#cherrumilk

[lacrimiris]

I'm like weird sometimes because I met a person years back on undertale amino and idolized them so hard they're still in my memory now. She went by dub vanilla berry, hezeru, cherrumilk, and I think more and had art reminiscent of tearzah and reinagoth. She was accused of tracing at some point but she quickly detached herself from it and was genuinely super talented because she made very beautiful and cutesy art. She also had a cutesy persona online and had a lot of smaller artists or just kids on amino worship her, as well as having a lot of friends all around. I was like a really big fan, I thought she was adorable and snarky and fun, and I loved her art and the persona she put out and always loved seeing her progress, like she was who I wanted to be at that time. And we came in contact at some point and turned out she was a fan of me and my art as well, I don't know if she was just saying it but she was so sweet and I'm weak against that so I just chose to believe it. And I was in a group chat with her and some of her other cutesy friends, and I'm I remembered drawing some art for her and just enjoying talking with her. She sent blurry or dark pictures of herself a couple times and she was someone who loved tea and cakes and anything adorable and I think I heard someone call her Misha at some point. She released speedpaints at some point after rebranding to hezeru and I remember being amazed at her using firealpaca for art and having a cute link interface with cat or bunny icons, as well as using super thing lines for her line art. Then some time later she left a mean comment on another person's wall, it was some drama about people grinding to follow as many people as possible to raise their level and get more followers and be on the community leaderboards, and dub believed that artists and content creators deserved the spot more than someone just following a bunch of people (amino drama lol) and so she was mean about it which got her suspended, after which she either left completely or was banned (I don't really remember). then i found her on insta and her name was cherrumilk with a slightly changed art style and it was super sparkly and pretty and anime-like and I adored it, she was taking requests so I asked about it and.. well she made a drawing of my persona at the time, and mind you it was glorious, it was beautiful, it's still one of my favorite drawings I've ever received because there's just something about it, I was extremely overjoyed and even got it by email. She did abandon her instagram account, and her boyfriend at the time posted on amino a huge drawing with different people's ocs who were all dub's friends, she said she spent several days working on it and I was also in it! It was so so cute. Anyways then she just vanished, poof, gone! Another artist with a similar vibe appeared some time later, and a lot of people thought it was her, but we never got any confirmation on that, and the art was different (though dub was always great at doing different art styles). So yeah, I haven't heard from her or seen her in years, all that remains is the art of hers I have saved or got, and a dead amino community dedicated to her. For some reason I still miss her, or the idea of her, and the story of her existence in my life will probably stay forever in some capacity.

I'll probably never meet her again, or at least I won't know it's her, and I probably also won't know anyone who was close to her. All I can say is that she was a big part of my life at some point where she knew it or not, and that she made me feel more confident about myself and my personality, as well as indirectly influencing my passion and art progress. She may never know it but she was a key part of me becoming who I am today, albeit I suppose that sounds weird. Either way, I'll probably never get any closure, and this is extremely messy as I don't remember the exact timeline and didn't disclose all the details, but I just wanted to throw it out there.

Duh, hezeru, cherru.. if you're there, know that you were a big inspiration, a nice friend, and a weirdly impactful presence in my life. And if any of you knew her if remember something from that era, please talk to me <3