#chapter 2 heeeyyoooo!

[moonprincess92]

Rebelcaptain fanfic: take me out tonight (2)

Chapter 1 

Read on AO3 

Chapter 2: so dark we forget who we are 

   The market place on Kariah was hot, sweaty and assaulted her nose with every scent. Along with the blazing triple suns, air pollution hung like a fog over the streets, highlighting the dust that kicked up under feet and intensifying the temperature even more. Jyn Erso hadn’t exactly chosen to come here; she’d been given a free ride out of a slight mess she’d gotten herself into (she might have possibly stolen from the wrong person), with the only downside being no choice in where the cargo shipment landed. She was stuck in this hellhole until she managed to find another way off-planet, and she had to do it before she melted. The high-rise buildings only made the heat worse, towering above the stalls and the crowds, so that it gave off the feeling of walking through a swamp.

    But for what felt like the first time since she’d walked down the ship ramp and was hit with the blast of heat, she wasn’t currently thinking about the weather.

   Jyn pulled the hood over her head even further as she eyed the man she had accidentally spotted across the crowded square. He looked like he was having a miserable time dealing with the heat, sweat staining his shirt and his boots kicking the dusty bricks under his feet. Anyone who clearly hadn’t adapted to the climate stuck out from a mile away as being not from around here, and she and this man certainly had that in common. But the reason she had ground to a halt and nearly slammed into someone was that she recognised him.

   Cassian. The Rebel Intelligence Officer from the bar.

   She hastily darted behind the nearest stall, a thrill quite unexpectedly hitting her. It might have been six months ago, but she wouldn’t forget him. She never would. She knew it had been stupid of her, she shouldn’t have let him buy her those drinks, shouldn’t have spoken to him under the dark lights of the cantina, shouldn’t have wished for another life where she was brave enough to run away to the Rebel Alliance with him, shouldn’t have kissed him for all he was worth out in the street … so many things she shouldn’t have done.

   She needed to get out of there.

   Jyn at least thanked herself for her paranoia in that she refused to brave the crowds without something hiding her face. She may have ripped the sleeves off her hooded jacket about ten minutes after landing here, but at least it offered her some protection from faces like Cassian’s who may recognise her. The contacts she’d been trying to find – a source that claimed could get her a ride out of here – would simply have to wait. Jyn peered around the edge of the stand, watching as Cassian casually strolled the stalls on the other side of the square, one hand trying to subtly hold his shirt out away from his skin.

   She was about to make a run for it when she frowned. Why would the Alliance have any interest whatsoever in a random Kariah marketplace?

   Don’t do it, Jyn.

   She gritted her teeth. Damn it, she was doing it.

   Jyn was careful to approach from behind, eyes scanning the crowd. He had to be here for a reason, she was sure. Hell, it meant there could be spies, Imperials, literally anything hidden within the marketplace that she didn’t know about. When she was close enough that reaching out and calling his name would get his attention, however, she faltered slightly. She didn’t know whether he would even care to see her again. Jyn had met a lot of people over the years. People who wanted to kill her, people who wanted to use her, people who wanted to kidnap her and sell her and maybe occasionally help her out, but admittedly … she’d never met anyone who just wanted to know her, before she had met Cassian. He hadn’t even seemed to care much that she refused to tell him her real name, that she had resolutely said no to his offer to join the Alliance. He had been content to sit next to her in that bar and just … talk.

   He was the closest thing she had to a friend. Maybe she needed more of those.

   “The heat damn near kills, huh?”

   Cassian glanced around at her words. His eyes landed on her and a second later, the confusion turned to recognition. He froze right in the middle of the square, people rushing around them, though he didn’t seem to notice. “Well,” she added. “I know I’m dying, at least.”

   His eyes never left her face. “How anyone stands it is beyond me.”

   He was still the same. The warm accent, the scruffy beard, the hair that was slightly too long and hanging in his crinkled eyes, it was all him.

   “The native Karian’s have a natural tolerance for the heat, I know that,” she said. “And we thought freezing was bad.”

   “It’s good to see you,” Cassian said, his voice so genuine it made her inwardly shiver.

   She offered him a weak smile in return.

   “So are you following me, then?”

   “You think I would have come here willingly?” Jyn asked. “Please.”

   “So it is a complete and utter coincidence that we happened to both be here, on the same planet, at the same time?”

   “Scary, right?”

   Cassian almost laughed. “Come with me,” he said, reaching out and taking her arm. He pulled her alongside him and they fell into step next to each other, moving once more throughout the marketplace. The last time he’d said those words to her – come with me – had been on a street outside a dirty cantina, and she had rejected him completely. She’d spent the last six months trying not to think about what might have happened if she’d said yes. It would have been absolutely crazy to say yes! She worked hard to keep this life. She didn’t stay out of prison by throwing her heart out on the line for any suave intelligence officer who happened to stray into her life. She didn’t stay alive by opening up, she stayed alive by keeping her head down, by not drawing attention, by ignoring anyone who dared approach her unless they had something she could get from them. Cassian had offered her nothing that she was willing to take, so yes, it had been a good decision to say no to him. A rational decision. A safe decision …

   She hadn’t felt very safe, lately.

   “So the Alliance has been treating you well?” she offered.

   He stared at her a litle. “Are you actually making conversation?”

   “We don’t have drinks to hide behind this time,” she pointed out.

   No alcohol to blur the edges or help let down her guard. She was honestly trying. Cassian bumped her shoulder as they walked, though she couldn’t tell if it was accidentally or not. “Well, if you’re asking whether the Alliance enjoys sending me on these missions, the answer is definitely yes. They get a kick out of seeing me like this, I’m sure.”

   “And you wonder why I said no to joining.”

   “I wonder every day,” Cassian said.

   That statement almost stabbed her in the stomach, or at least that’s what it felt like, so she promptly ignored it. A large clock tower stood up in the middle of the square and she started leading Cassian towards it; not that the meagre shade it provided did much. It was almost just as bad, if not worse, in the shade, but at least there was less chance of their skin burning. They found a free spot at the base of the tower and Jyn pressed her back to the hot stone, moving until she sat on the dirty bricks beneath her. Cassian joined her and the hundreds of other people all huddled under the clock tower out of the suns.

   “So what’s your name now?” he asked her, talking to their feet. His shoulder was inches from hers.

   “Kestrel. But you can still call me Liana.”

   “That’s not fair,” Cassian argued. “You know my name.”

   “Your mistake.”

   “You know, I’m starting to get the feeling you’re afraid of something.”

   “Please,” she snorted. “You’ve seen me in a fight.”  

   “More than that,” Cassian turned his head to look at her, but she refused to meet his gaze. “I know that you are more than capable of firing a blaster. I know that someone shoots at you and you don’t back down. You aren’t scared of dying, at least.”

   “No one should be,” Jyn shrugged. “Dying is easy.”

   But truly, dying was easy. Sometimes, when she was tired, on the days when she’d had it rough, had enough, she knew that she would get reckless. If a shuttle was heading in her direction, maybe she would wait slightly too long to get out of its way. Maybe she dared one too many people to fight her, maybe she wouldn’t really mind so much if she got shot one day. When you were the only person you could rely on, when the whole galaxy wanted you dead … it was hard not to believe it.

   “Of course dying is easy,” Cassian said. “but we all die for different reasons.”

   “And for what reasons would you die?” Jyn asked, finally turning and meeting his eyes, the ones that she remembered could burn more than the triple suns above them. “Your rebellion? Would you die for them?”

   “If it meant the Empire would burn in hell, then yes,” Cassian said at once. “This is a war. It takes deaths to prevent deaths. Is that why you said no to joining? You don’t think the ideals of the Alliance justifies the amount of lives taken?”

   “No, I said no because …” but the words fizzled from her mouth, because honestly, saying them out loud just proved how pathetic she was. She hated the Empire, she hated them with all the loathing she could muster, but she also hated Saw Gerrera. She hated being that stupid, naïve 16 year old girl who had been so certain that he would come back for her, that she hadn’t been abandoned, clearly something had just happened to him, if he’s not coming then she needed to go rescue him, she needed to help him … he was gone. She had eventually left that bunker he’d told her to hide in, certain that he was in trouble and that was why he hadn’t come, only to find that his entire base had shipped out and had disappeared. He’d left her behind. He had told her to wait so he could just leave her to fend for herself.

   Stop it. Her brain screamed whenever these memories came back up again.

   (Yes, Saw had certainly left her with some rough beliefs about the rebellion).

   “I said no because maybe the rebellion hurts just as much as the Empire,” she said quietly.

   “Maybe for you. Not for everyone,” Cassian insisted immediately, but then he sighed. She could feel him watching her, as she sat there on the bricks, trying not to let him see her eyes stinging. “… what happened?” he added.

   “I lost everything.”

   “And that’s why you’re living like this now?”

   “Why I’m living like a homeless thief, you mean?” She laughed before swiping angrily at her eyes. “This is ridiculous,” she said. “I don’t even know you! You know nothing about me, and I’m talking about things that I haven’t spoken about out loud for at least 3 years–”

   “Then let’s talk about something else,” Cassian said. There was a slight pause in his voice then that confused her and she looked back to see him apparently stewing over his next words, as if he wasn’t quite sure whether to say them or not. Then, he steeled himself,

   “Actually, let’s do something else. Have dinner with me tonight.”

   She stared at him. He absolutely had to be kidding.

   “Are you nuts?”

   But Cassian just smiled slowly. “What, you’ll kiss me, but you won’t even let me buy you dinner?”

   Jyn felt her face flushing red, much to her irritation. She was glad to still be hiding behind her hood. “I hope you realise I don’t dress up for dinners.”

   “Wouldn’t expect anything else.”

   “You better be paying, because I have no money.”

   “Of course.”

   “And I’m bringing my blaster.”

   “Wouldn’t have anything less,” Cassian slowly clambered to his feet, wincing as his sweaty shirt clung to his skin. “Will I see you later, then?”

   Jyn climbed to her feet as well, ignoring the hand that he was holding out to her. “Guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” she answered, before turning and diving back into the burning sunshine.

   The temperature didn’t drop on Kariah just because the suns had set. If anything, the nights here were worse, as nothing was grosser than trying to sleep in sweat-soaked sheets. Most people slept outside on their roofs here, although Jyn just had an alleyway that she was currently calling home. She was absolutely serious in that she had nothing else to change into; her latest set of clothes had been stolen from under the nose of a sleeping washroom attendant. Cassian hadn’t specified a time or place to meet, but she went back to the clock tower on instinct when the ruby red of the last sun was just washing over the city, and sure enough, she spotted his tall frame waiting for her.

   This was the stupidest thing she’d ever done (even worse than kissing him).

   She had said too much earlier. She had gotten way too into her reasons for living this way, let him get in far too deep. She should be running, not letting him buy her dinner. But honestly, she hadn’t had a decent meal in months, and watching him stand there waiting with his hands shoved into his pant pockets and in a clean shirt, she very suddenly and desperately wanted to know how it might feel to later shove him up against the clock tower.

   Jyn shook her head. Keep it together.

   “Hey,” she called. “What’s somebody like you doing in a place like this?”

   Cassian glanced up and clearly tried not to grin.

   He hesitated outside the restaurant that he had apparently chosen. He gestured vaguely and began, “I’m not sure, but um–” only for Jyn to slap his arm away and claim if she couldn’t get at least three courses, she was calling him the worst date she’d ever had (she tried not to think about how this was basically the only date she’d ever had). “Seriously,” she eventually asked him over their table. She’d never heard of most of the menu options, but at least it didn’t taste bad. “The Alliance really must hate you if they’re sending you here, of all places.”

   “Thank you for putting that thought in my head,” Cassian shot her a look. Their table was thankfully secluded enough that their conversation would be hard to overhear by anyone, yet close enough to the kitchens that they could escape should something go awry. “Remember that trafficking ring I was investigating six months ago?”

   “It led you here?”

   “I’ve been trying to locate our missing recruits,” Cassian nodded. “That man we shot – he didn’t give away much.”

   “I take it you haven’t found them yet, then?”

   Cassian shook his head. “You haven’t heard anything, have you?”

   “How would I know?”

   “You’re the one who lives on the fringes of society – oh! Wait, I don’t mean that like …” She hadn’t been offended, but she appreciated him assuring her anyway. “It’s just … you see things, you hear things, that others pretend not to, or quickly look away from. You’re not scared to take notice.”

   But she was. Cassian thought he knew her, but he had no idea. All she was ever scared of was taking notice. If she finally looked up then someone else might see her, notice her in return. She kept her head down, it was how she survived, until that reckless day she had looked up under the lights of the bar.

   Cassian had noticed her. He made her heart pound whenever he looked at her like that.

   “I’ll – I’ll keep an eye out,” she offered, hoping he wouldn’t notice the way she was looking back at him. They hadn’t even hit dessert yet. “How did you know about this place?” she asked then, gesturing around them.

   “Oh,” Cassian said. “I was here yesterday, a lead that hit a dead end. But they have great wine, I was told.”

   “And we didn’t order any?”

   “The wine here is a lot stronger,” Cassian glanced at his plate. “I remembered you didn’t like it too strong.”

   Jyn bit her lip trying not to smile.

   They ate quietly for a few minutes. It was a kind of silence that she didn’t feel the need to punctuate with meaningless chatter, and it seemed that she and Cassian both felt comfortable with it. She watched him from the corner of her eye as they ploughed through the main course and finally got to dessert. No, he didn’t really know her, and she didn’t really know him, and it would be a terrible idea to try and remedy that, but he’d hit a nerve earlier at the clock tower. She was scared of a lot of things. She came off as brave and impenetrable, but truth was she honestly wasn’t. She had simply covered herself up so much that it was impossible to see.

   It was exhausting protecting yourself.

   Maybe … maybe she should let a little of herself through.

   “My name is Jyn,” she suddenly whispered.

   Cassian’s head snapped up so quickly from his dessert that he winced. “Sorry?”

   “Jyn. That’s … that’s my real name.”

   “Jyn,” Cassian repeated it slowly, his expression widening into a smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”

   “I’m sorry that I won’t join your rebellion,” she said, voice even quieter. “I’ve spent so long not caring that I just …”

   “You’ve been hurt before,” Cassian guessed, softly. “By the rebellion, I mean.”

   “Yes.”

   He breathed in deeply. “Jyn, it’s ok,” he said. “I would never … I figure you don’t ever do something that you don’t want to. But I want you to know, whatever faction of the Alliance you encountered, whoever it was that hurt you, they were an anomaly. That is not what we are about, and I hope you realise that.”

   “I know.”

   “Do you … want to talk about it?”

   “No,” she said, quite suddenly and loudly that a couple several tables over actually turned in their direction. She cringed and added, “I’m sorry, sorry–”

   “No, no, it’s fine,” Cassian assured her.

   Jyn turned to the other table once more, hoping with some embarrassment that the couple weren’t still staring at them. This conversation was getting way too personal as it was. However, if her heart was pounding before, it was nothing compared to the race it burst into when she noticed the eyes still in their direction.

   “Cassian.”

   “I swear, it’s ok–”

   “No, Cassian – the table over there–” she whispered, jerking her head. “They are watching us.”

   Cassian subtly followed her gaze, a frown etching his face. “I don’t recognise them. Do you?”

   “They are local, as far as I can tell,” She glanced around them and with a sinking feeling, noticed it under the table. “Cassian, I think they’ve spotted your blaster on your ankle, it’s showing where your pants have ridden up–”

   Cassian swore in that first language of his, moving to tug his pants down. The couple hastily went back to their meal, but it seemed that the damage had been done. Their waiter had noticed now, and was in serious discussion with who looked like their boss behind the bar. Jyn knew Kariah was strict about their weapon possession, and she certainly couldn’t afford another arrest, especially on a foreign planet she was trying desperately to get off of. “We need to get out of here,” she said at once, dropping her spoon. Her dessert was staring wistfully at her half-finished, but it wasn’t worth it.  

   “Are you sure?”

   “I’ve been living among these people long enough to know that we’re about 2 seconds away from having the police called on us,” Jyn hissed. She noticed a break in the waiter’s attention and she lunged across the table, grabbing Cassian’s hand. “Quick!”

   Turns out that the kitchen doors had been an escape route they’d needed after all. They suddenly burst through the doors, startling chefs and causing dishes to go crashing as they raced through the pots and pans. They stumbled out into a back alley with a flurry of shouts after them, hands still clutching each other’s and glancing around frantically at the blackness that greeted them, the dark, oppressive heat that had hit as soon as they’d left the cooled inside.

   “Which way–?”

   “Come on!” Jyn cried, practically dragging Cassian after her. She knew roughly where they were, and by the time she’d managed to locate the right alleyway, the voices that had followed them were far in the distance.

   “Where–?”

   “Shhh!” Jyn slammed him probably a little too hard into the alley wall, pressing him into the darkness with a hand and trying to listen. They were far away enough that she thought if they stayed silent, they wouldn’t be found. The police wouldn’t be bothered straying too far from the restaurant in this heat. “I think we’ll lose them, we just need to stay quiet.”

   But Cassian was trying not to laugh.

   “I think I know a way–”

   His hands had slid to her waist. He moved and before she could think, he had crushed his lips to hers. I’m not sure this is going to help us keep quiet, she wanted to say. She responded in earnest, skipping the niceties and opening her mouth to him. It was so unlike their previous kiss in the street. It wasn’t rushed, it wasn’t regretful and full of everything they might have had. This was taking advantage of their time, however little of it there might be. She allowed herself to mould to his body, pressing against him, winding her arms around his neck and into his hair. It was reckless and stupid, but she’d never felt less scared in her life.

   She’d never felt so alive.

   It went on longer than the first kiss, but still not long enough. She would have continued (maybe hitch a leg around him, maybe let him shove her against the wall a little) but adrenaline was still pumping through her and she needed to know they were safe. She pulled away to scan their alley, to listen, all while trying to ignore the way Cassian’s lips had moved to her neck. “I – I think we’re clear–” she whispered.

   “Good,” Cassian muttered against her skin. Heat engulfed them as his hands started to get a little braver, wander a bit further. “Then let’s get out of here–”

   “Go where?”

   “I have a ship,” Cassian practically growled, sending a shudder through her. Much to her disappointment, he abruptly backed off, pushing her gently away so that he could move, bring a comlink to his mouth (god, that mouth), “K-2 – yes, yes, I’m coming back now, but I need you to leave–”

   Jyn watched, completely torn. Most of her screamed to just go with him. Go back to his ship, wherever it might be. She’d broken enough of her own rules, she might as well.

   Just go, go and be loved for one night.

   But from the look on his face, she knew. She knew that that wasn’t going to be enough for him. He had apparently fallen as much as she had, despite her past, despite her reluctance to share, despite how little time they’d known each other, despite everything, it seemed. This man had the potential to love her, and she was utterly terrified of it. She knew without a doubt that she would leave before the first sun ever came up, and she wouldn’t do that to him, couldn’t.

   “I can’t.”

   She winced at the look on his face.

   He slowly lowered the comlink. “I … if I did something …” he began.

   “No,” she said firmly. “no, you didn’t. But while I could give you tonight, I couldn’t give you tomorrow, and I don’t think you’d be ok with that.”

   Cassian sighed. She was thankful more than ever for the cover of darkness, not having to meet his eyes. “I honestly thought I’d never see you again,” he said. “I never imagined we’d come across each other on a random planet like this, so far from where we first met.”

   “Well if it happened once,” Jyn whispered. She felt herself take a step closer, moving back into his space. “maybe it will happen again.”

   “Until that day, then?”

   He didn’t touch her, but she could feel him close enough that his breath tickled her cheek. Maybe until that day. Maybe until a time she wasn’t so broken. Maybe until she wasn’t scared anymore, if that ever happened …

   “Until that day.”