#chat this is my sign to get back into playing project sekai
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*Politely knocks at your front door* Hiii...... I saw your Parasol Cider/Lets Kira Kira Adventure post from a friend and. Can i offer you a disc server where we yap about enstars x prsk..... Mayhaps......
THAT WOULD BE SO COOL!!! I do want to mention I am a high schooler though, so if y’all are fine with that i’d be glad to join!!
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Shattered hearts, Fragmented Worlds
A Live/Dreams AU that will probably never be finished after this. yall asked!!! Archive of Our Own version can be found here. Shoutout to my beta readers Ghost and Ruby :3!!!! _______________________________
Chapter 1- Aki.
She was walking home after school, no one with her today. Kojika and Nozomi both had after-school classes, and Kichi was too far to visit. So, Aki had opted to treck the streets of eShibuya alone. Kichi was the one who texted, offering to pop into the SEKAI as opposed to one of them walking to the other's house. Kojika and Nozomi had texted shortly after, saying they'd be there after their relative clubs and classes. Aki sent excited stickers back and texted she'd be home and able to come into the SEKAI soon. The sun was warm, the last of the summer breeze blowing gently through Aki's hair. The streets were busy per usual, and Aki loved the routine. Seeing different- yet similar people- all live their own lives, separate yet together as the evening began filled her with an inexplicable comfort. Upon entering her room, the air warm from her blinds being open all day, she closed her door, left a note for her parents that she'd be with friends, and pressed un
ti
tled…….
Cold surrounded her, a sharp contrast from the sunny, cozy air of the venue SEKAI. The triangles cleared from her view, and Aki immediately realized this wasn't the SEKAI she knew. It was the park she used to adore as a kid, familiar. The red slide, the multicolored swings on yellow framing, the chains coated with slightly soft, white plastic, her favourite spot under the fake rock that acted like a ladder to the upper part of the playground. Yet it was eerily empty. The playground was pale, looking like it had been sitting untouched for years, its paint weathered from years of rains and winds. There was none of the familiar scratches and vandalism- not even under the slide. There was no sign that anyone had ever even played on it. The paint wasn't even chipped. It was perfect, yet old all the same. The sky was grey, seeming like a storm was looming, gloomy and heavy. There was no one there, no movement. Not even a gentle breeze, the air almost stiff with silence. Part of Aki didn't want to shatter the silence that seemed to coat her once familiar SEKAI. To curl up, or explore the park on her own, timidly and gently. But fear- combined with her uncertainty- overpowered her quiet nostalgia. Now wasn't the time to be hidden. She had to find the others.
She called out, ignoring the unsettling nerves that drove her heart to her throat and a pit to her stomach.
"Rin?", Her voice hitched a bit, echoing into the near-endless grey sky. But the spunky blonde didn't respond. Usually Rin would be right there, bursting with things to talk about, dragging Aki to whatever new corner she'd found. According to the group chat and the time on her phone, the others wouldn't be here for a while. Except.. one.
"Kichi? I swear to god, I will choke you if you're playing a prank on me!" She called again, the joking threat an attempt to lighten her nerves. Her voice had a slight shake to it. She could feel the panic rising despite her familiar surroundings. She had to stay calm. Stay rational, that was what matters. There was no answer, her voice echoing for a few seconds afterwards in the silence. Aki shifted nervously. "Oliver…?" she cried. She climbed onto the top of the old playstructure, the footholds of the plastic rock familiar as she boosted herself to the roof on top of the slide. "Luka?" Her call became a bit worried now, pitching at the end. Her voice echoed back, and she looked around anxiously.
"Miku?" she yelled, projecting her voice now. Her throat was getting a little pitchy and sore from her yelling. She was trying to keep her tone under control, knowing Rin would tease her if she saw how scared Aki was. She hated how quiet the world seemed, it only made her panic rise faster, threatening to overwhelm her at any moment. Flower would've been here already if she was in this strange world, so Aki opted to save her voice. Realizing she had no response from any of them, Aki sighed as she climbed down, maneuvering a bit more carefully. It was harder to get down than it was to get up on the structure, and when she bent down to her next hold, her phone slipped out of her pocket, causing her to impulsively reach- and fall, hitting the woodchips, curling into herself in hopes of not breaking her legs. The woodchips dug into her palms, a familiar feeling, but painful all the same. Aki lifted her palms, examining them- they were slightly bloody, scuffed from the rough landing. She had to pull a few splinters, but she'd be okay. Aki reached for her phone carefully, making sure it wasn't cracked. Dusting off the dirt her phone got coated in, she sighed. She could've gotten out of this a lot sooner if she remembered to just hit pause on Untitled. Flipping her phone over, she tapped, not even unlocking her phone. But nothing happened. No triangles, no light- not even a flicker of movement or shift around her. She played and paused it, tried to skip Untitled altogether, even attempting to play her other songs. Nothing worked, and she cursed. She tried to text the group chat, but there was no signal- odd, for a world inside her phone. She put her phone in her front pocket and began to wander around the park's perimeters before seeing movement from the corner of her eye. It came from the woods, the area covered in darkness as the trees covered what little light was visible through the heavy grey clouds above her.
"Who's there?" Her voice was strong and defensive. She moved closer, cautiously crossing the field and keeping a distance between herself and the woods. She wasn't ready for a fight, praying whatever moved wasn't aggressive. There was a figure in the woods that surrounded the park, and she froze. Realizing they weren't moving, she tensed a bit. "I won't hurt you if you don't hurt me." The figure emerged, none other than her sister. "Aki?" Ema seemed confused, both at the world and the fact that Aki was there. Her posture was tense,yet Aki didn’t notice, simply happy she wasn’t alone, glad someone familiar was with her now. The silence was getting to her. "Ema!" Relief filled Aki's gaze, immediately relaxing from her tense position. She ran for her, expecting Ema to run back. but Ema stood still. She tackled her in a hug, but Ema seemed to tense and wiggle away from the grasp. The air seemed to become colder, the winds of the storm above them beginning to stir.
Aki stopped, her voice hesitant now. "Ema? Is something wrong?" "Why do you never change, Aki?" Ema tilted her head, her voice unusually cool.
Her heart dropped. Aki could feel the panic rising in her, making her body colder, making her mind race. "Wh- what do you mean, Ema? You've seen the music we make- "
Her voice stammered, fumbling the words as they caught in her throat.
Ema's stature stayed cold, uninviting. Aki stepped back and she stepped forward. "You know what I mean, Aki. You never changed. You're childish. Impulsive. Selfish."
The words stabbed her like a knife, twisting as her feelings suddenly shattered into pieces. She could hear things coming from the woods, getting closer. From the edge of her vision, it felt as if they were circling her- but when she turned to look, nothing was there.
The figures finally closed around her, solid and unwavering. Aki was too panicked to see where they came from. Slowly, they took the forms of her friends- Rin, gazing at Aki with a pained look in her eyes. Kojika, her gaze hard and full of disgust. Kichi, looking away in disappointment and hurt. Nozomi, hiding herself in her cardigan whilst she stared, sadness and betrayal in her eyes. Aki backed off, trying to get away as horror filled her thoughts. Logically, they wouldn't say this. Aki knew that. She should know that. Yet, she still shrunk into herself. She wanted to believe that they wouldn't do this to her. That her panic was being irrational, that this wasn't real. But it felt too real. This was what everyone wanted to truly say, wasn't it? That she was annoying, and they only stayed because of pity for her. She spiraled, believing what they said as her loved ones clamoured around her.
"You only talk when you want to, never when I need you to" Kichi's voice was sharp and charged with anger, biting into Aki. His glare made her look straight to Kojika, the first to have befriended Aki.
Kojika's gaze only hardened. "I was wrong about you. Why did you do that, Aki?" Kojika's voice was full of disgust like Aki had committed something horrible. Aki didn't know what she meant.
"What- do what, Koji- I can fix it, I'm sorry-" Aki sobbed, reaching for Kojika just as she turned away. She looked around and locked eyes with Nozomi, usually kind and quiet to her. Hope lit Aki's eyes for a moment. "N..Nozomi..?"
"... They're right, Aki. You're happy, and that's all that matters. We never did." Nozomi accused, her eyes searching Aki's gaze with pity and sadness. Nozomi's thin hair blew in the wind. If not for the situation, Aki would've thought it was pretty. Nozomi was clearly hurt by something. Did Aki do this? Did she hurt them all? What did she do? "Guys- please, I'll fix it- please, I'm sorry, what did I do?" Aki's voice was getting shrill and desperate, tears flowing down her cheeks as she watched all of her friends walk away. She debated chasing them but waited. Hesitated. She turned around, her tears stopping momentarily to see her sister behind her. Ema's gaze was cold and unbothered. Aki was vulnerable. Hopeful. Her sister would make everything better, right?
"Your friends all agree, Aki. If you care about them, let them go."
There wasn't the usual warmth to Ema's voice.
Aki's last hope died then and there, the words hitting like a knife to her chest. Her eyes glimmered with tears once more. "So it was my fault…" she murmured, her tears falling gently. It finally began to rain, cold and harsh on Aki's skin. The others walked away, and Aki stood in the field of the park, rain showering down on her. Minutes passed, and it felt like time had stopped. When she was sure everyone had at least gotten far enough, she let out a scream. Loud and harrowing, almost feral. Triangles stabbed into her heart, shredding and shattering it beyond recognition. Self-blame swirled like the rain in the wind. She screamed and sobbed, shaking. The wind whirled and howled around her, as if joining in her grief. They were right. She only ever hurt people, even with her best intentions. No matter how hard she tried, she always wound up hurting everyone, didn't she?
The rain continued pouring, and Aki solemnly began to walk back to the playground. She was too tired to be soaking wet. She had to fight the wind that seemed to push her three steps back every time she tried to take one. Finally ducking under the playground and huddling under the plastic rock, she sat and listened to the rain patter against it. watching as the woodchips around her dampened in the rain. She shivered, the cold wind making her dripping clothes feel icy on her skin. The smell of wood and rain mixed in her nose, and the thought of staying forever rooted itself in her mind. She almost gave it the time to form, to convince her. Why face reality and grow up when her childhood was here?
Why bother, when nobody would get hurt if she just let their world go?
Aki began to hiccup, trying her best to calm down and slow her breaths. It was cold, she was wet, and her anxieties were right. Yet, part of her enjoyed the sound of the rain against her ear, and she smiled at the empty, yet comforting feeling blooming inside of her. The feeling of drifting away. Solitude was unfamiliar, but it felt nice. Maybe she could stay like this, even if only for a bit.
A voice called. Aki flinched, not expecting it. She came back to her senses, finding herself a little warmer but still dripping from the rain. She didn't move, hearing the voice call again as she shifted. Accidentally moving the woodchips in the process, she remained hidden. The voice was tense but familiar.
Kojika. But that wasn't right. She hated Aki, didn't she? Everyone did.
Chapter 2- Kichi
He ducked into his room with a half-eaten package of chocolate cookies, crumbs scattering on his rug and hardwood floor. Flopping into the gaming chair under his loft bed and leaning back into it, his phone buzzed with a text that Aki was heading into the SEKAI. He woke his computer up.
Navigating to the music folder and hitting Untitled, he expected to be met with Oliver's playful grin from the branch of the Venue SEKAI's tree, or Flower's gravely voice as she chased Oliver around. Yet, when the triangles cleared, he gazed around in slight shock, almost immediately hitting pause on Untitled before hesitating as the gears clicked in his head. This was his old room, the space-themed bedsheets and wall decor hitting him with a burst of longing. He hadn't seen this room since he was five, and it took him back to simpler times. Before his mom left and before his dad was overworked beyond belief. Before Aki transferred to a different middle school, then to Miyamasuzaka Girls' Academy. Before it felt like things had fallen apart.
A voice he hadn't heard in almost 8 years called his father down for breakfast. He poked his head out of his room into the hallway. His mother stood at the end of the hall, and a wave of emotion flooded him. His mother was just as Kichi remembered- her thick, dark hair cut into a bob cut, her favorite white apron turned pink when Kichi had thrown his red blankets into the wash with it, the smell of lavender and honey gently floating from her, and her bear-themed slippers, matching the brown in her eyes.
"Kichi! Get up, little sleepyhead, or I'll have to drag you out!! You still want to go to the zoo, right?" His mother called, not looking into the hallway. Her voice was warm and teasing, something Kichi hadn't heard since he was 7. By god did he miss how comforting it was to him.
He looked at the chalkboard calendar on his door. July 18th, 2015. His mom had circled the day with a playful drawing of a pudgy, round giraffe. He remembered this- it was the day he got lost at the zoo. The day his mom left. The realization sent a jab of sadness through him.
Kichi sucked in his breath. He had been avoiding this memory for god knows how long, shoving it deep into the back of his mind. There were too many questions that came with her leave, and he had given up on trying to find answers to them long ago. Seeing his mother before him felt so surreal, as if it were a dream. Wait- is this a dream?
He slipped back into his room, shutting his door gently. He was definitely still himself as far as he was aware. He was still tall and felt like he could accidentally stomp down the entire room if he wasn't careful. He still had his school uniform on, and it was definitely the Kamiyama High uniform. Still.. he gave it a shot. Wake up, Kichi. Cmon, Dad's probably made salmon..
No shock awake. He pinched himself, and felt it. He pulled his phone out, and his lockscreen told him it was still 2023- he still had his photos with Oliver and the other Vocaloid in the Venue SEKAI, photos of when Live/Dreams formed earlier in their fall semester. So I haven't traveled back in time. Otherwise, my photos wouldn't be here..
So what exactly is going on?
He slipped back into his room for a moment, letting himself breathe in the scent of his old room. The little white bedframe still had his old moon lamp balanced on top of the post above his pillow, bathing the room in a cozy, gentle white light. It couldn't be memory, and Kichi figured it couldn't be a dream from the way he could still feel and notice every little detail. He didn't know how his mother or father would react to his grown-self if he was only 6 or 7 in this.. universe? World? He couldn't tell. He tried to text his friends, but he was met with no signal. If he could find Oliver or even Miku, maybe he'd be able to find the others. He knew he could always just pause untitled. Yet, part of him hesitated to do that. This was the last time he had seen his mom. Aki will be okay to wait for me a while longer.. right?
He finally left his room. Walking down the hall into the kitchen with the tiny dining table and a seat much too small for him now, Kichi faced his mother.
He gazed into a near identical copy of his own eyes, his mother's crows feet evident around her eyes.
She didn't miss a beat, kissing him on the cheek before telling him to sit.
"Kichi, it looks like you've seen a ghost!" His mother teased, light and affectionate. "Did you have a bad dream?"
He sat in shock before hesitantly stammering.
"M-mom?" Kichi's mind whirled. Why wasn't she surprised? Shouldn't she be scared, or worried? Why hadn't she reacted to him? He was so much older than he was when this day took place.
"Kichi? Are you okay?" His mother put her hand on his shoulder, looking into his eyes with geneuine concern.
"I.. you.. you left.. Why aren't you shocked, or worried or something-" Kichi let his feelings out, trying to keep his voice from yelling, his fists from shaking something. His voice hitched.
"Kichi, what are you talking about?" His mother's voice was warm. So warm. Can I just stay like this? he wondered. Aki.. Rin would be with you… You'll be okay if I stay here for a bit..
And with that, Kichi let himself lay on his mother for the first time since he was 7. His dad was here, too. The monsters of his current life melted away, like they were on the run from the warmth his parents being together brought him. Was it real? He didn't know. If it was, he wouldn't mind living like this. The others would be okay on their own. And with that, Kichi let himself feel the warmth and care he had been yearning for. The real world could wait, if he could stay like this for just a bit longer.
Chapter 3- Kojika
The girl blinked away the warm yellow lights that changed her surroundings. Instead of her middle school language hall, she was now in a seemingly abandoned park. The paint of the playground was faded and worn down. Rain poured down, thunder booming in the distance. She shuddered a bit, the air cold and damp. She was under the pavilion, the steel tables miraculously shiny despite the careless state of the playground. This was arguably much worse than where she came from weather-wise, considering it was sundown and clear skies when she had been teleported to the park. Yet Kojika found herself smiling a bit in relief despite the storm swirling around her. She was okay. It wasn't real. She'd be okay. She tried untitled again, still getting nothing. Her phone still had no service either. She couldn't shake the feeling something- or someone- was also here. She walked around the pavilion, not wanting to get soaked unless she had to. She heard a hiccup, quiet yet pitchy, coming from the worn-down playground, followed by a few woodchips getting kicked out from under the plastic rock.
"Hello~? Is anyone there?" she called, her voice tense but loud and clear. She didn't want to scare anyone, but she was freaked out herself.
Who- or whats- here with me?
She tried again, unsure if she was loud enough to be heard over the rain. There was no response. The rain still poured down, the ground an entire puddle at this point. Kojika sighed, ensuring her phone would be safe in her schoolbag, before making a straight bolt for it and ducking under the play structure. She almost immediately got drenched. She stood under the flooring of the play structure, watching the rain for a moment, dripping like a wet cat. A gentler hiccup sounded, and she jumped, hitting her head on the flooring above her. "..Aki?" Kojika asked, relief and a smile crossing her face as she rubbed her head, a small bump growing already. "Good god, I thought I'd never find you guys. Are 'Chi or Nozo with you?" Kojika asked eagerly, reaching out. Aki curled away.
"D.. don't you hate me..?" Her voice was quiet. Barely audible against the rain. Kojika almost thought Aki didn’t say anything, still weary of what just happened to her before finding the park. She didn't know what had happened, but it had evidently left the younger girl shaken. She gently shuffled over to Aki, kneeling as close as she could with Aki under the plastic rock. Kojika put her hand on Aki’s lowered head between her half-up buns, in an attempt to comfort her whilst keeping her distance.
Kojika and Aki stayed like that for a moment, listening to the rain as it kept pouring, both of them now having the only dry spot in the park. “… I don’t know what you went through, or what you saw, Aki. I don’t even know what’s going on now.. but if it’s anything like what I just went through.." Kojika's voice was gentle, going quiet as the memories of what she'd seen before finding Aki flooded her.
The way her old friends ignored her so suddenly. The way she had fought for them, time and time again, only to be met with a cold shoulder. The warmth leaving the group, leaving her to watch when her favourite people pretended she didn't exist anymore.
But now wasn't the time to think about that. She couldn't think about them, now, otherwise she'd be a wreck once again.
".. I'm here for you, okay..?" she finished. Almost a murmur, as she felt her heart drop. Part of Kojika wanted to run. To get far away, and never contact the others again. She knew she had an issue with leaving people in the dust. The guilt would consume her for a few weeks, and she'd move on, burning any memory of those she had gotten close with in the process.
But Live/Dreams was different. They always had been. She can't do that to them.
Aki lifted her head, her eyes uncertain and fearful. Kojika smiled softly, before getting out from under the plastic rock and reaching out her hand to help Aki up. The rain slowed down, and Aki gently took Kojika's hand, wiping the last of her tears off on her pantlegs before getting up. Kojika didn't run into the rain this time, opting to gently lead them to the pavilion she had first found herself in whilst the storm slowed to a gentle drizzle. Using her backpack to cover them once again, Kojika simply gently took Aki's hand, ensuring she wouldn't lose her on the way to the pavilion. With how weird things have been, she wouldn't be surprised if they got separated in some way if they didn't hold hands. Kojika sat down on one of the steel tables, watching Aki take a seat next to her on one of the attached benches. She noticed the rain had nearly entirely stopped. Aki sniffled. Kojika could tell by the way she was tensed and avoidant that Aki wanted to leave as soon as possible.
She's going to leave me, isn't she? The thought hit like a bullet. It was never easy to forget them even when Kojika tried to. She had to constantly remind herself as she comforted Aki. She won't leave. She doesn't know. She cares about you even if it might all be an act. She's not going to leave you. The band won't leave you. At least not until they graduate.They won't leaveThey won't leave.
they have to move on one day.
"Hey, Aki? You haven't seen a way out of here, have you?" Kojika asked, her voice gentle and with her usual, light and casual tone. She actively tried to ignore what she- and Aki- had been through. Seems like they'd both had some tough shit tonight.
Aki snapped out of her distant gaze, jumping a bit before shaking her head. "Ah- uhm. I haven't found a way out, yet. It feels like I just got here.. how about you? I didn't see you earlier." Her voice was tired. A hint of hesitation crossed her when she asked about Kojika, causing her mind to be flooded again with what happened before.
Nobody actually liked you
You're just forgettable.
You're stupid, thinking we were your friends.
We never wanted you here.
"Actually- there was a glow, different from the rest of what was around me. It looked like one of the triangles we see when we pop in usually?" Kojika thought for a moment after snapping herself out of the quickly moving thought train, brushing it off and praying Aki didn't notice. "I didn't see any of the vocaloids, but when I went to touch it, I wound up here." Her voice was casual, hoping to whatever Vocaloid god made this sekai that Aki wouldn't press for more. She didn't want to go in-depth, the trauma still relatively fresh on her mind. Best as she tried to hide it, Kojika was still very emotionally shaky from the whole ordeal. Coherent thoughts and a clear mind one moment, the next fighting the urge to ask if Aki truly wanted to be her friend, or if it was all just some game to her. Aki's Aki for fucks sake. She'd never hurt me on purpose. Kojika got lost as she mulled over what else she might've done to get her out of the area. Aki got up and began to wander the pavilion, before pausing at a little triangle floating on the edge of the pavilion. It was green and had an ominous feel to it.
"Uhm. Kojika? Was this there before?" she asked hesitantly. Her voice was still quiet, and she had to clear her throat to snap Kojika out of her thoughts. Jumping a bit before looking in Aki's direction, Kojika hopped off the table and stood beside Aki. The triangle gently floated, unmoving. She felt her heart tug, a deep longing striking her as if she was chasing something she'd never had in the first place.
"Was it like this with me, Koji..?" Aki's voice was quiet, her hand on her chest. Aki had been quiet this entire time- a stark contrast from their usual combined chaos and yelling.
Kojika thought. "Kind of. Yours was sharper and stronger. More.. more desperate. This one feels.. dark, though. Consuming almost." Her tone was thoughtful, and she glanced at Aki reassuringly despite her own nerves. "We'll be okay. If anything, we'll probably find Nozomi or Kichi after.."
Aki nodded, noticeably still shaken.
Kojika wondered briefly if they should leave without the others.
They'd leave you behind if you didn't find them first
You're only there because you forced them to let you in the band.
You're just clingy and dense.
She shook herself out of her head. They deserve to get out of here, too. They wouldn't leave me behind… They're not like them…. right?
Chapter 4- Nozomi
Nozomi was the last to enter the sekai, archery club taking longer than usual. She was already slightly worried with nobody answering her texts after they entered it. Aki and Kichi went in around the same time, so she was sure they'd be okay. Kojika, on the other hand, went in alone. Sure, the Venue SEKAI was relatively small and hard to get lost in as long as they stayed behind the courtyard walls, but Nozomi still worried. She knew Kojika liked to explore. Surely she wasn't lost, right? Even then, she would've hit untitled to get back to the real world.. She rubbed the edge of her cardigan sleeve as she opened the door to her aunt's house. She had homework and wasn't even sure if the rest of Live/Dreams were still in the SEKAI, but hit play to Untitled anyway. Just in case. She'd be quick, right?
The familiar triangles faded. She found herself in the presumed green room of the Venue SEKAI- but things were different. Aki's computer and the discs for her voicebank collection weren't there. Nozomi's spare Omnichord carrying case wasn't in the room, either- and neither was Kichi's collection of instruments, or Kojika's favourite microphone stand. It seemed more set up for a dance show, with old pointe shoes and worn toe-guards scattered around the room. A fresh pair of frilled shoes sat before her, as well as a brand-new leotard and tutu set. The shoes were a light sage green and white, the ribbons somehow perfectly cut to her liking. She hadn't danced in years, and yet… could she remember her old routines? The way she leaped and twirled without losing her balance on the very tips of her feet, how she felt like a bird when she practiced alone on a stage. No one to criticize every minuscule thing she did wrong, every misstep or stumble she had. Could she feel like that again?
She looked at herself in the mirror, taking in her appearance. Her hair wasn't in a fancy bun or braid as she'd often done as a child, but she still smiled as she took the costume in. The green complimented her brown hair and sage-green eyes that shined the way they used to under the spotlight. A familiar feeling spread through her- the rush of anticipation before stepping out on stage. She reached for the green room's handle and peeked beyond the door. Instead of finding the familiar cozy, worn-down stage of the Venue SEKAI, Nozomi faced a giant stage and amphitheater. Her last venue. It was something she'd buried deep down, the memory hitting her like a truck now as tears jumped to her eyes. She scanned the empty rows of seats before her eyes, tickets to each on every other armrest. Nobody was there. Not even her parents. And so, with no one to see her, she took a breath and began the memory of her final dance. Her tutu bounced, she leaped and stretched and twirled to an imaginary music track that ran in her mind. It was perfect- like she had never stopped dancing all those years ago. She let her tears flow freely. Nostalgia and yearning mixed with the salty water that dripped onto the stage, splattering as the dance flicked the tears from her cheeks. She felt like she was floating across the stage, leaping higher as the violin and piano built midway through, her gait and posture perfect. Standing on pointe as if she'd never stopped, as if her feet had never spread out to a somewhat-normal position after years of wearing normal shoes.
As if she were in a dream, she suddenly found herself in the wings of the stage. Her dance teacher announced the ending performance- "Final Duet." An irony, considering it was a solo dance. Her final dance. She peeked from the curtain, scanning the audience one last time. She wiped her tears, and made sure she could breathe. As she was about to close the curtan and step out, she saw one thing. There, in the very front center of the seats were her parents. She sucked her breath in. Her cue sounded. As she lept into a pirouette, she felt the warmth of the spotlight shine on her.
And she stumbled. She fell flat on her face, her form failing her. The audience gasped, her track continuing. She picked herself up, attempting to catch up with her track before stumbling again. And again. Each time catching more murmurs from the crowd, each time feeling both parents' glares harden. The curtains closed, the song ceasing at the climax, feeling sudden and cut off. She had failed, horribly, despite practicing that routine every night.
She was perfect.
Why did she mess up so badly?
Sure, it had been three years since she danced.
But she did it so flawlessly just before. Not even ten minutes ago, she did it perfectly. She could still see where her tears had fallen onto the stage.
It felt like hours had passed by in minutes. Nozomi was the last to perform, and thus the last to enter and leave the green room. Listening to the gentle bustle of the crowd leaving, she sat until things had almost entirely quieted down. She felt numb. Useless. All the energy and happiness she had felt had dissipated, leaving her empty and cold. What good was she, if she spent all this time and still failed?
She finally slipped into her grey cardigan, white shirt, black jeans, and ebony-green shoes once again, tears clouding her vision. It had been about 10 minutes, and she knew her parents would be angry if she waited any longer. Tying up her vans, she stepped into the back hall of the concert venue, meeting her parents halfway down. Her mother took her by the hand, her grip firm. Nozomi panicked internally, forgetting how angry her mother was. She simply followed her mother's lead into the car, too on edge to say anything. Silence crackled in the air. Nozomi almost wished her mother would do something, say something. But she didn't.
Her father was asleep already, tired from a long day of work.
Her mother kept her strict gaze on the road, her knuckles white on the wheel. The radio was shut off abruptly at a stoplight as the station took an ad break, leaving Nozomi to stew in the silence.
Nozomi began to disassociate, getting stuck in her head as her thoughts spiraled.
You must've not tried hard enough. If you only watched your posture. If you hadn't looked for your parents in the crowd. If you hadn't been focused on your feelings. If only.. If only.. If only…
The drive home seemed to never end. They passed her favourite restaurant, something she was anticipating. It was usually a tradition for them to celebrate her dances after every performance her parents actually attended. They passed the tree nursery, saplings leaning gently to and fro as the gardener gave them water in the early moonlight. Passed her school, the cheers for the football team audible even from the streets, chalk cannons blasting the blue and black colours of school pride. There was still at least an hour of traffic to go through. Her mother began to scold her, her voice harsh and cutting. If Nozomi cried now, her mother would get her father to join in. She couldn't go anywhere. She was trapped by what she wanted most, reminded of why she was taken to her aunt's house for good. Why her parents left her, why she wasn't allowed to visit.
She was a good-for-nothing kid.
And that's all she'll ever be.
#bee yaps#bee writes#live/dreams#pjsk ocs#ocs#fics on tumblr#fiction writing#original character#original write#please dont repost!!!#aki mitsuki#nozomi achi#kojika hiyashi#kichi enomoto#hurt/comfort#if you look closely#theres also#hurt/no comfort#hahaha this is from AUGUST.#and has been sitting untouched in docs since like SEPTEMBER
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