#chemengblr runs

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Had to email a doctor I don’t fully trust anymore after some poorly interpreted test results earlier this year to ask if she could pretty please switch my IUD to a copper one (after this stress fracture I’m so done not having a true indicator of my body’s health) and I just hate that it feels like asking permission to do something with my body that I want to do and to have done.

It extra sucks bc we had this discussion about two years ago when I was debating staying with my current hormonal-based IUD she repeatedly told me it’s not a big deal that I lose my period with it and that it’s normal. But like !!! As an athlete it might not be and she didn’t even bother addressing the nuance and kind of made me feel crazy for being concerned about it?? I didn’t get my period for over three years at one point, granted I was still very much struggling with food issues, yet when I stopped working out as much it came back.

This last training bout I was actually getting my period (it’s been constant since getting my iud replaced last year) but it has stopped the past two months basically since getting injured. I see that and even though it’s “normal” with hormonal iud I hate that no doctor will actually talk with me about the nuance of being an endurance athlete with a hormonal birth control method that is normal to lose your period but IF AN ENDURANCE ATHLETE EVER LOSES THEIR PERIOD THAT IS SUCH BAD NEWS LIKE SOMETHING IS ALWAYS WRONG.

Amenorreah is a critical indicator of recovery and like I don’t know I want to be running marathons competitively and I was in PR shape (3:02-3:05 marathon) at the START of my last 8 week intense push for Chicago (I ran a 3:06 in marathon #2 without specific training running at my friends paces for the two months before like girl I am breaking 3 the next time around no issues) but without a critical indicator of recovery status and overall health I’m freaking out. I want to be doing this for another decade and a half (ty Shalane, Des, Sara for showing us women can competitively run marathons into their 40s) and I’m so sick and tired of losing year(s) of training to shit that I feel like I could prevent if I had the bodily indication something was up! Ugh!

It also doesn’t fucking help that studies regarding reproductive health and endurance athletes do not include individuals on hormonal birth control measures. I can’t even find scientific literature about the population I’m in for a whole host of reasons and yet my doctors are telling me it’s fine?? I don’t know maybe I’m just too anxious about it but I don’t want to be anxious about it anymore!!!!

I’ve also thought about completely going off of birth control but I’ve been on it almost half of my life at this point (thank you awful, awful acne in high school and accutane requirements) that part of the reason I stayed on hormonal methods in the first place is because my body might not even know how to produce its own shit once I’m off of it. I’m so fucking afraid of what comes next but if there’s something there I feel like I need to know and not mask it. Not to mention I went on birth control like 3 years after starting my period and it was never really regular to begin with (would skip months pretty frequently) but I don’t know if that’s bc it takes a while to regulate or if it was due to basically starving myself at that point of my life. Ugh.

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My HRV has been like 30% lower than usual the past two weeks and I thought it was bc I started taking my iron supplements again but now I’m wondering if the book I’ve been reading was giving me anxiety. I just finished it and my HR was like 76 laying down. My HR is low 60s sitting usually…

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I took this snap after I got back from my run (at a whole 3 miles a day now post fracture!) And what's not to love about it? Nice blue to pink ombre from my walls/the filter to match my shoes? Wearing high socks for the first time in years and not having my calves painfully swell? Little hearts bc I love my lil leggies? Twas hot but twas good

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Steeple szn means studying in bed because my legs need extra love and attention

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Running Life

Recap: found the cause of my pains from the last ~2 years last summer, a stress fracture in my left L5 vertebra. Took like a month off over the summer and then completed physical therapy at school. Got to race last season even though I was only at 20 miles a week (on a good week) and hit my all time personal best in the 6k (during which I split my all-time personal best in the 5k). 

I slowly built to 4 a day throughout the semester and really took a lot of time to cross train and to be really careful with listening to my body. And honestly, taking the time to listen to my body has been the best thing that could have possibly come out of being injured. I built up to 7 a day through the months I was in California, and I found that during that build time - especially with working and changing my schedule to run first thing in the morning, without eating beforehand - it was best for me to take an off day every week. I’m really glad I did that because I feel like it kept me engaged in running and kept me from getting really bored or frustrated with it. One thing I adopted doing in California is if I ever felt exceptionally guilty or started to hate myself for missing a run due to other things (seriously, plans change and life happens and I wasn’t going to give up the amazing experiences I now look to with extreme fondness for one run) I would take a couple of days off to get back to WHY I run in the first place and why it’s stupid to feel so fucking guilty. This actually worked really well and even last week when I woke up late after going out in the city (I just moved to central NJ so my new habit is taking the train into NYC) and only ran 3 miles instead of my full 7 I wasn’t angry with myself for not running or not getting in full mileage - I accepted that getting a few miles in is better than nothing and ended up having the most amazing night back in the city at my friend’s housewarming party! 

Running has actually been going so well and I know it’s because of how I’ve adapted and changed my mental state since my injury last summer. I’m listening to my body and allowing myself to take the breaks that I need and I am overall happier because of it. I don’t time my runs, at least I rarely do, and I think that’s been a big help as well. Sometimes I pay attention to the start and end times - including when I’m stopped at lights as stuff - and I usually have a pretty good grasp on the upper limit of my runs. Honestly, that’s enough for me. I shouldn’t be going out and running for time every day because on the days where it really matters it won’t go the same. So now I go by feel so that if I have a great run I can’t be disappointed in seeing a “slow” time and thinking ‘wow I thought I was running better’ and I can have a shitty day and just have a shitty day! There’s really something so freeing about that, and I think it’s going to help my mentality for racing this year as well. I look back to my best race last year and I wasn’t thinking about time, I was thinking about my “wow, it would be really cool if I could be the first finisher from my team in this race�� and the effort I put in throughout the whole race to make it happen (and it did). 

I’m really excited to get into cross training again - I saw and biked a few times in California, but I got screwed over by the membership and wasn’t going to pay an ass-ton of money to have access to a pool and bike. I’m thinking of trying a climbing gym near me here in Jersey because that’s something I really want to try! I got into surfing as well and I’m close enough to the beaches I’m even considering picking that up as a serious weekend hobby. I know I really need to work on my strengthening and I have to make a greater commitment to doing the bodyweight NTC workouts - I’ve been trying since the beginning of April to do them 4x a week and there were really only 2 or 3 weeks where I achieved that.

I’m doing my first long run in I don’t even know how long tomorrow!! I think the last time I ran 10 miles might have been with my teammate Keira in the spring of 2016. So crazy that it’s been over a year since I tackled any sort of real mileage. My coach said he’d rather have me stay at 7 miles a day and add in long runs up to 12 miles on sundays, so I’ll obviously be following that rule. I’ll be keeping at 10 milers to get back into the swing of long runs, but I think I really want to work up to 12 milers by August (and maybe I’ll throw in a half marathon just for fun one weekend). It’s something I’ve always wanted to achieve, same with hitting 60 mile weeks, and I have been learning so much about my body of the past year that if there’s any time to go and tackle those goals it would be now!! 

I’m getting so excited about this season!! It’s kind of sad because there are a lot of people who are on co-op and aren’t running, and there are a lot of girls who will be at school but are taking the year off to train better. But at the same time there are a lot of freshman coming in and it wil be a really exciting time to see what our team can build! If it all works well this season then who knows where our team will find itself by 2018!

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A bit of a public service announcement: In the coming weeks, as my semester winds down and I move to California for my internship, this blog will probably become more running oriented. I'll still be looking forward to posting weekly updates about my work at the lab and studying for the GREs, but there will also be a lot more running related posts.