#cecilia like whoever told p this? they are gonna get it :L

[xtinyslip]

"THAT'S GOOD. MAKE SURE YOU HOLD ONTO THAT. FRANKLY, WHEN HAVE I EVER GIVEN A SHIT EITHER?" she shrugged. the one person's opinion that deep down she'd always cared about was his and of course, by force ; her father's. everyone else? well, she had never particularly cared. there were a select few people that cecilia pederson actually cared about. truly cared about now. the rest? well, she could watch them burn and not so much as blink. that's who she was or that's who she had been made to be. she could become herself all she wanted but there were certain traits entwined too deeply in her now. they were there to stay. "it is you and me. i'll prove that to you. i love you, p." so much too. there wasn't anyone else that her actual heart was ever going to belong to. it was his, it had always been his ; it just took her longer to realise that. like the fool she had been back then. "SHE?" of course. "who was it?" was she going to let it go? no. "john was not --" she stopped herself. this was why she had chosen not to say anything. how could she defend john when all this was so fresh to parker again? how could she defend him to parker at all? she couldn't so she didn't finish her sentence but that wasn't a good sign. "it had the potential to change everything and we almost let it. we almost fucking let it. i almost lost you. you almost walked away and i'm not proud to admit that i couldn't figure out how to stop it. our first date night you recall? our wedding? that had been the first time we were together as us in months. no good would come out of you ever knowing this." what if this stuck in his head again? what if he began growing doubt? what if whoever the fuck told him this started planning that seed of doubt themselves? what if he walked away this time? after all this and to lose him because he didn't want her? she actually didn't know how she'd ever move the fuck on from that. she couldn't even look at him now. "my father did this to punish me. whether you blame me or not doesn't change the fact that it was my fault, p." it didn't. how could it? "i won't bullshit you. i told you i didn't want you to hear this from anyone at all." and when she got that name from him about who had told? it wasn't going to be pretty. "i don't need help. i lost him. karma's a bitch. most would say i had losing him coming." @fcdcdmcmories

"I'M POSITIVE NOT EVERYONE WOULD AGREE WITH YOU BUT I'M BEGINNING TO LIKE HER TOO. SHE IS PRETTY DAMN INCREDIBLE." smiling slightly at that. it had taken a lot to adjust to being this person, to being true to herself when she'd only ever known how to be one way. still, she was beginning to feel more and more comfortable in her own skin. the balance between who she was now and who she had been before was beginning to even out. now she was beginning to feel like her actual self and not despising it. "who told you?" her tone showed she was not impressed that someone thought it was their right to what? gossip? bitch? try to stir up trouble? because what other reason would ANYONE have to do that? "i didn't want to tell you." was it that simple? actually, it kind of was. "i am the one watching you hurting in this condition BECAUSE OF ME." anyone could deny it, try to tell her this wasn't her fault but it was. she wasn't stupid. "why would i want to hurt you with nonsense that didn't matter then and certainly doesn't matter now. hm? he was my friend and now he's dead. what purpose did it serve for you to know more?" again, just another delightful situation that happened to be her fault. @fcdcdmcmories