#choi Ray

[pastelsapphy]

Twins be Twinning

[poppyfieldszine]

Our interest check is open!

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Do you love Ray? Would you love to see a Zine all about him? Well, here's your chance!

This will be a non-profit fanzine centered around Ray and his love of flowers. This zine will explore not only floriography but Ray himself, as the staple theme of this zine toys with the meaning behind poppies. A flower that stands out as a symbol of remembrance and hope for the future. Who is Ray if not a man with a heart filled with hope despite the utter despair and agony that surrounds him in Mint Eye?

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[marshmallowprotection]

“Hey, Saeran?” 

"Yes? What is it, my love?"

As you shut off the television and turned away from the news, there was a sense of anxiety and worry that wouldn't go away even as the monitor went dark. That undying intrusive thought that told you how horrible things would become in a matter of hours, if not days, reared its ugly head again. You didn't want to feel that way, nor did you want to let the sensation of despair take away the last shred of your sanity, but the more you sat with those fears, the more terror you felt.

Cradling your pillow close to your chest, you asked, "How did you find a reason to hope when everything else said otherwise?"

You couldn't help but feel curious about what he might say about it. Mint Eye gave him every reason to despair, to give up on himself, and yet, he didn't. Despite everything they threw at him, he continued the arduous journey of living in a false paradise that intended to get rid of him one day when most people in his shoes would've surrendered to the agony to escape their suffering.

On the surface, you understood the concept of Saeran's feelings. The way he must've felt when he knew he had to adapt to survive a living hell, and how heavy the burden it became when it shattered his heart to ribbons. He... didn't have another choice when Rika took him from the cathedral she found him in. If he didn't submit to her whims, he'd never see the sunrise or sunset again.

He survived purely on dumb luck, and because he fought for so long to make her think he believed her lies when he couldn't tell left from right. You knew when people were faced with no other choice but to do whatever they could to survive, they would, and they would try to do everything within their power to make do.

Saeyoung had done the same thing, actually. He made the best of his own nightmare within those hellish agency walls. The RFA became a place for him to breathe far away from those who dared to make him live with a target on his back, but it wasn't true freedom from the fear he'd known since he and his brother were little boys.

Luck was what helped those boys survive everything they suffered as boys and young adults, and as happy as you were to be with them on the other side of that pain, you wondered how they found hope in all of it. You knew they had no choice and they did the best they could in a horrible situation, just as anyone would, but how did the hope they experienced feel on a personal level?

What did Saeyoung use to feel hopeful when he couldn't focus on the promise Rika and V made him? What hope did Ray or Saeran find in a cesspool of torment that lied to them to see the next day? Even if you had a rough notion of their feelings, your queasy stomach couldn't do the same for your own nerves.

The kind of hope you wished you could find again... the hope that saw them through their worst nightmare. You wanted to find that hope for yourself again.

In all honesty, you weren't all that different from them.

You had no choice but to find hope in whatever place you could when you were younger, and you managed to scrape by with whatever you could find, even if it felt like you were grasping at breadcrumbs for a taste of something sweet and warm to stave off the misery.

It worked for a while, and you believed in your heart that things would someday become better and the memories of the bitter past would fade away... like footprints in the sand.

But, something changed since those years you felt like you could hope for the better, and that something chipped away at what you wanted to believe in. Life wasn't a fairytale, and things couldn't be neatly contained with a bow and ribbon. Granted, that didn't mean you had nothing to hope, dream, or look forward to. There were so many things in this world you were happy to see on the horizon, yet, plenty more that left you feeling hopeless at the same time.

You weren't sure there was a perfect answer to your question, but you knew Saeran would try his best to find one to ease your heart.

Taking the spot at your side, Saeran wrapped his blanket around your shoulders so you could curl into him. "If you would've asked Ray this question, he would've told you that you were his hope, or rather, the idea of you gave him hope. Rika promised him that you would be his after you tested the messenger and he would never have to hack or hurt people ever again. His hope... was built off a fantasy he built for himself. If he doubted himself, he imagined being close to you to see himself to the next day."

You knew Ray had preconceived notions of you before you met, but only when he realized you were more than his daydream did he truly start to fall in love with you, and you with him in return. He survived that terrible place because he could dream of you and a future filled with peace... even if he knew it had every chance to backfire.

"Saeran, on the other hand, would've told you that he didn't have any hope left to spare. He had to give all of his hopes and dreams to Ray because Rika told him he was a weapon and a weapon alone. Ray could dream, and that's why he struck out against you so hard in the beginning. If Ray couldn't be hopeful, neither could he. Yet, he realized he still had hopes and dreams when he was with you, and he knew if he was honest with himself, Rika would hurt him like she hurt his Ray."

Saeran, ever the strongest because he had no choice, wanted to be with you as much as you wanted to be with him, but he largely had no choice but to play along with Rika's games. He couldn't deny his heart any more than Ray could, and it nearly cost them their lives at Rika's hand.

They never abandoned hope despite everything pleading with them to let go.

You sought out his hand and held it close to your heart. You wanted him to feel it. "And, you? What about you, my love?"

"I've realized that... Hope isn't something we find in one person, it's not found in some outstanding fantasy, either. Hope is what we find in the little moments that make life feel worth it. When you smile at me from the other side of the room, when we can go on a date and see a film together at the movies, when you bring me a drink while I'm knee-deep in the garden, and... the list goes on. Hope is something we can all experience if we choose to enjoy the little moments just as much as we indulge in the fantastical ones."

The little things, huh?

"I guess... I've been so focused on the big things that I've lost sight of the importance of moments like this," you looked down at your lap as his honesty washed over you. "It's overwhelming, Saeran. I want to be able to enjoy moments like this but it's difficult to breathe knowing... knowing how difficult things are going to become for everyone. I am aware of the fact that it's not wrong to take care of yourself before... before you take care of others, but right now, it feels like my hope is the last thing that anyone needs to worry about."

Saeran shook his head. "On the contrary, my love. Hope is what helps people in their darkest moments. Even if what they hope for sounds... I don't know, silly. You need to be able to hope for something—to feel like those little moments matter—otherwise you'll fall into despair. Do you remember how V and Rika were near the end? They both gave up on themselves, preferring to live in denial than face the truth. They said they had no hope left to spare, but that... that was because the two of them decided they didn't deserve it."

You hadn't thought about them in a while. But, Saeran wasn't wrong about them. You knew you were worthy of hope, just as much as any other person was, but that fear of not doing enough for others when you, yourself, needed to be taken care of, too, was what struck them in the foot. They'd deserved it but they ran away from outstretched hands until the very end when Saeran extended his instead.

You were scared, and by God, you were tired, too. You didn't want to run away but you didn't know how to handle any of the feelings that came with this dread.

"...Do you think I can find the strength to hope again, Saeran?"

"I know you will," he said in that earnest voice that made you fall in love with him in the first place. "Because I'll be right there with you every step of the way. Your hope is mine, and my hope is yours. We will see a brighter tomorrow, I have no doubt about that, but... we'll also see a bright day today, because hope exists for the present, too, just as much as the future."

[natasha-in-space]

VAE Ray is on my mind today. Like if we take the classic 'V route but in love with Ray' road, you cannot tell me that that boy did not think of you almost every single day during the two years he has spent away on his painful recovery. There is so much left unsaid between the two of you: so much guilt, so much hurt and so many regrets plaguing his head every time he sees something that reminds him of you. And, God, does that include a lot of things.

He goes outside and one look at the clouds brings back a memory of those short but meaningful talks he shared with you about the most simple of things. He remains indoors, and after taking a sip of the herbal tea that Jihyun made for him, he is immediately transported back to a peaceful tea party he set up for you. He stares at his hands, and he can't help but think back on how heavenly your touch felt against them. And how much he regrets wearing those pesky gloves at the time, never giving him the chance to feel your skin on his.

You're like a ghost that watches over his every step. It's often painful. Like a constant reminder of all that could have been if he didn't ruin every chance at his happiness with you. Sometimes it gets a little too hard on him, and Saeran takes over. But sometimes it's comforting. Like a warm hug, keeping him secure when all else falls apart.

He refuses to let you go.

So when he does meet you again, it's like a fragile fantasy that is far too idealistic for it to be true. Ray had no expectation that his brother would remember him. No matter what Jihyun has told him over those two years, he couldn't bring himself to believe that Saeyoung truly wanted him in his life to be the burden that he truly is. So when he gets crushed into a tight, desperate hug that is a bit too painful for his scarred body, his twin's whole body shaking, wracked with sobs Ray's ears can't quite register fully due to how unbelievable it all is... He's almost in a trance-like stare. Hearing Saeyoung's voice telling him to never leave again as he holds him so tight, it's like he's afraid he'll disappear into thin air once he lets go...

None of it was what Ray or Saeran had expected.

And then there's you. Your reunion with Ray will definitely be an emotional event for both of you. Ray was sure that, at best, you had forgotten all about him and lived on a happy and safe life. A life that you deserve. And at worst, that you hated him, and cursed him for hurting you the way that he did.

But instead, you are so unbelievably happy to see him. So happy that you are crying for him. Much like Saeyoung is.

The two people he had the worst fear of facing again were accepting of him and shedding tears for him in a way he had never even imagined.

So he also breaks down. And the three of you probably spend a lot of time crying into each other's arms as two years of grief, heartbreak, and recovery wash over you all at once.

After that, things don't immediately turn perfect. There are still many things that need to be said. You and Ray will have many conversations with each other, taking breaks to process it all piece and piece and not overwhelm one another. About what happened those two years ago. About what happened after that. About your feelings for each other. And about Saeran, too.

It's a process that takes time. But the fact that you're willing and even wanting to go through that process with him is enough to cause Ray to shed tears more than he could count.

The beginning is small, very small. Brief brushing of his fingers against yours while you are sitting together in the shade of a large tree in Saeyoung's backyard. The lightest of touches you give to his scars after he allows it. A hand resting on his shoulder gently as he talks about something heavy to let him know you're there for him.

Every touch leaves his entire body shaking, his breath stuttering in his throat, forcing him to let out the faintest of gasps. The first time it happened, he got very ashamed and apologized profusely to you, as he thought he acted like a complete creep and made you uncomfortable. Ray knows he's touch-starved, and that he's touch-starved for your touch specifically. But he doesn't think it's something worth dealing with, not wanting to be a bother to anyone. Not any more than he already is. A thought process that he will need to work on one step at a time.

You let him know that it's okay, though. That you don't mind. That it's your own desire to touch him.

After that, you begin to take his hands into yours. The first time it occurs, your hand jist clasps around his lightly. Then you interlock your fingers together, once he's okay with that. And then he feels safe enough to do that to you, too.

Holding hands with you is something Ray loves with all his heart. No gloves are getting in the way now. He can feel your skin directly on his with no barriers. It's a wordless 'I got you' that he finds himself getting more and more greedy for, the longer you indulge his cravings for human warmth.

His scars are not bothersome to you. If he doesn't want to, you don't force him to talk about them. And you're always quick to let him know how beautiful he is to you whenever he feels insecure about them. Even if he has a hard time believing that.

You're far too good for him, is what Ray finds himself thinking time and time again. But at some point, he comes to the realization that he is too selfish to let you go again. And then Saeran joins in on that line of thinking after his own long journey with you. So he doesn't let you go again.

And that's when everything changes.

Ray can be clingy with you if you let him. He desires to hold your hand inside the house, regardless of whether it's just a walk to the balcony or kitchen. He will rest against you whenever you are resting, reading a book, or indulging in your hobby. You don't need to talk to each other. He just silently sinks against you and sighs softly, letting your presence wash away all other thoughts floating in his mind. While asleep, he clings to you, almost as if his subconsciousness is terrified of you disappearing again. He fiddles with your clothes, with your fingers, or with your hair whenever you are talking to someone, and he's there with you. It calms him. Keeps him steady.

There is an undeniable bittersweetness to Ray's clinginess. GE Saeran's touchiness stems from his heart's pure affection towards you, but VAE Ray neecs to constantly remind himself that you're there. That he can touch you. That you are not going anywhere. And that you have no hatred towards him.

But it can also be sweet. Like whenever you help him take care of his burns, or you ease him into a warm, soothing bath you've prepared just for him. Ray may be anxious. But you are always eager to show him how much you genuinely care for him. How much you enjoy touching him in the way he has always wanted to be touched by you. To allow him to unwind with you. Close his eyes and let you take care of him with no judgement.

Your relationship with VAE Ray described in one word would be: peace. It's peace after the long, heavy storm you had to endure to get to this point. And it's peace that you will cherish for as long as life allows you.

[galaxieflora]

Saeran x MC Christmas art!

[starry-marshmallow]

How I feel when I make a joke that Jihyun and Ray/Saeran laugh at:

[sheepsdreamworld]

Ray asks gently ☺🥰

[chkn-kit]

"What will help you see the truth?"

[pionikky]

[schmellows]

[cephydeluxe]

old joke lol post it anyway

[pastelsapphy]

Girl you must have seen that coming

[poppyfieldszine]

To answer some commonly asked questions on the form!

1) This fanzine is non-profit, and all the proceeds will be going to a charity that is to be decided on after the interest check.

2) There are some questions about the exact deadline. This is just the interest check form, so we cannot give you an exact timetable. Going from the usual timeline for Zines, however, we can say that you can roughly expect up to six months of work from starting the zine to the final submission. It takes time to make a project like this, after all. You can't rush art!

3) The focus of this zine is on Ray, but it is reasonable to expect Suit Saeran in some capacity if you choose to include him interacting with Ray, as well as GE Saeran if you were to create something that takes place later in the route. That means there will be no Unknown or SE Saeran. We love them, too. But—this is Ray's time to shine! He's the focal point, so as long as he's the main character of what you create, you're golden if other characters appear!

4) We've been seeing a lot of comments from creators who have gotten down on themselves about their writing or artistic ability. We want you to know that you're all wonderful. Even if you don't think you're "the right person" to submit your portfolio when we open contributor forms and you want to apply to the zine, do it anyway. You miss out on every shot you don't take in life. Take a chance, the worst thing that can happen is you don't get in, but you can say that you tried, and you were brave enough to challenge your perspective of yourself!

5) Contributor applications will be open not long after the interest check form concludes. If your support continues at the rate it has been, you could expect applications before the end of the month of January. So, keep an eye out, everyone! The interest check form is open-ended for the time being to garner enough support from the fans!

If you have any more questions that weren't answered here, don't hesitate to ask!

[marshmallowprotection]

Did you not just sing the entirety of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, my love?

[natasha-in-space]

On this fine evening, I can't stop thinking about how small Ray really is. His graceful and princely appearance is only enhanced by his delicate facial features, which are already apparent the first time you see him. You don't think or notice much of it at first. His clothes are doing a good job at concealing his frail form, after all. All you see is a pretty young man that takes your breath away with his unique clothing choices and his tender smile.

It isn't until your first walk out in the garden that you have time to truly take in his appearance fully. He is undeniably beautiful. His eyes are kind, albeit mysterious, and his smile makes it easy to relax and trust into his words as you talk. He truly looks like some noble prince ripped straight out of a fairytale when he's walking by your side in the garden. His petite features become only more apparent when you get a little cold, and he drapes his blazer over your shoulders without a second thought.

Ray is unwavering in his desire to be helpful to you. He's afraid of you finding him repulsive or ugly. But, when you are in trouble, be it you shivering in the chilly mountain air, or you tripping over a stray rock, he acts without even thinking. It's like an instinct he can't fight.

Depending on your size, his magenta blazer either fits you perfectly or is rather small on you. Once you get past the initial butterflies of having his flowery scent and warmth surround you, it becomes quite noticeable to you. And, not only that, but with the biggest layer gone from his frame, you get a good look at his rather slender figure up close. He looks wonderful, you don't have a single bad thought in your head of yours.

But... God, does he looks so frail

As the days go by, you become more and more aware of him and all the smaller details of his appearance. His hands are small and bony. His wrists are so thin, you could probably wrap your two fingers around them with no problem whatsoever. While his jawline is soft, his cheeks look somewhat hollow, especially in a dim lighting. Although he doesn't express it, he easily gets cold. Whenever your walks are particularly long, you always see him slightly shivering, his hands rubbing together in a way that is obviously not meant for you to see. One time, you accidentally tripped while on your walk through Magenta, and he moved to catch your fall, making you stumble straight into his chest, your hands automatically grasping at his waist to hold you steady.

He's... so thin under all those layers of fabric. It's impossible not to wonder whether or not he's potentially wearing so many layers on purpose. If he's perhaps embarrassed of his fragile frame. It makes your heart ache.

It's a conflicting feeling.

You are aware that he is not taking good care of himself. For some reason, nobody in this place attempts to persuade him to take a break or enjoy a warm and nutritious meal every once in a while. It makes you disheartened. You wish you could visit him whenever you wanted, to remind him to rest his head, and to prepare him delicious and fulfilling foods to keep his body healthy and energized. But... you can't. And it's one of the first alarm bells that tell you that this place is not good for him.

On the other hand, you don't want to perceive this aspect of him as strictly negative. Regardless of his weight, you still find him to be incredibly beautiful. You love how his hands fit so perfectly into your own, making you want to hold them to keep them warm at any chance you get.

You could look at his face for hours on end without getting tired. Studying and memorizing all the tiniest of details that make Ray who he is. His lips are thin and chapped, even though he tries to hide their poor state from you, but you don't mind in the slightest. You'd love nothing more than gently brush your lips against his own as you go back to your room: a wordless thank you for wonderful company. Or to carefully apply some moisturizing lip balm with your thumb and watch his eyes grow wide and his cheeks grow pink. His eyes are warm and tender as they look at you, even if they are brimmed by heavy dark rings signaling the lack of sleep on his part. It still makes you want to brush your thumbs under his eyes to try and soothe his tiredness. His lashes are rather long, and you can't help but swoon at that little detail about him.

Although his skin is pale and dry, you have a fondness for the faint traces of freckles scattered over his cheeks and nose. It makes you wonder what his face would look like, if he could spend all the time he wanted out in the sun, tending to his flowers. You would love to kiss every freckle that is visible. And you adore how lovely his cheeks look when they are filled with color, whenever you say something sweet or brush your hand against his own.

Ray's physique is slim and petite. If you try, you're confident that you could lift him into your arms. It makes you sad to think of him being malnourished, but it does not bring you disgust in any way. No, it makes you think of how your hands would fit perfectly if you rested them on his waist, bringing him closer into your warm embrace, to keep his safe and sound from all those worries buzzing in his head at all times. How you could probably sweep him into a playful waltz and dip him without any problem, bringing a starry eyed look to those minty eyes you loved so much. It's a fantasy you certainly would love to try out one day.

It's a peculiar ambivalence. All you are aware of is that Ray is truly beautiful to you. And that you want him to know that. And, once you do spill all of your deepest affections for this lovely man you have come to treasure so deeply, you will wipe the tears spilling from his eyes and pull him close to your chest.

Ray is perfect. And you want him to know that.

[dailysaeran]

You won't, right?