#check your misogyny/internalized misogyny and ableism

[acehybrid]

WARNING FOR APHOBIA AND HOMOPHOBIC RHETORIC!

_______________________________________

Aphobic comments and the reasons they don't make sense:

'Nobody cares that you don't have sex, you aren't actually an orientation!'

Asexuality is not a rejection of sex. It is a lack of sexual attraction.

Claiming that aces shouldn't disclose being asexual is kind of like recycling 'don't ask, don't tell'.

'Romance without sexual attraction is just friendship!'

This straight up is ableism as it infers disabled people who can not physically have sex, people who have suffered mutilation, people with hormone issues/lack sex drive as they age etc… can not be in love with someone.

Sex is not required for romantic love. 

'People aren't actually attracted to strangers, everyone gets to know someone first!'(this is used against grey-aces and demisexuals)

So people can feel romance without sexual attraction? 

Either romance exists outside of sex or it doesn't. Pick one.

Hm if this is true then are romance movies lying? Cause I am pretty sure every couple in every film shows sexual interest before even saying hello.

Anyone who says this is either a demisexual and doesn't know it or is lying. 

'Aces are cishet infiltrators!' 

Stop calling an entire marginalized group cishet when less than 20% of aces are cisgender heteroromantic. It's called research!

Ah yes because 'het passing' is such a privelege. I totally want every person I meet to assume I am a hetrosexual. It's not like being ace is part of who I am.

'The SAM is an evil homophobic invention!'

The SAM was designed to help aces and aros. It was meant for them to differentiate that not all asexuals are aromantic and that aros could still be sexually attracted to people.

'Aces hate sex and attack everyone who enjoys sex!'

No we don't. We respect sex and sexual agency.

If an Ace has been aggressive about being anti-sex then they probably have some issues. Remember never judge a demographic on the few bad eggs.

This world is drowning in sexual content, subtext, and inuendos. An Ace commenting about how exhausting sex culture is, is not an attack.

'It's all misogyny, there's no such thing as aphobia!'

So men who get bullied for not partaking in sex are victims of misogyny? What about gay aces?

So being attacked for creating an ace/aro pride post is under the assumption a woman made it? (Because if that's the case then you aphobes are literally outing yourselves as misogynists.)

'Sex without romance is abuse!' (Against aromantics)

So what the hell are friends with benefits and one night stands?

Apps like tinder exist for a reason, stop trying to deny sex culture so you invalidate people you hate.

'Romantic attraction doesn't exist!' 

This one is so laughable, so humans fall in love with every person they are sexually attracted to? Because that's what this statement implies.

'You just hate everyone you narcissist!' 

Narcissism requires a medical diagnoses.

'Get your hormones checked!'

Hormones aren't the cause. Most aces don't see any issue with not feeling sexual attraction.

Stop pathologizing everyone. Society still considers homosexuality to be a medical condition requiring 'a cure' in many parts of the world. Also this is ableist as it creates an extremely narrow measurement for 'normal' humans.

'Love and Sex go together and you can't have one without the other!'

I already addressed this kind of thinking above.

Again just invalidate a number of people with any number of varied relationships I guess.

'You must be ugly!'

Wow did you come up with that all by yourself? Are you a 5th grader?

Ah yes because calling people ugly isn't the most childish thing a grown adult can say to someone.

'Stop glorifying being a virgin/incel/loser!'

Stop sending mixed signals about virginity. Either it's seen as a pure, good thing, or it is seen as childish. And both are wrong.

Incels are known for rampant misogyny and fetishizing fictional women, especially in gaming/anime/comics. And often to the point they have lost any understanding of real women.

Loser is an insult for 10 yr olds. Grow up and find a better argument.

'You just suffer from internalized homophobia and would rather pretend you can't feel love!'

Sure, that's it… for the record I am a biromantic asexual.

From my experiences most people with internalized homophobia tend to vehemently claim they are cishet.

Also labels can change, people experiment with sexuality. 

Feel free to add more ridiculous aphobic rhetoric and why it doesn't make sense!

[elenajohansenreads]

Books I Read in 2021

#133 – Georgia Peaches and Other Forbidden Fruit, by Jaye Robin Brown

Mount TBR: 104/100

Rating: 1/5 stars

[content warnings: discussion of ableism, biphobia, misogyny, and also the fact that I'm aware this puts me in the "unpopular opinion" category of reviews]

For a book I’ve heard so many good things about, this was a disappointment, because it had an awful lot of “yikes” moments and even more unquestioned ableism, biphobia, and internalized misogyny on the part of many characters.

If you’re a teenage Christian lesbian questioning how to navigate your own fraught existence within the teachings of your faith, this book is for you. If you fail to check even one of those boxes, something about this story might very well make you angry.

But let’s start with what’s good about it–despite my one-star rating, there are a few things I liked, just not enough to outweigh all the bad.

1. Friendship. The circle of friends Joanna finds herself with after her relocation to small-town Georgia is generally a good one (minus the obviously telegraphed homophobic apple of the bunch, who is both hater and hated by the end.) When things get messy for both Joanna and Mary Carlson, these friends really do step up and prove they believe in love, forgiveness, and having each others’ backs.

2. Elizabeth, the stepmom. No, she’s not perfect, but over the course of the story I’d argue she gets a better character arc than Joanna herself; she really finds it in her to shed the homophobia inherent in her upbringing (and still pointedly present in her mother) to be a positive force in Joanna’s life. Also, I’m just so tired of the Evil Stepmother.

3. Dana, which I’m honestly surprised to find myself saying. Sure, she’s a total delinquent, but delinquency isn’t a solely male pastime as other media might have you believe, and also not all lesbians are perfect angels who don’t have other problems. Plus, she’s just about the only character in the whole book who consistently calls Joanna on her bullshit, which there’s a lot of.

So what’s bad about it? Everything else.

1. Biphobia: everyone in this book is either lesbian or straight. There are no gay men (ETA: I remembered a few hours after I wrote this that there's a gay couple at the dance who compliments Joanna's outfit, but I don't remember their names, if they even had any, and they never showed up again) and no bisexuals of any gender, let alone any of the even-less-well-known flavors of queerness. When Christianity intersects with the homophobia I’ll give this a pass–like the “returns to being a breeder” example in one of the glossed-over sermons early in the book–but from the actual behavior of named characters, I want to see better. While Joanna knows herself to be a lesbian, so we as readers know she was never really interested in George, to others that apparent interest is confirmation that she’s straight; to everyone else, constantly in all of their discussions and actions, you’re either attracted to men or attracted to women, and that’s that, no murkiness allowed. No one ever goes so far as to say anything directly biphobic, but they don’t have to, because bisexuality simply does not exist in this story, there’s no room for it to.

2. Ableism: other reviewers have gone into far more detail about this subject that I can with my own limited experience, but even I know that this pervasive air of patient but condescending tolerance of the differently abled may appear benign but is still ableism. And as charming as B.T.B could be out of context–I do genuinely like some of the things he says in conversation–he doesn’t strike me as positive representation of, well, anything, firstly because his disability/neurodivergence is never addressed directly so I don’t know what he’s meant to be representing; also because simply making a teenage character so obviously child-like without further explanation of why is such a lazy way of going about it.

3. Internalized misogyny: listen, I’m not a lesbian, I’m bi, so I can’t begin to unpack the complicated relationship any given lesbian might have to traditionally feminine presentation and how that differs (or doesn’t) from my lived experience. But I do know that this book opened by assuming I already knew exactly what Jo the teenage lesbian looked like, because it wasn’t described in any great detail before she suddenly remakes her entire appearance to fit in better with the small-town Christian vibe of her new home. She feels conflicted about making those changes, but then later conflicted about liking some of those changes, while the whole time Dana (in an aspect of her character that I did not like) is constantly ragging on her for selling out, basically. As if the only way to be a “true” lesbian is whatever the mashup of goth and punk and any other fashion trend they think rejects traditional femininity. I hate to tell you if you didn’t already know, but femme lesbians exist and are just as valid, and appearing more traditionally feminine is not a sign of straightness or selling out. Also, Joanna makes a lot of offhanded comments about how her crying is also weakness or “girly girl”-ness, and I’m just not here for that, because crying is both an entirely natural response to stress or emotional turmoil, and that’s not just misogyny, it’s misandry, because dammit, boys cry too and they should absolutely be allowed to, so stop equating crying with weakness and femininity already!

4. Christianity: woooo boy. As someone raised Christian who has left the faith, I suppose I should be applauding that books like this even exist, that there are Christians who say “love is love” and not “God hates fags.” But even the “good” Christians in this book are still pretty inflexible for a big chunk of it and have to have their own character arcs of Joanna holding their hands and gently leading them to acceptance, or occasionally yelling at them to prod them along. (The notable exception being Mary Carlson’s parents, who seem to be awesome and accepting right off the bat, but their transition from not knowing their daughter was queer to being supportive parents happens entirely off-page, until MC and Joanna make up at the end.) It was honestly just exhausting, and that tentative, hand-holding level of change made the whole book come off as apologia for that very same religious inflexibility. Yes, the worst offenders are either disliked by the important characters (Mrs. Foley) or socially ostracized from the friend group (Jessica) but everyone else gets babied about it.

5. Actual writing problems that aren’t some sort of social justice problematic bullhonky: This book is entirely too long for its plot and spends far too much time indulging itself in Joanna waffling about literally everything in her life. Cut even just 50% of her internal whining and the story gets 100 pages shorter. Also, she’s a terrible protagonist, not on a moral or social level, but simply because 90% of her problems are her own fault, in such ways that I don’t feel any sympathy for her. Yes, her father asked her to do something out of line; but she agreed to it, bargained for things she wanted with that leverage, then started a whirlwind of lies to basically everyone she interacted with in order to hold the door open for still getting what she wanted. And that’s most of the story–an external threat to Joanna’s journey of self-hood doesn’t rear its head again until about 2/3 of the way through, with the stepmom’s pregnancy subplot. Yes, the story has to threaten Joanna with being a potentially miscarriage-inducing source of stress to her family in order to raise the stakes, because she’d gotten so close to coming clean about everything that possible sibling death was the only thing to prevent her. Was that really the right way to escalate the situation?

6. The ending: am I actually supposed to be happy that MC took Joanna back after the 400 pages of lies Joanna told her? Oh, right, Christian forgiveness and all. But seriously, MC would be better off with almost anyone else, and the possible girlfriend after Joanna, Deidre, had to be a blatantly manipulative (possible, future) abuser in order to seem like Joanna was a better choice. And in case you didn’t notice this from Deidre’s behavior, more than one friend character literally says so out loud to Joanna, to eliminate any possibility of missing the messaging. It’s a pretty bad romance book when I’m not actually happy that the couple gets back together at the end, right?

[madamhatter]

Just wanted to touch up on something that comes up frequently as a visible challenge Sophie faces: her seeming inability to leave her current circumstances and following her dreams/beliefs/etc.

(Head’s up: under the readmore contains my observations in the RPC and a minor complaint mixed with HC).

In all verses, this is an arc that Sophie usually goes through (or has gone through) that takes a great toll on her and takes a long time for it to be completed. This has a presence in most aspects of herself including her ambitions, self-perception, relationships and much more. Some are indirectly influenced by this like when it comes to romantic relationships. This manifests in her having issues with long-term relationships. This ranges from believing any relationship with her is doomed, relationships that do happen may continue existing only if she provides/she has use, and generally, it is not possible for her to keep one since her misfortune will directly make her partner unhappy. 

Overall, this aspect of her character is largely ingrained in her and greatly impacts everything she does and everything she believes herself to be. 

While this rarely happens, I get into situations where people underestimate or brush it off as more of a bother than actual needed development. In comments and questions, the general energy is quite off-putting. It undermines the circumstances and literal life-changing move that Sophie needs to take. It becomes a hinderance and gripe of why she can’t drop what she’s doing and go out there already.  (If you feel this is towards you in any way, it isn’t. If this ever did come up between us, I would’ve addressed that immediately. This post is in no way a vague-post and this section is more of my observations. Also this hasn’t happened in years but the memories creep on me.)

I know some people are peeved about this "opinion,” but it isn’t one. This a repeated offense that happens across fandoms and rpcs: muses who identify, act, present, and appear out of the particular desired spectrum of characters do get shafted by other muns/fans and/or get scrutinized unfairly by them. This isn’t anything new. It’s clear that a character in any series will get numerous amounts of “hate” because of certain traits, while a white/white-passing cis-male who they share traits with are praised and embraced the community. Moments of vulnerability and emotional openness with a character become common complaints about said characters. A nuanced perspective/expression becomes reductive by fans to being “weak.” Same goes with elusive and abrasive characters, same goes with soft-spoken and careful characters, same goes with empathetic and kind characters, same goes with defensive and caring characters who are not the fan favorites.

If characters do not exhibit the archetypical “badass” and do not endorse the power fantasy, they are usually not well-received by audiences. There is a persistently aggressive mindset in many fans that devalue, ignore, and undermine the variety of stories in a series in favor of an acute selection. While people may not admit it, this largely falls into the community's perpetuation of misogyny, misogynoir, colorism, racism, ableism, transphobia, homophobia, etc. that they could not and will not address. 

Just because you aren’t invested in a character does not mean their story is underdeveloped, uninteresting, and unimportant. If you dislike a character, consider the reasons why. Compare it to your favorite character if they have similarities. You may start noticing the larger, but unfortunate, implications that will arise in review or in the comparison. I.E., Is your favorite “not like the other girls” in canon? Do you dislike this character so much for not being as “capable” like the others? Why is this character be able to express their trauma through visible expression while the character you dislike can’t? 

This isn’t a “you can’t dislike characters” conclusion. You can dislike whoever and whatever nilly willy and that’s you. This is a “consider and check the criticisms you have about this character” conclusion. Recognize when criticism starts and ends before it becomes prejudice.

I realize this is left-field from the original topic and doesn’t directly relate to Sophie. But as I described, there are these narrowed funnels of tolerance for particular characters and if who you’re writing for doesn’t fit that, it becomes a hassle. A hassle in exploring character motivations, dimension, strengths and weaknesses, and just generally a harder time in getting anywhere for future thread/relationship/plot development.

Sophie’s background, personality, and conflicts are better received in characters who are masculine-presenting. People are more likely to actually understand the development and struggle too. They’re less likely to see it/refer to it as as an “obstacle,” which beyond annoying! Her challenges aren’t an “issue” just because she isn’t forward and immediately reciprocating to your character! She isn’t an accessory to a ship you want with your character! Her internal endeavor does not make things “difficult.” It makes things difficult for you to get whatever commodity you want out of her that benefits/flourishes your character. 

But, to Sophie’s situation and why she can’t “drop it” as easily as she can. 

Canonically, Ingary’s culture has cemented that birth order plays a large role in what is expected and possible for daughters. As abundant as the references are on this blog, the eldest daughter is basically defined by having no fortune or chance in her future. Any AU she is in would still keep these ideas persistent because these conditions are essentially the foundation to why she made certain decisions as a child that A) made everything about herself secondary to her and B) focused and drove herself for the betterment of her sisters’ lives.

The structure of everything to Sophie is her family; that is the only thing she has known for herself, despite the conflict she carries. That has been everything she’s known all her life and it has been reinforced by how the adults in her life treated her and taken advantage of the situation. She hasn’t known anything outside of these circumstances and only has been proven by her loved ones that it is something meant for her to do and something that she will keep on doing. 

Sophie’s biggest challenge means she has to unlearn almost everything. She has been groomed to participate with the world in a certain way and perceive the world in a certain way that places her at a disadvantage and makes her exploitable. The entirety of her worth has been equated to her usefulness and what she can bring to others; there is quite little she sees in herself that is worth something.. and what she does see as ‘worth something’ means it is valuable for someone else’s use. 

To challenge the foundation, her family of her current self would break her. The biggest trust she has is in her family and they are the consistent people in her life that she would not ever let go of (unless, it would make them happy/safe/for the better). To have to unearth what her parents essentially done to her and taken from her....The act of acknowledgement would make her spiral into a ways of questioning, hurt, and great terrors that she doesn’t want to face. She would continue with the construction everyone has made because if no one else does, who will? She wouldn’t even dare consider having her sisters taking ANY of the responsibilities she’s done or any of the unsavory things she did. 

After all, this is all that she has, that she can trust, they she can rely on. She is clinging onto it for dear life. 

To rectify the wrongs in her life, to her, will be a state of forever displacement and distrust. She cannot throw herself to do everything when she’s already a part of a system that requires her. To get rid of that system means that she is, once again, the the odd daughter whose destiny was proven right. She is the eldest daughter meant for misfortune if she couldn’t even keep this position in her late father’s hat shop and couldn’t keep supporting her sisters as she vowed herself to do. Too much of what she’s built for her family and their stability relies on her, and if she isn’t there, everything else will crumble, which would be destroying what she spent all of her life trying to maintain.

Considering that she will need to process that her circumstances are NOT normal, that her treatment is NOT normal, that her experiences ARE trauma, that her childhood and youth never existed, that the main figures in her life, that the few individuals she truly trusted used her (both mom and dad) and almost RUINED the family (dad), ...it is nothing something someone who’s into her budding adult years can handle within a matter of months. 

So, she lives painfully aware of it, but doesn’t move; she weighed the pros and cons and decides that it is best to keep where she is than leave. Too much is at stake, too much...

It is...really...a process. A painful and slow one, but not tedious and not a bother. It is a necessary for Sophie. 

[queeryourgame]

Community Values, Guidelines & Rule Enforcement

Community Values

Queer Your Game is an international multi-game LGBTQIA+ only gayming community. We aim to provide our Gaymers with a protected cross-platform environment where we can all enjoy ourselves, meet new gay™ people from all over the world and gayme together safely. Queer Your Game welcomes all sorts of Gaymers regardless of gender, race, religion, nationality or level of skill. 

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Join Queer Your Game 👉 http://bit.ly/QYGDiscord 

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We want to make it clear that, even though our Moderators are notified that if they are alerted or see a Gaymer in an SOS channel, they should immediately check on them, we cannot shoulder the responsibility of your well being and your safety. We will not offer professional and trained support even if some of our Moderators and Admins could be trained professionals. For now, we can only provide you with a safe space and common sense help if we are able. We will call the police or an ambulance if you need them and we happen to be able to. We will stay with you if you require a presence. We will help provide you with crisis helpline phone numbers if they’re available where you reside so you can seek the appropriate help.

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Rule Enforcement 

Queer Your Game is a moderated space, on Discord, on Social Media, in forums, and in-game. We have Moderators, Admins, and Super Admins.

As a moderated space and community, Queer Your Game does, in fact, exercise a certain censure as described in our community guidelines. We reserve the right to change them, although we will let you know when that happens.

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You can get warnings of different gravity in-game, in Discord chat or voice channels, in your mentions and in your DMs or PMs depending on the platform you commit your offense on.

If warnings don’t have an immediate impact on your behavior, you can be asked to a private conversation with a Mod, an Admin or a Super Admin on Discord.

A small offense will get you an email, a DM or a PM, possibly a temporary time out or kick, most likely a private scolding and a mark on your account.

A serious offense will get you the same treatment as a small offense, a definite scolding, a kick or ban for the length we deem fit, and you will lose your status in the community. When you come back, you will have to go through a return interview and you will start fresh as a Padawan Gaymer on probation.

A grave offense will mean your immediate kick from our Discord and a ban will be decided by our team of Mods, Admins, and Super Admins. You’ll receive an email informing you of your ban and our definitive decision.

We may ask for your opinions, thoughts, and ideas in polls and voting events.

We at Queer Your Game think strongly about the ethics of our project. We believe in transparency and in taking in different perspectives. To that end, we regularly consult with outside professionals in different fields and we are in the process of recruiting different individuals for our reference and sensitivity group.

Join Queer Your Game 👉 http://bit.ly/QYGDiscord

[and-then-yoi-happened]

Happy Pride everyone!!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Today’s queue is filled with pride fanart! To see the art I already have on this blog you might want to check my pride tag  ღゝ◡╹ )ノ♡

To my LGBT+ followers (and allies):

if you’re still in the closet please only come out when it’s safe to do so / you have a safety plan you can act on immediately. If you aren’t LGBT+ don’t ever out someone else. (I’m assuming you should know not to do that when you’re LGBT+ yourself)

ALWAYS practice safer sex and get tested regularly (that’s equally as important for my non LGBT+ followers!)

Speaking from my own experience: the way our orientation, compulsive heterosexuality, internalised homophobia/biphobia/transphobia, internalised misogyny, internalised shame regarding anything sexual, mental health issues and especially past traumatic experiences regarding partnerships/anyone overstepping our boundaries with physical/sexual closeness intersect is incredibly complex. It’s totally ok to need time to figure things out, it’s totally normal to change labels. Take time to heal. Don’t stress yourself over it and don’t force yourself into a label just for the sake of having one. Really, I can’t stress this enough: take your time, you’ll find out eventually.

Make an effort to connect and make friends with other LGBT+ people in real life. It absolutely does make a difference to have LGBT+ folks close to you.

Do not give T/erfs a platform. Block them, don’t reblog from them, don’t debate with them & their hate rhetoric. Educate yourselves so you can stand up and be good allies for our Trans & NB siblings, they all deserve nothing but love and support from us. 

If you can and have the energy, please do what you can to help other LGBT+ people, especially those who live in countries/conditions where they are in danger. It’s painful to do so, but inform yourselves about the current international LGBT+ rights, or rather lack of them, spread the word, volunteer/donate/do activist work for organisations that try to help those. If you want to focus more on local issues/supporting local organisations that’s perfectly fine, and needed too. This also goes for our non LGBT+ allies. 

Don’t be a silent bystander to racism, xenophobia, ableism, or other forms of hate, inside and outside of our community. 

TL;DR: stay safe in all areas, respect your own boundaries and take your time. Don’t accept/be a silent bystander to hate. Do what you can to strengthen our community, and stand up for others. 

[flintsjohn]

LGBT+ BOOKS REC - part 1: Fiction

Alright so this is my very first book rec masterpost and I tried to fit all the information I can remember. I’ve started reading books with lgbt+ themes mainly in the last year and have found many of the titles in other recs so I’m sure that a lot of the books here are not new to anyone, but I’d like to share anyway! In bold are my personal favourites, and the authors with the * are (as far as I know) actually lgbt. If you’d like a peek of what’s on my tbr list here’s my goodreads! If you have more titles to share or recommend I’d love to hear about them! 

Aciman, A. – Call Me by Your Name (adult, m/m, contemporary)

bi mains

cw: underage relationship, cheating

Albertalli, B. / *Silvera, A. – What If It’s Us (ya, m/m, contemporary) 

gay mains

meet cute but a kinda bittersweet ending (bc Adam Silvera tbh)

Albertalli, B. – Simon Vs. The Homosapiens Agenda (ya, m/m, contemporary)

gay main, gay/black/jewish love interest, poc

simon is the definition of disaster gay and i love him

cw: homophobia, outing, blackmail

Albertalli, B. – Leah on the Offbeat (ya, f/f, contemporary) 

bi main, bi and black love interest

is part of the svtha ‘verse so the characters are the same!!

*Alire Sáenz, B. – Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (ya, m/m, contemporary) 

gay mains, both latinos

a sequel is in the works!!

cw: homophobia

*Baldwin, J. – Giovanni’s Room (adult, m/m)

gay main

cw: internalized homophobia, homophobia, misogyny

Bardugo, L. – Six of Crows duology (ya, fantasy) 

there’s a m/m relationship in the second book (gay and bi mains) and a gay side char (also basically everyone can be read as non-straight)

there’s also a LOT of diversity as in poc and disabled people so!! 

cw: ableism, violence, death

Barry, S. – Days Without End (adult, m/m, historical) 

alright so i,,, loved this book but also it was fucking hard to read because it’s basically written how irish people speak english?? so it’s not the easiest thing to read but it’s good!!!

cw: war, death, racism

*Danforth, E. – The Miseducation of Cameron Post (ya, f/f, contemporary) 

lesbian main, lgbt minor chars, poc 

cw: homophobia, conversion therapy, self-harm

*Forster, E. M. – Maurice (adult, m/m, historical)

this is an absolute classic and i love this gay ass book

Goslee, S.J. – Whatever (ya, m/m, contemporary) 

bi main and gay love interest 

cw: internalized homophobia, (brief) homophobia

Gregorio, I.W. – None of the Above (ya, f/m, contemporary) 

intersex main 

cw: homophobia, transphobia, depression

*Isherwood, C. – A Single Man (adult, m/m)

gay main

i found this a little hard to read bc i’m not usually one for highly introspective writing, but i’m still glad i read it!

Jenkins Reid, T. – The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (adult, f/f and f/m, historical) 

bi latina main, lesbian love interest, gay minor char 

i started this book thinking it would be dumb and by the end i was crying my eyes out 

cw: homophobia, death, abusive relationship, cheating

*LaCour, N. – Everything Leads to You (ya, f/f, contemporary)

lesbian main

if i have to be honest i found this a little underwhelming considering all the praise i heard, but it’s still very cute!!

Lee, M. – The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue (ya, m/m, historical) 

bi main, gay and biracial minor char 

this book is SO much fun honestly!!!

badass female character who’s the main in the sequel!!

cw: homopbhia, racism, child abuse, epilepsy

*Levithan, D. – Two Boys Kissing (ya, m/m, contemporary) 

gay and trans chars (it’s many different little stories that are somehow all connected)

*Levithan, D. – Boy Meets Boy (ya, m/m, contemporary)

gay main and minor chars, trans minor char

cw: homophobia, transphobia

Miller, M. – The Song of Achilles (adult, m/m, historical) 

listen i know yall know about this already but still,, probably one of my favourites ever.

cw: death

*Mitchell, S. (ed.) – All Out (ya, various, anthology) 

short stories, own-voices, various sexual/gender identities and genres

i loved every single one of these??? 

Nelson, J. – I’ll Give You the Sun (ya, m/m, contemporary) 

gay main (alternating pov)

this was so cute even though the character’s sexuality/relationship isn’t exactly central to the story!

*Ness, P. – Release (ya, m/m, contemporary/magical realism) 

gay main (adam is an icon and i love him)

this goes for every patrick ness book i ever read: i found it hard to follow the plot sometimes bc there are usually two different storylines going on at once and i can’t really connect them, but he has a way of writing characters that just sticks with me

cw: homophobia, sexual harassment

*Ness, P. – More Than This (ya, m/m, sci-fi) 

gay main 

cw: suicide, death, homophobia, outing

Ngan, N. - Girls of Paper and Fire (ya, f/f, fantasy)

lesbian main and love interest

the world is based on asian mythology/folklore!!

author’s working on the sequel!

cw: sex work, rape, slavery

Proulx, A. – Brokeback Mountain (adult, m/m, historical) 

short story

i saw the movie like a million times and i was still not ready for this 

cw: death, homophobia

*Renault, M. – The Last of the Wine (adult, m/m, historical) 

ancient greece setting!!! 

from what i gather this is not the gayest book you could possibly read by mary renault but it’s so good 

cw: death, violence, age difference

Rio, M. L. – If We Were Villains (adult, m/m, contemporary) 

3 gay/bi mains 

think the secret history but gayer and with shakespeare

i’m honestly still crying over this and the last few pages in particular killed me

cw: death, mentions of suicide, violence

*Russo, M. – If I Were Your Girl (ya, f/m, contemporary) 

trans main and bi minor char 

cw: suicide attempt, depression, transphobia, misgendering, rape attempt/mention, bullying, outing

Sharpe, T. – Far From You (ya, f/f, contemporary) 

bi main (lesbian love interest, she’s already dead when the story begins but it goes back and forth with flashbacks) 

cw: death, depression

*Silvera, A. – They Both Die at the End (ya, m/m, contemporary) 

gay and bi mains 

this goes for every single adam silvera book: i love them but i absolutely hate them bc they tear me apart every time

cw: death (duh)

*Silvera, A. – More Happy Than Not (ya, m/m, contemporary) 

gay main

cw: amnesia, suicide/suicide attempt, internalized homophobia

*Silvera, A. – History is All You Left Me (ya, m/m, contemporary) 

gay main and minor chars 

cw: death, depression, adhd, cheating

Soria, D. – Beneath the Citadel (ya, m/m, fantasy) 

bi, gay, ace mains (most are also poc) 

holy shit this was so good and i kinda,,, didnt expect it bc i had initially only picked it up bc of the cover (which is stunning btw)

cw: death, panic attacks.

*Talley, R. – Lies We Tell Ourselves (ya, f/f, historical) 

lesbian mains 

this was not an easy read by any means but by the end i think it was really worth it!!

cw: racism, homophobia

*Waters, S. – Tipping the Velvet (adult, f/f, historical fiction) 

lesbian mains

cw: homophobia, prostitution

(i only read this one by sarah waters so far but all her books are gay so be sure to check the others as well lol)

[joyful-voyager]

An Outrageously Long-Winded Political Rant

Just me, bored at work and getting crap off my chest ahead of the End of the World, coming Friday to a country near you. "The Myth of Individual Exceptionalism" January 18, 2017 There’s an episode of the TV show “The Office“ in which a main office guy calls a satellite office guy to tell him he’s been promoted to a management job. I’m fuzzy on the details of character names and backstories; I’ve only ever caught a few moments of the show while my teenage daughter binge-watches it on Netflix. Anyway, the front office guys says to the satellite office guy, “It’ll be nice to have another M.B.A. around.“ The first few times I happened to catch that exchange, it made me chuckle. The writers managed to tap into something that everybody who has ever worked in a low-level, non-management office position knows: Upper management thinks that just because someone has those three little letters behind their name – M.B.A. – that person is automatically better suited to a high level position in the company than someone who has actual experience within the company, or than someone who knows how to perform the company’s core function — in this case, selling paper. It used to make me chuckle. It doesn’t anymore. Another anecdote, this one from my childhood. My Dad was a Korean War vet who wanted to go to engineering school when he got back from overseas, but couldn’t afford it. He rose through the ranks of his company as an apprentice, learning the craft of tool and die making at the elbow of experienced designers. He eventually earned the designation of Master Mechanic and was fairly high up in his company. When his boss, who had also risen through the ranks from apprentice to Master, retired, there was an unexpected change in corporate policy. The managerial position Dad was ready to assume suddenly required a degree he didn’t have and, at age 55, was unlikely to earn. Someone else – someone younger, with that all-important engineering degree but no experience in the field – was brought in for the management position my Dad had been promised for years. My Dad reviewed his options, hedged his bets, and took early retirement. Within a year, he was freelancing his job back to the company because no one there knew how to do what he did. Final anecdote. Years ago there was a massive corporate shakeup at a company where I used to work in a low-level marketing position. The Board wiped out most of the executives in one massive cut, the company was sold, and within a few months we had our third CEO in six years. This new CEO was, you guessed it, young and dynamic. He’d had great success as a high-level exec at a company that specialized in credit card processing. My field, and the company I worked for then, had absolutely nothing to do with credit card processing. But because this guy came from the credit card industry, our top corporate priority was suddenly not what was in our mission statement. Nope. Our number one priority was to get consumers to pay us using their credit cards so that we could enroll them into an auto-renewal program … which we on the ground level knew our customers wouldn’t like. Not one bit. That CEO didn’t last very long. These three anecdotes highlight what I’ve come to call The Myth of Individual Exceptionalism. This is the idea that someone who has had great success in one field must have achieved that success not by knowing that field exceedingly well, or by being part of a team that worked together to propel a company to success, or even by being related to someone on the Board. No, a truly exceptional individual achieves success simply because he or she is exceptional. And that exceptionalism translates to everything that person touches. Obviously. Got an M.B.A.? You must be great at everything. You could take that M.B.A. and run a department at a company in any field. Never mind that you started in, let’s say, publishing, and now you’re managing a construction crew. Your M.B.A. makes you fit to manage anyone, anywhere, at any time. You are better than the ground-level guy with decades of experience because you have that advanced degree. Likewise, my Dad’s decades of experience as a tool and die maker clearly couldn’t hold a candle to his replacement’s degree in engineering. “But it means that guy could learn!” I hear you thinking. And yes, there may be some truth to that. The problem was that the company didn’t have time to wait for the degree holder to learn his job, which is why the rest of the designers, who knew what the problem was, convinced the young guy to give my Dad a freelance contract. (And I owe them my thanks. He nearly doubled his income and was able to put me through college entirely on those freelance contracts.) Finally, the CEO of a credit card company can absolutely run a book publishing business. Of course! He got to be CEO by being exceptional, not by knowing anything about credit cards. It’s obvious! He is an Exceptional Individual, and so he can do anything! I find this ridiculously silly. Look. Bo Jackson notwithstanding, we generally do not assume that someone who can play one professional sport at a high level can play all professional sports at a high level. Given his size, I’m sure Michael Phelps is a beast on a basketball court. But could he outscore Steph Curry? I doubt it. Serena Williams is a hell of a tennis player, but could she replace Abby Wambach on the US Women’s National Soccer team? Unlikely. So why do we think the CEO of Company X is fit in any way, shape, or form to be the CEO of Company Y, when the two companies’ core functions have nothing to do with each other whatsoever? Why do we think a person who is exceptional in one field will have the same success in a different field altogether? And who the hell thought letting Anne Hathaway and James Franco host the Oscars was a perfectly sane idea? Which brings me to the rise of Donald Trump. During the long and nightmarish campaign, I was an outlier among my friends. I was convinced Trump was going to win the election, and while there were a lot of factors that made me think that – not least of which was the notion that people are kind of dumb and kind of racist and just flat-out detest Hillary Clinton – there was one thing that kept standing out to me. I kept hearing otherwise intelligent, thoughtful people saying things like, “We need someone who will run the country like a business.“ Every time I heard that, it made my hackles rise. Because I knew they didn’t mean, “We need someone who will run the country like the independent auto shop down the block, where my guy Keith schedules the work, delegates the jobs, trains new mechanics, checks each finished project himself, and still manages to balance the books every year and keep the shop open even though there’s a new Tires Plus down the street.” No, I was pretty sure what they meant was, “We need an Exceptional Individual who will run the country like a giant corporation that throws its weight around the marketplace and makes other companies bend to its will.“ Right? Isn’t that what you heard? Didn’t you hear that voters wanted someone who would make deals without messing about with all that sticky red tape of diplomacy and habeus corpus and international law and such? Because that’s what I heard. What I heard was that people honestly thought that Donald Trump’s (questionable) business success would translate to politics. That notion shows an incredible lack of understanding of both business and politics. But because he’s an Exceptional Individual (i.e., a fabulously wealthy and therefore, at least in the American worldview, successful person), he’ll be exceptional at everything. I’m sorry, but that’s insane. But it doesn’t stop there. Take a look at his Cabinet picks. We have some Exceptional Individuals who are in no way, shape, or form qualified for the positions he’s appointed them to. Ben Carson is an exceptional neurosurgeon. Why in the name of all the gods would anyone think that makes him qualified to run the Department of Housing and Urban Development? His exceptionalism in his field does not translate to his new position. Betsy DeVos? Fabulously wealthy, and in this country, a fabulously wealthy person is automatically an Exceptional Individual, right? Capable of anything because of innate exceptionalism? But did you hear her non-answers in her confirmation hearing? Not only did this woman never serve as an educator or school administrator, I’m not sure she ever set foot in a classroom, not even as a student. She is incredibly ignorant. Rick Perry? Rick Perry? We’re going to make this bumbling fool the head of the Department of Energy – a position that requires a science background – because he is the ex-Governor of a state that has a lot of oil? I’m not sure Donald Trump has any idea what the DOE actually does. And I’m certain Rick Perry doesn’t! But, hey! Rick is an Exceptional Individual. He’s better than all of us. He has to be. He’s an ex-Governor with great hair! His exceptionalism alone makes him fit for the position. I could go on … and on … and on … but I won’t. I’m as worried about Trump’s swamp full of sycophants and bootlickers as much as the rest of the country, not to mention his VP, the dead-eyed dominionist Mike Pence, and his creepy sons, plastic daughter, and entirely-too-gleeful son-in-law. (And don’t even get me started on the racism, misogyny, xenophobia, and ableism. Oh, and the fact that he is almost certainly financially beholden to the Russian government.) But I’m also worried about American voters and the way they’ve bought into this Myth of Individual Exceptionalism. Because it just isn’t true, not in any meaningful way. Our collective belief in this uniquely American myth has given way to the rise of larcenous megachurch pastors and rapacious corporate CEO’s, priests who molest kids, college athletes who rape women (and the police officers and judges who exonerate them), and big-box corporations that destroy local competition and offshore jobs in the name of the bottom line. We Americans have an unfortunate tendency to put individuals and organizations on lofty pedestals, tell them they can do anything because they are exceptional, and cheer wildly when they succeed. We’re baffled when they fail because they have upended the story we told ourselves, that Exceptional Individuals will always succeed because they are inherently better than the rest of us. And when they do something truly heinous – when an NFL player beats his girlfriend, when a college athlete rapes his unconscious victim, when a corporate CEO leaves a company in shambles and walks away with an eight-figure bonus – we can’t help but rationalize their behavior or just look the other way because those things conflict with our belief that wildly successful individuals cannot be immoral. Because if they were immoral, they wouldn’t be successful. Folks, Donald Trump is not an Exceptional Individual. He is a mean-spirited, petty, thin-skinned, ignorant, immature man-child. He’s a mediocre businessman who has managed to parlay his inherited wealth into the Trump Brand that gets his name all over everything. In this country where appearance is everything and depth is distrusted, he has achieved the biggest success there is: Omnipresence. He is the individual equivalent of Starbucks, Inc. He is on every TV and website. He has dominated our national discourse for 18 solid months. He is Everywhere You Want to Be even more than MasterCard. He has achieved the highest expression of Individual Exceptionalism there is in America. That doesn’t mean he’s going to be a good president. In fact, it probably means he will be one of the worst presidents in American history. He believes so fervently in this myth that he’s appointed people because of who they are, because of their perceived exceptionalism, rather than what they know how to do. To someone whose entire worldview is built on the idea that some individuals are better than others – look up Trump’s quote about “good genes“ and prepare to be appalled – a man who is already a successful neurosurgeon will be able to head up HUD in his sleep. A woman who is worth a personal fortune – a palpable symbol of exceptionalism – is certainly qualified to be Education Secretary. The fact that she destroyed public education in the state of Michigan is surely an aberration. What’s the point of all this? Well, mostly I wanted to get it off my chest. But I also wanted to ask something of my fellow Americans. I would respectfully request that you look to the individuals that you most admire and ask yourself what they have really done to earn your admiration … and what would it take for them to lose it. Donald Trump, for all his ignorance and arrogance, understands the American Myth of Individual Exceptionalism. He knows that it would take a lot for an American to denounce someone he or she had put on a pedestal. In fact, he’s counting on it. In January of 2016, almost one year to the day ahead of the inauguration of our nation’s 45th president, he articulated it in one of his rare full sentences: "I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.” In less than 48 hours, this man will be the most powerful person in the world. If that doesn’t terrify you, you’re not paying attention.