#changes are happening to me that i hate and i'm becoming someone i don't recognize anymore

[exhaustioninducedapathy]

Very very interesting take! Love the emphasis that no one ever told Shadow that he was going to undergo ~the change~ until it was already happening. Thank you Gerald, for nothing, as usual (half-joking). Frankly, you should do that essay about Black Doom frothing at the mouth to take over Shadow's body as a metaphor for reproductive abuse and coercion as a tool of white supremacy.

There's also something to be said for how painful Shadow's Doom Powers are to acquire and use as a metaphor for chronic conditions, particularly those that develop at puberty. Gerald doesn't seem too concerned about the pain, and Black Doom revels in it. Rouge and Omega don't know what to say. Maria seems to be the only person Shadow talks to that understands how deeply Shadow is suffering, and through her experiences, she's the only one who can reach Shadow where he is. Extending the period metaphor, Shadow is being medically neglected for something like endometriosis, even as it causes him excruciating pain and permanent damage.

I have spent way too long on this thing that I'm doing literally for no reason, it doesn't have to be perfect!!! and i don't think its gonna get any better than this, so...

You can read it here! "The game where Shadow the Hedgehog got his period and the body horror of menstruation"

[war-in-time]

You’ve expressed like all of the opinions I’m too afraid to post about sotr on here and I want to say thank you! I feel like I’m going crazy seeing everyone talk about how great Lenore dove was when she barely had anything that made her distinct from Lucy gray. Haymitch just tells us about how good and perfect she is and all we really get is that she hates the capitol and keeps secrets from him? But she’s his whole motivation and purpose in life? Idk his obsession with her just didn’t make sense and people make the excuse of young love and teenagers but idk I’m not buying it.

I also HATE how they make him using the force field to win something he did by accident rather than a calculated move. He literally doesn’t remember the force field until after the axe goes over the edge. Like the capitol edit propaganda made him seem more like a rebel than he actually was? I also get the idea of wanting to show how long the rebellion has been working behind the scenes but it would’ve been so much better to see how their individual traumas drew them together. Like I hate that Haymitch only continues with the rebellion because of his dead girlfriend (who gives very manic pixie) rather than because he truly believes in making sure no other child suffers his trauma. I just don’t understand why they got rid of his intellect and just made him a soldier of the rebellion following orders.

I get the themes of propaganda and whatever but it falls flat for me when the story given to us by the capitol is so much more compelling as an example of the early days of the rebellion. The best parts of this book were the side characters like I was mostly reading for Maysilee and Wyatt. They were the saving grace.

Idk I have so many thoughts, sorry that was long lol just had to vent to someone else who is capable of seeing that this book is deserving of some criticism!

I’m really glad to see that others share the same opinion but I’m also not surprised that more people aren’t posting about it. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m older and have learned to deal with conflict without escalating to calling people names for their opinions, which unfortunately does happen on the internet often where people hide behind anonymity. (You’re fine this isn’t a jab.) I also have an English/Literacy degree so I’m not posting anything simply to hate on a book or an author. What I do have is extensive training for breaking text apart to analyze it and think critically about whether or not what we are being presented makes sense or is plausible with an already established story.

I’m also someone who cares about books deeply and Haymitch has always been my favourite character in the original series because of all of his trauma and how he doesn’t want to pass that on to anyone else. He drinks and suffers in silence because the pain of ALL of the people he’s lost has stacked up over 24 years before the 74th games. Katniss has a very good insight into Haymitch’s life in the first book:

But secretly I'm wondering if Haymitch sobered up long enough to help Peeta and me because he thought we just might have the wits to survive. Maybe he wasn't always a drunk. Maybe, in the beginning, he tried to help the tributes. But then it got unbearable. It must be hell to mentor two kids and then watch them die. Year after year after year. I realize that if I get out of here, that will become my job. To mentor the girl from District 12. The idea is so repellent, I thrust it from my mind (HG.306).

I think of Haymitch, with all his money. What did his life become? He lives alone, no wife or chil- dren, most of his waking hours drunk. I don't want to end up like that (HG.311).

His character has changed so completely to someone I don’t recognize in sotr and all of this was done to simply include a 16 year old girlfriend 24 years dead. Haymitch never needed a girlfriend to be obsessed over for he rest of his life to explain why he was single when we know from Katniss’ own fears and Haymitch’s personal experiences why he never found a wife or had kids; his own family was stripped from him as punishment and being a victor does not guarantee your children’s safety.

So how is 25 years of mental exhaustion and pain not enough of a motivation for him to rebel against the Capital with everyone else? Why add Lenore that not only strips his motive away but also his lived experiences? I’m not even going to get into all the propaganda stuff because it’s all badly done/stupid since we know the Capital is already chock full of propaganda.

I feel like we could have very plausibly gotten a novel based on early days of the rebellion but it could never be Haymitch’s games. It actually would have been a lot more compelling and make more sense plot wise I’d say we had: a book set maybe on the 60th hunger games?

A set of tributes from district 12, we’d get to see Haymitch relatively towards the earlier days of his mentoring career (maybe see how his mental state is doing and how he’s slowly deteriorating with the loss every year). Have these two tributes be an early spark for the rebellion. Maybe they could do something like trying to blow up an arena in their games and Snow has them targeted and killed (like he would have with Haymitch in sotr if he didn’t have plot armour).

We know district 12 hadn’t had a single victor in between Haymitch, Katniss and Peeta. So show us a book where we know for the entire time that we’re reading it that the tributes whose point of view we are focusing on are not going to win. Show us how another death impacts Haymitch and maybe after 10 years of watching two kids die he locks himself in his house and drowns himself with alcohol.

The thing is a good story does still exist in this universe, but the author has given up.

[epickiya722]

This is so funny to me...

There's this video called "No, You CAN'T Fix Him- These 4 Anime Men Are Beyond Saving" and of course, Sukuna is one of those four (the other three were Griffith, Eren and Light).

And the guy narrating was like "and this is your hear me out" after listing how Sukuna is evil, he's the embodiment of all those bad things, yadda yadda.

He mentions little later how the ironic thing is that Sukuna is somewhat fixable as at the end of the manga it took him to be defeated to realize he could take a different path and called that his "redemption" but then I thought about that.

Geniune question: would you call his end his "redemption"?

The way I see it, just because a character recognizes what they do is wrong doesn't mean they're redeemed or at least, entirely. They have to really put in the work to prove they want to change and make up for their faults.

In the afterlife, Sukuna admits his faults and decides to take a different path for a chance of reincarnation with Uraume. It's up to imagination as to what could happen to them after that.

Sukuna may have chose to go a different path, but does that mean his life completely around? No, he's liable to repeat his actions depending on the situation he is born into. But does that mean he will repeat those bad actions? Also, no.

I don't think Sukuna's end was redemption. But him becoming enlightened that he could live however he wants and he doesn't have to choose the same path as before. That for once, do something different. This is his chance for redemption.

That was the thing about him. Sukuna had a repetitive life. Eat, kill, put fear into people and repeat. After his complete defeat, he then thought "Alright, yeah, I did all those things, but how about I take that chance to do something different with my life?" Say what you want about how Sukuna feels about Yuji and vice versa, but the two will think about what the other says to him.

Sukuna did take in account of Yuji's words of "what if your life could have been this".

Now, as for "fans wanting to fix Sukuna"?

I don't see it.

Take it from someone who is a Sukuna fan and have seen what other Sukuna fans say about him.

Yes, some talk about him having a sad story and have their fantasies, but I don't think I ever seen a Sukuna fan ever actually want to fix Sukuna.

In fact, his evil nature is one of the reasons why he's a "hear me out".

Yeah, seen "Sukuna can have a soft spot with me" or whatever, but not "I can change him to be completely good".

Heck, even in AUs, Sukuna still has mean streak. He's still kind of a jackass.

Now I'm sure there are fans who think they could "fix him" to a totally different character or whatever.

But from what I have seen? Sukuna fans, at most, don't actually want to fix him.

The video may talk about other characters, but this is one of those times I feel like people kind of have this thing to make fun of fans of JJK men, who mostly are women, like "Oh my gosh, they're so weird, they're so delusional" and no matter how you say your words... it's ridiculous.

Any guy who makes of a woman for finding any JJK man attractive, better have that same energy for their homeboy crushing on any JJK woman or any animated woman.

In general, I hate this thing where people act like only female fans like animated characters for their attractiveness and "want to fix that character" (and half the time it ain't it) and then call them "delusional and weird" (let's stop with those words) when sir, I just seen you post the YGO "It should have been me, not him" meme pertaining to wanting this anime woman to wrap her legs around your neck and choke you until you pass out.

[cruyuu]

Since the official art of them came out, I've seen some very hilarious takes about Yuuji and Sukuna. Some people coping HARD. "Yuuji is forcing him" Well gee, since when can he force Sukuna to do anything? Or is Sukuna that powerless against him? Even in Yuuji's domain, Sukuna didn't have to catch a damn crayfish or do archery, but he did, mind you all this happened BEFORE Yuuji said he could kill him (and even when this happened, he had support from Nobara). He's like, "ahggg fine I GUESS I can do this" lmao. In the official art, he's the one leading the dance. For what reason? Gege didn't have to draw them with their fingers intertwined, with Sukuna's arm around Yuuji's waist, and yet. Why have all this with the snow falling around them? (Yes the cat might be pandering, that's another valid reason) Right after we have the epilogue with Yuuji saying he still likes the snow and it's special to him?

"B-but he doesn't like Yuuji!" Well Sukuna called Yuuji by his full name when he was turning to dust. Have we forgotten that that's an indication that Sukuna respects someone/a sorcerer? Is it not significant going from "brat" to "Itadori Yuuji"? I'm guessing this does not apply to Yuuji then lmao. Also, I'm not saying Sukuna loves him or likes him like he loves, idk, fighting. But he at least recognized Yuuji. Another thing is that people forget that Sukuna usually says one thing and does another. Isn't this what Mahito implied? He literally called Sukuna a liar and he was like "Yeah so lmao". Their change/development is subtle, but it's there. Isn't the end of the fight an indication of this? Actually, Sukuna had an existencial crisis during this BECAUSE of Yuuji lol. For all his faults, I think some of Gege's strongest points in JJK are Yuuji and Sukuna. Sorry for the long rant btw!

Hi anon! Let me rant along with you!

I'm not on that app but I did see several posts here on Tumblr about how "there's suddenly so many skit shippers don't these ppl know that's a horrible ship" like bruh. Do you not realize Yuuji came from a brain inhabiting his mother's corpse? That Yuuji isn't even human? Are they not aware they're reading a work which isn't suitable for children?

Most are coping because sukuita is a problematic ship yet it's getting a lot of spotlight. Hell, Gege had drawn them dancing in the snow together on love day. "Yet they're related!! How could Gege :(". Well... they could lol. They clearly don't give a shit (and I say good for them!)

That's also the big issue to these ppl. Idk if they ship Yuuji with someone else and are mad that his "reincarnated uncle (grand uncle)" got the lovely romantic official art. Let's also not forget that Yuuji practically promised his forever to Sukuna. The finger that he's missing is literally the marriage finger. Am I to blame for that? Nope. Gege wrote it like that and I'm just pointing it out.

Dunno why that's stopping them from shipping their Yuuji ships. If canon's an issue, just focus on non-canon. No need to go shit on skit shippers lmfao

As for the arguments you've mentioned:

"Yuuji is forcing him"

Yuuji had also forced him to become so obsessed with tearing down his ideals and forced him to be in his close proximity while he's fighting him. He also forced him to call him brat and constantly think about him even while fighting others. The power Yuuji holds is, after all, that strong. He even forced him to change his own viewpoint and got him to hold his waist in that official art because he's now capable of using abilities which allow him to control Sukuna's actions. 👍

"B-but he doesn't like Yuuji!"

I think the right sentence is: he's obsessed with hating him so much so that it can't even be about hate anymore, it has to be that he's just in denial and that he loves him. There's a thin line between love and hate, after all. Who in their right mind spends so much time talking and thinking with delight about how someone-who-they-hate's abilities had improved? Who in their right mind changes their ways after their enemy confesses that they'd like to spend forever with them?

Their change/development is subtle, but it's there. Isn't the end of the fight an indication of this? Actually, Sukuna had an existencial crisis during this BECAUSE of Yuuji lol. For all his faults, I think some of Gege's strongest points in JJK are Yuuji and Sukuna. Sorry for the long rant btw!

Nice points and no need to be sorry, anon. It's hilarious how some ppl can't see it and are actively ignoring it lol. These two are tied to each other and are totally in love and to say otherwise is just ridiculous imo.

[signanothername]

I don't have any ask I just wanted to tell you I find you awesome and cool, I really like your art and your takes on all of the characters and people seem to really like you and your art, and I'm kind of jealous of you but I also look up to you way too much to really envy you. I draw undertale au stuff too but I don't really know what I'm doing at all, both with art in general and also just embodying the characters, I'm really not that great at sticking to canon and i dont know if people like it or not, i post some of my doodles and it gets likes and wordless reblogs hut people never really gige their opinion and it just makes me feel so unsure on if im actually doing it right or on what the stuff i need to improve on is. I really want to be like you one day, you just seem do unbothered and free with your art, I really try to be like that but I just get so anxious about doing it right and any mistakes just freak me out so much, I know art should just be for yourself but I just feel so anxious not having people give me their opinions.

Went on a but of a rant there- hope I'm not oversharing too much- but anyways- I just think you're really cool and I really like your art and I hope that by the time I'm your age I'll be just as good at it as you

Aww thank you <3333

But Anon *holds you gently by the shoulders*

I am unbothered and free with my art, but what if I told you I was never like that before? What if I told you I used to be super harsh on myself, super anxious by what I do, very doubtful and unsure?

I completely understand your anxiety, because I used to be in the exact same position as you at some point

The thing is tho, you have to draw for yourself first and foremost, and I completely get it, you want people to leave comments and tags telling you your art and ideas are good, which is a completely valid wish, you’re not selfish for wanting people to acknowledge your ideas and art, but if you only focus on how many tagged reblogs you have or if people leave comments or not, you’ll eventually hate your own art

I say this as someone who was super focused on these kinda things at some point, I genuinely ended up losing my passion for art over it, even almost gave up on art entirely cause of it, like, I wouldn’t be here today, I wouldn’t be the artist you look up to today if I actually decided to give up on my art 3 years ago

That being said, Anon, whenever you start your journey with character writing and exploration of your ideas and art, you’re going to grow and change as time goes on, improving day by day without even realizing it

Here’s a bitter truth, no one starts with good art or good ideas or good writing, these are skills, they require experience and trial and error, you need to make mistakes if you want to improve

I get that making mistakes is scary, and sometimes feels embarrassing, but mistakes is what makes you learn and take the next step to become better, to try and not make the same mistake again

I made so many mistakes throughout my art journey, from art mistakes to writing mistakes to ideas that doesn’t make sense, it’s a completely natural process, making mistakes isn’t something you can control, but do you know what you can actually control? What you learn from your mistakes

What if I told you, I never really wrote Killer the same way you see today? Back in 2019, I was obviously trying to stick to canon cause that’s what I love, but now that I look back at my old art, I wasn’t really sticking to it as much as I used to think

Which is fine cause it’s just part of my journey to learn how to write him actually sticking to canon, my writing of him and other characters evolved and developed and changed, and that’s something that will happen with you too, it’s completely natural in the entire process of art and writing

Your art and ideas are eventually going to be recognized, but your first priority should always be your happiness and joy first and foremost, when you post something, refrain from checking constantly to see if you got comments or not, because here’s another bitter truth, it simply won’t happen overnight

It’ll take a lot of time and effort, but you’ll be recognized one day, but until then? Try to focus on what makes you happy, draw for yourself not for others

That being said, I still want you to look back at the few likes and reblogs you got, and I want you to actually look at them, not as numbers, but as people

These few likes and wordless reblogs are people, they’re few, but they loved your art enough to like and reblog it, they loved your art enough to let you know they did, even if in a subtle way

Hell, it could be one single person, I want you to look at them and recognize that they loved your art

Once you stop looking at them as numbers and instead as people who took a tiny bit of their time to let you know they loved your art via like/ wordless reblog, you’ll come to appreciate such subtle actions more

You won’t just be as good as me, I believe you’ll even surpass me one day, just make sure you don’t lose your passion for art kay? <3

[doudouneverte]

Back to Home | Chapter four: Phantom from the past and the future

a/n: I think we can say "here we go again"

Pairing this chap: Natasha Romanoff x teen!reader; Wanda Maximoff x teen!reader; Avengers x teen!reader

Summary: you're separate from your moms and she's separate from her sons, and even if the avengers are against it the meeting is inevitable

Warning: @g-athenaathens @darkstar225

Tag list:

Chapter Three | Serie Masterlist | Chapter Five

----------

'"Why are you doing this? I'm sixteen now; I can't be stuck in my room like a prisoner all my life." You yelled to your moms.

"Hey! Don't raise your tone with me, little one." Natasha said.

"Girls, calm down, please." Wanda tried to appease the tension. "Nat, you know she's exactly like you, so don't give her any reason to scream more than necessary. And Y/n, baby girl, we already talked about this."

"But why? It's not like I can't defend myself. I didn't train with you two to just stay all my life in school." You argued.

"We don't train you to be a hero, but to protect yourself. We don't want you to be hurt." The sokovian said, and you rolled your eyes with a loud groan.

"Not this card again. It's always the same thing with you."

"Where did you get this attitude?" Nat raised her voice. It started to really become something bad.

"Nat please…"

"No, no. I'll not let her talk like that. Hear me out if we say no avengers mission for you; that means NO AVENGERS MISSION FOR YOU." You looked at her, then at Wanda, but when the witch nodded, you snapped.

You turned around and walked straight to your bedroom, slammed the door, and used your power to lock it.

In the living room, Wanda had to block the redhead to rush to your room.

"How can she be so stubborn?" The Russian asked no one.

"I think from who she got that." The Maximoff twin remarked. "But don't worry, she'll be back when she's hungry, and we will try to talk about it more carefully this time."

The redhead sighed before crashing down on the couch. "I hope you're right. I don't want her to be hurt, but it will be worse if she hates us forever." She said with a defeated expression.

"Don't worry, it's just a phase; it will pass… I think." Her wife said after sitting next to her.

"Sometime I feel like I'm not the mother she deserves." The ex-spy confessed.

"Hey, don't say that. You're exactly the mom she deserves. We couldn't be a family without you."'

Some footsteps stop in front of your cell, making you raise your head. And when you thought nothing could be worse, you totally forgot about that.

You just stared at the woman in front of you without saying anything. Thankfully or not, she didn't seem to want to be the one to engage in any conversation. The atmosphere started to be tense until you both heard new footsteps. You knew them like the back of your hand, and it was the same for the other woman.

"Hello Wanda." Natasha greeted her, earning a shocking expression from the Sokovian.

"But how?" The witch asked quietly.

"It's a long story, but we'll talk about it later. First, I need you to follow me." The Russian said. You recognized that's tone. It was the 'Russian irritated spy tone' that meant that whatever was happening, you knew that they had a lot to say.

~~~~

In the meeting room, the atmosphere was tense. Wanda was there in front of the people she could almost call family a few years ago, but now... Now, a lot of things have changed. She lost the last thing that made her smile when she lost Vision, and when she tried to find some comfort alone when everyone left her, everybody seemed to be against that.

Steve took a deep breath, earning almost the attention of everyone. But he was not the one who talked first. "So, are we just staying there and looking at each other?" Sam asked.

"We are waiting for someone." Steve announced, earning a curious look from Wanda, but the Sokovian didn't have time to ask anything before she heard footsteps entering the room. Furry came and sat in front of the witch while everyone still stood, a little unsure of how to act in front of their ex-coworker.

"I hope you didn't lose yourself coming here, Maximoff. You didn't write us any letters, so I thought that maybe you forgot about us." The one-eyed man said.

"I'm not the one who gave up on you." The now ginger woman replied.

"I like the new look, by the way." He said completly ignoring her acusation. "I don't know if any of them told you why you are here." When the woman shook her head to say no, he nodded and showed her the footage of your intrusion. "As you can see, we recently received the visit of a strange girl who said she was..." He snapped his fingers a few times, trying to find the missing word.

"She said her name was Scarlet." Natasha finished.

"That's right, thank you, Romanoff. Yes, she said her name was Scarlet, but it's not the strangest thing. Look at this." He said showing her when you used your powers to knock down the mightiest heroes. "See, I don't really believe in hazards. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that she had anything to do with you. At least until you prove me the opposite."

"And what am I supposed to do?" Wanda asked, even if she knew.

"I need you to investigate her mind to know what she wants. She said that she wanted to go back 'home, but I think she may hide something from us. Like, why does she fight perfectly like one of my best agents, or why does she actually have some power similar to&nbsp; yours?"He explained. "I'll let you two weeks to resolve this mystery." He said while he made his way out of the room.

"And why should I do this?" Wanda asked, making the man stop and look at her.

"We both know that the young Maximoff is somewhere here, and I'm sure that she didn't give up the idea to help people. Roger will show you your new room." He said, finally, before leaving for good. The silence quiclky filled the room, making the Sokovian a little nervous.

~~~~

You were lying on your bed trying to process what happened when you heard someone stop in front of the door. You didn't have time to look at them before the door opened, and they entered.

"I never thought that someone would resume Dreykov's work." They said while you sat up to look at them. "I don't know if you know me, so let me introduce myself. I'm…"

"Nick Furry. I already know you." You replied, making the man in front of you chuckle.

"And who are you? Except Scarlet Widow."

"What do you mean?"

"I led the biggest group of spies in this country; do you really think that I will content myself with a false alias?"

"You led it so well that you didn't know that some Hydra agents were in your rank." You mocked.

"Oh, a funny one, I see." He paused for a moment to analyze you. "I don't know who tried to copy Romanoff, but I need to assume that they conditioned you well." He said, making you look confused.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not here to kill her because you would already try it when you came here." He continued ignoring your interogation.

"You didn't rep-"

"Maybe they sent you to kill Wanda and take her place as one of the Avengers."

"Can you stop-"

"Except your eyes, you look like a perfect mix between them. It's really impressive. And do you know what is more impressive? You don't seem to care about being trapped here. I don't know what Barton did to your little weapon, but it sent a signal somewhere far away, almost too far to be caught." He stated.

"But you did." You finshed now totally serious.

"It's obvious that you're not from here, so what are you? A khree? A Skrull?"

"I'm a human!"

He stood up and looked around before making his way to the door. "We all have our secret Ms.Scarlet but they will never last forever." He informed you before leaving.

[lovesuhng]

thanks, neighbor

couple: jeno x fem!reader genre: fluff; neighbors to ? synopsis: your neighbor helps you in an unpleasant situation, and you gain a new friend (or maybe something more). warning: the protagonist is pursued by a strange guy, so it may trigger some discomfort.

Why did these classes have to end so late?

Returning to your apartment late at night after a tiring day was horrible, especially along the path you had to take to get home as quickly as possible. A section of it was poorly lit, and you had heard stories of robberies and even worse things happening in that area.

On that night, as usual, you were passing through that area normally, as you always did, when you heard footsteps, as if someone was following you. Glancing back, you saw a man with hands in his coat pockets, wearing a cap and a mask. All you could do was grip the straps of your backpack and walk even faster, as there was no way to change your route. Because the man was taller, he could take larger steps, getting closer to you. Panic set in; sweat formed on your forehead, and an overwhelming urge to cry emerged because you were sure something bad was about to happen. The man was getting closer and closer until you heard someone calling you. Both you and the man stopped, he was a bit behind, realizing the voice's owner was running towards you.

"My love, I was looking for you," he said. At first, you were puzzled, but you soon recognized him. Jeno, your next-door neighbor. You had exchanged only a few words with him. "Didn't I tell you to wait for me? I hate it when you go out alone," he said while holding your shoulders, making you look into his eyes. You were so bewildered that it took a while to realize what he was doing. Suddenly, he looked at the guy following you and said, "Did you lose something? If I see you following my girlfriend or any other woman, I swear I won't hesitate to take you down." Even you were frightened by the way Jeno spoke to the man, who just stared at him in shock. Jeno hugged you and escorted you away, finally taking you to a brighter and safer place away from that man.

"Are you okay?" Jeno asked softly as you walked toward the building where you both lived, still embraced. You were very tense, unsure if it was because of what had just happened or the fact that you were still in your neighbor's arms.

"I think so. Um... I think we're far enough away from him now," you said as a signal that he could let you go. Jeno gave a shy smile and apologized. You were already in the building, in front of your respective apartments. "Thank you for helping me."

"No need to thank me... but, aren't you afraid to walk around there alone?"

"Well, I'm scared, but I don't have another option."

"So, anything, just call me, and I'll accompany you. I'm always around there," the man in front of you, even though embarrassed, said as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

"You don't have to bother, Jeno."

"But it's no bother. Give me your number and when I'm nearby, I'll let you know." You exchanged numbers, and you kept insisting he didn't have to do that, but he didn't mind.

"It seems I have a very persistent neighbor. Okay, but know that I'll do something to repay you."

"And I will wait for it."

In the following days, your messages with Jeno became more frequent, as did your meetings and conversations about various things, such as your love for romantic comedy, how many hours a day Jeno spent playing Overwatch in his room and the small arguments about whether Jeno should get a shoulder tattoo. It was clear that, aside from being neighbors, you were becoming good friends.

Weeks after the incident, you decided to make brownies as a thank-you gesture. After the huge mess you had made and despite being a bit disheveled, you went to the apartment across from yours. You rang the doorbell several times since Jeno was taking a while to open and you waited a bit more after hearing a "coming." For some reason, you were nervous, pacing back and forth, fearing he wouldn't like the brownies you had made. You stopped when you saw the door opening, facing Jeno wearing black sweatpants, wet hair, and no shirt – clearly, he had just taken a shower. Water droplets ran along the defined abs, and the veins seemed to decorate the muscular arms of the man. The little smile with almost disappearing eyes contrasted with the sculpted body your neighbor hid by always wearing loose clothes.

"Uh, hi. I made brownies and thought it would be a good idea to bring some for you," you finally said, avoiding looking at your neighbor's body and focusing on something unimportant inside his apartment.

"Oh, really? You didn't have to."

"Yes, I did. Let's say it's a gift for helping me that day."

"Are you okay? You seem a bit pale." Jeno approached a bit to see how you were since you seemed very nervous, but he stopped as soon as you pushed the brownie container into his chest.

"I'm fine! Great! I've never been better. Now, I have to go," you said and turned to go towards your apartment.

"Wait! Don't you want to eat with me?" You closed your eyes, not understanding why you were so affected by seeing your newest friend like that. You turned slowly and saw the pleading look Jeno was giving. "These brownies will go perfectly with the cream ice cream I bought this morning." Jeno gave a little smile that melted your heart inside your chest. You couldn't deny his request.

"So, let me just grab the hot chocolate fudge and leave this apron there." Before entering your apartment, you said, "Oh, and put on a shirt, please. Thank you."

Minutes later, with Jeno properly dressed, you were in his apartment, organizing things to eat the brownies.

"The first positive point: I'm able to cut, so that means you got the texture right," you slapped the boy's shoulder, who laughed at the indignant look you gave. After tasting the first piece, Jeno widened his eyes. "This is the best brownie I've ever had in my entire life."

"I told you I'm a great cook!" "But you never told me that..."

"But now you know. I'm glad you liked it! Just don't get used to it because I won't be bringing them often to avoid disrupting your diet."

"I don't diet."

"No? And this?" You pointed to the boy's body, which you had seen earlier and regretted immediately, as Jeno seemed very confused by what you had said (and a little embarrassed). "Sorry, I shouldn't have commented on that."

"It's okay. That means you liked what you saw," it was your turn to widen the eyes and draw more laughs from the boy. You filled your spoon with another bite of brownie and ice cream and put it in Jeno's mouth.

"You better keep eating. You being silent is a poet."

When they finished eating, amidst many laughs and lame jokes, you saw that Jeno's mouth was dirty with chocolate sauce. "Wait, Jeno, there's something dirty on your mouth." So, you simply wiped the corner of the boy's mouth, who could swear he held his breath because of the sudden touch and how close you were to him. You didn't know when you started a contest to see who broke the eye contact first, you just knew your heart started beating much faster as you analyzed your neighbor's perfect features. The intense eye contact only broke when you felt Jeno's lips on yours, in a quick but sweet kiss, after all, it still tasted like chocolate and had a slight chill from the ice cream.

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself."

"No need to apologize, Jeno. I... liked it," you said shyly but it brought a huge smile to Jeno's face.

"So, how about I forget these brownies and ask for something else as your apology attempt?"

Even a bit nervous, you nodded, asking him to continue.

"A date. You and me on a date to show how much I like you."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmm," you made a face, as if seriously considering the request. "All right, but only if you give me a better kiss than this one."

"So, I'll be counting the seconds until our first date."

[homelanderbutbig]

You Trust Me, I Trust You Too (G/T Homelander x Reader)

2292 words. Hurt/comfort and some fluff. Homelander is 8 feet tall. Reader is non-descriptive. Beginnings of a relationship.

The first time you got Homelander to trust you.

Homelander never calls anyone for a meeting in his penthouse, and it's pretty well known amongst the staff that anyone invited up there is generally never seen again. For that reason, you are unsure of how to react when you are told he has requested your attendance alone in the penthouse.

You just started your job at Vought a few weeks ago. To you, it is simply another desk job with a far better paycheck than what you've ever had before. Despite your best efforts to be friendly, none of your co-workers appear to be particularly interested in becoming acquainted with you. Everyone at Vought seems to value their work above your attempts to make small talk.

All you really know about 'The Seven' is pretty basic, mainly just their names and faces. You've probably passed them by on the street in their secret identities and you didn't even recognize them. Homelander is another story. As the leader of The Seven, he is a commanding presence that is as charismatic as he is incredibly tall. Besides his height, you also can't help but notice how just his mere existence changes the atmosphere of any room he enters at Vought. Everyone becomes so tense around him, like they are terrified of what he will do. This is something you never understood. To you, he is just a really tall guy. He doesn't seem that frightening.

You've happened to be in the same room as Homelander at the Tower a few times, and the first time you saw him in person was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Being in the vicinity of someone so large that you only reach their abs is something you never expected to do in a million years. You swear you've seen him staring at you a few times, but you're pretty sure he must have been looking at someone else near you. Why would he even know who you are? Sure, you've said hello to him passing by in the halls, purely just to be polite, but he's never said anything back to you. You're so low down the Vought hierarchy that you may as well not even exist in his world.

Making your way up to the top floor, you step off the elevator and enter the penthouse. You can't help but gasp at the 'Alice in Wonderland' feeling you get upon walking inside. Everything is so enormous compared to you, like you are in another world completely. After a quick glance around, you spot Homelander staring out the window in his living room. He has not acknowledged you, but you're pretty sure he heard you come in, so you decide to make the first move.

"Hello sir," you say, keeping a respectable distance and trying to be as formal as possible. "You requested I come up here to speak with you, what did-"

"Who do you think you are?" Homelander interrupts bluntly, despite him not turning to face you yet. You can hear the contempt dripping from his voice, though you're not sure why.

"I'm sorry, sir?" you ask, now more confused than ever. You aren't nervous, but at the same time you aren't exactly sure where this conversation is going.

"Who. Do. You. Think. You. Are?" he repeats, making distinct breaking points in between his words, laced with a hatred you still do not understand. Finally, he slowly turns to face you, and you see the way he has been scowling at your words. He starts advancing towards you, hands behind his back, until he is close enough that you are forced to crane your head straight up to even see his face.

"You think you can just waltz into Vought and grab my attention like that?" Homelander huffs, furrowing his brow. "Like you are so fucking important?"

Seeing his face twitch slightly, you start to comprehend you must have done something to upset him. However, for the life of you, you still can't figure it out. When you don't answer him fast enough for his liking, he exhales in frustration. He hates having to explain himself to the stupid mudpeople.

"I hear your heartbeat," he clarifies, rolling his eyes. "Everyone here knows their place. They know they are all ants to me. They know to be afraid of me," he illustrates further, locking his eyes onto you like they will burn a hole through you any second. "What makes you think you are you so fucking special?" he snarls, bending down at the waist to loom his massive frame over you, letting his face hover directly above yours.

You become a bit unnerved at Homelander's display of bravado, but his remarks lead you to believe there is something deeper going on. If this bothered him so much, why would he want to meet you in private about this? Why wouldn't he have just thrown you off the Tower if he couldn't stand one person out of the hundreds that work here not being intimidated by him? This is a delicate subject matter to try and dissect, especially with the world's most powerful supe, so you try and tread carefully.

"I don't think I'm special," you reassure him, doing your best to maintain your composure as you keep your eyes on him. "I just treat everyone the way I want to be treated. I don't want anybody to be afraid of me, do you want me to be scared of you?"

You can see Homelander's angry expression weaken at those words, his face twitching like he is unable to process what he's just heard. Not only is your heartbeat remaining steady, you reveal your genuine feelings so matter-of factly. You talk to him like he's heard you do with your other worthless co-workers, like you just want to make him comfortable with you. It feels like you nonchalantly put a crack in his armour, and now he has to recalculate how to get himself out of any further vulnerability.

"Why… why should I believe you?" he questions. You observe how despite his best efforts to appear tough, his voice falters slightly. He doesn't sound as sure of himself like when this conversation started. Something about his reaction leads you to believe maybe he's a lot more like you than he leads on, maybe he's just looking for a friend too.

"I don't have any reason to lie to you," you console him calmly, giving a timid smile. "I know how it feels to get lied to by people you think you can confide in. It hurts, and I don't want to do that to you."

Your innocent eyes, so full of care and understanding, become too much for Homelander to handle. He stands back up to his full height, averting his eyes from your gaze. This was not what he wanted. He was hoping to just chew you out and make you panic, so you'd fall in line with everyone else at Vought. Instead, you pour your heart out to him, like he is your friend… like he can trust you.

When he begins to feel tears forming in his eyes, he quickly turns away from you. The lonely child inside him has peaked through his cracked armour, and has seen your kindness. You aren't like the others he has relied on before; you don't know him, and you aren't out to manipulate him. The only motivation you have is to understand him.

"Are you okay?" Homelander hears a sympathetic voice ask from behind… your voice. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

Sorry… you said you are sorry. He's heard that word so many times, but it only comes from people being horrified that they angered him. Just to save their own lives from his raging temper. But this… you said you are sorry, because you are worried about his well-being. Whether or not you realize it, you just exposed his vulnerability. The part of himself he keeps hidden from the outside world, his humanity.

Homelander swallows, his jaw clenched tight, as he turns back to you. As if you really care about him, you show compassion when you see him blinking back tears. He feels his whole body tense as you slowly walk up to him, still with that concern on your face. Concern, and a consistently steady heartbeat. One that he can't help but focus on, one that makes him feel so small… one that isn't afraid of him.

"Could you…" you begin, hesitating. You want to try and help him feel better, but you are skeptical of how to ask him. When you see him completely fixate on what you are about to say, you decide to bite the bullet and go for it. "Could you… sit down for me?"

Enamoured by your request, he sits down on the floor, with his knees bent up. You move yourself in between his legs to get closer to his face, noting how his hands are down by his sides, apprehensively clenched into fists. He is a bundle of nerves right now, but he can't stop himself from obeying you. He wants this, he wants someone to care for him.

As you calmly reach one hand out to Homelander's cheek, you can see the wide-eyed hesitation painted across his face. What you are doing is clearly uncharted waters for him. Sure, he's had his share of relationships in the past, but he's never felt this anxiety about them before. It's as if for once in his life the weight of the world is not on his shoulders. It's all on you.

When you make contact with his cheek, you slowly start stroking it delicately with the palm of your hand. He is immediately absorbed by your touch, letting out a heavy sigh as he closes his eyes. He seems to forget his own strength as he leans into your chest, far too forcefully for you to keep your balance. Like a strong push, you are knocked back onto the ground from his sizable head. You are a bit surprised, your heartrate elevating slightly from the sudden fall, but you aren't hurt.

However, Homelander doesn't view it that way. He sees you on the ground, your shocked expression, your fast heartbeat... he's harmed you. Right when he starts to be vulnerable with someone, he's not only hurt them but he's scared them. Tears streaming down his face, he is unable to stop the torrent of thoughts spinning around his brain. Ever since he was a child, he's heard time and time again how he is a monster, an uncontrollable beast that can only destroy. As much as he's longed to break free from those labels, he knows he's wounded you and now you see him as a monster too.

Getting back up on your feet, you start to see him cry harder as he hyperventilates. Whatever boldness he was displaying on your arrival is completely gone. All you see now is a petrified little boy, in a body of a giant superhuman titan.

"Hey, hey…" you say softly, taking a few steps forward. "I'm okay, you didn't hurt me". He seems to steady slightly from hearing that, but he is still crying.

"Maybe… maybe you could hold me up with your hands?" you suggest, although you can see how uncertain Homelander is at this idea. "You don't have to grip me tight, just… keep me up. You trust me, right?" He nods silently, engrossed by you as you again come closer to his face. "Well… I trust you too."

You bring both of your hands back to his cheeks, caressing him gently. As if on command he closes his teary eyes, though his breathing is still stuttered. You can feel his massive hands very hesitantly placed against your back as he leans cautiously into your touch. Even though this is nowhere near his first time handling a human, he is so afraid of injuring you again. He wants to do this right, he wants to be good for you.

"Shhh, shhh.." you soothe him. "Focus on my breathing. Follow along with me. Nice and slow, okay?"

He listens to everything you ask of him, matching his choppy breaths to your own peaceful ones. Slowly but surely, you feel the tension drain from his body as he relaxes into your fingers, nuzzling more and more into your tiny stature. Even though you are so petite compared to him, he feels like right now you are his entire world. A strange feeling he has never been permitted to experience, being able to put such a high level of faith in someone. Allowing a mere human to comfort the isolated child he's ignored for so many years, to give him affection.

Suddenly, you feel his hands envelop your body as he pulls you up to his chest. At first you don't understand what's happening, but then you realize… he's hugging you. You can't help but smile at this behemoth of a man being so gentle with you, and you wrap your arms around his neck to return the embrace.

"Th-thank… thank you," he mumbles ever so quietly, a far cry from the loud, booming voice you’ve generally heard him use. Regardless, you still feel the weight of his words and how much he truly means them.

"It's okay, Homelander," you reassure him, resting your head in the crook of his neck. "I'm just happy to be here for you."

You aren't sure how long you two ended up staying like this, but you don't mind. In the few weeks you've worked at Vought you hadn't made any friends yet, but know deep down this tender moment with Homelander is something so special you aren't going to forget it very easily.

[auraisereigh]

"Way too sweet"

Chapter 8

Brennan Sorrengail x Riorson reader Blurb: As she promised herself, she would talk to Brennan. wc: 2.1k ☆ SPOILERS FOR THE EMPYREAN SERIES. Star is still lost, that's gonna stay like that for a while. Brennan being sweet and caring. Star trying to be professional but failing hehe. Uses pronouns: she/her. i use Star as a nickname as y/n sounds weird, and i'm awful with names.

Star's masterlist main masterlist

As I promised my lunatic self last night, I'm standing in front of Brennan's door, ready to talk.

I had to go before the Assembly meeting so it's pretty early. 6 am early. I'm going to curse myself, I swear.

I'm not even awake enough yet to have a proper conversation, yet I'm going to have one with someone whose mother was responsible for my family's death.

I knock lightly on the door, a yawn escaping me. I even look like I just crawled out of bed. So much for being an heir to a throne.

I hear a sound from inside, things falling, like he's rushing. Don't bother at all, take your time, I might just fully wake up in the meantime.

The door opens to reveal Brennan's face, his messy auburn curls and his confused and surprised eyes.

"Hey..." He says softly. There is something like relief in his eyes. He looks at me with those soft amber eyes.

"Can I come in?" I ask with my sleepy voice. Damn, that water did nothing for my voice.

Drink water when you wake up dad said. That didn't turn out to be so useful.

He opens the door further, welcoming me inside and I do so. I try my best to avoid direct touch. His room has changed a lot since I first brought him here. He has at least three extra sheets on his bed. Two extra pillows. His desk is a beautiful mess of pens, paper, notebooks and all other things that fit that category. There is a notebook by the window where he moved his desk chair to. His nightstand is filled with books and one potion that I recognize has to be from the healers.

"Are you cold at night?" I ask softly, my gaze never leaving the messy bed with extra sheets and pillows.

He looks slightly flustered as he rubs the back of his neck. "No, not really." I frown. "Then why the extra sheets... And pillows?" I respond. It's summer, he would be sweating all night with those sheets. "It feels better... Comforting. You know, after everything that happened it's nice to have something soft and warm. I don't talk to anyone here so..." He trails off. Oh. Part of my heart goes out for him, I forgot he has no one here, while everyone has been there for me whether they actually knew me or not, I'm noble here.

I keep my mouth shut, I don't know what to say, I didn't prepare this at all. Maybe that's a good thing as he seems to want to say something.

"Why are you here?" He asks softly as he leans back on his desk, his hands bracing his weight.

"Why do you keep bringing me meals? And letters?" I ask back, dodging his question.

"Do you want me to stop?" His face falls a little. "No." I admit, my voice barely audible. I hadn't even admitted that to myself, yet my mind deemed it smart to admit that to someone I don't know. He sighs. "I asked Felix to bring you meals because he mentioned that you were busy and I figured you were still mourning so I wanted to make sure you would be taken care of." He explains, his amber eyes filled my genuine care.

"Why ask Felix? Why didn't you bring it?" I ask slightly defensive. "I was in confinement. I thought you would know." Oh, right, true. "No, I knew. I just... Slipped my mind." I admit with a hint of shame. How can I become a duchess or even a queen when I can't remember these things. "That's okay." He assures me.

Lord curse him. Why do I feel the need to be near him when I don't like him. "Why did Felix talk about me?" I ask confused. "Because I asked how you were doing. You might hate me but I care about you." He counters softly.

I do not know how to respond to that. Business mode then?

"I came here because Felix told me that after a lot of questioning by a lot of people you were still let out of confinement. I wasn't put on the list for questioning, which bothers me so I'm going to do it now. Understood?" It comes out more demanding than I thought myself capable of. Doesn't sound like me either.

"Understood." He responds with a hint of a smile.

I look at him, really look at him for a moment. He has slight bags under his eyes and his hair is messy. "Your mother is General Lilith Sorrengail?" I ask. This is gonna be less professional than I thought it was gonna be. "Yes. But I'm nothing like her, I swear." He responds and his voice sounds so genuine. "Why are you here? Help me understand why I shouldn't just throw you back to Basgiath." It might sound harsh but why shouldn't I?

"The rebellion started when me and Naolin had just graduated. I was convinced Fen was in the wrong but Naolin never denied that he agreed more with Fen." He starts, taking a deep breath. "When the war got worse, Naolin and me talked about it and he managed to convince me the night before the Battle of Aretia. So I changed sides during the battle. I suppose it didn't look that way as your father shot an arrow in me." He finishes with a bitter chuckle.

"What?" I manage to say, my voice much more quiet than I anticipated. The room suddenly spins and I hold on the door to steady myself. I knew my dad had killed people, of course it makes sense, it's war.

"The arrow that was shot in my chest. That one was shot by your father... You didn't know?" He asks softly. "I assumed you knew." He explains, his voice soft as ever.

Naolin sacrificed himself for Brennan because my father shot him.

The spinning worsens. My father is indirectly responsible for Naolin death.

Brennan must have noticed as he steps forward to steady me, one hand on my shoulder, the other wraps around my back, holding me steady.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asks, his voice is serious and urgent. I don't respond, my mind is too occupied with everything that's been happening. "Do you need to see a healer?" His voice stays steady like he has been here before. "No." I breathe out. "No healer."

"Okay." He says reassuring, like he wants me to know he hears me and what I want.

He moves me towards his bed slowly. Once there he gently helps me on it and once I sit down I immediately lay down. Now I understand why he has extra sheets, they do bring a sense of comfort.

"Take your time." He assures me. "I'll go get you some sugar." He says and then he's out of the room. Leaving me with my thoughts.

Everything that's happened the past month a half has been become too much for me to handle alone.

Alone, that's how I feel.

My father shot an arrow in Brennan which resulted in losing Naolin. Not much later dad and all the rebellion leaders get executed, my brother and friends are out in all different places. Who knows how they get treated there.

The door opens again and Brennan walks in with a glass and a can of orange juice, pouring some in the class as he places both on his night stand.

"I'm okay." I whisper. "It's not as bad as it looks." He raises a brow, skeptical. I sit up and take the orange juice, gulping it down in one go.

"I'm sorry, for what my dad did." I say softly and I mean it. I can love my father dearly but there are things I can't forgive. "You don't have to be. It was war, you can't protect everyone who means well. It's not your fault." He assures me.

"I'm sorry for how I've behaved the last month. I should've heard you out, let you explain." I apologize. "You didn't deserve that. If I'm supposed to believe what you've told me then I behaved and acted poorly on what to do." At least I can admit I'm wrong.

He smiles softly. "There's a reason I didn't tell you. I knew how you thought about my mother and well, same. You had every right to feel that way. I can't blame you for feeling what you did when at the time it had only been days since you found out. I'm happy you're talking to me now. I will admit I was kinda scared you wouldn't talk to me anymore." He says that last part sarcastic but I can tell he means it.

"I will probably still give you a hard time." I respond with as much sarcasm. He lets out a chuckle. "Fair enough."

We stay quiet for a while, letting our emotions sink in.

It feels wrong in a way, to trust him, the general's son. My mind knows it's wrong but to my heart it feels right.

"I have to go. I have assembly in a few minutes." I say breaking the silence. "Oh, yeah, sure. Of course." He stands up from his bed and walks to the door while I follow behind him. He opens it for me. I walk out but turn around to face him. I open my mouth to say something but shut it.

"Please tell me if I can help." Brennan says and from the look in his eyes I can see that he wants to do something. "I'll see what I can think of." I respond. "In the meantime you can do what you want. You're not locked up anymore and you're not a prisoner. Go to the library, I think you'd like it there." I say as I gesture to his notebooks on the desk. He nods but it doesn't look like he would actually enjoy it.

Did I misjudge that? That would be a first.

"I'll see you around." I say at last, he gives me a small smile and I turn around and walk away. From the moment I turn the corner to the marble staircase, I start running down to the second floor. Once there I open the door to the family quarters and plunge down on the couch.

I take a moment to catch my breath and stare at the ceiling. Lord. That could go down as the most awkward end of a conversation in my personal history. That guy is way too sweet for who I am.

After I catch my breath and got a chance to calm down, I get up and get the papers for the assembly.

What a morning. Lord bless what the evening will bring. I'm already exhausted.

☆

Taglist: @honethatty12 @smashee0789 @awkardnerd @randomperson1234sblog@bangtanxberm

[notmorbid]

...lost child, pt. 3.

dialogue prompts from the story of the lost child by elena ferrante.

are you threatening me?

even your shadow is better than any flesh and blood person.

i'll take away everything you have.

even an open lie from [name] was the only truth that could be uttered.

you haven't been proud of me in a long time.

the _____ we live in is much worse than the one we talk about.

the laws work for those who fear them, not for those who violate them.

since you couldn't make up your mind, i did.

i don't understand why you behave like that.

i'm not angry with you. it's not your fault.

i'm telling you these things because i love you, and i'm worried.

alright. i'll do it. but i don't like it.

you don't belong to this family.

i want you to teach me to ______.

at that moment, i was surely sincere.

you didn't understand, or you didn't want to.

i don't want to see anyone.

good lord, how you've grown. you're magnificent.

you look exactly like your mother.

i gave you too much rope. i let you re-tie too many knots.

the scam of rebirth raises hopes, then shatters them.

i never saw you cry.

do you feel lonely?

try to be reasonable.

i wanted people to think i was someone.

you'll kill me if you leave me like this.

you want to end up like ____?

not all human beings react in the same way.

you have no respect for anyone.

you should let it out. you should say whatever comes to mind.

each of us organizes memory as it suits him.

we both speak a false language.

you're even more defenseless than you used to be.

if the wind blows any harder, we'll all fly away.

wait. sit with me for a moment.

a wish, a fantasy travels more swiftly than blood.

i want to understand what is happening in your mind.

talking to you helps. you make me think.

knowing i'm useful to you makes me feel better.

to be adult is to recognize one's needs.

you're perfect. you never need anything.

nothing overwhelms you. nothing even touches you.

there are things no one knows, not even me.

everyone knows that people like _____ end up getting killed.

all men were once boys.

i should have done worse.

it's hard to tell you no.

does a person necessarily have to 'do' something?

you have to use your life.

i want to go back to sleeping alone.

it's terrible sleeping alone.

you've already forgotten. not me.

do i have to account for myself to you?

you repeat nonsense like a parrot.

every time you go out, i'm afraid you'll get in trouble.

be sure that i will watch over you.

what are you thinking of doing?

someday or other, we'll have to separate.

i will always try to help you. you have only to ask.

the time for faithfulness and permanent relationships is over.

you do only what you want.

i wouldn't want to enter your mind, even for a few seconds.

what do you expect from me?

be careful. ____ has always hated you.

you can be hurt only if you love someone.

all you think about is yourself.

it isn't books that make people good. it's good people who make some good books.

if you think about it, there's more to laugh at than cry about.

you don't respect anything or anyone.

now is not the right time for this conversation.

you must never touch my things again.

you always have to incite, poke, shove.

you have so many things to do. you won't even notice i'm gone.

it's impossible to have a real relationship with you.

this room is like a crime scene.

if it's fine, what are we talking about?

i owe you everything. you're the best person i know.

i thought something had happened to you.

you have no sensitivity. you hurt people and don't realize it.

the empty apartment makes me sad.

i dream of you often.

i'm looking everywhere for your perfume.

where is it written that lives should have a meaning?

what's become of you? i no longer recognize you.

you no longer surprise me.

words are full of ghosts, but so are images.

we must be careful not to make mistakes. we pay for our mistakes.

i don't know anything anymore. things go one way, and then they change direction.

only in bad novels do people always think the right thing, say the right thing.

go. do better things than you've done so far.

i'm so glad we've been friends for so long.

every intense relationship is full of traps. if you want it to endure, you have to learn to avoid them.

i did answer you, but you pretend not to understand.

to write, you have to want something to survive you.

i want to leave nothing. my favorite key is the one that deletes.

i want to untie my name. slip it off me. throw it away. forget it.

leave. come and stay at my house.

i love nothing about myself.

come and see me. we'll be together for a while.

you've always overestimated me.

where did i go wrong?

i am no longer able to distinguish what's mine and what's yours.

you are constantly celebrating yourself.

all you need to get a diploma and a degree is free time.

did you like my gift?

unlike stories, real life, when it has passed, inclines toward obscurity. not clarity.

[pomefioredove]

i love ur character analysis posts .. whag do you think of azul . he gets written really ooc sometimes but u nail every character soooo

ALRIGHT. preemptive apology. this gets kind of depressing because I relate to azul on a personal level. I don't think about him as much as I should... so.

azul is driven by fear.

going through something traumatic, like bullying, or abuse, or isolation, or anything, can make you more bitter and resentful towards yourself than that which traumatized you. I have a tendency to blame myself for what other people do to me. not my actions, mind you, not something specific I said or did, but for simply being... me. I think azul works in a similar way. I think he hated himself, hates himself, for just being. and he punishes himself pretty harshly for it.

he's terrified of being the azul who was traumatized. he has this innate desire to kill and bury the him who was hurt, not because he doesn't recognize them, but because he recognizes them too much. he hates them. he resents them. he blames them. he blames himself, and so he punishes himself.

it's misleading. it feels like moving on, but all it really is is repression. and you end up doing a lot of things to yourself that you regret. I went through a pretty extreme version of this after I got away from my abuser. I forced myself to adopt a new personality, I moved, I even had my name legally changed. I also destroyed every single picture of me that I could find. it's coping but it doesn't help, not really, it just feels like running away. it's never enough and you always have this sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach that you will always be that person. weak, helpless, afraid.

living through something that takes your autonomy and shatters your sense of self, such as abuse, or bullying, makes you feel powerless. azul does what he does because he wants control. he wants to feel powerful. he wants to feel safe. he can never, ever be weak again, because he blames own weakness for making him a victim. he does not want to be a victim.

but his need for control ends up isolating him just the same, anyway. he's... sort of friends with the tweels, but not really, and he has no one else at NRC. he was so obsessed with not being at the bottom of the social order that he made his own order, put himself at the top, and is still lonely. he wants to be respected. he wants to be needed. but he doesn't want to be needy, no, he's so mistrustful and refuses to let himself rely on others to the point where he's still... alone.

"azul" becomes more of a brand than a person. everything about him is so meticulously crafted that he can't even breathe without lying. it's just second nature to him at this point. there's still a very scared and very sad child somewhere in him, and he is doing everything in his power to hide them. and it's exhausting to live as if you're always being judged. I think he lacks a sense of self.

he cannot be a victim. that's his whole personality. he refuses to even believe he was a victim. he moves from one extreme to the other, becoming someone who victimizes others, perpetuating the cycle. I think that victims find comfort in being bad people because it makes our trauma feel justified. we can't seem to accept that abuse happens for no reason, so we find new ways to blame ourselves. "I deserved it because I'm a bad person", but you're not, so you start doing bad things to make it feel like you are. it's about control. and it's all a facade.

I like azul. I wish the narrative would go a little further with him and this idea. I think he's a sweetie he just has such a deep-rooted hatred of himself that he's repulsed by the mere idea of letting his guard down.

I don't usually read azul fics so this all might be how people characterize him anyway, idk, I'm going off memory lol

[synergysilhouette]

An alternate take on "Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas" (2003)

I'm back with another Dreamworks rewrite! To be honest, I LOATHE this movie because a lot of it feels like wasted potential, and I wanted to fix some things. Be warned: as you may have guessed, this is all subjective changes. Be sure to check out my rewrite of "El Dorado" as well!

Character overhaul for Sinbad. Similar to Flynn Rider, he's supposed to come off as charming and clever, but instead just comes off--to me, at least--as sleazy and goofy. Sinbad has good moments, but he's willing to let his own best friend die because he believes Proteus' father won't let him die. He's right about Dymas, but Sinbad underestimates Proteus' integrity, showing how little he knows his friend. In fact, he doesn't really change gears until Eris attempts to deceive him; the whole journey, he comes off as arrogant and pompous, not at all likeable except when he saves Proteus on impulse at the beginning. In my rewrite, he's much more smooth and intelligent, calm and logical, in contrast to Proteus' more emotional and compassionate personality. He's much more honorable--YES, he's still a pirate--and is much less bold, ie showing up to Syracuse in disguise in order not to rouse suspicion or get Proteus in trouble. He may or may not still be seducing and stealing while he's there, though. And even though it won't impact the plot much, I'd make him Middle Eastern as a nod to the original cycle of stories (IDK if it was confirmed if he was Greek or not).

2. Fleshing out the crew more. While Sinbad's crew is made up of unique characters, they don't feel like people to me. They mainly seem to exist for comedy and due to the fact that Sinbad can't man the ship alone. This critique is rather vague since I don't have specific things that I'd change, but having more conversations with them between themselves, as well as with others (such as Marina, Sinbad, and Proteus) would've made them feel like actual characters to me. Kale and Rat in particular feel like they could be even more interesting.

3. Marina is...different. Let me make something clear: I'm TIRED of battle of the sexes dynamics in movies that don't revolve around gender. And I hate how the writers decided to hurt Proteus by making Marina his fiance and then have her fall in love with Sinbad. Instead, Marina is a noble, but not the firstborn, and thus has a bit more flexibility under her belt for her life decisions--though when she decides to join Sinbad, it's still met with an uproar from the bureaucracy. Sinbad recognizes her intelligence and combat skills, as well as her desire to explore, so he accepts her as a crewmember, since he thinks he needs all the help he can get. Some crewmembers do try to charm and flirt with her, but as time goes on, this becomes more platonic rather than serious; I know the optics of a shipfull of thirsty men and one woman can be...uncomfortable, to say the least.

4. Proteus breaks--I'd like to think that Dymas succeeds in getting Proteus away from Syracuse--albeit against Proteus' will--and instead takes his place, knowing someone will have to answer for this. This would happen around the middle of the film, and Eris sees this as an interesting turn of events. She uses her powers to kidnap Proteus and bring him to Tartarus, allowing him to see everything that is occurring and has occurred during Sinbad's journey--albeit with a bit of twists. Eris makes it look like Sinbad DID steal the book of peace, and that even though he ventures to Tartarus, it's all a ruse, as he has the book in his possession in exchange for riches that only a goddess can give. Proteus has a hard time believing this (especially when it comes from a goddess of chaos), but slowly he does begin to wonder if he had too much faith in Sinbad, and if their friendship was based on him desperate to escape the confines of his station. As such, Proteus makes his own deal with Eris to test Sinbad's character. Eris attempts to trick Sinbad by asking him which is more important: restoring peace or getting his friend back. Despite his friendship with Proteus, he recognizes how Eris stealing the book will create destruction much greater than he can comprehend. That said, he lies and says that Proteus is more important, but Eris sees through his lies and sends him away--albeit with Proteus, who bitterly wonders why Sinbad bothered to lie. They fight, but when Sinbad can't bring himself to harm his friend, they reconcile so that Sinbad can face the consequences of the stolen book and Proteus face his punishment for escaping.

5. MORE. FLASHBACKS. We had a lot of "tell, don't show" in the original film, and it made the events weigh less than if we had seen them ourselves.

6. The duality of Eris. In Hesiod's "Works and Days," Eris is the name of two deities, one who is beloved once you come to understand her, and another who is feared and despised--but still given her dues since she's a goddess. In my version, Eris is the antagonist, but is more troublesome than completely evil; she wreaks havoc and thrives in discord, but is unable to break a vow that she makes (as far as we know). It'd be fun if throughout the story, we see Eris doing things on a whim, both helping and hurting others rather than just enjoying destruction. However, this duality makes her VERY untrustworthy to mortals, since in my version, the two goddesses are one, so you never knew who you'll be dealing with. Her duality would essentially serve as a metaphor for trustworthiness and change; is Sinbad the thief completely selfish? Is Proteus the gentle prince incapable of corruption? And I'd make the Book of Peace a highly coveted commodity; Syracuse is a paradise since the book offers them riches and prosperity (still distributed unevenly among the masses, mind you), so once it's gone, the kingdom is thrown into disruption, and the threat of invasion and collapse is very real.

7. The journey is different. I do like the idea that Eris is a bit more present rather than being an observer, and throughout the journey, she tests Sinbad's mettle and attitude, wondering if he's willing to sacrifice his morals or his crew in order to get the book of peace. The sirens sing of knowledge beyond the mortal realm, but Sinbad is unwilling to risk his crew going mad for that knowledge. The following trials also test his intelligence and integrity, as well as furthering his bond with Marina.

These are just some ideas, but I do think I'd enjoy "Sinbad" if it had incorporated some of these concepts. Lemme know what you think of this alternate take!

[brujitaadinbo]

They say that mothers have a highly developed sixth sense for everything and let me tell you that I fervently believe it. I just checked this after watching Ahsoka with my mom, she has no experience in SW, she never watched Rebels and it was her first time watching the series, just like when she watched The Mandalorian, she deduced a lot of things just by watching.

I can only tell you that I always base myself on the facts and what has been seen on TV.

Sabine definitely feels something more for Ezra and it is not simply a "sisterhood" I love that both here and in The Mandalorian they show you the characters in their worst moments, in depression, in their duels and in some way they also show you that sometimes what they want or need the least is what actually helps them, or it's what they want or need.

Bo Katan did not want to see Din again and technically managed to save his life, give him back his planet, build a beautiful relationship (because it is, canon or not, they combine very well and hate will not change my mind) And above all, return some glory to the Mandalorian people.

Sabine lost her family and doesn't want to know anything, she lives her grief and a very particular one, she distances herself from everyone and takes refuge in Ezra's home, she takes care of his things and unites hers in that hiding place. Grief can be experienced in many ways but let's be honest, when you lose a family member, especially a brother, it is hard and very difficult but unfortunately life has to go on, it is very different from when a mother loses her child or when someone you lose your loved one.

Sabine shows it in every moment, it hurts her not to know what happened to Ezra, she is immobile, the pain does not allow her to move forward. My mom, seeing this, asked me, who is Ezra? Why she miss him so much? I replied, you have to keep watching, I won't tell you anything. But in particular we both agreed that when Ahsoka showed hope to see him again, with the map, Sabine came back to life. He regained the shine on his face.

We also agreed and you can see that Ahsoka had that feeling all the time, that knowing, that Sabine had an irrational need to see Ezra again. That's why he says it more than three times. Until the moment he says, Can I count on you? Somehow he doubts and senses that Sabine did not destroy that map.

That's why Baylan convinces her to go together to Peridia, for his "lost friend" despite all odds. That's why Thrawn also tells him so. "that foolishness of finding your lost friend" and she answers "you would never understand" because Sabine has always been defensive about the feelings she unconsciously shows towards Ezra and does not recognize them even when she is exposed. That's why she hide them and I'm sorry, but I do have a brotherhood with someone, very close, I don't care what they think, I show my affection because we are brothers. I explain?

It doesn't make sense unless they're setting up something big later.

The best thing is the moment of Sabine and Ezra's reunion, the hug that "according to them" doesn't prove anything, but the sighs I could hear, well, why hide what you feel? My mother told me "They hug each other very affectionately, it doesn't seem like their friend, it seems like it's the boy they like"

Also when Ahsoka already finding these two, she tells Sabine "Looks like your bet paid off" In the end Sabine feels good because she found Ezra in some way or another, that irrational foolishness calms down and even her use of force is shown magically… coincidence???

I don't believe it. and to conclude...

Sabine prefers that Ezra go home, the whole situation becomes complicated and at least she knows that he is alive and well, her heart is calm. Now he knows that he should be with Ahsoka, she is his teacher in a way, she gave him back the hope of finding Ezra, of seeing him again. He has to be with Ahoska because thanks to her she was able to see him again.

To affirm that Ezra and Sabine only see each other as brothers is to deny the facts and deny what was experienced in Rebels, the development of the relationship of these characters and above all to deny that Sabine prefers Ezra to the galaxy.

I'm sorry but I will also send this ship and not abandon the DinBo, only time will tell us who was right or at least what will happen to all of them.

this is the way....

[tbhimnoteasyonmyself]

I didn't initially want to make a post about it, probably bc it didn't hurt me as much as I thought it would. But then I saw other people talking and I figured I had something to say as well. So here I am.

For all we know Liam was an abuser in many shapes of the word. He groomed his girlfriend, was violent with her, cheated on her with minors and maybe something else I am forgetting. This is all true. Does it me merit death? Maybe, depending on your point of view. And if that's what you believe, then act accordingly, I'm not here to force anyone to stop doing anything. Just maybe give you some perspective.

But Liam was also a friend, and a brother, and a son, and a father and an uncle and so many other things. He was hated but he was also loved. And, most of all, he was human.

It doesn't affect me as much as I thought it would, I thought I'd cry or be revolted or whatever, the day I learned a member from 1D died. I really did. But I am not. I am calm, I am at peace.

I think it's bc I know Liam had been in deep suffering for years now. Long years. And he was making people suffer too. And, it's not ideal, at least not to me, but at least it's over now, you know? There's peace in death bc it's how you rejoin the fabric of the universe. You rejoin the flow, become nothing, you begin to make perfect logical sense again.

Deep in my heart, there's a part of me that is still mourning, though. And I think that it's the wasted life, the wasted potential, the wasted everything... Liam was such a talented person, you know? He wasn't a great dancer, sksjdjsk, but he was a good singer. Whether people recognize that or not, it won't change the facts. Well, actually no, scratch that. It will. It will bc it did when he was alive too.

I don't know Liam personally but I think he was constantly searching after a spotlight no one ever gave him. Whether that was bc they thought he wasn't good looking enough, or not talented enough or not charismatic enough or just bc it was easier not to, I think it remains true.

The industry didn't treat him fairly, it exploited his name, his talent and his insecurities. And that doesn't justify his actions, of course not, but I think we should remember this:

Liam Payne was not born an abuser, no one ever is. And sure the actions he did are his own and were he alive he should respond for them accordingly but the fact still stands that ever since 1D was no longer, maybe even before that, Liam was going down a spiral that could lead nowhere good. And that's blood on the music industry's hands.

In the end, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm terribly sorry that one of the people that saved me from depression in my teenage years could not be saved himself. What I'm trying to say is that I wish he had had better opportunities, I wish people would've recognised his value and humanity, I wish things would've been so different, I wish he was still alive so he could try and be better and a better man.

Given a chance, let's put it that way: I wish Liam Payne was given a chance.

I know maybe this won't change anything and that maybe people will think the sort of grief we have as a collective, not over an abuser, though that was a part of him, but over one of the man that made our lives better will be weird, see it poorly... But I still wanted to say it, voice it. Bc I think we're allowed to mourn him even after everything that happened. Bc I don't think that someone having done a lot of bad to other people erases the good that person did to you. And I think it's valid to recognise one thing but still have feelings that don't match it. We're all human, after all, all complex...

So idk... I guess this is it? This is what I wanted to say.

You can be happy about his passing, you can celebrate, if you want to, I won't deny anyone their own feelings but don't deny everyone else theirs either.

And pls, for the love of whatever you hold dearest, don't go bring any negative energy or mockery to his loved ones. You might not get it but they lost someone important. Respect their grief, if no one else's.

Be human.

[incorrectmahabharatquotes]

I'll probably doing this but um hi, anon here. just your average teenage hindu girl. your blog is lots of fun, I never thought I would find something like this lmao...but the reason I'm writing this is because I admire you guys and I've kinda been having a crisis lately 😅 so I want to ask - how do you guys do it? a lot of people tend to call indian epics proof of how Secretly Hateful hindus can be, and if you guys recognize it can get like that sometimes, how do you still love that part of you?

We got this ask three years ago and we put it in the drafts to answer it but the answer is so complicated that we never got around to answering it. I don't even know if the anon who sent us this still follows us or not. A lot has changed since then. I'll try to attempt to answer this but keep in mind that it's one person's view on it and everyone's approach to life is different.

What reminded me of this ask specifically is actually all the other drama that went down on the blog earlier this year. Remember this, we'll circle back around to this.

Religion is an interesting aspect of life. Most of the time, for most people, you never choose the religion you belong to.

Religion is something you get from your parents and your family as a whole. You grow up with it. You learn the rituals, the prayers and the songs. You enjoy the wonderful food that the festivals bring you. You associate your religion with joy. Your religion isn't just a religion, it's a part of your family and you know your family is good. Maybe you grow interested in your religion for whatever and want to learn more, so you read the scriptures available to you. Maybe you don't, the end result remains the same. You continue being from that religion. You're proud of how good and pure and kind your religion is.

One day you encounter someone who claims that the religion you grew up in, your parents' religion that you so dearly adore, is misogynistic/casteist/harming others. What do you do? This is the point in your life when you actively choose anything related to your religion. Before this moment, everything was chosen for you, very conveniently, by others. Do you choose to listen? Do you choose to ignore? Mock? Belittle? This is a difficult decision, I will not lie to you. This isn't just about your religion, remember? This decision can potentially change your relationship with yourself, your family, your friends and your place in society.

For many people, they hear the criticisms and they choose to ignore and then go on with their lives. Some will listen and try to fact check and research. Some will call the person criticising the religion of overreacting. Some might even ostracise the person. There's so many choices.

I can't make the decision for you. This is something you decide for yourself.

This is where I circle back around to the drama that was happening on the blog earlier. There are some people who will encounter criticism about their religion and their reaction would be to double down on it. They cling harder to their religion, become furious, start calling the person hateful for being the voice that has brought this kind of discord into their life. This reaction is understandable. If you want to continue living your life comfortably in the status quo without having to risk causing upheaval in your own self-image, you do this.

I, personally, have a lot of thoughts about it. Hell, I might be the person criticising the religion in the lives of some people. I think at this point people already know what I think. But this isn't about me.

How can you have pride in yourself as a Hindu if your religion can also harm others or be used to harm others sometimes? I think the answer here is to think about what's important about your religion to you. What aspects of it are important to you. If your religion is harming others, can you do something to change the parts that are?

I keep emphasizing the words "decisions" and "choices" because you have to start thinking of yourself as an active participant in life. You can even change your religion to be better if you wish.

-Mod S

[paradoxcase]

John 5:1

THE TOWER HAS REA

Honestly, if regular necromancers had this ability to stop bodies/meat from rotting like this, that would be something that like fundamentally changed some aspects of society, like feeding people becomes much easier, you don't necessarily even need things like salting or refrigeration or freezers if you have a necromancer on hand, and maybe necromancers wield power in society because without them there's no fresh food? But I don't get the idea that that's the case in the Nine Houses, Ianthe didn't learn how to stop apples from rotting until after she became a Lyctor, and she's actually a flesh magician, unlike Harrow who we can expect probably knew very little about anything to do with meat

I've been thinking throughout these segments that this is starting to sound more and more like the story of how John became the Unabomber, and this is making me think that even more. Come to think of it, Kaczynski also had an advanced degree, didn't he?

Apparently that's a NZ secondary school qualification, I guess he's talking about Pyrrha's level of education here?

It really all keeps coming back to Weekend at Bernie's with this story, doesn't it? And yeah, like someone pointed out, John should know about that movie, I'm surprised he hasn't mentioned it at all

This can't be foreshadowing, because that part of the book already happened, but it's like, I dunno, aftershadowing or something of how Mercy and Augustine also teamed up to kill John even though they hated each other

I think there's a limited number of nations this can actually be for John to be able to recognize the head of state and also for this to be a "big political conspiracy". I think maybe just the US, UK, Russia, China? It has to be one of those, right? Maybe John would recognize politicians from Australia, too, but I don't think anyone would really care all that much if one of them died. And at least in the US, there's a designated line of succession precisely so that if the president dies it doesn't cause political turmoil like they seem to think would happen here, and I bet the same is true in the UK, and I don't think there would be any political turmoil if the actual king of England died, either. So probably it has to be Russia or China, right?

It's kind of funny that this is like, exactly precisely all the right-wing conspiracy theories about how Biden is secretly dead and they're just parading around a fake or a body double or something

I mean, we're already in the middle of an extinction event, like, right now in the real world, and have been for a while now, humans have been causing extinctions ever since we hunted the megafauna to extinction back in the stone age

I don't get why they argued for this. Isn't this to get funding for the cryo project? What could they possibly need more than actual cash? Wasn't the point to just get money? What do they actually need a nuke for? Is this just because of Pyrrha encouraging John to become the Unabomber?