#choi Ray

[pastelsapphy]

Twins be Twinning

[marshmallowprotection]

Did you not just sing the entirety of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, my love?

[natasha-in-space]

VAE Ray is on my mind today. Like if we take the classic 'V route but in love with Ray' road, you cannot tell me that that boy did not think of you almost every single day during the two years he has spent away on his painful recovery. There is so much left unsaid between the two of you: so much guilt, so much hurt and so many regrets plaguing his head every time he sees something that reminds him of you. And, God, does that include a lot of things.

He goes outside and one look at the clouds brings back a memory of those short but meaningful talks he shared with you about the most simple of things. He remains indoors, and after taking a sip of the herbal tea that Jihyun made for him, he is immediately transported back to a peaceful tea party he set up for you. He stares at his hands, and he can't help but think back on how heavenly your touch felt against them. And how much he regrets wearing those pesky gloves at the time, never giving him the chance to feel your skin on his.

You're like a ghost that watches over his every step. It's often painful. Like a constant reminder of all that could have been if he didn't ruin every chance at his happiness with you. Sometimes it gets a little too hard on him, and Saeran takes over. But sometimes it's comforting. Like a warm hug, keeping him secure when all else falls apart.

He refuses to let you go.

So when he does meet you again, it's like a fragile fantasy that is far too idealistic for it to be true. Ray had no expectation that his brother would remember him. No matter what Jihyun has told him over those two years, he couldn't bring himself to believe that Saeyoung truly wanted him in his life to be the burden that he truly is. So when he gets crushed into a tight, desperate hug that is a bit too painful for his scarred body, his twin's whole body shaking, wracked with sobs Ray's ears can't quite register fully due to how unbelievable it all is... He's almost in a trance-like stare. Hearing Saeyoung's voice telling him to never leave again as he holds him so tight, it's like he's afraid he'll disappear into thin air once he lets go...

None of it was what Ray or Saeran had expected.

And then there's you. Your reunion with Ray will definitely be an emotional event for both of you. Ray was sure that, at best, you had forgotten all about him and lived on a happy and safe life. A life that you deserve. And at worst, that you hated him, and cursed him for hurting you the way that he did.

But instead, you are so unbelievably happy to see him. So happy that you are crying for him. Much like Saeyoung is.

The two people he had the worst fear of facing again were accepting of him and shedding tears for him in a way he had never even imagined.

So he also breaks down. And the three of you probably spend a lot of time crying into each other's arms as two years of grief, heartbreak, and recovery wash over you all at once.

After that, things don't immediately turn perfect. There are still many things that need to be said. You and Ray will have many conversations with each other, taking breaks to process it all piece and piece and not overwhelm one another. About what happened those two years ago. About what happened after that. About your feelings for each other. And about Saeran, too.

It's a process that takes time. But the fact that you're willing and even wanting to go through that process with him is enough to cause Ray to shed tears more than he could count.

The beginning is small, very small. Brief brushing of his fingers against yours while you are sitting together in the shade of a large tree in Saeyoung's backyard. The lightest of touches you give to his scars after he allows it. A hand resting on his shoulder gently as he talks about something heavy to let him know you're there for him.

Every touch leaves his entire body shaking, his breath stuttering in his throat, forcing him to let out the faintest of gasps. The first time it happened, he got very ashamed and apologized profusely to you, as he thought he acted like a complete creep and made you uncomfortable. Ray knows he's touch-starved, and that he's touch-starved for your touch specifically. But he doesn't think it's something worth dealing with, not wanting to be a bother to anyone. Not any more than he already is. A thought process that he will need to work on one step at a time.

You let him know that it's okay, though. That you don't mind. That it's your own desire to touch him.

After that, you begin to take his hands into yours. The first time it occurs, your hand jist clasps around his lightly. Then you interlock your fingers together, once he's okay with that. And then he feels safe enough to do that to you, too.

Holding hands with you is something Ray loves with all his heart. No gloves are getting in the way now. He can feel your skin directly on his with no barriers. It's a wordless 'I got you' that he finds himself getting more and more greedy for, the longer you indulge his cravings for human warmth.

His scars are not bothersome to you. If he doesn't want to, you don't force him to talk about them. And you're always quick to let him know how beautiful he is to you whenever he feels insecure about them. Even if he has a hard time believing that.

You're far too good for him, is what Ray finds himself thinking time and time again. But at some point, he comes to the realization that he is too selfish to let you go again. And then Saeran joins in on that line of thinking after his own long journey with you. So he doesn't let you go again.

And that's when everything changes.

Ray can be clingy with you if you let him. He desires to hold your hand inside the house, regardless of whether it's just a walk to the balcony or kitchen. He will rest against you whenever you are resting, reading a book, or indulging in your hobby. You don't need to talk to each other. He just silently sinks against you and sighs softly, letting your presence wash away all other thoughts floating in his mind. While asleep, he clings to you, almost as if his subconsciousness is terrified of you disappearing again. He fiddles with your clothes, with your fingers, or with your hair whenever you are talking to someone, and he's there with you. It calms him. Keeps him steady.

There is an undeniable bittersweetness to Ray's clinginess. GE Saeran's touchiness stems from his heart's pure affection towards you, but VAE Ray neecs to constantly remind himself that you're there. That he can touch you. That you are not going anywhere. And that you have no hatred towards him.

But it can also be sweet. Like whenever you help him take care of his burns, or you ease him into a warm, soothing bath you've prepared just for him. Ray may be anxious. But you are always eager to show him how much you genuinely care for him. How much you enjoy touching him in the way he has always wanted to be touched by you. To allow him to unwind with you. Close his eyes and let you take care of him with no judgement.

Your relationship with VAE Ray described in one word would be: peace. It's peace after the long, heavy storm you had to endure to get to this point. And it's peace that you will cherish for as long as life allows you.

[galaxieflora]

Saeran x MC Christmas art!

[starry-marshmallow]

How I feel when I make a joke that Jihyun and Ray/Saeran laugh at:

[sheepsdreamworld]

Ray asks gently ☺🥰

[chkn-kit]

"What will help you see the truth?"

[schmellows]

[sapphireicecream]

🫗🥀

[shizukais]

[dailysaeran]

You won't, right?

[pastelsapphy]

Girl you must have seen that coming

[marshmallowprotection]

Saejoong Choi didn't have a change of heart, and he said that himself to the player when prompted to choose between saying "goodbye" or asking him a question. His back was against the wall. There was nowhere for him to run after the agency was dismantled piece by piece and frankly, he understood it was only a matter of time until the other crimes he's committed over the years came to light.

Now, there weren't many options left for him at that point.

He could've tried to run to a neighboring country before anyone had a chance to nab him, but there would've been no guarantee of safety or asylum given how fast he had to run off after he attacked Saeran in the forest. No ally would take in a Prime Minister on the run for a long list of crimes we're not even entirely privy to in the game outside of all the things he did to Mother Choi, Saeyoung, and Saeran.

Considering the way he talks and holds himself when you prod him for answers about his backstory for Saeran's sake, you can infer he's done unspeakable things and paid for worse. Any attempt at trying to skip the country would lead to him being extradited to Seoul and held accountable for what he did. It would only delay the inevitable, and as awful as this man is, he knew running wouldn't save him at the end of the day which is why instead of fleeing the country, he stayed.

When you and Saeyoung are sitting at Saeran's hospital bed where he's pretending to be asleep because he's not ready to deal with his twin brother (also because Saejoong is hiding behind a curtain and Saeran knows what Saeyoung will do once he catches him because that's what he needs for closure and peace), three days have passed since the confrontation.

Saeran says that Saejoong came to visit him in the dead of night, and they've been talking since then about everything and anything. I truly don't think there's a wrong answer when it comes to asking yourself... "What did they talk about?"

Saeran could've been talking all about his life, his experiences, trials, tribulations, and how he's landed on... forgiveness in the end despite what others think about his personal choice. In fact, that's what I am sure of. I'm sure Saeran told Saejoong Choi about what he's had to face in life because of his father.

So many people in this fandom have this gigantic misconception about Saeran's choice to forgive, filled to the brim with this idea that his forgiving his abusers means that he's absolved them of their guilt, or he's saying that he's forgiven them to give them a second chance.

It's because so many cultures across the globe have taught us that the idea of forgiveness is black and white. "Forgive and forget" isn't that what we've all heard? But, that's not the only way. Sometimes, you can forgive someone for what they did to find peace, but not to allow that person back into your life. You appreciate the apology but it won't change that this person is the last person you want to see in your life. You take the apology and send them packing after that for peace of mind.

Because an apology isn't supposed to be self-serving. Apologies aren't meant to make you feel better. It's supposed to show others that you're holding yourself accountable for what you did, and that you promise to do better, whether or not you hold contact with whoever you hurt after you give your apology. Sometimes, an apology isn't wanted, either.

If you try to force an apology on someone who has told you to "fuck off" already, then that's self-serving, isn't it?

For Saeran Choi, forgiving the people who deeply hurt him was about learning how to find the strength inside of his heart to forgive himself for what he did not only to the player but to others as well. Because... his idea of strength in Mint Eye, both Ray and Suit Saeran's idea... the very personas they adopted took facets from the people who hurt the two of them.

Especially Suit Saeran, mind you, who took parts of Rika, Mother Choi, and Saejoong to blanket himself in the idea that "If I am the largest monster, the other monsters can't eat me."

He screams a line of abuse that his mother once shouted at him when he was a little boy before he realizes who the words belonged to in the first place. He's building off of the horrible things his Mother said, later confessing that the abuse was meant for himself even if it hurt you as well, because he hated what he was doing but he knew if he didn't become "strong"—you and Ray would be killed.

He repeated line after line of a torture script Rika fed to him while he was in the basement to maintain the disgusting illusion Rika wanted so she would never think to destroy him... because he was "strong in the real way". Even though a part of him understood he would never be good enough in Rika's eyes. That's why Suit Saeran's onslaught of destruction crumbles in the end.

Because, no matter how much Rika tried to break his gentle heart, no amount of hatred could ever change what his heart truly felt. Sure, it is important to note that while understanding why Suit Saeran did what he did is how you learn the full picture, it doesn't absolve him of his actions.

You have a choice to forgive him in Ray Route, and you don't have to forgive him right away, you can even say that you don't think you can forgive him, and he accepts whatever answer you give him because... that's what forgiveness or the lack therefor looks like that. You're the only one who can decide what you want to feel, and there's no shame in whatever you choose to find peace.

You ultimately forgive Saeran in the end, broadly speaking from the way the RAE is written if you decide to move forward with him. But, there's one person who doesn't hold forgiveness in his heart.

You know who doesn't forgive himself? Suit Saeran. He didn't forgive himself and that holds true even in the RAE. His feelings of pain still exist in GE Saeran's heart, and it's not only his feelings that lead him to choose forgiveness, it's also Ray's desire to hold onto his dream of being able to see the full picture without blinders.

He did such awful things, he understands that, but if they don't see the full story for what it is, how can they move forward?

It's Ray's voice that speaks the loudest when they confront Rika on Day 10. That's when Saeran and Ray both see Rika for what she is... and how her heart is fraught with despair and pain. They see what reasoning she's been using all along, and it took Saeran doing the same thing to see things for what they were. He realized it when a world of cruelty couldn't protect him, only destroy the things he'd been trying to protect.

You can't use cruelty to justify your actions. You're just perpetuating what was done to you. Frankly, that's a huge realization for someone to have. That's the kind of damning realization you have somewhere in your healing process when you either do something wrong yourself or you see it perpetuated against someone you love instead of you... and you can't deny it for what it is.

"You're scared to step outside, aren't you? You're scared that people will leave you, Rika. Like you said, you don't want to be abandoned by someone, like how you were by your parents. That's why you're not leaving the people who came here, Rika. I see it now. You're trying to force everyone to do something," he says.

"Saeran told me this, and he said you'll always be heartless to the believers… because you'll do the exact same heartless thing they did to you. Saeran told me he did something heartless, too, because he didn't want to suffer such heartless things himself… and you're just hurting people because you're scared you'll get hurt, aren't you? And you're trying to justify your abuse, just like how your parents tried to justify their cruelty against you."

If that's what led Rika down this path, among other factors, what sort of path did his parents follow? Why? Why do people do these things? What leads them to make these choices? Does it even matter?

Does it make a difference if you know why someone tried to justify their wrongdoing? Well, that's a complicated question, isn't it? The answer many people have is that they don't want the backstory, they want to see the person who hurt them face the consequences.

But, it's not fair for anyone to tell someone who feels differently that they're wrong for wanting to hear someone out. Everyone has to do things their own way, and if you don't want to hear someone explain themselves, don't seek it out. But, this is something Saeran wanted, and to tell him he's wrong for wanting that isn't it.

How can Saeran forgive himself if he doesn't understand why the people who hurt him did what they did?

He understands why hate had to fill his heart to survive in Mint Eye, but why did Rika choose to embrace hatred? Why did Saejoong Choi decide to inflict pain onto the world? Why did his Mother hate him with every fiber of her being? He doesn't know why, and he knows he can't make the full picture if he doesn't hear the half of it from them.

Even if it's bullshit, even if it doesn't bring him peace, he wants to hear the words they have to say.

He wants to hear it.

For his peace, he wants to hear their side so he can better grasp why hatred filled his heart, too... not just because it was beaten into him to survive Mint Eye... because hatred was always a part of him. Hate and anger are emotions, just as much as love and kindness, and they are important to acknowledge. We can't deny them, and you should never live in fear of your "uglier" emotions, either.

But, anger nearly destroyed Saeran because he let it control him to survive under Rika's thumb, and he never wants to live that way ever again. He would rather choose understanding and kindness when... death is on the horizon. He doesn't want to live his life torn apart with agony, debating the rights and wrongs of every choice he's made to survive, he wants to embrace the answers of life and why people do what they do, knowing his kindness is his strongest ally in the face of cruelty.

His strongest power, his greatest ability, has always been his gentle heart.

I've spoken at length about Rika and Mother Choi before, but I don't think I've ever fully spoken about Saejoong here. Which is where I'm taking this particular post. It's easy to point out the trauma Saeran experienced via the maternal figures in his life, but the game doesn't go as deeply into his feelings about paternal figures. Sure, we have a lot on Jihyun, but Saejoong?

You'll find more about Saejoong within Saeyoung's heart because he hates that man with all his heart, every fiber of his soul, and anytime we're subjected to Saeyoung's perspective, we see things as they are. The valid and correct assumption is that Saejoong Choi is a monster in charge of many facets of the country, pretending to be a man of the people when he's actually a wolf in sheep's clothing.

We know what Saeyoung thinks of him because his worst nightmare is becoming a man like him.

But, Saeran? Saeran is a gentle boy, with a kind heart, and that's the definition every character who's ever interacted with him as a small child has ever said about him. He was terrified of his mother and his father, he gave some grace to his mother because she "protected us from father by not letting him have us" even though he understands she was only using them for alcohol money.

He's always tried to understand others even if those people aren't the types of people anyone would ever want to understand. Because, as the story goes, "Nice backstory, that's still murder, though!" I'm with Saeyoung on this one, but that doesn't mean I can't value what our Saeran desires most of all. He wanted to hear Saejoong's story, and that's why I purposefully don't choose the options where I lash out at this man even though he deserves it in my eyes.

I chose the options that gave Saeran what he needed to learn how to forgive himself.

But, there's a lot of language in your ultimate confrontation with Saejoong Choi that stands out to me for good reason. I think the point that stood out at first was: "You know, he's been giving me nonsense all morning. Now, I think I understand what that came from". That was Saejoong's retort to how you stated the obvious, Saeyoung and Saeran were never a threat to him, he was the one who'd decided they were a threat to him.

But, you keep laying into the Prime Minster, poking and prodding again and again, seeking out the answers you know Saeran wants. You're not sure if Saeran is alive or dead in that moment, so you're reaching out with his desire... the burning desire in Saeran's heart that wants to UNDERSTAND no matter how childish people may want to call that desire.

But, he pointed out that you sounded a lot like Saeran did when he was trying to speak to his father before you arrived. So, let's take a step back for a second and think about something important.

What does our Suit Saeran wear as he pretends to be the strongest of them all?

What does he cloak himself in to feel like a monster? He wears a suit. Not once does he possess the words his father might've spoken had they ever met when he was a little boy, rather, he wears an ill-fitting suit that's far more suited to the man who looms over him like a tree, casting a shadow around Saeran.

That's something that hasn't really been touched on by anyone over the years as far as I can tell but it's haunted me. Suit Saeran takes a piece of every person who hurt him... to become what Rika claims is "strong". His wearing a suit isn't just a fun style choice, it's by design. Shouting his mother and Rika's words wearing a suit that will never fit him, all the while crumbling in all himself because this isn't who he is and he hates every second of it.

What's scarier than the awful words of his maternal figures and the suit that terrified him?

That's why "those cruel words were meant for me" is what he says in his apology. He saw himself as a coward who couldn't do anything but obey Rika's cruel order to become the strongest believer of Mint Eye. He abandoned his kindness because he didn't have a choice in the matter, he had to do heartless things to survive, and that's what spurns him to look deeper at Rika later on. She must've felt the same thing she made him feel... so, could the same be said for his mother and father?

When do people accept cruelty into their hearts? When do they decide that they should let cruelty lead to more cruelty? Why do people attempt to justify cruelty? He doesn't know, and that's... hugely why he wants time to himself away from the front, leaving both you and Ray together to take care of one another while he sits with himself to reflect and learn.

The very notion that wearing a suit jacket could make him look like a monster comes from the phantom memory of men in suits he always feared were lurking around the corner, though.

There's actually an entry about that in baby Saeran's diary after he begins to attend the cathedral when his brother disappears. He says that men in suits have started appearing and he thinks that they're following him to and from church every day. What's scarier than the man in the jacket? Saeran's fear of his father is the fear of a man in a suit who could do horrible things—unspeakable things—to him, and it's one of the reasons why he embraced his mother.

He would rather have the devil he knows than the devil he doesn't.

At the very least, he knows what his mother will do to him if he does something wrong. But, Saejoong Choi? He doesn't know what might happen if that man gets him, and Mother Choi did nothing but fill his head with "what if"'s since he and Saeyoung were old enough to hear her speak and understand what she meant.

Suit Saeran adopts those clothes to make himself fit the "part". It's no different than how Ray tries to fit the big clothes that Rika made him wear, trying to fill the role she created for him even though that role would never be him. I'm not sure if Suit Saeran was conscious of his decision to wear a suit jacket, but I know regardless of his awareness of it, it was a choice he made and it's arguably reasonable to say the decision came from this childhood fear of his.

During his apology scene, he reflects on his actions and what led him to this point, but he has one question that can only be answered by... you.

Saeran: My darkness is melting away, but you still remain the way you are... how can you stay the same? You: I thought you were being mean to me because you were terribly wounded in the past. Saeran: You understood me. I didn't expect you to do so... I should thank you, shouldn't I? Thank you... for understanding me.

Your ability to see beyond the surface and attempt to understand Saeran validates his heart's desire to do the same. This is why the very moment you confront Saejoong, he tries to claim you're why Saeran spoke to him with understanding instead of ire, but that's assuredly not the case. You lifted Saeran and reminded his heart about his gentle desires, but his words are his alone.

He speaks for himself. No longer will people put words in his mouth. His autonomy is his.

Saejoong: I've done nothing wrong. You know nothing about me... there's no way some good-as-good-weakling is happier than me. The survivor is the victor, you see! Which is why I only win when I survive and be the best.

Suit Saeran's survival is the survival of the fittest. The idea that you have to be at the top of the food chain to survive no matter what. That's not how it works at the end of the day. It's not about being the strongest... not about being the top dog. Survival happens because the species in question ends up with the best chance to adapt to an ever-changing environment for one reason or another. Humans got lucky, that's all, and there's no magical tier of strength here to thank for it.

People misunderstand what that phrase means.

But, I'm not surprised when I see Saejoong pull it out of his ass like that because he's the kind of man who thrives with that ideology at the end of the day... and it's why this particular confrontation is for Suit Saeran's weary heart, just... as the confrontation with Rika was more for Ray than it was for Suit Saeran.

There are parallels here for a reason.

That's not to say that they didn't need both confrontations, that only Saeran needed this or Ray only needed that, but there's something they both needed out of these conversations, and one boy needed the Rika talk and the other the Saejoong talk for the full scope of their particular experience. It's how they find peace, it's how GE Saeran is able to give peace to the two sides of his heart that brought him into being.

How miserable it is for someone to claim to be the strongest. That's something Suit Saeran knew well. It's isolating, isn't it? It's dark and hopeless, isn't it? You get what you want by stepping on the backs of others, but all you're left with is cruelty. You lose yourself to anger... to heartless acts. You live in denial, too, and that's something Saeran's able to see from a mile away when he looks at Saejoong and Rika in the end.

Their goals might be different, but he sees no difference in the path people walk to subscribe to the survival of the fittest. Rika was scared of being abandoned, so she made people terrified to leave her behind in the dust, rather than embrace her fear and confess her fears to get help. She could've done things differently, but she turned away from the world, and embraced a twisted ideology instead.

Saejoong abandoned an honest living, spitting the face of those who shine shoes in favor of clawing his way to the top, because we're left to presume he started with sincere intentions, only to abandon them in the name of securing total power for himself the way he assumed everyone else was.

Sure, is it very naive and perhaps even too hopeful to assume people won't walk all over you for choosing an honest path like the one that Saeran wants to walk? Maybe, maybe it is stupid to walk down a road you know will be harder than the rest, but the question to ask is: Will you be able to live with yourself at the end of your life if you take the cruelest path instead? You won't be able to take what you get by destroying others into the next world, so why?

Why destroy anyone in the first place?

That's why when Saejoong tells you there's no turning back for him now, he realizes that there's nothing left for him if he accepts what's coming for him. He doesn't want to take accountability because he's well aware of what's on the other side. He can't change what he did to people, and he'll have to live with that forever, so why not go with the sunk-cost fallacy? It's already fucked, why not make sure it's fucked for good?

Commit to the bit until the very end no matter what since you can't live with yourself otherwise. I've seen it before... so many times. Why ever hold yourself accountable when it means you have to face what you've done and consequences that come with it? Why not keep the charade going forever instead of doing the hard work to make things right? It's because they don't want to do it. They know what they did, and they don't want to destroy themselves in the process of making things right.

That's what I call selfish. Because, if you have enough awareness to understand the consequences of your actions, you've got enough to understand what your actions did to your victim. If you're thinking of how your life will be ruined by owning up to your actions, then you're not truly thinking of atonement or making things right. You're simply serving your own satisfaction.

Saejoong saying, "I've done what I've done and there's changing it, so I may as well keep going until I can't go anymore" is his way of saying that he won't stop pushing because he knows what awaits him at the end of his wicked road. He deserves to live with that shame forever if you ask me. Given his quick response to try and blame the player for Saeran's injuries at the start, and his honesty in what he would do to his sons to serve his own needs?

Yeah, it's easy to see what kind of man he is. Blame everyone else for his problems instead of facing himself in the mirror.

Saeran and MC offer Saejoong something many of us don't think he deserves, rightfully so mind you, and that's the understanding that he won't get from anyone else. MC's understanding of Suit Saeran... and Saeran's understanding of what it felt like to stare the sunk-cost in the face (Suit Saeran's Bad Ending where he breaks the player and tries to bring them back with the only thing he knows—torment—but MC's Humpty Dumpty and can't be put back together again because of what he did).

You: You must be so lonely. Saeran: My poor father... you've never met someone who understands you, right?

With that in mind, does any of this mean that Saejoong had that change of heart? As I said earlier, no, it doesn't. He isn't going to change overnight and he's not going to have a place in Saeran's freedom. But, Saeran's kindness... the kindness he extended to a horrible man who would never give him the same grace if the roles were reversed? It made a difference. Saejoong was mystified by his son because of his kindness.

Saeran and Saeyoung spent their lives on the run... always crawling under the dirt to hide from him. They've suffered in ways Saejoong had to taste for only two days before he decided to seek out his son. That's the thing, Saejoong experienced Saeran's understanding right before he ran off, no different than how his illegitimate twins had to run away from him every day of their lives—and as that kindness sat with him, he had to live with it.

He had to live with the fact that his son would live a better life than he could've ever dreamed of for himself because his son wasn't afraid to walk an honest road, no matter how many people would call him the fool for it. If a boy he considered a nuisance, a pest, a mere bug under his feet could do that—who's to say he couldn't have done that from the very beginning himself?

Don't get me wrong, this realization isn't Saejoong changing for the better or anything. He's self-aware enough to say that he isn't going to change for the better in the end because he's already done what he's done and there's no changing it. He lived a fraction of what he made his sons live and he came out of it knowing he'd rather sit in prison than have to live how he made them live.

That says more about how spineless he is than anything. He can't believe Saeran extended understanding and empathy to him after experiencing what Saeran and Saeyoung did for only two days... but in doing so, his kindness gave Saejoong Choi something he'd never get from anyone else. Because he certainly didn't hear kindness in the time he spent with Saeyoung. He's thinking to himself, "I made those boys feel like this for twenty years, and yet, that boy still said those kind words to me."

Hell, it's plausible that one of the reasons why Saejoong was so damn mystified was because Saeyoung gave him everything he expected... all the hatred, the ire, and the venom from a child forced to crawl in a den of mud and spikes to survive.

But—Saeran didn't.

Saeran broke his expectations and left that man reeling. Saejoong Choi scoffed at true honesty, kindness, and sincerity for years only to come face to face with it at the end of his rope with nothing to say for himself in his defense but a pitiful, spineless display of self-satisfying justification.

"Now that I've lost everything, I just can't stop thinking about that nonsense you said to me. Once they get me, I won't have to pant and hide. I couldn't find a way to live a beautiful life, but maybe you two… anyway, that's all I've got to say. Thank you for telling me all that. For saying that to someone like me…. Just so you know, people don't change. It's not easy for people to change. But, you two would do anything to change someone like me."

Saeran is someone Saejoong can't get a read on because he's never encountered someone so honest and genuine with his intent. He has nothing to say for himself because there is no excuse for what he did to Saeran and Saeyoung. He simply did it because he could and there was no pause or hesitation as to what his actions would do to them... because he only cared to satisfy his own desires. Why be kind if your world will stomp on you no matter what?

Why choose naivety if it won't serve your goals? Saejoong abandoned any hope of following an honest road when he decided kindness was a weakness, similar to how Rika scoffed at the player when you say to her in no uncertain terms that she is only one who thinks kindness is weak.

Saejoong says something similar when you confront him, too.

"Love? You think I have time to even feel love? At least weaklings would have had time to do that. Meeting someone like you, falling in love, and throwing your life away for love, like some soap opera... I had no time to do that. I must break the rules one by one to step higher, and then I must all my remaining energy to hide what I've done," he said.

"And the only thing that's left for me after that is feigned relations and cruelty... as well as wealth and honor. Love? For me? In this situation? Haha... impossible. It means nothing to me now. Which is why I must show no mercy. I'll use these Saeyoung and Saeran for my own good until they're dead... otherwise, I'll be dead."

Sunk-cost fallacy.

Out of the things they talked about that night before the morning came, I like to think that Saejoong was further surprised by what Saeran would say to him about Saeyoung. Because make no mistake here, I will tell you without a shadow of a doubt that our Saeran told Saejoong that if he wanted to do the right thing and put an end to the chase, he would turn himself into Saeyoung specifically.

Saeran knows his brother will never forgive this man. Forgiveness isn't what his brother needs. Saeyoung needs to reclaim his sense of power over Saejoong and put that damn man beneath him so he's never haunted at night by the idea of that man coming to kill him or his loved ones.

Saeran may not agree with violence, but he knows his brother even if they've been apart forever, and he knows Saeyoung needs to clock that man with a good right-hook to know his brother is safe, among saying his peace.

It's the fact that Saeran is capable of great kindness, but also an even greater understanding, because he can say what he wants but also communicate what his brother wants, even if it doesn't align with his personal choice. He's selfless, not selfish, in his desire to be kind to others... but that doesn't mean he's incapable of being selfish, either. When he broke down in tears in front of V and Rika, he was honest in saying what he wanted, and later, when you hear Saeran in your head on your quest to find him before it's too late—

You hear him say that he lied because he does want to live with you for the rest of your lives, and you know that in your heart. Just as he wants to be selfless and brave, he also yearns to be selfish and with you forever. That's what makes him human. That's what makes all of us human.

Saeran wants everyone to have whatever they need to find peace, no matter what it is.

The fact that Saejoong willingly accepted that request, or decided himself to face Saeyoung, is something that often mystifies me... even to this day. Saejoong understands two things, one for each of his sons. He knows that he'll never understand how Saeran became kind despite his hardship but Saeran tried to understand him in spite of Saejoong's cruelty, and that Saeyoung is similar to him, in that he will never rest nor be satisfied until he gets what he wants out of the people against him.

Offering Saeran a final talk to clear up anything else his son might want and Saeyoung the chance to beat his father down when he needs to know the monster can't hurt him anymore? We can talk forever about why he decided to do those things, argue if there's been a change of heart or if some magical deux ex machina made things better, but...

At the end of the day, I understand that Mystic Messenger tries to paint this ending as more hopeful, with the notion that people can take accountability for their actions, and the real world isn't always like that. Someone like Saejoong isn't likely to hold up to any mirrors and reflection on what he's become and/or what he's been forever to the people around him, but... I just can't deny it's having the situation handled with some realism that brings me peace.

Sure, it's escapist fantasy, there are certain aspects here that just don't align with what it might go in the real world, but... it doesn't change the fact that there are pieces to these conversations that hold value to people in real life who needs to hear and see outcomes like this.

Because, there's sweet satisfaction in my heart knowing Saeyoung is about to get the chance to beat this man within an inch of his life for whatever thirty-second pass Vanderwood gave him before they have to take him in for the police; and with the knowledge that Saeran got what he wanted out his final conversation with his father, and he isn't afraid of the man in a suit jacket anymore because that suit holds no power over him, because he chose his peace.

The boys both got what they needed. As a victim who identifies strongly with many of the characters in this game, seeing them get that gave me peace. That's what matters to me. Not a debate about what Saejoong Choi feels here or if he truly changed his mind about what's right or wrong. His victims finally have their freedom, and he can't hurt them anymore.

It's why at the very end of the RAE, my favorite option to the toast is "Love will prevail", because that's the moral of the story. Kindness is the strongest weapon you possess, and it's that kindness you share with every member of the RFA that helps them find peace in the end. Your kindness is what prevails, and how you reach the good ending to every route.

[natasha-in-space]

On this fine evening, I can't stop thinking about how small Ray really is. His graceful and princely appearance is only enhanced by his delicate facial features, which are already apparent the first time you see him. You don't think or notice much of it at first. His clothes are doing a good job at concealing his frail form, after all. All you see is a pretty young man that takes your breath away with his unique clothing choices and his tender smile.

It isn't until your first walk out in the garden that you have time to truly take in his appearance fully. He is undeniably beautiful. His eyes are kind, albeit mysterious, and his smile makes it easy to relax and trust into his words as you talk. He truly looks like some noble prince ripped straight out of a fairytale when he's walking by your side in the garden. His petite features become only more apparent when you get a little cold, and he drapes his blazer over your shoulders without a second thought.

Ray is unwavering in his desire to be helpful to you. He's afraid of you finding him repulsive or ugly. But, when you are in trouble, be it you shivering in the chilly mountain air, or you tripping over a stray rock, he acts without even thinking. It's like an instinct he can't fight.

Depending on your size, his magenta blazer either fits you perfectly or is rather small on you. Once you get past the initial butterflies of having his flowery scent and warmth surround you, it becomes quite noticeable to you. And, not only that, but with the biggest layer gone from his frame, you get a good look at his rather slender figure up close. He looks wonderful, you don't have a single bad thought in your head of yours.

But... God, does he looks so frail

As the days go by, you become more and more aware of him and all the smaller details of his appearance. His hands are small and bony. His wrists are so thin, you could probably wrap your two fingers around them with no problem whatsoever. While his jawline is soft, his cheeks look somewhat hollow, especially in a dim lighting. Although he doesn't express it, he easily gets cold. Whenever your walks are particularly long, you always see him slightly shivering, his hands rubbing together in a way that is obviously not meant for you to see. One time, you accidentally tripped while on your walk through Magenta, and he moved to catch your fall, making you stumble straight into his chest, your hands automatically grasping at his waist to hold you steady.

He's... so thin under all those layers of fabric. It's impossible not to wonder whether or not he's potentially wearing so many layers on purpose. If he's perhaps embarrassed of his fragile frame. It makes your heart ache.

It's a conflicting feeling.

You are aware that he is not taking good care of himself. For some reason, nobody in this place attempts to persuade him to take a break or enjoy a warm and nutritious meal every once in a while. It makes you disheartened. You wish you could visit him whenever you wanted, to remind him to rest his head, and to prepare him delicious and fulfilling foods to keep his body healthy and energized. But... you can't. And it's one of the first alarm bells that tell you that this place is not good for him.

On the other hand, you don't want to perceive this aspect of him as strictly negative. Regardless of his weight, you still find him to be incredibly beautiful. You love how his hands fit so perfectly into your own, making you want to hold them to keep them warm at any chance you get.

You could look at his face for hours on end without getting tired. Studying and memorizing all the tiniest of details that make Ray who he is. His lips are thin and chapped, even though he tries to hide their poor state from you, but you don't mind in the slightest. You'd love nothing more than gently brush your lips against his own as you go back to your room: a wordless thank you for wonderful company. Or to carefully apply some moisturizing lip balm with your thumb and watch his eyes grow wide and his cheeks grow pink. His eyes are warm and tender as they look at you, even if they are brimmed by heavy dark rings signaling the lack of sleep on his part. It still makes you want to brush your thumbs under his eyes to try and soothe his tiredness. His lashes are rather long, and you can't help but swoon at that little detail about him.

Although his skin is pale and dry, you have a fondness for the faint traces of freckles scattered over his cheeks and nose. It makes you wonder what his face would look like, if he could spend all the time he wanted out in the sun, tending to his flowers. You would love to kiss every freckle that is visible. And you adore how lovely his cheeks look when they are filled with color, whenever you say something sweet or brush your hand against his own.

Ray's physique is slim and petite. If you try, you're confident that you could lift him into your arms. It makes you sad to think of him being malnourished, but it does not bring you disgust in any way. No, it makes you think of how your hands would fit perfectly if you rested them on his waist, bringing him closer into your warm embrace, to keep his safe and sound from all those worries buzzing in his head at all times. How you could probably sweep him into a playful waltz and dip him without any problem, bringing a starry eyed look to those minty eyes you loved so much. It's a fantasy you certainly would love to try out one day.

It's a peculiar ambivalence. All you are aware of is that Ray is truly beautiful to you. And that you want him to know that. And, once you do spill all of your deepest affections for this lovely man you have come to treasure so deeply, you will wipe the tears spilling from his eyes and pull him close to your chest.

Ray is perfect. And you want him to know that.

[0klahom4]

Will you join their tea party?

Versión 2

[starry-marshmallow]

Me choosing to call V kind and gentle in that one PM despite knowing it gets me a broken heart from Ray: