#cause he's so fucking alone and disconnected

[vivanightcity]

talking RP makes me miss my little idiot who larps as a human from a regency era novel but has no fucking idea about anything at all.

[yourlittlebunnyy]

tw: size kink, bit of dacryphilia, overall this is nastyyy

something about having you under him, squirming and helpless, makes azriel go feral.

it's the way you look so small compared to him, the way you are incapable of doing anything because he's just too strong and you can't fight back even if you want to.

the fact is, that no matter what size you are, he is big. all those hours passed in the illyrian camps training pay off. his hand alone could cover a good part of your back. and his cock... it's a struggle everytime, but oh man if he doesn't take pleasure in seeing you struggling.

the first time you two fucked, he had to strech you out with his fingers first. and when he saw how much you struggled with just one of his fingers, he knew it was going to be a tight fit. your walls barely capable of fitting one single finger, he couldn’t imagine how you could have taken his cock, but you did. you take it like a good girl every time.

"you can take it, baby. yeah..." he groans. "you can fucking take it. just like that..." the room is filled with the thick smell of sex, your little cries overpower the sound of skin against skin. you might almost feel embarrassed by the sounds coming out of your lips, but azriel's cock is fucking you so well it sends your brain to mush. zero thoughts behind your pretty eyes.

and azriel loves fucking you. loves watching as your face scrunches in a mixture of pain and pleasure, his cock stretching you out, breaking you in an half. he mutters praises under his breath, his eyes fixated on your tummy that bulges with every thrust, the line of his cock visible through your skin. "look at us, baby. fuck... look at us." he moans, forcing you to look at where your bodies meet. pretty tears stream down your eyes, overstimulation kicking in. you're so full you can feel him in your stomach.

he watches in wonder, completely intoxicated by you and amazed by how much of him you can take.

azriel is addicted to the power he has over you, too. the way he could throw you around like a toy, holding you in place just how he likes.

"c'mon baby, just a little more..." he whispers, supporting you with those strong arms. your back touches his chest, you can feel the wild rhythm of his heart against your back. your legs tremble, exhausted. "give me one more, just one more... i promise."

every time he says something, even tho your head is disconnected, your body can somehow still register his words, your walls clenching automatically around his girth, making him groan.

his hand presses against your tummy, feeling the bulge makes him twitch inside of you. the pressure causes his cock the hit even deeper, hitting spots that make you see stars. "keep clenching around my cock, sweet girl." you sniff, little incoherent prayers fall from your lips. you don't even know what you're begging for. "gods, gonna ruin you for everyone else. you're fucking mine."

main masterlist - azriel masterlist

[ilium-ilia]

As Your Skin Gives

ghoap x fem!reader | pet!au | masterlist

Chapter Five: wolf's laugh

tw: non-con, contraception

Everything hurts when you wake up. 

Knots nettle the space between your hips, shoulders, and spine, burrowing where the bone disconnects, then grows. Swells into something tangible. A crude, naked wound. Malicious in its endeavor, you are surprised to find that it’s namely your throat that hurts the most when you rouse, which is a feat considering you’ve been sleeping in a kennel for the last week. 

It’s the same cage that you awoke in when you were first brought to this wretched hell with Simon and Johnny. Surprisingly spacious, you stay tucked far into the corner of the bedroom across from where the men sleep at night—out of the way, as if you truly are some dog. A small, foam pad fits perfectly inside the bottom of the enclosure, providing you with some cushioning between your body and the frigid, metal bars, but it’s not humane in the slightest. There’s not enough room for you to stand up in, and hardly enough room for you to stretch your legs.

It’s jerry-rigged; you’re sure of it. Not store bought, but handmade with spare metal bars and a half-decent welding job. By the size of it, you’re certain it used to hold something much larger than yourself. Some wicked beast with gnarly claws and thirsty teeth. As for what—or who—it was, you don’t bother to venture a guess. 

Every night, Simon locks you in with a padlock, trapping you in for the hours that span the night, leaving you alone. Part of you is grateful for it; these small moments of peace where you’re out of Johnny’s reach. Though, each morning you wake with a full bladder, and muscles that scream with tendons pulling too tightly on worn fibers and tissue. He rouses you up no later than six in the morning, allowing you to use the restroom before he starts getting ready for the day. 

In some ways, Simon is considerate like that. Always ensuring you’re not going too long without any sort of need. Never starves you, has never done anything to intentionally cause devious harm. 

But there are many instances where he is not so generous. 

Like last night, when Johnny got needy. He’s been complaining something fierce since the first night Simon locked you away like a naughty animal needing to be taught a lesson. The man can hardly go a few hours without needing to put his hands on you in some capacity, and it wasn’t hard to notice the way his irises grew misty seeing you locked out of his reach. Simon assured him it was only a temporary solution until he can get you fixed (which you’re still too scared to ask what getting you fixed means) but that was only able to quell Johnny’s emotions for so long. 

He had lasted six days before he needed to put his hands on you again. Before the itch in the side of his skull grew too maddening to ignore. It wasn’t until last night that you wished you had given in sooner—that you let him paw at you, do everything but let him fuck you. Perhaps he would have been easier on your throat if you hadn’t pitifully shrugged off all of the advances he made while Simon was away in the daytime. 

Instead, it all came to a head last night when Simon was getting ready to lock you away until morning. Johnny decided he just couldn’t handle it anymore. His begging nearly made you feel bad for him. He looks so pathetic, on his hands and knees, hands pressing against Simon’s chest as if to reach through his sternum and to his very heart. The moment Simon’s eyes found you, you knew it would be useless to refuse his favorite pet. 

You’ve gotten better at not crying when it happens. At not sniveling the moment Johnny fishes his cock from his trousers, ruddy tip leaking, overly excited. Still, your eyes water. Silent tears that mercifully blur your vision so that you can’t see Johnny’s smile, or the way Simon continued his nightly routine as if you weren’t being torn to shreds on the bedroom floor. 

You still feel the effects of it this morning as Simon unlocks your cage and allows you to relieve yourself in the restroom. Careful fingers poke at your tender throat as you trudge down the hall. Raw skin sticks to itself every time you swallow, and though you try your best to choke the ache to soothe the pain, it always seems to come back. It dries and cracks, skin splitting, tongue prodding, larynx screaming. 

Breakfast is the same as it usually is: eggs, toast, milk, bacon—everything fresh and homemade. Simon insists that the three of you sit at the table for every meal as if he’s afraid you’ll choke and die without him, or that he wants to pretend that you’re a proper family. No one makes conversation, and if anything is said, it’s usually some sort of comment made by Johnny. He thanks Simon for the food, and compliments how juicy the bacon is before he silences himself by eating. 

All you do is keep your head down and attempt to keep the attention off of you. 

It’s a strange thing—surviving in this place. You exist so quietly you hardly feel that you’re in control of your own body. In order to live, you have to play the part. The chew toy. The pet. Bonnie. It’s a balancing act between remembering who you are, and behaving well enough that Simon has no reason to punish you; to get rid of you. Whether you like it or not, it’s easy math. You stand no chance of escaping this place on your own. Still, as you pick at your eggs and nibble on your toast, you quietly promise yourself that you’ll get out of here someday—no matter what it takes. 

Something’s different when Simon leaves for work. 

Johnny’s not hounding you the moment the door shuts and locks. Usually, he demands that you sit with him to watch a movie of some sort on the countless DVD’s and VHS tapes stored on old bookshelves in the living room. It’s not a terrible way to pass the time, and there are a few movies you enjoy. Sometimes, you’ll fall asleep and wake up with Johnny’s hands groping your chest or shoved down your pants like you’re some play-thing, but he’s oddly quiet today. 

He’s vanished down the hallway, past the bedroom, farther back into the house. It’s a place you have yet to explore. The wooden floor creaks with sinister squeaks, leaving the hair on the back of your neck standing on end, and you decide that you better not follow. A moment of peace and quiet in your life is rare these days when you’re too busy playing the pliable fawn so that you’re not hurt—or worse. 

Enjoying your rare solitude, you take refuge by the open window in the living room. There’s an old recliner that smells vaguely like oak and grass, and you often curl up in it while you read one of the old classical books Simon has stored next to the fireplace. It’s been a few days since you’ve been able to get a breath of fresh air, but it doesn’t do much to calm your nerves. 

Though you’ve been here for a week, it’s strenuous trying to comprehend the situation you’ve found yourself in. Woman turned dog. Turned pet. Sex slave. Trafficked. Hidden. Toy. Whoever you are—whatever you are. Still, your mind stays strong, even as your fingers fiddle with the name tag that jingles around your throat. It’s your most hated piece of jewelry. 

Resting your eyes from reading, you look out at the trees that line the edge of the property. The summer heat and rain has thickened the lush foliage as it dances freely in the breeze. Grass and moss covers the field haphazardly, blanketing the earth in a vibrant viridity. There is not a single house within two miles of this cottage, and still, it all whispers for you to run toward the wilderness and never look back. To soak the feeling of the earth between your bare toes. 

You know better than to run from a man who already has your scent memorized. 

As you sit, your mind flashes back to the bath Simon gave you a few days ago, where he had you get dressed in clothes you already own, and washed you with the same soap you’ve used for years. How many signs did you miss? What else has he taken from you that you have yet to realize is missing? How long did you live in blissful ignorance to the insidious intentions that were planned for you? 

Would you still be at home right now, safe in your own bed away from these freaks had you done anything different? Or were you always destined to be stuck here? Locked away in some home. How cruel and fickle fate can be. 

You wonder if your mom realizes you haven’t called. 

The stench of meat and ichor clings to Simon’s skin when he gets home. You’ve gathered from the fresh nicks on his knuckles and the old scars that litter his hands that he does some sort of blue-collar work. Judging by the fact he always seems to come home with some type of meat to cook up for dinner, you’re guessing he’s a butcher. You wonder if that’s why he keeps you and Johnny. Perhaps something in that twisted, stupid brain of his is unable to love the animals he tears apart limb by limb—maybe he keeps you in order to cover up his guilt. 

When Johnny emerges from whatever room he’s holed himself up in for the entire day, he’s disheveled. Messy, black strands of hair stray flippantly from the shape of his overgrown mohawk, and the sides of his hands are darkened with some sort of graphite dust. Still, he’s all giggles and grins for Simon as he rubs up against him. Sickeningly loyal. Such a good dog. 

He stays attached to Simon’s hip all throughout dinner. Nuzzling against his arm, hands pawing at the man’s waist—it’s sickening. Sends your stomach twisting in ways you never knew it could contort into as you see the way Johnny holds more respect for Simon than he does you. Tender hands. Needy fingers. Still; cautious. Just like you did that morning, you keep your head down while you eat your meal. If Johnny wants to play the part of the devoted pet, it means nothing to you. Anything to keep Simon’s burning gaze away from you ought to be a good thing. 

As he eats, you wonder if he dreams of cutting you up. Shredding tendon from bone and shoving you into his maw like you’re a well deserved meal. Turn your blood into fertilizer to feed the garden you’ve noted growing in the backyard. Use your bones as windchimes to sing on windy nights. You wouldn’t put it past him—that type of violence. He’s been more than content with collaring you and treating you like an animal. 

You wonder if he likes playing with his food before he eats. 

“Bonnie.” 

There’s hardly enough time for you to wash your plate after dinner before Simon’s demanding tone slices through the air. Despite the baronial size of him, he has an odd ability that allows him to sneak around the house undetected. Soft on his too-large feet. By the time you turn around to answer him, he’s already in your space. Looming. Inspecting. You swallow as you look at him. That terrible rawness still plagues your throat, but you know better than to stay silent. 

“Yes?” 

He has a small package in his hands that he keeps rotating. He inspects it closely, drawing your own eyes to it like a moth to a flame. It’s a thin sheet full of several, small tablets that are meant to be poked through the foil encasing it. You count each row—seven pills each in four, long lines. An odd sensation tugs at your stomach as you realize what he’s got:

Birth control pills. 

The relief that floods through you betrays the disgust and terror that tugs at your heart as Simon fetches a glass of water. You’re not sure how he got them—you’re not sure you want to know—but if this is his idea of fixing you, then you’ll take it. The nightmares of him ripping you open, of removing your womb with his bare hands while you’re awake to endure it, dissipates. It fizzles like soda, acid gnawing on your teeth. 

He places one of the pills in the palm of your hand, and you turn it over in your fingers. It looks legitimate. Not something that’s manufactured in someone’s basement, at least. You pray that your instincts are right as you place it on your tongue before swallowing it down with a gulp of water. 

There’s hardly enough time for you to set the glass on the counter before Simon’s fingers are digging into your cheeks. Wincing, you brace your hands against his chest, eyes already wetting from the pain as his grip grows too firm to be loving. To be kind. You gasp at the pressure as your eyes widen, bewildered. 

“Open,” he demands. 

You instantly comply, praying that he’ll loosen his grip if you do, but he doesn’t. Instead he starts to tilt your head side to side, inspecting every inch of your open mouth as he presses the insides of your cheeks against your teeth. Then, his fingers slide along your tongue. They’re bitter, like soap suds from an overflowing bath. Metallic, like a bloody nose. He feels along the ridges of your dull teeth before he’s exploring beneath your tongue and the insides of your cheeks. You gag as he prods against your soft palate. 

Then, Simon relinquishes his grip on you. The taste of him lingers just as badly as the throbbing pain in your cheeks, and you stare at him as if he’s betrayed you—as if you should have expected better than him. 

“Good girl,” he says, voice dull. 

“Does this mean I can have her now?” 

You hadn’t realized Johnny has been standing behind you, watching the entire show, and when your body twists to face him, you’re struck by his eyes. Deep, cornflower blue, like rotting skin. This is the downside of birth control, you realize. Now that you’re on the pill—now that you’re fixed—Johnny’s desires have come to fruition. He can nearly hold it in the palm of his hand. 

“Down,” Simon snaps, enervation weighing his command. 

Johnny’s shoulders tense, and his eyes flutter while his lips twitch. The poor, pathetic thing looks wounded. Bullet piercing straight through flesh and bone. Simon disregards you as he approaches his favorite pet, pale hands cradling the swell of Johnny’s biceps as he pulls him close. It’s… soft. Amicable and sickeningly mawkish. Johnny melts beneath him, lips falling open, parting in a silent plea. 

“Look at you. Poor mutt,” Simon croons. Despite the abrasiveness of his words, his voice is the softest you’ve ever heard him speak before. “Have I been neglectin’ you? Gone too long without a proper fuck? Want me to fix that?” 

A switch flips inside of Johnny. Electricity fizzles and cracks, imploring the man to paw at Simon’s chest as if he’s trying to tear his clothes off right then and there in the kitchen. Your heart jumps into your throat as your back hits the counter. You freeze there, stuck to the top—a fawn, playing dead. Nothing but prey hiding from predators. 

“Please, Simon,” Johnny whimpers. 

“C’mon, I know you can beg. Used to do it all the time before we got Bonnie, yeah? Asked for me all sweet-like. C’mon, then. Beg,” Simon demands. 

“I’ve been so good!” Johnny says, words exploding out of his mouth before he can stop them. 

“Have you?” Simon challenges. 

He nods. “Haven’t fucked her, just like you asked. Been taking such good care of her too, while you’re gone. Didn’t even touch her at all today.” 

Simon smirks, and you avert your gaze like it’s blinded you. “Is that why you’re so worked up?” 

“Please,” he tries again. “I miss you.” 

Something smacks. High impact. Skin against skin—lips crashing together, teeth nearly breaking, tongues intertwining. It’s wet and hungry, and you flinch at the sound of Simon’s groan. Something sharp twists in your chest, and a dreadful malaise burrows deep as you listen. Despite the terrible things Simon does to him, the grotesque words he calls him, Johnny seems helplessly infatuated with him. So starved for affection, he’ll take it from blood stained hands. 

“Good boy,” Simon whispers. 

Reality shifts. The air thickens, and that’s when you realize Simon’s attention has been brought to you. There’s no time for you to retract as he reaches his free hand toward you and slips a finger in the loop of your collar. With a swift yank, you’re tumbling toward him with your hands grasping his forearm to steady yourself. 

He chuckles, and you realize you think it’s the first time you’ve ever heard him laugh before. Dark, grating—you don’t like the sound of it. Gargled like a wolf’s laugh. Something sharp. Something that precedes pain. 

“C’mon, Bonnie. Johnny’s hungry.”

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[satorusugurugurl]

Perfect prey was just *chef's kiss*

Was thinking... what if the plan backfired? Like maybe Suguru's curses attracted another curse they weren't expecting and now their darling is in serious danger! Maybe a little bit injured

They feel awful of course, because they put their darling in harm's way! So they manipulate her again, but with a more gentle approach. "Oh sweetheart this was so dangerous... we were So worried... we can't let you do this alone again, our heart wouldn't be able to take it" and then they make it up to her by fucking her until she passes out

Perfect Prey (Part Two)

Characters: Yadere!Geto Suguru, Yadere!Gojo Satoru,AFAB!Reader

Warnings: yandere!Geto/Gojo, manipulation, dub! con read is unaware that the boys are manipulating her! (consent is vital for me!!) double penetration, smut, mentions of wounds, cursing, baby trapping, pregnancy talk, breeding

Word Count: 3,464

A/N: Ah! thank you Nonnie! This was different. I felt really dirty writing them so conniving wanting to baby trap the reader. Well I hope you enjoy!!

Part One

Anxiety and dread sat in the pit of your stomach like a metal ball as the phone rang. Satoru and Suguru were going to be pissed that you took on this mission, but they would have to get over it. You tried to decline when Yaga told you you were being sent to Sendai to deal with a grade-two curse. After your first and last solo mission went haywire, you never took missions without a partner, whether it was Satoru or Suguru.

But you couldn't just stand by the second he told you a child was missing the same area. You had to go on this mission alone while your boyfriends were in Kyoto for a meeting. The child was at risk, so you idly couldn’t stand by and do nothing. They could be upset if they wanted, but this was the right thing to do.

“Hey sweetheart, everything okay?” Satoru asked as you treaded over a bridge leading to an abandoned school in Sendai.

“Promise you won’t be mad.”

Pure and absolute silence rings out, making you swallow hard. “What do you mean? Don’t get mad?” You heard Geto ask what happened in the background. “Sugurh is here too. Tell us what happened,” you grumble, stepping over a fallen log, not looking forward to this conversation.

“Yaga sent me on a mission.”

“Princess, do you remember what happened last time?” Suguru made a tsking sound, speaking down to you as if you were a child who had done something wrong.

“I know, I don’t think I’ll ever forget that. But everyone else was on their own mission or out of town.”

“You still could’ve declined.” The cold chill in Gojo’s voice makes you shiver.

“I couldn't.”

“Yes, you could have.”

“No, Toru, I couldn't!” you snapped, stopping your pace to glare at the ground. “There’s a missing child in the area. It might be at the school building, or the curse could have them.” Both of your partners stay silent, and neither say a word. “I can’t sit back when a child is in danger.” Since they voiced no other sounds of protest, you side and relief. “I’ll be home as soon as I can. I’ll be taking the bullet train home since I’m in Sendai. I love you both.”

The line disconnected, causing Satoru to groan as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. “I swear I’m going to off the higher-ups one of these days.” Subaru, who was glaring out the window of the train back to Tokyo. “You're not opposed to the idea.” The dark-haired man glanced back at his blindfolded best friend.

“Sorry, Satoru, I was just thinking about how much our princess cares about children.”

“Yeah? She loves her students—and cares about the well-being of them.”

“I believe that is something we can use to our advantage.”

Satoru’s curiosity was peaked, and it caused the mischievous grin to deepen his dimple. “Oh, please do elaborate, Suguru.” With his friend's approval, Suguru shut his eyes and smiled.

“What if we gave her a child of her own to take care of? Money is not a problem with your wealth, and neither is mine. If we had a child with her, she could stay home, caring for them while we take on all the missions.”

“Are you suggesting that we baby-trap our perfect girl?”

“Precisely.” Geto shrugged the shoulder, dark strands of hair moving as he shifted in his seat. “If that’s something she wants, we will not force her to do anything she does not want.”

“But with a little persuasion and many videos, she’ll beg for one.”

The strongest sorcerer of the modern age grins before Suguru glances down at his watch. “But before everything is all sunshine and rainbows, our princess must learn another lesson.”

The two of them found themselves in Sendai ten minutes later, thanks to Gojo's teleportation. They stood in the woods as Suguru’s curses searched the area for the missing child you had been so concerned about finding. After combing through every inch and making a quick call to the police station, they confirmed that the boy had been seen earlier that day and was safe and sound at home with his family. Meaning they could use full force like they had done with you before.

Using Suguru's curses at full force to remind you of how much you needed them. As you ran through the second story of the abandoned school building, Geto’s curses swarmed in search of you, and they found you fast. You had to run up the stairs to the third floor when a swarm of fly-like curses slammed into you. Falling onto your back, you shielded your face with your hands, blocking their attacks.

Rage bloomed in the pit of your stomach as you snarled. Flipping over, you flung two talisman papers at the buzzing curses. Upon impact, the paper burned with your cursed energy before the creatures exploded into blue flames. There was a fire raging deep inside of you, one that was going to help you in finding the missing child, and you would be damned if you let a shitty curse your way. Pushing yourself up and off the ground, you bolted up the stairs to continue your frantic search.

Every one of the curses you came across, you exorcised with your papers. Each time that happened, Suguru stiffened, his eyes widening as Satoru dropped his arm over his best friend's shoulder. You had stopped to call either of them because you were handling this perfectly alone. That was both troubling and satisfying.

They knew you were strong. There was no doubt in their minds about that, but now, months after the initial incident they caused, you were even stronger. If you succeeded in dealing with these curses, you might begin to rebel against them, insisting that you could handle yourself, which left both men at a crossroads. They could keep throwing weak grade three and four curses in your way or step it up with a grade two or one.

Amid their conundrum, you kept moving, taking out every curse. Your thoughts revolved around finding the missing child and saving them. You didn't know the child was already at home safe and sound, meaning you were running through a building for nothing.

“Our darling girl is handling herself quite well.”

“She is one of the strongest,” Gojo added head, focused on the school.

Suguru was a second away from agreeing with him when he went silent; seven of his curses were exorcised once—none by you or a different sorcerer. No, the presence that took out those curses was dark and malicious. Suguru knew that Satoru sensed it, too, from the way his body straightened before he yanked his blindfold down, pooling it around his neck.

“Sugu—”

“I know I felt it.”

“A special grade curse.” You grit it out from the third-floor hallway, standing before the curse devouring one of the lower-grade ones chasing you. The six-legged creature towered over you, standing around 7 feet tall. Eight eyes darted with every move you made, following as you reached into your jacket pocket, pulling out a talisman paper as you prepared for the fight of your life.

Geto and Gojo were running through the woods, watching as flashes of blue cursed energy glowed from the broken windows on the third floor. As they approached the building, the north wall crumbled as you battled with the special grade curse. The bastard was throwing you against walls, knocking the wind out of your chest before crawling up onto the ceiling like some humanoid spider.

You shake, pushing yourself up as the curse skittered towards you; just below, Gojo teleported with Geto bolted up the stairs. The special grade curse was just about to bite your head off, but before it had a chance to chomp down, a blue ball of cursed energy slammed through the wall, knocking both you and the curse over the ledge of the north side of the building

“Fuck!” Gojo yelled as you and the curse fell into an abandoned school pool's dirty, mucky water. The water's foul smell soured your stomach as you tried to wiggle yourself from the curse of grasp, only to have it pull you under the black water. Its legs into your sides, pulling you further under the water, dragging you to the bottom of the bottomless pool.

Your paper was useless in a situation like this, but you didn’t need your paper. Not when you had been training so hard, focusing all your energy on your combat skills. Pulling your fist back, you focus hard, concentrating your cursed energy into your fist before slamming it down on the curse's head. Flashes of red and black cursed energy split the water around you, and the curse released you. The black flash hit it head-on. You would need to thank Nanami later for teaching you how to do it.

That was if you made it out of the slimy pool alive.

You couldn’t see everything; it was a blurry black mass until a hand breached under the water, grabbing your jacket and pulling you to the surface. The instant head breached the water, Suguru pulled out, helping you towards the edge. The instant you were on dry land, you sat on your hands and knees as you coughed up the foul-smelling water that had invaded your mouth and nose while Geto rubbed your back soothingly, gently patting it until you were sure your lungs were clear.

“S-Suguru—” you gasp, resting your head on his lap, “W-What are you doing here?” His hand gently stroked your wet hair back

“Yaga called us and told us the child was found. We decided to assist you and let you know the good news. Thank god we got here when we did.”

Another body crutches down next to you; a soft hand gently caresses your cheek. “Yeah, no kidding. Are you okay? You aren’t too injured, are you?”

Shifting slightly, you winced at the scratches and sore spots that would soon become bruises. Despite the minor sting, nothing seemed to be broken. That meant your partners wouldn’t have much to complain about. Pushing yourself up and off of Suguru, you gave your boyfriends a gentle smile and a thumbs up.

“I’ll live.”

Of course, you’d live; you were strong, and the injured were mediocre. Even though you were okay, Satoru and Suguru felt some guilt when you

All got he as they watched you walk into the bathroom for a long shower when you got home. The scratches on your side were bleeding, and the gash on your forehead was starting to swell into a scar with bruises as you shut the door behind you.

Both men exchanged glances with each other the second you came back into the bedroom, carefully crawling into bed between them. They were so lucky that you were strong enough to handle yourself. If it were anyone else, they might not have been as fortunate as you were. Even if they hadn’t interfered with your mission, you could’ve easily faced that special grade and wouldn’t have been off as well as you were. They needed to tell you how much you meant to them and how they were.

That way, you never tried to do a stunt like this again.

Suguru was the first to shift his arm, wrapping around you and holding you gently against him as Satoru leaned into your neck, gently peppering it with kisses. You melted into their gentle caresses, listening to their beating hearts. This was precisely what you needed after a long mission.

“Princess, this was a close call.” Suguru began gently squeezing you. “That was such a dangerous mission you were sent on.”

“Mhm, we were so worried about you, so scared that you would get hurt.” Satoru trailed his lips along your exposed collarbone. “And look,” emotion, his head towards the scratches on your side and the bruise forming on your head. “You did end up getting hurt. That’s something neither of us ever wants to happen.”

Concern was thick in their voices, and you couldn’t help but fill your stomach with guilt. They had warned you that something like this might eventually happen, and they were right. It did happen. You had gotten hurt despite handling yourself as long as you did. You had been training hard to keep up with your partners, and tonight, you thought you could handle this alone. Maybe you could save that child's life without the assistance of your boyfriends. But that special grade made you realize how weaker you were compared to Satoru and Suguru.

“I know.” You whispered, voice breaking as Satoru continued his exploration of your body with his lips. His hands gently grabbed your hips as Suguru slowly lifted your shirt for his best friend. “I-I know if—ah—if it wasn’t for—nngh.” Your mind went blank as Satoru trailed his tongue over your skin. Planting open-mouthed kisses and little nips over your stomach. “I—fuck I don’t know what would have happened.”

Satoru hummed, pulling down the sweats you had on. “We can’t let you do that again; it was too dangerous.” Suguru hummed, planting a kiss on the top of your head.

“Satoru is right; you got hurt. We hate seeing you hurt.”

“But you did so good, doing your absolute best to save a child in need.” Satoru moaned out in between kisses against your skin. “You’d be such a good mommy. You take such good care of our children.”

“You would be.” Warm hands up to your breast, squeezing them softly. “I think that’s what you were meant to do in this world: be the most amazing mother.” You moan, arching your back as Satoru laps at your cunt, his tongue swirling around clit, causing you to jolt back. “Isn’t that something you’ve always wanted since we got together? To have our children and be a stay-at-home mother?”

“I-I—haaaah—yes, I want that.”

Bingo, both men smirk as you shut your eyes tight, losing yourself in the pleasure. This was perfect. If they knocked you up, you’d have no choice but to decline missions. They wouldn’t have to worry about you being in danger. It was a win-win scenario for all of you. You won’t be in danger and have something you always wanted.

“Then let us breed you.” Satoru breathed out against your cunt. “Let us knock you up.”

Suguru’s fingers pinched and pulled at your nipples, tugging them before releasing them. “Please, princess, please, you know we’ll take good care of you. We always do.” There was something utterly manipulative and demented with the way they begged you to be the mother of their children; however, you were blind to the malicious intent behind their words. You knew your partners just wanted to take it to the next level.

That nativity was the sole reason you answered the way you did.

“Okay.” If you had known the truth that they were trying to baby-trap you, things wouldn’t have been so simple.

With your consent, both men were removed, and cock were pulled out. Both heads of their dicks at your entrance at the same time, itching to get inside of you. Shafts rub against each other as they begin pushing inside of you thick; their cock stretches you like you had never been stretched before. You gripped onto Satoru’s shoulders, wincing as both men pushed past your tight ring of muscles, sinking into your wet walls.

Your boyfriends grunted and groaned, forcing themselves deeper inside you until they were buried balls deep. You shivered and shook, crying at how full you were, stuffed with both men’s cocks. Seeing your tears and hearing your soft cries had Suguru pressing kisses down the nape of your neck while Satoru began thrusting in and out of you at a gentle pace.

“Look at you, taking both cocks so well.”

“Yeah, such a good girl for us~ going to be. Much a good mommy,”

“Yes, you will be.” Suguru moaned in agreement as he began bucking up into you in time with Satoru’s thrusts. “The perfect mommy~”

Satoru groaned, slamming his lips against yours, kissing you eagerly as you relaxed around them, making it easier for him to fuck into you. “God, I can’t wait to fill you up with my cum~ to watch your stomach swell with one of our kids.” Suguru’s hands squeezed your breasts as he slid his tongue up your neck.

“Yes, you’re beautiful, but I can only imagine how much you will glow when carrying our child. How your breasts will swell.”

“O-Oooh fuck~”

“Nngh fuck, that sweet cunt just twitched; you love this, don’t you~? Being bred by both of us. Imagining being so full of our cum that you’ll be pregnant by the end of the night?”

“Yes! Yes, I want that so bad!”

“Then be a good girl and take all we have to offer,” Satoru growled in your ear, slamming his hips into you, causing both you and Suguru to gasp. The dark-haired man was quick to recover, his hips meeting Satoru’s pace, bucking madly up into you with moans against your shoulder as Satoru grabbed the headboard. “That's right~ our perfect fucking girl is going to take all our cum. We're going to fill you up so good~ so fuckin’ good.”

“Nnngh~ yes,” Suguru whispered into your ear. “I want you to be ours in every way a person can be, Princess.”

Both their cocks inside of you felt so good; you were drooling over the way they slammed into you in sync, how they told you such dirty things. They desperately wanted to breed you, to make you the mother of their children. God, they made you so wet and horny; you tried to do that for them, wanted to take their cum, to be their partner, to be re e their children.

“Oooh fuck me~!” you begged, causing both men to grunt and groan as they slammed into you harder, trying to get deeper inside of you, to fill you full of their cum. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Faster! Faster fuck!”

“Nngh fuck~ fuck yes baby I'm going to cum~ take all of it~ yeah~ take every last fucking drop of our cum!” Satoru growled against your lips, your short breaths mingling with each other as the bed creaked and groaned under both means of frantic thrusts.

“Yea~ I want to be sure you're so full~ I have no intention of leaving this bed until you're bred properly.” a rough growl heated your skin as Suguru reached around, rubbing at your clit. “Now be a good girl and milk our cocks~ allow us to fill you~.”

You came squirming and shaking against Suguru, screaming against Satoru’s lips as he continued fucking into you, as chaste kisses were pressed into your mouth. Your tightening walls, the feeling of each other's cocks throbbing was enough to have your boyfriends stiffening before slamming deep inside the heads of their cocks, twitching as cum filled your womb, which left you gasping, nails digging into Satoru’s shoulder, leaving red crescent moon shapes in your wake as you shivered.

Both men were panting heavily, kissing you gently as they continued rocking into you. Filling you with more of their cum, only stopping when you made the slight sound of discomfort. “Y-You got me.” You whispered as Satoru pulled out first.

“Huh?” a white brow twitched up as Suguru gently helped lay you onto your side as he slowly fucked into you pushing their cum deeper inside.

“What do you mean, Princess?”

“Y-You haaah nnngh~!” you gripped the sheets as Sugurh grabbed your hips fucking you tenderly. “I-I know you got me p-pregnant.”

Satoru grinned, kissing you softly as Sugurh continued thrusting into you from behind. “Oh, sweetheart~ even if we didn't do that first round, you will be by the night's end.”

Each took two more turns making sweet, tender love to you. Filling you with their cum. You were so happy, drooling as they fucked you stupidly, until your eyes rolled back, and you passed out from the exhaustion and pleasure. The night had started sour but turned into something so romantic and loving. While you were blissful, your partners smirked, watching their cum leaking out of your cunt. Sure, they were excited to start a family with you. But they were more excited that now, you would be theirs and theirs alone.

No matter who the father was of the first child, the other wouldn't stop until you were full of the second. They fully intended to make sure you'd never leave their sight. For you belonged to them and then alone.

[en-trashy]

Forget me not 박성훈

Sunghoon and Y/n are a happy married couple, everything is going fine between them, at least that's what she thinks, everything crumble down and now she needs to start again.

12.4k words

Tw: mention of a real drug, mention of rape it doesn't happen but is mentioned, talks about cheating, Sunghoon hit her once, heartbroken Sunghoon, hospital and health struggles caused by a heartbreak.

Is part 2 of this but I feel like you can read it alone too

I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE OF YOUR MEDIA CONSUMPTION BE OVER 18 PLEASE

Their marriage visibly got better, beyond the contract that put them together now it feels more like something natural, each day she fell harder for him, they already developed a routine, in the morning he would wake her with a kiss, spending a couple minutes in bed just kissing or hugging each other until his alarm rings and it's time to get ready, he would sent her to take a shower while he picks their clothes, most of the days is in matching colors, others in matching garments, when he's satisfied with the outfits he would go inside the shower with her finishing together, they would put on their skincare together and he would dress himself and supervise she looks the way he imagined, the breakfast usually they take it on the dinning room, only when she's feeling lazy he let her stay in bed for longer, taking their breakfast in the room and leaving her clothes ready for when she gets up.

By the time Sunghoon needs to go she goes with him to the door giving him a goodbye kiss, each day when he's about to go inside his car she yells a little ‘i love you’ and he will respond blowing her a kiss like if it's his way to say I love you back, the rest of the day for him is work, meetings, contracts, stuff that she doesn't get involved, on her side, she has classes in the afternoon since Sunghoon insists in her to learn something that can help her in case she wants to do something, develop a career or a business herself. It depends on his schedule, if he can he would return to their house to eat and spend the night making what she called love, even if it was one sided love she likes that he's more openly affectionate with her and treats her good, she likes to believe that he loves her back and is just shy to confess out loud. On days when he's stressed he would immediately go to her undressing her body and fuck her brains out, later in bed after he calms down he would complain about everything that went wrong on his day, and that in particular was one of her favorite days since is one of the few he actually vents about what's bothering him asking for advice or mere company.

Once a week he would take her on a date, once a month they do a little trip, everything was perfect, what she expected and wanted from the beginning a loving husband and finally a life she can enjoy.

Today it marked a year since they got married, and she planned a lot of things he was on a business trip since two days ago but he promised he'll be here in time, he always kept his promises, so she planned a perfect night, she bought a dress, lingerie and made a reservation at his favorite restaurant, she spent hours getting herself ready for him messaging him while he was doing his own thing she only told him it was a dinner because she expected for him to remember it's their anniversary he messaged her that he was gonna start his flight that he won't be available until he lands, she made the finishing touches feeling nervous of the night y/n double check that everything is just how he likes it, she arrived first at the restaurant her bodyguards always close to her, she was sipping on her glass of water, the waitress arrived to offer her appetizers but she denied telling him her husband would be here in any moment, she waited and waited, and waited, sending him messages that never delivered, he was disconnected, she was getting worried what if something happened to him?

-i'm sorry miss, we'll be closing soon. Do you want something to take out?

-yes, I talked before to ask for the dinner menu, it's for Mr and Mrs Park, please- she smiles as best as she can while holding her tears, the waitress gave an apologetic smile leaving her.

She stayed there, her bodyguard received the food escorting her to the car, she cried a little on the way home her mascara ruined, Mr Min opened the door seeing her defeated.

-i bring food you can have it for dinner Mr Min

-mrs Park you also need to eat- she holds her hand

-i'm not hungry, I just wanna go to my room and sleep

y/n started to walk to their shared bedroom, but his laugh coming through his office made her turn on her heels, then a female voice laced with a little flirt, she opened the door finding Sunghoon sitting on his desk with a blonde girl on his lap, his shirt was unbuttoned and his face covered in kiss marks, her heart shattered and a loud sob echoed in the room, that's when he looked at the door, trying to focus on who it was.

-love? Is that you?- he got up, pushing the blonde off his lap, he stumbled through the room to the door- why don't you join me?- she looked at the blonde who was clearly furious- I'm with… what? What was your name again?

He was so drunk, he smelled from meters away, he was so wasted and confused and she didn't have words, he tried to lean and kiss her but y/n pushed him off

-love please, I missed you… did you not miss me? don't I deserve my hello kiss?- he tried to force her, but she put resistance until Sunghoon slapped her making her freeze, their maid arrived seeing the scene unfold- miss Min my wife doesn't want to kiss me- he pouted like a little kid crying to her nanny

Mrs Min holds his hands since he was fussing and babbling nonsense, she runs away from that, going to their room taking a suitcase packing her things, clothes he didn't buy her, she wipes her tears with her hand. Downstairs the blonde was furiously yelling at Sunghoon, on why he was so rude to her now, Mrs Min called security on her to take her out of the house, in the middle of the commotion Sunghoon puked on the floor of his office, all the service on his house put hands on do something about it, he was taken to the nearest bathroom to put him in shower and help him regain some lucidity, some cleaned the office and his cooks making him something to eat, the guest room was the closest one to his office to help him so everyone was there including him.

Mrs Min went to their bedroom searching for his clothes, seeing her there crying her heart out taking off her makeup, her cheek red because of the slap, she got close.

-i'm sorry… he arrived hours ago… it's been so long since we saw him drunk, but I never saw him like that, we weren't sure about telling you Mrs Park

-Did he arrive with her?

-yes… I'm sorry again I should have told you before all of this happened

-how is he?

-we’re still working on it, probably he will sleep on the guest room, he's not at his best tomorrow probably he will be suffering the consequences of the hangover but he'll live- she tried to make it lighter

-okay, can you leave me alone tonight please? I'm not feeling well either

-Yes Mr Park, do you need something before you sleep?- she shakes her head as a no

Y/n was left alone, the commotion on the house left the perfect opportunity for her to go out without being noticed, while the staff available in the house was helping him, and the bodyguards and security were guarding the front door preventing the blonde from entering again, she went out through the backdoor usually where the employees of the house left, she walked, not sure where or what to do now, it was a long way down the street, all the mansions and she felt so out of place, probably she walked for over an hour until she finally made it out her neighborhood, then she walked some more until she reached an avenue and saw an hotel, she went there to have a place where she can can sleep, it feels foreign being in a room without him now, her brain didn't let her stop thinking, he promised her to not have affairs that she'll be the only one that he'll love her back with time, all those business trip, were his excuse to sleep with other people?, he promised so many things and yet broke each one of them, she wiped her tears not wanting to cry again for him, she got ready for bed turning on the tv just for background noise she felt like trash now and she couldn't think in anything else just him and the blond kissing in their home.

In the morning when he woke up first thing he noticed was that she wasn't next to him, he went out of the guest room confused walking with difficulty to their room, the bed was made and she was not there, he checked the bathroom noticing her skincare is not there, their closet only the things he bought was there, he was confused going to her old room.

-my love… Why are you angry with me? Your things are not in our room- he knocked on the door but no one answered- love please let me see you- he opened the door finding the room just like she left it a year ago, since they started to share the bedroom

Sunghoon felt something on his chest, this is not normal, the worry started to get him, frantically searching for her each room, each place and corner of their house and she was no where to be found, the maids were also hiding from him and the inevitable rage he's gonna let out, one of the newest ones happened to be passing near him.

-you, come here NOW- the maid scared of the warnings everyone else gave her got close to him trembling- where is my wife?

-I really don't know… I just barely started my shift… I I I'm… sorry- she basically run away from him

Sunghoon went into the kitchen were all the staff of his home was hiding, he went to Mrs Min immediately.

-good morning Mr Park, do you want your breakfast now?

-no I want to know where is my wife?- he was clearly angry and Mrs Min was the only one who can actually deal with him

-we don't know, last time I saw her was last night almost midnight when she came from your anniversary dinner- Sunghoon stopped frowning- we were taking care of you Mr Park and how drunk you were, also we did have to take care of your companion because she wouldn't leave

-I… what are you talking? I don't like this sick joke, where is my wife?

-I already told you Mr Park, security is checking the cameras now trying to pin point what happened

He went to the security right away, leaving the rest of the staff to finally breath some peace and do their work, security made a chronologic of the events, everyone knew that eventually when he would woke up and find out her missing this would happen, they expected him to break something as it was usual when angry, but they didn't expect him to cry. Security showed him the videos when he arrived with the blonde, how they kissed and touched each other on his office, how he keeps drinking and drinking, then y/n her sobbings breaking his heart, how she saw them and the reply he gave, he felt awful, then the slap, he couldn't believe himself if someone would told him he wouldn't believe he did that, he was astonished and embarrassed. Each corner of the house had a camera expect for the rooms and bathrooms, so he saw how Mrs Min went to check on her, how everyone was trying to help him, the blonde trying to get back inside, lastly y/n going out through the service door with her suitcase, crying and heartbroken, Sunghoon didn't recognized himself on the videos, now he's crying after seeing all the pain on her face, why did he do that? Why can't he remember? His head hurts a lot and he just faints.

He opened his eyes finding himself on his room, thank God was only a dream, he reached to the opposite side of bed finding the empty cold spot next to him, he sits in bed his head spinning and the feeling that he's about to puke in any moment, Mr Min arrived to the bedroom followed by his usual doctor, this one checked on him noticing his blown out pupils.

-did you take any kind of substance?

-are you implying I'm a drug addict?- he was so offended

-i'm implying that if you didn't take anything willingly some else gave you without your consent- Sunghoon was surprised while his doctor was taking a blood sample- I will prescript an IV drip to help you detoxify your blood, I'm going to do lab tests to find out exactly what they gave you… I'll recommend that if you didn't take it or if you don't know who gave you, you call your lawyer you were in real danger- the doctor put in the IV to leave

-did I fucked up real good this time?- Mrs Min only saw her with eyes of disappointment

-you did, I have been the one taking care of you since you were born, I thought that now that you are a grown disciplined man I wouldn't have to worry, but last night that person who was here wasn't my Sunghoon, I didn't raise you like that- she wiped a lonely tear on her cheek- I've been working so many years for your family and I know the type of people with money who are mean to us because we clean their mess, but Mrs Park is one of the kindest souls we ever met and now I'm afraid I won't see her again… did you know that she refused to eat alone and each day she goes to the kitchen to eat with us, that on Christmas she gave us presents and an extra money so we can celebrate with our family… I know you don't know half of the things she does for us and how much everyone in this house loves Mrs Park, but we know that you're our boss and we own you our respect and loyalty, yet even when you still see her like the girl your parents forced you to marry, and it's such a shame for us see her every day try so hard to listen an I love you back… but you only slapped her back, she only talked about you and the dinner the whole week, she poured her heart into planning something nice for you… just so you know in case you don't remember last night was your anniversary and you missed and broke Mrs Park heart… I'm so disappointed on you, now if you excuse me I have a lot of work to do.

Mrs Min left him alone and crying, the remorse on his chest was killing him, the image of him slapping her was replaying on his head over and over again.

She took as much money as she could from the ATM, almost emptying her card, knowing Sunghoon can track where she withdrawal the money, also the hotel since she used the credit card he gave her, she just needed to get to the bus station and everything will be alright, she took some more money in the ATM there before going to her bus, she left feeling tired just wanting to be far away from that stupid city, the trip was 3 hours away so she decided to take a nap there.

When she arrived to the small town she took a taxi straight to the small house she bought a long time ago she saw the mess since she never lived there; first thing to do was to clean, she checked her phone not even a call or a message from him, surely he was busy with the blonde and even if she felt heartbroken she couldn't stop to think about him so she started to sweep the floor, dust the few pieces of furniture and clean in general at the end of the day she was exhausted and hungry so she went out to search for something to eat, the town was really small, quiet and lovely, the business there were nothing compared to the places Sunghoon took her but that's exactly what she wanted some peace of mind, she ate contently looking at the scenery turning off completely her cellphone not wanting to actually deal with anyone anymore, she took a deep breath accepting this new life and the changes it may have.

She went to the local market and the flower shop, buying her favorites to decorate her new house, everything was new to her, the cooking, the cleaning, the whole arrangement of do things on her own for herself, she missed Mrs Min because probably she would have teach her how to do everything with patience and love, the night arrived sooner than she expected and she didn't knew how safe it will be for her to be alone, so she locked every door and window getting on bed reading a book she bought in an antique store. It felt strange knowing she was completely alone and at her mercy, no maids, no bodyguards, no gardeners but overall no Sunghoon, she looked at her ring, the diamond still chosen to be displayed but as an empty promise of eternal love.

Early in the morning someone arrived to Sunghoon's house, he excited went downstairs hopping it was y/n, but he was so disappointed seeing his doctor there.

-let's go to my office- Sunghoon's face changed completely, frowning angry that she hasn't come back- so?

-I have your test results from the blood sample, It's Gamma hydroxybutyrate, or GBH... It's a drug usually I see it a lot in sexual assault victims- he sighed- it makes you euphoric, increases the sex drive sometimes, it relaxes the body because is a nervous system depressant, I'm sorry this happened to you, as I tell everyone this could happen to anyone

-I wasn't raped

-i'm not saying you were, I'm saying you were drugged with no good intentions, and if I was you I would have already called my lawyer- the doctor got up- the dosis they gave you was small so there's no risk now, probably is already almost completely out of your system- he gave a file with documents- this is my declaration the test results and you can call me again if you need someone to corroborate what happened to you, this record can help tho.

The doctor left him and his thoughts alone, he spaced out for a while until he decided to follow the advice calling his lawyer telling him everything that happened last night, the few things he can remember and overall what he saw on the security videos, his lawyer started to make everything to proceed against the girl and get to the bottom of this mess.

Once alone he took his phone, sending her a message that never got delivered, then another, and another until it piled up with no answer; he tried to call but it never connected it was directly to miss call, that put him in a bad mood, he expected for her to be mad but not to do something like this, he never thought that she would run away from him, he messed up real good and for the first time he didn't knew how to solve this.

-sorry Mr Park we still don't know where she is, her phone doesn't have any type of signal we're still working on it but it's impossible for us to do things this fast, we need time and patience- the responsible of the technology team told Sunghoon with his trembling voice

-it's been a month… A FUCKING MONTH SINCE MY WIFE IS MISSING AND YOU ASKE ME FOR TIME- Sunghoon throws his glass of liquor to the wall frustrated

-we understand your worry but…

-you don't understand anything, I fucking pay you thousands more than I should and you can't do your job, what did you do? The only fucking clue you got was where she stayed one night, how much money she took from my card and nothing else… you're fired

-but Mr Park won't you be rational?

-i'm being rational my wife is missing and the one that is supposed to find where she is, is doing nothing, I don't wanna see you ever again

Mrs Min appears at the door, all the yelling alerts her, the poor guy runs away from his office, she only looks at Sunghoon, her eyes reflect all the pain she feels for him, to see him this way, she gets close to him putting a hand on his shoulder.

-yelling at your employees won't bring her back

-I know… but I don't know what else to do, it's like she vanished into thin air, like I only imagined her but was never real… I need her I feel like I'm going crazy- she was surprised to hear him like that

-we all miss her, the house is not the same without her

-nobody ever made me feel this way- he looks up at his nanny with his eyes sparkling with tears

-i know, I never saw you like this I know you like my own hand - Sunghoon finally cried hugging his nanny like a child finding comfort with her

-I think she's the love of my life- she hugged him a little more tight

-oh my poor boy I never thought I'll live enough to experience your first heartbreak

-i know I ruined everything and that it's my fault that she decided to go, but I'm gonna die if I don't see her again

-we’ll be alright I promise, Mrs Park loves you a lot that's why it hurt her more than anything what you did to her, but only the time will be the one that would help you heal your heart

Sunghoon cried for a long time until he ran out of tears and his nanny pulled apart from him, taking him to his room to rest, since she went missing he haven't left his house hoping that she'll be back one of these days, he barely slept or eat, he just worked from home and talked with everyone he could trying to find her.

She was at her little job, not a proper one she just helped the lady of the flower shop to make bouquets on the weekends and she'll have a little payment, enough to buy groceries for the week, she lives now without luxury as Sunghoon accustomed her to, she was happy this way too but she missed him so much, y/n couldn't help but to expect him in the afternoon asking for his kiss after he came from work, she missed to feel him at night to cuddle him and feel safe and loved, she was daydreaming about him that he once loved her before having an affair.

-what 's his name?- she looked up at miss Kim- the boy you like

-oh Sunghoon- she keeps working on his bouquet

-why you miss him?

-I don't, I just remembered him but it's nothing especial

-I have lived twice as long as you to know when someone is in love, so tell me…

-he's my husband but he doesn't love me, we got married because our families but it's okay I accepted that, now we parted separate ways- she shrugs her shoulders- we're better this way

-if you were better this way you wouldn't talk about him with so much regret, you love him and miss him

-I do, but things are complicated, I do love him but he never loved me back, he treated me good but it's not what I want- the lady takes her hands

-my child everyone falls in love with you, I don't know a single soul in this town who doesn't love you already- she takes a pot with flowers- I bet that Sunghoon is just dumb but it's okay, as long as he's good, if you ever decide to try again I bet he'll fall for you… take this it's forget me not, love and loyalty, eternal love but also deep longing, mother nature will heard your prayers and will bring your true love back to you- she takes the pot smiling

-thank you,for everything since I came here

-thank you for helping this old bones

They both laughed and kept working, until the late afternoon, talking about anything and everything.

Another month passed in a blink of an eye, Sunghoon have loss a significant amount of weight, the dark circles made him look almost dead, he didn't even took off his pajamas now, walking around his house like a man sentenced to death the maids tried so hard to convince him to eat or take showers, but only Mrs Min managed to convince him sometimes, it hurt everyone in the house to see him like that, he didn't allowed them to open the curtains so everything was always in a dim light erasing for him the time, he was working almost like a robot, just doing what he's supposed to do without much thinking, everyday at the same hour he would try to call only to find the same voice message “line cannot be connected”, Mrs Min entered with his food.

-my beautiful boy it's meal time- she started to call him again his usual nickname from when he was little

-i'm not hungry- he pouted knowing he can't scape this- I'll just finish this and go to sleep

-no you can't- she takes the bowl and the spoon to hand feed him- I personally made your favorite, so now open- it was like if Sunghoon was 5 again and his nanny was struggling to give him veggies- you need to be strong and healthy- he eats still looking at her- when Mrs Park come back you need to be my strong handsome boy for her

-you think she's gonna ever come back?- he looks at his nanny with his sparkling eyes, taking another bite of his food

-i think she loves you way to much to be angry at you forever… only time will give you the peace in your heart

She keeps fedding him until the bowl is empty giving him his kiss on the forehead before leaving him alone, he sighs starting to get going into his room to lay in bed when one of his bodyguards came in to the house running, screaming for Mr Park, he almost tackled Sunghoon when he saw him on the hall to his room.

-I saw Mrs Park I know where she is- Sunghoon's face light up immediately

-we have to go now tell them to take my car out I need you and y/n’s bodyguards too- Mrs Min saw them walking to the front door

- where do you think you're going?

-for my wife nanny, they found her

-wait a minute- she gets in his way- you can't do that, number one you're a mess right now, you haven't showered in days, number two what's your plan? Just take her and force her to comeback?, number three you're not even sure if she wants to see you

-but nanny…

-no but my beautiful boy, I love you but I'm not gonna let you hurt Mrs Park just because you decided that at the end of the day you actually love her… go shower now- Sunghoon was about to cry and protest- go and don't throw a tantrum I'm old to deal with that… I'll think in something so we go for her with a plan- Sunghoon's eyes lit up, kissing his nanny’s cheek and running to his bedroom to get ready.

Y/n was finishing some things in the flower shop wiping the dirt on his apron, leaving it on the shed.

-i'm done, I'll see you tomorrow

-bye darling don't forget to bring me one of those cookies you make

-I won't forget, bye

She went out saying hi to the people on the street, she went to the small market to buy everything for the week and to make the cookies she promised; on the other side of the street a group of people is watching her from the small cafe.

-i'll go now- Sunghoon tried to go for her but Mrs Min holds him

-no, you'll wait for the right moment… now you big guy go to buy a beautiful bouquet- she took her wallet giving the bodyguard money- we'll wait here for her to come out you'll tell her the truth about what you feel and you have to promise me if she tells you no you won't force her again

-but nanny, I want to be with her… I love her

-I know, my beautiful boy, but you can't just force her to still love you back- she takes the bouquet from the bodyguard handing it to Sunghoon- I'll wait for you at home… I trust you'll do the right thing… big guy it's time to go- she also handed him the keys to his car, she waved goodbye leaving him alone to deal with his feelings.

He followed her quietly and a certain distance, waiting for her to actually get to her house he waited outside unsure to ring the doorbell; she was putting everything away on her pantry and fridge starting to cut the veggies for her dinner when the doorbell rings, she quickly goes to the door opening freezing on her spot to see him there.

-my love, oh my how much I missed you- he cups her face to kiss her but she pushed him- love, please I… - her hand landed hard and heavy on his cheek taking him by surprise, then the door slamming and he locked up outside- my love please I can explain, just let me see you please

-go away, I don't wanna see you ever again in my life- her voice cracks at the end and her tears run down her face

-please let me in just a moment to explain you everything

-no, I know what happened I don't need explanations, just go… stop hurting me and go- her sobbings broke his heart even more, crying himself on the other side of the door

He didn't try again staying outside the house with the bouquet there, he sat on the sidewalk giving her space but still not giving up. The hours went by until it was dark outside and he felt so cold, he started to sing outside her door hoping for her to listen.

-I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight… I've never seen you shine so bright, mhm hmm- she heard his voice outside thinking that he would be already gone by now- I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance- she got close to her window seeing him just standing there singing- They're looking for a little romance, given half a chance… And I have never seen that dress you're wearing- he made eye contact with her- Or the highlights in your hair that catch your eyes- singing his heart out for her- I have been blind… please my love open the door

-if I do that would you stop singing?

-only if that's what you want- she slowly went to her door to open

-The lady in red- he was unsure but he pulled her close to him finally holding her again- Is dancing with me, cheek to cheek… There's nobody here, it's just you and me- he started to swing softly dancing with her- It's where I want to be… But I hardly know this beauty by my side- she started to cry again- I'll never forget the way you look tonight… please forgive me

-no… you liar- she hugs him tighter crying finally letting out everything she feels since the day she left

-I have missed you like crazy, I can't live without you my love, do you want me dead? I can do that if you ask me- she whimpers- or I can come here every day until you forgive me even if it takes an eternity for you to love me again

-don't say nonsense- she pulled apart seeing him, noticing how he looks his dark circles, pale skin and how much weight he's missing

-can I come in?- she nods moving so he can come, he finally gave her flowers she takes them to put them on a vase

Sunghoon looked around the house, how tiny but cozy it was, it smelled sweet like vanilla and sugar but overall like her, he looks at her pot and the forgive me not flowers alongside with a photo frame with a cutout from the newspaper, it was his photo the one there and he felt happy that she still thinks on him at least enough to have him there all this time.

-I read about what happened to you, I'm sorry you went through that, Mrs Lim was really evil for doing that to you

-i don't care… I prefer it was me the one they drug to ruin and not you, I would never have forgive myself if they have done that to you my love

-do you want water or something before you go?- his smile faded

-i'm okay… do you know a place where I can stay here?

-the nearest hotel is in the next town, 40 minutes est

-oh, okay… do you have plans for tomorrow?-she nods

- I work at the flower shop

-can I pick you up to go somewhere? We missed 8 dates and 1 trip

-I would rather not… I'm sorry, I don't know if I can still pretend I'm okay with that arrangement. I loved you so much it hurt a lot seeing you with someone else… and you hit me too

-i know I was a dick and I regret every single minute of it, I'm still trying to remember everything but I want you to know how sorry I'm… not just that, I'm sorry for everything for slapping you, for being a terrible husband, for missing our anniversary, for not answering my phone that night… for acting that way, for taking another woman into our home… I can live with all of that if you don't forgive me but I would never let myself live if I don't tell you how much I regret not telling you how much I love you- her eyes went big in surprise- how in love I am with everything you do, every inch of your body, each piece of your soul… I was a fool trying to deny what I felt since long ago… I have loved you since our honeymoon when you hugged me so tight I thought that was the only place in the world I wanted to be… I have loved you since your beautiful laugh made me feel happy- she was crying now with her arms crossed on her chest

- Sunghoon please don't…

-no I won't shut up now… because I wasted a whole year not telling you how much you mean to me, how much I love you… how your kisses makes me the happiest man on earth, how I rather be dead than without you because my life doesn't have meaning without the love of my life… and I'm sorry I realized that too late- he was crying too turning around to leave

-wait… you're missing something- he turned around immediately feeling her run to his arms to hug him he wrapped his arms around her body she was whimpering as he finally held her- I love you- and then she kissed him and he responded immediately.

She tangled her arms around his neck while he held her legs up wrapping them on his waist, holding her body as tight as he could, walking with her on arms until he reached the sofa laying her softly on it pulling apart to start to kiss every inch of her exposed.

-i love you so much Mrs Park, there's no a future without you at least not for me

-i love you too Mr Park, even if you're terrible at expressing feelings… Do you want to stay the night here?

-I would love too

Sunghoon wipes her tears, staying just there seeing her again like it's just a dream, still afraid that he's imagining her right now, he just cups her face caressing her cheek she pecks his lips before pushing him off, he frowns but she have already slipped from his arms running into the kitchen to take the cookies out of the oven, he followed her seeing her bake.

-i'll make you something for dinner, you can go to my room to wash and maybe find something to wear… I have t-shirts and boxers in one of my drawers- Sunghoon wrapped his arms around her waist kissing her neck

-i'll be quick

He explored the tiny house finding cute how she still have glimpses of him, their wedding photo was on her night stand, one of his shirts was on the closet, the magazine with the photos of their honeymoon, all the cutouts of the newspapers about the drug incident and the lawsuit against the Lim family, he smiles because deep down he was getting ready for her to never forgive him for her to hate him, but she still loves him. He washed himself and changed clothes going to the kitchen smelling the food she made.

-smells delicious… who taught you how to cook?- he back hugged her

-i learned watching Mrs Min, it's not as tasty as hers but is good enough- she served him a bowl of the soup and one for her

He helped her to set the table, sitting and waiting for her to come with him. Once she's close he pulled her to his lap, not wanting to take his hands off her, feeling her body.

-stop… it's gonna get cold- she takes her bowl starting to eat but his hands were inching closer to her breasts and she slapped them away- Sunghoon stop now

-my love I'm a man and I'm weak I haven't seen my wife in two months and now she denied me touch her gorgeous body- he pouts but still opened his mouth for her to feed him

-I haven't forgive you completely, I'm not even sure how long you're gonna stay here before you leave

-you mean we leave right?- she shakes her head

-I don't wanna be back to that type of life- she looks down- you can have any blonde big boobs girl you want now- she mentioned frowning taking a spoonful for her herself

-did you not listened to what I said? You're the love of my life, I realized that I love you more than my own life…

-i like this house

-then let's run away from our life, I'll leave everything my company, my family, everything… I don't care I wanna grow old with you… I'll learn how to cook, to clean… please don't leave me I'll do anything you ask me too- he feels desperation flooding his body- I'll kill myself just to make you happy

-don't say stuff like that- she tried her best to turn around and see him, he looked so sad- I don't want you to die, I just want you to be happy to do what you like to have your life again exactly like before we got married

-but what about what I want? I want you and nothing else, just you please my love, let me love you I'll kiss the floor where you step I'll make you an altar just let me adore you, you don't have to love me back anymore I just wanna be with you- he holds her tighter feeling like she's slipping away from his arms, like if this nightmare without her is never gonna end

-Hoonie please don't make it harder for me

-but it's okay for you to make me suffer…- he sighs- I know I fucked everything up but if you leave me I'm gonna…

-don't say that again… I think is better this way we never fitted together everyone said that

He silently did as she said, eating in silence but without letting her go, he was feeling so sad, and when they finished he helped her on her feet getting up and taking the dirty dishes to the sink, he started to wash them and she just stared at him and how depressed he looks right now.

-I'm sorry I don't wanna go back together

-no, it's okay… you have all the right to hate me yet you still told me you love me… I feel happy… I guess I'll go now, 40 minutes is a long way for an hotel and I want to come here early hoping I can take you to work- he gets close to kiss her forehead- I'll bring you breakfast too my love

-but… are you not gonna stay?- she didn't meant to sound so disappointed

-i don't wanna make you feel uncomfortable- he pulled her a little unsure cupping her face to kiss her waiting for her to push him but she pulled him too, they kissed with sweetness pulling a part shortly after- good night my love, please at least dream about me just like I do with you every night

-please stay… only for today- her voice was almost a whisper

-i'll sleep on your sofa

She wanted to protest but she knows Sunghoon is doing that because she asked basically for him to not being around, for them not being together. Sunghoon takes her on his arms carrying her to her room leaving her softly on her bed kissing one last time before going to her living room and getting as comfortable as he could on the couch, he closed his eyes trying to sleep, he did it for a couple hours only but he couldn't get himself to sleep knowing she was there so close to him but so far away, he got up to make himself a coffee he felt so out of place pouring his cup and walking back to the living room.

-Hoonie? Is that you?- he looks at her on the entrance of her bedroom

-yes my love- she went to the living room to him- I'm sorry did I woke you?- she nods going straight to hug him sitting on his lap straddling him- I didn't mean to do it

-Is okay I don't mind it- she snuggled on his chest closing her eyes

-were you sleeping well?- he softly pats her back

- so good I dreamed about you- she started to kiss his neck- about our first time together… not the ugly one… the one you made me feel so good and loved

-i'm sorry I made have an ugly first time

-don't feel sorry I wouldn't want anyone else to be my first time- he takes a sip of his coffee swinging softly to make her relax and sleep again- I feel like I want you inside but I don't have the energy to make love- she whispered hiding on his neck

-oh we can actually do that… if you want… you can just warm me while you sleep

-i don't know how to do that

-you don't have to do anything just look pretty and relax

-I want you please Hoonie

He kiss her cheek getting up with her on his arms going to her bedroom leaving her in bed to undress her lower half, he kneels in front of her staying eye level with her crotch, getting close to taste her she immediately covered herself with her hand.

-i need to prep you baby, to not hurt you

-i… it's just… I haven't shaved my… my pussy- she blushed and he finds her adorable under the soft light on her nightstand

-me neither- he say with a soft chuckle- haven't shave in a long time

-but you're gonna… gonna eat me… and I haven't

-my love I couldn't care less- he takes her hand off leaning to give her soft kisses on her clit- i missed this pussy so much and she missed me too… it's already drooling for me- he gives a long lick from her entrance to her clit making her moan.

He was slowly making out with her pussy, until she was dripping wet, she was moaning, he takes her on his arms again going to sit on bed with her on top he takes his already hard length, kissing her neck helping her to put it inside her, she holds onto him moaning feeling the stretch he was all inside now groaning feeling her walls squeezing him, her pussy fluttering to fit him comfortably.

-feels good love?

-so good Hoonie- she jawns- really can we sleep like this?- she looks at him with her tired eyes feeling so sleepy

-if you feel comfortable enough we can

-I like how it feels… Am I making you feel good too?- she shifts fixing her position making him twitch and bite a moan

-so good… feels like heaven- he pats her back making sure she's back to sleep, shifting slowly to get comfortable- sweet dreams my love- he holds her tight on top of him.

Finally closing his eyes to get his much desired rest after so many sleepless nights thinking about her, she was finally with him even if it's only for a while. She opened her eyes when the light from the window hit her face, she stirred awake feeling his length heavy inside of her, she moaned snuggling on his chest, y/n stayed there just admiring him how insanely beautiful he is, she really loves him but she doesn't know why she feels so afraid to go back to him, to their usual life, maybe because of that because she loves him too much that it hurts more when something happens, she tried not to think about it and just enjoy him feeling safe and happy like this the stretch was comfortable until Sunghoon stirred making her bite a moan, feeling him push deeper, he groaned and opened his eyes looking straight to her and smiling.

-good morning my love- he carefully sits with her on his lap- did you had a good sleep?- he started to kiss all over her face

-so good- she jawns enjoying all his kisses

-let's get you ready for work okay?- she just stays still while he pulls out, she bites a moan- are you feeling alright?

-yes… just that I feel empty now- she blush and Sunghoon chuckle kissing her forehead.

He got up and out of habit he went straight to her closet to pick her clothes, choosing from her limited wardrobe what he liked the best, he handed the clothes to her, going to the shower to get the water ready, she looked at him smiling as if it's just as it used to be before she left. She showered and changed, as promised he took her to the cafe in front of the flower shop, she told him about everything she did there, how much she loves the town even if it's small, her favorite stores, how people always greeted her with a smile and the time she caught a cold they helped her making chicken soup and teas, Sunghoon listened feeling happy that she found the place where she's truly happy, once it was time to let her go he kiss her forehead the sadness flooding again his body hugging her.

-can I come to see you?- she was all happy and giggly

-yes anytime Hoonie

-i'll try my best to come again before the end of the week, I have a lot of work to do but I'll tell my assistant to make space for you my love- her smile faded she thought that he was talking about coming over while she's at work

-oh are you… are you leaving now?- he nods

-I have a lot of work to do… it's been messy since you been gone everyone would be surprised to see me at the office again, my nanny probably would feel happy that I finally left the house for good- he smiles but there's only sadness all over his face- now go inside- she did turning around when he was about to get in his car- I love you… now you blow me a kiss

She did as he said, feeling immense happiness, she went inside to work, her brain repeating the I love you all day.

-what it is now?- her boss was on the counter looking her lovestruck eyes

-nothing, my husband… he came to apologize and see me… he told me that he loves me

-so that means you're not gonna work here anymore?

-are you firing me?- she looks surprised at her

-no, but if you finally got what you desired for so long I would expect for you to go back to your home with him

-I told him I didn't want to be back together- her face immediately reflects sadness she's feeling

-I'm not understanding… he came here only to tell you how much he loves you, that he misses you and yet even if that's what you wanted you turned him down?

-it's complicated…

-how? Life is never that complicated, especially in this because if you're dying for him and he does too… one plus one is two, you get back together

-I don't want for him to hurt me again

-right, so you're gonna stay for the rest of your life here, doing what? This?- her boss takes a bouquet from her hands- I just hope you take this decision because is what you want not because you're afraid to get hurt, I'm old enough to give you advice and to know that this is the type of things you'll talk about with regret when you're my age- she gives her flowers to finish a bouquet.

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The week already ended and Sunghoon didn't come back to the town, then another week, and she felt like he abandoned her. She went to work feeling defeated.

-I don't wanna be that type but I told you… what it is now?

-he hasn't come back, it's been two weeks- she lays her face in the counter completely sad and defeated

-so you told him you didn't want for you to be back together and now you're crying and complaining because he did as you asked… seems reasonable to be angry for that

-I know it is my fault… I just… I don't… I expected for him to be here as he said

-don't wanna be the bad boss that doesn't care about you but darling you need to get to work we have orders- y/n got up to start with the floral arrangements- it will be better with time I promise

She got to work, most of the day she was busy since it will be the fair of flowers, she was left alone in the store since Miss Kim was out all day doing her earrings, it was already closed and she was finishing putting things away when the bell in the front door rings.

-i'm sorry is already closed, come back tomorrow- she was giving her back to the door finishing the set up of some flowers, the bell didn't ring again- I'm sorry but I already told you we're close

-i just want to pick an order I made this morning- she turned around seeing Sunghoon with his work suit she smiles and runs to him wrapping her limps on him to hug him

-Why did you take so long to come?- she started to softly cry when Sunghoon wrapped his arms around her

-I'm sorry I was busy with work, I needed to finish a lot of things if I want to spend the weekend with my little love- he kiss her forehead cupping her face to wipe her tears- oh it was true that I ordered a bouquet this morning, is under the name of my nanny

She quickly searched for the forget me not bouquet, and he paid for it, handing the flowers to her making her blush and smile like a fool, knowing what it means to receive them.

-let's go, I have your favorite takeout in my car, we can go to your place and eat while you tell me about your week.

She contently nods taking the flowers and closing the shop, getting on his car, she started to tell him about the fair of the flowers and all the things she did today, Sunghoon listened attentively opening the door for her when they arrived, she keeps talking while he plates everything, he made sure to give her bites while she's telling him about her days without him, the new things she found in the vintage store, the newborn of a couple down the street, the market and her new obsession to go there to eat.

-what about you?- she ask with her cheeks full

-I haven't done much love, just work I have a lot to do still

-but we're going to spend the weekend together, right?

-yes my love we'll do whatever you want and spend time together

-I know where I want to take you, you are going to love it, did you bring a swimsuit by any chance?

-actually… yes I do

-great because there's a beautiful lake where we can swim, there's flowers all over and really close to here there's a sanctuary for wildlife, we can go too

-I would love to do that, sounds amazing

She happily keeps talking about the new bird drinker and the seeds she left for them, Sunghoon was so happy hearing her talk about the things she makes, with deep sadness he accepted that she was more happy here and not with him, he wasn't ready to let her go yet but he'll have to eventually.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Monday morning arrived sooner than he wanted, she was tangled with him in bed, snuggled against his chest and sleeping peacefully, in any moment he needs to leave even if he doesn't feel ready, Sunghoon still needs to work since the Company is a chaos right now, his assistant called him to tell him all the appointments and meetings from the week, even if he tried to talk lowly she woke up, looking at him with her sleepy face, he made sure to get everything before ending the call.

-good morning love, did you sleep well?- he kiss her forehead

-so good- she snuggled more on him, and that made harder for him to go

-I'm glad… I need to get ready, I need to go to work and I'm kinda far away from my office- she just giggles getting up bed

-you can shower and dress while I make your breakfast- she pecks his lips before leaving

Sunghoon took a shower and put on his suit, he gathered his things going to the kitchen, she served them sitting next to him, he eats with a heavy heart knowing is just minutes away their goodbye, when they finished she got up to clean the dishes, he looks at her doing this, so domestic and happy, she seems more distant from the life he offered in the beginning and she looks so happy here.

When she finished quickly and giggling she straddle him, cupping his face and giving him kisses all over, he smiles but soon he frowns.

-what's wrong?

-i've have been talking with my lawyer and my nanny a lot… about you… me… us

-oh really? What about us?- she said so happy fluttering her lashes

- I love you so much, in fact you're my first love I never got to experience this feeling before you… I think you're the love of my life- she feels her tummy revolve with butterflies, blushing at what he's saying- and it kills me when I'm not with you, but I have seen how happy you're here… how much you like this life and not the one I can offer you… -he extended his arm to his bag taking a file leaving it in the table- it hurts my heart but I just wanna make you happy…- she saw the divorce papers and freeze, her eyes immediately tearing- I will take care of you, will send money as my contract with you says, I'll provide for you for the rest of my life and beyond… this is just for you to be free, to have what you want and hopefully you'll find someone else that it's good for you, I know you love babies maybe one day you can be a mother… just promise me that even if you find someone else you'll call me if you need help- she couldn't understand why… why if he said he loves her why he came with the divorce papers

-i don't wanna

-my love… it's the best for you

-no, I want you… I love you why haven't you understand that?- she was feeling angry

-you're the one that told me you didn't want to be back together- she felt guilty because it was true, she got angry with what he is doing but she asked for it

-i hate you- she pushed him getting off his lap and going to her room, he followed her only to receive the door slammed on his face

-my love… please talk to me, what's wrong? What do you want from me?- she was sobbing

-go away leave me alone you liar… you don't love me… don't wanna see you in my life I hope you die- she let out all her rage on him

-i'll be back on Friday to pick up the papers… I love you with all my life- he heard her sobbing- I'm sorry my love…-

Sunghoon left driving directly to his office feeling like trash, but in the end he knows it is the best to let her be happy and finally have a choice in her life.

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Friday arrived and she was currently working, treating everyone with fake sympathy, she was still angry with Sunghoon, she hates him for not trying, because he didn't fight for them he just put the divorce papers there not caring about her.

-what it is now that you want to stab anyone coming through that door?- her boss asked her taking the scissors from her hand

-my soon to be ex husband came last week only to bring divorce papers

-and why are you angry?- she looks at her condescendingly

-because he wants a divorce he's a liar that only told me that he loved me to laugh at how naive I am- her boss let out a sarcastic laugh

-You're not serious… oh you are- miss Kim rubbed the sides of her head- let me check I got it right, your husband was drugged to damage his reputation, that's when you thought he was cheating on you but it was all set up to destroy him, you of course ran away from your home and came here, two months later he found you came all the way here to confess his undeniable love for you but you told him you didn't want to be back together, you told him you didn't want the life he was offering… and for what you have told me he told you he would leave everything he knows his life as it is now including his millionaire company to be with you here in this life you want, but you again told him no, last week he was here he arrived here to give you what you asked for and now you're angry with him?

-it's not like that, it's… I didn't asked him to divorce I want him to fight for us to show me that he loves me- miss Kim cups her face talking with all the softness she can

-darling he loves you so much he's giving you the greatest proof of love, letting you go to be happy even if it breaks his heart

-but I don't wanna divorce I love him- she cried frustrated because she knows that she's the one in the wrong

-so what? You expect him to come here everyday or every week just because you don't want any real commitment anymore? To spend the rest of your marriage making him split between his life and the one you want that's only meant for you?- she cried harder- when the storm season arrives do you want him driving for hours on a lonely dangerous highway? In winter with the snow and the slippery roads?... for what you have told me he would definitely take those roads without a second thought only to see you even if it risks his life

-what do I do?

-you have to chose, but more important you have to tell him what you want, what you really want not this push and pull between you both

Her phone rings, it's him, she takes a deep breath, because it's probably Sunghoon asking when to pick up the papers she hasn't signed, she answered the phone, but it wasn't his voice, it was a woman.

-hello Mrs Park, I'm miss Lee, Mr Park personal assistant, I have scheduled for him to go pick up the papers today, whatsoever he's not in condition to go so I'll be the one picking them, I'll let you know when I'm leaving from here to your home, approximately 5 pm.

-why he can't come?

-it's delicate, something came up, like I was telling you once we submit the papers, it will take 7 business days for the first hearing. Mr. Park asked me to get you a lawyer just for formality, not to fight something. He is willing to give you anything you ask him for- this was to much for her

-tell your boss I'm not giving you the papers… he hates me that much that cannot see me again?

-I understand your concern but he's unwilling now- she feels that rage again flooding her body- I'm gonna lose my job for this but I can't bear it anymore, Mr Park is at hospital, he haven't feeling any good since months ago and everything pile up, he threatened to fire anyone who would tell you about his health- her breath was caught on her throat

-but he was fine last week… -her voice sounds small and hurt

-i'll send you the hospital and the information about his staying here, I hope you're good Mr Park, have a great day

The call ended and she stayed there just spacing out, why didn't he mention anything?, miss Kim was closing the store and taking her keys.

-well let's go… I warn you that I am not a good driver, but at least I am better than you, who can't drive

-what? But…

-your husband is at hospital… sorry soon to be ex husband, but you're still married and he needs you now, now get going is long way to where you used to live

She just nodded while getting inside the car, indicating to her boss where to go, the waiting was killing her and she felt so anxious, the road felt like it was eternal and she was holding back her tears, reading the diagnosis.

“Underweight risk of anemia, burnout resulting from stress and anxiety disorders, sleep cycle disturbances”

When she finally got there she basically run inside the hospital yelling a thanks to her boss, in the front desk she asked for Sunghoon, his personal assistant was there and she was the one taking her to his room, when she saw him she broke to cry, with oxygen mask, fragile and connected to a lot of machines.

-he was sedated because he refused to sleep, doctors don't allow visits inside the room when he's like this

-how long has he been here?

-two days, he collapsed at his office

-but he was alright when I saw him

- I'm really gonna lose my job but part of it is make sure that Mr Park is alright, and the only dumb person who didn't realize that you was the one making feel alright was him… since you left he stopped eating, his nanny used to force him but it was so little compared to what he actually needed, he stopped going to the office, he didn't even showered sometimes, he used to send me messages in the early morning or after midnight asking me if you by any chance called, he fired a lot of private investigators that couldn't find you, everyone felt relief when someone knew where you were- she didn't knew all of that and now she feels bad for him- it got better after he saw you and spend some time with you, we all thought that things would be back to normal… he didn't told me anything about the divorce, he didn't told anyone only the lawyer, he got back on Monday and went directly to work, he locked himself on his office and didn't let anyone inside, he didn't sleep or eat at all until thursday… he had a meeting and wasn't there so I went for him and he was laying on the floor unconscious… I called emergency services and even here he refused to eat or sleep insisting he had a lot to do, he was babbling that he needed more money to left a good amount of inheritance to his wife… he said that his wife wanted him to die- ha assistant took a handkerchief to wipe her tears

-he didn't told me anything- she felt guilty it was because of her that he was here- he seemed alright when he left I don't understand how this happened- his personal assistant looked at her with some resentment and she's aware that she's the problem here the reason he is like this

-when he was already here he asked me to pick the papers get you a lawyer and also asked me that if something happens to him that you're his only heir- there's some hate on the voice miss Lee wipes her tears- if you excuse me I have work to do, Mr Park was clear on his desires

Y/n stayed there crying outside his room curled up in a chair just looking at the empty chair in front of her, her boss was still around finding her to give her food.

-I had some useful things in my car, I have a blanket, a travel pillow, I bought you some food, this fancy drink they have in the cafeteria… and for your husband flowers- she handed everything to y/n including the forget me not bouquet- he'll be okay… you ask mother nature for your true love to be back with you, don't mess it up this time okay- she kiss her forehead- I should leave, way back home is long

-i'll pay you back I promise

-just promise me if you remarry with him you'll buy your flowers with me

-i promise, but you have to be there too

-I promise too, now take the right choice okay darling?-she just nodded before she was left alone.

Y/n waited outside his room until late night when he woke up, she heard him groan and complain, she peeks through the door seeing him there, she went directly to the nurses telling them that he's conscious and they immediately entered to check on him, she watched from the glass in the door, she cried seeing him like that, so fragile when he used to be imposing, his physique demanded respect, his aura put anyone at his disposal, but now this side of him broke her heart in a way she didn't knew it was possible.

-you can come now if you want, Mr Park is a little dazed but it's normal because of the medicine

She went inside after everyone else left the room, Sunghoon was looking at the window barely noticing her presence, they already removed the oxygen mask but there's still a lot of cables on his arms and chest.

-I don't wanna eat I already told the previous nurses I'm not hungry and yes I don't care if they put a feeding tube on me

-you must be hungry after not eating for days- he quickly turned his face to see her, his face lit up- your assistant called me to tell me about this, were you planning just to divorce me? To get rid of me? For what? To auto destroy yourself?... didn't you think for a moment what I felt when they told me everything how careless you're acting?- he frowns while she cries- are you not going to offer me a hello kiss after how much I missed you, did you not miss me?- Sunghoon smiles weakly

-did you not miss me, my love?- he said with a tint of nostalgia for those words he used to say to her every day when he came home from work

-I did, a lot

-why didn't you kissed me hello then?- she got close to bed still a little unsure leaning to kiss his lips, softly, she was still crying she felt his hands on her cheeks wiping the tears- why is my wife crying so much?

-because my husband told me he loves me but wants to divorce me and abandon me, he's a liar

-that's not true, your husband loves you a lot that's why he's willing to let you go and be happy

-Haven't he thought that he's the reason I'm happy? That I love how he blows me a kiss every day before leaving for work, that he sometimes escapes from work just to go eat with me, that I look forward to our date every Saturday, that I love how much effort he puts on dressing us in matching clothes… - she cried harder- Haven't he thought how much I missed him? How cold and empty the bed is when I don't share it with him, how much I miss our goodnight kiss, or when he stays in bed with me just to cuddle together, how loved and safe I feel when he holds me, hasn't he thought about any of that? That no one makes me happy the way he does

-then why did you leave me?- his voice was broken, holding his own tears- why didn't you call? Or told me you were alright?... Why did you told me you didn't want to be together anymore?

-because I was afraid… -she cups his face wiping his tears- I love you so much it hurts sometimes when I felt that you didn't love me back, that night I saw you and my biggest fear was there, I was losing you, when you asked me to come back I was afraid to feel like that again without realizing I was really going to lose you because of me- she leans to kiss him again, both of them crying and their tears mixing- you have a dumb wife so you have to explain everything to her- she smiles remembering how he calls himself dumb so she can explain everything

-i have a really smart wife, so smart that she's the one explaining me things all the time, telling me fun facts she reads during the day- he pulled her to him, making her lay down with him in bed wrapping his arms around her -are we coming back together?

-yes, I didn't sign the divorce so you have wife until death tear us apart Mr Park

-nah I don't think so, not gonna let you run away so easily again, gonna chase you in every single life after this and make you mine again and again for eternity- he smiles making her smile too

She lays down with him, her head on his chest, careful with the cables and where her hand is.

-can we go from time to time to my little house? Now that I'll be back in our home I don't wanna left completely my house

-of course we can, maybe a romantic getaway a whole weekend just you and me, how's that sound?

-i would love to do that… are you not angry with me for leaving?

-no, I could never be angry at you

-your assistant told me you fired a lot of people and yelled at everyone because of me

-not because of you, because they couldn't do anything right, I was angry, yes but not with you, with me because I was the one responsible for you to leave

-i'm sorry I ran away and caused a mess

-don't be sorry… you needed to be away from me and everything… not gonna lie I prefer you attached to me, I like that my wife is clingy and so needy of love, makes me feel like I'm doing something good and that's why she likes to be with me- she gasped almost offended

-you're the clingy one you always ask for kisses an naked cuddles and stuff like that

-you're right but you can't blame me, have you seen how pretty my wife is, how perfect? I just can't get enough of her- he let our a deep laugh squeezing her butt cheek shamelessly making her Yelp

-stop… we're at hospital

-I would buy it if I need to just to get a taste of you

-stop saying nonsense- she gently smack his chest making him smile, leaning to kiss her passionately

She melts on the kiss, finally everything feels correct, that every piece is finally in place, that she came back home after a long time, feeling that warmth and love she always desired but now was real and it was here, on his arms.

Fin.

I didn't know you had a 10 pic limit, but anyways I hope you like this, I feel like I need it the opposite of the first story I made of Sunghoon.

I wanted a more soft Hoonie because if I'm down bad for him I want the same from him.

[adoregojo]

↬ two paths 一 ⦁ nagi.s, reo.m

▶︎ sooooooooooooo... this is some rotting dabble i abandoned, and since Im kind of desperate for any glimpse of motivation, i finished it. and surprise, surprise! its a reo and nagi fic lmaolmao.

▶︎ summary: reo have had a crush on you for a good long two years, and when it's the time to word his love to you, but a obstruct of your part says otherwise. ▶︎ context: nagi is your childhood friend, jealousy, idk if this counts as a love triangle? it's more like your a brick head, some angst (ofc) kind of a plottwist !!gn reader!!

"i like you, I've liked you ever since you stepped into my world, i like everything about you, your smile, your eyes, your gentle hands, your laugh, and most of all your soul that kept me hostage. and i-"

the hang up sound cut him off.

silence fell upon the other side of the phone, only the stillness of the disconnected tone nudging him back to reality. his hold on the phone was a robust one, so stout to the point of a crack to echo. the compound of bitterness, remorse, frustration, all were hefty on the little pinning heart of his.

and with that, you rejected reo, without even saying a word.

and the next days were nothing but a grievous duration, to him the most. as much as reo didn't want to see you for a while, there was no escaping you when you were in the same school, classroom, 一hell, even club. you were in every corner and every ditch, and he'll be a dead lier if he said that your appearance alone wouldn't tiptoe on his heartstrings. reo can stay still ever so firmly and yet you'd still be able to prod him out of his ground as convenient.

reo wanted to be mad at you, to hate you even, but he couldn't, he sincerely couldn't. even when the strain was tense, unbearable, but somehow it also felt pitifully suffocated, graciously. it was you after all, where he felt like a fragile creature under your spell, gosh一 you had reo warped around your finger with cement.

nevertheless, what drove him to the edge was how you operated it. while reo handled it by immersing himself in two blankets and eat ice cream to pacified him to crying himself to sleep. however, you on the other hand was having the time of your life. greeting him good morning to saying goodbyes, even asking him how his day went, did his confession meant that little to you?

reo wondered if you bat an eye, you just denied him after all, but some acknowledgment would've been great. or at least have a talk about it. but instead you acted like it never even happened. the idea of you skipping over his feelings made him sick to his core, it sounded so ill-suited, you above all if not the most considerate, thoughtful person he'd ever met. that's how reo fell for you in the first place.

he wasn't gonna apologies for being selfish, he wanted you to himself. reo kept all his feelings for you bottled up for a good old two years, and he just cannot bare with the fear of someone else stealing you anymore 一something that kept him on trails of restless nights一

maybe that's what herd him away from you, the decedent between the two grew by each day. yet reo loved you too much to live with the consequences of his actions, he can't even look at you without screaming 'why don't you care as much as i do', your sudden unfamiliarity stings him slowly and most of all painfully.

for you to blow him away like a dust that burdens your clothes felt it was caused by a clone, or did he just never knew you like he thought he did?

it ached to see you asking him if he's okay, if you did something wrong to drive him away. and goddamn it hurts seeing you like this, he would rather bang his head to the wall repeatedly than see that anguished expression ever again, and worst of all, reo was the reason for it.

you were heavy on his mind 一as if you weren't already一 the recollection of you standing with your sweaty palms rubbing against each other, a bad habit you do when you get uneasy, he really fucked up to the point where you have became a nervous wreck in his presence. your utter was light, questioning if he even wanted to be your 'friend' anymore.

you weren't the one to blame, reo was the one who stopped talking to you, stopped sitting with you for lunch, he even withdrew the club you two shared 一he didn't even have a liking for it, just joined because you were there一 all that and you still tugged on the last tie of faith reo would walk back into your life with open arms.

but reo didn't want to be your 'friend', not anymore. he wanted to be the one to protect you, to understand you, he wanted to be your man, your other half more anything, for him to be your everything just like you are his. you can't just make heaven a living place on earth then walk away when he was on knees for you.

he left you at halt, saying that he needed some time. you never knew time for what because he walked away before letting you word anything out. so now, his hands buried deep in his pockets, he felt heavy, mind and heart on a race track. he felt awful, the image of you standing in confusion, lost on what to do will hunt him to his grave. he tried running his fingers throughout his violet lockes, he was petty, selfish, and reo knew he could've worded it better instead of this.

from the corner of his eye, he could spot a bunch of flowers fluttering under the rush of air, hit by the sunlight to outshine any other plants besides. he could've think of how beautiful they looked, but no, the first thing that popped out his mind was the image of how bliss you'll be seeing them flourish just the way you liked it.

reo contemplating his actions, the pure, straightforward out of his heart gates confession and how far it had driven him. how beyond it had tossed what you two had. something blended with bittersweetness squeezed within his chest, envisioning of your smile made it a challenge to breathe.

so he keeps on strolling, trying to straighten himself until a familiar tall white headed form comes to his view. ranking ahead of a vending machine, nagi was too busy searching for what it appears to be a coin to even notice reo.

nagi was your friend, the one who watched the two of you downfall in silence. he didn't say a thing about it, didn't get involved and much rather concentrate on his phone-games. but there was something else, nagi have been your friend for what reo have been told since childhood. it was something anyone can figure out in the first glance, nagi doesn't leave your side for what it seems like eternally, he remained as your sidekick for decades. he witnessed all your phases, your growth. and he wasn't planning on departure his spot. it was a rare sight to see nagi not glued to your side, did the sky spare him? did his desperation reaches the empyrean?

"hey," reo announced his presence, nagi's bored eyes soaring over him. so the purple head flipped a coin to his direction, nagi tamed it halfway, staring at the single coin then back at his friend. "need another one." he uttered flatly as ever, so reo push out a sigh as he tossed him another one. the snowy head mummers a low thanks.

"listen, i need to tell you something." reo enunciates after a moment of hesitation, caressing the back of his neck as his lilac hues kept on swirling around. his friend just humming in acknowledgment, supporting his chin with his hand while still examining over the endless optionals of drinks.

"it's about yn."

nagi rattled momentarily, your name was like a cold water on his senses.

well, that was easy. reo thought. "i did something a few weeks ago, and i think i fucked up everything." he says, undertone. as if he was admitting an unforgivable crime.

"what did you do?" there was something off about nagi's tone, his grip on the coins was merciless. but his face still seemed boarded, nonchalantly but oddly firmed for some reason.

"i kind of admitted my feelings to them..."

nagi's daze expression shattered in an instant, not anything crazy, but his eyes grew obscure, casing over reo like a giant blacked cloud.

for nagi to carry that kind of aura was eccentric, that face would only arise every time an unnamed got a little too close to you. at that time, reo convinced himself that he was imagining that, because nagi out of all people stood his ground when it comes to dating, he'd always say the same thing 'dating sounds like a hassle'. and sometimes something wild like 'don't need someone else around, I already have yn.' reo wasn't a backstabber, he only confessed to you because he lived under the roof that his friend wasn't even able to handle anything intrigued with romance.

"i just, been liking them for ages. and i found the strength to finally say it to them, they-"

"hung up on you." the snowy head finished his line, which made reo eyes widen a bit.

he shifted awkwardly, "haha, did they tell you? how embarrassing.." he tried laughing it off, trying to avoid nagi's gaze for his sake.

"they didn't." nagi spoke quickly, voice strained than usual.

"oh? so how did you?.."

"because i did it. i was the one who hanged up."

there was a moment of lull, where not even the waves of wind could sooth over the tension. reo stood still, waiting for nagi to stick out his tongue playfully and shout 'gotcha!', praying for whoever might've fell upon to this to be a sick prank.

"you what?" he doesn't even realize he spoke before the words had already slipped.

nagi sigh tiredly, his fingers still at halt to press the numbers of his wanted drink, he didn't like focusing on two thing at the same time. "i thought you'd figure it out already. man, do i have to explain myself now? what a hassle." he let out softly.

"nagi, you-"

reo doesn't get get the chance to speak, to think, before nagi cut him off swiftly handling the conversation, like he knew this was coming. "listen, reo. i like being your friend, but i can't let you have yn." his words kept hurtling reo, it all poured down at his like a sucker punch.

"i don't understand."

"it's not that hard, i liked them first, i found them first. so they're basically mine."

oh, oh.

it all made sense now. reo felt like an idiot, why is he seeing this now? this is why you were clueless, because you didn't answer it in the first place. why, why was he so rushed to say it and not letting what he thought was you speak first.

every time when nagi would drink from the same bottle of yours, when he would twirl around a piece of your hair randomly, when his head would rest on your shoulder in every ride home, when he would shut down every time reo rambled about you, he just got it. why was he just connecting the puzzle? was his feelings for you so blinding that he couldn't see this?

reo wanted to say something, in fact things. but the lump in his throat clogs his attempts to protests. leaving his mouth agape.

and it was like nagi couldn't get a hold of concern about this, in fact he found waiting for his drinks to make it way down more interesting. yet he sensed a blazing breeze from his friend's direction, it was hard not to when they were on the same burden as an elephant. so the snowy head swiftly retorted, "plus, you already are the standard, right? I'm pretty sure you can find someone else, it'll be better if you found one quicker."

after that, nagi bent over to grab what was supposed to be his lemon tea alongside your favourite one. boredom eyes doubled-dyed at the cans, mostly at yours before blowing out a vague breath一did he just scoff?

"why you.."

"sorry, don't like sharing."

and with that, nagi walked away. head empty with the only maintenance thing was a picture of you as he handed you your favourite flavour with the money that wasn't even his. leaving reo dumbfounding at his back, he didn't get a say on this, like this wasn't even meant for him.

this wasn't a stage he can purchase to himself, not even to earn a role. he felt like a third-wheel in you and nagi's love tale.

it loathes him, brings him to edge even. but most of all, reo now wanted you more than anything.

[appleblueberry-pie]

Diamond Buried in the Dirt

He felt his lips purse on their own when your aura swarmed the room. He felt his spine strain slightly, his arms and legs flinching at the feeling of you approaching his home of worship. He knew something was different, even when you weren't in the room. He could feel your spirit and mind connecting with his own as if they already knew each other.

His lips parted slightly when you entered, eyes fixated on your form only. But even with all of these emotions and feelings you caused him to feel, you seemed to not feel the energy in the slightest. Were you just that powerful? He watched you sigh, displeased as you walk up to where he laid. Your walk was a sign of power, even with the slump in your shoulders, face aligned with the ground. From what he could see, he could make out your beauty, a sight to behold. Why were you here? What brought you here? How come he has never met you before? He couldn't tell you that you didn't need to kneel on the dirty carpet the other monkeys did the same on, his voice unresponsive and seemingly disconnected with his mind.

You slowly placed your knees on the ground, tucking your feet underneath your butt and sitting. Your hands rested on your thighs as you finally spoke up. "Geto-sama." His followers were silent, smiling and ignorant. It was easier to ignore then and to single you out from the rest of them, especially when you sounded like this. Felt like this.

"I have a confession to make," You blink a few times to gather the courage to speak some more. Years of suffering, years of being called delusional and crazy. How are you supposed to admit it all to some random man who probably doesn't know what you're talking about? Something pulled you to him, though. You could feel his energy, you could see his aura. Maybe there was a hope that he was similar to you? That he could actually help you?

"I've been seeing things.....strange things." You sigh quietly. "Since I was a small child, monsters have been cursing my vision. Everywhere I go, almost every single day, I am...disturbed with their presence." You finally look up at him. He sees your humility, your emotions and fear in your eyes. Your energy almost seems to wrap around his throat, making it hard for him to breathe as you continue.

"I feel as if i am a beacon, because I continue to attract these monsters wherever I run. They talk to me, try to hurt me sometimes. I see them hurt others and I tried to get rid of them, but it never ends. No one believes me when I say they're on their shoulders or when it kills them slowly. They always find a way back to me. No matter how much I try to hide my presence and my- my...." You raise your hands to show what you hope he can see. Your cursed energy surrounds your being, and he knows that you can see his, the way your eyes watch the outline of his body that it lingers around. "I don't know anything. I don't know if I'm fucking crazy, if there's a name for it, if you can see it, or if there are anymore like me. I just," You pause and shake your head, looking around at the still people surrounding you. "I just wanted to know if I could ever have a chance at a normal life. And be free......because I am so....so alone."

"An angel like you doesn't deserve the suffering and pain you have gone through." His lips almost seemed to move on his own and he watches your face switch to one of confusion. "You are so much more divine and ethereal than you believe." Geto feels excitement rush through his veins at the thought of another person he could finally connect with on a personal level. Someone pure to set his mind and even his planned new world free. One where he could have someone like you on his side. By his side. He sees a future in your eyes that makes him more determined than ever to have you in his arms. There is so much for you to know and learn. And when he teaches you everything you need to know, he knows you'll be everything he's ever wanted. Now standing, he holds his hand out. The look in his eyes as he stares down at you makes you believe that this guy is either the real deal or he is the biggest scam you've ever put your money into.

You thought he was reaching out his hand for you to grab and you almost reached out yourself, but then you see energy from all throughout the room collect itself into the palm of his hand in a way that was similar to how you manifest your energy sometimes. The realization makes your heart jump and you leap to your feet at the sight. Geto smiles brightly at you. "You are not alone." A large weight that you didn't know was on your heart lifts and you feel your body lighten like never before. He was just like you. He was just like you! You crack a small smile and step back.

"I didn't know it was possible." Geto stops his manipulation technique and steps closer to you. "It's all possible with a blessing like ours." You felt a little awkward when he first grabbed your hand, but a surge of his energy almost seemed to transfer to you and you gasped, pulling it back. "It's okay, it's okay. Just a little playful is all." It almost seemed to linger under your skin and it made your stomach bubble with happiness. "Is there......is there more of us?"

He gestures to behind his curtains. "I have an entire family waiting for me when this is all over. They'd be thrilled to know that there's going to be an addition to the family. There isn't much of us here, but-" "Wait, addition to the family?"

Geto takes another step closer to you, wanting to close the gap. "Of course. An extremely small percentage of shamans are living in this world. There isn't much of us out there and I am willing to go to extreme lengths to create a better world for us who aren't seen and heard. And in order for that to happen, we need people like you on our side. I know it's hard to think about and I apologize profusely for throwing this onto you, but you are needed just like the rest of us."

He could tell he was losing you when he said that. Shit, was he moving too fast? All he wanted was to get to know you better. Maybe it would be better to do this gradually over time. But if he tried to take things slow, who knows when someone else could snatch this opportunity away from him? He needs you to join him and be on his side. Be in his family. His wife. You were perfect for everything he desired.

"I have an entire life outside of....what you're hinting at. I can't just....throw my life away, Geto-sama." And I barely know you, you wanted to add. You took a step back, which made him step forward. "Yes, I understand. Maybe I was being too straightfoward. Maybe you can set up another appointment with me and we can talk about it more in depth if you have more time in the future, if you would like?" His face was calm, but his body language made it seem like he was desperate. You had to think about this from a different perspective.

There is an entire world that you didn't know about. You tried living normally amongst other people, but you were actually a "shaman" who had the ability to get rid of monsters and could see and attract monsters. You assumed if there was a certain percentage of these types of people in the world, there would also be good and bad ones. What was Geto's motive? You actually didn't want to know. He wants you in his "family", found out your potential, has a room full of regular people as his followers and acts as if he's a monk? What does he do with people that aren't "shamans"? Everything about his set up was weird and made you scrunch your knows when you realize what you possibly had gotten yourself into.

You were staring at him. Your stare was stone cold and made his face twist from a fake smile into almost genuine restraint and confusion. Suddenly, you were gone. Space and time continued where you left off and you appeared back home. Geto was left in the room to understand that you had teleported away. When he realized you left, he felt his anger rise. He wouldn't allow you to forget him. He wouldn't allow you to slip out of his fingers either. He needed you and he needed your strength and legacy to continue where he left off if there would ever be a time that that would happen. He would find you if it meant killing all of the dirty roaches that infested this city and will pick you from your safe space to be in his arms. He deserves everything he's ever wanted, and if it's you, then he'll get you.

[yuebinnie]

Atlas

☾ Pairing : Alastor (Hazbin Hotel) x F!Reader

☆ Warnings : hurt/comfort, emotional breakdown, disassociation, depression, ooc Alastor, established relationship

☾ WC : 1.5k

☆ A/N : Using writing as a coping mechanism. I hope you guys enjoy this, writing it helped me get through a breakdown haha. Love, always xxx

You never understood why it happened. Everything would be great—amazing, even—and with no reasonable cause, within an instant, tears would fill your eyes and the weight of the world would fall upon your shoulders. It was like peacefully walking on the beach only to suddenly be sucked into the water, where no amount of fighting against the current would let you reach the surface; you could only accept your fate and let yourself sink, breathe in through the burning feeling and let water fill your lungs.

This time, though, you knew exactly what had triggered it.

You had been chatting with Angel Dust at the hotel bar, gossiping about meaningless things, when you reached to grab cashews from a bowl sitting close to him. He had slightly nudged your hand away, tsking, saying those were his. You had known it was friendly banter from the tone he had used, but you felt the familiar burning feeling behind your eyes appear and your composure fall. Nonetheless, you had forced a small laugh out as you looked at your almost empty glass, clenching your jaw slightly as you tried your best to fight back the tears that were beginning to fill your eyes.

You had excused yourself quickly, mumbling that you were tired and going to bed under your breath, leaving Angel Dust confused as to what just had happened. The walk to your room had been quick; the inside of your cheeks was bleeding from how hard you had bitten down, attempting to keep a somewhat neutral look on your face.

Now here you were, your back against your bedroom door, alone in the darkness. You felt the tears flow down your cheeks as you closed your eyes; your arms folded up to rest against the back of your head, hugging it, as you muttered to yourself, “He was joking, why the fuck are you crying.” But your body had a mind of its own, and tears started to flow in greater numbers as a heavy weight settled in your chest. You sighed loudly, slowly making your way to your bed.

You sat down and stared into the obscurity, your bottom lip trembling from the sheer effort of trying not to break down over something so stupid. You failed to control the rhythm of your breathing and knew you were done for; this was gonna happen whether you wanted it or not. You lifted your legs on the bed, shuffling to lay on your side, grabbing a pillow to hold against your chest and bury your face into. You welcomed the tears, the ragged breaths, the sobs, the shakiness, the heaviness of your very existence; you let them take over you, not a single fighting bone left in you. You were dragged to the seafloor, your body numb but your consciousness still there, despite being muddled.

You lost track of time; fully aware you were having an exaggerated reaction to something so silly. You knew your body was not done; it always lasted an embarrassingly long time. You could hear your pillow-muffled sobs as if they were coming from someone else, and you already felt exhaustion dawning upon you.

From far, far away, you heard a voice, “Oh, mon amour.” Even though you felt disconnected from your body, you knew you were being moved. The person did not try to remove the pillow from your grip, and instead dragged you upwards, so your side was resting against their chest instead of the mattress. Two arms wrapped around you and a hand was placed on the back of your head, petting your hair slowly.

It felt warm and secure, and just by the gentleness at which you had been handled you knew who it was, and so you permitted yourself to dig into the seafloor, your body shaking harder from the strength of your sobs. The weight of it truly befell upon you, every single repressed emotion resurfacing like a tsunami wreaking havoc. It hurt, everywhere and nowhere all at once, and you were, oh so tired. Of what exactly, you did not know, but your very soul felt exhausted, like a candle running out of wax.

Wave after wave you let the feelings wash over you, Alastor holding you close and making sure to ground you to this realm of existence with his touch. All you could focus on was the ache, spreading all over from its epicentre in your chest. You could hear a faint hum and felt a soft vibration coming from under you enter your being, slightly soothing your nerves.

Your eyes opened under the water, and you saw the surface above become lighter; you swam up, reaching the surface as your mind slowly reconnected to your body. You tossed the pillow you were holding away and turned in his grasp, burying your face in the crook of his neck as small sobs still left your mouth. Your breathing was irregular, a mixture of pants and gasps as your body desperately tried to get oxygen. Alastor snaked an arm around your waist, his other hand still in your hair as he said softly, “Breathe with me, my dear.”

You struggled, at first, as you tried to copy the rhythm of his breaths, your lungs not letting you inhale properly. He kept breathing, his chest rising and falling slowly, and after a few minutes, your body felt calmer, and despite being shaky, your breaths were matching his. You felt your body melt against him, bodily exhaustion weighing on you like a weighted blanket. Your tears had also stopped at some point; only the trembling remained. He ran a hand up and down your back in a comforting manner, humming a tune as he let you take all the time you needed, not in a rush to get you to talk. The beating of his heart thrumming against your cheek that was pressed against his neck was trying to lull you to sleep, but you slowly detached yourself from his body to look up at him.

He observed your face, smiling softly as he kept running his fingers through your hair; you looked like a mess. Your eyes and lips were puffy, your face blotchy, and your flushed cheeks were covered in smudged mascara. You gave him an attempt of a smile and he leaned over to press his lips against your forehead; despite looking like a mess, you were still the prettiest little thing in his eyes. You sniffled as he pulled away, meeting your gaze once again, “Do you know what triggered it this time?” You bit down your bottom lip, as you nodded once, feeling extremely silly. He moved his hand to your cheek, stroking the soft skin, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Your mind started running wild; shame, anger, and annoyance all tried to take over but with a deep sigh you pushed them away and hesitantly spoke up, “I was at the bar with Angel.” Alastor’s eyes narrowed at the name, but he let you continue, “We were talking and joking around; nothing bad happened, really. He teased me and it just… Hit me. I left and came in here.” You bit the inside of your cheek, cringing at how sensitive it was from being wounded earlier. Your head slightly cocked to the left, “How’d you get in? I locked the door.”

His smile dropped for a second before reappearing, “I knocked, ma chérie, and called out for you but you would not answer so…” He dragged out the last word, quickly leaning in to smack a small kiss against your lips before saying just as quickly, “I used my shadows.”

You groaned and let yourself fall back against him, pressing your cheek against his chest as you mumbled, “Of course you did.” He chuckled, his fingers finding their way back to your hair as his other ones traced invisible shapes on your back. You sighed again, and brought a hand to his chest, enjoying the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat underneath your palm, “Thank you for coming in, Al.”

“My, what kind of partner would I be if I let my girl cry herself to exhaustion all alone?” A bright smile spread on your lips as you hummed, agreeing with him. You closed your eyes, enjoying his warmth and the feeling of his presence as you felt your breathing slow down, calmness dawning upon you.

You turned your head to press a small kiss against his clothed chest, returning to your original position a second later, murmuring, “I love you.” His hands halted their motions, and you felt his heartbeat accelerate a little; you only ever rarely told him those three words.

He hummed, his fingers returning to what they had previously busied themselves with, “I… Am quite fond of you, too, my dear.”

A giggle made its way past your lips, the heavy feeling and ache that had weighed you down now a forgotten thing. As always, Alastor had been the one to help you come down from it, grounding you so you would not get lost in your mind. Although he was feared by most and came across as judgemental, he was nothing of the sort with you; instead an understanding and doting partner who made sure you stayed as content as you could be. In all honesty, that was all you could ask for, and you were, oh, so grateful to have met him.

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Rusty | Chapter 24 FINAL | S.R

Previous Chapter

A/N - not originally where I planned to take this it felt right for me to take the fic in this direction. There is a happy ending but I guess it’s kinda bittersweet?

Summary - Spencer takes one final blow in regards to his health and Luke makes a decision. Will you and Spencer get your happy ending or were you just too rusty?

Pairing - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - strangers to friends to lovers | angst | smut minors DNI

Warnings - heavy hospital talk, swearing, terminal illness, DID, catheterisation and urination, medication, lots of tears, hints at oral (m receiving), penetrative, unprotected sex.

WC - 6.3k

Chapter 24 - Bless the Broken Road

Over the next few days, Spencer started gaining some independence. But with the ups came some terrible lows. 

He was gradually weaned off of the ventilator, which was an experience in itself. Doctor Wells was confident in his ability to breathe on his own. However his chest x-ray hadn't yielded entirely good news and she confirmed her unfortunate findings with tissue samples. One thing at a time. She would get Spencer off the vent and then have the conversation.

He was given a mild sedative to relax his airways and calm his nerves. He was conscious but hazy which was for the best. 

His tube was suctioned one more time before Doctor Wells started slowly decreasing the ventilator's support and monitoring his response. 

His lungs kicked back into gear albeit leisurely. At first he struggled to remember how to take his own breaths, still heavily relying on the ventilator and gasping a little between each staggered inhale and exhale. 

Doctor Wells continued to lower the machine, while he desperately fought to breathe on his own. Once the machine was completely disconnected, the tube still down in his throat in case he needed the vent suddenly, he was subjected to spontaneous breathing trials. 

For over an hour he was watched closely by the doctor while he sat in bed and simply breathed. Every now and again he would gasp, stutter out a ragged breath and heave air back into his lungs. 

She reminded him to stay calm, to just let it happen naturally which was hard given he’d had something breathing for him for nearly a week. 

She monitored his oxygen levels and vitals and was pleased with his progress even if he didn’t think his breathing felt at all normal. She assured him it was all par for the course. 

After she was suitably pleased with his breathing, his lungs feeling like they were ready to expand right out of his chest, she informed him she would be extubating him. 

The feeling of the breathing tube being removed from his throat caused him to gag violently and cough so hard it burnt. His breathing became completely erratic and he silently begged to just be hooked back up to the machine.

It’s too hard, can’t do it alone. Can’t remember how to breathe on my own. Can’t do it. Can’t remember. S’too hard, please? 

“Doctor Reid, you’re doing great. It’s okay to feel some anxiety, it’s perfectly normal. Just breathe in and out like you’ve been doing your entire life.” 

At first he was inhaling too sharply, through his nose and sending the air spiralling too quickly into his exhausted lungs. 

Why can’t I remember how to breathe? Been doing it since you were born. It was six days, you can do this you fucking idiot. 

After several long minutes his breathing started to return to something close to normal although he had to concentrate extremely hard on each breath. 

Doctor Wells provided him with a nasal cannula although instructed he try to only use it when he really felt he needed it.

She explained it would be an adjustment. His respiratory muscles needed to generate the necessary force to move air in and out, and those muscles had been depleted whilst on the vent. 

“Can you try swallowing for me, Doctor Reid?” She asked him once he started getting his breathing somewhat under control. 

He did. And it felt magnificent. He did it again. Then she handed him some blessed water for his extremely dry throat but told him he had to sip slowly, despite wanting to guzzle it down. 

The water was glorious, quenching his hideous throat and mouth. It was such a wonderful reprieve and he relished every second. 

“Do you think you can try and talk for me now?” Doctor Wells encouraged after he finished the cup of water. 

He rolled his cracked lip between his teeth - a small action he’d missed being able to do - before gently nodding his head. 

He cleared his throat and sucked in a breath which caused his lungs to freak out and he started coughing. 

Another cup of water and several minutes of trying to calm him down he sat back against his pillows feeling a little light headed. But he persevered. 

“H-hello.” His voice was so croaky he barely registered it was his own. 

It made his throat tickle and he almost succumbed to another coughing fit but thankfully breathed through it. 

“Great, and again?” Wells prompted. 

Does she have any idea how difficult it was just to say that? 

He fought the urge to huff another breath for fear of sending his lungs into a panic again. He’d wanted his first words to be to tell you how much he loved you but since your first time visiting him yesterday you were yet to return. 

You’d stayed with him for a few hours and talked to him while he listened and dozed in and out of sleep. You talked to him about Willow and Rusty and Copper, told him Grant and Luke were staying with you and how weird it was. He continuously tapped away on your hand, repeating his morse code mantra. 

dot-dot. dot-dash-dot-dot. dash-dash-dash. dot-dot-dot-dash. dot. dash-dot-dash-dash. dash-dash-dash. dot-dot-dash. 

And to his knowledge he hadn’t dissociated or slipped into one of his alters once the whole time you were there. However, as soon as you left the old ghosts had reared their ugly head and chatted amongst themselves until he willfully fell asleep. 

Doctor Wells was watching him expectantly, waiting for him to speak. He had no idea what he was supposed to say, it was a very strange and new experience. But despite everything, he forced his voice to cooperate.

“H-hello, I am S-Spen…Spe-Spencer Reid.” The effort with which it took him to say those five words caused a heat to spread to his lungs again and he was huffing and puffing once they were out. 

Doctor Wells was quick to hand him the nasal cannula which he gratefully took from her, stuffing the little tubes inside his nostrils and deeply inhaling the sweet, sweet oxygen. And that was when she decided to deliver the blow. 

“Doctor Reid…Spencer,” her expression changed and Spencer knew that look, he’d used it so many times in his FBI career.

Bad news. She has bad news. Oh god I’m dying aren’t I? Oh fuck you’ve really done it this time. 

His head started to spin, his vision blurring. 

No, no don’t dissociate now, you need to understand what she has to say.

He focused himself on his breathing, squeezed the bedsheets in his hand. He needed to stay present, stay focused. The fuzzy edges of his vision became slowly sharper. 

We can do this, just be Spencer. 

“W-what is it?” He spoke breathily. “Just tell me, please?” 

“I’m afraid there is no easy way to say this.” Doctor Wells sighed. “During your chest x-ray we found some scarring on your lungs and the diagnosis was confirmed by having your tissue samples analysed. I’m afraid it appears you’ve developed pulmonary fibrosis, I trust you know what this is?” 

Spencer’s jaw clenched. He focused on keeping himself as Spencer, not allowing the alters to take over. Not now, he needed just a moment to deal with this himself. 

“I-I…” hardened, thickened lung tissue, makes it hard to breathe, harder over time. Shortness of breath, coughing fits, constant fatigue. “Y-yes.” 

“It is terminal, Doctor Reid, and it is progressive. However, we caught it early and although it's not curable it is treatable. It is possible that you can live for years with this disease if properly treated.” She smiled softly, her tone laced with melancholia. 

“But it w-will kill me? O-one day?” He stuttered. 

“I’m afraid so. And we have no way to know how long that will take. The average life span is generally three to five years, but I’m hopeful you can beat those odds.” 

He sucked in the oxygen through his nose, biting back a cough. His breaths were coming in short, sharp bursts. 

Better get used to that, never going to be able to breathe properly again. 

“I want to get you started on medication right away. I’m going to prescribe pirfenidone which will help slow the lung scarring, but won’t be able to reverse it. We can set you up with at home oxygen therapy once you are discharged, portable oxygen cylinders with nasal cannulas that you can use when you feel the need. 

“I can enrol you in a pulmonary rehabilitation which will help you stay active without over exerting yourself and will improve how easily you will be able to do every day tasks. This sadly doesn’t end well, Doctor Reid, as you know. But with your age and the fact we caught it early, I do believe you can live a long, relatively normal life.” 

“But not as l-long as if I didn’t h-have this, right?” He felt the tears well in his eyes.

“Right.” She agreed. 

Well done, Reid you did it. You wanted to kill yourself and ultimately got your wish. It's just going to be a slow, painful death while your lungs steadily give up on you. 

“I, uh, can I b-be alone, p-please?” He let the tears fall, rolling his head on the pillow away from the doctor.

“Of course.” She nodded and he heard her push the chair back.

“And I d-don’t want…my friends, d-don’t tell them this. I’ll t-tell them when I’m ready. N-not yet.” His chest stuttered with each painful breath. Was it normal that his lungs hurt more now he knew this?

“Of course Doctor Reid, that’s your call. But I will say that it helps to have people around while you’re dealing with something like this. Your life will be exceedingly different now and you will need people to aid your adjustment. You aren’t going to be able to do all the things you used to do, accepting help from people who love you will greatly improve your quality of life and even lengthen it.” Doctor Wells spoke but she could see he was no longer listening.

She could tell by the glazed look in his eyes he wasn’t even Spencer anymore. 

Somewhere in the deep recesses of his fractured mind, Spencer registered her words. But his presenting alter wasn’t listening. 

“Look what you’ve gone and done you fucking puta. After everything you survived, this is what you’re going to let kill you? Mierda, what a waste of such a perfect cock sucking mouth.” 

Lea-leave me al-alone. I c-can’t. Can’t. Not now. P-please just let me pro-process. 

Spencer Reid who wasn’t Spencer Reid cried himself into a fitful sleep while his slowly dying lungs tried desperately to keep him alive a little while longer. 

***

Three days later Spencer was dealing with his diagnosis the way he always dealt with things - by ignoring them. 

He’d started PT to aid his breathing for his disused lungs which he thought was pointless seeing that they were giving up on him anyway. 

He was off his catheter and allowed to move about as long as he had his portable oxygen tank at his disposal. 

Coming off of the catheter offered him a distraction from his illness albeit not a particularly nice one. The feeling of having a full bladder was an uncomfortable and new experience. He’d gotten so used to the catheter draining his urine constantly he’d forgotten what it was like to need to go. 

He often found himself not quite making it to the bathroom before he expelled himself, once in bed and a few times on the floor on route to the toilet. And when did go it was painful and oftentimes he wasn’t able to empty his bladder to the extent he needed and was left feeling dissatisfied. 

It was slowly starting to pass, he was at least able to make it to the bathroom before urinating himself now but the slight discomfort remained. 

He was prescribed pirfenidone for his pulmonary fibrosis and after a few meetings with Doctor Vikram she put him on a strong dose of olanzapine for his DID which was yet to go away. 

He’d refused at first, desperate to not be reliant on an antipsychotic used to treat schizophrenia. But as the days drew on and the alters grew louder and louder in his head, he decided he would do anything to make it stop. 

He was eventually able to shower which was an absolute godsend. And finally after nearly two weeks in the hospital, Spencer was allowed to be discharged. 

Honestly it felt like an absolute lifetime since he’d last stepped outside. The air seemed fresher, crisper somehow. 

Spring was in full bloom and he wished he could properly smell the flowers over his nasal cannula which was attached to the little canister of oxygen that Luke insisted on wheeling for him even though he was perfectly capable. 

He still hadn’t told any of you about his diagnosis, he simply lied and said he’d need the oxygen for a little while until his lungs would get back to their full capacity, knowing they never would. 

Luke drove home, Grant sitting up front and you in the back with Spencer, hand in hand. He leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes, slipping the nose cannula out and letting it hang around his neck.  

He wasn’t supposed to use it all the time anyway, only when he really needed it. Although his lungs did noticeably burn when he wasn’t using it. 

He just wanted to enjoy this moment with you, knowing it would all soon be over. None of you had discussed what happened now but you all knew it was inevitable. 

It was late and so Spencer offered Luke and Grant to stay one last night, more out of wanting one final night with you before Luke carted you away to federal prison. 

Grant cooked a large meal for which Spencer barely touched, he had other things on his mind. After you’d all eaten, he removed his cannula once more and let himself take in a fresh breath. 

All eyes were already on him. You were all far too smart and all knew he was keeping something from you. 

He closed his eyes briefly and pinched the bridge of his nose before opening them and looking back around the table. 

“Luke, I need you to do me a f-favour.” Spencer spoke breathily. 

“Anything man.” Luke quickly replied. 

“I need you t-to call the team. I n-need to tell you all some-something and I can only say it on-once.” He panted as he spoke.

You whimpered pathetically, reaching out and clutching his hand at the implication. Luke swallowed thickly, glancing at Grant as he freed his phone from his pocket without a word. He called Emily and put the device on speaker. It rang three times.

“Hey, Alvez. How is Reid?” She was speaking rapidly.

“I’m h-here, Emily.” He spoke before Luke could. 

“Reid, it's so good to hear your voice.” She smiled as she spoke.

“Prentiss, are you with the team?” Luke’s voice cut in. 

“Uh, yeah we’re all at the BAU, why?” 

“Can you g-gather them please? Need to…p-please?” Spencer whined, pressing his knuckles to his chest as a wave of pain pulsed through him.

“Of course, give me a minute.” Her tone was laced with the fear you all felt in the room. 

You clutched Spencer’s hand tighter, already feeling the tears well in your eyes, knowing whatever he had to say wasn’t going to be good. 

A few minutes of thick and tense silence passed before Emily was speaking again.

“We’re all here, Reid. The whole team is here.” 

Spencer nodded, lifting his cannula and holding it to his nose whilst taking a long pull on the liquid heaven that was his oxygen. He let it hang again from his neck and looked around the room. If he focused hard enough he could imagine the whole team was here with him.

“I don’t know h-how to say this other than to-to just s-say it.” Breathe, remember to breathe. “The d-doctor found scar-scarring on my lungs. She dia-diagnosed me with pulmonary fib-fibrosis.” Struggling, he picked the cannula back up and inserted it fully into his nose. “My lungs are going to slowly shut down. The thin w-walls of my l-lungs air sacs are t-thickening which m-makes it harder for t-them to get o-oxygen to the rest of my body. 

“The t-typical prognosis is th-three to f-five years, but D-Doctor Wells is h-hopeful I might out-outlive those odds. But either way this…this is going to k-kill me one d-day.” Breath, just breath. “I’m on m-medication to slo-slow the sc-scarring and I w-will need supplemental ox-oxygen. I…uh…I just needed you a-all to know. I n-need you all to know that I lo-love you all. And, uh…yeah.” 

He closed his eyes against a wave of tears and tugged the cannula back out of his nose. He leaned back in his chair, feeling your hand trembling in his own. He heard you sob loudly as the words sunk in.

Across the table a few tears had escaped Luke’s eyes, the eyes he couldn’t tear off of Spencer. Grant was gripping his shoulder, clinging to his boyfriend while he silently cried. 

Down the line was a lot of gasps and cries he discerned as belonging to Penelope and JJ. He heard the mutterings of “oh kid,” from Rossi and various other sentiments from the others. 

“Oh my gosh, Spence.” JJ sobbed, he could imagine her holding her chest the way she did when she was sad.

“Is there anything we can do? Anything at all?” Tara was speaking now, tone laced with concern and heartbreak. 

“Boy wonder, my heart, my soul.” Garcia was crying too. 

More words came swarming down the line but Spencer couldn’t comprehend them. They all had a lot of questions but Spencer was too exhausted to answer them right now. 

He promised to stay in better touch with them and he would answer everything in due course but right now he was too overwhelmed and when he got overwhelmed his ghosts like to come out to play.

He was still getting used to his olanzapine and had slipped into one of his dissociative personas once or twice in the last few days but thankfully it was already starting to become few and far between. 

He heard the voices still regularly but mostly in his head and they didn’t often come to the surface. But maybe that was more due to the fact he had far more important things on his mind. 

After the call ended he took in the teary eyes around the table as he pushed his chair back. He grabbed the handles of his wheely canister to steady his shaking legs, the cannula still hanging around his neck. You jumped up and placed your hands on his chest. He bowed his head and placed a soft kiss on your lips.

“I just need some fresh air.” He mumbled to you with a small smile.

He knew he ought to be spending every second he could with you as come morning Luke would be taking you away. But right now he just needed a second to gather his raging thoughts before he became someone he didn’t want to be. 

He wheeled the oxygen out onto the back porch, Copper following behind him. He cautiously lowered himself to the swing chair and Copper jumped up, immediately curling up at Spencer’s side. 

Spencer’s breathing was a little fraught from the short walk but he tried to calm it himself rather than constantly relying on the blessed oxygen, no matter how much he might like to. He brushed his knuckles over the smooth coat of Copper’s neck trying to keep the others from taking over his rampant thoughts.

“This is all your own fault.”

“You have no one to blame but yourself.” 

“You’ve not just hurt yourself but the people you love too. You’re no better than any of us.”

Maybe, maybe not. Doesn’t matter anymore. None of it matters anymore.

He cast his eyes out in the dark across the expanse of land down the hill. Eventually his breathing started returning to normal, or at least what was his new normal. He was surprised he was allowed any semblance of peace from the three of you but after a little while he heard the screen door open and close behind him. 

Spencer glanced up at the man who looked so much older than his years right then. Spencer imagined he didn’t look much better himself. Luke offered him a sorrowful smile as he pulled a wicker chair over to sit in front of him. 

“Hey,” Luke whispered, tears glistening in his eyes.

“Hey,” Spencer replied. 

“Love you, you know that right, cariño?” Luke sniffed heavily.

“Love you too, querido.” Spencer sniffed too but it caused him to cough a few times before he managed to stem it.  

“Life is just so fucking unfair.” Luke shook his head, his sadness suddenly replaced with malice. “This shouldn’t be happening to you. After everything you’ve already been through this should not-”

“Luke,” Spencer’s wispy voice cut him off before he could start ranting. “It’s my own f-fault. I tried to dr-drown myself, this is my ret…ret…retribution. Probably shoulda just l-let me die.” 

“Don’t say that, please don’t say that.” Luke’s tears returned and scored hot and heavy down his cheeks. 

“I’m terminally ill, I don’t get to ma-make jokes?” Spencer smiled wistfully. 

“Only if they’re funny.” Luke rolled his eyes. “Do you want me and Grant to stay out here a little while? Just until you get yourself sorted with your meds and everything?” 

“No off-offence Luke, but that sounds incredibly fu-fucking awkward.” He panted. 

“Fair enough.” Luke agreed. “Is there anything I can do?” 

Not arrest my fiancé. Don’t take her away from me. 

“No,” Spencer shook his head, patting Copper’s back. “Right n-now I’d really just l-like to take Y/N to b-bed and try and not def-deflate a lung in the p-process.” 

“Now who's making it awkward?” Luke frowned, wiping his tears. “We’ll take the guest room downstairs tonight I think.”

“Appreciate it.” Spencer reinstated his cannula and Luke helped him to his feet while Copper jumped up too. 

The two men stood under the sky, beautifully alight with the glistening stars peppering the otherwise black blanket above them. 

Luke reached out and cupped Spencer’s jaw lightly and the younger man hummed at the contact. 

“I’ll always…always…” Luke choked. 

“I k-know.” Spencer breathed. “I’ll always t-too.” 

Luke nodded, leaning closer and brushing his lips across Spencer’s in the most featherlight kiss he could almost believe he imagined it. 

But he knew he hadn’t. 

Spencer was soon turning on his heels and wheeling his canister back towards the house with Copper trotting behind while Luke remained still on the porch. 

Once Spencer was gone he pulled his phone out again and redialled the familiar number. This time she answered on the second ring.

“Hey Alvez,” Emily Prentiss had without a doubt been crying no matter how hard she tried to hide it. 

“Prentiss, sorry to just keep piling it on but…” he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Effective immediately, I quit the BAU.” 

***

Spencer didn’t know if it was the lack of oxygen filling his shattered lungs that made him light headed or if that could be attributed to the fact he had just experienced the most intense orgasm of his entire life.

He was on his back, panting around the cannula which was most certainly keeping him alive at that moment, staring at the ceiling while you laid next to him, curling into his side.

“I d-don’t have any wo-words.” Spencer breathed as you placed kisses on his bare chest. 

“Hmm, I did my job then.” You laughed a little wistfully. 

It was your last night together and Spencer wanted to feel everything with you before it was too late. So ignoring the voices in his head, he had finally succumbed to feeling your mouth around his shaft. 

It had been so long since he allowed someone to do that to him, he’d almost forgotten how incredible it could feel. You’d made him come in no time at all and you’d swallowed every last drop of him down. But he needed more. 

He lifted your head from his chest and kissed you, tasting the remains of his seed on your tongue. He rolled you on top of him and it was easy to feel he was already halfway to erect again. 

One hand took purchase on the back of your neck while he kissed you as fervently as his lungs would allow while the other dipped between your legs, gasping at how wet you were from simply pleasuring him. 

The gasp caused you to pull away from his lips, concerned he was struggling to breathe, which truthfully he was in spite of the cannula feeding him oxygen. His fingers slid between your folds as you looked down on him with slightly sad eyes.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea.” You whined as he brushed over your sensitive clit.

“I don’t care.” He shook his head. “Y/N, this is o-our last night together. I n-need to feel you on-one last time. P-please?” He whimpered in that breathy voice you were already growing so accustomed to.

“It could literally kill you Spen…oh fuck” You moaned as he pressed deftly against your bud. 

“I h-honestly don’t care. If th-this is how I die then I’ll con…consider myself a l-lucky man.”

“Don’t joke.” 

“Who’s joking?” He suddenly removed his hand from between your legs and wrapped it around his fully hard cock. “P-please princess, ri-ride me? We can go n-nice and slow and I’ll be f-fine.” 

Or I’ll die. But at least I’ll die doing what I love. 

“Spence, I really don’t want my last memory of you to be of you dying while I’m riding you.” You huffed. 

“If this whole t-thing has taught me a-anything it’s that our time is fin-finite. L-life is not a gu-guarantee. But love…love is infinite. And I l-love you more than wo-words can say. Let’s remember us this w-way.” He sucked in a breath around the cannula. “Whadda you say pr-princess? Hop on up here and g-give me something to rem-remember.” 

Your eyes were wet with tears as you looked down on him. Life was intrinsically unfair. In less than twelve hours Luke would be carting you away while Spencer was left here to die a slow and painful death. 

Time was finite, you knew that to be true now more so than ever. And if Spencer wanted you in that way one last time, who were you to deny him that. 

You bowed your head and captured his chapped lips in a kiss while moving his own hand aside so you could grip the base of his shaft. 

You lined him up with your entrance while sitting back on your haunches. Spencer’s eyes fell between your legs and he watched in slack jawed awe as he disappeared inside of you inch by glorious inch. 

He slowly bottomed out inside of you, your ass nestled on his thighs. He smiled up at you, breathing in through the cannula as he took in every intricate detail of your body. 

You were a work of art, sculpted by skilled hands just for him. You were magnificent in your beauty, an ethereal creature for whom he surely didn’t deserve. 

He loved every single tiny piece of you from your head to your toes and every wondrous curve in between. Even if your time together had been short, he treasured every second of it and would for the rest of his life, however long that might be. 

He gave you a soft nod, encouraging you to move. You were slow and steady in your movements, careful to listen out for any ragged breathing from him. 

Every time his pants got a little too violent you stilled to allow him to catch his breath. 

With each leisurely roll of your hips Spencer swore he felt himself ebbing impossibly deeper inside of you, reaching places he swore couldn’t be real. 

The gentle tapping of his blunt head against your cervix over and over again in a blissfully sluggish rhythm caused you to teeter closer and closer to your brink. 

Spencer held eye contact with you the whole time, laying perfectly still as he didn’t think his lungs could cope with any unnecessary movement. 

In truth his chest burned in agony with each aching intake of air but he didn’t care. All that mattered was the way you felt sheathed around him, rutting against him, clenching around him. 

By the time his second orgasm snuck up on him, pinching in the pit of his belly, he was light headed again but this time it was most certainly from lack of air. 

With a few more rocks of your pelvis you both came undone, reaching your peaks simultaneously. Spencer spilled his seed inside of you while your walls tightened around him, sending shockwaves through his entire body. 

You rode out your orgasms together but once you were starting to come down, you noticed the frantic heaving of Spencer’s chest and his slightly blue tinged lips. 

“Oh my gosh, Spence?” You threw yourself down to the bed, stroking his messy hair off his face. 

“I’m f-fine. S’fine.” He closed his eyes. 

“You're not fine!” You cried, gripping his face. 

“T-tired, okay? I’m s-sorry. Maybe…was a bit m-much. Worth it t-though. Okay. I’m o-okay…love y-you princess…”

You didn’t sleep. Not even a wink. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from him all night. You stared at his chest to make sure he was breathing and if you couldn’t see any movement you’d hold your hand above his mouth and nose until you felt his breaths against your skin. 

The fear and adrenaline coursed through you at the thought of his lungs collapsing because of his insistence to have you one last time. 

The flood of relief washed over you when he opened his eyes the next morning, smiling sleepily up at you through his lashes. 

“You scared me to death last night.” You spoke in hushed tones. 

“Hmm, sorry p-princess.” He panted, his hand rising to entwine in your hair and draw you in for a kiss. 

You cuddled for a while draped in that sleep addled bliss before you both became painfully aware that your time was almost up.

You helped him shower, massaging every inch of his body much like you had done all those months ago back in Bandera. It seemed like another lifetime ago now. 

Afterwards you dressed and you assisted him carrying his canister downstairs, feeling much like you were walking the plank. 

Luke and Grant were already up, the front door was open and Copper puttered about on the porch while Grant heaved his suitcase into Luke’s rental. 

Luke was in the doorway and he turned when he heard the two of you heading down the stairs. He smiled a little wistfully at you both and stepped back inside. 

“Guess this is goodbye.” Luke shrugged at Spencer, holding his arms open for the other man. 

Spencer practically fell into them, nuzzling against Luke’s strong chest while the older man tucked him in his arms as though he was made of glass. 

“Stay in touch this time, please?” Luke whispered into Spencer’s ear.

“Promise.” He replied. 

As they were pulling apart, Grant headed back in, Copper hot on his tail. He smiled softly at Spencer with a small nod of his head. 

“Ready to hit the road, stud?” Grant nudged Luke’s arm. 

“Yeah, I think so.” Luke turned his attention to you. 

There was an indescribable look in his eyes, his lip quivering ever so slightly at the corner as you prepared for what came next. 

“Well, uh, take care then guys.” He offered you both a wave, wrapping an arm around Grant’s shoulder and turning them both back to the open door. 

You stared at the back of his head while Spencer looked frantically between you and Luke. Your heart was rampantly thumping against your chest, confusion riddled in your bones. 

“What’s…what’s going on?” You croaked out. 

Luke and Grant slowly turned back around, a curious look on Luke’s features. You were too busy looking at Luke that you didn’t notice the smile on Grant’s face. 

“What do you mean?” Luke’s lips puckered, forehead creasing. 

“You…you’re supposed to be arresting me.” You swallowed around your dry tongue. 

Luke and Grant exchanged a look before Luke turned back to you with a small shrug. 

“As of last night I no longer work for the FBI. So I guess I can’t.” 

“What?” Spencer breathed. “What d-do you mean?” 

“It was time for a change. Think I might work at one of those rehab facilities for veterans. Maybe train service dogs like Roxy, who knows. Guess the world is my oyster.” He shrugged again.

“You…I don’t understand what’s happening.” Tears flooded your vision, your bottom lip quivering. “If you don’t arrest me, your old partner will still be looking for me. I don’t…I don’t understand.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Luke’s lip twitched into a smirk. “I’ve got it covered. Just have a good life, okay? Both of you. Everyone deserves a second chance at happiness, god knows I got mine.” 

He glanced at Grant with a smile, entwining their fingers and giving his hand a small tug. 

“Shall we go, cariño?” 

“Please,” Grant replied.

You and Spencer watched them go in bewildered silence. You kept watching them until they were in Luke’s rental car, strapping themselves in and driving away down the gravel path. 

Finally you turned to Spencer, tears flowing heavily down both of your faces. It was hard to say which one of you crumbled first but suddenly you were in each other's arms, holding each other upright while you sobbed in the doorway of that old Victorian home. 

You had no way of knowing at the time, but four weeks later Spencer Reid would receive an email from someone called queenbabygirl72@prontonmail.com on his newly acquired laptop. The email would contain no message, simply three attachments. 

The first would be a death certificate promoting your name. The second, a birth certificate sporting your own date of birth alongside the name Elizabeth Reid. And the third would be a marriage licence declaring the union of the aforementioned Elizabeth Reid and Spencer Reid. 

And later when Spencer would call Luke and ask him about it, he would deny all knowledge of it. 

The two of you would make the decision to move away from Tombstone, as much as you loved the place, it wasn’t yours. You and Spencer’s fresh start would come in the form of Grant’s idea that he sell you and Spencer his old ranch. 

And so the two of you would live out your days back in Bandera on Grant’s family ranch, equipped with a summer house in which he and Luke would frequently vacation. Eventually you would acquire more horses and more cattle and even another dog to keep Copper company. 

But that was still all to come. 

For now, Spencer took hold of your hand and wheeling his canister in the other, the two of you headed down towards the stable, Copper running on ahead. You aided Spencer in mounting Willow, leaving his oxygen supplement behind and insisting he would be alright for a little trot down to the creek. You saddled up Rusty and with Copper still in toe, the five of you headed outside into the morning sunshine. 

Spencer reached over as the mares walked side by side and took hold of your hand, offering you a slightly wistful smile as he did so. There was no way of knowing how much time the two of you had left together, it was impossible to know how long Spencer had until his life was cut tragically short. 

But with any luck the two of you still had some wonderful years left ahead before you needed to worry about his diagnosis. And you would relish every single second of them. 

His hand squeezed yours tightly, his breathing a little heavy but he gave you a look that told you he was okay. The two horses took to the incline leading down through the trees towards the babbling brook beyond, Copper running happy little circles around Willow and Rusty.

You took in the beautiful morning, allowed yourself to relish in your own freedom for which you had been certain would end today. And you swore you would never take life granted again. 

You gently patted Rusty’s neck with your other hand, silently thanking her for knocking Spencer off of his horse all those months ago, for if she hadn’t the two of you would never have met.

It wouldn’t always be this way, there would still be some challenges along that broken road you travelled, but you would weather them together. Spencer still had a long way to go with his mental health and there would be blips, times in which the ghosts would rear their ugly heads and threaten to destroy everything he’d worked for. And of course understanding how to live with his illness would be a learning curve but he knew with you by his side, he could conquer anything. 

He brought your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles as the five of you continued on your journey. You both still had a lot to learn, there would most certainly still be bumps in the road, but together the two of you could navigate just about any hurdle. 

And even if you couldn’t, it would still be okay. You were both still a little rusty, after all. 

@kalulakunundrum @katrina0-0 @bakugouswh0r3 @prettyboyandthefangirl @zooni92802 @babyspiderling @pleasantwitchgarden @djsjjsjsjsjsnsnsns @bringitonhomejohnb @chineray1234

[wingedshadowfan]

anyone else feel super gaslit and pissed tf off during onyx storm when the irids were basically blaming violet for exploiting feathertail andarna (even though they admitted to using andarna as a test subject, a criterion of whether humans would achieve peace) and causing her to become an "abomination" and a weapon (aka develop w/ a disability as a direct result of having to grow up too fast due to the war and danger she'd had to face, the circumstances where they abandoned her, which violet consistently tried to shield andarna from but humans can't tell dragons what to do, and neither could tairn/the empyrean bcuz andarna is the oldest of her den bcuz the irids left her alone) and basically saying the war is the humans' own problem navarrian mindset despite venin being an issue for all of the magic everywhere and the hatching grounds of the dragons themselves, which is why dragons chose to start bonding over 600 years ago in the first place??

when andarna told them they were privileged that they'd never had to experience war and instability ?? that was real as FUCK. peak clapback and from a teenager too, they should've been embarrassed (i get that xaden didn't help their case at all but they were already leaving and had spewed sm bs)

and even later on, when leothan did come to help "get" andarna and basically tell her he'll teach her their ways and she'll find her truth (manipulative much), etc and even violet in her guilt thought to herself "he's the only one of her kind willing to accept her" HE'S THE ONLY ONE OF HER KIND WILLING TO CHANGE HER

idk i hated them, their arguments were all so stupid and perhaps it is bcuz their culture is so much different than that of the empyrean and so disconnected from anything happening at the continent bcuz we know andarna waited hundreds of years to hatch until she heard abt a scrawny to-be scribe girl with the heart of a rider, like a prophecy almost, and she knew she had to pick her like violet literally risked her life saving her at threshing ??

[aisclosed]

it's over (& over) - y. jungwon x reader

regret tastes better than the taste of nothing at all

PAIRING: idol! y. jungwon x idol! reader GENRE: idol au , unofficial exes to lovers?, angst WORDCOUNT: 2.5 k WARNINGS: slightly suggestive , semi toxic relationship

Stop. Baby don’t stop. 

The music trails to an end and you both affix your gaze to the floor, the silence filled only by the puffs of air that slip past your lips, chests rising and falling in tandem. “Holding the ending pose, I guess we really are proper idols now,” you muse silently as you subconsciously count the remaining seconds in your head. 2. 1. 

Jaehyun raises his head, yours following in unison to meet his round eyes. They crinkle in prideful glee, and he reaches out to lift you into a spinning embrace, “Ahhhhh, that was our best run yet! We’re gonna fucking eat up the stage,” he cheers, ignoring the way you shriek at the sudden motion.

Your pleas to be put down seem to only fuel Jaehyun further, his boundless energy leading him to speed up until your laughter and screams ring in his ear. 

The sound of applause cuts through the air, bringing the both of you to a halt. It’s unenthusiastic, a slow echoing pace that seems more mocking than anything. It seems in your focus and delight, Jaehyun and you had both neglected to notice the audience who had managed to slip into the room. 

Jaehyun sets you down gently, observing the way your gaze is transfixed upon the intruder, the subtle curl of your palm into a trembling fist at your side. The man lets his applause cease but his stare holds, a palpable tension as both parties refuse to look away. 

Coughing awkwardly, Jaehyun bows in greeting, “Hello, Jungwon sunbae-nim, I apologize for not noticing you sooner. I’m not sure if you remember me but I’m BoyNextDoor’s leader Jaehyun.” 

“Ah.” Jungwon turns slightly to acknowledge him, his face twisting in subtle disdain at his interruption. “It’s no problem. If anything I apologize for intruding unannounced, it’s nice to see my juniors practicing so diligently. I almost feel sorry to cut it short but I’ve booked out this practice room for the remainder of the night,” the polite smile pasted on his face nearly fools Jaehyun into disregarding the iciness that clings to his tone. 

“If you don’t mind me saying though as your senior, you both should be careful about practicing alone like this without staff. Don’t want to cause reason for a scandal, especially as the respective leaders of your groups.” 

The advice is aimed with a pointed glance in your direction and rage bubbles at your core, the sting of your nails digging into your palms doing little to quell the emotion. You snort derisively, “I don’t think you have much room to be talking given our-” 

Jaehyun cuts you off with a bright smile, “Thank you for your advice. We’ll keep it in mind.” You shoot a furious glare at Jaehyun but he simply brushes it off, continuing to address Jungwon animatedly, “It seems I’ve lost track of time, I’m expected back at our dorm soon, early schedule tomorrow, you know how it is! Enjoy your practice.” 

Jaehyun goes to gather his belongings and you grasp his wrist tugging him back to hiss into his ear, “Jae what the fuck are you doing? Don’t just leave me, you don’t even have a schedule you liar.” 

“What I’m doing,” Jaehyun drawls quietly, “Is giving you a chance to talk to him. There’s only so much whining and pining a guy can take from his friend before he starts to go insane, no matter how cute that friend might be.” You’re left gaping as Jaehyun leaves you with a swift pinch to your cheek and a side hug, smirking at how Jungwon’s gaze narrows further at the contact. 

You turn, desperate to avoid the eyes that burn into your profile, walking over to the speakers to disconnect your phone from the outlets. You curse the way your fingers tremble, skin prickling with apprehension. Apprehension that Jungwon would speak up, or worse, he'd stay silent.  

“Replaced me so quickly Y/N? You sure move on fast.” Jungwon says lightly but you don’t miss the way the chuckle at the end of his sentence sounds empty, pushed out forcibly as if to prevent harsher words from escaping. 

“Can’t move on from something that never existed,” you mutter bitterly, eyes flickering up at the mirrored wall at an untimely moment, catching the hurt that tinges Jungwon’s features in the reflection. You wind up the cords quickly, ignoring the way guilt winds similarly around your lungs, constricting until your breath feels stilted. 

Scolding yourself mentally for letting your feelings slip, you school your expression into the formal mask reserved for your superiors. “I’ll leave you to it then sunbae, sorry for taking up your time.” 

Hastily zipping up your bag, you turn to exit but instead you nearly crash into the breadth of Jungwon’s chest. You stumble back, the cool expanse of the mirror meeting the flushed skin of your back. The jarring sensation does little to distract you from the heat that emanates from Jungwon, the breath that tickles your cheeks as you turn your head in panicked defiance, unwilling to face him. 

You feel akin to helpless prey, unaware of when Jungwon had crept up behind you so deftly. He does nothing to restrain you from leaving and yet you’re glued to the spot, mute and frozen as Jungwon breathes you in. His hand grasps your chin gently to guide you to meet his eyes and you’re putty at his touch, relenting easily.

“Stop it Y/N. I know things are different. I know it’s my fault but don’t. Don’t treat me like a stranger,” Jungwon pleads softly. Your fingers twitch with a desire to smooth over the crease that forms between his brows but you refrain, steeling yourself with memories of hurt. 

“Things change Jungwon, it’s been over a month since we last saw each other.” 

“Forty six days, and some odd hours. I know” Jungwon responds swiftly, recounting all the days on tour he spent staring at your chat log, scrolling through past conversations, willing himself to press the send button, watching the typing bubble appear on your end only for it to disappear. 

The reply makes your chest tight with emotion, “Don’t fucking do that,” you snap. “Don’t try to trick me into thinking you still care. That you ever did.” 

“But I do,” Jungwon says simply, eyes sincere and head tilting as if to ask you how you could ever doubt him. It hurts. To know that despite the distance and the days that had passed, Jungwon still felt for you as much as he did the day he had left your heart shattered in pieces on the same floor upon which he stood. 

“Not enough,” you whisper, lips pressing shut as the quiver of your voice betrays you. Voicing your doubts makes them real, tangible. Forcing you to face the truth that Jungwon might care for you, but not enough to stay. 

“Baby,”  Jungwon chides and the familiar pet name has your eyes scrunching close, tears slipping past the feeble barrier your lashes provide. The soft pads of Jungwon’s thumbs swipe away the tears that track lines on your cheeks, and if he swipes a bit lower to erase the trace of Jaehyun’s touch from earlier that’s between him and his conscience.

“You know, it’s been so hard for me to stay away from you too, love. At first I was grateful to have the tour and concerts as a distraction but each day I’d find myself craving you more and more. It got harder to deny how much I missed you when I was exhausted to my bare bones and all my mind could supply was memories of you. Missed the way you felt in my arms, even started eating those candies you like so much just to get a hint of the way you tasted on my lips.”

Your eyes flutter open at the rueful admission, finding so much longing and desire pooling behind Jungwon’s darkened eyes that you fluster. It’s reverent the way Jungwon regards you. He’s deified you in his mind, reduced you to a divine being forever out of his reach. Someone he could dedicate his hours to, body and mind but something he couldn't allow himself to indulge in. 

And yet you stood in front of him the embodiment of forbidden fruit, begging him to let go of his every inhibition and just give in. “Let's just stop this stupid game then Jungwon, please. If you really care about me as much as you claim to, stop depriving me of you, of us.”

“It’s because I care for you so much that I have to do this darling. I can’t let myself ruin this for you. You’re just starting out, you would get into so much trouble. We’re both leaders, love. You know what that means, we have to carry the weight of the group on our shoulders,” Jungwon reminds you of the same sentiments he’s echoed so many times in the mirror to convince himself of the validity of his actions. 

Your skin crawls with shame, you know he’s right, you’re being immature and unreasonable. But how can you respond to reason when sweet confessions and bitter rejections fall from Jungwon’s lips with equal frequency. 

“I get it. I owe it to my team to be more responsible. I can’t ask you to risk everything for me. I get it. But you can’t just tell me we can’t be together and leave me in shambles. Then come back and treat me like this. You doing this just makes it harder for me Jungwon, I don’t deserve this, to be left chasing after whatever bits and pieces you find it acceptable to throw at me,” you swipe at your eyes roughly , pushing his fingers off your face. You refuse to feel the soft touch of Jungwon’s hands on your skin while his words drive daggers into your heart. 

Jungwon’s gaze is sorrowful when gently holding your wrists to halt your movements. “I know love, I’m sorry. You deserve better, I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want.” 

The apologies do little to soothe the ache of rejection and you look at Jungwon in defeat, “Then let me go. Please. Stop talking to me, stop reaching out to me. Just let me go,” you whimper. 

Jungwon hesitates, closing his eyes in resignation as he whispers, “I can’t.” 

You scoff, twisting your arms out Jungwon’s grasp, irritation pinching at your nerves, “Are you so cruel that you won’t let me have you and you won’t let me move on either?” You attempt at pushing past Jungwon only to find yourself caged in, his hand firm on your waist.

“Move on? With who? That guy from earlier? I can’t accept that either baby, you’re mine. And I'm sorry for being so greedy but I can't stand the idea of you with anyone else but me.” With each sentence Jungwon creeps closer, until you're unsure where his exhales end and your inhales begin. 

“I don't want you showing your smile to anyone but me, I don’t want these pretty lips on anyone else's but mine.” His last words are whispered, each syllable leaving a ghost of a breath to sweep against your lips, a silent plea for contact. 

You give in, you always do with him, Jungwon has already bridged the distance and all that’s left is for you to let your lips brush against his hesitantly. It’s enough for Jungwon to abandon every principle he’s drilled into his head, pushing you against the mirrored surface with an insistent press of his lips against yours. 

The inevitable regret, apologies and goodbyes are forsaken for a fleeting moment when your fingers curl into the strands of hair at the nape of his neck. All that matters is the gasps he draws from you, the soft noises that slip past as Jungwon nips at your bottom lip. 

You don't have to open your eyes to feel the weight of Jungwon’s gaze as he pulls away to catch his breath. He takes you in, puffy lips and tousled hair, soft lashes resting against blazing cheeks from the effects of his ministrations. Jungwon's heart swells with a sick sense of pride and relief, knowing that no matter the time or distance that you were apart, he could still reduce you to a smitten mess. 

The darkness your closed lids provide amplifies the feeling of the drag of Jungwon’s lips against your skin, trailing kisses down your jaw. “Say you're mine, love. Even if it's not true anymore I need to hear it from you. Please, just one last time.”

You know you should push him away, that this heated moment would become nothing more than another bitter memory. But against your better judgment you could only pull Jungwon closer. “I'm yours,” you admit softly, “I think I always will be.” 

The confession feels bitter on your tongue but it's easy to swallow back the shame as Jungwon gives a satisfied hum, latching back onto the base of your throat. At least when he is gone tomorrow, you'd still carry the marks of today, you comfort yourself sullenly. 

And maybe it's the bitterness that has you speaking up unwittingly, “I never thought you could be this selfish Jungwon.” You regret the words before they even leave you, and you regret them even more when Jungwon pauses, pulling back up to rest his forehead against yours.

His face pulls into a frown, eyebrows knitting at the ugly realization of how uncharacteristic his behavior was, how he had succumbed to his cravings like a child. “I never knew I could either,” Jungwon starts slowly, taking a step back and swallowing harshly, “not until you.” 

His fingers weave through his hair, pushing back the strands harshly, “We shouldn't have done this,” Jungwon mutters and then with renewed steely vigor continues, “We shouldn't be doing this.”

The chill of the air conditioner bites harder without his proximity and you feel the frost settle into your bones. Say something. Ask him to stay. You will yourself but your body refuses to obey, a futile twitch of your fingers is all you can conjure. Instead you opt to chew on the inside of your cheek, the sting providing a distraction for spreading dull ache in your chest. 

Jungwon doesn't miss the quiver of your lips, or the tightening of your fingers around your sleeves. His expression twists until his guilt is written all over his face, and somehow that hurts even more.

“I’m yours too Y/N, always-,” he utters pleadingly, and your brow pinches as you wait for the imminent but. 

“-but we can’t do this right now, and I'm sorry for being selfish and making this harder on you-”

“Jungwon,” you interrupt quietly, “just go.” Jungwon moves to protest, to step forward and wrap you in his arms again with promises of a future us but you stop him with a firm shake of your head. 

And you stand firm, rigid as Jungwon gathers his things, unyielding as he casts you one last helpless look and a whispered apology and turns to leave. It's only when you hear the resounding click of the door slamming shut that you allow yourself to crumble.

a/n: unedited bc i've been putting this off and we go down like men ( i will regret this ik) but i've missed u all lots n i hope u enjoy <3

perm taglist: @hoonsunivrs @pkjay @thatfeelinwhenyou @lacimolela @ttalgi @cieluna @ahnneyong @luvlee1313 @meowmeowhoon @llama-lyna @dmoki @w3bqrl @16doie @itsvynnie @tniastwon @given8taken @yakjw @miukityy @meowwonie @simp4jakesim @teddywons @flowertothejungwon @skywithf1 @yur1a1 @nyeonglover @fallingenluvv @run2seob

*if you changed ur @ pls send in another submission :(

[minyard-05]

imagine Andrew's reaction if Aaron died

i have been staring at this ask for a month now and i can't get over it cause literally. what if aaron fucking died

longer answer:

i cant decide whether aaron dying post-college after andrew has gone pro is worse than him dying in their last year at palmetto but it's an accident either way. he's driving home at night, safe as anything, and a drunk driver just swerves. he couldn't've gotten out of the way in time. it's a freak accident, nothing more. their deal was over. it wasn't andrew's job to protect aaron anymore, he couldn't've possibly been there. he couldn't've possibly stopped it. but katelyn calls him. andrew hangs up the second she tells him what hospital they're at and he leaves.

he's there when they call the time of death, he's there to listen to the doctors talk katelyn through the life insurance processes, he's there as nurses hold her hand and bring her cups of water, and he's there when neil shows up and says kate called him. andrew still doesn't speak, but silently allows neil to sit next to him on the bench. they stay there for hours.

andrew sits by the window and listens to neil call nicky and erik in germany, then wymack, abby, and kevin, then matt, dan, renee, and allison. he listens to half of a muffled phone conversation, listen as neil tries to be as gentle as possible as he explains what happened. he hears his name again and again, hears them asking after him, but he tunes the rest of the conversations out after that.

andrew's initial reaction is numbness before anger. confusion because they had a deal. 'we had a promise and you made me break it.' it doesn't sink in right away, it doesn't hit. and everybody won't stop offering comfort and condolences and nobody will shut up about how kind he was, how hardworking, how resilient and strong he was. nobody will shut up and leave his brother alone and he has to be pulled away from snapping the neck of the fifth person to apologise for his loss.

he stops playing exy. altogether. whether they were still in palmetto at the time or had gone pro by then, andrew would stop. he might do one more practice but wouldn't cooperate with the backliners, so he walks off the court and burns his jersey. he won't play a single game with aaron's name on his back. neil and kevin don't try to talk him back into it (neil made kevin promise not to) so they just let him be, but andrew disconnects from it completely. he goes to neil's games because he always would but he's not in the stands, he stays in the foyer to meet neil afterwards but he won't watch, never talks about it, never says anything about it again. cuts it out completely like a drug

andrew doesn't go to aaron's funeral but neil does. the discussion about it is static, one-sided, but neil gets the message. he gets some half-questions from attendees about andrew's absence, but together nicky and neil manage to divert conversation. in attendance are the foxes, abby, wymack, betsy, katelyn and her family, and some of their friends from med school. it's small. quiet. andrew hasn't moved from the window when neil gets back four hours later. there's two empty packs of cigarettes beside him though, so he can figure out the rest. neither of them speak for the rest of the night. the next day andrew's asleep on the windowsill. he sleeps the rest of the day.

more days and nights will pass and andrew won't speak. answers will come in nods or shrugs, and questions are asked through silent, slight changes in expression, which would be difficult if it was anybody other than neil. andrew speaks again approximately four days after aaron is buried.

its two weeks before he agrees to go to the graveyard, and he doesn't stay long. he goes alone and in the evening, and all he really does is sit on the ground beside the headstone with his brother's name on it. traces the letters. wipes raindrops off of the marble. its virtually as close as they got their first year at palmetto

three weeks later he sees betsy again for the first time. she does most of the talking, as usual, but the hour session is the longest conversation andrew's had since he was still a twin. he goes back twice that week, and keeps going. he'll begin talking to neil about aaron a year later. it'll start with a recount of the first time they met, and then eventually, with some help from betsy and nicky, andrew's able to talk about his brother without shutting down entirely.

this wound won't heal for a long time. possibly not at all. but it can be cared for.

[darksturnioloqueen]

Sadistic!Matt x Scissors

**This Fic Series will NOT be for people with triggers. This Fic Series will have very descriptive moments of Sadism.**

Sadistic (Sadism - The Act Of Being Sadistic)

Deriving (getting) pleasure from inflicting (causing) pain, suffering, or humiliation on others.

Please Read At Your Own Risk.

⚠︎Trigger Warning: finger choking, neck choking, not listening to boundaries, humiliation, degradation, light crying, scissor play, body self-conscious, scissors to a nipple, mocking, more choking, no aftercare, mixed signals⚠︎

You held his gaze for a moment. You couldn't believe what he just said. Along with that, you had no idea how to respond. He eventually broke your staring contest and threw another axe without you in front of the tree. He looked over at you.

"Inside. Now." He demanded. You felt your heart leap and your stomach drop. You were not only going to see his house of horrors; you were going to have him inside you—something you found yourself craving lately. He followed behind you and slammed the door, locking it. You looked around and saw the most plain living space. One couch and one matching chair are on the wall opposite a giant TV. The kitchen was clean, with only one or two dishes in the sink, which was not odd because he lived alone.

"Where am I -" Before you could finish, he grabbed you from behind and stuck his fingers in your mouth. You felt him wiggle them slightly, causing you to gag harder.

"I want to fucking choke you all the time." He whispered on your neck so you could hear past your gurgling noises filling the silent room. You breathed in, knowing that was the trick to not feeling so much pressure build up in your throat. You felt him growing behind his jeans, pressed up against your back. He removed his fingers with a little string of saliva hanging from your lips to his fingers, showing the connection that had been there.

"Again." You liked challenging him. Pushing him helped you learn more about him and felt good for you. He turned you around and gripped your neck. His fingers were perfectly placed on your carotid artery. He could feel your heartbeat pulsing through the vein. He felt himself growing more. You smiled at him wickedly, knowing you would win this mind game. He pressed you backward until you fell back on the couch. You gasped in some air since the fall disconnected you. He walked away and came back, holding something in his hand. You watched as he grabbed your sweatpants and started cutting up the pant leg. "Wait -"

"Shut the fuck up." He growled. You watched as he continued to cut the slit further up past your thigh. Your white lace was now slightly exposed. He smirked. "Fucking girly." He ridiculed your choice of clothing. You slightly shrugged, unsure of what to say. He cut your other sweatpant leg to expose your lower half to him. He put his knees on either side of your legs, pinning you down. You were propped up on your elbows, wanting to watch his next move. Everything he did was new to you. He grabbed your favorite shirt, and you panicked.

"No, it's my favorite." You felt lame even saying that, but it was, truthfully, your favorite shirt. His backhand met your mouth.

"Shut up." He glared down at you. He started snipping away at the fabric. You watched your favorite shirt get ruined. It was childish, but you felt your eyes tear up a little. "That's it. Cry." He cooed.  You knew he was enjoying this. You bit your lip, trying to hold it back so he didn't get satisfaction. He ran the cold metallic scissors down your now exposed chest past your belly button and stopped with the sharp point poking the bow on the front of your lace. You felt yourself stop breathing, unsure of his next move. He opened the scissors slowly, letting the blades apply pressure right above your clit. Your mind was running wild with adrenaline from all the possibilities he could do to you. He carefully tucked one of the blades under the band of your panties and snipped. You sighed. He cut the fabric all the way down, exposing your naked lower half.

You felt a little self-conscious. This was the first time he was really examining your body instead of just taking it for his quick pleasure. This was different. He was looking at you in a way you had never seen before. He unbuttoned his jeans and started stroking himself while staring at your open body. Again, you felt a sense of disappointment, wanting him inside of you. He opened the scissors to expose the blade and slowly closed them around your nipple. He never fully snipped, but the pressure caused a stinging sensation through your breast. "Ugh." You moaned and arched your back, loving the cold metal touch. Matt stroked himself harder. He loved having control over your body. One minute, you were fearful, and the next, you were aroused, and it was all because of him. He needed control and dominance.

He pushed his jeans further down, which told you you were going to get what you wanted. You smiled as your eyes filled with lust. He straightened out his knees to lower his waist down on yours. Hovering there, teasing you, he kissed your chest, which was still healing. This was new for him and you. He had never given you light touches before, and you had never received them from anyone else. His eyes flicked up to look at your face of curiosity. As soon as your eyes connected, he thrust himself into you. He smirked, watching your face change from the sudden pressure he applied inside of you. He immediately started grunting with every push inside. Your body was suffocated between his and the little couch. You reached up to grab his hair, and he immediately caught your wrists and held them down. You pouted slightly, wanting to touch his assumingly soft, brown hair. He gripped your wrists so tightly the new bruises were starting to ache. "Fuck." You moaned out. He went to bite your shoulder, but your hair was in the way. Reaching over to grab the scissors, you panicked. "Wait, no." You begged.

"Shh." He consoled with a sinister smile. You could tell he didn't care. He lifted your hair and started snipping away, causing an uneven shag.

"No." You started crying. Even more stupid than your favorite top, your hair was one of your favorite things about yourself. It was dumb to have such an emotional connection to something so frivolous, but him cutting your hair was one of your few hard lines. He crossed it.

"You're crying over fucking hair?" He mocked, holding the unattached chunk up. He wiggled it in your face, knowing it was causing more of a rise out of you. The tears streamed down your face. You felt him getting more stiff inside of you.

"No more. Please." You begged. You were embarrassed from crying over hair, but you didn't want anymore gone. You didn't expect him to listen, so the next thing he did shocked you completely. He took the scissors and threw them to stick in the wall. Your tears still fell occasionally, realizing a chunk of your beautiful locks were gone. He continued to pound into you, only taking your mind away from your sadness for a moment before you remembered again. He saw a small tear start to drip, and he licked your cheek to taste its saltiness.

"Cum for me." His voice was cold. If you didn't orgasm right then and there, you would be punished. The problem was you weren't ready to cum. He needed to hurt you a little more.

"Choke me?" You asked quietly. You didn't like asking or telling him what to do. You could tell he didn't like it either. His hand wrapped around your neck, and you smiled, feeling the tears halt. As you felt yourself slipping away, Matt picked up his pace inside your limp body. His excitement at having you like this made your body release. Pleasing him pleased you.

"Fuck." He squeezed your neck so tight you started coughing with no sound. He rode his orgasm down. Once he let go, you gasped for air, reaching up to hold your own neck as if it would help you breathe faster again. He slid off of you and took his jeans off. He disappeared and came back wearing basketball shorts. You looked down at your still-exposed body and giggled. "What?" He was always caught off guard by your responses.

"How am I going to go home with my close cut up?" You smiled up at him.

"Oh, uh, yeah." He left, returned with a tee shirt and shorts, and threw them at you.

"Not one for aftercare?" You joked.

"No. Too intimate." He went to the kitchen and left you to clean yourself up and change. His clothes fit you perfectly, which you couldn't deny you found attractive. You stood at the edge of the counter, watching him pour himself a glass of juice.

"Say something." You wanted to hear him talk. You wanted to get more than three words out of him.

"I like your hair." He didn't look at you, but his tone was playful. You grabbed the chopped section and felt your stomach turn as you fiddled with it. You stood there staring at him, thinking about him. He was so attractive the way his hair was now slightly stuck to his forehead. His tattoos were visible and closer for your eyes to take them in. "Go home," he instructed coldly. You felt frustrated with him. One minute, he admitted he liked you, and then he said he didn't like being intimate and wanted you to leave. You didn't move. "Go home," he looked at you. You unfolded your arms.

"Matt?" You worked up the nerve to ask after his voice was colder.

"What?" He sighed, exasperated. You choked on your thoughts and feelings as you ran out the back door. You hopped in your car and drove home, cursing yourself for holding it in. You sat on your bed and sighed.

"I like you too." You whispered to yourself as you flopped backward.

[sanest-bsd-delegate]

IRL MEETS WITH DAZAI, SIGMA AND FYODOR

Headcanon: How I imagine you and the boys meeting after being online friends Genre: Crack A/N: Still questioning why i tried writing this... Warning? Bad grammer and 0 proofread →Masterlist

Dazai:

You both pretty much met on twitter when you were concerning who was behind the chuuya hate acc 🤩 I mean who can hate chuuya?

you probably were a new member in the mafia for not knowing about THE Dazai oSaMU

or you were a member of Detective agency dense enough to know that they both were infact enemies and not enemies soon to be lovers 🤩🤩😔🏳️‍🌈

OR You were a freelancer fresh college passout student who was wasting their time online getting blocked by 12 year old kids 🤩😋that was until you accidentally befriend him

successfully had 6th month friendaversy. 🤩🤩

when you both exchanged your place of residence you were shocked to know there are actually useless people in Japan apart from you

OR You were just concerned to know that he used to stay up late at night to talk to you while you message him in between work hours. 🤩🤩Dazai is such a romantic mood NGL

AHHHH Its the day of THE friends meeting.

You lowkey regret befriending him.

He probably sends you discord kitten memes and his hand pics for no reason. [BUT CSN WE TALK ABOUT HIS HANDS-!!?]

Mf once tried to video call you when you specifically told him NOT to.

He was blocked for a whole week before someone named 'iaminlovewithdeathtoes' spammed you.

🤡honestly you realised you both never shared your name, so pretty much to arrived at the meetup place, thinking of ways how to say 'chuuyahater6fttall' and knowing him, he prob would have you come over the agency cause bitch is lazy asf.

Dingdong you arrive at Yokohama or pretty much at the agency 🤩🤗except you were shitting in your pants cause what the actual fuck. So the person you talked with, who encouraged all kind of illegal stuff and told you to shoplift and send a pic was actually a detective??? Nah dawg you wished he was a lowkey an accountant cause which detective will have so much time to be online and chat?

boi you were wrong. And to have cherry on the top, you bumped into a brown coat bearing man who looked like he was high on nuts. But damn he looked hot

did you say "sir please scream me without the s 🥺" to yourself? Did he hear it? probably

🤩boom your headphones got disconnected for a moment and the whole agency went silent as the lyrics of "good lookin" started to play.

The man infront of you laughs before kidnapping you and dragging you out of the agency, a queue of screams and shouts for the man to comeback and you desperately trying to switch off your phone. (🤩🤗The lyrics were blasting through the area)

honestly you didn't mind as long as he turns out to be those Wattpad overprotective mafia bosses 🤩🤩🤗🌟 so you can have ur Y/N moment

'Help I am getting kidnapped by brown coat man and am left all alone' you typed, as the three dots indicated that chuuyahater typing before he replied, 'I am the man'

The way you audibly screeched as your turn back and your hand automatically made a way to his face to give him a slap. (🤩You heard laughing in the background, it was chuuya fyi)

"Aww belladonna, I thought you loved me" "THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU KIDNAP ME AND MAKE ME STAND ON TOP OF A HIGHASS BUILDING" "But you agreed to do it once we meet!"

Oh he was serious when he said that 🤡

You ran away as fast as you can away from him, as you typed

'you are a bitch you know that?' 'And you are really beautiful you know that?'

😍🤩 you were greatful to get away from him, except he was knocking at you door (hotel door if u came from other part of the world) at 3am playing THAT part of the song "redbone by childish gambino" (iykwim) outside your door

Sigma

you both honestly never befriended.

You accidentally messaged him asking him to deliver you a pizza

🤩and when he replied with 'wrong number' you lost your shit. 'The fuck you mean wrong number you son of a-' 'Dont have one?'

Sigma maybe anxious in real life but online? Pretty sure he is a full on sassy sarcastic not so sweet Sigma (respectfully)

You both might have had a very professional verbal conversation over phone that day.

He and you might have bonded yet again when you, my dear reader accidentally send him a meme you were suppose to send someone else (guess who) and Sigma lost his shit.

Why was na unknown number, with memory of a snail sending him 20 pictures of a fisheye doll at 3am in the morning?

'Are you okay-?' He probably asked, 'Do I look sane?' you probably answered.

😭 but lowkey thinks that you both exchanged your insta Ids or smthg.

😡😡He didn't even acknowledge your following and never followed you back. 😔 rip your follower count

You spam him with reels and he? REPLIES TO ALL OF THEM LIKE GOOD BLESS THIS MAN TO RUN A WHOLEASS CASINO AND STILL HAVE TIME TO WATCH YOUR REELS

You would rant to him and he will listen 100%

Pretty sure you never tired to meet up. It was your ass being dragged by one of your friends to accompany them to a flying casino and get bankrupt.

Prob msged him saying how edible the manager of the place you went looked😭😭 (you didn't tell him u went to a casino so)

He replies with 'go get your man and stop telling me details about his hands'

And so you did, pretty much used your luck and became the star of Casino😡😡

Society validation? Nah 👎 but Casino manager acknowledge? Yah 👍

Now the thing is, Sigma probably got really indulged on how you managed to beat records that he spent time doing a background check rather then opening his phone and seeing your 99+ texts.

You on the other hand? Went wild. Your online friend wasn't responding!!!?? 😡😡 and you were telling him the tea how the manager put his hand on your shoulder acknowledging you.

Little did you know, you were so blinded texting 'the casino manager' You failed to realise you bumped into him.

phone drop, heart stop screen crack, gave you a heart attack.

worst part? The 'Manager' picked up your phone, looking down at the chat only to see his pfp and his contact named "Pizzah Guz" and your half written text of 'Where are you, I miss talking to| '

You were whereas unsure whether to feel embarrass or cry. You see his face only to realise the amount of shock you gave to the manager.

😭😭Pretty sure it took some time for him to cool down.

BUT I THINK he totally appears in front of your room, with a pizza guy costume and a box full of pizza, messaging you 'Open your door'

You were a little freaked out by his message. I mean Imagine texting a random guy and the only thing you know about him is that he is not a pizza guy and he tells you to open your door?

You open your door to see the manager in a pizza delivery guy uniform, a pizza in his hands while he holds his phone together, before he hands it over to you, before your phone notification tings, your online friend sends an image capturing 'Pizza delivery'

You fainted on the spot of pure embarrassment and realisation when you realise you were texting the manager while simping on him and describing details.

Or you just take the pizza and close the door, switch off and throw your phone on the bed and eat the pizza while the realisation hits.

Fyodor:

You both probably met on discord while bullying middle schools for their pfp choices 😭

10/10 had bombing conversation 👁️👄👁️ that is until you realise he was serious about it.

You be joking about how you will learn hacking to hack him and that moment all your dms get 'Join the rat cult' Picture.

😭😭please idts you met physically…like the possibility of fyodor arriving at your doorstep while you are half asleep eating a pizza and watching TV is insane.

Imagine you peep through the peephole and see fisheye fyodor 🤩🤩 10/10 scared

Online friend? Nah man he is your offline terrorist. That was until his wholeass body blewup and the only thing that was left was his arm from which he used to type to your responses from.

10/10 Power of Love and friendship

I feel like whenever you both VC, your silly self will try to use the soundboard and he probably vibe to it.

You both accidently made a cult.

Fyodor NGL prob just stalked you out of boredom.

Nikolai probably be backreading your chats and the next day you have a new coworker named "Fyolaya"

Honestly there is a possibility that fyodor has zero interest in meetup and then bam Nikolai scopes you in the middle of your work and drop you on fyodor's lap🤩

Imagine the tension when you, a average worker in the society lands on the lap of one of THE Doa members

Y/N x hot mafia boss who kidnaps Y/N accidentally cause Y/N met his man au? Terrorist edition?

You living a Wattpad life? Possibilly

A/N: Look i am sane

TAGLIST: @averagehisoilluenjoyer, @high-on-dazai @ruru-kiss Join or remove your user here.

[joshfutturman]

'hunted'

oneshot - derek has a vivid dream in which he's being hunted. (for a writing group im a part of, basically he has a memory in the form of a dream from the timeline of the movie!) (1k words) character - derek danforth (the beekeeper) tags: angst, nightmares, cussing, brief drug mention

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

derek wasn’t normally the type to get too many nightmares. he would never really remember his dreams at all. when he went to bed at night in whichever bedroom in his house he desired, beside whomever he desired, he was knocked out like a light. that’s just what happens when you have all the money you could ever dream of and stink of privilege, that was derek danforths life. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

it wasn’t like he never experienced stress. in reality derek was more stressed than he would ever let on. running his business wasn’t easy despite what people would say. a nepo baby who never had to want for anything. legitimacy and morals aside, derek worked his ass off. danforth enterprises was what it was today because of him. not anyone else. not his mother. and certainly not his father.

so it was no surprise that his nightmare that night rattled him.

from the get go, he felt a swirling sense of paranoia invade its way around his skull like a ghost as he slips into the nightmare. it seeps through every crack, every crevice it can worm its way into. that same fear spread down his limbs and across his back, making his shoulders grow tense.

this didn’t feel like work stress, it felt worse. it felt more intense. it felt more threatening. more than just mindless work shit was on his mind. why couldn’t he place it?

derek felt cornered, sitting in his mothers office. his eyes dart between the windows and the doors. it felt as though the walls were closing in, threatening to crush him. he shrinks back into the chair, his hand coming up to pick at the side of his face - a habit his mother loathed and never kept quiet about.

but mom wasn’t here. no one was. it was just derek, alone.

his phone buzzes and he jumps in his seat, frightening him more than it should. shakily, his hand reaches out to pick it up, holding it so tightly that he might snap it in half if he’s not careful.

there’s breathing on the other end, and that causes his back to straighten. “who the fuck is that?” he spits out, feeling his breathing pick up pace.

the other line stays eerily quiet and this freaks him out more. fuck. were they already nearby? his eyes dart towards the windows again, expecting to see a figure only to be greeted with. . . absolutely nothing. an impending sense of doom spurs in his mind, unsure of where to go to alleviate it. he felt trapped, cornered. and derek didn’t like that. he didn’t enjoy feeling like a prey animal, when all his life he always presented as predator.

“i said who the fuck is that?!” he calls out again, gripping the arm of the chair.

still nothing on the other end. until.

“i’m coming.” is all the voice says.

derek holds back a gasp, the voice confirming his fears.

he swallows hard and prays his voice not to shake, “fuck off. you can fucking try, bitch.” derek growls, but it’s clear to anyone who knows him just how much he’s rattled. before the other person can reply, he presses the disconnect button and throws his phone across the room.

breath escaping him, he pants, raking his fingers through his hair.

no one would let anything happen to him, right? there was no way. he was too important. there were so many people he could pay to protect his life. he could hear his fathers words ringing in his ears, ‘i told you so.’. derek lets out a whine and covers his ears.

no, no, no. this wasn’t happening. this absolutely fucking wasn’t happening right now.

every creek within the old walls had him jumping, completely on edge. his heart races away from him. he’s seconds away from calling for his mom, hands aching to grip onto something real, something that could ground him. he feels pathetic for wanting his mother, but something deep inside him tells him that not even she could make him feel better.

and he’s glad no one else can see him like this. he’d never act this way in front of anyone. derek wasn’t known for his calm and collected manner, but he tried to never show weakness in the form of fear. he kept it bottled up, hidden away until he could get his hands on something that made him feel at ease, usually in the form of that sweet white powder he loved so much.

so now, completely alone, he comes undone. he can feel tears form in his eyes as he grits his teeth. derek wasn’t ready to die. he had his whole life to live. who’d provide for his mom when he was gone? no one else could do the job like him. they’d just fuck it up. she’d lose her position and it’d be all their fault.

derek didn’t want to die. he couldn’t. silently he begs for more time.

until he’s ripped from his sleep with a gasp. derek grips the sheets as he sits up, gasping for breath over and over. for a few seconds, it feels like he’s still in that office. but after a few blinks, his surroundings come back to him. he’s home.

but it doesn’t feel the same. it doesn’t feel safe. he doesn’t feel so untouchable now. he almost feels. . . vulnerable.

he grabs at the bedsheets beside him and realises that no ones there. he suddenly regrets sleeping alone. he releases shaky breaths from his nose and reluctantly lays back down. gathering the duvet against him, he wraps himself tightly within it and lays with his back against the headboard, eyes scanning the room.

his bedroom suddenly felt too big. his eyes move between each object as if looking for any form of a threat. did the curtain just move? fuck. he was losing it.

the digital clock on his nightstand blinks: 3:21am. it was a long way to go till morning. and derek couldn’t bring himself to move.

instead, he sat like this until the sun crept into his bedroom, bringing a small sense of safety. but that feeling of unease stayed in his mind, pricking him whenever he got too comfortable. no time to relax, always on high alert.

he realises he isn't as untouchable as he once thought. and that thought. . . fucking terrifies him.

derek wasn’t ready to die.

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

‧₊˚ dedicated tags: @helen-on-earth @fatinhadesiners06 @boonam @sun-spider13 @laurrrelise @sammygirlism @sleepyhutcherson‧₊˚ ily all sm!! thank you!

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

[peachyfnaf]

The only people who showed concern for Sun were Solar and Earth, and that makes me sad :( How Moon, Monty and Lunar acted made me upset with them

I'm boutta blow up the whole site with this take- I have beef with Earth too. Not as much as the other three, I will fight the other three, but I think the ONLY ONE actually giving Sun what he needs rn (Basic fucking comfort and affection bc he WAS LITERALLY JUST FORCED TO MURDER HIS LITTLE BROTHER HELLO???) is SOLAR. Solar you're doing great sweetie pie pookie bear honey bun gumdrop tiddly winkle baby cakes, thank you for checking up on Sun so much even though I don't doubt that Nexus' death hurts you, too.

BUT back on my Earth thing- I think Dana said it really well.

Forgive me if this is entirely incomprehensible, not only do I get all my knowledge second-hand it's ALSO like midnight here so I'm writing this out of autistic fury alone bUt, the way Earth handled the "Telling Lunar the TRUTH" ep or whatever it was called did make me go >:/

While it's obvious to us all by now that Lunar did not particularly give af about Nexus, the fact that Earth basically told him that Nexus died, we got her going ":("/her two cents about it, and then she moved onto the topic of Rez/lying to Lunar so fast. It. I. That fr made me go "???"

Chat. Am I insane for have expected a whole ep dedicated to the fam talking about Nexus' death /genq. Because I KNOWWW that they disconnected from him a lot but HOLY SHIT HE WAS STILL NEW MOON ONCE??? IS IT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR FOR ONE EPISODE WHERE HIS LOSS IS THE SOUL FOCUS? HELLAUR???

U can tell I'm sleep deprived cause I've already lost the plot- bUT YES YES EARTH YES. She has 100% become more selfish in the past few months. Which isn't inherently bad bc before she was selfless to a fault, but now it's starting to feel like she went from one extreme to the other..? Everything she does, she does because she wants to get that sweet sweet crumb of Self Validation. Which like. Girl me too, but THAT'S NOT HEALTHY NOR GOOD AND ESPECIALLY NOT A GOOD TRAIT FOR SOMEONE WHO PART TIMES AS A "THERAPIST" TO HAVE???

Her behavior is slooowly becoming much more self-preservative, and while it's happening slowly the signs are definitely There- which FINALLY BRINGS ME BACK AROUND TO THE ORIGINAL TOPIC-

Earth highkey brushed off Sun's feelings too ngl. She 100% did BETTER than O.M, Monty, Lunar yuh, but her check up on Sun was still very brief before she moved onto Other Things and Other People. V.S. Solar who was practically hovering over Sun the entire time- and liyk for good reason!!! Bro was NOT there mentally and only Solar really noticed!!!

Rn this behavior of hers is not a huge problem, just something rather annoying that I've noticed a pattern of, but I'm keeping an Eye on it bc it very much has the potential to become something veeery bad if Earth gets too lost in the "Me, me, me!" Sauce yk?

Okay it's 12:30 here I'm going to bed chat don't crucify me for a Spicy opinion honk shoo honk shoo mimimimi