#cast ye votes heathens!!!

[braindeadmaggot]

I'm going to make an earbud holder keychain.

[cheseyre]

good news, sluts! my brain's no longer being completely stupid (only mostly), i've seen the new asides and...have some thought-y thot thoughts:

*deep inhale*

Okay, first things first: this art style is soooo fucking cUTE and I'm a jealous, squealing bitch. Anyone who knows who the artist is, could you link me to them, stat? I think Thomas mentioned them at the beginning of the ep, but nYeh, brain hurt, doesn't wanna do wooork-

Okay, I'll admit, I was a little...apprehensive when I first saw the thumbnail and title. Part of it's just me being a bitter Remus Stan, but also...okay, deep breaths, controversial opinion time, get ready:

I don't ship Prinxiety.

Like, at all. 

I can see the appeal, and these dorks were so very, VERY cute in this particular ep, but I was honestly turned off by the ship long ago due to how overwhelmingly popular it is and how some fans characterize these two and treat this relationship as if it's the only valid one, y'know, the works—slight tangent, but that's also why I don't ship Logicality or Remile. I honestly vibe much better with ships like Roceit or Analogical, y'know?

Cutting in for another brief tangent: I'm surprisingly okay with Demus/Dukeceit/Receit/Trashnoodle/Whatever-Their-Ship-Name-Is-Oh-God-Why-Do-They-Have-So-Many-Fucking-Names; maybe it's cause they haven't actually interacted in canon and the fan content gives me such good Gay Disney Villain content, idk man im weird—).

Still, their interactions were both hilarious and sweet and like I said, I see the appeal, it's just not my cup of tea. y'all Prinxiety fans got fucking FED and I'm happy for you nerds. Enjoy ze happy boys!

I guess another factor in my...low-key hesitance when I first saw what the ep was about is that...okay, get ready, another controversial opinion, le gasp: well, I'm not a big Virgil fan. In fact, at times, he swaps places with Patton as my least favorite sides—especially with some of his recent behavior in eps like DWIT (the "prohibit your breathing comment" really triggered me, for example). Sometimes, his attitude, especially around other sides like Roman or Janus, reminds me a little too much of my sister, who I don't have...a very good relationship with. Add to that how the more...intense side of the fandom has a disturbing tendency to turn him into the 'uwu precious woobie emo baby who can do no wrong' while unnecessarily villainizing other CERTAIN sides in the process, and...I think you all see where I'm going with this little rant 😅

However, upon actually watching the ep, he wasn't...that bad? I don't think? I enjoyed watching him be a flustered, disaster-y mess and genuinely excited at the end, his interactions with Roman were nice enough, and him literally pushing Thomas to make a move with Nico despite his obvious panic attack was a nice moment of genuine character development. I like seeing that, that's the good shit right there. And him being all flustered and shit, and smiling so much at the end of the vid was just...well, adorable. This man has no fucking right to be this cute, my god

alsoooo 

pURPLE EYESHADOW

PURPLE EYESHADOW HE LOOKS?? SO GOOD?? WTF?? SLAY EMO, SLAAAAAAAY FUCK, DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO CHANGE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME NOW?

alsoooo 

hAPPY ROMAN

YESSSSS~ MAH BOI MAH SON MAH DUMB BITCH HIMBO PRINCE MAH EXTRA MESSY CINNAMON ROLL

ITS  BEEN SO  LONG

AND HIS LITTLE HEART EYES THROUGHOUT THE VID, OH MY GOD-

IMMA JUST IGNORE THAT "ADDING [MISTAKE] TO THE LIST" COMMENT I AM LOOKING AWAY I DO NOT SEE IT LALALALALA

THOMATHY, SIR, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING THESE TWO GAY IDIOTS SO BAEBY

Okay, but Virgil not realizing that "cyberstalking in real life" is literally just stalking is both a big ass mood and further proof that, yes, Logan is indeed the only one holding the braincell out of this disaster of a lot. God help them all if he ducks out in the next ep.

👀

And Thomas x Trash Can is my new OTP.  I dub thee ✨ "Trashmas" ✨

we sTAN TRASHMAS

Wait, does that mean Remus actually WAS in the ep? Cause, y'know, trash man?

hmmm

👀 👀 

Okay, okay. 

With how much Virgil and Roman were going off about Thomas constantly lying, I was (understandably) a tad bit disappointed my snek son didn't even make a fucking cameo, but y'know what? In hindsight, I'm okay with this it's fineee~

He was just off playing with shadow puppets and stealing money from us desperate, content-starved peasants with his sheer extra-ness and, honestly? Gotta respect the hustle. 

Get that precious, precious coin, dapper snake! Wring us poor losers dryyyy!

*evil snek laugh*

Also, this is a breather ep and adding Janus in probably would've caused unnecessary drama with the Roceit breakup and the constant antagonism between Virgil and him. It probably would've distracted from the point of the ep (flirting with social anxiety, exactly what it says in the tin)—much like it wasn't really Virgil or Remus's place to show up during POF. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Sorry, brain going brr-

Still, I can't believe the "Fuck Janus Sanders" Club is actually canon now 😂

God, first Patton in a skirt and now this. 

Thomas Sanders, you delight in fucking feEDING this gremlin nest of a fanbase, don’t you? You RELISH our screams of joy and pain and suffering, dON’T YOU?

What's next, actual canonical Janus and Remus interaction? Patton saying the fuck word? The Dragon Witch comes back? Janus's bowler hat gains sentience and takes over the world, Doris-style? What do you have planned, Thomas? Joan? WHAT ART THOU PLANNING, I MUST KNOW YOU HEATHENS YOU FIENDS-

And Virgil's little "would it be fair to him" comment, tho.

👀

Like, I get in the context of the ep, he was likely talking about Nico and how it wouldn’t be good for a potential relationship with Tomas to be founded on lies, but still...my anxceit heart aches, man. 

Gimme that sweet, sweet angst with a side of mutual regret and possible future reconciliation and maybe something more wink wink nudge nudge on top, pls

...and fries.

Honestly, tho, that entire bathroom monologue was fucking beautiful, man. And relatable, too—i can't tell you how many times I've talked to myself in public restrooms because I just didn't know how to get the words I wanted to say out. It's...kind of embarrassing, tbh

Speaking of embarrassing, uh, crying stall guy.

Just...

Crying Stall Guy

Like, I was expecting someone to come out the bathroom stall after Thomas stopped talking, but...I honestly wasn't expecting that. God, that whole scene was so cringe worthy and fucking hilarious

Honestly, Thomas in the ep in general was a huge ass mOOD and we collective gay/bi disasters ALL related with him, and if you say you don't, you're either lying to yourself or a demon. 

There is no in between 

sorry I don't make the rules

Like, I get this series is literally a gay disaster talking to himself for thirty minutes or longer, but like- EMPHASIS on the 'disaster' part 😂

Like...Thomas, you're lucky you're such a goddamn bean, because GOD, I cringing so hard when he first started talking to Nico

Although, I too have apologized profusely for genuine mistakes and am a flustered bi mess around my crush sooo

😅

And god, Roman's "thirty = old man" jokes made me feel old...and I literally just turned twenty, like, come on, man!

Maybe that's because I was literally watching this ep after finishing my ACT and had been sitting with a bunch of high schoolers, with their tiny fucking desks and tiny fucking water fountains smeh

*clears throat*

Anyways, uh, we STAN Nico Pintrovert Florés in this house

Like

He gives me such big Carlos from WTNV vibes for some reason and this makes me sooo happy

and YESS, he's a WRITER

And he's??? So sweet?? A pure bean?? Just sits on his laptop at the mall food court all day, like a god-fucking iCON?? A Nightmare Before Christmas fan?? weARS GLASSES??

my hEART

*cries*

The fandom seems torn between "Nicomas" and "Karrot Kings" as a ship name atm—personally speaking, I'm casting my vote for the latter

*crosses fingers* please dont be another janus x remus multiple ship name issue guys, please please please I can't keep track of them all-

*clears throat*

On that note, I'm guess I'm gonna go try and whoo over my crush with carrots now. If THIS disaster can do it and make it actually fucking work, god damnit, so cAN I

Meanwhile, in hell, my brain's just screaming "CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST-"

God, I hope Nico isn't just a one-shot character, he's too pure and Thomas and him are adorable gay Disney fans and I stan

Oh, I wonder how the other sides'll react to him.

Wait.

Oh god.

Oh god.

This ep just unleashed a new fresh hell of potential Nico x Sides ships, hasn't it?

Welp, time to prepare for ze incoming flood of fanfics, I guess. I'll get my umbrella and rain boots.

That last shot of Virgil during the endcard was so fucking ominous oh my god mom im scared can you come pick me up-

Goddammit, Thomas and Joan, I'm NOT fucking ready to be traumatized again, fUCK

I wish I wasn't a broke ass university student so I could contribute to Thomas's gloriously extra Patreon—both so I can support my favorite content creators who make this amazing blessed content and also, to join my boi Janus in fucking  destroying society by giving money to the people who actually deserve it, fuck YOU GOVERNMENT-

Okay. 

Okay. 

New headcanon time as to why Patton, Remus, and Logan weren't in the ep: they were helping Jan film that Patreon promotional video. 

Like

Remus directed it, Logan helped with the lighting and script, and Patton was just there as the cheerleader. 

The reason Janus made a dog with shadow puppets wasn't just to flaunt his deity status and prove how he is truly above us mere wretched mortals 

despite that being the absolute truth and we all know it, don't lie to yourselves

No, it was really him trying to do something cute and silly for Patton, because Moceit rights, daMMIT

*inhales*

noww 

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals

it’s time forr

the most wonderful time of the yearrr

WAITING FOR THE NEXT EPISODE

Step right up, folks! Hear ye, hear ye, my prediction for the next episode: Prinxiety v. Moceit! With special guest stars: Karrot Kings vibing in adorable gay and Intrulogical, bitter at being excluded aGAIN

Who will win? Who will lose? 

here’s a hint: we all will because in this sick twisted game they are no winners only losers-

Place your bets, folks! ✨

Haha im not readyyy~

tl;dr

this episode has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended my suffering—an adorable calm before the... angsty fucking shitstorm that’s coming far too soon. Prinxiety stans, enjoy your food. Place an 'F' in the chat for me and my fellow grieving Remus stans. Trashmas is the true OTP, but Karrot Kings is cute too I guess. I've only had Nico Florés for 24 minutes, but if anything happens to him, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. Purple eyeshadow Virgil makes me question my sexuality aGAIN, and happy gay disney prince rights y'all. Say a big ole 'fuck you' to capitalism by giving your local dapper snake moneys. Concussion makes brain go brr and imma go buy some carrots and be gay now.

psst hey @quarantinevibes2020��� you wanna join me in being disaster-y? i’ll bring my best gay stare and you bring the wine

Until next time, my lovelies! ~ Ches 🖤

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Tommy

Ali: TOM BOMB Ali: you will never guess what Tommy: you're adopted? CALLED IT Tommy: too fabulous for those heathens Ali: way to make my actual news look less 😏 Ali: isn't don't oversell it like rule #1 Ali: [sends cast list so its all official] Tommy: darling, breaking every rule is rule #1 Tommy: you ain't that adopted Tommy: OH MY SWEET LORD! YOU BETTER NOT BE TROLLING ME ALISON Tommy: I know your genius extends to photoshop pro but you mustn't use it for such evil Ali: who would I really be hurting with that troll, huh Ali: no one but myself Ali: but if its good enough for Queen Meryl 😁😁😁 Tommy: Preach it sister Ali: I'm so fucking excited I could burst Tommy: Meanwhile my school is putting Fanny and Alexander Tommy: like that Ingmar Bergman fever dream can or should be adapted for the stage Tommy: Jesus Christ Ali: we LOVE child abuse for a fun family night out Ali: guess the parentals like to be shown their money is being spent SERIOUSLY on SERIOUS theatré Tommy: The guardian voted it 8th best arthouse film OF ALL TIME therefore it must be worthy Tommy: I will not hesitate to put on a wig and replace you, Kit Tommy: before I do, 1 question Tommy: WHY AND HOW THE FUCK IS MEENA'S BROTHER NOT PLAYING THE SWEDISH LOTHARIO?!! Tommy: what is your casting director 🚬? Ali: I dread to think what 9 and 10 were 😏 Ali: must put them on my not-to-watch list Ali: 😂 Ro literally called it, we all know, I will uninvite you if you even THINK of upstaging me 😉 Ali: IKR its so funny Ali: maybe he thought he was being subversive casting a black guy Ali: but then I wouldn't have my role if that was his jam so 🤷 go off Tommy: Yeah HARD same 🙄😴 Tommy: you can try but I've sent a congrats text to Carls and she'll re-invite me Tommy: if he was the baby daddy the whole island would know but alright, like Ali: also true Ali: 😂 SERIOUSLY Ali: like hmm, I wonder where this white blonde blue eyed baby came from Ali: when you get diverse with your casting and the plot falls apart 😏 god bless, they're trying Tommy: that's WHY he cast Drew, he's being very catholic and trying to marry you off to the right man at the end Tommy: Sir you can't be deciding he's the daddy like that, how dare you! Ali: and that's WHY he cast me as Donna Ali: knows our ma won't flip out on the implication her daughter hoe'd around all summer and has no idea who fathered her child Ali: the subtle shade of it all Tommy: 😂 Tommy: I can't wait to see her go full Molly Weasley when she realises the plot of the thing Tommy: my Alison COULD NEVER you wanker! Tommy: would never 'cause you'd be in chains 😏 Ali: that's the other possibility, he hasn't clocked I'm GayLite and he thinks the idea I'm knocked up is right jokes Ali: Ma wishes 🤞🤞🤞 Tommy: Or he's calling out his biphobia and everyone who is as a HUGE whore Tommy: that's awkward Ali: when you don't prove the haters wrong 😬 Ali: whoops Tommy: When's opening night? I gotta see this Ali: duh, I've already begged on your behalf Ali: [the date] Tommy: I'm so ready for my handbags at dawn moment with Robbie Tommy: always a pleasure Tommy: unlike witnessing Drew outdoing Pierce Brosnan as the hottie who can't hold a note and DYING on stage Ali: I'll hold your earrings, babe Ali: if he can wait for the show to be over Ali: and don't be mean 🤫 Ali: he...needs some work Ali: but I'm willing to be like your worst teacher on speed about it, have him west end ready in, however many weeks they're giving us Tommy: Cheers, 'course I was born ready whenever he wants to go though 🥊🩰 Tommy: You know I'm here if you need me, fairy gaybrother and all Tommy: he will go to the (disco) ball! Ali: I'll let him know as much 😏 Ali: 💚 Ali: Luckily the choreo is simple, so he's got that down Ali: and how hard is it to pretend you're in love with me, honestly Ali: the singing though Tommy: how many songs does he have? Are they staying movie true? Ali: WELL, the tea is we've already cut a me him duet flashback to a solo for moi, but he HAS to do SOS to drive the plot, then its minimal lines on Our Last Summer, which Robbie is THRILLED about obvs, but he also HAS to do When All Is Said And Done, though maybe I can convince the director that'd work better as a toast moment legit, sans singing Tommy: Fucking hell Tommy: yeah unless there's somebody he could mime for Tommy: or a girl they could drag up to resemble him for the musical numbers Ali: REALLY go in and make it obvious who the dad is 😂 Ali: comes to something when the only viable option is the out out gay kid Tommy: SOS is gonna be brutal but I reckon you're onto something cutting the last number down Tommy: by then the audience will either be LIVING for you or DYING over him and we all know how the drama dept would rather it Tommy: arts funding is already in the bog, like Ali: Truly... fuck it, if we don't get it then instead of taking turns at a verse each we'll do it together and I will belt the fuck out of it Ali: you don't have to tell me, the wardrobe is abhorrent Ali: but we're already on that, even if I have to dress the entire cast myself Tommy: Christ alive, I will come home early and help you save the show, bags full of stolen props and costumes Tommy: Sorry not sorry, mother Ali: Oh LORDT, what even is the costuming for fucking Ali: fanny and whathisface Ali: I bet you are LIVING Tommy: Everyone here has now said fuck it and we're sorting out watching Mamma Mia Tommy: the girls and gays are 💔😭 Tommy: Straight Simon alone is unaffected Tommy: SEND HELP ALL MY MATES ARE ASKING IF DREW'S TOO WHITE TO TURN SOS INTO A RAP 😂 Ali: that boy is an enigma Ali: do not encourage him PLEASE 😭😭😭 Ali: all for mixing it up but if I have to look 💔 at a boy rapping about what happened to our love...nah Ali: even Meryl couldn't Tommy: Quick, dish on the rest of your all star cast, that'll 100% work in amusing them Tommy: any room to judge and they don't give a fuck about a single thing else Ali: Oh well, let's see Tommy: I'm the proudest of my sweet baby Carls and know she'll be grand, but the people are restless and thirsty for that hot tea Ali: Rosie's a sweetie, she jams with us on the drums every now and then, so you'd recognize her face not her name, she's gonna be so funny, perf for that role so I can't slag on her, I'm afraid darlings Ali: right?! MY BABY 💕 Ali: we did our auditions in groups of about 3 so it was just me, her and Cavante, she killed it forreal Tommy: Yeah? I do remember her! She comments on many o' Meena posts and you can hear the 🍀 Tommy: I'm gonna call her later, Carls that is, not your drummer Ali: I'm DYING for her to give the brummie a go, if that's as hilariously bad as we're all imagining, I'll send that to quench your mates thirst 🍵 Tommy: You're a star on so many levels Ali: 🥰 Ali: Who else DON'T you know? 🤔 Ali: the girls playing Meena's friends, me either Ali: they're her year though Ali: one of them has the good=loud vibe so I wouldn't be surprised if she went to one of your theatre groups as a kid Tommy: The lad in her year too? I dunno him Ali: Yes, which is rude Ali: he's got hot over the summer clearly 'cos like, HELLO? Ali: he's decent though, fair craic Tommy: Every show needs a dark horse Ali: they're cute Ali: some of his friends, esp. the one Carls has to seduce are 😬 Ali: thank God she's talented Tommy: at least some fuckers'll have chemistry Tommy: you'll be full Meryl-ing to convince ANYONE that Drew's the love of your life Tommy: and Carly would never waste a second on a younger lad Ali: at least I get to be fuming at him most the time Ali: lying cheating bastard 😏 Tommy: 👀🔪 Tommy: I'm well jealous Ali: I know, babes, I know Tommy: less gutted now this sing-a-long is kicking off Tommy: you wanna be facetimed in? Ali: um YES Ali: counts as a rehearsal Tommy: [does call her so she can join]

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly Update #41: It’s Almost Here (Also, Happy Birthday, Jishwa) (6/18/17)

“Listen. It’s not that we don’t like Coachella. It’s just that we can’t stand it.” -Tyler Robert Joseph, 2017

Holy crap, guys. Tour de Columbus starts this week. That carries with it a whole host of implications that we’ll get to dissecting just under the Read More, and that’s only scratching the surface of what we have to discuss this week. I worked really hard on this one, with over ten total pages of text alone in the word documents before adding images to make sure I captured as much history and as many theories as possible. I’m so hyped. Let’s get to this. 

This Week’s TØPics:

ARTOPIA Announcement

Firefly Recap

UPCOMING: Tour de Columbus Begins, and BLIND SPECULATION OF THE WEEK Returns With Gusto

Major News and Announcements:

The biggest piece of news this week technically leaked last week thanks to social media being a fickle thing, but it got its official announcement this week. In addition to the five shows, Tour de Columbus will be hosting a full art show for dozens of the Clique’s biggest artists called ARTØPIA. It will be held at Nationwide Arena on June 23 from 1-7, right in the middle of the week-long run of awesome things that we’ll be looking forward to later, and will include its own “performance” in the form of a screening of the old Blurryface Live in Oakland concert film. I admit to find that a rather odd choice, but I guess if you were bummed about not getting tickets to a TDC show, this is the next best thing. If Tyler, Josh, and Mark MST3K it, that’d make it more than the cost of admission- only there isn’t a cost, because all you have to do to attend is RSVP. If you can’t make it, it apparently will be streamed in some form on the band’s Facebook.

Honestly, this is just the coolest. I cannot think of any artist at their level as engaged with their fandom in this manner and degree. I truly hope that the boys attend this themselves, but even if they don’t, they’ve given some truly talented and creative friends an amazing opportunity, and it honestly kind of makes me emotional. I’ll be honest, my passion for the band has faded a bit in recent months, but things like this and the upcoming Columbus shows have reignited it by reminding of how truly good dudes these two Ohio boys are. If you’re curious of which artists are being recognized, here’s a Twitter thread that lists most of them.

Interviews, Performances, and Other Shenanigans:

The biggest event of this week was unquestionably the band’s headlining performance at Firefly (for now, you can find the official stream here, though it cuts out the performance of “Polarize” and, oddly enough, “Heathens”). Like both of the other festival shows they’ve played in the last month, this was a unique concert that really casts a light on how Twenty One Pilots is one of the biggest bands in the world right now. Firefly is, by all accounts, an amazing festival, but these two boys’ shenanigans still stood out from the crowd of talent. I can’t wait to see what stuff is in the future for them: they’ve proven themselves these last few years, and you can bet festivals in the future will be fighting for this band when they come back.

Highlights of this show:

As mentioned above, Tyler Twenty One Pilots really came out swinging against the biggest music festival in the world. Not only did Tyler verbally diss it, but the show itself opened with a video of a giant Godzilla-type monster destroying Coachella, complete with this iconic image edited in a gleefully troll-ful manner. As of now, I’m still unsure if this was a thing from the TØP or Firefly camp, but I’m leaning toward the latter, considering that Tyler has voiced his dislike of the Coachella culture before and that the Coachella promoter Goldenvoice also has a hand in putting on Firefly. However, I think Tyler might get away with that faux-pas considering that he used it as a set-up to talk about how Firefly is his all-time favorite festival to play.

After getting an impressive “YEAH YEAH YEAH” response for “WDBWOTV”, Tyler stated, shocked, “See, usually I complain and say ‘You can do better than that’, but that was very, very good, oh my goodness. But because we rehearsed doing it twice, I’ve gotta hear you one more time.” Also, “WHOO DOGGY.”

“Screen” has a nifty new synth track lead-in that I feel like I’ve heard before, but I can’t pin it down, so thought I’d point it out.

Tyler met Weezer, “That was a cool thing.”

Tyler casually brought up Josh’s upcoming birthday, joking “Don’t sing, we don’t care that much.” They crowd couldn’t really join together in a spontaneous rendition, but Tyler said that the seven different ones he heard were all “delicious”, wtf is wrong with this man.

In one of the cooler moments of the show, in celebration of Father’s Day, Tyler brought his dad, looking iconic as always in his white Jordans and his son’s red beanie, to accompany him in playing a Chris Joseph classic (and one of the band’s old favorite covers), DJ Khaled’s “All I Do Is Win”.

Judah and the Lion got brought back on-stage for an abridged return to the old Cover Medley. “They smell so good,” said Tyler.

Speaking of Judah and the Lion, that band also talked about their experience of opening on the Emotional Roadshow with DuJour. The drummer, Spencer Cross, even tells a story of Tyler coming over the band with some “Dad wisdom”, because of course he would.

Here’s a quick little clip from MyMusicRX recorded at Sasquatch a few weeks ago in which the boys discuss their appreciation for The Hamster Dance. Yes, I’m serious.

Upcoming Shows/BLIND SPECULATION OF THE WEEK:

Alright, ladies and gentlemen. This is it. Between this update and the next, Twenty One Pilots will perform all but the very last of their announced shows for the foreseeable future. Let’s look into the venues they’ll be visiting, think back on the memories they’ve made there, and speculate wildly about what might be to come.

BUT, before we get into that, I want to throw a little spotlight on the site of the Clique’s upcoming pilgrimage. Columbus is the capital of the U.S. state of Ohio, with a population of around 860,000 people, meaning that only . It’s one of the nation’s most prominent college towns, particularly when it comes to football, with the program at Ohio State being particularly (in)famous (depends on where you’re from- my mom’s from Detroit, I’ve had to lie about where my favorite band’s from for years). Besides Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun, the city has been home to all manner of famous figures: zoologist Jack Hanna, golfer Jack Nicklaus, Goosebumps author R.L. Stine, musical artists like Attack Attack!, Beartooth, Rascal Flatts, and Eric Clapton, and, most famous of all, Food Network personality Guy Fieri (all of that was according to Wikipedia, could be totally wrong on all of that).

I’ve talked enough about how special and unique this tour is. The last time the band played a full show in Columbus was their first headlining arena concert ever way back in the original Blurryface Tour in September 2015 (technically, they played a tiny private acoustic show at the Roosevelt Coffeehouse in January 2016, narrowly saving them from skipping a year playing music in their hometown). They’ve grown so much in their time away. This really will be a huge homecoming for them- it’s hard to imagine that all the people coming in from around the country/world to see them won’t cause at least a bit of a stir. God, I’m so hyped.

Show 1: The Basement (6/20)

Capacity: 300

The Basement show might be the one I’m most excited for, in all honesty. Twenty One Pilots have played at least four shows in the tiny venue that is literally a bar’s basement, dating back to the pre-Josh days, but they’ve been too big for it since long before their last show, the “topsecret” launch party for Vessel in January 2013 that was highlighted in the “Ode to Sleep” video. 

I have so many questions. Will they play songs from Blurryface, and how will they sound in that setting? All the small shows they’ve done since those early days have been soft acoustic performances- will the setting bring out some of the punk rock elements that influenced their earliest work? Will the incredibly lucky lottery winners get to ask questions and interact more with the band, bringing back an element of the shows that’s been absent most of this era? Will the keytar return? Will Tyler take of his shirt again and make a whole new generation question if a duct tape mic is a sick tattoo? Will the bean scream? WILL THEY PLAY FAKE YOU OUT? (I could really ask that question of all of these shows. And I will.)

Show 2: Newport Music Hall (6/21)

Capacity: 1,700

Just a few miles north, right across the street from the campus of Ohio State University, the boys will play the next night at the historic Newport Music Hall. This is another venue that the band played constantly in their formative years, including one that saw the filming of their first official video (for “Jar of Hearts”) in 2010, the introduction of the song that would become “Ode to Sleep” (and the subsequent vote among the audience to name it), and the first place one Joshua William Dun watched this guy Tyler Robert Joseph play music. Most famously, the final concert the band played here was filmed by Mark and cut up into a series of performance videos that were part of many old fans’ first introduction to the band (I believe this was also the first show that featured the Holding On To You-backflip, but I could be mistaken). These sold-out and energetic shows played a major role in getting the band label attention, and were unquestionably key to their later success.

A few questions for this one. Will its proximity to a major college campus lead to a huge music riot/party in the streets outside? (I hope not, I want the boys to be able to get out and get home, but the imagery is amusing.) Will a full rendition of “Forest” be included? (Better be.) Will they wear all red? (Seems likely.) Most importantly: Will they play “Coconut Sharks in the Water”? Please, Lord, I don’t ask for much. Just give me this.

Neither the Basement or the Newport is set to have openers, but that doesn’t rule out the possibility of special guests from the old days of trekking around Columbus. The biggest I’m thinking of, besides Zach for Kitchen Sink (I think he’s a shoe-in for at least one show), are Jocef for a rendition of “Be Concerned” (a song that has never, so far as I can tell, been played live) or Nick or Chris for a surprise reunion for an old song or two (*cough*TAXI CAB AND SLOWTOWN, FOR GOD’S SAKE, MAN, but also “Trapdoor” and “Air Catcher” and “Isle of Flightless Birds” and “Anathema” would be grand*cough*). I think the latter, especially, would be incredibly well-received by the fanbase, and though I’ve learned to stop getting my heart set when it comes to these things, I still believe in miracles.

Show 3: Express Live! [The LC] (6/22)

Capacity: Outside- 5,200 (Inside- 2,200)

The first of the “big” shows will be at the outdoor amphitheater of Express Live!, better known to the Clique as the old LC, located right next door to the Basement. The LC’s a hugely important venue to the band’s history. Tyler’s job here contributed to his growing passion to one day be on-stage. They announced their signing to Fueled By Ramen and debuted many tracks in development for Vessel here on April 2012. Their October 2012 performance here, with its multi-leveled staging, encompassing (at the time) setlist, and baffling Gangnam Style dance/drum covers remains my #1 choice for “Concert I Would Buy A One-Use Time Machine For”. In 2013, the boys filmed their first official concert film there (a memorable performance itself that featured Zach’s first on-stage delivery of “Kitchen Sink” and the Ohio State marching band helping with “Trees”). The last time the band played the space was over two nights toward the end of the Vessel cycle. 

Now they’re back, with the help of openers Mutemath. We can definitely expect a TOPxMM performance. I wouldn’t expect Gangnam Style, but, ya know, I’d be down. I fully expect people on the roofs of nearby buildings try to see/potentially parachute in. The Clique are nuts.

Show 4: Nationwide Arena (6/24)

Capacity: 20,000

This one’s the only venue the band doesn’t have a real history with beyond the fact that it’s located right across the street from The Basement/LC. Home to the NHL’s Blue Jackets and the annual bodybuilding Arnold Classic, this show will be opened by Public and Judah and the Lion, so we can probably expect another medley with the latter. Hopefully the guys have something planned up to help this show stand out from the rest, whether that be more older songs, more remixes or- dare I even say it- a small taste of what we might be expecting in the next album cycle. Goodness gracious. I can hardly contain my excitement.

Community Spotlight:

This week’s Community Spotlight is a bit different from usual. This time, the community is anyone who reads these updates (I know there’s a handful of you who do). Listen, guys. Tour de Columbus is in two days. As of posting this, “Stressed Out” is just five million views short of passing one billion on YouTube. I crunched the numbers. The video will pass that mark eventually, no question. To make to that marker before the last show, however, it would have to be viewed about 800,000 times every day between now and the Schott show. Now, that’s below what I’ve calculated to be the average daily view count for “Stressed”, but that number’s obviously pretty inflated by the time the song was first breaking through. The Clique’s gotta step if we want to reach that goal, is what I’m saying.

Don’t care if you have to play it on a loop, spam it to all of your family members, or what. Do what you’ve gotta do. Let’s get “Stressed Out” to a billion.

Catch you guys next week with a recap of all of the craziness in Columbus. As always, all the power to the local dreamer.

|-/

[cksmart-world]

By Christopher K. Smart

Tuesday, Sept. 18, 2018

Ben Gets Clean, Mia Goes Low & Kirby Steps In It

The Age of Aquarius is long gone and the stars have aligned in an unsettling way. That's the word from Smart Bomb's crack astrologer Aurora Pectoralis. Her record is less than perfect, we'll admit, but it's hard to doubt her latest star chart that predicts the Autumnal Equinox will be upon us soon, murky tides will rise in the nation's capital and here at home gummy bears will hit the fan.

Wetting the Whistle

Salt Lake County Mayor Ben McAdams, aka “Smilin' Benny,” is selling his down-home cleancut-ness in an effort to unseat congenial Congresswoman Mia Love in Utah's 4th District by proving his bonifidies in the shower. This is the absolute truth. In his quest for Love's catbird seat, Benny can be seen in TV ads taking a shower with his clothes on. Here at Smart Bomb, we're not exactly sure how that qualifies him as a national leader but it is quite entertaining. Think of voters ready to cast a ballot: Should I vote for the crazy guy in the shower?

Bring Guns to a Knife Fight

No more miss nice girl. Mia Love is no longer a political neophyte and to prove it she's rolling out the artillery in her battle royale with McAdams. The congresswoman is accusing Ben of kissing up to Nancy “The Devil” Pelosi and Hillary “The Other Devil” Clinton. Yikes, what could possibly be worse than that. According to Republican dogma, each one is worse than the other and they should be locked up. For his part, Ben says he doesn't like the way Nancy dresses and just because he completed a White House internship under President Bill “I Didn't Inhale” Clinton, doesn't mean he's a communist —and he's no Monica Lewinsky, either.

#METOO Kirby

Well, this is embarrassing. Our friend and Salt Lake Tribune columnist Robert Kirby is in the penalty box after giving a THC gummy bear to a blogger at a Sunstone event. For Wilson and the band and all you other heathens out there, Sunstone is where progressive Mormons meet up to broaden their minds within the confines of the gospel of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And no, Wilson, “progressive Mormon” is not an oxymoron. At any rate, Kirby attempted humor when he met said female blogger and asked her to pretend she was his date from an escort service. We are not making this up. She then accepted his offer of a weed-laced gummy bear and later sat in shock as Kirby told the audience she was ripped on gummy bears. In Kirby's defense, it could have happened to anybody who had too many gummy bears for breakfast. Chin up, Kirb. It's not as bad as the Kavanaugh nomination.

Speaking of Maryjane and Utah Politics

And now from our “Yes-It's-True” file: Proposition 2 on November's Utah ballot asks voters if medical marijuana should be legalized. The Big Church hereabouts says it wants medical marijuana, just not under the conditions outlined in the ballot offering, according to LDS spokesman Marty Stephens. You remember Marty. Not long ago, he was the speaker of the Utah House of Representatives. It's probably just a coincidence that he went from one post to the other. A spokesman for Gov. Gary Herbert said the gov will call a special session to pass legislation in line with the church's thinking. The spokesman, Paul Edwards, it just so happens, was recently the editor of the LDS-church-owned Deseret News. Now if you're getting the inkling that the power structure here in Utah is dominated by The Big Church, you're probably in dire need of gummy bears — or something stronger, say a pint of Polygamy Porter and just maybe a shot or two of Five Wives Vodka.

Well, that's a wrap for another edition of Smart Bomb. Sorry, we didn't have time to delve into Congressman Chris Stewart's call for people to stop criticizing Our Dear Leader for lying about the large number of death's in Puerto Rico in the aftermath of Hurricane Maria last year. Yes, we know, it's the Democrats and The Deep State trying to make the president look like a, well, you know, a L-I-A-R. So Wilson, send us out with some Bob Dylan stuff befitting our commander in chief: Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your mouth, blowing down the back-roads heading south. Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth. You're an idiot, babe, it's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.