#christ this got long asfdkjl

[rocksolute]

👶 heh

ted was snoring the night away without a single care, looking like a sloth hanging from a branch on a tree with  more than sixty-five percent of his body dangling off the edge of the bed he shared with his first and only flame—- the nancy to his not so vicious sid, elizabeth. he gnashed his teeth unconsciously in his sleep and sighed profoundly as he’s swept away and lost in a dream he could only hope to accomplish in real life.  ❛  this show is has been straight fuego, bodacious ladies and gentle-dudes and it is all thanks to you! we seriously could not have done it without you.  ❜  wyld stallyns fans’ screams caress his earholes in the dream, they were playing to a full house at the selland arena in fresno and they were opening for their fellow headliner, v.an ha/len. and just as he was about to dive into the song’s solo that would wrap up their portion of the show, the earpiece that protected his ears from upsetting loud noises fell with a soundless ‘clack’ onto the ground.

tossing his jet-black hair out of his eyes, he bends down to pick it up— but before he could snag the item in question, he felt a pair of icicles burning holes into his back. the young musician’s blood ran cold as their adoring fans gasped in unison, looking directly behind him with wide eyes and gaping open mouths.  “  theodore, look ou—- !  ” and he quickly turned around. the stadium was as still and as silent as graveyard now except for the static that flooded the stadium and the few notes that were unintentionally played as ted’s fingers just barely grazed his guitar strings. instead of finding his wife who’s sentence was cut short prematurely, he finds him. wyld stallyns’ arch-nemesis and rufus’ old gym teacher, chuck de nomolos who’d traveled a very long distance to destroy what he personally liked to call that ridiculous, insipid band not once…but twice.  ❛

 what have you done to my friends, you futuristic dickweed?  ❜  he demanded angrily, gripping the neck of the guitar in his hands as he swung it like a bat. may not be much compared to the futuristic ray gun his overfed repulsiveness had but it’ll do for now. instead of giving one of his speeches about how much he hated the most excellent society he was forced to live in because of their ‘tasteless, heavy metal’ music—- he let out a scream. a blood curdling scream, it unlike anything he’d ever had the utmost displeasure to hear before. a sound he didn’t think a human was even capable of producing. it was all over the place like, some sort of psychotic free form jazz and ted tried to so desperately block out the noise that flooded the arena.

his dream was quickly altered by a not so scary doze of reality when he realized the source of the noise wasn’t chuck de nomolos but his son. wiping the sweat off his brow, he lets himself drop with a hard ‘thud’ onto the ground.  “  my stars!  ”  he heard his wife cry, throwing the covers off her as she rushed to his aid.  “  theodore, are you alright?  ”  to which, ted replied with a guttural  ❛  i’m alright.  ❜  he lifted his head off the floor, just enough for her to see his dark, romantic, half lidded eyes behind the bed’s horizon.  ❛  do not fret, bodacious wife babe! i’ll take care of it.  ❜  

the former princess smiled sweetly before she eased back into bed and yanked the covers over her head, she does so much for their band and their family during the day; she needs the rest. ted scrambled to his feet and quietly made his way to william’s crib.  ❛  — what made you turn on your siren, little dude?  ❜  he checks for a questionable scent, a sigh of relief escaping his lips to see there wasn’t any.  ‘  hun-whee.  ‘  he’s hungry.  ❛  well, let’s go fetch some snack-a-roos, scrappy doo.  ❜  the toddler clapped his hands as dad took him in his strong arms and carried him down the hall, chanting  ’  snack-ee-roos! snack-ee-rooss! snack-ee-ro—– !  ‘  before ted shushed him a finger to his lips.  

❛  use your library voice, dude even if you’ve never been to a library before.  ❜  he’ll take him tomorrow morning to watch the puppet show, if he can bring himself to remember even a fraction of what he’s telling him. the smaller version of ted shook his head and pulled on a strand of his father’s nape-length hair. ‘  —- ba-doob!  ‘  after flicking the light switch in the kitchen, the young parent put the little one down and let him walk clumsily about. he opened the fridge, squinted his eyes and looked inside. maybe he’ll want some of those yogurt cookies that melt in your mouth.he immediately took those out. when he turned around, he saw william holding up his toy guitar.  ‘  bay-len! bay-len!  ‘  the tot said, to which his father cried.  ❛  you can shred just like e.ddie v/an ha!len? no way! show me.  ❜  

he offered the small sleeve with cookies to his son, who immediately popped three into his mouth. the younger pressed a bright, orange button on the guitar, making all the lights on it turn on. ted showed genuine interest as he too, munched on some of little bill’s most savory yogurt cookies, holding a pre-chilled bottle of milk in his free hand. his eyes blew up to the size of golf balls as genuine interest is displayed across his face.  ❛  outstandingly played! willing to bet you must be the very spit of e.vh himself! do you offer lessons for greenhorns such as myself?  ❜  

the younger eagerly shook his head before his dad lifted him off the ground, turned off the light and scurried down the hall with his laughter echoing behind him. hugging his toy guitar close to his chest, the child took the cookies and bottle from the older’s hands, taking drinks from the formula between bites till he eventually the walk to their bedroom rocked him to sleep.  

❛  time to get some shut-eye, little dude! we have a big day with a most excellent adventure ahead of us.   ❜  the taller quietly placed the bottle, wrapper, and toy guitar on the lamp table to his left before carefully placing his now sleeping son back in his crib.he couldn’t help but smile a bit as he looked down at him—- brushing the thick, jet-black hair they shared out of his eyes as he drifted off.  ❛  sleep well, little dude. 

CAN YOU EVEN ADULT, DUDE?  ⚡  NO LONGER ACCEPTING!