#chris and raen

[kenzieam]

Destroyed - Chapter Six (Chris x Raen)

Rating: M - ***TRIGGER WARNINGS***

Warnings: Violence, language, drama, angst, mentions of abuse and rape

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Okay, so....

This chapter got away from me and the characters went in a completely different direction than I originally intended. I’m not sure anymore if the story is going to end the way I first thought. Let me know what you think.

Reread Chapter Five here

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**TRIGGER WARNINGS**

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After a long moment, he asked quietly. “Can I take you somewhere?”

“Where?” Raen hiccupped.

“A place I like to go to, when I’m feeling out of control.”

“Are others around?” Raen asked and Chris felt a flare of disappointment; did Raen not trust him, after everything? “I don’t think I can handle seeing anyone right now.”

His disappointment morphed instantly into shame, this had nothing to do with him, he needed to stop focusing on himself and how he was feeling, right now, this was all about Raen. “No, there’s not usually anyone else there.”

“Okay,” Raen glanced at the table. “Just let me clean up and get dressed-“

“No, doll go ahead. I’ll clean up.”

“No, Chris. I can’t ask you-“

“You have a dishwasher, right?” At her nod, he grinned. “Then I can’t screw anything up, go ahead.” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze as she stood and turned towards the sink, smiling to himself as he heard her door shut.

She emerged fifteen minutes later, just as Chris was wiping the last of the crumbs off the counter. Chris could only gape for a beat before swallowing hard and forcing his gaze away. Black fitted jeans, layered camisoles and a cropped jean jacket, fuck, she had no idea what she did to him, how drop-dead gorgeous she was. She’d pulled her hair into a long French braid over one shoulder, the strands looking especially soft today and Chris suddenly felt like an uncultured caveman next to her.

“We just need to make one stop,” he declared, fisting his hands in his pockets. “I gotta change too.”

Raen raised a brow. “Don’t shave though, that scruff does stuff to me.” She threw him a flirty wink that had Chris staring after her for a long beat, gaping. Christ, she kept him on his toes, he’d never get enough.

He met her at the door, climbing into the Cruiser and settling back into the seat as Raen drove off. He couldn’t help his mechanical ear though and listened for a long moment as Raen shifted gears before saying, “it sounds off, a bit of a skip. Can you let me look at it later?”

“What’ll that cost?” Raen quipped, flicking her gaze at him, letting him know she’d known all about his price fixing before and subtly asking him not to again. Whether she didn’t want favors hanging over her head or not, she also didn’t want Chris to be losing money on her either.

“Diagnostic is free.” Chris replied. “And then it depends on what I find.”

“Okay.”

“Leave it at the shop, we’ll take my truck.”

She didn’t argue and a half hour later they were on their way, Raen looking in all directions trying to decipher where Chris was taking her. As they neared the destination, Raen clapped her hands with a squeak. “The Old Quarry!”

“You’ve been there?”

“I used to spend every summer with grandma, I’d come here all the time. It was always so… relaxing.”

Chris nodded. “I discovered the same not long after I got here. I’ve spent hours and hours out here, just staring at the water.”

“Have you watched the sunset out here?”

Chris nodded. “Yeah, and some nights when I couldn’t sleep, I’d see the sunrise too.”

Raen smiled sadly. “I fell asleep out here one afternoon, didn’t wake up until long after dark. Scared my grandma something awful. She’d already sent the Sheriff out looking for me, he gave me a ride back. I felt so bad, making her worry.”

“You had good times out here, though? With your grandma?”

Raen nodded, brushing away a tear. “Yeah… I wish things had turned out different though. That I’d come back to see her before she died.”

Chris nodded then, before he could think too much about it and stop himself, reached over and touched her hand. He expected her to pull away, but she turned her palm instead, letting him wrap his fingers around hers and squeeze.

They were silent for a minute as Chris guided the truck up the trail. The quarry had been abandoned by the mining company years ago and been partially reclaimed. Nature had taken back it’s property and covered what it could with lush greenery, while the small man-made lake at the bottom looked completely natural. Still, despite its beauty, it wasn’t a very popular spot with the locals or the tourists, the original road looked a little too rustic to the average person, and once you got up there, there wasn’t much to do but sit and enjoy the scenery, which wasn’t something today’s plugged in society often did anymore.

The occasional adventurous picnicker ventured up there, or amateur photographer, but the quarry remained a quiet little secret most of the time. Chris had discovered it by accident, testing out the four-by-four capabilities of his truck one day not long after deciding to stay in town and, to be honest, this place and the tranquility it offered, had saved his sanity a time or two.

Reaching the end of the road and the top of the quarry, Chris pulled the truck to the side and climbed out. He hurried over to open Raen’s door for her, but she was already climbing out, smiling shyly when he offered his hand. Reaching behind the seat, he pulled out the large blanket he kept back there for exactly this purpose and walked to the clearing at the edge of the quarry.

Raen waited while he laid it out, near a large boulder then sat carefully down. She crossed her legs and took a deep breath, eyes scanning the scenery for a bit before looking back over at Chris. He sat beside her, stretching out his legs and leaned back, resting on his hands and Raen grinned when he looked her way, motioning with her chin behind him,

Lifting his sunglasses, Chris turned his head. Carved into the stone, roughened and faded by time, were the words ‘Raen was here’. The execution was amateurish and jagged, like she’d been a child when she’d done it.

“The first time I discovered this place.” Raen explained. “I was due to go home the next day, summer was over, and I was afraid I wouldn’t be allowed to visit my grandma again. Mom’s second husband was a drunk and threatened to not let me come back. I wanted to leave something behind.”

“Did you come back?”

Raen nodded but Chris could see the tightening around her eyes, even with her sunglasses on. “They divorced around Christmas, really messy but I was happy to see him go. We did good for awhile, just mom and me, but she was afraid of being alone and the next guy she found was a real winner. Summers became my escape.”

“Did he hurt you?” Chris didn’t want to know the answer, but the question fell from his mouth anyway. His body tensed and his jaw clenched as he awaited her answer. Everyone, every single person that had hurt his Raen was going to pay, one way or another, for the pain they caused her.

“Not after I installed a lock on my bedroom door. He was a pig, but he was also lazy.” Her eyes flicked up to Chris’ as he let out an involuntary growl, but she only swallowed and looked away. “It was a long time ago, Chris. He’s dead now, drank himself to death on the kitchen floor when I was sixteen. Mom’s newest husband said I was too fat to be pretty, he preferred skeletal alcoholics, like my mom, and left me alone.”

A fierce ache hit Chris in the chest, while relieved the asshole’s prejudices had kept him from messing with Raen, he wanted to tear the bastard’s throat out for ever making Raen feel that she wasn’t perfect in every way.

“You’re beautiful, you know that. Right?”

Raen glanced his way, her lips quirked in disagreement but froze at the utter sincerity and intensity in Chris’ gaze. After a beat, she nodded soberly then looked away again.

They were silent for a few minutes, while Chris fought the urge to pull Raen close and crush away her sadness. The level of affection and intensity he was feeling right now would only scare her and he wanted her too badly to end up back at square one, but fuck he needed to touch her.

She shivered as a breeze blew past them, cooled by the water below and Chris reacted without thinking. Scooting closer he shrugged off his jacket and placed it over Raen’s shoulders, rubbing her upper arms to generate warmth. She flashed him a look of mixed surprise and embarrassment.

“Sorry,” she mumbled. “I-“

“S’no problem, doll.” Chris leaned closer involuntarily, drawn by her seductive scent, a crisp clean mix of shampoo and her natural fragrance and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, Raen was watching him carefully, their faces mere inches apart. Unwillingly, his gaze dropped to her mouth, imagining what they would taste like and Raen inhaled softly, her tongue wetting her lips.

Chris groaned, unable to resist the invitation and leaned in just as Raen did the same, their lips touching, tentatively at first, then harder, dual moans escaping them. Chris brought a hand up and cupped Raen’s face, his head spinning as their kiss deepened, his pulse starting to race when she opened for him and his tongue slicked along hers. Without thinking, without examining it too closely Chris sat back, pulling Raen with him and onto his lap. She seemed startled for a second to be there, straddling his thighs but then she wrapped her arms around his neck and dove in, returning his kiss with a heated desperation that had him instantly hard and straining below her.

His hands gripped her hips as they devoured each other, the kiss rapidly growing from an innocent, tender peck into a steamy make-out session. Chris rocked Raen’s hips down onto him, letting her feel his arousal and she gasped against his mouth, then grinned wickedly and ground herself back down, rolling firmly over his straining cock.

“Jesus, baby-“ Chris groaned, pulling away from her mouth to trail sucking kisses along her jaw. “Fuck, that feels good.” He sucked and nipped along her neck while Raen threw her head back, exposing the smooth column of her throat to him.

His pulse racing, head spinning, Chris couldn’t recall the last time he’d been so swept up before, had he ever? Things were going to get damn serious fast unless one of them showed some goddamn restraint and, as much as Chris wanted to bury himself in Raen’s sweet body, he didn’t want their first time to be here, a rushed, messy affair out in the open, where anyone with gumption to handle the trail could show up and surprise them. He wanted to savour her, wrap himself around her for hours and bring her to peak after sweet peak, watch her fall apart in his arms and know he was the one to make that way-

A car door slamming behind them startled their mouths apart and they froze, panting breaths as they listened.

“Shit,” Raen hissed, rolling off Chris’ lap, leaving him feeling cold and exposed. They struggled to right themselves, straighten their mussed clothes and bodies then turned to look, following the sound of footsteps. A man appeared a few dozen feet away, toting a folded-up tripod and carrying a camera bag.

“Sorry,” he called. “Didn’t know anyone else was going to be up here.”

“S’alright.” Chris called back. “We were just leaving.” The man nodded and turned away as Raen looked over at Chris in surprise. “We are?”

“Doll, I can’t lie to you. That was the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever felt. If we stay, I’m not going to be able to control myself, and I know you’re not ready.”

Her cheeks flushed and she lowered her head, but Chris reached out and lifted her chin.

“But it’s okay. I’ll wait as long as you need but I need to distract myself right now, we need to go do something else.” His body ached for her, his cock throbbing in his jeans but this wasn’t about him right now.

Her flush deepened adorably, and she bit her bottom lip, making Chris fight back a moan as he imagined doing that too, hopefully while he was driving inside her.

“I… no, it’s stupid-“

“No, doll. It isn’t. What?”

“I’ve wanted to go to the zoo-“

“Let’s go.”

“Chris, it’s okay, it’s childish-“ Raen began as Chris leapt to his feet and started pulling her to hers.

“Let’s go.”

“It’s just, my grandma took me there as a kid and I haven’t been back since-“

“Baby,” Chris cradled her face, grinning. “It’s okay. I want to go too; I just never found the time. And a single guy walking around kids always makes the moms nervous.”

Raen faltered as his words finally registered, then grinned. “You do look pretty shady.” She teased.

Chris silenced her sass with another kiss, and it almost physically hurt to pull away. “I’m serious. You wanna go? We can, like now.”

Raen glanced down at her body. “Am I dressed well enough?”

Fuck, this woman… he could hardly tear his gaze away. He would spend the rest of his days making her hear how goddamn beautiful she was. “Yeah doll, you look like a wet dream.” He hadn’t meant to say that, but if fell out anyway and he could only grin sheepishly when Raen stared at him. “It’s true, I’m not going to lie about something like that.”

Raen dropped her gaze, cheeks flaming but before Chris could tilt her chin up a second time, she lifted her eyes by herself and the wicked grin that touched her lips did funny things to Chris’ insides.

“Does that work on all your girls?” Her voice was light, but the question was there anyway.

“Only one girl I want it to work on.” Chris couldn’t stop himself and his thumb reached up, brushing gently against Raen’s plush bottom lip. He swallowed hard, waiting for her response. Guys didn’t spout shit like this, not in real life and Raen had no reason to trust the opposite sex, not after the story she’d told him, but he couldn’t seem to stop baring his heart like this to her, every fucking word out of his mouth was the gospel truth and he couldn’t bear to think about what it would do to his heart if Raen rejected him. He really should be guarding himself better.

She studied him, her lilac-grey eyes moving rapidly between his and his breath caught in his throat. Again, he was being weighed and measured and again, he prayed he was found worthy.

“You’re smooth, Mr. King.” She whispered huskily, brushing his shoulder as she turned to walk back to the truck and Chris’ face split into a huge grin. He rubbed a hand through his hair as his body shook slightly with teenager nerves and his insides went liquid. Christ, and they called it puppy love, never… this was real. Heart hammering, he turned and strode to the truck, climbing in with a grin as Raen smiled at him, reaching over to turn on the radio.

The zoo was a success. They’d spent the day wandering leisurely around, holding hands and laughing, talking quietly or gazing serenely at the animals. At one point Chris grew bold and gently pulled Raen back against his chest as they stood, watching the lions. For a half-second, she’d tensed, then relaxed and leaned back into him, giggling softly when Chris pressed a hesitant but tender kiss to the curve of her neck. Her acceptance lifted a huge weight in his chest, and he’d grinned, exhaling in giddy relief, burying his face in her throat as pure happiness tingled in his limbs. When was the last time he’d been like this? Had he ever? Certainly not with Erin, their interactions had always been with the backdrop of Silas’ gang and their cover, the threat of discovery. There’d been no time for frivolities like this, and what better way to raise suspicion but to break character? Two cokeheads sauntering through a child’s amusement park? No, Chris had never had this opportunity, even as a child he’d been denied a youth’s innocence and experiencing it for the first time with Raen secure in his arms was his current idea of heaven.

They’d laughed over hot-dogs from one of the zoo’s vendors, Chris making good-natured fun of her choice of sauerkraut for a topping, her faux gagging at his zealous use of ketchup and mustard. Later, they’d shared a bag of mini-donuts, Chris’ blood heating as he watched Raen suck the cinnamon-sugar from her fingers and the little minx, upon discovering Chris’ attention, had blushed but continued, holding his gaze as she finished, drawing a low growl from deep in his chest. She was playing with fire but seemed to know that, pushing farther and farther as her confidence grew and Chris remained attentive but restrained.

Despite the increased heat between them, as the days passed Chris remained a gentle courter, intent on the end goal of having Raen by his side forever over the immediate pleasure of bringing her to his bed. And Raen slowly grew in confidence around him, she no longer flinched around sudden movements, an action that had always caused a simultaneous flash of rage directed at her asshole ex and sorrow for her fear in Chris each time she did it; and even began to find her voice with him. When she figured out that, unlike Marshall, Chris would not swiftly punish any form of rebellion, no matter how small or insignificant, her inner fire began to strengthen, and the woman she was meant to be began to show. Not that Chris was solely responsible for her growth, but his gentle support in the background, rather than the toxic oppression of her past, allowed her to realize what was there inside her all that time.

And what a woman she was. Chris felt a charge of exhilaration at her emerging spunk and sass. He found himself prodding her gently, needling her harmlessly just for the glory of her reaction, the flash of fire in her eyes that said she knew exactly what he was doing, but was going to react anyway because she loved the exhilaration too, the freedom to call Chris an asshat because he was acting like one, and to state such wouldn’t result in a busted lip or line of dark bruises.

What an asshole Marshall must be, Chris mused time and again. How could he squash her fire, how could he not revel in the simple deliciousness that Raen was? He’d held a treasure in his hands and not known, not recognized the pricelessness of his bounty. What a fucking idiot.

The question of Marshall’s base intelligence again flashed in Chris’ mind as he and Raen shared lunch at his shop approximately a week after their trip to the zoo. The last seven days had been full of quiet moments, enjoyable dinners and even more enjoyable flirting. Chris spent most of his evenings with Raen, for her home was far preferable to him over his apartment above his garage, but tonight Raen would start working at The Bend again. Her week’s vacation courtesy of Gus after the bar fight had come to an end and she was due to work tonight’s shift.

“Is it okay?” Raen asked, raising a brow as Chris eyed his sandwich thoughtfully.

“Yeah babe, it’s fine. I’ve just never had homemade bread before. It’s way better.”

Raen eyed him suspiciously, fighting a giggle when Chris rounded his eyes and added. “It’s true!”

“You’ve never had homemade bread before?”

“My mother wasn’t a homemaker,” Chris answered, no longer feeling a wave of sadness where that woman was concerned; she’d made her choices, and he’d paid for them.

“You never tried making it yourself?” Raen pressed, sounding scandalized, the twitching of her lips telling him she was just teasing.

“Once,” Chris confessed. “I don’t know what I did but it ended up looking like a hockey puck.” He chewed thoughtfully for a beat then continued. “This is really good, doll. You should have your own bakery.”

Raen rolled her eyes as she turned back to the basket she’d brought; this wasn’t the first time he’d spouted such nonsense. Grinning wickedly, she pulled out a Ziploc bag, feigning secrecy but making sure Chris saw exactly what she was doing.

‘Squirrel!’

“Are those cookies?” Chris demanded, grinning broadly. “The same ones from before?” If they were the same cookies Raen had treated him with earlier in the week, then his statement that she needed to open her own bakery stood. The woman was a witch in the kitchen, a newfound talent emerging as she kneaded and stirred away her fears and pains, her body now able to accomplish what she’d usually been to bruised and sore to achieve before.

Still chewing on a large mouthful of sandwich, Chris made ‘gimme’ fingers at Raen, his eyes straight up puppy dog as he pleaded for the cookies and, with a smile that never failed to warm Chris’ heart, she handed the bag over, watching indulgently as he proceeded to gorge himself into a semi-coma, the pleasured sounds and moans of happiness he didn’t realize he was making lighting little fires up and down Raen’s spine.

“Seriously, Raen.” Chris continued, licking the last of the chocolate from his fingers. Raen had battled him briefly for one of the cookies and he’d relented finally, under pain of tickles and handed one of his precious over to her. “These are good. Think about it.”

“Are you coming by tonight?” Raen asked, not so subtly changing the subject.

“Do you want me too?” Chris replied quietly. “I don’t want to be in your way.” He didn’t mention the elephant in the room, no matter how much the reality of it chafed him, but the men who frequented The Bend would probably tip less if the illusion that Raen was single and available was tainted in their washed-out eyes. He wanted to broadcast to the world that Raen was his, but she needed to make money, especially if she wanted to escape the dead-end pull of the bar. The chauvinism pissed him off, but he would be lying if he claimed his own tips had not been influenced at times in the past by the illusion of a server’s smiles and attention being anything but all for him and his lonely heart.

Raen hesitated but when she spoke, what she said was not what Chris thought it would be. “I feel safer when you’re there. But you don’t need to sit there for hours-“

Chris reached up and gently cradled her face. “Doll, I’ll sit happily wherever you are. I’d sit in a cardboard box, as long as it’s with you.”

“Flirt.” Raen whispered, the dismissiveness in her tone irking Chris. He meant it, every word. Was Raen’s recalcitrance based on a specific belief of Chris’ moral deficiencies, or a more general cynicism of the opposite sex? His lips thinned for a beat as he absorbed the blow and shook it off.

“I’ll come by later and stay. Make sure you get home okay? Does that work?” He was stretching more than he wanted, but it was imperative that Raen feel secure and able to control her life and if that meant putting his own piece of mind behind hers, so be it.

“Okay,” Raen murmured, and the shy smile she gave him melted his jaded heart.

The bar was busy, and for awhile it was hard for Chris to even track Raen as she worked. He nursed his beer, barely touching it in favor of the water he’d also asked for and let his gaze travel the room again. The bartender, the one who’d called him an asshole last week, who was friends with one of his old hook-ups, made her way over as she wiped down the bar top.

“Raen says I’m supposed to be nice to you tonight.”

“You do what you want, Eb.” Chris replied quietly, offering a tired half-smile. He was exhausted, having had a busy night already.

Eb leaned forward suddenly, her voice dropping. “You hurt her, and I’ll tear your balls off.”

Chris sat back in surprise; eyes wide but before he could respond, Eb continued. She stood back upright, and the cloth in her hand made a half-hearted pass over the polished wood, but her attention was fixed solely on Chris. “I love Keltie like a sister but she’s wild. Don’t think for a hot minute she wasn’t on the phone calling someone else to come over as soon as you rolled outta her bed all those nights. She knows the score and so do you, you’re as big a whore as anyone else in this town. But Raen’s different. She’s a good person, better than this place, better than me and definitely better than you. I don’t know why she’s even giving you the time of day, but you be good to her, you hear me? Or I’ll be there.”

Chris processed this, blinking blankly a few times. Sure, he and Keltie had had their fun, and like Eb said, she’d known the score and played the same game as he, but this sudden defense of Raen was surprising. But she was right, Raen was good, she was out of Chris’ league and for whatever reason she had for giving Chris’ sorry ass a chance, he’d better not screw it up.

“Understood.” He replied quietly, eyes dropping from Eb’s piercing glare as fresh shame rose in his chest. “I know what I have, I won’t fuck it up.”

Eb eyed him for a beat before nodding and clearing her throat; now that her big sister act was done, she returned to her carefree bartender. “Need a new one?” She asked, jerking her chin to his beer.

“No thanks, Eb. Can I get a coffee though?”

“You’re staying until close?”

“Yeah.”

A brief flash of approval, then Eb even managed a smile. “Sure thing, King.”

Chris stood as the last of the patrons left and walked to the door. “I’ll wait by your car.” He called out to Raen as she cleaned off a nearby tabletop, but she was focused on her task and barely nodded at him. A brief nip of hurt, but he pushed it away. Raen was tired, like him and busy closing.

Ten minutes later Raen emerged from behind the bar, lightening his heart and chasing the weariness from his body. He slid out from the cab of his truck and took a step towards her, opening his arms. But, to his surprise, she didn’t rush into his embrace like she would have before. Instead, she approached quietly, almost edgily.

Raen searched his eyes for a heartbeat, looking for something and Chris felt the beginnings of unease but before he could ask, she gifted him with a perfunctory smile, fishing her keys from her purse.

“Raen? Is anything wrong?”

Raen’s shoulders tensed for an instant, almost too fast for Chris to catch, then relaxed again. “No, just tired.”

Lie.

“Raen? Don’t lie to me, please?”

Raen lifted her head, irritation flashing in her lilac eyes. “Just leave it, Chris.”

He wanted to push, maybe grab her shoulders and demand she spill, but didn’t. That would be a dick move and she’d had enough of that in her life. Nevertheless, he tried again.

“Please? Did I do something?”

Raen exhaled heavily, her hand tightening on her keys. She seemed to be gathering herself before she answered. “Did you see Annette in the bar tonight?”

Chris frowned, a prickle of dread forming low in his chest.

“She showed up not long after you.”

“Okay.” Chris could feel the ground beneath him getting shaky, no, no, NO!

Raen stared up at him for a beat and uncertainty bled her iris’ dark. “You probably miss her, huh? The chance to have sex whenever you felt like it? But you-”

“Wait, what?!” The ground gave way and Chris’ knees threatened to buckle.

Raen flinched slightly but plowed on. “Were you with her earlier? Before you came here?”

Chris just stared at her for moment, struck dumb. What? “No… what the hell, Raen? Where would you get that idea?” The lie taste bitter on his tongue but he needed time to explain. Then it hit him. “Did she say something?”

Raen flinched again, then pulled her door open, climbing into the driver’s seat while Chris gaped in shock.

“Raen!”

Sorrowful eyes met his as the Land Cruiser fired up and Chris reached out desperately, fist hammering the door. “Raen?! What the fuck?!”

The Cruiser lurched away, and Chris stared after it, dumbstruck.

How did she know already? And how the fuck was he going to explain this to her?

It took only a moment for his stunned body to regroup and he threw himself into his truck, following the taillights of Raen’s vehicle. His heart pounding, he wiped sweaty palms on his jeans as his mind raced. He needed to tell the truth, but how did he? How did he say what he needed to say and get Raen to listen to him?

Goddammit, he needed time.

Raen barely threw him a glance as she parked, exiting her vehicle and storming to her door. Chris launched himself after her.

“Raen, wait!”

She fumbled with her door keys, and it slowed her down. If she hadn’t, Chris would have gotten the door slammed in his face, he was sure of it; as it was, he made it to her side just as she cursed, low under her breath, the key petulantly refusing to fit.

“Raen?!”

She whirled at him, her hand still working the knob even as she raged. “Stop it.” She hissed. “She explained everything, okay?”

“Who?” The question was automatic, he knew the answer, even as fresh panic ached in his veins.

Raen scoffed in disbelief. “Who? You know goddamn well who. Annette!” The door finally acquiesced, and she pushed it open, striding through and whirling in one motion to slam it in Chris’ face.

“Raen, wait!” Chris barked desperately, throwing his forearm into the doorway then his foot and thigh, keeping Raen from closing it. Fear flashed in her eyes but anger quickly overcame it again. “Let me explain!”

Raen paused, the door half-closed, ready to squash his limbs if he didn’t start making sense and fast. Her glare invited him to speak, but said she wasn’t going to believe him.

“Okay, yes. Annette… she came by the shop earlier-”

Raen tried to shut the door and Chris winced as his thigh was pinched. He pushed it wider again but didn’t try to enter.

“Spit it out, Chris. I want to go to bed and Annette wants you back in hers.”

“Why are you saying that?” Chris exploded. “What did she say?!”

Raen winced and the fire that blazed in her eyes dimmed slightly. “She said… that before you came to the bar tonight… she met you at your shop and you fucked her.”

Chris froze, jaw agape. “Raen, I-”

“It’s true, isn’t it? That’s why you haven’t told me what happened yet.”

“I haven’t told you yet because you haven’t given me a chance!” Chris roared. The flat of his fist slammed into the door in frustration and the violent motion startled Raen into stepping back, letting the door swing free. Past caring whether he was scaring her or not, Chris stormed in after her and grabbed her upper arms. “Goddammit, Raen! Let me explain!”

“Let me go!” Raen screeched, wrenching herself free. A mix of fear and indignation flashed in her eyes. “There’s nothing to explain!”

“Nothing happened!” Chris barked, kicking the door shut. His chest heaved and fists clenched, eyes blazing as he glared at Raen, feeling like he’d entered some kind of Twilight Zone. Raen glared back, tears in her eyes and chin trembling.

“Nothing happened.” He continued, lowering his voice. With effort, he relaxed his hands, made his shoulders drop. “Yes, she came by and yes, she tried to… seduce me. But nothing happened, I swear. Before you…. yeah, I would have slept with her. I did sleep with her, a lot. And with a lot of other women in this town but not since I met you.”

“What happened, exactly?” Raen bit out, not yet willing to give.

Chris sighed. “I was working on a vehicle and heard her walk up, calling my name. I thought she might actually need a mechanic, so I asked what she wanted.” He scrubbed a hand over his head and down the back on his neck. “She didn’t. She started up with this ‘I miss you’ and ‘we were good together’ shit. I tried to tell her to leave nicely, but she didn’t stop.” He exhaled in a rush. “She tried to kiss me, and I was surprised enough by her balls that we actually touched, but then I pushed her away and told her to get lost.” He winced, not wanting to add the next part but knowing he needed to bare the whole awful mess. “She tried to grab my cock, rub me over my jeans and I got mad. I pushed her hard…. harder than I should have.” He paused, swallowing hard. “She said some real ugly shit and left. I didn’t even see her at the bar after and I certainly wasn’t going to start our conversation tonight with that fucking shit. But you didn’t give me a chance.” He sighed heavily, not yet ready to meet Raen’s eyes, hoping the fact that she was still silent meant she wasn’t about to push him out again. “What did she say to you, exactly?”

Raen sniffled, wiping a hand across her cheeks. “That she stopped by and the two of you…. had sex.”

“And you believed her?” Chris felt a well of disappointment.

Raen shrugged but the movement was anything but flippant. Pain darkened her eyes even as she tried to twist her mouth in derision. “Why shouldn’t I? I know what men want, what they always want.”

Chris’ disappointment grew deeper, overshadowing his anger. He looked hard at her, his jaw tense. “And you think I’m like that too?”

Raen shrugged again, doubling down. “Why not? I mean, look at her, look at me.”

“Raen,” Chris whispered, fighting to calm himself. He was furious right now, at Raen’s dismissals, at her declaration that his sex automatically made him a bastard, but his disappointment was stronger. He still didn’t measure up to her, he still hadn’t proven himself and, even if he had, all it took was half-baked lies for Raen to turn on him like a rabid dog. Nothing but humiliating truth, an absolute baring of his wounded soul would be enough to override her hard-bitten cynicism, a bitterness earned through a harsh life lorded over by cruel, stupid, heartless examples of the worst of men. “I used to be.”

His confession startled her into freezing, staring at him in shock.

Seeing he had her attention, Chris continued, drawing his wrist across the familiar blade, feeling the well-known surge of shame and fresh loathing. “After Erin…. I didn’t care anymore. She tore my heart out and I wasn’t going to let anyone else do the same. For the last five years I’ve been just what you damned me as, a man, sleeping around with anyone I wanted to, no strings attached, no feelings involved.” He sighed heavily, the words hurting him more severely than he thought they would. “Annette and I…. we were good together… in bed. We’re toxic everywhere else and even if I wasn’t just looking for casual sex, I wouldn’t have gone any further with her.” He glanced up to see Raen watching him, the glitter of tears in her eyes. “Until you, that’s all I was, all I wanted to be.” He took a step, his voice lowering slightly as faint anger rose again to mingle with the shame. “But since I met you, I haven’t been with anyone. Even before you’d give me the time of day, I was waiting and hoping in the background, panting for you like a dog. And that’s my bad, I guess. ‘Cause despite all that, all my effort to show you how much you mean to me, all it took are the lies of some jaded bitch for you to turn on me.” He took a deep breath, standing to his full height. “You’ve been hurt by assholes in the past, baby, I get that. But I’m not them, and I’m trying so goddamn hard to show you that. So… if you can’t give me that chance, tell me now so I can get out before my heart is completely destroyed.”

Raen dropped her head, exhaling hard. The words burned Chris’ tongue, echoed painfully in the air around them, but he’d needed to say them. Raen wasn’t the only victim here, he’d been hurt in the past too, he was taking a huge risk too, giving his heart to another woman after Erin’s betrayal.

“I don’t blame you for thinking the worst of men, but it hurts that you still think the worst of me.”

“Chris,” Raen whispered, keeping her head low. The silence stretched uncomfortably.

“I’m gonna go.” Chris replied, giving up on sounding nonchalant and just trying to keep his voice steady. The next words out of his mouth were the most painful he’d ever uttered, and he was desperately relieved Raen wasn’t looking into his eyes, because they were rapidly filling with tears. “I think we should take a few days… think about what we’re trying to do here.”

“Chris-” Raen inhaled sharply, fear entering her eyes, tearing into Chris’ heart. “I didn’t mean-”

“Not goodbye, doll. Just a break. I need to think too and you… you need to decide if I’m worth your time.” Chris stepped back, clamping hard on the desire to give in and stride back towards Raen, draw her into his arms and take back what he’d just uttered. He opened the door and stepped through, pausing before he shut it behind him to mutter quietly, the words barely audible to himself over the pounding of his breaking heart. “We’ll talk in a few days, Raen…. Goodnight.”

Chris made it halfway to his truck before he couldn’t stop himself any longer and turned around, eyes casting over the charming little house that he had started to picture himself in, maybe relaxing on the front deck with the woman he was falling so hard for as a gentle rain storm made the air around them smell fresh. He saw Raen at the window, watching him, a lamp silhouetting her form but then he turned back, squaring his jaw and drawing on the same grim determination that had dragged him from his hospital bed over five years ago. Not letting his eyes stray to the rear-view mirror, he guided the truck down the road and away.

[kolak-magiya-a]

Basics:

Name: Xadai Malaguld Birthday: 5th Sun of the 11th Astral Moon (Nov. 5th) Star Sign: Scorpio Voice Claim: Chris Parson (as Gladio) Theme: “Devil Trigger” Devil May Cry 5 (Metal Cover by Little V Mills) Job: Dragoon, Reaper Race: Au Ra Height: 7′7″ Weight: ~290lbs Age: 28 (32 by end of ShB) Gender: Male Sexuality: Demi-Romantic, Pan-Sexual Relationship status: Single Family: N/A Moral Alignment: True Neutral

Headcanons || Visage || Meta

Physical Notes:

Xadai is taller than the average Au Ra male by a longshot.

He has a notable tattoo on his left forearm, though it’s covered in scars and difficult to distinguish what it used to be.

(post Shadowbringers) Missing part of his left arm, between his shoulder and elbow.

Mental Notes:

Xadai suffers mild anxiety, though is loathe to show it.

He is quick to anger and has a tendency to resort to violence.

While trust is difficult to build with him, it’s strong once it does. If it’s broken, however, chances that it will be reforged are slim to none.

Brief History:

Xadai was born among those that lived secluded lives under the Ruby Sea, though his desire for something more quickly claimed him and he left for Doma when he was in his early 20′s. 

It was his arrival to the shores that changed his life forever, when he met a woman who hailed from Doma as her birth home - another Raen, like him, with vibrant green eyes and long brown hair. Xadai had not believed in love at first sight until that moment. 

Over the next few years, he grew to know her, and learned she was the daughter of one of the more well-esteemed families and the love she had for him was something that others coveted. He came to learn this the hard way, when he had returned to her one evening and found her brutally murdered - of which he had been framed for.

With no time to grieve, Xadai was forced to fight his way out of Doma. He ran far away, and didn’t stop until he found himself in Gridania. Having everything torn from him, Xadai turned his grief into anger. This anger earned the attention of less savory company, who turned him into a weapon. An assassin, who cared little about his targets and felt numb to any sympathy he would have felt otherwise.

This job, however, has earned him no small amount of enemies thirsty for revenge. Xadai has since made an attempt to leave the group of assassins, and has instead begun working on his own, taking whatever jobs are offered to him, whether they be more killing, or sabotage. Whatever pays the highest.

Plot Hooks:

Hunter and Hunted -

Xadai is a wanted man, namely for the reason of taking bounties on peoples’ heads and his talent in killing them swiftly. Many people have a price on his head and some care not whether he’s brought back dead or alive.

Blood covered Roses -

There’s a certain sadness behind the angry embers of Xadai’s eyes. Of a man guarding a broken heart as though his life depends on it. There’s hardly a time where he will let his walls down and those who manage that are few and far in between.

Ships:

;Show me how to be Whole again (Xadai x Julian) @ethereal-jule​

;Our worlds must be Holistic; You were meant to be here (Xadai x Porrima) @nomadiisms​

;We all hold pieces of this shattered heart (Xadai x Julian x Porrima)

[thedarkoutside]

THE DA-DARK INSIDE NOT OUTSIDE AND ONLINE (or something)

in true last minute fashion, the postponed Da-Dark Outside meant for last weekend (28th March) is now going ahead online via furtherin.live  on Saturday 4th April from 12 noon UK time and finishing whenever it runs out of things to play that have been sent in.   Here is the list of everyone who sent in something ( not including the ones I don’t have artist names for yet )  If your name is missing, let me know I might have missed that in the folders.  In alphabetical order ( not order of play )  There will not be a tracklist, no listen again function, no archive.  It’s playing once only.  

1 of 100 A Farewell to Hexes Accursed Volts Adrian Carter Aet Airspace aLTERkRANKERmANN Andrew Lagowski Apta Art_no Assassin of Sound Atomluft Audio Obscura Ave Grave Avebury Sounds Bastard Flower Beatman Bev Craddock Bipolar Explorer Bit Cloudy Bleep Eater Blood Everywhere Bloody Mountain BMH Bobby Horseshoe Boodlam Boy Called Crow Braintape Bridget Hayden and Conny Prantera Cahn Ingold Prelog Cath Holland Catrin Perry Choke Chris Carter Cliver Clutchdaisy Coffin Warehouse Colony Recording Club Concretism Corporal Tofulung Correlations Cosey Fanni Tutti Cowboy Flying Saucer Cowp Cromlech Shadow CTE Curxes DAAM Daniel Crompton Danny McCann Dave Salsbury  / Dr Jolly Dea Karina Dead Sea Apes Deathwatch Headband Debord DFF Sound System Douglas Deep Edith A Graves Eduards Ozoliņš Elf and Stacy Elizabeth Joan Kelly Eric Schaming Famished for Blonds Fantasy Sequence Four Italian Pep Pills  Four Minute Warning Flexagon Forever Friday Night Weird Dreams Fushimi Inari 5 Futile Axe Garden of Surreal Dreams Gareth Blazey Gary Finnegan Gavin Inglis Giants of Discovery Gingerbread Master Ginnel Grey Frequency Gusset Hairs Abyss Half Headstart Heidi Holstad Hermann Holsgr Hinder Corp Hotgem HPL HyMettus Woods I Start Counting Ian Heustice Ian Taylor Ihcilon IK Joyce In the Long Summer Interstitia Ivy Nostrum Jack Jackdaw Jah Wobble Vs Megaheadphoneboy James Sandford James Weaver James Yuill Jane Pitt Janet Philo Jarvis Probes JD Twitch Jean-Paul Bondy Jeremy Tuck Jim Jarmo Jim King Jimmy Kipple Sound John Chambers John Kerridge John Scanlan John316 Jonathan Willoughby Juju Junklight Juxtagon Kat Five Kate Arnold Kenny Inglis Kevin Maynard KR Hide L'Incal Noir Lament Configuration Lark Lee Rosevere Leiyun Lepton Lespectre Liberty X Lippy Kid & Metis Luisa Stucchi Luke Jordan Luki Defacto M*A*R*Y M-Orchestra Macerator Manfred Hamil Mark Goodwin Matthew McCourt Max Worgan Megalophobe Melony Klien Metrix Michael Barnes-Wynters Mike Smalle Mike Tupling Moray Newlands Mothership Museleon My Pleasure Nad Spiro Nalepa & Tony Bevilacqua Nat Lyon Nathan David Smith Naturist Space Jazz Society Neil Garvey New Gold Dream Nigel Ayers Night Monitor Nitemirror / Strident Weasel Nonalogue Nunn O))) o_S_k_m Ogham Oma Outside Other Owen Sound Palm Tree Tetsuya Panamint Manse Particledots Paul Hood Payton Black Pete Warren Pinochio Possible Area Presidiomodelo Pulselovers Quadraphonic Stylus Ensemble Qualchan Quarriers R Tenevall Raen Arthur Random Dander Rangga Purnama Aji readyStateFail Redwood Drift Revbjelde Ria Bagley Richard Smith Richard Turner Robert Ellmer Robert Shaw Roberta Fidora Robin Davies Rogue Sector Rupert Lally Rusty Sheriff Rysiek/Rysiunio SABW Sacred Oak Salford Electronics Sarah Sharp Sascha Müller & Abstracto Concreto' Scanner Scumbag Radio Secret Nuclear  Security Shaun Malone Sheer Zed Si Woods Signal Jammer Simon Klee Simon Tucker SK123 and T.Brixson Skeleton Worm Sol Rezza Sophie Cooper Sonic Noir Spaceship Squirrel Natkin St James Infirmary Stephanie Merchak Steve Cobby Subject to Change Sunday Fascination Sunken Foal SVR Szuumm Telagasunyi The Dissonace Collective The Great Indoors The Guelph Basin The Heartwood Institute The Last Ambient Hero The Magus Project The Revenant Sea There Are No Birds Here Time Destroys All Things Toby Warren Todd Snow Tomoroh Hidari Tony Ferodo Tuatha TVO Ubu King UltraLux Ultraterrestrials   Unknown Rockstar Usue vdof Void Theory Von Heuser Warrior Bob Whalt Thisney Whettman Chelmets Wig William Wild & Stuart Wray Xixada Xtro YOL meets DEATHWATCH HEADBAND Yumasef

artist names for the following are currently unknown : *******203 JL *******fields *******piano angel demo *******The Keep ******aud65 ******dark outside ******in search of something concrete pt 2 ******patterns for merzbarn ******radio ******raspberry something ******SV1003 ******The Nameless City ******we dun a dibeit

[vulkanmag-blog]

"CHRIS" by Raen Badua An exclusive for VULKAN. See full story at http://www.vulkanmagazine.com/chris-by-raen-badua/

‪‪‪#Fashion‬ ‪#FashionMagazine‬ ‪#FashionEditorial‬ ‪#Highfashion‬ ‪‪‪#photographer‬ ‪#fashionblog‬ ‪#editorial‬ ‪#stylist‬ ‪#makeup‬ ‪#makeupartist‬ ‪#fashionnews‬ ‪#Photography‬ ‪#news‬ ‪#fashionphotographer‬ #fashionnews #Model ‪#FashionModel‬ ‪#menswear‬ ‪#mensfashion‬ ‪#malemodel #topman #guess #allsaints #chromehearts #urbanoutfitters #JohnVarvato

[nyskateboarding]

Photos By Los Estrada, Chris Mcdonald and Jason Campbell. Video Recap Filmed by Owley and Chum Media

Supra Footwear sponsored Adult Go Skateboarding Day 2019 here in NYC and it was a great turn out. Thanks again to the participants and supporting sponsors. Adult GSD is an offshoot of the original Go Skateboarding Day that began in 2004, created by Don Brown and then revamped by LifeValet and NYSB in 2011 with a group of New York Adult skateboarders to bring it back to its inspectional roots. To see it grow with more participants and bigger sponsors over the years has been amazing. Incorporating skateboard lessons as an introduction to skateboarding 3 years ago into the schedule has expanded our audience and helps create a give back to what we love and do.

With the weather not cooperating for the lesson portion of the day we were able to secure indoor space through Homage Skateboard Academy in Brooklyn. The manager Andrew Holloham hosted our crew for the morning lessons and jam session for 3 hours of action packed park skating and tons of tricks going down. We had a grip of students come through ranging from 16 years old to 70 something years old!

Bubbles electrifying the stage and the crowd.

Then the Sun came out just in time for us to meet up with the Official “Adult Go Skateboarding” Crew to begin our journey at 169 Bar, Sponsored by Frank151. We skated to the middle of the Williamsburg Bridge which has been appropriately named “Bridge Bar” for an “Adult Soda” and a group pic. After that we were off to Washington Pavilion for a DIY Session before making it to BK Wearhouse where The Meatball Shop catered us. Then off to McCarren Skatepark where skaters like Nolan Lee, Ryan Zimmerman, Eby Ghafarian, Simon Vasquez, Leon Toppin, Esteban Gomez, Joseph Gil, Colby Deluccia, Isiah Booker, TJ Hernandez and others threw down. From there we ventured to Turkey’s Nest for a Quick one and then heading to our final Skate Spot “Blue Park” which is conveniently located across from Meseroll Shop a rad Skateboard and BMX Shop carrying tons of local brands as well as being an exclusive Supra Footwear Dealer. We hung out at Meseroll Shop with Six Point Brew, Archie’s Pizza, Schaller Webber and giveaways from RAEN Eyewear and Dickies Girls & Dickies Bags.

Slashers will kick your ass.

Our last Skate session of the day was to head over to Union Pool, Brooklyn for three Amazing Local Bands. Bubbles opened the night with some chill new wave vibes while we settled in for the next two bands. Slam Section hit the stage with full force and energized the local crowd. Then comes the full on Skateboard Punk 80’s style Slashers with built in mosh pit craze. These 3 bands extended the day till midnight. Adult GSD started at 9am and went to midnight. A big thanks to the passionate skateboarders, amazing sponsors, and Supra Footwear to making this day happen for the 2nd year. I’m already looking forward to next year’s “Adult Go Skateboarding Week.”

    Event Recap: Supra Presents (Adult) Go Skateboarding Day 2019 Photos By Los Estrada, Chris Mcdonald and Jason Campbell. Video Recap Filmed by Owley and Chum Media…

[yesshinypizzastudentthings-blog]

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[kenzieam]

Destroyed - Chapter Seven (Chris X Raen)

Rating: M - ***TRIGGER WARNINGS***

Warnings: Violence, language, drama, angst, mentions of abuse and rape

**************************************************************************

@iammarylastar​​​​​​​​​ @captstefanbrandt​​​​​​​​​ @jewels2876​​​​​​​​​ @moonbeambucky​​​​​​​​​​ @badassbaker​​​​​​​​​ @everythingisoverrated​​​​​​​​​ @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123​​​​​​​​​ @oliviastan17​​​​​​​​ @igothroughphasesalot​​​​​​ @sashli​​​​​ @lorilane33​​​ @pinknerdpanda​​​

I KNOW I’M MISSING TAGS, PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT IN

**************************************************************************

Okay, so this is the final chapter of Destroyed. I hope you’ve enjoyed the ride.

**************************************************************************

Word Count : 7200+

After spending a few restless hours trying to sleep, Chris gave up and headed downstairs to start early. Al came in at his usual time, raised a shaggy brow in question but didn’t comment and for that Chris was grateful. His thoughts and heart were churning enough without vocalizing his turmoil.

Around midmorning, his cell phone started to ring, and Chris looked up from the car he was changing spark plugs on to stare at the screen. He knew who it was, and if he didn’t have a ratchet in his hand to squeeze until the impulse faded, he would have answered it, the misery in his chest no doubt over-flowing into his voice.

Al shuffled by, glanced at the screen then up at Chris. He could see the question in the old man’s eyes, why aren’t you answering the call of the woman you were head over heels for just yesterday? but Al didn’t say anything, save for a flash of sympathy in his rheumy eyes, and that, somehow, was worse.

A minute later the phone rang again and it was even harder for Chris to ignore it, to force his attention back to the car in front of him, his teeth grinding as he stared unseeing at the engine; but his resolve held, by the faintest of threads, and the phone blessedly fell silent again. Chris exhaled in a rush after another minute, not realizing until then that he’d been holding his breath and swallowed hard before focusing back on his task.

A day passed, then two.

On the third, Chris broke.

Three days of silence, three days of thinking and Jesus God, that’s all he’d done is think, his mind a rat in a cage, gnawing on itself in crazy contrasting circles of fuck, I want her so bad and you can’t, remember Erin until he’d thought he was going section eight.

A phone call wouldn’t work, he needed to see Raen, and Al didn’t look surprised when Chris simply dropped the impact wrench in his hand around ten that third day and simply strode to his truck without a word.

His hands shook as Chris shifted into neutral and turned the key off, staring out the windshield at Raen’s house. He couldn’t see the Cruiser, but it might be in the garage. He hesitated before exiting the truck and, when he reached the door, took a deep breath, biting his bottom lip to stop it’s quivering.

He reached out and pulled the storm door open, raising his fist to knock on the solid wood door beyond, but a flash of white caught his eye. A note, folded into the doorjamb, fluttered to the deck by his feet and he stooped to pick it up, his heart jolting when he saw his name printed on the outside.

“Shit,” he whispered, almost inaudibly, as dread ran cold in his veins. Was this the proverbial Dear John letter? Hands shaking, he unfolded it and began to read, numb feet carrying him unconsciously to a nearby Adirondack chair that groaned under his boneless collapse.

Chris,

You’re right. I need to get things figured out. I know I need to go back and face my past.

Chris felt a jolt of dread. “No,” he muttered as his heart began to pound almost painfully. What are you saying? You’re going back?? Don’t go back, Marshall will kill you! Baby, what are you doing?! Stark fear coiled low in his gut. Whatever he’d been trying to say that night, ‘go back to face your violent ex’ wasn’t it. Raen had been lucky to escape the way she had, if she went back, Marshall would be merciless, he would make sure she never left him again, and a shallow grave would be his perfect solution.

“No, baby… no!” Chris hissed, tears starting to cloud his vision. He was already too late; he’d waited too long. Damn him and his fucking stubborn pride. He should have answered the phone that first day, then he could have stopped her, talked her out of this lunacy. If anything happened to her he’d have no one but himself to blame. His thighs were tensed to launch him from the chair and gasping a deep breath, he forced himself to read further, to not completely lose his shit before he finished the note.

I tried to call you, but you wouldn’t answer, so I’m telling you here instead. Last night, after you left, I saw I had a voicemail message. I was scared to listen to it because the number was from his town and I was afraid Marshall had found me; but this morning I made myself do it. It was the sheriff.

Marshall is dead.

Chris physically jolted in shock, collapsing back into the chair. What the fuck?? Pulse still racing even as relief crashed through him, Chris forced a few calming breaths before continuing, frowning heavily at the note.

He was shot dead by a guy named Lefty Mills after he caught Marshall in bed with his wife three weeks ago. It took the sheriff this long to track me down. I always wondered if Celia Mills was the woman he was seeing, now I know.

I have to go back for a while, all of Marshall’s possessions passed to me and I have to get rid of everything; sell the house.

I dropped my cell while I was packing and broke it, so I’ll wait until I get here before I try calling you again, hopefully you’ll answer, even just to yell at me…. I’m surprised at how much I miss just hearing your voice already.

Please give me time to sort out my head. I hope this trip will be long enough. You’re right, you’ve been hurt too and I’m not the only one who’s suffered at the hands of someone else. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions with Annette, my willingness to blindly believe her has as much to do with my fucked-up perception of men as it does with the simple fact that I still can’t believe someone like you would be interested in someone like me. I know you don’t like to hear that, but it’s true, at least to me.

I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, but I’ll try calling and I hope you’ll still talk to me.

Raen

The note fell from Chris’ boneless hand as he sagged back in the chair, a riot of emotions racing through him.

Raen left.

But she’s safe, at least from her ex.

I need to hear her voice. I need to tell her we’re okay. That I need her, more than I’ve ever needed or wanted anything in my miserable life.

She’d heard him and she acknowledged his pain. She still suffered from this crazy notion that she was somehow unworthy of him, that he was out of her league but he had time to convince her otherwise, to help her see the truth about herself; she was worthy, of everything good and so was he.

Two more days passed without a word from Raen and Chris was about three breaths away from packing some shit and going to her himself, the fact that he had no idea exactly where no longer an issue, when his cell rang, finally, and he all but dove for it, scrambling over the fender of the truck he was working on, smashing it to his ear with a breathless “hello, Raen?”

“Chris…. Is this a good time?”

“Of course, yeah… how are you? Are you okay?” A thousand different thoughts and words threatened to tumble out of his mouth, concern for her immediate safety, assurance that he understood her, anger that she was so far away right now, and he wasn’t with her.

“I’m fine, Chris. It’s…. I’m fine.”

“Tell me the truth, please?”

Raen sighed. “I can’t believe I ever lived here…. Being gone, having perspective…. What the fuck was I doing here, Chris?”

Chris exhaled into the phone, not able to answer.

“I was stupid-”

“No.” Chris replied sharply. “You didn’t know any better, there’s a difference.” Raen fell silent and Chris struggled to find a safe topic. “Are you having any trouble with the house?”

“No,” Raen answered quietly. “The men around here, they have no problems bloodying their women over supper not being ready on time, but they wouldn’t dream of disturbing a brother’s property. Most everything was still here, and I don’t have the energy to track down what was stolen. I’ve been selling what’s left for cheap or giving it away. I think I have a buyer for the house too.”

“Do you want me…. I mean, can I come down there and help you?”

“No… I mean, yes, I’d love you to be here with me,” Raen corrected herself, lifting Chris’ heart. “But I’m almost done, by the time you got here, I’d be done with all this shit. Besides,” she paused, and Chris could visualize her picking nervously at a cuticle, biting the ragged edge. “I don’t want anyone seeing this… this shithole.”

“I grew up on the wrong side of L.A., doll.” Chris reminded her dryly.

“This is worse.” Raen countered. “Your neighborhood was poor, this town chooses to be ignorant, it’s embarrassing.”

“I miss you.” Chris said suddenly, the words dodging his careful filter.

Raen exhaled tremulously. “I miss you too, and I’m so sorry about-”

“Later,” Chris interrupted gently. “We’ll talk about all that later, okay? When you’re back?”

“Alright,” Raen murmured quietly. “I don’t know… how much longer I’ll be here but… can I call you tomorrow?”

“Baby, of course.” Chris grinned widely, relief flooding his limbs. “I’ll be here.”

“Thank you,” Raen replied, relief evident in her voice. “Can I… can I ask a favor?”

“Yes, doll. Anything.”

“It’s not important, I understand if you can’t-”

“Doll, it’s fine. What?”

Raen sighed before asking tentatively. “I have some plants that need watering… and my mail-”

“No problem, Raen. I got it.” Chris felt a flare of annoyance, hating the town and life Raen left and the fact that she was forced to go back there, even for a little bit. It chipped away at her, steadily and insidiously peeled away the layer of confidence she had been building, turning her back into the scared little mouse that had somehow found the strength to leave before. She asked for his help now as if she was scared, like she didn’t deserve it, as if she expected to be rejected and it burned Chris’ heart. She needed to get out of that poison and fast. “Doll, I…”

“What?” Raen asked gently when he paused, not knowing he was fisting his hand on his thigh, his eyes closed as he tried to keep his voice steady.

“Don’t stay there long. Can’t you wrap up the house sale over the phone? I can hear it in your voice, that place is starting to mess with your head again.”

“I know,” Raen whispered. “I felt it right away… I’m scared here.”

Chris squeezed his fist until the phone trapped in it creaked under the strain. “That’s it, I’m coming down there-”

“No!” Raen blurted, then took a deep breath. “No, Chris, please. Some of these guys… I don’t doubt you could take them, but then you’d be in jail down here and I… I need you. Dammit, I’m so selfish-”

Chris’ heart swelled and he blinked sudden tears. “I need you too. Please don’t stay there long, come back soon.”

“I will, and Chris? Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, baby. I mean it, I’ll do anything for you.” Except let you go. “No, I mean it. Thank you for this, giving me another chance, for respecting my wishes now and staying up there… that’s what’s missing down here, free will. Women down here, they’re servants to their husbands, they have no voice-” she broke off, sniffling hard. “But for some, it’s like a mark of pride, you know? ‘I serve my husband, the man of the house. I’m a good God-fearing Christian woman’ and all that shit. It’s so messed up-” She trailed off and cleared her throat. “I can’t focus on that; I’ve got to wrap this mess up…. I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“I’ll be here, baby.”

“Bye.”

The phone disconnected before Chris could reply, not that he could have forced the words anyway; the forlorn tone in her ‘bye’ bit deep and tears shone again in his eyes as he set the phone down, taking several deep breaths and wiping his face almost angrily before returning to his work. He needed the distraction, and he needed to get ahead because as soon as Raen was back, he was taking time off and pampering her; showing her what she meant to him, what they could have together, what they would have together, if only they could somehow get out of their own way.

The next days dragged, some of the longest of Chris’ life, and he’d had a lot of long, sleepless nights in his life. He found himself spending a lot of time up at the quarry, sitting at the top of the trail, letting the breeze, quiet and view work their magic on his tense muscles and over-wrought mind.

Raen called infrequently, not out of neglect but because of problems with the phone lines. Marshall, apparently, had been rather laissez-faire about bills in the last few months, and all utilities were shut off within a few days of Raen arriving. Only a small number of neighbors actually had long-distance plans and Raen was afraid to ask for favors anyway, so she was forced to go down to the local Piggly Wiggly and stuff endless dimes and quarters into the decrepit payphone there, which was of a rather whimsical nature, refused to transfer collect calls and worked only sporadically anyway.

This did little to relieve Chris’ underlying anxiety, but he refused to add to Raen’s obvious frustrations when she did manage to get through to him. Some of Marshall’s old hunting buddies were giving her a hard time over his possessions, wanting expensive items for cheap or free, sometimes making up stories about verbal agreements over beers where Marshall had ‘promised’ them his outboard, or his shotgun, if ‘shit went south one day’. Who knew, honestly, whether he had said such things, or even meant it if he had. Marshall had talked big when he was drunk, and his noble brotherhood was a shady bunch at the best of times, never missing out on a deal.

Chris burned with anger when Raen told him this, he wished again, for the hundredth time, that he was with her down there to help and his fists balled tightly as he imaged burying them in all these good ol’ boy’s faces.

Raen held her own though, to Chris’ pride and satisfaction. Her time away from the swamp had strengthened her backbone, and the assholes backed down eventually when challenged, showing that their agreements had been entirely opportunistic fiction anyway, their tough guy acts flummoxed by a little woman who’d obviously been corrupted by both the devil and heathen yankees.

Chris was surprised to hear his phone ring early one morning, even more surprised to see Raen’s name on the display. For atmospheric and generally creepy, shit-hole town reasons, the pay phone had only seemed to work when dark was closing in and Raen had never been able to reach him until after supper.

“Raen! You okay?” Chris’ heart was stuttering a nervous tattoo in his chest.

“I’m better than okay, I’m great.” The smile was obvious in her voice and Chris sagged against his counter with a muffled groan. “I’m on my way back.”

“Yeah?” His crooked grin would have made Raen’s heart flip if she’d been there to see it.

“Yes, I got up at the ass-crack of dawn and left. I’m calling from a truck-stop thirty miles down the road.”

“That’s great,” Chris exhaled in relief. “That place… it wasn’t good for you.”

“I know,” Raen murmured in commiseration. “I double-checked with the realtor, I can finish any paperwork over fax or email and Marshall’s friends have picked the place clean.”

“Good, baby. That’s good.” Chris smiled, his body warming with excitement and anticipation. They hadn’t really talked about what had happened yet, as per their agreement, but things just seemed to be falling into place and Chris would eat his left hand before he rocked the boat again, before they’d had a chance to figure things out face to face.

“Yeah, I made some decent money from selling his shit and, with the house selling, I think I’ll be okay for awhile. Maybe be able to look for something away from The Bend.”

“That would be so good, baby.” Chris murmured tenderly, shifting his weight, moving the phone from one ear to the other so he could reach over and pour some coffee into his travel mug. “Its up to you, but you can do so much better than that bar. What about opening a bakery? Your cookies are amazing.”

Raen exhaled into the phone, she still didn’t believe her creations were that good, while Chris seemed prepared to bankroll her entire operation, as long as he got unlimited baked goods in return. “Chris-”

“Just think about it, there’s that building over on tenth that would work. It’s got the space and I know Zeke has some stuff he picked up at that restaurant liquidation auction, you know he can never pass up a ‘deal’, and he would sell them to you-”

“You’ve really thought about this, haven’t you?” Raen teased.

“I have. Baby, that’s all I’ve done lately is think about you and me.” The words slipped out before Chris could stop them and he found he really didn’t want to take them back.

“Yeah?” There was a softness in her voice now.

“Yes. I mean, we still have to talk about what happened,” Chris swallowed. “But… doll, I’ve told you how I feel about you… it’s not a secret.”

 “I know, and I hope you know how I feel too.”

 “I do,” Chris murmured, wishing Raen was there, so he could wrap his arms around her, feel her lips on his, smell her sweet scent and let it take him away. “I can’t wait to see you again.”

 “Me too.” Raen paused, thinking. “I’ll be a few days driving back and I’ll call you when I can…. But I should get going, there’s a trucker eyeballing me from the counter.”

“Raen?”

“Nah, he just wants the phone. I’ll call you later, Chris, okay?”

“Okay, baby. See you soon.”

The next days were a wash, and only with determination did Chris manage to focus on his work, Al eyeing him almost mischievously (or as impish as the old Mainer was capable of being) as he fumbled around, periodically whistling and often finding himself staring off at nothing, his mind once again daydreaming. The old man said nothing though, except to smile, his eyes twinkling merrily, when he caught the Boss off in la-la-land.

On the third day, Chris was practically useless, and it was a good thing he was the boss, or else he’d be fired for such ineptness. Raen had called that morning, saying she would get into town early this afternoon, and after a short nap would come by the shop to meet Chris at closing and from there, they could decide what they wanted to do for the night.

Chris knew what he wanted to do, what he’d wanted to do since he’d first laid eyes on her, and his hunger for Raen had not been dampened by distance or time. And it wasn’t just for the sexual rush, if that was all he was wanting, any of his previous hook-ups would have been satisfactory, what he wanted with Raen was the connection, the sharing and intimacy that making love with another could bring you. Not since Erin had Chris felt any sort of joining with a woman and, while part of him was still wary of giving itself away again, a larger part hummed with delicious anticipation, a yearning not just for Raen’s body but her everything, his total fusion with the woman who’d become the most important thing in existence for him.  

His heart soared, and his head crashed into the hood hovering above it, when Al called out suddenly late that afternoon.

“Hey, Miss Raen. It’s been a while, sweetheart.”

Scrambling to wipe his hands on the rag stuffed in his pocket, Chris stood and, suddenly shy, shuffled towards Raen, watching her hug the old man like a treasured friend.

He waited until they parted before biting his lip in sudden nerves as he held his arm out, exhaling in relief when Raen rushed into them, crushing herself to his chest and he bowed around her, nuzzling close and letting the sensation of her back in his arms relax the edgy energy humming through him.

“Hey, baby.” He murmured, burying his face in her hair, drawing a deep breath and letting it out with a faint groan. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you,” Raen whispered, her lips tickling the soft skin of his throat and making him shiver. “Are you almost done here?”

Shit, Chris could have been halfway through a rebuild, with six hours of the workday ahead of him, but that didn’t matter right now. “Yeah, let’s go. Al? See you tomorrow.”

“You sure, boss?” Al teased, his eyes sparkling, giving an old man’s congested chuckle when Chris flipped him off. “Take your time, boss. Nothing here that can’t wait a few days.”

Chris shot him a look without any real heat behind it and the old man laughed again. “I’ll lock up!” He called to their retreating backs before turning back to his task, effectively shutting them out of his mind as he began to hum some old jukebox oldie under his breath.

Raen waited while Chris hurried through a shower and emerged, still dripping wet and pulling his t-shirt on over low-slung jeans, to head over to her place. He couldn’t stop himself from reaching for and holding her hand as she drove, shooting her tender smiles whenever their eyes met.

There was a peacefulness in Raen now that hadn’t been there before. With Marshall dead and gone, his leftovers dealt with, Raen had found a measure of closure and serenity. A small part of her still simmered with rage at his treatment, and of his escaping any form of revenge or punishment she could give him, but the more important part was the fact that Raen was free of him, at least physically. The mental and emotion scars would take longer to fade, and may never disappear, but at least she now had this measure of security.

Chris too felt a relief at Marshall’s passing. While he would have loved to, and indeed, had fantasized about, delivering holy hell and vengeance down on the bastard, Chris couldn’t deny the results. Raen was free, in a relatively clean way; no messy arguments or threats, no fights over property and while Chris would have preferred to have been the one to shoot him, to stand over the prick’s body and be the last thing the asshole saw as he damned him to the deepest hell, he couldn’t change it, and to do anything but embrace the results would be foolish.

After a quiet dinner, Chris gently tugged Raen towards the living room and onto the couch, wanting nothing more right now than to snuggle with her and she curled into his side readily. The television played softly but it was merely background noise. Chris’ full attention was directed at Raen, at holding her close to him, nuzzling his face into her hair and murmuring tender words to her. Raen clung to him, gifting him with matching soothing touches and assurances and before long, she was straddling his lap, carding her fingers through his shorn hair, scratching her nails gently along his scalp. Chris let her play with a tender smile, his hands resting on her hips, enjoying her simple attentions with a contentedness not unlike a big, purring jungle cat.

Eventually, his eyes fell shut and he simply existed, lost in her caresses until her fingers tightened mildly on his scalp, tilting his head up slightly. He opened his eyes to find Raen gazing at him intently and his heart sped up at the hunger he saw there. He wet his lips in anticipation, his gaze dropping to her mouth and he couldn’t stop a faint moan, a low sound of surrender deep in his chest when she leaned down, holding his head in place as their mouths finally connected.

Still gripping him, Raen tilted Chris’ head where she wanted it, deepening the kiss, savoring his taste before pulling back slightly, not letting Chris lean forward to follow her and biting her bottom lip playfully when Chris opened his eyes again, his pupils blown and growled almost inaudibly.

“Baby,” he groaned. “Don’t tease me.”

“You want more?” Raen grinned.

“Fuck,” Chris rasped. “You know I do.” His hands tightened on her hips, rolling her core roughly over his cock, groaning with pleasure as Raen gasped.

His eyes hooded, Chris held her gaze as he continued to move her against him, rocking his hips up to meet her, neither able nor willing to hold back the hungry noises rumbling low in his chest. Raen leaned forwards again, an eager lunge, and their kiss was almost brutal, rough and desperate and claiming.

Raen whimpered as they devoured each other, jaws opening wide to let them taste the other fully, their tongues tangling in the sweetest way.

“I want you so bad, baby.” Chris groaned, his inhibitions, the resolution to go slow for Raen burning away like fog hit by sunlight and his face twisted in the most delicious pain, eyes rolling back, when Raen rocked her hips hard and curled her fingers around the back of his head at the same time, pulling his face in to nestle in the soft skin of her cleavage, nails biting in just enough. She inhaled sharply when Chris turned just enough to press his lips to her skin, a caressing, tender touch as he drew in a deep, contented breath.

She didn’t speak, but Raen stood and, holding out her hand to him, pulled Chris to his feet. His heart hammered in his chest, almost painfully, his body tight as bow string in anticipation. Would he finally be able to taste her? Touch her and bury himself deep inside her, feel her come apart around him?

Her lip caught in her teeth again, Raen tugged at him, gently guiding Chris down the hall to her bedroom and, when they reached the end of her bed and she turned around to face him, Chris was right behind her, looming over her, eyes dark and hooded.

His hand reached up to cradle her jaw and he searched her gaze, looking for any sort of hesitation or hint that she wasn’t completely ready.

“You want this, baby? You want me?” He asked, his voice a low growl of barely leashed lust and animal want. If she said no, he would tear himself away, but it would be the worst pain he’d ever felt.

“Yes,” she whispered, and her eyes fluttered shut as Chris crashed his mouth to hers.

He tried to go slow, he wanted to go slow but his hunger was too desperate, his appetite raging and fortunately, Raen seemed similarly affected, her nails scratching at him as she clawed his clothes from his body; her hand pushing his jeans down roughly before she reached in and wrapped around his cock with surprising gentleness. Her grip was tentative, almost unsure, as if all she wanted was to feel him, but had never been allowed to or felt safe enough to reach for a man this way before.

Chris rocked his hips into her hand encouragingly, although her touch was almost too much already, his cock straining in her hand, leaking at the head and a wrecked groan spilled from his lips as she started to stroke him, her smooth palm running up and down his shaft.

His hand ran along her waistband as he pulled and yanked at her leggings and he swallowed her gasp of mingled surprise and pleasure when his fingers finally swept lower, brushing along the outside of her underwear. A possessive growl threatened to spill from Chris as he felt her, already wet for him and his cock twitched heavily in her inexperienced hand. He delved deeper, pushing his fingers between the ribbon edge of her underwear and her hot skin, finding her folds slippery and soaked, her thighs trembling slightly as he stroked her clit.

Throwing off the rest of their restraining clothes, Chris guided Raen down onto the bed, crawling up beside and partially on top of her and capturing her mouth again as his hand stayed between her legs, gently stroking and rubbing, making Raen writhe beneath him, moaning and whimpering. Slowly, he pushed one finger inside her while his thumb stayed on her clit and she shuddered in mounting ecstasy.

“More-” she breathed, barely audible, gasping when Chris moved his hand faster, then added a second finger, stroking an erotic ‘cone-hither’ inside her; his cock straining against her thigh, angry-red and weeping. Christ baby, you’re so fucking tight! His mind groaned, the words trapped behind gritted teeth.

“Chris-” she breathed, eyes finding his. She looked almost afraid, unsure of the tsunami of sensations crashing through her, but the way she clung to him, her nails scratching his back and shoulders, her hips rocking her into his hand showed her mounting desire.

It hit him then, and the realization cut him deep; she’d never experienced a true orgasm before and a rush of masculine triumph, possessive victory at being her first flooded his body, made her responsiveness to him that much sweeter. “Let go, baby. It’s alright, I’ve got you. Just let go and feel it.” Chris whispered, voice rough and threatening to crack with the dizzying emotions swirling around them.

She came apart on his fingers with a whimpering cry, and Chris groaned with her, his body almost crazily affected by her pleasure, his hips rocked involuntarily against her thigh, searching for friction.

As her senses returned, Raen’s eyes opened and she looked into Chris’, the simple appreciation and adoration in them slaying him. In that moment, he would have done anything for her, given up or sacrificed or taken anything in this world, if only to see the tender worship and love shining in hers like it was now. Slowly, holding her gaze, he brought his hand up to his mouth and sucked at his fingers, licking her essence from them. Her taste was indescribable, liquid heaven and he groaned low in his throat, a primal sound as his eyes fluttered shut for a beat.

Raen stared at him with shock and wonder and Chris realized that, when he was able to finally bury his face between her legs, that he would again be her first in something, the first time a man’s mouth had laved love and attention on her most tender flesh.

“So sweet, baby.” He groaned, his world narrowed down to Raen and this bed, and the love being made between them. It was like it was his first time, Raen’s first time, and they were discovering the joys and ecstasies of bodily pleasures together. He captured her mouth, delving inside, let her taste herself on his tongue and swallowed her answering moan, gloried in the way she responded, clawing at him for more, more.

In the years since Erin, Chris had fucked women hundreds of times, but he’d never made love to one. Although he’d been balls-deep in all, he’d not truly been intimate with any.

Now, he broke their kiss, rocking back on his heels and gripped Raen’s thighs, tugging her closer so he could rub his cock through her folds while he watched her expression. He wanted to see and experience every nuance, every subtle flicker in her eyes as he drove inside her; wanted to hear her, see her, taste and feel her come apart around him.

“Chris,” she whispered.

He could hardly drag his mind away to necessary business. “I need-” he groaned as a fresh wave of pleasure surged through him. “A condom, they’re in my-”

“It’s okay.” Raen broke in, her hands trailing up the tender skin of his thighs, scratching along the wiry hair and getting dangerously close to his desperate cock. “You’re clean?” At Chris’ almost frantic nod she smiled, and the warmth and love in her gaze was the greatest thing he’d ever seen. “I am too, and I trust you. I want to feel you.”

“Baby?” Chris groaned, dangerously close to losing the battle with his desperate body as he stretched over her, resting his forearms on either side of her head, her thighs clasped around his hips. “But you could get pregnant again-” The thought of Raen carrying his baby, round with his child, of spilling his seed deep inside her so it would take root and grow didn’t scare him the way the thought had with previous women; he realized he wanted that, with startling intensity, but not yet; it was too soon, if not for them as a couple, then Raen herself. Not yet, his mind hummed. Not yet but soon, I want that, I want to make you pregnant, doll and be a family, share the product of our love together.

“I’m on the pill,” Raen whispered, almost sounding embarrassed. She didn’t tell him the full reason, that she’d gone to a doctor as soon as she was settled here, all but begged for the prescription so that she’d never again have to worry about someone doing to her what Marshall had done, forcing a baby on her, then brutally stomping it away. But even if she hadn’t been protected, she realized the thought of making a baby with this man was the furthest thing from frightening, Chris had shown, from their very first meeting, that her comfort and safety was the most important thing for him and, as she’d just murmured to him as he hovered over, sweating and straining, fighting his body’s desire to make sure she was okay first, she trusted him. “Please, Chris.”

He groaned, long and low in his chest; he could deny her nothing and his body raged to finally feel her. Holding himself steady, he drove into Raen with one long, slow push and the sound that pulled from his body was pure animal need. Raen winced and Chris froze, ready to pull out.

“Raen?”

“No… it’s okay.” Realization made her eyes bright. “It always hurt… before, but with you… it feels good.” Chris gazed down at her, pure love and gratitude shining in his eyes and she reached up to cup his face.

He closed his eyes, leaning into her palm but his eyes opened again as he heard Raen whisper. “Keep going, you feel so good.”

Unbelievable love and tenderness flooded his heart and Chris vowed in that moment to die for this woman, to protect and cherish and love her with everything he had and would ever be. He was hers, forever.

He’d not been bare, breathtakingly raw, inside a woman since Erin, but not even that compared to the sensations crashing through him now, made him weak and vulnerable as a teenage boy experiencing his first time. Raen’s walls squeezed around him and he gritted his teeth, freezing in place until he could control himself again. There was no way in hell he was coming before Raen did. Slowly, he started to move, small thrusts at first growing deeper and harder as her body accepted him and Raen’s legs locked around him like a vice, her nails scratching up his back.

“Chris! Oh god, I don’t-”

Had the prick Marshall done anything right? Had Raen truly never felt how pleasurable it could be between lovers? Chris cradled Raen’s cheek, gazing into her eyes as he moved above her, the muscles in his back flexing and relaxing with each thrust.

“I got you, baby.” He murmured. “I won’t let you go.”

“Chris-” she gasped. “I don’t, it’s never-”

“Feel it, doll. Let go, come for me-” his words devolved into an animal groan as Raen convulsed around him, letting go with a sharp cry and it was suddenly too much, the intimacy, the closeness, the absolute trust Raen was giving him, allowing him to be with her like this when she had no reason to believe what happened between lovers was anything but pain and hurt and he surrendered with a roar, body shuddering as his own release crashed over him like a tidal wave, stronger than he could ever remember.

Absolute, all-consuming ecstasy rocketed through his veins, the throbbing of his cock almost painful as thick ropes of his seed pulsing deep into her, filling her and seeping back out to coat where they joined. It was long moments before Chris was cognizant again, collapsed over Raen and panting heavily into the curve where her neck met her shoulder. Raen’s fingers trailed burning trails up and down Chris’ raw back, her thighs still trembling around his hips as he lifted his head to gaze down at her.

A small, tentative smile tugged at her lips, growing into a full-on grin when Chris smiled back down at her, both still breathing heavily. Bumping her nose with his, he tipped her head back just a bit and claimed her lips again, slicking his tongue inside her mouth with a groan. Pulling away from her mouth, he trailed his nose gently along her cheek and jawline, peppering tender, sucking kisses along her skin, hissing when she tightened around him, still deep inside her, then tucked his head into the space of her other shoulder, inhaling her scent deep. Not since Erin had he allowed himself to be tender like this after sex, permitted himself these gentle vulnerabilities and affections, he usually rolled off and away, lit a cigarette or stood up and dressed, ready to leave, but he’d simply not wanted to stay like this until now. He couldn’t press close enough, he couldn’t be loving enough, the human body simply wasn’t capable of expressing the level of devotion and love he was feeling right now, but he could try.

“Chris,” Raen murmured, turning her head to whisper against his temple. She clung to him just as tightly as he was to her and there were heart-breaking tears in her voice that made Chris raise his head in concern, gaze tenderly down at her while he cradled her jaw and ran his thumb along her bottom lip. Had he hurt her? Had his intensity, his hunger for her been too much?

His eyes bored into hers, searching, and although there were tears turning her lilac-grey eyes into shimmering jewels, there was no sadness in their depths. Her lips trembled slightly as she smiled up at him and he kissed her again before resting his forehead to hers and closing his eyes.

The words came freely to him then, they didn’t burn as they left his mouth, didn’t promise retribution for giving himself away again, when the last time had gone so spectacularly to shit.

“I love you, Raen.”

ONE YEAR LATER

“I’ll get it.” Chris called, setting down the bag of groceries and dashing to the ringing phone. Behind him, Raen moved further into the backyard, setting down their new puppy, a gangly mixed breed of dubious parentage, to race around, yipping happily.

“Hello?” He panted, slightly out of breath from the sprint. He and Raen had just been outside after he’d picked her up from the new bakery she’d opened a few months ago, a bakery that was exploding in popularity, just as Chris had predicted, based on Raen’s skill; and the kisses they’d been indulging in, pressed against Raen’s vehicle had not been helping his oxygen levels.

“Chris?”

He froze, feeling like he’d been kicked in the guts. “Erin?”

“I… I got your letter.”

Chris cleared his throat, standing stiffly beside the counter. “It was a suggestion… a way to put my past to rest, writing letters.”

“You forgive me.” It was half a statement, half a tremulous question.

Chris exhaled heavily. “Yes, I do. I’m letting go of all of that. I’ve moved on, Erin.” He paused, not entirely sure he wanted to ask. “What about you, how have you been?”

“I’m okay.”

“You quit the drinking? The drugs?”

Her hesitation answered him, and Chris felt a surprising wave of sympathy.

“Chris, I know you didn’t believe me then, but it’s still true. I’m so sorry, about what happened.”

He closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s all in the past, Erin… but thank you.”

“You have a girlfriend?”

“I do.” Chris replied stiffly.

“Are you happy with her?”

“Erin, I was happy with you.” Stunned silence met his declaration but he forged ahead. “With Raen, I’m beyond words. She’s my moon and stars, she’s my everything and I’ll never understand why she ever even looked my way.”

A long pause and shaky exhale. “She’s lucky to have you.”

“No, I’m lucky to have her.”

Erin exhaled, a little less than steadily. “That’s… good, Chris. I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you.” He took a deep breath. “Have a good life, Erin; but I don’t think you should call here again.”

A sniffle. “Really?”

“Yeah. We’re done, Erin. I have a new life, a better life now.”

“Okay… good-bye then.” She whispered.

“Good-bye, Erin.” Chris set the phone down and exhaled heavily. After a beat, he turned to tackle the groceries and startled slightly. “Raen, baby. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“That was Erin?” Raen asked quietly, standing in the doorframe, her lilac-grey eyes darker somehow.

“Yes…. What did you hear?”

Raen bit her lip, then smiled faintly. “Everything after ‘I was happy with you’.” She stepped closer, stopping within a foot of Chris and gazed up at him. “You mean it, what you said?”

“Of course I do… Raen, and I’ll never understand why you gave me the chance.”

“Don’t,” Raen whispered, reaching up to cup the back of his head, drawing him down for a tender kiss. She pulled back just enough to rest her forehead to his and they just stood there for a few heartbeats, sharing the same air, letting the other calm and soothe them.

“And just think,” Raen whispered, pecking Chris’ scruffy chin. “In two and half weeks, I’ll be Mrs. Chris King.”

Chris’ eyes opened, locking on hers and his heart sang. “You will. And…” Chris let his hand trail down to rest tenderly but protectively on the gentle swelling in Raen’s lower abdomen. “In less than five months, we get to meet our little girl.”

“I can’t wait.” Raen murmured, her voice cracking. Her hand covered Chris’ and she snuggled closer, burrowing her face against his chest. “I love you, Chris.”

Chris pressed a kiss to the top of her head and rested his cheek to her hair as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. For a kid from the wrong side of L.A., for a man who’d nearly died for lies and deceit, then spent the next five years lost in darkness and pain, he’d done alright.

“I love you too, Raen. Forever.”

[kenzieam]

Destroyed - Chapter Five (Chris X Raen)

Rating: M - ***TRIGGER WARNINGS***

Warnings: Violence, language, drama, angst, mentions of abuse and rape

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Raen and Chris finally tell their stories, it ain’t pretty my lovelies, read with caution **TRIGGER WARNINGS**

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Raen was silent on the drive and Chris wasn’t sure if that was good or bad; he glanced at her often, studying her face for signs that she was still okay, if there wasn’t some delayed shock reaction going on. If the Cruiser had better seats he probably would have pulled Raen closer, sheltered her against him and pressed a kiss to her hair, breathed in her scent and let it relax him, let his surround her and hopefully do the same.

She chewed on her bottom lip and picked at her nails, glancing out the window before looking back down at her hands.

“I don’t know where you live.” Chris confessed, glancing at her with a shy smile.

Raen startled slightly, cheeks reddening before pointed hesitantly out the windshield. “Take a right on Maiden.”

She continued to direct him with quiet words until he pulled up to a charming pale-yellow bungalow with a wide, covered porch and old-growth trees shading a sprawling yard.

“Wow,” Chris couldn’t help but murmur. As a kid who’d grown up on the wrong side of L.A. and who currently lived in an apartment above his own garage, he’d always dreamed about what it would be like to live in such a charming and comfortable-looking house.

“It was my grandma’s.” Raen explained quietly as she climbed out and Chris waited a beat before following. He hesitated at the bottom of the steps until Raen turned back to him. “Did you want to come in?”

“Do you want me to?”

Raen paused, glanced inside then back down the driveway before looking back down at him. “Yes.”

Chris followed, his heart beginning to speed up. He expected nothing tonight but the thought of burdening Raen with his life story did not sit well with him. She wanted to know why he’d behaved the way he had, she deserved to know, but the act of telling her everything, of dredging up all those ghosts and skeletons sent a shiver of dread through him.

What would she think of him?

Raen gestured to the couch and, when Chris sat, said quietly. “I’ll be right back; I’m just going to take a shower.”

Chris nodded silently, offering her a small smile then reached for the television remote on the coffee table in front of him. Thoughts of Raen in the shower came, unbidden, to his mind and he swallowed hard, his mind imagining her heavenly body nude under the spray, her curves glistening and begging to be touched as the soap trailed down her wet skin. But he wouldn’t, he never would betray the fragile trust she seemed to have placed in him. If anything happened, it would be from her own initiation.

After a time, she emerged, clad in leggings and a tank, a zip-up hoodie, her hair towel-dried and drifting in soft waves around her, catching the low lights of the lamps.

She disappeared around the corner and Chris heard the old fridge door creak open, bang shut again then Raen reappeared, clutching two water bottles. She handed him one before perching cross-legged on the opposite end of the couch, facing him. She didn’t say anything, and Chris grew restless.

Do it. Like a band-aid. Chris grimaced then opened his mouth and let the whole sorry tale tumble out.

“I grew up in L.A., never knew my dad. My mom was a crackwhore who sold her body for drugs until she OD’d when I was fifteen. After that I was on my own.” He didn’t look up from worrying at his knuckles, picking at the grease stains that never seemed to scrub fully clean from the creases, but he could feel Raen’s eyes on him. “I worked my ass off and got into the Bureau fairly young.” He sighed, scrubbing at the back of his neck.

“The Bureau? You mean the Federal Bur- the F.B.I.?!” Raen gasped. “You were an F.B.I. agent?!”

Chris chanced a glance upwards, afraid of what he would see. Raen was staring at him in shock.

“You’re a Fed?” She asked, her voice harder.

“Not anymore….” Chris exhaled heavily before continuing. “Not quite six years ago I got approached for an undercover assignment, deep-cover. I had to infiltrate a gang in L.A. that we were trying to connect to a string of bank robberies and other shit. I was teamed up with a Sheriff’s Deputy named Erin Bell. We were posing as a couple.”

Raen shifted and Chris glanced up to see her wrap her arms around herself, looking uncomfortable.

“We got in; we were part of the gang. We had to blend, we had to be credible, so we did everything they did. We smoked pot, started doing cocaine-“ He winced as Raen inhaled sharply then forced himself to continue. “Erin and I… we started sleeping together, we… “ he blew out a breath. “We were in love, or so I thought.”

Raen stood suddenly and Chris’ head snapped up, fear coursing through his veins.

“Get out.” Raen’s voice shook.

“Baby, please. Just let me finish.” He begged, holding a hand out to her. “Please?”

Raen stared at him, breathing hard, her lilac-grey eyes shimmering a little. Stiffly, she sat again, her spine rigid.

“Thank you,” Chris exhaled, relief nearly liquifying his bones. “We, uh… we learned about an upcoming bank job. It was going to be big. I wanted out, we had enough to arrest everyone but…. Erin wanted more. She grew up like me and hated it. She was tired of ‘scrapping’ as she put it. She wanted to keep going, help rob the bank and then hide our share of the money. We’d go back to work until things died down then leave and disappear together with it.” Chris stopped, scratching at his eyebrow and staring hard at the floorboards. “I agreed for her, I let her talk me into it. ‘Do you love me?’ I asked her. And you know what she told me?” He looked over at Raen, who was watching him with wide eyes. “She said, ‘you know I do’, I should’ve-“ He scrubbed his hand roughly over his shorn hair before resuming. “I completely ignored my values, my morals for her… for love. I agreed to rob a bank, I agreed to turn my back on the oath I’d taken as a federal agent.” He hissed angrily, fresh loathing swirling into his heart.

Raen remained silent, but he heard her question anyway.

“The leader, his name was Silas, he must’ve suspected something. Erin and I were supposed to be the getaway drivers, but he switched me out at the last minute, had me go into the bank with him.” His next exhale was less steady than before. “I can still see the girl that worked there. She was just a kid and scared shitless. Silas was waving his gun in her face and screaming, and it was fucking killing me to not do anything…. And then we left and it was looking like everything was going to be okay….then the dye-packs in the money Silas was carrying blew-“ he fluttered his fingers to illustrate the explosion. “He dropped the bags and stormed back into the bank, and I knew he was going to kill that girl and I couldn’t… I couldn’t just stand by anymore…. I ran in after him and broke cover. I identified myself and…. Silas didn’t even flinch, he turned and started firing, I got a few shots off but they missed… I got hit twice. And he shot the girl, then left. And as he was walking by, he shot me again,” he traced the scar on his scalp silently. “It was supposed to be a kill shot, but he missed. I woke up later in the hospital.” Finally, slowly, he raised his eyes to Raen. She was leaning forwards, staring at him, her hands clasped to her face in shock.

“Chris, I…” she trailed off.

“Not finished yet.” He couldn’t keep the wry tone out of his voice. “I had a lot of time to lay there and think. Think about what I’d almost done, what I’d been willing to do for her. And then Erin showed up and… I found out she’d miscarried, and I hadn’t even known she was pregnant! She didn’t tell me, she let me walk into that bank without knowing.”

“Would it have changed anything?” Raen asked quietly. “If you’d known?”

“I don’t know…. I think so. I wouldn’t have gone through with the bank job. I would have done what I originally wanted to do… but if we had gotten that far and I had the choice of trying to save that girl again or just staying outside knowing she was about to die… I don’t think I could just stand there; I would have tried…”

“But you wouldn’t have gotten that far,” Raen clarified quietly. “You would have stopped and arrested him before you ever made it to the bank.”

“Yes.” Chris whispered. “That girl died, I almost died… because of love. Because of my delusion, my fucked-up head where Erin was concerned. I let a fairy-tale nearly kill me and it was all for shit. Erin was ready to be a thief, to turn her back on everything for money and I went along with it like an asshole.” He hung his head, his pulse hammering with self-loathing. “As soon as I could I left the Bureau and took off. I stopped all the drugs. I ended up here and bought the shop when Griffin retired.” He exhaled heavily and rubbed a hand over his goatee, scratching at the scruff. “And that’s it.” He said the last flippantly, as if his tale was nothing special, but his eyes held untold pain and he dropped them from Raen’s before she could see the tears forming.

“And so…” Raen trailed off before inhaling sharply and continuing. “You’ve kept yourself apart from anything and anyone that could be more to you… because of Erin.”

“Because I followed my dick instead of my head.” Chris clarified. “I knew it was wrong, but I ignored my gut and listened to someone who didn’t have me as a priority, they only saw money and a way to get it, regardless of what it cost.”

“And you think that everyone you meet is capable of the same?” Raen’s voice was low, non-accusatory but cutting him all the same. “You think that someone like me, a scared little nothing like me would have that power over you?” Now anger crept into her voice. “You have no idea what I’ve lived through… I’m all too aware of the hold someone can have over another, but it’s never been me with the upper hand.” She wiped a hand angrily across her eyes, catching the tears threatening to overflow down her cheeks. “If that’s all you think I’m capable of, then you might as well leave, Chris…. I don’t need that in my life right now-“

“No, Raen!” Sensing impending disaster, Chris scrambled to his feet and dropped to his knees in front of her. He tried to grab her hands, but she pulled them away, her eyes beginning to close over with those damned walls again. “I don’t think that about you…. Christ, baby, you have no idea… I’m in so deep-” He broke off, heart pounding, both hating that he’d bared so much of his heart right now and relieved that he’d he finally said it.

“Why?” Raen’s tone was scarily empty, her voice for strangers.

“Because the fucking second I saw you I was a goner and I’ve never felt that way before, never. But I saw how you acted around me, around everyone and I knew something happened to you, baby. It’s obvious someone’s hurt you and so I’ve been careful, I didn’t want to frighten you away, and then… when it looked like you were starting to let me in, I got nervous… but I came to my fucking senses. You are nothing like Erin; fuck… you are nothing like anyone I’ve every met! I’m in so deep, baby; it terrifies me… I can’t stop thinking about you.” He broke off and wiped at his face. “And what scares me the most is that if you were the type of person that would do that…. I’d be helpless because I’ll do anything you ask of me. Anything but walk away and I’ve never felt this way before. You own me.” He swallowed hard and when he reached for Raen’s hands this time, she let him take them and he just held them for a beat, rubbing his thumbs across the backs and letting the sensations calm him. “And now I’m terrified you’re going to tell me to leave and I’ve lost the best thing I could have ever had, because I was so goddamn stupid.” He closed his eyes, waiting for the words to come, the words that would hurt him far worse than Silas’ bullets, than Erin’s betrayal and lies.

“I’m scared too.” Raen murmured. “You’re right, someone has hurt me, and I don’t just mean you.” She exhaled hard and pulled one hand free from Chris’. He looked up, afraid to see her rejection but Raen only wiped brusquely at her cheeks, tensing when Chris pulled his other hand free and reached up, cupping her face in his hands and thumbing her tears away, gazing up at her with trepidation and hope. Her hands gripped his wrists, not to pull his hands away, but to ground her.

“I’m tired,” she sighed. “From today and from everything. I just want to go lay down and sleep right now.”

Chris swallowed thickly. He hadn’t planned very well; both his shop and his bike were far away right now, and both meant five or more mile’s hike to reach. But he wouldn’t force anything on Raen right now; his story, his confession had been enough tonight. “Alright, I’ll head out-“

“No.” Raen replied quickly. Her eyes lowered, her cheeks going that adorable shade of pink again. “I… I can’t… “ Her eyes snapped up to his, wide with both fear and hesitant anticipation. “I don’t want to be alone but… “

“I’ll sleep on the couch?” Chris offered gently. “Okay?”

Raen exhaled, a shuddering breath and Chris caught a glimpse of the real depths of her fears, even stronger than he’d thought. His story was hard, Raen’s was going to be earth-shaking.

“Thank you.” She whispered.

“Anything, doll.” Chris murmured.

She sniffed hard, wiping at her face before standing and Chris stood with her, lingering uncertainly at her side, searching her face for signs of what she needed right now, what he could do to assuage her sorrow. She looked up at him, tears fresh in her eyes then choked on a sob and buried her face in his chest, clinging to him as she cried.

Chris tensed for a heartbeat in shock then wrapped his arms tightly around her, pulling her close and dropping his head to hers. His heart pounded anxiously, and he was sure he was saying the wrong things, but her misery pulled at him, demanding he do something, anything to ease her pain. “Baby, I’m here,” he murmured, stroking her hair. The strangest feeling was flowing through him, belief that he was completely out of his depth, and absolute certainty that he was exactly where he was supposed to be. “Please doll, don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you crying.” He pressed his lips to her hair and closed his eyes, feeling ready to cry himself all over again. Was this love? Feeling absolute helplessness, abject anguish at another’s pain?

Raen sniffled against his chest and he felt a shudder run through her. He could feel her struggle to regain control and then she lifted her head from his chest and gazed wetly at him. He cradled her face, thumbing the tears away then bent down and, heart beginning to hammer anew, pressed his lips to her forehead; a lingering, tender kiss, closing his eyes at the contact.

Raen took a deep breath and stepped back, disentangling herself gently from his arms. Chris studied her, trying to decipher her expression. Did she still want him to stay? Had his kiss been too much for her right now?

Gratitude and something deeper showed in her eyes and she managed a small smile as she wiped once more at her cheeks.

“Sorry about that,” she muttered. “I don’t normally cry around anyone else.”

“It’s okay,” Chris whispered, daring to take a step closer. Slowly, like she was a wild animal ready to run, he reached out and took her hand, lifting it to press her palm against his chest. He couldn’t say the words, not without breaking down again and instead let his heartbeat tell her. She stared at her hand for a moment, forehead furrowing as she felt his heart pound against it then stared up at him, surprise widening her eyes at the emotions in his.

“I’ve never felt this way before.” He confessed quietly. “Please give me time.”

Raen chewed her bottom lip, looking like she was fighting tears again. “Only if you wait for me too.”

Chris, holding her gaze, lifted her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to the palm then lowered their hands, stroking circles on her skin with his thumb but waiting for her to speak first.

“Will you stay, still?”

“Of course, baby.”

Relief darkened her eyes and she pulled, reluctantly it seemed, away, striding down the hallway and stopping at a closet. She pulled a stack of blankets out and balanced a pillow on top of the pile before walking back towards him. Chris watched her, a gentle, reassuring smile on his face as she passed him and set the pile on the couch, turning and walking closer as she began laying them out.

Chris could honestly say that, at least since he’d come to town, he’d never actually lain anywhere near a woman without having sex with her, but that wasn’t happening tonight. Raen had given him something far more precious tonight, pressed her fragile heart into his hands and he would die before he betrayed that trust.

She hesitated. “I’m sorry, I want you to stay but I just can’t… “

“It’s okay, doll. No pressure. We do what you’re comfortable with.”

She stared up at him and he got that feeling again, like she was looking deep into his soul once more, taking his measure for the second time since they’d met and he hoped like hell, more fervently then he’d ever hoped before, that he was worthy in her eyes.

“Goodnight, Chris,” she whispered, resting a hand on his shoulder and reaching up. He leaned forwards, not entirely sure what he was in for and felt a wave of heat as she kissed his cheek gently.

“Goodnight, Raen,” he murmured in return, watching her walk down the hallway. She glanced over her shoulder at him one more time before entering her room and Chris stood there, watching, long after she closed the door.

Morning sun shining through the curtains woke him. For an old couch, it was unbelievably comfortable and Chris had slept like a baby, or maybe it had just been the knowledge that Raen was safe and nearby, that he’d bared his heart to her last night and she’d not thrown away the offering. She still had her own story to tell, and Chris sensed that hearing it would infuriate him like nothing else, but they’d crossed a bridge together last night and something had changed between them.

A creak of old floorboards, then Raen was there, standing beside the couch, a tentative smile on her face.

“Good morning.” She offered quietly.

“Good morning, baby.” Chris smiled.

Raen sat on the edge of the coffee table and Chris rolled to face her, reaching out for her hand. She let him take it, press a kiss to her knuckles and rest their interlaced hands against his chest, just above where the blankets fell, revealing the bare skin, sprinkled with dark hair, of his muscled pectorals.

“Do you like pancakes?” Raen asked, her voice hushed.

“Love them.”

“Okay,” she answered. “I’ll make some. Bacon and eggs good, too?”

A warmth coiled in Chris’ chest, a feeling of home that he’d never felt before. “Yeah, baby.”

Raen smiled, then leaned forwards as she stood and pressed a kiss to Chris’ head. He was reluctant to let her hand go but did, watching as she walked away.

Soon delicious smells were wafting from the kitchen and Chris’ stomach growled loudly. He rolled to his feet and stood, stretching his spine and padding into the bathroom, scratching various areas of itchy skin and taking care of morning business before venturing into the kitchen as he pulled on his shirt. Raen stood at the stove and Chris leaned against the entrance, gazing at her. The urge to approach her and draw her into his arms, pull her back against his chest was crazy-strong and he longed to press his face into the crook of her neck, inhale her sweet scent and fall that much more in love with her.

There was no use denying it, his feelings for her. He’d been fighting them since the first time he’d seen her, stepping from her disabled Land Cruiser, and no amount of distance or time or discouraging internal dialogue had lessened them. She’d not pushed him away last night, not been disgusted or put out by his sorry tale, in fact, the part that had inspired those reactions from her had been his actions lately, not any hell from his past.

Raen sensed him watching and turned her head. “What?” She smiled, somewhat uncertainly.

Chris chuckled softly and pushed away from the entrance, walking towards her. He approached as close as he dared, as close as Raen’s body language allowed then paused. “Just you.”

Raen turned fully around to face him, eyebrow raised. “What about me?” Her voice was light, and Chris could see the tentative invitation there.

Slowly he reached up, eyes locked with her face, even as Raen looked down demurely, shivering slightly when the back of his fingers lightly brushed her cheek. Her eyes flickered up to his, a hint of fear in them, but she didn’t pull away and Chris pulled back only enough t0 cradle her face instead, rubbing his thumb across her chin, then, as she seemed to relax, pressing gently at her bottom lip.

Raen inhaled sharply and her tongue darted out, involuntarily, brushing his thumb, pulling a sharp inhale from Chris as well. His eyes darkened and his breathing grew heavier. This was not the standard reaction his body normally had with attractive women, a generic warming, but a targeting response. He hungered for Raen, for every part of her and it was growing more and more difficult to restrain himself.

Raen saw the longing and need in his eyes and while the fear remained in hers, it dimmed as something else started to bloom there as well. A faint, coy smile curved her lips as she pulled deliberately away from his hand and turned back to the stove, glancing at him once before resuming her task.

Taking the chance, hoping he’d read her right, Chris closed the remaining distance and pressed against her back. While Raen tensed for a half-second, she quickly relaxed and even leaned back ever so slightly towards him. Emboldened, Chris wrapped his arms carefully around Raen, banding them around her shoulders and pulling her tight to him. Heart pounding, he dropped his head to her throat and indulged in a deep breath, exhaling with a low moan as Raen relaxed ever further and even tilted her head slightly to touch his.

“Baby,” Chris groaned, his word as involuntary as the shudder that ran through him as he nestled deeper. A brief lance of fear, that he was pushing her too far, shot through him but then Raen hummed lowly in response to his tender name.

“Chris,” she whispered, hands shaking ever so slightly as she stirred the scrambling eggs. Chris took another chance and pressed his lips gently to her throat, right at the pulse point, closing his eyes as dizzying sensations shot through him at the small contact. Now it was Raen’s turn to moan and she shuddered. “Don’t-“

He tensed to pull away, trying to ignore the sudden sting in his heart.

“Don’t-, don’t stop.” She managed; her voice breathy. Chris shifted his hands, tentatively running one across her middle, savoring her but Raen tensed. “Chris, don’t. I’m fat-“

“No.” Chris hissed, surprised at the sudden venom in his voice, the real anger coursing through his veins. She was not, and to say so was an abomination. “Fuck, Raen. You are beautiful, do you hear me? You have no goddamn idea how hot you are.”

Raen tensed again. “Marshall always said-“

“A fucking idiot.” Chris dismissed shortly, then softened his tone. Raen would think he was angry with her, when in reality he wanted to track down this Marshall asshole who gave her this ridiculous notion and tear out his fucking throat. “You are perfect. You are so goddamn sexy I can hardly control myself around you. I’ve wanted you from the second I saw you.” He broke off before he completely embarrassed himself and pressed his face back into her throat.  

She was quiet for a beat. “Really?” There was a heartbreaking quaver in her voice, a vulnerability that tore at him.

“It was him, wasn’t it? Marshall? He’s the one who hurt you? He told you those lies.” Hatred for the man burned low in Chris’ belly, a special kiln inside him to temper his most personal and dangerous of rages.

“He…” she began but broke off. “It’s a long story.”

“I’m here. If you want to tell me…. And I’m not going anywhere, not if you don’t want me to.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I won’t.”

Raen finished the breakfast silently but her body stayed relaxed in Chris’ arms and she only giggled lightly at him when he dared another lingering kiss to her nape, rolled her shoulders as if he was a fly to dislodge, but flashing a smile to soften it.

Chris’ heart was galloping in his chest and his body’s response to Raen was no secret, prodding her incessantly in the curve of her luscious ass but she didn’t pull away, even ground back ever so slightly, drawing a rough growl of building desire from low in his chest.

He released her reluctantly only after she’d filled two plates and accepted his with a lopsided grin. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She whispered, her cheeks going that adorable pink shade again.

He followed Raen to the table and sat across from her, slowing his movements, although now that he’d smelled the bacon he was starving, to match hers but he couldn’t stop his moan when he tasted the pancakes, felt them melt in his mouth, the best he’d ever tasted.

Raen blushed darker at his moan but he only shook his head. “Shit Raen, these are good.”

Raen ducked her head. “Marshall never liked them.”

The kiln inside him flared hotter, had this fucker ever treated her right? “Do you…. Will you tell me about it?”

Raen swallowed her mouthful hard, a flash of uncertainty in her eyes and Chris opened his mouth to take it back. She didn’t need to open her veins for him, not right now, not ever if she wasn’t ready. “Raen, I’m sorry-“

“No, it’s okay. You need to know; it might help you understand me.” She dropped her head, pushing some egg around her plate. Taking a deep breath, she raised her head.

“I met Marshall almost four years ago. I was bartending and he came in and… I was young and stupid and lonely, and he knew what to say. We moved way too fast. Within a few months we were married and moved away from what’s left of my family. He’d always been a little… intense but it got worse after we moved.”

Chris dropped his hands into his lap to hide how tightly he was clenching his fists. He didn’t want to add to Raen’s upset, but his knuckles were white, his nails biting into his palm. Chris had grown up in a bad neighborhood, he’d been F.B.I., he knew what came next, assholes were depressingly unoriginal in how they fucked around with innocents.

“He liked to drink, that’s where most of our money went. And when he drank he got mean-“

“He hit you?” Chris bit out.

Her eyes answered him. “Every couple of months, something seemed to… flip… in his head and I wouldn’t even recognize him, it was like he was possessed or something…. Anyway, about eight, nine months ago he came home like that and… “ she took a deep breath, picking at a cuticle compulsively, “he wanted… sex and I said no, I didn’t feel like it.”

She stopped picking, stared at her nails and Chris felt a wave of dread.

“He… took it anyway.”

Although the thought of hurting Raen more burned like acid in his veins, he was so taken aback that the words spilled from his trembling lips before he could stop them. “He raped you?” His face contorted with pain.

Raen flinched and Chris felt a wave of self-hatred. “Baby, I-“

Raen started speaking again, as if she wouldn’t have the nerve to continue if she didn’t just plow ahead right now. “I ended up pregnant and… Marshall, he caught me puking one morning and found out, but he wasn’t mad, he seemed happy.” She licked her lips, another compulsive action. “But about two months after he… flipped again. He came home in the middle of the night, stinking of another woman’s perfume, pulled me out of bed and he…. “ She took a deep breath, glancing up at Chris, trepidation in her eyes, as if she expected him to fly out of the house and hunt Marshall down right now and Jesus was he tempted. “He got rid of the baby.”

“How?” Again, a compulsive question, one he instantly wished he could take back.

“He kicked me until I started to bleed.” The matter-of-fact tone didn’t cover the crack in her voice.

Chris dry heaved, turning his head so he didn’t vomit on the table. Christ, in all his years as an agent, in all his miserable life had he ever heard something so vile and evil and Marshall’s fate was sealed in his mind, his kiln flaring white-hot.

“I miscarried and took to bed. Time is kind of hazy there, but I think it was three days later I got a call from my grandmother’s lawyer. She’d died and left me everything. I packed what I had and drove here. I had the Cruiser but I’d sabotaged it so it wouldn’t run and Marshall would let me keep it. I hooked up the right wires and got out. Four months later, I met you.”

Chris gagged again, his mind whirling, stunned stupid by what she’d just told him. What the fuck?! He’d sensed she’d been hurt but Jesus Christ! Sitting back upright, he wiped at his mouth, not surprised to feel tears on his cheeks. “Baby… I-“

“That’s why I’m scared, Chris. I’m fucking terrified. I let a man into my life and look what happened. I-“

“I would never hurt you like that, never.” Chris’ voice was almost a growl.

“I know.” Raen whispered and despite the bleak air, Chris felt his heart lift slightly; while it was faint praise, she was still placing some degree of trust in him when she had a fucking good reason to never do so again with any man.

“But I don’t know if I can take the chance again…” her voice broke and Chris scrambled from his seat, falling for a second time to his knees for her. Raen’s hands covered her face as she started to cry and Chris’ hands shook as he reached for her, resting one hand tentatively on her knee while the other rubbed softly at her back.

“Raen,” he murmured, a heartbroken plea, but he couldn’t think of anything else to say. What could you say?

“I… I need time, Chris. I need you to be patient.”

“Anything. Anything you need, baby.” He whispered fervently. He would do anything for Raen, anything but walk away.

“Thank you.” She breathed, dropping one hand to cover his where it cupped her knee gently.

Chris turned his hand over, grasping hers and squeezed.

[kenzieam]

The Quarry - A Destroyed Short

Rating: M

Warnings: smut and the occasional bad word

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Another chapter in my Chris and Raen stories, set between the final chapter and the epilogue, I hope you enjoy.

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Refresh yo’self here!!

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A loon called, low and mournful, from the water and Raen shaded her eyes, squinting down at it before glancing back up at the horizon, mostly hidden by the surrounding forest. The sun was sending out rays of orange and red, a fiery petit morte to mark the end of the day, painting the scenery like a wildfire.

Dropping her gaze back down to her lap, Raen gently traced her fingers along Chris’ stubbly jaw and he grinned at her, eyes closed, as he attempted to doze, his head in her lap as she leaned against the rock, her rock, at the top of the cliff of their quarry.  

“Babe, I’m sleeping,” he mumbled, not able to stop his smile. “Someone kept me up all night,” he opened one eye to glower teasingly at her. “Wanting to play.”

Raen smiled, trailing her fingertips along Chris’ lips, giggling when he pecked at them playfully. “Well, I was finally feeling better,” she mused, her fingers moving up to his shorn scalp, scratching lightly and drawing out a groan of pleasure. “And l can’t help myself, you’re so damn sexy.”

Chris fixed her with a stare, his pupils growing larger. “You’re the sexy one.” He rolled, pressing his face into her belly and wrapped his arms around her hips. “Can’t get enough, doll.” He mumbled, nuzzling close, almost purring as Raen stroked the curve of his neck and down around his bare shoulder, tanned skin visible around his white muscle shirt. After a beat, he paused in his snuggling and asked. “You said you’re feeling better. Your stomach?”

“Yeah.”

“Wonder what you ate.” Chris mused, burrowing again, grinning at Raen’s squeak when he tickled her lightly.

“Well, it wasn’t that new cookie recipe I tried,” Raen teased. “Because I only got one, you ate like, fourteen.”

“They were good.” Chris mumbled, not raising his head. “And everyone’s going to see that, when you open the bakery next week.”

Raen smiled, suddenly ridiculously close to tears. Chris’ support and was the main driving force behind her, an unlimited source of strength, reassurance and help that was culminating in the grand opening of Raen’s bakery, Cinnamon Kisses, in just under four days time. Named for her grandma’s favorite cookie, the woman who’d left Raen her home and possessions after her passing, giving her granddaughter the opportunity she’d needed to escape her hellishly abusive spouse, the bakery was a tribute to her, with her picture at a place of honor on the wall above the display cases and her recipes the main focal point.

She traced along the scar on his scalp, the silent testament to how close she’d come to not ever knowing this man at all. “I love you, Chris.”

Chris rolled back over, resting his head again in her lap to look up at her and his smile was the most beautiful thing she would ever see. Taking her hand, he kissed it before setting it on his chest, fingers twined with his. “I love you too, baby.”

They fell silent for a while and Raen found herself gazing again back out at the water. In the quiet, an edginess returned and Raen swallowed, knowing she couldn’t put it off any longer. Good or bad, their relationship was about to change.

“Chris?”

“Yeah, doll?” Chris mumbled, his eyes were closed again, his voice languid and relaxed.

“I need to tell you something.”

Chris’ eyes opened and he squinted up at her, silently waiting. When she didn’t speak, he urged gently. “Tell me, baby.”

Raen hesitated, chewing on her bottom lip then took a deep breath. “My stomach… it wasn’t bad food. I’m pregnant.”

Chris blinked in surprise, staring dazed at her. “What?”

Heat hit her cheeks. “I’m pregnant.”

Chris sat up suddenly, his back to Raen and stared straight ahead. His shoulders were tense, and he was breathing hard and Raen felt a welling disappointment.

This was a bad idea. He’s freaking out.

“Pregnant.” He echoed, his voice sounding hollow.

“Yes.” Raen dropped her head, picking at a ragged cuticle. Despite being together, despite getting married in less than a year, the topic of children had never really come up. Raen wasn’t even sure if Chris wanted kids, let alone one in less than nine months. Why hadn’t she talked to him about it before? What the fuck had she been waiting for? They made love daily, sometimes twice or more a day, what the hell did she think was going to happen?

Chris turned back to face her; his eyes boring into hers. His chest was still heaving, a wild look on his face. “Baby, that’s awesome!” He crowed suddenly, a huge smile breaking out on his face. Reaching for her, he pulled Raen to his chest and kissed her hard before throwing his head back and roaring. His cry echoed across the water, startling the loons below.

Looking back down at her, he cupped her face and dropped his forehead to hers, face split wide in a huge grin. “That’s so great baby, wait… what are you crying for?” He pulled back enough to look at her, brows furrowing in concern.

Raen couldn’t stop the tears, so relieved at Chris’ reaction, at the joy on his face and Chris kissed her again, his lips sweet against hers, then tenderly kissed the tears off her cheeks. Hiccupping, Raen swallowed her sobs and gazed wetly up at him.

“Wait… did you think I wouldn’t be happy?” Chris asked incredulously, finally deciphering her tears. “Doll, really? This the best thing you could have told me, why would you think I’d be anything but ecstatic?” Realization flooded his eyes and they softened, even glittered a bit with tears of his own. “No, doll.” He murmured, pulling her close again. “I’m not even going to say his name and wreck the moment, he was a fucking dumbass piece of shit. This is good news. This is great!” He pressed another kiss to her forehead. “How far along are you?”

“I don’t know yet.” Raen answered, nuzzling closer. “My ultrasound’s in a few days, will you come with me?”

“Doll, I’ll be there. I’ll be here for everything.” He gave a very un-Chris like squeal. “I’m so goddamn happy! Goddamn, baby! We’re having a baby! DO YOU HEAR THAT?” He bellowed across the quarry. “I’m going to be a daddy! We’re having a baby!!”

“You goof.” Raen mumbled, tears of happiness again falling down her cheeks.

“I love you.” Chris declared, grabbing Raen’s face in his calloused palms and crushing his mouth to hers. After a beat, he reined in and his kiss became gentle and tender, his touch caressing but still desperate. “I love you so much,” he mumbled against her lips, his hand dropping to grip her throat carefully before continuing down to cup her breast through her tank top. Heat rushed into Raen’s limbs and she clawed back, one hand sliding up under his shirt to scratch his bare skin while the other plunged lower, palming the growing bulge through his jeans.

“Baby-” he gasped, pulling away for just an instant before attacking again, rucking his hand up to cup her breast under her shirt. He growled at her braless state, something like ‘naughty girl’ tumbling almost inaudibly from his mouth as he continued, pushing Raen gently down to lay flat on the blanket below them.

His zipper rasped as Raen tugged it down and he hissed, pulling his head away and dropping it back between his shoulders when Raen pushed past his briefs and wrapped her hand around his cock. He yanked down his jeans with one hand while the other cupped Raen’s face, their kisses savoring, deep and claiming, their tongues tangling together then Chris pulled away, breaths panting to watch Raen’s face as he jerked her shorts down and away and pushed her thighs apart for him.

“Yes, yes baby. Yes.” Raen whimpered, a desperate chant that morphed into a moan of ecstasy as Chris lined up and entered her, filling her with one push. He groaned into her neck as he bottomed out, Raen’s legs wrapping around his waist as he pulled almost all the way out, then drove back in again.

“Fuck,” he grunted. “You feel so goddamn good.”

“More, god baby, more-” Raen cried, trailing off into a whimpering moan.

They writhed together, bodies moving as one, pressed so close it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. Chris wrapped himself around Raen as he thrust into her, capturing and claiming her with his arms and body and she clung just as tightly back, her face buried in his neck.

“Look at me-” Chris gasped and Raen pulled her face away, lay it on the ground beneath them, the plaid of the blanket a stark contrast to her auburn hair.

“I love you,” he whispered, gritting his teeth as his body threatened to explode in pleasure. “I love you so fucking much, you’re everything baby, everything to me, do you understand?”

“Chris-” she moaned, then the euphoria cleared from her eyes for a beat and she met his stare squarely. “You too,” she rasped, her voice almost breaking. “You’re everything to me too, you know that, right?”

“God baby, yes-” Words left him as his body took over, chasing his own release and a sharp groan left him when Raen tensed beneath him, her orgasm crashing over her like a tidal wave. Her walls convulsed around him and Chris stopped fighting, surrendering to his own climax with a roar that echoed over the quarry like the primal, visceral cry of heaven it was. The sweetest pain mixed with the fiercest pleasure as he came, spilling his seed in sharp throbs inside Raen, the warmth and pulsing of his release triggering her again and again, an infinite loop between lovers of give and take until their voices and bodies gave out and they collapsed together in a panting heap on the blanket, bodies quivering and trembling with aftershocks and exertion.

Chris panted into the curve of Raen’s neck, unable to even lift his head, felt his heart pound against Raen’s chest, felt hers match his frantic tattoo and squeezed his eyes shut as a tsunami of emotion crashed over him.

He was alive, he was here; his soulmate, his other half wrapped in his arms and he was being given another chance; so was Raen, both of them being gifted with another child after both lost one so early in its fragile life and the tears came hot and heavy, stealing his breath in a great whooping rush.

Raen lay beneath him and let him feel, murmuring soothing words in his ear, running her hands tenderly up and down his trembling back, and waited, blinking away her own silent tears. As she pressed gentle kisses to his throat and curve of his shoulder, Chris could groan in response, shivering with emotion.

Finally, an eternity or a second later, Chris gasped a deep breath and exhaled it gradually, focusing on slowing the tears that were already drying up and, without saying a word, burrowed his face against Raen’s, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

They didn’t speak, they didn’t need to. The words ferried between them without hindrance or pause.

I love you.

[kenzieam]

Destroyed - Chapter One (Chris X OC)

Rating: M

Warnings: Violence, language, drama, angst

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What happens if Chris survived the bank robbery?

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Five Years Later

The sun beat heavy on his bare shoulders, the skin pulling slightly with the beginnings of a sunburn. Chris tightened the final bolt then straightened, ducking out from under the reach of the truck’s hood, stretching his spine with a groan as he dropped the wrench with a clatter in with its mates then pulled a rag from his back pocket to wipe his hands.

He let the sun warm his face for a moment, eyes closed and contemplated; should he get a start on figuring out what was making the Adler’s van run so rough, or go eat lunch?

That was his life now, and he was content with it.

He’d just made up his mind, lunch first, Adler’s van second, when a new sound pierced his thoughts. Dropping his head from the sun’s warmth, he turned to look over his shoulder.

A late seventies Toyota Land Cruiser wheezed towards him. Although old, it was in decent shape, either an older restoration or just plain well cared for, but right now, it needed help. Chris watched as it wound down, seemingly like a wind-up toy petering out, and gasped one last time before stalling a few dozen feet away. All clearance lights, already dimmed, died instantly and Chris, although not a betting man, not since gambling with his life five years ago, would have laid odds on what the Toyota’s problem was.

The driver’s door opened as Chris approached and he felt a sudden jolt of electricity. Not even Erin’s kiss in that bar as they’d learned their cover had affected him like this. A woman stepped out, no… scratch that, an angel appeared.

Long auburn hair, faint strands of blond catching the sun; thick and wavy and just perfect for Chris to card his hands through. Sunglasses of probably the same vintage as the Cruiser were pushed up into that glorious mane to reveal a set of cat-shaped eyes in the most unique and breath-taking shade of lilac-grey Chris had ever seen. Faint wrinkles of worry marred the smooth heart-shaped face and then she was looking right at him and Chris felt like he’d been kicked in the guts.

“Hey- , uh. Car trouble?” He stuttered, feeling his face start to flame.

The faintest of smiles. “Yeah.”

“Sounds like your alternator.” Chris scrambled for steady ground; known terrain when the earth was practically shaking beneath his feet.

“I thought so,” she murmured, sounding resigned. She met his eyes and Chris felt a fresh jolt. “Do you think it took my battery out with it?”

A lopsided grin, the majority of people he helped had no idea what an alternator even was, let alone knew how it worked.  

“I’ll check that, if you got it here fast enough, it should be okay.”

She bit her lip for a moment. “How long will it take? I have to get to work.”

“Not long, I can have it done by this afternoon if I’ve got the part laying around.”

The woman flinched slightly. “I work late, I won’t be able to come back until tomorrow.”

“That’s fine. You said you had to work? I can take you-“ Chris was babbling and he knew it, forced himself to shut up. “I mean, if you’d like.”

The faint smile again, a hint of pink in her cheeks. Maybe he wasn’t the only one being thrown off his axis right now. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“No, it’s fine.” Chris was inexplicably terrified of losing contact with this woman and if he’d had more time to think about it, it probably would have bothered him, this sudden attachment. “I’m just heading out to lunch; I can give you a ride. Where are you going?”

Her eyes met his, that strange lilac-grey seeming to pierce into his soul. After a heartbeat, something flickered in her gaze, something Chris would swear was fear. “No, thank you.” Her voice was firm now, insistent and Chris felt an unexpected and unexplained pang of disappointment. She reached into her purse and pulled out a flip phone.

Chris stood rooted to the spot, frozen, until the woman raised her head. “Would you like me to sign anything first?” Her voice was tentative again, as if she worried she’d angered him.

Chris swallowed hard, hating that she was slipping between his fingers and at the same time, absolutely stunned that it mattered so much to him already. What the fuck is wrong with you, King? “Yeah, follow me. I’ll make out a work order.” He turned and strode into the shop, heart hammering a frantic tattoo in his chest. Reaching the counter, he grabbed the necessary paperwork and a pen. “Uh, name?”

The woman had reached the other side of the counter and now shifted her weight, almost uneasily, as if she was leery even of giving Chris her name. “Raen.” She finally answered, pronouncing it like ‘Rain’. “R A E N Casteel.”

“And a number to reach you at?”

Another pause, as if weighing her options. Chris had studied body language and received more than enough training in the F.B.I. to read this woman’s behaviour. She had been hurt by someone in the past, badly, and was either running from it still or was just permanently marked, forever cautious around strangers, especially men. His heart ached with a sudden desire to pull her close and crush away all her bad memories, show her that not all love and all men meant pain; and track down the ratfuck that had made her this way to begin with. Finally, she offered a number, chewing on her bottom lip.

“Okay,” Chris scrawled the number, mind racing as he tried to organize his thoughts. He’d never been so thrown by someone in his life, not since her. In the space of only a few minutes, he’d gone from content and hungry, his biggest decision of the day being when and what to eat, to being absolutely swept up in a mysterious woman, ready to fight for her and kiss away her sorrow. But no.

He couldn’t.

He’d fallen hard for a woman before, and it had nearly killed him. He could not do that again.

“Alright.” He cleared his throat, forcing a casual tone. “I’ll look at it and give you a call and an estimate.”

“Thank you. If I don’t answer, please leave a message.”

“Sure.”

The woman gave him one last hesitant smile, then dropped the keys on the counter, turned and almost fled the shop, the door banging closed behind her. Chris watched her hurry away and disappear around the corner.

Jesus wept.

He wanted to help her, and not just by fixing her vehicle.

As soon as his doctors discharged him from the hospital, as soon as it wasn’t abject agony to move anymore (because Chris had gone cold-turkey on all hard drugs after), he’d left the F.B.I., taking all the compensation and bonuses offered to him for his service and sacrifice. Breaking the lease on his apartment, he’d loaded his truck (not the monster he’d driven as Undercover Chris, but his own) and pointed it east, intent on leaving L.A. and California and the west coast entirely, not stopping until the icy dread that ran rampant through his veins finally ebbed and he could draw a deep breath again.

Staying in L.A. meant memories, it meant driving past old haunts and neighborhoods, remembering his shitty past and even shittier career as a Special Agent; one that had started promisingly enough, especially for a delinquent kid who had more in common with the thugs he chased than the agents who hunted them, but had cratered hard when he’d accepted his last assignment.

Deep cover, a chance to advance and take out an asshole at the same time. Dangerous, but definitely worth it; and then he’d met her.

Erin Bell, his awakening and his ruin. His rise and his downfall. In her he’d found a partner, a fellow survivor of a hellish childhood and for a time, he’d been in love. Blinded by the light, as the song went.

He’d let himself believe he could have it all, that he and Erin could give the middle finger to Silas’ gang, to the F.B.I., Sheriff’s Office and the whole fucking world and just run off together with a shit-ton of stolen money.

How wrong he’d been. At the last moment, his conscience had finally intervened, and he remembered the fright and tears in that blonde teller’s eyes as Silas had screamed at her, the abject terror in her innocent face. As he’d watched Silas drop the duffels, spewing tell-tale purple clouds and storm back into the bank, the haze had lifted from his mind and even Erin’s horrified, pleading stare hadn’t been enough to bring it back.

No one gets a fuckin’ scratch. He’d vowed, but he’d been the naïve one then.

“F.B.I.!” His words hadn’t had the desired effect, Silas hadn’t fl0undered in shock or dropped to his knees in acquiescence; it was like he’d known and, looking back, he probably had, trading Arturo for Chris at the last moment, the psycho had at least suspected someone was a mole and Chris had been the one to break cover.

The memory of the burn from the bullets was something that still woke Chris up from a dead sleep, multiple points of agony in his torso, a line of fire on his scalp. That last bullet Silas gave him, aimed as the kill shot to his skull as he lay gasping and already dying on the grimy industrial carpet of the bank; had, depending on your viewpoint, either saved or doomed Chris, missing his brain and splitting a line on his scalp instead. Silas hadn’t noticed as he’d stalked out and Chris carried that scar to this day, visible at all times because although he hated thinking about his past, he’d kept the shorn head and facial hair.

If asked, he couldn’t explain why, but maybe it really was to remember, even though he hated to. Seeing Undercover Chris, with a buzz cut and goatee everyday in the mirror was his penance. He couldn’t, he didn’t deserve to go back to the neatly-groomed man he’d been before, hair longer and fluffy and worthy of a woman running their fingers through it; he wasn’t that man anymore, for better or worse.

He’d driven until his truck had made the choice for him, quitting in this mid-sized town in New York state, lasting long enough for him to limp it into this very mechanic’s shop. A chance comment from the owner, that he needed a new mechanic, had been the catalyst for Chris to stay, at least for awhile.

As a kid, knowing through bitter experience that his own mother was an unreliable source, Chris had kept himself alive with his hands. More specifically, using his hands to fix and tinker. A few hours working on the neighbor’s broken lawnmower earned him enough to eat for a week, the car he’d traded a day’s worth of small engine work for and spent two months of weekends working on before selling to the plumber down the street helped him make it when his mother finally OD’d and he’d needed to keep himself afloat, keep the nosy housewives on the block from calling CPS and reporting a child left alone. Not that they’d have been overly concerned for Chris’ wellbeing, his mother had supported her drug habit by spreading her legs for anyone with cash or drugs, and most if not all of these women’s husbands had partaken at one time or another, meaning Chris was practically guaranteed abandonment when the real object of their fury and indignation was gone, and only her son was left to blame.

That history had been his fuel for a time, spurring him to apply for the F.B.I., encouraging and driving his ambitions to make something of himself, to be more than the fatherless son of a crack-whore.

And, for a time, he had been. He’d been more. Chosen for the assignment, entrusted with the delicate task, but he’d fucked it up, as it was in his genes to do and it still burned sometimes to think about it.

And now, working at the shop had kept him busy, tired him out enough that sometimes he was even too exhausted for the nightmares. So, when the old man had announced his retirement two years later, Chris had offered to buy the place.

For almost three years now he’d been here, running his own business, continuing and building on the shop’s reputation in town, paying Karma back with steady and honest work.

But was Raen another Erin? Another flash fire that would only leave him staggering and burned, another paradigm shift in his already jagged and torn existence?

He’d worked so hard to rebuild his life, was he ready to risk it all again?

[kenzieam]

Destroyed - Chapter Four     (Chris X Raen)

Rating: M - ***TRIGGER WARNINGS***

Warnings: Violence, language, drama, angst, mentions of abuse and rape

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The days wore on, turning into weeks.

Although he wanted to be there every day, Chris forced himself to limit his trips to The Bend to only a couple times a week; sometimes for lunch, sometimes for drinks after dark. He’d learned that Raen often worked both shifts, but he refrained from learning her schedule beyond that, that was just too creepy and stalkerish;  but he held his breath ever day that he journeyed to the bar, hoping that when he entered, he’d see the woman who’d become as necessary to him as oxygen.

To his relief, Raen didn’t avoid him; she treated him as a regular customer, albeit with reddened cheeks and lowered eyes, mumbling her responses while she spoke clearly to everyone else; but her manner with others, as Chris observed, thanks to his former training, was formal and somewhat empty. She kept herself closed and untouched, smiling and laughing politely but never engaging more than skin-deep. With Chris there was more, despite her obvious hesitance.

She looked for him, and while she seemed to become more nervous when he was in the bar, she seemed more settled as well, as if Chris stirred feelings in her that made her antsy because they touched deeper inside her and made her feel safer at the same time, perhaps even without her realizing it.

He made sure to remain unfailing gentlemanlike; it was obvious that she was skittish, had been abused in the past and Chris would have to earn her trust, and rightfully so, before attempting to move any relationship they might one day have any further. It was hard for him though, she called to him like a flame draws a moth and his heart ached to see the pain and fear in her eyes. He would find and kill the man who’d put that there, make the bastard pay for daring to hurt such a precious treasure.

“The usual?” Raen asked quietly, appearing at Chris’ table. She already held the coffee pot, biting her bottom lip shyly.

“Yes please, Raen.” Chris felt himself relax, his body taking a proverbial deep breath of relief. “How are you today?” He watched her fill his coffee cup, noted the delicate polish on her nails, it looked good on her and he hoped it meant she was trying to spoil, to pamper herself.

You deserve everything good, baby.

“Fine, thanks.” She paused, as if gathering the courage and Chris’ fist tightened under the table; the effort he expended every single time she looked vulnerable like this, to not drop everything and draw her to him, hold her until that dread melted away, was herculean. And it was growing more difficult all the time.

Never, he vowed, and not for the first time, will I ever make you feel like that baby, I promise.

“How are you?” There was honest inquiry in her tone, this wasn’t just the dance of customer and waitress, empty answers demanded by decorum.

“I’m good. Better now that I’ve seen you.” There was no point beating around that bush, Chris knew his face lit up every time he saw her; if she’d been involved with Silas’ gang Chris would have blown his cover almost immediately.

Her cheeks darkened, lashes fluttering in a way that made Chris’ heart race. Jesus Christ, he had it bad. “That’s quite the line, Mr. King. Does it ever work?”

His pulse sped up even more at the faint teasing in her tone. “It’s not a line, it’s the truth. And does it?”

Tomato red now, Raen looked away and when she turned back, she’d replaced some of her walls. “What can I get you?”

The walls hurt and Chris swallowed uneasily, but when he glanced back up at Raen he saw her small smile, one just for him; the walls weren’t personal, he realized, just a habitual response. Still, he proceeded carefully.

“Is Wayne back there?” He asked, referring to one of The Bend’s regular cooks.

“No, it’s Pete today.”

Chris exhaled in relief, while Wayne was hella good with burgers, for some reason the man completely fell apart when it came to anything else and Chris was definitely in the mood for a good Club. “Turkey Club please, on brown.”

“Salad or fries?”

“If I say fries, will you share with me?”

Raen smiled, a fond look in her eyes that surprised Chris. “Do you ever let up?” Her teasing tone made his heart sing.

“Can’t help it with you.” Again, there was no use denying it.

Raen glanced back at the kitchen, then down at the watch on her wrist. “I might have a few minutes to spare.” Her tone was lighter now and she flicked her gaze back to Chris, who couldn’t stop a lopsided grin.

“I’ll save you some.” Chris replied, no pressure Raen, come to me when you want.

Raen glided away, eyes lowered shyly again, and Chris exhaled raggedly. He’d never had to work so hard to get a woman’s attention before, but it had never been more worth it. What he’d felt for Erin was like a perversion compared to this; he’d never experienced such a strong tie, without any physical contact either. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to survive the inferno this woman stirred in him if he was ever allowed to touch her.

He glanced around the bar, nodding at friends and customers, acquaintances and neighbors. There never been a sense of community or family in his life before, certainly not in the sprawling miasma of Los Angeles, not even in a twisted way with Silas’ gang.

“Here you go.” Her musical voice was back; a breath of her intoxicating perfume, mixed in with her natural scent, stirred fresh want in his chest. She set a plate in front of him piled high with crispy fries and a decent looking sandwich and he looked up to find Raen’s eyes before she left him again.

Chris gestured with his chin to the opposite side of the table. “Got those few minutes?”

Raen blushed again, then caught the eye of the other waitress, nodding to let her know she was taking a short break. She slid into the booth with a sigh, smiling bashfully. Grinning delightedly, feeling like he was five years old and it was Christmas morning in the dreams where he’d had Christmas mornings, Chris pushed the plate closer to her, nudging the ketchup bottle over as well.

“Dig in, doll.”

Raen’s reddened cheeks were matched only by Chris’, once he realized what he’d said but she saved him by smiling and reaching for a fry, dunking it delicately in the gravy.

“Yeah,” he continued, striving for a normal tone, feeling like that teenager again. “I like the gravy better too.”

Raen’s answering shy smile lit all kinds of fire in his heart.

She was only able to sit for a few minutes, and Chris felt a real pang of disappointment when she delicately wiped her mouth with a paper napkin and stood.

“I need to get back.”

“Sit with me tomorrow?” Chris winced at the hopeful tone in his voice, if Raen had any sort of mean bone in her body, she’d have an opening right now to hurt him.

“What makes you think I’ll be here tomorrow?” Her tone was light, even playful and Chris’ poor heart was sent galloping afresh.

“A guy can dream, doll.”

“Guess you’ll find out, Mr. King.” She replied, biting her bottom lip then her shyness flooded back in and she hurried away, taking Chris’ heart with her. He loved the way she called him ‘Mr. King’, not out of any patriarchal kick, but because it was special, her private name just for him, an edge of teasing and sliver of attraction softening the formal address.

Chris was on pins and needles all night, pacing his living room before collapsing into a chair out on his apartment’s small balcony and lighting a joint; a fraught hopefulness having seeped right down into his bones. He felt like a giddy teenager; Christ, like a man in love, and a sudden wave of dread crashed over him with the realization. Was he falling right down the same old rabbit hole as he had with Erin? Was he goose-stepping merrily into another trap?

No. He pushed the thoughts aside. Raen isn’t Erin.

Screaming agony tore him awake later. He’d gone to sleep with gentle musings of Raen, her drop-dead gorgeous curves his to finally touch and caress and mold his body around. Bolts of fiery pain shot through his torso, grotesque mimics of the bullets that had ripped through him, rending him from sleep and a scream of anguish poured from his lips; he could feel the blood coursing from his wounds with each desperate pound of his heart, feel the rough, stained carpet beneath his sweat-slicked face. He clawed at his chest, gasping for breath, his bare legs tangling in the sheets before his naked body tumbled from the bed to crash onto the floor, jolting what was left of his breath from his lungs. He lay trembling and panting, fingers clawing uselessly and he was sure he was dying, certain he was back on the floor of that bank, fooled into giving his life for nothing; Silas towering over him, ready to fire the kill shot.

“Nnnnooo.” He managed to wheeze, tears squeezing out from his lids and for a moment everything seemed to end, oblivion seemed to take him down into the Black then he pulled one last scream from his locked-down chest, shattering the nightmare. He convulsed, limbs slamming against the floor and lay winded and wasted, unable to even lift his head for long, terrifying minutes.

Finally, he dragged himself up off the floor, hands shaking as he pulled himself back into the bed and lay curled in the fetal position, trembling. He couldn’t remember the last time his nightmares had been so vivid, so real and it terrified him. What had provoked this?

Was it…?

No. It couldn’t be…

Raen?

Was his mind trying to warn him away from another fatal mistake? Would it truly be the end…?  Would he die this time? It was ridiculous to even contemplate but here, in the stark dark, his body still aching from the nightmare, it became oh so plausible.

What was he thinking? He’d survived once, he’d be a fool to give up his heart again. He was doing the same thing he’d done with Erin, giving up all semblance of himself and tempting that bitch named Fate as he plunged headlong into the spell of another woman.

He lay awake for the rest of the night, shivering, afraid to close his eyes. Work was a chore and, come lunchtime, he glanced at the clock then away. He couldn’t go back to The Bend; he couldn’t continue this. He needed to guard his own heart.

It was the right thing to do. He had to protect himself.

But Jesus God, why did it hurt so bad?

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Raen chanced a glance at her watch, then scanned the bar. Chris was nowhere to be found, again. It had been a week since he’d asked her to sit with him. Even though he’d looked at her with such softness and excitement at the prospect of seeing her the next day, he’d never shown up. Despite herself, Raen felt a tear trickle down her cheek, which she wiped away angrily.

Like sand, he’d begun to seep through the cracks in her walls; like water gradually eroding away stone, he’d started to wear his way past her barriers.

And then he’d disappeared.

What a fool she’d been. She’d just been lucky she’d escaped without literally bleeding this time. Men were all the same, some played with your body, others your heart, but they all left you broken.

Never again.

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He couldn’t do it any longer.

He’d stayed away from her for a week, but he physically couldn’t anymore. He needed Raen, she’d become essential to his heart and soul and that certainty wore implacably away at the conviction that he would be destroyed by giving them away again. Surely they couldn’t ache any worse than the anguish he felt now.

His palms were sweating as he parked his bike in the Bend’s lot and he rubbed them down his jean-covered thighs, swallowing nervously. What would his reception be? He’d been making inroads with Raen, and then he’d left. It was a shitty thing to do, but in the end, the draw was too strong. If loving Raen meant his destruction, then he was going down in flames.

It had been a week of loneliness, a week of sleepless nights, of tossing and turning and startling awake from restless dozes with a jolt of heart-pounding panic, nightmares twisting his mind into an exhausted miasma of misery. His body was leaden, weighted down with guilt and shame and just plain lonesomeness.

Even Al had noticed, real concern in his aged eyes as he watched Chris work, probed in his typical roundabout way what his problem was but Chris hadn’t been able to voice it. How did you explain something like this? As time wore on his reasons for staying away from Raen grew weaker and weaker in his miserable eyes, made less sense.

Raen was nothing like Erin, where his old partner had held a deep simmering rage at her childhood, at the hand dealt to her, Raen was pure sweetness, her past experiences only making her kinder and more compassionate. Like the analogy Chris had heard once, one that had resonated with him and made him wonder what he was deep inside, Erin was like an egg, tempered and boiled by the heat of her past into someone hard and unchangeable inside, while Raen was like a tea bag, her natural goodness and sweetness coloring her surroundings, improving everything around her.

It was late, after dark and the throbbing music from the juke spilled out as he opened the door and stepped inside, scanning the surroundings. Like the moth he was, his eyes were drawn immediately to her flame, currently standing at the bar loading up her tray for another waitressing round; her body was his kryptonite, did she realize how goddamn good she looked in those fitted jeans? Steeling himself, he approached, leaning casually against the counter to hide the shaking in his hands.

Had he wrecked what could have been the best thing he’d ever had, before he’d even really had it?

“Hey,” he offered quietly, searching to find her eyes when she turned to face him. What he saw, shock quickly eclipsed by hurt and anger, deepened his anxiety.

“What are you doing here?” That empty tone was back, the wall and that hurt worse than any emotion she could have infused her voice with. Emotion meant there was still a chance, emptiness meant there wasn’t.

“Raen, I’m sorry-“

“I have to work, excuse me.” She pushed past him with a loaded tray and his heart began to thump with dread. The bartender, a friend of one of his former booty calls eyed him with derision.

“She waited for you, asshole.” She spat before turning and storming to the other end.

Chris turned, feeling more scared and more hopeless than he had in his darkest moments with Erin, when Arturo was pacing the shabby living room, holding the handgun and goaded into playing roulette, in those endless moments after the gunshots. Her back was to him, shapely hips mocking him as they swayed. Her smile was soft, her lilac-grey eyes almost serene as she spoke to patrons and passed around their orders.

She wasn’t comfortable among strangers, not yet, but she had learned to disguise it and you’d have to be stone sober to notice the distance in her manner. He waited until her tray was empty and she was on her way back to the bar before trying again.

“Raen, please. Can I just-“

“What do you want, Chris?” He was ‘Mr. King’ no longer, her private name for him gone.

“I need to talk to you.” His hand reached out in desperation and gripped her forearm, pulling her away from the main area.

A flash of real fear, hurting his heart, then anger again. “Leave me alone.” She hissed, ripping her arm away.

“Baby, please!” Desperation made his voice crack, then pain exploded in his cheek and he staggered, eyes wide with shock.

Raen glared fiercely, her hand still raised from slapping him. Slowly, she pointed her finger at him with heartbreaking finality. “Do not call me that. You never came back, remember? I owe you nothing.”

Cold grief wrapped icy fingers around his heart as she turned and stormed away.

He didn’t leave, his body wouldn’t obey his commands. The furthest he made was the far end of the bar, the opposite end from where Raen was working and, although he knew Raen wouldn’t send a glance his way, he watched her all the same, cursing himself for his stupidity.

A cold panic had suffused his limbs, he wanted to grab Raen’s arms and shake her, force her to listen to him, to give him another chance, but that meant that he was a bastard, no better than the man she’d ran from before. He’d fucked up, he was the one to pay for it.

Jesus God, it hurt. His heaven was steps away and he couldn’t reach her. He might as well be on Mars.

A dead feeling was spreading through his body. To walk away from Raen tonight was going to cleave him in half, but what choice did he have?

Throwing down some bills to cover his beer, he steeled himself to leave, to walk away from the best thing he’d never had when a crashing sound hit his ears. He whirled, eyes scanning the bar with practiced skill, his F.B.I. training making a reluctant comeback. He reached for his sidearm, remembered he no longer carried one.

A fight was breaking out in a corner, two men pushing each other, their voices raising in drunken indignation and rage. A glass had already been knocked to the floor, alerting Chris, but it was the men’s physical altercation that was starting to get everyone else’s attention. Chris sized up the situation, not seeing any immediate weapons, but who knew if either man was hiding something? Shit, a broken bottle would be enough and these two looked like the violent type.

Then his eyes found her.

Raen. Trapped in the corner, eyes wide.

Somehow, she’d been on the wrong side of the table when these two had started in on each other, and was now stuck, her back to the wall, two brawling men blocking her escape.

Terror and rage like he’d never felt before filled him and Chris didn’t remember his trip across the bar, his tunnel vision only for Raen, he could be rushing into the path of another bullet for all he knew, and it didn’t matter in the slightest, all he could see was Raen, pressed to the wall, eyes wide with fear, searching for escape. Her eyes met his and if he hadn’t been so blinded by the need to save her, he would have seen the relief in her lilac-grey depths.

She reached for him as he barreled through the brawling men without stopping, elbowing the brutes aside and receiving a glancing fist to the jaw as he went and then she was in his arms and he pressed her back into the corner, shielding her from the fight with his body, glancing back over his shoulder before dropping his head to murmur soothingly to her.

“Chris,” she gasped, voice shaking. Her fingers clawed into his flesh as she shook and if he hadn’t been so intent on comforting her, he would have whirled in a rage and attacked the two bastards who’d made her so scared.

“I’m here, baby.” He breathed, curling around her, ready for the blows to come as he sheltered her but they never did and, as he turned to glance back again, he saw the other patrons and the bouncer had finally kicked into action, dragging and pulling at both combatants, hauling their thrashing asses out the front door.

Only then did he relax his hold enough to step back, his hands staying on her shoulders, unwilling to let go.

“Baby, are you okay?” He scanned her frantically, his hand leaving her shoulder only to cup her cheek and his heart lurched as his eyes landed on blood. “Christ, doll.” He pulled at her, drawing her into better light, his heart thudding with fear.

He tilted her head, gripping her chin, eyes running over her skin and he reached over, grabbing a napkin from a nearby table, dabbing gently at her cheek. His thundering heart eased as he saw the damage, not nearly so grave as he’d feared. Three small dots, tiny bits of broken glass embedded in them and glinting in the light marred her smooth cheekbone and more glass fragments shimmered in her hair that he brushed gingerly away before taking her hand and drawing her down the hallway, to the owner’s office past the bathrooms.

Without knocking he burst through the door, startling the man sleeping in his chair inside.

“Goddammit, Chris!” He swore, jerking awake, nearly falling off.

“Goddamn you, Gus!” Chris yelled back. He reached for the first aid kit perched on the file cabinet and gently sat Raen down on an empty chair before wrenching it open and continuing his lecture. “There’s a goddamn fight out there and you’re in here sleeping! And Raen got fucking hurt!” He broke off and turned his full attention back to Raen, who stared at him with a mix of trepidation and reverence. Gently, his hand shaking slightly, he sponged away the blood with a square of gauze then pulled out the tweezers. Raen’s eyes fell on them and widened, then looked back up at Chris trustingly.

“I’ll be gentle, baby.” He murmured.

Gus had shuffled outside by now and Chris pulled away from Raen long enough to kick the door shut behind him. As he reached to extract the slivers of glass her hand grasped his wrist, stopping him.

“Chris, I-“

“Damn, doll. When I saw you trapped back there, my heart-“ he flinched, pausing in his task long enough to cup her undamaged cheek. After a beat, he tipped his head forwards, resting his forehead to hers, relaxing when she didn’t push him away.

“Thank you.” She whispered.

“Anything for you.” He vowed, pulling away reluctantly. Raen followed his movements then closed her eyes as he began to extract the slivers. She remained still, not wincing, but then, she’d experienced worse.

Gus returned just as Chris had placed the last steri-strip and was wiping the remainder of blood off her skin.

“Goddamn Buddy Perkins.” He wheezed. “I told that bastard no more fights. He’s banned now and good riddance.” Focusing on Raen, his tone softened. Gus may have been a lazy old bastard, but he cared for his girls. “You okay, hon?”

“Just some scratches.” She replied quietly.

“Take the night off. Hell, take the rest of the week, I’ll still pay you.” He turned his attention to Chris. “You’ll make sure she gets home okay?” At Chris’ nod he looked back at Raen. “That okay, honey? Can Chris take you home?”

“That’s fine.” She was still quiet, but her hand hadn’t left Chris’, her fingers clasping his tightly.

Gus shuffled and wheezed his way back out, his voice thundering once more, shutting down the bar for the night because ‘you miserable sumbitches can’t behave!’ and Chris looked back at Raen, squeezing her hand, a hint of nervousness accelerating his heart now that he no longer feared for her immediate safety.

“You’re sure? I can take you home?” Chris murmured, too far gone to be embarrassed by the pitiful hope in his voice.

Raen sighed quietly. “Why didn’t you come back? I waited for you.”

Chris exhaled slowly. He would tell her, but not here. “Can I talk to you at your place? It’s kind of a long story.”

Raen looked up, meeting his eyes and studying him carefully. He held his breath in trepidation, trying to convey his utter sincerity through his eyes. She sighed, seeming to come to a decision. “Okay… there’s some things about me you should know too.”

“Only if you want to.” Chris murmured back, standing to his full height and pulling her gently to hers. He hovered protectively behind her as she gathered her things from the staff room and took the keys she held out when they reached the parking lot.

“What about your truck?” Raen asked, concerned as she searched the lot.

“I brought my bike; no one’ll take it. I need to work on it and its hard to start right now.”

“Thieves can’t steal what they can’t get running, Raeny baby, mind your daddy.” She suddenly said, glancing over at Chris with reddening cheeks.

“What does that mean?” He asked as he helped her climb into the passenger side.

“Just something my daddy taught me… it saved my life a while ago.”

Chris searched her face, trying to quell the sudden instinct to crush her to him and kiss away her sorrow but he needed to take her home, he needed to explain himself and maybe then… maybe he’d be lucky enough to have another chance with her. Contenting himself with reaching out and covering her hand for a heartbeat, he sighed and started the truck, threw it into drive and left the parking lot.

[kenzieam]

Destroyed - Chapter Three - Raen’s Story (Chris X Raen)

Rating: M - ***TRIGGER WARNINGS***

Warnings: Violence, language, drama, angst, mentions of abuse and rape

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PLEASE READ RAEN’S STORY WITH CAUTION.

IF YOU’VE READ MY OTHER STORIES, YOU KNOW I CAN GO DARK AF, AND THIS IS NO EXCEPTION. HOPEFULLY THIS EXPLAINS WHY MY OFC HAS SUCH A HARD TIME TRUSTING ANYONE.

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LAST CHANCE......

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Raen’s Story

The phone call woke her, startled her out of an uneasy sleep. Sharp pain flooded in with her senses and she winced as she reached for the phone, pulling it to her ear with a muffled groan.

“Miss Casteel?”

Close enough. Although she and Marshall weren’t married, he still insisted she take his last name and stop referring to herself as a Casteel.

“Yes, this is.”

“My name is Judson Plante. Do you know of a woman named Agatha Desmond Casteel?”

“She’s my grandmother.” Raen replied, sitting up with a wince. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m her attorney. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for a month. Your grandmother’s passed, and she left you everything.”

Raen nearly dropped the phone, fingers shaking. “She’s died?”

“Yes, dear. I’m sorry. I take it you weren’t close?”

No, not at the end. Marshall had taken and moved her far away from any family, settling in a backwater town in a backwater state, where the majority of the housewives that perused the shelves of the local Piggly Wiggly all wore large, shielding sunglasses and had the tendency to ‘fall down the stairs’. “I stayed every summer there when I was a child.”

“Ah, yes. She spoke of that.”

“Did she…. Was it bad?”

“No, Miss Casteel, she passed in her sleep; the ladies she lunched with found her the next day. They say she looked very peaceful.”

Raen sagged in relief, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I don’t… what do I do?”

“I have everything laid out here in my office. I just need you to verify your identity and sign some paperwork. I can send it out to you, to the nearest attorney, if you wish. You’ve moved quite a distance away, I see.”

A sharp pain rocketed through Raen’s lower belly and she bit back a moan, curling in on herself. Marshall, like most of the men in this small town, liked to drink, and sometimes he got mean; a fact that the majority of the women seemed to share and accept as their miserable lot in life, flicking sympathetic glances at each other as they passed in the store or at church, their large sunglasses not always completely hiding the bruises. But, every couple of months, something turned over in Marshall’s brain and he went from mean to downright evil, something Raen could never predict.

Three nights ago, he’d come home stinking of another woman’s perfume and ripped Raen out of their bed, then stomped out the baby he’d raped into her the last time he’d come home like this. She’d been to bed ever since, the bleeding slowing while the pain remained and, as the newest pang tore through her, so did the realization that this would never end.

Despite his regret between the spells, despite his murmured kind words and promises that he’d ‘never do it again, angel. Believe me.’ Raen knew it would never stop, he would never change, the alcohol poisoning his mind and gradually eroding the part that stayed decent would eventually override any humanity he had left.

And he’d kill her, she’d bleed out in their bed, or on the floor; and Marshall would push her corpse aside and find another to lay beneath him, to believe his lines and fall under his spell. She should have known, three years ago when this all started, how it would end. Hadn’t she watched her own mother wither away under her stepfather’s tyranny?

“Miss Casteel?” The terseness in Plante’s voice said he’d been trying for some time now to get her attention.

“I said-“

“I’ll be there. Just give me a few days.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m driving out. You said grandma left me everything, that means the house too, right?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Then I’m taking possession. Just give me time to get there.”

“I… alright. I will have everything ready for you.”

Raen thanked him, scrawling down the address of his law office. It was a few towns over from her grandma’s house but that was no hardship. Like Raen had said, she’d spent all her summers out there as a child, she knew the area.

And it was absolutely time for a change.

Pulling her raw body from the bed, Raen packed quickly, what few possessions she had and wanted to take. Faint doubt clawed at the edges of her mind, was she really doing this? Leaving the man she’d lived with for three years; the man who, while rough with her occasionally, provided for her? Kept her safe from the dangers outside? Even as she thought that, she knew it was bullshit, lies Marshall told to keep her compliant, lies a small part of her accepted as truth and was trying to keep her here with now. There was danger out in the world sure, but he was the bigger threat.

Why had it taken so long for her to wake up?

Marshall and her grandma had never met, but Grandma had known what was coming; she’d been around the block too, so to speak. When she’d learned Raen had a new man and was planning on moving, she’d called her, asked if she knew what she was doing and although Raen hadn’t set foot in that kitchen for better than five years at that point, she could still picture the flowered curtains swaying in the breeze from the screen door as she listened to the old woman’s soft voice. Raen had tried to assuage her worry, reassure her that Marshall was different, that he’d take care of her, they were moving to another state because of a job opportunity, not to isolate her but Grandma had been right. And she’d left her favorite grandchild a safety net.

It was a sign, and it was time to go.

Her father’s old Land Cruiser sat on the far side of the dirt driveway. Raen had been careful to keep it covered, protected from the sun and Marshall had only let her keep it because it didn’t run. ‘Thieves can’t steal what they can’t get running, Raeny baby, mind your daddy.’ Raen smiled to herself remembered her dear father’s advice, the man that she should have grown up with, the man who her mother should have had in her life, if not for that accident at the factory, as she poured fresh gas in the tank and attached the proper wires, laughing despite herself when the Cruiser roared to life. Marshall wasn’t that smart; she’d gotten this past him, thanks daddy, and now she was leaving forever.

Despite the fact that Marshall would have no clue as to where she went, if he even remembered she had a grandmother he had no idea where she’d lived; for when he and Raen had met, four states separated them and then he moved them further still, Raen white-knuckled it through the next thirty hours, driving as far as she could before pulling over to sleep, then driving again.

Freshening up in a local motel, Raen met Plante and signed the paperwork. Part of the few possessions she’d taken had been a small locked box, one Marshall had never seen for he surely would have opened it and destroyed what lay inside. And inside had been Raen’s lifeline. Her papers, her ID, pictures, what she needed to fulfill Judson Plante’s and the Law’s requirements for her to take what was left to her.

She’d taken the keys, the folders and left the stately office. Arriving at her grandma’s, her, house, she’d cried at the sight. It was just as she remembered from her childhood, down to the flowered curtains, the vintage Kelvinator fridge in vibrant yellow, the old farmhouse sink. A bone-deep exhaustion, a years-in-the-making collapse hit her then and she’d slept for almost two days, wakened and hid inside for another week, until the fear that Marshall would find her faded.

Grandma had left her some money, and she’d hidden little bits away from Marshall’s left-around- the-house change, but she needed to find a job and, after a time, found The Bend. She’d done some bartending before, that’s how she’d met the prince named Marshall himself, and found it came back to her easily, and just a bit ago her boss asked if she wanted to try waitressing, start working the early lunch shift at The Bend instead of the late one.

Raen found she’d liked both, and would often work doubles, noon to midnight or later, and it had been fine, a quiet existence for the last few months until her Cruiser chose to act up, coughing like it was it’s last as she limped it into Griffin Mechanical. The man who’d approached her had not been old Mr. Griffin, the man she remembered from her childhood, but a young and handsome devil who’d haunted her dreams ever since.

Tall and muscular, his head shorn and a dark goatee on his chin, his fierce appearance was at complete odds with the gentleness Raen had seen immediately in his bottomless eyes, the kind but nervous smile he’d given her. His voice was one she could listen to forever, one that soothed her to the very depths of her soul and one she imagined was capable of heating her blood to an inferno if he ever leaned close enough to whisper in her ear what his eyes said he wanted to do to her.

Her heart had immediately been lost, tied to this man and she’d never been more scared.

Men were rough, men were brutes who used their fists as much as their words when they were angry. Loving a man meant pain and humiliation, it meant feeling the burgeoning life trying to live within you that was forced upon you but, in the end you’d come around to want, seep out between your legs as a pile of hot stones took residence in your belly.

Chris’ hands were large, stained with grime, capable of wielding heavy wrenches and, no doubt, painful blows. The bulging muscles in his biceps and forearms meant he was strong, his punches and strikes would hurt and what’s worse, the gentle light in his eyes would be all the more monstrous as his fists rained down pain.

His body, his smile, his very aura was bliss, strumming hers to life and it could never be. Raen would never make that mistake again, she would never let another have power over her.

She would never let another Marshall into her life.

[kenzieam]

Destroyed - Chapter Two (Chris X Raen)

Rating: M

Warnings: Violence, language, drama, angst

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Chris watched for her the next day, his old nervous habit of rubbing his bottom lip with his thumb becoming a prominent action again. Even Al, the steady, reliable old man who came with the shop, and was at least 10 years past retirement, but kept showing up everyday anyway, noticed Chris’ edginess.

“What’s go ‘choo so worked up, boss?” Al had accepted the change of ownership, and employer, seemingly without batting an eye and, as far as Chris cared to remember, had never addressed him as anything but ‘boss’, even before he truly was. He’d shuffled through the bays and sat noisily on an old cane chair designated as his ‘spot’ while Chris tinkered absently under the hood of the Adler’s van. He knew the problem, but getting to it was a bitch, if only because his mind was constantly elsewhere this morning. All night his thoughts had drifted, coming around again and again to the mysterious Raen.

Chris made a noncommittal sound.

“It’s that girl, ain’t it?” Sharp gimlet eyes under bushy brows flicked his way then off across the shop and the old man coughed noisily as he dragged on a home-rolled, pulling the cigarette away from pursed lips with grease-stained fingertips.

When Chris didn’t answer, because he didn’t know what to say, Al continued.

“She’s got a story, ayuh. See it in the way she watches everythin’. Girl’s been mistreated.”

Chris’ heart thumped painfully in his chest. He suspected as much, and it killed him.

“A damned shame, fine young thing like that.” Al grumbled, pinching off the last of the cigarette and flicking it into the nearest ashtray. “Needs a good man, that one. One that’ll love her, not hurt her.”

Chris wondered irritably if Al was directly needling him, or just rambling as the old Maine transplant seemed to sometimes do. He’d never come out and say anything, but Chris knew the old man had a dim view of Chris’ relationships, or lack thereof, since moving to town.

Commitment got you hurt, commitment got you shot and bleeding out on a dirty industrial carpet. Commitment got you compromising your morals for another’s selfish ambitions; and when the anguish of Erin’s final betrayal over their unborn child had eclipsed the unending agony of his damaged body, he’d closed that door forever, barring it against any future treachery. As he returned to the van, last night’s events trickled back into his reluctant mind. He didn’t want to think about what happened, but it seemed his thoughts were intent on doing their own thing anymore.

A: You up for some fun tonite?

The text stared back at Chris as he read it, but the familiar stirring in his groin never came. Annette was one of his hook-ups, one of his ‘acquaintances with benefits’ that he’d accumulated since moving here and while he would have been DTF even earlier today, the introduction of Raen into his life this morning had completely tangled him up.

A: You going to give me that cock? I want it deep and hard tonite.

Her dirty talk usually enflamed him, stoked a fire deep in his belly that, while not personally encompassing, was fun to ride but tonight it stirred nothing.

C: Not tonight, Nettie.

The reply took so long to come that Chris started to think that it wasn’t.

A: What’s up with you? You’ve never said no before.

It was true, he hadn’t; and they’d had some wild times, but they had been empty, a physical release for two people too gun-shy to give anything but their bodies to each other. Chris had never spent the night, nor had she, always climbing out of the tangled sheets in the dark of night to go home, the restlessness inside temporarily sated.

A: You got another?

Chris frowned at the screen.

C: Always did, we’ve never been exclusive.

A: We can share again. Remember July 4th last year? You had enough for three of us.

The thought soured his stomach. He didn’t want to be reminded of the debauchery he’d been a willing part of in the past, it made him feel polluted now, unclean and unworthy of a certain auburn-haired woman.

C: No.

A: She suck you off better? Can she deep-throat you like me?

A brief flash of memory, Chris in a ratty armchair, leaning back, legs spread. Annette on her knees in front of him, her lips around his cock, cheeks hollowed as she worked, gagging on his length, that familiar tightening in his sac telling him he was close, his rapid groans and fluttering eyelids telling her the same thing. Bliss and release, pulse and throb.

C: Just drop it. Then the coup-de-grace, the killing blow. We’re done, Nettie. I don’t want it anymore.

A: You bastard.

Chris winced.

C: It’s never been a secret; this was just a fling. No feelings, remember?

A: Whatever.

The faint burn of shame made him shift uneasily on his couch, the shoot-em-up movie blaring from his TV only a distant buzz in his addled mind. What the fuck? Had he just gotten rid of Annette, with the no-questions-asked open door policy for his cock? And for what? A three-minute conversation that ended when the woman had literally ran from him? What was it about Raen Casteel that possessed him so?

He didn’t want to, one part of his mind screamed for mercy, but the rest dove in anyway as he let himself think about her. The pull was undeniable, the air between them charged. He didn’t like seeing her timid like that though, it didn’t fit her, she needed confidence and self-assurance.

But damn, she was just about perfect every other way.

His type used to be like Erin; thin, an almost boyish lack of curves but that preference had disappeared along with his desire for her; his tastes had definitely evolved. Now his body craved curves; soft peaks and valleys; silky, supple flesh to fill his hands and mouth; a woman’s body. Raen’s fitted jeans had hugged every lush curve today, showcased her hourglass figure and Chris had swallowed hard at first sight, fighting his body’s response.

“Boss.” Al’s voice broke into his thoughts and Chris jolted, clearing his throat, glancing over at the old man in time to see him jerk his chin to the outside.

Chris followed his indication, pulse jumping as his gaze landed on Raen. She was approaching the shop, clutching her tote to her side, eyes roving like she expected assassins to leap out from behind a tree or parked car.

Al tutted again in displeasure, flicking his rheumy eyes up to Chris’. “Bastard.” He grunted and Chris could only jerk his head in terse agreement.

Wiping his hands on a rag, he hurried into the front of the shop, reaching it just as Raen entered the building, sidling up behind the counter and pressing his palms firmly down onto it to hide the shaking of his hands.

“Hi,” he offered uncertainly, feeling unaccustomedly shy.

“Hello,” she replied quietly, a small, tentative smile on her face and Chris couldn’t stop a wide, relieved grin from splitting his face. The sight made her blush slightly and look down.

Clearing his throat, Chris grabbed her paperwork and keys. “It was the alternator,” he explained, hurrying to assuage her nervousness, “I did have the right one, so it was an easy fix. Your battery is fine, too.”

“What do I owe you?”

Chris had battled with himself all day about this, he wanted to say ‘nothing’ but he had a sense that wouldn’t fly with this woman. She never wanted to feel like she owed someone, like they were trying to hold a favor over her head; so he named a simple figure, one that would barely cover the cost of the part and only half the labor.

She stared at him for a moment, as if seeing right through him, noticing his fixing of the price, his struggle to hold off on not charging her at all; he had the sense that she was weighing him and he hoped to god she didn’t find him wanting.

“Okay, thank you.” She replied, pulling out her wallet. The flash in her eyes told him she knew she was underpaying and even now was thinking about demanding a higher fee, anything to avoid feeling indebted.

“No strings, I promise.”

Another flash, like she’d heard that line before too. “Sure.”

Chris grinned nervously, feeling like a wrong-footed junior fumbling through his first high-school romance, trying to woo a wiser, older senior who’d deigned to pause and listen to his babbling.

She handed over the cash and Chris signed the invoice PAID IN FULL, handing the top copy to her. She took it almost gingerly, then accepted the keys he passed her next. “Thank you.” She sounded nervous again, hesitant.

“Anytime.” Chris replied, a sharp pang building in his chest. He couldn’t let her walk away again. “Wait.”

She’d already moved to the door, stopping and turning back to look at him, her gaze shuttered.

“Can we… I mean I’d love to take you out to dinner sometime, please?”

She flinched, and for a half-second Chris saw regret in her eyes. She wanted to say yes but just…. couldn’t.

“That’s probably not a good idea.”

Crushing rejection, which Chris fought to hide with a neutral smile. “Some other time, then.”

“No, thank you.” Her eyes were apologetic, but unyielding. They flicked up to his once more, seemed to plead with him to understand she couldn’t stand to be pushed about this, not now, then backed out of the door and turned sharply, disappearing from Chris’ line of sight. A few moments later he heard the Land Cruiser start and accelerate away.

He slumped forwards, resting his forearms on the counter and dropping his forehead to his clasped hands, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He didn’t want this to be the end, but he also didn’t want to push her.

What do you do when the person you want doesn’t want you back?

After a pause he exhaled and pushed upwards with a groan, returning to the Adler’s van with a heavy heart.

**************************************************************************

One Month Later

She hadn’t come back and Chris hadn’t seen her anywhere around town.

He still thought about her, though. Constantly. His interest in Raen never waned, never wavered. He wondered how she was doing, was she still scared? Was she still timid? As time passed Christ began to worry that it had been something about him that warned her away, some spectre of his past that had hovered over his shoulder unseen and made her wary, whispered caution in her ears.

He’d cut off all his hook-ups, his stomach souring every time he thought about the meaningless, mindless sex he’d indulged in, the way he’d used those women, whether they knew it or not; whether the using had been mutual or not.

Any release he allowed now was self-inflicted, images of Raen’s haunting eyes as he stroked himself in the shower, hand pressed to the wall as he bowed forwards into his fist, her name falling from his lips as he came, his seed pulsing thickly over his hand, spurting against the wall before washing down the drain; his legs shaking slightly, muscles trembling as he remembered her intoxicating stare, the sweet curves he’d not gotten a chance to worship.

Today he let a customer and friend, a man named Harrison, take him out for lunch as thanks for working on his daughter’s car. She’d ‘missed’ the warning lights telling her she was overdue for an oil change and nearly taken the engine out of it, if Harrison himself hadn’t checked the dipstick out of curiosity and noticed the bare metal, the telltale faint smell of burning.

Chris had saved the engine, sparing Harrison thousands of dollars and he was understandably relieved, while still furious with his offspring for being such a teenager and chewing the poor girl out until she was almost in tears, until Chris had intervened with a smile and joke, calming both parties down. Young Emma had roared away in her repaired car with a wave and a smile, leaving both men standing at the shop still slightly stunned by the resilience of youth, until Harrison had clapped his hands together and announced he was taking Chris out for lunch.

Al was invited as well and declined. He had a fetish for meatloaf sandwiches, and an endless supply it seemed, of leftover meatloaf to indulge that fetish with, and was perfectly happy to stretch out in his cane chair that he’d pull outside the bays and watch the ‘flatlanders’ as he called them walk by, as if he was still back in Maine.

It didn’t occur to Chris to ask where Harrison was taking him until he realized they weren’t heading over to their usual diner.

“Where we going?” Hopefully nowhere fancy, Chris was in simple jeans and a t-shirt.

“The Bend.” Harrison replied. “They have a damn good lunch, didn’t you know?”

“Yeah, I heard, always just drank here though.” Everyone in town knew the bar opened at noon and served good hot food, but he’d never gone there before dark, and never for anything but liquor and maybe wings and a hook-up.

“Oh brother, you’ve been missing out.”

It wasn’t until Chris stepped inside behind Harrison that he staggered, bumping into the man in front of him.

“Hey dick, first time with the new legs?” Harrison joked but Chris didn’t even hear him.

“Earth to asshole.” Harrison chuckled as he walked slowly to a table, watching Chris as if he worried for the man’s sanity.

Chris cleared his throat and hurried to the table, a faint sheen of sweat breaking out on his forehead.

“What the hell, man? Seen a ghost?” Harrison sounded concerned now. He followed Chris’ eye when he glanced back over his shoulder, then whistled low in his throat. “Oh, that’s what you’re tripping over. That redheaded waitress? Yeah, she looks pretty good, doesn’t she? Got a pants-busting crush?”

Chris glared daggers at his friend, silencing him with an easy chuckle. “Alright, down boy. I’m married anyway, but you go ahead, see if she’ll throw your sorry ass a pity fuck.”

Any other girl and Chris would have laughed, would have fingered Harrison with an eye roll and playful sneer, but not Raen.

“Shut up, leave her alone.”

Harrison held up his hands, eyes flashing with surprise. “Alright, chill man. Peace.” Eyeing Chris for a beat he grabbed one of the menus from its perch in the condiment tray, throwing him one last glance before settling down to read.

Chris’ heart raced in his chest. He’d not asked Raen where she worked, and he’d not come to The Bend in the last few months. And, despite his desperately wanting to, he’d not let himself call the cell number she’d left ; he was a lot of things, and all twisted up over this woman was one of them, but he couldn’t let her think he was some sort of stalker.

So, this is where she’d been.

Surprise and something else flashed in her lilac-grey eyes as she approached the table and Chris flicked an anxious glance her way. But she seemed determined to pretend that she didn’t know him, that she wasn’t affected by him the way he was with her.

“Hello boys,” her voice was easy, but empty. This was a job and she held her cards close. “What can I get you?”

Harrison eyed Chris for a moment, weighing the pros and cons of teasing the man further, maybe flirting with the redhead or bringing up Chris’ obvious nerves, but he valued him as a friend and as a mechanic able to save him money when his child ignored warning lights too much to push; besides, in the four plus years he’d known Chris, he’d never seen the man so honestly and simply entranced by a woman before.

“Just a Coke for me, please.”

She nodded. “And you?” She asked quietly, her head turned to Chris but her eyes on her small notepad.

“Uh…” Chris’ tongue lolled uselessly in his mouth like a dead fish. What the fuck. “Water, please.”

Faint color in her cheeks. “And are you ready to order?”

Yes. Jesus God, doll. I want you. Only you.

Chris bit his tongue, hard as the Fruedian slip almost fell out and glanced at Harrison for help.

The other man eyed his friend for a beat curiously before turning his attention back to Raen. “Double pizza burger and fries, thanks. And can I have extra sauce on the side?”

“Sure.” Raen answered, scrawling the order. “The cook likes his onions; do you want those?”

Harrison made a face. “No, thanks. And thanks for checking.”

She gifted him with a small smile before turning her heavenly attention at Chris, who still wasn’t able to speak normally, his heart still racing like thoroughbred in his chest. “Cheeseburger, medium and onion rings. Thanks, Raen.” Her name slipped out like it was perfectly normal for him to address her so casually, like they were perhaps even friends and it was hard to say whose cheeks went redder. She scribbled on her pad then nodded shyly before taking off like Harrison had set fire to her apron and the man huffed an incredulous breath.

“Jesus, man. You got it bad, and so does she.”

“Really?” A desperate hope clawed in Chris’ chest. “Don’t fucking tease me.”

Harrison raised a brow and shook his head. “I wouldn’t, and yeah. She’s fighting it, sure; but she’s watching you just as close as you’re looking at her…. What’s the story there, my friend? Never seen you anything but confident with a woman before.”

Those women don’t count. I felt nothing for them. Raen is different.

“She’s different. She came in last month with car trouble, I asked her out and she said no. I’ve been looking for her ever since.”

Harrison nodded; bottom lip pooched out in thought. “You got your work cut out for you. You actually going to settle with just one? I mean-“

“There’s no one else. Not anymore.” Chris hissed, anger flaring in his chest. God, what he wouldn’t give to erase that part of his history. Did Raen know? Talk was cheap, had she already been warned away from him by other women? Stay away from Chris King, he’s got hook-ups all over town. Man’s never going to be faithful to one woman.

“Here you go.” Raen had returned, setting down their drinks. Chris was too conflicted right now to raise his head, too many emotions racing through his eyes, if he looked up, he’d just scare her away. The anger in his stare wasn’t for her, but she’d think it was.

“Thanks.” Harrison replied for them both and Chris could only exhale long and raggedly after Raen turned and walked away again.

[kenzieam]

Wow wow wowowowowowowow chapter five of Destroyed though!! I can’t wait for Chris and Raen to finally be intimate honestly. I feel like Chris is going to be so gentle and loving and careful and like gonna bring tears to Raen’s eyes because she’s never felt so loved during sex before but that’s probably just me projecting because I see myself in Raen so much. Ugh!!! You are incredible I can’t even. 💕💕💕💕💕

Awww, yeah. I think Chris will be nothing but tender and gentle and giving too 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[kenzieam]

Fixed!!!!

My Lovelies!!!!

Oh my god!!! I forgot to add the real first chapter to my Destroyed Masterlist!

"DESTROYED - PROLOGUE "

I know, Box of Shame!!

Please read it as part of Chris Raen's story and I will fix my masterlist tonight!

#destroyed #sebastianstan #destroyer #destroyer chris

[kenzieam]

Oh my lanta! I loved the first part of your Destroyer!Chris x Raen series! Would you mind tagging me in that please??

Of course! Thank you so much !!