#certified doofuses

[bird-inacage]

A LITA Quartet Gifset | Variety Appearance on Grow Up To Be

This foursome are an absolute bunch of crackpots. The chaotic energy when they're all together is something else. The host sure had her hands full. (I want to see attempts to name each person's dance moves in the tags please. Make my day).

[dira333]

BARKING SOBBING GNAWING ON IWAIZUMI HAJIME (27) ATHLETE TRAINER’S MUSCULAR BICEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yk me I’m a certified mattsumakki girlie but a little (big, beefy, sumptuous) iwa meal wouldn’t hurt, right? 😮‍💨 that was absolutely delicious thank you for the food, dira. Little platonic connection with the two doofuses was perfect btw. Makki’s foot low five was such a him thing to do.

- mattsun anon 🌲

i was so on the fence who to write for. I love mattsun and makkin but I am already writing for Mattsun (did you see part 1 of the angsty fic?) and I feel like I have written for Makkin recently and then it was a decision between Oikawa and Iwaizumi...

I'm sorry it wasn't all that fluffy

[theriu]

The God Cookie by Geoffrey Wood!

I discovered it while working an internship at the publishing house that was publishing it back in 2011! It's SO good and quirky and funny and wholesome. If you like goofy characters, silly wordplay, and a warm Christian message, I urge you to dog up a copy! It was my comfort book for a number of years because it was funny and cheered me up. (The plot is basically "A coffee shop owner dares to tell God he's all in and then gets a message in a fortune cookie that he tries to figure out how to act on. Also his two best friends/employees are certifiable doofuses.)

Shout out to people whose favorite book (or series) is one that doesn't have a fandom. People who found a random book somewhere and it changed your life and you love the characters and the story and the world but by nature of the sheer number of books that get published all the time forever, no one seems to have heard of it. Shout out to those who don't have fanart or fics or even people to talk to for their favorite book. I see you and I love you and huge mood someone else please read this so I can scream about it with you

[someobscurereference]

awakening trio as a ship is really good but please consider: Niles. Having a breakdown talking to Laslow. Because are you FUCKING kidding me I had to sit through THIRTY WHOLE-ASS MINUTES of Odin waxing poetry on how his Greatest Companions (a term he's never used for ME for sure) are the most beautiful and strongest and smartest of the lands and how the scars gathered in freckles on y'all skin ect ect AND YOU GUYS AREN'T EVEN COURTING?? WHY HAS NONE OF YOU JUMPED HIM AND/OR GENTLY LET HIM DOWN YET. I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE THIS LORD LEO HELPS ME.

(prev asks) This ask made me laugh out loud when I read it because "...Odin waxing poetry on how his Greatest Companions (a term he's never used for ME for sure)..." implies that Niles doesn't necessarily want to date Odin, but HE IS jealous that he only has one (1) partner in the whole world, one bestie (aside from Leo who is in a special category all himself), one platonic peanut butter to his jelly, and he doesn't even get the title of Greatest Companion. They are certified Partners!! And he doesn't even get called Greateset Companion! Meanwhile, these two doofuses get the title For Free, they're clearly in romo, and they haven't even done anything about it?? Niles is affronted.

[zarahjoyce]

Grapheme (Angel/Cordelia)

Summary:  "Screw this up and I'll stake you dead." Cordelia and Angel from A to Z.

Animated

Entranced, he watches her as she regales him tales from her latest conquest at the mall; the topic didn't interest him as much as her expressions did, and years later it will be her soft smile in response to his appropriately-timed laughter that comes naturally to his mind when he tries to recall that specific moment. Belated

What do you get a vampire for his birthday? is her dilemma for the past week, but at the last moment she settles on a baby album about his miracle son and feels elation and relief at the way he stutters at her when he opens her present.

Conceited

His dimly-lit room is a mess of scattered art and he sits at the very middle of it, ruminating on whether or not his strokes are able to catch her indomitable spirit on paper. Demeanor

She stands her ground at the face of his blatant disrespect of their boundaries, unflinching even as she watches the wary movement of his mouth and the ugly glint of something undefinable, unrecognizable, in his eyes. (i don't even know who you are anymore.) Effulgent

He closes his eyes in the midst of blinding light; spots dance along his vision but slowly, slowly, they form into her face and it's bare and dirty and above his and he thinks, not for the first time in his unlife, that it's the most beautiful face he's ever seen. (it's either a bachelor party or a scam.)

Frosting

She takes an unhealthy obsession with his taste buds and experiments on what other things she can add to his blood to make it more palatable; she settles on whipped cream with nuts and drizzled chocolate and mildly detests the panic on his face when she shows him her latest creation.

Gait There's hesitation in her steps as she walks and he takes in her pained expression despite her efforts to hide it; without giving her a chance to argue he lifts her off her feet and into his arms and in response she demands to be put down immediately, you moron. (i just need some protein in me and then i'll be good as new.)

Heaven

She watches him from her designated seat in the higher planes and vows to help him however she can; she doesn't have to burden herself with him because she's beyond all things mortal now - beyond him, even - but she does anyway. (i'll be with you until you do.) Image Her picture sits untouched atop his executive table; most of the time it's facing the wall as he can't bear to look at it - look at her - since he's an excruciating reminder of how much a failure he is now that he's without a guide-- --without her. Jagged

He inhales brokenly and she tries to soothe his pain away through her touch; later, as he lies sleeping on his bed with the gunshot wound on his torso cleaned and covered, she thinks she's succeeded - somewhat. Kept Bound and chained, she howls in deep pain and cries openly and curses at him as he mouths the re-ensoulment spell right back at her; at the same time his mind and heart is chanting please work please work please work-- (i’m gonna get you back. i need you back.)

Liaison She smiles gamely at their newest client before turning that same look at him; her expression, however, is somewhat made dimmer by the look in her eyes that plainly tells him, screw this up and I'll stake you dead. Minute The hellbeast has yet to breathe its last by the time he forcibly pulls his ax out of its skull; he tells his companions I'll go check on Cordy and leaves without waiting for a response.

Nerves

She fidgets, unsure of her place, as she finds herself in the midst of the vampire and the Slayer; she remembers saying something sharp and biting before bolting the hell out of their daytime soap encounter, not wanting to be a witness to their never-ending drama, thank you.

Opaque The towel hangs on his finger and he stands at the middle of her room, not knowing what to do with it, until she opens her bathroom door and demands that he hand it over.

Perennial She breathes hard and fast and glares at him with all she's worth; he taunts her repeatedly and in response she lets her right hook fly and it hits him square on the nose, the bone giving way to her assault. (i'm a vampire. you can't hurt me.)

Quiver

Her mouth is hot and warm and blood pulses under her flushed skin and he savors her taste, savors her, like he hasn't allowed himself to, before - like he hasn't dared to, before. (i'm only alive when you're inside me.)

Remote

He tells her he's going to Tibet and she nods, expecting his need for escape; what she didn't expect is the hollowness in her chest the very day he leaves them all behind without saying goodbye or even an assurance of when he'll be back.

Salt

Three months after she dies, he finds a floral blouse in his closet and it's hers, it's hers, and suddenly he's on the floor, clutching the old clothing to his chest, breathing her name like a prayer. (i am lost without you.)

Triumph

She bursts into his darkness with a radiant smile on her lips and, without care for his need for silence or privacy, shoves the client's check (their first) right into his face, all the while proclaiming now you can pay me!  

Untested

He hovers behind her as she curls into herself after a particularly nasty vision; something in his soul snaps as she sobs brokenly and turns to him and there's no hesitation in his arms when he embraces her. (you know how they look painful? well, they feel a whole lot worse!)

Valor

She knows it's her time to go; still she clutches his face, his arms, trying her best to hold on to him for as long as she can, knowing that she can never touch him again - and that this memory will be her souvenir for all eternity.

Water

The coffee cup in his hand shakes and he glares balefully at it; who can even imagine him, The Scourge of Europe, buying coffee for his former employee and certified pain in his ass-- (man, atonement's a bitch.) Xyster

Her teeth draws blood from her lip, but she presses on - she pulls and hears a distinct popping sound before catching him when he sways towards her, his brows slick with sweat and his eyes glassy from the pain of having his dislocated arm re-set.

Yin Yang

She holds his hand and resolutely pulls him with her to the dance floor; he feels out-of-place and uncomfortable until she starts swaying against him and despite everything - despite himself - he feels his body grow warm.

Zeal

One day, after so many decades, he walks alone along a busy street, head bent down and hands tucked in his pockets. He draws comfort from the sound of beating hearts all around him, knowing his sacrifice meant that all these souls will have lived another day, month, year-- --someone bumps into him rather forcefully, and automatically he mutters, "Sorry." "That's it? That's all you're going to say?" He looks up and blinks and stares dumbly at her. She offers him a smile that borders on being shy. "Hey, you. I'll say 'long time no see' but I don't want to sink into your level of doofusness. Can I get a 'welcome back' hug, though?" --Like she even needs to ask?