#christ you all sound so bland and boring lol

[depresseddepot]

someone on here will say "I don't support censorship" and everyone in the notes will be like "I can't believe you're just admitting you like incest and pedophilia"

[skittlespizza]

20 questions for fic writers

Anyone who writes, feel free to consider yourself tagged!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

104 works

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

225,304 words! I write a lot of short oneshots…

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Roll with It, Pathologic and Team Fortress 2

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The One Road that Leads me Home - queerplatonic Gepard/Sampo

I've Fallen in Love (and it's better this time) - Blackbeard/Stede fic.

Play Destroy - Ted/Am crackfic

a log of rebellion, bug, paranoia - Spy & Scout fic

Je t'aime tellement fort; Toi qui me fais si peur. - Spy/Sniper oneshot

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try really goddamn hard to! I��m not good at it though…

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

City of Mud - Clara gets a really sad ending in this one…

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics have happy endings! Save me (I am swallowed by the guilt of this) is probably the happiest ending I’ve written for Clara.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yep! JRWI fans do not like gore!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I mostly wrote smut for the TF2 fandom– I prefer f/f smut but I’ve written more m/m smut because of the nature of tf2. None of it is normal vanilla really by the way… I guess my current surgery/gore fics could be smut if you weren’t a coward.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Uh, HLVRAI and Lain!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No…?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yep! It was one of my Pathologic ones. Due to Pathologic being a russian fandom, I’m sure a few of my fics have been translated without my consent which like, whatever, but I know for sure one has been…

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope… I don’t think I’d like to either.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Anna/Lara have my heart but I also really enjoy Falin/Marcille, Arthur/Viv, Kianbecky and Fizzfangs. I also like Sniperspy but my love of it has died down with the TF2 fixation sort of ending as it did.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The sequel to City of Mud… it meant to be a trilogy focused on each healer, I only got the prologue (Clara’s) done and until the Pathologic fixation hits me like a truck, don’t expect a sequel. 

16. What are your writing strengths?

Gore! Writing gross things and well- as weird as this sounds, smut. Writing smut genuinely improves your writing because you need to think outside of the box to write it and so it’s not bland and boring…

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action and movement really… I try not to be repetitive about the way characters move but it’s difficult to not be when it’s so fucking difficult to explain the ways that someone picked up a cup or something. 

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I can speak some decent French, so when I wrote for TF2 I had Spy speak some French! Other than that, I try not to use other languages though I do use some of the fictional Pathologic Language called the Steppe Language. Most Patho fans know some of it (kheerkhen, bayaarla, aba, amaa tat, tiimel daa) so it’s not a big deal and canon compliant lol.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Hmmm, I’d say it was probably Undertale? I didn’t post much for Undertale but I did start fanfic writing with- good god- Hamilton. On Hamilton Amino specifically- jesus christ- but then I got into Mystic Messenger and then Danganronpa and well… I got pretty popular in the DSMP fic writing community and even hosted a pretty big event called (fucking hell) Wholesome Week where it was kinda just a nice week of cute prompts.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

100% it’s the collab fic with koiisure and dawnlotus for the jrwi big bang, one more soul to the call! For me the use of art just makes it… so goddamn good. Also it’s about Rachel, Dickman and Becky- my favorite characters in BITB tbh! 

[sweetbitterimpossiblecreature]

A Brief And Concise Summary Of Is Wrong With The ACOTAR Series

I think we can agree that a lot of ACOTAR is pretty iffy. Consider this a very brief refresher.

What's Wrong With Feyre/Rhysand (juxtaposed against Feyre/Tamlin)

Rhysand drugs and sexually assaults her in Book 1

This is "for her own good". Because he "has no choice". Despite the fact that, from what we know of the plot, Amarantha thinks that Clare Beddor was the one Rhysand was diddling, and is only interested in Feyre because Rhysand, "her" man male, has taken an interest in her.

If we extrapolate from this we can figure that Rhysand is the one directly putting her into danger.

Now, let's be clear: drugging someone is bad. Sexually assaulting someone is bad. One could argue there were extenuating circumstances. But if, in such a situation, what your mind goes to is "I know, I should assault this person... for their safety" I have questions about your moral qualities. There were a million things he could have done. He could have done whatever he did to Clare - that is, remove her ability to feel any pain - easily. He could have helped her escape. Under The Mountain, he - while still there unwillingly - has a lot of power, as Amarantha's side piece. Maybe this would have resulted in him being punished- however, he is hundreds of years old and a badass motherfucker, and she is a nineteen year old human girl.

Now, onto Tamlin. Obviously not a lot of people really ship F/T anymore after ACOMAF, because compared to F/R, it's boring. I read another person's post about it, which was very enlightening: they said that Feyre's personality is essentially a mirror. When she is with Rhysand, she's snarky and malicious- because she is "bouncing off" his energy. When she's with Mor she's super feminist and "in awe of her strength". On the other hand, Tamlin is kind of an empty character. He's a pretty boy with anger issues, which should be more interesting than it is. SJM manages to make him bland. Because Feyre has nothing to bounce off of, (a lot of this is from the person's post), she and Tamlin together is mainly just him introducing her to his world.

What Tamlin Does: prevents a skinny twenty year old from going on dangerous missions with him and combat-trained soldiers, accidentally blows up a room with her in it, and, at the end, prevents her from leaving the house.

This is not a Tamlin apologist post. Obviously it was really fucking gross of him to do that, and their relationship was toxic. However, a lot of his abuse stems from their inability to communicate, as well as own negligence. He does not knowingly and purposefully sexually assault her or rape her mind. And tbh, leaving a girl without combat training at home while he goes on missions with a bunch of muscled sentries is... kind of reasonable?

Again: not a Tamlin apologist post. It was abuse. However, if Rhysand is "allowed" to sexually assault, mind-rape, and drug Feyre "for her own safety", why is Tamlin demonized for preventing her from leaving his mansion "for her own safety"?

Another pertinent point: Rhys is never punished for sexually assaulting her. It is brushed off as part of his "mask" or that his hand was forced. Jesus Christ my dudes, his hand was not forced under her skirt. If he has to maintain his gross rapist abuser tyrant oppressor mask... why? Who did that benefit beside him? None of his actions remotely helped Prythian. They were done solely for his buddies - five people safe in a rich hidden city - and no one else, which is explicitly stated.

Finally, the power dynamic is fucked up. Feyre is less than twenty five years old. Rhysand is 500. There is a tendency in fantasy romance to romanticize a centuries year old man with a young girl, because the man does not show symptoms of age, and so it is easily ignorable. However, can we just briefly acknowledge how fucked up it is? Rhys is over five times older than Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein, and other known predators/abusers. She is twenty. That is really fucking gross. She is in a vulnerable position and he takes rampant advantage of that.

If he had wrinkles, liver problems, and erectile dysfunction, more people would acknowledge it.

Let's be clear: I'm not saying writing a book with an uneven power dynamic is automatically bad. For example, in The Locked Tomb series, which is in my opinion THE BEST FANTASY SERIES THAT HAS GRACED THIS EARTH (lol i'm starting fires), one main character Harrowhark Nonagesimus is in a position of power over Gideon Nav, the other main character. However, this is not glossed over or romanticized. Gideon resents Harrow for this- there is a relationship of mutual antagonism, fraught with unwilling familiarity and intimacy from growing up together. They are roughly the same age. While there is a certain power dynamic (in that world, there is a dynamic of necromancer and cavalier, i.e. sorcerer and sword) the "empowered" character (Harrow) emphatically respects her and does not abuse this power, although both would of course deny this, and she does make a show of threatening and being aloof. In short, while Gideon obeys her, Gideon also has power over Harrow, and the idea of what is essentially slavery is not romanticized.

Feyre Doesn't Face Any Consequences For Her Own Actions

Let me present a radical notion: a guy preventing you from leaving his house does not justify completely fucking ruining his country and harming the people inside it.

In other words: Tamlin does not deserve what she did to him.

I know that sounds iffy. We're conditioned to think that if someone is an abuser, then they are the scum of the earth, they deserve to die, torturing/murdering/doing anything to them is completely A-OK. However, here's another radical notion: someone harming you does not justify you doing worse.

Obviously, the effects of psychological abuse can cause you to hurt other people (see: Nesta), but Feyre deliberately and maliciously (oh, God, that insufferable POV of her in Spring Court; she reads like a cartoonish Disney villain) dismantles his country. She uses sexual manipulation (Lucien), torture (causing the sentry to be whipped), and mind-rape (who didn't she do this to? lol).

A summary of the entire first half of ACOWAR: "It smelled like roses. I hated roses. For this capital offense against my olfactory system, Tamlin and the entire Spring Court deserved to burn in hell. I knew exactly what I was doing. I smiled at him sweetly: no longer a doe, but a wolf. He didn't see my fangs.............." *aesthetic noises*

Man. I'm starting to think SJM had a horrible experience at a Bath & Body Works and took it out on the rest of us. Don't do it, Sarah!! I know Pink Chiffon and Triple Berry Martini are way too strong, but don't take it out on an innocent population!!

She steals from Summer Court (there are, yk, other solutions to theft. Like maybe asking politely) and ruins Spring Court. Her boyfriend - yeesh sorry, MATE - does nothing while a dozen Winter Court children are murdered.

Now: moral ambiguity is not automatically bad. Again using The Locked Tomb as an example, in the second book (spoiler alert), Harrowhark has a sort of moral ambiguity. She was raised from the beginning to worship the King Undying as God, and so she obeys him without question. Because of this, she commits a lot of crimes in His name: she "flips" - i.e. kills - the life force of planets, and she plots murder (albeit the murder of someone who tried to kill her first). There is no attempt to justify this. There is also no attempt to paint her as a virtuous and yet also badass Madonna figure. She is desperate, plagued with the "wreck of herself", and the book clearly displays her moral pitfalls. While her POV is of course colored by her mindset, it also is limited by her lack of information, and we as readers can acknowledge that.

BACK TO ACOTAR: Feyre is seen by everyone as gorgeous, formidable, and essentially perfect. Rhys sees her as flawless, "made for him", wonderful, beautiful, blah blah blah. (THEY ARE SO BAD FOR EACH OTHER; THEY EXCUSE AND GLORIFY EACH OTHER'S CRIMES, IT'S SO BAD, GUYYYS). Tamlin is insanely batshit in love with her, or whatever. To the Night Court she's the High Lady. In this way she personifies the Mary Sue character. (Excerpt from the TV Tropes page on Mary Sues: "She's exotically beautiful, often having an unusual hair or eye color, and has a similarly cool and exotic name. She's exceptionally talented in an implausibly wide variety of areas, and may possess skills that are rare or nonexistent in the canon setting. She also lacks any realistic, or at least story-relevant, character flaws — either that or her "flaws" are obviously meant to be endearing. She has an unusual and dramatic Back Story. The canon protagonists are all overwhelmed with admiration for her beauty, wit, courage and other virtues, and are quick to adopt her as one of their True Companions, even characters who are usually antisocial and untrusting; if any character doesn't love her, that character gets an extremely unsympathetic portrayal." Sound familiar?)

There is the Ourobous scene. And yet, paradoxically, while presented as an acknowledgment of her flaws, it is in fact a rejection of them. She sees her own brutality... and instead of recognizing that she has these deep, deep moral flaws and realizing that she needs to grow and be better, she in fact "accepts" them.

Guys: Self love means: "I'm important to me, so I'm going to get a massage today after work", or "heck, why not splurge on some expensive lotion, you only live once" or "you know what? I had a tough day today. I'm going to get that strawberry cupcake". SELF LOVE DOES NOT MEAN "oh, I accept all the war crimes I have done, I love myself". LOVING YOURSELF DOES NOT MEAN ABSOLVING YOURSELF OF ALL WRONGDOING.

It's this refusal to acknowledge wrongdoing that is so grating about ACOTAR. It's so goddamn one-sided. And you can tell that after Book 1, SJM decided to completely change the trajectory simply because of how jarring Book 2 reads compared to the first one.

Also: Feyre is a very, very young girl (compared to the other ruling fey) who did not know how to read for the majority of her life. She has no experience whatsoever in politics. Her being High Lady is not a win for feminism.

Rhysand: He Sucks

First, he is 500 years old. He should be written as such, not as some 20 year old virile frat boy feminist. Fantasy is all the more compelling for its elements of realism, which is a concept that SJM does not appear to grasp.

Second of all, his morals are absurd. He is written as the Second Coming of Christ, as someone who can do no wrong, ever, and his flaws only serve to make Feyre love him more. Anything shitty he does is written as part of his "mask" and she can See Beneath It and knows that it "hurts" him to maintain this "mask".

Fellas, WHY DOES HE HAVE TO MAINTAIN THIS MASK???? There is no reason for it. If A) he does not give a shit about Court of Nightmares (we'll get back to that), only about Velaris, and B) Velaris is hidden/protected from the world, what is he pretending for?

It would not hurt him politically to be seen as someone who cares about his country.

"Pretending" to be "Amarantha's whore" does not in any way shape or form benefit the macro-world that is Prythian. In Amarantha's name, he commits atrocities. He commits war crimes; he systemically oppresses entire societies. It doesn't even really benefit Velaris, because Velaris is already hidden.

Let me put this in a real-world perspective. This would be like if Donald Trump was suddenly like: "I know I was a shitty president but IT WAS ALL PART OF MY MASK, WHICH WAS TO PROTECT THIS MICROCOSM OF PRIVILEGED PEOPLE THAT I CARE ABOUT". Like: okay? Sorry, or whatever, but I don't actually give a shit. What about the parents of the children who died? What about Clare Beddor? What about the people who were held in slavery, murdered, tortured?

Rhysand: omg it sucks that my cousin Mor was oppressed by this toxic misogynistic culture from the Court of Nightmares.

Also Rhysand: lol whatever, who gives a shit about Court of Nightmares. They all suck. They meanie. Lol what did you say? That there might be other girls just like Mor who are oppressed by this system? Lol whatever. I can't do anything, I gotta maintain my Mask. I gotta sit on this throne and show the entire Court that not respecting women is completely okay.

In summary: by parading Feyre around as his "whore" (!!) he demonstrates by example that it is completely okay for the Court of Nightmares to abuse their women.

A good ruler cares about all his people. Rhysand cares about a tiny tiny fraction of his people: those who were fortunate enough to be born into Velaris.

God, I'm exhausted. Onto Nesta:

The only character who successfully breaks the Mary Sue effect Feyre exerts on her people is Nesta. Her POV for the first half is a joy to read.

Obviously it sucks that Nesta was a huge bitch to Feyre for the beginning of her childhood. However, it was wrong for Rhysand to threaten her- he is a man male with a huge insane amount of power, and it is not okay for him to threaten to bring the brunt of it down on a young girl because she was a bitch to his girlfriend.

I've seen a lot of discourse on the morality of F/R sending her out of Velaris. Here is my two cents:

It was okay for them to cut her off of their money. If they don't want to enable her self-harm, that is their choice. Again, it's their money, even if it wasn't fairly earned (Rhysand born into an enormous fortune).

It was not okay for them to banish her from Velaris with the implication that she was an embarrassment. Let me explain.

If Rhysand and Feyre are talking to her as sister/brother-in-law, then that is that. They have the complete right to express disapproval and try to help. However, they should not be using their royal privilege against her.

If they are talking to her as ruler to subject, then they have the power to banish her from the city. However, a ruler would not give a shit about a random subject getting drunk and having sex. So, they should not be talking her about her problems as a ruler to subject.

I've heard it compared to her being sent to rehab. However, rehab is a system designed to help people with certain problems. It has specialized medical centers and involves therapy. Nesta gets her life threatened multiple times. It is not rehab.

In summary: why did SJM inflict this upon us. Throne of Glass was actually good! GAHHH! After the first few books she completely whipped around and introduced the idea of males and mates and fey and that C is actually A and the quality took a huge nosedive. Sigh.

Final horrible but unmistakable truth: The entire ACOTAR series reads like a bad A/B/O fic. I hate to say it but it's true. We're lucky there were no heat cycles. OH WAIT

[artificialqueens]

You Know You Love Me, Chapter 1 (Branjie) - Kiki

A/N: Hey guys! This is my first time writing for this fandom so very sincere apologies if it sucks lol. I had the idea of doing a Branjie Gossip Girl AU a while back and just couldn’t seem to get it out of my head so I had to write it! Hope you enjoy! 

Hey Upper East Siders, Gossip Girl here. And I have the biggest news ever. Spotted at Grand Central, bags in hand: Brooke Lynn Hytes. Was it only a year ago our It Girl mysteriously disappeared for “boarding school”? And just as suddenly, she’s back. Don’t believe me? See for yourselves. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

The bright yellow cab pulled into the valet parking area quite quickly after leaving Grand Central Station. As Brooke Lynn Hytes went to reach for the door, she found that it was already opened for her, the concierge staff of the luxurious Palace Hotel never letting their guests lift a finger. To her left, she saw that her suitcases had been removed from the car and after she paid the driver, the doorman was already holding the door open for her, ready for her arrival.

“Welcome Back, Miss Brooke”, said Vanya, one of the hotels employees who had been taking care of Brooke’s family for years.

“Thanks, Vanya”, Brooke replied as she quickly walked to the elevator and immediately pressed the button for the Penthouse Suite. It had been a year since she had left for boarding school and although her mother had come to visit her once or twice throughout the school year, she had missed her a lot. She missed the fast-paced life that living in New York City had to offer compared to the boring life she had led in her boarding school in Connecticut. She missed her apartment, her bed, her friends and surprisingly, her school. But right now, all she wanted was to spend some time with her mom and catch up on everything she had missed.

The elevator doors opened and Brooke was greeted with a completely different apartment to the one she had left behind. The bright red couch, the colourful art pieces on the wall and the bright painted walls were all gone. Found in their place were boring and bland grey furniture that made Brooke feel like she was back at boarding school.

“Brooke Lynn, honey, you’re home!” Mrs Hytes announced as she immediately embraced her daughter in a tight hug. Brooke Lynn responded by hugging her mom back even tighter, inhaling the scent of her Chanel No. 5 perfume as if it were the oxygen she needed in her lungs to stay alive. As they pulled away, Brooke could feel her mother eyeing her up and down, clearly judging the casual outfit of jeans and converse that she had thrown on when packing up this morning.

“I…like what you’ve done with the place, Mom, it’s very…different”, Brooke lied as she looked at one of the newer pieces of art on the wall, a picture of the Manhattan skyline, trying to distract her mom from nagging her about her outfit choice. Not everyone had the energy to wear a blazer, skirt and heels at 11am on a Sunday morning, especially not after an almost four-hour train journey.

“Well, I decided the place needed more of an adult feel to it considering it was just me living here for the past year. Although, I do think that this outfit of yours could do with a bit of an improvement, my new partner will be here soon and I wanted you to make a good first impression on him, not make him think you work at Forever 21 during your free time.” Mrs Hytes said with yet another disapproving look at Brooke’s outfit, specifically her shoes. But that wasn’t what Brooke chose to focus on.

Her mother had a habit of dating her way through all of the most powerful men in the world of New York real estate and she really shouldn’t be surprised that there was yet another boyfriend she had to be introduced to, but she was shocked that her mother didn’t want to even spend time with her after being separated from each other for so long.

“Really, mom? I was thinking we could go out, get brunch in the restaurant downstairs and then maybe go shopping or catch a movie.”

“Come on, Brooke, this is important to me. We can do that stuff anytime we want to, but Brian is a very busy man and we’ve been together for six months now, it’s about time you two met, so please do us all a favour and go get dressed!” Mrs Hytes sighed as she smoothed the non-existent wrinkles from her skirt out, sounding as uninterested as she possibly could in the conversation they were having.

“Actually, mom, I’m not feeling too well so I’m just going to go and rest. But I’m sure I can meet husband number 5 another time.” Brooke said quietly as she ran up the long stairs to her bedroom, which she prayed had not been touched in her mother’s awful home renovation.

—

1 year ago

Brooke Lynn walked out of the elevator and took her heels off immediately, sighing in relief as her bare feet touched the cool tiles of the floor beneath her. She slowly walked up the stairs to her bedroom, trying not to stumble or wake her mother up with her loud noise.

She had just been at a club opening with all of her class from school – a big final night out before school started up again for the fall semester. The night ended up with all of them having way too many cocktails and dancing on the dancefloor until 3am, when her curfew was supposed to be at midnight. As she tiptoed down the long hallway to her bedroom, she regretted not taking up Vanessa’s offer of sleeping over at her house but she had a feeling that her mom would be super pissed if she didn’t come home that night – her grades from last year had been really bad and she had missed curfew multiple times over summer vacation.

As she tried to open the door to her room slowly and quietly, she found her mom sitting on her bedroom floor with a bottle of tequila in her hand.

“Mom, what are you—”

“Jesus Christ, Brooke, where have you been? You were supposed to be home four hours ago,” her mom screamed as she got up onto her feet, still clutching the bottle of tequila. “And what the hell is this? Are you an alcoholic now too? As well as almost getting expelled for your awful grades and coming home whenever you feel like it, you’ve decided that drinking all of your problems away will help you? Come on, Brooke, seriously.”

“Well, I learnt from the best.” Brooke replied as she shoved past her mom and went to her closet to find some pyjamas. Her head was spinning and she was exhausted, all she wanted to do was go to bed and sleep it off.

“You’re not getting away with this, Brooke. You have to learn that there are consequences to your actions.” Mrs Hytes announced as she stormed out of the room, her heels still clacking against the wooden floors even though it was the middle of the night. Brooke rolled her eyes as she changed into pyjama shorts and a hoodie and climbed into her soft bed. Yeah, she really regretted not going to stay with Vanessa.

She woke up the next morning to the sound of her mother’s voice ordering people around – quite a regular sound to wake up to in the Hytes household. Except this time, it sounded like the noise was coming from right inside her room. She slowly opened her eyes as she realised how hungover she must be. When her eyes fluttered open, she saw that her closet was empty and that there were five large suitcases standing at her bedroom door. There were also two housekeepers packing the contents of her vanity and her nightstand into a sixth suitcase.

“Mom, what are they doing? Why are you taking all my stuff?” Brooke asked. Suddenly, the memories of the previous night came flooding back to her: her mom finding her hidden alcohol and not reacting well to it.

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, Brooke Lynn, and you’ve left me with no choice. Manhattan isn’t a good place for you to be in right now.” Her mother replied without even looking at her, instead she handed over a hanger with a black pencil skirt, white blouse and a blazer that had “Knightley Boarding School” written in a small font across the front. Her eyes widened in horror as she immediately jumped out of bed to try and plead with her mom.

“Please mom, no, you can’t send me to boarding school. I love my life here, you can’t make me leave my friends, please mom, I’m begging you!” she yelled as she felt the tears start to well up in her eyes. She couldn’t imagine her life without Vanessa by her side, they’ve been best friends for what feels like their entire lives and the thought of having to go to school without her made Brooke’s heart feel like it was being snapped into two pieces.

She started to panic and began looking around the room for her phone, checking her nightstand and the clutch bag she had been using the previous night, but couldn’t find it anywhere.

“Are you looking for this?” Mrs Hytes questioned as she held up Brooke’s silver flip phone in the air. “I’ll have it sent to Connecticut when I can see that your grades are going up and your behaviour is improving.” Brooke couldn’t hold her tears in anymore and while she would normally feel embarrassed about crying in front of the people who work for her family, this time she couldn’t care less.

“Please mom, I need to call Vanessa, I need to tell her where I’m going to be, she’ll be so worried if I just disappear!” Brooke tried to coke out in between her sobbing as she felt large tears rolling down her face.

“I’ll tell Vanessa where you are and she can write to you until you get your phone back. Stop being so dramatic, Brooke Lynn, I’m sure there will be a phone there that you can use to call her if it’s as important as you’re making it out to be. Now get dressed, please. The car will be here at nine.” Her mother exited the room with the housekeepers following closely behind her.

Brooke sat down on her bed again and tried to calm herself down. She managed to get her breathing back to normal but couldn’t stop the tears from slowly rolling down her face. She grabbed a framed picture from her vanity – it was a picture of her and Vanessa that was taken while they were visiting one of the Mateo’s vacation homes in Italy. That was one of the happiest days of Brooke’s life. She had gotten to spend the entire day with just Vanessa. They spent the day by the pool, swimming and sun bathing until Vanessa’s parents returned home that evening. She always felt her happiest when she was with Vanessa and that was evident from how big her smile was in that photo. She quickly unzipped one of the suitcases and slid the photo inside, returning back to her vanity to get herself ready for what she was sure was going to be one of the most upsetting days of her life.

—

Now

The white walls, high ceilings and expensive furniture of the Mateo family’s Fifth Avenue penthouse apartment usually made Vanessa feel completely relaxed and at ease. But not today. Today, it seemed like everyone in that apartment was doing their absolute best to piss her off.

Planning and organising had always been a skill of Vanessa’s. Give her the task of planning any kind of event and she would rise to the occasion flawlessly every single time, provided the people around her cooperated with her every wish. If they didn’t, they would have to deal with the wrath of Vanessa Mateo raining down upon them. She was trying her very best to plan the Kiss On The Lips party, a party that was held at the beginning of each school year to welcome all of the students back and was always guaranteed to be a glamorous night, which is why Vanessa was going through every single detail to make sure that they are all up to her standards.

With her pink clipboard in hand, she stomped around the apartment making sure that each planning station she had set up was running smoothly. She had a decorations table where the decorators were preparing samples of the table pieces, she had the caterers serving samples of the food they were planning to cook on the night and, her favourite station, the design station. She had her dress custom made months ago, approved by her fashion designer mother, of course. Her two closest friends, Akeria and Silky, were trying on their dresses.

“Are you kidding me right now?” Vanessa screamed in horror as she looked at the decorating teams attempt at incorporating roses into the table pieces. “It’s peonies or nothing on those tables, I thought I made that very clear in the brief I emailed you WEEKS AGO!” Akeria rolled her eyes as she heard the shrill of Vanessa’s uptight voice, wishing for the moment the party was over so she could go back to having fun with Vanessa instead of having to deal with her stressful outbursts.

“What do you think of my dress, V?” Silky asked, twirling in front of the mirror with a massive smile on her face. “It’s hot, right?” Vanessa’s eyes shot up from her clipboard. She took a large deep breath in and out to try and calm herself down as soon as she laid her eyes upon Silky’s dress.

“I thought I made it very clear that I was wearing a strapless dress, Silky.”

“So what? They’re both completely different!” Silky argued back.

“Does anyone listen to me around here? I swear to God, I told all of you people exactly what I wanted from you weeks ago and here we are, just a few days away from the hottest party of the year and everything is awful! Dorota!” Vanessa yelled at her number one trusted housekeeper who immediately was at her side, as usual, ready to try her best to solve all of Vanessa’s problems.

“Dorota, did you or did you not send everybody in this room my list of demands for this stupid party?”

“Of course I did, Miss Vanessa, I sent to each and every person as soon as you were done typing on your phone.” Dorota said proudly, her thick Polish accent coming through as she spoke.

Suddenly, a beeping noise rang out of all three of the teenage girls’ phones, which can mean only one thing: the latest Gossip Girl blast of the day had just been posted. Vanessa immediately rolled her eyes and shoved her phone away from Dorota’s outstretched hand, wanting to focus on the party planning and not whatever gossip was being shared at that moment. She would save the gossip for later, when she was having her nightly bubble bath.

“Oh my God!” Silky said in shock as she held her phone out to Akeria so she could see what was on her screen.

“Why didn’t V tell us that Brooke was coming back?” Akeria whispered as quietly as she possibly could, not wanting to aggravate her friend even more. Silky shrugged and shook her head.

“V, when were you gonna tell us Brooke Lynn was back? This is huge news!” Akeria said excitedly, happy that the fourth and final member of their tightknit group was finally back in New York.

“What? Show me that!” Vanessa grabbed her phone from Dorota and opened the website as quickly as she possibly could and sure enough, there it was: a picture of her former best friend Brooke Lynn Hytes standing in Grand Central Station, her perfect blonde hair blowing in the wind as she made her way through the train station.

Akeria eyed her friend up and down sceptically.

“You didn’t know she was coming back?”

“Of course I did, I just…forgot.” Vanessa’s hands were slightly trembling and she could feel her hands starting to beat faster. She hadn’t seen Brooke in a whole year and she wasn’t sure she wanted to see her again so soon considering Brooke hadn’t even bothered to let Vanessa know that she was moving away, let alone say goodbye.

She stood in the middle of the hallway with her phone clutched tightly in her hand as she glared down at the picture of the girl she loved, completely in her own world and unaware of the things going on around her.

—

2 years ago

Brooke and Vanessa sat on Brooke’s four poster canopy bed, the latest issues of Vogue littering the mattress as well as the chocolate covered strawberries and glasses of champagne that the two girls were slowly making their way through. They were both wearing pyjamas with black silk robes over them as they tried to enjoy their last moments of freedom that summer break had to offer before they had to start their sophomore year of high school.

Vanessa watched Brooke as she animatedly described all of the things they were going to do that year. All the parties they’d host, the new restaurants they’d try out, the places they’d travel to during their winter and spring break. Vanessa, usually being the louder one in their friendship, was happy to sit back and listen to her best friend when she was this excited about something, especially if she was involved in the plans that Brooke was making.

“This year is gonna be different, Ness. This is gonna be our year. We’re gonna rule that school together.” Brooke said while she grabbed a strawberry from the box and slowly started to bite the chocolate off of it.

“Don’t we always?” replied Vanessa, a single eyebrow raised as if to challenge Brooke’s statement.

“Come on, V, you know what I mean. We’re closer than we’ve ever been…this year is all about you and me. Nobody else.” Brooke said, getting quieter towards the end of her sentence.

“Nobody else?”

“Just you and me, Nessa.”

—

Now

“Hey, earth to Vanessa!” Silky shouted, her hand waving in front of Vanessa’s face. Vanessa’s eyes were still glued to her phone, to the picture of Brooke Lynn that she quickly removed from her screen and snapped her head up guiltily.

“You have to get that little freshman girl Plastique to make an invitation for Brooke! She’s gonna love this party now that she’s back, especially because she didn’t have to help plan any of it.” Akeria said with a laugh.

“She’s not invited.” Vanessa said simply.

“What do you mean she’s not invited? Why not?” Akeria asked, her perfectly arched brow raised as high as it could possibly go.

“The party’s planned and adding another person to the guestlist would throw everything off. You’ve seen how incompetent everybody here is today…I’m not risking the success of the entire party just for Brooke Lynn.” Vanessa looked up to find Silky, Akeria and also Dorota were staring at her, clearly extremely confused, but at that point in time she just simply didn’t have the energy to care.

“What are you guys doing? Get back to work! You need to find a new dress that isn’t copying my entire style, Silky, remember? Maybe focus your energy into that instead.” With that, Vanessa stormed up the stairs into her bedroom, slamming the door on her way in. she was not in the mood to be messed with right now.

[victoriousfrankenstein]

Experiment 1: “Descend in pain, demon!” -- I, FRANKENSTEIN (2014)

You’re probably wondering why I’m kicking off this series with this shlock. Well, I’ll just tell you--it’s free with Hulu and I’m not trying to break the bank here. (Spoilers ahead, not that you care lol)

I, Frankenstein stars blandly chiseled Aaron Eckhart as Frankenstein’s monster, here conveniently named Adam, with assists from Bill Nighy, Miranda Otto, Yvonne Strahovski, and Jai Courtney. The backstory goes like this: in 1795, Victor Frankenstein brought his monster into the world (in an undisclosed place), immediately rejected him (for an undisclosed reason), and tried to kill him (by tossing him off an undisclosed bridge). The monster survived this attempted drowning and came back to kill Dr. F’s wife, then led him up north through the unforgiving arctic, where the good doctor eventually succumbed to the cold. This information is communicated to us visually and via voice over, in case we couldn’t figure it out for ourselves.

The movie truly begins with the Creature burying Frankenstein next to his wife (“It was more than he deserved,” spits a bitter Aaron Eckhart). As he does this, he is attacked by demons and immediately kills one of them. This awakens some nearby gargoyles who fly from their perches on a castle to merc the rest and save the unconscious Creature. They remark that they’ve never seen a human kill a demon before and conclude that “it” must be special; as they loot what they believe is a corpse, they find a pretty sweet journal belonging to one Victor M. Frankenstein and gasp because the rumors are true!!! Then the Creature begins to move!!!!!

The gargoyles take him back to their queen (Otto), who demands to know why the demons wanted him. She explains that the Gargoyle Order has been at war with demons since the fall of Satan, and that they were commanded into being by St. Michael himself. She also gives the Creature a name--Adam--and requests that he stay with them for protection...but he leaves and forges his own way for 200 years, before finally returning to hunt down the demons who want him for some reason.

So it’s now Modern Times, but I couldn’t tell you where this movie is actually set for the life of me. The gargoyles live in some monstrous European cathedral and all the actors are affecting that bland movie British accent, but there are few indications of what the actual, specific setting is. Unless, of course, the cathedral is real, and I just don’t know my landmarks. Sorry.

Anyway, now scientists are hard at work trying to figure out the secret to reanimating dead corpses. Dr. Terra Wade (Strahovksi), working under Bill Nighy (who unsurprisingly turns out to be Prince Naberius, leader of the demon horde), zaps a rat back to life. She weirdly measures the electricity in Joules and not volts; I am not a scientist, but this sounds wrong to me.

She tells Bill Nighy that they aren’t yet ready to reanimate a human corpse yet, and he fires back that hasn’t she heard of Victor Frankenstein? She proclaims that Frankenstein is a myth, made up to “scare children.” For me, this opens up a can of worms I’m not sure the writers thought of when they put this in the script. Just...who is Frankenstein in this universe? Does the Mary Shelley novel exist? Does it exist, but as real documentation and not a work of fiction? Is he more of a legend? She wonders why Frankenstein didn’t share his discovery with the world if the story is true, but he explains that himself in the actual novel, which leads me to believe it was never written in-universe. But then seriously, where did the myth come from?! Terra speaks as if the Brothers Grimm invented the story and it’s very odd.

She does admit, however, that if Frankenstein did reanimate a corpse, it would be helpful to study the creation. So Bill Nighy assembles his troops.

Demons attack the cathedral, where Adam is being kept by the gargoyles. The CG is absolute ass. This movie has big 2004 energy for a lot of reasons, and this is one of them. The only thing I appreciate about the fight scenes is that there isn’t an excess of shaky cam, so it’s easy to see what’s happening; unfortunately, what’s happening isn’t usually very interesting. The fight choreography is stale and repetitive. The music is incredibly generic.

However, this scene particularly has holy waterboarding, so that’s pretty good.

It also has the best worst line in the entire film!

The demons capture the Gargoyle Queen, who is then traded back for Frankenstein’s journal. Now the bad guys have the ability to reanimate dead humans, something a man in the 1790’s figured out and they could not.

Meanwhile, Adam breaks into the lab and finds a room of stashed corpses, which the demons are presumably storing to raise an army of the undead. He jumps through a window into the lab to get the journal back. Everyone knows immediately who he is because Victor Frankenstein was really good at drawing.

Unfortunately, security shows up with Bill Nighy, who chews the scenery as much as he can. He calls Adam “Frankenstein,” as “we are all the sons of our fathers.” Adam cannot accept this. He breaks out of a separate window and lands on a train, where he begins to read his life story, then doubles back to meet up with Terra and tell her all about the gargoyle/demon battle. And that she’s working for a demon prince.

Demons attack them. One of them monologues about how they will summon their brethren to possess the corpses. What does this have to do with Adam? He doesn’t have a soul...and demons can only possess bodies without soul!

 Adam is injured. Terra learns that he’s hot. Sexy Wound Dressing commences.

This is probably the most annoying part of this film to me. Adam and everyone waxes poetic about how he was rejected by his creator and humanity, and I have to wonder why. He looks and acts like a dude. A ripped dude, yes, but a dude. He apparently learned how to speak in a single winter, so it’s not like he was ever really a wild animal? His scarring isn’t even raised! He could hide his blemishes with foundation if he really wanted to, yet several people in this movie call him “it” before even learning what exactly he is. It’s about as unnatural as Ben Shapiro purposefully misgendering trans people.

Anyway, Terra tells Adam she’ll make him a companion since Frankenstein didn’t because he was a bad dad. This is a one-off line that amounts to nothing.

At this point there is a third of the movie left, but you can guess exactly how it unfolds from here. It’s hardly worth recounting in detail. Basically everyone is after the journal, but Adam destroys it before anyone can get it. That doesn’t matter. Terra is forced to reanimate the corpse of her murdered colleague without it, which sets into motion the reanimation of the thousands of corpses Bill Nighy has had on ice for….centuries, presumably?

Demons ascend to Earth to prepare to take over their new corporeal forms. Luckily, Adam is here to take them and the gargoyles, who have betrayed him, down.

I didn’t mention the gargoyle betrayal before because it lasts four seconds and amounts to nothing. They’re all fighting demons now. Bill Nighy reveals his true form!

A demon tries to possess Adam, but it doesn’t take. Our king says “my body, my choice!” He has a soul! Yasssss!

The whole laboratory sinks into Hell and the gargoyles save Adam and Terra. The movie ends with Adam vowing to protect humanity. And because I know you’re wondering, yes, the last line is this:

We do not ask for the lives we are given. But each of us has the right to defend that life. I have fought to protect mine. And when the forces of darkness return, you shall know that I am out there, fighting to defend yours. I, descender of the demon horde. I, my father’s son. I, Frankenstein.

Jesus Christ.

So, is this movie worth watching?

That is a resounding no. There are some movies that are a fun kind of bad, and others that are just boring. I, Frankenstein is the latter. Even watching it with a friend wasn’t that fun. The film has about four different colors, and the acting is even less varied. It’s the same performance all around--gravelly, serious, dull, with nary a joke to be found. Only Bill Nighy makes an attempt to do something, but even he doesn’t ascend above the generic Evil Rich Guy mold.

It’s funny because as I watched this, I thought it seemed like an Underworld ripoff. According to IMDb, the franchises were originally envisioned to exist in the same universe, but I, Frankenstein did so poorly that the idea was scrapped.

Is it any wonder? The performances are empty, and so is the world itself. A few extras in the first scenes gawk at Adam’s scarring, but none show up at all in the climax. “This city” is referenced throughout, but can it really be called a city when there is no life to be found? When it isn’t even named?!

Please stay away from this film. Its scarring runs deeper than Adam’s, and it doesn’t even have abs.

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 19 - 20

The last few chapters utterly spoiled me with good content in form of the witches.But everything good, sadly, cannot last forever.

Elide Lochan kept quiet during the two days she and Lorcan trekked through the eastern edges of Oakwald, heading for the plains beyond.

*groans* Elide, I love you, but your POVs are just not fun to read, I’m sorry. Maybe because my instincts are telling me we might get a Lorcan POV too, and I’m starting to be irked by this guy.

But [Elide] still slept soundly these last two nights—thanks to the belly full of meat courtesy of Lorcan’s hunting. He’d scrounged up two rabbits, and when she’d devoured all of hers in minutes, he’d given her half of what was left of his. She hadn’t bothered being polite by refusing.

Girl, you were kept prisoner for how long? Don’t feel sorry for eating. Besides, Lorcan is an immortal warrior, yeah? So he probably doesn’t need to eat as much as you do during a day.

So they make it to a city, and Elide, being one of the few smart characters in this book, realizes Lorcan needs a disguise.

Elide surveyed herself, and set down her pack. First, she removed the leather jacket, even though it left her feeling like a layer of skin had peeled off, then she rolled up the sleeves of her white shirt. But without the tight leather, the full size of her breasts could be seen—marking her as a woman and not a slip of a girl that people assumed she was.

I say once again; full grown women are not the only ones with huge breasts. You  can be a teenager with big breasts. Hell, I’m a young adult woman and I don’t have large boobs at all! Your breasts size have very little to do with your age once you hit puberty.

[Lorcan’s] eyes traveled from [Elide’s] feet to her head, and he frowned again. “Bigger tits won’t prove or hide anything.”

See, even Lorcan understands this. Also really, Lorcan says ‘tits’? 

They roll up to town and there are soldiers checking wagons and inspecting people, searching for her. Since Elide’s limp gives herself away, Lorcan fixes it temporarily with magic.

[Lorcan] opened the door, and by the time [Elide’s] eyes adjusted to the glow of the wrought-iron chandeliers, Lorcan’s face had changed. His eyes might never be warm, but a bland smile was on his face, his shoulders relaxed—as if he were slightly inconvenienced by the wait but eager for a good meal. He almost looked human.

I know I said I despised Lorcan, but at least he’s willing to listen to Elide and make an effort to disguise himself. Maybe these chapters won’t be too painful to read.

“Brother,” Lorcan murmured so no one else could hear. “I am your brother.” “You are my husband,”  [Elide] said with equal quiet. “We have been married three months. Follow my lead.”

I see your “pretending to date/be married’ fanfic trope, SJM. I see you.

[Elide] said simply, “Men will not fear the threat of a brother. I would still be unclaimed—still be open for … invitations. I have seen how little respect men have for anything they think they are entitled to. So you are my husband,” she hissed, “until I say otherwise.”

Jesus, way to throw men under the bus. Why is it that all unnamed and minor male characters in SJM’s books are addicted to rape and sexual harassing women? Like I know it happens in this time period ( and today) but Christ, all of these men are just frothing at the mouth to claim a woman or some shit.

Elide listens to the next table, which turns out to be a traveling carnival group.

Elide lifted her eyes to Lorcan’s—he gave a nod. She took a sip of her stew, steeling herself, thinking of Asterin Blackbeak. Charming, confident, fearless. She’d always had her head at a jaunty angle, a looseness to her limbs, a hint of a smile on her lips. Elide took a breath, letting those memories sink into muscle and flesh and bone.

Awww, I love little tidbits like this, showing how much of an impact Manon and her Thirteen had on Elide. Girls supporting girls is so important and precious.

Elide manages to convince the carnival group that she and Lorcan are traveling performers, and they are allowed in. I’m starting to warm up to Elide again - she uses her intelligence, he speaking skills, and her wits to solve her problems. It’s refreshing compared to the other characters always using magic and strength.

His wife. Gods above.

Unghhh, Lorcan’s POV.

Lorcan ignored the hand the bearded man offered and jumped into the back of the wagon, reminding himself to sit close to Marion, to put an arm around her bony shoulders and look relieved and happy to have a troupe again.

But again, he’s making an effort at least. That’s more than Aelin would do; she’d just threaten to burn everyone in her path until she gets her way.

Marion rolled her eyes, patting Lorcan’s knee. He nearly cringed at every touch. Even with his lovers, outside the bed itself, he didn’t like casual, careless contact. Some found that intolerable. Some thought they could break him into a decent male who just wanted a home and a good female to work beside him. Not one of them had succeeded.

Christ Lorcan, she’s just patting your knee. Right after I gave your kudos for putting effort into your disguise and everything.

“I want to see life—see the world,” Marion said, her voice softening. “I want to see everything.” Lorcan wondered if Marion would even get to do that if he failed in his task, if the Wyrdkey he carried wound up in the wrong hands.

Like I said, gonna be a doozy when Lorcan finds out his Wyrdkey is a fake.

Does it sound like I’m stretching for things to say? Because I am. Honestly this subplot is just.... really really boring. It’s just Lorcan being grumpy and brooding and while Elide is a nice and interesting character, SJM just isn’t doing anything cool with her aside from the occasional little moment here and there.

“But Aelin Galathynius,” Nik mused. Marion’s hand went limp on Lorcan’s knee. “Who knows what she will do. She has not called for aid, has not asked soldiers to come to her. Yet she held Rifthold in her grip—killed the king, destroyed his castle. But gave the city back.” The bench beneath them groaned as Marion leaned forward. “What do you know of Aelin?”

NO NO I’M SORRY I TAKE IT BACK THIS SUBPLOT IS INTERESTING PLEASE NO AELIN GUSHING PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

“Rumors, here and there,” Nik said, shrugging. “They say she’s beautiful as sin—and colder than ice. They say she’s a tyrant, a coward, a whore. They say she’s gods-blessed—or gods-damned. Who knows? Nineteen seems awfully young to have such burdens … Rumor claims her court is strong, though. A shape-shifter guards her back—and two warrior-princes flank her on either side.”

Aedion is the one who came up with the guarding her sides/back thing. How the fuck do other people know about it? Also unghhh everyone in this book just has to be royalty don’t they.

Some soldiers stop them and order them all out, presumable looking for Elide. Then they fuck off and Lorcan angsts about happy endings and how Elide’s goal is foolish.

There was no such thing as a better world—no such thing as a happy end. Because there were no endings.

Don’t be like that Lorcan, you’re a hot attractive magic dude in a shitty YA book. Of course you’re gonna get a happy ending. Next chapter!

Rowan Whitethorn just needed a place to rest. He didn’t give a shit if it was a bed or a pile of hay or even beneath a horse in a stable. As long as it was quiet and there was a roof to keep out the driving veils of rain, he didn’t care.

Dorian and Rowan have made it to Skull’s Bay.

But [Rowan] and the young king had chosen another route, during the many hours he’d made good on his promise to teach Dorian about magic. They’d worked for only minutes at a time—since it’d be no use if the king wrecked their little boat should his power slip its leash. So it had been exercises with ice: summoning a ball of frost to his palm, letting it melt. Over and over.

Aww, this is nice. I kinda wish we could’ve actually seen this, but it’s a nice mental image nonetheless.

But as if the gods themselves wanted to test him, a gust of rain-cooled wind sprayed into their faces, and some sense pricked in its wake. A shift in the air. Like a great pocket of power gathered close, beckoning. The knife at his side was instantly in his soaked hand as he searched the rooftops, revealing only plumes of rain. Rowan quieted his mind, listening to the city and storm around them.

So Rowan’s magic picks up some shady shit. What, pray tell, could be after them in Skull’s Bay?

Rowan sheathed his knife. “Then stay close and keep alert.”

Oh. Never mind, then. We transition then into Dorian’s POV.

Aelin had once confirmed that Rolfe was indeed soulless and indeed tattooed. As for the map … She’d shrugged, saying Rolfe claimed it stopped moving when magic fell. Dorian wondered if that map now indicated that he and Rowan walked through his city—if it marked them as enemies.

Seriously, Rolfe is so cool. A pirate damned without a soul with a magic map on his hands? Gimmie that novel! I wish SJM actually did something with the cool concepts she makes.

Two guards stood halfway down the block—guards not for any uniform, but for the fact that they were standing in this storm, hands on their swords. Rowan angled his head in a way that told Dorian the prince was likely contemplating whether it was worth it to chuck the men into the roiling harbor.

Rowan: How dare Darrow imply that my gf and I can’t be proper leaders? We are extremely talented in diplomacy!

Also Rowan: Hmm I’m gonna toss the guards of the guy I arranged a meeting with into the ocean lol.

Storm-Chaser. Lady Ann. Tiger-Star. The sterns of ships. Every table was made from them. They hadn’t been taken from wrecks. No, this was a trophy room—a reminder to those who met with the Pirate Lord of how, exactly, he had gained his crown.

Seriously why are SJM’s side characters so awesome and bad ass and intriguing but her main cast is so boring and lacks any development? Cut out Aelin and her court and give me a novel about Darrow, the witches, and Rolfe’s pirate army. I’d pay good money for that fic.

A door behind the bar opened, and a slim, brown-haired young woman stepped out. Her apron marked her as the barmaid, but her shoulders were back, head high—gray eyes sharp and clear as she scanned them and remained unimpressed. “He was wondering when you two would come snooping,” she said, her accent rich and thick—like Aedion’s.

Aye lmaooo you call them out girl.

Dorian nodded, something in his chest easing. “And you—your magic is … better?” That hard face yielded nothing. “I’ll manage.” Not an answer.

Lmao don’t worry Dorian, as soon as Rowan needs his magic he’ll be able to shoot frost balls out of his ass. Because what is a magic system?

Dorian didn’t know what he expected from the Lord of Pirates. But a dark-haired man, a day past thirty if that, lounging on a red velvet chaise before the rain-splattered curve of windows was not it.

Damn, SJM, you gonna leave me hanging just as soon as we get to an awesomely built up character? Apparently so.