#chinese education system is a loads of shit

[oak-ash-thorn]

id probably got tied to a stake and burned for those thoughts im having

🦖

[kar-krashew]

life could be a dream [AO3]

Alec navigates first dates, second dates, and general panic, while accidentally making a friend along the way. He's not sure how to feel about any of that, but it seems to be going okay.

Rated T for language and implied sexual content.

@arsenic-creator for you, my lovely ❤ This is an interlude, of sorts, between the Cars AU and the planned Cars 2 AU :D

Alec is ninety percent sure whoever came up with the concept of first dates was a sadist; who else would devise a concept so nerve-wracking and excruciating? Currently, he’s in a random hotel in Spiral Springs, aptly named as he’s spent the last hour spiraling into insanity as he tries to figure out what normal people wear on first dates with people like Magnus Bane. He can’t even call Izzy, because she’s off on some “important work trip” with Jace. (That basically means that they’re going to be mysterious and vague during phone calls the whole time— and that’s only if they answer. He knows better than to ask.)

Thus, Alec has two options: suffer, and show up to his first date with Magnus in his normal shitty worn-out jeans and shirt, or suffer more, and ask someone in town for help. Unfortunately, the only other people available to him are Raphael (Alec is pretty sure he’d be found dead the next morning if he asked Raphael about dating advice), Ragnor (the man dresses like a reclusive British hermit, Alec really doesn’t think asking him will help), and Simon.

Shit.

“Do I really need someone else’s help?” Alec asks his own reflection in the mirror, “I look fine, right? And it’s not like Simon’s got a better idea of how these dates work.”

He looks great, honestly! Probably. He’s fine, as long as he ignores the suspicious fraying of his collar and the faded white patches on his jeans, and okay, he lied, he does not look fine.

Also, Simon’s had like three pretty steady girlfriends already. The kid must be doing something right.

“Shit,” Alec groans again— out loud this time, for intended effect— before taking a deep breath and grabbing his phone.

Fine. If it takes talking to Simon, he’s going to talk to Simon. Besides, how bad could it be?

---

Really bad. Like, really fucking bad; Alec had forgotten how annoying Simon is, and he’s regretting this decision wholeheartedly now.

“No one’s really asked me for dating advice before, you know,” Simon says from where he’s rummaging through Alec’s suitcase, “And of the people I would expect to ask me, you’re, like, last on that list. Not in a bad way or anything, it’s just weird, you know?”

Alec does know. This is the third time Simon has said this.

“Sure, totally,” he grits out, watching Simon carelessly toss his neatly folded clothing onto the hotel bed. Alec is going to have to reorganize the whole case after this is over, because these sorts of things have systems and the kid is ruining it. This was definitely more trouble than it’s worth.

“Yep. Anyway, wow, I’m no expert, but you really don’t have a lot of options in here.” Simon whistles, pauses for a minute, then upends the entire suitcase onto the mattress before Alec can intercept. God, Alec’s going to strangle him. “That’s better! So, you seem to only have, like, one decent button-down, and those always look nice. Maybe pair it with a tighter pair of jeans? Your jacket would look nice with this, too, though I’d leave it out in this weather.” Simon tosses the articles of clothing towards Alec as he speaks, hitting Alec squarely in the face, but he’s already been distracted by something else before he can register the glare being sent his way.

“Okay,” he says after another moment, “Show me what you got.”

Alec’s skeptical, to be frank, but he decides to indulge Simon anyway, so he heads to the bathroom and tries on the outfit and—

Oh.

Simon’s really not bad at this thing. Izzy probably could’ve picked something a little more flattering, but this is way better than whatever Alec was wearing earlier; he didn’t even know he’d remembered to bring this shirt when he’d packed his bags.

“Hey, man, you look great!” Simon beams. “I wasn’t totally sure that would work out, but you look awesome! Magnus is going to love it.”

“Thanks, Lewis,” Alec replies, and he’s surprised to realize he means it. Simon’s grin stretches out wider, somehow, and Alec doesn’t even feel that annoyed.

(Oh no, does this mean he tolerates Simon now?)

“It’s gonna go great, Alec, don’t worry about it,” Simon responds, oblivious to Alec’s internal turmoil— Alec is seriously having a breakdown over the fact that Simon has somehow made it onto the short list of people Alec doesn’t want to punch on sight, because what the fuck does that say about Alec’s standards? His reputation is on the line. “Magnus has lived here for a while, which means I know him well enough to tell you that you make him really happy.” Alec stares at him blankly.

“I— That means a lot, actually,” he manages, then they both just kind of. . . stand there for a minute. Alec isn’t sure how to process the fact that they seem to be having a moment when he was preparing to initiate anti-Lewis measures just seconds ago, so it’s almost a relief when Simon ruins it with the next thing that comes out of his mouth.

“I feel like a proud mother sending her kid to prom. Do I need to give you a sex talk? No one actually gave me that speech when I was younger, but I did improv in highschool, so I could probably work something out.”

Scratch whatever he said earlier; Alec hates him.

---

The trauma Simon inflicts on him is almost completely worth it when Alec sees the way Magnus checks him out for a moment. The other’s standing outside the entrance to some obscure Chinese restaurant, smiling warmly and turning Alec’s knees to jello with his low-cut blue tunic and shimmery eyeliner (not helped by the fact that he has managed to find pants that are even tighter than his usual leather ones— Alec’s going to die of a heart attack before they can even enter the establishment).

“Hey,” he says, trying not to look stupidly overwhelmed at Magnus’s answering smile, “You, uh, you look amazing.”

“I could say the same, Alexander. This shirt is definitely doing you favors,” Magnus replies, and Alec blushes.

“Would it be completely unattractive if I admitted Simon picked it out for me?” he asks, half-serious, but Magnus just laughs, taking Alec’s hand in his own.

“Of course not. Remind me to thank him next time we meet.”

The rest of the night goes by in a blur: Alec’s sure that the restaurant and everything was amazing, but it’s hard to notice things like ambiance and food when one has a front row seat to the wonder that is the gentle tilt of Magnus’s mouth. He spends the night being regaled with far-fetched anecdotes in between shameless bouts of flirting and giggling, and it’s nice, it’s really nice; alone, away from cameras and parents, just the two of them tucked away in a cozy little corner booth together.

It’s kind of the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to him.

Maybe first dates, Alec thinks, lying in bed later that night, the taste of lip gloss still faint on his tongue, aren’t too bad after all.

---

“Oh my gosh, are you going on dates and making friends? I’m so proud, my baby brother is all grown up,” Izzy sniffs over the phone, “Do we need to talk about safe sex?”

“Why is that the conclusion everyone draws? Do I look that repressed?” Alec groans, thinking back to Simon’s earlier pursuit to educate him on the carnal pleasures of the world. He’d managed to cut the kid off after the first use of the word “penetrative,” but it had been enough to fuel his nightmares for a solid two days afterwards. “Also, I’m older than you.”

“Details,” Izzy dismisses. “Speaking of which, spill! How was it? I still can’t believe you ran off to Spiral Springs without telling anyone. Mom must be absolutely livid, I just wish I was there to see it.”

Alec rolls his eyes, even though she can’t see it over the phone— the sentiment is there, and that’s what matters. “You would be here to see it if you weren’t off doing lord-knows-what in god-knows-where every other week with Jace,” he replies.

“Import-export business, Alec,” Izzy says, “I’ve told you this.”

“Right, the same way you’ve told me you can cook without poisoning everyone. We both know it’s a load of bullshit.”

“We’re getting off topic!” his sister exclaims, which is Izzy-speak for “We’re not talking about this for another year or so,” as she artfully changes the subject. “I believe I asked for specifics about your date with Magnus, hermano. You are not getting out of this.”

Luckily for her, Alec is easily distracted by even the vaguest thought or mention of Magnus, because he’s a total fucking sap and Izzy knows exactly how to use it to her advantage. He would say he hates her, but, well: he’s thinking about Magnus now. That’s infinitely more important, obviously.

“I wouldn’t know where to start,” he sighs. The exhale’s got this kind of pathetically lovesick quality to it, but he barrels on, praying Izzy won’t comment on it. “We ate, then he walked me back to the hotel and kissed me at the door before he left. It was amazing. God, Izzy, I like him so much.”

In a perfect, normal world, this would be an opportune time for Izzy to realize that Alec is kind of horribly vulnerable and honest when it comes to Magnus, and for her to be gentle and supportive about it. However, because normalcy is a pipe dream that Alec’s siblings are hellbent on crushing, he is treated instead to an inhumanly high-pitched squeal, followed by frantic shuffling before a voice that sounds suspiciously like Jace’s floods the phone speaker. Given that the most-definitely-Jace-voice is currently yelling something about condoms and endowment and the logistics of same-sex intercourse, Alec decides that hanging up is the appropriate course of action here.

(God, they’re the worst. He’s never going to talk to them again. Or at least, he’s not going to pick up their calls for the next week. Okay, maybe, like 3 days. Probably.)

Great, he thinks, mentally patting himself on the back. Now that that’s settled, he can get back to other matters, like fucking losing his mind because he had totally forgotten to ask Izzy how to plan a second date so he’s now screwed but he’s definitely not calling her back especially now that he knows Jace has her phone and that means he’s been left to his own resources to plan the perfect second date for Magnus and he’s going to have to do it all by himself and he’s going to fail spectacularly because he’s never had to do anything like this before and no one can help him unless—

Unless. . .

“Shit,” Alec says— out loud, for intended effect again, as a horrible flash of deja vu strikes him— which is how, minutes later, Simon ends up sprawled out on the hotel bed next to him at 4 pm on a Wednesday afternoon.

Alec should really start looking into better coping mechanisms before this becomes a problem.

“Okay, so the first thing about this is that you’re approaching it all wrong,” Simon says, sitting up to peer at Alec over his glasses. “Dates are about spending time together, not about being perfect, so don’t stress! What did you initially have in mind?”

That’s the issue: Alec didn’t have anything in mind, because when he had said that he’d organize the next date, he wasn’t exactly operating on full brain function. Impaired thought processes tend to be a common side effect around Magnus, now that Alec thinks about it— he should probably get that checked.

“I really have no clue,” Alec groans. “There’s so much that could go wrong! What if I take him somewhere that reminds him of his ex? Or I stumble and spill slushie all over his shoes and they’re brand new designer ones and he ends things with me on the spot? Or he hates the food there and realizes that my tastes are shit and he decides to cut his losses instead of being forced to eat shitty food everyday that he hangs out with me? Or—”

“Alec, jeez!” Simon interrupts. “Man, you’re kind of a mess about this, huh?”

Okay, rude. Just because it’s true, doesn’t mean it needs to be pointed out. Alec just groans louder, and lets his head fall heavily against the headboard. “I’m so fucked.”

Simon shakes his head, standing up to pose solemnly. “Don’t lose hope yet, young padawan! Come on, you gotta have something. What do you know he likes?” he says, and because Alec is a sucker when it comes to talking about Magnus (as established earlier), the tactic totally works.

“Okay, well,” he starts, “I know he likes expensive wines with names I can’t pronounce. He likes late nights and old classical music, but his ringtone changes every week to a different Britney Spears pop song. He’s kind of a horrible romantic, but I really like that about him. I. . . like a lot of things about him.”

Simon blinks for a moment, and Alec hurries to wipe the besotted smile that’s inevitably found its way onto his mouth. It’s too late, though— Simon’s already grinning back at him, looking too excited for his own good. “That’s so cheesy,” he coos, “But in, like, totally a good way, I promise.” He pats Alec’s shoulder, once, then stands up. “I think I have an idea of what would work. Any ideas in terms of the venue?”

“Oh,” Alec says after a moment. He’s still thinking about Magnus, which means he’s thinking about their previous meetings, which means he’s thinking about—

“Yeah,” he replies, “I have the perfect place in mind.”

---

“So, where are we headed?” Magnus asks. He’s beautiful like this, in the light of the passing streetlights, silver chains glinting like stars, silk tunic flowing like water, hair mussed from the wind. If Alec didn’t have a plan for this evening, he’d probably do something very dumb like slamming the breaks on the car and kissing him senseless. It’s not the first time he’s had the thought, not by a long shot.

Maybe he can fit that part later into the evening.

“You’ll see,” Alec replies, beaming a little at the pout it brings on Magnus’s— stupidly kissable— mouth. “It’s meant to be a surprise.”

“I don’t like surprises,” Magnus frowns, but he still leans forward as they pass by a familiar waterfall. Alec can see the moment he processes what that waterfall means, his face lighting up completely as he does so. “Are we going to the Dumont?”

Alec shrugs, trying to be mysterious, but he’s grinning too wide for it to mean anything but a yes. It’s fine; if ruining the surprise means that he gets to see Magnus’s bright smile an extra few moments earlier than planned, it’s totally worth it.

When they finally pull up next to the old sign, Magnus has already noticed the changes to the hotel. “Oh,” he gasps, stepping out of the car, “Alexander.”

Lights are strung up around the outdoor courtyard, with a singular table in the center, a candle and plates arranged across its surface. Simon’s standing there, dressed in a black dress shirt, grinning at the two of them as music plays softly from some unknown corner. It’s horribly cheesy and romantic, and, judging by the way Magnus is excitedly clutching Alec’s hand as they approach the table, it’s worked like a charm.

Alec could marry Simon after this; the kid’s a fucking genius.

“Good evening, sirs!” Simon grins, “Welcome to the Hotel Dumont. We’re so glad you could join us this evening.” He bows, pulling out a chair from behind him, and Magnus laughs delightedly.

“This is absolutely lovely!” he exclaims, settling down. “Did you come up with all this?”

Alec blushes, sitting down right beside him. “Well, Simon did most of the work,” he replies, and Simon shakes his head.

“He’s totally lying; he did, like, all of the decorations and set up, and most of the plan, too. I’m just glad to be of help, man.” He hands them menus, then steps back. “Alright, I’ll leave you two alone for a moment while you decide. Don’t do anything too scandalous!”

Alec rolls his eyes— because really, what could they get up to sitting like this?— but then Magnus places his hand on Alec’s thigh as he leans closer and okay, maybe there’s a lot they could get up to, and maybe Alec is now thinking about all those things in a setting he really should not be, and maybe he should’ve let Izzy give him that talk after all.

“Alexander,” Magnus smiles, leaning closer still, “All of this is amazing, I don’t know how to thank you enough.” He tilts his face up invitingly, and Alec’s helpless to the pull of it, pressing his lips against the other’s. It’s supposed to be just a light brush, but then Magnus shifts nearer and opens his mouth up a little further and fuck, Alec’s libido is suddenly making a desparate appearance in this very public locale. That’s an issue, probably. Whatever. He can’t really bring himself to care right now.

“Mm,” he hums between kisses, “we should really decide on what to eat— hm, before Simon comes back,” but then he chases after Magnus’s mouth right after saying it, so that undermines the message a little. Though no one can really say it’s his fault: kissing Magnus is temptation incarnate, and Alec is a weak, weak man.

They do, eventually, unfortunately, break apart, which is exactly when Simon finally shows up with some expensive drink that he’d sworn Magnus would like. It seems to fill the has-an-impossible-to-pronounce-name quota that Alec had mentioned earlier, so he’s rolling with it. He’s also rolling with the menu, because Alec had planned on pre-planned meals for this thing, so he has no clue where Simon had managed to get proper menus with a selection of food (though the Spanish-themed cuisine on the menu and the passive-aggressive text he receives the next day from Raphael might be able to explain that).

Simon’s left them and they’re finally finished with their courses when some even sappier song starts playing on the speakers, and Alec, being a total dork, stands up and invites Magnus to dance with him. Alec’s kind of shit at dancing, so he’s not sure why he does that, but they end up pressed against each other, swaying slowly, and he can’t even regret it, not even when Magnus laughs at him for stepping on his toes.

It’s perfect. Alec has no clue how he’s going to live up to this on future dates. He’s also, like, halfway to proposing on the spot.

“I reiterate my statement from earlier: this is absolutely lovely, Alexander,” Magnus murmurs after a while. His head’s pressed against Alec’s shoulder, so the words brush Alec’s ear softly as he speaks. “I have quite a bit of planning to do for our next date if this is the standard we’re setting already,” he teases.

“We could eat takeout on my couch while watching some boring regency-era movie and I’d still love it,” Alec replies bashfully, “I got a little nervous this time and went really big, but I promise you don’t have to go this hard to impress me.”

“And you thought you did?” Magnus asks. He pulls away slightly, looking Alec in the eyes. “Darling, the same goes for me. This is stunning, but I genuinely just like you and your company, and that takeout thing sounds more than enjoyable. Though we might have to revisit your opinion on regency-era movies.”

Alec grins. “Why, Mr. Bane, don’t tell me you enjoy watching such long-winded pieces of media, filled to the brim with such stuffy, superfluous dialogue?”

Magnus gasps, seemingly affronted. “How dare you!” he exclaims, “It’s about the drama, the yearning! I’m sure you just haven’t seen the right ones. Next time, I’m making you watch my entire collection.” Alec laughs in response, and it seems to soften something in Magnus’s eyes, because he pulls close again, tilting their foreheads together.

“You know, Mr. Lightwood,” he murmurs, “I’m not the sort of gentleman to invite someone into my home on only our second evening together, but I’m sure I could make an exception for someone of your stature, especially given the amount of time we’ve spent together outside of these official meetings.”

Oh fuck, this is really happening. “How scandalous, Mr. Bane,” Alec somehow manages, then Magnus is giggling and kissing him, and yeah, Alec is so on board with this plan. He’s even more on board with the plan when Magnus leads him to the car, and then leads him up the stairs to his loft.

He’s not even annoyed when he wakes up to Simon’s strangely supportive “Congrats on the sex!” text, because there’s a man lying against his chest who he thinks he could easily fall in love with, and literally nothing else matters right now. It’s him and Magnus against the world: everything else can wait.

(Alec replies to Simon with a single middle finger emoji. He likes the kid, but Simon doesn’t need to know that.)

(The Star Wars movie marathon the two of them end up doing a week later kind of gives it away anyway.)

[frenchibi]

top 5 books

Hello friend!!!! This is areally really tough question bc I read so many different genres and have SOMANY FAVORITES so I’m going to cheat a little bit… I’ll give you Top3 or 4 (I have no impulse control) for several genres so you’ll get more than 5total but not like.. an inordinate number of books, ok? xD (Who am I kidding I’mgoing off the rails, no apologies)

Fantasy

The Name of the Wind(Kingkiller Chronicles Book 1) and sequel(s) by Patrick Rothfuss. Has beentalked about loads in fantasy circles and I have nothing to add other than“this is the best fantasy book I have ever read, and probably in the top 3 ofbest books I have ever read, period.” The style blew me a way, the characters are fantastic, the system of magic/power in this world is the coolest I have EVER SEEN and… yeah. I’m invested.

Howl’s Moving Castleand sequel(s) by Diana Wynne Jones. Y’all remember the ghibli movie? This isthe book this is based on and it is way, way better than the already fantasticmovie. It is ridiculously charming and witty and lovely and I recommendeveryone read it. You will not regret it. This is my ultimate comfort book, if that makes any sense.

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett – a hilarious bookabout the apocalypse with absolutely amazing characters and incredible styleand wit. We’re getting a TV series this year and I am beyond stoked. Pleaseread this. It’s… just… yes. British fantasy is SO GOOD.

Honorable mention: Die Stadt der TräumendenBücher by Walter Moers. Theremight be an English translation of this, but honestly I only recommend you readthis if you can read it in its original German – I’m not gatekeeping, it’s justthat so much of its brilliance relies on in-depth knowledge about German culture,history and language and it’s inevitably gonna lose that in translation. It’sone of my absolute favorite books ever and it pains me I can’t share this withmy English-speaking friends :/

YA

The Knife of Never Letting Go (Chaos Walking Book 1) by Patrick Ness. It’shands down the coolest YA book I have ever read and it doesn’t even… feel likeYA at all, more like sci-fi? It could just as easily have gone in the “experimental”category and I don’t wanna give too much away but… the typeface of this book ispart of its charm? Different characters have different fonts and shit? Definitelyread a physical copy of this. Also, the narrator is illiterate so he writeswords by sounding them out – and I know that sounds like that would bedistracting but trust me it’s fantastic??? Please please PLEASE give this atry.

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley. Y’all want a good queerstory that’s not romance-heavy but instead has intricate worldbuilding and really cool magic? Pleaseread this, you will not be disappointed. This is a more “adult” version of YoungAdult Fiction and I absolutely love it.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab. Is this fantasy, actually? Probably. Does it haveissues? Yes. Is it still a very fun ride with a cool magic/power system? HELLYES. Also the characters are a bit older, which works very well. It’s like YAafter you’ve kind of outgrown YA.

Murder/Mystery

The Strings of Murder (& sequels in the “Frey & McGray” series) by Oscar de Muriel –listen, the main character is a little SHIT and that’s absolutely fine? Themysteries are kind of convoluted but not in a distracting way, it’s just a funseries with fun characters that I really enjoyed!

The Seven Dials Mystery by Agatha Christie (and honestly pretty much everything she has everwritten) – I have nothing to say about Agatha Christie that has not been saidbefore :’D

Phantom bySusan Kay. Now this is kind of also a drama and it’s been a while since I’veread it so idk how well it fits into the murder/mystery category but it’s aboutthe Phantom of the Opera before he became the actual Phantom (or rather, thepath to how he became the Phantom), and I have endless love for this verydramatic and mysterious and misunderstood character so… yeah :D

Collections of Short Stories

Topics About Which I Know Nothing by Patrick Ness. Yes, this is the author of “ChaosWalking” (see above), and this is a collection of a VAST variety of shortstories he has written, all of which are insanely creative and so, so fun??This man has an insane imagination and I love it, instant recommendation toanyone honestly.

Dear Life byAlice Munro – another one that I read a while ago and don’t remember that muchabout, but I remember absolutely loving this book, and that it’s one of thebooks that made me want to read more short story collections :D

The Refugeesby Viet Thanh Nguyen – an interesting bit of perspective, this book centersaround different characters who are Vietnamese or of Vietnamese descent in theUnited States. I loved how eye-opening it was tbh?? I love reading books byauthors from cultures vastly different from my own and this was wonderful.

Poetry/Experimental

Milk and Honey / The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur – two collections of very personaland touching modern formless poetry that honestly blew me away. I’m not a bigfan of classic poetry, or poetry in general, but these two books are justincredible.

Good morning, Good night by Lin-Manuel Miranda – a collection of Lin’s “good morning”/ “goodnight” tweets that, idk, give me hope for humanity? Ideal for perusing if youneed cheering up and just an all-round wholesome book to own.

Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn – a “novel without letters” I wouldn’t know where to placeexcept under “experimental” because its premise is basically… an island thatslowly bans more and more letters from everyday use? It’s told in the form ofletters between the characters and it’s just… such a FEAT of writing, the waythe author forces his characters (and himself) to get by with fewer and fewerletters of the alphabet? Fascinating, from a writer’s perspective, and anabsolute recommendation!!!

Sleeping Giants (Book 1 of the Themis Files) by Sylvain Neuvel. This is a sci-fi book,but it’s under “experimental” because, well – it’s told through interviews. Iwas a little confused/put off in the beginning by this style, but the jaw-droppingstory pulled me in and hooked me. It’s a sci-fi EPIC… don’t get too attached toanyone because the apocalypse is coming for them all - and you’ll be at theedge of your goddamn seat. This is a fantastic series.

Drama

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. Honestly, anything by Khaled Hosseini, unsurpassedauthor of dramas that will rip your heart to shreds, and you’ll never be thesame after reading them.

Everything I never told you by Celeste Ng. This is one of those books that will never leave you afteryou’ve read it. It starts with “Lydia is dead. But they don’t know this yet.” –unravelling the mystery and consequences of the death of a Chinese-Americanfamily’s teenage daughter in gut-wrenching detail. A family story that willleave you sobbing on the floor but also filled with such profound hope forhumanity – I don’t even know. This book eviscerated me.

Homegoing byYaa Gyasi – the story of two sisters, one a slave and the other a slave-owner’swife, and their descendants. A family history of choices and consequence thatis… raw and personal and a very, very important book.

Home Fire byKamila Shamsie. The story of a British-Pakistani family – more specifically,the story of three children whose father was a terrorist. I am weak for familystories, and this one is politically charged and relevant and gut-wrenching aswell.

Novels/Fiction

The Hours byMichael Cunningham. The first book I read in a stream-of-consciousness style,and I still really enjoy the plot of it, too: The story follows three women;Virginia Woolf writing a novel in the 1920s, a woman reading this novel in the40s, and a woman basically living the plot of this novel in the 90s. It’sfascinating, really? I highly recommend it.

The History of Bees by Maja Lunde. Another story told in three time periods – a man whoinvents a new type of beehive for beekeepers in the 1800s, a beekeeper whosebees are dying in approximately present day, and a woman 100 years in thefuture who pollinates plants by hand because all the bees have vanished. It’s…fascinating, again, and a really good story. I also feel like it was quiteeducational? I enjoyed it a lot.

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult. Technically this is a drama too (but shh) – it followsa black delivery nurse who is charged with a serious crime after an incidentinvolving the baby of a White Supremacist couple. It’s an explosive topic butit’s handled with a lot of nuance? Reading this book will frustrate you greatly,but I think it’s… idk, important? It shook me.

Eyrie by TimWinton. I have never seen depression portrayed more accurately than in thisbook. I was highlighting passages on almost every page – also the style ispretty cool? Snappy? Sharp? I’m not good at describing it but… yeah this leftan impact.

Non-Fiction (listen I knowthese are all by youtubers but hear me out)

So Much I want to Tell You by Anna Akana – letters written by Anna to her sister, who committedsuicide when she was 13. It’s raw and personal and important, stories aboutpersonal growth and lessons learned, about grief and regret and moving on. Irecommend this 100%.

Secrets For The Mad by Dodie Clark. A collection of charming stories and anecdotes and songlyrics and doodles – a book that reads like what watching dodie’s music videos andvlogs feels like. Safe and soft and personal. I love this.

Doing It byHannah Witton – a book about sex education that honestly everyone should read.Hannah blazes through taboos like they’re nothing more than hot air – as theyshould be. (Also, watch her videos.)

Bonus

The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho. I don’t even know what category to put this in? It reads like a fable and it is just... so beautiful and enchanting. Please read it, you will not be disappointed. It’s a story of chasing your dreams and self-discovery and it’s... just wonderful.

-

Did I make this entire listas a means of procrastination? Yes. Am I sorry? No.

Listen I have been wantingto blog about books for the LONGEST TIME but I never took the time to because…idk, I am not involved with the book reviewer community on any platform andhonestly I’m intimidated? But I do have a lot of Thoughts so if you’ve read anyof these and want to yell about them with/at me please dm me??? Or send me anask if you want to hear more detailed opinions about any of these from me????

…yeah. Thank you for this question,man. I love books.

Send me “top 5″ of anything and I’ll respond with my favorites!!!

[kayinnasaki]

This was a weird year in gaming for me. I played all of one game released in 2017. The bulk of the year was covered by weird hacks and modded minecraft, as well as the usual slurry of bad games. I don't want to frame this as 'best of list' because while I like... most of these games, it's honestly more 'games I remember playing that I have some thoughts about. Anyways

Stardew Valley

What a lovely game. Due to a lot of Zachtronics stuff and modded Minecraft I got a little bit of a taste for a slower experiences again. The farming was alright, but the characters were super lovely. The game had very simple but effective writing that had me change my choice for Farmer Naomi's wife multiple times. Even the characters on the bottom of my list were great. The only issue I had was... and honestly I didn't notice it much because I wasn't going for that content... that the guys were lame. Shane had a great arc that got me to befriend him, but the rest? eh. Also that super simple fishing game was so fun.

Biggest issue with the game was the lack of an end game. I feel like randomized goals in the style of the carepackages would have been lovely. But on well, you can't play every game forever.

Momodora: Reverie Under The Moonlight

I played this on my flight to Japan since I was going to meat Rdein and the game was on my list for awhile. The level design of it had this lovely Demon's Souls meets Knytt Story feel to it. The map they made for the game was lovely and the world felt tangible and sensible. It had a very Japanese-esque style without being generic anime. It had lovely but simple combat. Just one of those games that's just... simply solid and good? Just a game with a lot of soul.

Getting Over it with Bennett Foddy

Foddy is a cool guy I've gotten to hang with a few times. Just... smart and funny and of course he makes real assholish games. But I found Getting Over It to be the least frustrating. It, more so than QWOP or GIRP became zen like to me. I just let go of any stress immediately. Progress didn't mean anything until the job was done. I didn't get mad or frustrated once. It was all zen. And Foddy talking philosophically about the nature of art and hard games was wonderful and a lot of it really resonated with me. A pleasant experience for a masochist.

Also this is the only game I played this year that game out in 2017. Yikes!

Metroid Rogue Dawn

What a flawed but lovely game. This is a game I wish I could get a physical copy of (it's just a little too expensive). This romhack has a lot of rough edges but truly creates an alien planet. It also looks unlike any NES game. It's gorgeous and just feels.... uncannily out of place, graphics from another time... Because, well, they are. I played this at the beginning of the year so a lot of details are lost on me but it was rad!

Super Metroid Rotated 90 Degrees

It's what it says on the tin. Some parts of the game are tweaked to make it reasonable but for the most part it's for crazy bomb jumping and walljumping nuts like me. It's great to have something familiar yet different, where you can use your knowledge to help you, but it doesn't ever quite help enough. Which also plays into...

A Link to the Past Randomizer

I played a Super Metroid Randomizer and some DS Vania randomizers bu the ATTP randomizer takes the cake. These are addictive.  In Super Metroid, finding a stash of items meant either, depending on difficulty settings, finding a stack of nothing or find a ton of great stuff, ATTP has enough diversity in its chest drops to make every chest feel like the pull of a slot machine. Every little trick gets you a little bit further and nets you a few more pull of the slots.

I even did entrance randomizer once because I hate myself. It was... something to be making diagrams in photoshop to figure out what goes where.

Sylvan Tale

A weird Game Gear Secret of Mana/Zelda clone thing? Certainly the only Game Gear game I have ever beat. Never released in America and oddly charming and good. If this was a GBC game released by Nintendo, it'd be one of those games people say is overrated. It hasn't aged excellently but in its time it was surely wonderful. The game has a neat, curious world with a strange cosmology that, while nothing shocking, is just... nicely thoughtful. It has simple but memorable plot moments. It just plays -nicely-. Not excellently, but definitely nicely. Also you change forms and shit and its kinda annoying but it's one of those weird gems that Sega fanboys would likely clutch close to their heart if it got a US release. But sadly, despite being a SEGA game, it did not.

I replayed Circle of the Moon and Harmony of Despair thinking Circle was the "okay one" and Boy was I wrong!

I didn't remember either of these games being great. In fact, I remembered Harmony of Despair being downright awful and ugly and Circle of the Moon being... odd but playable...

Oh my god Circle of the Moon sucks. I know there was some article claiming it was secretly The Best Portable Castlevania, but it is just... awful. Bland in looks, bland in level design, tedious to transverse. The DSS system is garbage, saved only by the fact that you can use a glitch to use any card combination. Finding them in the wild? Fuck that. You move weird. You jump weird. You're like a slug who can somehow jump 100 feet in the air. There are no items to pick up besides Health and MP ups so there is no real discovery -- just tedious cleanup work to maximize your stats. The only things that don't suck about this game: The monster choices are odd and there are a lot of them. A lot of classic enemies are replaced by oddbalsl like... archer wolves? Sure, okay, that's better than just another skeleton. And some of the bosses are okay? Sometimes? Maybe? Even if Dracula sucks horridly.

Harmony of Despair by contrast was much better than I remember. And by much better it was "Okay". I won't be itching to replay it any time soon and it was a number of steps below Aria of Sorrow but it was.. fine? A little bloated and with a few advancement triggers that defy reasonable design but... it's fine and... looked much better than I remember? Likely because GBA emulators are better about colors/backlight compensation so the game looked much less overblown than I remember. Hell at its best, it looks better than Aria, though Aria is just more consistent. Also it has a weirdass soundtrack. At first I hated it, but over time it oddly grew on me. The sample choices are weird but I guess kinda match the "Dissonance"? But the important is the soundtrack leverages these grainy, awful sounds in awesome ways. It reminds me of the horrible Demon's Souls trumpets. They're so bad. But so good. God I love them. Anyways here have my favorite HoD track.

Devil's Crash

There is something captivating about this stupid pinball game. Naxat has a skill for making games just... feel nice. And they never got to stretch that muscle much but this pinball game from the guys who made Rekka is awesome. It just feels cool, has a lot of energy, lots of little subboards to find. It's impossible to really explain. Just try it. I don't know if, as a kid, I'd be down with paying full price for a single board pinball game but hey it somehow works.

Also known as Dragon's Fury in the US, where it is on the Genesis rather than the PC Engine. Both versions are good. I feel like I slightly prefer the PCE version, but the Genesis version looks and arguably sounds better (which goes against my usual Anti-FM Synth bias). Also the main song is awesome.

Golden Axe Warrior

I can't believe there is a Golden Axe game that is a flat up clone of Zelda 1. Like almost nothing tried to clone Zelda 1. It's like a weird look into an alternative history. It's not particularly -good- but it's educational. Never beat it because my save corrupted but w/e.

This Fucking Thing

My uncle got me this weird crappy handheld thing for Christmas loaded with old NES games that is various minor tweaks of Super Mario Bros, Adventure Island and Contra, a few other random old shitty games and a TON of AWFUL chinese games made in the 2000s. They're awful and awesome. I just load it up sometimes and pick a random game and groan at how bad it is... but a good groan. An oddly... exciting groan.

Modded Minecraft

I played a ton of modded minecraft this year. Too much, really. But the engineering you can do in modded minecraft is just wonderful. It's weird because no other modded game I can think of regularly assembles mods under 'mod packs' (without it being a huge community drama thing). So you get these weird custom play experiences made up of multiple peoples work. The integration a lot of time doesn't make sense but all things considered it works really well. Modded minecraft, with all its pipes and machines isn't even the same game. It feels like a sandbox Zachtronics game or something.

https://www.youtube.com/user/kayinnasaki/videos I've been uploading base tours and stuff so if you wanna get an idea of what I like doing, that'd work. But yeah, it's oddly infection. Sometimes I worry it's slowed down BEP but then when I cut myself off I just refresh reddit for 4 hours, which honestly is a huge downgrade. JUST GOTTA WORK ON MOTIVATION, SEE YA ALL NEXT YEAR.

[barin-mclegg]

Aleight, more.

I am on the second highest education system in the country and all i wanto to do is help animals and see the world. Maybe as a hobby drawing, and helping people with their sh*t sometimes but i don't fucking need to know EVERYTHING. I am NOT good at math, nor interested, same for dutch, history, being ripped af, topografy and all that shit.. Like, maybe a LITTLE to know what direction you want but lessons like cooking (which i do get) are useful, they're the ONLY thing i enjoy a LITTLE because we need to work in groups. There are so much things they SHOULD teach us they don't, i'm just new at this class stuff cause all my life i worked with another system but i already don't like it. We are forced to only have contact with people that have ABOUT, IF LOOKED AT WITH GRADES AND INFORMATION THAT IS VERY LIMITED AND WE MAY NOT NEED OR ARE INTERESTED IN, the same age and intelectual level. I know how fucking stars die, i know the procces. I know history of humanity in a nutshell and that with our current year mechanism we are skipping 10000 years of important human accomplishment because of belief, i know much more other thing which i AM interested in, yet all i want for a dream job is helping animals. Fucking school shit limits my fucking knowledge, learn me how to do my own research and how to find trustable information and help me find answers to my questions, don't tell me why humanity invented all kinds of shit i'm not interested in or tell me how mountains come to existemce when i don't hive a fuck. Don't tell me i should learn when i have this thing where i remember stuff that is important or i am interested in for years. Don't tell me we all neeed the same education when we're all different and better at other things! All i want to do is really simple, help animals and maybe some humans, see the world, find someone who loves me for who i am, maybe learn a few langauges like chinese (that'd be cool) and draw some stuff as a hobby! That's not something i need to know all kinds of math for and every single grammar rule that exists in dutch. I just need to know a few things... But it's not like this will help anyone... I'll just have to deal with those stupido's again and handle them not even knowing half of the shit i do on space and universe expension and ants and how they work. Because education should qork the same for everyone and we shoud be limited to only knowing those of our age and level of intelegence that is, again, only looked at from one way. I'll be completly honest, i'm on the second highest education level of our country and have a higher mental age then the average person, know loads more about space and the universe then you might think, have a clearer life plan then my brother who is 5 years older then me, have enough to see the plain problems in this education system and if they knew me well, they'd know that i need other lessons like fucking anger control. And even i know that from myself, so how hard could it be? Not starting about the shit boyinaband and prince ea covered. I'm higher then second highest, i just don't get the chance to show it. And everyone is a genius, just in another way.

[lattetae]

get to know me [pt. 21345789] tag 

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

tagged by the following sweeties : @puppytae @blumiin @kookmiinie @taeonie

i’ll tag [optional as usual] : @lovekyg @winktaes @donghunny ok i quit i don’t wanna bother 20 people lol but here are some new mutuals so hi!! obvs you don’t have to do this but i just wanted to show recognition! 

THE LAST:

1. drink: coffee

2. phone call: my mum

3. text message: ‘hows it hangin’ @ my friend

4. song you listened to: smooth operator - g.soul (he also just came out with a new hit n it was really good but like…idk i didnt hear as much of his nice voice as i thought i would?? maybe his style is changing since he left jyp idk)

5. time you cried: yesterday

6. dated someone twice: no

7. kissed someone and regretted it: no

8. been cheated on: no

9. lost someone special: all previous pets :’(((  

10. been depressed: i was depressed throughout high school and i think im better now thanks to leaving the shitty 12-16 education system. looking back on how i acted back then is like looking at a different person. but sometimes…i think we just pretend to be happy right?

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: im teetotal, although my sister constantly reminds me that i won’t stay like this for long. 

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: fawn, mustard, light green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. made new friends: do tumblr buds count? if so - yes. :))) 

16. fallen out of love: no

17. laughed until you cried: yes! 

18. found out someone was talking about you: no 

19. met someone who changed you: people do change us but i don’t meet many lol i need to get out more? 

20. found out who your friends are: i guess i always knew….maybe i need more

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: fb is still breathing???

GENERAL:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: n/a

23. do you have any pets: two cheeky little fancy mice and one mischievous red cavapoo

24. do you want to change your name: i think everyone hates their name when they’re young, i always yearned for my name to be something different - ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’. but given the compliments that i get on my name now, i think i have grown to like it :)))

25. what did you do for your last birthday: i went to a chinese restaurant with my parents and my older brother. we had a huge vegetarian banquet (ahhh i hate wasting food so i tried to eat fucking loads lmao). 

26. what time did you wake up: 9.45am

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching a girl and three sweetheart - i loved it at first but you know when the storyline just slows its pace in the middle jfdskgfhg i’m like just get together already!!!!!

28. name something you can’t wait for: i need to make a phone call to sort a work placement out n the worry is at the back of my mind 24/7 so i can’t fucking wait until i have made that damn phone call. i’m procrastinating; i hate phoning :((

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like 1hr ago? she was watching the great british menu lol she loves her cooking programmes (in contrast to me). i think she secretly dreams of working in the catering industry again.

30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish that i had more confidence, i think that is the main thing that prevents me from achieving so much more. i doubt myself and i can’t do basic tasks with ease (such as making phone calls or even trying to get a weekend job). in that way, i think i’m such a failure lol. 

31. what are you listening right now:  E66S 卵 - I know where I’m going

32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes (i appreciate the randomness) 

33. something that is getting on your nerves: my own thoughts afhkdsfh just stfu

34. most visited website: youtube

35. mole/s: arms n like a couple on my leggos

36. mark/s: tuan? lol nah i dont have any marks

37. childhood dream: i used to want to be a detective blessss

38. hair color: brown 

39. long or short hair: short

40. do you have a crush on someone: no

41. what do you like about yourself: i make decisions with my heart not my head. a lot of people would call that a weakness. not me lol

42. piercings: three. 2 on one lobe and 1 on the other. i rarely wear rings though bc i can’t fucking get my ball closure rings shut!!:((( i gave up long ago damn i forgot they even existed

43. bloodtype: my parents are both O so i’m guessing that i am an O too…or something went wrong lol 

44. nickname: saff, saffy

45. relationship status: single n ready to– stay single forever

46. zodiac: gemini

47. pronouns: she/her

48. favorite TV Show: six feet under is so good omg like i can rewatch that shit ughhhhhh i can’t recommend enough its just so realistic n deals with issues like death and relationships and internalised homophobia and depression and nymphomania and growing up and growing old. it. is. a. good. one. 

49. tattoos: i want some

50. right or left hand: right hand

51. surgery: i had a partial nail avulsion a couple years ago and it was a wild experience (which involved looots of waiting) but the nhs did me proud in the end :)) the doctor asked me what my fave band was (p!atd) and so he played a playlist of mvs on his little computer screen and all the nurses were reacting to it. 

52. piercing: same

53. sport: what is a sport lol no thx

55. vacation: japan

56. pair of trainers: i don’t own any trainers fkhdjg

MORE GENERAL:

57. eating: avocado skins are next to me - need more clues?

58. drinking: on my way to make another coffee

59. i’m about to: make a coffee

61. waiting for: my life to begin

62. want: to go grocery shopping soon

63. get married: i often romanticise marriage but i know that it has caused my mum to be trapped in her current one so yeah, that’s gonna be a no from me dawg

64. career: veterinary nurse – pls pray that i get all my grades bc im very worried at the moment :(((( 

WHICH IS BETTER?:

65. hugs or kisses: hugs bc they are rare and usually make me cry

66. lips or eyes: ?? both??

67. shorter or taller: taller

68. older or younger: someone with an old soul, but not necessarily old in age

70. nice arms or nice stomach: arms? idc

71. sensitive or loud: both at the same time

72. hook up or relationship: soulmate :’)

73. troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. kissed a stranger: im sure that i have kissed a strange dog..or rather it invaded my mouth with its tongue ajfhsdkfj does that count

75. drank hard liquor: no

76. lost glasses/contact lenses: who tf loses glasses - no

77. turned someone down: no

78. sex in the first date: no

79. broken someones heart: no

80. had your heart broken: im 17 ffs no lmao 

81. been arrested: no but i got detained in urban outfitters for stealing a ring when i was in high school hahahah. the security guard ran after me and my then friend and dragged us behind into some room and took mugshots on his phone. he then raided our bags… damn he was awful but luckily my friends mum came to pick us up or he said he would take us to the police. then we were banned from the shopping mall for a year and banned from all urban outfitters for 3 years! i havent been in since lmfao

82. cried when someone died: i had to go to a funeral for someone that i didn’t know and i ended up crying because of the atmosphere you know? also of course i have cried at all my previous pets deaths. 

83. fallen for a friend: no

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. yourself: i like to think so but no i don’t aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i hate myself for doubting myself so much

85. miracles: no

86. love at first sight: no

87. santa claus: of course ;)

88. kiss in the first date: is that even a belief?? i think that it is fine.

89. angels: eg. kim taehyung

OTHER:

90. current best friends name: ginny

91. eyecolor: brown

92. favorite movie: one of my faves is the man from nowhere. it is a korean thriller and a must-watch. one of my favourite english movies is jarhead, because apart from the fact that i love jake g, i also love the theme so much. i think it makes for some really interesting conversation. 

[tessatechaitea]

New Super-man #5

MAGA!

Don't worry! Global warming from air pollution isn't a problem! Everything will be okay when seeing a blue sky is a rare occurrence. This was the sky every day in Eastern China and Hong Kong. And this was from 1997.

The comic book shows The Bund at night where you can see stars. When they erupt out of their submarine to discuss books with the people, The People's Book Club of Ultimate Freedom even comment on how "mesmerizing" the stars are. Ha! As if. The People's Book Club of Ultimate Freedom have stolen Starro from the Ministry of Self-Reliance (I know, I know. So ironic that they'd have Starro!) and they're planning on using it against the communist regime who won't let them read The Cave of Time in its original English. All they get is the Chinese Translation with the Government Approved Endings! Kenan has just walked in on his father wearing his Flying Dragon Father costume and now he has questions up the proverbial wazoo. Is the wazoo actually proverbial? Do things have to have been mentioned in The Book of Proverbs to be proverbial? What is a proverb anyway? Like a combination verb and pronoun? Flying Dragon Father tells his origin story to his son because he wants Kenan to fight for the correct side. The correct side is obviously the one against China's governmental interests. Those fucking Communists are evil. Not because they're Communists, of course. Capitalists are fucking evil too! The common factor there is the part where the people who come to power by whatever means one comes to power in whatever economic or political system exists in the country they were raised tend to be ambitious, selfish, greedy assholes. The kind of people who would rule well don't crave the kinds of power, status, and money that comes with ruling. So they never wind up in power. Go figure, right?! Flying Dragon Father met Kenan's mother in the early college incarnation of The People's Book Club of Ultimate Freedom. They have their Harry Met Sally relationship that eventually leads to Kenan.

I wish she'd become the Leather Liberty Goddess.

Flying Dragon Father reveals the big shock twist: the Ministry of Self-Reliance killed Kenan's mother! Okay, so it wasn't as shocking as you might have thought by my calling it a big shock twist and using an exclamation point. But if you're familiar with my blog then you know exclamation points mean nothing! It's like I'm a rich kid just burning money if money were exclamation points and they made people wealthy. Now Kenan has a decision to make. Does he continue to fight for the Ministry of Self-Reliance or become a mole for the People's Book Club of Ultimate Freedom? Or does he go his own way and forge his own path which will probably lead to Laney Lan's bedroom and some kinky ass roleplay. Kenan chooses to go off with his father to help the People's Book Club of Ultimate Freedom. Bat-man and Wonder-Woman also head to The Bund to try to stop the Book Club. Also joining the fray? The Great Ten! You might remember one of them, August General in Iron. If you remember any of the other nine, you get a cookie. But not my cookie.

Even Book Clubs of Ultimate Freedom have to deal with power-mad narcissists who insist on ruining everything by thinking the end justifies the means.

Uncle Human Firecracker actually says, "Whatever it takes for the greater good." See? Total dickmonster. Mmm, dickmonster. Both Kenan and Flying Dragon Father aren't too happy about Uncle Human Firecracker's methods and decide it might be time to stop him. Isn't this always the way with book clubs? They always fall apart due to infighting.

I just realized why I like Kenan so much. He's a total Huck Finn.

I like to assume that I can say something like "he's a total Huck Finn" and people will completely understand what I mean. While I believe the literary canon really needs to be expanded to include more voices of non-white males, I still think it's usefulness in writing shorthand to others is beyond compare. The literary canon should never shrink, it should just grow bigger and bigger. Sure it's more work for those who want to understand everything anybody ever writes. But fuck is it useful. I'm not religious but you'd better believe I've read The Bible because without that foundation, you're not fully accessing a majority of Western Literature. If the Ultimate Literary Canon of Freedom is expanded enough, people will be expected to also know The Koran and the Bhagavad Gita and, um, the other ones that are probably important to people who didn't grow up with a white, Western education. Uncle Human Firecracker somehow does something to remove Kenan's powers. He probably had some of those miniature red suns in his glove. Kenan almost drowns but Flying Dragon Father rescues him and takes him to the Ministry of Self-Reliance to be healed. So people's loyalties are becoming a bit fuzzy due to other loyalties. Meanwhile, Uncle Human Firecracker shoves a bunch of Starro-captured motherfuckers onto a plane. He's going to fly it into Beijing and the seat of Communist power so that he can mind-control them all into becoming a democracy. Sounds about right. But! On the plane is Lixin, the fat kid whose lunch money Kenan used to steal! He's not supposed to be there but his parents own the airline and he's trying to make a Youtube video or something in the cockpit. I guess he's going to have to be the hero on the hijacked plane! Always bet on fat! Super-man doesn't get his powers back even with a blast of yellow sun radiation. It looks like he lost his powers when he felt his dad was disappointed in him. So his powers fluctuate based on his esteem? That's actually a good thing for Kenan! Mostly, he's as cocky and arrogant as I am.

Heh heh. Compliance devices.

Super-man and Flying Dragon Father rush off to stop the plane. I guess Kenan's powers will come back now that he knows his father is proud of him. I hope Lixin becomes his pal! Does Lixin mean "Jimmy Olsen" in Chinese? What Did We Learn? Being confident is where real power comes from! You know that's true because it's what all the Men's Rights Advocates say! I think they're basic rule is to be confident even when you know you're a disgusting piece of shit that no woman in their right mind would ever touch. The worst part about this advice is that it's right. Being confident is attractive! The problem is faking confidence simply to get laid. If you need to get laid and you want confidence, pay a sex worker (preferably in someplace where it's legal because it should all be legal and by participating in places where it isn't legal, you're just encouraging illegal sex work which endangers women). They'll tell you how big your cock is and how good you are at the penetrations! Even if you blow your load too early, they won't act disappointed and upset and become bitter and resentful that you're not seeing to their needs. Although thinking you're good at sex when you're not might be harmful to your relationships in the long run. But at least getting laid might keep you from going on the Internet and getting involved with these MRA jerks. The Ranking! +1! This comic book is the best! Or close to the best! Don't challenge me! What I say here doesn't have to match up with what's over there on the sidebar in the Rankings. Especially if you're reading this on Blogger since I never fucking update the list on that site.

[slowly-learning-languages]

11 Question Tag

I was tagged by @motiuational , thanks lio!!

1 - cats or dogs or other?

oh god... dogs? I love cats, but dogs are my favourite

2 - what date is your birthday?

4th December!

3 - have you ever dyed your hair?

yep! But only since coming to uni

4 - what languages are you currently learning?

Dutch and BSL mostly, but I do change to spanish, french, german, or irish when I’m in the mood for a switch-up

5 - do you want to start your own business?

not exactly a business as such, but if I had the money, I’d probably buy a house with loads of land and start an animal sanctuary full of ‘unadoptable’ cats and dogs. I mean, I’d let people visit and play with the animals and maybe donate(?), so business?? idk

6 - do you want/have you ever studied abroad?

I’d love to study in Finland, because they have such an amazing education system and its such a beautiful place, but I doubt I’d ever actually do it

7 - what’re your favourite pens to use?

I’ve got a unipin fine liner which I like, and a tombow calligraphy pen that came with some brush pens I have. They both write so nicely

8 - favourite type of herbal tea or do you not like it?

honestly either spiced apple and cranberry tea (its such a great comfort drink) or salted caramel

9 - where do you see yourself in five years?

well, I’d like to have finished my degree and have done a master’s, and have a stable source of income and live in Brighton with a cat or dog (and maybe a partner if a miracle happens?) I’m hoping I’ll have had top surgery by then, and that I’d be better in a few languages by then too!!

10 - if you could magically speak any language fluently (only 1!!) what would it be?

shit.. umm..  probably chinese because it’s the most common language in the world. either that, spanish, german, or dutch...

11 - can you use chopsticks?

nope, I don't have the coordination!! wish I could though

My 11 questions are:

1 - if you could visit any place in the world, where would it be and why? What would you do while there?

2 - what’s your favourite book/book series?

3 - do you have a certain study set-up? (Do you sit at a desk/on the bed? Do you have snacks nearby? How often do you take breaks? etc)

4 - do you have a pet peeve? what is it?

5 - what’s something no one knows about you?

6 - city or countryside? Why?

7 - what’s the last song you listened to?

8 - what never fails to make you smile?

9 - how do you make yourself study when you’re lacking motivation?

10 - what’s your favourite colour? what does it remind you of?

11 - what would you like to accomplish before 2018 ends?

I tag @paigelearnslanguages @prepolyglot @pinetreestudies and anyone else who wants to have a go :) @motiuational you can go again if you want

[howididntstopworrying]

An Epiphany

I've just had an epiphany. My brain is running at 50,000 words per hour right now and I have to write this very moment otherwise I'm going to lose all my words. The thought seems rather sprawling in my head but maybe if I write it all down in a linear fashion it will be less so. It struck me while watching the penultimate episode of Mushi-shi that I have been so very narrow-minded about living. You may have come to learn that I have very set ideas about certain things in life: my trajectory, the things I want to achieve, how I think a lot of things in society should be. Women should not be treated like objects, children should not be indoctrinated, my sister should not still be financially dependent on my parents, my parents should not have done certain things, chauvinists and bigots like Donald Trump should not exist. In my world, there is almost always a right and a wrong, a black and a white, an ideal and the undesired. The idea that a person may not know what to do with their lives by my age has always appalled me. How does anyone know so little about themselves? How can one wake up every morning not knowing where they want to be five years from now or even ghastlier, tomorrow? Given all of the privileges of being born able-bodied, in a war-free part of the world, being able to afford education, how does one justify not having an ambition? So on, and so forth. It sounds bizarre but it angered me sometimes. I come from a position of privilege too but I'm acutely aware that I could have just as easily been stuck in an expensive private university in Malaysia, receiving subpar education, graduating with a debt, and stuck in an underpaying, unfulfilling job. I once asked Ilan–who currently lives with his parents, fills his time painting, and occasionally works as a chef on seasonal catering jobs–a question that says far more about me than it did him. "Where are you trying to get to?" I think it's obvious from my line of questioning that I didn't totally respect where he was in life, or his lack of motivation 'to get somewhere'. We were similar in some ways, both introverted and prone to existentialism, but there was a yawning divide between us when it came to ambition. How does one live without knowing where they want to go? I was stumped. All through high school I was surrounded by Chinese kids highly motivated to succeed. Catholic High School is part of the public education system but had a reputation for producing graduates with bright, Ivy League-educated (or equivalent) futures. Students who studied there wanted to be there. I don't just mean that they wanted to be in school, they wanted to be in this particular school, and were willing to fudge paperwork to get in (I was one of them, or my parents were). In college, my peers were fellow scholarship students, and finally, I ended up in architecture school. Everyone in architecture school is part-mad, part-masochist, part-passion. All the friends I have made, liked and kept are, in many ways, similar to me. We're all passionate about what we do, or if we are not, then we are at least really good at it. While I'm certain I've met other Ilans in my lifetime, he was the first I really became intimate with, and tried to understand. I failed obviously. But this isn't a letter about Ilan or high school, it's about my epiphany. As I mentioned, it came while I was watching Mushi-shi. In this particular episode, Ginko the mushi-shi meets a woman who has a parasitic mushi living in her eyes, enabling her to first have the ability to see through solid objects, beyond kilometers of mountains, then the ability to see the past and futures of people around her, finally the inability to shut her eyes to all of these images. She loses darkness, perpetually surrounded by visions, futures, strangers, impending doom. When she meets Ginko (which she has foreseen) she enlists his help in getting rid of the mushi, along with her eyeballs, and consequently her sight. Ginko, hesitant at first because he loathes the idea of sending someone into permanent darkness, complies because otherwise someone else will be infected with the parasite eventually. After the whole ordeal, Ginko asks the woman, now blind, what she is going to do from now on, and she answered quite calmly, even a little joyously, that she didn't know. She wanted to live alone for a bit, practice her lute, and that was it. For the first time, I felt like I understood the desire to stay put and to savour simply being alive. We spend so much of our lives worrying about outcomes–the outcome of an interview, our education, or our career–that we forget what it is to live. Maybe this isn't true for you but it is for me. Not in an immediate way–I'm not currently thinking about my career 10-20 years from now, but it is something that I have given thought to. But a career 20 years into the future does not truly matter, it is not real, it may never become real. The only thing that is real is now, and it is so painfully fleeting that when I consider the preciousness of this moment I don't know why everyone in the world isn't falling in love or singing or dancing or crying or writing terrible but earnest poetry because they love the sound of words and pencil scratching on paper. We do shit like work hard and network and stay late at work and work, work, work instead of building real connections with real people and by middle-age we ask ourselves what it was all for. This is how mid-life crises happens. We forget to evaluate the way we live our lives. I'm not saying that every moment has to be fun, or our job has to be our passion and calling in life. I recognise that not everyone can afford that luxury. It is ok to work to pay the bills, put food on the table and to earn a living but our goal, our aim, our raison d'etre can never be money itself because that will never fulfill us. The only reason to do something we don't love today is so that we can get closer to doing something we love tomorrow. All of a sudden life appears much less complicated and frightening. There will always be unknowns and tragedies in life - people fall sick, accidents happen, lovers fall out of love. The moment we admit to the limitations of what is within our control a load is lifted off of us. Whatever will happen, will happen and whatever is within our control, we can only use our best judgement at the time. I seem to have deviated from my point quite a bit. What I was trying to get at was this - not having a definitive end point in life does not mean one is lost or aimless. Perhaps there is nothing to be found at the end, perhaps it is everything we've ever dreamed of - it matters not. The future is only an abstract concept. You and I are only real now. Life really isn't that serious.