#chat i think swad needs his own trigger warning

[saints-helen]

And he loved him in every way that a person Can be loved,

And he loved him in every way that a thing Can be loved,

And he loved him in every way that love itself can exist, and that was swad's problem.

He loved him too much.

He loved him as you would love a pagoda a temple a god, he loved him as you would love a fountain or a mountain or a cod, he loves him in the way you love tea and coffee and mud.

He loved him the way you love a partner a friend a lover, a sister or a neighbour or maybe something other, he loved him the way you love a mother a father, a son, and brother.

He loved him the way you love a lake and the sky, the view and the sunset, he loved him the way you love love and affection, and the stars and the onset of the numbers you choose to calculate, a birthday, a night with no stars and and a morning with no sun.

He loved him the way you loved a bed, after working, and the way you loved working after bed.

And he loved him the way you love sleep, obsession, and he loved him the way hunger loves the mortal and the fighter loves defeat.

And he loves him in the way you love hatred, and sound, and the way a hawk can love a rabbit its eating; gratefulness. Joy. Warmth.

And he loved him the falcon in the sky and he loved him the bird in its nest, and he loved him the cannibal a body and the body an archeologist;

"You knew that i was here. You know what i used to Be."

And he loved him the way the air loves your lungs and the way your lungs love the air, and the way your eyes loved the light and a child loves the fair.

And he loved him like a book and a story, and a pet, and a gaze upon something faulty;

A mechanic;

"You need me, you need this, let me make you Whole Again."

And he loved him as the hammer loves its maker and the way the maker loves his tool, and he loves him like the tiger loves its cub and its cub loves the fool, and how the fool loved the circus and the circus loved him too.

And he loved swan the way the prince does and the way a king does and the queen, and the evil sorceress and he loved him the way the spell loves the cursed; the molds of their body, the way the tower loved the beautiful princess in her folly a Bargain for defeat: kill the dragon, and you can have Me.

And he loved him the way a rainbow loved to be formed and he loved him like clouds love the sea, drifting on by again and again and again and he loved him like movement loved the air.

And the way dance loved music and music loved composers, and the love between possession possessor and object, and the love between siblings and prey and lovers, and he loved him in loving and hating and murder, and he loved him in killing and eating and further, and a burner burning eating away at a heart that's set aflame and the way the apple Loved him, and the way he loves it too.

Swad loved swan in the way you love a being. And swad loved swan in the way you love a thing. And swad loved swan in the way you eat your dinner. And swad loved swan in the way you love fleeing.

And he loved him like a feather loves to fall, and he loved him like muscle loved to tear, and he loved him like bone loved to break; in such an uncaring, effortless, ease of way.

And he loved him with effort, the way you run. And he loved him in trying, and clawing, and a growl. And he loved him when bleeding, when either of their clothes stained red, and he loved him like a feral dog loves to bark. And he loved him like a kind heart loved so loved to be, and he loved him like skin loved the earth, the worm, the flesh; with a need to tear and Mend and make so Perfect. And he loved him like the selfish loved the selfless and the way selfishness loved the self, and in swan's panicked eyes flickering back and forth drifting he saw his Whole Self. And he loved that too.

And he loved him like swan's scars loved his body. And he loved him like swan's weapons loved to Dig. And he loved him like swan's legs loved to kick. And he loved him like swan's ribs loved to Break.

And he loved him.

Oh he loved him so.

Oh how he loved him So.

And swan had always been the very thing he loved the most, and the apples loved him, too, they loved swan so very much, and they didn't only love swad, they loved swan because he loved him, they loved swan because all swad had ever wanted to do was make him His.

His brother.

His bones.

His wings.

His.

Only his.

And no one else's.

And no one could ever love swan as swad loved him.

Because strings aren't meant to be tangled, and yet they so very Love to.

And rock isn't meant to be broken, melted, and yet it oh so very Loved to.

And animals don't want to be hunted, eaten, and yet oh their bodies so very Wanted to.

Swan just didn't know it yet, that he was a bird for a bird of prey.

And swad, his hunger, loved him so very much.

And swad then loved him in the way you loved wanting, and so then he loved him in the way you loved having, and so then he loved him in the way you loved leaving, and so and So then he loved him, in the way you loved Needing.

And birds are never good with being hungry, no animal is, no object is, no thing is, no person.

No.

No.

They never did well with being hungry, no matter how hunger so very loved the stomach.

And all love is powerful and all love is wanting and all love is melting and all love is good, and all love is consumption and tangling up and up and up until you can no longer tell where love begins and where love ends and where they all stuck together diverge.

All of its different colours blended all together until they all loved the very same ugly beautiful brown of drying blood on a body that swad loved so so very much and it made him Wanting.

Mouth watering heart hammering and More.

And his eyes, dilating, slitting, changing ever so slightly as the breath left his brother his lover his weapon his Friend his beautiful beautiful moon in the sky, eyes growing duller and duller and he loved him the way a leg loved kicking in desperation and claws kept clawing vainly trying to catch some flesh underneath and the panicked, shallow, Wheezing rise and fall of his chest like a chirrup under talon made him endeared and adored and filled with so much Love, and he loved him the way teeth love biting and he loved him the way blood loved veins and he loved him the way it moved and moved and Begged to get out.

And he loved him the way adrenaline loved the hunt, and he loved him the way a system loved to give up, and he loved him like the earth loved the rot and he loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him loved him.

And Oh how he Loved him So Very much.