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harrison-tenzer · 3 years ago

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What I Learned About Anxiety.

Depression and Anxiety is something I have dealt with for a long time. Hell, I am struggling with it while I write this. Those who do not have anxiety or depression often find it hard to understand what those who do go through. A lot of the feelings over the years have been hard to tell, describe, or even get people to understand. But in the last week and a half, that changed for me. I was scrolling through my twitter and saw that Jay Glazer wrote a book about his struggles with Anxiety and Depression. I sat there saying in my head “Damn, The guy who has a dream job of mine goes through similar stuff this deep” Within five minutes of finding that out, I ordered a book for the first time in who knows how long. I never really understood how to talk about this topic to a group of people until I read this book. So for this week’s assignment, I figured I would finally tell some of my story with Anxiety and Depression and how it ties into what I learned from this book.

My story started seven years ago, I was sitting on the gym stage at St. Thomas Aquinas High school. I was doing homework because of my joint syndrome that day while everyone played basketball. Simply because my back was so bad I could not even run. The thing about Aquinas is that seemingly everyone was an athlete. Meanwhile, I had a passion for sports just as big as my classmates but could not physically be one. At the time I was struggling with Anxiety, Depression, and everything in general. Little did I know while I sat on the stage, that was going to be the day that changed my life forever.

I watched the great Coach George Smith talk to my gym teacher from the stage and wave his finger for me to come to the front of the stage. I walked to him in shock thinking I was in trouble for something dumb I had done or something I had no idea about. Instead, it was a conversation I'll never forget.

“I heard you want to be a part of our team.” Coach told me.

“Yessir, Of course I do. But I cant play” I told him

“I heard about what you have, We can find something for you. S***I had a stroke a few weeks ago and I'm still doing stuff. Go talk to Dean B and tell him I sent you.” Coach Smith said while pointing to the latest STAte championship ring on his finger.

We talked back and forth for a few more minutes before he walked back to his office. Two days later I was at practice and the rest was history. I showed up and officially was the new videographer for the best program in America.

Which was great, until it wasn’t. And then it was again

Ever heard the term ``fake it til you make it?” Well that was me. Once I got this opportunity as the videographer I really had no clue what I was doing. I didn't get off to a great start either. The footage from the first few practices I was in charge of recording were a mess. I thought I was being hired to be a football Steven Spielberg instead of a football film guy. On top of that, I was blasting Lil Wayne, Chief Keef, Kodak Black, and whatever other music the players wanted on the aux instead of the boring PG stuff the lame senior videographer before me played. I was trying to find the balance of making this opportunity enjoyable, do it well, and make friends. I legitimately thought after the first week on the job I was going to get fired for being incompetent but I got a couple breaks.

Between coaches having faith in me to get it right when most days I didnt even in myself. Combined with the social area of the job is what saved me. People wanted to work and help out with the team. Coach Smith, Harriott, and Dean B, all let me pick whoever I wanted to help me out. So I got three of my classmates. We all took shifts working together for the school. This made it easier for me. Not in a lazier way of doing less, but to learn more about the game I love. I was able to build relationships with classmates of mine who played on the team who are some of my best friend's to this day. While also giving me the time and opportunity to talk to visiting reporters, coaches, and alumni during practices while doing my job. Without this opportunity and how everything worked out, I never would have fallen in love with recruiting or the game of football as much as I do now. I would not know the people I have met that have helped me get to my dream school at the University of Florida.

So now that I've gone on a tangent telling my story, let me tell you what the hell it has to do with this book.

That conversation I wrote about earlier was the first time in my years I had felt understood. Think about how crazy that is for a second. Arguably the greatest High School Football coach to ever live personally gave an opportunity to a 5’10 120 pound socially awkward freshman with the body of a 40 year old at the time I needed a break the most. I have made my way to where I am through unconventional ways. Hustling, hard work, learning on the fly, and most importantly, Relationships with people.

In Glazer's book he talked about his relationship with Michael Strahan when he was a young person covering the Giants. How that close relationship helped him meet more people he could trust and so on. With those relationships, trust was established and it became more than work. I never realized it to this extent until I read this book. But that was me. I had my metaphorical Strahan, and lots of them. Not only did the people I meet trust me with seemingly everything because I have been in their age group or had class with them. But they became some of my best friends in my life. Football quickly not only became a game, but a place and way to cure my anxiety. I would go everywhere from games, to other schools practices, to being the only kid going to a 7on7 tournament in liberty city. You name it and I was there.

The bottom line is two things. At first I thought I was one of a kind for how I got my start in this field and industry, until I read this book. It taught me that the universe doesn't work against people. Sometimes you just need a lucky break. While also, the biggest lesson I have learned is that Relationships matter in so many ways. In sports, as a journalism major, and especially mental health. Football has allowed me to tie in an anxiety curing function, along with giving me a family. That was big for me being an only child. While also providing professional networking benefits and has changed my life. Yes, It is hard to talk about mental health. Anxiety and depression are terrible. But if you tie it into what you love, and can meet some people along the way. That is one way to fight the metaphorical “Gray” of depression. I will always have a team.

#sports #football #mental health #jay glazer

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