#celestial muttonchops

[gleafer]

[sparkly-key]

Saudade

Crowley is back on Earth after being tortured in Hell for years, only to discover things have changed in his absence.

Written for Whumptober 2023 Day 24 - “I’ve got a head full of chemicals, mouth full of ridicule.” | Goodbye note | Neglect | “I thought they were with you.”

London, 1862

Crowley waited at St. James Park for hours, glaring at the ducks as they swam in circles, occasionally disappearing below the surface with a small splash.

The urchin they’d given the note to had sworn he’d delivered it to the shopkeep of A.Z. Fell and Co., saying the woman in white had given him a puzzled look before she read it.

Now, the comment about the woman filled Crowley with a sense of unease.

In their centuries on Earth, Aziraphale rarely changed their form – like so many other elements of the angel’s corporation, they were comfortable in the body, loathe to give it up. But it wouldn’t be unreasonable for them to change, especially if the bibliophile got some notion that the humans were suspicious that the proprietor of the bookshop never seemed to age.

With a growl, Crowley stalked out of the park, leaning on their cane more than they’d like as they walked. It would be months before the last of Hell’s scars wore off and if Aziraphale noticed, they’d smother the demon with infernal sympathy and tittering about how the arrangement was too risky.

Crowley had spent decades soothing the angel’s ruffled feathers that they were in no danger because of their agreement, boasting that they were too smart and their respective head offices weren’t interested in who was doing the deed, so long as it was done. And if one incident like this derailed the years of hard work they’d put in …

The demon turned down Whickber Street, at least a little relieved to see the cherry wood façade and smart gold letters proclaiming the bookshop. The snakehead cane topper dug into their palm as they leaned heavily on the stick, resting to better hide the limp when they saw Aziraphale.

Crowley inhaled and moved forward and then froze when the door opened and a customer emerged with a brown-wrapped parcel. The human was followed by an angel – undoubtedly celestial but not Aziraphale.

“Fuck,” Crowley swore as they darted around the corner and leaned forward to peer at the angel – Michael.

What the deuce was an Archangel doing manning the shop?

Frantically, Crowley tried to recall the note and if there were any specifics that could get them in trouble.

No, it’d used the simple code Aziraphale had insisted they use, hiding the sender’s identity and their rendezvous location in a cipher the bookkeep had created.

“Excuse me!” somebody called behind them.

Crowley’s lips curled as they turned, glaring at the man who was darting between carriages and horses to cross the street.

“What?” the demon asked crossly.

“Are you Crowley?” he asked, holding up a page neatly torn from a sketchbook. A pencil drawing of the demon filled the page, an incredible likeness to how they’d looked in 1827 – down to the small snake sigil that peeked out through Crowley’s muttonchops.

At the demon’s nod, the man offered a primly folded note, sealed with gold lion stamp.

“We’ve been holding this for about a decade – My boss had almost given up hope of solving that particular mystery,” he said congenially, an affable smile on his face. “We’ve been curious as to what it said.”

Crowley took the note. “Well, it seems like the mystery will have to remain intact,” they replied, tucking it into their pocket.

The man looked disappointed for a second before the weight of Crowley’s gaze settled and then he dashed off, back to the tailor shop so he could peer at the demon through the window.

As the pedestrians of Soho parted around the demon, Crowley unfolded the note.

It took a minute to decipher code, after years of not using it. But when the meaning came to them, Crowley’s fingers tightened on the fine, cream paper.

“C. Unfortunately, I must end our arrangement – not only because I fear the repercussions on you if discovered, but also because Gabriel has informed me I’ve been promoted. I wish you could have been there to help me think of a clever story, but I cannot, and must obey. Watch out for Michael. I doubt they’ll be so easily wooed as I was. Goodbye, my dear. A.”

The paper they’d hastily jotted their request on this morning burned in their coat pocket.

No angel.

Aziraphale was gone. Because Heaven had no need of them on Earth with Crowley’s absence. Because Aziraphale had needed them and Crowley hadn’t - couldn’t, the demon reminded themself sharply – help.

With a snarl, Crowley strode down the street.

[galacticlamps]

that episode was such fun! the sontarans were great, I honestly don’t know if they’ve ever been so captivating to watch before. my other spoiler-free thought is Damn i can’t wait to see some crazy-skilled cosplayers recreate those villains’ costumes, i know we had pics of them before now but still, the whole time watching them i was just thinking about how fantastic they looked

yaz not freaking out too much and yet having to ask ‘promise?’ while she was disappearing broke my heart. which was good because the next bit of her literally having written wwtdd on her hand was well intentioned but pretty stupid. i get it had to be something specific and physical for the full creepiness of mr swarm knowing about it to hit home (versus it being some kind of inference anyone could’ve guessed about yaz trying to emulate her more generally) but still, it struck me as so dumb i’d actually like an explanation for it at some point - why’d she have that on her hand today? she can’t always walk around like that, can she? but other than that everything with yaz this ep was great so can’t complain.

dan is so dumb i love it. no i dont mean the tempura line either. i mean him telling his parents it’s okay he’ll go deal with the sontarans bc he has experience with aliens now. dude you might’ve known aliens existed a day ahead of everyone else but that’s because you got kidnapped and locked in a cage and keep getting teleported places. i don’t think you exactly had much in the way of useful experience by the time you made that claim, but you’ve got a bit more by the end of the episode, at least. and you seem to be becoming a proper companion now, you made the choice to go when you could’ve stayed home this time, anyway.

i also liked dan’s parents! i know a lot of their lines were kinda eyerollish parents-being-parents type things to say but i also believed his mother about the sontarans coming to liverpool first, and i like the idea of the place itself being important to this plotline for some reason, im interested to see where all that goes

god help the tardis tho my girl does not deserve this. im still not sure if dan’s slated to stick around post-flux but i wonder what it would do to a companion’s understanding of the whole doctor/tardis/time travel situation for their first impression to be the tardis being this uniquely fucked up.

i think the ep itself struck a good balance between stand alone and part of the arc, which i was happy about - i really enjoyed everything that happened in the historical storyline, so i wouldnt mind if any of it comes up again later but it’s also nice to feel like you’ve absorbed a full story start to finish by the end of an episode, and i do feel that way tonight so that’s good. the trailer for the next ep was super short, and without much identifiable except a menagerie of characters/villains it’s hard to say if it’ll be similar to this week’s in that regard or go back to focusing on developing flux-centric stuff - maybe there’s a pattern of alternating episodes spending more time on self contained plots vs the big picture? or maybe there is a way all those seemingly unrelated things could be sewn up in one smaller story, afterall we are on the planet Time, and presumably in a different universe/dimension/something at least equally weird. I guess there are some simpler contexts that could account for everything in the trailer though - like god complex or even the death zone - but then again, if we are in an altered reality, i suppose even something like the environments in celestial toymaker/mind robber/deadly assassin is also on the table. maybe that’s why thirteen’s coat’s reversed, maybe it’s to indicate the difference between the real dr and an avatar of her.

i think the thing that surprised me most in this one was the muttonchop man yaz first ran into at the temple. he also showed up early on in the first ep but that one was so busy it didn’t feel strange, whereas here he definitely feels like the most unrelated thing to show up in the episode. and being at the beginning of both without ever reappearing, i feel like he’s meant to be seeded in and forgotten about, so hopefully that goes somewhere interesting. obviously thirteen’s vision of that nightmare house at the start was very weird too, but in the context it seemed less strange - it was way too big to resemble wherever diane got sucked into right? idk i feel like it’s a future thing not a past thing but who knows. unless its being in black and white was supposed to have ruth/pre hartnell vibes but im probably over analyzing now

also honorable mention to the triangles at the temple, who were kind enough to call themselves triangles. i do love a service bot with a bit of personality

[trashboatprince]

I miss writing stuff with Nanny and Francis, been in a bit of a dry spell with writing cause of all... yeah.

But anyway, here’s a little something with these two.

Summery: It’s a date, that’s what Francis called it, and how could Ashtoreth refuse? Sure, they’ve shared meals together a millions times as Aziraphale and Crowley, but never in these personas.

Could be fun.

On with the fic!

--

“Sunday is your day off, yes?”

Crowley looked up from his bathroom sink, seeing Aziraphale standing in the doorway in the reflection of the mirror. No longer was he in that ridiculous getup of his as the gardener of the Dowling estate, instead he was in his typical clothing, sans overcoat.

It was late at night, Warlock was sleeping soundly, and the door was locked to Nanny Ashtoreth’s private room so no nosy humans could see them out of their disguises. “Yeah, usually every other Sunday is off, why do you ask?” Crowley raised an eyebrow before going back to removing his makeup.

Sure, he could miracle it away, but he liked the ritual of putting it on and taking it off. He watched in the reflection as Aziraphale toyed with his vest, looking a bit embarrassed. “Well, if you’re not... busy, performing acts of evil and annoyance on the general public of London...”

“So, my usual Sunday nonsense, you mean?”

“Of course, but anyway, I was wondering if you were able to find time in your busy schedule to... have lunch with me, maybe even spend a few hours together. Like... on a date.”

Crowley paused, blinking, it had to be extremely surprising of a situation to make a snake demon blink.

“A date?” The redhead said carefully, as if tasting the word for any sort of sour or poisonous taste.

“Yes, a-a date, together.” Aziraphale was even more red in the face that his Francis look, and Crowley turned to face him completely, feeling heat on his own cheeks. “If it’s not too much trouble, that is.”

“No, it’s... not,” Crowley spoke, stepping towards him, “in fact, I’m all for it.”

This seemed to perk the angel up and he smiled a bit more. “Oh lovely! I was thinking we could try this new place I had heard Mrs. Dowling speaking to with a friend during her tea time in the garden today! Something about authentic southern Spanish dishes, we haven’t had those in quite some time! And I do remember there is a lovely Turkish coffee shop I’ve been meaning to take you to, I know you love a strong coffee and they are the best at it!”

A finger was placed to Aziraphale’s lips, stopping him before he could continue. Crowley smiled just a little before dropping it. “No need to spoil your plans for us, angel.”

“R-right, of course.” The smaller man cleared his throat, before looking embarrassed once more. “Though, there is one thing I would like to ask.”

“And what is that?”

“Would you be alright with us going out together... as Ashtoreth and Francis?”

For the second time that night, Crowley blinked. “As our personas?” 

“Yes, I think it would be a bit fun, you know? To go out for a nice afternoon, not as an angel or a demon, but as a nanny and a gardener, two perfectly normal humans who enjoy each other’s company!”

They looked at one another as Crowley thought this over, before giving a nod. “I’d love to, Francis.” Came the reply with a Scottish tint to it.

--

‘It’s a date.’ Ashtoreth thought to herself as she applied her favorite shade of purple lipstick on her lips.

‘You’ve been on countless dates over the years with him.’ Setting the tube of lipstick down, she grabbed her eyeliner, moving to apply just the right amount of that on. ‘Well, they aren’t really called dates, but that’s pretty much what they are.’

Now, she put on a shawl she had gotten a few years back when she had been so bored out of her skull that she went on a shopping spree. Sometimes you just don’t feel like miracles need to be used to give yourself an outfit, sometimes you want to fill up that empty closet in your room.

Ashtoreth adjusted it around her shoulders as she looked herself over in the mirror. Black shawl, tight purple shirt that showed off what needed to be shown, and a lovely pencil skirt and tights combo to go with her snakeskin boots.

‘He’ll like this, Azir- Francis will like it, he always has something nice to say.’ She thought as she put on a hat with a fishnet veil.

There was a pause and Ashtoreth hissed through her teeth, feeling anxious. “Ngk.”

They’ve never been on a date before, not like this, not as these two. Never had the time! Warlock was a handful, and Hell was always looking for a chance to pile on the work! Same with Heaven!

But today was a free day, they both made sure of it!

“You can do this, Ashtoreth, stop bein’ a wimp.” She mumbled as she snatched up her pocketbook and slipped on her shades, leaving her room. She strode past house staff who knew to not bother her when she was up to something. Ashtoreth ignored the stares as she made her way down the stairs to the front door, only stopping when Warlock ran past.

He was spending the day with his mother, as was the usual routine for Nanny’s days off, but that wasn’t stopping the demon from giving her favorite Antichrist a peck on the cheek before telling him to give his mother trouble.

With that, Ashtoreth was out the door and down the stairs, where she found the Bentley waiting for her and her date as well. She came to a stop, lowering her shades to look the man up and down, rather shocked to see the clothes he chose.

Gone was the Victorian style look of the part-time bookseller, gone was the Edwardian-inspired nonsense of the gardener, instead Francis wore a casual outfitting of both personas.

Tan dress pants, penny loafers that were out of style yet so fitting of the man, and a pure-white dress shirt with a dark blue sweater vest over it, complete with a tartan bowtie because of course.

Francis smiled, moving to the driver’s side of the car to open it for her. “Ye’re lookin’ rather radiant today, Ms. Ashtoreth.” Came to voice of the gardener as he smiled at her, all buckteeth and muttonchops.

She gave him a nod, smiling as she took the hand that offered to help her into her Bentley, all the while the staff were staring out the windows at the two. Francis closed the door and ran over to his side, getting in and readying himself for her driving.

“So,” she smirked, turning on the Bentley, “shall we go enjoy our date, Francis Fell.”

“I do believe we shall, Coraline Ashtoreth.”

With that, they drove off the grounds at a speed that was greatly above the unofficial speed limit of the estate’s grounds.

--

The restaurant that Aziraphale had learned about was a small place, new and family-owned. The waitress gave them their menus, though Ashtoreth did catch the confused look that crossed her face when the demon spoke to her in Spanish when she ordered their drinks without even bothering to glance at the menu.

When the waitress stepped away to get them, Francis looked at the redhead across the table. “Didn’t know ya spoke Spanish, Ms. Ashtoreth. You’re rather talented.”

They were playing a game, that’s what they decided. A real date, but they were playing not as Crowley and Aziraphale, but as the nanny and the gardener, and that meant pretending to not know things about each other.

It was... rather fun, like learning things anew again.

“Oh yes,” She replied, “I’m well versed in several tongues.” She winked at him at the double meaning. She greatly enjoyed the darkening of his already ruddy cheeks.

“Goodness, might have to learn a thing or two from ya then.”

Alright, that caught her off-guard, she would have spat out her drink if she had one at the moment.

“W-what about you, Brother Francis? How educated at you in... things?”

The drinks were placed on the table and Francis placed their orders, even though neither decided on anything. Something small and simple for her, something complex and flavorful for himself. A break in the game, but neither would acknowledge it.

When they were alone again, Francis turned to face her, setting his chin on his folded hands, elbows on the table as he smiled at her. “You might say I’m well read, know lots o’ things, my dear, read up on all sorts of things that’ll make you amazed.”

He took a sip of his drink. “An’ I know mah way around a dance or two.” He winked and she choked on her own sip of her drink.

“Naughty boy you are, Brother Francis.” She grinned. “Might have to show a lady like me a ‘dance’ tonight.”

Francis smiled around the rim of his glass and the two started to laugh.

They enjoyed their lunch together, talking about where they first had these dishes, but still playing it as Ashtoreth and Francis having experiencing them rather than their celestial and occult selves.

The meal was paid for by Francis, (’A gentleman pays for the first date!’ he had insisted, though it was meant more as an inside joke about how he paid for their first ‘date’ centuries ago and after that Crowley usually picked up the tab), and they left, holding hands. A stroll wasn’t planned, but the nanny wasn’t complaining as they walked down the street together.

They chatted about whatever, about Warlock and the garden, about what they could see on display in the windows. It was... nice, lovely really, to just do this where Heaven and Hell weren’t involved and neither was the whole face that the world was going to probably end in about seven years.

Sure, they created these characters to help prevent it, but it was nice to not be the Snake of Eden or the Guardian of the Eastern Gate. No, just two people on a date together, holding hands, laughing at some strange painting on display in a shop window that reminded them of an old artist friend from days gone by.

And it was nice for Ashtoreth, to be able to be open like this with the angel holding her hand, giving it squeezes a few times. They couldn’t do this together normally, you never know who was watching, but neither of their respective offices knew what they looked like in these disguises.

Hell literally couldn’t tell who she was back in the seventies when she came down with that Tony ‘Snake Hips’ Crowley look she was sporting at the time, so she highly doubted that they’d know she was walking to a Turkish coffee shop with the enemy who was sporting muttonchops.

And she doubted Heaven gave even an eighth of a rat’s ass about what Aziraphale was actually doing, so they were safe to be open like this, even if they still had to be in disguise, just to be safe. 

Still, Ashtoreth wasn’t gonna look a gift horse in the mouth, she was gonna enjoy every blessed second of this!

--

“We need to do this again.” Ashtoreth commented, watching the ducks from their favorite spot in St. James’s Park, taking a drink from the to-go cup of coffee in her hand.

“Hm?” Francis looked over, finishing the bite of baklava in his mouth. “You-you do?”

“Of course. I’m actually having a good time, Francis, and this is nice. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we do this sort of thing a lot, but we’re so...” She waved a hand about. “Secretive, ya know? Can’t be all out and about with this sorta thing, never know who’s watchin’.” She pointed up and down a few times.

“I see yer point.” Francis replied, sighing as he glanced up. “I like this too, being able to spend time with ya, not havin’ to look every which way to make sure we don’t got someone spyin’ on us.” He popped another bit of his treat into his mouth. “We’ll have to plan fer another date, I was thinkin’ we could get outta town, spend the day together travelin’ the South Downs area.”

Ashtoreth nodded, before feeling a hand resting over her own. She glanced at the angel next to her, smiling just a bit, before enjoying the moment.

“Yeah, let’s do that, angel.”

END

--

Posting without editing, sorry for the errors you had to read.