#ciri is a shit stirrer

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

this is a do as I do song

follow up fic to this is a repeat after me song

camp counselor Jaskier goes on his first date with Geralt, his favorite camper’s hot dad with a mysterious job and a lifted Jeep

---

“Dad,” Ciri says, scooping a forkful of mac-n-cheese into her mouth, “I fell out of the tree on purpose. Didn’t even hurt that bad.”

Geralt blinks and turns to face his daughter. “Excuse me, Squirrel?”

“You like Mr. Jaskier,” she points at him with her fork. He does that to her sometimes when they have dinner and he’s trying to impart fatherly wisdoms, but when she does it the motion seems somehow even more poignant and threatening, “And you wouldn’t have said anything. Mama says you’re a, hmmm, you’re a anxious wreck.”

Geralt will have words with Yen about that later, but for now he needs to get his daughter ready for bed. “Hmm.”

“You’re welcome,” she adds, smiling. Her teeth are still full of noodles and he frowns until she closes her lips again. 

“Better, cub. Let’s get finished up so you can take a bath before bed, alright?”

“Woohoo! Ducky time!”

---

“Good morning, Miss Cirilla!” Jaskier greets, swooping his favorite camper into his arms for a quick hug. “Any fun stories to tell me today?”

“I found a frog in our backyard last night while Roach was taking a shit!”

“Ciri,” he frowns. She covers her mouth with one hand, the other latched firmly onto her counselor’s. “What did I say about swears?”

“Not in front of the other kids. Also that they make me sound uncouth,” she giggles. The word sits heavy and strong in her mouth and she likes it; she loves when Mr. Jaskier teaches her new, big-people words. Like uncouth and detrimental and menacing. She likes Mr. Jaskier, and if her Dad likes him too, that makes it even better! Everyone that Dad likes is probably a good person.

“That’s right, and what are you?”

“A lady! An evil lady, though,” she adds seriously. 

“Evil Ciri today?”

“Mhm. Dad said I can’t have macaroni two nights in a row so I’m being Evil.”

“That’s very fair.”

“Can you make mac and cheese?” 

“Yes. I make it from scratch because I am not a fool,” Jaskier says, smiling down at his charge. She swings their joined hands and nods seriously.

“Alright. You can come over and make it next week, then. When it’s allowed again.”

“You’ll have to talk to your father about that first,” he bites his lip. “It might not be very appropriate for your camp counselor to make you dinner.”

“You should be my Dad’s boyfriend instead, then. He’d let you make dinner if you were his boyfriend.”

Jaskier dies a little on the inside and turns bright red. “Go play with the chalk for a minute, I need to check on our snack cooler.”

---

Jaskier sits down at the small café table and clutches his strawberry lemonade with terrified determination. Geralt takes the seat across from him and swipes a lock of white hair behind his ear. The deep, gravelly voice he’s been daydreaming about for the past week slips out from between Geralt’s lips and Jaskier nearly loses his mind again: “Sorry about Ciri.”

“There is absolutely nothing to apologize for,” the counselor chuckles. “She’s incredible. A real pain in my butt, for sure, but the sweetest kid I’ve had the opportunity to spend time with in years. If I had a child of my own, I’d want them to be just like her. She speaks her mind, she cares deeply for others, and she’s practically fearless if she thinks that someone is being mistreated; she stood up to a sixth grader last week.”

Geralt tries not to smile too widely right away. It’s nice to hear someone else gush about his child the same way he does and he agrees with everything Jaskier has said so far. Ciri is the best kind of menace. 

“She’s been telling me all about the words you teach her,” he grins. “I don’t know that she thinks of anyone else more highly than you.”

“I could say much the same. But we’re not here to discuss Ciri, are we, Mr. deRiv?”

“No. And it’s probably very weird to call me that when we’re on a date, Jaskier.”

“Fair... Geralt.”

The rest of the afternoon goes incredibly well. It turns out that they share a secret love of glam rock, a fascination with superhero movies, and a favorite color (green). 

Jaskier makes them mac and cheese from scratch the following week, but it’s okay, because he’s Geralt’s boyfriend.

[zadabug98]

I’m imagining Jaskier as Hermes in this situation. God of wandered and travelers. He’s in charge of delivering Ciri from one realm to the other and passing “messages” along.

“Tell Geralt he’s a fucking dumbass and he better fucking keep up with her lessons or I’ll let the Venus Fly Traps eat his face off.”

“She says Ciri’s lessons are going well. Keep up the good work.”

“Hm.”

“He says he loves you.”

Messenger of the gods? More like Divine Shit Stirrer.

ok. . . bear with me here but

persephone!ciri AU where she spends six months out of the year in the underworld with her dad hades!geralt, and the other six months on the surface with her mom demeter!yen

king of the underworld geralt

princess of the underworld ciri

goddess of the harvest yen

reluctant co-parents to lovers yenralt

BAM!!!

*chef's kiss*

[smuffed]

Survivor: Game Changers Cast Assessment

Hey there. So the start of the next season is around the corner, and this time around we get to see some familiar faces again. I’ve thrown together a brief summary of how I feel about each person and how I think they’ll do. I also rated each player in terms of how much potential they have to win, how much fun they’ll be to watch, and how much they deserve to be called a “game changer.” Enjoy! 

Andrea Boehlke

Previous seasons: Redemption Island (season 22), Caramoan (season 26)

Having done my best to avoid reliving both Redemption Island and Caramoan, I don’t have the strongest recollection of Andrea’s gameplay in her first two seasons. But she made it deep into Redemption Island, a season notoriously run by Boston Rob. Her success in that season stemmed from her cozy position in the majority alliance, but was cut from the team late into the game because Rob worried he wouldn’t be able to beat her in the end. She played more aggressively in Caramoan and helped form the alliance that essentially ran the game. Once again though, she was voted out late in the game because her tribemates were worried about sitting next to her in the end.

I think Andrea’s coming into Game Changers in a pretty good spot. She’s not a huge threat in comparisons to the greats like Cirie and Tony, but she clearly understands the game well enough to make it far. I do think, however, that once the bigger threats start to cannibalize one another, she’ll emerge as one of the primary late-game threats. A few folks have mentioned in their pregame press that they’re a little suspicious of her, so if that comes to a head, it could mean the end for Andrea. That being said, I’m interested to see what she can pull off this time around. I’d say she has a pretty good shot here, so we’ll see.

Winner Potential: 7/10 Entertainment Value: 5/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 4/10

Aubry Bracco

Previous season: Kaoh Ron (season 32)

A lot of people will tell you that Aubry should have won Kaoh Rong. Not me. Michele earned her win and I refuse to hear any argument otherwise. That being said, Aubry played an excellent game on her first season. She went from being anxious and unsure to cutthroat and confident. The only problem was, when she got to the final three, the jury couldn’t shake their original image of Aubry and she suffered for it. Leading up to that night, she made all the right moves. She just didn’t show the other players the side of her that the audience got to see.

Aubry’s going to run into some trouble this time around. Her game is still fresh in everyone’s mind, and I’m sure many of the players of this season will remember her as the girl that should have won. She’s front and center here. Some people are going to want to work with her; some people are going to want to target her. One thing is for certain, she won’t slip through the cracks. I think Aubry needs to do her best to lay low, as hard as that might seem. If she can convince the other players that she can be a loyal, unintimidating alliance member, she can coast to the merge. Once she gets deep into the game, cutthroat Aubry will be back in full swing and she might just be able to make it to the end again. I doubt anyone will let her get there, but if she does, it’s pretty likely she could win.

Winner potential: 5/10 Entertainment value: 7/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 6/10

Brad Culpepper

Previous season: Blood vs Water (season 27)

Despite the fact that he did not receive the votes to send him to Cambodia, Brad Culpepper is back on Survivor. I’m not quite as down on Brad as most people seem to be. That being said, I’m not thrilled. If all goes according to plan, Culpepper will play a similar role to the one he played in Blood vs. Water—a fun villain we can all root against who burns out quickly. My biggest fear, though, is that he’ll end up being more successful this time around and will end up running an all-male alpha bro alliance and vote out everyone remotely interesting. During the lead up to the reveal of the Cambodia voting, Brad Culpepper was apparently actively seeking out other potential cast members in order to form a pre-game alliance. Something tells me he wouldn’t be above doing that again. That being said, even if Brad does make it to the end, the odds of him winning are probably pretty slim. I can’t see him getting through this game without pissing a few people off, and on Survivor that’s the last thing you want to do. So I do think we’ll see more of him than I would like, but I’m confident that we won’t see Brad Culpepper take home the million dollar check.

Winner Potential: 3/10 Entertainment Value: 6/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 4/10

Caleb Reynolds

Previous season: Kaoh Rong (season 32)

We all knew this was coming. When Caleb got evacuated from Kaoh Rong, they might as well have said, “He’ll be back in a year. Don’t worry, kids.” And even though I fully expected it, I’m not going to pretend to be happy about his return. The only thing Caleb did on his season was almost die. Now I’m not sure exactly how that makes you a game changer, but since it does we should have Mike Borassi back as well. Seriously though, even when the season was airing people were praising Caleb for not being the garbage person he was on Big Brother. He set the bar so low that just acting neutrally garnered praise. Well, not from me! No sir, we’ll be having none of that here. This guy hasn’t even been to a single tribal council. He probably doesn’t know the rules of this game well enough to change it. The final straw for me is that in all of his pregame press he’s mentioned that Sandra doesn’t deserve to return. Sandra Diaz-Twine. The only two-time winner. You’re gonna come for her? Nah. Get outta here.

As for his chances in this season, I’d say they’re slim to none. Caleb is going to be in way over his head on this season, having never actually set foot in tribal council. At best, he’ll be the loyal number two to one of the actual players, but there is almost no scenario that I can foresee that leads to Caleb Reynolds winning Survivor.

Winner Potential: 2/10 Entertainment Value: 4/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 2/10

Ciera Eastin

Previous seasons: Blood vs Water (season 27), Cambodia: Second Chances (season 31)

Ciera is probably best known for voting out her mom. And by that I mean casting a throwaway vote for her mom who was already going to go home anyway. However, I do think some of Ciera’s other bold moves speak to her abilities as a strategist. In Blood vs Water, her first season, Ciera forced a tie and made the final 8 draw rocks, which hadn’t been done since season 4. Her boldness carried over into Cambodia, where she tried to goad those in the majority alliance to make a “big move” and switch to her side. It clearly didn’t work out for her, but her “big moves” philosophy is definitely what gave her a spot in season 34.

Ciera’s reputation is that she’s sneaky, and that’s not lost on the rest of the cast. Everyone seems to be wary of Ciera going into this season, so it’s going to be an uphill battle for her if she wants to make it deep into the game. Unfortunately, I don’t see her making it very far. Unless she ends up on a very strong tribe in the beginning, she could easily be one of the first few voted out. Her reputation as a shit-stirrer coupled with her less than stellar performance in challenges is a recipe for disaster, and I would be surprised to see her make the merge.

Winner potential: 4/10 Entertainment value: 5/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 7/10

Cirie Fields

Previous seasons: Panama: Exile Island (season 12), Micronesia: Fans vs Favorites (season 16), Heroes vs Villains (season 20)

Widely considered the greatest player to never win, Cirie is one of the few in this cast that I have no hesitation in call a Survivor legend. In her first season, she was able to go from being on the chopping block in the first episode to practically running the game at the end. But Cirie’s real time to shine was her second season, Fans vs Favorites. She orchestrated the blindside of fellow Game Changer Ozzy Lusth and then went on to pull off one of the most manipulative moves in the game. At the final five, Cirie, along with the other members of her Black Widow Brigade alliance, managed to convince Erik Reichenbach to give up immunity in order to immediately vote him out. There’s some debate as to who really pulled that off but regardless of who you think finally gave Erik that push, it was Cirie’s idea. Cirie probably would have won Fans vs Favorites if it had been a final three instead of a final two, but that seems to be a contentious topic among Survivor fans. Nonetheless, Cirie was a force to be reckoned with. When she returned for Heroes vs Villains, Cirie played a little too hard too fast and was taken out early by fellow Game Changer JT Thomas for being too much of a strategic liability.

I’m worried this time around will be a repeat of her stint on Heroes vs. Villains. By now, Cirie is well-known for being a cutthroat mastermind and I doubt any of the other Game Changers will want to risk having her around for too long. Not only that, she’s on the same starting tribe as Ozzy and JT, so the bad blood between them might cause the tribe to vote out Cirie early in the game. If she manages to survive the early throws of the game, however, Cirie might be able to pull together a strong alliance and make it deep into the game. Unfortunately, though, it doesn’t seem likely that she’ll make it to the merge.

Winner Potential: 2/10 Entertainment Value: 8/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 10/10

Debbie Wanner

Previous season: Kaoh Rong (season 32)

Debbie Wanner is the token kook of the Game Changers cast. The main reason Debbie was brought back was so that we could hear more about her unending list of skills and former professions. In terms of gameplay, though, she doesn’t have much to brag about. Although she was given credit for voting out one of the most clueless players from her season early in the game, she struggled once the merge hit. When push came to shove, she refused to turn on her alliance despite the fact that they were already plotting against her. The thing about Debbie is that once she gets an idea in her head, she doesn’t budge, and that lack of flexibility is what caused Aubry to cut ties with her and send her packing.

This time around, I don’t see Debbie faring well at all. While she’s incredibly fun to watch, I can’t imagine living with her for an extended period of time. That combined with the fact that she hasn’t shown herself to be a good strategist could lead to an early demise for our favorite chemist/model/waitress/caretaker to nuns. If, however, she does make it to the merge, she’ll be a loyal number for her alliance and could end up in the final three as a goat. So at least she has that going for her. I love Debbie, but her chances are not looking good.

Winner potential: 2/10 Entertainment value: 8/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 2/10

Hali Ford

Previous season: Worlds Apart (season 30)

Hali is one of casting choices that I thought was questionable at best. In her first season, Hali didn’t accomplish much. She was a member of the minority alliance and was voted out shortly after the merge. Calling her a “Game Changer” is certainly a stretch, but I am interested to see if she change things this time around. Of the unconventional casting choices this season, I think Hali is the one with the most Wentworth upside. Nobody knew what to expect from Kelley Wentworth when she returned for Cambodia, and then she ended up as one of the most dominant forces in that season. I wouldn’t be surprised if Hali could pull off something similar. She’s an unobjectionable, athletic person so I really don’t see any way she won’t make the merge. I think the most likely scenario for Hali is that she’ll be a loyal number in the majority alliance and if she plays her cards right she could be sitting in the final three next to two other players that have pissed the jury off. Hali could very easily be the winner of this season, but she’s a bit of a wild card here so it’s hard to say for sure.  

Winner Potential: 7/10 Entertainment Value: 4/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 1/10

JT Thomas 

Previous seasons: Tocantins (season 18), Heroes vs Villains (season 20)

In modern Survivor lore, JT is best known for giving away an immunity idol to Actual Troll Russel Hantz, which ultimately led to his demise. People are quick to shit on JT for this major misplay in Heroes vs Villains. Yes, it was possibly the worst move in the history of Survivor. However, that doesn’t negate the perfect game he played back in Tocantins. JT was the first player to have no votes cast against them throughout the game and then sweep the jury vote at the end. So obviously, he did something right. JT’s main strength is his social game. In Tocantins, there were people who said that they would rather see JT win than themselves. Imagine how charming you would have to be to get someone to admit that they would gladly hand you a million dollars. But I think JT got caught up in the strategy-heavy atmosphere of Heroes vs Villains and tried to make a huge move that ultimately blew up in his face.

If JT plays his cards right, he could easily make it deep into the game. As long as he relies on the charm and friendliness that won him Tocantins and not the misguided strategy that lost him Heroes vs Villains, he’ll sail right to the merge. Once he hits the merge, though, he’ll probably become a target once other challenge beasts like Ozzy are out of the way. It’s unlikely that JT is going to win this season, but I do hope he redeems himself this time around. He was once regarded as one of the best social players in Survivor history, so I hope we can see that side of him again. All in all, though, his odds of winning are pretty slim.

Winner Potential: 4/10 Entertainment Value: 5/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 8/10

Jeff Varner

Previous seasons: Australian Outback (season 2), Cambodia: Second Chances (season 31)

Back in season two, Varner was lauded as the “next Richard Hatch.” For the episodes that he was around in, he didn’t quite live up to that legacy, but he certainly showed potential. His boot in Australia was the result of a number of circumstances outside of his control, no matter how many references to peanut butter he makes. When he came back for Cambodia, though, he was ready to play. Varner only made it through four episodes, but while he was there he was a firecracker. He did his best to keep up with the fast-paced strategy of the game and probably would have made the merge if it weren’t for the fact that he ended up on the dreaded Angkor tribe. He did seem to be playing a little too aggressively though, and his reputation as a shit-stirrer has followed him into season 34.

I’m curious to see if he’s learned from his experience in Cambodia. If he can be just a little more patient, a little more calm, he could be pretty successful out here. He burned out pretty quickly in Cambodia and I’m worried it will happen again. More than that, I’m worried the rest of the season 34 cast will remember his antics and not trust him as a result. Starting off on a tribe with Sandra, Tony, Ciera, and Troyzan will probably lead to some fireworks from Varner before he finally goes home. Jeff has never sat on the jury before, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he fell short of the jury again.

Winner potential: 4/10 Entertainment value: 9/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 2/10

Malcolm Freberg

Previous seasons: Philippines (season 25), Caramoan (season 26)

Malcolm Freberg is everything people pretend Joe Anglim is and more. The man is strong, smart, and charming as hell. What is it about Malcolm that makes him so great? My current theory is that he, along with the likes of Kim Spradlin and Earl Cole, was made in a lab that set out to design the optimal human to play Survivor. Of course, he hasn’t actually won, but if he had, he’d be a top 5 winner for sure. During his humble beginnings on Survivor: Philippines, he survived the worst tribe in the history of the show and made it all the way to the final four, where he was ultimately ousted because everyone knew they didn’t stand a chance against him. His return for Survivor: Caramoan was less successful, but that whole season is marred by the existence of Phillip Sheppard so it’s hard to hold that against him. Malcolm’s most famous move from that season was his double-idol play that bought him exactly three extra days in the game. It was a little too flashy for my taste, but hey, good TV is good TV.

This time around, Malcolm stands in a pretty good spot. He’s just shy of being one of the big-name legends on the cast without being clueless cannon fodder. There are plenty of bigger targets around that will steal focus away from him in the early game, allowing him to lay the groundwork and forge a strong alliance to carry him to the end. His starting tribe, Mana, is chock-full of loose cannons like Tony, Troyzan, and Varner. While they’re focused on each other I can easily foresee Malcolm bonding with the women, particularly Aubry or Hali. He’s a strong challenge competitor and a smart strategist, but his disarming charm should be able to keep him from being perceived as too much of a threat. If you held a gun to my head I’d probably pick Malcolm as the winner of season 34, but I don’t want to jinx it.

Winner potential: 9/10 Entertainment value: 6/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 7/10

Michaela Bradshaw

Previous season: Millennials vs Gen X (season 33)

Hell yes. Michaela was probably my favorite cast member from season 33, and having her back so soon has me ecstatic. She didn’t even make the merge, but she was still one of the most memorable players from her season, and with good reason. For starters, she was a tough competitor and singlehandedly won challenges for her tribe more than once. Her straightforward personality was fun to watch, but I think it played a major role in her early departure. When the other millennials saw how Michaela was positioning herself for a win so early in the game, they knew they had to take her out as soon as possible. Probably for the best considering she could easily have destroyed them all in a final immunity challenge.

Michaela, along with Zeke, is in a very interesting position here. Game Changers filmed before Millennials vs Gen X, so no one has seen how she plays before. However, everyone knows she’s back for a reason. Will that raise any flags for the rest of the cast? Historically, players who return for a back-to-back season have done pretty well, so it could be an advantage, but at the same time, I expect the other Game Changers will be a little wary of Michaela at first. Ultimately, though, I think Michaela has a really good shot to win this. She doesn’t stick out immediately as a huge threat, but she knows what she’s doing. I’m very excited to see how she does this time around.

Winner Potential: 8/10 Entertainment Value: 8/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 6/10

Ozzy Lusth

Previous seasons: Cook Islands (season 13), Micronesia: Fans vs Favorites (season 16), South Pacific (season 23)

Ozzy Lusth is someone I didn’t expect to see on Survivor ever again. After his most recent loss in Survivor: South Pacific, it seemed like he had thrown in the towel. But here he is, ready for more. Historically, Ozzy was one of the most popular contestants in the history of the show, especially among the dreaded “casuals,” and it certainly wasn’t unearned. As a near-unbeatable challenge competitor, Ozzy kept his ragtag underdog alliance afloat through Survivor: Cook Islands, only to be defeated by Yul in a 5-4 vote in the final 3. His return to the show as a member of the Favorites tribe in the first Fans vs Favorites season was not as successful. Shortly after the merge, he was blindsided by the infamous Black Widow Brigade, headed by fellow Game Changer Cirie Fields. Ozzy did almost win South Pacific, but those were pretty specific circumstances. This time around, he doesn’t have the benefit of being surrounded by first-time players who worship the ground he walks on. He also doesn’t have the benefit of Redemption Island, the ill-fated twist that was designed to give strong challenge competitors like Ozzy a second, and in this case third, chance after being voted out.

Ozzy is another huge target on this season, but it would probably be stupid to vote him out pre-merge if his tribe wants to win any challenges.  That being said, if he gets swapped to a tribe where Nuku doesn’t have the numbers, he’s gone. And once the merge hits, Ozzy will get voted out the first time he’s vulnerable. Ozzy’s pre-game press surprised me. Ozzy’s reputation has always been that of a brash, over-confident athlete but he seems much more mature and subdued this time around. Maybe that can be enough to save him, but unfortunately I believe Ozzy’s reputation as a challenge beast will be enough to get him sent home immediately at the merge, if not earlier.

Winner Potential: 4/10 Entertainment Value: 7/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 9/10

Sandra Diaz-Twine

Previous seasons: Pearl Islands (season 7), Heroes vs Villains (season 20)

Ladies and gentlemen, the queen has returned! Using a strictly results-based metric, Sandra is unequivocally the best player of all time, seeing as she’s the only person to win twice. But even using an even more nuanced point of view, she’s still easily in the top 5. Sandra’s success can be attributed to her pragmatism and flexibility, which she aptly sums up with “As long as it ain’t me.” Sandra’s willingness to vote out anyone and to always go with the majority helped her slip through the cracks not once but twice and earned her a million dollars both times. A key part of Sandra’s strategy appears to be coupling herself with an abrasive but strategic man in order to make herself the less objectionable option at the end. Luckily for Sandra, there’s no shortage of abrasive men this time around.

If Sandra makes the merge, she has a decent shot at winning. Getting there, however, is going to be an uphill battle. Coming into Heroes vs. Villains, Sandra had the benefit of being surrounded by giants like Boston Rob and Parvati. But this time around, Sandra has become the Goliath and the rest of the cast is likely foaming at the mouth in anticipation of being the David to take her down. She’ll be fun to have around while she’s there, but it’s all but guaranteed that she’ll finally have her torch snuffed in season 34.

Winner Potential: 1/10 Entertainment value: 10/10 Game changer-y-ness: 10/10

Sarah Lacina

Previous season: Cagayan: Brains vs Brawn vs Beauty (season 28)

Sarah’s one of the more interesting people on this cast. She hasn’t done a whole lot to warrant a return, but the difference here is that she has potential. In Cagayan, Sarah was playing a great game until she pissed off the infamous Chaos Kass and got sent home for it. Barring that, though, Sarah had a good read on the people she was playing with. She was the only one to suspect that Tony was a cop and could tell he was lying when he said he wasn’t. Her main flaw was her rigidity in the vote following the merge. Had she been more willing to hear other people’s opinions on who to vote for, she might have made it much further, possibly even won.

I’m interested to see what happens with Sarah this time. My biggest fear is that she’ll try to play too aggressively from the start and she’ll burn out fast. And with Tony out there it’s not going to be easy for her to stay calm. However, if she learned from her experience in Cagayan, she might end up being one of the better players in this game. As long as she remains patient and flexible, she can go far. With the right people by her side, Sarah can probably pull off a win.  

Winner potential: 8/10 Entertainment value: 3/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 4/10

Sierra Dawn Thomas

Previous season: Worlds Apart (season 30)

Sierra Dawn Thomas is probably the most questionable choice for this cast. On her first season, she really didn’t do much. She stayed in her core alliance, voted the same way as everyone else every time, and that’s about it. I’m curious as to what the producers saw in her that warranted her return. But that’s what people said about Kelly Wentworth coming into Second Chances. So does Sierra have Wentworth upside? No. She doesn’t. Wentworth’s is a story of untapped potential. Sierra made it to fifth place. Honestly, that could be her full potential Sierra spent most of the late game of Worlds Apart in a great position to actually change the game as the swing vote, but she never took the chance and ended up in fifth place because of it. I would argue that Sierra is the opposite of a game changer.

As for her chances this time around, it’s not out of the realm of possibility that she’ll actually win. She’s so inoffensive and loyal to a fault that there is no way she won’t make it very deep into this game. If and when she does reach the final three, people could see her as a floater, or they could see her as a Natalie White-type under-the-radar strategist. It really depends on who she ends up hitching her wagon to, but it’s very possible that she could end up winning this season.

Winner Potential: 7/10 Entertainment Value: 2/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 0/10

Tai Trang

Previous season: Kaoh Rong (season 32)

Tai was probably the most popular contestant to come out of Kaoh Rong, but not really for any reason that would warrant the title of “game changer.” Tai’s main appeal is his sunny disposition and his compassion for all living things. Not exactly the qualities that lead to success in Survivor. In fact, it was his compassion that allowed Aubry to convince him to flip on his alliance, leading the women on a path to victory and Tai along for the ride. Tai tried to make moves of his own, but they never panned out, partially because he seemed to lack commitment. Once he made it to the final three, he was practically ignored because everyone could see that he was more or less carried there.

Tai, like the other folks from Kaoh Rong, will be front and center in people’s minds. Unlike the others, though, I don’t think he’ll be targeted. In fact, I think most people are going to look at Tai as a potential ally. Tai is an emotional, empathetic player that can easily be exploited by some of the more nefarious characters. What I’m saying is, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Tai end up in the same place he was last time around.

Winner potential: 2/10 Entertainment value: 7/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 3/10

Tony Vlachos

Previous season: Cagayan: Brains vs Brawn vs Beauty (season 28)

I could not be more excited to see the great Tony Vlachos return to Survivor. In Cagayan, Tony played a fast, chaotic game that no one thought could win. But lo and behold, Tony and his bag of tricks ended up taking home the million dollar check. The man plays like a lunatic, bouncing around between alliances and making up nigh-unbelievable lies. On paper, it shouldn’t work, but it did. Tony’s victory in Cagayan had a significant impact on the seasons that have followed. As a result, the type of hectic, non-stop gameplay that Tony brought the first time around might be pay off the same way.

Tony is easily the biggest target going into this game. If any of these other players know what they’re doing, they’ll vote out Tony as soon as they can. That being said, Tony always seems to have some tricks up his sleeve so I wouldn’t be surprised to see him take control of the Mana tribe and scramble his way deep into the game. Ultimately though, it’s so unlikely that Tony will make it to the merge, let alone the final tribal council, that it’s hard to be optimistic about his chances.  Not to mention, if Tony had a big head his time first around, I doubt his ego has somehow gotten smaller after winning a million dollars and being lauded as one of the greatest players in recent memory. And when you look at the other people on his tribe, it’s all but guaranteed that he’ll go out early because no one wants to let him get a foothold and scramble into another victory.

Winner potential: 1/10 Entertainment value: 10/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 11/10

Troyzan Robertson

Previous season: One World (season 24)

Oh god no. Troyzan represents a very dark time in Survivor history, back when casting relied on unstable and unlikeable cartoon characters rather than real people.  Troyzan is so arrogant and delusional that he refuses to admit he got outplayed by the best one-time player in Survivor history. It’s going to be straight-up exhausting to watch this man on Survivor a second time. I can only stomach so many temper tantrums from a fifty-year-old man who nicknamed himself after Tarzan. Worst of all, when America voted for the cast of Camobida, Troyzan was in the running and did not make it on. Hey, CBS, how about you listen to your fanbase? We collectively agreed that there were at least eleven other men we would rather see back than this asshole. Luckily, I don’t think Troyzan is going to make it very far here. He’s going to want to be the guy who votes out all the big players and get sniped himself. All it’ll take is one blow-up and he’ll be outta here. Can’t wait.

Winner potential: 1/10 Entertainment value: 3/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 2/10

Zeke Smith

Previous season: Millennials vs Gen X (season 33)

I’m surprised to see Zeke back, honestly. Not that I’m not thrilled, because I am. I love Zeke. I’m just surprised that the producers chose him over some of the other folks from Millennials vs Gen X. In any case, Zeke is a great player and I’m glad to see him back. His stint on season 33 showed that not only is he a strategic powerhouse, but he also is able to connect well with a wide variety of different people. He forged a strong alliance that would have run the game if it weren’t for the fact that the random rock drawn didn’t go their way. If it had, Zeke could very well have been the winner of season 33.

On season 34, I’m worried that Zeke, as a superfan, will be star struck by the likes of Tony and Sandra and that might cloud his judgement. If he can get past that though, he could end up on a similar trajectory so that of last season’s. I think most of the Game Changers are going to like Zeke, and that will get him far in the game. However, he’s a classic likeable late-game threat, so his alliance could end up turning on him once the final three is in sight. If, by some chance, Zeke does end up in the final three, his odds of winning are pretty good. It’s getting there that might be a little tricky.

Winner Potential: 7/10 Entertainment value: 7/10 Game Changer-y-ness: 5/10

So there you have it! If you actually read all that crap I thank you deeply. It’s only a matter of time until each and every one of these predictions is terribly wrong. But until then, enjoy the show!