#choice* did i rly just write choise jfdkdgjfhkf god brain has stopped working

[earlyspringtranscendence]

so far this is all still very loose and based on watching the ep once but i wanted to write my initial thoughts on the themes in the ep

keys & being unable to open doors: in dream psychology & literature homes are the visual representation of the inward self, to be unable to get into his house to me means beard is having a hard time coming to terms with himself and what he wants—he keeps wandering from his core ideals (& towards jane i might add) & other people have to show him the way back, have to give him his keys and say “coach, i’m offering you your life back, will you take it?”  inability to open doors also often part of nightmares & feeling a lack of control in waking life

moons, stars & the night sky in a general sense: having a tough time really cracking into this one specifically even tho it’s the most overt one, part of it makes me think of the cyclical nature of the moon OR (and this is contradictory to the last one) the full moon as an ending to one thing & the beginning to a new, different thing. thinking also of light in the dark, external forces having uncontrollable effects on one’s life/the world in general, the whole concept of lunacy

identity in two parts; part one—changing clothes & changing lives: the episode starts with beard and the boys getting changed to go toward better, more exciting & fun life. part of beard’s original identity is stripped away from him forcefully (his richmond pants) while other parts are held onto specifically. at one point i was wondering whether we were being taken through beard’s history throughout his life, back to when he was a raucous youngster wearing flares and dating oxford professors and getting chased away, but i def dont think thats true. i will say though that beard picks a cap out of the box (or was he already wearing it ??? i dont remember but i dont Think so ??) which is the same model as the one jane gives him at the end of the episode in which higgins criticises jane’s controlling nature (moon? is she the moon, maybe?) and once again feels like beard is trying to change himself to run away from something which exists within the original version of himself, towards jane who offers escape and love (albeit twisted, but from beard’s pov she offers the opportunity for love). what else is interesting here is the way the boys’ path ends up diverging from beard’s—they get to nelson road and throw off the assumed identity of the evening which never truly fit them (they couldn’t even keep up the ruse in the club for long) returning to who they are as we know them, richmond fans with little influence over the plot. beard, on the other hand, ends the episode while still wearing the flares thrust upon him, the identity so far removed from his own

part two—his name: let’s get into fairytales for a second. what the hell is up with beard’s first name. jane calls him beard. ted calls him beard. why does this man keep his true identity so close to his chest ? why is he scared that if he reveals his name it will be taken and twisted and used to force him into doing things he doesn’t want? i believe ted knows beard’s name but doesn’t use it out of (an incorrectly placed) respect towards his friend, i do not believe beard has ever told jane his name. i don’t think she’s asked, either, but that’s not part of the point. out of all the characters in the show beard really does come across as the most fairytale trickster of all, he has no name, he’s there and gone in the blink of an eye (see: when he calls nate out) he’s always hunting for knowledge and he frankly knows everything. why is he so mythologised ? who is coach beard, really? and why is he so afraid of himself?