#ch: sarah o'connor

[motownfiction]

dream

Whenever they take trips – and as a family of eight, it’s not often – Will and his sisters always tell each other what they dreamt about on the first night away from home. It’s something their mom started when Rachel, the sister born right after Will, was about three. She had a hard time adjusting to different environments, and talking about dreams, hearing the silliness, learning new stories … it made her feel better. Will remembers how it made him feel better, too.

Being away from home doesn’t usually bother Will. His room in the basement gets boring, and he likes to find out what other places have in store. So, when Dad announces they all have to drive to some tiny town in Indiana because one of their distant cousins in Indiana is getting married, Will doesn’t hesitate. Maybe it’ll be a weird redneck wedding, but who cares? Mom’s going to take them to see James Dean’s headstone, and if Will gets a good picture, Lucy will love him for it.

The O’Connors stay at a great aunt’s house before the wedding. Sarah complains because she has to sleep on a terribly hard and uncomfortable couch, but at least she doesn’t have to sleep on a weird egg crate foam like Will. He doesn’t do much sleeping, though he does remember his dream. And he can’t wait to share it.

At breakfast, Will nudges Rachel with a piece of bacon.

“Hey, Rach,” he says. “What did you dream about last night?”

Rachel makes a face.

“Are we doing this?” she asks. “I thought we were done with that.”

“Why would we ever be done with it?” Will asks. “Like. Hey, watch this. Hey! Sarah! What did you dream about last night?”

“I dreamt I was forced to marry that kid in your class, the tall redhead,” Sarah says. “What’s his name again?”

“Kevin.”

“Yeah, him. And if you tell that to anyone, I will kill you and bury you next to James Dean. You hear me? James Dean.”

“I don’t think James Dean was the threatening part of that sentence, but OK.”

Will turns back to Rachel.

“See?” he says. “Sarah’s cooler than all of us, and if she can tell us what she dreamt about, you can, too.”

“Yeah, Rachel!” Sophie, who’s eleven, chimes in. “I dreamt about giant grapes.”

“What were the giant grapes doing?” Rachel asks.

“I don’t know, but they did not want me to eat them.”

Sophie laughs at her own words, and Molly, her nine-year-old crony, laughs twice as hard. She flaps her hands in excitement.

“Me next!” Molly says. “I had a dream about Kanga and Roo from Winnie the Pooh. They wanted me to come live with them, but I stayed home.”

“Good call,” Will says.

He fixes his eyes on seven-year-old Claire, who looks more excited than anyone.

“Claire,” Will says. “How about you, kid?”

“I dreamt about Mommy,” Claire says. “But she was wearing a chicken suit and running around, going, ‘Cluck, cluck, cluck!’”

And even though it comes from the mouth of a seven-year-old girl, the whole table of O’Connor siblings bursts out laughing. Even Rachel.

“Are you sure she was just saying cluck?” Sarah asks.

“No, I’m not!”

They laugh even harder. Will turns to Rachel, who’s wiping her eyes a little.

“OK,” he says. “You’re the holdout. Rachel Ann O’Connor. The reason our mother started this tradition in the first place. What did you dream about last night?”

Rachel sighs.

“I dreamt about James Dean,” she says. “Only he wasn’t dead.”

Her face turns about as red as Jim Stark’s Harrington jacket, and Will knows he probably shouldn’t press her anymore.

“What about you, then?” Rachel asks. “The real holdout. What did you dream about last night?”

Will shrugs. It’s easy. There’s a reason he wanted to talk about dreams, after all.

“I dreamt we were all really, really old,” he says. “Even Claire. And I dreamt we were sitting around a table, talking about what we dreamt last night. I don’t know. It was cool.”

He looks at Sarah for approval. Her smile tells him that he’s got it.

“Claire,” Sarah says, “when Mom comes in here, I need you to tell her about that chicken dream. OK?”

“OK!”

Will sits back and watches his sisters laugh with each other, at each other, around each other. He doesn’t know how long it will be like this, but he hopes it’s a very long time. Not every guy in the world gets to spend this much time with this many cool girls. Sisters, friends, anyone. He hopes that never stops – that there are tons of cool girls to come.

That’s the real dream.

[latoyarubalcava3546]

Guillermo del Toro's Shape Of Water Is The BAFTAs Frontrunner Thanks To 12 Nods! See The Full List Of Nominees HERE!

Awards season is certainly in full swing.

On Tuesday morning, Natalie Dormer and Letitia Wright announced the nominees for the 2018 BAFTA Film Awards. Now that the Golden Globes have come and gone, all eyes are on the British awards show to see who might be a REAL contender at the Oscars.

Related: Oprah Inspires With EPIC #MeToo Speech!

And the answer??? Guillermo del Toro's Shape Of Water is clearly the current frontrunner, as the drama walked away with 12 nominations. Bravo.

Joanna Lumley was also named the host of the industry event, as Stephen Fry recently announced that he'd be stepping down from the role.

Anyhoo, be sure to ch-ch-check out the complete list of nominations for yourself (below)!!

BEST FILM CALL ME BY YOUR NAME Emilie Georges, Luca Guadagnino, Marco Morabito, Peter Spears DARKEST HOUR Tim Bevan, Lisa Bruce, Eric Fellner, Anthony McCarten, Douglas Urbanski DUNKIRK Christopher Nolan, Emma Thomas THE SHAPE OF WATER Guillermo del Toro, J. Miles Dale THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI Graham Broadbent, Pete Czernin, Martin McDonagh

DIRECTOR BLADE RUNNER 2049 Denis Villeneuve CALL ME BY YOUR NAME Luca Guadagnino DUNKIRK Christopher Nolan THE SHAPE OF WATER Guillermo del Toro THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI Martin McDonagh

LEADING ACTRESS ANNETTE BENING Film Stars Don't Die in Liverpool FRANCES McDORMAND Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri MARGOT ROBBIE I, Tonya SALLY HAWKINS The Shape of Water SAOIRSE RONAN Lady Bird

LEADING ACTOR DANIEL DAY-LEWIS Phantom Thread DANIEL KALUUYA Get Out GARY OLDMAN Darkest Hour JAMIE BELL Film Stars Don't Die in Liverpool TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET Call Me by Your Name

SUPPORTING ACTRESS ALLISON JANNEY I, Tonya KRISTIN SCOTT THOMAS Darkest Hour LAURIE METCALF Lady Bird LESLEY MANVILLE Phantom Thread OCTAVIA SPENCER The Shape of Water

SUPPORTING ACTOR CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER All the Money in the World HUGH GRANT Paddington 2 SAM ROCKWELL Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri WILLEM DAFOE The Florida Project WOODY HARRELSON Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

OUTSTANDING BRITISH FILM DARKEST HOUR Joe Wright, Tim Bevan, Lisa Bruce, Eric Fellner, Anthony McCarten, Douglas Urbanski THE DEATH OF STALIN Armando Iannucci, Kevin Loader, Laurent Zeitoun, Yann Zenou, Ian Martin, David Schneider GOD'S OWN COUNTRY Francis Lee, Manon Ardisson, Jack Tarling LADY MACBETH William Oldroyd, Fodhla Cronin O'Reilly, Alice Birch PADDINGTON 2 Paul King, David Heyman, Simon Farnaby THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI Martin McDonagh, Graham Broadbent, Pete Czernin

OUTSTANDING DEBUT BY A BRITISH WRITER, DIRECTOR OR PRODUCER THE GHOUL Gareth Tunley (Writer/Director/Producer), Jack Healy Guttman & Tom Meeten (Producers) I AM NOT A WITCH Rungano Nyoni (Writer/Director), Emily Morgan (Producer) JAWBONE Johnny Harris (Writer/Producer), Thomas Napper (Director) KINGDOM OF US Lucy Cohen (Director) LADY MACBETH Alice Birch (Writer), William Oldroyd (Director), Fodhla Cronin O'Reilly (Producer)

FILM NOT IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE ELLE Paul Verhoeven, Saïd Ben Saïd FIRST THEY KILLED MY FATHER Angelina Jolie, Rithy Panh THE HANDMAIDEN Park Chan-wook, Syd Lim LOVELESS Andrey Zvyagintsev, Alexander Rodnyansky THE SALESMAN Asghar Farhadi, Alexandre Mallet-Guy

DOCUMENTARY CITY OF GHOSTS Matthew Heineman I AM NOT YOUR NEGRO Raoul Peck ICARUS Bryan Fogel, Dan Cogan AN INCONVENIENT SEQUEL Bonni Cohen, Jon Shenk JANE Brett Morgen

ANIMATED FILM COCO Lee Unkrich, Darla K. Anderson LOVING VINCENT Dorota Kobiela, Hugh Welchman, Ivan Mactaggart MY LIFE AS A COURGETTE Claude Barras, Max Karli

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY GET OUT Jordan Peele I, TONYA Steven Rogers LADY BIRD Greta Gerwig THE SHAPE OF WATER Guillermo del Toro, Vanessa Taylor THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI Martin McDonagh

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY CALL ME BY YOUR NAME James Ivory THE DEATH OF STALIN Armando Iannucci, Ian Martin, David Schneider FILM STARS DON'T DIE IN LIVERPOOL Matt Greenhalgh MOLLY'S GAME Aaron Sorkin PADDINGTON 2 Simon Farnaby, Paul King

ORIGINAL MUSIC BLADE RUNNER 2049 Benjamin Wallfisch, Hans Zimmer DARKEST HOUR Dario Marianelli DUNKIRK Hans Zimmer PHANTOM THREAD Jonny Greenwood THE SHAPE OF WATER Alexandre Desplat

CINEMATOGRAPHY BLADE RUNNER 2049 Roger Deakins DARKEST HOUR Bruno Delbonnel DUNKIRK Hoyte van Hoytema THE SHAPE OF WATER Dan Laustsen THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI Ben Davis

EDITING BABY DRIVER Jonathan Amos, Paul Machliss BLADE RUNNER 2049 Joe Walker DUNKIRK Lee Smith THE SHAPE OF WATER Sidney Wolinsky THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI Jon Gregory

PRODUCTION DESIGN BEAUTY AND THE BEAST Sarah Greenwood, Katie Spencer BLADE RUNNER 2049 Dennis Gassner, Alessandra Querzola DARKEST HOUR Sarah Greenwood, Katie Spencer DUNKIRK Nathan Crowley, Gary Fettis THE SHAPE OF WATER Paul Austerberry, Jeff Melvin, Shane Vieau

COSTUME DESIGN BEAUTY AND THE BEAST Jacqueline Durran DARKEST HOUR Jacqueline Durran I, TONYA Jennifer Johnson PHANTOM THREAD Mark Bridges THE SHAPE OF WATER Luis Sequeira

MAKE UP & HAIR BLADE RUNNER 2049 Donald Mowat, Kerry Warn DARKEST HOUR David Malinowski, Ivana Primorac, Lucy Sibbick, Kazuhiro Tsuji I, TONYA Deborah La Mia Denaver, Adruitha Lee VICTORIA & ABDUL Daniel Phillips WONDER Naomi Bakstad, Robert A. Pandini, Arjen Tuiten

SOUND BABY DRIVER Tim Cavagin, Mary H. Ellis, Julian Slater BLADE RUNNER 2049 Ron Bartlett, Doug Hemphill, Mark Mangini, Mac Ruth DUNKIRK Richard King, Gregg Landaker, Gary A. Rizzo, Mark Weingarten THE SHAPE OF WATER Christian Cooke, Glen Gauthier, Nathan Robitaille, Brad Zoern STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI Ren Klyce, David Parker, Michael Semanick, Stuart Wilson, Matthew Wood

SPECIAL VISUAL EFFECTS BLADE RUNNER 2049 Gerd Nefzer, John Nelson DUNKIRK Scott Fisher, Andrew Jackson THE SHAPE OF WATER Dennis Berardi, Trey Harrell, Kevin Scott STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI Nominees tbc WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES Nominees tbc

BRITISH SHORT ANIMATION HAVE HEART Will Anderson MAMOON Ben Steer POLES APART Paloma Baeza, Ser En Low

BRITISH SHORT FILM AAMIR Vika Evdokimenko, Emma Stone, Oliver Shuster COWBOY DAVE Colin O'Toole, Jonas Mortensen A DROWNING MAN Mahdi Fleifel, Signe Byrge Sørensen, Patrick Campbell WORK Aneil Karia, Scott O'Donnell WREN BOYS Harry Lighton, Sorcha Bacon, John Fitzpatrick

EE RISING STAR AWARD (voted for by the public) DANIEL KALUUYA FLORENCE PUGH JOSH O'CONNOR TESSA THOMPSON TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET

Congrats to all the nominees!!

[Image via Fox Searchlight.]

[recordcollection-blog1]

Extra info:

* Louis Armstrong & Duke Ellington - 2 albums

* Frank Sinatra - 3 albums

* Rufus &Chaka Khan - 3 albums

* Kokomo - 3 albums

* John Miles - 2 albums

* Television - 2 albums

* The Stranglers - 4 albums

* Ultravox - 4 albums

* XTC - 5 albums

* Lene Lovich - 3 albums

* Foster Pilkington - 2 albums

Single records (45 rpm):

 Single records (45 rpm): https://www.discogs.com/forum/thread/208082 * solid centre, small hole * knock-out centre, push-out centre * dinked centre, (wide spindle) big hole * hand-dinked * Dizzy Gillespie ‎- The Champ Vogue Records, EPV 1094, (VEP 169), knock-out centre (1956) * https://www.discogs.com/Dizzy-Gillespie-The-Champ/release/2642254 * * Cockney Rebel ‎- Mr. Soft EMI, EMI 2191, knock-out centre (1974) * https://www.discogs.com/Cockney-Rebel-Mr-Soft/release/473605 * * Steve Harley And Cockney Rebel - Make Me Smile (Come Up And See Me) EMI, EMI 2263, knock-out (1975) * https://www.discogs.com/Steve-Harley-And-Cockney-Rebel-Make-Me-Smile-Come-Up-And-See-Me/release/491370 * * Boz Scaggs ‎- Lido Shuffle CBS, S CBS 5136, solid centre (1976) * https://www.discogs.com/Boz-Scaggs-Lido-Shuffle/release/1443086 * * Barbara Dickson - Another suitcase in another hall MCA Records, MCA 266, knock-out centre (1976) * https://www.discogs.com/Barbara-Dickson-Another-Suitcase-In-Another-Hall/release/6881791 * * Bryan Ferry - Let's Stick Together Island Records, WIP 6307, WIPX 1558, Stiff Records ‎– BUY 38, knock-out centre (1976) * https://www.discogs.com/Bryan-Ferry-Lets-Stick-Together/release/9724370 * * Fleetwood Mac ‎- Dreams Warner Bros. Records, K 16969, WBS 8371, solid centre (1977) * https://www.discogs.com/Fleetwood-Mac-Dreams/release/4471075 * * Elkie Brooks ‎- Pearl's A Singer A&M Records, AMS 7275, dinked centre (1977) * https://www.discogs.com/Elkie-Brooks-Pearls-A-Singer/release/10252407 * * XTC - This Is Pop? Virgin Records, VS 209, solid centre (1978) * https://www.discogs.com/XTC-This-Is-Pop/release/10294199 * * Ian Dury and The Blockheads - Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick Stiff Records, BUY 38, knock-out centre (1978) * https://www.discogs.com/Ian-Dury-And-The-Blockheads-Hit-Me-With-Your-Rhythm-Stick/release/215230 * * X-Ray Spex - The Day The World Turned Day-glo EMI International, INT 553, orange, solid centre (1978) * https://www.discogs.com/X-Ray-Spex-The-Day-The-World-Turned-Day-glo/release * * Deadringer - A: Breakout, B: Latin Hoochie Coo Stortbeat Records, BEAT 6, solid centre (1979) * http://www.45cat.com/record/beat6uk * * Lori & The Chameleons - Touch Sire, SIR 4025, Korova logo edition, solid centre (1979) * https://www.discogs.com/Lori-The-Chameleons-Touch/release/6691685 * * Diana Ross - Upside Down Motown, TMG 1195, STMA 8033, company sleeve, knock-out centre (1980) * https://www.discogs.com/Diana-Ross-Upside-Down/release/2896987 * * Ian Dury and The Blockheads - I want to be straight Stiff Records, BUY 90, solid centre (1980) * https://www.discogs.com/Ian-Dury-And-The-Blockheads-I-Want-To-Be-Straight/release/7715259 * * David Bowie - Ashes To Ashes RCA, BOW 6, (PB 9575), knock-out centre (1980) * https://www.discogs.com/David-Bowie-Ashes-To-Ashes/release/6231603 * * David Bowie - Fashion RCA, BOW 7, (PB 9622), dinked centre (1980) * https://www.discogs.com/David-Bowie-Fashion/release/4356971 * * Echo And The Bunnymen - Rescue Korova, KOW 1, (K 18220), solid centre (1980) * https://www.discogs.com/Echo-And-The-Bunnymen-Rescue/release/485647 * * Leo Sayer - Where did we go wrong Chrysalis, CHS 2469, solid centre (1980) * https://www.discogs.com/Leo-Sayer-Where-Did-We-Go-Wrong/release/2258067 * * Odyssey - Going Back To My Roots RCA, RCA 85, (PB 2240), solid centre (1981) * https://www.discogs.com/Odyssey-Going-Back-To-My-Roots/release/3766144 * * Human League - The Sound Of The Crowd Virgin, VS416, VS 416, solid centre (1981) * https://www.discogs.com/Human-League-The-Sound-Of-The-Crowd/release/27726 * * The Human League - Love Action (I Believe In Love) Virgin, VS 435, solid centre (1981) * https://www.discogs.com/The-Human-League-Love-Action-I-Believe-In-Love/release/27727 * * Haircut One Hundred - Favourite Shirts (Boy Meets Girl) Arista, CLIP 1, red injection labels, solid centre (1981) * https://www.discogs.com/Haircut-One-Hundred-Favourite-Shirts-Boy-Meets-Girl/release/3268962 * * Olivia Newton-John - Physical EMI, EMI 5234, knock-out centre (1981) * https://www.discogs.com/Olivia-Newton-John-Physical/release/530597 * * Modern Romance - Ay Ay Ay Ay Moosey WEA, K 18883, solid centre (1981) * https://www.discogs.com/Modern-Romance-Ay-Ay-Ay-Ay-Moosey/release/9327500 * * Irene Cara - Fame RSO, RSO 90, (2090450), solid centre (1982) * https://www.discogs.com/Irene-Cara-Fame/release/2615679 * * The Fun Boy Three - Summertime Chrysalis, CHSP 2629, picture disc, solid centre (1982) * https://www.discogs.com/The-Fun-Boy-Three-Summertime/release/1906687 * * The Jam - Beat Surrender Polydor, POSP 540, (2059 575), silver injection labels, solid centre (1982) * https://www.discogs.com/The-Jam-Beat-Surrender/release/389915 * * Monsoon - Ever So Lonely The Mobile Suit Corporation, Phonogram, CORP 2, paper label, solid centre (1982) * https://www.discogs.com/Monsoon-Ever-So-Lonely/release/7385397 * * UB40 ‎- Red Red Wine DEP International, DEP 7, solid centre (1983) * https://www.discogs.com/UB40-Red-Red-Wine/release/330297 * * Ryan Paris ‎- Dolce Vita Carrere, CAR 289, knock-out centre (1983) * https://www.discogs.com/Ryan-Paris-Dolce-Vita/release/8208907 * * Riccardo Cocciante - Sulla Terra Io E Lei / Di Notte Virgin, VIN 45090, dinked centre (1983) * https://www.discogs.com/Riccardo-Cocciante-Se-Stiamo-Insieme/release/2829565 * * Jackie Wilson - Reet Petite (The Sweetest Girl In Town) SMP, SKM 3, solid centre (1985) * https://www.discogs.com/Jackie-Wilson-Reet-Petite-The-Sweetest-Girl-In-Town/release/2622425 * * Jermaine Stewart - We don't have to take our clothes off 10 Records, TEN 96, solid centre (1985) * https://www.discogs.com/Jermaine-Stewart-We-Dont-Have-To-Take-Our-Clothes-Off/release/9758641 * * Bangles ‎- Walk like an Egyptian CBS, 650071-7, solid centre (1986) * https://www.discogs.com/Bangles-Walk-Like-An-Egyptian/release/729404 * * Communards with Sarah Jane Morris - Don't leave me this way London Records, LON 103, (886 077-7), ZPMSC 11008, solid centre (1986) * https://www.discogs.com/Communards-With-Sarah-Jane-Morris-Dont-Leave-Me-This-Way/release/7357329 * * Fine Young Cannibals - Ever Fallen In Love London Records, LON 121, (886 115-7), ZPMSC 11111, silver injection labels, solid centre (1986) * https://www.discogs.com/Fine-Young-Cannibals-Ever-Fallen-In-Love/release/162863 * * Jaki Graham - Step Right Up EMI, JAKI 9, silver injection labels, solid centre (1986) * https://www.discogs.com/Jaki-Graham-Step-Right-Up/release/781440 * * Foster Pilkington - Listening Land Rockin' Horse Records, RH 111, solid centre (1986) * https://www.discogs.com/Foster-Pilkington-Listening-Land/release/6401027 * * Ben E. King - Stand by me / The Coasters - Yakety Yak Atlantic, A 9361, 789361-7, solid centre (1987) * https://www.discogs.com/Ben-E-King-The-Coasters-Stand-By-Me-Yakety-Yak/release/3131419 * * Jackie Wilson - I Get The Sweetest Feeling SMP, SKM 1, solid centre (1987) * https://www.discogs.com/Jackie-Wilson-I-Get-The-Sweetest-Feeling/release/6847128 * * Simply Red - The Right Thing WEA, YZ 103, silver injection labels, solid centre, (1987) * https://www.discogs.com/Simply-Red-The-Right-Thing/release/1461605 * * Percy Sledge - When a man loves a woman Atlantic, YZ 96, (MS 5267), paper labels, solid centre (1987) * https://www.discogs.com/Percy-Sledge-When-A-Man-Loves-A-Woman/release/1760552 * * Hot Chocolate - You Sexy Thing (Remix) EMI, EMI 5592, silver injection labels, solid centre, (1987) * https://www.discogs.com/Hot-Chocolate-You-Sexy-Thing-Remix/release/880350 * * Bruce Willis - Respect Yourself Motown, ZB 41117, ZB41117, solid centre, (1987) * https://www.discogs.com/Bruce-Willis-Respect-Yourself/release/1096743 * * Janet Jackson - Let's Wait Awhile A&M Records, Breakout, USA 601, red injection labels, solid centre, (1987) * https://www.discogs.com/Janet-Jackson-Lets-Wait-Awhile/release/1448315 * * Prince - Sign "O" The Times Paisley Park, W 8399, 928 399-7, WE 171, solid centre, (1987) * https://www.discogs.com/Prince-Sign-O-The-Times/release/523801 * * Boy George - Everything I own Virgin, BOY 100, sleeve image labels, solid centre, (1987) * https://www.discogs.com/Boy-George-Everything-I-Own/release/1653411 * Special: * ETKY 69 7 COPS, dinked centre, 6 september 90 * * Hazel O'connor - Health of the night, solid centre, maybe 86-87 *

[motownfiction]

no ghost in the graveyard

Colleen O’Connor has a thing about cemeteries. On every road trip, she makes her whole family – all six children – visit at least one. This summer, on a road trip to visit some semi-distant relatives in Rochester, New York, she makes them stop at a cemetery to see Susan B. Anthony.

Will, who is sixteen now, has had just about enough.

“Mom, no!” he shouts from the backseat.

“What’s the matter?” Colleen asks. “I didn’t think you hated the cemetery that much.”

“I hate them,” Molly, who’s ten, says. “You don’t even let us play ‘There’s no ghost in the graveyard.’”

“Because it’s disrespectful. Will, honey, what’s the matter with you?”

“I don’t want to see Susan B. Anthony’s grave like this!” he says. “Bad enough I have to be away from Lucy for five days … now I’m gonna go see Susan B. Anthony’s grave without her, too? She’s gonna kill me!”

“If she does, then you’ll get to meet Susan B. Anthony,” Sarah, recent high school graduate, snarks.

“Shut up, Sarah,” Will says. “You didn’t even have to go on this trip.”

“And pay for my own food? For almost an entire week? I’ll pass, man.”

In spite of Will’s protests, they end up at the cemetery to see Susan B. Anthony. Will is resolved not to get anywhere near the headstone – not without Lucy. Molly grabs Claire and Sophie and tries to force them into playing there’s no ghost in the graveyard. Will and Sarah hang behind, staying as far away from the rest of the O’Connors as possible.

They walk in lockstep. Will keeps his eyes on the dirt beneath him, trying not to think about everything there. He takes a beat before asking Sarah the first thing that comes to mind.

“You think anyone’s ever died here?”

Sarah snorts.

“It’s a fucking cemetery, man,” she says. “We’re the weird ones for being alive.”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean … do you think anybody ever dropped dead during a burial? Like they couldn’t take it and died of a broken heart or something.”

Sarah shakes her head.

“Broken heart, no,” she says. “Heat exhaustion, sure.”

Will nods, but he’s not really sure why. He’s just thinking about Lucy. Before he got in the car for this stupid trip, he kissed her on her porch and told her he wished she could go with him. If only she knew how much he meant it now. If only he knew how much he’d mean it then. He thinks about the night before they left … how pretty Lucy looked, lit up by the moon coming in through the blinds. They weren’t listening to “There’s a Moon out Tonight,” but with how beautiful she was, they should have been.

The next few words fly out of Will’s mouth a little too quickly.

“Sarah?”

“What now?”

“You know I … I had sex with Lucy last month.”

Sarah inhales like she just bashed her knee against that stupid too-big coffee table Mom and Dad just installed in the living room. Will knows that exact sound because they’ve all made it at least five times apiece.

“Hmm,” she says. “First time?”

“Yeah.”

“You OK?”

Will nods.

“OK,” Sarah says. “Is she?”

“Yeah,” Will says. “We’re … I dunno, I guess we really are OK.”

Sarah nods. She looks like she’s far away … like maybe she’s about to become the next ghost in the graveyard.

“I’m sorry,” Will says. “I didn’t mean … I just felt like I needed to tell somebody who wasn’t Sam or Daniel. You were the only other person who made sense.”

“It’s OK,” Sarah says, and Will thinks he mostly believes her. “Just don’t die. Or get her pregnant. But mostly don’t die.”

“OK,” Will says. “But if I die, I’ll make sure it happens in a cemetery. That way, you won’t have to waste any time in burying me.”

“I think it’s cute you think I wouldn’t throw you right in the furnace.”

“Yeah.”

They walk in silence a little while longer. Thank goodness.

[motownfiction]

man, if i hadn’t already established lola deluca and kevin sheehan as endgame, i would totally do endgame for kevin sheehan and sarah o’connor

[motownfiction]

i’ll cry if i want to

Elenore’s first present of the night is from Carrie and Charlie. Will picks it up from the ever-growing pile of gifts in the corner of the room. He opens the card for Elenore, who inherited her mother’s dexterity problems.

“Believe me, if I left it to her, she’d tear the card in half,” Will says, and the whole party laughs.

The whole party, that is, except for Lucy. She’s standing next to Will with her arms folded across her chest, thinking about herself. And she knows she shouldn’t be. She shouldn’t be, and so, she can’t stop. She thinks about whenever she has to open an envelope … all the little tears at the tops of bills, greeting cards, and congratulatory letters. She hates it. She hates it because it’s just so imperfect, a sign that she’ll never be all the things she’s always wanted to be. Her mother always said that was an unfair way of looking at things. The little “Lucy” tears at the top of those papers was like a signature, a way of affirming her uniqueness to anyone who doubted it. And sometimes, Lucy can accept that. Sometimes, she even likes it. Just not now. Just not today. Not today, when she doesn’t have what it takes to get into Duke.

“Watch this, though,” Will says as he hands Elenore the birthday card. “Elenore, you wanna read the card for everybody, babe?”

“OK, Daddy,” Elenore says.

She opens the card.

“‘Happy birthday, Elenore! We love you. Love, Charlie and Carrie.’”

About half the room applauds. The other half laughs in surprise. Lucy smiles, but her chest feels tight. She’s impressed with how well her daughter can read, too. There’s just something else. Something she can’t explain (or doesn’t want to).

Will looks over at Carrie.

“Is that what it says?” he asks. “Is she making it up, or is that what it says?”

“That’s what it says!” Carrie calls back. “Good job, Elenore!”

“Thank you,” Elenore says and dives straight into the wrapping paper. Will, twenty years old and already acting like a middle-aged dad on Christmas morning, dives to pick up the scraps and throw them in the trash.

“She’s been reading for over a year now,” he explains to the rest of the adults, as though most of them weren’t there to see it happen. “Lucy and I are so proud. Aren’t we, Lucy?”

Lucy chokes a little at the sound of her own name. Something about it just doesn’t sound right. Something about it sounds like it belongs to some other girl, one who could get into Duke.

“Right,” Lucy says. “I read when I was two, too, so I guess it runs in the family.”

More laughter. Just not from Will. He shoots her a look like he knows something’s wrong, and she better put a pin in it until everyone else is gone. You really can’t get anything past Will, especially if you’re Lucy. Dammit.

“Meanwhile, I’m not sure I was confident in my reading until about a year ago, so we know she doesn’t get it from me,” he jokes.

More laughter from everyone else. Lucy wonders if it would be appropriate to retreat to her childhood bedroom, just for a minute. Get acquainted with her old books, the ones she read when she was the kind of girl who could get into Duke.

She looks over at Elenore, who’s just unearthed a pretty gold dress from Charlie and Carrie’s gift box. She holds it up and models it in front of her, like she’s seen plenty of grown-ups do before.

“I love it!” Elenore says. “Thank you!”

“You’re welcome, sweetie!” Carrie says. “Charlie picked it out.”

“What?” Charlie says. “No, I didn’t. You did.”

“Dude, just take the credit and nod,” Sadie says from across the room. “That’s what you’re supposed to do.”

Even more laughter. Lucy doesn’t get it. At least, she tells herself she doesn’t get it. How can everybody else be so happy when she’s so upset? How can everybody else just spend the evening laughing at things that aren’t really jokes? How can everybody else be enjoying themselves when she’s no longer the kind of girl who could get into Duke? She has that Lesley Gore song stuck in her head, even though it’s not actually her party.

“I really hope you don’t grow out of that too fast, hon,” Lucy says.

Elenore looks at her like she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Probably because she’s three, and her understanding of growth is limited to what the trees and flowers do.

Will gives her a funny look.

“I think it’ll be fine,” he says. “She’s three now. The doctor says she won’t grow as fast as she did in the first two years. You heard her.”

“Yeah, but she’s my daughter,” Lucy says. “I grew fast even when the doctors said I wouldn’t. We’ve already established she gets a lot from me.”

The air in the room shifts to uncomfortable pockets. Lucy knows it’s her fault. She just doesn’t know if she regrets it yet.

“Can I keep the dress?” Elenore asks.

She’s holding it close to her chest, and Lucy wishes she could go back in time.

“Yes, of course,” Will says. “It’s your dress. Here, why don’t you open another present? This one is from your Aunt Sarah. Here, I got your card.”

Elenore reads the card and opens the present. It’s a Funwich Factory, a toy that stamps Mickey Mouse and his friends onto your bread before you make a sandwich. Sarah says she had to save up for that for a long time, but it was worth it because she knew Elenore thought it was a cool toy. Elenore rushes up to her and gives her a hug around the legs … a hug Lucy wishes was hers.

“I really hope she can see the pictures in the bread,” Lucy says.

Sarah gives Lucy a strange look, remarkably similar to the one Will gave her a few minutes ago.

“Why wouldn’t she be able to see the pictures?” Sarah asks. “That’s what the toys say it will do. It’s like the whole point.”

“Yeah, but the whole point of an Easy-Bake Oven is that it will make little delicious cakes using a lightbulb. Did your little cakes ever turn out delicious, or did they just taste like flour?”

Sarah glares at Lucy.

“Mine did!”

“Not the point, Sam.”

Elenore pulls on Will’s sleeve.

“Do I get to keep it?” she asks.

“Of course you get to keep it, honey,” Will says. “They’re your presents. You can keep all of them.”

Elenore nods like she’s not sure if she really believes that. Will hands her another present. This one is a bag from Mariam. No card. Lucy curls her tongue inside her mouth. You really should always bring a card. That’s what she was always taught. Elenore pulls a book out of the bag. It’s a copy of A Wrinkle in Time. Lucy’s heart drops through the floor.

“A book!” Elenore says.

“Yes,” Lucy says, turning her head to look at Mariam. “A book.”

“I know she won’t be able to read it all by herself yet,” Mariam says. “But I know you said you like to get her books that she can read when she’s older. And I know you said you wanted to get her this one.”

“I did. I said that I wanted to get her this one.”

“Well, now you don’t have to. One book checked off your list.”

Lucy feels her hands ball themselves into fists. She refuses to acknowledge that she’s the one who’s really doing it. She doesn’t want to hit anything, but she doesn’t want to stay here and do nothing, either. So, she saunters closer to Mariam and wraps her arm around her.

“Makes sense that Mariam is the one to get my daughter a book,” Lucy says. “You know, she is one of the smartest people I’ve ever gone to school with. And you know how hard it is for me to admit anything like that.”

“Lucy …” Will pleads, but Lucy ignores him.

“She’s so smart, one of our professors offered to help her get into Duke,” Lucy says. “Can you believe it? Duke! Already! We just finished our second year of college, and they’re already talking about getting into Duke!”

Mariam squirms away from Lucy.

“I should really go,” she says.

“Don’t go, Mariam,” Will says.

“No, I should … my mom needs my help with … I just really have to go.”

She waves goodbye to the rest of the party. Lucy stands there, staring at her own hands, feeling rather like she just avenged Mercutio. She chases after Mariam.

“Mariam, no,” she says. “Mariam, come on, I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Mariam says. “We can … talk about it later, if you want.”

Lucy swallows hard. She gives Mariam one, long, solemn nod. It’s been a long time since she’s felt this way. Like a lump instead of a woman. She hates it. She just wants to claw it out of herself, whatever you’d call it, whatever it is.

She doesn’t have time to say she’s sorry again. Mariam is gone. Maybe she’ll be back later, but for now, she’s gone.

And Lucy has just ruined her daughter’s birthday party.

“Mommy?” Elenore says in a voice much too small for a girl so great. “Are you OK?”

But Lucy can’t answer. She doesn’t know what to say. She just made a three-year-old’s birthday party about herself. She just made her three-year-old-daughter’s birthday party about herself. She is a horrible person. She’s worse than horrible. She’s still the worst mother on the playground, and now, everyone is going to know.

She sniffles and runs up the stairs. She can still hear everyone beneath her.

“Is somebody gonna go get her?” Sam asks.

“I can,” Sadie says.

“No, I can,” Will says. “I’m her husband.”

“Will, honey, no,” Lucy’s mother, Mary, says. “John and I will go get her. You stay here with Elenore. Help her open the rest of her presents.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” John says. “You take care of your daughter. We’ll go take care of ours.”

When Lucy hears her father’s words, she’s equal parts hopeful and humiliated. At least Mom and Dad still love her enough to run after her. She knows exactly where to go.

[motownfiction]

“i wish i was an only child”

In hindsight, Will should have just walked next door to Lucy’s house. But she was already at the O’Connors, helping Will study for a Spanish test, and by the time they finished studying … well, they were already down in the basement. Lucy kissed him harder and faster than Will ever thought she could, even in his wildest, most recent dreams.

She’s still kissing him when he hears footsteps on the basement steps. He pushes her away, and at first, she looks offended … until she, too, sees Sophie and Molly O’Connor standing above them, giggling like maniacs.

“Ooooooh!” Molly says.

“Well, Molly, you know what Sarah always says,” Sophie adds. “Will’s the most likely to have a kid before he’s twenty.”

Will watches in horror as Lucy’s face contorts to the most terrified expression he’s ever seen, from her or from anyone. He’s not sure he’s ever seen Lucy look terrified of anything, except the words that just came out of Sophie’s mouth.

“Who’s he going to have that kid with?” Lucy asks. “Me?”

“Maybe,” Sophie says.

“Or maybe you’ll dump him!” Molly says (a little too joyfully).

“Yeah, that’s an idea,” Sophie says. “Dump him! Dump him! Dump him!”

She says it enough times so that Molly quickly joins in, and it becomes a chant. Will shrinks on the couch and wonders what it would be like to disappear. The chant gets louder and louder, and though Lucy hardly seems deterred, Will thinks he might prefer to die. There are more footsteps on the stairs now. These ones belong to Sarah.

“What the fuck is going on down here?” she asks.

“We’re trying to get Lucy to dump Will!” Sophie says.

“Yeah!” Molly echoes. “Dump him! Dump him! Dump him!”

Will looks at Sarah with big, sympathetic eyes. He knows that if any one of his siblings can help him now, it’s his big sister. That’s the best thing about not being the oldest child, he thinks. It’s somebody’s job to have your back, even when Mom and Dad aren’t around.

“Soph, you’re twelve,” Sarah says. “And Mol, you’re not even in junior high yet. Do you even know what dumping means?”

“I watch soaps,” Molly says. “I know.”

“Yeah, well, then you know it’s not always a good thing,” Sarah says. “And for Will and Lucy, it wouldn’t be good at all.”

“Thank you, Sarah,” Will says.

“Yeah, you guys remember how hard Will pined for Lucy before he got her. You remember how annoying he was. Imagine how much more annoying he’d be if she dumped him right now.”

Sophie and Molly make faces like they just bit into raw broccoli. Will thinks that sweet, sweet sleep of death is sounding better by the minute.

“Thank you, Sarah,” he says again, this time through gritted teeth and burning cheeks.

“You’re welcome,” Sarah says as she puts her arms around Sophie and Molly. “Come on, you guys. I’ve got Pop Tarts upstairs.”

“Pop Tarts!”

They run up the stairs, and Will stares straight ahead into nothingness. Lucy covers her hand with her mouth and starts giggling.

“Oh, don’t do that,” Will begs. “Don’t start in on me, too.”

“I’m not, I’m not,” Lucy says. “I promise. It’s just … my house is so quiet. I’ve never had an afternoon like this, ever, in my whole life.”

“Yeah, well, that’s because it’s just you and your parents. I don’t think I’ve ever been alone with my parents. Man, sometimes … sometimes I wish I was an only child.”

And Will expects Lucy to laugh. He expects some sympathy or a nod or anything. He doesn’t expect the next words that come out of her mouth.

“No, you don’t.”

Will turns his head and furrows his brow.

“What?”

“You don’t wish you were an only child,” Lucy says. “I know I wouldn’t wish that if I had five sisters who loved me.”

“My sisters only love me because our mom would kill them if they didn’t.”

“That’s not true. They love you because you’re you. They taunt you because they love you. They just … they just want to prove they’re close to you.”

Will thinks about that for a minute. He understands that Lucy’s words are probably very important, but it’s not until he’s about a decade older and moving out of Michigan that he realizes they’re also very true.

“You don’t wish you were an only child,” Lucy says again. “Believe me. I know.”

She sits on her hands and looks down at the ground. For the first time in all the years he’s known her, Will sees a part of Lucy he never suspected was real. She knows how to be lonely. Worse yet, she’s not very good at it.

He wraps his arm around her and holds her close – not as her new boyfriend, but as her old friend, the one who stood with her when she couldn’t tie her shoes or cut a paper snowflake. She takes his hand the same way.

If he has his way – if she lets him – he’ll make sure she’s never lonely again.

[motownfiction]

vertebrae

When Will is ten years old, his big sister Sarah calls him an invertebrate. He makes a funny face and asks her what it means. She tosses her long dark hair over one shoulder and very coolly tells him it’s an animal without a spine.

So it’s spineless? Will asks.

Sarah nods.

No backbone.

And even though Will is only ten years old, and they haven’t covered vertebrates and invertebrates in fourth-grade science just yet, he knows what it means to be spineless. He knows what it means to have no backbone. It means he’s weak. It means he’s a coward.

Will can think of nothing worse than being a coward.

He’s pretty sure he knows why Sarah would stamp such a title on his forehead. Last week, he went down to the movies with Sam and Daniel, and they tried to sneak into Slap Shot. The movie was rated R, and Will knew his mother would never let him see that if she knew the truth. But it looked funny, so they tried to weasel their way into the auditorium. Daniel slipped by the ushers on account of being small and wearing a black shirt and black pants (a trick he’d picked up from a host of other movies he probably wasn’t old enough to see); Sam knew that if he held his head high and walked with confidence, anybody would let him in anywhere. Will, as always, was the outlier. He stumbled into the theater two minutes after Sam’s graceful entrance, and the teenage usher grabbed him by the collar and carried him back out to the concession stand for cross examination. He sang like a canary. Gave up Sam and Daniel in less than two breaths. They’re serving time in their homes, doing dishes and wiping down anything that gathers even a modicum of dust. Will’s mother chose not to punish him. She said she was too proud of him for doing the right thing.

Yeah, Will thinks. Scared snitching. That’s the right thing.

Sam and Daniel swear they’re not mad at him. At school, they promise him they’re still his best friends. They know he must have been scared. But that’s just it. Will doesn’t want to be scared, and he doesn’t want to be known as the guy who gets scared. So on the day Sarah calls him an invertebrate, he decides to climb all the way to the roof of his house.

The O’Connors don’t live in a very small house. It’s a pretty high climb to the roof. But Will laces up his Chucks and grabs his father’s precarious painting ladder, anyway. It’s still kind of cold outside, that awkward period between winter and spring in Detroit, but he’s doing it. He’s decided. The doctors say he’s supposed to grow up and be tall. Might as well get a jump on it.

All of his sisters stand outside and cheer him on. Even Sarah. Especially Sarah. She has a mattress below his back in case he slips, but Will’s pretty sure he’s going to make it happen. When he sees Lucy watching him from her house next door, his heart leaps into his chest, and the adrenaline pushes him forward. This climb is not for her (it is for himself alone), but seeing her sweet face doesn’t hurt.

And then, almost before he knows it, he’s on the roof. He stands up and waves to his sisters down below. In hindsight, he’ll realize he wasn’t all that far off the ground, that he could still determine all the features on his sisters’ faces, but now, it’s not how he feels. Right now, the O’Connor sisters all look like ants.

Will stands up straight, and he can feel the vertebrae inside of him.

He can’t even think about coming back down.

(part of @nosebleedclub october challenge -- day ii!)

[motownfiction]

money

Will O’Connor treasures his two-dollar bill.

He gets it in the fifth grade and carries it around in the pocket of his uniform khakis at school. Shows it off to anyone who will look at it, which is mostly Sam and Daniel. He tried to show it to Lucy when they were in line for macaroni and cheese in the cafeteria, but she said yeah, right, like she didn’t believe he really had a two-dollar bill in his pocket. It will take him twenty years to realize why. For now, he’s eleven years old, and there’s very little he loves more than his two-dollar bill … except for maybe a Chocolate Eclair from the Good Humor freezer.

The boys stand in line for ice cream in the cafeteria near the end of lunch one day – the second day after Will started bringing his two-dollar bill to school. He fiddles around with it in his pocket as they wait.

“I’m not gonna use my two-dollar bill to pay for the Chocolate Eclair,” he says. “I’m gonna use the change my mom gave me on the way outta the car this morning. Wouldn’t wanna give up my two-dollar bill so soon. Or ever.”

“Man, why do you care so much about that two-dollar bill?” Daniel asks.

“I heard they’re really rare,” Will says. “And if something’s rare, you hold onto it, don’t you? Like … if you had a diamond, would you spend it on a Chocolate Eclair?”

“No,” Sam says pointedly. “But a two-dollar bill’s not the same as a diamond. Two-dollar bills ain’t that rare. Charlie’s got a couple in his room and everything.”

Will feels his blood begin to boil. If there’s anyone he wants to be exactly the opposite of, it’s Charlie Doyle.

“Well, maybe mine’s more rare than either of his,” Will says. “And anyway, I’m not giving it up. I like it!”

“But why do you like it so much?” Sam asks.

Will shrugs like he doesn’t have an answer, but it’s a lie. He wonders if either Sam or Daniel can see through it. Fortunately, they’re too into their bland ice cream sandwiches to notice much of anything.

Three days ago, Will’s big sister, Sarah, gave him that two-dollar bill. She said she was giving it to him because he was finally interesting enough to appreciate it.

So, he can’t let go of it now.

[motownfiction]

scorpio

On the first day of first grade, when the students are clumped together according to their astrological signs, Will asks Lucy what it means to be a Pisces. She says it makes him a dreamer. Somebody with a big imagination and a big heart. Somebody emotional. He says he doesn’t think that’s him. Doesn’t want to be emotional. Lucy shrugs at him, but for years, Will never forgets.

He’d divorce himself from being a Pisces if it didn’t seem to mean so much to Sam. They all became friends on account of being Pisces, and if it weren’t for that fact – that very incidental fact – Will wouldn’t have fallen in love with Lucy. It’s nice and all, but Will’s pretty sure he would have found another way to love her. He just doesn’t want to be emotional. Doesn’t want to be anything close to uncool.

Around tenth grade, he and a couple of his sisters get around to talking about their signs. They all had Ms. Cunningham for first grade, too, and she still groups kids together based on astrology. Sarah was in the Libra desk clump in ‘71; Rachel was in the Aries desk clump in ‘75. Will says he’s always resented being a Pisces. Says he doesn’t feel like one. He doesn’t sit around imagining things. He doesn’t know how to paint or play music. He likes watching movies and listening to Bowie and The Who, sure, but it’s not like the rest of them. They’re artists. Will is just the artists’ friend.

Rachel says he ought to check out his rising sign. Will doesn’t know what the hell that means. Rachel is in eighth grade and going through an astrology phase right now, so she says a bunch of words that the rest of the family doesn’t know. As it turns out, a rising sign is supposed to tell you what you’re like in front of other people. Apparently, Rachel is also an Aries rising, which means she’s doubly aggressive, a double warrior (“In what war?” Sarah asks, all in jest, and Rachel ignores her). She goes into her room, takes out some weird-looking chart, and figures out that Will is a scorpio rising.

“That sounds familiar,” Will says. “Feels like something Sam said once.”

Sarah makes a face like she knows something Will doesn’t (and, until college, won’t).

“What’s it mean to be Scorpio rising?” Will asks.

Rachel puts her nose into the weird-looking chart.

“It says you’re mysterious,” she says. “The strong and silent type.”

“Like John Wayne,” Sarah says.

“Or Matt Dillon,” Will says immediately, thinking about what Lucy likes.

“No, he’s an Aquarian,” Rachel says, and Will and Sarah give her a strange look. “What? I read Superteen. It’s important to him.”

Sarah rolls her eyes and encourages Rachel to put down the fan magazines and pick up a Patti Smith record, but Will thinks about being a Scorpio rising. Mysterious. Strong. Silent. All the things he wishes he could be and all the things he’s not.

Because he’s a romantic Piscean. Great big blue eyes and a great big breaking heart.

And he’s going to have to live with that.

(part of @nosebleedclub october challenge -- day xxiii!)

[motownfiction]

the apple tree that grew for you and me

Charlie’s not sure what gets into him after the little accident in the 7-Eleven parking lot. He unbuckles his seatbelt immediately and jumps out of the truck, so proactive, so different from his usual anxious self. Sam trails behind him like Sundance. It might be something for Charlie to be proud of if his heart wasn’t beating out of time.

“Holy shit, I’m sorry!” he shouts, almost feeling like an adult until he sees the driver. Then, he retreats inside of himself, taking two steps backward and gulping like a cartoon.

Sarah O’Connor steps out of her car, arms crossed, a famous scowl on her face. Charlie thinks he’d like to disappear. He never overlapped in high school with Sarah, who is now twenty and studying history at Wayne State (“the history of kicking your ass,” she was fond of saying when anyone around the neighborhood asked), but their social circle was shared enough so that he knew what she could do. And she could turn Charlie into pancake batter if she really wanted. For now, she raises an eyebrow and says his name.

“Charlie Doyle.”

She’s not asking to make sure it’s him. She is Sarah O’Connor, and she already knows. As Charlie stands in front of her in this 7-Eleven parking lot, he thinks he understands why Will idolized her all those years when he was a kid. She’s not a big sister in the way Sadie is. She’s something more than that. Something bigger and more intimidating than the rest of them.

“Yeah,” Charlie says, though he’s not really sure why. “That’s … fuck, shit, Sarah, I’m sorry I ran into your car.”

“So am I,” Sarah says. “You wanna check out the damage?”

“Where?”

Sarah gives him a funny look. Not like she’s going to hurt him, per se … like she’d hug him if she were that kind of person. She laughs, and Charlie’s not sure he could be more confused. Where’s the Sarah O’Connor who punched a kid in the eye for standing up her friend at the movies not three years ago? Sam must be equally perplexed because he’s coming around from his side of the truck to check out the situation for himself.

“Hey, Sarah,” he says. “Long time no see. Weird, too, since I feel like I see Will all the time. I know I see Will all the time. But now that you don’t live in the same house, I guess it’s harder to see you, even if you do live next door. Hey, you know what we never talked about? How that badass lady from The Terminator basically has the same name as you. Now, I don’t know much about James Cameron, but I wouldn’t be surprised if someone he knew had heard of you and told him …”

“Shut up, Sam,” Sarah finally says.

“Happily.”

Sam scuffs his shoes in the dirt, and Charlie moves closer to the bumpers of each car. Lucky for him, there’s barely any damage there. The tap on Sarah’s car was lighter than it felt. There’s a little bit of paint now on the mouth of Mike’s truck, but it’s so slight, Charlie knows anybody could convince him it was always there. Sarah’s car, somehow, has gotten off scot-free. Charlie breathes a long sigh of relief. He almost thinks about hugging Sarah to celebrate before he remembers who she is. She gives him a tired look.

“Well,” she says. “Looks like you got lucky.”

“Yeah,” Charlie says, finding that he’s still shaking, just a little. “What … what would you have done if it had been worse?”

Sarah sighs and looks wistfully at the sky. She leans one hand on the hood of her car and hums a little. Charlie swears he hears a little bit of “Those Were the Days” in there. It’s funny to picture a world where Sarah O’Connor knows anything by Mary Hopkin, but this whole night’s been funny to Charlie. Anything might as well happen next.

“If I were still in high school, I’d take you behind the building here and punch your lights out,” Sarah says. “I’d think about cracking a rib, but you’re a Doyle, and Doyles get a discount.”

“It’s true,” Sam says. “When I told her I was in love with her, she only elbowed me in the bicep. Hardly any pain.”

“Shut up, Sam.”

“Again, so happily.”

Sarah fixes her eyes on Charlie again. For a second, she looks like Will. Charlie’s not really sure what to do with that feeling, but he files it away, almost like he’ll need it later. He doesn’t know why. Just a gut feeling. A suspicion, more accurately. He doesn’t bother to think about what else.

“But I’ve decided to become a teacher,” Sarah says, trying to make it seem like a dirty word (and failing – even somebody as oblivious as Charlie can feel how excited she is about her new choices). “And I can’t help it. Studying this shit makes me mellow out. I don’t even want to strong arm you into buying me a Slurpee.”

Charlie breathes with relief again. If only Sarah knew. He thanks her for her mercy, and she smiles and says, “Sure. As long as you hear one thing I have to say.”

“Sure,” Charlie says. “Anything.”

She grabs one of his hands in hers, looks him dead in the eye, and says what he should have expected to hear.

“You’re really bad at this.”

Charlie sighs. He knows he’s bad. He’s worse than bad. He’s shit. He’s not even just shitty. He’s shit. A sentient piece of shit driving around his old man’s truck. He doesn’t know how to make it work. His heart is still pounding like mad, and that was a fender bender. Even after Sarah grabs her Slurpee and goes, Charlie’s still left with the aftershocks of their encounter, from the bump between their cars and the feeling of Sarah’s hand wrapped around his wrist. He knows he’s not very good at being self aware (and he knows the irony of thinking that exact statement), but this is different. He knows he’s not ready for this. For driving, for getting people to and from where they need to be, for being a man. And he shares all of these fears with Sam as he fills his Slurpee cup with frozen Coca-Cola.

“I get it, man,” Sam says as he sticks a colorful plastic straw in his drink. “It’s hard to get ready for something that just kinda happens.”

“Driving doesn’t just kinda happen for everybody,” Charlie says. “New Yorkers don’t have to drive. They’ve got subways and taxis.”

“Yeah, maybe, but that’s not what I meant. And I think you knew that, too. I meant … nobody’s really ready to grow up. Because it doesn’t really mean anything. It means … it just means you kind of stay who you are, but you have to pay for more things. And you have to make more phone calls. Eventually, you stop going to school.”

“Some sooner than others?”

Sam exhales sadly. Charlie was listening to the talk he and Dad had yesterday morning before school. Sam’s not sure he wants to go to any college, and Charlie’s pretty sure he would go to Michigan tomorrow if he had the chance. Maybe not even just Michigan. Stanford, NYU, anywhere. It’s the only thing in his life that makes him feel better than Sam (better, stronger, smarter), and even that’s tenuous. Sam could have blown him out of the water if he’d tried.

“Sure,” Sam says. “Yeah, some sooner than others. But it doesn’t matter. Because it doesn’t matter what we plan or what we think we can predict. Time’s just going to do whatever it needs to do.”

Charlie smiles as he puts the lid on his own Slurpee cup. Somehow, he knows that Sam’s profundities are exactly the kind of sloppy, overgrown thoughts that every smart eighteen-year-old kid has to have in order to come up with better ones. It doesn’t bother Charlie at all. He’s still two months away from sixteen, and to some bigger part of him, Sam sounds like fucking Socrates.

If only Charlie could sound anything like that. If only Charlie could sound like anything but himself. He tries to put his thoughts to paper sometimes, but they all come out sounding like a child. He doesn’t stop to remember that he is a child.

They pay for their Slurpees, and then, they’re on their merry way. Charlie’s behind the wheel of the truck again, just to say he made it all the way there and back home without lying. They agree not to tell Mom and Dad about the accident, and they know Sarah O’Connor is no snitch. Sam laughs at the recent memory of the truck slamming into Sarah as he turns the radio station to a local favorite. They’re in the middle of playing “Midnight Confessions,” and Charlie picks up on it too quickly.

“Tonight won’t be in my midnight confessions, that’s for sure,” he says.

“Me neither,” Sam says. “But you gotta admit … it was pretty funny.”

Charlie snorts.

“Speak for yourself,” he says. “I was terrified.”

“You could’ve fooled me,” Sam says. “You were really brave about it. Jumped right out of the car and took care of business. For a second, I wondered if maybe I was your little brother.”

And Charlie can’t help but beam. He didn’t know it before now, but that’s exactly what he’s always wanted to hear. The Grass Roots fade out on the radio, and the DJ’s voice comes in.

Ladies and gentlemen, that was The Grass Roots with ‘Midnight Confessions.’ But before the clock strikes midnight on a new day, we want to play you an old tradition. So take a deep breath and remember just what it was like to be a kid in the beginning of spring. Folks, here’s the Bee Gees.

Charlie takes a breath as the song plays between him and Sam. He thinks he knows the song from all the other years this station has played it, but he’s never really listened to it before. Perhaps driving on a busy road without having your license is a bad place to really hear a song for the first time, but that’s Charlie. Always picking the wrong time for everything. Always picking the wrong place. Somehow, he knows, and somehow, he can’t figure out how to fix it.

The apple tree that grew for you and me / I watched the apples falling one by one …

He sighs again, thinking about how time just does whatever it needs to do. Apparently, its favorite thing to do is fold in on itself, smaller and smaller the older you get, until it feels like all days and weeks and months are touching like old friends. Charlie doesn’t know where he’s supposed to fall in that circle. He doesn’t know where he’s supposed to fall at all. Tonight, the only thing he knows is that his hands are sweating against this steering wheel, and he hates every second of it.

“Sam?” he asks.

“Yeah, Charlie?”

“I’m really bad at this.”

Sam throws his head back and lets out a good, deep laugh.

“Maybe,” he says. “But you just have to get better. It’s important.”

“Yeah, but what if I don’t want to?” Charlie asks. “What if I don’t want to drive?”

Sam makes a face like he can’t believe it.

“I guess I can understand,” he says. “But … why?”

“Because I don’t want the next Sarah O’Connor I run into to beat me to a pulp. That’s fucking why.”

Sam sighs. He looks over at Charlie with real sympathy in his eyes, and for a second, Charlie feels worried. It passes before it can even begin to take root inside of him.

“Charlie,” Sam says. “I promise that no matter what, I will always be around to drive you wherever you need to go.”

Charlie looks at Sam and smiles like he just cut a slice of the world out and handed it straight to him.

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, that … sounds great.”

Sam grins, and so does Charlie. He’s not really sure what’s hanging in the air between them now, but he knows he won’t forget it. Somehow, he knows he can’t.

[motownfiction]

when i was small

Will puts on his backpack and walks out of the elementary building toward the high school across the street. He laughs a little on his way into the student parking lot. Last month, when the eighth-grade class went to the high school cafeteria to practice what it would be like to eat there in the next school year, the teachers made a big deal about them looking both ways when they crossed the street and staying close together. A real semper fi thing, Lucy had joked, when she was in a better mood. Will remembers that when they were all walking across the street like that, he felt like he needed all that protection. Like he was crossing over into a warzone. It doesn’t feel like that today. Today, it’s different.

But like always, Sarah is leaning up against her car, smoking a cigarette in her school uniform and putting it out as soon as she sees Will coming toward her. They both know about the other’s smoking habits, but smoking together is a bridge too far. Sarah pops a piece of gum in her mouth and hands one over to Will when he gets to the car.

“There’s the man of the hour,” she says, and Will wants to puff out his chest with pride. Instead, he shrinks with embarrassment. Had to be one or the other.

“It’s not a big deal,” he says. “Just helping out my friend.”

“I know,” Sarah says, opening Will’s door.

They both get into the car, and Sarah turns on the radio. She has it on “Ace of Spades,” but Will has never cared for metal. He turns the dial to a station playing “Bad Moon Rising.” Much more his speed. Sarah rolls her eyes, but Will knows she doesn’t mean it.

“It was a good thing for you to do, though,” she says. “You know. For Lucy.”

Will shrugs and looks out the window. The school and the church get smaller and smaller behind him until it’s almost like they were never there. When you’re fourteen, the weekend has that effect on you. He turns to look at Sarah as she turns down the nearest side street.

“I wasn’t trying to take credit for her thing,” he says, maybe more to himself than to Sarah. “I know how much it means for her to do the most out of anybody. I know how much it means for people to notice her. You know. For good things.”

Sarah nods, not seeing anything past the surface, and even if she does, she does a terrific job of hiding it. Will wonders what it would be like to have a sister who uses her heart more often than her fists. Sarah’s toughness has always meant a lot to him, but there are some moments where he wants an older sister to look right through him and put him in his place. He wants Sarah to look at him and say, ��I know how much it means for people to notice you.” But she doesn’t. Nobody ever notices Will, even when he’s begging them to.

But then, just as Will begins to give up hope on his heroine, she says exactly what he needs to hear.

“She likes you, you know,” Sarah says as she comes up to a red light. “Lucy.”

Will’s heart crawls up into his throat.

“Sure,” he says nervously. “Sure, I know she likes me. We’ve been friends since first grade. How could she not like me?”

“Not like a friend. I mean … yeah, she likes you because of who you are, but that’s not what I meant. I meant she likes you in that kind of gross … draws a heart around your picture in the yearbook, listens to ‘Give a Little Bit’ when she thinks about you, kind of way. You know. The kind of way you like her.”

Will’s face feels like it’s on fire. He thinks it might be a good thing, but he doesn’t know. He’s had a sneaking suspicion that Lucy likes him for about a year, and until this moment, he dismissed it as wishful thinking. But if Sarah is sitting here (and Sarah is a sophisticated woman of sixteen), and she thinks Lucy feels that way … then she can’t be wrong. She can’t be. Will runs his fingers through his hair like he’s on a magazine cover. Move over, Shaun Cassidy.

“I don’t know about that,” he says, mostly because it feels like the right thing to do. Deny it. Deny it. Deny it. He’s never felt more grown-up and more like a child in all his life.

“I do,” Sarah says. “Look, it doesn’t take a genius to see it. She looks at you in the way a girl looks at a boy she likes.”

“But how can you tell?”

“I don’t know, Will! You just can. Can you leave it alone? I don’t want to talk about crushes with my little brother. That’s weird.”

Will folds his arms across his chest and frowns. Leave it to Sarah to start an interesting conversation just to shoot it dead in its tracks. The light turns green, and Sarah puts her foot to the gas pedal. It’s only now that Will recognizes they’re not going straight home.

“I will say I think Lucy could do a lot worse,” Sarah says. “You’re a good guy, Will. And I don’t mean to get touchy-feely, so if you tell anyone about this, even our parents or our sisters, I will kill you. But … you’re going to grow up and be a really good man. I know it. Just look at what you did for Lucy today.”

Will smiles a little, just to himself. He knows he’s not a man yet, but maybe, in time, he’ll become one. A good one, like Sarah says. A wonderful one, like Mom says. He’ll be the kind of man who seizes the moment, who fixes problems as soon as they start to veer off the course, who treats the woman he loves with adoration and respect, in that order and the reverse of it. More than anything, he’ll be the kind of man who helps people. He’ll be the kind of man who people come to when they need to get out of a jam. Maybe they won’t even need to come to him, he thinks. Maybe he’ll just always be there. That’s it. He’ll be Will O’Connor: the man who’s always there when you need him, sometimes before you even know it.

“Hey, Sarah?”

“Yeah, Will?”

“Do you … I dunno. Do you ever sit around and think about how old you are?”

Sarah snorts, amused.

“Are you calling me old?” she asks.

“No,” Will says. “Not … not really. Just that everybody keeps calling me a man today. And I’m only fourteen.”

“You stepped up and helped the girl you love even though it made you look like the biggest dork of them all. You didn’t care about any of that. You just wanted to help Lucy. I’d say that’s something a man does, you know? Not just some kid.”

Will shrugs. He doesn’t need to hear it all again.

“Sure, I guess,” he says. “But that’s not … that’s not what I mean. Well, it’s not all I mean. I’m thinking … I’m thinking I remember being in first grade and seeing the eighth graders put the crown on Mary, and I think I remember how grown up I thought they were. I thought they were giants or something.”

Sarah laughs a little.

“I know the feeling,” she says. “I think everybody gets it.”

“Yeah, maybe, but I’m getting it right now. When I was seven, I thought the eighth graders were like adults. And now here I am and … and it’s like I’m caught in between being in first grade and being like Mom and Dad. Does that make any sense?”

Sarah turns into the McDonald’s drive-thru and smiles at him knowingly.

“Makes a lot of sense,” she says. “That’s just what it’s like to be a person. You always feel younger than you really are. Then, something comes around to remind you that you’re old, but it never sticks around for very long. You just go right back to feeling young.”

Will nods, trying to understand.

“Has that ever happened to you?” he asks.

Sarah nods, too.

“When I got this driver’s license,” she says. “Mom and Dad sat me down and told me I wasn’t a regular kid anymore because now I had to drive the rest of you around town. It felt really heavy for about an hour. Maybe two.”

“What got you feeling like a regular kid again?”

“I knocked on your door and asked if you wanted to come with me to McDonald’s.”

Will laughs. Even without trying, he somehow manages to help people. And maybe that’s not such a dorky thing to do.

“I don’t know what to do about anything anymore,” he confesses, almost out of the blue. “I don’t know what to do about Lucy. I don’t know what to do about me. I don’t know anything.”

Sarah smiles like she knows all the answers. She probably does. Probably beat them out of some nerd before lunch or something. That sounds like Sarah.

“You’ll figure it out,” she says. “It all kind of comes in waves.”

She pulls the car forward, getting closer to their regular order of french fries and Coca-Cola. Will looks out the window and smiles, mostly at himself. He figures he needs the optimism. He tunes back into the radio where the DJ says they’re going to play a special song for the first of May.

When I was small / and Christmas trees were tall …

Will sighs when he hears the lyrics. Sam always says that the right song comes on the radio whenever you need it. Lucy calls it deus ex machina, and nobody knows what it means except for her (and Will, who went to the library and took hours to look it up on account of spelling it three incorrect ways). But before today, Will would have believed that all songs on the radio come to you by accident – by coincidence. That just can’t be the case now. The radio knows he’s afraid of growing, of leaving the child behind and becoming a man.

And yet, the radio knows he can’t wait to see how he turns out.

[motownfiction]

the hottest day of the summer

On August 2, 1987, the weather report warns a high of 96 degrees in metro Detroit. Meteorologists, newscasters, and disc jockeys alike make suggestions for how to beat the heat: going to the movies, running through your backyard sprinkler, stopping by 7-Eleven. Anything to stay cool.

All the while, Lucy and Will are at home, trying to make more heat of their own.

Lucy lies on top of their bed in the basement apartment and kicks her legs in the air like a lovesick sixteen-year-old (probably because it was only four years ago that she was a lovesick sixteen-year-old). Will checks himself out in the mirror, both completely satisfied and absolutely horrified by the ancient twenty-year-old man he sees before him.

“You know, I can’t even remember the last time we were alone,” Lucy says, almost giggling her way through every syllable. “I mean … for hours and hours and hours.”

“I’m not sure that’s ever happened,” Will says, running his fingers through his hair like a cliché. “Pretty sure your parents are doing whatever they can to keep us from having another pre-graduation baby.”

“It is about the right time. This time four years ago, I was puking my guts out in the bathroom upstairs.”

“Memories.”

They laugh, and Will jumps onto the bed with Lucy. She yelps as he grabs her around the waist and kisses her cheek four times in quick succession. She responds by grabbing his face in one hand and kissing him on the mouth. When she lets go, he looks dizzy.

“Damn,” he says, almost breathless. “I’m never going to get used to that.”

“You know me,” Lucy says. “I’m a living dream.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. That’s my job.”

Lucy rolls her eyes to keep from blushing. She’s been married to Will for almost four years, but everyday, it’s like she has to conceal a secret crush on him.

“Are we sure we have the house to ourselves?” Will asks. “It just really seems too good to be true.”

“It seems that way, but it is true,” Lucy says. “My parents are both out of town at that conference in Chicago, your parents are taking Sophie to look at Aquinas, and Sarah is taking Elenore to the zoo.”

“God bless Sarah, and God bless the zoo.”

“God bless the zoo!”

They’re not sure who throws their arms around the other one first, but before long, they’re kissing again. They’ve never grown out of kissing. Lucy reaches for something she thinks is on top of the nightstand, but she ends up grabbing an envelope. When she feels the texture of the paper, she abruptly stops her kissing. Will follows her lead.

“What’s going on?” he asks. “You OK?”

“I think so,” Lucy says. “What’s this Michigan envelope doing on our nightstand?”

Will’s face turns pale, and Lucy knows it’s not the first time he’s seen this envelope. She wiggles it in front of his face.

“Will?” she asks. “Are you going to tell me what it is?”

But Will just shrugs.

“I dunno, baby,” he says. “It’s just a thing.”

“A thing addressed to you.”

“Exactly. Which is why I get to decide what to do with it.”

He gets up from the bed and throws the envelope into their dresser drawer. A few seconds later, he comes back with a single condom. Lucy laughs.

“You think we only need one?”

“I think we only need one for now,” Will says, a little embarrassed.

“And, as established, I think it’s four weeks before the start of our junior year. We’re pretty good at making babies four weeks before the start of junior year.”

“You make great points.”

“I know. Isn’t it wonderful?”

Will laughs and jumps back onto the bed. He’s just about to kiss Lucy again when they hear footsteps coming down into their basement apartment. They rush to cover themselves up with the duvet, ignoring the fact that they’re still fully clothed. Seconds later, Will’s big sister, Sarah, walks into the basement, holding hands with three-year-old Elenore.

Sarah sighs, disappointed.

“And here, you say you don’t have any leftover Catholic guilt,” she says.

Will blushes as pink as he can get. Lucy, however, is glaring.

“What are you doing here?” she asks. “You’re supposed to be taking Elenore to the zoo.”

“Too hot,” Elenore says, and Sarah nods.

“I’d explain it myself, but she did a pretty good job on her own,” she says. “Lucy, you weren’t lying. This kid really is smart.”

“Of course she’s smart, Sarah,” Will says. “She’s smart enough to know she’s not at the fucking zoo.”

“No, and by the looks of it, neither are you.”

Will makes a defenseless sound, and Lucy rolls her eyes again.

“Sarah, is it really too hot to walk around the zoo?” she asks.

Sarah nods again.

“Totally too hot,” she says. “And besides … Elenore, tell ‘em who called me before we could even leave the house. You remember, don’t you, babe?”

Elenore nods.

“Mr. Rick,” she says.

“OK, I don’t like my daughter saying that,” Lucy says.

“Rick’s the principal of that school I applied to a little while back,” Sarah says. “You know, the one that’s looking for a tenth-grade history teacher at the last minute? Apparently, they also call for interviews at the last minute, because I need to be to the school by noon.”

Will stops to congratulate Sarah, but Lucy doesn’t waste her time.

“I’m very happy for your interview, but what does that mean for a child who was promised a trip to the zoo?” she asks. “What about Rachel?”

“Working down at Marcie’s. Don’t ask about Molly or Claire, either. Mom says they’re not responsible enough to look after a three-year-old.”

“They did sort of almost set the house on fire,” Will recalls, and Lucy wishes she had time to ask more questions.

“It’s fine,” Lucy says. “It’s fine. I wanted a day alone with my husband, but it’s fine. I’m a mom, and if my daughter wants to go to the zoo, then I’m the one who will take her there.”

Sarah gives Lucy a knowing smirk.

“Do me a favor,” she says. “Go outside.”

Lucy rolls her eyes and hops out of bed. She thinks she’ll be OK. She’s always preferred warmer weather to what’s cold. Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. She walks up the stairs and exits through the backdoor. Within minutes, she’s back in the basement apartment, practically sizzling from head to toe.

“It’s too hot for the zoo,” she says. “Too hot for the zoo.”

Sarah claps her hands together as if to say I told you so, and Will looks around the room with nervous eyes. Still, Lucy’s pretty sure nobody else feels as nervous as she does.

Another day that’s just like any other. Really, they should have known.

Lucy knew.