#cc;kink shame | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

alphabetboyluvr · 1 year ago

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THROTTLE - JJK | EIGHT

one/ two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight / nine / ten / eleven

warnings - welcome one and all to the chapters that made some of my wattpad girlies stop reading throttle, you have been warned! mentions of drugs. jungkook wears a key around his neck and it ain't for a door! solo masturbation (m). enter stage left: cc @ yoongi's door. infidelity (boo), dry humping (yay), yoongi has a choking kink (?), he cums in his pants <3 back for round two! not all that explicit, oral (f), he's so talkative <3, protected sex, incredibly sombre aftermath!! v satisfying end to the chapter IMO!!

word count - 16.5k

minors dni // series masterlist

It surprises everyone when Jungkook is the first to speak. He stands, shoulders broadening like a fallen angel unfolding its wings, and then he's back.

The man you once knew? It's undeniably him. He's still just as powerful in his stature as he always was, just as handsome, just as life-threateningly attractive.

For a second - only a moment, barely even a millisecond - you let yourself indulge in the chime your stomach has been subduing.

It's just the same as it always has been.

He's different now, though. So vastly different, you question whether or not you would have recognised him in the street.

His hair is dark, and it doesn't frame his face in the way it used to. Shame. You used to love getting your fingers tangled in it. It's pushed back now, the fury in his dark brows as clear as day. They're missing a piercing, which you'll admit is a bitter loss, but the lip ring is still there, at least.

You don't let yourself think about the one on his tongue. Haven't thought about it for weeks. Months.

Only because every time you do, you force yourself to think about roadkill instead. It's the only way you can get it out of your head. Does now mean that when you see roadkill, you think about him. Fitting, really, given the tragedy of your time spent together.

Instead of letting him know just how fucked up he still gets you, you simply raise a brow in his direction. Your back sinks into the chair you've poised yourself on, and you cross your arms, imploring him to speak the fuck up.

Part of him doesn't want to, just as 'fuck you' to your prissy rich bitch attitude. He'd forgotten about this; how much a little cunt you'd been when the pair of you had first met. Back then, it had gotten his interest piqued. Kept him coming back for more. Was the thing that got him cumming, full stop.

But now, it just feels vindictive.

And so he decides to be just as much of a vindictive swine back.

"No one's been looking for you," he says as his eyes burn into you - and yet you remain perfectly cool. Calm. Unaffected.

There was a time, a few moons ago, when a look like this from Jungkook would have surely killed you. Now, it's just all very laughable.

"Eunhee's never been much of a liar, Jungkook," you smile, glad to have checked in with her before heading to the boxing club. Maybe he did stop showing up at your door two months ago, but it was enough of a weapon to use against him.

"That senile old bat?" He laughs, and you remember just how mean he could be. It's a trait that you'd pushed to the side in your memories, all rose-tinted and sweet. The reality makes those memories a lot easier to swallow, the salt from his words diluting the sugar. "Wouldn't take her as a credible source."

The air around the pair of you is stale; unpleasant. It reeks of desperation. Desperate for what? It's debatable. Nothing good, that's for sure.

Quite literally everyone in the room is uncomfortable.

Everyone except for the pair of you.

See, this is a back and forth you've perfected. The way you bicker - the way you taunt one another - used to be foreplay. He'd rile you up just ruin you.

It's electric. Jungkook wonders what has more volts - your shared energy, or the taser he's pretty sure you've got hidden in your bag. You're too smart to come somewhere like this completely defenceless.

He's just as smart as you, though. Reads your moves, and knows exactly what to predict. Maybe it's not a form of intelligence that will do any good, but he's spent so long studying you that it would be impossible for him to not��be an expert by this point.

He could write an encyclopedia about you; a dictionary based on your vocabulary.

He'd file himself under 'asshole', and would hope you'd reassign him to 'inamorato'. You wouldn't. If anything, you'd place him in a pile of discards; words unused by you for so long that you've forgotten their significance in your life.

If he were to have his own dictionary, he'd file you under cocotte. CC for short. But he'd draw fucking hearts in the margins, and crack the spine from just how often he looked at your page. Might just rip it out and keep it in his wallet like a passport photo.

"Credible source?" You smirk, ruby red lips pouting in a way that feels new to him. They're slightly different, he thinks. The shape is the same, but they seem poutier. The product of fillers, maybe. He never thought you'd be one to go down that route, but he's questioning everything he knew about you as the lights of the club reflect in the diamond on your finger. He's blinded by it; blindsided by you. "Surely this isn't Jeon Jungkook talking about credibility? About trust? That'd be a first."

"Watch your fuckin' mouth," he snaps, and it's clear you've hit a nerve. Good. "Got shit to say? Say it, then get fuckin' gone, C."

And, oh, it's painful. So gloriously painful.

The way you don't falter is the worst part. The name given to you in the sanctuary of his car lingers on his tongue, his lips ajar. There's no crease between his brow, eyes just as round and inviting as they always had been.

You think he's baiting you. Think he's trying to get your defences down. You don't realise that his defences actually are - not until he knocks his head to the side, flicking a switch as his glare returns.

"I think what Jungkook is trying to say," Jin speaks up, knowing that there'll be no resolution without a mediator. He can feel the energy between the pair of you. The vibrations run deep and jagged, stained in red and echoing regret. "Is that we aren't aware there was business to discuss?"

You turn to face Jin, but let your eyes linger on Jungkook for just a second longer before you address his friend. Handsome, you think. Incredibly handsome, in fact.

You've always thought Jungkook was the most beautiful thing about Daegu, but you might change your mind. All you need is this new guy - the one with plump lips and shoulders that eclipse Jungkook's - to glare at you. See if it gets you searing under the collar, hot between your legs, like Jungkook's glare does.

Many men before have looked at you with suspended disbelief, agitation curving around their brow bones. It's nothing new. The way that Jungkook's glare could have gotten you on your knees? That was new to you.

"Nor was I - or at least, I wasn't. Not until Jungkook told me about that little plan of yours a few months ago," you say as you smile at Jin, all pleasant and performative."But I'm very selective about who I invest my time in."

You don't have to look at Jungkook for him to know that he should take your next statement personally.

"I've no time for little boys running around playing cops and robbers. I conduct my business exactly like that; like a business. I make negotiations, I make deals. Sign contracts - and I'd never hire someone without running a background check. Can get yourself into a whole world of trouble if you don't know who someone really is."

"You're planning on employing us?" Namjoon pipes up, the prospect of a hefty payday sounding like music to his ears.

"Not employing," you say. There's more you could divulge. So much more. But it's time for baby steps, now. No use in getting ahead of yourselves. "Think of it more like... entering a partnership. A mutually beneficial agreement."

"Your appearance on TV today," Jin says, the most analytical of the bunch, trying to figure you out. "How would that help to aid your negotiations?"

You smile. It's quite simple, really.

"That was to stop you from thinking you could ever fucking touch me."

There's more venom than you intend there to be behind your words, but you haven't quite healed from the last invasion of your autonomy. You're still disgusted but how easily you were manipulated into thinking that Jungkook ever gave a fuck about you. If they think they're ever getting the chance of getting that close again, they're sorely mistaken.

"The world is watching boys," You continue. "One wrong move, and the world will be asking: what happened to her? It's my way to keep you in check. Anyways, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Who do you work for?"

"Who do you work for?" Jungkook spits back.

"Myself. Answer my question."

Jin takes the reins from Jungkook. "We're not at liberty to say."

"Fine," you shrug, getting to your feet. You're here to talk with men, not boys. If they can't make decisions for themselves, then what's the point? "I'll be on my way then. Time is money boys, and if you aren't willing to give me a dime, then it's not worth it for me. I don't need you."

"Yeah, well, if you don't need us, then why the fuck are you here?"

The way Jungkook's nostrils flare amuses you. Let's you know the real question he's asking: If you don't need me, why did you come back? Back here, specifically?

It's a good question. One you wish you had a solid answer for.

"There are rats all over this city," you tell them, thinking that it'd be best to choose at least a half-truth. "I don't know many of them, not well. Not personally. Don't know you fuckers personally, either - very rude of you, by the way, to break into my apartment like that. I'm sure Jungkook could have just told you the code - but anyways, I digress. I know how you operate, to a certain degree."

"Oh, yeah?" Jungkook questions, doubting that very much. "How do we operate?"

"Like fucking idiots," you say with a voice as flat as his tyres after a few too many burnouts. "You send in unprepared fuckers who think with their dicks instead of their brains."

Jungkook scoffs, but the rest of them wave their heads a little, contemplating the fact that you're entirely correct.

"I know your weak spots," you say, but choose not to elaborate on the fact that you were once Jungkook's. You sit back down; an act of defiance for the fact that Jungkook quite clearly doesn't want you there. "And I know some of your strengths. I also know that we have a mutual interest in the downfall of my father. Might not trust you fuckers as far as I can throw you, but I trust that your feelings towards him won't have changed all that much in three months."

"Yours seem to have changed," Jungkook notes all rather bitterly, and it makes you laugh.

You lean forward in your seat, elbow resting on your knee, chin in your palm. Your ring glistens in the light, but Jungkook ignores it. Wishes he could ignore you, full-stop, but he can't take his eyes off you. Deprived for so long, he doesn't know when he'll get this luxury again.

The fact that you're in the boxing club alone - unprotected, despite it all - should be indication enough that your feelings towards your father haven't changed. Why risk it? Why put yourself in a circumstance where you could be used against him if you weren't willing for that to happen?

"Look at you," you smile, but it's laced in contempt. "Finally making assumptions of your own. I'm proud. You got a little way to go, though, baby. You're missing the mark. Give it some time and you'll be able to make assumptions that check out."

The pet name is delivered with such ease that Jungkook almost doesn't notice it. It's the look in your eyes that really delivers it, the chaos and confusion you're conveying in one simple smirk.

"Like yours did when we first met?" He says with a raised brow, thinking you've never made an accurate assumption in the whole entire time he's known you.

"I assumed you were a cunt. Ding, ding, ding. Always right."

This earns a snicker from Namjoon, who can admittedly see why Jungkook liked you so much. There's something about you that gets the heart rate going; gets people interested in what you have to say.

Jungkook says nothing. Rolls his eyes, and grates his jaw. Doesn't see any point in conversing if you're just gonna be a bitch. He always knew you were like this, but he'd managed to chip away at your softer side and had somehow forgotten just how hard your exterior is.

You've fortified it, now though. Built your defences up. It's been three months, and you've not wasted a day. Naive of him to think you would have. You're your father's daughter after all.

"Look," you turn to Jin, still pretty and poised, but this time there's an air of sincerity to your words. "I'm waving a white flag here. You fuckers are lucky I came to your first. Might not trust anyone else in the city, but I don't trust you either. Thing is, boys, I'm traceable. If you try and do anything to me now, you fuckers'll get caught."

"So why would we want to do business with you?" He questions, incredibly curious. He thought after everything with Jungkook, that'd be the last you would see of him.

"Cause I was always traceable, you silly cunts. Do you think just cause I wasn't on speaking terms with my dad, that that was it? The moment you did the raid, I was back on his radar. I'm��your connection. I'm your way in," you say, gesturing to yourself to really drive it home how important you could be for them. "If you want to bring him down - if you want to take him for all that he's worth - then you need someone on the inside. You need me. Honestly, the fact you thought a ransom situation would work is laughable, but it just shows you're lucky to have brains now to go with your brawn."

"We haven't agreed to anything," Jin reminds you. There's a warmth to his voice that contrasts the atmosphere within the room.

"No, but you will."

"Why?" Jungkook interrupts, eyes narrow, voice scornful. He's picking at the sides of his fingers, chipping away at hangnails.

"Cause what more do you have to lose, huh?" You shrug. "You're Kang's bitches, now. Wouldn't you rather be mine? I give great employee perks."

The way your eyes dance around the room, from man to man, and eventually land on Jungkook's is deliberate. He knows this, and he lets it get to him.

"What would they be?" Namjoon scoffs, unaware of your innuendo. It's kind of sweet, how naive he is.

And so naturally, you shatter all illusion of innocence.

"Ask Jungkook."

There's silence. No one quite knows how to reply.

No one except Jungkook.

"Ring on your finger be happy with you saying that?"

And for the first time, you're rattled. You hadn't expected him to mention it.

"That's of none of your concern," you shrug. Now's not the time to let him get to you - but the way you rabbit on afterwards is evidence enough that he has. "I'm not here to be interrogated. I'm extending an olive branch; giving you the chance to earn the money you were so desperately trying to make from me. You get your money, I get my father's downfall on a silver platter."

The way you look at Jungkook is unfamiliar. It's as cold and frigid as the winter nights you used to stow away with him in his car; breath clouding in the freezing temperatures despite the warmth in your heart.

A few months ago, such a look from you would have destroyed him. Absolutely decimated his entire sense of belonging. Life wouldn't have been worth living.

Now? It feels like a luxury. A sinful indulgence. He's been deprived for so long he'll take even the smallest hit of whatever you'll give him - and even when it's fleeting, your attention is like crack fucking cocaine.

It's not just your hair or your gaze that has changed. In fact, a lot about you has. There's a hollowness to your cheeks now that there wasn't before; a slight gauntness.

Without the convenience store snacks to keep you going, you actually had to eat decently. Having someone to go home to also meant that your junk diet had to be replaced with something more... appropriate for a woman in her twenties. No more eating like a teenager.

Your loss of appetite in the aftermath of Jungkook's revelation had certainly helped with this, and if anything, you've gained weight over the last few weeks - but you're still not as soft as you once were. He can see it in your cheeks. Saddens him, a little.

Has him thinking about what you could look like beneath those clothes of yours. Wonders if his hands will still fit your waist perfectly, or if your tits will still overspill in his palms just how he liked it. Considers that maybe they won't. Maybe he'll never get the chance to find out.

You think Jungkook looks colder. It's funny, cause the weather has heated up quite considerably, but it's never been frostier between the pair of you.

Getting to your feet, you brush down the tops of your thighs to straighten any creases. You've still got a persona to keep up, even when it's dark outside.

"You can discuss it amongst yourselves," You sigh as begin to head for the door, heels clicking as beneath your feet. There's something about the sound that you just adore. Maybe it's the repetition. Maybe it's the way it drowns out the chime in your stomach as you walk past the man you once thought you... No, you think. That's not right. The man you used to fuck. Much better. "I don't care, either way. I need an answer by the end of the week, or I'll find someone else. You aren't special. Plenty of other fuckers in the city who want to make a quick buck. Plenty of others who hate my father for one reason or another. You just had the balls to try it first."

"How do we know we can trust you?" Jungkook calls after you.

He's disappointed when you simply call back, "you don't."

There's more to be said, he thinks. More to discuss.

So he follows you to the parking lot. None of the other boys do. They already know they aren't welcome, and quite honestly, none of them wants to third-wheel such an awkward encounter. They'd already filled their quota for the day.

As he enters the dreary parking lot, he notices a car that's unfamiliar. It's a Merc. Black. Matte. Not too standard around these parts. Fuckin nice, though. He's impressed. Makes a mental note to ask you about the spec some other time.

"Hey, honey." You speak pleasantly into your phone as you pace around, not realising Jungkook's presence yet. He doesn't speak up. Too curious about who this honey could be. "Yeah, Just heading to Jieun's now. I'll be a couple of hours. Okay, okay. Love you, too."

Jungkook pretends like he didn't hear that bit. Does a terrible job of it - but at least he tries.

When you clock him, you couldn't be less bothered if you tried. So what if he heard you on the phone? It's up to him if he reads into it or not.

"You wanna know you can trust me?" You raise a brow, reading his suspicions of you.

Jungkook remains silent. He'll pretend it's to preserve his hard exterior, but in reality, it's to save himself from admitting the truth: he'd trust you with his life.

"I just lied," you continue. "I'm not going to Jieun's. I'm going to Yoongi's. Can follow me if you like. We both know it wouldn't be the first time. I'll be transparent with you - but don't think for a second that I trust you back."

"Yoongi's", Jungkook nods. Remembers the way Yoongi used to look at you. Remembers how he once thought that he was competition. More fool him for ever thinking you actually cared. You've a ring on your finger, now. Neither of you were ever competing, apparently. And if you were? Fell at the first hurdle. "What's that then? A little extra marital fun?

You smile insincerely. "Not married yet."

"So?"

"So even if it was, Jungkook, you're not the one who put this ring on my finger. You've no right to an opinion."

"And I never would have given you a ring," he says, as if he thinks his lack of interest in you could hurt you any more than it already had.

"Never would have wanted you to," you shrug, both of you as good at feigning disinterest as one another.

There's something about him though that has you curious. Has you feeling like you're being challenged. It's just like it was when you first met. The words you speak are laced with disgust, but the burning in your eyes can only be described as desire. He hates how easy it is for him to get like this around you. Hates that you know exactly what you can do to him.

He's realising now that you're far more in control of your feelings than he ever thought you were. He only ever saw you so vulnerable because you chose that. You let him. He's shut out now, and he doesn't like it.

But he does like the smile resting on your pretty lips as you walk towards him.

The way you encroach on his physical space has him hitching his breath in his throat, as if he's terrified to breathe around you. It's fitting, given the way you make him feel like he's drowning.

It's more than that, though.

What he truly fears is inhaling your perfume. smelling your shampoo. He's terrified of what it will do to him if he learns your hair still smells like gasoline. Even more petrified of how he'll feel if he learns that you don't smell like it anymore, mind you.

It's when you extend your index finger and hook it beneath his necklace that he really begins to lose his mind.

"Yanno," you say so quietly he has no choice but to edge just a tiny bit closer. Raising the key to be level with your eyes, you study it, watching the way the tiny crystals almost sparkle in the moonlight. You know they don't. It's just an illusion. If you had to guess - had to assume - you'd say coke. It's the only thing you can imagine him doing. His eyes are focused down on you, lashes long, gaze stern. "You should have told me you like coke."

Jungkook stays silent as you look up towards him, your lips laced in seduction. He knows better than to let you succeed, but - fuck - it's so hard not to. Whatever you're doing has an ulterior motive. It has to.

"Bumping coke's gonna ruin that pretty little nose of yours," you note.

"The fuck would you know about it?" he scoffs, but doesn't pull away. Can't bring himself to. All he can think about is the way your lips look. The difference in them is minimal, but they're definitely plumper. Have to be. Or maybe he just wants to kiss you more than he ever has done.

Your lips part as you lay your tongue flat and press the key to it.

Jungkook swallows, the lump in his throat swollen and intrusive. You wait a second. Wait for two. Then twist the key and dab the other side against your tongue.

"Takes longer if you swallow it," he whispers. "Snorting is much more cost-effective."

"Maybe so," you shrug, releasing the key from your mouth before pressing it against his chest with a slight push. "But you can't go around wearing Class A evidence like that, you silly prick. I meant what I said," you trail off to a whisper, stepping even closer towards him. He doesn't back away. Quite the opposite. He edges a little closer too. He knows he shouldn't - knows you're just baiting him - but god what a temptress you are. "I need to know I can trust the men I work with. I can't have you getting thrown into jail just for the fun of it. I need you clean."

There's something different about that last command. A softness. A plead. Your eyes linger on his, and then you pull away from the magnetism of his being.

"Stay off the drugs, Kook. A deviated septum looks sexy on no one."

And you're right.

But it doesn't really matter. The coke was just a pass time until his favourite drug came back to town. He's one hit down, and thinks the high will last him all fucking week.

The buzz perseveres. He's so consumed by it that he can't recall the conversation he had with the boys before he left. Can barely fucking remember the drive home.

But as he strips himself bare in the quiet comfort of his apartment, he can remember you.

Can remember your eyes, and the way they engulfed him with the heat of your fury - but also the way they simmered. Lashes low, lids half closed, you'd looked at him like a fucking siren, and the memory of it had his tattooed hand stroking at his firm cock. He hadn't been able to get like this since you'd left. Had tried on more than one occasion. Never managed to see it through. Would feel sick after a pump or two.

It's different now. His wrist flicks and his hand works his shaft, head thrown back into his pillows. His hips pulse, desperate for more friction, his own palm a shitty compromise after the luxury of your pussy.

It's when he's thinking of you that he gets breathless. Starts to moan. Wanks himself even faster. Harder. "Shit, C."

The term of endearment sounds so fucking sweet on his tongue. Has his torso tensing. Ass too. The wave of an orgasm threatening to crash.

Driven by instinct, his strong fingers wrap tightly around his hardened length, stroking gently. Tilting his head back, eyes firmly closed, he lets pleasure wave over him as he rolls his hips up into his palm. A guttural moan escapes his wet mouth, his teeth finding their home on his bottom lip.

More. He needs more of you. Needs your hair in his face, the scent of gasoline suffocating him. Needs his lips around your nipples, hands grappling with your ass. He needs you here.

All he's got - the only thing he's got - are his memories. His body writhes beneath him, the chain around his neck slipping from its position. There's little thought that goes into the way he moves the chain and holds the key tight between his teeth to keep it in place; nothing except the knowledge of your tongue licking against it earlier.

And then his lips close around it. His teeth ease, and the key sinks onto his tongue, the chain taut on his chin. He slows the movement of his wrist for a second. Rolls it once. Twice. Tries his best to work out if he can taste you or not.

He can't, but he can't taste the coke either, which means you did exactly as you intended. He moans, vibrating around the small key, devouring the idea that he'd exchanging spit with you once again, in a way. He knows the truth of the matter couldn't be further away from that, but it feels so fucking forbidden.

Just like you always have been. You'll remain that way.

But as his torso grows damp with the release of his orgasm onto his abs, ropes of sperm that he wishes he could have fucked into you going to waste on his skin, he can help but let his mind run wild.

Can't help but wish for more.

And so it comes as no surprise when Jungkook arrives at the boxing club, bright and early the next morning and says, "I'm in."

────────────

There's a sheen to Yoongi's skin as he opens up his apartment door, damp from the shower that was shut off just a few moments prior. Hair wet and sticking to his forehead, you're surprised to find you're the one choking on your words.

And then he smiles.

Smiles as if he's just beaten the high score of an arcade game, smiles as if he's managed to reach the peak of Apsan just in time for sunset. He smiles, and it feels like he's fixing you up with gold; seeping into the cracks that Jungkook left in you.

"If you wanted me to cover your shifts, you could have just asked," he beams. It's the first time he's seen you in three months. "You didn't have to be all dramatic and quit on me like that."

His teeth are showing, and they only show more when you give him a light tap on the shoulder with a closed first. His body jolts back slowly, eyes eating you up like a souffle pancake after a month-long fast. He bites down on his bottom lip with those pretty pearly whites, and pushes his door a little further back to invite you inside.

"You know you like a girl who keeps you on your toes," you grin back at him.

"Coffee? Tea?" He asks as you cross the threshold. You both know he won't have any at home, and that he'll need to order it in, but the gesture is kind. He's kind. "On my toes, yes. Sprinting marathons just to keep up with her? Less so much."

"Wine? And you'll thank me for the cardio in later life," you assure him, and toy with a joke about other forms of cardio you could do together. It dances on the tip of your tongue, and you know that if you spoke it aloud, goosebumps would form on his bare arms - so you say nothing, instead.

He'd be the perfect distraction, you think, nothing like the boy you're trying to forget. Kind, and handsome, and someone who actually gives a shit about you.

Forget distraction. He'd be the perfect man. Or at least he would be if he wasn't so helplessly infatuated with you.

That's thing about Yoongi; he sees all the good in you, and ignores the bad.

He'll take your witty banter, but neglect to factor in how mean it can sometimes be. He'll watch you yawn at work, half-bored to death, but refuse to acknowledge the fact you could cure said boredom with the tasks on your to-do list, that you instead leave for the next shift worker. He revels in the beauty of your laugh, but apparently is deaf when he hears you bitching about customers who have done very little wrong.

You aren't a saint. Perhaps not a sinner, either, but you sure do feel a lot closer to one than you think you should.

For all his wrongdoings, Jungkook never once treated you like you were a saint. There was no pedestal beneath your feet when you kissed him; he'd stoop to your level.

He saw you exactly as you were, which is why it hurt so much when you realised you'd only ever seen a facade that he'd cooked up in the shitty back room of a boxing club.

Thoughts of him are dissolved with mindless chatter, Yoongi always so good at taking your mind elsewhere. He knows you in such a way that talking is easy. It never feels calculated, never feeling like you need to think about what you say. He'd never judge you for a single thing.

Perhaps he should. Perhaps if he'd have held his guard up a little higher, stood his ground a little firmer, then he wouldn't be so weak to the way you batter your lashes and give him coy looks in dull-lit rooms.

There's talk of the garage; the usual customers, your old boss, how late shifts drag without you there. He's quiet when you ask about Jieun. Just tells you she's all good. He changes the subject. Asks about your dad, and how the fuck you managed to keep that one quiet.

You're surprised to find that honesty feels nice.

Until, inevitably, it doesn't.

"You gonna tell me about the ring?" he eventually asks after you've both had a little wine to ease the tension of three months you've been away.

You don't drop your eyes from him, not even for a second. His damp hair is nearly fully dry, and he looks so comfortable in a pair of grey sweats and a white shirt, reclined on his sofa. Simplicity looks good on him.

You're still in business casual, tight dress hiked around the top of your thighs as you sit on his floor. It was always your default when you came to his place, for some reason always opting for the floor instead of next to him on the sofa. Always been concerned about keeping a little distance. Funny, how the one time the distance would be apt, you find yourself wanting to sit next to him instead. You don't, though. Not yet, at least.

"What of it?"

Yoongi looks at you like you're a little bit mad. He kind of thinks you are.

"It's on your ring finger."

"Oh?" you say with a small laugh. "Is it?"

His eyes narrow on yours, before they glance back down to the ring. The stone is clear, and if he were to guess, he'd assume it was diamond - but he'd never struck you to be the kind of girl who ever wanted diamonds. Opals, maybe. Emerald, topaz. Stones with a bit about them. Something interesting. Not a diamond. Of all things.

But perhaps he didn't know you as well as he thought he had done. Perhaps you really weren't the girl he had dreamt up in his head; the one that he spent hours upon hours daydreaming about after you left.

Funny, how both he and Jungkook would get lost for lifetimes thinking about you, but they were both so vastly different.

In Yoongi's you'd come back home, show up at the garage like no time at all had passed, and tell him that you were wrong all along. He's the one you want. He's the one you've been going crazy thinking about. He's the one you came back for.

Sometimes he thinks about that week you went to Busan. Thinks about what it could have been like if he'd been the one to take you. Thinks about how fucking good it could have been to experience life outside of the confines of work and your apartments together. He thinks and he thinks and he thinks. Occasionally he acts on those thoughts too, but he tries not to.

It all feels a little wrong.

But that's what he likes about it. The fact he knows he shouldn't be thinking about you when he's turned on just turns him on even more; so he finds himself thinking of you far more often than he should. Thinks of you when he's alone; his bedroom lights switched off, duvet pushed midway down his thighs, hands roaming down his body. He grazes his skin with the tips of his nails. Pretends it's you.

"What about you," you shrug, nodding towards the scrunchie that's looped around the neck of a wine bottle on the counter. "Don't think your hair's long enough for that."

"You'd be surprised," he grins, pleased to find you grinning back.

"Prove it," you flirt, getting to your feet to retrieve it.

Yoongi watches as you retrieve the scrunchie, and knows that he should tell you no.

He should say 'actually, that's my girlfriend's.'

But she's only ever been a distraction to stop him from thinking about you - and how can he think of anyone else when you're in his space, heels off, dark hair draped over your shoulders like fine silk?

In your heart of hearts, you know that the scrunchie means he has someone. The hair grips by the sink, the takeout containers for two next to the recycling, the fact his apartment is actually clean and tidy, too.

"Prove it?" He grins as you return to his sofa, but you don't sit. You stand in front of him. Keep your eyes on him. Wait as he adjusts a little, his leg unhooking from beneath the other so that his lap makes the perfect seat for you to sit upon.

And so you do. You hike your dress up. One of your knees rests down next to his thigh. You're tentative. Slow.

His hand strokes up the back of your thigh. He nods. Encourages you further onto his lap. When your second knee finds its home next to his other thigh, he nods again.

You're smiling as you lower your weight, ass perched on the tops of his thighs. There's a little distance between the pair of you. You're not as close as you could be. Proceeding with caution. His lips pouty, eyes pure. A paradox.

"Prove it," you nod, and your hands start to toy with his hair. He's smiling right back at you, enthralled with the flirt almost as much as he's enthralled with the way it feels to have your nails scratching against his scalp. "Gonna make your hair look so pretty."

It's unfair, he thinks, that you get to have your hands in his hair, but his aren't allowed in yours. Doesn't realise that you wouldn't object.

"Don't think you will," he simpers back, the hand of his that was on the back of your thigh now resting on top of it, stroking ever so gently. The touch is so gentle, so minimal, and yet it has you pulsing beneath the lace of your underwear.

There's a ring on your finger, and someone waiting for you at home, but no one's had you in a position this provocative since you jumped town. See, you're 'waiting'. 'Want it to be special'. Don't want to make the same mistakes you did last time the ring had been on your finger.

Or at least that's what you tell yourself, and your fiance seems to believe it - why else would he get down on one knee again?

"I definitely will," you banter as you wrap his hair up with the scrunchie. His hair sticks on end, like a tiny sprout, and he looks adorable. "Gonna make you look sooo pretty."

He frowns, but with a sparkle in his eyes that let you know he's just joking. "Done?"

"Done," you beam, giving it one final adjustment. There's a slight movement to your hips, too. Getting cosy. His hand sinks a little further up your thigh. You pretend not to notice it. "Prettiest sprout in the whole of Daegu."

"Only Daegu? There are prettier sprouts outside of Daegu?"

You shrug. "Maybe. We should enter you into the national pretty sprout competition."

He adjusts his hips, sitting up a little straighter. He moves you into a more comfortable position as he does so. You're closer now. So much closer.

"Think I could win?"

"Best in show, baby," you grin. "I'd win for best sprout stylist, though."

Laughter echoes around you, his smile so sweet, so saccharine that you think he must surely be made of sugarcane.

The way Yoongi looks at you is devastating. Eyes soft and round, they're glossy and wet. Earnest.

They drop to your lips, then return to your eyes. Repeat. His lashes flutter whenever he does so, and there's a reflection from his floor lamp that looks like a pretty little love heart in them.

So devastating. It's the kind of look people would write films about, all for that one shot of his eyes after the confession scene. The one that will go viral, the one that will be cited for years as 'the look', the one that would earn Min Yoongi a place in the heart of every young woman who watches it. Young men, too. Fuck it, anyone with a pair of working eyes.

He's got a look in them that makes you want to believe in love; but the fact you even have to think about it just proves that this could never be that.

"I'm using you," you tell him, knowing that honesty is all you can really give him. He deserves that much, at the very least. Deserves more, you think, so much more than you can ever be - but he doesn't want more. He just wants you.

He tries a little banter. "To win the competition? I know."

But you don't feel like bantering. You want him to know how much of a piece of shit you are. How much you only ever think of yourself. How selfish you can be.

There's a look on your face that is unfamiliar to him. A warning. I'm a hurricane; I will destroy you. It's one that he ignores.

"I know," he whispers back, seriously this time, his index finger tucking away strands of your hair that are hanging loose. Eyes focused on the movements of his fingers, he's too scared to look into yours. Shy, almost. Timid, and sweet, and everything that Jungkook's not. "And I'm letting you. I'm using you, too."

It's funny, because he really thinks he is. He thinks he's got control over the situation, that all this is happening because he chose for it to happen - as if you haven't been holding the cards this whole entire time. He's only winning because you're letting him win.

Part of you feels bad. You know that his feelings for you run deeper than your simple want to be wanted, and yet you don't try and rectify the situation. He's a grown man. He can make his own decisions. He can make his own mistakes.

The tentative tips of his fingers trail down your cheek, your neck. He pushes your hair over your shoulder, and presses a kiss against it.

His lips trail a little further up, ghosting your neck, occasionally pressing down. He's slow. Takes his time. Savours this; savours you.

You're surprised by the way it feels when Yoongi finally kisses you.

His lips are just as they should be, firm and soft, and when his tongue begins to trail across your bottom lip, you accept it into your mouth. There's silence in your sternum. You had expected that bell to chime like it so often did, but instead, there's just a small fizzle and pop, like a sparkler being dunked in a water cup. You can feel the fizzle, mind you, working its way down until you find yourself clenching.

This is good, you tell yourself. What you need.

Yoongi's tongue is slow as it licks into your mouth. He's working you out. Seeing how you taste, how it feels when your moans vibrate against him.

His hands tentatively begin to roam; hips pulsing beneath you. The weight of your body on top of his feels like a fucking crime. His fingers trail up your back. Tickle at your spine. Curve round your ribs and ghost the underside of your tits.

Your breath hitches, and all you can think about is him.

Your fingers clasp around Yoongi's, holding them in place, stopping them from moving further. He looks at you, head tilting when he realises yours is shaking. He's scared he's fucked it already.

"Just," you say quickly, noticing the panic in his eyes. "These," you gesture to your chest, not wanting to be specific but needing him to know. "Off limits. If that's okay?"

He nods. "Sure, of course. I'm sorry."

"No," you smile. "It's okay."

You could clarify. Could explain. Could make up some lie about how you don't like it, or how you're insecure, but Yoongi accepts your boundaries without question.

"Sure?" He asks, a little scared to venture further. He doesn't want to do the wrong thing. Doesn't want to make you uncomfortable, or make you feel like regretting your choices. He knows that he's probably only ever gonna get one shot at this, but he's gonna treat it like an audition for a permanent position. If he does well, maybe you'll want him again.

His hesitancy is sweet, you think. Endearing. Perhaps a little bit of a turn-off, but you don't seem to mind. You like that you can take of him just as much as he wants to take care of you.

The pace of his hips increases beneath you, your clothes aiding and abetting your crimes. It's not technically cheating if nothing happens. Or at least, that's what you tell yourself.

Sure, his cock is fucking solid beneath his sweats, trapped in the confines of his underwear, and - fuck it, fine - maybe you are so wet that you're leaving a small mark on his crotch from where it's seeped through - but it's nothing.

It's not like you're actually touching his dick. Your hands are exclusively in his hair, his pretty sprout long gone, the scrunchie now around your wrist.

And it's not like he's inside you, either - although he wishes he was. In fact, he's thinking about it when he begins whining into your mouth. Your hips are working against him, the friction getting you closer and closer an-

"God, you're gonna make- fuck, I'm gonna-" he rasps, but he doesn't slow his movements. His hands are on your waist, dictating the speed at which you're moving on top of him. He's using you just as much as you're using him.

"Cum?" You finish his sentence with a sinful smirk against him. Your tongue flicks against his, and he's whining again. You're so direct, so blasé, that he doesn't know how to control himself. "Don't pretend like it's the first time, Yoongi."

See, Yoongi doesn't fuck like Jungkook.

Yoongi fucks nice girls. Girls who fuck for love. Girls who rarely fuck. Girls who do as they should; sit pretty, let the man have his way with them, and ask for nothing in return. Girls who are prudish, and refuse to discuss sex unless they're about to have it.

More often than not, Yoongi goes for girls who love him.

And it's probably why he's so fixated on you; because he knows you never will.

You're unattainable. Good girl gone bad. Sultry and seductive in a way that he's never seen before.

He ruts up against you, chest heaving as his grip on your waist forces you to angle a little further away from him. He shakes his head ever so slightly, lips hanging ajar. "Not the first time. Course it fucking isn't. Look at you."

And now you're fucking whining. He likes the reciprocation. Makes him feel like you want this just as much as he does - and you do. There's nothing you want more at that moment than to have Yoongi twitching in his underwear, unloading himself all because of you. You want the control. The power. The satisfaction.

You want a man weak for you, to make up for how weak a man had made you feel. You want confirmation that Jungkook was nothing special. That you can have the same impact on any man.

And here Yoongi is, hard beneath the weight of your body, your pussy hot against his stiff crotch; body clammy as he pretends like the scrunchie around your wrist doesn't belong to a girl who bakes him homemade tangerine tarts, just because. He isn't thinking about her. He's utterly consumed by you. He'll feel bad about it after you leave, but for now, he's just thinking of ways he can make you stay.

"Slow," you tell him, placing your hand against his chest, just below his ribs. You both ignore your ring just like you both ignore the scrunchie. He's just as corrupt as you are. Maybe you're a good match. Maybe you can be each other's favourite mistakes.

You shuffle back a little; ass perched on his knees, eyes looking at his crotch as your palm follows your gaze. It's not hard to get a read on his size beneath his sweats. They're a pale grey, but there's a telling dark stain where you've been sitting.

"Shit," he hisses. "We can't- I can't. I want to - fucking hell, I really do - but I can't."

"I know," you nod. "That's not what I'm after."

The way you smile as you say it has Yoongi thinking he might just cum right there and then. You're fucking with his head - but what bothers him the most is how much he likes it.

"What are you after, then?" he asks as he feels your hand squeeze around his length. He groans, head tipping back against the top of his sofa. The way his hips pulse is involuntary, and it has sin lacing your smile.

"Just wanna adjust you slightly," you shrug. You want his cock laying flat against his body. It's kind of at an angle now, and while it feels great to grind down on, you know it will be even better if you can work up and down his shaft a little easier. Better for you both.

He bites down on his lip to hold back another moan and nods when you release the pressure of your palm.

"You wanna move it, or shall I?" you ask, not wanting to overstep a boundary.

"I'll do it," he says, hand dipping beneath his waistband without hesitation. It's not cheating if he does it, he rationalises. It is cheating if you do it. He's decided, that's his limit. As long as you don't actually touch his cock, then it's fine. He hasn't given the kissing much thought because he doesn't want to stop doing it.

He looks at you as he strokes his cock, just a couple of times. Just enough to make you wish it was your lips around it, not his hand. You can't see anything - it's still hidden by his sweats - but the adjustment just makes the outline so much clearer. So much bigger.

"This okay?" he asks, almost nervously. Eyes darting around your face to get a read.

You nod. "Perfect."

His hands find your waist again, and he pulls you further up his lap. He holds you in place as he slowly pushes up against you. Your hand snakes behind his neck, the other clasping one of his wrists. Your nails dig in; a moan stuttering from your pouty lips.

"That feel better?" he checks, but your reaction was all he needed to confirm it.

Still, you're notoriously the worst - and so you smirk. Lean forward. Subtly move your hips as you do so. Press a chaste kiss against his neck. Whisper, "I'm not sure. You'll have to try again."

He's even slower this time. Deeper. You shouldn't be doing this, Yoongi.

And yet he does it again. Groans. Curses. "You make me so hard."

You can't help but laugh. He's sweet. Nice to be with. "You're welcome."

It's the giggle that gets him.

Sweet? Nice? Yeah, fuck that.

His hips get erratic. The speed, the pace. Jesus H. Christ. It's a good job you aren't fucking because you think he'd actually break you. You know he'd kiss it better, so it's okay - but now you're thinking of his tongue and how badly you want his head between your legs.

"Wait for me," you whine into his lips, as your hand dips towards your clothed cunt. It's so warm and wet that it's a miracle Yoongi hasn't stripped you bare just to have the luxury of experiencing it.

You both know this is a one-and-done kind of thing. One time can be classed as a mistake. A lapse in judgement. Forgiveness will be far easier. Repeat offences? Well, they're a pattern. Guaranteed to reoccur. It'd be an affair, for lack of a better term.

Yoongi was raised better. You weren't, but that's neither here nor there.

With your dress hiked up around your hips, it's almost cruel how easily Yoongi could access your pussy if he really wanted to. Has been resisting the temptation. The lace of your underwear - black and barely there - leaves little to the imagination. He's salivating at the sheer thought of how you could taste. He can smell your arousal, and thinks you must be some kind of delicacy.

His brain is playing tricks on him. Making him feel like he hasn't eaten for weeks. What he wouldn't give to have you in his mouth right now.

It's out of bounds, though. He can't.

But he can match the rhythm of his hips to the pace you're rubbing languid circles against your clothed cunt, right above the hood of your clit.

And again, he wants it in his mouth.

He needs a distraction. Something. Anything. Feels your grip on the back of his neck and decides that's it.

"Throat," he husks. "Put your hand around my throat."

The sound Yoongi makes when you do as he's asked, nails digging into his skin ever so slightly, is unlike anything you've ever heard before. It's desperate, unrestrained. Pathetic. So fucking hot.

But you're both mewling now, bodies clammy beneath your clothes.

It hits you first; the wave of an orgasm crashing down over you, taking Yoongi with it. Your body shakes on top of his, teeth biting down into his shoulder as hands squeeze your ass so tightly you think it might bruise.

Good. Would be nice to have the mark of someone else on your skin for once.

He folds almost as fast as you do. He's quiet as he cums, not minding that your grip on his throat had dropped. There's no announcement, no prewarning, he just lets his body fall into the familiar notion of what it feels like to experience euphoria because of you. Breath hitched, cock spurting into his underwear, Yoongi's head lolls. His eyes are half-mooned, lips resting ajar, looking directly at you as he cums.

It's sordid. Dirty. Forbidden. Your favourite kind of sexual exploit - but Yoongi is a willing participant. Wanting.

His hair is a little ruffled from your hands, body limp and docile from his release. He makes no objection as your frill his hair with a smile. He does eye you a little curiously as you begin to tie his hair back up with that damn scrunchie again. He's glad it's off your wrist. Felt guilty looking at it.

You tilt your head, eyes expansive and inquisitive as a smile prevails. "Prettiest sprout in Daegu."

And he really is; honey skin all pink and clammy, eyes glossy, a smile forming on his pouty lips. But he's also not stupid. He knows you're just trying to pretend like what just happened never did.

It's the sensible thing to do - but fuck, he's been thinking about that (or at least some variation of it) for months. Years, even. Against his better judgement, he steals a chaste kiss from your lips. "Prettiest sprout maker in Daegu."

The bashful shake of your head, the way your cheeks apple, the sound of your fucking giggle, all confirm it for him.

"Shut up."

"Don't think I can," he grins, satisfied to have finally gotten you like this. And then he kisses you again, because he knows full well that very soon he won't be able to. "Why the fuck did we never do that before?"

You wrap your arms around his neck and simper into his kiss. It's nice to be wanted. Nice to have someone want you just for the sake of wanting you. Nice to use someone instead of being used. There's no ulterior motive with Yoongi; just bad timing. That's all.

"'Cause we'd have never got any work done at the garage if we knew how good it felt," you hum, voice light and airy. He's missed you in the months you've been away. "Would have spent all our time in the stock room."

"You did that anyways," he laughs, pressing kisses down your neck. "Fucking slacker."

His lips stop beneath your collarbones, just shy of your chest, mindful of the boundary you set earlier.

"You never complained," you remind him. "You loved it."

He shakes his head. Doesn't deny it. Just grins.

And that's when the guilt starts to creep in for you, too.

Yoongi's one of the good ones. Hair tied up all cute and silly just because you wanted to do it. There's safety to be found when you're sitting in his lap. He'd never fuck you over. Never.

But you've twisted his arm, and made him fuck over some other poor girl. You know it's gonna eat at him - because he's a good person. Far better than you are.

"Hey," you say quietly. "I should get going."

"It's late," he replies, his deep voice a similar dulcet volume to yours. He's mirroring you. It's cute. "You can take my bed. I'll sleep on the couch again. Like last time."

The way he tacks that last sentence on is so delicate. So pure. Proof that you can trust him. It's tried and tested. Customer approved. Trip Advisor recommended.

In your heart of hearts, you know you don't deserve another minute of his company. You look down. Choke on your words a little. Shake your head. "Wouldn't wanna put you out."

You've a home to get to.

"It's no bother," he smiles.

You know leaving will hurt him, but fear staying will do more damage.

And again, you've a home to get to.

"Stay," he says.

"I can't," you whisper. Nudge your nose against his. Let your lips linger a little too close. Don't press down until he does. And then you kiss him like you really mean it. You think you do. "I'm sorry."

The worst thing about Yoongi is the way he smiles. It's innocent, even if what you just did wasn't. Sincere. Compassionate. You know he's only thinking about you - but there are other people in this equation. You reach for the scrunchie. It pulls from his hair with ease - a testament to how he feels about his short-lived romance. It doesn't matter though, as you pick up his wrist and place the scrunchie around it.

He looks at it; at your nails and how they clasp his hand so delicately. He squeezes them. Nods. Purses his lips, takes in the shine of your ring, then looks at you. "I'm sorry, too."

You're not sure what for. For not acting sooner? For not asking you on a date all those months ago? For the fact he moved on when you moved away?

"It's cool," you say and try a sincere smile back. He sees right through it. "We're cool."

"We are?"

"We are."

Yoongi calls you a cab. You've had too much wine to risk getting pulled over. The scandal your father would face as the result of you getting a DUI isn't worth it at this point. You've a role to play. A home to get to before the sun rises.

And despite it all, he kisses you goodbye.

"Better not go rogue again," he tells you.

All you can do is smile. "No promises."

────────────

When your fiancé calls through to the master bathroom - letting you know he's off to work - you pretend you can't hear him. There's a shuffle by the door as he waits for a reply, but when he doesn't get one, he assumes you're beneath the water.

Easy enough mistake.

You've been too busy staring at your reflection for upwards of ten minutes, trying to assess who the fuck is staring back at you. The marble countertops are cold beneath your hands, the shower running freely, 'cause you're not the one footing the bill. Your fiancé is.

You don't feel bad about the fact you're quite literally pouring his cash down the drain. There's enough money to cover it - but of course there is. Despite his well-to-do salary man image, his main income comes under the table. It's illicit, but so is everything in the world you'd left behind all those years ago.

The man who put a ring on your finger is on your father's payroll. Has been since he turned eighteen. Is following in his own father's footsteps.

It's all very sweet, when you come to think about it - what kid doesn't look up to their father? You sure had.

You, the daughter of a political figurehead; he, the son of the Chief of Police.

It's what made you such a great couple from the get-go.

Was kind of like the fairytales your mother would read to you before bed. You wonder now if she was trying to ingrain the idea of such a suitor from your early childhood. Get her ideal man embedded in your brain before it even had a chance to fully develop.

Your fiancé is a little older than you are, so they had to buy time. Make sure no relationship between the pair of you could be scandalised.

Once you were of age, it seemed to be a match made in heaven. The stuff of Shakespeare plays.

It was only natural that you would end up together. Set in stone. You'd marry and become an unstoppable force for your parents. The city would remain theirs.

Thing is, you never wanted to be a character in a Shakespeare romance. You always thought it'd be fruitless. They all end up the victims of great tragedies, anyways.

What you had wanted was to be the muse of a sonnet. Have a man dote on you; write you poetry under the glare of sweltering summer heat. Someone who'd make metaphors out of the condensation on cans of chilsung, consumed together down by your favourite spot along the river. He'd mumble nonsense about the smell of your hair and how he'd long to touch you with his ink-stained fingertips.

As you grew, you began to favour motor oil over ink. Hardly a surprise that you'd been suckered by a motor-loving swine with ink etched into his knuckles. You tend not to think about how gentle those hands of his could be. He'd been everything you had ever wanted wrapped into one. Tied with a pretty red bow.

Now, you think you'll be lucky if you make it to the footnotes of a political history book.

You shower. Take a little longer than normal to rinse the grimey feeling of betrayal from your skin. It'll never leave. Not really. Lodged beneath too many layers of skin.

It's not like you had gone to Yoongi's with the intention of letting things get that far. A little flirt, sure, something harmless - but it was just so lovely to have choices. So nice to be able to choose someone who is also choosing you, even if just for a moment. A lapse in time; in judgement.

Your fiancé never chose you. He chose the path of least resistance from his parents, and you just so happened to be crossing the same road as him.

He's tall. The full cliche - dark, handsome. Had been your first 'love' before you knew what love actually was. First everything. First boy to cheat on you, too, but you mother just told you all men were cheaters. Nothing to get your knickers in a twist about. Your father was leading by example.

So even though you're in his apartment, wearing clothes washed in his detergent, helping yourself to snacks he bought, you know not to be too comfortable. Not to convince yourself he actually wants this relationship for anything other than his own political gain.

He's banking on a promotion. Not within his career, but within your father's corruption. You're an asset.

And him? Well, to state it plainly, he's an ass.

He's also definitely fucking his secretary, but it's not like he's getting lucky with you so you don't care all that much. She was in the picture before you. Or at least, while you were away. It's been a few years since you were last here. Enough time for something to blossom. Poor thing probably actually loves him. You doubt it's reciprocated.

The ring on your finger is nothing more than a political move; a safety net for the man who had held had refused to pawn it after you left the first time. You'd been a diamond girl, back then. Had been a different person entirely.

You're sat on his sofa, twiddling at your ring, garbage reality shows play on his obnoxiously large television screen, when he pops home towards the end of his lunch break.

He seems agitated. Doesn't really greet you. Is looking for a casefile he'd left at home this morning.

"Think they're by the bed," you hum, vaguely aware of flicking through them this morning after he'd left.

Petty convenience store robbery, nothing really to write home about. You scoff at the cases he's been assigned, as if he were still a rookie. He's been on the force for years. He should be investigating major crimes. Murders. Narcotics. Corruption.

Then again, he'd end up investigating all of his friends if he did those cases. Must be better for him to stay away.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he dismisses as he rushes on through.

There's a slight waft of perfume as he passes you. It becomes clear why he decided to cram the document retrieval into the last ten minutes of his lunch break. You find yourself wondering if you had smelt like Yoongi when you'd arrived home the night before.

"You picking up the car this afternoon?"

Shit. The car.

"Yeah." Your capability of making lies sound like bible truth is commendable. A skill. Talent. "Was just about to go."

"Okay, good. You gonna be near Kang's? I need some more oil."

You're silent for a moment. Think of which lovely little lie to tell. Settle on, "Jieun lives not too far from it. I can pop by."

He hums something in response. You think it might be a thank you but he doesn't care to articulate it properly. It's not till he walks back to the living area that you realise he's still talking. "-actually be good for you to get out of the house. You can't mope around here all day."

You scowl. Look at him with genuine disdain. "Sorry?"

"I'm just saying," he shrugs, a look on his face as if he genuinely thinks he's not being a dick. "You can't be out all hours at night - and before you say it, I don't care if it's just at Jieun's, I have a work schedule I have to sleep for - and then spend all day doing nothing."

This time, you stay silent.

You don't think he's wrong, but he's also the one who had given you terms and conditions when he put that ring back on your finger. No GS25 was one of them. No university either, which is what you'd really wanted to do; actually educate yourself on business affairs, so that it wasn't all bullshit when you were dealing with the hooligans from Kang's.

But no. To be welcomed back into the fold was to be restricted; prevented from doing things that would garner you any further independence.

"While I'm at Kang's, I'll see if they've got any jobs going," you say. The garage in front of the boxing club would actually be the perfect place for you to work while you figured out your next move. You also know there's no way in hell it would ever be given the green light.

"Working for your father's political rival?" he scoffs, not taking you seriously for a second.

"Says the man who wants me to buy oil from there," you scoff right back. "But fine, I can go back to GS2-"

"No. Your father said-"

"You think I give a rat's arse what my father said?"

"Your father said to keep a low profile until he can justify another job opening in the mayoral office."

"Joy. Can't wait," you say as he walks to the door. He's out of it without even so much as a goodbye when you mumble, "You might be his bitch, Hoseok, but I'm not."

Realistically, the conversation had been done as soon as you mentioned getting a job.

It's on the list of 'No Can Do' activities, set in place by your father to keep his political appearance clean. No job, no school, no clubs, nothing worthy of a scandal. Nothing that could be used against him. He might have won the last election, but Kang came pretty fucking close to stealing it from him. He needs to gain back the favour of his people.

It takes well over an hour to get to Kang's by foot from the city center apartment you're in, so you head to the nearest bus station. Figure you'll just hop on the 503. Will try not to think about Jungkook when you do so.

You're dressed down, a slouchy jumper over a pair of jeans fading you into obscurity. Nothing special. You know you should really make more of an effort to keep up appearances, but you're tired. Exhausted. Not physically, but mentally.

Your old life is draining you.

There had been method to your madness: you'd returned 'home' for a reason.

Part of you wishes you hadn't. Wishes you'd have gone straight to Kangs.

But you needed an 'in', and to be honest, you needed protection. You play a mean game of poker, and your bluff has been perfected, but behind the poker face, you're scared. Of your reality. Of your father. Of the men who dwell in Kang's boxing club.

And so you'd needed to get your ducks in a row before you stepped foot into Kang's. Couple of months was all it had taken for your family to be convinced that your reckless youth had been outgrown; for a ring to be back on your finger.

You find yourself thinking about Jungkook; what it could have been like if you'd have met him before... well, before everything.

You think about your life as a teenager - privileged, affluent. Think about his hardships, and how you could have tried to help. Your father never would have listened to you, but you could have a least appealed to his sense of humanity. Could have tried to stop the funding cuts. Probably could have extorted your father; used his mistakes against him.

Instead, you'd distanced yourself. Changed your legal name as soon as you could because you knew that, eventually, you'd want to run. Would want to remove yourself from any position of influence.

It's why you never could have helped Jungkook. You had been running from the very thing he needed: power, influence, money. At the time, they'd been meaningless to you. Not meant for you, you thought - though you're doing rather well cosplaying as Daddy's little princess again.

As you make your way across town, you notice how bad the air quality is once more - heavy in your lungs, drying your eyes out.

You make your way to Yoongi's, and for a moment, it feels like nothing has changed. Like you're just going to hang out on a day off. You'll gossip about the boss, maybe make theories on why Jieun had called in sick the week before.

But when Yoongi opens his apartment door, he wants to look like he's ambivalent about your arrival. Indifferent. Unphased. Can't help but smile, though.

"Twice in twelve hours?" he says. "Really making up for lost time, aren't you?"

You roll your eyes, because there's an innuendo lacing his words and you're not sure what to make of it. Both of you are sober, now, not a drop of wine left in your systems and yet... you kind of feel like you are a little tipsy.

Your skin is clammy, heart beating a little faster than it should be. Just the air quality, you tell yourself. Harder to breathe. Yeah, just the air. Just the pollution, baby.

Funny, how it's Jungkook's voice in your head again.

But Yoongi's heart is doing the just same. Can't blame it on the air.

He knows last night was wrong, but the adrenaline rush that had come with giving himself up for you made him feel like he'd digested enough uppers to kill a man. Swallowed them whole. Chased a high he'd never reached before. Nirvana. Purgatory disguised as paradise.

"Look, Yoongi I-" You begin, but he interrupts you. Knows the tone of voice you're using. Doesn't want to hear it.

"Don't," he says, opening his door a little wider to invite you in.

You hesitate, but when he knocks his head back, eyes half-mooned as they drink you in, you can't refuse. He nods to the sofa, where you take a seat, shoes off, feet up, legs crossed.

He stands by the wall opposite you, keeping a little distance. Looks down - but then right back up and into your eyes as he says, "You've only just got here. Don't treat me like I was a mistake already."

There's silence as you look at one another. Your lips rest ajar, a million thoughts fighting it out to be spoken first.

"You weren't."

You're not sure you believe it, but you want him to. Don't want him feeling like you regret him.

"No?" He says, dark but deliriously honest; not only how they drink you in, but how they also pour out for you. The windows to his soul are open, curtains wafting in the breeze. He's inviting you in. Offering you a home. "Why does it feel like you were about to say that it was?"

Because you were.

Not because you thought it was a mistake for you; but because it was a mistake for him. The scrunchie has been hidden away, and his take-out for two containers have been left out for the recycling collection. He's testing out what it could be like, you think. What it could be like to have you in his space.

"I can't give you what you need," you say quietly, avoiding eye contact. You'd expected a little more small talk before jumping to the hard hitters, but Yoongi's been striking out for years. He's making the most of your defence being down.

"Can't, or won't?"

"Both," you feign a half smile. "Even if I wanted to, Yoongi, I don't think I could. I'm not made for you people like you."

"And what am I like?"

"Good," you speak so softly he can't help but smile. "Deserving of more."

He just shrugs. Doesn't hide his hurt. "What if I don't want more?"

"Yoongi-"

And then his hurt takes precedence; obscures any whispers in his mind that tell him not to do... well, do whatever the fuck this is. He's waited years for a green light from you. Instead, you'd raced through amber the night before. Looks red now. He just wants fucking green.

"I don't want more."

"Yoongi."

He looks down. Shakes his head.

When his gaze meets yours again, the windows are shut - but the curtains are still drawn open wide. It's dark inside. Lights are off, but there's somebody home. They're waiting for you to come home, too.

He walks a little closer to the sofa. "Tell me you didn't want me last night."

You're so good at lying. Have mastered it. And yet-

"That's not fair."

Why aren't you lying to him? You can be cold. You can be callous. You're perfectly capable of treating the ones you love like they mean nothing more than the shit beneath your shoes, and yet it's hard to do it with Yoongi. Hard to tell him anything he doesn't want to hear. He deserves the earth, you think, and yet all you're giving him is dirt that will get trapped beneath his nails.

"Tell me you didn't," he repeats, standing a little taller now. His shoulders are broad. Powerful. You'd be safe with Yoongi. Would want for nothing. "Tell me you didn't want me last night."

You look down. Shake your head.

Shame is a funny feeling. Fools you into thinking you should be honest.

"I can't."

Yoongi doesn't smile. Just nods. "Because you want me, too."

"Not for the right reasons, Yoongi," you stress, hoping he'll see sense.

"Who gives a fuck about the right reasons?"

"You will."

"I won't."

"When you ruin what's good for you because of something I can't give you, then you'll give a fuck," you tell him. The hairband might be hidden but there's half a tangerine tart left in his fridge and a concert ticket she bought for him taped on the door of it. His life is good. He doesn't need you storming through it like a summer typhoon. "I am nothing. I can give you nothing."

And then Yoongi does something all rather unexpected.

He smirks.

Toys at the corner of his lips with his tongue. Crosses his arms and raises his brow. "You gave me yourself last night."

"I gave you my body," you correct him, getting to your feet. Nothing good will happen from this conversation. You just need to get your keys and go. There's an urgency to your movements, heading towards the kitchen section of his open planing living space. Your keys will be on the hook where he keeps his own, you're sure. "Look, I've got-"

Your movements are halted as Yoongi reaches for your hand. Pulls you round. Walks you back until your ass is against the kitchen cupboards. You're looking up at him. The closeness of your bodies is intentional. Orchestrated by him; allowed by you. His voice is low as he says, "That's not nothing."

"But it's not enough," you stress, and you absolutely mean it. "I'm engaged to be married, Yoongi."

"And I'm already going to hell," he whispers, resting his forehead against yours. You don't stop him. "So I may as well have fun with it."

This is a side to him that you've never seen before. One that screams danger. Either he's learnt what you like in a man, or maybe he's just been hiding this part of him. He's tried being perfect, has seen it doesn't work. Maybe this is the real Min Yoongi.

"Yoongi," you say with little thought as his nose nudges against yours.

"Mhmm?" he hums back. His lips ghost yours. Your heart is beating out of your chest. One of his hands is flat against the kitchen counter as the other brushes up the curve of your waist.

You shake your head. The movement only causes the friction of your lips to tenfold. "If this happens, it doesn't mean anything."

He smiles against you. Shakes his head. Presses his lips against yours. One, two, remember to breathe. Pulls away. "It means everything."

You've always been a sucker for men who speak in definitive terms.

But you know how dangerous they can be, now. Know not to trust their words.

"We're not on the same page," you say. At least this way, you can't be accused of leading him on.

"We're not even reading the same damn book," Yoongi smiles against you. Kisses you again. Pulls away before you're ready for him to do so. "But does it really matter if they both have the same ending?"

And then you kiss him. It's soft. Tender. So sweet and gentle compared to the hardness of your heart. "It's not a happy ending."

"So close it, then," Yoongi says, pulling away from you a little. He's giving you the chance to leave. To get out. Escape. "Close your book. Stop this from happening."

But then you're kissing him again, and his tongue is in your mouth and - fuck - it's so nice to feel someone touch you with such intent. You know this is more than something casual, know that you've cared for Yoongi for too long for it not to have stemmed from nothing, but there's no permanence. It's terrifying and soothing all within the same swipe of his tongue against yours.

"One last chance," he says, lips so close to yours that he may as well be sending you telepathic messages. "Close your book if you want to."

It's shameful, the way you shake your head. Keep your eyes closed. Swallow. "But I wanna know what happens next."

Must sound like music to Yoongi's ears. He kisses you so deeply you think you may suffocate.

"What happens next is up to you," he moans into your lips, his nimble fingers pushing the button of your jeans through its fastening. "But it starts with this."

The sound of your breath is heavy. It soundtracks the murmur of your jeans zip being pushed down. Doesn't hide the way he curses against your lips.

"Yoongi," you whisper, eyes closing to stop yourself from catching his gaze.

His lips press against your throat, his dexterous fingers toying with the lace of your underwear. He knows he shouldn't. Knows that there's no taking this back. Knows he's fucking everything up - but he's played it safe for so fucking long and where has that ever gotten him before?

"Yoongi, I-" you try again, but his tongue strokes against your neck, teeth grazing it ever so scarcely. His fingers sink into your jeans. Press on your clit above your underwear. It has you gasping for air. He eases his pressure, then reapplies. Repeats. Your hips move languidly against his movements. You want this. Want him.

Want to feel like you're actually loved.

"Say the word, and I'll stop," he promises.

But you just shake your head.

"No?"

"No."

"Don't stop?"

He presses his fingers against you. Circles. Once, twice. God, it feels so fucking good to have him touch you like this. Has you mewling. "Don't stop."

"I won't. I'll make you feel so good," he husks against your neck. "You know I can do it. Know I can make you feel better than anyone else ever has."

The promise is pointed; directed at Jungkook. You hate that you're thinking about him. Hate that as you tug on Yoongi's hair, his fingers still pressing against your clothed cunt, it's Jungkook's face in your mind. His smirk, how he loved watching you come undone, how he comes undone.

And so you open them. Focus on Yoongi. Tell him how good he's already making you feel. Tell him how you've thought about this before.

It's not a lie. Admittedly, it was before Jungkook had ever come onto the scene, when you and Yoongi were still dancing that awkward line of flirting or friends. You'd settled on different sides, but, for a while, you contemplated what could happen if you chose the same side as him. Spent a couple of late nights imagining how he'd feel.

He's more delicate than you ever expected. Gentler. Softer.

"Is that what you want?" You moan as his lips yours, nails scratching up his throat, remembering how much he'd liked it the night before. He whines a little into the kiss. "Wanna make me feel good?"

He nods. "Wanna be the reason you cum."

His hands sink further into your jeans. Slip beneath your underwear. You're like fucking silk on his fingertips. Incredibly sodden silk, but silk nonetheless. Exquisite.

Yoongi presses his body into yours, and you can feel his bulge against your tummy. No matter how badly you appear to want him, he wants you more. Always has done.

What a devastating achievement this is. Yoongi finally has the girl he's wanted in the palm of his hand, lungs stuttering her chest - but it's tarnished.

All he ever wanted was to love you. Not to fuck you. Sure, it'd be an inevitable side-effect, not one he'd ever complain about, but this just... wasn't how he'd envisioned it.

He's not sure that he could classify what he feels now as love. It's something quite similar, yes, but it's tainted. The waters he's treading are murky, as if something could pull him under at any time. A little bit of seaweed, maybe, wrapping up around his ankle, seeping up his legs like the ribbons of ballet shoes, pulling him down to dance on the ocean floor.

He'd let it, he thinks, if it meant he got to dance with you.

It's when your hands creep to the top of his trousers that he knows he's won. Knows that you do want this, too. Want him.

The second your hand wraps around his length, warm and stiff in your palm, he's ready.

You'd come undone with one another the night before. Used each other. It was self-serving. Self-gratifying. But now?

He's going to be the reason you come undone. His movements. His hands. Him. All him.

The way he guides you through his apartment is sweet. Careful, and gentle; his back is to the walls just in case he knocks into them. Keeps you protected.

And that's exactly what Yoongi is; a safety net.

But as he gets you on his bed - gets you undressed, gets his lips in places he only could have dreamt of, his tongue on your skin, teeth nipping - it's easy to forget that the safety net is still suspended a few meters above ground. You're not entirely secure.

The way Yoongi cradles your jaw makes you think you are, though. He always asks permission. Never takes a chance. Is vocal not for the sake of it, but to make sure that you always have an out. He wants this, wants you, but only because he's convinced you want him too.

Let me eat your pussy, baby. Is that okay? Will you turn over for me? That's it. God, yeah like that. You're so fucking good at that. Wait, wait- no. I'll cum. Don't wanna cum yet. Sit on my face. Shut up, no, I don't care. Maybe I want you to suffocate me. God. Taste so fucking good. That's it. Grind. On my face, baby. All over it. Look at how hard you made me.

And how can you refuse his requests?

Yoongi doesn't hide what he likes. Likes you. Likes you on top. Your hand around his throat. The way your nails feel against his skin. Would really like for you to leave a mark but he always grabs onto your hand whenever he thinks that you might. It's a reminder: his body isn't yours.

His heart might be, but who cares about that?

You don't, clearly, and so nor does he. He'll take what you give him.

And what a gift it is; clammy bodies, dulcet moans, whines of his name.

Yoongi's thought about this so many times, but he's never realised how good it would feel; what it would be like to hear you giggle while he's pushing himself inside you. Had never realised that you'd kiss his temples when he bottoms out, or that you'd whisper his name like a fucking bible verse. Never considered that you'd be so tight around him that he'd spend a fair while warming his cock inside of you, kissing you slowly as you adjust to his size. Never thought you'd taste so sweet, sound so serene.

Never thought he'd get this.

But he did.

And so now he gets it. Gets why that blonde-haired prick couldn't stay away. Gets why he wanted Yoongi to know how well he'd been fucking you - because now it's the only thing Yoongi wants to do, too.

Wants you. Wants you. Wants you.

Wants you in his bed, on his floor, in his shower. Wants you in the GS25 stock room, wants you out back in one of the cars he's working on. Wants you in every way he can get you.

Wishes he hadn't taken so long to act on it.

Because he knows that he can never really have you, now.

It's why he's letting himself indulge on this occasion. He knows what he's doing is wrong, but as far as he can see it, it's a once in a lifetime. He'll never get the chance again.

Never get you sat on his cock like you are now, never get to watch the light that peaks through his half-closed blinds illuminating your features, never get your cheeks all rosy and dimpled like this ever again. Never gonna hold your bare hips as you grind against him, never gonna pull on your wrist to bring your chest flat to his, never gonna kiss you through another orgasm.

But for now, he does. Bucks his hips, whines your name, tells you he's there, tells you - oh god, like that, baby - he's gonna cum. Fuck.

And so you meet him there. Rub delicate circles on your swollen cunt, bringing yourself to release just when he does. The thin layer of latex between you protects you from becoming his, but it all feels the same. The way your heart beats. The way he kisses you. It all feels the fucking same.

His arms wrap around your back. Hold you tightly. A kiss is pressed into your shoulder; up your neck.

The guilt that you expect to arrive never comes.

It will do, eventually - but much later on. His will come in the depths of the night, when he's sleeping beside his girlfriend, too much of a coward to tell her that he's betrayed her.

You think yours will come in the cold light of day a few months from now, when you finally let your brain process everything you've been through.

He tells you he's sorry, cock still buried inside of you, and you shake your head. Tell him you're sorry, too.

"What if I don't forgive you?" He teases, trying to lighten the mood - but you almost think he means it.

"Good," you smile. "It would be good if you don't."

You trace the vein that runs down his arm, and forge some faux sense of intimacy. You're playing house, but you can't play forever. Always have to go back to reality at some point.

This point comes half an hour later; Yoongi shirtless in a pair of sweats, leaning against his door frame toying with loose strands of your hair. He wants to kiss you. "Do you regret it?"

You want to kiss him, too. "Do you?"

The way you ask is so light and airy that Yoongi still feels like he's floating. The only thing he wants to weigh him down is your body on his.

"No."

Your want is growing too large, so you look down to avoid his gaze. Yoongi notices a lash on your cheek. A wish. He should reach for it. Collect it on his thumb, tell you to blow it away.

But he already knows what you'll wish for. Who.

And so he doesn't give you the chance. Hopes the wind will steal it from you.

"Don't be a stranger," he tells you as you go. His lips are plump, annoyed with his brain at the lack of kisses stolen from you before you left.

You lie. Tell him that you won't be. Say you'll see him soon.

Both of you know that you won't.

And it's only confirmed when you get into your car - breath heavy, eyes warm, tears verging - and you spot fucking Jieun walking up the road towards Yoongi's apartment. She's carrying a punnet of tangerines. Wears her hair tied into a half ponytail like you used to do.

This. Now. Yeah, this is when the guilt comes.

It makes so much fucking sense. Of course they'd have ended up together without you in the way to fuck everything up like you're so bloody good at. You wait until she's inside his apartment complex to start the car up, and fucking pray that Yoongi's gone to freshen up, that he's hidden the condom in the trash, that his lips won't taste like you.

Oh god, it's all so fucked.

"What have I done?" You berate yourself, head resting on the top of your steering wheel.

Whatever has happened has happened. You can't take it back. Nor can Yoongi. Just a fact of life now: Min Yoongi has fucked you. And you've fucked his life up.

You dart through town, giving little to no shit about the speed limits nor the unwritten rules of the roads, and find yourself cleaning tears off your cheeks with the back of your hand. You're not crying, not really. Not intentionally. It's just kind of happening.

That's your excuse for everything these days. It just happened.

The radio is off, and the roads are smooth beneath your tyres, but everything just feels so fucking loud. The engine barely makes a rumble but it feels like it's roaring at you. Screaming.

And then you are, too.

Screaming at the world; why it had to be this way. Why you're incapable of making good decisions. Why you couldn't have just stayed in Busan with the boy who'd stained you red with the colour of his love that ended up being nothing more than a little lie.

By the time you get to Kang's, you really are sobbing. It's in the way your shoulders shake; chest tightens. That's the issue with going back to your family. You're a frightened little girl all over again. Out of your depth. No fucking clue what you're doing. Just trying to feel something. Anything. Anyone.

For a moment, it had worked. And now everything is broken again.

You twist the keys in the ignition; let the engine cool before you pull yourself together. Pull down the sun visor, check yourself in the mirror. Check for signs of weakness. Grab a little lipstick from the centre console. Your eyes aren't all that bad. There's a little blush on your face, but there's plausible deniability. If anyone questions if you've been crying, you can blame it on windburn. Or tell them to fuck off and mind their own business. One of the two.

A deep breath settles in your sternum. You're not who you were a minute ago. You can do this.

Shoulders rolled back, you hold your head high as you enter the boxing club. The TV is playing in the background, Seokjin and Namjoon sat up by the sofas. They're surprised to see you, but it's not entirely out of the blue. They knew you'd be back.

Jimin clocks you as he's grabbing a water, and nods. You don't nod back.

And despite the fact you refuse to look at him as you enter the boxing club, Jungkook knows.

He's not entirely sure of what he knows, he's just aware of the fact you aren't quite yourself. There's an elegance to how you carry yourself and now is just the same, but... there's something. He can't pinpoint it. Can't figure it out.

But of course he can't.

It's a matter of the heart, not the mind.

In the same vein, it's not a matter at all. He doesn't care about you. Not like that. Doesn't give a shit if you're hurting, or if you're upset, or if someone has been unkind but-

Oh, fuck it.

He does care. He does, he does, he does. He cares so much. So, so much. So much that it feels like his heart has been ripped from his chest just looking at you. There's blood pooling all around him. Kids fucking dance in it like puddles. You watch from afar with a smile and a shrug, holding his still beating heart in your hands. You did this, love.

Jungkook closes his eyes. Shakes the image from his head. Tells himself to stay off the hallucinogenics for awhile.

His eyes find you again as you walk towards Seokjin. Jungkook is down by the bags, unwrapping his hands after a heavy session. There's sweat gleaming on his skin, staining pretty patterns down the back of his shirt. He's pleased you'd arrived now. Knows he looks like shit, but also knows how much you liked fucking him after a workout. Would tell him not to shower. Was the pheromones. Some shit like that. Drove you fucking wild.

The pleasure he takes in your timing is forgotten about when he realises just hollow your eyes are. Finds himself actually wanting a shower - admittedly, with you. It was always where you'd find the most comfort together, and that's what he wants. Just wants to fix whatever's gone wrong for you today.

Instead, he just walks toward the sofas. Doesn't like not being a part of the discussion. There are a few nods. Slight deliberation - and then Seokjin calls the Jungkook and Jimin in to the sofas regardless.

"Taking a vote," he says. It's already been discussed in private between the boys, but no formal plans have been put in place.

You choose to stand. Jungkook sinks into the leather of the sofa in front of you. Avoids eye contact. You pretend to look at the men around you, but you don't really take any of them in. You're unfocused. Disillusioned; disassociating. Daydreaming of the beach, where the water is clear and the sand is warm.

And then, you do let your eyes fall on his. They're so wide and worried. Jungkook is certain he's never seen you like this. Something isn't aligning. Hasn't been since you left, but he thought things would fall back into place when you returned.

You okay? he says silently.

You look him up. Look him down. Part your lips - only to close them again once Seokjin starts talking.

"All those in favour of working together?"

One by one they raise their hands. Seokjin first, then Jimin. Namjoon looks around. Shuffles uncomfortably. Doesn't look at you as he raises his hand.

"Kook?" Seokjin asks.

"It's a bad fuckin' idea," he says, eyes never once dropping from yours. He's not telling the boys. He's telling you.

"Your forte," you say sweetly, but there's no smile on your lips.

And he just nods.

"Yeah. It is."

He raises his hand.

Full house.

"Alright, then," Seokjin beams. "Let's get to work."

#jungkook fanfiction #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook masterlist #jungkook fic #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jeon jungkook smut #bts fanfic #throttle #jungkook fluff #angst #smut #jungkook

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thatsthewrongwallcraig · 1 year ago

Text

Carousel

Summary: Is something that feels so good really something so morally wrong?

Pairing: virgin!Gabriel x nurse!fem!Reader

Word Count: -3.3k (Whoopsie)

Content Warnings: Psych Ward Smut 18+!, Smoking, Mentions Of Past Self-Harm, Kinda Hurt/Comfort, Gabe Getting Babyed Again, Implied Female Masturbation, Gabe’s Oral Fixation, Gabriel Being A Little Menace, Praise Kink, Reader Talking Gabe Through It, Fingering, Nursing, A Handjob (A Proper One This Time)

A/N: The brain rot was, in fact, brain rotting very heavily in this one.

Sequel to Crybaby!

Tagging the horny horde:

@crypticsewerslut @quicksilversg1rl @cc-luvr @icarus-star @milaeth @roryculkinsgf @spookyorchid @arch1viste @whoareyoi @angelsanarchy @blueberrypancakesworld @rocketqueen-world @r0ttenmess @doddernix @svgarcaine @amayalul @basementgrl222 @kristennero-wallacewellsver @iiheartsai @fan-goddess @shady-the-simp

Round and round like a horse on a carousel, we go

Will I catch up to love? I can never tell, I know

Chasing after you is like a fairytale, but I

Feel like I'm glued on tight to this carousel

- Carousel By Melanie Martinez

Saturday, the clock gradually ticked towards 9:30 P.M.

Guilt and shame settled heavily in your chest as your eyes stared at the well-familiar med distribution files whilst your mind zoned out completely. For tonight there was only one name to fill in to complete the data. Gabriel. Your watery stare was trained on the black ink on white paper as your mind wandered back to you arriving back at home in the early morning hours, tired, exhausted yet horny to the point it rendered you senseless. Thinking about Gabe, him sitting in your lap the way he had whilst being touched by you had you falling apart in less than 5 minutes. Kinda pathetic and wretched, really. Right after the last contractions of your much-needed orgasm had ebbed away, reason and judgment started to creep their way back into your brain. What had happened was very much objectively wrong, that much you knew for sure and a part of you most certainly felt absolutely shitty about it. However, all the other sly, little voices in your mind whispered to you that it was okay because nobody would find out and that you should allow yourself to have that, allow yourself and Gabriel to have that little thing between the two of you.

Was it really something that terribly wrong when it felt so good? You sighed deeply, your fingers absentmindedly scratching over your forehead before you decided that it was time to get a cup of coffee or treat yourself to one of the plenty of Red Bulls you had stocked in the staff fridge.

“Hey!” You practically shot out of your chair, the pen between your fingers dropping down onto the desk with a dull thud.

“Jesus fuck, Gabe!”, You huffed, chest heaving heavily, “Scared the shit out of me, damn.”

“Oh..oh, sorry, no, no I didn’t mean to, I…” He stammered, looking at you with wide, apologetic eyes that had you nearly drowning in them already.

“I know, I know…. I was a bit lost in thoughts, that’s all. What can I do for you?” Catching your breath a little more with every sharp inhale, you calmed yourself down from the sudden scare.

“Can I go into the yard to have a cigarette…please?” He asked, fingers fumbling with the seams of his sleeves.

“Gabe..”, Your shoulders dropped down a little as you nudged your head toward the clock, “It’s already one and half hours past going-out-time, you know that. Please use the smoker's room on the ward, yeah?”

“But it’s disgusting in there.”, He groaned, lips pouting at you whilst he gently chewed at the inside of his cheek, “It stinks. I don’t wanna go in there.”

“Well, smoking doesn’t exactly come with hints of vanilla and candy cotton now, no?”. You tried to put some reason into this conversation to not just give in to his plea right away.

“Hmmhmm..”, Gabe tapped his foot against the linoleum floor, a little impatient, “Pretty please?”

You felt a long groan ready to emerge from your lungs but you kept it choked back. It would only irritate Gabriel further and you simply couldn’t just explain to him that you’d do nearly everything for him if he asked while his big, blue eyes twinkled and beamed at you like this.

“But I’m coming with you, angel face. I’m gonna get myself a hot cup of coffee real quick and you better not pull any sketchy shit on me, Gabe, got that?” He nodded vigorously and let you pass him on your way out of the small bureau.

Cupping a thermos bottle of freshly brewed coffee in your hands, you enjoyed the cold night air filling your lungs. It was crisp and clean…at least up until Gabe right next to you ignited his cigarette and a low breeze swept the smell of burning tobacco towards you.

“Better?” You threw him a benevolent glance from the side.

“Uh-huh..” Gabriel nodded as he answered quietly, taking another slightly shaky drag from the cigarette.

“How’re the meds?”, You followed right up as you noticed the light tremble in his hands, “I read that you took ‘em.”

“Still all in and they make me feel tired, that’s why I wanted to come out here for a cigarette.” He answered, blowing the smoke into the night, tapping from one foot to the other, appearing somewhat uptight.

“I’m proud of you, Gabe.”, You encouraged him, really meaning it, “Like I said, give it two weeks and you’ll feel better.”

The beverage was almost too hot in your mouth as you took a long swig, the warmth flooding down into your stomach where it tried to soothe the still ongoing battle over moral high ground. It was enough for Gabriel to simply stand next to you like that for you to want to touch him again, to play with his hair while you’d tell him to sneak his fingers under your scrubs to explore your body the way he craved to. You taunted yourself for pushing it as far as telling him that there’d be a next time for you really shouldn’t have let yourself get carried away like that. Nevertheless, the sensation of his soft, plush lips against yours was haunting your thoughts.

“Well, I hope I do because I don’t like how I feel right now, not one bit.” He very much rushed through his cigarette, discarding the smoked-up bum in a bin on his way back to the elevator inside.

You followed right behind him, your brows furrowing a bit as you found yourself somewhat puzzled by his twitchy behavior. Meds this, side-effects that but you were sure that there must be more to it.

“Are you alright, Gabe? You seem a bit off…” You asked gently with a warm smile on your lips as you stepped into the elevator and pressed for level 4.

“I dunno…”, He replied, raising his hand to nip at his cuticles, “ ‘M nervous.”

“Nervous?” You repeated, taking another sip from your coffee.

"Uh-huh. Feel nervous around you.” Gabriel mumbled reluctantly, a soft tint of red creeping into his face.

“Why’d you feel nervous around me, angel face, hm?” You knew perfectly well why yet you couldn’t help yourself but to jump right into it, pushing him a little with your words.

Gabe took his time to answer, mentally stumbling and tripping over his own words while the elevator pulled up to the 4th floor.

“I-I have been thinking about something.”, He stuttered coyly upon leaving the elevator, and entering Ward 4 before you locked the entrance doors behind you again, “I..I…hmhmmm..I’d like to return the favor, you know?”

Oh, you knew just fine and the mere thought of it alone made you halt in your steps, a hot jolt of unbridled arousal shooting right amidst your legs.

“Okay.” You placed the thermos bottle on the desk in your office and threw your jacket onto the chair.

“Okay? What do you mean by okay?” Gabriel stammered a little insecure, his gaze following your every movement closely.

“I mean exactly that, Gabe.” You turned to smile at him, your own heart hammering in your chest, sense and reason not so slowly succumbing to the pressing need to feel him against you in whatever way.

“You…I, I mean…uh?..” It trickled out of his mouth a little dumbfounded.

“Yeah, but for that, we don’t wanna be in my office now, do we?” Gabe blushed even harder at your words, shaking his head excitedly.

“No, no of course not…” With a growing smile around his lips, Gabriel got daring and reached out for his slender fingers to grab you by the wrist, leading you with him down the corridor.

You didn’t resist any of it, instead, you followed his needy pulling and grabbing until both of you hushed into his little dorm room, the door falling shut with a fast swing.

“Thought about it all day long…”, Gabe groaned against your cheek after he had turned around for his hands to grab at your hips immediately, “Did you think about me too?”

He was on you faster than your brain could comprehend, his lips lapping at yours desperately as he practically shoved himself between your legs with your back pressed against the wall.

There it was, that oddly confident, focused burst of determination towards what he wanted. That spark of stubbornness fueled by a deep-rooted need for attention no one ever really had granted to him. Not his consecutively occupied mother, not his thoroughly annoyed brother, nobody but you.

"Yeah, I thought about you too, angel face.", Every last bit of pretentious self-control crumbled into nothingness as you reciprocated the kiss over and over again, the faint taste of cold cigarette smoke seeping into your mouth, "Couldn’t keep myself from doing so."

You led your hands to latch onto his sides, pulling him in closer between your legs, the need to feel him there growing with every shallow breath.

His already throbbing hard-on pushed against the fuzzy fabric of his black sweatpants right through the not-exactly-thick material of your scrubs. You felt the silhouette of his cock right above your pubic bone, your clit reacting to it in a craving ache for more stimulation.

"Did you touch yourself thinking about me? I sure did while thinking about you…" Gabe pushed in an aroused curiosity that sent your mind reeling.

"Uh-uhu. Didn't last more than 5 minutes." You admitted, your fingers slipping underneath his sweater, eliciting a trembling moan to roll over his tongue.

In tender strokes you led your thumbs to graze over his hip bones and down along the exposed v-line of his lower abdomen to the waistband of his pants, making his cock twitch against you.

"Touch me, fuck me, please, anything…", Gabriel whined into the kiss, his forehead resting against yours as his trembling breaths brushed over your chin, "Please, can I touch you?"

"Hey, hey…Gabe, hey…calm down for me, yeah?" You talked not only to him but to your own conscience as well.

" 'M already touching you right here.", To underline your statement, you brushed over his hips again, "And everything else will follow soon enough. Let's take this slow, okay?"

"Sorry…" His cheeks flushed with red and you could feel the heat radiate from his face.

"It's okay…we don't need to rush this." With your hands tenderly palming his sides, you guided him towards the bed, sitting him down on the mattress before you started pulling your shirt over your head.

Gabe's eyes grew wide at the sight in front of him, leaning in to press his warm lips to your stomach whilst you shimmied yourself out of your bra, tossing the accumulated fabric onto the floor. They wandered upwards slowly as soon as your breasts fell free from their confines, suckling at their sensitive underside which led your nipples to perk up.

“Oh, fuck..that’s good, angel face.” You cooed to him quietly, your fingers brushing through his silky smooth hair.

Guided by your words of praise, Gabe’s mouth ventured further until his lips closed down around your sensitive nipple, applying a gentle amount of suction to it as the tip of his tongue flicked over it. The sensation alone caused a treacherous puddle of your rapidly increasing arousal to pool between your thighs. It nearly had you buckling forward onto the bed, made you want to simply mount him, pin him to the mattress below and just ride him until he begged for you to stop but that had to wait. Not tonight, you had told yourself over and over again, you’d take it nice and slow with sweet Gabriel.

“Do you want to get out of those clothes for me, Gabe?” You asked, cradling his face in your palms as his lips pulled back from your breast in a wet sound.

“Sure…” His breaths came in a raggedy pace as he shuffled back on the bed, sliding out of his sweatpants and shorts simultaneously before working himself out of his shirt.

You watched him attentively whilst stepping out of your trousers and panties alike, crawling right next to him before your hands hungrily latched onto his exposed skin. Your fingers wanted to be everywhere at the same time, couldn’t decide whether to caress his bare shoulders or wander down his back to softly knead and palm the round of his ass.

“You’re so pretty…” It fell from your lips before they pressed a quick peck to his forehead, the tip of your nose wandering down the slightly curved bridge of his in a tender stroke.

“Hmmm..” Gabriel sounded insecure, not fully convinced by your earnest compliment.

“What’s that, Gabe? Don’t you think you’re pretty?” To soothe his thoughts, your fingertips brushed over his shoulders, drawing little loops and random shapes all over his smooth skin.

“That’s not so pretty, is it?” He raised one of his hands to slowly pull yours from his shoulder down to his chest.

In the dark, he guided your fingertips over welts of sensitive scar tissue, some wider and short and some thin but longer ones scattered all across up to his collarbones. It reminded you of how vulnerable he truly was.

“I don’t think they make you any less pretty, Gabriel…” His full name just snaked itself out of your mouth before you could hold it back.

You knew very well that this was a red flag to him and you tried to correct yourself right away, but Gabe interrupted you.

“It’s….it’s okay, you can call me that.” He breathed against your lips, his barely touching yours, the intimate proximity letting little sparks prickle and flicker between the two of you.

“Thank you.” You smiled into the oncoming kiss, your hand cupping his after pulling back from the array of scars.

In a slow movement, you guided it down your body, brushing over your stomach until you gingerly pressed it between your thighs, wetness and your heat engulfing his fingers. At the sensation, Gabe moaned into your mouth, his fingers utterly carefully feeling themselves around, parting your soaked folds in a shy flick.

“There, there…”, You cooed, inhaling sharply as a pang of pleasure had your needy clit throbbing against his inexperienced fingers, “Let me show you, yeah?”

“Uh-huh..” Gabriel agreed, allowing you to lead his fingers to teach them where to touch you.

“Feel that nub there? Don’t press too hard or it’ll be very uncomfortable, ok? It’s really sensitive but when you touch it like that..”, You pressed the tip of his middle finger to flick over it, “It feels really, really good.”

“There?” He repeated the motion, drawing a whine from your lungs as you nodded in affirmation.

“Don’t stop, please…want to feel you so bad…” You whispered to him, hips rolling against his fingers to help ease the building tension in your body.

Pulling your hand from in between your thighs to leave Gabriel to it, you snaked your greedy fingers toward his hard-on that was pressing itself against his lower stomach. Palming it with your hand, the tip thoroughly covered in droplets of pre-cum already, you heard yourself murmur about what a good boy he was for you right now, making you feel so incredibly good with every nudge and brush of his fingers against your aching clit. You allowed yourself to get lost in the blissful feelings he sent through every nerve ending whilst you started stroking your hand along his girth, your imagination running wild with the thoughts of how it would feel to have him push you open and form him to stretch your walls out to accommodate him. Just the mere fantasy of it had your cunt clenching down around nothing, your slick oozing out of you to lube Gabriel’s fingers thoroughly.

At the same time, you recognized how his lip left a trail from your halfway parted lips over your jaw to eventually reach their destination closing down around your stiff nipple again, suckling at it whilst his tongue played with the perked-up bud.

“Fuck..feels so good..” You groaned out, leading your free hand to get lost in his hair, fingertips caressing over his scalp whilst cradling his body close to your chest.

He reciprocated your praise with needy and out-of-breath mewls, his cock twitching in your grip as you fisted it from tip to shaft at a steady yet gentle pace. For a moment you wondered about just how many times he’d gotten himself off in the flimsy privacy of his bathroom to not just erupt in your grasp right away again. The pictures forming in your mind of him jerking himself off in the shower or maybe just clumsily towering over the toilet bowl sent thrashing waves of fiery pleasure through your system, leading the tightening coil in your stomach to nearly burst already.

“ ‘M…mmmhmm…gonna come soon, can feel it..” Gabriel hummed around your breast in his mouth, the vibrations sending you impossibly close to being pushed over your own threshold.

“Issok, Gabe, just let go…” You pushed between grinding teeth, eyes fluttering shut as it took but one well-angled rub over your swollen clit for your body to get lost in an unbridled wash of bliss.

A cascade of breathy moans mixed in with those needy, little sounds Gabriel huffed against your damp skin as your orgasm crushed through you in heavy contractions. It had been a good while since somebody else than your own fingers or a buzzing toy had brought you to that kind of high and you reveled in the feeling as long as possible before your senses slowly came back to, just in time to watch Gabe coming undone a moment later.

“Such a good boy, Gabriel..” You praised with a slightly sore voice, watching how milky-white spurts of his cum splattered all over your stomach and even up to the curve of your tits as he whined and mewled out in pleasure.

Pumping his cock one last time to gently squeeze every last drop of him before releasing it from your careful grip, you wrapped both of your arms around his shoulders, holding him close to you while his lips let go of your slightly overstimulated nipple.

“Can’t you just stay here with me?” Gabe sniffled, planting his cheek right against your collarbone whilst he shoved himself on top of you, resting between your legs as your fingers played with his hair.

“You know the answer to that one, Gabe…I better be way outta your room before the day staff comes around.” You sighed against into strands of his hair, inhaling his scent deeply.

“But that’s not fair… why is everybody free to do what they want but me?” His hands clawed down at your sides, clutching himself against you as close as possible.

“Shhh…hey there, let’s not worry about that just now, yeah? Come here…”, You attempted to soothe him, peppering his forehead with a was of little kisses, “The best I can do is cuddle you to sleep tonight, how about that?”

#gabriel 2014 #gabriel #gabriel x fem!reader #gabriel x reader #gabriel smut #rory culkin

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virovirokun-has-adhd · 10 months ago

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Hollow Shell of a Man

"Oh if only there were words to describe how disappointed I am in you"

[ABOUT]

Names ::

-> Fizziepop! [or just Fizz for short ehehe]

-> Viro

& more

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

he / xem / h3 / vi / ren / it / zomb / static / mach / they

transmasc , genderfluid , catboy , luniboy , demiboy , cybrgender

lesboy , demirose , a-spec , qplatonic , aesthetic attraction , ambiamorous , robosexual

[#flags 4 me tag] \\ [gender & tertiary attraction] \\ [pronouns.page]

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

ADHDer + minor sensory issues

-! taken & in a polycule !-

-! w/ @mayday-mayd4y & Malware @m0memto-mori <3 !-

"Strong believer of being queer being about defying societal norms about gender and sexuality and not about depending on feeling love at all"

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

[LINKS]

Discord Servers Masterlist

Tags <- (outdated)

FIXATIONS , DNI & MORE UNDER THE CUT

[FIXATIONS]

=ordered by how intensely I'm fixated=

Transformers

Regretevator

ULTRAKILL

Electric Dreams

Gravity Falls

Pressure

Lone Echo

Mogai/Liom Community

RotTMNT

Ponytown

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

[DNI]

anti any of my fixations

queerphobic / exclusionary towards any of my identities

-- (including polyamory , ace/aro , mspec identities , mspec lesbians & gays , lesboy && xenogenders)

radfems.

ableist

proship/comship / pedos / tcest

disrespectful to others' beliefs

zionist / neo nazi / racist

dsmp stans / apologists / "kinnies" (cc&c!) [genuine system kinnies are fine] / ect. *

anti system / plural & anti endogenic/non-traumagenic system

anti kink

-- (this isnt just u thinking some kinks are gross this is genuine lowkey kink-shaming with no respect or regard for the kink haver's feelings)

nsfw/porn blogs

-- (unless i follow you first ig)

-- (i'm kinda sticky on these grounds, but im ok with valveplug)

*(for clarification idc if you still watch old dsmp creators' content (other than dream ofc bash that pedo's skull in) idc, i still watch Ranboo & stuff so as long as you're not trying to apologise for their wrongdoings / saying they've done nothing wrong, you can interact. Additionally if you support Dream or Wilbur for their wrongdoings stay the fuck off my blog and do not fucking interact. We support Shelby/Shubble here whole heartedly)

[OTHER]

I occasionally use Cybertronian terms or slang in my everyday speech, whether its referencing a body part

- (helm=head, processor=brain, servo=hand, optics=eyes)

- or to replace swearing (frag=fuck, scrap=shit/crap)

- or just talking about Primus in the place of Jesus/God or whatever

I oftentimes struggle with tone in text so tonetags are immensely helpful :D

I meow a lot, I sometimes refer to "cat brain" when my brain stops working like a human's brain should and I forget things

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

[HOUSEKEEPING]

=just some general rules i have=

Don't DM/PM me out of the blue. (duhh)

Don't send hatemail or things you know/think might trigger me.

Don't do the above to any of my moots/friends/partners either, if you do this you will be blocked as soon as I find out what you've done.

Stay in your lane, don't interfere with conversations / rb threads that's just common sense.

If I didn't reference you directly then I am very most likely not talking about you.

I only roleplay with people I'm closest to. (usually my partners)

Be kind obviously

[SIDEBLOGS]

@kingalice-not-so-villain-au - Sona AU with my good friend @bananabiskit

@fizziedraws - art blog

Old Pinned Post =]

[OTHER SOCIALS]'

FlipAnim

================================================

IMAGE BRACKET

#viro pinned post #viro selfpromo #viro's discord servers #dni ableists #dni proship #dni anti endos #endo safe #good faith idenities #lesboy

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wonusite · 9 months ago

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feeling really :/ today. there’s a kmg centric account on here that uses very intense themes of ddlg in their work and i just.. i’ve sent them a few asks to explain why it’s harmful and they ignore them all. i don’t know what to do…. i think the arguments i made were valid. i understand it’s all in preference. a daddy kink here and a ‘my cute little princess’ there is all fine. but having phrases like ‘kid’ and ‘dad’ and ‘im ur real dad’ is just so.. especially using svt’s name to do that? even saying MDNI will not ensure minors don’t make priv accounts or lie about their ages or ghost read. and romanticizing tropes that are harmful could lead to young readers never realizing the dangers around them if they are in situations where someone is taking advantage of them.

this obviously isn’t about u nalani!! i just thought to come to u bc u seem to have good judgment. maybe i’m being dramatic and it really is just a kink in not sure. it just scares me that something with pedophilic undertones and definitely incestual undertones is being promoted on caratblr using the names of svt members.

u don’t have to publicly reply to this if u don’t want to!! i’m just a little let down by the caratblr community for not caring enough to not only not promote harmful tropes but also not having more care for svt members

i can only reply publicly since it’s an anonymous ask lol. anyway, i’ll answer below the cut.

first of all your feelings are valid, and i hope you know that. idk what blog you’re referring to so i can’t say whether or not the content is outright pedophilic or incestual. (but yeah those phrases are a little… 😬)

tbh ddlg isn’t for everyone since (from what i understand) it’s more of an intense type of role play/lifestyle that involves age regression and being entirely submissive to the dom. that type of content isn’t for a lot of people, and that’s okay.

regarding to the asks you sent being ignored, every content creator has the right not to respond to asks no matter it’s contents whether polite or rude. in a way i understand where this person’s coming from. when i wrote spoiled, i got some not so nice asks because of the content of the fic which i ignored. some of the asks weren’t rude but still not something i wanted on my blog. even now a lot of people won’t read my content because of that series, and that’s fine.

of course saying/writing minors do not interact on any smut post is not a guarantee that they won’t read it. BUT as content creators, we can only do so much. we’re not parents to the people who read our stuff, and it’s not our responsibility to teach people wrong from right. i’m not for romanticizing harmful content, and i can’t say whether or not that’s what this person is doing. even so, we can’t expect content creators to be responsible for a reader’s perception of reality or making them aware of the dangers of this world. it’s just not realistic or fair.

and i don’t think you’re overreacting. as i said before, your feelings and thoughts are valid. as a carat, i understand that you feel upset about svt being used for this type of content.

finally, i don’t think it’s fair to say that about caratblr as a whole. we can’t police or kink shame someone just for using a group they love as a creative outlet. there’s nothing wrong with writing about certain kinks or even darker content as long as it’s about adults. fanfiction is just that: fiction. it’s part of what we (cc) do because we love our idols and we love writing. caratblr is meant to be a fun and safe space for all carats, and having everyone go after someone would just destroy that purpose.

and this is not meant to shame or scold you because im glad you felt like you could come to me with this. your feelings are valid.

#nonny #nalani.rants

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orestescontact · 2 years ago

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Good day to you! I'm Ore (Tes is also acceptable). She/her pronouns only, please. I've roleplayed off and on since Quizilla was a common fandom name, from Email to Tumblr to Twitter and a scattering of others. My hyper-fixations are Undertale - more so its abundance of AUs - and Five Nights at Freddy's: Security Breach. The only roleplay(s) I would have an interest in would involve either or in some capacity, whether that be canon-compliant or lifting the characters off the page for use in an original idea. I'll unabashedly admit my interest lies in OC x CC plots but how that is portrayed is up for discussion; as much as I fancy a romance, it's a shame platonic pairings often fall by the wayside.

Specifications

While I'll consider OC x OC, CC x CC is off the table.

FxM is where I'm most comfortable but I'm open to MxM. FxF I've never done but am not opposed to.

21+ is preferred. Due to the possibility of dark content and heavy topics, I won't write with anyone under 18. Honestly, the thought of writing romance alone with a minor squicks me out.

Smut is an option and can even be the focus. I'm not picky between plot or lewd-driven. Limits and kinks will be thoroughly discussed if anything sexual is to take place.

Speaking of, my tastes are extensive. I love horror, thriller, survival, romance, slice of life, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort—suggest something and there'll likely be an angle I'd enjoy.

I default to 2-3 paragraphs per character or thereabouts and expect a similar effort. No one-liners of any sort. I'll mirror you when applicable and can write more if need be. Just please, no 1,000+ word replies. Mad respect to you lot but I just do not have that amount of energy anymore, good Lord.

Doubling is the expectation, yes? No? Is that how it's done here? I'd be happy to do so so we're both satisfied, at any rate.

Depending on the length of a reply, expect a response every one to three days. Take as long as you need to get back to me; I'm unbothered if you need some personal time or have a busy life. Take a week or two—hell, a month. I've got a chock-full schedule myself.

Over Discord (Orestes#6316) would be the highly preferred option.

Fandoms

Fnaf SB: I haven't gotten the opportunity to write for this yet. I'd be willing to try out most of the cast as long as wiggle room is given. As for who I want to write against, a Sundrop, Moondrop, or even an Eclipse are, well, it. They are responsible for 80% of my current brain rot.

Undertale: My experience here is spotty and with so many AUs and interpretations of those AUs, I'm not confident making a blanket statement. I'd be able to write one of the skeletons, particularly a Sans, far better than any of the other characters. Be mindful that I can't guarantee the portrayal you're seeking; fandom is vast and a lot of original canon has been lost before even touching upon my personal headcanons. Who I'm looking for in return is also a long list of Sanses. In no particular order: any of the Bad Sanses group (including the less accounted for Error), multiple -fell verses, multiple -echo verses, and any iteration of -swapfell or -fellswap (though I have my favorites, many versions appeal to me). On occasion, I catch myself eyeing the Papyruses from the mess of -fells. There's more AU's I like but we'll be here all day if I list them all.

If you have any interest or questions, you can contact me through PMs or Discord (if the ad is old, Discord is your best bet). Please, please, please tell me something in your message. A plot, which fandom, what characters you're thinking—anything. "Hi" or "can we rp" doesn't inform me of any of your wants nor expectations.

#undertale roleplay #undertale rp #discord rp #fnaf rp #fnaf roleplay #21+ roleplay wanted #security breach #original characters #fandom

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bemtevis · 4 years ago

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love interest in tid: Jem

love interest in tlh: James

love interes in tmi: Jace

love interest in tda: Julian

love interest in twp: please dont be Jaime please no

#really wtf is happening #i have a kink in guys whose name starts with a J #dont kink shame me #anti cc #anti cassandra clare #the last hours #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #tmi #tda

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simmancy · 2 years ago

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Kit’s Essential Mods to Enhance your Overall Gameplay

I really love The Sims 4, but I love The Sims 4 because I play a heavily modded game. This is a list of all the major mods I currently use to ✨ elevate ✨ my TS4 gameplay.

This does not really include anything for family gameplay or occults -- I tried to stick to “core” gameplay overhauls. You can find my list of recommended mods for school years here.

This list was last updated 19 February 2023 / 1.95.207.1030

Preface

I wanted to put this at the top because it’s a really important step but so many people don’t know or forget about it:

Whenever you are changing out mods, adding new ones, or updating, always remember to clear your caches. So many miscellaneous problems are solved by deleting two little files in your TS4 folders: avatarcache and localthumbcache.

Also always, always read what the modder has said!!!

MC Command Center

MCCC is such a far-reaching mod that I honestly believe it should be in everyone’s mod folder by default. It added Story Progression before we had Neighborhood Stories. It allows editing of career outfits without an extra mod. It has a teleport sim option so you can pose sims together off lot. It’s more of a what CAN’T it do sort of utility mod. It even makes cheating in game easier!

TwistedMexi’s Better Exceptions

This is another “utility” mod, which is why it’s at the top before we start building a mod folder that is disgustingly huge. Better Exceptions finds those Last Exceptions, pinpoints their cause, and helps you fix the problem. It also runs a report after each patch to check for mod compatibility. Another “must have” to make your modding experience simpler.

The latest public release also helps you track down bad outfit CC so you can finally find that item that keeps attaching itself to each sim walking by or while they’re in the shower. See what I mean? Immensely useful, must have mod.

Wicked Whims OR Wonderful Whims

I’m not here to kink shame you. I’ve used both, depending on what sort of gameplay I’m in the mood for. Both WWs add an attraction system based on appearance, ‘reward’ personality types that are automatically assigned to sims based on their CAS traits and menstrual cycles. One adds NSFW animations, some of which are weirder than others. Use at your age-appropriate discretion.

If you do get Wicked Whims, I advise you also immediately grab the CAS Default Underwear add on so you aren’t surprised by your Sim’s Bits and Bobs while you’re dressing them.

Kuttoe’s Keep Sims in Home Region

I hate walkbys. Like. I hate random walkbys. There is nothing in my game worse than a sim in Oasis Springs just strolling on by in Windenburg. Stay in your freakin lane, Nancy Landgraab.

This is great because 1) it keeps sims designated in certain areas for walkbys, 2) it allows you to assign the world homeless sims should be in and 3) you can allow some worlds to have some crossover. Like, in my mind, Oasis Springs, Del Sol Valley and Strangerville are all pretty close to one another. I allow them to have some overlap. I do not allow Henford on Bagley and Windenburg sims to randomly show up in Strangerville, because in my mind, they are overseas.

There’s also a custom lot trait to allow sims from all over to show up, so tourism can still boom in your worlds.

Language Barriers by Frankk

But now that you’re keeping their sims in their area of the sim globe....

After all, it’s sort of silly that every single sim speaks the same language from the suburbs of Newcrest to the jungles of Selvadorada to the peaks of Mt. Komorebi. Oh no. We have to make this harder on ourselves.

This mod adds 7 languages to the sims universe: Simlish, Windenburgish, Selvadoradian, Toki Sulani, Komorebigo, Tartosiano and Sixami. Your native language is based on the world you live in, family, occult, etc. It limits communication between sims who don’t speak the same language. But! You can learn new languages by studying them... If you have High School Years, you can even pick what language you learn in class? Like? Why wouldn’t you want this??

Lumpinou’s Mod Suite

Lumpinou’s mods are at this point so essential to my game that I don’t know how much farther I could go on this list without naming them.

Mood Pack & Custom Moods for some Moodlets: tons of new moods in game. The Mood Pack is required for some of the other mods on this list [not just Lumpinou’s!]; Custom Moods changes some of the in-game moodlets to match the custom moods.

First Impressions: This nifty mod adds First Impressions to the game--sentiments the second sims meet based on traits. First Impression sentiments can be positive or negative... and maybe for some sims, it’s even Love at First Sight 👀 I’ve recommended it before for Bachelor/ette Challenges, but it’s honestly a mainstay in my regular gameplay. I love when sims are tense around each other because their first meeting went so poorly.

Talents & Weaknesses: Traits can affect how fast sims learn certain skills but isn’t it boring that all creative sims are going to be good at every creative skill? This mod adds innate talents and weaknesses to your sims. It reminds me a lot of Freetime’s One True Hobby, giving a boost to the things they’re naturally talented at doing, but it also does a bonus of giving you skills that they’re just not good out

Road to Romance: This mod overhauls the romance system, adding a romance skill that unlocks more and more interactions the better your sim gets at romancing. It also adds rabbit hole dates for sims to go on together, as well as Couples Counseling!

Open Love Life & No Strings Attached: Open Love Life adds a preference for relationship types (exclusive, non-exclusive or indifference). You can even have a throuple if you like (there’s also basically a ‘hall pass’ option which I think is hilarious but I digress)! No Strings Attached added FWBs before EA added Woohoo Buddies, but it works better... And sims can even eventually catch feelings. Another really really fun storytelling mod.

✨ Relationship & Pregnancy Overhaul: This is one of the crown jewels in Lumpinou’s collection. A whole wide-reaching overhaul of the relationship system. Plays exceptionally well with the above romance-related mods but can be used alone. It adds pretty much everything you could think: preferences on having kids, pregnancy interactions, fertility, woohoo transmitted diseases, fights over unplanned pregnancies, an overhaul of cheating, options for breaking up, custody battles... I’m absolutely missing stuff here. It adds SO MUCH.

✨ LGBTQIA+ Gender & Orientation Overhaul: The other crown jewel imo. This is a complete overhaul of EA’s current system that works alongside the EA one. It allows your sims to fully identify as non-binary sims (as well as agender, genderfluid and transgender). It allows them to question their sexuality and gender. If you want to tell the story of a closeted sim, you can. Sims can come out to one another. There’s queerplatonic relationships. Sims can get unexpected crushes when they thought they were straight and maybe aren’t! It’s INTENSE. Especially as a legacy player, I don’t always go into my saves saying “yes today I think my heir will be nonbinary”... I roll with the punches. This punches me right back.

LittleMsSam’s Mods

Another modder whose wide array of mods are so widely used... It’s hard to imagine my game without them. These are the big ones I use, but I also use a few of her smaller mods (Brush Teeth After Puking and the Wake Up Overhaul are SUPER recommended. Especially the Wake Up Overhaul! It’s so small but adds so much ok moving on)

Pregnancy Overhaul: changes the size of belly, walkstyle when pregnant, and unlocks some interactions -- I usually go for the smaller belly in the 1st trimester only, allowing it to grow larger over time, as well as all the “pregnant sims can do more”... I also add the chance of death. What can I say, I like to live on the edge. Also goes perfectly with Advanced Birth Certificate, if you’re like me and likes that there’s special birth certificates for special occult babies.

SimDa: a dating app for your sims! Find the love of your life, your next one night stand, or just get a blind date.

First Love: for your child sims to have little childhood crushes 🥺

Sul Sul Weather App: don’t you hate when you travel to Sulani for a beach day in game and there’s a full on monsoon happening? This app lets you check the weather before going.

21 Day Seasons: why did EA go from 14 to 28.... why....

Calm Bees: if you’ve ever given in to your sims’ desires and bought them that fucking bee box in spring... you know why this is essential

I also use the following mods for holidays: more holiday icons, holiday traditions, no school tradition, no work tradition, wellness traditions.

MissyHissy’s Hopes & Fears Mod

This is a complete freaking overhaul of wants and fears. In addition to adding whimsets for the later packs that didn’t have them because EA was busy working on the new wants/fears system... It actually upgraded the whims Maxis forgot into wants and made sure there’s sets for children, toddlers and elders. Because y’know. EA “kinda forgot” about those life stages.

Helaene’s Preferences Plus + Preference Bomb

First of all, shout out to Helaene for truly being a real one in terms of sims community longevity. I remember being a kid and downloading their TS2 stuff.

Preferences Plus adds TONS of new likes/dislikes for your sims, some with their own custom interactions--things like which outfit they prefer, favorite flavors and drinks, and more. Preference Bomb then rolls them for all sims in your game--with actual logic applied. Really cool!

Have Some Personality Please! by PolarBearSims

The main draw of this mod is that it completely removed the goofy idle chitchat of nothingness that sims do, along with the increased autonomy to do stuff that makes sense. I love when my sims do things of their own accord! It makes it more fun, more exciting! Otherwise, what is the point of traits anyway.

ChippedSim’s Graveyard, Paws & Claws & Lively Towns

Three mods that add some life to your town.... Well, sort of life....

The Happy Haunts Graveyard mod adds the graveyard lot type, along with appropriate NPCs, moodlets, and some new interactions related to tombstone... But because it’s modular, it also adds some additional paranormal gameplay if you have that stuff pack, some grieving interactions and more. I really like having graveyards in game [especially for my vampire slayers to lurk in].

Paws & Claws is based around animals, naturally--stuff for your pets, preferences for animals besides the cat/dog person traits... But the module I’m really keen on though is the Animal Shelter part! You can build and run your own Animal Shelter in game 🥺

Lively Towns is actually an object based script mod--it allows you to build multi-purpose lots. There are three shops so far (flower store, arts and crafts, and bookstore) but for those lots you see on the gallery that have multiple stores in one... imo it’s invaluable.

Kuttoe’s Random Calls & Texts and Lotharihoe’s Phone Call Overhaul

These two mods add some better... phone usage to your sims. The Phone Call overhaul makes the stupid phone calls you receive way less intrusive and just smarter in general. The additional “delayed invitations” add on is ALSO great for when your sim is invited on a date and you can... you know... get ready for it.

Kuttoe’s Random Texts adds a bunch of new calls and texts messages for your sims (one of my favorites is a call from a parent and they give you some extra money 😭 like how sweet is that?). I’ve had both in my game for a while and they play nicely together from my experience.

ADeepIndigo’s Healthcare Redux & Family Therapy

“Kit if you like traditional The Sims style silly gameplay why do you get these realistic mods” ............. because I like to make the gameplay harder, ok. I like to make my sims suffer. I like the chance of death around every corner for these goobers.

Healthcare Redux does... well... overhaul healthcare in the game. It adds a bunch of more realistic diseases, as well as allergies and injuries, and even medical emergencies. There are also a few new deaths (yay new deaths!).

Family Therapy adds an option that pops up when sims in the same family have negative sentiments towards each other... They can try to work through them and repair relationships with the help of a trained professional. I think that’s super cool tbh??? Like Lumpinou’s mod has couples counseling as a rabbit hole but this also adds a therapist that can make house calls. And it has some functionality for Basemental so..............

ADeepIndigo also has Dental Care and Eye Care mods which I have been... eyeing, but have not played with extensively yet, as well as some mods like Simulation is not Free and SimNation Travel that add to difficulty!

There is also now a Self Image mod, but it comes with the warning that yes, it does delve into EDs. I played with it a bit, and it can make gameplay a lot harder.

Custom Traits

I know not everyone enjoys custom traits--right now, I still use the regular three traits per sim--but sometimes I get a little bored of the same ones, and EA really dropped the ball on traits this game so...

New Emotional Traits by Kuttoe: adds emotional based traits--some are just additional new traits to match the emotions that don’t have them (like Coward) but some are extreme versions of the ones we already have.

New Hobby Traits by Kuttoe: We add movies, we don’t add a Movie Buff Trait. Make it make sense, EA.... There are way more than that though. It also adds a Technophobe trait which I also really missed from TS3.

New Spa Day Traits by Kuttoe: two new traits that play nicely with Spa Day.

Traits by Scarlet: Photographer’s Eye and Socially Anxious! Again! Traits we probably should have but alas!

More Traits by Maplebell: even MORE traits for your sims--these are also very maxismatchy--there is some overlap with some of Kuttoe’s, so ymmv. I use all of them because I like chaos.

Offspring of NPC Traits by Baniduhaine: this one is a little different than the others, as they aren’t CAS traits at all. If you’ve ever played TS3 you might know that offspring of NPC sims would have hidden traits... And if you’ve ever had a kid with Father Winter, you know his kids have a special trait in TS4. This adds inheritable gameplay traits for lots of different NPCs! It adds a little something extra to gameplay, it’s pretty cool 🤓

The Personality Mod and The Hobby Mod by MissyHissy: these are two trait packs that add reward traits inspired by TS2. The Personality Mod adds ones inspired by the 6 TS2 Aspirations, the Hobby Mod by TS2 Freetime. Another one that just... adds a little something more for whim-driven gameplay. I know they aren’t called whims anymore but I’m pretty sure the game strings still call them whims so.

Vegetarian and Lactose Intolerant Overhaul Mods by Robin: another reward trait change--these don’t take away the traits and hide them in CAS, but they make it so that you can simply... choose to be vegetarian. And while your sim probably wouldn’t choose to be lactose intolerant, you can, of course exercise your Watcher-given powers to MAKE them be lactose intolerant. I mean... Why waste a trait slot on either when you could simple be?

Custom Aspirations

I used to use Ky-E’s Aspiration Overhaul, which was fun--it’s now being updated by NC4T and you can find it here--which did what it suggests. It completely overhauls the Aspiration system, making them more lifetime worthy, instead of “extended tutorials” as Ky-E eloquently put it. There were also 38 new aspirations added by the mod.

That said, because I do like to make and share sims with my friends, it’s just been easier on me to switch away from the overhaul to custom aspirations. These are what my game currently has. Ilkavelle made the bulk of these, so I specifically marked other creators.

Applied Animal Behaviorist

Certified Breeder

Dr. Doolittle

Simternet Conquerer

The Mother Plant Resurrection [more Strangerville gameplay? sign me tf up]

UFO Investigator & Art of Flower Arranging

Music Producer

Dedicated Environmentalist

My Own Business

Ultimate Stan - so you can experience the allure of celebrity but not be a celebrity

Voice Virtuoso

Perfectly Balanced

ADeepIndigo’s Platinum Artist

ADeepIndigo’s Blog Star (and blogging hobby!)

MissBee’s Self-Sufficient

Child Aspirations

Teen Aspirations

KiaraSims4′s Twilight Years - this requires a custom event but honestly... worth it just to have something for elders

Mods I am not currently using but still recommend:

Slice of Life: Kawaiistacie’s Big Ass Mod that overhauls... so much. Like. So much. I do really recommend trying it out to see if it works for you, but it’s a bit too much for my games on top of everything else I have--I don’t need two menstrual systems, you know? One is enough.

Lifetime Aspirations: As I said before, it’s easier to pick and choose custom aspirations at the moment than overhaul everything completely. But I do eye it up occasionally and I enjoyed my time playing with it.

ADeepIndigo’s Education Overhaul: the main reason I don’t play with this one is because it’s a bit too much of an overhaul for me--every big overhaul mod runs the risk of incompatibility of other mods, and Zer0′s Required Degrees for Promotions is my preferred mod of choice here.

Kuttoe’s Career Overhaul: ...see above. It’s incompatible with Zer0′s so I don’t have it in my game, but I’ve tried it before and liked it a lot. If you aren’t using Zer0′s Custom Degrees/Required Degrees for Promotions I absolutely recommend it.

Reshade and Gshade: actually I AM using ReShade but I don’t want to call it an essential... Making your game “prettier” isn’t an essential but I do like to have a “brighter” game and I hate editing so I play with ReShade. But I’m not calling it essential so it’s sneaking into the bottom of the list down here.

Basemental Drugs: use at your age-appropriate discretion. I’m still in the “testing it out” phase which is why it hasn’t been bumped to Essential Mod, but I am enjoying it. I am also Very Much An Adult.

#ts4 #wcif #simblr help #mod list #mod recommendations #ts4 mod list #the real reason i made this is so i can link it in my resources

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