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#chaotic neutral little shit bill cipher
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But If I Did (You’d Be The One)
Summary: It's Meet the Family dinner, and Wirt is terrified.Written for @pinesconeweek2019 Day 2: "So... welcome to the family."
Notes: Enjoy the angst and the fluff.Also, Bill's not... like, he's not a good guy here? He's a Chaotic Neutral Little Shit who's kind of the live-in weird older brother type.
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“I’m just going to warn you, they’re a bit weird, but they won’t hurt you!” Dipper assured, a big smile practically plastered onto his face. “I mean, you’ve already met Mabel!”
“Yes, and Mabel is absolutely terrifying!” Wirt exclaimed— not whimpered, not at all, no sir— as he ran a hand through his messy brown hair. He was going to meet Dipper’s family tonight. He was going to enter the Pines household and subject himself to the judgement of Dipper’s loved ones. This was not going to go well, he could feel it in his bones.
“Mabel is a bit much, but she likes you,” Dipper soothed, his smile falling slightly back to his normal soft, lop-sided one. “And you’ll like Grunkle Ford, he’s really smart. Grunkle Stan is a bit weird, but he’s got a good heart. And Bill… well, Bill might not even be there?”
“From what you’ve told me about Bill, that’s not comforting,” Wirt mumbled, moving to play with the sleeves of his sweater instead of his hair. He didn’t want to mess it up further.
“... I mean, fair?” Dipper shrugged and stepped back, sticking his hands into his pockets. “So, um… do you want me to cancel tonight, or…?”
“No, no! I’ll be fine, just… just nervous.”
“Understandable,” Dipper giggled, “but nothing bad is going to happen. Trust me.”
___________________________________
“So, you’re Pine Tree’s ‘boyfriend’, yes?” the tall blonde drawled, slinging an arm over Wirt’s shoulders. Wirt gulped and clutched his tea closer to his chest, simply nodding in response. “Cool. Why?”
“... why me, or why boyfriend, or…?”
“Why is he dating you?” Wirt bit his lip and looked towards the floor. He asked himself that question every day, and he’d always been scared to ask Dipper to answer it. After all, he was weird. He was quiet, and paranoid, and spoke better through poetry than in actual conversation. He was a terrible boyfriend, so why was Dipper still around him?
“I don’t… I don’t know?” Wirt mumbled. “I just… don’t know why he sticks around me.”
The demon’s eyes narrowed and he stepped back, frowning down at Wirt. “Huh. Wasn’t expecting that.” Wirt looked up, confused, and Bill continued. “I mean, I know for a fact Pine Tree loves you, because he literally never shuts up about you and is sappy and it’s honestly torturous.”
“Oh… so…”
“Even if you don’t think so, I’m pretty sure he likes you.” Bill smiled at him. “Now go be gross and mushy with Pine Tree, I have to help Mabel with dinner.” Wirt nodded and practically ran from the room, escaping from one of the most awkward conversations of his life.
He turned the corner and slid into a chair at the dinner table next to Dipper, who looked up and smiled at him. “Hey, you,” he murmured, “how’s it going?”
“I was right and Bill is really weird,” Wirt announced, shivering. “And I hope he’s the worst one.”
“... sure.”
“Dipper, I love you, but what the fuck.”
_________________________________________
“So, Wirt… what do you do?” Stanley Pines asked, practically glaring at Wirt from across the table. Wirt squirmed and looked over at Dipper, who was currently deep in a discussion with Bill. He thought they were talking about different kinds of demons, but he wasn’t quite sure. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know for sure.
“I, uh… I-I work at the library…?” Wirt mumbled. Stanley sat back, nodded once, and returned to his dinner, leaving one of the other Pines to take over the duty of Giving Wirt A Heart Attack. That person was Mabel, who leaned forward with a devious smile on her face.
“What’s the most embarrassing thing Dipper’s done around you so far?” she giggled, eyes sparkling.
Wirt felt the blood rush to his cheeks and he shook his head frantically. “I- I’m not telling you that. That- that’s wrong.” Mabel pouted, but Wirt refused to budge. He wasn’t going to embarrass Dipper in front of his family.
“Aw, come on, it’s not that-” Mabel was interrupted by something crashing through the wall, screeching. Everyone bolted to their feet, and the Pines all reached for some form of weapon while Wirt sat there, frozen. All he could see was black branches dripping oil, Greg wrapped in branches mere inches from death, a deep, haunting song-
“Get away from him!” Dipper screeched, tackling Wirt to the ground in the process. Wirt coughed, all the air being forced from his lungs at once, as his memories began to blur together with current reality. He heard the sounds of a scuffle mingled with a rich baritone voice singing about death. He saw flashes of blue fire twined with oily trees. He felt the wood floor beneath him, but he could also swear he felt snow stinging his face. Briefly, he felt someone cup his face in his hands and shake him slightly, but he couldn’t hear what they said or see who it was, too lost in his own purgatory of memories.
“Wirt, sweetie, it’s okay, talk to me, it’s gone, you’re okay!” Wirt blinked, groaning, and shook his head, finally managing to bring the person in front of him into focus. It was Dipper, tears clinging to his eyelashes as he wiped at Wirt’s cheeks with his thumbs, clearing his tears from his cheeks.
“D-dipper…?” Wirt mumbled, voice a bit hoarse for some reason.
“Yeah, I’m here,” Dipper soothed. “I’m sorry, if you don’t ever want to see me again, that’s okay, I just… I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“... why would I never want to see you again?” Wirt asked, sitting up a bit more with Dipper’s help.
“Uh… because I deal with monsters a lot, and some of them are awful, and you were screaming…”
“I was screaming?” That explained why his voice was hoarse.
“Yeah, uh… we think you were seeing something terrible…”
“That was a demon that fed on trauma,” Bill broke in. “It’s something semi-common around this family.”
“That… that doesn’t mean I’m leaving,” Wirt assured, finally managing to stand. “Yeah, it sucked, but… but it’s not going to make me leave.”
“Are you sure? No one would blame you if you did,” Dipper murmured, hugging Wirt closer to his chest. Wirt nodded, eyes closing a bit as he pressed a kiss into Dipper’s messy curls.
“I’m sure. You’re not getting rid of me that easily, Dipper Pines.” Dipper let out a short giggled and pulled away to look Wirt in the eye, beaming.
“So… welcome to the family.”
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stand and personality update
so, i looked over the old personalities. some still kinda apply, some are a little bit different, i kinda questioned myself when thinking about them, so idecided it would be good to refresh. plus, i this is a good opportunity to establish their ground as well. red: hes harsh and strict. he’s bold, works hard, and has an authority above many of the holos. he’s usually busy working alongside silhouette orange: he’s very reserved and anxious. he stands on the lower half in terms of authority, but the civilians love him for his kind nature.  yellow: he’s industrious and hardworking. he isnt very intimidating, and hes super forgetful. this scientist is more of the ‘nice guy’ in the group per say, and doesnt start fights.  green: green isnt stand-offish, but more of, if he doesnt like you, he’ll completely ignore you. he has his ,morals set, but is very passive aggressive. blue: blue is both depressing and dramatic. he seems not to have opinions on many things, but thats only because hes observant. he puts on a gloomy outer-face and doesnt interact with others unless he’s spoken to under most circumstances. purple: purple is very energetic and unpredictable. they loves to be chaotic in a fun way. they like to hang around everyone and light up the room. they stands in the middle in terms of strength and authority pink: pink is openly aggressive and has alot of anger problems, but can have a soft side in certain situations. he’s only intimidating to easily scared holo’s, and doesnt have much authority because of his bad habits. silver: silver is a complete workaholic and extremely hardworking. he doesnt like to take breaks, and he doesnt smile often. he’s good with children and animals, and is on the higher side of authority. he doesnt freak out often, but when he does, you know its serious. gold: gold is a very kind holo that treats everyone nicely, and spreads positive vibes wherever he goes. he’s kind of introverted, but he opens up to those who are close to him. in terms of authority and strength, he’s on the higher side, but a little in the middle. cyan: cyan is kinda edgy, but a little bit of a trickster. he has a ‘no fucks given’ additude. he doesnt like getting dragged into stuff, and will fight you if you keep messing with him. though, if youre friends with him, he’s not as harsh. he has medium-high authority and is actually pretty strong. rainbow: rainbow is a really fun holo to be around and likes to kinda vibe in a chaotic neutral way. he occasionally flirts, but doesnt force it onto people. he likes to be hip and cool, wearing sunglasses and “trying” to rap. he acts like this alot, but can be serious when something serious happens. galaxy: galaxy is very level headed and has a calm nature. they dont fight with others and theyre very spiritual in a sense. they are incredibly intelligent and know things that most of the other leaders would never know. he works alone most of the time, but also with silhouette. he has very high authority over nearly everyone. silhouette: silhouette is insanely intimidating and hard to talk to, even if he knows you personally. he has the most authority of the leaders. he never leaves his district, let alone his “office” unless absolutely necessary. he doesnt like casual conversation and doesnt take shit from anyone. white: white is very open and energetic on the surface. he always has a wide smile on his face and talks in upbeat tones, though he’s manipulative and dodgy on the inside, he has his goals, an will sacrafice anything for them. he gives an insane bill cipher vibe. strength:??? authority: ???
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