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redroomreflections · 8 months ago

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The Loud House Chapter 1

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Note: I am only uploading the first chapter here and the rest will be on A03

Summary: Natasha and Reader are happily married with a family that rivals the Brady bunch. Both moms have to adjust to married life with six children, a new space, parents living with them, and teenage woes - based on the family from It’s Christmas

A road trip can make or break even the strongest of relationships. For you and Natasha, it certainly tested the limits. Five children, one car, and ten hours of road ahead of you were daunting in the beginning. Two of the children were barely potty trained - one of them being in diapers the entire time. Another decided that she couldn’t hold her bladder for more than three hours at a time. A teen who wanted to take selfies at every single rest stop and a five-year-old who wanted to interact with truck drivers. It tested your patience more often than not. Surprisingly those were the good times. Ten hours on the road turned into sixteen. Still, you didn’t complain. It’s the first time in weeks you’ve all been together this long. As you look at Natasha, noticing her eyes light up, you realize how good this will be for your family. You think about how good it’s been so far. Neither of you was on a time crunch and seeing the excitement on your children’s faces was like no other.

Your first road trip as a family and you’d made it. You’re just entering Cincinnati, Ohio and you’re beginning a new life.

“Oh, look, it’s the first of many signs,” Cara turns her phone out towards the street. She presses it against the window, whispering to herself about being in “Bumfuck, Ohio.”

“Hey!’ You scold her from two rows up. “There are little ears back there.”

“I’m sorry,” She says sheepishly. She lowers her phone, no doubt talking to one of her friends, as she continues to describe what she sees.

“Why are we in Bumfuck?” Charlie casually repeats what her older sister said. “I thought we're going to Cicin-canti?” She wonders aloud.

“Language,” Natasha sighs. The silence of the car ride is seemingly broken. They’re getting restless and so are you. “We are moving to Cincinnati.”

“Same place,” Cara mutters. She raises her hand in mock surrender when Natasha turns to look at her. “I’m just saying it doesn’t look too exciting.”

“Well, it can be.” You stop at a traffic light. In your rearview mirror, you can see Melina, Natasha’s mother, trailing behind you in Natasha’s Audi S8. A car she barely trusted the woman to take. After a lot of convincing and kissing, Natasha agreed to let her mother drive it. “Stay positive. It might do you some good right now.”

The car ride continues in silence. You pull onto your street, searching for the familiar address, driving by houses that are larger than life. A bit larger than you’re used to that’s for sure. Children are playing in the street, Charlie presses her face against the window to watch them as you continue past at a leisurely pace. The grass is green here. Full yards. Empty pathways. Everything was entirely different from the hustle and bustle of New York City.

Finally, you pull up to the driveway of your home. You can hear gasps, and even a whine from behind you, as you put the car in park. You unbuckle your seatbelt, flashing Natasha a smile, as you both exit the car. The engine of the 2018 GMC Acadia goes dead. You make sure to pocket the keys.

You look around. The moving truck should have been here by now. You open one side of the car door simultaneously like Natasha. She takes one child out of their seat, while you take another. Paige stretches her little legs and body as soon as you set her onto solid ground. Luke, your six-month-old son, whimpers in Natasha’s arms as he awakens.

Melina parks next to you and rushes to exit so she can help.

“Oh, this is a beautiful place,” She smiles widely as she greets you.

“Yeah, Mommy, it’s huge!” James matches her smile as he looks up at the house.

“How much did something like this cost?” Alexei, Natasha’s father, asks in deep interest. He’s already inspecting the street and the other houses surrounding yours.

“2.1” You answer easily. You help Charlie and Cara out of the car next. Everyone needs fresh air and room to breathe. You brush down Charlie’s hair as everyone turns to view their surroundings.

“2.1? What is this 2.1?” Alexei tilts his head in interest. You sometimes forget he’s not American and wouldn’t always understand what you’re saying. Though you think he’s a bit in denial.

“2 million dollars, Deda,” Cara answers for him as she snaps pictures of her new home.

“Two million dollars?” Alexei chokes on his words. He grunts when Melina tells him to be quiet but he still can’t believe it. “You know what I can do with two million dollars? Where do you even get that kind of ?”

“Alexei,” Natasha steps around the car. She bounces a whimpering and sleepy Luke in her arms. “You and Melina are staying here because we want you to grow with the kids and we want them to know you. Please, just, not now.” She begs. She pats Luke’s back soothingly as he brings his fingers into his mouth to suck on them. He gives a gummy smile when Charlie begins to play peek-a-boo with him.

“I know the movers are supposed to be here,” You shake your head. You take your phone out of your pocket to view the time. “Like an hour ago. I have the keys so we can let ourselves in for now. Maybe take in what we have in the cars?” You suggest. Natasha nods. She’s thankful for a distraction.

“I have to pee!” James announces. “It’s urgent.” He says quickly as he crosses one leg over the other. You jump to cradle him in your arms, football style, as you race with him to the front door. You quickly unlock it before rushing through the house to the very first bathroom.

You help him to unbutton his jeans and get the toilet seat up. The rest he can do on his own. You go to stand outside of the bathroom in case he gets lost. You can hear the tinkle of pee and James stretching to flush the toilet.

“This house is big,” He says from behind the closed door. “ I like it, Mommy.” He opens the bathroom door with both hands. He peeks his head up at you. “There’s no soap.”

“Thank you for telling me,” You tap his nose. “I have sanitizer in the car for now,” You gesture back outside. “I can give you some of that and once we have all of our stuff we can clean them real good. How’s that sound?”

“Like a plan,” James grins before buttoning his pants. He runs past you to meet the rest of the family at the front door.

“Wow!” Charlie steps inside first followed by everyone else.

“It’s so big right, Charlie?” James looks for his sister’s approval. Charlie nods as her eyes try to take everything in.

It is a pretty big house. Seven bedrooms. Nine bathrooms. Ten thousand square feet. More than enough room for all of you.

Cara is the last kid to step in, her face too engrossed in her cell phone, to take everything in. You walk over to her, a polite tap on her arm, she looks up at you with questioning eyes.

“Can you put that away for a second?” You ask. She obliges though she isn’t too happy about it.

“Yes?” She says exasperatedly.

“How are you feeling?” You wave your hand to the foyer. She looks at the first two rooms. The one on her left is a study, for you, the one on the right, is a dining room.

“It looks good so far,” She shrugs. “Can I see my room? I do get my room right?”

“Of course you do,” You wrap your arm around her shoulder to walk further into the house. “It’s one of the main reasons we wanted to move. To have more room for you all. Something just for you.”

Cara nods, not offering more opinion, as you lead her to the first staircase. Natasha seems to be showing everyone around the house.

“Charlie, James, Paige, and Luke will be upstairs,” You nod towards the staircase. “Now, your bedroom will be downstairs.” You can see the way her eyes light up. “There is an in-law suite down there as well which is where your grandparents will be sleeping but… you’ll have privacy.” You lead her down the stairs to the finished basement. There’s a family room, a rec area, and a home theater. Something you think Cara and her friends will be using quite often. “Mama and I wanted you to feel like you have a say in a lot of the decorations so we kept everything blank.” You open the bedroom door and Cara practically bounces in excitement.

“Mom,” Cara steps into her brand new bedroom for the first time.“I get my own bathroom too? Oh my God!” She squeals. “I can have a huge bed right? Anything I want?”

“Anything you want,” You answer. You feel elated that she’s showing interest in this move for the first time.

“Ohh, wait until I call Kelsey and Jenna, can I?” She raises her phone to type in a number before she looks to you for permission.

“Go ahead, I’ll be upstairs with Mama.” You inform her before leaving her to marvel over her new space. You weren’t lying. A big reason you all moved from the four-bedroom brownstone to this one. That and you wanted to experience something different. Why not Ohio? You’re walking back upstairs, you can hear the pounding of little feet on the third floor, and you’d rather not investigate. You find Natasha in the kitchen, feeding Luke a bottle of milk, as she leans against the counter. She lifts her head to smile at you. You kiss her forehead, tickling Luke’s stomach, with another kiss on Natasha’s cheek.

“Is she happy?” Natasha asks. She’s always so concerned. About every single one of your children.

“She is,” You answer. You can see her visibly relax at your words.“I think it will take some time.” You match Natasha’s stance. “For all of us. I’m excited. This is what we wanted. For our kids to have a place to play, to feel safer, to not be on top of each other.” You sigh. This is the right thing to do. “As for me, I’m kind of upset that the movers aren’t here because we’ll be eating and sleeping on the floor until they do.” You check your phone again for any messages.

“Consider it a sleepover,” Natasha slips the bottle from Luke’s lips. He grunts in frustration but soon quiets down once Natasha holds him upright. She pats his back firmly, hoping to receive a burp and he doesn’t disappoint. “Charlie will gladly help you set up. Air mattresses and all.” You snort. Last time you allowed Charlie to help she took over the entire operation. For a seven-year-old, she can be incredibly bossy.

“I love you,” Natasha says suddenly. Your eyes fly to hers and you smile.

“I know,” You say. “I love you too.”

“How much?” She raises a brow.

“More than Cara loves her phone” You joke and Natasha moves her head. “More than Paige loves ice cream, Charlie and her skates, and more than James and his dinosaurs all rolled into one.”

“Seems like a lot,” Natasha ponders. “Maybe once we’re all set up you can show me?”

“I’d love to,” You kiss her again as a promise for later. Luke grunts between you not okay with being squished. “I’m sorry, little guy, your Mama is hot.”

Luke simply drools on his chewed fingers. His eyes leave yours to find something behind you. Natasha turns to view three children flying down the steps, Paige almost tripping on her own feet, before she uprights herself. Your eyes widen. Maybe it’s time for a reminder on why not to run down those.

“Is there more house?” James runs to you to grab at your pants legs. He points in the direction of the backyard and you nod. There’s more of the house for them to see. “Let’s go see.”

Natasha follows with Paige holding onto her hand while holding Luke in her other hand. You keep a very bouncy James in check as you all step onto the patio. James can’t believe his eyes at what he sees. Yes, the pool is nice. It’s magnificent even. He’s more focused on the basketball court about fifty feet away from the pool. It’s painted purple and gold. Laker’s colors that you don’t care for.

“I can play here!” James runs over to the court. He begins his own game of hopscotch. “Mama, can I play?”

“You sure can,” Natasha yells back. She lets go of Paige’s hand for a second and you can see where things will go wrong. Paige toddles over to the pool, kneeling before it, to reach her hand in and touch the water. Though she can swim you’re not quite in the mood to get her out of the pool. You kneel next to her to hold onto the back of her shirt. “We have to get a gate.” Natasha muses out loud. You nod in agreement.

“Where are Alexei and Melina?” You ask.

“I sent them to the store for food and supplies,” Natasha answers. She watches as Charlie and James engage in a game of tag. “An entire list and my Amex. Should give them a bit more time to explore on their own.”

“Sounds good,” You carry Paige in your arms now. “I know baby you love the pool and maybe tomorrow we can swim. Not today.”

Paige whines but lets it go quickly. She wiggles out of your arms to follow her older siblings around the basketball court. Their giggles are like music to your ears. Children playing, running around, being themselves. You can’t imagine anything better than this.

“Mom? There’s no signal here.” Cara steps out of the house from the door leading to the basement.

“Everything will be set up later,” You remind her. “Security, cameras, internet. All of it will be done by the end of this week for sure.”

“So, what am I supposed to do?” Cara pouts.

“Play with your siblings, you have four,” You gesture to the other kids. “Hang out with your moms. Unpacking is fun. Right?” You chuckle at her face. “Explore the neighborhood. Maybe you’ll find a cute boy.” Cara’s lips quirk at the idea but she doesn’t respond.

“Hey,” She grins. “We have all this space. Can we get a dog?”

“Oh no, no, no, no dogs.” Natasha immediately shuts that down.

“A dog?” Charlie stops her playing to participate in the conversation. “I want a dog. Like the one on Fuller House.” She comments. “Mama can we ?”

“Dog?” Paige echos.

Natasha looks to you for backup and you can’t back her up on this one. You’d like a dog too. Maybe not in the near future but soon. Natasha sighs. She won’t be winning this one.

“If we get a dog I’m going to be responsible for it,” Natasha argues. “I will be the one taking them on walks, playing with them, feeding them. May I remind you what happened to Gordon the hamster?” She says and each child avoids her gaze. “You guys lose interest in things rather quickly. A dog is a living being.”

“I promise we will take care of it,” Cara begs. “If we make a chart and divide the responsibilities. If I don’t you can take away my allowance for six months.”

Natasha narrows her eyes.

“A year,” She counters.

“Eight months?” Cara responds. “And I learn Russian?” She throws that in and you know Natasha is sold. You are incredibly proud of her negotiation skills.

“In a few months once we’re settled we will discuss one dog,” Natasha raises a finger to stop their excitement. “One dog. Singular. A breed we all agree on. Maybe a rescue? Older. More mellow. Mommy and I have already changed enough diapers.” She alludes to Luke’s and Paige’s diapers.

“I don’t wear diapers all the time,” Paige says indignantly. “I wear big girl panties now, Mama.” Paige frowns.

“That’s right you do,” Natasha praises her for her progress.

“Speaking of, how about we go and collect everything from the car.” You round up the kids to get everything together. They have loads of energy and you might as well put them to work.

********************************

The kids turn out to be a huge help. They take bags from the car and place them one by one in the living room. When you’re done, Melina and Alexei, have returned and you take more bags into the house.

“Baby gates,” Alexei announces. “I think with little ones and stairs it will be no good.” He shows you the box of brand new gates to be installed.

“Wow, thanks, Alexei,” You’d forgotten about the idea of either of the little Romanoffs taking the stairs. “Did you bring the tools?” Alexei’s smile leaves his face. “It’s fine. I’ll do Instacart for something to be delivered within the next couple of hours. You go rest. Let Natasha show you guys your suite.”

“Suite?” Alexei questions. “A big one?”

“Pretty big.” You laugh at his giddiness. You’re pulling random new items from the trunk of the car when a stranger approaches you.

A tall woman with deep brown skin and brown eyes. She looks nice enough.

“Hello, Neighbor,” She greets you and offers a smile. “It’s so nice to see you again. We met before, during the open house, I’m Lacy Houston.” You don’t quite remember her but you’re sure you will. She extends her hand for you to shake and you do. “It’s so nice seeing you move in. It’s about time we get a bit of diversity around here.”

Her comment stops you in your tracks. What did she mean by that?

“I just mean I’ve seen your big family,” Lacy quickly covers up. “I envy people who can do it. Kids running around. I have one and I think even he’s a handful.”

“We manage,” You look back to the trunk of your car.

“I’m sure you do,” Lacy’s voice dips lower. “You look very in shape for someone that has given birth recently.” She looks to the baby gates. “How old?”

“He’s six months,” You don’t care to correct her on whether or not you gave birth to him. From the corner of your eye, you can see Natasha approaching. “This is my wife, Natasha.” You watch Natasha’s green eyes give the woman a once over. There’s no doubt she could take her.

“Your wife,” Lacy smiles. It’s fake and you can see right through it. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Lacy.”

“Nice to meet you, Lacy…” Natasha cuts her eyes to you. She’s trying to figure out who exactly this woman is.

“Our new neighbor,” You supply and Natasha is a bit surprised.

“Right, our neighbor, lovely to meet you.” Natasha takes Lacy’s hand to give it a firm shake.

Charlie chooses that very moment to come out and interrupt your conversion.

“Mama, Cara says I can’t get my room painted pink. Can I?” Charlie looks at her expectantly.

“You can paint it whatever you want, Charlotte,” Natasha bends down to kiss her head. “Don’t listen to Cara.”

“What a beautiful name,” Lacy compliments. “For such a pretty little girl. You look like your other mother. Same eyes and everything.” Lacy waves a hand between the two of you.

Charlie presses herself into Natasha’s front, the redhead’s hands coming to rest on her shoulders, as Charlie looks up at the other woman.

“I’m adopted,” Charlie says. “What’s your name?” You almost giggle at the woman’s surprise.

“Lacy,” She answers.

“Do you have kids, Lacy?” Charlie asks.

“Miss,” You remind her.

“Miss Lacy, do you have kids?” Charlie rephrases her question with the appropriate title.

“One, my son, he’s six. Benjamin. We call him Benny for short.” Lacy looks back to her own home. “I don’t want to take too much of your time. It was nice meeting you all. Especially you Charlotte.”

“Bye,” Charlie waves to the woman as you watch her walk off. Charlie leaves you with Natasha in search of her siblings.

“I don’t like her,” Natasha says once you’re out of earshot.

“Be nice,” You shake your head. You take the remaining bag out of the trunk as Natasha follows behind you.

“I am being nice,” Natasha throws her hands up. “She wants you.”

“How can you tell in just five minutes of talking to her,” You don’t entertain the silly idea. Lacy was simply being nice. A little forward but she didn’t seem to mean any harm. You set the bags down in the foyer to look at your wife.

“I can tell,” That’s Natasha’s only response. “I’ll have my eye on her.”

“I don’t doubt that for a second,” You kiss her cheek. “What are we feeding these kids for dinner?” You open your phone to order the last few items you need to get you through tonight.

“McDonald’s,” Natasha suggests and you stop typing. Did Natasha “my children will not eat that slop” Romanoff just offer to get the kids fast food? “Unless you feel like cooking.” You shake your head. “I think we can let it slide one night.” She doesn’t like the idea but cooking was not an option tonight.

McDonald’s it is.

******************************

Once baby gates are put up, doors are locked, and food is delivered everyone sits on the floor of the living room to eat. Sheets are set onto the floor to keep the mess contained in one area. Natasha sits with Luke in between her legs as she sits to eat. Charlie is dipping her nuggets into honey barbecue sauce, while you help Paige open her apple slices.

“Mama, what’s this?” She gestures to the tiny sauce given with her happy meal. She dunks her finger into the open container before bringing the substance closer to her eyes.

“Caramel,” You answer. “You’ve had caramel before.”

“I don’t think so,” Paige scrunches her nose before tasting it on her fingers. “Oh! It’s good.”

“I told you,” You bite into your chicken sandwich.

“She’s a very picky eater,” Melina mentions. “I think it’s good she tries new things even when she’s like that.”

“It’s been a battle,” You say. “A long one.” You hand Paige her apples. She takes them happily.

“Hey, what’s my school like?” Cara asks.

“Ohh,” You nod. You could talk about that easily. “It’s really good. Pre- K through 12th grade so you all will be attending. The curriculum is right where we want it to be in terms of learning and its focus. They have a study abroad program in the upper school, sports, clubs, everything that we think you’d love. We can go on tour on Monday if you’d like.”

“Cool, cool,” Cara nods. “Is it preppy? We have to wear a uniform right?”

“Most days,” Natasha answers. “They have a dress-down thing several times a month.”

You both know it will certainly be an adjustment going from dressing however you want to wear a uniform.

“I do school too?” Paige drops her apple onto the blanket but quickly picks it up to push it into her mouth.

“Yes, for five days a week. Mornings,” Natasha dips her fries. “You will go to pre-k and then Mom and I will be there to pick you up.”

“I have friends?” Paige smiles. “And homework?”

“Let’s hope they don’t have homework.” You laugh at her excitement. Give it a few years and she won’t be so excited.

“Do you pay for this private school?” Alexei asks. “For each child?”

“Yes,” You answer. “Though it’s nothing we can’t afford.”

“Your job as district attorney pays that much?”

“It pays decently,” You shrug. “I also have investments and forms of income that set me up quite well. Natasha’s income also.” You won’t go into much detail with him but you’re both very well off. Sending your kids to private school wasn’t going to break the bank.

“And if they want to stop being private?” Melina asks. “Is that an option? These schools are very strict, no?”

“Yes, they can.” Natasha looks at each of the kids. “Public school is always on the table. I won’t push them to do something they don’t want.”

“You make us have a bedtime every night,” James reminds, causing everyone to laugh.

“I do but that’s because you’re a grumpy little guy in the morning,” Natasha reaches over to poke his belly. “We get angry James if he doesn’t sleep.”

“Angry James, angry Charlie, angry Paige, angry Cara…” You list off. “All of you need sleep.”

“Does that mean bedtime soon?”

“Bedtime for all of us,” You stretch. “For now, let’s say one thing we’re excited about living here. Does that work?”

“I’ll go first,” Natasha dusts her hands free of any crumbs. “I’m excited to see the kids grow here. I’m excited to raise them outside of New York. So they can see how I grew up. It’s a wonderful place.”

“I’m excited also to see the kids grow up here,” You say. “I’m also excited about my new job. For our new endeavors and whatever life brings for us.”

“I’m excited to paint my room,” Charlie is next.

“I’m excited to play on the basketball court,” James points to the backyard.

“I am happy to spend time with my daughters and grandchildren,” Melina says.

“I am looking forward to being with family too,” Last to go is Cara and she seems a bit reluctant. She wasn’t very excited to be here.

“Okay, okay,” She shakes her head. “I’m excited about my new bedroom, for new adventures. Also, to reinvent me. It could be fun.”

“Thank you, Cara,” You say sincerely. “We are happy that all of you are trying.”

“Bath time!” Natasha shouts. “Last one to throw away their trash and get to the bath is a rotten egg.” She takes Luke first and the rest of the children follow. This leaves you and the grandparents to clean up.

“I’m delighted you guys stayed,” You say to Melina as you walk with her to the trash. “Natasha is really happy you’re here too.”

“We are glad to be here,” Melina holds the trash can open for you.

“I have to go and help with bathtime,” You sigh. “You and Alexei can keep exploring the house or whatever it is you guys want. Movers should be here in the morning. Thank you, Melina.” You nod to her again before leaving the kitchen to find Natasha.

**************************

Bath time takes two hours. You clean and scrub each child, dress them in pajamas, and send them on their way into the living room. You and Natasha take separate showers quickly before going to your side of the living room to sleep. Only, you can’t. You’re too wound up. Natasha who’s lying next to a sleeping Luke turns over so that she’s facing you.

“Can’t sleep?” She opens her eyes to find you looking back at her.

“No,” You admit with a whisper. You raise your head to see if everyone else is. They’re out like lights. “Come with me.” You say and Natasha makes sure Luke won’t cry before she meets you in the master bedroom. It’s the only bedroom on the second floor. You close the door behind you just as Natasha steps into it.

She lets out an uncharacteristic squeal before she wacks you.

“Ouch!” You rub at the sore spot on your shoulder.

“Don’t scare me you jerk,” She frowns in the darkness. You apologize by pulling her into your arms. You kiss along her neck and chest hoping to lead her to a wall. Instead, you both meet air which causes you to fall onto the ground with her on top of you. She giggles before placing both hands beside your head to get a good look at you. “Hi.” She whispers.

“Hi back,” You wiggle under her. “How are you feeling?”

“Nervous,” Natasha breathes. “Afraid. Excited.”

“Me too,” You push her hair over her shoulders.

“Are we doing the right thing?” She bites her lip nervously.

“I think we are,” You place your hands on her hips. You can feel the heat of her core on your stomach through her sleep shorts. Natasha looks down at your hand placement. You move your right hand to caress her thigh. “Do you think you can be quiet?”

“I know I can,” Natasha opens her legs a bit wider. “Can you?”

“Never been a problem,” You challenge as you massage just a bit closer to the place she wants you most.

“Well, show me then,” Natasha whispers as she leans over to kiss you softly. “I’ve missed you.”

“Mhmm, I’ve missed you too.” You raise your head to steal another kiss. “How do you feel about mirrors on the ceiling?” You ask suddenly.

Natasha looks down at you wide-eyed.

It’s not a terrible idea.

You slide your hand into her panties to feel how wet she is.

Here’s to new adventures.

#natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #black reader #black widow x reader #black widow x female reader #natasha romanov #natasha x you

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newstfionline · 4 months ago

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Monday, September 2, 2024

Farmers Fear ‘Forever’ Chemicals (NYT) For decades, farmers across America have been encouraged by the federal government to spread municipal sewage on millions of acres of farmland as fertilizer. It was rich in nutrients, and it helped keep the sludge out of landfills. But a growing body of research shows that this black sludge, made from the sewage that flows from homes and factories, can contain heavy concentrations of chemicals thought to increase the risk of certain types of cancer and to cause birth defects and developmental delays in children. Known as “forever chemicals” because of their longevity, these toxic contaminants are now being detected, sometimes at high levels, on farmland across the country, including in Texas, Maine, Michigan, New York and Tennessee. In some cases the chemicals are suspected of sickening or killing livestock and are turning up in produce. Farmers are beginning to fear for their own health. The national scale of farmland contamination by these chemicals—which are used in everything from microwave popcorn bags and firefighting gear to nonstick pans and stain-resistant carpets—is only now starting to become apparent.

A Leading Chain of Psychiatric Hospitals Is Trapping Patients (NYT) Acadia Healthcare is one of America’s largest chains of psychiatric hospitals. Since the pandemic exacerbated a national mental health crisis, the company’s revenue has soared. Its stock price has more than doubled. But a New York Times investigation found that some of that success was built on a disturbing practice: Acadia has lured patients into its facilities and held them against their will, even when detaining them was not medically necessary. In at least 12 of the 19 states where Acadia operates psychiatric hospitals, dozens of patients, employees and police officers have alerted the authorities that the company was detaining people in ways that violated the law, according to records reviewed by The Times. In some cases, judges have intervened to force Acadia to release patients. Some patients arrived at emergency rooms seeking routine mental health care, only to find themselves sent to Acadia facilities and locked in. A social worker spent six days inside an Acadia hospital in Florida after she tried to get her bipolar medications adjusted. A woman who works at a children’s hospital was held for seven days after she showed up at an Acadia facility in Indiana looking for therapy. And after police officers raided an Acadia hospital in Georgia, 16 patients told investigators that they had been kept there “with no excuses or valid reason,” according to a police report.

What Happens When Half a Million People Abandon Their City (NYT) It was once a thriving metropolis in the heart of oil country in Venezuela. That city, Maracaibo, no longer exists. Today, the city is rife with abandoned houses, some of which look like bombs were dropped on them, because homeowners tore windows and roofs off to sell for scrap before they took off on journeys to Colombia, Chile and the United States. Middle-class neighborhoods are filled with for sale signs and overgrown yards. Fewer cars drive down the streets, and fewer criminals are around to steal them. Christmas dinners, once packed with noisy relatives, are lonely affairs aided by webcams. Nearly eight million people—more than a quarter of the population—have fled Venezuela in recent years, driven out by economic misery and political repression. Nowhere is that exodus more staggeringly acute than in Maracaibo, which has been hollowed out by the loss of about half a million of its 2.2 million inhabitants.

A Norwegian princess marries an American self-styled shaman (AP) Social media influencers, reality stars and TV personalities were among the guests as the Norwegian king’s eldest child, Princess Märtha Louise, married an American self-professed shaman on Saturday in a wedding ceremony following three days of festivities. The 52-year-old Märtha Louise and Durek Verrett, who claims to be a sixth-generation shaman from California, tied the knot in the picturesque small town of Geiranger, one of Norway’s major tourist attractions located on a fjord with stunning views. Märtha Louise and Verrett, 49, have attracted headlines with their alternative beliefs. She is fourth in line to the Norwegian throne but said in 2022 that she’ll no longer officially represent the Norwegian royal house. The princess—she has retained the title—has said she can talk with angels, while Verrett claims that he communicates with a broad range of spirits and has a medallion which helps ward off spells and cure diseases.

Pope embarks on longest, farthest and most challenging trip to Asia (AP) If any evidence were needed to underscore that Pope Francis’ upcoming trip to Asia and Oceania is the longest, farthest and most challenging of his pontificate, it’s that he’s bringing along his secretaries to help him navigate the four-country program while keeping up with work back home. Francis will clock 32,814 kilometers (20,390 miles) by air during his Sept. 2-13 visit to Indonesia, Papua New Guinea, East Timor and Singapore, far surpassing any of his previous 44 foreign trips and notching one of the longest papal trips ever, both in terms of days on the road and distances traveled. That’s no small feat for a pope who turns 88 in December, uses a wheelchair, and lost part of a lung to a respiratory infection as a young man. The long trip recalls the globetrotting travels of St. John Paul II, who visited all four destinations during his quarter-century pontificate. By retracing John Paul’s steps, Francis is reinforcing the importance that Asia has for the Catholic Church, since it’s one of the few places where the church is growing.

Russia says it downed over 150 drones in one of the biggest Ukrainian drone attacks of the war (AP) Russian air defenses intercepted and destroyed 158 Ukrainian drones overnight, including two over the city of Moscow and nine over the surrounding Moscow region, the defense ministry said Sunday. Forty-six of the drones were over the Kursk region, where Ukraine has sent its forces in recent weeks in the largest incursion onto Russian soil since World War II. A further were 34 over the Bryansk region, 28 over the Voronezh region, and 14 over the Belgorod region—all of which border Ukraine.

For the people of Moscow, Kursk is very far away (NZZ/Switzerland) In Moscow, as elsewhere in Europe, another wave of hot summer weather has arrived. The long, three-month school vacation is coming to an end. Young and old stroll along the Boulevard Ring in the city center with its tree-lined green strip in the middle. The city government has organized summer attractions here and in some parks. There are stands selling local products, games and entertainment for children. With the Ukrainian advance in the Kursk border region around 800 kilometers south of Moscow, the war with Ukraine has reached Russian territory. Nevertheless, hardly any of this is reflected in the streets or in society's behavior. The war is far away and not an issue—as long as it does not intrude into the very private reality of a family's life. The Ukrainian invasion of Kursk has not changed this. After Russia invaded Ukraine, there was rebellion against the war. But the regime's crackdown and repressive laws, which have been tightened practically every month since then, have left most opponents of the war in the country with only two options—leave or remain silent. The war has become part of the reality that anyone who wants to continue living in Russia with any degree of peace has to come to terms with. They accept the war and all its effects as the new normal. Some compare it to the weather: An individual cannot influence whether it rains or the sun shines.

Japan woos military recruits with bigger steaks and better beds (Financial Times) Japan is touting better bunks and bigger steaks in an effort to address a yawning shortfall in military recruitment as the country’s population shrinks and ages. The plan to improve living conditions on military bases is part of a recruitment drive as Japan ramps up spending on its Self-Defense Forces to counter growing global instability, including a rising threat from China and North Korea. More practical efforts include a promise of improved showers and toilets, and greater privacy in sleeping quarters. Money will be allocated to building individual “capsule” style sleeping rooms on naval vessels. The recruitment campaign in the past year has also focused on the size and quality of steaks served at various army bases. Like all employers in Japan, the SDF is having to fight a persistent enemy: demographics. The country’s working-age population is shrinking and the number of young people is in long-term decline.

Israel recovers the bodies of 6 hostages in Gaza (AP) Israel on Sunday said it had recovered the bodies of six hostages in Gaza, including a young Israeli-American man who became one of the most well-known captives held by Hamas as his parents met with world leaders and pressed for his release. The military said all six had been killed shortly before the arrival of Israeli forces trying to rescue them. Their recovery sparked calls for mass protests against Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, whom many families of hostages and much of the wider Israeli public blame for failing to bring them back alive in a deal with Hamas to end the 10-month-old war. Negotiations over such a deal have dragged on for months. Netanyahu expressed sorrow over the deaths and said Israel would hold Hamas accountable for killing them in “cold blood.” he said the killings prove that the militant group does not want a cease-fire agreement.

As Israel Keeps Fighting in West Bank, Residents in One Battle Zone Reel From the Damage (NYT) Residents of Tulkarm in the Israeli-occupied West Bank assessed the damage on Saturday from a raid by Israeli forces that has chewed up roads, brought sudden bouts of violence and left many Palestinians reeling. Hundreds of Israeli soldiers swept into cities in the northern West Bank this week with columns of armored vehicles and bulldozers, clashing with militants and leaving many people trapped in their homes without running water or internet. One family said that a relative with mental illness was shot dead during the raid, his body left untended for hours during the violence. In the Nur Shams neighborhood—a focus of the raid—workers and residents cleared away dirt and rubble churned up by Israeli bulldozers searching for improvised explosive devices. “Cars can’t move through the streets, everyone is making their way on foot, because the dirt is piled up in huge mounds,” said Suleiman Zuhairi, a resident of Nur Shams and a retired official in the Palestinian Authority. At least 22 Palestinians have been killed since the raid started on Wednesday.

#headlines #news

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lordamaranthus · 1 year ago

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I work at a place that makes ornaments for a very popular Christmas brand

Which means I come across some of the most atrocious names I’ve ever had the misfortune of seeing.

I am making this list so that everyone can join my suffering. They will not be in a particular order, and they can be first, middle, or last, all mixed together.

Seven [Still kinda iffy for me]

Raeleigh

Brynly

Brynleigh

Taegan

Dicker

Titzer

Sneed Sneed.

Lute

Caeleigh

Ephraim

Arena

Titus [I don’t care how cool you think this name is, it sounds like you named your kid after hepatitis]

Navy

Bran

Genevieve

Hickey

Acadia

Blakelyn

Ayva

Evvie

Wrenly

Biz

Ryleigh

Abigayle

Arriola

Adelheid

#expect more. my work is super busy rn which means I’ll only be tormented more.#a good chunk of these isn’t because the name is bad- just the spelling #like any ‘Leigh’ instead of ‘ly’ will automatically make it onto this list

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analyzer-r · 1 year ago

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CKBW-FM

"The sound of the South Shore"

Moving onto a larger station which nonetheless carries on the tradition established so far on this blog of radio stations not chasing after "popular" music or trends, this is CKBW-FM. (This trend will be broken in due time). Getting right into things across the ocean, as I learned when listening live, CKBW is a commercial radio station owned and operated as part of a network by Acadia Broadcasting. It's located and broadcasts in Nova Scotia, Canada, but also broadcasts on different frequencies to Bridgewater and Shelburne nearby. Its formatting is that of a classic hits-dedicated adult station, aimed at a target audience likely to be 50+, especially with how old some of the songs played can be (as will be detailed later). CKBW brands itself as playing classic hits from the 70's, 80's and 90's, further supporting this. It was established all the way back in 1947 and is still running today, hinting at a loyal following and a level of success codified by their 19K following on Facebook.

CKBW has an online presence with their own website, as well as accounts on Twitter and Facebook, though they do not post especially often on either. The website updates with local news from the Nova Scotia area pretty often, showing that the radio station's scope extends beyond just their radio broadcasts.

This focus on Nova Scotia exists within the actual show itself, so let's get into show structure. I listened to CKBW on Tuesday 26 December 2023, between 2-3PM AST, and was treated to the drivetime show with "Drive Home with John Wiles". Presenter John Wiles had several links sprinkled throughout the show about a minute long each, but he had a way of packing a lot of info or content into each link despite the shortened time. These links were either conversational, posing various questions to viewers that could be answered by texting in, or featured talk about whatever is topical at the time- in this instance, of course, subjects surrounding Christmas and the upcoming new year. The branding of the show as a classic hits station comes through quite effectively- every tune I listened to, be it Take on Me by A-ha (1985), Doesn't really matter by Platinum Blonde (1983), Dream On by Aerosmith (1973) or Two Princes by Spin Doctors (1991) were hit tunes that came out between 1970 and 2000, exactly as advertised by the station itself. It stays true to its principles without variation, and does have some Canadian music artists (like aforementioned Platinum Blonde) included.

Despite not all the artists played on the station being Canadian, CKBW still manages to retain a local feel due to regularly featuring weather updates for the Nova Scotia area quarterly across the hour, and advertisements on the station regularly feature businesses in the area as well such as Nova Scotia Building Supplies.

Given CKBW is, according to its slogan, The Sound of the South Shore, it's good to see that despite sticking to the classic hits format, it still finds time to live up to that slogan and be helpful to the locals of the South Shore area (of which Nova Scotia is a part). I personally found the show to be engaging, with the presenter's banter between links to be entertaining, helping to keep the show going without monotony, and I find the station's music selection is very good at recalling a sense of nostalgia for older songs, no doubt a deliberate effect CKBW wishes to invoke from its stated adult audiences.

So all this in mind, it's clear to me why CKBW has lasted as long as it has. Its music selection, focus on local content for adverts and weather and fun short-but-sweet links between songs all combine to create a perfect formula for success. If you want to try this formula for yourself, you can find CKBW and listen via their website here:

References:

Castlensbs.com (Date N/A) Welcome to Chester Building Supplies Ltd.& Nova Scotia Building Supplies (1982) Ltd. [Online] Available at: http://castlensbs.com [Accessed 26/12/2023]

ckbw.ca (Date N/A) CKBW [Online] Available at: https://www.ckbw.ca [Accessed 26/12/2023]

facebook.com (Date N/A) CKBW South Shore Radio [Online] Available at: https://www.facebook.com/CKBWRadio/ [Accessed 26/12/2023]

wikipedia.org (Last edited 31/9/2022) CKBW-FM [Online] Available at: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CKBW-FM [Accessed 26/12/2023]

#radio #review #reviewing #radio reviews #professional #academic #CKBW-FM #CKBW

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mllebleue · 1 year ago

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You know, in Québec and Acadia, where it is not at all uncommon to have 30 to 50 people over for Christmas Eve, it is not only normal, but de rigueur to keep your ample frozen victuals in coolers in the snow out the back door. Stuff that needs to be kept cool, but not frozen? In a cooler in the garage. I am certain that pretty much everyone with a backyard and/or garage in Canada has done this too at least once.

Re: TES refrigeration from your friendly local anthropologist

Real talk though, keeping things cool without electricity may seem weird to us in 2019 but remember that we humans are nifty creatures and we've been doing this for hundreds of years. For example, in India they were making ice cream (Kulfi) as early as the 16th century, which involved transporting Himalayan ice to the rest of the country as well as using saltpeter as part of the cooling process, which is extremely clever because chemistry is awesome.

Natural caves and stone cellars are fantastic for keeping things cool- go into one even in the height of summer and it's drastically colder in some of them! This is why they're great places to store and age goods like cheeses, wines, and preserved meats. We've been doing this for literally THOUSANDS of years, with records from China, Rome, Egypt, and Greece (to name just a few ancient civilisations who enjoyed cold stuff) showing evidence that people have employed loads of techniques involving cooling cellars/chambers. Some of them didn't just use ice brought in from external sources- the absolute geniuses in ancient India and Egypt were even able to MAKE ice (you can read more about that here).

Another handy trick is simply putting whatever you need kept cold into a bag and throwing it into a lake or bog (bog butter is a good example of this). This is also a great way to keep your things fresh if you're out camping without an ice box: put your food/beer into a plastic bag, tie it up tightly, attach an end to a tree branch or peg it to the ground, and hurl it into a lake.

And of course for those blessed with cold weather, people have been taking advantage of winter since they realised that freezing stuff keeps it from going bad. Shove stuff into a barrel and bury it in snow, voilà! This method can be faulty but mainly because a bear has no scruples and will dig up your food to eat so...avoid doing this in areas where wildlife will get to it, or put it in a cage.

Thank you for reading my pointless and very brief discussion of some pre-industrial refrigeration methods, I hope you learned something new so I can say my education paid off! ~Tal

#we all do it #food #refrigeration #history #Material culture

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dma-dima · 7 years ago

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Twas the night before Christmas

Twas the night before christmas, when all through the refuge Nobody was stirring, not even the nephews The stockings were hung in the movie room with care In hopes that Nick Valentine soon would be there

The children were nestled all snug in their beds While visions of snack cakes danced in their heads And Faraday in his lab coat and I in my tape Had just settled down for our dreams to escape

When out from the forest there arose such a clatter I sprang from my hammock to see what was the matter The shutters on the window I undid from their clasp And the sight I did see caused me to gasp!

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below, When, wishing I had someone with me to brag I saw a rusty old car pulled by eight glowing radstag!

With a synth detective driving, quick with his wit I knew in a moment it must be our Nick Springing and jingling his radstag they came And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name

"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN! On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN! To the top of the porch! to the top of the dome! Now dash away, before I get rust on my chrome!

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my hand, and was turning around, Down the chimney Nick Valetine came with a bound.

He was dressed like a detective from his head to his feet, And his clothes were all ragged and patched not so neat, A bundle of toys he had flung on his back And it looked from a distance.. more than one snack.

His eyes, they were yellow! And his cheeks full of holes, From the looks of his shoes he could use some new soles, At first I had thought him nought but a myth, But it was plain to me now that this man was a synth!

The butt of a ciggarrette he held in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreathe, He had a kind face and obviously, a plan At least I surmised from the whirring of his fan.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk, And laying his finger aside of his nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his car, to his team gave a holler, And away they all flew, pushing into the collar. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!

#Nick Valentine #Christmas #christmas in Acadia #Imagine DiMA telling this to the gentoos #And Liv :3 #Saint Nick ;P

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savvynavvybear · 7 years ago

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Under the Mistletoe

Naveen held them for a long while, just.. staring, unable to believe his eyes. Sacha had made these, with their own two hands, labouring for what must have been a very long time just so Naveen would stay warm over winter.

Except.. it was more than that. The length spoke volumes. Sacha hadn’t forgotten a thing. Naveen’s heart swelled with sudden emotion as he realised what Sacha was doing for him.

He looked around quickly, checking there was nobody else around to see. Most everyone was busy with conversations of their own, or the buffet table (exceedingly popular, he might have to make second batches). He rolled up his sleeves for the first time in a very long while, and slid the gloves on over his scars.

“You- they’re perfect Sacha, thank you so much.” He meant it, still reeling a little from what the gloves symbolised. A giddy smile lit up his features and he swallowed his fear to give them a well deserved hug. If he lingered a little too long in the warmth of their arms, he hoped they wouldn’t mind it.

An elbow in his ribs would have spoiled the moment, but when he turned to glare at whoever had intruded he was surprised to see DiMA standing there, several paper hats hung lopsided over his tubes, a finger to his lips and the other hand pointing up towards the ceiling. Confused, he looked up.. then froze solid as he noticed what they were standing underneath. A sprig of mistletoe.. that meant..!

When he tried to find DiMA again to plead desperately with him to look the other way, he was already gone. Melted back into the crowds. He was on his own now.

He took a half step back from Sacha, cleared his throat. His stutter was worse than ever as he shyly pointed upwards himself.

“D-d-do you know about the t-tradition? It’s m-meant to b-b-be lucky or s-something. You know.. t-to.. kiss.. under the.. ah it’s p-probably silly superstition.. but.. if you..” He swallowed audibly, stopping before he made a complete fool of himself.

His heart was pounding fit to burst but he found himself staring into the brilliant emerald despite his fear. He... wanted to kiss them. It shouldn’t have come as such a surprise, but when they were right there in front of him, looking like they were opening their heart to him already with the exchange of such a poignant gift... Naveen was floored. Floored by the strength of his will to hold their face in his gloved hands and find out if those lips really were as petal soft as he imagined them.

But Sacha was so shy, and the other Acadian’s were like sharks scenting blood whenever they got a whiff of romance in the air. He wouldn’t subject them to wolf whistles and cat calls, here in the middle of the hall.

So he straightened his back, took their hand in his, and made a gentleman's show of bowing to kiss the soft white skin at the back of it, pressing his lips there as gently as if a butterfly had chosen to use Sacha as a perch. He allowed himself to linger there a moment, looking up at Sacha with something a little less restrained in his dark chocolate eyes, then ducked out from the mistletoe with an elegant step that would have made a cape swirl had he worn one.

“We really must stop meeting like this at parties. People will start to talk.” He surprised himself with how low his voice had become.. undeniably flirty. It gave him a jolt, and he was back to his stammering self in moments.

“Would you um.. c-care for a mince pie? We should p-probably g-give someone else a turn under this thing.”

#pandaship #Naveen #Sacha #sachabear #christmas in Acadia #*fans self*#Naveen I do rather like it when you do this >.>#I wonder if Sacha will too? :P

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thelendri · 7 years ago

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Stowaway in the Shed

Three short knocks followed by two thuds with the heel of his palm, that was what they’d arranged. When the shed door remained closed he surmised Tato was tied up with other obligations, so he let himself in. If anyone had been in there he’d have just cursed ‘em. These people had seemed okay when he’d last braved the journey on Samhain, but they were still no friends of his. The only reason he hadn’t thrown a knife at that idiotic ‘Miranda’ child was because Tato had always spoken of his friends so fondly.

Everything was in order it seemed. A space for him to tuck himself away made in the hay loft, where nobody should think to look while Tato was responsible for the animals upkeep. He curled up in the little nest of hay and blankets, making sure he could see the door, waiting for his host.

@bohemiansynths

#bohemiansynths #Tato #Lendri #christmas in Acadia #Even badger boys take part

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cogs-log · 7 years ago

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Under the big tree in Acadia sat a lot of boxes. Each one meant to go to a certain someone or other, but amongst those painted paper wrapped boxes near the bottom of the pile sat one box with a tag addressed to Cog from Tato. This box in contrast to the others had the most paint used on it's not-so-fancy paper wrapping with unidentifiable patterns, dots, and squiggled lines covering every service imaginable.

“YES somebody loves me!” Came Cog’s triumphant shout, ringing out across Acadia. It had been hard to tell who was more excited to find presents under the tree that morning - the children they were intended for, or Cog.

He’d been practically bouncing off the walls all day. The only reason he didn’t have a dart sticking out of his ass was because Faraday was too drunk and ‘tied up’ babysitting to care. Now though, he held the painted box aloft like it was the holy grail, black eyes glittering with over the top emotion.

“My little buddy came through for me, knew I could count on ya Tato. Let’s see here..”

The paper seems to fall away in one fluid motion, barely a tear in it. The artist obviously appreciates the wrapping as much as what it had contained… which he was now clutching to his chest while silently screaming.

“The colours! The VIBRANT COLOURS!”

#Tato #art #gifts #thoughtful #christmas in Acadia #bless his cotton socks!

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shootingstarrae · 2 years ago

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Update:

I put an ornament on a few days ago and forgot to post it. Hand painted from an artist on Etsy

It’s taking me a while to put ornaments on the tree, so I’m going to post about it and update as I go.

Today’s four ornaments

#Christmas #ornament #art #acadia national park #went there for a family vacation last summer so I got myself and each household that joined us one

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ereardon · 2 years ago

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Too Far Gone [Bradley "Rooster Bradshaw x Reader]

Summary: Your life changed forever the moment you fell for Bradley Bradshaw. But his life wasn’t an easy one to fit into. He had more baggage than lost and found at JFK airport. You were always one for a fixer upper. Bradley could be your ultimate passion project. But was he too far gone for you to save him?

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster�� Bradshaw x reader

WC: 1.5K

Warnings: Angst, death

You could pinpoint the very moment you saw Bradley Bradshaw because your heart stopped for a beat.

Or maybe it just felt like that, but really it was the fact that the jukebox chose that exact second to cut out, eliciting groans from the other patrons. But there was nothing except a wide smile on your face as Bradley caught your gaze across the room.

The way his fingers circled your waist on the dance floor, the effortless way his lips curled back in a grin beneath his mustache when he looked at you, the hearty chuckle he let out when you recited your best dad jokes, all made you realize you somewhere deep in the recesses of your heart that he was it. He wasn’t just some guy you’d pick up at a bar and fuck under the cloak of night, wash away with a cycle of laundry the next day, a number never saved into your phone’s contact book, fingertips only ghosting over your skin, never laying down roots like pioneer settlers.

No, he was the kind of man you moved mountains for. The kind of man you worshiped under the faint yellow lamp light after a night spent picking furniture for your new house, the kind of man you took home to meet your mother and made sure she served him the good bagels, the kind of man you prayed to raise babies with.

The only problem was, he didn’t think he was.

You loved Bradley instantly. You were drawn to him, like mosquitos on moist skin during a hike in Acadia. He was your candy. He was the whole fucking pre fixe menu. He was your lifeline.

And he was terrified every time you told him that fact.

Bradley didn’t have to woo you. You were already his. But he did it, anyway. Maybe to prove to you that he knew your worth. Maybe to prove to himself that he was worth your time.

You moved into his home, the one he had shared with his mother before she died, six months after that night at the bar.

You told him you loved him after four months. Took him to meet your mother back in New York for Christmas. Laughed at the way he attempted to sleep comfortably, all six foot two inches of him, on your childhood double bed, surrounded by stuffed animals and the shrine of photos your mother kept on the walls that made it look like your wake, every step down the hall revealing another portrait, your childhood seemingly spread out in framed perpetuity.

You understood when he didn’t say it back right away. You had always been like that: quick to fall. Quick to confess. Quick to hurt.

Bradley was the opposite. He needed structure and you tried to give it to him. He needed space sometimes and you let him have it. You knew when his eyes grew dark and his lip twitched but he remained silent that he needed to be alone. You were the rainbow in the sunlight after his stormy days. No matter how far he receded, you knew that he’d come back around. He always did. Fingers reaching out to thread through the waistband of your jeans, dragging you onto his lap, his lips pressed tightly beneath your ear.

I’m sorry, he would say. I’m trying.

You begged him to tell you what was wrong. You begged him to tell you what was rolling around in his beautiful mind. You needed to know what pain lingered away in the cabinet of his heart that he kept under lock and key.

You begged him to fight. If only because it would guarantee he would finally tell you the truth.

He was a closed book and you were a voracious reader. You read all the contextual material but you had yet to read the source. You knew everything about him that he let you know, but nothing that truly mattered.

After a year, you were still saying I love you to a silent half of the bed, Bradley curled away so he couldn’t see the tears slipping down your face.

But you wouldn’t leave. He wanted you to stay, you knew it.

He was the man of your dreams, but he couldn’t say it.

It didn’t matter. He showed you he loved you every day. It was the way he rested his chin on your shoulder as you cut cucumbers for a salad. The way he always filled up your car with gas when it slipped below half because he knew how much you hated to pump it yourself. It was how he always made sure to keep your favorite coffee in the cupboard, and how he’d create a space for you to snuggle into him on the couch, your guilty pleasure show already queued up and ready to play.

So after a year, you thought maybe he would never say it. That maybe it didn’t matter to hear the person you loved more than life, more than air, tell you that they loved you back in words. Perhaps it didn’t matter that he had never said it. He showed it in every choice he made, every breath he took.

But then you snapped.

The wine curdled in your stomach along with vodka and beer and you had a finger pressed to his chest in the kitchen with one light flickering intermittently, your shoes splayed somewhere near the door, Bradley’s shirt rumped from where you had fisted handfuls near his collar in anger as he parked the car after a night out.

Why don’t you love me? Your demanding words filled the kitchen. The space you loved. The house you adored. The comfortable life you had once only dreamed of. And you were ready to throw it all away for three words.

When did I ever say I didn’t? His soft brown eyes were filled with regret and looking at them too long made you want to dig yourself a grave and lie down in it, stop causing him so much pain, stop being such a burden, stop making his life harder than it already was.

When you never said it to start. The tearful echo of your cracked voice bounced off the walls, filling Bradley’s heart with sorrow.

He reached out and pulled you into his arms. I do love you. I’m just scared.

And then the file cabinet in his heart sprung open. He was afraid. He was terrified. He had watched his mother mourn his father for his entire life. He had watched Mav walk away from him. He had watched his wingman die. He had seen his teammates get shot down. He had loved someone who had left him in the middle of the night. He had loved his mother as she died peacefully in his arms. He had known love and death and he was reeling from the impact of it all.

He was the physical embodiment of sadness. He was pain personified. He was broken, he said.

You’re not broken, you replied.

You can’t save me, no matter how hard you try.

Yes, I can.

And you tried. Bradley collapsed in your arms and you brushed away the tears, whispered in his ear how kind he was, how loved he was.

Every day you told him he was loved. Cherished. Good enough. Smart enough. Kind enough. Strong enough.

But it wasn’t enough.

So when the stick turned pink, you didn’t try to stop the tears from falling. It felt like a trap. A vicious circle. You knew he would leave. Why would he stay? His greatest fear was pain. There was no greater pain than having a child you would one day have to leave.

You considered leaving. You considered staying. In the end, it was Bradley’s choice.

He held the test in his large hands and you watched tears slip down his cheeks.

To your surprise, he got down on his knees, fingers gently lifting up the hem of your shirt. He pressed his lips to your still flat stomach.

I love you. His words reverberated beneath your skin, enveloping your unborn child. It was the first time you heard him say it unprompted. He raised his eyes to yours. I love you, too.

You couldn’t fix him if he didn’t want to be fixed. Your son’s hands in his father’s was the only medicine that could attempt to erase all of the pain in Bradley’s life. All of the mistakes and heartache and sorrow that filled him to the brim, threatened to spill over onto the spotless floor of the life you two had built together.

It wasn’t until years later, when your son was grown and you watched Bradley hold his grandson in his arms for the first time that you realized he had never been as broken as he had led you to believe. The pieces had always been there.

All it took was one look across the bar to know that you would be the one to put him back together, make him whole.

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