#chapter 4 wraps up in april :J and then I really start running.

[abyssalzones]

I think your art is wonderful and amazing and i cannot BELIVE I JUST NOW REALIZED YOU HAVE A COMIC!!!

thank you so much !! and yep it'll actually be hitting its yearly anniversary soon (same as the show's anniversary) which is crazy, I feel like I've made a miniscule dent in everything I want to put out so far... but I'll get there. sunk cost fallacy and all that.

[puckngrind]

What’s In A Name: 11- J. Toews

Chapter 11.

Where we left off: Jon and Bekah sent the summer traveling.  She has officially quit her job and they prepare for the upcoming season.

Warnings: smut, language

Word Count: 4,425

Series Masterlist ) Puck ‘n Grind’s masterlist

Beginnings.

Jon was intentional in making sure Bekah felt comfortable in what was now their home. He could see her comfort level change once they were back for good before training camp started. Jon suggested she transform one of the rooms into her office and they could redecorate the rest of their place as she wanted over the season. Bekah convinced him they could paint her new office space instead of hiring someone. So Jon’s first night off before the season, the two were taping off and laying tarps down in what was soon to be Bekah’s office.

“These colors remind me of Sedona, Beks.” Jon opens up the can and looks up at Bekah to see her pulling her hair into a bun

“The paint color is called Sedona clay, Babe.” Bekah laughs and finishes covering her new desk.

“So I’m right?” Jon points to the new furniture collected in the middle of the room with the clear plastic over it. The hint of blues and greens in the wood visible.

“Did you noticed the decor in the guest room for the walls?” She giggles watching Jon process as he starts putting the paint on the wall. He shakes his head. “Yes, Sedona is the inspiration for the office, Tae. There is a print of you hiking then two of us. One from this year and that first summer. I also bought some Arizona art.” Bekah takes in Jon’s smitten look as she watches his muscles flex while he reaches for the higher part of the wall.

“Why aren’t you painting too?” Jon doesn’t even turn around.

“Just taking in the view. It’s sexy as hell.” Jon shakes his ass at her and keeps painting.

“This room will never get painted if you don’t start painting the trim.” Jon turns to see Bekah sitting on the tarp. Leaning on her hands with her bottom lip sucked between her teeth. “Beks!” Jon flicks the paint roller at her. Paint splatters on Bekah’s face and she flinches.

“Did you just get paint on me?” Bekah stands with a fake sound of annoyance.

“Yeah, whatcha gonna do about it?” Jon smirks as Bekah stands on her tippy toes to try and be eye level with him.

“This.” Bekah’s finger swipes alone the roller in his hand and down Jon’s arm. A growl erupts from deep in Jon’s chest. He drops the roller and wraps his arms around her. Lips ghost her own.

“Is this the reaction you were looking for?” He bites at her bottom lip and Bekah nods. “But we need to paint this room so you can feel all home like while I’m gone.”

“Is that why? That’s why isn’t it Tae?” Bekah rubs down his jawline and he flinches.

“Beks, we’ve practically been together 24/7 since April. With the season starting, I’m just... I’m...” Jon drops his forehead to hers unable to speak the words.

“Worried. You are worried with you going out of town, I will what, hate it? Leave you? Go home? Is that what’s going on in your head, Baby?” Bekah leans back and Jon nods.

“It seems silly but I don’t want to lose you because of my job.” Jon’s whole body tenses and Bekah runs her hands down his arms then to his waist. Pulling him into her.

“I’m not going anywhere, Tae.” Bekah whispers.

“You sure?” Jon can hardly be heard.

“Yeah, the mind blowing sex is too good to give up.” Bekah giggles trying to break the emotional conversation.

“Mind blowing sex, eh?” Jon brings his hands up to his head to create an explosion and smiles. “Just remember how mind blowing it is when I’m gone for over a week for the west coast and Canada stretches, m’kay?” Jon kisses her lips sweetly and Bekah presses into him.

“Care to remind me now?” Bekah batted her eyes at him. He pulled up at her thighs with no warning burying his face in neck.

“très bien, mon amour.” Jon breathes into her skin. “Very much so, my love... but what about painting this room?” Jon looks into Bekah’s eyes.

“Just hire someone.” She giggles as Jon makes his way to their bedroom. “We need to wash this paint off first.” Bekah stops kissing his neck and looks towards their bathroom.

“Fine...” Jon mumbles and changed direction from their bed to the bathroom. He placed Bekah on the counter and hardly moves to grab a towel and wet it. He gently starts wiping her face where the paint splattered. “You know when you shaved my beard off after the cup?” He stops and looks deep into her eyes there is a fleck of gold that glimmers in the pool of green and brown.

“How could I forget?” Bekah bites at her lip and takes the towel from him.

“I think that’s when I realized this wasn’t just sex. You and me. This was something more.” Jon admits.

“Really?” Jon could hear the self doubt in Bekah’s voice.

“Don’t get me wrong, the sex was the driving force of our first encounters but how gentle and sexy you were shaving me... that might have been the point when I knew. I’m so glad you were with me when I won the cup. I look back and I know my brain said this was way more and you needed to be here.” Jon’s admission makes Bekah blush.

“Tae, that was 4 years ago!” Bekah gulps.

“I know.” Jon kisses her slowly. “I didn’t say it’s when I knew I loved you. I said my brain knew this was more than sex.” Jon pulls her hips into his.

“Tae.” Bekah moaned into his now bare chest. Without answering, Jon pulls her off the counter and carries her to their bed.

“I promised mind blowing, let’s see if I can deliver.” He laughs while crawling up between her legs kissing Bekah’s lips first then her jaw followed by her collarbone. Bekah’s body arches into his touch while her hands find his hair. Jon’s lips and hand caress her breasts. Nipping each peak before running his tongue down her stomach. Bekah’s hips roll under his chest causing him to laugh into her navel. “My girl needs me to hurry, huh?” His eyes take in Bekah’s flushed face. Her lips part but she doesn’t speak. He returns to his work of worshiping her body while making his way to her core. His fingers and tongue working together to elicit moans from Bekah. “Do you know what I love?” Jon pulls his face from her heat and looks up at Bekah. She huffs our her disapproval and sits up on her elbows.

“What that you could feel my orgasm building and stopped?” Bekah’s voice has a hint of annoyance in it as she stares at Jon.

“Sorry, I will resume that in a second.” His fingers slide between her folds and Bekah’s body jolts. “I love that we’ve been doing this for years now and it’s not old. It’s not standard. It’s still a turn on.”

“Are you really having this epiphany now Tae? While you are between my legs?” Bekah’s eyebrows shoot up and Jon smiles.

“I guess. Sorry. I shall resume.” Jon’s mouth sucks at Bekah’s clit and her body jolts.

“Fuck, Jon!” Bekah’s body returns to the mattress as she feels her orgasm building. His fingers intentional deep inside her while he flicks and licks at her clit. “Tae.” Bekah’s hips jolt up and she feels Jon hum against her. Her hands finds his hair again and the wave crash over her. Jon’s actions don’t slow as her feet curl up onto his back. Fingers keep a pace that is sure to send another ripping through her body. Bekah pants trying to speak. “Tae, up. Please.” She almost whispers. Jon pulls away slightly and makes his way up her body. His hand gliding under her leg to press himself deep inside. His lips firm against hers and he grunts at the sensation.

“Je t'aime.” Jon whispers in her ear as he rolls his hips further into her.

“I love you too.” Bekah laments and pulls her legs further over his hips. Her hands grab at his back muscles. Jon’s trusts are slow and deep. Bekah’s back arches into him and he holds her body there. His hips pick up the pace. Both moan in response. Jon kisses Bekah’s lips hard as he feels both of their orgasms peak. Bekah clinching around him as he pulsates with release. Both panting and gasping for air. Jon collapses onto Bekah. Her fingers running through his hair. “Mind blowing.” Bekah whispers and feels Jon’s whole body laugh.

“Remember that when I’m gone for 4 days. Okay?” Jon groans while slowly moving next to Bekah and she moves her head to lay on his chest.

“And back to your epiphany, sex has never been standard with you.” Bekah feels his smile in sound of Jon’s agreement. “I feel it’s gotten better since this summer too.”

“How’s that?” Jon’s hand runs down her spine

“Not rushed. Not needing to fit a much into a short amount of time as possible. Before we had these chunks of time, you know?” Bekah’s voice is just above a whisper.

“I know and you are right.” Jon kisses the top of her head. “As a healthy relationship should be Beks.”

The season was finally here. Bekah was snuggled on the couch for the first game and decided to FaceTime Brynn. The two chatting about everything under the sun when she heard the buzz from the front door. “Did you order take out?” Brynn questions but Bekah shakes her head while walking to the front. She sees a delivery truck through the window. “He sent you something, didn’t he?” Brynn questions reading Bekah’s face.

“Hold on Rin. I need 2 hands.” Bekah places the phone on the entry day table and Brynn keeps up her guessing while Bekah retrieves the delivery and thanks the gentleman at the gate. “He did not have to do this.” Bekah places the two items on the table and picked up the phone to show Brynn. There were a large bouquet of wild flowers with stunning day lilies in a vase as well as a small cactus in a clay pot.

“The cactus is for your desk isn’t it?” Brynn takes in the flowers and cute plant.

“I’m sure.” Bekah returns the view back to herself. “He didn’t have to do that. He’s gone for 2 more days.” She exhales.

“But we are letting him, friend. Don’t fight it. You hear me?” Brynn jokingly pushes her finger into the camera. “What’s the card say?”

“For my number one fan, I’m so glad you love me back. See you soon. Always, Tae.” Bekah crashes back on the couch.

“I’m never sure rather to start dry heaving or say awe with you two and how hot for each other you are.” Brynn laughs.

“It’s his handwriting too, Rin. He must have done it before he left.” Bekah ran her fingers over the card. The words ringing in her ears from April when she told him she loved him.

“Because he loves you and he’s worried because this whole WAG life is not easy.” Brynn huffs out.

“I swear you two talk! He is worried. I explained how you and I were looking to travel to one of his away games. I’m coming to Columbus in two weeks with him...” Brynn squeals with delight.

“I’m looking forward to a whole Saturday with you! Well, I know I have to share you with your parents... but you know.”

“I’m coming Friday morning and spending it with my parents then you and the game on Saturday.” Bekah laughs taking in her best friend’s reaction. They say their goodbyes and Bekah turns her attention to the game.

The first 2 games went well for the team and Jon. He slipped into bed late after the St. Louis game. Wrapping his arms tight around Bekah and feel his jersey on her body. “Hey baby, I’m home.” His voice was low. Bekah shifted into his arms waking up.

“There is my hat trick Captain!” Bekah moves her arms around him and kisses his lips. “I was hoping you’d wake me up so I can congratulate you.” She kisses him again. Her leg slides up his and around his hip.

“You fell asleep in my sweater huh?” Jon nibbles as her neck. Bekah nods.

“I finished overtime in here.” She whispered. “Figured it wasn’t a big deal since I’m wearing my jacket tomorrow.” Bekah moans.

“Hmmm.... today actually so I need to work quickly.” Jon hums and slides over top of Bekah.

Bekah pulled at her Toews jacket maybe a million times while waiting for Jon to skate out for warmups. She had sat in the family section at the United Center once before but without the eyes of the world on her. She was thankful Alyssa showed up and the boys made sure they were next to each other. They fell into easy conversation. Alyssa pointed out each girl to help Bekah remember their names and who they belonged too. The teams skated out and Jon found his way to glass in front of them. He waved her down. Bekah mouths no. “I don’t think he’s taking no for an answer.” Alyssa laughs taking in the interaction. Bekah slid out of her seat and walked the 10 rows to the glass. Jon’s eyes lock on hers.

“Catch.” He yells and before Bekah could ask what, a puck was flying over the glass at her. He blew her a kiss and skated off. Bekah could feel her face the same color as his jersey as she slid the puck in her pocket and then walked back to her seat.

“Well that was adorable.” One of the girls from behind her says.

“What’s it say?” Alyssa’s shoulder bumps Bekah’s. Her eyebrow raises as she pulls the puck out of the pocket. The opening night 2018 logo printed on the front with the Blackhawks and Maple Leafs emblems and the date. It had stick tape wrapped around it and Bekah spins it slowly around.

“Bekah’s first home opener” Bekah angles it towards Alyssa and catches the sharpie on the bottom. “Oh!” Her eyes land on the bottom where Jon wrote thanks for being my #1 fan! Always, Tae

“That’s sweet. Do you have one from the playoff game?” Alyssa asks but before Bekah can answer she hears a girl two rows back.

“So, THAT’S Jonny’s girlfriend?” Bekah turns slightly to see a young blonde who looks more like she’s going to the club than sitting at a hockey game. “Is she gonna take Queen Dayna’s role away and plan the WAG outings?” The words rolled off the tongue of the young girl in a venomous way and Bekah couldn’t focus on anything else. She met Dayna Seabrook a few times. She was very kind and welcoming. Bekah never thought about being the leader of the women like Jon was of the men. Alyssa excused herself to get drinks and Bekah feels her phone buzz.

Brynn: how’s your first home opener?

Bekah: Am I suppose to lead the WAGs? Like am I in charge of them? Wtf Rin!

Brynn: excuse yourself and call me.

Bekah did just that.

“Who put that in your head?” Brynn didn’t even let Bekah say hello.

“Some girl sitting behind me asked the girl next to her if I was Jonny’s girl and if I was taking over the WAGs.” Bekah tugs at her jacket. “Rin... like, that’s not...” Brynn stops her.

“Sweetie, no one is asking you to do so. There is a well established wives group with the Hawks. Was this girl wearing a jacket?” Brynn questions.

“No. Looked like she was heading out to the Short North not sitting at a hockey game.” Bekah laughs a little.

“So she’s either sitting there to try to get to know the girls and catch herself a hockey player or she’s fucking one and he was being nice and let her sit in his seats. Ignore her and enjoy the game with Alyssa.” Brynn smiles knowing what Bekah will say next.

“How the fuck do you know I’m sitting next to her? I swear you and Jon talk!” Bekah pulls at the bridge of her nose.

“I just know he wants to make you as comfortable as possible. Go catch a puck and I’ll see you soon!” Brynn smiles.

“Already did. Personalized too.” Bekah rolls the hard rubber between her fingers in her denim pocket while listening to the delight of Brynn. “I hear the intro, need to go!”

The game was high scoring and Jon scored his fifth goal in the new season. Over time ended with a Toronto score. Bekah and the other girls walked down to the designated family room. Taking a picture of them all. Dayna making sure Bekah was in this one. Bekah was standing in a group of the girls talking when Jon’s arm surprise her as he pulls her into his chest. “Hey Tae.” She turns in his grip to look up at the defeated look of her man. “Ready to go home?” He nods and they say goodbye to the team. Jon’s muscles were tight while driving home. “Thanks for the puck.” Bekah breaks the silence.

“I wish we could have won and you could have seen my hat trick not the other team’s.” His voice has a hint of anger in it.

“I know, you did well. I enjoyed myself.” Bekah runs her fingers through his hair.

“That’s good. You looked good in the middle of the ladies.” Bekah sees the hint of a smile.

“Now where am I going to put this?” Bekah retrieves the puck from her pocket.

“With the others.” Jon mumbles as he pulls into the garage.

“Others? Like your hat trick pucks, first goal? Those in the game room?” Bekah shuts the door and stares at Jon who has this look like he’s up to something.

“Nope. Let me show you.” His hand slides into hers as they make their way to the guest room Bekah stayed in for the Stanley Cup. He opens the top drawer of the dresser. Bekah hears the sound of pucks sliding and looks inside.

“What’s this Tae?” She picks up one and spins it around her finger.

“Bekah’s first Cup game.” She gasps.

“I’ve been collecting pucks for you. Well I had to track down one but the rest were intentional for you.” He picks up one. “This is the one I had Derek help me with.” He hands her the puck. The 2015 All-Star game emblem on the top. Bekah twirled it in her hands to read the writing on the tape.

“When we met.” She read the words out. “Oh, Tae.” Bekah feels the emotion in her throat.

“It’s silly. I know. I kept a puck for you from warm ups when we won then you left for work and I just tucked it in this drawer. We weren’t exactly defining things so I just left them in here, you know.” Jon’s lips touch her temple.

“Can I display them in my office? Get one of those shelf things you have?” Bekah lays her chin on his chest and stares into the loving and intentional chocolate eyes of her boyfriend.

“Of course, Baby.” Jon scoops Bekah up and carries her to their bedroom loving that she didn’t fight him anymore on the love they shared.

Before Bekah knew it she was on a plane back to Columbus. Brynn told her she got special permission from her boss to pick Bekah up as long and she stopped to visit. Bekah sees her best friend holding a sign. “Sorry I’m not a foot taller and a hot ass hockey man but I’ve missed you. Really Rin?” Bekah laughs reading the sign aloud and embracing her bestie.

“Well, normally he’s the one picking you up.” Brynn shrugs. “Let’s get me to work so you can visit and then to your parents.” Brynn links arms with Bekah and the two make their way to her car. “Wait! Did you bring me my payment?” Brynn stops dead in her tracks feet from her car.

“Yes, the Garrett’s popcorn is safely tucked inside my suitcase.” Bekah laughs at Brynn’s excitement.

“I guess there are benefits to you living in Chicago.”

“Popcorn is one of them, huh?” Bekah eyes her best friend who is shaking her head.

Bekah’s visit with her parents went exactly how she expected. The conversation with her dad while sitting outside taking in the crisp October evening was one she didn’t expect. “Do you think you will marry him?” Her dad’s voice was low she almost didn’t catch it.

“What Dad?” Bekah’s eyes go wide.

“Do you think you will marry Jon?” His voice loud and clear this time.

“I... I... I mean.” Her dad chuckled.

“B, you and flustered ways. Still the same since you could talk.” Her dad laughs harder. “Is this different than the last relationship?”

“Very much so.” That question was easy to answer.

“Do you see yourself with him forever? Even after his career is over?” His matter of fact tone mirrored Jon’s and Bekah just realized the similarities.

“Yeah I kinda do. And I don’t love him because of what he does, you know?” Bekah’s voice questioning.

“I know you don’t B. I’m pretty sure he thinks you would prefer him not to be in the spotlight.” Her dad wasn’t wrong and she let those words soak in.

Just like before Bekah wore Jon’s jersey to the game. After a day filled with hitting up her favorite places with Brynn she was ready to be back at Nationwide again. Jon didn’t play his best but the team won. She met him in the familiar hallway between the locker rooms. Several of the Blue Jackets players still remembered her and said their hellos. She laughed as Jon scoped her up. “Whatcha doing Tae?” She runs her hand through his damp hair.

“Doing things I wish I could have done for years of being down here with you.” He kisses her lips. “Let’s get back to the hotel, okay?” He drops her gently on the ground and pulls her into his side. “Enjoy Brynn today? Get your Columbus fill for now?”

“Yeah. Actually I don’t miss it as much as I thought I would.” Bekah looks up to see Jon glowing.

“That’s good, right?” He opens her car door and she slides on only nodding at the admission.

“Crazy to think this isn’t home.  The only places for me to sleep are your hotel room, my old bedroom at my parents’ or Brynn’s place.”  Bekah pulls the car into the hotel’s garage.

“I guess but we really never stayed at your place during the season.”  Jon answers then he clicks his tongue remembering something else.  “Before I forgot, the guys were talking Halloween party before our Canada roadie. We need a couples costume.” Jon pops out of Bekah’s car and jogs over to her door. As he slams it behind her the popping of his shoulder is heard by both.

“You okay there Tin Man?” She giggles and they both look at each other.

“Perfect!” The two say in unison.

The Halloween party was a blast. Bekah dressed like Dorothy and Jon as the Tin man. She’s pretty sure his hand only left her body to refill their drinks. Jon wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or what but watching Bekah interact with his hockey family with such ease made his heart skip a beat. He should have guessed these social events would be this way.

“She’s a keeper, Jonny.” Duncan interrupted Jon’s thoughts and he looks over and just nods his head. “I’m not sure how you managed it.” His chirp was met by a shoulder.

“To be honest, luck. Luck is how I found her.” Jon watches as Bekah and Alyssa chat with some of the other girls. Her head falls back laughing while she tugs on one of her braids.  Jon crosses the room and presses his body in behind her.  “Ready whenever you are.”  His breath is heavy on her ear.  She nods and they head for the door.

“Are you sure you are okay staying home by yourself?” Jon asked for the millionth time while packing for the first long road trip of the year.

“Yes, Tae. I have a project to work on and want to mess with that one wall in the living room.” Bekah sits on the bed with her feet tucked under her. “I’m not going to run back home with every trip.” She huffs out.

“But...” Bekah crawls over to the foot of the bed where Jon is packing.

“But nothing. It’s 5 days then I get you for a whole day off. I don’t even have to share you with a morning skate or meetings.” She giggles and he joins her.

The Canadian stretch was not good for Jon and the team. Even with starting out as strong as he did this season there was a tension felt with each loss. Jon hadn’t been gone long for morning skate after their return when Bekah sees her phone buzzing.

Jon: they fired Joel.

Jon: hired a guy my age

Jon: I think he’s younger than Keith

Jon: I’m coming home

Bekah looks at the texts and doesn’t know what to do so she calls Brynn.

“What should I do? Expect? Help!” Bekah is pacing waiting for the door to fly open at any point.

“Bekah, I’m going to be honest. This might get ugly with the fan base and Jon being the captain. There maybe a ripple effect.” Bekah’s wince was noticed even over the phone.

“So... what do I do?” Bekah paces.

“Brace for impact.” Brynn’s voice is firm.

“Impact?” Bekah questions.

“Yeah, impact.” With that the door swings open and Jon’s bag hits the floor with a thud and his ridged body is just standing in the doorway with a mixture of emotions spread across his face.

“I gotta...” Bekah pulls the phone from her ear to hang up.

“Good luck.” Brynn whispered while hanging up. 

Bekah makes her way to Jon and wraps her arms around him. He melts into her touch.  “I’m here Tae.  I’m here.”  Bekah kisses his shoulder and they just stand there in an embrace.

[blueberryrock]

Hey guys and gals, so it turns out that they released the new suf early on the cn app, and not only can I not watch it early (not too mad about that) but my favorite character (Blue Diamond) has a freaking song!!!!

I am very tempted to listen to it, but no, I must stay stronger. Enjoy the new chapter

(Yellow's pov)

I angrily pace around my room, how could Blue not react to news like that, there is a difference from bottling up your emotions and not showing any at all.

And I should know, but I expected her to start crying or for her to show some sort of emotion. I take my helmet off and I throw it on my bed, I run my gloved hand through my coarse hair.

I let out an exhausted sigh, I walk to my bed and I fall onto my back, I begin to pluck strands of hair from my scalp.

She knows what happened with Pink, and how she turned into Steven, and he has none of her memories...I don't want to lose her too, but she's making the rest of her time hard for me to spend it with her.

Or is it me that's doing it? Maybe I should message her...Maybe I should talk to Steven about this? I don't know how much help he will be, he did say that he doesn't remember much when he was a baby.

Maybe I should see if that Garnet would be willing to talk, she was there when Pink was pregnant with Steven, but I highly doubt that she'll want to talk to me.

I should just get some work done and deal with everything later. I sluggishly sit up, I pull my hand out from my hair and I shake off a clump of freshly plucked hair.

I groan and rub my face with my hands, I should definitely do something productive now. I groan again as my big yellow doors open.

"Yellow" Stevens small voice echo in the room.

"Yes" I lay my head in my hands.

"I came to check on you. Spinel told me what happened after I left" Steven makes his way over to my bed, I offer him to jump in my hand, and I gently put him on the plush yellow bed "so what's wrong?"

I cross my arms on my chest "it's nothing, i'm fine" I grind my teeth together.

"Yellow" Steven says somewhat annoyed.

"Fine, it's just that we learned that we probably lost one of the gemlings, and Blue didn't even get upset or start crying" I mutter out, a small arc of lighting forms from my knee to my mid-thigh.

"And?" Steven presses.

"And, I'm over here about to cry over it" I curl my hand into fists, more of an angry cry then a sad one.

Steven places his tiny hand on my thigh "maybe, she's just dealing with it differently, everyone does. Take me and Amethyst for example, in stressful situations I tend to get emotional, and Amethyst tends to get aggressive and angry towards others" Steven explains "so, you're frustrated and angry while blue could try and hide it from us, but she's probably just as upset as you are"

I sigh and fall onto my back and I accidentally Steven flying into the air and back a few feet "you're probably right, maybe I should message her?"

"Maybe give her some space to" Steven walks back to where he was sitting.

I turn my head to look at him, "once again, you're probably right" I run my hand through my hair again, more lighting forms. Ugh, I still don't know why she didn't seem to care.

I start picking strands of hair from my head, and Steven seems to notice "Yellow, what are you doing?" He asks worriedly.

"What? I'm not doing anything" I say as I try to shake off a clump of hair.

"That" he points to the clump.

"Oh, it's a habit that I do when I'm...thinking" I sit back up. "Well I normally run my hand through my hair when I'm thinking, but if I'm nervous I tend to start pulling some of it"

I finally just brush the clump of hair off my hand and onto the floor. "Well you need to stop that and relax" Steven says.

"Well everything that I would want to do, you wouldn't find very relaxing" I look down at him.

"Oh, maybe we can go to your sauna" Steven says cheerfully.

"It might make me feel better" I slightly smile at him.

"Then let's go" Steven leaps off of my bed.

"Alright alright, but let's stop by Spinel's room so you can change" I push myself off the bed and exit my room with Steven.

(Blue's pov)

"Yellow, I'm very sorry that I didn't react to the very concerning news, umm, it's just that the shock of the news didn't affect me then but now I've cried for an entire cycle about it. Please, I'm just as torn up about this as you are, please let me speak to you in person" I speak into my recording device "i-i'm sorry, if you let me speak to you, I c-can fix it. I am sorry"

I hit the stop button of my recording device, I lay my head on my vanity in shame. If only I could talk to her, I could fix it.

I lift my head and I look back at the floating screen, my eyes turn to look at the send button. My finger hovers over it, but instead I close the screen.

I sigh. I wish I were back in the old days, not for the colonizing part, but for how awkwardly adorable Yellow used to be around me. Back then, my feelings for her were so simple, but now everything is so damn complicated.

Back then, if I didn't show any emotion Yellow would've been fine with it, but now I'm like a monster to her.

Stars, why can't I just be happy? Or at the very least enjoy what's happening? I place my hand on my belly, I dig my nails into my skin, carefully trying not to draw any blood.

Fuck it. I'm going to go and see her, and maybe, just maybe, tell her how I actually feel. I push back my chair and stand up, I quickly walk out of my chambers, down the hall, past White's room, and straight towards Yellow's room.

I stop right in front of her door, my hand is barely an inch away from the panel. Should I do this? Yellow said to leave her alone. What if she won't talk to me....What if she will hate me for this. What if she...okay, calm down. One of worst things she can do is tell you to go away or she will tell you that she doesn't love you anymore and that she doesn't want to see you ever again...

I quickly retract my hand away from the panel, maybe I should think about this more, no, I've done enough thinking. I slam my hand on the panel, the big golden doors open and warm air hits me.

"Yellow?" I poke my head in the room "I've come to talk to you" I walk into Yellow's room.

"I know you said to leave you alone, but I'm too anxious to really do that" the doors close behind me. I walk further into the seemingly empty room.

I sigh, I guess she left. Probably to talk to White about what a horrible gem I am, or to Spinel, o-or Steven. She's probably telling them that they should stay away from an emotionless monster.

I sit down on Yellow's golden bed, I rest my head in my hands. Stars, I drove her away, I should just go back to my chambers and-. I hear the sound of yellow's big golden doors open, and I excitedly look up to see Yellow diamond and Steven walking into the room.

"Blue?" Steven calls out surprised.

I weakly glance at Yellow, if looks could shatter, I'd be gone a long time ago.

"What are you doing here" Yellow says angrily.

"I-i came to apologize" I scramble to my feet.

"I don't want to hear it" Yellow replies coldly.

"Yellow, you should hear her out, cause the only thing you should do is tell her to leave" Steven says.

"Fine" Yellow says through gritted teeth "but make it quick"

I take an unesscary breath in "Yellow, I-I am very sorry, I didn't mean for it to turn out this way" I start breaking down "I am very upset that we've lost one of the gemlings, it's j-just that the shock of i-it didn't hit me until I caused you t-to storm out"

A few tears roll down my cheeks "we both probably know that I don't have a whole lot of time left, a-and I don't want to spend it torn apart because of something that I've done" I look at her through watery eyes.

She walks over to me, she wraps her warm arms around me as I sob into the crook of her neck.

"Shh it's okay" Yellow whispers in my ear as she strokes my hair. I watch Steven quietly leave the room, after more crying and my aura almost escaping, we end up on Yellow's bed.

"Does this mean you forgive me? I understand if you don't" I look down at my hands.

"I haven't decided that yet, but Blue" I look at Yellow with semi-watery eyes. "I want you to be completely honest with me"

Oh stars.

"Is there something else that's wrong?"

And ta-da! I'm not good at emotional scenes or apologizing scenes, but I think I did okay. Hope y'all enjoy that, I would like to say I'm taking a break this week, so now new chapter till the 4 of April.

Bye!

[hurricane-jenn]

Who Says You Can’t Go Back- Chapter 6

Hey guys. I was unsure if I wanted to continue with this story since the season premier has made it pretty irrelevant, but a lot of things didn’t go the way I wanted so I’m making my own version. I am not going to continue this for too long, since it’s no longer canon, but there will be one or two more chapters.

Again thanks always to @em-m-j for being my editor and my cheerleader.

Chapter 1 2 3 4 5

“Meredith?” Amelia questioned as she was met with her sister in law standing outside the ambulance. “What are you doing here?”

“I uhhh… well I thought you might need a general consult. You know, to assess her injuries.”  Meredith stammered.

“She's fine,” Amelia interjected. “Only minor injuries nothing is surgical.”

“It's fine,” Megan cut in. “She just wants to check out the competition.”

Meredith blushed, suddenly embarrassed at being caught. She looked down at her pager pretending it was buzzing. “Uh well, I have to go. Nice meeting you.”

She rushed off back into the hospital and Amelia and Megan burst out laughing.

The paramedics unloaded Megan from the ambulance, Amelia flanking her.

Upon Chief Bailey’s orders Megan was escorted into a private room, and not long after Owen, Nathan and Teddy joined them.

It was a beautiful moment, all of the people who meant most to Megan, and her new sister in law, were gathered by her bedside. But there was one person missing. Megan heard a shuffle near her door, and looked up to see her mother standing in the doorway.

Evelyn's eyes met Megan's and both their eyes were clouded with tears. Evelyn rushed to her daughter's bedside, clasping Megan's hand in her own.

“Oh Megan,” Evelyn exclaimed, still trying to hold back her tears. “You're home! I thought you were dead. Don't scare me like that again!” Evelyn scolded.

Megan let out a soft giggle as she pulled her mom into a hug. “It's okay Mom, I'm here, I'm okay.”

Evelyn pulled up a chair never letting go of Megan's hand. On one side of Megan's bed were her mother and Nathan, Teddy was sitting on the other side of her bed, and Owen and Amelia were at the foot of her bed, her brother’s arm around his wife. It was perfect. So why didn't she feel perfect? She saw her perfect family and her heart clenched. This is what she had almost lost. What she did lose, for ten years. And all because of some rebels who had needed a trauma surgeon. Sure they had treated her well, but she was still a prisoner. She was taken away from her friends and her family, and she feared for her life daily. If she botched a surgery, would they kill her? If she tried to run, would she make it? If there was an attack, would she be caught in the crossfire? These were the thoughts that still haunted Megan, though she was free she didn't feel safe. They had robbed her of that, her sense of security, and she wasn't sure if she would ever get that back. Would she ever be able to sleep alone, or to go out at night without looking over her shoulder every second? These were the things racing through her mind as she tried to put on a brave face for her family.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the door to her room opening and a young brunette doctor entered the room. She looked very uncomfortable at interrupting their family moment. She approached Amelia and Owen, trying to find the right words to say.

“What is it Wilson?” Owen asked reassuringly when she didn't speak.

“It's Edwards,” she confessed. “I know you two were away so I'm not sure if you heard what happened.”

“What about Edwards? What happened? Is everything okay?” Amelia jumped in, concern for her mentee apparent on her face.

“I'm sure you heard there was an explosion,” Jo began. “Well Steph was the closest to it, she was trying to protect a little girl and she took the brunt of the explosion.”

Amelia's face paled. Owen squeezed her hand supportively. “Where is she now?” Amelia exclaimed. “Can I see her?”

“They are about to chopper her to a burns unit now.” Wilson explained. “That's why I came, I thought you would want to say goodbye.”

Amelia looked from Wilson, to Megan lying in the bed, then over at Owen. It was almost as if she was asking his permission to leave him and his family.

“Go,” he urged her. “You need to be with Edwards right now.”

She nodded at him, gratitude in her eyes, and squeezed his hand. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head. “I'll be here when you get back.”

Amelia exited the room and Owen turned to face his family. All eyes in the room were on him.

“What?” he inquired.

“I've been meaning to ask,” Megan started. “How's married life?”

“It's amazing,” Owen replied without hesitation. “I mean we have had our ups and downs, a lot of downs lately, but she's incredible. She cares so much about everyone, and she is so devoted to her patients and her friends. One time she even threw a dinner party even though she can't cook, just so Nate and I would spend time together.” Nathan and Owen shared a chuckle at that.

“Yes it's a shame you two had a falling out,” Evelyn interjected. “But I credit my wonderful daughter in law for getting you back on track.”

“You guys are like disgustingly cute,” Megan exclaimed. “You're like pasty white Ken and short Barbie.”

The whole group laughed at that comment, leave it to Megan to tell it like it was. Though things had been difficult, he was happy that Amelia and he had spoken, and he hoped that they would continue to keep the lines of communication open in the future. He was just so happy that his sister seemed to love his wife, and he knew his mother did too.

Amelia rushed through the corridors of the hospital to where Wilson informed her Edwards would be. When she approached the room she suddenly became very nervous. Edwards was in the hospital, as a patient. She couldn't wrap her mind around it. Silently she pushed open the door and crept into the room. The lights were dim and she could barely make out the figure in the bed.

“Is it time to go?” the figure in bed asked in a raspy voice. She sounded like the resident Amelia knew well, but at the same time different. A little more broken, defeated.

“Edwards it's me, Doctor Shepherd. I came to check up on you.” Amelia walked closer to the bed, shocked at the state her favourite resident was in. She has burns on every inch of her exposed skin, many of which were currently bandaged.

“Doctor Shepherd, what are you doing here? I thought you were with Doctor Hunt and his sister. Are they okay?”

Amelia was touched at Stephanie's concern for her and her family. “I was with them, we transferred Megan here just a few hours ago. But then Wilson told me my favourite resident was in trouble, and I had to come check on you.”

Steph smiled up at her mentor. “Thanks Doctor Shepherd. It means a lot that you came. You know I'm so grateful for everything you have done for me. I wouldn't be the doctor I am today if not for you.”

Amelia beamed at Edwards. “You know you helped me out a lot too,” she confessed. “You kept me in check when I got to absorbed in a case, you were the reason I made I through Herman’s surgery, you let me crash on your couch, and you were the one who told me I needed to talk to Owen. You helped me save my marriage.”

“So you two talked?”

“We did,” Amelia admitted. “And though it's not magically better we are working on it. You helped that happen.”

Steph grinned, happy her mentor would have someone there for her now that she was leaving.

“I'm not coming back, you know. Once I'm better I'm not coming back here.”

Amelia nodded solemnly. “I figured that much. I understand how much of your life has revolved around doctors and medicine, and hospitals. But I also know that you have a talent, and that talent should not be wasted. I know you feel that you need to take some time away from this, and that's okay, but don't take forever. Come back here and continue to learn. Because I know whichever resident they give me next will never measure up. And I think one day you have the ability to be a greater surgeon than even me. So don't give up on what you were meant to do.”

Stephanie was crying now at Amelia’s words. Amelia moved closer to the bed taking her hand.

“Thank you Doctor Shepherd,” Stephanie whispered.

“No,” Amelia answered. “Thank you.”

Teddy left Megan's room giving her some time with her family. She had promised to return with food so she headed to the cafeteria. Since arriving back in Seattle she had seen new face after new face. Things really had changed in five years. She had yet to see a familiar face.

She knew coming back here would be hard, but she didn't realize just how difficult it would be. Every room, every hallway had some memory of Henry. In fact the room that Megan had been placed in was where Henry and she shared their first kiss.

She had tried to be strong. She had tried to pretend it didn't bother her. She was here to support Megan, she couldn't let herself be swept up in her own grief. She was beginning to realize that she needed her support system too. She needed to find her friends.

When she entered the cafeteria she scanned around hoping to recognize someone. Her eyes fell on two familiar faces and she grinned with excitement. Her old friends. Arizona and April sat at a table chatting, while Karev, Avery and Grey sat at another with a woman she did not recognize. Deciding to approach her close friends first she crept up to their table.

“Surprise!” she exclaimed grabbing Arizona’s arm.

“You're here, so soon!” Arizona replied ecstatically. “I knew you were coming but not yet. I got ghosted. The girl I was dating she upped and moved away with no word. Callie moved away, she took Sophia and left,” Arizona rambled. “You left, you didn't return my calls, you ghosted me too! I got friend ghosted!”

Teddy took a breath trying to take in everything her friend had just said. “I know,” she replied honestly. “And I'm so sorry about that. But I'm here now.”

“Yes you are!” Arizona said throwing her arms around Teddy. “And we are so happy you're here!”

Teddy and April exchanged hugs and Teddy sat down to join her friends for lunch.

Owen had left Megan's room as well in search of his wife. She had gone off to see Stephanie over an hour ago and had yet to return. He checked in the ICU, noting that Edwards had already been transferred. He checked the attendings lounge, the cafeteria, she was nowhere to be found.

Finally he decided to check in the on-call rooms, not expecting her to be there at all. Opening the door cautiously in case someone was sleeping, he was surprised to find his wife sitting on the bed tears in her eyes.

He rushed to her side sitting down beside her. “Babe what's wrong?”

“Steph is leaving, she's giving up being a doctor. I failed her as a mentor,” she confided as she let out a sob.

Owen pulled her close soothing her. “It's okay you didn't fail her. You took her under your wing. And she is going to be an amazing doctor because of you.”

“But I let her down, and now she's leaving. I let you down too. What if you leave?” she asked, her sobs becoming stronger. “What if you leave me too? I don't think I'll survive that.”

Owen suddenly felt guilty for causing her to worry about him leaving. “Babe it's okay,” he soothed. “I'm not going anywhere. We're in this together.” He pulled her down to lie beside him on the bed the two drifted off to sleep together.

Across the hospital, Megan was feeling very anxious. Teddy and her brother had left, and Nathan had volunteered to take her mom home. She was alone in her room. Alone really for the first time since Iraq. And she couldn't deal with it. Her breathing became shallower and tears spilled from her eyes. She thrashed around in her bed, gulping in breath after breath. But suddenly she gulped and no air came in. She could feel her lungs constricting, but nothing could get past her sobs. She reached for her call button but before she could press it everything went black.