#cause i know i'll be writing something rather enjoyable to bring to life

[ashleyh713fanfics]

Dazai X Odasaku!Sister "Timeless" P2

Hello! I've been writing for awhile but this is the first time writing bsd. I gave Oda's sister a name but I'll do a version with y/n if that's more your speed. Synopsis: After Odasaku's death Dazai searches for a way to fulfill his last request but doesn't know where to start. That is until he meets Odasaku's mysterious little sister. Warnings: Usual bsd warnings. Murder, talks of death and suicide, Dazai being a sociopath. Part 2/3

Read Part One Here: https://www.tumblr.com/auranova713/741634729746612224/dazai-x-odasakusister-timeless-p1

Another one of his victims' screams filled the space before he was silenced permanently as Dazai blankly put his gun back into his holster before exiting the room in pure silence. Mori had given him extra work to ���keep his mind busy” in order to not attempt another suicide in the wake of Odasaku’s death but the boy just found it boring. 

In fact, he found everything boring. The guy he was torturing didn’t even show him anything interesting. He didn’t make any fun expressions or say anything of note. It was all just run of the mill screaming and cursing. Sigh. 

Moving out into the hallway, the boy then wandered into the next place on his schedule in order to go inside the meeting room and slump into the chair with a childish groan. “Mori, I’m bored. That guy was the worstttt.” 

The mafia boss only chuckled though, his fingers resting under his chin like they usually did. “Apologies Dazai. I’ll make sure to find you something more interesting to play with next time.” 

Pouting his lips, the boy frowned. “You’re just saying that so I won’t attempt another suicide again. It’s not fair! You sneaky man. So evil.” 

Once again, Mori only laughed, already used to Dazai’s dark words. “You aren’t wrong there. I guess I just wanted to bring you back to your usual self after you’ve been off the last week. Of course I know why but I need my executive to remain sharp.” 

Giving the man a warning eye for a split second at the vague mention of Oda, the boy then quickly threw it away in order to kick his feet under the table. “Ughhh fine. This meeting better be interesting at least.” 

Spoiler alert, the meeting wasn’t interesting in the slightest. They just talked about a string of uprisings in the area that were challenging the port mafia. Blah blah basic stuff really. 

See, this was the problem with Dazai. His world always spun far too fast for anyone to comprehend. It was like everyone else was constantly moving at a snail's pace and the boy found it a pain to slow down even for a millisecond. 

He was sharp, calculating and observant, more than anyone else could be. And in a way he wished that wasn’t the case, finding the experience boring and dull. Nothing could interest him for long enough for him to care. The entire world was just a toy he threw away time and time again. 

Any conversation he held was already finished before he could even speak, every move from an enemy was deciphered in a millisecond of them thinking it. It was all so boring. Everything, everyone. He was numb to it all. 

And sure, there were things that remedied that. Alcohol was a vice that temporarily slowed him down but it wasn’t ever enough, sex felt good but was also fleeting in terms of enjoyment and torturing only brought him possible entertainment not fulfillment. 

So much so, Dazai didn’t see a point in it all, wanting to just die rather than have to suffer in the mediocrity for the rest of his life. That right, a quick painless death was what was best for him. If only the universe would let him have that. 

Cause apparently Mori would not. How annoying. 

Couldn’t he see that there was truly no value in living?

-----------

Once his meeting was finished, the boy found himself wandering the streets of Yokohama once more. He was only a couple blocks from the port mafia base but that place was making him antsy. He needed to find something interesting and fast. 

Usually he would’ve harassed his idiot partner Chuuya but he was out of the country on a mission which meant that his usual toy wasn’t available. Ah how unfortunate.  

Just then, Dazai’s uncovered eye couldn’t help but focus on a very familiar individual, her crimson red hair skipping with her steps as he looked wide eyed wandering through the crowds of people. 

And if he didn’t know who she was, the boy would’ve thought she was a tourist with how fascinated and enamored she was with everything. 

So much so, the boy couldn’t help but watch her silently, his head turning in interest. He thought Ango had sent her back home last night. But what was she doing here, and so close to the port mafia base? 

And he didn’t plan to pursue her, Ango’s deep warning still clear in the back of his head. Well, that was until he watched the girl step into oncoming traffic, her eyes not noticing the red flashing lights at the intersection in the slightest. 

At the sight, Dazai’s heart couldn’t help but drop inside his chest as images of Odasaku’s death crashed into him immediately. And though this girl wasn’t him, her similarities made him feel like he was watching his best friend’s death again. 

So much so, he lifted his bandaged arm towards her in anxiety, pulling her backwards into his chest just as a car flew past them and across her vision and shouted out the window. “Hey! Watch where you’re walking!” 

Asagao then blinked behind her glasses in order to turn around to meet the frazzled boy only for her eyes to light up with that same kind of giddy joy he saw last night. “Oh. Osamu! Nice to see you again! I was hoping we would run into each other soon!” 

He paused at the sound of his first name. How odd, no one usually called him that. So informally. Then again, from what he gathered from Ango she wasn’t from around here. Which probably meant she was used to living in a place that used surnames, unlike Japan. 

Strangely enough though, the boy didn’t comment on it, finding the name refreshingly different. “You know, if you want to die there are less messy ways to do it. I could give you some pointers if you’d like?.”

Asagao only looked at him confused though, her blue eyes barely noticeable behind her large circular glasses. “Die?” 

Yet that’s when Dazai pointed over towards the crosswalk that almost killed her only for her to follow his finger and squint her eyes in silence. Was her eyesight really that bad? But she was wearing glasses. 

Then he watched her gasp audibly before nodding her head in understanding. “Ohhhh…so that’s what that red light was. Sorry, I’m not used to the streets here. Back home it wouldn’t be such a problem. Thanks for saving me from being a pancake though, I really appreciate it. That would’ve been embarrassing.” 

Well. that confirmed it. Her eyesight really was shit. Dazai wondered why she even made it this far with something like that. Probably out of pure luck from the looks of it. 

Which begged the question why she was here in the first place. “Didn’t Ango say he was taking you back?” 

And looking at her, he realized that maybe Ango was right after all. She obviously didn’t have the cautious intuition to live in Yokohama, considering she almost died by that truck a couple seconds ago. 

The way she was now, he doubted she’d last the rest of the day.

Asa only smiled sheepishly though, a hand to her head in order to answer nervously. “Ah, yeah. But then I kinda..ran away from him..?”

Ran away? Did she just say she ran away from Ango? Oh now that was too good. She slipped out from under him so easily. If only he could see the look on his face when it happened. Honestly good, Dazai knew he deserved the misery. 

So much so, the bandaged mafioso's lips curved upwards before giving a short chuckle of his own. “Ha! I bet he’s scrambling right now.”

Although that was when he watched Odasaku’s sister pause for a moment before shifting around on her feet, like she was nervous before finally speaking. “Anyways since you're here you wanna go somewhere with me?”

Dazai felt himself pause then. Just what was her game? No one had ever invited him anywhere before, well without ill intentions. “And why would I do that?”

Asa then looked down for a moment before shrugging her shoulders in order to reply. “Cause you’re bored?”

Feeling himself freeze, Dazai couldn’t help but feel amused by her answer. How did she know he was searching for something to entertain him, something to fill the mundane? It’s like she had read him. 

Or it could've been a lucky guess, that was more likely. 

Either way, the boy felt himself smile under his breath before reaching forward in order for his fingers to wrap around her arm and pull her forward with a low whisper. “Are you saying you’ll entertain me, darling?” 

He meant it as a joke to toy with her, wanting to see her off guard and flustered face from how close the distance suddenly was. 

Yet he was certainly surprised when she only nodded her head, like she was accepting some sort of challenge. “I’ll try my best!” 

In fact, she didn’t seem bothered by his hold, the boy’s fingers tightening ever so slightly before feeling his lips turn upwards when more, this time in a genuine sign of interest. 

Well, would you look at that? Odaskau’s sister had just cured his boredom. 

Allowing his fingers to unhook from the sight, the mafioso then stared down at his new entertainment before speaking lightly. “Very well, lead the way.” 

Then all at once, he watched the girl practically squeal with delight in order to do some sort of dance with her feet before beaming joyfully. “Ahh! Thank thank you. It’s just this way..I think…” 

Turning her body around, the girl was then gasping as she walked straight into a passerby only for her to jump back with a nervous chuckle and bow. “Oops, sorry! Excuse me!” 

Dazai couldn’t help but gaze at her with hilarity before following behind with a chuckle. 

Oh Asagao, how strange you are. I’ll dig into that brain of yours soon enough.

---------

The place she took him was towards the edge of town, up on a cliff as it overlooked the entire city of Yokohama. And to some, the purple/pink colored sky would be called beautiful. But to Dazai he didn’t feel the same, only looking down at the distance in order to gauge how much it would hurt if he jumped off. 

Asagao, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying herself. “Whoa, it’s just like brother described it. I can’t believe I’m actually here. Finally, if only it wasn’t too late.” 

The girl then looked down with a sad distant smile before turning towards Dazai. “Tell me, Osamu. Is it really as beautiful as I think it is?” 

And even though she was looking at the same sky, the boy couldn’t help but see the disconnect in her eyes. It was like she wasn’t truly viewing it, like she was only seeing a blurred vague picture of what it was supposed to be. 

Putting the pieces together, Dazai spoke. “Why don’t you take your glasses off and find out? They don’t help you see anyways.” 

It was something he figured out the minute she stepped into that oncoming traffic. On the outside it looked like the girl was oblivious to her surroundings but Dazai was smarter than that. He knew there was more to her than meets the eye

And it had everything to do with the large glasses that covered her vision. But what he couldn't figure out is why she was walking around with the wrong prescription? Why was she just going around life unable to see? 

His statement didn’t shock Asagao though, her arms leaning against the railing before speaking wistfully. “Now why would I do that? What if it’s not as amazing as I’m picturing in my mind, what if the reality isn’t as beautiful? No, the art of pure imagination is better I think.” 

Then, Dazai had his answer. “You wear them on purpose.” 

Watching her eyes widen at his words, the girl then lifted her fingers up to the objects before giving a laugh that sounded like relief. “You’re the first person that’s noticed. Usually people just call me clumsy and stupid.” 

She then pushed herself back off the railing in order to stretch her arms out as Dazai watched with pure interest for her actions. “Tell me, Osamu. What is the value of life?” 

Her question was almost laughable, the boy knowing better than anyone what the truth is. “Easy, there is none.” 

And for a second he thought she would disagree with him, that she would tell him he was being silly or unreasonable like everyone else did. That, or they tried to convince them that his answer was false when it clearly wasn’t. 

Yet Asagao did none of those things, her eyes simply closing before smiling softly. “That’s right. But what if there could be the possibility of one?” 

At that, Dazai paused. The possibility of value? What was she saying? That didn’t make sense. Of course there was no possibility. He had never even thought of one before. 

What a naive thing to say.

He opened his mouth to counter before Asa simply knew what he was going to say and beat him to it. “I’m not dumb, I know that the world is cruel, I know that it turns on you in the worst ways. I know that if you truly see what is happening, it crushes you into nothing. If you look at it for too long it will consume you and break you.”

Lifting her head up, the girl then continued plainly. “But what you didn’t have to look at, you didn’t have to perceive it? Then you can see past that, you can imagine something bigger, something better.”

Asa then pointed to her glasses before pushing them up in order to cover her entire face as she finished with pure honesty. “That’s why I choose to be blind, to live life in a blurry uncertain reality. I would rather see existence for how it could be rather than how it is. I want to give the world a chance to be beautiful, and then maybe one day, it actually will be..” 

Flashing with some sort of realization, she then muttered under her breath. “Well that, and another reason you’ll find out soon enough..”

And although Dazai wanted to ask her about the other reason, he was far too caught up in the romanticized answer she had given him. How strange, this girl was both self aware and purposely blinded to the way the world worked. 

She knew that there was no value and was still searching for one? How preposterous. He knew she’d only find disappointment by doing that. Life wasn’t that gracious, it wasn’t going to show her anything beautiful. She was wasting her time. 

Because of that, the boy lowered his eyes, a dark feeling pooling inside his chest at the words. “And what if you never find it, what if there is no value after all?” 

He then watched her think for a second before turning towards him with a look of pure confidence. “Well, then at least my life would be filled with sweet delusions rather than horrible realities. I would be able to die with peace.” 

Yet a second later, the girl seemed to catch the blank look in Dazai’s eyes before quickly turning away with embarrassment. “I know, you’re looking at me like I’m crazy, and maybe I am. That’s usually the reaction people give me. Either that or they tell me to check into a mental hospital.”

And for a moment, Dazai felt himself pause to really think about her ideals. Sure, maybe a normal ordinary person would look at her like she was crazy but he was far from normal. So much so, the boy couldn't help but mull over the words silently. 

Then, he spoke wistfully. “Dying with peace, that’s what I want too.”

All at once, Asagao perked her head up at that, slowly turning back to him only for Dazai to add lightly. “And believing there is a point to it all when there isn’t, it’s an interesting sentiment..” 

Turning her head back to him, the girl leaned forward with a new kind of desperation, like she was begging to be understood for once. “You really think so?” 

Dazai only nodded his head though, his mind deep in thought. “Yeah, maybe if I looked at life like that then things wouldn’t be so dull all the time. Maybe the world could be something other than boring.”

And he meant those words, never having thought of such a ridiculous thing before. How strange, Odasaku’s sister had said something rather intriguing. He hadn’t felt like that in awhile. 

Asagao then frowned before turning her head in question. “Do you think everything is boring?” 

Dazai lifted his hands in response, his badges showing through his black jacket. “Of course, because that’s what it is. Nothing has ever surprised me and nothing ever will. That’s why I wanna go as quickly and painlessly as possible, just so it can be over.” 

And usually when he told people about his plans to die they looked shocked and confused. Not Asagao though, she only nodded her head like what he was saying was a logical and sound statement. 

Pausing for a moment, she then whispered. “But what about my brother, did he surprise you?” 

At the mention of Oda, the mafioso felt himself stiffen before a sad smile crossed his lips in memory. “Odasaku was interesting, but he always did as I predicted. With him, I didn’t mind as much though. Moving slowly wasn’t as annoying.” 

Those nights at Bar Lupin may have been just as pointless as everything else was but Dazai felt different there. He felt strangely human, more so than ever before. There he could pretend, he could play the part of being a normal fifteen year old kid rather than the brutal demon prodigy he really was. 

It didn’t matter if Odasaku was lower in rank than him, the man was just his friend. That's all it was to it. 

He then heard the girl hum only to find her gazing down as if to search for something invisible.

She was making that face again, the one that looked like she was struggling to find the impossible. “I see..” 

And this time, Dazai spoke on it. “You didn’t know him, did you?”

Widening her eyes at his declaration, Asa then turned to him in shock only for Dazai to explain his deduction. “Your eyes look disconnected when you talk about him, like you can’t paint a picture fully no matter how desperately you want to.” 

Then she closed her eyes before speaking sadly. “Oda was gone for most of my life and I never blamed him for it. I know the life he lived was dangerous and he didn’t want me in it. I could live with that. He took my place in the darkness so I never had to experience it.” 

Playing with her hands, Asa then put them down before continuing. “But when you told me that he died, I realized that I felt…nothing. I couldn’t mourn, I couldn’t even feel grief because my brother was a complete stranger to me. He still is. I have no idea what he was like or who he was.” 

It was something that Dazai had figured out since their first meeting. Why else would anyone be so nonchalant about their brother’s death unless they didn’t really know them. 

And the way she always spoke about him, it seemed detached and odd. 

Opening her eyes once more, the red haired girl then turned towards the mafia executive before staring straight through him. “But you do, Osamu. You poured a drink for him, you knew how precious he was. I’m jealous of it, of the way you knew my brother in a way I never could.” 

At that, the boy’s head couldn’t help but feel a strange unexplainable feeling. He felt strange, knowing that she was right. He knew Odasaku better than anyone, better than his own sister, and now that he was dead she would never get the chance to. 

Those memories at Bar Lupin were his and his alone. She couldn’t have them so matter how desperate. 

His eyes then flashed with realization. So that’s why she said it was okay if he killed her. Because she knew that Dazai was the closest thing she could ever get to seeing her brother. Asagao wanted him to pull that trigger in a desperate attempt to be closer to him. 

Snapping him out his thoughts, the girl then pointed to the landscape. “That’s why I came up here. He used to write me letters about his time here, and though I could never send any back I treasured them. I hoped that when I came here I could finally be a bit closer to him, that I could see who he really was.” 

He recalled her saying something about that before, Dazai leaning forward in order to pry. “You said that he wrote about me.” 

And he tried not to sound desperate but just the idea of getting to have anything else from Odasaku even after his death was enough to make him long for it. New words, new paragraphs. He wanted to know them all. 

It seemed like Asago sensed it anyways though, her eyes lifting with interest for the reaction. “Would you like to read them?” 

Dazai remained silent at that, not wanting to show his desire only for Asa to kick herself off the railing in order to stroll up to him with a mischievous stare. “I’ll let you, under one condition.” 

Her words sounded like blackmail, causing the trained mafioso's shoulders to tense. 

Yet that’s when the girl simply lifted her arms out with a goofy smile. “Be my boyfriend.” 

And for once, Dazai had not expected that, his eyes blinking with slight disbelief before quickly twisting his lips into a devious smirk. 

Poor girl didn’t know what she was asking for. “What, have you fallen for me?” 

Asago only nodded her head though, obviously not embarrassed. “You could say that.” 

And this time, Dazai couldn’t help but laugh, stalking up to the red haired girl before leaning forward in order to latch onto her chin and pull her forward with dark intent. “You don’t even know who I am though.” 

She wasn’t scared in the slightest though, her blue eyes simply narrowing before speaking cocky. “Says you.” 

Says you? What a weird way to answer. Dazai knew for a fact that she didn’t know him, cause if she did then she would never be asking the question in the first place. Such confidence for someone that was dead wrong. 

Besides, even if she did know he was a brutal mafia executive he highly doubted Odaskau would have agreed to the two of them being together. Nah, he knew he would just ruin her. Sure, it would be fun to watch but the fact that she was his best friend's sister made him resist such an idea. 

He then paused for a moment before finally letting up in order to shrug his shoulders. “Well, sorry to disappoint but I’m not in the market for a girlfriend right now, sweetheart.” 

Asagao only narrowed her brow in silence though, truly taking his answer to heart before nodding once in order to point a finger and beam. “Alright then, how about a bet?”

Dazai felt his interest peek at that, unable to stop himself. “A bet?” 

Taking a step closer to him, the girl then explained “You said that no one has ever surprised you, well I bet by the end of the day I can at least once. If I win you have to be my boyfriend and if you win I’ll show you all of Oda’s letters and never ask again. What do you say?” 

And whether she had meant it or not, Dazai’s devious mind couldn’t help but revel in the idea. He loved bets and more than that, he loved winning and seeing the confused and or pissed off look in their way when they found out he was way smarter. 

He could almost picture Chuuya’s stupid face when he won all their little rivalries. 

And this time, the fact that she was Odasaku’s sister didn’t save her, the demon eying down his prey with a dark smirk. “I’ll have you know I’ve never lost a bet before.” 

Asagao wasn’t shaken though, her face unchanging as she hummed. “Well, I’m in luck because betting on impossible chances happens to be a hobby of mine...”

She was cocky, but he knew that wouldn’t last long. Even still, the boy humored her, knowing how sweet it would feel when she lost. 

And she would lose, that was one hundred percent certain.

Lifting his fingers out, the mafioso then grabbed her hand forcefully before pushing it up to his lips in a mocking kiss of challenge. “Oh? Well then, show me what you got, darling.” 

She didn’t blush though, she didn’t freak out or turn red. The girl simply gasped at the agreement before jumping back with a newfound passion. “Really?! Alright, Let’s go then!” 

Yet the moment she turned around, Asagao bumped her entire body into the railing, her steps faltering in order for a couple things to fall out of her pocket as she gasped. “Whoa, who put that railing there, am I right? Ha ha ha. Crazy.” 

But because this was the third time of her falling, Dazai only chuckled in order to turn away from her completely. A good person would’ve told her about her missing items but the boy hardly cared, already eager to see her fail miserably.

Part 2/3

Read Part 1 Here:

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

“I was in the neighbourhood.” for Strickrot? :^)c

I set this in my animal sanctuary au bc I enjoy it too much and it’s been ages since I’ve done something in it :3

.

Angor Rot growls a warning.  The puppies he’s shielding with his body whine pitifully behind him.  He reaches back into the bush they’re all hiding in and strokes them.  He knows he’s not the most reassuring presence, but he’s all they have between them and their attackers and the animals know it.

“If you’re such a big, strong troll guy, why don’t you come out and fight us, huh?”  One of the teenagers swings a bat around casually, like he wouldn’t take a whack at the first living creature that caught his eye.

Angor doesn’t move.  He waits.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”  The bat-carrying ringleader snickers.  “You’re not really all that strong, are you?  Can’t even take all of us in a fight.”  He gestures back to his few gathered friends, who keep further back.

In reality, Angor could cut the lot of them down in under a minute, but the human authorities wouldn’t look kindly on that sort of thing.  It wouldn’t matter to them that he would be defending himself (and his charges).  Angor is a scary-looking troll and they are weak humans.  He’d loose more than just the sanctuary he’d begun to call his home if he engaged in this fight.

Angor would not let freedom slip through his grasp.  Not like this.  Not for them.

Back when Angor led his tribe, he’d dealt with such foolishness.  These fleshbag whelps would either grow out of their ways or, eventually, they’d get what’s coming to them.  Tonight, all he has to do is wait out their interest.  It won’t take long.  Youth are notorious for their short attention spans.

Something large whistles by in the night sky above.  The wind follows, blowing an unexpected current through the teenagers’ ranks.

“What was that?”

“I don’t know!”

“Should we go?  Let’s go.  I think we should go.”

“NO!  Everybody shut it!”  The ringleader yells.  He points to Angor’s hiding bush.  “He’s just doing some stupid magic trick to freak us out,” he snaps.  His head spins around to face his group.  “Are we going to let him?”

“No…” the other teenagers halfheartedly chorus.

“I said, are we going to let him?!”

“No,” came the slightly more enthusiastic response.

Angor snickers.  So, even his followers don’t like this particular leader very much.

“That’s what I thought.”  The ringleader turns back toward the bush.  “Now, as for you—”

Plop.  Splat.  Plop.  Splat.  Plop.  SPLAT!

In a carefully planned and executed circle, numerous somethings drop out of the sky and explode down around the teenagers.  They jump.  Their eyes, and Angor’s, fix themselves upon the gooey remains of whatever the somethings were.  Only Angor, with his heightened troll vision in the dark, can see the pumpkin remains for what they are.

The teenagers don’t see Angor roll his eyes, but the one flying around above them all figures that’s what he’s probably doing.

“I’m out of here, man.”  The first teenager bails.  Seeing an out, the others follow him.

The ringleader huffs.  He opens his mouth to yell—command—them back.

WHOOSH—SPLAT!

The largest pumpkin splatters in front of the ringleader.  He yelps, and then takes off running.

Once they’re gone, Angor extricates himself from the bush.  He bends down and pulls the puppies out—in total, there’s five of them—out one by one.

“You followed me?”  He growls when he hears the tell-tale sound of clicking claws against the pavement.

Strickler shrugs.  “I was in the neighborhood.”

“This neighborhood is nowhere near the places you frequently go to, Stricklander.”  Angor hands off the first of the puppies.

Strickler takes the animal, expertly wipes it down with a towel, and places it in his crate, which still smells like pumpkins.  “You don’t know everything about me, or where I go.”  He pauses.  “And, what exactly do you think I would do without you?  I have neither the knowledge or the interest to learn all the veterinary skills needed to tend to our charges.”  He grumbles.  “You really must stop going off in the middle of the night on your own like this.”

“I wouldn’t have, but a new report came in on the ‘webpage’ you’re supposed to be taking care of.”  It suits Angor better to make a jab than to admit he’d found his changeling asleep as his computer device, and determined to let him slumber while he himself investigated.

“Regardless, I parked the truck over there.”  Strickler gestures, dismissing the conversation.  “Because unlike some, I think ahead.”

Angor decides not to make a comment about how he can walk great distances without tiring.  He knows if he does Strickler will “suggest” that’s how he should get home, and then all opportunities to give his changeling even more of a hard time during the ride back would be gone.

[catcze]

Oh, Catte, my beloved... The bracelet is so beautiful. Goodness, did I cry when I took it out of the envelope. It's almost as beautiful as you are, I love it so much! I'm never ever taking this off. Oh starlight I'm so happy, you may as well have just proposed! I love you so so much, thank you💜💜💜

I'm glad Cyno is doing well for himself these days! It's not really that complex of a spell, simple transmutation really, but I'm sure he didn't want to overwhelm you. He may not talk a lot but trust me; he cares. I should write him sometime, if only so the next time an emergency arises he won't think I only remember he exists when I need his help, hehe... I'm joking of course, he's not the kind of person to care. I do still owe him a favor though. Two, now that he's gone out of his way to teach my girlfriend magic, and specifically for helping you make me this wonderful present. Send along my thanks please, but please don't mention that I said I'd write him, just in case I somehow forget to. You know me, heh..

Also I'm a little surprised to hear that name again! Collei was quite the visitor when she was here a few years ago, it's a long story, and one I doubt very much she'd want me to tell. Suffice to say she and Amber are good friends, but I'm sure she already asked you about her as soon as you mentioned Mondstadt. I'm so relieved to hear she's safe, and studying medicine no less! Tell her I'm proud of her. She'll do great things in her life.

I must admit I'm slightly bothered to hear that so many scholars accosted my poor babygirl to ask if I'd return, I'm so sorry darling. If they give you any more trouble, oh I'll come visit alright. To dispense punishment(although I'd definitely grab some food on the way as we left). Speaking of food, that's so sweet of you to offer to learn the local cuisine just for me~ you're so thoughtful, it's one of the many many things I love about you. My reputation around the school is honestly the only accomplishment you'll find though sweetheart. I wasn't really all that social there, aside from talking to the professors and scholars. I couldn't afford to procrastinate if I wanted to learn everything I could. Funny, that sounds completely unlike me, now doesn't it~ Those lectures can be tiresome at first, did they provide you with the appropriate reading materials, or are you only listening? I still have my copy of the first semester alchemy textbook--it's only about 800 pages, but they're packed to the brim with knowledge. I still reference it sometimes.

Like I mentioned though, most of my time in Sumeru was spent at the Academy or at the local restaurants. If you wanted food recommendations, those I can provide, but unfortunately I won't be of much use otherwise. Sorry cutie~

[the next page of the letter is a list of local restaurants, many with recommended dishes written next to them. There's also a fair number of heart shapes and "I love you"s doodled around the edges of the paper]

I hope you'll try at least some of those and tell me what you think. The more you talk about it honestly, the more it's beginning to grow on me. I do want to go back and visit with you, my love. I miss it, even if I don't want to admit that. It would be so much fun to sight see with you, being able to just meander aimlessly through the city, not a care in the world, and with you by my side... That sounds amazing. I'd want nothing more. Perhaps for our honeymoon~? [the last sentence of the paragraph is crossed out with a single streak of ink cutting through it]

Your photos are all amazing, darling. I just wish I had as many to send you in return, but unfortunately I don't own a camera, nor can I afford to leave the library long enough to travel to Liyue and buy one. That being said, Albedo does have one, and he already took that first photo. Darling, I'm curious, and please, *please* say no if it would bother you even slightly. If I... Perhaps wanted to take some... Pictures, just for your enjoyment~ ...would you mind if I had Albedo continue to serve as the photographer? I want my baby to be thinking of me, especially since I'm not there to pleasure you myself~💜 again, PLEASE say no if you'd have any problem with that. Or I could ask Jean if that would be better. I just want to treat my princess to some candy~

That line is going to have me up all night, I swear. I do wish I was there for you in every sense, but goodness does my heart ache for you. I miss the way you taste so much, my precious little munchkin~ you're not going to sleep at all the first night you're back in my arms, I hope you know that. I'm going to edge you so hard you'll cry for me, hehe~ I'm a little peeved you didn't take notice of my comment about punishing you! There will be ropes involved when you return to me. Just the way you always like it, cutie~ tell me, how bad do you miss me? Miss my tongue you love so much~? Don't worry baby--you'll get everything you could ever want for when you come home. I can't wait to taste you~ goodness, excuse me a moment baby... I need to scratch an itch before I finish writing this letter, hehe...~

Okay, I'm back. That was quite the itch, it just kept coming back~ that picture you sent with this letter may have helped with that... Celestia, you're so so beautiful, my rose..~ I love you so much.

Where was I... Ah yes. I'm very glad you've been eating and sleeping properly. Such a good girl you always are~💜 and don't worry; I'm taking care of myself as well. I've been becoming more adjusted to the late nights lately, since your letters often arrive around this hour(it's 11:30 right now, although up until a page ago it had been 10:15, hehe...). I don't mind it at all, since you know I love to sleep in anyway. I love reading your letters sweetheart. They truly do carry your love across the distance. I'm so happy that you're my partner. I love you so so much. I reread your letters every day, they put such a smile on my face.

Also, what's this about ideas you're having ever since I mentioned the uniform? Tell me!! Pretty please~? 💜

I'm going to call my letter to a close here, before I end up needing a bigger envelope, hehe~ I love you so much, starlight. Please take care, and I hope you're well rested when you read this. Hopefully I can put a smile on your beautiful face. I just wish I was there to see it. I love you so much, take care and write me back when you can, promise~?

Yours Always,

- Lisa 🌺💜

Milddd nsfw here muaH <33

Hi, love, I’m so happy that you like your gift! I love you very much as well— hopefully it can give you comfort on some particularly hard nights where I cannot be with you, dearest. Sort of like a reminder that although I cannot be there with you in person, you always carry a piece of my heart with you, you know?

I’ll be sure to relay your message to Cyno and Collei! They were rather surprised when they found out I was your girlfriend, haha! In a good way, of course— they’ve been great company so far.

And don’t worry about the other scholars, Lisa dear. I can handle them plenty fine. I’m sure they’ll go running if I even so much as imply that you wouldn’t be pleased with them for their behavior, my love. They wouldn’t want to mess with one of the best sorcerers to ever roam those halls, you know?

Regarding the lectures, they offered to loan me some textbooks actually, but I had to turn them down since, well, I am just an observer, and carrying so many books with me to and fro would weigh me down. Still, although I sometimes get confused while I observe, It’s such a fun and interesting experience! I can’t say I’m remembering every bit of knowledge I hear, but I’ve definitely learned at least a thing or two.

Just yesterday, there was a bit of a lull in lectures that I was attending— something about one of the scholars who had agreed to host me taking their class out to fieldwork, and I was unable to accompany them. So I took the time to check out some of the restaurants you listed for me! I went to just one of them for lunch, since I didn’t want to get too full throughout the day, and I enjoyed it very much!! I included a picture of one of the dishes you noted for me (a best seller of theirs, apparently) and I didn’t regret purchasing it at all. It was so good! In my free time, it’s one of the recipes that I hope to familiarize and bring back home to you— I think you’ll rather like it, especially since there’s no meat. Hopefully I’ll get good enough at making it that you’ll be able to savor the flavor too!

Though, I don’t mind either if you’d rather return with me next time, and we can have a dinner date here? I really like the ambiance of the place— its both romantic and private. And the view from the balcony here is absolutely magical. Or we can maybe visit a couple of the other restaurants you’ve recommended to me? I doubt that I’ll be able to try all of them this time, and being able to experience it with you would make the experience a million times better.

Also, regarding the photos you mentioned— well, I’m fine with it if you are. As long as you’re comfortable with whoever is photographing you love, then it’s perfectly alright with me. Besides, I know that we’re devoted to each other, so there’s no cause for me to be uncomfortable 💞 If you so wish to grant me such photos, I eagerly await them, love! They’re not the same as you being here, of course, but I’m sure they could help me with how much I miss you.

And ah, sending such things only makes me miss you more! Perhaps I should take a good, long rest before I come back to Mondstadt, if you plan to keep me up all night. And who says I didn’t notice your comment? Perhaps I was just teasing you by keeping quiet about it, especially if I know what’s awaiting me back home. And yes, I miss you so so much, I miss your tongue and you lips, your touch on my skin, the way you hold me and make me feel so good each and every time— Love, really, if your intention with that letter was to get me all worked up, then safe to say you’ve succeeded. My, I doubt I’m going to be getting any sleep tonight, thinking of you.

And regarding that bit about the Academy uniform… well, I might have found a local seamstress who was willing to make me a version of it, tailored to my measurements. It’s not ready quite yet, but hopefully I can send you some photographs soon 💞

By the way, love, there’s no need to have to wait up for my letters, not if you’re not getting enough sleep! I don’t mind waiting a bit for your reply as long as I know you’re sleeping on time. I worry about you as much as you worry about me, so for both your sake and mine, promise me you’ll get enough sleep? Either way, though, I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself, dearest. It makes me happy, knowing that you and the others are doing well. I love you very, very much you know? Please continue to stay safe, dearest, and know that I’m always missing you.

And, well, regarding a proper proposal, though I can’t say I haven’t thought of it before (how could I not? I can fully envision spending the rest of my life with you) I would much prefer if I were able to give you the ring and ask you in person, love. That being said, take the bracelet as a promise that I’ll return to you soon— and hopefully with a ring that I think you’ll like and a question that I plan to ask you.

All the best wishes, dearest. I love you very much 💞

—Catte 💞

[goodbysunball]

Bring it on home

Comparatively easy listening from the set of records showcased this time around, but there's a world of grief settin' your jaw to grind. You deserve a neck massage and a cocktail; lean into these after you put your misery rectangle aside for a spell.

Astute Palate, s/t (Petty Bunco)

Emily Robb, David Nance, Daniel Provenzano, and Richie Charles got together and hammered out this LP during "48 sleepless hours" in Philadelphia. It's definitely a fairly rough documentation, but if you know the players, that's generally what you'd be gettin' into with 'em anyway. Gotta admit that I'm not a huge fan of what I've heard by David Nance - respect his hustle, though - and the same goes for the tracks he leads here; in particular, the studied classic rock caterwaul employed on "Stall Out" basically rolls my eyes for me. I am, however, fond of David Nance the Guitarist and his heroics on "Stall Out," and "A Little Proof" definitely has me more curious about his recent solo work I've skipped. These are pithy grievances, though: the album rules, as a whole, but it's just hard to stomach some of Nance's lyrics when they're side-by-side with bonafide jammers like "Bring It On Home" and "Treadin' Schuylkill." "Bring It On Home," in particular, with its Velvets-inspired chug and Robb's bleary vocals coolly beckoning you to do as the title says, heats to a boil with the blustery, fried guitar interplay. For me it wipes the floor with anything else on the album, and pretty much anything else I'll hear this year, so let's put all my petty complaints aside and declare this the Summer of Astute Palate, OK? Looks like the secret's out - the LP's sold out from the source, but can be found hiding in various distros and shops. Hunt it down, crack a tallboy, and embrace the sweltering heat of our melting planet with Astute Palate.

Maraudeur, Puissance 4 (self-released)

New and best LP yet from Leipzig's Maraudeur, self-released with some of the best packaging/artwork I've seen in a minute. My memory's usually a bit faulty, but I recall the band being a three-piece on their last, still very good LP from Bruit Direct Disques. I'm inclined to think that the group's ranks have swelled to five anyway, since the sound here is a bit more bright and full, lots of different moving parts zipping and moving around, giving the crisp recording some effervescence. Compared to older songs like "Computer Dreams," Maraudeur sounds sharper, capable of backing up any threats rather than coming across as deflated and listless. Even the slower songs on Puissance 4, such as "Slow Dress," thrive on tension, guitar strings set to snap amidst the robotic/hypnotic vocals. The band seems to have located a sweet spot between the simmering minimalism of Household and the technologically damaged vision of Chrome, and "TWYWYS" basically sounds like a collaboration between the two groups. Guitars are used as window dressing, favoring instead synths and showcasing the chops of the rhythm section. "Face/Figure" and my favorite track "C'est Caché" are the best examples of Maraudeur's rhythmic foundation, but nearly every track causes inadvertent head bobbing. While accessible and familiar on the surface, Maraudeur's dry humor, the carefully camouflaged layers of sound, and whatever is going on in "I Am Here" keep boilerplate post-punk comparisons at bay. Puissance 4 is a refreshing, addictive brew from the not-too distant future, and probably a blast to experience live.

Astrid Øster Mortensen, Gro Mig En Blomst (Förlag För Fri Musik)

New Gothenburg talent alert! Mortensen is apparently a newcomer to the scene, and her debut LP fits in nicely amongst the Förlag För Fri Musik discography. Gro Mig En Blomst features lonely and debased late-night solo explorations with guitar, piano and what sounds like an accordion, accented by electronic manipulations and the found sound that accompanies most FFFM records. It's dreary and stark, and can quickly bring the mood down when it's on. For me the most obvious reference point is Grouper's Ruins, in that both are recordings so intimate that it feels like an interruption to move while it's on. But I also get bits of Picastro's Whore Luck ("Hvor Kommer Mørket Fra?" sounds like it was plucked directly from that album), and there are similarities to Chloe Alison Escott's solo work, on the title track and "Piano i" and "Piano ii." Gro Mig En Blomst is a far cry from more traditional singer-songwriter music, dabbling in Stars of the Lid-like drone on "Brud ii" and jumping into the "Is there a record on or...?" genre on "Solen Er Et Lille Hus" and "Brud i." I can't say I go out looking for records this fragile and surface-level bleak anymore, but Mortensen's work is more often beautiful and calming than hopelessly gray. Another keeper from FFFM, sure to be one of the most sought-after records from the label, and for good reason.

Nightshift, Zöe (Trouble In Mind)

Travel back in time with me, if you will, to a time when "indie rock" was a genre label that had some meaning. After getting rid of the bad taste in my mouth and shaking off the embarrassment at who I was when I largely listened to stuff that'd broadly fall under that label, I'll allow that Nightshift is making a strong argument for some of the music released during the comparative naiveté of the late '00s/early '10s. Across Zöe, you get shades of Broadcast, Lower Dens' Twin-Hand Movement, the UV Race ("Spray Paint the Bridge"), Belle & Sebastian and A Sunny Day In Glasgow ("Power Cut" and "Romantic Mud"). The trick to Zöe is that it folds all these reference points in neatly and places it on a sturdy percussive base. I won't argue that every song here is memorable, but they're all enjoyable, and the songs that hit - "Outta Space," the title track, "Infinity Winner" - send chills down my spine every time. Guitars are plucked and scraped for leading beats, accentuating shuffling drums and giving the bass the spotlight. The vocals are dreamy and lyrics direct, and for the duration of Zöe you're relieved of the pessimistic present and allowed to rigidly dance to Nightshift's hesitant groove. They've charmed their way through my cynicism, and Zöe's been on heavy rotation despite my reluctance. Take it for a spin, and fall under Nightshift's spell.

Hugo Randulv, Radio Arktis: Samlade Ljud Från Den Norra Polcirkeln (Förlag För Fri Musik)

First solo LP from Hugo Randulv, an active presence in the Gothenburg scene with his involvement in Enhet För Fri Musik, Skiftande Enheter and Amateur Hour, among others. Though typically a guitarist, on Radio Arktis, he drops the guitar and instead fills both sides with glacial synths and dusty samples. The label's original write-up for this record called it "grand ambient," though to me it sounds and feels much more personal than something that would soundtrack the Olympics. His use of samples, most notably on "Radio Reykjavik," sounds intimately tied with some fleeting memory, the music serving to enhance or exorcise the feeling tied to it all. It reminds me most of the Fun Years' "God Was Like, No" in that both records used the tools common to ambient/drone music but applied a much more personal touch, that certain nameless attribute that keeps drawing a listener back in. Can't put my finger on it, but both records just sound like they had to be made, rather than serving as a genre exercise or one-off exploration. I don't know that Radio Arktis is going to change anyone's life, but it could, and I've been hypnotized by its wordless, sparkling gray tones for weeks. Even though the "solo musician embraces synths" thing is usually pretty tired and pointless, Hugo Randulv's contribution shows why it's an alluring proposition at all.

Sunhiilow, Beyond the Cycle (Ikuisuus)

More solo synth, this time coming from Valerie Magisson and her Moog Mother-32. Magisson's Sunhiilow project veers into new age/ambient with its bite-sized kosmische explorations. There's something about the combination of the short length of these tracks and the sense of movement present within each that allows Beyond the Cycle to transcend the lifeless drivel that's usually tagged "new age" and "synth." It seems intentional that Magisson was trying to capture the mood of each track title in its corresponding music, and she is largely successful, though its unclear if the title provided direction or was applied afterward. The somewhat jarring introduction of "Wilderness Bloom" and the stoned growth of "Circle Motion" are my top picks, but the album works best as a whole and played very loudly, the overall effect immersing the listener into heady zones traversed by the Nightcrawlers. Leave it to Ikuisuus to release an "ethereal ambient music" record that satisfies, and sounds and looks great to boot. Sunhiilow's a lot more tame than most of what Ikuisuus releases, but it's an accessible, recommended starting point to one of the best active labels. HOWDY.

[5p00ka]

I'm observing about myself that I have a lot to say and yet I surround myself with people who don't have the space to hear or listen a lot of the time which I tell myself is because I don't like to talk or because I want to make space for everyone else who is so smart but i think I'm just afraid if i don't always occupy some type of space in the worlds of who I'm interacting with I'll be nowhere at all. Which is technically the case anyway but only cause i make it so. Like I'm so smart and yet so stupid I've created my own social island where I can't trust the truth of anyone more can I assert my own. So i cling to quirks to make myself feel dynamic but if i step back those aren't things I'm passionate about or interested in. Like i love hiking? And kayaking, and rock climbing. Things i could put a time limit on but my enjoyment comes from the meditative slow going of them- and i had no idea that how i felt cause I've been so invested in the words of life. I wanna play guitar not as an expression of my artistic abilities but as a way to fill the space in the world. I want to write something craft a story to have competition and fulfillment.

Or I thought i wanted a master piece. Now I'm realizing, there will never be a good enough piece i can make.

I don't think i particularly like creating things, I'm not sure I ever have I've just had a lot to say and no one to really talk to who could match my energy. Maybe i did once but it was a phase masking what i really wanted to do which was experiment and creating something out of my own scope of what i know. I'm not sure I've ever known a whole lot. It would have been the proof that i was infact the smartest, the most impressive, the most interesting and the most deserving. It would have been a lie. All my life would have gone to building a world or a life that read really well in a biography. There was the traffic beginning, the tragedy filled up bringing, the turnaround and finally I'd find my diamond, I'd bottle stardom, I'd break the fucking world. I'd have nothing interesting left to do but cling to my guitar, snort cocaine with rockstars, spelunk into deeper parts of my soul than reality would allow.

But I've glimpsed the end, it's the same as the middle and the beginning, there is no true end the would turns and moves onward. I cling to things like the innocence of love and belong, the simplicity of governing trauma, the grandeur of moral hierarchy and social and political correctness within intersectionality. It's all always meant nothing. End yet I've found yet nothing else.

It all falls back to the question to the big wonder to the word truly most undefined, Love, is it something I've even ever felt or that I ever will? I like to think I have but then why doesn't it feel better? Why do I feel like a young branch in the wind flapping and snapping around. Why do I feel he needs me and yet he's never needed me and he's not going to need me. Why do I feel like a convenience rather than a desire? I can't make sense of it. And it's not meant for me to know, it's not mine and yet it is.