#chill trap
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[Chill Trap/Hardwave] Skit & Klimeks - Azimuth
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CyFi - secondary
2024-10-22
my attempt at doing sort of an emo hip-hop type song
STREAM/BUY HERE
By July 2020, I had been living in a small-ish southern Minnesota town for a solid year and a half. During that time, I befriended two very lovely people, and moved in with them. After that year of cohabitation, (which included my dating one of them,) they both moved to the Twin Cities while I initially stayed behind. And, being 4 months into the pandemic, in a town of 18k with not many people my age, I got incredibly lonely. In that first month of missing my friends, this instrumental came out of me. But I didn’t have any plans for it then.
In April 2022, I was in Nashville for my friend Jack The Underdog’s birthday. While I had a great time drunkenly celebrating at his party, I remember feeling a lingering sadness in the back of my mind. Along with Jack himself, there were a lot of friends of ours there who were chasing their musical dreams at full speed, and it had me doing some heavy comparing of myself to all the success stories I was surrounded by. I wrote most of the lyrics to this song on that trip to Nashville, after that party.
The first verse is pretty self-explanatory. But I definitely think my feeling that notion so strongly is due to my being the oldest of 8 kids, and the parentification that resulted. When you get it drilled into your head so early that you have to take care of other people before taking care of yourself, I suppose it becomes difficult to ever prioritize yourself in your adult life. I’m going to therapy now, so maybe a solution will be uncovered. But it was almost 14 months between me writing these lyrics, and my first session. And I highly recommend therapy. Wish I had gone sooner, to be honest!
I ran into many personal life delays that I won’t dive into here, but as a result, the vocals for secondary were sporadically recorded over a much longer span of time than I would’ve liked: January 2023 to September 2024. I would’ve preferred to have put this song out AGES ago, but sometimes things don’t work that way.
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what’s the vibe tumblr, is posting demos here not cool?
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New music hahahahah
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(parkheightsmusic)
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Harr. - Run And Hide [Chill Trap Release] by Chill Trap Records 🎧 Listen us on Spotify: https://ift.tt/3YQd6Rq 👉Harr. Instagram : https://ift.tt/XSVCxhn SoundCloud : https://ift.tt/YScA2KX Facebook : https://ift.tt/jZDqmE4
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Lol, I was scrolling through some of your older posts and saw the one where Greygold was an NPC in the adventures of a Durge. Which made me wonder: Do you think Greygold would willingly travel with a Durge and try to help them with their urges?
The key word is "try"
#bg3 fanart#baldur's gate 3#bg3#durge#greygold#can you tell that I'm still mad about the rope#anyway I only got as far as Gale being REALLY chill about Durge's murder urge confessions and it....-concerns me-#Greygold would try- disastrously try#Booby-trap the camp shenanigans#Durge falls into a pitfall in the middle of the night while sleep-murdering
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I threw up
#fear and hunger#fear and hunger termina#fear and hunger le'garde#fear and hunger pav#fear and hunger levi#pavel yudin#levi jordan#i accidentally drew pav on the same layer as levi so levi got to stay n chill#stalling crow mauler? wrong! bear trap on your leg#sorry for being gone . im about to become annoying and 1 of 5 active legarde fans
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so called "free thinkers" when euphrasie pulls up with the "something's failing, ROTTING"
#boiledegg art#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat siffrin#isat euphrasie#isat bird au#siffrin is a barn owl :3#euphrasie is a shrike#i chose shrike for her bc i thought it would be really funny if she was a type of bird known for impaling prey and trapping them on bramble#but in reality shes literally chill and its not her fault shes a bad omen#i like to think that bird au euphie keeps a thing of barbed wire in her office. she hangs her lunch up on there. she impales a single fry#theres like a sandwich hanging up there
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So dark, no moon, no stars, no stars No sound, just hearts and walls of art
in which Grian goes to a small town and finds that things aren't as the seem.
#i love small mysterious mountain towns#anyways au where grian is a failed journalist who gets invited by pearl to stay in her small town as a retreat#only to end up working for a shady tourist trap owner who may or may not be also in cahoots with some shady corporation#and befriends someone who is definitely not a vampire and is just conincidentally tall pale and always drinking red juice#and maybe accidentally summon a demon (but its okay hes chill)#hermitcraft#hermitblr#hermitcraft fanart#mcyt#mcytblr#mcyt fanart#grian#grian fanart#hermitcraft au#majickthart#hermits hollow au
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Anyone else ever just use their homie as a popcorn bowl?
#my art#hi fi rush#chai hi fi rush#peppermint vandelay#peppermint hi fi rush#talking about no one drawing these guys chilling without their prosthetics has definitely led me somewhere#listen. its gotta be a perfect little bowl right there. he suggested this he finds it funny#peppermint is willing to trap him there as her bowl to force him to watch jawbreaker and hackers
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fairest of the fair
#hi! im alive and back and etc.#six the musical#six the musical fanart#katherine howard#thinking of that post going 'i think eventually you become the person you needed most' and like maybe that's the thing with my art#this started out as a redraw and <improvement meme> i think i've finally reached the stage where i'm making the things that my younger self#aspired to create. like i can do this now! i've reached That level of technical skill! tiny me would be so proud. it's very gratifying#redraw from august this year actually. i've made a surprising amount of improvement HAHA maybe it was the adamandi stuff getting me#back into digital rendering. i think that obsession has quietly slipped away but yknow. one never truly leaves a fandom. just less intensit#also speaking of old fandoms! we're back with the six stuff haha. as of writing i'm in the midst of blog revamp- figuring out how to chill#multifandom status doesn't mean ditch all the old stuff ! but i do feel much freer and less stressed. i think hiatus has been good for me#notes on this piece particularly: redraw about cutting hair and thinking of the lyric above. also lowkey &j ref + pinterest poem excerpts#of female suffering. and maybe a dash of amanda heng let's walk inspo. this work is really just full of contradictions..#1. the mirror and cutting hair as an act of self liberation 2. the & is part of the lyric but also a nod to &j (in another iteration it was#pink but the white looked better) and like. &j is really all !!! girl power!!! etc. and i was like hmmmm. also matching pink shiny aes#3. the frame as a cage; the mirror as a self reflection idea (ie. saville's propped insp) but also as a sign of vanity. 4. sparkly costume#and pretty pose- read one too many poems about women feeling like they have to be pretty even in their suffering. something i wanted to#explore. and also in 5. the show itself... all you wanna do is. despite all the dancing and pink and sparkly the content of the song is#darker. and even though it's a story of her suffering it's still presented as a shiny fun pop song and ajshdhfhfh ok... 6. the lyrics fall#outside the frame. sort of a caught inbetween. sort of a trapped in the narrative and yet#within the frame it's all. vaguely handwavy breaking free vibes. like i said contradictions?#7. cutting off the long ponytail vs the pull my hair lyric at the end. yeah#8. the blocked off & looks a bit like scissors. positioned to cut right at the neck#anyways yeah irl remains hectic! but if i get around to more doodles they'll appear here :)
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no more fics of jeremy apologizing for the bathroom scene. he was totally justified for most of the scene btw. "maybe i got lucky, is that so weird? i'd say with my history the universe owed me one." don't make jeremy take that back. you know deep down he means those words more than anything. make him apologize for calling michael a loser and every other hurtful thing he did but do not make him apologize for wanting to move forward with his life!! his methods ≠ motivations. yes he kinda did it all in a really bad way but he is not obliged to stay with michael forever. if he wants to move forward onto a life without michael then he literally can. bmc bathroom scene i love you... ppl only ever talk about the loser scene and brush off what jeremy is actually saying and it sucks so bad he just wants to feel like his life isn't shit for once and that he actually has control in it. is that so bad. friends don't stay friends forever guys sorry sometimes you're the one holding your friend back from their true potential sorry sorryyyyy and it's not like that's to say that they have to stop being friend forever it's just. i'm sure jeremy only ever thinks of himself as this attachment to michael. always stuck in his shadow, player 2, michael's friend, etc. and he can never actually grow into his own person if he just lets himself stay there. if michael keeps him there. not to pull a completely seperate media into this but nozomi and mizore from liz and the blue bird rlly. show what i'm trying to say here .
"Was the blue bird unhappy?" / "I don't know. But she wants Liz to be happy. I know that's true. That's the blue bird's expression of love. She has to fly away."
#some of you guys need to watch liz and the blue bird and understand the importance of letting go#let go of what you love because you understand it's what's best for them#you cannot keep them trapped in a cage forever because they will never truly be free like that#they will never truly be able to reach their full potential like that#and you do not want to be the one to pull them down#it's such a gut-wrenching and good movie pls watch it#also i just realized how long this is i got too passionate#be more chill#bmc#stumbling over all my words
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(parkheightsmusic)
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Fluent Freshman - 41
PREV
Two and a half hours into the Banquet and FF had not moved from the chair he had sat in at the start of the banquet. He hadn’t gotten up for water. Hadn’t gotten up to go to the bathroom. Hadn’t gotten up to dance despite Nicky’s pleading. He hadn’t even gotten up when a Raven had come over and asked him to.
He was not leaving his seat.
The stadium could be on fire and he’d still try to be the last one out.
Until there was a time where he could slide out of this chair without a single eye on him and put on his winter jacket without it seeming strange he was going to remain seated.
The answer on why was under his precisely placed napkin.
It had all begun about an hour and fifteen minutes ago, not that FF was counting. Dinner had been wrapping up and people had started to get up and jostle about. Flirtations were flying across the table and generally over FF’s head. The team had been smiling, there’d been laughter, and it had seemed unlikely for anything to go wrong.
He relaxed and that’s where he made a mistake.
FF could not eat the meal served. He’d had his liquid dinner on the way over on the bus so it didn’t bother him much to have a decent looking meal in front of him and not being able to eat it. He wasn’t going to eat so he hadn’t even unwrapped his cutlery, wanting to save the clean up crew from at least his set of utensils. He hadn’t placed the napkin over his lap to protect himself, what danger could there possibly be when he was not going to be eating?
The danger came when a Trojan smacked the table hard as he laughed at something that he had taken as a joke but, knowing Kevin, was probably a serious suggestion.
Hit the table hard enough to jostle FF’s plate.
Hit the table hard enough to jostle FF’s plate and more specifically a meatball that was with the pasta served with the beef tenderloin.
Hit the table hard enough to jostle FF’s plate and more specifically a meatball that was with the pasta served with the beef tenderloin so that it fell off of his plate and onto his lap.
Fell right onto his unprotected lap.
FF had looked down at his gray pants now irreversibly blemished by the errant meatball. His mind flashing back to when Nicky had decided on these pants. Remembers how Nicky hadn’t wanted him to vanish in the lower lighting of the banquet.
FF had grabbed his cutlery and put the napkin over his lap, far too late to save his pants, but fast enough that no one would see that he had spaghetti pants.
After that the trajectory of his evening had changed dramatically.
He was going to sit here all night until they were getting into the bus and then he’d have his winter jacket on and it was a long jacket that would cover his mark of shame. You might think that FF could just slip under the radar and go try and clean off the stain or at least hide somewhere less conspicuous.
He would, he really would, except he can feel the eyes of Captain Jeremy on him regardless of how low his presence is. FF entered into Ultra Stealth but Captain Jeremy merely turned to him and asked a friendly question that had Nicky startle remembering that FF was next to him still.
Captain Jeremy has x-ray vision and can see the wall behind the wallpaper. Captain Jeremy can see colors that mantis shrimp can only dream of. Captain Jeremy is standing in some secret government office pointing on the radar as CIA and Military officials look on going “What are you talking about he’s right here?” with a smile.
Captain Jeremy was the kid that ate all the cheap fruit on a dessert table before he looked at the cake when he was a kid.
It’s the first time in his entire life that he’d been completely unable to slip below someone’s attention and if it were any other time he might feel good about that. Might enjoy the idea of being seen and having the attention of someone like Captain Jeremy on him.
Except FF has Spaghetti Pants.
FF cannot escape the man’s determination to ‘make it up’ to him after Aaron had let slip that FF had a restraining order against one of his brothers.
FF insisted that it was okay.
Captain Jeremy insisted on making sure he had a good time.
FF insisted that a good time for him would be to sit at this table all night by himself. He kept to himself that what would really make it would be for him to sit without anyone around to notice he had spaghetti pants.
Captain Jeremy seemed to think that it was due to the still healing stomach injury and insisted on at least keeping him company then, unaware of the unvoiced second part.
So Captain Jeremy of the USC Trojans had declared himself FF’s banquet buddy. A man that was friends or at least friendly with almost every single player here at the banquet.
He looks around the banquet and sees the various tense standoffs at the other tables. These were men and women who would find even the smallest thing and never let you forget it.
He doesn’t know what he’d do if they realize he had spaghetti pants.
How does one recover on the court when the person you’re up against can remember the cold December evening that you dumped a meatball on your pants? He can already hear the jeering nicknames.
He wants to sink into his seat but he’s afraid to shift at all, worried he’ll dislodge the napkin in some way and the newest person coming up to say ‘Hi’ to Jeremy Knox will notice the marinara stain on his pants.
While Jeremy was distracted he did try to wet Nicky’s disposed of napkin to perhaps clean himself off a bit except before he could a Raven came up to him, “Come with me.” a large Raven Backliner says, jerking his head towards the bathrooms.
“No thank you.” FF answers in return, “I don’t need to do that.” he says assuming that the Backliner had seen him shift in his seat and assume he needed to use the restroom.
The Raven Backliner stood for a few moments as if waiting for him to change his mind but then Captain Jeremy’s attention snapped back, “Can we help you with something?” Captain Jeremy asks and his friendly demeanor had vanished.
“I-” The Raven Backliner started to say before seemingly deciding that it wasn’t worth it and walked away.
Captain Jeremy and him continued to talk. They had somehow fallen onto the SAW movie franchise and FF could admit that he was surprised that the Trojan Captain had watched the series.
“You need to come with me.” A Raven Striker says coming up and interrupting the two of them as they talked about the ethics of SAW. FF believed that it was all well and good to learn to appreciate life but there had to be simpler ways to go about teaching that. Jeremy didn’t disagree, he just also thought that sometimes there were some people who Jigsaw never intended to redeem and those people may have deserved their fates.
FF tilts his head, “Do I?” he asks since it didn’t seem like the ERC had made any sort of announcement and she seems utterly and completely perplexed by his response.
The girl looks at him, looks over her shoulder, looks back at him, “Yes?” she responds sounding so unsure that even FF wouldn’t believe her.
“I don’t think he does.” Captain Jeremy interrupts gaze utterly cooled from the warm one he had been giving FF throughout their philosophical debate.
The Raven Striker looks cowed and FF almost feels bad for her but not bad enough to console her when he has spaghetti pants.
She leaves.
FF and Captain Jeremy’s conversation shifts to winter break plans. Captain Jeremy is going home to his family and he’s taking Jean Moreau with him. “I think my mom likes him more than she likes me sometimes.” Jeremy laughs heartily. “He deserves nice holidays though so I’m always happy to bring him up.” he says voice and features going soft as he looks to where Jean Moreau was standing with a raised eyebrow next to Andrew as Kevin and Neil were having some animated conversation.
FF talks about his own plans with the Foxes and how he’ll be spending the break with them. He thinks Captain Jeremy looks a little sad about that but whatever sadness there is Captain Jeremy moves past it quickly and starts to ask if he had plans to go anywhere specific in New York. He heartily recommends the LEGO store when FF says he’s never been.
“Someone important wishes to speak with you.” An Offensive Dealer from the Ravens says and he looks like he’s about to shake apart as he stands in front of them.
“Who?” He asks, tilting his head and sipping his water.
The Dealer looks at him.
“Is it that hard of a question to answer?” Captain Jeremy asks voice stern once again.
“He’s…Master is-” The Dealer goes paler and Smith can’t help but pull out his handkerchief from his front suit pocket as he sees the Dealer break out into a cold sweat.
“You don’t look well, maybe you should sit down?” he asks with his handkerchief extended in offer. The man looks at him and then the handkerchief and then takes it. “Thank you.” he says
“Wow a handkerchief? My pocket square is just a fake one sewed in.” Captain Jeremy laughs jovial once again as the Raven took a seat shakily.
“It’s something my dad used to always say.” Smith thinks about the additional handkerchiefs in his pockets. “A gentleman always has a handkerchief on hand to help.” He pulls out a second one, “A real gentleman has two.” he adds and folds the new handkerchief into shape for the pocket square again.
Captain Jeremy laughs, “Sounds like a great guy! He must be happy you took his advice to heart.” he says and it doesn’t hurt that bad when Captain Jeremy is saying it since he’s saying something so nice.
“I hope so.” he agrees and doesn’t feel like ruining the mood.
Captain Jeremy turns his attention back onto the Raven who has taken a seat and his eyes soften on the Raven, “Wow you really are pale. Not a lot of sunlight in the Nest?” he asks.
The Dealer swallows, now visibly the most nervous person at the table which is saying something considering that FF is at the table.”I-I’m just pale naturally.” he denies.
“Sit and talk with us until you feel better.” Captain Jeremy insists, “What’s your name by the way?” he asks.
“Michael.” He answers awkwardly.
“Great, my name is Jeremy,” Captain Jeremy points at himself, “and this is Smith. So, have you ever been to New York City before?” he asks
Captain Jeremy, FF, and Michael chat at length about Michael’s New York pizza recommendations. Captain Jeremy asks about some of the places he has been in New York and the longer Michael is there chatting the more color comes to his face and the more vehement he becomes that Captain Jeremy managed to pick all the worst places by accident.
“You’re kidding me! It was 10 bucks a slice, it has to be good!” Captain Jeremy exclaims looking as if Michael was telling him Santa and the Easter Bunny weren’t real.
“If you’re paying more than $2.50 it’s a rip.” Michael insists passionately. “If it’s more expensive than the subway ticket then it’s a racket!” he slams his fist down at the table.
“You mean to tell me that I was lied to by that person I followed on Twitter?” Captain Jeremy asks, appalled.
“Swindled.” Michael insists.
“Christ, I’ve given that recommendation to so many people.” Captain Jeremy and while gesturing he puts his elbow in his own remaining spaghetti, “Oh shit.” he says. Smith looks at the black suit jacket and thinks about a future one step to the left where he had on black pants and a black suit jacket.
“I’m sure it’s good.” FF tries to comfort offering Jeremy his third handkerchief, this one from his left pocket since the one in his breast pocket was a specific color for the ‘look’ that Nicky had wanted. “It’s just not representative of a New York slice,” he adds.
“Thanks Smith.” Captain Jeremy takes the handkerchief wetting it with the glass of water nearby and wiping away the excess of marinara and spaghetti. “I’m going to go wash this off and try to dry it for you.” he says holding the handkerchief up.
“You don’t have to do that.” FF says but Jeremy is waving him off as he stands.
“Sit tight, I’ll be right back.” he says and heads off.
FF turns to Michael, “So I shouldn’t trust anything more than $2.50?” he asks.
Michael shakes his head and turns to look at FF, “Absolutely not.” he says with a smile before FF can see his eyes flick away and he stiffens. “Hey, it’s…” he looks down and the handkerchief, “it’s been nice chatting with you but… is there anyway we can take this conversation somewhere else?” he asks.
FF blinks, “No, I’m not getting up until the party is over.” Smith declines because by this point the stain has set. There is no stealthily cleaning it now that Captain Jeremy has left.
“So, you’ll get up once the banquet is over?” Michael asks leaning across the table and as he does that Smith can see a fairly ugly bruise on the Dealer’s forehead.
“I’ll have to won’t I?” he asks because despite the not-zero possibility that he’ll get left behind by the team again. His gaze shifts to Nicky who is leaning heavily against Matt as the two sway back and forth dancing and laughing. Probably about 50/50 at this point, depending on how quickly FF can make his way out of the stadium.
Michael looks at him and there’s something in his eyes that feels saddened, “Yeah, I guess that’s true.” he says before rising to his feet. “Thank you for this.” he says and hands the handkerchief back. FF can’t help but notice how there was a schmear of make-up on it.
The Dealer walks off and FF waves him off with the handkerchief before sliding it back into his right pocket, where he kept dirty handkerchiefs. He lets his eyes wander across the banquet. He sees Aaron and Katelyn slow dancing to a song that is not a slow dance. He sees Kevin and Jean now in the middle of a passionate conversation. Jack is pouting by the punch bowl with a few other Sophomores patting him on the back. Sheena is seemingly trying to flirt with the older bartender. Nicky and Matt have somehow only gotten sloppier in the 2 minutes between when he last looked at them and now. Captain Neil and Andrew are at the dessert table and he sees Andrew offering Captain Neil a chocolate covered strawberry. He sees a gaggle of his fellow freshmen huddled together all sipping their drinks nervously he moves to wave them over back to the table. Threat of the reveal of his spaghetti pants aside he’s not used to be alone anym-
“What the fuck did you just say?!” He hears behind him.
“I said what I said. She wasn’t even that hot! Get over it!” Another mocking voice.
“That’s it!” the sound of glass shattering and all hell breaks loose.
MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
#Fluent Freshman AU#AFTG#AFTG AU#AFTG OC#Jeremy 'sometimes people deserve the reverse bear trap' Knox is one of my fav flavors of Jeremy#Jeremy: “Haha I'm just a nice guy”#Also Jeremy upon seeing certain Ravens near Jean: “100% MAXIMUM NO CHILL!”#I will put in the tags here#That I know diddly and squat about New York Pizza#I googled what a slice costs today#and subtracted a bit to account fo inflation#MAN WHAT A DAY IT'S BEEN FOR ME#Banging out FF#Buying a Condo#Got to finally bring up the thing I decided on for Smith which is that he is a handkerchief guy#It's something my own dad believes#Thanks Tim for the goof#I appreciate all the handkerchiefs that were bleached to death during the indoor soccer years#Andrew and Neil are absolutely saying the most disgusting shit#Kevin and Jean are arguing because Jean has a tan and Kevin wants to make sure he put on enough sunscreen#Kevin: “I hope you're using protection.”#Jean: (spits out his drink) “PARDON?”#Kevin: “At least SPF 50.”#Jean: “I fucking hate you so much.”#Also Jean and Andrew having a little moment together as the exy idiots gush is in part from Madlad's lil comic#It made me laugh so hard I had to reference it here#Though Andrew's not going to ask for sloppy make outs from Jean#That's Jeremy's job.
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