#cat bastard. feral stinky man.

[mynameisjag]

Because I gotta.

Give me the feral man, give me the beastie who has probably been avoiding human contact as much as possible except to get drunk off his ass. This man has no idea of his own universe's tech, you think he has a chance understanding the one he has been kidnapped into? No. Bastard stinky man, feral, sad looking fucker…I adore him.

He needs to be more animalistic.

One would think by now, Wade would have experienced and seen what the multiverse had to offer.

Working with people over seeing different timelines did that.

So did being aware of the ‘audience’ and their many eyes.

Still, watching an almost naked knockoff werewolf scuttled across the room on all fours with what appeared to be a bloody carcass of some kind of animal in his mouth while growling like a demented cat, it was surprising.

“Well, chat, can I ask, what is this r rated looney tunes bullshit? Hey, Tasmanian Devil’s estranged cousin, you better be cleaning this up soon! We just got these floors!”

And Logan was already in the bedroom with his catch, probably hunkered down in his hammock and going to town some poor innocent creature’s remains.

“Whatever, I do cocaine, I have no room to judge.”

Sure enough, stepping over the trail of blood and pushing the door open revealed what he already expected to find. The crunch of bones and squelching of raw meat being chewed on, blown out brown eyes were glaring at him and a gutteral snarl giving warning.

“Easy there, boy, just checking up on ya, seems you brought home dinner for yourself tonight, didn���t even get me anything?”

The snarling stopped and the bloody remains were held out to him, the little head tilt would be cute if not for the smear of gore across his concerned face.

Actually it was still cute.

“Awe, thank you! But I’m good…and he’s going back to eating that, well…I’m going to go throw up now and contemplate the merits of becoming a vegetarian…so…how about a time skip for everyone's sake?”

With a time skip activated, cleaned floors appearing and a still half naked Logan chilling on the couch scratching Mary Puppins behind the ears as she chewed on bone with drool going everywhere.

Some of that drool might be Wade’s but who could blame him, but he had to pull himself together and not be distracted by the feast for the eyes and focus on the feast of the flesh that happened in the bedroom and not the fun type.

“Hey, honey, can we take a minute away from the,” he glanced at the show, “huh, didn’t think that was still going…no, focus Wade…right, Logan, my little murder puppy…the fuck did I just witness?”

“Got hungry, went hunting, ate.”

“Right, and the, not that I’m complaining about the view because I should be taking pictures, but why were you half dressed on all fours, should I be concerned?”

“Easier to hunt…comfortable…”

“Alright…”

Okay, let’s give the big guy a moment…

Shrugging before plopping down nearly on top of the man, Wade just grinned at the sharp look sent his way as Dogpool jumped down and carried her prize off somewhere.

It took two episodes in before Logan huffed, voice barely audible over the TV as he finally spoke.

“…people hated me back home…when they hate you…you tend to be unwelcomed in most if not every place…hotels…bars…stores…”, bare hands were flexing, dark fingernails just slightly pointed and severely cracked, “you get used to the surviving…you get used to avoiding those places…”

Wade reached over to grab one of the hands, flipping it over to trace a pattern in the rough palm, “but they don’t hate you here? You can go in and if they try to stop you or have anything to say about it…then they won’t have a choice in the matter after I visit them.”

The smirk he sent to the ex X-man, wasn’t that a strange combination of words, was met with huff.

“…it’s the crowd of people, the smells, the sounds…it brings back the memories…but staying inside is like a slow torture…hunting and losing myself made it easier to cope.”

“Trust me, if anyone knows anything of trying to make yourself disappear using whatever is available for just a moment of not having to think of what kind of shit haunts you…its me…”

“Hmm…”

“So if being the feral little man you are makes you feel better, just little heads up next time, your hammock is still dripping blood on our new floors.”

[cinnachaos]

Gjdkskaqk man, idk what else to ask I feel a little lost

So how bout you give me fun facts about ur ocs' pokemon? Can be just their main

you can also ask about my nonpokemon ocs!!! i can send u some posts about them :3

again 🩷 for rubie and 💗 for cacao (fun fact their names are based on ruby chocolate and dark chocolate because rubie is very sweet vibrant and interesting while cacao is more worried about the casual/romantic (not love, just romantic as like the ideology) aspects of life but is still very sweet and has his fields of expertise :3)

goood help whoever reads rhis

🩷 has armarouge (flare), garganacl (depos like deposits of salt!!), zoroark (miasma), skeledirge (apple fritter), vaporeon (reef), and tinkaton (lychee)

flare is MILDY haughty but generally very nice. he tries his best to help others and unlearn his bad behaviours from childhood. hes a trans guy btw!!! he also is a little bad with physical touch from new people but will show mild forms of affection so rubie feels loved.

depos is a gentle giant and very overprotective. they have a cat demeanour and love helping rubie with his homework!! he often needs a body double so depos will do research while rubie studies. very physically affectionate.

miasma is a little charismatic yet tricky bastard. he loves pulling pranks but has a hard time telling when someone genuinely doesnt like what hes doing so he tries to make sure they tell him if he does upset them. very cuddly with rubie and has a special bond with depos, often mirroring them!!!

apple fritter is a big baby /pos. shes such a cutie pie and is so nice to everyone despite her loud and rambunctious personality! she would never do anything to intentionally harm ANYONE. she will flop on rubies lap or lay down near other team members so they can lay on top of her. she has to be scrubbed often so her scales dont get crusty from her playing in mud :)

reef is extremely cunning and smart. he can come up with complex strategies to lots of problems within minutes and spends lots of time researching moves with depos. he isnt good at battle strategies but is learning !!! he likes to be the heavy damage taker, with many moves and an item healing him, to stall for rubie to figure out a plan.

lychee. oh dear god lychee. the kind of girl who will drink a monster energy, half drank, left out for hours, without a second thought. shes extremely strong, able to hold up all of her team members with ease. she loves teasing miasma and pulling tricks on him because she has very thick skin. she goes feral when someone upsets any of her team members, and specifically tries her best to be understanding with flare about his touch boundaries.

💗 dear god here we go. cacao has two teams, a travel/casual team (second team he built) and a powerful/overleveled team (first team)

first team members: squeaks (noivern), stinky (kingler, shes a girl tho so i call her queenler), jasper (cinderace), socks (boltund), expresso (thievul), and marble (espeon).

second team members: bubbles (dragonair), turaco? i believe (togekiss), kasib (scolipede), kingfisher (archeops), saffron (lilligant), and fanta (toxtricity amped form)

squeaks is shy scenemo rave kid and has a platonic crush on stinky, adores marble

stinky is big burly lady and gives big bear hugs. and is not actually stinky i just named her that cus she was a pain to catch n she beat up my team badly

expresso is kind of a wild card and pretty mysterious, but reaally loves cacao and seems to like socks

socks is literally golden retriever but gets tired out emotionally and physically easily. likes expresso

jasper is very hot cold with his personality, can be very energetic and loud one day and the next is very calm and tired. he mirrors his trainers personality which is why they get along so well!!! will give any team members cuddles if needed

marble loves any clothes that are comfy and fluffy/soft!! kneads stuff like a cat, indulges in scenemo stuff with squeaks and makes kandi bracelets w them

SECOND TEAM

fanta is a dramatic theatre kid with autistic burnout. love the college student sleepless gender, go boy give us nothing. he absolutely LOVES saffron to death

turaco is constantly worried about the fellow dumbasses (/aff) on their team and is constantly holding something healing on their person

kingfisher is super clumsy and verbally stims super frequently with cacao or turaco if cacao needs quiet no stimulation time. has a sibling like bond with turaco (hence their names both being birds, and their colors being similar! both flying types too :3) prone to echolalia

bubbles is very timid and quiet but loves cuddling with cacao and wrapping around him. bubbles tries their best to soothe cacao when hes having issues sleeping. bubbles has a sleepy mark so theyre extremely tired a lot of the time!!!!

kasib is always sticking her nose out at people and is very curious. she loves learning new things and stomps her feet (positive stim) whenever cacao infodumps to her!!! kasib is almost always watching anything interesting, but doesnt say anything so we'll never know if she ever has any thoughts behind them eyes/j

saffron is the team mom. she listens to everyones concerns and vents, sings lullabies for anyone whos having a rough bout of insomnia. she knows cacao has complicated feelings towards familial stuff, so she takes on the role of mom for him so he can feel loved. will definitely bring u your favorite food/plush/drink to calm you down

[amatoresx]

he.

[nomoti-vationlads]

JIROU-

LOML BROOOOOOO COME ON THE WAY SHE DRAGS BAKUGOU DHHSHDHAHA

[systlin]

Would you mind sharing names and photos of your six cats?

Photos maybe later, I don't know where half of them are right now. Probably sleeping on the top shelf in the closet, again.

Muffin. Big Gray Bastard. Vet is positive he's at least half maine coon; he's got the furry paws and ear tufts and all that, and also weighs 25 pounds and is nearly the size of a small bobcat. Big Boi. Sweet to me, who he has chosen as His Person, but can be an asshole. Chirrups. Tail Very Floof. Will play fetch.

Kreig. Muffin's brother. Smaller (only 18 pounds!) and sweeter. Also has floof paws and ears. Likes to head bonk me, preferably when I am mid-drink of coffee to make me spill it.

Logan. Gray domestic shorthair. The eldest, and a Dignified Man. Likes to sit perched on top of the hutch or medicine cabinet or fridge and look down upon his domain while looking EXACTLY like one of those statues of Bast. Gets on great with Muffin.

Ra. Orange domestic shorthair. Very sweet boy. Very stupid. No brain cells in that little skull, just a screensaver bouncing around.

Stinky. Also an orange domestic shorthair, but his color is more muted. Also very sweet. Somehow even stupider than Ra. Him and Ra get along great; it's like a tiny adorable and very dumb comedy duo.

Bud/Buddy; brown domestic shorthair. The newest. Very sweet, but after being attacked by the feral toms outside is very wary of these other cats. All except Muffin are mostly curious about him; Muffin, being an asshole, did walk up and swat at him just to be a total dick. Bud swatted back, though, so they'll work it out.

[softmary]

You know what? I'm also posting my headcanons on slashers:

- Tiffany Valentine: bisexual icon™, ultimate mom, very supportive and 10/10 person if we don't pay attention to her murderous tendences.

- Chucky: homophobic bastard. Literally murdered his child and wife, but he is funny and comes back as a chick to make out with Tiff so we forgive him.

- Freddy Krueger: not even Satan wants him. Homophobic, sexist, racist and ableist. He bullies my sweet baby Jason, of course I hate him.

- Jason Voorhees & Bubba Sawyer: definition of pure, innocent bab (again, don't mind the whole murdering ordeal) very good and special bois who deserve all the kisses and cuddles. They love animals and mother nature and they love them back.

- Thomas Hewitt: he is a quiet tsundere but is surprisingly sweet if treated with love and care. Basically be nice to him, you selfish fvck.

- Michael Myers: angery 24/7. Easely pissed off. You really don't want to get on his bad side (even more). A brat. He wants something? He takes it. Not homophobic nor an ally. He hates everyone just the same.

- Pennywise (2017): feral baby. Surprisingly short-tempered and can be very bratty. Like Michael, he doesn't cares about what you like, after all food is food.

- Pennywise (1990): lied back gramps. Very chill, loves to smoke and drink. Often scolded my Penny for his unhealthy habits. An old goof with a messed up sense of humor.

- Ghostface: an absolute crackhead who is responsible for the ungodly high phone bills. Pranks everyone and anyone (original, I know) He is that oldass man who thinks he is 15 and pulls the "What's up, my diggity dogs?" phrases in hopes of seeming like a fellow teenager. He should get an actual job since he is an adult but he is in denial.

- Brahms Heelshire: homophobic homosexual. Literally lives within the walls which is the equivalent of being closeted. Hates water and soap, veggies and is very smort. Too good at looking innocent when he is nasty. He is so thristy he doesn't finds fangirls scary. The definition of simp. Would definetely buy gamer girl bath water.

- Vincent Sinclair: another introverted tsundere. Much like Tommie, he'll be nice if you are patient with him, but it takes WAY more work to convince him not to kill you since making wax figures out of people is his passion. He is a misunderstood artist, leave him alone.

- Bo Sinclair: extroverted tsundere, homophobic homosexual and a bottom as much as he hates to admit it (that's why he doesn't) lowkey into masochism. Needs therapy, a slap across the face and a hug all at once.

- Lester Sinclair: stinky possum man who unironically eats garbage. A feral forest goblin who collects literally anything to bring it to his nest (AKA his truck) Criminally underrated.

- Chromeskull: a fine gentleman. A sugar daddy, as some may put it (@thomashewittispacking I'm looking at u) respects women unlike some mozzarella looking ass bastard.

- Carrie White: literally my spirit animal. She is so nice I want to show her my seashell collection and have a picnic with her. She didn't deserve anything that happened to her and deserves all the hugs in the world.

- Slappy: I don't even know if this funky doll counts as a slasher but I loved his movie and so I get to add him. A gæ puppet mastermind who has a way too big ego for such a small body. He is too cool for everyone.

- Yautjas: this applies to every single one of them. They are giant hairless space cats who become very touchy once shown affection. At first they are very reluctant, but little by little your mate will warm up to you and have you sit on his lap when he is done with his responsabilities. He will praise you by patting your head or shoulder and is very possessive of you.

[cool-kink-sis]

Feral stray cat.

Stinky bastard man. SMELLY!

[pluviophile-imagines]

Pretty Boys and Problem Children

in which your troublesome cat escapes your apartment, and the number two pro hero saves the day—then sticks around because you’re cute, and quick witted

takami keigo x reader

word count: 2k genre: fluff type: one-shot reader: neutral (no pronouns, neutral terms, neutral clothing) warnings: none

sequel

there was something of a ruckus below, yowling and curses drifting up from the alley. you cringed, knowing from experience how vicious your furry son could be, and you weren’t entirely surprised when it was the cat who reappeared first. he scrambled up the fire escape and through the open window, standing behind your legs with back arched and fur on end.

“back so soon, pretty boy?” you cooed, bending down to stroke his back in a futile attempt to calm him.

“a hero’s work isn’t finished until his charges are happy, sweetheart.”

Considering the number of times your cat got out on a weekly basis, it was almost inevitable that some poor pro hero was going to return him to you looking like they’d gone toe-to-toe with a minor league villain.

The animal in question was a medium-haired grey tabby with white covering all four feet, a tom you affectionately called Pretty Boy and not so affectionately called Stinky Bastard Man. His name depended on your mood and exactly how loud he was being in his demands for food, or play, or to open the window so he could stage an elaborate escape attempt involving flour, a dishrag, and your snakeplant Wilhelmina.

Really, you couldn’t be blamed for your priorities lying with an emergency repotting and cleaning up the remnants of the cookies you’d been trying to bake rather than immediately leaving to find your godforsaken feral creature.

And he was loud, okay. You knew that when he eventually returned, his yowling outside the window would rouse you from even the deepest of slumber. Sometimes it was the cat himself; sometimes it was a neighbor calling to demand you let the feline back into your home.

This time, however, to your most incredible surprise and at the most inopportune time (you were in the middle of brushing your teeth, like, come on) it was the number two pro fucking hero who rapped on your window with a hissy cat in hand.

By the time you’d rinsed your mouth, you didn’t have time to throw on anything more substantial than your sleep clothes and you found yourself opening your window to Hawks himself perched there, wings folded behind him, your stupid demon cat struggling in his hand.

He was staring at Pretty Boy when you threw the window open, entirely missing your approach until you were suddenly mere inches before him and there was no glass separating you two. He looked up, speaking before he really got a good look at you.

“Does this belong to…” he trailed off as he blinked owlishly and seemed to size you up—then, from the way his eyes were lingering, apparently decided to appreciate your choice in sleepwear; a favorite t-shirt now so small it was more like a crop top, and a pair of lounge pants too form fitting for you to wear in public.

He appreciated it so much that your damn cat managed to squirm and thrash just enough that the hero lost his grip, and then he disappeared into the night with a streak of silver. Both you and Hawks stared down at his now empty hand, then at where the cat had disappeared, and finally back to each other before Hawks spoke again.

“I’ll get that.” With a cheeky wink and a lopsided grin, he was off.

There was something of a ruckus below, yowling and curses drifting up from the alley. You cringed, knowing from experience how vicious your furry son could be, and you weren’t entirely surprised when it was the cat who reappeared first. He scrambled up the fire escape and through the open window, standing behind your legs with back arched and fur on end.

“Back so soon, Pretty Boy?” you cooed, bending down to stroke his back in a futile attempt to calm him.

“A hero’s work isn’t finished until his charges are happy, sweetheart.”

The voice made Pretty Boy sprint off into the depths of your small apartment. You looked up to find Hawks standing at your window again, leaning on the ledge with his forearms draped lazily into your apartment.

“As sweet a sentiment that is, Hawks, I was talking to my cat.”

��You don’t think I’m pretty?” He pushed his lower lip out in a pout that somehow worked on him—but also highlighted the new scratch on his chin, three red lines marring the skin there.

You didn’t respond directly, instead bringing your hand up to thumb at your own chin.  “You’ve got yourself a battle scar there, hero.”

He pulled back, looking at his reflection in the glass of your window before returning to his spot and giving you a roguish wink. “I think it makes me look rugged. Besides, you should see the other guy.”

“I saw him. I still think he won.”

“You saw him? He’s very dangerous, sweetheart, you should do your civic duty and point me his way. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”

“Oh? And what if I’m stalling for time so he gets away?”

Hawks clicked his tongue in faux disapproval. “Then I suppose you’d be aiding and abetting a villain and I’d have to take you in.”

“A villain?” You laughed, breaking character. “Since when was my cat a villain?”

“Have you seen what he did to my face? He’s vicious. Completely out of control. He belongs in Tartarus, really.”

“Are you sure you didn’t provoke him?“ Hawks hadn’t, you knew. Pretty Boy was just a menace. But it was fun to play coy. “Did you pull his tail?”

“I’ll pull your tail,” Hawks replied, in a tone that seemed to imply he thought that was a really good line.

You couldn’t help bursting into laughter, if only to prevent yourself from cringing. In fact, you were nearly doubled over, wiping tears from the corners of your eyes. “Oh, good lord, that was absolutely horrible.”

He had the decency to look sheepish. “Not my best, I’ll admit.”

You’d flustered him, finally, he’d been the one to crack after you’d so expertly given back what he threw, and oh it was glorious. He was smiling broadly, a light blush dusting the bridge of his nose and his upper cheeks that only highlighted his sharp amber eyes. He truly was an attractive man; you knew as much from the news and the marketing, but here he was leaning into your apartment and in person it was all the more apparent. He was wildly charming, too. You almost felt bad for teasing him, but he wasn’t gone yet, at least.

“Not your best? What if I really did have a tail, hm? What would you have done then?”

“I don’t think I’d have said it.”

“You shouldn’t have said it anyway.” You giggled again, uncontrollably, at the thought of how confidently he’d spoken and the suggestive raise of one eyebrow. He’d been so proud. “Really, it was so bad.”

“Mmm,” he hummed, embarrassment long forgotten as he made a show of stretching his arms before him, and then his wings behind. The gesture certainly had an effect you were sure was intended. “But beforehand? How was I doing then?”

“I won’t lie, you weren’t too shabby, pretty bird.”

His feathers and his chest puffed up at that. He stood up with something of a roguish smile on his face. “Pretty bird? I like that, chickadee.”

Oh, you liked chickadee, too. The nickname made you want to grin uncontrollably, but you kept your composure, focusing on how unabashedly cute his preening was (and taking advantage of the excuse to unabashedly check out his wings).

“You did say my cat was a criminal, though.” You pursed your lips, bringing one finger up as if pondering. “I’ll have to deduct points for that.”

“I think you know your cat’s a menace. You’re just lucky I’m the hero who found him and not some stickler for the rules.”

“Hey, only I get to call my cat a menace.” You approached the window to lean on the table in front of it. The window still separated you and Hawks, but with him standing behind it you were almost missing his proximity—though you were now far closer than ever before as you braved your chin in one hand. “He is one, though, I won’t lie. This is the third time this week he’s run off.”

Hawks shook his head, drawing closer to you and leaning through the window once more. “How neglectful. You ought to have chased after him.”

“Out the window? Awfully dangerous.”

“Ah, but a dashing winged hero could have come to your rescue.” He ruffled his feathers again—you were starting to think he’d caught on to how much you liked those wings, not that you minded.

“How disappointing that I missed out, but unfortunately I was required here for emergency surgery.”

“Oh?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, Pretty Boy decided to sacrifice Mina in his quest for freedom, so I was focused on her in the immediate aftermath.”

“And Mina is…” he trailed off, leaning in almost conspiratorially.

You leaned in to meet him, faces mere centimeters apart as you lifted you hand to point above you. “Wilhelmina, my snakeplant. You’ll notice she’s in a hanging planter now, instead of on this table.”

“Thank goodness you saved her. Collateral casualties are so tragic.”

“I saved the cookies, too.”

“And the cookies? Wow, very impressive. At this rate you’re a better hero than me.”

You hummed in agreement, then began to pull away, using the hand you’d been pointing to Mina with to flick Hawks playfully in the nose. He was stunned by the action, apparently, because in the time it took for you to reach the counter, pick up the container of cookies, and return to your previous position he hadn’t moved at all, only watched you with an expression of interest he didn’t bother to conceal.

Then his eyes landed on the container of cookies, and he gave you a boyish gasp. “For me? You shouldn’t have.”

“I’m giving you one, pretty bird, because you returned my problem child to me, but not the whole box.”

Hawks rose to his feet on the other side of the window, pressing a gloved hand to his heart (and, you noted, not so subtly spreading his wings to their full glory. Yeah. He knew you were into it). “I would never.”

“Very believable.” You took the top off the container, holding it out for him.

You watched as he inspected for a moment, before his face seemed to light up and he reached in to pull out one shaped like a pair of wings. He met your eye, raising an eyebrow in silent question as he placed the cookie between smirking lips.

You only laughed. “Yes, it’s a cutter set based off the top ten pro heroes. Congrats, number two, you found yours.”

Hawks opened his mouth to continue, but paused, the smile dropping from his face and his gaze falling from you as he finished the cookie and seemed to be listening to something. You only caught the vague, nearly silent sound of someone talking and it finally registered that he was listening to an earpiece before the sound cut off and his attention was back on you with an almost wistful expression.

“Sorry, sweetheart, this was fun, but—“

“Duty calls,” you finished, and he gave you a sheepish grin as you closed your cookie container.

“I’ll keep an eye out for your problem child in the future.”

“That’s an awfully minor thing to think about, I’d imagine.”

“Well, how else will I find an excuse to talk to his cute owner again?” Hawks shook his head, tutting his tongue. “Nah, I’ll wait for him to stage another escape attempt and scoop him up for you. Maybe he’ll inflict an even worse wound and you’ll have to stitch me up, wouldn’t that be fun?”

You laughed. “I thought you had somewhere to be, pretty bird?”

“Ah, you distracted me. Guess I’d rather stay here with you.”

“Goodbye, Hawks,” you insisted, but the smile on your face and the teasing in your voice made it clear you didn’t really want him gone.

He left anyway, yet again putting on a show as he stretched out those crimson wings (and this time, when you returned his show by fanning your face exaggeratedly, he winked) before giving you a mock salute and taking to the sky.

You closed the window behind him just as Pretty Boy made an appearance from your bedroom, winding his way between your feet. You crouched down, scratching him under the chin.

“I’ll let you off this time, ya stinker. But don’t think this makes up for all your shit.”

[d3adguyy]

ok so this headcanon/au list is weeks of me randomly writing down stuff. (i may make a list of some more uh... nsfw headcanons later on, but idk)

also, some of these aus are very dumb and unrealistic, but whatever, so

there is no beetlebabes shipping in this at all. don’t even try. the only shipping is charles/delia (do they have an official ship name?) and adam/barbara/beetlejuice, which is beetlelands and/or goldenrat!

(some of these are very unrealistic/basically just me projecting but this is my list and i’ll Do What I Want)

also, fuck formatting, i’m too lazy

- au where higher powered demons/ghouls have wings. naturally, beetlejuice has them and he is a fucking disaster. he knocks shit over, gets them caught on everything, and will knock people over. (somehow, they’re the only thing that’s actually clean)

- au in which the netherworld had a more lasting effect on lydia, and causes her to have sort of “fainting” spells (there’s a whole long and convoluted explanation but i’m too lazy to type it out.) since this is obviously bad for multiple reasons, beej turns into a “service” dog to help her at school (the fact that he knows lydia is being bullied may have influenced his decision)

- lydia and beetlejuice share one, very very damaged brain cell between them. they’re both smart in their own ways, but the second they try and solve something together? nothing. they usually end up almost going through with a stupid scheme until someone stops them last minute

- they may not have a dog, but (big) sandy the sandworm is just as happy to play fetch

- they also have a “girls” night once a week, in which they watch crappy horror movies, paint their nails, talk shit about people, and beetlejuice gushes complains about the maitlands

- bj can actually speak quite a few languages (he’s been around quite a long time, after all) however, he chooses to hide this fact until a time where he can a) freak someone out or b) show off

- bj follows lydia to school occasionally and will either make snide comments about the other students, or tell lydia what they’re doing on their phones (lydia sometimes hears things she wishes she had never known)

- lydia and beetlejuice stay “married”, but only in a convinient way (financial aid and tax benefits ftw, beetlebabes fuck off)

- beetlejuice plays the ukulele (as shown in the musical) and you can sometimes hear him playing on the roof (if he sees anyone listening he’ll immediately stop and go pink and disappear)

- bj and lydia go to pride every year, and Fuck Shit Up in a (mostly) legal way. once the maitlands figure out how to leave the house, they accompany them and let loose and join them in their chaos. delia eventually starts coming as well. charles stays home to preserve his sanity.

- beetlejuice figures out the maitlands can leave the house so long as they have a piece of it with them, and so makes them bracelets with wood from the house. they’re both extremely happy and grateful.

- beetlejuice and miss argentina are pals, and hung out together when beej used to spend all of his time in the underworld (he still pops by to visit her occasionally, and even helped her with the backlash/work after juno died)

- au where it’s now book of mormon, and lydia and bj are paired up for a mission. chaos ensues. (don’t ask me how this one would work, because i honestly don’t know.)

- lydia has a sleepover at her house with school friends. one of them brings a ouija board. beej and the maitlands decided to have time fun with it, and lydia tries not to crack up watching them.

- delia and beetlejuice are friends (bc they lowkey have a decent amnt in common ngl) and delia will occasionally join in on beej & lyds’ schemes

- delia treats beej like a son due to him acting like lydia’s crazy and feral (yet very loving and overprotective) older brother. charles doesn’t get it, but it makes her happy so he goes along with it.

- just like beej and lyds have “girls night”, delia, barbara, and beetlejuice have something similar where they drink wine, gossip about the neighborhood moms, and watch shitty reality tv and yell at the screen. charles tried to interrupt once and got a bottle of wine thrown at him (courtesy of delia)

- beetlejuice and lydia are Trans As Fuck (lydia’s lesbian and beej is pan) the maitlands are both bi, delia is pan and charles is Straight.

- souleater au where lydia is the meister and bj is her weapon

- beetlejuice has a love of all things circus. (he’s surprisingly good at trapeze, and not-so-surprisingly good at fire eating and breathing)

- beej has a big fat crush on the maitlands, but him being the emotionally stunted demon he is, has absolutely no idea how to express this

- the maitlands suspect that bj is crushing on them, but they aren’t completely sure (they still think he’s adorable, though)

- beej loves cuddling. that’s it, that’s the headcanon. he is a very touchy person (and not just in a perverted way.) he and lydia can be seen cuddling in bed binging horror movies, and bj is known to get comfy on the couch that is definitely not big enough for both him and the maitlands. (also, beej loves being the little spoon.)

- lydia and delia share a very niche interest in astrology, and it’s probably one of the only things they have in common. (delia still loves lydia and lydia loves her too, even if she would never admit it)

- au where lydia dies in some accident, and beetlejuice pulls a bunch of strings to make her a demon. he now has to train her to use her newly gained powers. (to make her a demon, they had to be related, so he adopts her as his younger sister)

- to mash together the au above and the wing au from the top of the list, one day lydia starts growing wings and beetlejuice couldn’t be prouder.

- the maitlands have really dumb (but cute) nicknames for beetlejuice (gummyworm, teddy bear, marshmallow, etc. they occasionally call him lawrence, which makes him melt.) lydia has borderline insulting nicknames for bj (trash man, hobo, stinky bastard, etc.) and charles and delia just call him random variations of his name (mr. juice, beetleman, mr. beetle, etc. they will use his full name if he does something too chaotic, and it’s then he knows to run)

(i just lost a bunch of headcanons and aus because tumblr unexpectedly closed :( i’m gonna try my best to re-write them all. i’m also grouping all the aus together before i re-write the headcanons, so get ready lol)

- pjo au!

• lydia is a daughter of persephone, and starts attending camp at age 12 (persephone doesn’t actually have a kid with charles, she just lends her magic to lydia’s mom in order for them to have a kid, as she actively was a worshipper of persephone, and that ends up making lydia a half blood.)

• beetlejuice was a son of hectate, but died after performing wayyyy too many rituals to increase his magic, and it eventually got too much to control and the strain killed him. he keeps his powers when he dies though. (he got banished from the underworld and was tied to a living soul for as long as they lived - it was lydia, so now they Fuck Shit Up together. hades regrets his choice of punishment.)

• barbara is a daughter of harmonia

• adam is a son of hephaestus

• delia is a legacy of eros

barbara and adam are instructors at camp halfblood (barbara teaching pottery and adam teaching woodworking)

they take lydia under their wing when they notice she doesn’t really have friends, and so they eventually meet beetlejuice (he has a Big Crush on them but refuses to do anything about it. for now.)

- hunger games au time! (at this point i’m just doing aus of all of the old young adult series i used to read)

• beetlejuice and lydia were the tributes chosen from district 12 (with beetlejuice volunteering to protect lydia during the games)

• their mentor is juno, who is an asshole and is utterly useless, as she doesn’t think they have any chance

• the maitlands are a couple that live in the capitol, even if they really don’t agree with the morals and lifestyle. they are huge sponsors for bj and lyds during the games.

• beej and lyds are the last ones standing, and after all the trouble that beetlejuice has made the capitol go through during the games, they decide it isn’t worth it to try and kill them, so they both win.

• the maitlands secretly take in both of them after the games

• charles flips houses and delia is an artist, they know about the maitlands and help keep the secret

- time for the divergent au nobody asked for!

• lydia was born erudite and transferred dauntless (she could’ve stayed erudite as well)

• beetlejuice was born dauntless and stayed (he did have an aptitude for amity, but he’ll take that to the grave)

• barbara was born erudite and transferred amity

• adam was born abnegation and transferred amity

• charles was born erudite and stayed

• delia was born amity and transferred erudite (she had aptitude for candor as well)

beej is lydia’s trainer when she joins dauntless, and they become inserperable during and after training. (lydia graduates top of her class - she would’ve despite beetlejuice, but it didn’t hurt to have him)

(taking some liberties here and making it so that factions can interact with each other outside of school and mandatory events, however intermarriage and dating between factions is a no no)

the maitlands find beetlejuice doing Stupid Shit in the woods near amity. this happens a few times, with bj and lyds running away each time, until they finally catch them and they all meet.

the maitlands take lyds under their wing, but don’t know what to think about beetlejuice (they secretly adore him, but won’t be telling him that anytime soon. bj has a Humongous Crush on them, and tells them. eventually. they end up dating despite the illegality of it)

the deetzes end up finding out about the dating, and keep it secret, even though hey aren’t particularly fond of beej. yet.

- and now time for a warrior cats au. time to bring up those repressed memories :)

(ok so again, more liberties, cats can choose to join another clan when they become apprentices, and the clans interact a lot more outside of meetings and battles. also the only one i have a warrior name for is beetlejuice, because his would literally just be Beetlejuice)

• beetlejuice was born a loner and eventually joined shadow clan as an apprentice

• lydia was born thunder clan and transferred to shadow clan, and was chosen to be a medicine cat

• barbara would be river clan and stay there

• adam would be thunder clan and transfer to river clan to be with barbs

• charles and delia were both born and stayed in thunder clan

beej is lyd’s mentor for non-medicine cat stuff (as shadow clan teaches their med cats to fight, and i feel like they would get all of the same training normal apprentices did, such as hunting)

lyds and the maitlands get along and hang out a lot, and beetlejuice just kinda trails along. yet again he has a crush on them. however, he minimizes his time with them so that they don’t find reasons to dislike him (in his eyes)

- ok so we’ve done one cat au, time for a much more niche one! this one is based on the book claws, by mike and rachel grinti. (it’s a middle school level book for sure, but i picked it up sometime in elementary school and i still love it now that i’m older)

• beej as jack (although he still has magic, his magic is just super chaotic and hard to control) lyds as emma, and they go on a quest for how lydia’s mom died (something to do with the faries)

• beetlejuice only agrees to do the quest because he wants a friend, which was really the whole reason behind giving lydia the heart.

• the maitlands are part of the pride that lyds takes over. they were wary of her at first, but backed her up when she needed it. they warmed up to her quickly after that, and they take her under their wing to show her the ropes of how prides work

beej continues to hang out with lydia, but isn’t really accepted by the pride for the most part, with the maitlands being the closest to being his friends. this eventually changes, and they grow closer over time.

- small httyd au: lydia is a viking, her dad is a high ranking official, her mom killed in a dragon raid, delia still does art ig.

• the maitlands are dragons, and lydia befriends them. she later befriends another dragon, beetlejuice. she eventually teaches the villiage dragons are good and all that jazz.

- ok back to headcanons now: adam rescued injured wildlife when he was alive, and that hasn’t stopped now that he’s dead. a section of the roof is dedicated to little habitats/enclosures for injured animals, so that they can rest up and heal

- although she isn’t so good at rescuing animals like adam is, barbara still loves animals. (beetlejuice will turn into different animals so that he has an excuse to cuddle her)

- bj secretly enjoys how vanilla/naive the maitlands can be, and thinks it’s really cute

- beetlejuice is actually pretty good at cooking, and will make dinner for him and the maitlands on date night. (he also cooks comfort food for people when they’re upset)

- bj is an internet troll. that’s it that’s the headcanon.

- beetlejuice wasn’t born or anything, juno just kinda made him by accident, and that’s why she hates him so much. so, one day beetlejuice just came into existence, a full 5ft 8inches of pure chaos.

this headcanon is a bit odd for me, because it changes depending on the story/plot i’m thinking about, so i’m now reintroducing the trans headcanons so i can explain how it would work.

he presented as female for a while before saying “fuck that” and coming out. he would’ve done it sooner, but seeing as he just started existing one day, it took a bit for him to realize that not wanting to be the gender he was born as just Wasn’t Normal. idk if the netherworld has hrt, but im basing my version of it more off the cartoon, in which people have like houses and lives, i’m assuming it exists, so he got hrt surgery n shit

on the other side, when this headcanon doesn’t apply, he was about 16 when he came out, his parents said Fuck That because he was growing up pretty far in the past (idk exact time period, but trans people were a big No No) and he ended up offing himself. he ends up altering his appearance or going through hrt/surgery in the netherworld.

- in a human au, because i just thought of thi, he’d come out at age 16 still, and juno, shitty parent she is, kicks him out. the deetzes take him in, with lydia being about 14ish, and the maitlands are their tenants who become the second set of parents. (lydia is trans in human au)

- continuing the trans hc, lydia and her parents suspected when she was about 9ish, and so after having it confirmed by multiple doctors and specialists, was put on blockers until she could start hrt at 16. it’s a very happy day when she turns 16 and beetlejuice definitely doesn’t cry

- beetlejuice has a phobia of water and that’s one reason why he doesn’t shower (the maitlands eventually help him deal with it enough to be able to shower/bathe occasionally, because he still does like his trashy look)

- bj does drag. lydia and delia help him with makeup and clothing.

- beej also worked as a male stripper for a time at dante’s inferno in the netherworld. he’s amazing at pole dancing, and he can walk like a pro in heels.

- also, because heels autocorrected to heelys st first, beej owns heelys and will zoom around the house in them. lydia eventually buys a pair for herself and they Go Crazy

i think that’ll end off this list for now, as it’s gotten pretty long. there’s a good chance i’ll make another one in the future, but for now, thats all folks!

[scientistowengottlieb-newtkelly]

Kes and Phlox for the ask game 🙂

Kes: If I could have one superpower, what would it be?

Transmutation maybe???? Idk my answer changes every time I'm asked this but I feel like shape shifting is a solid power to hold under your belt for someone like me who frequently has identity crises and does anything I can to change just enough to feel like a whole person again akfjakfjakfjak plus nothing would stop me from turning into mothman and living out my dreams as a cryptid in the woods and I think that's beautiful

Phlox: Favorite animal?

Oh,,,,,,,,, damn,,,,,,,,,,, you asked the wrong question akfhskfhakf

- cats of all kinds, I love them sm,,,,,, I grew up surrounded by them and I imprinted on them immediately,,,,, oh how I love cats,,,,,, (below are some of my kitties and they are Babies despite all being kind of Old)

- opossums, they're just the greatest, these friends are Very Good, 10/10 almost impossible for these trash babies to get rabies because their body temp simply doesn't allow the disease to survive and that goes so hard

- f ro g s, I don't know what it is but frogs are just. A staple of existence. Must be the tap water. Here is a big chungus I snapped a picture of while freaking out at my local Petsmart

- FERRETS okay so I had 3 ferrets as a child and those stinky tube socks were amazing, wonderful, absolute assholes (except Millie) and I loved them so much, below is an amazing image I am lacking context for

- spotted hyenas, amazing, wonderful creatures, matriarchy, all the females have bigger penises than the males, therefore this animal invented Big Dick Energy

- bats, man!!!!! Oh, yes, those near-blind bitch babies with wings, they make me go absolutely feral, I love them, perfect creatures of the night and there are some human sized ones that exist that make me itch for a new (probably very illegal) pet

- rats!!! And mice!!!! Small rodents of all kinds!!!!!! Uhm!!!!! Yes!!!!!!! Pocket friends!!!!! Climb onto my head and let's cook!!!!!! C'mon Stuart let's play a game!!!!!!! Precious beings, must be protected at all costs

- raccoons!!!!! Oh the trashiest of trash babies!!!!!! Perfect beings of pure gluttony, and rage!!!!! Masked bandits of the night, dumpster kitties, beautiful and wonderous

- birds of all kinds, y'all seen them motherfuckers???? Amazing! Genius idea, those were, amazing job universe, you did good. I especially love crows because they're so SMART y'all ever hear a crow TALK before??? That shit is wack!!! Talent at its finest

- snakes of all kinds, those slithery angels are bastards!!!!! Perfect in every way, danger noodle deserving of all of our universe's finest, including all of my money and resources. Would gladly hand them over so that them fellows can thrive, as they should

- reptiles/lizards/amphibians of all kinds, really, but more importantly, red-eyed crocodile skinks, because look. I need you to understand how perfect these bad bitches are. They're tiny and gorgeous. I've hit an image limit but please look them up. Oh and also bearded dragons, their head bobbing to show dominance is the exact kind of feral I feel deep in my bones and if you don't know what I mean I highly recommend watching videos of those fuckers both asserting and conceding dominance where they just start waving, they are funky fresh little creatures.

[askmyboys]

Klinos

I dont even know what to say bout this one?? I was just feelin sad n upset that night and out popped a giant bastard, here he be so yeah

| Name: Klinos

| Nicknames: Linos, Kli, or Lin

| Pronouns: He/Him and It/It’s

| Age: N/A

| Height: 100ft

| Species/Race: Giant

| Hair Color: The sides are a dark brown but the top floof (yes, i call the top part floof shush) is a a dark blue color with dark green mixed in (his hairstyle is a spiked quiff)

| Eye Color: Ironically enough, his eyes are a Bluish Green color

| Skin Color/Body Type: He’s extremely pale like almost ALL my dudes are and his body type is pretty average honestly

| Appearance: He doesn’t change his outfit too much so his main one is a black and green hoodie with some ripped and distressed black skinny jeans that have chains hanging down,and some combat boots as well (the strings on the combat boots are green also) he wears some spiked bracelets along with a black spiked collar, and before I forget these details- he has a circle beard, his pupils are slit, he has pointed ears (he also wears black gauges along with SEVERAL other piercings that go up his ears), he has long black and green claws (he painted the green on some of them actually, their naturally black though), he’s got them b e a r  t r a p teeth, he’s also got a tongue piercing, an eyebrow slit and an eyebrow piercing of course (most of his piercings btw excluding his tongue are spiked-type piercings) and for some EXTRA details his eyebrows are like fuckin caterpillars- big fluffy bois, he’s got a lotta scars on him and i’m gonna say already the bigger ones are from fights with other giants and the smaller ones are from tinies who have dealt some damage his way.

One more thing, unlike most giants (the giants where he’s from don’t have no tails) he’s got a large black tail with a fluffy bun tip)

| Personality: Oh look, it’s another bastard son of mine isn’t it? ...Yes, the answer is yes- Klinos is an absolute bastard, he can be pretty nasty and mean, he can also be borderline cruel and sadistic even! He loves to torment tinies/borrowers, tease them by showing them how powerless they are against him, and he loves to scare the shit out of them in any way he can, hell sometimes he can scare OTHER GIANTS with his attitude.

He’s also borderline masochistic I mean… With all the fights he purposefully gets himself into, it’d be weird for him to not enjoy pain- So jokes on you motherfucker, you wanna hurt him? He ENJOYS that hAH! Asdjfklskjdfsl- Anyway- Absolute bastard man, stinky, gross- Surprisingly enough though despite being cruel, mean, and downright sadistic- He’d never kill anyone, maybe by accident sure but never on purpose, deep down the boy’s got no REAL malicious intent, he just loves to be an asshole and tease tinies/borrowers and scare the shit out of them.

He’ll never really admit it but deep down he does have a soft spot for the little pipsqueaks out there… Any giant actually t r i e s to kill/hurt em? Oh boy, they’re gonna have to go through Klinos (I will say, Klinos might hurt a tiny/borrower and it’s definitely not intentional really? Sure, he’s sadistic with his words, his threats, and his actions but hurting em he does feel guilt when that does happen and he actually tries to make it up to em)

Deep down he’s a big softie but don’t say that to him, don’t you d a r e, he WILL follow through with a threat- don’t tempt him- lmao, overall a stinky bastard brat man who’s sadistic, cruel, mean, masochistic, loves to pick fights and scare p much everyone at this rate, but he cares secretly ..about tinies/borrowers, other giants? Fuck them, he doesn’t give a shit bout his own kind too much… The ones he’s known and even his own family are all a bunch of assholes so the day he sees a nice or friendly giant would genuinely surprise him, won’t change his opinion of his own kind much.

| Side Facts: Klinos can honestly be like a giant cat sometimes and a dog like others (I have a feeling him and Maximus share some solidarity here) some days he likes to just laze around, sometimes he’ll bat a tiny/borrower around just for the hell of it, when he yawns he DEFINITELY does that cat yawn, a dog mostly when he’s excited and sometimes when he’s chasing someone down, he’ll literally get down on all fours sometimes and just sprint that way, he’s a fucking feral shithead. He also wags his tail when excited too.

He doesn’t do that cat thing when he’s nervous or scared (its rare he gets nervous or scared but it can happen) unfortunately nor when he’s excited either. Another sad fact is he doesn’t have toe beans, he isn’t t h a t type of giant, he’s one that looks mostly human.

In his spare time though he actually likes to play video games or listen to music (he listens to a lotta edgy shit but there’s some random songs mixed in his playlist as well) and his games are mostly horror games but he plays a few other games here n there as well (Like Minecraft and Animal Crossing, he likes to smack some villagers on the head in BOTH games, hitting villagers in MC is boring though, it just ends in death, in AC the villagers get pissed off instead lmao)

You know he’s the type of giant to catch you off guard when you least expect it, you could be sneaking around and suddenly a boot slams in front of you OR his entire fucking body slams right in front of you, down on all fours, drooling and snarling like the feral bastard he is.

...Oookay listen, I know you want the secret softie side facts, if your a tiny/borrower he grows attached to and v i b e s with essentially (doesn’t mean he’ll hurt/kill any other tiny/borrower just bc he befriends some) and besides you have to be one who’d stick around for one, two, you’d actually wanna get to know him, etc- certain circumstances you get it but either way, he’s the type who’d let you sleep in his hood, his hoodie is VERY soft and warm and comfortable and he’s confident you’ll like it (might I mention he’s also very confident and cocky sometimes, and even narcissistic on the occasion but not OVERBEARINGLY so)

If he cares bout’cha and is attached you’ll know, he’ll start making a lot of efforts, that don’t mean he won’t be grumbly grumpy bc he still has a rep to keep but he’ll hold you much more gently, he’ll do things like pet you, make you items that are perfect for people like your size, he’s even made you your own bed! It’s on the nightstand next to his bed ...He doesn’t wanna risk rolling over onto you even though he’s not that type of sleeper but still, no risks taken there-

On occasion, he’ll gently place his hand over your bed, on one hand- its comforting and warm but on the other side if you have to get up for any reason you cannot, like physically- his hand is pinning you there so your in for the long haul- the most NOTABLE thing is he’s WAAAY more possessive of you than other tinies/borrowers, he’ll snarl and growl if any one be it giant or tiny being tries to even LOOK at you, and he does have a few possessive actions he’ll do, once you’ve stuck with him, your his, there is no “Takebacks” there is no going back, no, fuck you, you’re stuck with him- whether you like it or not ..On the bright side though now you’ve got, despite being a bastard, you’ve got a really good protector who really does care bout you deep down and you know he won’t HESITATE to literally kill someone for you.

He also REALLY loves plants, he has a ton of em in his house, and he has seemingly named them all! His favorite plants seem to be venus fly traps AND cacti.