#cause I really never thought I'd finish it with all that shit happening in 2020 and working the front lines

[kitcat992]

The only thing louder than each tap of Tony’s knuckles against the table was each attempt Peter made at clearing his throat. After six times, he gave up. Whatever lodged there wasn’t coming loose, and the best he could manage was a few swallows to keep his airway open.

Around that same time, Peter could see through the corner of his eye as Tony slowly took the goggles off his forehead. The way they were placed onto the workbench barely made a sound.

“Anymore panic attacks?” Tony asked, just as quietly as his movements.

Peter tried to make a face, but it didn’t happen. His lips pursed a bit to the side, but that’s as far as he got with his indignance.

“I really don’t know if that was a panic attack, Mr. Stark,” he insisted, feeling the tight pull on his brows when a grimace ultimately coated his expression. It wasn’t hard to forget the night Tony spoke of; it was the last time they were in this very workshop together. And with  much  hindsight, Peter realized it was also the night he’d become infected. “I mean, the symbiote was  right there on my backpack. That was totally my spider-sense trying to warn me, I just couldn’t…”

His words trailed off, and the silence returned. Only this time, DUM-E remained quiet — and Tony eventually swiped all the holograms away, sending them back into the monitor and clearing the space between them. The wires connected from the suit to mainframe were the only thing that acted as a barricade; more a tripping hazard, if anything.

“You’ve been hanging out with Maximoff too much, kid.” Tony leaned back a bit, both legs in front of him crossed and both arms folded over his chest. “I can’t read your mind.”

Peter scratched harder behind his ear before letting his arm drop down to the table. He kept his head low the entire time, knowing full well Tony could see him even if he avoided the man’s gaze.

“I couldn’t tell if it was...” Peter gave a rough shrug. Followed by another after that. “I dunno. Anxiety, or-or something.”

The words felt weird coming out of his mouth. It was a thought he’d had for months now, but it was only ever a thought. He heard it every day, always spoken inside his head — a daily echo that wouldn’t leave him alone.

When before he’d never question his strength, his fortitude, his competency and his skill — now it was all he could focus on.

How he felt weak. How he suddenly felt helpless.

Those thoughts always came in moments he felt anxious. And those moments always came when he remembered what happened in that bunker. An experience he didn’t let himself think about, let alone speak into existence.

Somehow, finally hearing it out loud — with his voice nonetheless — it felt...odd.

“Well,” Tony started to say, looking off to the side as he spoke. “You may not have been all wrong about that.”

The confusion that came next was enough to get Peter looking up at Tony, his brows furrowed so much that it aged him by years.

Tony looked back over at him, with a raised eyebrow in response.

“Your DNA was what latched that sucker onto you,” he reiterated, “but it didn’t activate until you had the excited neurons it needed to come to life.”

Tony’s reminder was met with more confusion from Peter.

“It required emotional instability, remember?” Tony dipped his chin low, ensuring his gaze stayed straight ahead. “And something tells me you haven’t been the peachiest lately.”

Peter couldn’t have looked away any faster if he tried, even if he had the Iron Man jet-boots to give him a head start.

[pochapal]

I hate doctor 11 but ive never been able to explain why in like words lmao. He feels like such a mary sue character imo and like theres something about his characterisation that was always just really ineffective (like the stuff about fishfingers and custard or whatever it was). Imo i'd love to hear you give top 5 worst things about the 11 era because i rlly just love when it gets torn apart

i hold nothing but a seething contempt and loathing for that man. every time he appeared on screen i felt ready to snap like a riled up chimpanzee in my enclosure. i am frothing at the mouth and overcome with a desire to start flinging heavy objects. this might be incoherent and inconsistent but i started this rewatch in feb 2020 and only finished this week so i got through 11′s episodes last august/september time and i refuse to revisit it to jog my memory or fact check anything i’m saying here because this man does not deserve the space in my mind for that.

the first thing is i can’t fucking STAND the quirky whimsy timey wimey bit he has going on all of the time. i can’t even say this is because this is a kids show and i was a teen and then adult when i first properly watched him but actually!! when i was eleven years old i’d sleep over at a friend’s house most weekends and it always coincided with the airing of a new season 5 episode and i remember we watched the finale with the dumb time hopping to get out of the box prison that was never explained and didn’t make sense and i thought at the time “this is really stupid”. and before that my only other doctor who exposure was watching the david tennant christmas specials with another friend and throughout childhood my only opinion on doctor who was “this is a tv show that is not for me but is one that all the boys i am friends with like so i will put up with it to maintain our friendships” but at least those episodes were both suspenseful and engaging enough to keep me watching all the way through. like who the fuck does an end of the world sci fi plot and approaches it with an “oopsy woopsy i am a funny little alien man who is going to stop you all by making you do a hecking silly” like it’s unneeded and self-parodies an already cheesy show to the point where it becomes unwatchable and makes it impossible to ever take this man seriously.

next thing that downright sucks ass so badly is the stupid fucking overwritten constantly escalating plotlines. like everything from season 5 up until his regeneration at the end of season 7 is meant to be this grand interconnected cosmic plot about how...the doctor trying to bring back his planet will end the universe or something so all the top powers across all of reality tried again and again to stop him from doing that except he doesn’t know what’s going on so he keeps thwarting these people who supposedly mean good?? i mean i sure don’t fucking know what they were trying to say!! like for some reason we never get the doctor suddenly becomes this superdemon that threatens everything so these people (whoever they are) decide to, in sequence: suck him through a time rift to erase him from existence, trap him in a prison and remake a universe without him, take his companion’s baby and turn her into a perfectly trained doctor killer, form two(!!) secret societies to hunt him throughout history that are only stopped by his companion splintering herself across his personal timeline to protect him, and repeatedly cause reality collapsing events because it’s a kinder outcome for the universe than what he will do. this grand and terrible event turns out to be...he spends a few hundred years chilling by a rift that leads to his home planet and protects a few generations of children from monsters which convinces them to give him infinite regeneration power then fuck off back to their pocket universe. and it’s like!! what is the point of anything that happens in this man’s era when everything is always “the darkest moment” or whatever the fuck!! i don’t care!! we never get a compelling reason to believe this bumbling clown of a man could ever be a universal threat!! the whole thing is so dumb i hate it!!!

thing number three i hate is how the eleventh doctor is ALSO characterised as this abrasive egotistic male supergenius to the point where he becomes genuinely indistinguishable from bbc sherlock. genuinely who enjoyed seeing this guy constantly tell people their tiny human minds can’t comprehend what he’s doing and then basically just wave his magic wand to solve whatever problem each episode is facing. 2012 is the year of human sin because this fucking shitsmear character archetype somehow became both a redditor role model AND a tumblr sexyman and it’s like!! nobody is enjoying this stop making this seem cool! him saying timey wimey thing any time he does anything is frustrating and dumb and locks the viewer out of giving a fuck about anything that is happening! smartest man in the room syndrome is a disease and the eleventh doctor is terminal with it. like remember how they established river as an accomplished scientist (when she wasn’t being a child soldier or a time paradox or whatever the fuck) and every time that came up mr doctor eleven man was like “oh this thing is obvious because i’m a genius and you didn’t realise because your brain is tiny so get out of the way and let the grownups think” or that time it turned out amy had been replaced with a slime clone for half the season and the doctor chewed rory (audience surrogate) out for somehow not realising this fact we didn’t know right from the start and like. this served no purpose other than to draw into severe question why the doctor is also this super beloved magical figure implicitly trusted by all children everywhere like. mr steven moffat is totally allergic to writing and solving mysteries in his tv show and fuck you for wanting to figure things out as you go along based on the new evidence you uncover at strategic plot intervals just let this asshole man use magical thinking to reveal he knew the answer all along and you’re a fucking idiot for not also realising this thing which had no basis or precedent anywhere else in the show.

speaking of dumb things let us not forget the absolute shitshow that was minority representation in this era. i’m not even talking about the low hanging fruit of how genuinely unironically sexist amy and clara were written where each episode moffat either seemed to loathe them or was incredibly horny over them and they had no character growth or arc or fucking anything. i’m talking about how fucking shit terrible the incidental representation was. god remember how every single fucking gay person who appeared in this era was written as one incredibly fucking stupid joke and how the women were all either sexy dominatrix, feeble girl in love, or Mother (or all three in some really terrible cases) and i’m not qualified to talk about this but also how incredibly white this era was and how on two separate occasions we had monarchs reimagined as sexy girlbosses with a gun played by black women who the doctor leched over. nothing about any of this was good ESPECIALLY coming off the back of rtd who was surprisingly forward thinking for 2005 and did a really good job of positing travel with the doctor as queer allegory. in comparison moffat gave us THE MOST heterosexual shlock i’ve ever had to endure. amy and rory could have been interesting characters were they not hemmed into this domestic bickering young straight married couple bullshit that was in no way changed or altered by traveling with the doctor except for the quasi incestuous river song reveal that was dumb and bad and stupid.

the last major mega gripe i have with the series is moffat’s fucking jingoistic boner for british military aesthetics. this carried over throughout his entire tenure as showrunner but was super terrible vomit inducing in eleven’s era. the unironic admiration for ww2 britain and winston churchill is downright wretched. are you incapable of telling a second world war story outside of churchill’s london and plucky blitz fighters. shit gives me hives so badly. and then!!! that weird church owned army that features in the future that end up being bad not for the concept of what basically amounts to an imperialistic intergalactic rendition of the fucking crusades but because they’re part of the nonsense go nowhere puzzlebox narrative that says the doctor is a not good man who will do bad things to the universe :(. remember how rtd’s doctor was a freshly traumatised man hot off the war criminal press who time and time again vehemently refuses to engage in military violence, but who tragically inadvertently turns every one of his companions into soldiers in his own personal army, and he has this moment of complete horror at the realisation and it is this which causes the downward spiral that ends in 10′s regeneration. and then how there’s this cringe line about how there’s a force of people who are “the doctor’s army, always ready to fight his battles when he’s not around” or some shit and then it turns out this is actually massive literal military operation and we’re meant to celebrate this. fuck off.

bonus round because this needs to be said but i have never hated anything like i hated that fucking human tardis episode. everything about it induced violent anger in me from the sickening overindulgence of that softgoth dark whimsy helena bonham carter tim burton aesthetic to the bafflingly terrible evil carny stereotype of those junk scavengers to the overblown sudden tragic shipbait romance of human tardis and the doctor. every word out of her mouth was trite shit and the fact that the death of her body was presented as this super emotional dramatic scene despite there being no buy in or incentive to care and the fact that every single person on tumblr in 2012 ate that shit up like it was fucking gourmet. i loathe every single thing about that episode so much.

[bereaving]

Haha I definitely to that too 😅 I always know about the gays before I start to watch a new show, okay thats probably the only reason why I start them 😅 but here I have to say, I loved Hill House and so for me it was clear that I would watch Bly Manor too without even knowing anything about it. So I was even more happy to see a gay love story. But it was probably the first show I've started without knowing anything about the story or characters. And no other show was ever stucked in my head like this one. So its a relief to have people to talk to about it, cause there's a lot to talk about in general, about the whole story and all the little details. So I'm glad i

It is! I mean I loved her from the start and she's like all tough and she always knows what to say yk what I mean? At first glance she seems like a really outgoing person but she's not. She keeps isolating herself and only opens up to a few people, her chosen family. And she slowly opens up to Dani, too. That's so special in their relationship. Her character is just portrayed perfectly and I identify with Jamie so much and yeah it's just great to see how Amelia is bringing that to us as viewers. There are some movies with her coming up and I can't wait to see them 😍

Haha yeah I get that 😂 I've been thinking about it a lot. I mean she might have noticed all the signs but then I think about Jamie's character and idk maybe her fear of being let down again, from people she really cares about, would've been bigger than her desire for love? She's definitely good at reading people so what if she would know that there's something bothering Dani (like seeing the ghost of her ex) and she wouldn't want to put much pressure on her by making a move on her? To not like scare her away? And tbh I'd never thought that Dani would be the one to show Jamie she likes her 😇 it was so bold and I was like shocked 😅👌

I'm so glad to hear that actually. It is for me too. I'm really glad I've found Tumblr and all these amazing people on here. It's just such a great place to make new friends and also finding new shows (with gays) 😅 I'm being honest, I'm obsessed with these two, too. Cause not only do I love both of the actresses but I also love how their relationship is portrayed and how Amelia and Victoria bring them to life. I mean, their chemistry was off the charts 😍 it's so amazing to watch, not thinking of how the ending completely destroyed me, cause I'm still recovering from that 😪

“ I always know about the gays before I start to watch a new show, okay that’s probably the only reason why I start them 😅” Anon, I feel and relate to this with every fiber of my being. More answer below the cut because this got long, oh my god. I apologize for my tendency to ramble.

Horror and supernatural genres are really non-starters for me. When Hill House first came out, a lot of my friends were talking about it and praising it, but that didn’t really intrigue me, cause I was very much on the “Horror? Nah” camp. What piqued my curiosity with Bly seeing this set on my dashboard, and then this one too. Safe to say I was a goner. IDK how common it is, but I’m on a completely opposite train of having watched Bly first before I saw Hill House.

Jamie is honestly like the cure to toxicity I never knew I needed. So many characters in tv shows or movies that I’ve seen have been on a similar road with her in terms of having a traumatic childhood and a rough life prior to us knowing her. Most of them all would take the “I had a shit life so I will be Grumpy™️ all the time and treat everyone like crap.” They become dicks. And I embrace them anyway because the background I’ve been given -or the handful of times when they don’t act like an absolute wanker- have made me excuse their shitty behavior and dismiss their awfulness. It’s not until Jamie comes along that I properly paused and said, “Wait... hang on a minute.” You get the notion that she’s acting all chill and casual, she tells it like it is, she’s patient towards everyone but especially to Dani, and then... her monologue happened. And that fully made me realize that: 1). I love her with my whole heart, and 2). characters don’t have to be dicks to be interesting. Mind=blown. Seeing her arc from this person who’s kinda in the background, and then slowly approached a more central and integral role to the storyline is really like seeing a flower bloom. 

There is definitely that possibility, in hypothetically thinking about Jamie making the first move, that her fear of disappointment and heartbreak could stop her from taking the first step, or holding herself back because she knows Dani’s got issues that she needs to resolve and Jamie doesn’t want to put that kind of pressure on her. There are always expectations when it comes to these things, so to put it off or just not do it altogether, no matter what the reason is, is understandable.  That being said, if we’re still on this Jamie Making Her First Move train, I imagine that once she’s got a hint that Dani is ready, or that Dani wants her to, she’ll either take it straight away or she’d go, “Does this mean what I think it means?” first, just to assure herself.

Dani is BOLD. Like a font 😆 She is smol and fierce when it comes to what she wants and who she wants, and it’s so refreshing to see! When she reached out for Jamie’s hand I was full on squealing into my pillow, and when Jamie turned and said, “Who the hell knew?” I was on the floor. I fucking lost it. I mean I knew it was coming... but I lost it anyway. It was fucking awesome.

Bly (and to an extent, Mike Flanagan) has changed the course of my 2020, and I know that can come off as an exaggeration, but it well and truly did. The ending has for sure destroyed me, but I’m one of the people who actually find enjoyment in seeing a good tragedy unfold on screen. It was fucking brutal; the way you know where Jamie and Dani are inevitably going, and it pains me to no end when we finally see it unfold, but it brings me great comfort and satisfaction, too. It was a story well told. More than well told - masterfully told. When I finally started Hill House, the shock that I had that Victoria is the one who played Nell AND Dani did not go away until episode 5, and by the time I finished the episode, I lost it all over again. She really is Duchess of Microexpressions, and the way she can imbue her performances with such distinct physicalities is a goddamn marvel. It’s been... how long now since I finished Bly and Hill House, and Dani and Nell are still in my head. I think about Dani, and I think about Nell, and every idle thought I have would often lead me back to them. I’m excited to see what Amelia has in store in terms of her career. If this means I have to follow her into the horror path... I suspect I would, tbh. Her and Victoria can make me watch just about anything (except Netflix’s You). I would also not oppose to them being back on The Haunting series, or play together on screen again either with similar or different dynamics to Bly.

[sunshinee-sunflowerr]

When I saw this I was immediately triggered and that’s how I knew I had to share it. Other than the fact that it is important as fuck to share something like this. But the second part of that post almost aligns with what had happened to me with my ex Dan. I have issues with sexual dysfunction and tend to lose feeling down there and that leaves me feeling betrayed by my own body. I feel so worthless and pathetic already as it is when it happens because I’m sensitive and it is humiliating when I start to cry. I don’t even get to like fully enjoy something so intimate because I’m a very passionate person and I love all types of deep connection. And he ruined it. It had stopped being such a beautiful thing for me. The second I asked him to stop and that I had mentioned I wasn’t enjoying it, he became the person I didn’t think he could truly ever be. He laid down on me. Like I’m talking all of his weight was on me, and he whined about how good it felt to stay in me and finish. I felt nothing and everything all at the same time, I wasn’t being heard, I was just a body, and I didn’t matter anymore. This was someone who was stronger than me. This was someone who I loved and straight up disrespected me to the point where I myself are in a traumatic position, I had to literally match his thrusts just so he’d come faster because I knew that was the only safe way to get him off of me. And that was humiliating and violating. I had no other choice. And to this day this man still tries to say he didn’t rape me but SIR WHEN YOU DO SHIT LIKE THAT YOU ARE A FUCKING RAPIST. YOU IGNORED MY PLEAS AND MADE ME FEEL SO UNSAFE AND I FELT LIKE MY BODY WASN’T EVEN FUCKING MINE ANYMORE. YOU GAVE ME PTSD FOR ALL THE OTHER FUCKED UP TIMES THAT I HAD LET SLIDE BECAUSE I FELT COERCED INTO IT. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID AND I KNOW WHAT YOU DID. And what had haunted me every time I wanted to go somewhere, I had to take my car. It happened in my car. I had to drive myself after that with cum dripping down my legs. I had to see a flashback every time my mind drifted towards the back. I will never EVER let myself be in that position again. Dan broke me. I’m the one who pulled myself out and I’m still healing.

It was from 2016 and trauma tells no time, I’m lucky I don’t feel the weight of your body still pinning me down during intimate times. I saw you in the faces of whoever was on top of me. I would get panic attacks and cry. You fucking ruined me and my trust and I will ruin you if you ever dare try to come into my life again.

The Relationship Aspect:

Not many people know about the sleep fucking, or when you would take my thumb out of my mouth when I was asleep because I still had some hard time sleeping so I would suck my thumb sometimes and you would replace your it with your dick and then ejaculate down my throat and I'd wake up to such a horrible taste. My inner child does scream for she was only 15-17 and I let it slide because you had so much power over me and I did so much to make you happy even though it didn't make me happy myself. Let's not forget when I wasn't in the mood sometimes so you would turn around away from me with no sound nothing and straight up fell asleep because I said no or that I don't want to have sex with you. And then there were times where you would sexualize me, you would look up my skirt or you would look at my pants and tell me about my panty lines and basically scare me and make feel little. You were constantly pointing them out and laughing, conditioning me even to never wear comfy underwear, I have more thongs than any type of other underwear. And now I'm finally getting used to wearing normal underwear again just because I was felt like someone was doing the same shit that you did to me. I felt grimy. And let's not forget when you would steal my panties and you would bring them home and jerk off in them and cum in them and to top it all off you would bring them back to my house and throw them in my dirty laundry so they can be washed so you can repeat that cycle. And the worst part is that you probably took some before we broke up and I never got them back. Fuck you. How about all those times you never asked if you could cum in me but you still did even though I fucking hated it, and you’d get mad at me when your sheets were ruined because of you the mess you made in me and I still fucking hate it it's only such a rare occasion for me to ever let that happen during any intimate moment now. Also let's not forget your greediness for my photos. My naked photos that you kept to get off to even after we broke up and still demanded more and other shit when I was with someone else it was disgusting.

The Party:

Oh here’s a memory that’s gonna be fucking me soon, once late October arrives I’m going to be thinking about that night I decided to try and most past you. That fucking college party was the biggest gray area that was so painful and smoggy. It was grey because I was still figuring my shit out and mentally screwed up from the actions of you. I'll never forget, how are used to feel guilty and how are used to blame myself for all of this. And I got to a point where we had mutual friends and I just wanted to forget all about it and learn to forgive you. As soon as ready, Matt and I went to that party that Anthony was throwing and you were there, and you had no problem laughing off your drunk ass I front of me about rape jokes. If I hadn't been high and Matt being so drunk we would've left and I remember calling my mom in the hallway crying telling her about that little part of what happened that night. And then later that night you got so fucking drunk, made everybody your babysitter and I still fucking hate myself for the side you brought out even though you caused me so much harm. You brought out my fucking maternal side which I hated because like I said in that moment of time it wasn’t black or white for me, it was grey. It was so fucking gray. And I took care of you that night because you were so fucking drunk, I remember you asking me or saying something about how I hated you. And then later that night I ended up sandwiched between you and Matt, and you decided to touch me through my pants even when I was cuddled up to Matt and I thought maybe there would’ve been some change but in the end you were still assaulting me. I didn’t sleep at all that night, and it sent me backwards, I felt like all of the progress that I had made was gone it was dehumanizing and I threw out those sweatpants and they were brand fucking new and they were Calvin Klein my favorite designer which hurt even more because I used my money to get something I really wanted for comfort and you just stumble in cocked off of what 3 beers? And ruin even the smallest things that could’ve made me more comfortable? Heinous and out right disgustingly disrespectful.

Trauma talk aftermath:

I betrayed myself sleeping with you even after the rape, and you knew so much about me so I couldn't even fucking report it even though I had the proof of you admitting to what you did. But Im always scared because my reputation was at stake and it was so easily corrupted by your lies as it is. I had no choice. You could've easily ruined my life and I wasn't about to let you so I ruined mine but little did I know that you were already ruining mine. And you still haven't taken accountability for your actions and I'm still suffering the consequences of those horrible behaviors that you were still using to this day probably. And I can't even imagine how many other girls like me there must be now.

Here's to all the nightmares that circulate in my head at night still in that feeling of fear of having and experiencing that PTSD kick into hyper drive. And all the ones I've yet to have when I have new partners in my life, because I have nightmares of them doing the same thing that you did to me and it's traumatizing. Because even though I know they are not you for that split second I am terrified of them. And I saw another post about how when sexual assault survivors even get a whiff of the scent of their abuser they are in panic; and I honestly don't blame them. I was at school the other day, and in the air I smell whatever type of detergent was used to fill the air with your scent, I was in panic for a couple minutes looking around trying to figure it out where you were. It's so fucked up that you've had such lasting effects on me like why isn’t hating you and going through all of that trauma shit enough. And I'm so tired of the panic and anxiety attacks that you still bring into my life whether it is indirect or direct.

And looking back now after going off of that and emotional spiel about what you did and how I still feel towards these events today. I realize all the ways how I am not gonna be treated in the future. You saw the light inside of me, and when you stepped into my life that light dimmed within each day that passed that I saw who you were. And it took all of my power away; but I am taking all of that power back and you will never ever use it again and you will never have it in your possession because I know I will forever be a better person and not let you win. And I know that I wasn't a good girlfriend at the time as well but you were also I'm manipulative narcissistic asshole. And I blamed myself for all of the times that I was mad at you and thought I deserved it all. And I deserve none of that shit. It was you that didn’t deserve me and all the love I gave you. All of clothes I bought you, all of the stupid ass Pokémon cards i grabbed for you because I knew it was important to you to collect them, all of the silly $7 cards to go with each thing I gave you. All of the handwritten notes. Helping you match your clothes and fold your shit. Fuck you and for all you have taken from me and didn’t even fucking say sorry or be truly appreciative.

More Trauma Talk 2020-2021 edition:

Consent is so important to me, because it was stolen from me as a child, as a teenager, and as an adult. I want to take a moment to also talk about my second ex-boyfriend named Dan as well how ironic I never thought I'd say I love you Dan ever again. But the first night we hooked up, he was so patient with me which in all honestly is sad but it truly took my breath away with the time that he spent on me making sure I knew that I was safe because he knew that I have been raped. And every once in a while he asked me if I was OK and I thought that was the most amazing thing ever little did I know that that's actually what you're supposed to do and that it's not the bare minimum. And after all of that he still had one of those moments where he traumatized me and put me back into the place where you had put me days before Christmas… which is now a tainted holiday as well as Halloween for me. Thanks a lot.

Wow… fuck this is a lot for anyone let alone me to endure and/or read and I just want to say that felt so fucking good to finally write it all down and speak my truth and let others know that not every sexual assault or rape has to be violent (well it’s violence either way, but you know getting the shit beaten out of you stereotypical type) it can be sweet until it turns sour, it can be public, it can be sneaky, it can be with someone you gained the ability to trust who was so good in the beginning. It can be anyone and that’s the real scary part because I don’t know whose intentions are actually true until they read my stuff and reassure me about how they feel about me. It’s the only way and even then I’m still scared of wanting to be intimate with someone new. It’s another strong reason as to why I am practicing celibacy for a bit.

Finished on 9/20/2021