#cis men are profoundly absent from my life

[wizzard890]

The first dyke I ever met was a former straight woman who told me she had been abused and materially abandoned by men too many times and actively decided to start pursuing relationships with women. She and her lesbian partner had been together for over a decade at the time I knew her. She was my boss at a coffee shop when I was fifteen, and her story profoundly shaped how I think about lesbianism and queer identity.

Like, not all dykes are born to it. Just something to think about, ladies.

[kellydiels]

what's missing from mainstream success formulas detailed in books by Ryan Holiday and Peter Thiel

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this is from my most recent Sunday Love Letter. If you’d like to subscribe, you can do that here.

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Right now I'm on a reading jag. I'm reading books waaaaaaaay outside my worldview. It's really useful; and it's not purely a literary counterintelligence exercise. Every thoughtful human might have insight I can learn from. Even an incomprehensibly rich libertarian tech founder/investor who campaigned for the devil might have things they can teach this inclusive feminist culture maker. In other words, I just finished Zero to One by Peter Thiel.

I also read Conspiracy by Ryan Holiday (about how Peter Thiel conspired, successfully, to bankrupt Gawker Media; it's a rollicking good read) and Trust Me, I'm Lying, also by Ryan Holiday. Add to this mix, Anti-Fragile and Skin in The Game by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, and basically I've been bodysnatched, send help.

Here's what's interesting about these books (which seriously, I did learn really useful things from): what's missing. What's not said.

In Thiel's book, for example, he writes a lot about the big thinking and big projects -- the space program that landed a rocket on the moon! -- that created huge technological leaps in our world. He sincerely values miracles (he thinks 'technology' is a synonym for miracle); he values nonconformists and people who've never fit in or been welcome in the mainstream world; he thinks something is systemically broken in the American culture and cultural imagination; he wants to create a culture where we invent things that make our world better. In this way, and in many others, I see so much common ground between my own culture making aspirations, my lefty feminist community members and colleagues, and Thiel. True story.

But when Thiel waves at and celebrates the last 30-40 years of intense, near-miraculous technological progress and productivity, he's leaving out something crucial -- and it’s what Anand Giridharadas writes back into the conversation in his book Winners Take All (it's really good, read it!):

"All around us in America is the clank-clank-clank of the new...But these novelties have failed to translate into broadly shared progress and the betterment of our overall civilization." (1)

'...three and a half decades worth of wondrous, head-spinning change [have had] zero impact on the average pay of 117 million Americans." (4)

"...the system -- in America and around the world -- has been organized to siphon the gains from innovation upward, such that the fortunes of the world's billionaires now grow at more than double the pace of everyone else's..." (4)

I can see why people who mostly read books about success and business and The Good Life that are authored by the "winners" of our cultural lottery/system could sincerely be seduced by them.

I was -- and I came equipped with a systemic, counter-cultural, feminist analysis!

[side rant: Holiday's reading list on his website is revealing and disheartening. He’s underestimating himself and starving himself of the innovative insights that come from people who literally live outside the box. Someone please get him to pledge to only read people of colour and women for a year, stat. It seems to me that he’s intellectually receptive and a conscience-driven person (the early editions of Trust Me, I’m Lying notwithstanding) and reading excellence far outside his life experience and worldview would take his insights to a brilliant new level --

Holiday also spends some time in Conspiracy scanning the books in Thiel's home to get an understanding of his influences; it's an admission that who we're reading is what we end up thinking --

It’s so bizarre to me that so many of the people who value innovation and who *know* it comes from the weirdos and nonconformists overlook or devalue (often simply by overlooking) the intense brilliance that’s found in counterculturals and people with marginalized identities -- wisdom and insights that come from being on the margins and seeing our culture and social patterns in a way that people in the centre otherwise can’t]

It's really easy to not think about things that aren't being thought about.

One of the tasks of culture-makers, I think, is to constantly assess what brilliance and wisdom is missing -- and needed -- and reinsert who and what's missing back into our cultural narratives.

Because often what's missing is us.

And all the insights and wisdom we have to offer.

Absent from the narrative about how wondrous business is and the amazing things start-up culture has created in our world is a discussion of how sexual abuse and harassment and systematic exclusion are a feature, not a bug, of that same culture -- and how those biases get built right into the algorithms and platforms of the tech (miracles!) we're supposed to worship. (The book Technically Wrong is brilliant on this front.) Thiel, for example, talks about the traits of successful founder's but doesn't connect the dots to how a founder's bias (this is A Thing: Founder's Bias) gets built into the very products that are now structuring our brave new world.

That's because Thiel’s unit of analysis is business and founders. 

He may be concerned with The Common Good, and probably I'm a fawn prancing in a meadow with butterflies because I believe he sincerely is concerned with it, but because his unit of analysis is founders/business, he's looking at the conditions they require to create their version of that good...so that it facilitates more of their particular type of Common Good manufacturing.

It's a tragic, deeply political, narrowing of scope. You can't see what you're not looking for.

Ryan Holiday does this, too, in Trust Me, I'm Lying.

I have such a complicated imaginary relationship with Ryan Holiday. Again, this could be me frolicking in meadows with talking rabbits and charming insects, but I sincerely believe that he's grown and matured and is anguished by the state of our media and our culture -- part of which his book played a role in devolving (his most recent version of TMIL makes his regret pretty explicit). A few years ago, however, I hated this book and, by extension, him. I saw a twenty-something white man who lacked an understanding of social inequity and consequences publishing and profiting from a manual on how to manufacture outrage and manipulate the media. I saw that as a tutorial on how to manipulate people and our society. Which it is.

[Side rant: Using manipulative, disempowering tactics to influence the audience in order to sell shit is everything I oppose in my own work on The Female Lifestyle Empowerment Brand. So I have super strong feelings about this book. And Launch by Jeff Walker. Even though I have no doubt Walker's a lovely person, I think the encouragement to use mental triggers against consumers is profoundly damaging to people and our larger cultural context; I also think it conditions the sellers and entrepreneurs to dehumanize other people in the name of profit. Which cannot be good for us.}

The book carried a warning, sure but it felt like Machiavelli’s disengenous warning about The Prince (Holiday references the same warning in Conspiracy so perhaps I’m correct to connect the dots). Back to my point. Holiday seemed to be warning us that media is corrupt and the system by which journalism functions needs to be fixed...but what that does, helpfully for his profile and the book’s sales, is justify deliberate media manipulation, not correct it.

His logic appeared to me to go like this: no, you don't have to feel bad about manipulating a broken system. It's corrupt. So go ahead and exploit those weakness for profit and pleasure.

The villain in Holiday's book was the corrupt media. By making it a villain, no one has to feel bad about whatever bad things they do to the villain.

Making the media system the focus of the book conveniently erases who gets hurt by wanton media manipulation: us.

Holiday's book basically helps its readers not feel bad about profiting from fuckery and deliberately fucking with their end user.

You know, people. Our society. Our democracy that NEEDS the fourth estate.

By leaving media consumers -- us, the general public, our society and our democracy -- out of the book and out of the equation, and focusing on ‘the media’ as a villain, his blueprint and tactics seem savvy and achievable. Though outrageous, the apparent do-able-ness of his advice (in the earlier editions of his book) is a function of what's left out of the book: the real victims. The damage it inflicts on people and our society.

Women in corporate spaces, for example, are acutely aware of how many women are not at the boardroom table (or on the reading list. Ahem). When my biracial daughters walk into a room, they count how many people of colour are present. How many white people or men do that? Does Ryan Holiday? Or Peter Thiel?

(I didn't scan for textual or physical absences until recently. I'm a person of a mostly dominant identity. I've rarely had to.)

When we don't account for what and who are missing, it's easy to get seduced by rah-rah-cis(!)-boom-bah narratives and formulas for success and want to replicate them.

It's really easy to get dazzled by the superhuman feats of invention -- PayPal! Tesla! Space-X! Facebook! -- and notice and celebrate the way they're tangibly reconfiguring the world and creating huge amounts of value (capital) and totally fail to miss the fact that this is not shifting the material conditions of most humans.

All the money and capital being created in the USA by start-ups-cum-institutions did not increase the salaries of most Americans. It did not improve our democracies or the quality or safety of our public spaces. (Temple and church and school shootings. Police shootings of unarmed black people. Pipe bombs being mailed to political figures in the weeks before an election.) Knowing how to manipulate the media for fun and profit did not improve the quality or strength of our fourth estate. Instead, it contributed to a context in which the president of the United States can declare war on the media -- a pillar of democracy -- and the 'truth' becomes whatever ranks highest on Google's first page.

All of this to say: definitely read outside your experience and world view AND read every context, every room, every group, every book (and book list) for who and what is missing. It changes everything.

It makes our tactics and formulas and reflections for creating cultural change better.

And I think that's what we need to truly make a better world, for all of us.

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this is from my most recent Sunday Love Letter. If you’d like to subscribe, you can do that here.

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