#caveman rhett

[bradshawsbaby]

snow angels

pairing: rhett abbott x girlfriend!reader

author’s note: based on this sweet prompt from @therebeccaw ❄️

i’ve been loving the rhett prompts you guys have been sending in! they’ve been making me feel super inspired, so thank you!

warnings: rhett being a little bit of a grump, but it turns to plenty of fluff

The snow had just stopped falling when you pulled up in front of the Abbott house, killing the engine of your truck and snatching up the tin of homemade biscuits you’d made before carefully sliding out into a pile of snow that came up past your ankles.

Cecilia had called earlier in the day to invite you over for dinner, an offer which you never refused. Ever since you were a kid, home cooked meals at the Abbotts’ were always a special treat. Though it was a secret you would take with you to your grave, you actually preferred Cecilia’s beef and vegetable stew to your own mama’s. Your mouth was already watering in anticipation as you slogged your way to the front door through a snow drift.

Having known the Abbotts pretty much your entire life, and now being Rhett’s girlfriend on top of it, you didn’t even need to knock to await entrance into their home. Pushing open the door, you stomped the snow off your boots and announced your arrival with a loud “Hello!” as you attempted to untangle the scarf from around your neck with one hand.

Amy came running towards the door with a bright smile, wrapping her arms around your waist in greeting and taking the tin of biscuits out of your hand.

“Hey, sweetie,” you beamed, giving Rhett’s niece a soft hug. You remembered the day she was born, and it boggled your mind to see how big she was getting.

“Grandma and Grandpa are in the kitchen,” she told you, taking your hand and tugging you in the direction of one of the most heavenly aromas you’d ever smelled.

Turning the corner, you immediately caught sight of Cecilia standing over the stove, stirring her famous stew, while Royal stood at the sink, scrubbing grease off his hands and forearms.

“Heya, bug,” Royal said as he turned his head and caught sight of you. “Bug” had been his affectionate nickname for you since you were a little girl, ever since the day you’d run screaming and crying to your mama about how Rhett Abbott had shoved a handful of bugs down the back of your dress after church on Sunday. Rhett had gotten in some serious trouble, but he never dared pull a stunt like that again, and the two of you had become fast friends after Cecilia dragged him by his ear to apologize to you.

“Hey, Royal,” you grinned, standing on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek in greeting. “Hi, Cecilia,” you went on, moving to give Rhett’s mama a side hug as she continued to work on dinner.

“Hey there, sweet pea. Glad you could make it tonight,” Cecilia said, wiping her hands on a dish towel as she turned to smile at you. “Dinner’ll be ready in a few.”

“Can I help with anything?” you asked, already pushing up the sleeves of your sweater.

Cecilia shook her head immediately, shushing your attempts to be of assistance. “No, no, you’re fine. Amy, finish setting the table,” she called out to her granddaughter.

“I’ll help with that,” you laughed.

Just as you turned to assist Amy, Perry suddenly walked through the door, shaking the snow off his jacket and hat. He raised a tired hand to you in greeting, which you returned.

“Where’s Rhett?” Royal asked, drying his arms off and rolling down his sleeves.

“Still in the barn,” Perry replied, shooting his parents a pointed look.

Cecilia sighed, shaking her head. Leaning in closer to you, she lowered her voice and said, “He’s been in a mood all day. There was a big storm in Casper and they just cancelled the rodeo for this weekend.”

You knew immediately that Rhett must have been extremely disappointed. He’d been talking about riding in Casper for weeks, and you’d been looking forward to cheering him on.

“Maybe you can go cheer him up and convince him not to come to dinner like a grumpy, grunting caveman,” Cecilia went on, nudging you with a smile.

“I’ll try my best,” you chuckled, going to grab your coat, scarf, and boots before once more making your way out into the cold December evening.

Tucking your hands deep into the pockets of your coat, you shivered as you made the trek to the barn, seeing the light emanating from the cracks in the door that told you Rhett was still inside. By the time you pushed the thick barn doors open, your cheeks were like ice and your lungs felt frozen inside your chest.

“Rhett?” you called out, not spotting your boyfriend right away.

“Over here,” came his gruff voice from behind a massive pile of hay.

Oh, yeah. He was definitely in a mood.

Walking across the barn floor and turning next to the tall stack of hay, you finally caught sight of Rhett, hefting a rather large bale onto an already impressive pile.

“Your mama sent me to get you for dinner,” you told him, leaning against the beam near your shoulder.

“I’m almost done,” he muttered curtly, sweat beading on his forehead despite the frigid temperature outside.

“She also told me to make sure you don’t come inside acting like a grumpy, grunting caveman,” you added, using Cecilia’s words exactly.

Rhett frowned at that, dropping another bale of hay onto the pile and then turning to look at you, hands on his hips in obvious frustration.

“I’m sorry about the rodeo in Casper,” you told him softly. “I know you were looking forward to it.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he insisted, wiping his hands on the front of his jeans and shaking his head.

Pushing off from the beam, you made your way over to him and rested your hands on his shoulders. “Clearly it does,” you said, watching the way he avoided your gaze. “It’s okay to be disappointed, Rhett.”

His jaw twitched, but he didn’t say anything. Cecilia was right. He really was in a mood today.

“Someone’s grumpy today,” you murmured, voicing your thoughts aloud. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “And here I made homemade biscuits and everything for dinner tonight.”

Rhett’s body relaxed slightly under your touch, but he still didn’t smile the way you hoped he would. You knew his frustration wasn’t just about the Casper event being cancelled. His last ride had been a poor one, with him getting tossed off the back of a mean son of a bitch named Midnight after only four seconds, and you knew he was itching to get back in the saddle and make up for it, to prove he was better than that. You knew he was, but you also knew his confidence had been shaken and his pride had taken a serious blow.

“I’m just tired,” he mumbled in a low voice, wiping the back of his hand across his forehead. “Just a bunch of backbreaking shit today.”

You just nodded in understanding, taking his hand and pulling him towards the door. “Let’s go inside then. Your mama’s stew smells really good, and then you can get some rest,” you promised him as the two of you stepped outside.

Rhett still seemed on edge as he turned to lock the barn doors, which bothered you. You hated seeing him like that. Chewing on your bottom lip, you glanced down and an idea suddenly struck you. You knew it was an idea that would either brighten your boyfriend’s sour mood, or put him in a worse one altogether, but it was a gamble you were willing to take.

Squatting down, you gathered up a huge handful of the soft, powdery snow, packing it into a tight ball before rising and launching it at Rhett, hitting him square in the back.

Turning slowly, Rhett looked at you with an arched eyebrow, his expression not giving anything away.

“Did you just—”

Before he could even finish his sentence, he was hit in the chest with another snowball as you giggled behind your hands.

“Babe, would you—”

Thwack. Another one hit him in the shoulder.

“Alright, that’s it!” he exclaimed, reaching down to make a snowball of his own.

Letting out a loud screech, you turned and tried to run, but felt the snowball pelt you right in the rear end as you began running in the direction of the house.

“You started this, honeybee!” Rhett called out, chasing after you and catching up to you within seconds. Gripping you tightly around the waist, he launched you both into a huge pile of snow.

Laughing hysterically, you lay back in the snow, not even minding the cold that was seeping into your bones. When you looked up at Rhett, resting on his elbow beside you with a huge grin splitting his face, your heart warmed immediately.

“Remember the snowball fights we used to have when we were kids?” he asked, brushing a lock of hair out of your face with cold fingers. “God, those were brutal.”

“Every man for himself,” you laughed, nodding in agreement at the memory.

“The hot chocolate afterwards always made it better,” he mused with a smile, his breath coming out in little puffs of white air. “Not to mention the bragging rights for the winner.”

“Mhm—king or queen of the snow pile,” you grinned, shifting your legs slightly to keep them from freezing. That suddenly unlocked another fond childhood memory. “Oh, and remember the snow angels? Gosh, I haven’t made a snow angel in forever.”

Giggling, you flung your arms out at your sides and winked over at Rhett. “What do you say, Abbott? Want to make a snow angel with me for old times’ sake?”

“Yours were always much prettier than mine, honeybee,” Rhett chuckled, laying down flat on his back beside you in the snow.

“So? It’s just for fun,” you smiled, beginning to move your arms up and down and swing your legs from side to side.

“How do you always manage to make it so I can’t say no to you?” Rhett smirked, sighing in an exaggerated manner as he, too, began moving his arms and legs to craft a snow angel of his own.

“It’s a gift. I’m very persuasive,” you laughed, turning your head to gaze at him and finding that his blue eyes were already locked on you.

“That you are, honeybee,” he nodded, his voice soft with tenderness.

A few minutes later, you sat up and carefully shifted, wiping snow from your pants as you stood up to admire your handiwork. Rhett followed suit, coming to stand beside you as you both looked down at your design efforts.

“Hmm, I think you were right about mine being prettier,” you teased, trying to maintain a straight face. “Mine is definitely a snow angel. Yours is more like a snow monster.”

“Why, you little—” Rhett grinned as he suddenly tackled you back down to the snow, his body resting on top of yours as he pinned your wrists on either side of your head. “Who’s the king of the snow pile now?” he smirked, winking down at you.

You laughed breathlessly in response, just beaming up at him. This was the Rhett you knew and loved.

His expression sobered slightly and he released your wrists so that he could cup your face in his frozen hands. “I’m sorry for being a dick before, baby. I was in a bad mood, but it wasn’t your fault,” he apologized, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose.

“It’s okay,” you forgave him, reaching up and running your fingers through his hair. “I know you were upset.”

“You’re too good to me, honeybee,” he said quietly, burying his face in your neck. “Better than I deserve.”

“Maybe not so good,” you teased, taking him by surprise when you suddenly shoved a fistful of snow down the back of his collar, causing him to yelp loudly. “That’s for the bugs when we were five!” you giggled hysterically as he frantically tried to shake the snow out of his clothes.

“Long memory, huh?” Rhett grinned, caging you between his arms once more. “If I recall correctly, I apologized for that,” he added, raising an eyebrow. Smirking wickedly, he leaned in close and whispered, “But maybe I oughta give you a spanking, just like the one I remember getting for the bug incident.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” you gasped, eyes widening as he leaned down to press a kiss to your laughing lips.

“You never know, honeybee,” he winked.

“Come on inside, you two idiots, before you freeze to death out there!” Cecilia’s voice suddenly cut through the still winter air. She was standing on the front step, hands cupped around her mouth. “Dinner’s ready!”

“Another time then,” Rhett laughed, pulling you up out of the snow and into his arms. “I love you, y’know,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“I love you, too,” you told him, smiling as he wrapped his arms around you and led you towards the warmth of the house and his mama’s beef and vegetable stew.

[trashland-llamas]

Howdy

synopsis; 3 separate meet-cutes involving fem! reader + soap, ghost, & gaz

they/them pronouns used for reader; fem reader

f/a/d-favorite alcoholic drink; can switch it out for soda or water if you don't drink

Before He Cheats - Soap

Catches y/n in the act of slashing their ex's tires after finding out their partner was cheating on them with one of the other regulars

'You do realize insurance will most likely cover that if you slash all of 'em right?' Unable to hide his amusement at the 'deer-in-the-headlight' stare they gave him. 'Stop while I'm ahead, got it.'

'Not that it's any of my business but what's the story behind all this?' This being the smashed headlight, and carved leather seats. Smart enough not to sign their work. A discarded Louisville slugger.

'My boyfriend always told me he was watching the game with his buddies, turns out he's been seeing someone on the side.' Noting the shock in their voice, surprised at their ex's audacity. Accent more prominent.

'He's one stupid man, losing someone like you. Name's Soap, in case we meet again.' He didn't know when his next deployment would be, but he hoped the fates would make them cross paths again before then.

'Y/n, if I don't end up in prison first.' Not caring enough at the moment to ask what kind of name is Soap. Especially when the person looked so ruggedly handsome. Y/n started picking up all their stuff, finding a phone number scrawled on the bat.

'Call me when you get a chance jailbird.'

Die A Happy Man - Ghost

Price had tried setting Ghost up on a blind date, being a regular at y/n's shop, he had overheard them moping about how single they were. With their permission, he gave Ghost their number. 'Simon, you deserve love as much as the rest of us. Plus if it weren't for Gaz and Soap, you'd be a literal caveman. Think about it, okay?'

Ghost randomly texts them one night when he gets back from a mission, just wanting someone to talk to. 'Price gave me this number.' is his blunt opening line. 'And who am I speaking to?' Glad he had type it in correctly. 'Simon.'

It's only until a week later of semi-consistent back and forth messages that Simon asks them out. 'I'll pick you up at 7pm, wear something nice.' Breathing out a laugh at their response. 'At least send me a photo so I know who to look for.'

'Charming.' He sent a masked selfie, holding up his driver's license.

Ghost forgets out to breath when y/n's walking out the door to meet him, a red dress hugging all their curves. 'You're gonna catch flies, Simon.' Hearing how his name rolls off y/n's tongue doesn't help.

'You don't look too bad yourself.' y/n compliments Ghost as they buckle up. A navy blue button up with some black jeans. A chain holding dog tags showing from the few buttons left undone at the top.

Simon ends up having a panic attack on their second date when y/n shows up in a little black dress. It turns into a funny story as y/n was scared shitless, not knowing what to do.

Party in the USA - Gaz

'Oh my god, I'm so sorry!' Gaz had barely budged from the force. He appreciated the apology despite how little he cared for the shirt. Opening his shirt to reveal a v-neck shirt underneath. 'No fuss. Can I buy you a replacement drink?'

Nodding, they told him that is was a f/a/d. Buying a shot for himself, he looked y/n up and down. 'I'm guessing you didn't get the memo?' His tone lighthearted, a teasing quality to it. Gaz was referring to how out of place they looked, no name brands in sight. It was rather refreshing if he was honest. 'What gave it away?' 

'Oh, I don't know, maybe the boots. Or the country bumpkin vibes plus the attractive accent.' His response making y/n wonder if it was the liquid courage or if he was always this lofty. 'You think my accent's hot?' Hook, line, and sinker. 'Oh, I think it's divine. Name's Kyle.' Y/n being the forward one now, invited Gaz to the dance floor.

Laughing when Britney Spear's 'If U Seek Amy' played over the speakers, them poorly singing along. Off in their own world that Gaz was the only one privy to see. Unsure if he could call their movements dancing. Not that he was any better as he was glad to have a partner.

Scoring some point in the gentleman category, Gaz offered to drive y/n home, when they were hit with butterflies in their stomach. Grabbing his phone, Gaz watched as they type in their phone number. 'So you can text me that you got home okay.' Unable to deny how his heart softened. 'Awfully kind of you, but I will.' Trying his best to reassure them, not wanting to instill any worry.

'Home safe and in one piece.' Finally seeing their name, whispers to himself, 'y/n, a pretty name for a pretty gal.'

Refuses to call them anything other than 'country bumpkin,' to the point even his colleagues know them as that. 

[hangmanapologist]

Okay which Lew character do you think gives the best head?

Listen there are two answers to this question

Bob Floyd is gonna make love to your 🐱 with his mouth and that’s just a fact. He’s taking his damn time because his favourite place to be in between your thighs. He gets off from making you feel good and he’s not coming back up until he’s broken a sweat and his cheeks are rosy. AND THE GLASSES STAY ON

Rhett Abbott eats 🐱 like he’s on death row. Every crude, wet, nasty noise that can be made he’s gonna do it. He’ll use a little teeth if he needs to but his goal is to get you making a mess on his tongue in record time, EVERY time. The slurping, the groaning, the grunting. He’s fucking that shit up like a caveman I’m sorry

[blacktopmemories]

Playlist for Saturday, March 18, 2023

Youngtree and the Blooms - “I’m Not That Anymore” Fixtures - “I Keep Getting Murdered in My Sleep” Spaceport - “Submarine” Dashboard Confessional - “The Better of Me” Caveman - “Where’s the Time” Strand of Oaks - “Shut In” The Dodos - “Sleep” Death Valley Girls - “Journey to Dog Star” Tchotchke - “What Should I Do” Black Belt Eagle Scout - “Sedna” Counting Crows - “Why Should You Come When I Call” Rhett Miller - “Ain’t That Strange” Good Old War - “That’s Some Dream” Death Cab for Cutie - “Expo ‘86” Somebody’s Child - “How Long?” Darksoft - “Stones Unturned” Air Traffic Controller - “How Are You” Region - “Glastonbury Skies” The Beatles - “I’m Looking Through You” Grizzly Bear - “Easier” The Wonders - “That Thing You Do!” Tennis - “Forbidden Doors” The National Parks - “Sunshine” Bleach Lab - “Obviously” Belle and Sebastian - “Come On Home” The Joy Formidable - “This Ladder is Ours” Low - “Four Score” xo - b. To download or stream the show, click here!

[stuffandwonder]

Rhett just tearing into that Turkraken caveman style and getting two octaves lower when he was speaking whilst Link looks on absolutely bewildered and disgusted 🤣

"You're a problematic eater, you know that?"

What's problematic Link? The man just goes hard when it comes to food lol

[proudmythicalbeast]

Need this look back for gms

[jacularmetteld]

***

[theredquilt]

Daily Rhett Looks

[soho-x]

This looks like the start of a very niche porno.

[proudmythicalbeast]

My question is: does Link Grog regularly poke Rhett Greg good?

Good Mythical poking....

[link-sans-specs]

Semper Curiosus! Greg and Grog just invent Latin.

Mythical Society

Bonus Round: We Try the Real Caveman Diet

[bleakcreek]

It's interesting how not only does Link hate giving Rhett actual compliments but man he be pretty harsh sometimes. He's always teasing him about Jessie crazy to marry him, how he parents his kids, his looks, etc.

it’s definitely interesting. i think it’s a combination of link doing it for comedy, link not wanting to give rhett the satisfaction of it (because obviously rhett knows that’s not how link really feels), and link just feeling self-conscious about it in general where his relationship with rhett is concerned. i think part of it is that it’s just part of the way link shows his affection though. rhett knows link is lying, and rhett has done the same thing in the past (though he’s less prone to it now), so i think it’s like -- almost a way of acknowledging how he feels without the embarrassment of actually being genuine. 

hell, there have been a ton of times when link has been trying to insult rhett and has accidentally complimented him instead. remember in one of the earlier seasons when he was trying to mock rhett and accidentally said he loved him instead?

during times when they’re less “on” though, they’re a lot more likely to compliment one another, especially in reference to something they’ve done creatively together. 

[silens-oro]

Real Friendly

Rhett Abbott x f!Reader

Synopsis: Rhett’s bein’ a jerk.

Warning: Drinking, angst light(TM), jealousy (derogatory)

AN: It’s Friday night, I’ve had a couple edibles, and this is unedited because I make the rules. This is just a stupid lil something to get out of my writing funk. Also, it should be noted that I don’t know nothin’ about anything. Rodeos especially. No thoughts, just cowboys.

“Stop,” Your patience was wearing thin the longer you sat at the high top in that unfamiliar bar in an unfamiliar city. Rhett was at the tail end of his current circuit and you made the four hour drive to meet him in Colorado. He had a good night as far as his rides were concerned -which wasn’t surprising- and that excitement and joy was diminishing rapidly.  

“Stop what?” Rhett’s voice was heavy, the handful of beers he had consumed aiding in the raspiness as the night went on. He didn’t even look at you when he responded. Rhett was too preoccupied with shooting lasers into the back of the cowboy’s head at the opposite end of the room to notice your own growing glare that was pointed directly at him.

Your flat hand tapped the table three times to get his attention.

“You goin’ home with him tonight?” Your question knocked him out of his one-sided debacle. His normally bright eyes were darkened by the male instinct that nearly turned him into a caveman at the thought of another man stepping into his territory. You were surprised he hadn’t pissed a circle around you to ward off every male within a 10 mile radius.

“What?” Rhett asked dumbly with a pulled face, thrown off by your question.

“I don’t know, you seem mighty preoccupied with him when your actual girlfriend is right in front of you,” you challenged with a raised brow.

15 Minutes Previous

“Can I get another round, Lenny, and put whatever the lady’s getting on my tab,” A deep drawl spoke up from your right. You held up your hand to stop the bartender before he could ring the drinks in.

“Oh, that’s real sweet of you, but I’m gonna have to decline,” You spoke up over the loud rumbling within the bar. “Can I get a Bud and a Stella. Tab’s under Rhett,” The bartender nodded and shuffled about to get the drinks for both parties.

The man winced playfully and held a hand up to his chest. He was handsome, you’d give him that. He couldn’t hold a candle to Rhett, your brain told you immediately. His dark hair and dark eyes were a complete contrast to Rhett. He stood tall in tight jeans, a black t-shirt, cowboy boots, cowboy hat, and a big buckle on display that shone under the overhead lights. You vaguely remember his face from earlier in the night.

“Shame someone beat me to it,” He replied with a dazzling smile. “Lenny! Put her drinks on my tab!” He shouted. The bartender, who seemed to be familiar with the man, rolled his eyes and nodded. The man turned his attention back to you. “I insist,” 

“You really didn’t have to do that,” you gave him a kind smile, “but it is appreciated all the same.”

“Not a problem-” He held his hand up for you to shake as you gave him your name. “Beautiful name for a beautiful lady. Name’s Mark,”

“It’s nice to meet ya, Mark. You rode tonight, right?” Your brain made the connection between his face and his name. 

“Sure did,” He confirmed with a nod of his head, chest puffing up just the slightest. “Mr. Rhett,” He referred to the name on your tab, “take you to see the show?”

“He rode,” You nodded over to Rhett, who was looking in the opposite direction. Even from a distance you were absolutely mesmerized by him. Mark’s eyes lit up in recognition.

“Rhett…Rhett,” He turned his attention back to you and snapped his fingers repeatedly, trying to remember Rhett’s last name. “He rode Bad Bronson,” He snapped his fingers again. “Abbott!” He hit his hand against the bar in his eureka moment.  

“That’s right!” You confirmed with a laugh.

“He had one hell of a ride on his last go around,” Mark commented. “Been a long time since I’ve seen Bronson keep a rider,” His kind words towards Rhett made your chest fill with pride.

The bartender made his way back with six bottles in hand, dispensing them between yourself and Mark.

“Thank you again for the drinks, Mark,” You said kindly. “You have yourself a good night! And stay out of trouble,”

“You as well, little lady,” Mark tipped his hat with a goofy grin and took off towards his friends, bottles in hand. “But I ain’t makin’ any promises!” 

Little did you know that Rhett had watched the entire interaction like a hawk, eyes narrowing into a scowl by the time you set the beer bottle down in front of him.

“Made a friend?” Rhett’s question wasn’t aggressive, but you picked up on his tone instantly. Considering they both rode tonight, Rhett knew who Mark was.

“Mark,” You knew the response was going to rub salt in an already irritated wound, but you weren’t the type to pussyfoot around a man’s ego. “He kindly bought this round for us,” you stressed ‘us’ to get your point across. All Rhett did was grunt, taking a long drink from the bottle.

“Just seemed like you were up there for a while is all,”

“It’s a busy bar,” You replied with a shrug.

“Sure is,” He said dismissively, his eyes trailing over the crowd and stopping on their target. “You two got real friendly,”

“We were talking about you,”

“Mmhmm,”

Present

Standing from your barstool, you pushed your empty bottle towards the middle of the table.

“Other women might find this attractive, Rhett,” you started, voice firm, “but I don’t, so if I were you, I’d knock this shit off. Now.” Rhett opened his mouth to argue, but you held a finger up to his face, effectively silencing him.

“I took time off of work for you. I drove four hours to a different state for you. I stood in that crowd and I cheered for you.” You shook your head, “When Mark approached me, I shut him down near immediately, and he was a gentleman about it.” You pushed the stool under the table and shoved your phone into the back pocket of your jeans.

“If I didn’t want you, I sure as hell wouldn’t be here right now. I’m not entertaining this for another second of my night, so when you decide to get your head out of your ass, you know where to find me.” With that you turned around and headed back to the bar. There was an open billiards table in the corner that was calling your name and you knew sooner or later, Rhett would find you with his tail tucked between his legs.

[gemstone-gynoid]

every year rhett becomes more of a caveman and link just continues to look like the flimsy nerd he always looks like, with more salt and pepper. 

maybe link should regrow a handlebar moustache. 

[rileyrooin]

Rhett's thighs in that caveman getup. 👀

[proudmythicalbeast]

So that's where Link was poking