallel universe

 i hear him but i never see him

 i love latte art, i drink many lattes

 thought that twitter "isn't worth it" in an upset tone while drinking mtn dew

 felt pleasant considering uniqueness of all parent-offspring relationships

 went through my closet + made sure all shirts and jackets were zipped/buttoned

 my blanket is generating flashes of light from static electricity

 record store guy became visibly sick of me several months ago; feel a little guilty every time i enter his store to spend money

 i prefer EPs

 felt "out of control" walking downhill listening to dead kennedys with headphones

 writing an essay is difficult because idk how much relevant information other people have already considered / moved on from

 have been wanting to write at least one poem inside my blanket fort but i don't think it's going to happen, i don't know why

 the internet isn't big enough

 usually when i think "i dont understand the uproar about [event]" i realize there is no "uproar"

 "uproar" is media's way of manipulating the public spotlight and distracting people from important tasks

 feeling helpless + melancholy after dying 15 times and killing 2 stormtroopers in star wars battlefront

 the only way to attain conor oberst-level emo hair is to lay in bed and sob for hours

 i'm sad

 my mom was confused when i told her my first book comes out today

 was luis neer in odd future

 thought "sometimes i just want to end it and start all over" in an exasperated tone re my goodreads account

 becoming increasingly convinced it would be best for me personally to take myself extremely seriously/never joke about myself

 thinking that my tweets would seem terrible if i were a senator/governor/other politician

 imagined doomsday device for future @starwars movies: the "death train," a normal train that exists in space and destroys planets

 how does anyone do it

 in science fiction movies, spacecraft usually look like shopping malls

 everyone in the world is high except me

 feel like i want to have poems published immediately

 having delusions of grandeur

 im sitting on my record player

 my most-used word in 2016 was "bleak"

 prepared and ate garbanzo beans w a lot of rosemart at 2:00 AM

 my brother has a friend over and is being mean to the friend

 all i want for christmas is to never cheer up, ever

 watching eyes wide shut and hugging duckuc

 my nose feels like it's going to bleed

 im sad because every bf looks like me

 getting better at eating ice cream by punching it with my tongue

 the internet is too freaky...

 i think 2017 will be a year of realizing things

 im watching the angry birds movie

 the angry birds movie is so shitty... why was it made...

 ive never had a new years kiss

   2017

   im weird

 eating medicinal ice cream

 im not going to do any drugs in 2017

 made a medicinal phone call

 i want to drink some blood

 i dreamed that roger ebert wrote a negative review of life after ppl and called it "liner notes"

 years dont kill people

 feel inexplicably/explicably really scared about the future of my poetry career

 i've felt stoned since i was a baby

 downloading google earth

 made eye contact in starbucks with possible luis neer incarnation from ~50 years in future; bon jovi "dead or alive" played through speakers

 realised that at some point in the future i will become extremely interested in watching football

 i recommend reading poems extremely slowly while touching the text with your middle finger/index finger

 experiencing cognitive dissonance

 used phonetic clues to correctly predict meaning of & use the word "tandem" while discoursing with myself internally

 i miss steel pedal guitar sounds on conor oberst songs

 my previous incarnation "college luis neer" has evolved to become "high school luis neer-like luis neer in college setting"

 thought "man, i got to stop caring what people think about me" in an emphatic tone that seemed confusing/interesting

 mediocore

 beyonce is cool i think

 i want to re-read "v for vendetta" and to not tweet about it

 remembered that i own a pinata

 i will be at awp

 how could i make twitter a better place

 i saw 4 people wearing yeezys in dc this weekend

 feeling increasingly self-conscious about how much i use the phrase "in the world" or refer to "the world" in poems

 felt robot-like while attaching detachable headphones cord to my headphones while wearing the headphones

 watching shepherd univ lacrosse team practice from "safety of" student center

 i invented releasing two chapbooks in one day

 im dumber than me

 reasoned mentally that im more likely to produce accurate drawings of myself because "i basically look like a bird, so i just draw a bird"

 i want to have a "fake tweet" (e.g. a simple phrase) to tweet repeatedly every time i feel urged to tweet an uninformed/unimportant opinion

 my fake tweet for the foreseeable future will be "i dropped my textbook in the stairwell". when i tweet this it means i have an opinion

 i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

 does anyone remember the chapter of "the hobbit" where bilbo avoids starvation by ingesting peanut butter, honey, cherry nyquil, and water

 sensed that all my college friends just simultaneously shifted from having vague/non-serious negative feelings about me to hating me

 resulting from continuous building of irrepressible/inevitable conjecture in the friends' conscious thoughts

 eating chicken and squash

 i click on 100% of poetry links tweeted by poets i follow

 when i was writing Waves i was obsessed with waves (e.g. energy waves, frequencies) and used the word "waves" at least ~10 times every day

 i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

 white nike swooshes on shoes of boy in library look vibrant/magical

 terrified of being cool

 walked to library really slowly while listening to noise music through big headphones

 i was really, really yung when i started publishing and i'm still really yung

 2 chainz always looks like he's walking in an airport

 i have 5 twitters

 i didnt know what bill paxton looked like, i was thinking RIP gene hackman

 why doesnt anyone blog about me

 thesis statements arent real

 thinking about my book

 i deleted both my tumblrs by accident

 sad about my tumblr

 my name is all over the internet

 im a lizard

 someday there'll be no more ppl

 a lot of conor oberst song titles have parentheses

 feeling sad about the actions of my clone, who passed away

 idk how to use venmo or what it is

 present-day tumblr is like the end of the never ending story where atreyu is talking with the rock biter and the nothing is swirling around

 when someone, anyone, is upset with me im afraid im going to be assassinated

 the views-era apple music ads that depict drake working hard in the studio have really affected and inspired me

 on tumblr i have 4 followers

 almost all of my tweets seem unimportant

 feel that if someone told me that one of my tweets made them upset i would just apologize and delete it

 ground control to commander venus

 i like my new tumblr

 i would be wearing a cardigan rn but i dont have one

 feel that i will continue to generate bright eyes-related content throughout my life

 is everything ok

 i look like michael moore

[kpsoa97xs-blog]

Got in a fender Bender, my fault, no police report, did not exchange insurance info but got license info. now saying he has neck injury.?

Got in a fender Bender, my fault, no police report, did not exchange insurance info but got license info. now saying he has neck injury.?

He did not get my insurance info, we exchanged numbers. He got pictures of my license and license plate. very minor damage but is trying to charge more and is claiming neck injuries.

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurecostfinder.xyz

SOURCES:

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[viralhottopics]

Stephen King on Donald Trump: How do such men rise? First as a joke

Hes written novels with eerily similar plotlines but how did Trump become president? The only way to find out: inject a panel of fictional voters with truth serum…

I started thinking Donald Trump might win the presidency in September of 2016. By the end of October, I was almost sure. Thus, when the election night upset happened, I was dismayed, but not particularly surprised. I didnt even think it was much of an upset, in spite of the Huffington Post aggregate poll, which gave Hillary Clinton a 98% chance of winning an example of wishful thinking if ever there were one.

Some of my belief arose from the signage I was seeing. Im from northern New England, and in the run-up to the election I saw hundreds of Trump-Pence signs and bumper stickers, but almost none for Clinton-Kaine. To me this didnt mean there were no Clinton supporters in the houses I passed or the cars ahead of me on Route 302; what it did seem to mean was that the Clinton supporters werent particularly invested. This was not the case with the Trump people, who tended to have billboard-sized signage in their yards and sometimes two stickers on their cars (TRUMP-PENCE on the left; HILLARY IS A CRIMINAL on the right).

Brexit also troubled me. Most of the commentators brushed its importance aside, saying that the issue of whether or not Britain should leave the EU was very different from that of who should become the American president, and besides, British and American voters were very different animals. I agreed with neither assessment, because there was a vibe in the air during most of 2016, a feeling that people were both frightened of the status quo and sick of it. Voters saw a vast and overloaded apple cart lumbering past them. They wanted to upset the motherfucker, and would worry about picking up those spilled apples later. Or just leave them to rot.

Clinton voters were convinced shed win, even if they saw her as a ho-hum candidate at best. Many did not even bother going to the polls, which was a large (and largely unstated) factor in her loss. Trump voters, on the other hand, could not wait to pull those levers. They didnt just want change; they wanted a man on horseback. Trump filled the bill.

I had written about such men before. In The Dead Zone, Greg Stillson is a door-to-door Bible salesman with a gift of gab, a ready wit and the common touch. He is laughed at when he runs for mayor in his small New England town, but he wins. He is laughed at when he runs for the House of Representatives (part of his platform is a promise to rocket Americas trash into outer space), but he wins again. When Johnny Smith, the novels precognitive hero, shakes his hand, he realizes that some day Stillson is going to laugh and joke his way into the White House, where he will start world war three.

Big Jim Rennie in Under The Dome is cut from the same cloth. Hes a car salesman (selling being a key requirement for the successful politician), who is the head selectman in the small town of Chesters Mill, when a dome comes down and cuts the community off from the world. Hes a crook, a cozener and a sociopath, the worst possible choice in a time of crisis, but hes got a folksy, straight-from-the-shoulder delivery that people relate to. The fact that hes incompetent at best and downright malevolent at worst doesnt matter.

Both these stories were written years ago, but Stillson and Rennie bear enough of a resemblance to the current resident of the White House for me to flatter myself I have a country-fair understanding of how such men rise: first as a joke, then as a viable alternative to the status quo, and finally as elected officials who are headstrong, self-centered and inexperienced. Such men do not succeed to high office often, but when they do, the times are always troubled, the candidates in question charismatic, their proposed solutions to complex problems simple, straightforward and impractical. The baggage that should weigh these hucksters down becomes magically light, lifting them over the competition like Carl Fredricksen in the Pixar film Up. Trumps negatives didnt drag him down; on the contrary, they helped get him elected.

I decided to convene six Trump voters to discover how and why all this happened. Because I selected them from the scores of make-believe people always bouncing around in my head (sometimes their chatter is enough to drive me bugshit), I felt perfectly OK feeding them powerful truth serum before officially convening the round table. And because they are fictional my creatures they all agreed to this. They gulped the serum down in Snapple iced tea, and half an hour later we began. My panelists were:

Gary Barker, a construction worker from how fitting Gary, Indiana. Gary from Gary is 41, married with two kids, currently unemployed. Graduated high school, never went to college.

William Russell, from Delray Beach, Florida. William spent his working life as a banker in Albany, New York, and is now retired and living in a gated community. Hes 67, a good amateur golfer, physically fit and mentally sharp. Has been married for more than 40 years, with three grown children and six grandchildren. Holds a bachelors degree from New York University and a graduate degree (in accounting) from the University of Illinois, Chicago.

Felicia Gagnon, from Castle Rock, Maine. Felicia is 25 and the sole employee of the Castle Rock Washateria, where she washes, dries, folds and sometimes delivers. She also serves as the janitor. She is unmarried, no children. Graduated high school, never went to college.

David Allen is a roadie-for-hire in Nashville, almost always employed. Last year he toured with both Little Big Town and Trisha Yearwood. He is 29, divorced, with one child. He makes his support payments regularly. Graduated high school, has two years of college (no degree).

Andrea Sparks is a successful restaurant owner in Flint City, Oklahoma. She is 42, twice divorced, with three children. She has a degree in business administration from the University of Oklahoma. Next year she will be president of the Flint City Chamber of Commerce.

Helen Wiggins is a single mother who lives in McKeesport, Pennsylvania, and works as a nail technician (she prefers this to manicurist). She is 28 years old. Graduated high school, no college.

Although they come from varying walks of life and have attained varying degrees of education, none of these participants was stupid, venal or evil. The reader would do well to remember that they were loaded with potent truth serum, which forced them to say what they actually believe, rather than what they thought might be most palatable to their interlocutor. If you, gentle reader, should be inclined to view any of them with contempt or feel outraged about their comments, youd do well first to look inward and ask what you might say if compelled to give the truth of your feelings, the whole truth, the absolute truth, and nothing but the truth. And, with that caveat, the discussion.

Stephen King Thank you all for coming, and agreeing to participate.

Helen Wiggins You could use a manicure. Your nails are too long. But at least it doesnt look as if you chew them.

William Russell I started one of your books but didnt finish it. Ill never try another one. Youre an awful writer.

King Many critics would agree, but todays subject is politics rather than fiction. To begin, Id like to go around the table and ask each of you when you decided you were going to vote for Donald Trump.

Gary Barker After a couple of debates I knew who I was going for. He [Trump] had nicknames for the other guys that really put them in their places. Lyin Ted, for instance. I hated that guy. He always looked like he wanted to yell, Come to Jesus! And Little Marco. That was my favorite. He [Trump] nailed that sucker. He [Rubio] looked like he was about 13 fuckin years old.

Wiggins Dont forget Crooked Hillary. That was the cutest nickname.

David Allen Right. When they all started yelling, Lock her up! at the convention. I knew then it was going to be a whole new ballgame, and I decided to vote for Trump. But I didnt shoot my mouth off about it. Nashville is in the south, but in the music business there are plenty of bleeding hearts. Not like Hollywood, thank God, but you still have to be careful. I started off saying I hadnt made up my mind when people asked me, then I started saying, Probably Clinton. I never told anyone I was going to vote for Trump. Especially not my ex. She would have torn my balls off.

Russell Trumps a businessman who understands business. Hes going to make them sit on the minimum wage, and hell take off a lot of those stupid banking, business and pollution regulations. Its working already. Just look at the stock market.

Felicia Gagnon Most of my customers at the Washateria were for him, so I decided I was, too. It wasnt just going along with the crowd, either. He always had an answer for everything, and he took no shit. Also, he wants to keep the illegals out. My job isnt much, but it pays the rent. What if some illegal comes along and tells Mr Griffin hes the owner that shell do my job for half the salary? Would that be fair?

Andrea Sparks It wouldnt, it absolutely wouldnt. And I admired him for a comeback he made to Clinton in, I think it was their first debate. She said he paid no taxes, and Trump came right back, said: That makes me smart. I knew right then I was going to vote for him, because taxes are killers. Thats why no one from the middle class can really get ahead. They tax you to death. I am making a little bit of money, but Id be making a lot more if they didnt tax me so badly, and why do they do it? To pay welfare for the illegals Felicia was talking about. The beaners, the darkies and the camel-jockeys. I would never say that if I wasnt full of this truth serum stuff, but Im glad I did. Its a relief. I dont want to be a racist, its not how I was raised, but they make you be one. I work hard for what Ive got, from nine in the morning until midnight, sometimes until one in the morning. And what happens? The government takes the sweat from my brow and gives it to the foreigners. Who shoot it into their arms with dope the drug mules bring up from Mexico.

Barker Amen to that, sister.

Wiggins You know, I was torn at first, but when he hired that guy Pence to be his vice-president, I got on board. He [Pence] was so smart at the debate he had with that other guy. He had an answer for everything.

Gagnon Also handsome, with that nice white hair.

Wiggins Yes, he takes care of himself. Nice haircut, good teeth, beautiful skin. I thought to myself, Trump is on the fat side. If he has a heart attack and dies, Pence can take over. And the guy who ran with Clinton, I cant even remember his name, but he looked like one of those guys at the DMV who, when you finally get to the front of the line, says you filled out the paperwork wrong and sends you home.

[General laughter from the panel.]

Russell Also, theres the matter of the trademark slogans. Do you know what Im talking about?

King Tell me.

Russell Candidates have certain codified positions, which form the basis of the so-called stump speech. In that speech, which is about the same whether its made in Portland, Maine or Portland, Oregon, they make their basic talking points over and over. But they also need a simple summation of what they stand for. Thats conveyed by the trademark slogan, something simple and catchy. Trumps was MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, and it was perfect. Contains two words of great power: America and great. Clintons was STRONGER TOGETHER. Vague. Wishy-washy. Forgettable. Stronger than what? Together with whom? It says nothing. The person who thought that up was an idiot, and she was an idiot for using it. Her slogan might as well have been WERE GOING TO DO SOME STUFF.

Sparks Trump was the boss. Clinton was just bossy, and take it from me, nobody likes a bossy woman. As a business person, I have to use a certain amount of tact. She didnt have that.

Allen When she spoke, she kind of brayed.

Gagnon Because she was trying to sound like a man. That may work in New York, but not out where there are real people.

Sparks Whatever, it was like fingernails on a blackboard. If I talked to my waitstaff like that, half of them would quit.

King OK, since were on the subject of Clinton, I want to go around the table and have you give me one word or one short phrase that describes your impression of her. Gary, you havent had much to say, so lets start with you.

Barker Before we get to that, I just want to say that Ive always been attracted to young men on surfboards. This truth serum is whoo.

King Good to know, and thank you for sharing, but how about a word or simple phrase describing your impression of

Barker Bitch. I thought she was a bitch.

King OK. Felicia?

Gagnon Stuck-up. A stuck-up smartypants. She talked down to people.

King William?

Russell Felicias exactly right. Clinton projected arrogance and a sense of entitlement. Riding on Slick Willies coat-tails.

Allen I hated those pantsuits. Like she doesnt think people can figure out shes got a booty. And shes starting to look really old.

Wiggins Is she a lesbian? I heard she was a lesbian.

Sparks I dont care about that, but her bestie was one of those Muslims. You know, the one married to the guy always showing his junk on the internet. Huma Abba-Jabba, or something.

King Id like to discuss two issues that dogged Hillary Clintons campaign

Sparks Can I just say I ate a whole box of chocolate pinwheel cookies last night? Id like to say that. Then I vomited them back up, because I have to stay thin.

King Thank you, Andrea. Now, if I could turn to Clintons involvement if you choose to call it that in the Benghazi attack, where four Americans, including US ambassador J Christopher Stevens, were killed. Did that play a part in your decision not to vote for Clinton?

Allen Is Benghazi in Africa or China?

Russell Actually, its in Libya. Which the Obama administration destabilized by not helping Gaddafi in his time of need. The man was an asshole, but he was our asshole. Pardon my French, ladies.

Barker Putting the bitch factor aside, I dont think you can hold her responsible for what a bunch of ragheads do. They just want to kill Americans for Allah.

King So you dont blame her?

Barker Not for that, Jesus no. Hey, you should see my collection of surfer mags. My wife thinks its the boards Im interested in.

King Just to put a button on this, were any of you influenced by Benghazi when you stepped into the voting booth?

[No responses.]

Illustration: Leonard Beard for the Guardian

King OK, lets move along. There was also a controversy about Clinton sending and receiving emails on an unsecured server. Something like 35,000. Did that influence any of you?

Russell Speaking just for myself, not at all. Hackers can get into any computer, secured or not. Someone phished my American Express card number and got himself over $1,000 worth of equipment at Best Buy. They should bring back the whipping post for people who do that. It would put a stop to the practice in short order.

Allen Billy-boy, you nailed it. Computers these days might as well be screen doors. You see hacking all the time in the music business. And hey, get real. What was the stuff going back and forth, anyway? Recipes, gossip, Ill be here at such-and-such a time, did you see her new purse, shit like that. Give me a break.

Barker Whats this about emails? What are you talking about?

Wiggins Never mind, no biggie.

Gagnon My computer is busted. It was just a cheap one, anyway. I have to buy a new one, but cant afford it just now. Id steal one, but Im scared of getting caught.

King Andrea, what about you?

Sparks I dont care about that chicks emails. What I care about are the taco-benders down the street with their food wagon, cutting into my business. I went to the police, and they said the taco-benders had a permit. How do illegals get a permit to sell food on the street? Tell me that.

Russell Do you have proof they are illegals, Andrea?

Sparks I dont need proof. Those wetbacks are like bedbugs, theyre everywhere. And they breed. I cant wait until Trump builds that wall. The Mexicans say they wont pay for it, but they will, unless they want American tanks in Jurez and Tijuana. You wait and see. Trump takes no shit. I like a man who takes no shit. If my ex-husbands had been more like that, Id never have fired them.

Wiggins You want a scandal? Clintons on the side of the baby-killers, thats a scandal.

Barker Shes also on the side of the gun Puritans. Ive got four firearms, two handguns and two rifles, and nobodys taking those suckers. Nobody.

King Very interesting, Gary, but weve wandered away from the question. Were any of you influenced by the so-called email scandal when you stepped into the voting booth?

[No responses.]

King OK, Id like to move along to

Allen Can I say something else about Hillary?

King Of course, David.

Allen You asked us when we decided to vote for Trump. Ill tell you when I decided I was also gonna vote against her, even though I thought she was basically OK. Smart, even. I dont go along with that bitch stuff, either. I work with women on the road, and even the ones who are bitches hate that word. So I steer clear of it.

Sparks Whats your point, Mr Huffington Post Politically Correct?

Allen You ought to do something about that hair, maam, your dye jobs showing.

Sparks Fuck you.

King If we have that out of the way

Allen I was in Houston on 9/11 last year, OK? Visiting my sister and picking up some bucks working an Eric Church gig. That afternoon, before I had to go on down to the Bayou and start rolling amps, I was in this little place called Spot Mikes, kind of a lunchateria where they also serve beer. The TV was on, and they showed Hillary collapsing after she tried to give a speech, or maybe she did give it, I dont know. But she went legless and the men around her, probably Secret Service, had to help her into the car. It made me think of something my grandad used to say: woman-weak. Thats what she was, woman-weak. Now suppose that happened during a crisis, or something. No, she didnt have any business being the most powerful person in the world.

King Can I point out that George HW Bush vomited during a state dinner in Japan?

Barker I remember that, but he had food poisoning. Her, though, its like Dave said: woman-weak.

Gagnon I heard she had a bunch of strokes and they covered it up.

Russell She and Slick Willie are big-time dopers. Its a known fact. Whereas Trump doesnt even drink.

Wiggins Kind of a fat shit, though, isnt he? Likes his Whoppers.

[General affectionate laughter from the panel.]

King I want to move on to some of the negatives about Trump, and ask why they didnt influence you. Lets start with his alleged ties to Russia. Anyone care to comment?

Gagnon Speaking of influence, do you have any with TV people, Mr King? Id sure like to be on The Price Is Right. Im very good at guessing the prices of things, toasters and such, and Id like a chance at one of those showcases. They have these wonderful trips.

King Im sorry, I dont know anyone who

Russell You have to stand in line, like everyone else. Live with it.

King There have been accusations that Trumps associates have ties to Russia, and that Trump himself may have financial interests in that part of the world. Hes certainly said plenty of complimentary things about Putin. Any feelings on that? Helen? What about you?

Wiggins Whats wrong with making friends of an enemy? Burying the hatchet? Thats what the Bible says.

Allen Like that song, Whats So Funny Bout Peace, Love, And Understanding?

Sparks Totally agree. As for the oil, if theres more, the prices go down. More miles for your buck. No-brainer.

Gagnon Speaking of that, they had one of those electric cars on The Price Is Right just last week. I think it was a Prius, or maybe a

Russell Two strong men working together. I like it. Its good for business.

King Anyone else?

Wiggins Is it lunchtime yet? I dont know if its the serum or what, but I could eat a horse.

Allen I got something you can eat, hon. Not as big as a horse but almost.

King This seems an appropriate time to ask about certain sexual allegations. The famous grab em by the pussy remark, for instance. And how you can do anything if youre famous. Ladies first.

Gagnon How many women do you think have been throwing themselves at him, someone whos rich and handsome?

[General laughter at the word handsome.]

Gagnon Well, he was, anyway, and hes still rich. Nobody talks about women who go sex-fishing for men, tell you that.

Sparks Also, most women in showbusiness are whores, so whats the big deal? Look at the Academy Awards if you dont believe me. Every woman under 30 falling out of her dress. Show a man dessert, honey, hes going to want to eat.

Barker And at least hes not a fag, you know?

Wiggins Men are men, thats all. They all talk big, especially when theyre with other men.

Russell Sure. And let me point out we were electing a president, not a saint.

Allen Exactly. That sex stuff was just the press, trying to sell papers and bring him down while they were at it. Those guys were all for Hillary.

King OK, but suppose the shoe had been on the other foot, and the press had obtained a tape of Hillary talking like that?

Sparks They didnt.

Wiggins Also, its different for women. The um

Russell The perception.

Wiggins Right.

King I believe you have a daughter, Helen

Wiggins Thats right. Patricia. Patty. Shes the best thing in my life. Smart as well as pretty. Gets all As in school. You should see her book reports!

King What if it was her pussy Trump was talking about grabbing?

Wiggins Thats a filthy thing to say. Also stupid. My daughters only nine. Even the New York Times never said Trump goes for kiddies, and they lie about everything.

King Im just saying

Wiggins Well, dont. Save the dirty talk for your books.

King OK, lets move on to Trumps taxes. He wont reveal them.

Allen No law says he has to.

King What if hes hiding something?

Sparks Honey, were all hiding something. Although I will admit Id like to see what sort of fiddles hes using.

[General laughter.]

Barker Actually, I would, too. Hes got a lot of friends in big business, and they all care more about their money than anything else. Goes without saying. That stuff about how he was going to drain the swamp? I never believed it. They drain the swamp, everyone will see how many bodies theyve buried there.

Sparks Not to mention how much buried treasure.

Allen If he does a good job, fuck his tax returns.

Barker Cant argue with that.

Gagnon Besides, rich people dont have to pay like the rest of us, everyone knows that. They have lawyers and accountants to keep them on the right side of the law. They know all the loopholes. Its how the world works. Hes against Obamacare, thats the important thing. That takes more money out of poor peoples pockets than taxes. Its not like the Affordable Care Act. The Republicans did that, and its much better.

King It appeared that he made fun of a reporter with a physical disability shaking and stuttering. Any thoughts on that?

Russell Not relevant.

King It doesnt speak to character?

Russell Of course not. Dont be obtuse.

Allen It wasnt very nice, but the guy pissed him off. Sure, it was politically incorrect, but I thought it was, um

Sparks A breath of fresh air?

Allen Yes. It woke people up. None of the usual politician bullshit. Hannity isnt right about everything, but he sure was about that.

King This would be Sean Hannity, of Fox News?

Allen Correct.

King How many of you got most of your information on the candidates from Fox News?

[Allen, Russell and Sparks raise their hands.]

King What about you, Felicia?

Gagnon I watch Lester Holt. Also Good Morning America.

King Gary?

Barker I read USA Today. They have a little story about Indiana every day, and their sports coverage is terrific. The rest you have to take with a grain of salt, because the coverage was slanted toward Clinton.

Russell What wasnt slanted in the papers was made up of whole cloth. Fake news. The worst offender was the New York Slimes, and they wont let it go.

King I think weve about finished, but Id like to run one more thing by you before we break for lunch. Psychologists mention four basic traits when diagnosing a sociopathic condition known as narcissistic personality disorder. People suffering from this condition believe themselves superior to others, they insist on having the best of everything, they are egocentric and boastful, and they have a tendency to first select love objects, then find them at fault and push them aside. Comments?

[A long silence at the table.]

Russell Whats your point?

Gagnon Are you sure you cant get me on The Price Is Right?

Read more: http://bit.ly/2oP0Ro5

from Stephen King on Donald Trump: How do such men rise? First as a joke

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 9: “I'll Be a Fucking Pawn For Y'all If It Saves My Ass" - Carson

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHEN WILL THINGS ACTUALLY GO MY WAY?  NEVER. :/  

This sucks so much, y'all are awesome for getting Kait to her SECOND win.

That could've been cleaner. Yikes.

This vote obviously put me in something of a weird position. I was never going to vote Kait because of our alliance. And yes, I firmly believe she'd side with me over the alleged Malay-cult. She and I have been closer than a lot of allies I've had in these games so far. We're in lockstep, we're keeping each other sane, and we're not even talking exclusively strategy. The best alliances are formed by people who like each other's outlooks and attitudes, right? That's me and Kait right now.

I was also never going to vote Jack or Lydia because of our awesome Thotse quad with Wes. And I was not likely to vote Steffen unless there was a critical mass going his way. That left us with Ruthie (immune,) Carson and Jakey (on Kabru with me.) So, shit.

Anyway, I told MJ I might try to protect Jake if I could because they both want to work together. But the momentum started swinging his way, and it became even more locked in when he started targeting Kait. His best play would've been to target Steffen or Carson, and even then I'm not sure he could've rallied the votes. 

Not wanting to be totally screwed on Kabru after a blindside, I didn't really engage with Jake too much. He came to me asking me to vote with him, almost as a last resort I feel? We hadn't talked since the swap, and he only came to me at 6:30, even though I know for a fact he was talking with others throughout the day. He told me he had Ruthie, Jack and Steffen locked in. I knew the latter two just weren't true. So rather than give him false hope, I checked with the latter two that their votes hadn't changed, then told Jake the votes weren't as locked in as he thought. 

And he, somewhat predictably, lost his shit. He didn't want to accept that, telling me that if I voted for him, he'd stay... that my vote was the difference maker... that I was too far up Kait's ass to see it... that I needed to grow a fucking backbone... that I'm pathetic.... that I'm terrible at the game...

Yeah, I've played enough games by now to know nothing good comes from engaging in someone who's resorting to personal shots. So I disengaged. And I think Jake may have forgotten there's a second game going on, in his blind rage? As a multiple-time pre-juror, I know for a fact that it's so not worth getting upset over. Shit happens, the game doesn't break your way. But attacking people over it accomplishes exactly nothing. From what I hear, it sounds like I got off easy too. Apparently he ripped hard into Carson, Kait, Lydia and Jack too.

I don't like when people are sore losers. I don't like when people go for personal shots in a game that's meant to be fun. But I especially don't like when people do both of the above to my friends. Fuck that noise. Any chance of me wanting to work with Jake on Kabru went out the window with that, and I'm sure he feels likewise based on that vote. If it makes sense, I might vote with him as a matter of necessity, but he's not long for this game if I have my say. Bye Felicia.

Normally I would've been more upset about the vote being delayed a few hours, but between the extenuating circumstances out of the hosts' control and the fact that Jake still would've been in the One World chat anyway, nothing noticeably changed. So, fuck it, what's two hours of waiting?

Anyway I like slither.io. It's not my best game, but I enjoy it. Can't wait to put up a high score and show Jake that he's not God's gift to competitions. "Oh mind you I’m the best competitor on this tribe. Not tooting my own horn, just looking back at past performances."??? Like, fuck you? One unnecessarily long endurance run in an early comp doesn't mean we should all just bow down to your *~clear challenge superiority~*. Different people are skilled at different things. 

I'm so glad nobody responded to his diatribe in the OW chat. The last thing he needed was to be enabled. His perspective is just that – HIS perspective. It's clear he doesn't really have a grasp of how this game is playing out, or else he might not have been the one to go last night.

Gage is super duper cute! But he never responds to my messages, so I am super duper not happy about that! Like, Gage, please. C'mon, Gage. Get it together. C'mon. I sent him what I did in the adventure, and you know the response I got? It was a riveting, rambling silence. Like...? What!? Didn't Gage WIN once or something?? How did he manage that??? Did he sleepwalk there, or were the other people in the final tribal council just that bad? I am completely befuddled.

Oh MJ really just threw me under the bus eh? I can't believe I got the full Olympics experience in one night. Choke.

Oh not me getting one of the highest scores on both my tribes for a flash game!? What a foreign concept. 

safe in both games, so i have time to work on RELATIONSHIPS and read my book on how to win survivor so i can win this!!!!

please help

mj and pat treating me like pawns for the adventure! love it.

ill be a fucking pawn for yall if it saves my ass but an idol or something WOULD be nice.

In other news, Jimmy is the bee's knees. Yes, he is! He is so very cool! Yes, he's hip!

me and kait on call

i think theres an imbalance of trust between mj and i.

i trust him wholeheartedly as hes my only close ally, but he sees me as expendable from what i get from our conversations. he barely responds and i obviously seem to be of lesser priority? but idk maybe im just paranoid, but im holding on for dear life

me pressuring mj into sending his screenshots of his latest chats and seeing almost all of them are about the game! how iconic.

LISTEN I REALLY WANNA KILL THE OA TONIGHT. LIKE I WANT OWEN TO LEAVE. i'm just in this STUPID FUCKENING SPOT in the middle of jenn and jimmy and LOGI-WAN????????? IS LEAKING SHIT TO JENN THAT I WANT JENN OUT ??? OR SOME SHIT LIKE WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT SDGJSDKLSD;  GOD. 

i have more to say but i will wait for after class but i'm still like i legit don't know what i wanna do

i'm gonna need a pair of cargo shorts for all the people logi-wan thinks i have in my pockets!!!

Sorry that I've been kinda AWOL but it's because I've been feeling pretty shitty about my position in the game as a whole. I'm very lucky to have Matt in the game who is always willing to have strategic conversations that I know will provide me with a secure outlet that's not going to make my position even worse. I told him I planned on making a fake idol but idk if I'll go ahead with exposing that I have an "idol" to my tribe due to current changes in circumstances that I'll talk about later. Jakey's exposing of the tight Malaysian core alliance has made them change their tune which I'm really happy about because I'm sure I'm the target tonight (thanks Owen, you suck), but thankfully Jimmy exists and wants to work with me to pull off some move because the Malaysian's are going whack and he is thankful I saved him all that time ago back in Easter Island? I- I didn't do that much except kill my own game but thank you for willing to switch shit up! 

It looks like their might be a chance I will stay tonight, however there are several different stories being played out on this tribe. Logan told me flat out it's me. However Jimmy told me Logan approached him and Jenn to vote out Gage? I don't get why when clearly Gage showed him loyalty? I'm not complaining cuz it means the vote would not be on me. But I think it's gonna be on me since Jenn reassured that it probably was. So it would come down to MJ voting with Jenn/Jimmy over Owen/Logan. Alternatively I could be a total bitch and expose a plan if I'm totally unsure what to do, or 10 minutes before tribal I could post my fake messages and idol that I found to hopefully send them into a panic and switch their votes off me and onto someone not me. It's a tough position to be in cuz I don't want to reveal I've an idol and for it to backfire somehow, but also how it may look untrustworthy to my alliance if I "had" an idol and didnt "play" it. So hmm. I'm concerned because Gage seems to be going after Logan now but is trying to get Owen? I fear this is where it could blow up. 4 of these people are going to both tribals so it's a very tricky situation. If the plan falls apart, the votes might just all fall back onto me because I'm the "easy vote". I have to see what happens and make a calculated decision before tribal that will work in my favour.  

It could be game over, or game on. 

So like, I want Gage to go home. He is going to both tribals like Jenn, Jimmy, and Owen. Lydia and Owen are in the minority in Game B, so I'm thinking they're going to be easy boots because Gage is close to Kait. Well, I don't want that to happen, obviously. They're both my allies. But I'm also on good terms with Jenn and Jimmy, so I don't want them to go. Kait isn't an option because Kait isn't going to both tribals, and no one wants an angry, scorned Kait in the game. That's like leaving a provoked bear in the game. No thanks! Plus I'm good with her, too. That leaves Gage, and he made it super easy for me to want him gone by not speaking to me at all, lol. I sent you the receipts of my adventure, the least you can do is respond! Rude!!! Anyways, yeah, Gage should go. Also, he is trying to target me, I guess? Which is also not cool. Good Guy Gage is going down.

please god

WHOA I WON THAT IMMUNITY HUH!!!!!! im honestly not that worried if we lose just bc ik i have mj ruthie and matt on my side no matter what and that would at least tie it. but basically i tried to go on call with owen and kait to smooth over some relationships... i rly intended to work with owen if he would let me but he went and told kait the one piece of information i told him which was that i heard that lydia and kait made a deal to stay.. owen u rly know how to piss me OFF huh

i had a pretty good call with kait and i hope it was enough that if mj did keep me if we lose on tribe b, she wouldn't flip her shit and come after mj. mj is literally the saving grace of my game and ill do anything for him in this game. if that means i gotta be fake with kait and pretend like i wanna smooth things over and work together then ill do that. anyway ruthie is a legend and will win this season bookmark THAT

I've been laying SUPER low.  Like, I apologized to Kait and told her I was close to voting her out because she scares me as a player or whatever, but that I really wanted to work with her because we didn't get a chance to work together in Trashy, and then I also threw in how my good friend Ashley Sarah liked playing with her so much when Kait was catfishing in Canaries and hopefully we bonded a bit.  SHE FREAKING TERRIFIES ME but if working with her keeps me around longer, I'm all for it.  I'm not going to try to make anymore big moves for awhile because as much as I want to, I don't want to piss off the rest of the people in the tribes.  

My goal now is to stay close with Steffen, Steve and keep talking to Pat because he's just so nice.  He's genuinely the nicest person playing in my opinion.  I'm also going to stay close to Jakey, he's my number one, and I'm going to stay close to Carson as well, and just try to stay on his good side and stuff.  I don't want to take Carson to the end, there is no way.  As much as I love Steffen I'd rather not take him to the end either.  Jakey I could see, going all the way with but we both have to stay in order for anything like that to actually happen.  

I don't know if I made the right choice in putting my foot down about voting Jimmy over Gage. Every option seems bad in my opinion, but I think I've made it pretty clear I want Gage around, just to turn my back and vote him next time... I don't know. This will probably bite me in the ass somehow, like maybe Gage is lying to me and Lydia will end up going, or idk god knows what will happen....

Nobody has really talked to me since I went to dinner at 6:30... So part of me just feels like I'm getting clocked on both tribes. Either way, I guess I'll see what happens. 

I don't want this to be the end, really, and I don't know if it's smart to try and take control in a game where everything spreads like fire and is painfully obvious. I just gotta keep crossing my fingers, huH!

Time off???? from this game????? A concept! I don't know what to do with my hands.

gage is leaving????? maybe.... even tho i'd prefer owen leaving but... everything is so risky and shaky at this point im so KJDFHJKDHS NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN 

This may be my last confessional! I decided against playing the fake idol card because I didn't want it to blow up the plan currently in place. If it goes how I hope I should survive but I've still got low expectations. Secondly, I'm a bad explainer of things and I didn't want to get caught out and laughed at because I made a silly idol. It's a card I'll keep in my pocket if I survive. If not, I'll be thankful to those who tried to keep me in the game and I'll wish my allies luck in surviving. But fingers crossed and all the other stereotypical survival things to say. Lets goooooooo

I guess Gage is coming for me, so I had to switch my vote against him. If he knew how much I'd been doing to protect his ass, maybe he'd think differently.

It's a shame when people's stupid decisions prevent others from doing the right thing. Oh well! STUPID.

I had three calls the hour before tribal with Jenn, Lydia, and Owen and they were all concerned with getting Gage out, and then he gets voted out unanimously in both games. I'm glad all that time I spent trying to get him out wasn't wasted. Bye-bye, Gage! Don't target me next time, okay?

Whew I am so happy I survived but extremely sad that it came at Gage's expense. I really would've loved to work with him because he's honest, caring, charming etc. He's just a all round good guy and buddy. I'm also interested that suddenly I'm making a whole pack of new friends? Kait (although drunk) is talking to me for the first time since day 1 and secondly Owen has found his voice to chat to me! So I'm very interested to see what position this could put me in. I'm also shook that Matt thought my idol was real? I told him it was fake before I made it gdfihgkol. Maybe I should pull it out if it's convincing enough! Also I'm surprised Lydia came to me and goes "you're welcome". Um. I'm not sure you swung the vote on my tribe to Gage considering there was talk of it being him at lunchtime today? Like. I'm crediting Jenn and Jimmy for that one so sorry this isn't Port Royal and I'm a different player. Just cuz I'm in a shitty position doesn't mean I'm not beginning around for whatever scraps I can find. I HOPE this tribal is  turning point for me, but you hosts are sending us all to tribal again so I'll probably get taken out as the easy vote, but I trust Jenn/Jimmy to at least tie it for us.