#cav mag

[space--daemon]

Would it be possible to hear more of your thoughts about the 5th absorbs the ninth au?

oh my god YES

i'm so deep in my tlt bre fic or i would already be writing this because i LOVE this au and will soon be reading EVERY fic with this concept (some of which are linked in the notes of the original post)

so i imagine this taking place a short while after harrow opens the tomb, a year or two at most

harrow is equal parts devastated w grief and fanatic with adoration for the body in the tomb

she is also NOT in the mood for the ninth to be absorbed by the fifth and is ready to fuckin throw down

of course by throw down, harrow means "glare at them until they go away and also bones" bc she's twelve and that's really all she can do

fifth's first trip to the ninth:

abigail: hel- those people are dead

harrow, currently manipulating the corpses of her parents: (drops from the ceiling like batman) begone, invaders, you are not- griddle!

gideon, who Should Not be there but saw a sword and thought "fuck it": (walks up to magnus) fight me old man

magnus and abigail immediately decide to adopt these children

magnus starts sparring with gideon and getting his ass handed to him, much to aiglamene's delight

abigail begins the daunting task of Earning Harrowhark Nonagesimus' Trust

she explains she doesn't actually want to take over the ninth and harrow can have it once she's eighteen

this inadvertently offends harrow and sets them back a month

the fifth quickly pick up that ortus is Not Into this whole cav business and make the pretty obvious connection that gideon should be harrow's cav and the equally obvious connection that both girls would Rather Die

cut to quinn and pent's epic quest to trick two preteens into accepting the fifth as their caregivers and becoming cav and necromancer

they also become the world's most awkward wingmen

magnus, during a sparring session: say, the reverend daughter looked very regal this morning, didn't she?

gideon, who has already adopted this man as a father figure: what the fuck mags how could you betray me like this

ortus is either besties with the fifth or actually fucking them like abigail pent would one hundred percent take one look at this chubby eloquent caring inept motherfucker and be like I Want That Bear Obliterated

at some point they get it into their heads that the girls need peer engagement so they bring jeanne and isaac to visit

harrowhark nonagesimus, who has never met a person younger than her, watching a nine-year-old jeannemary chatur vibrate with excitement: what the FUCK is That

gideon nav, whose only experience with people younger than her is harrow: what the FUCK is That

[anchesetuttinoino]

Screenshot (13 mag 2024 09:35:28)

Grazie a tutte le cav a tutti i volontari per la collaborazione!

Segui ➡️ 🌐 t.me/ArsenaleKappa 🅰️ 💥💥

[rightshoeonleftfoot]

On Edge

Pairing: Marius "Jäger" Streicher x Ryad "Jackal" Ramírez Al-Hassar

Summary: Jackal and Jäger are both training as attackers and defenders respectively. Jackal tracks Jäger while he is roaming.

Warnings: Canon typical violence, no blood since this all happens during practice.

Words: 862

This is a little one shot for bestjagermain on twitter!

Jäger put his last ADS down near an entry point, and took a deep breath. He could hear his teammates moving about, setting up site for the imminent entry of the attackers. Though he knew it was only practice, he was still very on edge, with Mira calling the shots.

He checked his mags and took a mental map of how the site was set up, before Mira yelled out a few orders. "Jäger, Caveira! You're both roaming, understood? Jäger, you head for the east entrance, Cav, go for the west entrance." Jäger and Caveira both nodded and headed to their respective positions.

The building was quiet, except for the sounds of his teammates walking upstairs. Though he's done this multiple times, he can't help but feel stressed. He takes a shaky breath in as he roams the hallways, keeping an eye and ear out for anything out of place. He can't hear anything but his own breathing and heartbeat. It's nerve wracking, hearing the sound of his own footsteps bouncing off the walls.

His grip on his gun tightens as he peeks around corners, making sure the way is clear. He's worried, looking over his shoulder constantly, he does not want to get flanked. His team depends on him after all. His headphones crackle to life, with a desperate call from Blitz. "ONE SECOND FLOOR, CASH ROOM, FU-" The radio cuts off, leaving him in eerie silence once again.

He's not sure if Caveira will be going after the person on the second floor, and right as he decides to continue roaming, he gets a transmission from Cav. "I'm dealing with Ace over here, Jäger go after him!" She's clearly out of breath, so he sneaks his way to the second floor. He quickly gets to the server room to find it completely empty.

It's eerily quiet upstairs, the distant sounds of gun fights in the background. He clears the server room, aiming his gun at anything he finds suspicious, before peeking in the cash room carefully. He walks in slowly, making his footsteps as quiet as he possibly can. The only sounds audible are the beeping and buzzing of the electronics in the room.

He hears his own breathing as he peeks at an angle, keeping an ear out for any footsteps. He turns suddenly, having an odd feeling of being tracked. There's no one there. He's just met with an empty room as he peers into the garage. He watches it for way longer than he should. It might just be the atmosphere, but something is making him more on edge than usual.

Then, he hears a single footstep. He turns instantly, only to be met with a wall. Scheiße. He decides to rotate back to the points, knowing he's most likely already been spotted. He moves quickly, but whoever is hot on his trail moves quicker. He doesn't hear anyone as he makes his way back to the stairs. Then, he gets a gut feeling. His heart drops as he immediately turns around to shoot.

Unfortunately, he gets met with the hard concrete wall against his back. His gun had fallen out of his hands, the violence of the pin having him disoriented. "You should be more careful, cariño." Jackal's voice is hushed as he presses the blade of his knife against Jäger's throat. Jager can't feel the cold of the blade thanks to his balaclava, but he can feel the sharpness of it and the pressure Jackal is putting on it.

Words fail him as his breathing gets more laboured. He really wants to reply with a quip, but all he can do is stare. "Cat's got your tongue, amor?" Jäger shakes his head quickly. "N-no, you just scared me." He feels almost relaxed at the sight of Jackal, despite being held at knife-point. The pressure Jackal is applying to his knife lightens.

Jäger's hand comes up to hold Jackal's on the knife. Jackal has a cheeky smile, but Jäger is still trying to calm himself down from the sudden scare. "You're dead and out, Marius." Jackal speaks, before completely withdrawing his knife. "Thought so." Jäger chuckles quietly. Jackal lifts Jäger's balaclava just high enough to see his mouth and closes the very small distance between them, kissing him. Jäger kisses him back without hesitation, just wanting to enjoy this small moment of "privacy" between the both of them.

Jackal pulls away, and Jäger can't help but smile. "Good luck, liebe." They can both hear footsteps from the upper floors, so they go quiet for a second. Jackal completely moved himself off of Jäger. He continues his way up the stairs and looks back at him. "You better go before my good mood runs out, my love." He's teasing him, and Jäger just shakes his head, a grin plastered on his face.

Jackal disappears around the corner and Jäger sighs. He pulls his balaclava down and makes his way out of the building, only to be greeted by the blinding sun once outside. What a fucking dick. He thinks. He'd never admit just how much he likes it though. Not even with a knife to his throat.

[whatcha-reading-today]

Fanfic Spotlight: Your Necro Questions Answered | Magichorse

Gideon and Harrow are happily married living...somewhere and Gideon writes an advice column in a porno mag. Honestly, exactly what I expect post canon.

Read it here:

Author: Magichorse

Fandom: The Locked Tomb

Main characters: Gideon Nav/Harrowhark Nonagesimus

Author's description: Syndicated columnist "Nav the Cav" offers a sympathetic ear to cavaliers across the galaxy and dispenses practical, no-nonsense, real talk advice on how to properly manage and care for your necromancer.

Word count: 8,842words

Rating: T

Complete: Yes

[shinyshade8026]

Fi ziv nioske oshkay… kanv mie cav buegs blazeng…?

-Garret

Yeah, you can have hugs!!!

Mags wants to know Satyr Speak, can I give it the doc?

[crystalelemental]

Coliseum defeated. Got to around level 34 before trying again and we did manage to clear everything and recruit Amalia. I have also created what I feel is a pretty invincible team. At the very least, I haven't seen them lose to anything sane yet.

Alain

Holy Unicorn Blade (S-rank Renown, obtainable if you can beat your grandfather's ghost. Gives +1 AP/PP and debuff immunity, which I think counts status since "removes debuffs" on heals seems to remove status)

Azure Crest Shield (+1 AP)

Ring of the Unicorn (It's fine)

Knight's Medallion (+2 Def, +10% Def, Guard Rate +10%)

AP skills set Cav Slayer as priority if there are Cavs, Spinning Edge as priority if there are 2+ enemies in a row, Lean Edge as generic.

PP skills are important. The big winning move was adding Luminous Cover with the priority target "Highest Phys Atk" so he guards Nina.

Melisandre

Kingsblade Cornix (Obtained from Cornea stone tablet quest. All stats +5)

Notos' Sword (Obtained from southern(?) door shrine. +1 AP, +10 initiative, +10 evasion)

Warrior's Medallion (+2 Atk, +10% Atk, +10% crit rate)

Hero's Medallion (+1 AP/PP, Atk +20%. Was Carnelian Pendant for +1 AP)

AP has Keen Edge for Scout, Impale for any target below 25% HP, and Meteor Slash generally.

PP focuses on Hasted Strike for Scouts or Fliers aiming for a one-shot. Charged Impetus is the big focus for another AP, with the third PP going into Parry and hopefully a third Meteor Slash. That last bit is only with Hero's Medallion.

Nina

Kingsaxe Drakenash (Drakenhold stone tablets. All stats +5)

Warrior's Medallion

Ruby Pendant (+2 AP)

Green Beret (+10% Atk)

AP is Row Smash if there's armor and a row of 2+ enemies, or Heavy Smash if just armor. Otherwise, we're aiming for Assaulting Blow nonstop infinite smashmax.

PP is mostly Enrage. Heavy Counter exists but the goal is to never use it. Binding Guard also exists for armor but ideally it never goes off. Enrage is all she wants to do with her PP.

Rosalinde

Twinned Bough (Default weapon)

Sorcerer's Medallion (Warrior's but for Mag Atk)

Carnelian Pendant

Druid Robes (applied Cursed Impetus, which grants +1 AP if debuffed)

AP is weird. Elemental Roar is set as Second Action, ideally to combo with Primus Edge. Sylphic Wind activates if there are fliers, and Freezing Thrust is there if we have armor, but mostly we want Primus Edge into Elemental Roar.

PP has her using Curing Heal, with "Prioritize Caster." I've found the one thing that really hurt us on the climb, and the reason I was stopped, was status hitting Scarlett. This clears it.

As an aside, I realized a few things while playing around with Rosaline and Eltoline. Apparently, "activates at the start of battle" only happens for one ally on the team. Only one. So if the others jump queue, the others don't get it. This created a huge problem for getting those fairies active, as a faster option like, say, a Scout? Offsets Eltoline's heal and buff and Fairy to give herself her big damage attack. Additionally, it turns out they only dispel their own fairies, not the full party's. So they are actively kinda crap together, I think, because the "start of battle" setup for their big burst conflicts with one another. Only one of them can get it. I still want to shift Rosaline off this team, but she gets the job done and I don't have better ideas.

Scarlett

Precious Rod (Limited Heal to overheal above maximum)

Scarlett's Ribbon (Quick Heal added)

Sapphire Pendant (+2 PP, was Lapis Pendant)

Ruby Pendant (+2 AP, was Carnelian Pendant)

AP is Innocent Ray if there are 2+ combatants in a row. Curing Call is if anyone gets hit with a debuff, or with particular status shifted to suit the match. Holy Light if there's an armor. Then Limited Heal otherwise.

PP has Saint's Barrier and Passive Miracle naturally, while Quick Heal goes to whoever has the lowest HP percentage.

General Notes

The first Amalia fight goes down pretty easy. It's the follow-up fight that's a pain. The big thing that got us to win was Luminous Cover on Highest Atk. This prevented Nina from getting hit by Ground Shaker, which would shed one of her buffs, and one of her attacks. Additionally, Melisandre can just dodge it, so it saves the most effect. With sufficient guard, Alain will also guard her against one of the big seven-hit team-wide combos, which means she only needs to tank one hit. Luminous Cover is specifically chosen to permit that, as the boosted 20% Def actually lets her tank reasonably well.

So far, there hasn't been anything too threatening. Usually when we lose, it's because the opponent has like 10+ levels on us. Otherwise, they crush it. Usually what stops things is status on the back row. Scarlett can get really messed up if afflicted, and if we don't guard Nina from it and she dies to Burn or Poison, the match is effectively sunk. Nina is the win condition outright.

As mentioned, I really want to shift Rosalinde off this team, to something that doesn't have such a high competition for first action. I'd like to see her have a bit more utility overall. Not that she doesn't help, but she feels more like a generalized backup healer for Scarlett. Maybe that's fine. Maybe it's all she needs to be. But I want better for her.

I have some other teams I'm still testing out. I'll have to post about that tomorrow though. I'm enjoying the game, but I feel like I'm going to walk back into the main plot stuff and kinda steamroll everything now. Oops.

[cattem]

Hey so what’s your favorite headcannon for Cav and Valk?

This is my first time to write down my headcanon in English, so it might be complicate and poor-grammer thing.

What should I say first? I stan em after playing operation archangel in GR:WL, and I thought a squabbling but cute loving relationship between them. Valkyrie is mild golden retriever that feel annoyed about Cav but can't resist to come up with Cav. Cav is basically hissing black cat but strangely she has a thing for Valkyrie. 'mounting tensions with Specialist Taina "Caveira" Pereira over the incident in Bolivia.' I see this canon Valk's lore as usual catfight, maybe they made up 4829times on the bedsheet or .. or… or I don't know I'm nasty. They bickering everyday and everytime but still lovers?? or something like that. They do love and hate each other at the same time, They can't define their own relationship.

EVEN THOUGH CANON GAVE ME THIS↓ RIDICULOUS TATTOO.

+ I don't wanna forget about Camila, I just feel like Caveira would cheat on her lover, because she is Caveira. this headcanon came from a plot which my friend in twitter told me. "I can make you impressed in 5 seconds. What if Mag accidently answer Taina's phone in early morning after a 'night', and It was from Camila?" "I'm impressed." Canon gf secured, Cav's sapphic secured, my otp is yet legit, and getting even more interesting.

++ I don't really care about who would be 'top', but I think I LITTLE, a micro millimeter, a sheet of paper, bit prefer Valk on top.

[liesmyth]

I would like to request the director's cut/commentary of And the Knife that You Twist when You Say You Always Win please :)

aaaah thank you!

and the knife that you twist when you say you always win, 4k, rated M, Gideon/Harrow, Harrow Nova AU

“So you want to be my cav,” Gideon said. “Okay. Prove it.” The thing was: having the hots for a stuck-up cavalier? Totally not as fun as it’d looked in the mags.

My contribution to the Harrow Nova renaissance! This fic is like 60% the fault of @augustmourn who doesn't even know it (now she does) who had many truly delicious ideas about Reverend Daughter Gideon and her dynamic with Harrow Nova (yes I lurked on your CIEx exchange letter) + planted Ideas in my head about sexy knifeplay.

Anyway. This is a fic about being a horny repressed teenager and there's only another girl on Pluto, and you're inescapably tied together and caught in a vicious cycle of feudal loyalty and resentment. And also you have a big fat crush. It's also an exploration of my Reverend Daughter Gideon headcanons. I have MANY! I think she'd be a cocky dick with eldritch jod-adjacent chaos powers.

(I absolutely want to write a long Harrow Nova AU at some point but I think I want to wait until AtN is out to keep the speculation to a minimum. BUT I made this fic part of a series bc I also have plans for pre-canon one-shots that are mostly about teen griddlehark in this 'verse)

Title from this absolute banger: hatefuck by Cruel Youth

[reynanghugot]

[11:45 PM]

Nakakapagod na araw. Super nakakatuwa lang kasi sobrang minimal ng revisions na gagawin namin sa paper namin for this subject. Worth it yung puyat, pagod, pag iisip, meetings namin ng mga ka group ko. Nagustuhan din ng program chairman/prof namin yung mga layouts ko. I'm hoping na sana maging okay lahat by the end of this sem. Appreciate ko din yung group mates ko (first two pictures sa taas) kasi from Cavs and Rizal pa sila talagang sinamahan nila ako for this consultation.

After school, dapat mag mo-moa kami ni Nikko pero di na kinaya ng pagod ko kaya we decided to re-schedule nalang ito sa Sunday since off naman niya. Di kasi ako pwede mapagod ng sobra dahil di pa ko magaling. So we ended up, mag stay nalang sa apartment ng few hours before ako umuwi samin. We had deep talks regarding with my current situation and one thing na masasabi ko is super grateful ako to have him and his family in my life. Wala na kong mahihiling pa.

Lastly, nag launch ako ng cover photo and post sa fb page and ig ko letting my moots know that I'm now entering the freelancing Industry. So far, natutuwa ako sa outcome kahit paano. Baby steps ba. Atleast, may progress and sobrang willing ako to work hard for it talaga. Thanks to my mentor talaga @/kindclouds for helping me all throughout and answering my never-ending questions. Makakabawi din ako sayo.

Anw, ayun lang ang aking chika today. Gusto ko pa sana mag acads but my body is slowly giving up na sa pagod. I hope everyone is having a great Friday evening too! Toodles.

[ygmitsu]

i jus wanna share b4 me mag sleep fr (tnx to mule) hahahah na im kinda binge watching happiness on netflix and the vibe this condo gives is very that kdrama!!!

feeling main character tuloy me hehhee pag nag ka zombie d2 i need my yi hyun 😾 anw cute q pati my curled hair and outfit hmp o sya hepi sundaaaay I’ll be back in cav again latwr ughh

[sleprandomizer]

Happy birthday Framme and Clanne

"The divine dragon looked at me" This line haunting me even in my dream

Our twins the 33rd steward of divine dragon. For their birthday I want to share my experience when I used them.

I used Framme in my first playthrough (hard mode) and Clanne in my 2nd playthrough (maddening). I couldn't lie that I actually dislike Framme and Clanne before engage released. The high pitch voices and the unhinged dialogue line made me uncomfortable and felt embarrassing to hear their dialogues. Part of me want to kill them at my first playthrough. However, I tried to give them a chance. I couldn't handle the amount of embarrassment when used both of them so I pick one of the twins. At least I could handle the amount of uncomfortable fangirling if only one character.

Design wise Framme and Clanne are quite good. I actually like it that they are teens who look like teen so part of me can tolerate their behaviour when fangirling a little bit. I like the colour choices refered to christmas cav. Oh they also remind me with the colour of mario and luigi.

As unit Framme probably had more upper hand since Qi was something new compare to Clanne who was a mage. We already knew what mages do but not with Qi class. At the beginning, through Framme the game taught player that Qi class could heal, break bow and tome, and chain guard. Chain guard caught my attention and it was really cool, it taught us how to create human wall with your units. For example when enemy attack Alear and Framme already activated chain guard before, the first hit of enemy would be deflected and the damage was transfered to Framme. Very interesting mechanic that sadly not aged very well. Chain guarding only allowed when Framme in full health. After she took the damage because of chain guard, she couldn't do chain guard again because her hp was not full. The problem was frame the main healer in the first part and healing other units was more important than chain guarding. Then she just became our staff bot until we recruit jean and yunaka-micaiah. In part 2 I delayed her reclass because other new units need master seal more than healer. I reclassed her as martial master. Framme rarely engaged in combat because fist in this game used (str+mag)/2 so she never dealt meaningful damage. She also was too busy to chain guarding or healing or playing with staved. Mostly healing and using staves. In the end she never felt like so important for me. I just kept using her because it was my first playthrough. I did feel annoyed when i heard her selection dialogue.

Clanne I used him in my second playthrough. Engage is kinda whack with classes and unit. He was a mage but his personal mag growth only 10%. Because my first maddening was fixed growth it affect Clanne performance later. As our first mage clanne actually useful in part 1. He can chip or dealt a lot of damage for armour which i appreciated. In part 2 I reclassed him as mage knight and gave him forged levin sword. Levin sword helped him to keep him relevant. Oh he was quite fast so he could at least double enemies. However due to his low magic stat in the end he couldn't kill general or great knight due to their bulkiness. It was not his fault even pandreo sometimes couldn't finished those enemies however at least pandreo almost kill it while clanne still leaving like half of the hp. In the end as mage knight he just okay but other mages definitely outclassed him.

At the end of the day I still don't feel attachment to Framme and Clanne despite playing this game 5 times and part 1 forced me to use them for like the first 6-7 chapters. Their support conversation actually okay as long as it was not about Alear. I like framme x diamant support and clanne x jean support. I didn't dislike them much compare to pre-release engage but I don't think I love them. Just okay.

Framme

Character: 6.0/10

Design : 8.0/10

Unit performance : 6.5/10 (staves in general just powerful but she was not the only staff user)

Clanne

Character: 6.0/10

Design: 8.2/10

Unit performance: 6.0/10 (still okay until the end of playthrough as MK but i prefer not to use him again)

[perennii]

griddlehark for the ship bingo >:)

OHHHHH *lizzo voice* I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE

For me they are SOLIDLY in the "they're so (blood and guts and cannibalism)" and "they make me CRAZY". LIKE!!!! FUCKING GRIDDLEHARK!!!!!!!! I STRAIGHT UP WROTE MY GRADUATION ESSAY ON THEM IN HS, I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM

I think what KILLS me about them is the way they learned to express care, and what that says about the way they interacted as kids and in the present day of the story. Harrow was shown care very rarely, in a way that prioritized appearances and tradition over genuine love. For her, care was being shown how to do something, and not punished because she got it right. Gideon 's main parental relationship was with Aiglamene, and while she did love Gideon, their love was also very transactional; and Aiglamene was very cold towards Gideon in a way that damaged the poor kid. Anything Gideon knows of love outside the Ninth are from the Cohort mags she reads. She reads about daring heroes, and how being a hero out in battle will lead to love (and smashing puss lmfaooo). When we see the way they interact at the beginning of GTN, it was already clear that, through their hatred and rivalry, they DID CARE FOR EACH OTHER ALREADY!!!!!!

And then they learn to care about each other in the ways they need!!!! Harrow learns to not only provide Gideon with feedback, but with PRAISE!!!! She actively makes it clear how much she values Gideon and her contributions. And Gideon learns how to trust Harrow, and that not all relationships are transactional. She learns the virtue of loyalty, in both directions. She learns how to trust and care for Harrow in the way she needs.

AND THEN THE WAY THEYS CHANGE FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END OF GTN ACTIVELY DAMAGE THEM!!!! SCREAM!!!!! Harrow learns how to accept Gideon as she is, and when Gideon sacrifices herself, she gives up EVERYTHING to make sure Gideon, as she was is preserved. As Magnus puts it, Harrow becomes a mausoleum for the preservation of who Gideon was. And then, Gideon learns the true meaning of loyalty; that not all love is transactional, and that some things are worth more than yourself. And then this turns into the most TOXIC, WORST VERSION OF A GOOD TRAIT!!!! Gideon is so loyal to Harrow, she's furious that Harrow didn't use her. She sees it as a betrayal of Harrow's loyalty towards her that she showed at the end of the novel. She sees it as a return to the controlling, corrective, and harsh care Harrow showed at the beginning of GTN. But what she doesn't understand is that HARROW DOESN'T WANT TO USE HER, SHE JUST WANTS TO BE WITH GIDEON AS SHE WAS!!!!!!!!!! Gideon thinks Harrow doesn't want her. But Harrow doesn't want a cav or to to be a lyctor, SHE WANTS GIDEON ASFD.akhtu3RVNGRDO;IQYr3tbs4da;rgtvbcalrwse sorry that was me having a momentary stroke just THINKING about these bone lesbians.

I don't care if they die or not because I frankly trust Tazmuir beyond anything I could come up with, but I am PRAYING for them to TALK!!!! If they die without this misunderstanding ironed out, I will fucking walk into the Hudson River with fucking METAL ANKLE BRACELETS-

[tiredarchistudent]

Home alone nanaman, well wala naman bago di na ngalang ako sanay here sa cav. Madalas naman mag isa sa dorm pero i can freely go to Pia naman when i can. Yk, im just not used to it. Kahit na may routine, nakakabaliw HAHA hirap gumalaw, katamad. Ang lungkot, ang hirap hayy things are always better when you have a companion talaga no?

[ynononos]

Thank you for being a part of my 2022.

Looking back parang di naman ako masaya or parang black and white naman talaga buhay ko this year. Namatayan, nagdeact, masters, nag work, nag resign. Pero in between that thankful ako na nakilala kita. You were my 2022 plot twist.

Dati sobrang tagal ng days parang i was just living to wait for fridays. Tas sobrang hirap mamuhay kasi i wasnt looking forward to something. Pero nung nakasama kita at nakilala sobrang bilis na ng araw na di ko namamalayan. Because I'm happy just to be with you. Nung nakilala kita, kahit nahihirapan ako sa work, sa masters o sa bahay, hindi ko na ramdam yung hirap, because anjan ka. You were my escape.

When you came, lahat ng taong dumaan sa past ko kahit last year lang yon became irrelevant. Na parang sobrang saya ko na we didn't work out because I get to know you dahil don. And I get to do life with you.

Araw araw kitang pipiliin.

Didn't know that I was settling for less not until you came.

Sorry kung na pa feel ko sayo minsan na di ako masaya just because di ako ngumingiti tulad nung sa ktv with college friends mo, di lang ako sanay sa ganon. First time ko lang din kasi mag ktv bar. Hehe. Pero i hope na i was able to blend in sa dad side fam mo. Sobrang saya ko to be with them nung pasko. Thank you.

Kung may ipagpapasalamat ako ngayong year, siguro bukod sa pagiging buo pa rin ng di ko perkpektong pamilya, ikaw na yung sumunod. Nagpapasalamat ako na nakilala kita. Hindi na ko mag isa. Hindi na din ako nalulungkot, dahil nanjan ka na.

Thank you ng sobra. Sa pagmamahal. Sa pasensya mo. Sa pag a adjust sakin and sa traumas and other issues ko. Thank you sa pag aalaga. Sa paghahatid sundo. Sa pagpunta. Sa pagiging on call sa needs ko or kahit kelan kita kailangan. Thank you sa pagpapatawad sakin every now and then. Sa pagtanggap ng pagkukulang ko. Sa pag aassure sakin every moment. Sa pagiging good sa family ko. Even dogs.

Salamat sa pagiging consistent sa efforts, sa flowers, sa akin. Sa pagsasama sa fam gatherings. Sa pag gastos sakin. Sa pagbubukas ng door. Cars and all.

I was so lucky to know someone like you. Lagi akong nag lo look back kung paano kita nakilala kasi feeling ko sobrang swerte ko na makilala kita dahil lang sa research. Haha. Its the little things, mga first convo. Palitan ng ids, work, alumni. And then here you are. Celebrating the holidays with me. Na parang kelan lang nasa cav city tayo during our first meet.

And lastly, thank you for loving me and being you. I'm proud of you, and your achievements this year bb. I love you so much.

To more adventures with you and our family.

Thank you for making me happy and loved this 2022. Happy New Year, Yno. And to more years with you.

[cavitymagazine]

𝖓𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖑𝖎𝖛𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖈𝖔𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖉

"this is what happens"; i don't want to say this is what happens, but this is what happens. this is what happens; maybe i'm afraid, maybe I'M afraid, it's too early to say, isn't it, it's always too early, it's never late enough, it never comes time, [because it's always time], and you never get away, no one ever said "don't explore too thickly", what's the implication...? that you'll get ensnared...? that you'll never get out, that you'll never find the sun again, that you'll leave with all you have, and eventually, when the collapse comes, when the collapse comes inevitable when the collapse comes, when it comes when it comes when it comes; it's over. it's already over. why don't you quit? why can't you? it's already over, it's already done, you've failed in every respect; with respect to him: he's failed. in every respect. he inherited his past, forfeited his future, and now he's done. now he's done. now he's done, it's just echopraxis, idle-passive-echopraxia. it's just rewritten. it's Memory, it's Memory dressing you down, it's faint Memory's hot breath in your ear, it's the torque in your brain, letting the chill in. it's what it did to you. it's no one's fault it's what it did to you, it's what it did to you to you to you to you; it's just all over again it's all over again it's all over again! and no one why can't stop and no one why can't stop and no one why end it all up before over again, end it all up before over again; now you've done it, now you've done it. complete the path, end the story, put a nice finishing quote up on it, frame the situation, endure the climax, suffer the consequence oh: it's over

-

ok: this monster of solitudes finally wilted and caught the bus downtown to procure a girl-boy, or a boy/girl, or whichever happened to be least convenient. the kid with the chemicals: K, x, E, crack or heroin, whatever. i'll be the first to admit i was looking for a mother substitute. it was suck suck nursing-time in my ugly depths and i was willing to prostitute myself for even a breath of fresh air, without exaggerating, if that tells you anything. my hypothetical pick-up line was something along the lines of, are you obnoxiously drunk enough that you wouldn't terribly mind if i kissed or held you for a few minutes? what a joke, i am a joke, hahaha. oh no. (parenthetically, i polished off a bottle of yellowtail chardonnay and a good third of stolichnaya vodka before i set out on my way, with a snack of leftover valium here and there.) i wound up in a Club, inexplicably, don't ask me how; i dared myself to enter, against my better judgment. there i stood, more myself than i can ever remember being, practically inanimate, eyes tightly shut while everyone around me swayed, jived, gyrated, grooved and swooned. i stood absolutely still. took a shot of wild turkey. felt nothing. eventually i was accosted by some skinhead for finishing his beer; he threatened to have his burly partner pummel me into a pulp. screaming in my ear over the cacophony. to this i did not respond. I didn't do what I normally would have done, which was laugh. I stared into his eyes, my default weapon. Red heat. He let me be. I loitered a little while longer, then left, without regret or a second thought, or even a first thought, truth be told. Security even inquired after my well-being, how charming--seeing my downcast countenance, carcass hunched against a wall, blank stare, barely standing unassisted, half-dead. Oh whatever. i got lost/drunk for four hours; crossed a street where civil servants were digging a ditch. a female police officer motioned me back, i ceded and walked up to her. bitching about "why did i cross the street when the light wasn't green". i replied, simply and honestly, that i hadn't noticed. she sneered and shot back, well, maybe you'll notice next time you're smack against a windshield. the unbelievable temerity and unbridled arrogance of cops. i told her to fuck off. "pardon Me?" FUCK YOU. i screamed, and a third time, in case she didn't get the message. to say the least it touched a nerve. we all have our limits. i almost wished i had brought my knife so i could tear out her throat. people don't know when to leave well enough alone and this i cannot forgive, regardless; i don't care what social station they occupy, who they might be--fuck them and their like to the ends of the earth. many a time the thought crossed my mind to capitulate, call it quits, throw up my hands and admit myself to the emergency room of the mental hospital... but the notion was dismissed as summarily as it was entertained. why submit myself to the probing and prodding of incompetent hired goons whose only concern is my immediate docility, the mere abeyance of complaint, complacency at heart; assimilation into the normative and thus Known categories? that is not my problem. enough of that. too drunk to conclude, good night and god damn. 

-

worst nightmare of my life this morning. won't recount the vulgar details, very mindfuck interruptus. i came to sitting in front of an end-table with a laptop on it, chatting with my ex-fiancee on AIM (not in a million years), before a towering landfill (outdoors). i nearly fall out of my seat, nonplussed, and a bum remarks, "you really shouldn't be hanging around these parts at an hour like ours." i pause, too stunned to find my tongue. i finally muster, what city is this? it's all a slur. he says Detroit. i'm in a dissociative fugue and don't know anything, or anybody. as if i'm not entitled to properly draw upon the faculty of memory; i can't make my eyes or tongue work right either (no depth-perception / i can only utter forth labials or noncommittal monosyllables). the alpha male of a pack of junkies waves me on and offers me a line of coke, i kiss some freaked-out girls and take the night bus back to the valley in a ... it feels like i haven't been inside my body in years, that i'm still indefinitely removed, and i repeatedly fail to successfully execute even the most perfunctory of flexes and maneuvers... nothing is distinctly perceptible, it's all incoherent argument and foreign hum grating on my addled nerves. underneath it all i'm somehow deeply traumatized, but i am not in a position to understand or accept this. i either have no mind or this mind is not mine; it is neither lucid nor obedient and communicates via elaborate hazards... concealed gestures i cannot divine the wherewithal of. i stagger back to my tiny apartment to discover there is a party in full swing, people fucking, people playing cards, etc. i open my fridge and it is full of hard liquor. i then realize i have been on a steady bender for two weeks.

[Author bio]

Elizabeth Victoria Aldrich made a twitter account in June 2019 to let people know her porn star girlfriend of seven years was dead after she had to ask someone on Facebook and got broken up with for being a bad influence (porn and coke binges were not her idea but let it be known she was a down-ass bitch)  by her not-boyfriend who looks like the doomer meme dude. Now you're reading something by her. Isn't life weird?

twitter: @eris_rlt

[pinaasang-umasa]

quick kuwento kasi ala ako masabihan rn :-)

turnover ceremony ng org ko, tas nagkaayaan na after shakey's mag-chilltop daw. so my self-pity self decided na sumama given na hindi ako nakasama mag-bar kahapon na hanggang ngayon kinaiinggit ko kasi feel q ang saya nila, pero ok, dapat ok lang aq.

naka-5 towers sila shuta tas ang lala kasi magkakalayo kami ng uuwian, may tiga-laguna, pque, cavs, mga ganon. super magkalalayo lahat superb, tas shuta lasing sila. first time ko makasama sila sa ganon, tas gagi ang lala. nagddrunk chat sila halos lahat tas nagewang sa lakad HSHWUAHHA tae tawang tawa aq :-((((

pero ok, naredeem q naman social batt ko and ibang level of happiness w/ orgmates

ps: di naman ako uminom pero parang gusto q rin magwala??? jok dapat ok lang tayo makalimutan for awhile :-)