#choi Ray

[pastelsapphy]

Twins be Twinning

[natasha-in-space]

VAE Ray is on my mind today. Like if we take the classic 'V route but in love with Ray' road, you cannot tell me that that boy did not think of you almost every single day during the two years he has spent away on his painful recovery. There is so much left unsaid between the two of you: so much guilt, so much hurt and so many regrets plaguing his head every time he sees something that reminds him of you. And, God, does that include a lot of things.

He goes outside and one look at the clouds brings back a memory of those short but meaningful talks he shared with you about the most simple of things. He remains indoors, and after taking a sip of the herbal tea that Jihyun made for him, he is immediately transported back to a peaceful tea party he set up for you. He stares at his hands, and he can't help but think back on how heavenly your touch felt against them. And how much he regrets wearing those pesky gloves at the time, never giving him the chance to feel your skin on his.

You're like a ghost that watches over his every step. It's often painful. Like a constant reminder of all that could have been if he didn't ruin every chance at his happiness with you. Sometimes it gets a little too hard on him, and Saeran takes over. But sometimes it's comforting. Like a warm hug, keeping him secure when all else falls apart.

He refuses to let you go.

So when he does meet you again, it's like a fragile fantasy that is far too idealistic for it to be true. Ray had no expectation that his brother would remember him. No matter what Jihyun has told him over those two years, he couldn't bring himself to believe that Saeyoung truly wanted him in his life to be the burden that he truly is. So when he gets crushed into a tight, desperate hug that is a bit too painful for his scarred body, his twin's whole body shaking, wracked with sobs Ray's ears can't quite register fully due to how unbelievable it all is... He's almost in a trance-like stare. Hearing Saeyoung's voice telling him to never leave again as he holds him so tight, it's like he's afraid he'll disappear into thin air once he lets go...

None of it was what Ray or Saeran had expected.

And then there's you. Your reunion with Ray will definitely be an emotional event for both of you. Ray was sure that, at best, you had forgotten all about him and lived on a happy and safe life. A life that you deserve. And at worst, that you hated him, and cursed him for hurting you the way that he did.

But instead, you are so unbelievably happy to see him. So happy that you are crying for him. Much like Saeyoung is.

The two people he had the worst fear of facing again were accepting of him and shedding tears for him in a way he had never even imagined.

So he also breaks down. And the three of you probably spend a lot of time crying into each other's arms as two years of grief, heartbreak, and recovery wash over you all at once.

After that, things don't immediately turn perfect. There are still many things that need to be said. You and Ray will have many conversations with each other, taking breaks to process it all piece and piece and not overwhelm one another. About what happened those two years ago. About what happened after that. About your feelings for each other. And about Saeran, too.

It's a process that takes time. But the fact that you're willing and even wanting to go through that process with him is enough to cause Ray to shed tears more than he could count.

The beginning is small, very small. Brief brushing of his fingers against yours while you are sitting together in the shade of a large tree in Saeyoung's backyard. The lightest of touches you give to his scars after he allows it. A hand resting on his shoulder gently as he talks about something heavy to let him know you're there for him.

Every touch leaves his entire body shaking, his breath stuttering in his throat, forcing him to let out the faintest of gasps. The first time it happened, he got very ashamed and apologized profusely to you, as he thought he acted like a complete creep and made you uncomfortable. Ray knows he's touch-starved, and that he's touch-starved for your touch specifically. But he doesn't think it's something worth dealing with, not wanting to be a bother to anyone. Not any more than he already is. A thought process that he will need to work on one step at a time.

You let him know that it's okay, though. That you don't mind. That it's your own desire to touch him.

After that, you begin to take his hands into yours. The first time it occurs, your hand jist clasps around his lightly. Then you interlock your fingers together, once he's okay with that. And then he feels safe enough to do that to you, too.

Holding hands with you is something Ray loves with all his heart. No gloves are getting in the way now. He can feel your skin directly on his with no barriers. It's a wordless 'I got you' that he finds himself getting more and more greedy for, the longer you indulge his cravings for human warmth.

His scars are not bothersome to you. If he doesn't want to, you don't force him to talk about them. And you're always quick to let him know how beautiful he is to you whenever he feels insecure about them. Even if he has a hard time believing that.

You're far too good for him, is what Ray finds himself thinking time and time again. But at some point, he comes to the realization that he is too selfish to let you go again. And then Saeran joins in on that line of thinking after his own long journey with you. So he doesn't let you go again.

And that's when everything changes.

Ray can be clingy with you if you let him. He desires to hold your hand inside the house, regardless of whether it's just a walk to the balcony or kitchen. He will rest against you whenever you are resting, reading a book, or indulging in your hobby. You don't need to talk to each other. He just silently sinks against you and sighs softly, letting your presence wash away all other thoughts floating in his mind. While asleep, he clings to you, almost as if his subconsciousness is terrified of you disappearing again. He fiddles with your clothes, with your fingers, or with your hair whenever you are talking to someone, and he's there with you. It calms him. Keeps him steady.

There is an undeniable bittersweetness to Ray's clinginess. GE Saeran's touchiness stems from his heart's pure affection towards you, but VAE Ray neecs to constantly remind himself that you're there. That he can touch you. That you are not going anywhere. And that you have no hatred towards him.

But it can also be sweet. Like whenever you help him take care of his burns, or you ease him into a warm, soothing bath you've prepared just for him. Ray may be anxious. But you are always eager to show him how much you genuinely care for him. How much you enjoy touching him in the way he has always wanted to be touched by you. To allow him to unwind with you. Close his eyes and let you take care of him with no judgement.

Your relationship with VAE Ray described in one word would be: peace. It's peace after the long, heavy storm you had to endure to get to this point. And it's peace that you will cherish for as long as life allows you.

[marshmallowprotection]

Ray’s emojis are so utterly adorable. When you ask him if this is a pyramid scheme and he uses the little confused emoji 😭😭😭😭😭. I need to hold him in my arms

Local hacker has no idea what you're talking about! Pyramid scheme? No way! There's no pyramid scheme! He's not asking you to sell those bottles of elixir to strangers! He's asking you to join him in paradise so you never have to work another day in your life! He can spoil you and make sure you never have to lift a finger! There's no work involved in becoming his dearest flower.

[starry-marshmallow]

How I feel when I make a joke that Jihyun and Ray/Saeran laugh at:

[sheepsdreamworld]

Ray asks gently ☺🥰

[sapphireicecream]

🫗🥀

[shizukais]

[0klahom4]

Will you join their tea party?

Versión 2

[cephydeluxe]

old joke lol post it anyway

[schmellows]

[jaeheecloset]

My sacrifice for your tainted mind and your pure heart

[pastelsapphy]

Girl you must have seen that coming

[natasha-in-space]

On this fine evening, I can't stop thinking about how small Ray really is. His graceful and princely appearance is only enhanced by his delicate facial features, which are already apparent the first time you see him. You don't think or notice much of it at first. His clothes are doing a good job at concealing his frail form, after all. All you see is a pretty young man that takes your breath away with his unique clothing choices and his tender smile.

It isn't until your first walk out in the garden that you have time to truly take in his appearance fully. He is undeniably beautiful. His eyes are kind, albeit mysterious, and his smile makes it easy to relax and trust into his words as you talk. He truly looks like some noble prince ripped straight out of a fairytale when he's walking by your side in the garden. His petite features become only more apparent when you get a little cold, and he drapes his blazer over your shoulders without a second thought.

Ray is unwavering in his desire to be helpful to you. He's afraid of you finding him repulsive or ugly. But, when you are in trouble, be it you shivering in the chilly mountain air, or you tripping over a stray rock, he acts without even thinking. It's like an instinct he can't fight.

Depending on your size, his magenta blazer either fits you perfectly or is rather small on you. Once you get past the initial butterflies of having his flowery scent and warmth surround you, it becomes quite noticeable to you. And, not only that, but with the biggest layer gone from his frame, you get a good look at his rather slender figure up close. He looks wonderful, you don't have a single bad thought in your head of yours.

But... God, does he looks so frail

As the days go by, you become more and more aware of him and all the smaller details of his appearance. His hands are small and bony. His wrists are so thin, you could probably wrap your two fingers around them with no problem whatsoever. While his jawline is soft, his cheeks look somewhat hollow, especially in a dim lighting. Although he doesn't express it, he easily gets cold. Whenever your walks are particularly long, you always see him slightly shivering, his hands rubbing together in a way that is obviously not meant for you to see. One time, you accidentally tripped while on your walk through Magenta, and he moved to catch your fall, making you stumble straight into his chest, your hands automatically grasping at his waist to hold you steady.

He's... so thin under all those layers of fabric. It's impossible not to wonder whether or not he's potentially wearing so many layers on purpose. If he's perhaps embarrassed of his fragile frame. It makes your heart ache.

It's a conflicting feeling.

You are aware that he is not taking good care of himself. For some reason, nobody in this place attempts to persuade him to take a break or enjoy a warm and nutritious meal every once in a while. It makes you disheartened. You wish you could visit him whenever you wanted, to remind him to rest his head, and to prepare him delicious and fulfilling foods to keep his body healthy and energized. But... you can't. And it's one of the first alarm bells that tell you that this place is not good for him.

On the other hand, you don't want to perceive this aspect of him as strictly negative. Regardless of his weight, you still find him to be incredibly beautiful. You love how his hands fit so perfectly into your own, making you want to hold them to keep them warm at any chance you get.

You could look at his face for hours on end without getting tired. Studying and memorizing all the tiniest of details that make Ray who he is. His lips are thin and chapped, even though he tries to hide their poor state from you, but you don't mind in the slightest. You'd love nothing more than gently brush your lips against his own as you go back to your room: a wordless thank you for wonderful company. Or to carefully apply some moisturizing lip balm with your thumb and watch his eyes grow wide and his cheeks grow pink. His eyes are warm and tender as they look at you, even if they are brimmed by heavy dark rings signaling the lack of sleep on his part. It still makes you want to brush your thumbs under his eyes to try and soothe his tiredness. His lashes are rather long, and you can't help but swoon at that little detail about him.

Although his skin is pale and dry, you have a fondness for the faint traces of freckles scattered over his cheeks and nose. It makes you wonder what his face would look like, if he could spend all the time he wanted out in the sun, tending to his flowers. You would love to kiss every freckle that is visible. And you adore how lovely his cheeks look when they are filled with color, whenever you say something sweet or brush your hand against his own.

Ray's physique is slim and petite. If you try, you're confident that you could lift him into your arms. It makes you sad to think of him being malnourished, but it does not bring you disgust in any way. No, it makes you think of how your hands would fit perfectly if you rested them on his waist, bringing him closer into your warm embrace, to keep his safe and sound from all those worries buzzing in his head at all times. How you could probably sweep him into a playful waltz and dip him without any problem, bringing a starry eyed look to those minty eyes you loved so much. It's a fantasy you certainly would love to try out one day.

It's a peculiar ambivalence. All you are aware of is that Ray is truly beautiful to you. And that you want him to know that. And, once you do spill all of your deepest affections for this lovely man you have come to treasure so deeply, you will wipe the tears spilling from his eyes and pull him close to your chest.

Ray is perfect. And you want him to know that.

[marshmallowprotection]

it’s 2am and i need my daily dose of angst

what are the most angstiest hcs you have for the choi twins? like genuinely heartbreaking ones

TW; Eating Problems, Emetophobia, Body Insecurity, Survivor's Guilt, Life Attempt / The Explosion, and the expected past-abuse warning for the Choi twins.

Ray physically recoils and sobs whenever his red roots start to come back in. A part of him is happy to see it because he thinks he may be able to have his original hair back someday, someday when all of the things his Savior told him are in the past and it's revealed that all of it had been a misunderstanding. He wants to believe that he'll be happy with Saeyoung again.

It's an overwhelming moment, but it's over just as soon as his fingers touch the vibrant red.

It burns.

It burns like he's been sent to Hell, and he screams. "Not fair, not fair, not fair, not fair!" Images of lies burn through his mind as the worst of the worst begins to settle in. Every vicious lie Rika told him tangled in with the images he's seen of his brother in the RFA, laughing, having fun, and living a life without him that he promised he'd never lead on his own.

Ray was abandoned, forgotten, and left behind.

This red is wrong.

This face is wrong.

These eyes are wrong.

This body is wrong, wrong, wrong—

The bleach burns his scalp before he has time to process what he's doing. He doesn't care how he removes the color, just that the color is removed as soon as possible, and that's why there's traces of pink in his hair... it's not intentional. It's what he misses every time he tries to stripe the color from his head. He always misses a few spots, and it's a damn wonder his hair doesn't look more patchy, but frying the color out of his scalp makes the bad feeling go away.

Until it comes back, of course.

Suit Saeran makes the sweetest of desserts. He makes them so he can stare at them just like he did in his childhood memories. The cake you saw in the dead of night when he mocked you? That cake is what his Mother used to make a mockery of him when he was hungry and all he had to eat was old slices of white bread. He hates white bread... he hates it so much because it tastes like the driest crumbs he had to eat to survive alongside Saeyoung.

You want to know the worst thing about salivating at a treat you're not allowed to have? You want it. You still want it even though you've been told you'll never be able to have what you want. You want it so bad that you'll run over every scenario in your mind to find a way to eat the smallest dollop and not get in trouble for it.

If you've spent a long time staring at something, you've imagined every scenario in the book to get into your clutches... and do you want to know the worst thing about those treats Saeran made to "taunt" you? He didn't eat them, either. He didn't eat the sweetest strawberry cake... he couldn't. Because, he remembers what it felt like to have food after denied for a few days after being brought to Mint Eye.

...And when he stopped screaming, they brought him food... and in that variety of food was a meal that anyone who was starving out of their mind could only dream of. You know what happened the exact second he took a bite of the sweetest thing on the place? It... tasted wrong. Every time he makes this particular treat, it tastes like poison. So, not only was he tormenting you, he was tormenting himself, that cake ended up on the floor because it tasted WRONG.

WRONG WRONG WRONG.

MINT EYE IS WRONG.

WRONG WRONG WRONG.

VAE Ray spent a few days in the rubble. It's a wonder he was able to survive in the first place. Jihyun had an operation to save his life from the elixir AND the stab wound. He was in the hospital for at least two to three days, and the only person who could've found him happens to be the same person who brings him out of the country to heal and recuperate for two and half years.

Can you imagine what it felt like to be in the rubble of a building you intentionally destroyed? To lay there for hours as the ash, soot, and God knows what else floated in the air all around you? To know that you can't do anything right, that you can't DIE RIGHT, and all of the people who promised they'd never leave you—left you?

To be unable to scream out for help because your lungs feel charred, to be unable to move because your entire body has been scorched from one side to the other? What was the meaning of your life? All you can do is lay there in the rubble, sobbing, because you can't get up, and every time you fade in and out of consciousness, you think it might be for the last time and maybe you'll be at peace next time and not wake up.

Or, maybe you are dead and this is just the hell you deserve to be in because you were never good enough for heaven, that's what you feel the longer you stay there... and you know the worst part? When Ray is found by Jihyun, it's not relief he feels, it's anger and fear, because he thinks Jihyun was sent there to mock him, bringing him false hope to believe he wasn't abandoned, but also fear, because part of him really didn't want to die but he saw no other option.

And underneath all of that?

Relief that feels like delusion because someone came back for him but it feels like it's too late to save his life.

SE Saeran doesn't sleep well at night. He lashes out, he kicks, and he screams. He has night terrors about Mint Eye. He has nightmares all about that place no matter how far away he is from that building and what it did to him. He has episodes where he wakes up and thinks he is back in his office, trembling, shaking, and his body pushes him to look for his desk to start working as soon as possible because he isn't in the mood to be punished again.

Nothing can stop these episodes, and while he is getting therapy and doing better during the daytime, nothing stops his nightmares, and it does keep him from sleeping with his possible partner. He has to stay in his own bed, possibly even his own room, while you video call each other from other sides of the house, and as painful as that is, it helps him feel safer than he would if he were to hurt you during one of the episodes.

God, you want to know the worst ones?

It's when he wakes up, screaming, and he has no choice but to sprint into the bathroom his brother built into his room to help him feel way more in control over his environment. He's sick, and once he's able to pull himself away from the toilet, he spends the next half-hour trying to burn his hands to remove the sticky feeling of V's blood from both of his hands.

He's trying to remove the feeling of Saeyoung's blood away from his hands, too. He has flashbacks about that day all the time, thinking his brother is dead and V is dead and it's all his fault and he needs to get rid of the blood because it feels wrong, and he's wrong, and he's just a PAWN WHO NEVER MATTERED BECAUSE—

RIKA SAID SHE WANTED HIS BROTHER. NOT HIM. SHE WANTED TO USE SAEYOUNG. NOT HIM. "USE" HIM. IT WAS NEVER REAL. IT WAS A LIE.

ALL A LIE.

Saeyoung can't stop looking over his shoulders no matter where he is. He can't stop looking. It doesn't matte where he is. He has to have a full view of the room he's in, and that means he spends his time on his phone looking for camera feeds and other means to control what he can in his environment. It's nice when he's in his bunker because he has a defense system and cameras all over the place. He's ready for war if it comes to that.

But, it's a horrible way to live your life, isn't it?

To be afraid and know that this paranoia you experience isn't just some fear you have that has nothing to warrant. His paranoia has a reason to exist and it doesn't matter when the party's over and his Father is out of the picture. He pissed off a lot of people during his years in the agency, and until all of those people are out of the way, he can't stop being afraid of losing his life, or being the reason why his loved ones lose their.

He has nightmares, too.

He wakes up in the dead of night, searching for the modified tablet on his bedside table, and he can't breathe until he checks the feed to make sure that nobody's come in or out of the house. Saeran doesn't mess with the system. In fact, SE Saeran doesn't want to touch any technology anymore, so Saeyoung never has to worry about his baby brother sneaking out or tampering with the system to leave.

But, still, he has to CHECK EVERYTHING.

Twice.

God forbid his MC left the room to get water and didn't leave him something to show they would be right now before he could check his system. I think you have to help him implement a system for his fears. He knows it can be overwhelming, he knows that most of his requests or fears come across as controlling, and God knows he is trying his best to be better about this, but... for his peace of mind, it's nice to know you left a plush or an object on your bed to say, "I'm just in the other room. Don't worry."

...He can't stop thinking about the damn near week he spent in that humid, agent-infested warehouse. His paranoia got that much worse after that experience. That's the nightmare he wakes up from most of the time if it's not about his childhood. That's what sets him off to be paranoid for the rest of the night. The fear of being cornered with not a single weapon to protect himself.

God forbid it happen to you or Saeran, too.

[starry-marshmallow]

Me choosing to call V kind and gentle in that one PM despite knowing it gets me a broken heart from Ray:

[alivepossibly]

I made this a while ago, hopefully Saeran can find his audience on here...