#cas as a christ figure

[thekidsarentalright]

that setlist feels so incredibly targeted to me and every song i couldve dreamed of being on it. im not going to survive my show paramore wants me to die they're hunting me for sport

[420technoblazeit]

i think crowley was a good addition to the team bc you have cas (has to take everything so so seriously all the time or he'll die), dean (trying really hard to live his life but is the human equivalent of a crash test dummy), and sam (christ figure). and crowley's also going through it but he's at least silly abt it. SOMEONE has to b wine drunk and flirting w everyone during the apocalypse and u cannot find a bitchier queen than the king of hell can i get an amen

[godjustkys]

| mndi 18+

| What a perv.

please give requests.

-----------------------------

Pairing: Top!dom!AMAB!reader x bottom!sub!Dean Winchester.

-----------------------------

Genre: smut.

-----------------------------

Word count: 2,357

-----------------------------

Warning(s): slight feminisation, use of pet names, reader being a cocky asshole (just a lil bit), unprotected sex, reader has clothes on/character does not, bratty Dean >:)

-----------------------------

Request: "can i req perv dean winchester x top male reader? possibly where dean’s jerking off to something that correlates to the reader (like a picture/boxers/whatever works really), but ends up getting caught? he’d usually use his glib tongue to get away, but poor princess is so embarrassed he’s caught jerking off to a guy."

-----------------------------

A/n: i think about dean a lot, putting my headcanons to use here. i need him so badly,,

-----------------------------

You had just gotten back from a grocery trip, putting the bags on the kitchen table. “Fuckin' hell, it's quiet.” You murmured to yourself, your hands on your hips.

Sam was out. Somewhere. Said he had business to attend to. He took Cas with him, so the only one that should be home right now was Dean. At first you thought you'd come home to Dean sitting in the kitchen and drinking, or simply watching the TV.

Neither of those were the case. You slowly walked to Dean's room, thinking to yourself. Just as you reached the door to his bedroom, you opened it immediately, figuring it'd be pointless to knock at this point.

“Dean, will y- woah—” you were in the doorway, standing still, your hand on the door handle.

Dean scrambled to sit up, getting a blanket to cover himself up. “What the hell! Knock, you moron!” He yelled at you, his facial expression clearly offended. Dean swallowed hard, eyebrows furrowed.

“Jesus Christ, okay, sorry-” you thought it was funny, how you caught him jerking off. You had a grin on your face, taking in the surroundings for a little while as you took a small step back, planning to close the door and leave Dean alone. Your smile dropped in a matter of seconds when you noticed your shirt — your dirty, bloody shirt that was supposed to be in the laundry,, in the grasp of Dean's hand.

“S'that..” you inquired slowly, squinting your eyes. “Is that my shirt?” You tilted your head to the side, your shoulders slumping. Why would Dean have your shirt in the first place?

“wh—” he looked down at his hand, practically baffled. Once Dean realized you had seen the piece of clothing, his grip tightened. “What? N— no, no that's mine.” He tried hiding it behind his back slowly.

“Dean, that's my shirt.” You pointed out, your facial expression going blank. “Were you-” you paused mid sentence, trying to take in the new information. “Were you jerking off to me?” Your tone had gotten a tad bit more serious.

“Huh?” He turned his head to look at you, wondering if he heard your question right. “No! No way! What in the world are you talking about?” His tone was defensive as he sat up more straight.

“Wait, scratch that. You were jerking off to a guy?” The look on your face was priceless, absolutely stunned. You knew you caught him, he was in a pinch. He wouldn't get out of this easily. “Since when are you so accepting of your attraction to men?”

“Hold on, does that mean you find me attractive? Am I attractive to you, Dean?” You fixed up your shirt, trying your best to look presentable. “Am I hot enough to get you off? Hm?” That same grin crept back on your face. Being friends with Dean was one thing, annoying and teasing the absolute shit out of him was another. You loved every minute of it.

Dean's gaze shifted to the floor, the feeling of heat cursing through him. Was he getting embarrassed? No, he had to come up with something to derail this conversation.

“You're being fucking ridiculous, [Name], get the hell out.” Dean made eye contact with you, trying to keep his poker face up.

“Awh, is my poor princess embarrassed to be caught jerking off to a guy?” You cooed, walking into the room and closing the door behind you. “You know damn well that it is my shirt.” You spoke, making your way towards Dean. Before the other could respond, you reached around and snatched the shirt.

You held it up, taking a proper look. “Yep,” You nodded with an affirming tone. “It is, in fact, my shirt.” Dean looked away from you, eyebrows furrowed as he huffed, clearly annoyed or even embarrassed. “Fuck off, out of my room, now.” He commanded, his voice ever-so slightly shaky.

“Ay, what the hell? I caught you jerking off to me, and now you're trynna kick me out?” You tilted your head to the side, throwing the shirt onto the ground. “Come on, I gotta know if you're in love with me or not,” you pushed further, your tone firm.

Dean scoffed as he laid back down with a small thud, the blanket still covering his lower half. He brought his arm up to his face, covering his eyes. “No. M'not. Get out,” Even though Dean denied it, his tone didn't seem that confident or convincing.

“You want me to get out and leave my shirt so you can continue jerking off to me? Orrr,, perhaps, there's a chance you want me to stay and get the real deal?” You didn't give it up, how could you? Dean Winchester, an absolute ladies man, trying to get off to his friend, a guy.

“What are you talking about??” He asked in an almost offended tone, taking his arm off of his face to look at you.

-----------------------------

Deep breaths and groans filled the silent room, your hands gripping his firm thighs as you slowly pushed your cock in. Both of Dean's legs were over your shoulders. “Shit.. t'feels weird,” He breathed out, his left hand resting atop of yours, right hand freely on the bed itself.

“Yeah, well, now you know how a woman feels when you fuck her ass.” You said in a taunting tone, not taking your eyes away from your lower half. The sight of your cock slowly disappearing in his entrance - god.

Dean muttered something out that was followed by a grunt, his hand gripping the sheets underneath the two of you a little. “Jesus Chr— ist..” His voice faltered mid-word, eyelids fluttering shut. “Relax, Dean, relax. You're doin' good,” You encouraged him in a gentle manner, rubbing circles on his thighs with your thumbs to soothe him - calm him down.

“I am- relaxed.” He grumbled out, letting out a small wince. “Wouldn't say it feels like that,” You leaned down a bit, pushing on Dean's legs. Soon enough, you fully bottomed out. “Need a moment?” You asked, eyes flickering all over Dean's torso. “You take me for a wimp?” He said breathily, opening his eyes to make eye contact with you.

Once you looked into Dean's eyes, you got so lost. He looked breathtaking like this, the look in his eyes - full of lust, neediness and want, the glossiness of them. His slightly furrowed eyebrows, clenched jaw, his hand on yours,, the hand gripping the sheets.. so perfect. All of him was perfect. “Fuckin' hell..” You muttered out, moving your left hand to Dean's cock, very slowly jerking him off.

“Mff-..mm.” Soft noises escaped his mouth, followed by a sigh of content. Your touch stimulated him to no end. “You never got to cum, right? I interrupted you,” You spoke in a delighted tone, a smirk plastered on your face. “Why don't we finish off what you started, huh?” Your hand's pace had quickened with your sentence as Dean tilted his head back, his blinking getting more frequent and excessive.

“Fuckkkk..” He said, his voice quiet and low. His breath hitched in his throat for a short moment as you started slowly thrusting in and out. Agonizingly slowly. “Did you grab my shirt from the laundry?” You questioned suddenly, looking down at him with half-lidded eyes. “Cause it was dirty, you know, I'm curious.” You added, a grin flashing across your face.

“Mmh— nhgggh!—” Dean breathed out simple whines and whimpers. You were not sure if he even heard you, your thrusting getting more rhythmic and deeper. It was all new to the other - he'd usually do the fucking. “Hey Dean-oooo, I asked you a question baby,” You cooed, thumb rubbing over the slit of his dick, putting pressure on it. “Son of a bitch— shit!” He pressed his head back into the pillow, hand gripping the sheets so hard his knuckles turned white. Dean had a hard time not squeezing your hand as well.

You moved your hand, intertwining your fingers together as you pushed his arm, making his forearm rest beside his head, pressing his hand into the mattress a bit as you propped yourself up. “Breathe Dean, jeez,” You said with a small breathless scoff, your other hand pumping his cock continuously. “Sh— shut up,, I hate y..you, hhgg!-” Dean managed to speak, his sentence truly holding no malice or hostility behind his tone of voice, moving his head to the side and letting out a hiss at the feeling of your cock inside him. “Do you?” The grin never left your face. “Not only did I catch you jerking off to me, or my clothes rather, but you're letting me fuck you as well. That speaks volumes to me baby,” You shifted on your knees, finding a completely new angle. You pushed in, reaching deep. With that, Dean choked out a gasp, his eyes shooting open as he arched his back off of the bed slightly.

Almost immediately Dean let go of the sheets, bringing his hand to his mouth, covering it. He let out a couple muffled moans, really starting to sweat. Your thrusting pace quickened. It was harsh and deep. “You feelin' shy? We're alone, no one's gonna hear you, Dean.” You mumbled, looking down at your hand jerking him off. His cock twitched, leaking precum. You let out a groan at the feeling of Dean clenching around you.

At this point Dean was seeing stars behind his eyes, the feeling was entirely new to him yet it felt so good. Too good, maybe. He whimpered against his hand, his thighs tensing as they shuddered. You clicked your tongue in annoyance, not exactly directed towards him. You removed your hand from his cock and grasped his wrist, removing his own hand from his mouth so he wouldn't muffle his moans anymore. You pinned it next to his head on the mattress, almost the same as his other hand.

Of course Dean tried resisting being pinned, but you did all of that while fucking him mercilessly and relentlessly. “oh- ah! fucckk—” He bit down on his bottom lip to try and suppress his moaning. You suddenly hit his prostate with a harsh thrust, earning a loud whine from Dean, his one hand clenching into a fist, the other squeezing yours. “Nnh! Shit! Yes yes yes, just like that-” he rambled out, his chest rising and falling with each breath that he took, his lips parted.

His legs started trembling over your shoulders, toes curling. You let a soft groan leave your lips, leaning your body down again, Dean's knees inches away from his chest. He seemed more flexible than you thought. “Yeah? Feels good, doesn't it?” You said in a confident tone, letting out a soft sigh of content, your thrusts ever so slightly losing rhythm.

“Ghhh— pleaseee, pleasepleaseplease,” He whined, his muscles tensed visibly as his body spasmed, shaking his head. You abused his prostate, most likely bruised it as well. Dean squirmed underneath you, his arms aching - couldn't put his hands where he wanted with you pinning him to the bed. His cock throbbed as it was lightly pressed between the both of your abdomens. “w- I'm close! shit! i'm so close!-”

“Go on, cum for me, you've been so good,” You praised him in a softer voice, trying to keep up the same fast pace just to push Dean over the edge. His eyes shut tight, pushing his arms up in an attempt to free himself. As you noticed this, you let go of both of his hands and he almost instinctively wrapped them around your neck, pulling you in as close as possible. Without any further warning, Dean came, making a mess on his own stomach. He choked out a breath he didn't even know he was holding, panting afterwards, eyebrows only stitching together further.

“There we go, good boy,” You murmured, gasping softly as Dean's walls tightened around you. He was starting to get a bit overstimulated with the way you continued pounding into him after he came. One hand of Dean's gripped your shirt, the other holding onto the back of your neck. You felt your own climax nearing.

“Mmhhh,” You hummed out, placing open-mouthed kisses on Dean's neck as a way to distract yourself a little. You ended up only chasing your own orgasm, your cock twitching inside Dean's hole. He shuddered, fingers tangling in your hair, slightly pulling on the locks. “There- there, right there-” Dean moaned out, his voice hoarse and raspy, trying to ride down his own orgasm.

Your hips stuttered, slowly breaking the pace. You were close, almost ready to pull out. Dean felt slight emptiness near his prostate due to you not pushing back in and he whined. “N— no, no, inside, come inside.” Dean rasped out, holding you close to him. You raised an eyebrow at this, nonetheless complying with the other's request. “Fuck Dean, you're kinky,” you joked, pushing your cock all the way in.

His legs continued to shake, burying his head in the crook of your neck. “g-god,” Dean managed to speak through the string of moans and whimpers he let out. With one harsh final thrust and a groan, you came inside Dean, the warm liquid pooling inside him. He let out a shaky sigh, his grip on you loosening. You dropped your head down and leaned your forehead on Dean's shoulder, relaxing. “This fulfilled your expectations of me?” you asked, clearly out of breath. “Or do you wanna go again?” You whispered, your hands moving to remove Dean's legs from your shoulders, lowering them and making them wrap around your waist.

Dean paused as you lifted your head back up again, looking down at him. He made eye contact with you, his eyes ever so slightly teary. “You think you got enough stamina for another round?” He mocked you, his panting very audible, voice quieter than usual. “You're a little shit,” You chuckled, shifting your position to a sitting one. “You're getting what you asked for,” with a tight grip on his hips, you started moving again.

[artthatgivesmefeelings]

Vicente López y Portaña (Spanish, 1772-1850) Saint Sebastian Tended by Saint Irene, ca.1795-1800 This painting illustrates the Roman widow Irene nursing Saint Sebastian back to health after he was discovered to be a Christian and shot with arrows by Roman archers. Writhing in pain, Saint Sebastian looks heavenward as Saint Irene pulls arrows from his pierced body. Vicente López y Portaña dynamically composed the figure of Sebastian, with one arm tied above his head and his other arm held by an attendant, in order to more clearly display the wounds on his upper body and to allude to the martyrdom of Christ. Sebastian's bent leg reveals the bleeding gash from which Irene has already removed one arrow. As she leans toward Sebastian's knee, she carefully pulls the saint's flesh in order to extract a second arrow. In the foreground, the depiction of the armor and weapons Sebastian wore as a military captain signals that this event occurred in ancient Rome.

[uh-ohspaghettio]

Do you think when Cas was turned into an action figure by the anti-Christ he enjoyed being held by Dean

[mioritic]

Chasuble, Portugal, ca. 1720–1775

This colorful chasuble– the tabard-like garment worn by a Roman Catholic priest– is composed of an older fabric, carefully cut, seamed, patched, and repurposed here. A figurative satin brocade, it is decorated with a repeat pattern of motifs from classical mythology: naked Hercules fights the Nemean lion, whilst Apollo, in glory, is seated in a grotto on mount Parnassus; around a dolphin-tailed fountain of life cavort unicorns, peacocks, leopards and turkeys, flanked by tulips, palm and cypress trees. Another fragment of textile brocaded with a very similar design is in The Met's collection (52.29.2). The central embroidered orphrey strips on front and reverse seem to have been created expressly for this garment, countering the pagan elements with Christian symbols, which nonetheless sympathetically pick up the brocade's palette and motifs from nature. On the front of the chasuble, the IHS monogram (standing for Jesus Christ) appears above a phoenix rising from ashes (alluding to Christ's resurrection), a red rose (symbol of his mother, the Virgin Mary), a mother pelican feeding her young with blood from her pierced breast (referring to the Christian belief that God sacrificed his son, Jesus, to save humankind), and a pomegranate (whose many seeds represented the souls redeemed by Christ's sacrifice). On the reverse, the crowned MA monogram (for the Virgin Mary) replaces IHS, while at the top of the orphrey is seated the crowned Lamb of God, carrying the banner of the resurrection. The inscription "Qui pascis inter lilia" ([Jesus] "who feeds amongst the lilies") comes from a medieval hymn, Jesu Corona Virginum, based on a fourth-century Latin text.

Metropolitan Museum of Art

[k-slla]

I see your requests are open. 🙏🏼

Can you write something where reader is a hunter and she and dean aren’t particularly friendly. Maybe she thinks he’s a bit of a dick. Reader wears baggy clothes and doesn’t really dress like anything other than a hunter. There’s a case where she needs to look feminine and sexy and dean says she can’t do it and she proves him wrong obviously and ends up turning him on ridiculously in the process. So much that he ends up mastabating in front of her and it’s super hot!!! 🥵 🙏🏼

Minute Past Midnight

A/N: Hi, anon, thank you for this request, I hope you'll like it!

Warnings: 18+ONLY, enemies to lovers, mutual pining, mutual masturbation, fingering, implied unprotected PinV, car sex, teasing (takes place around se10-11, so possible spoilers)

WC: ~5k | My Masterlist

All mistakes are mine! Feedback is appreciated!

Enjoy!

“What do you mean by “Y/N will get it done”? Have you actually seen her?” Dean took a mean jab at you. You couldn’t help but scoff. “Gee, thanks, Dean, for the word of confidence.” You snarled at him as you got up from the library table, where you and the boys were putting together your next game plan for stealing the Compass from Jacob Styne. The one and only device that could help you to find the Book of the Damned to remove the Mark from Dean’s arm. Because, well, you had to be honest with yourself - Dean had changed a lot with it. It was expected of course, with the Mark it being a curse and all. At least you didn’t have to deal with him when he was still a demon. That would have been the last drop for you, so you were very grateful that Sam and Cas got that handled on their own.

“Of course she can do it, Dean! We’ll just have to find a way to get to him.” Sam turned the laptop towards Dean and you, nervously pacing around behind Dean’s chair. “And I’ve done it already. His family will be hosting some kind of gala, for marrying off their daughter, which..I don’t know..sounds kind of.. actually a lot of weird to me.” Sam said, lightly grimacing at the screen. 

“So, we’ll have to gatecrash their party.. Don’t you think they’ll recognize us?” You were a little skeptical. Sam gave a quick look over your clothes. “I think we’ll be safe, if we just look the part.” You groaned, knowing what this will lead to. You’d have to wear a gown. Yuck. There was a reason for you why you dressed the way you dressed, baggy jeans and oversized sweaters were your go to, and that reason was comfortability and practicality. That was important for you on hunts. 

“Well, I’ll be looking for a gown then. When’s it happening?” You sat atop the table next to the one boys were sitting at. Sam focused on the computer for a minute, looking for the exact info on the party. 

“It’s..in two days.” Sam finally said slowly. You gulped comically loudly. Two days to find a dress, shoes, and figure out the whole situation with your hair and make up. It..will be great.

Dean suddenly got up from the table. “Well, we’re screwed then.” He sighed loudly and turned to leave to the kitchen. “What do you mean?” Sam asked curiously. Dean turned around and looked back at you two. “Sorry, but look at her. She hasn’t seen a dress for once in her life. What makes you think she can seduce Styne AND steal the Compass from him? We might as well accept the fact that the Mark is not coming off my arm. We’re screwed!” Exasperated yell left his lips, making him push some books off the shelf next to the door he was standing. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, honestly, Dean! Is there anything you can do and not throw a fit like a six year old with it? Have I ever let you down in the past five years that we’ve known each other? Have some fucking faith in me. I'll get it done. And even if we don't get the Compass, we'll find some other way then.” Now you had lost your temper too, and your breathing quickened when you saw Dean storming back to stand in front of you. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He said with a feigned sweetness. “But as long as you look like this?” His eyes ran over your outfit, and he didn't even need to say anything specific about it, you knew exactly what he meant with that look. Who would ever look at you? “I will have a hard time trusting that you can seduce anybody. So yeah, I'll start thinking of plan B.” He turned to leave again, walking straight past the books he'd pushed off before.

You glared after him angrily. It got personal for you, and you were determined to prove him wrong.

For the whole next day you were looking for a dress for the gala. It was exhausting. The plan was for you and the boys to attend the gala, and while they were keeping an eye out for anything suspicious, you were “entertaining” Jacob Styne, because he was probably the one who's possession the Compass was in. 

But you did it. You found the perfect dress. Silk black spaghetti strapped A-line gown with a deep neckline and a slit running dangerously high up your thigh. You were nervously pacing in your room, before going out to Sam and Dean. You were so out of your comfort zone. You couldn't have any weapons on you, if you wanted to get really close to Styne. If anything goes wrong, you have to trust the boys to get you out. 

“Y/N, come on! We'll be late!” You heard them call you. You stopped on your doorway and took a few deep breaths to calm your nerves. “Here goes nothing.” You whispered quietly.

Walking into the War Room, where Sam and Dean were waiting for you, you suddenly got self-conscious, but you couldn't show it out. You felt naked. Dean choked a little on his whiskey.

“I know, I know. I look ridiculous. He's not gonna fall for it.” You mocked him annoyingly and grabbed your phone from the table. 

“Actually..you look…nice..really nice.” Dean said slowly, shifting in his chair uncomfortably.  “Thanks..you do too.” You said carefully as your eyes traveled down his body. He really did look good in a tuxedo. You noticed that Sam wasn't dressed. “Wait, why aren't you dressed?” 

“I'm not going. You two are.” Sam smirked. “Come on, you really thought it would work if you marched in there with both of us in tow?” He asked when he saw your suddenly blank face. Those bastards played you. Sam knew you would never agree to go there with Dean alone, and he waited until the last minute to tell you that. Now that you're dressed to the nines, you had no other choice. What was supposed to be maybe even a little bit of a fun night for you, just got awkward. You did not want to be alone with Dean. Not at all. He was too big of a dick for that. And with that revelation, the last bit of your good mood was gone.

“Whatever. Let's just go.” You turned around quickly, so that the skirt of your dress twirled in the movement, revealing your leg from the slit. You heard a groaning behind you, followed by a low “fuck” from Dean. He got up from the chair and you looked back to see if he followed you. Instead, he held his tux jacket in front of his crotch and was really flustered. “I- ahem, I forgot something..uhh, in my room. Be back in 10. Mmm.. actually..make it 15.” You rolled your eyes at him “Is this a joke?” You asked incredulously. He looked back over his shoulder. “I can't go out like this! I'll have to take care of it.” He hurried towards his room. 

“For fuck’s sake, Dean! Hurry up!” You yelled after him, not bothering to hide your annoyance. “Fucking joke..” a quiet mumble, meant only for yourself, slipped past your lips.

Sam stifled a laugh. “Good luck, Y/N, you'll need it.” 

About an hour later, you and Dean walked into the manor. Both grabbed a glass of champagne and tried to keep a low profile for a while to gather some information on Styne.

“So, I'll go find Jacob and get the Compass from him. I'll call you when it's done or when I'll need some back up. Go and “mingle”, I guess..” You smiled at Dean and started to make your way to the other side of the room to the bar, where you saw Jacob sitting a bit earlier. 

You clumsily “stumbled” when trying to sit down and caught yourself at Jacob's shoulder, pouring a little Champagne onto his lap. “I'm so so sorry, sir!” You quickly grabbed some napkins from the top of the bar and started to pat his pants dry. “I am really sorry.” You looked at him, batting your eyelashes. “It's alright, miss. All's good.” Smiling at him widely, you managed to sit down next to him, lightly brushing your bare leg against his. He flagged down the bartender, who didn't leave him waiting. “Let me buy you a drink. What would you like?” he smiled at you charmingly, making warm blush climb up your cheeks and you almost forgot why you were there in the first place. He was handsome, you couldn’t deny that. You turned to the bartender and said the first drink that hopped into your mind. “French 75, please.” 

“You heard the lady, and Whiskey for me. Neat.” 

Both of your eyes were dancing on each other's faces. For you, that was just an act, but you had no idea what he was thinking. Your mind was occupied with Dean and some lucky girl who he probably had with him already, but you had to get that sight out of your mind immediately.

“I haven't introduced myself yet. Jacob Styne.” He said and took your hand to place a kiss on it. “Irene Rivera.” 

“My pleasure, Miss Rivera. What would you say, if I suggest taking these drinks to my room?” 

You bit your lower lip teasingly. “Mm, I’d say “lead the way”.”

You walked through the maze of hallways, remembering your path for later to send directions to Dean in case you needed some rescue.

You got up to his room and as soon as he closed the door, he put away your drinks and his lips crashed onto yours and hands started to feel up your body. You knew he was searching for any hidden knives or a gun. He wasn't stupid, and you definitely weren't stupid to take weapons with you. In turn you moved your hands over his chest, feeling something possibly resembling the Compass in his jacket's pocket.  As you faked your pleasure of his hands on your body, you pulled away from his kiss, panting hard. “May I- may I use the restroom quickly?” He pointed towards the right of you. 

You shut the door behind you and exhaled deeply.

After getting your phone out, you shot a quick text to Dean. 

“In his room. He has the Compass. 2nd floor, left hallway from main staircase, last door to the right. Be here in 10!” 

You stared at yourself in the mirror, giving a little pep talk. “You can do this. Just a little sleight of hand. Probably a little more kissing. Nothing you haven’t done before.” You took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom.

He was sitting down on the couch already, with your drinks in hand. 

“Join me.” You sat down close to him and took your drink from him, but you didn't dare to take another sip from that. Instead, you put the glass to the side table and went to straddle his hips, kissing him carnally. “I think we were in the middle of something.” You whispered against his lips, cringing on the inside from how desperate you made yourself sound, but it was all just part of the job. With intention to slip the Compass out of it, you started to push his jacket off his shoulders. His kisses moved down to your chin, drawing low moans out of you, and then up again along your jawline.

“Tell me, Miss Irene, how stupid do you think I am? Did you really think that I would fall for your little scheme?” He whispered into your ear and caught your hands to keep you strongly in place. You started to struggle with desperation to get off of him. “Fuck! Let go of me!” When you saw he had no intention to release your hands, you kneed him hard to his balls and got off his lap.

“You stupid bitch!” He groaned out of pain and quickly tripped you with his leg to stop you from getting away. “No! Dean!” He pinned you down to the floor, one hand holding your wrists while the other one closed around your neck. “Dean! Help!” You screamed out before he cut off your air. “Dean? Not as in Dean Winchester?” Your eyes started to water quickly, you still tried your best to fight him off, squirming under him as much as you could. Where was he? “Please.. don’t..” But Styne clearly enjoyed the view of you squirming under him, slowly starting to give up the fight. “Oh, sweetheart, it’s too late to start begging now. If Dean finally decides to join us, this party will be really fun!” he grinned down at you.

“I don't think so.” Dean had stormed into the room and hit Styne in the head with his gun. It had no effect on him and his hand was still around your neck. “You have to try harder than that if you want to sav-” Dean suddenly pushed him off of you and held against the floor while five shots rang through the air. You gasped loudly and coughed hard to normalize your breathing again.

Your ears were ringing loudly from the shots fired close to your head. Dean helped you up from the floor and pulled you into a quick hug. “Are you alright?” You gathered yourself before nodding at him. Dean let go of you and squatted down to search Styne’s pockets for the compass. After securing it in his hands, he guided you out of the room. You heard quick steps coming up the stairs, from more than one pair of feet. You had no gun and there was no way that Dean could take all them on alone.

“We have to hide.” You whispered and pulled him towards a door, you were happy to discover it to be an empty closet. “In here.” Both of you held your breaths, as you stood in the small space, your bodies pressed tight together, and you waited for them to pass your door.

You felt something hard press into your thighs, and while you knew that he wouldn’t even see it because you were backed against him, you still felt the need to lift your eyes up. “Dean..” You said slowly. “What?” he whispered back. “Please..please tell me that it’s not your boner pressing at my thigh?” you blurted out, without thinking. Dean started to choke on air after your question. “Wha- uhh..it’s not..just uh..my gun...”

Not knowing what had just possessed you to make you this bold, you turned around as quickly as you managed in the small room and palmed his dick through the pants. You had never been this forward with a man before so you blamed it on the adrenaline rush from the fight before. “Really? Is that the same “gun” you’re holding in your left hand, or one for backup? Because..” you looked up at him through your lashes and continued rubbing his cock. “..this one’s much bigger…and thicker.” You squeezed him tightly, making a trembling breath escape from his lips. “Don’t do this, Y/N..please, not now. Don’t tease me like that.” he begged quietly, trying to back away from you. Squinting your eyes, you smiled at him. “What? You don’t like being teased? Am I too mean to you?” You let the words roll slowly off your lips, enjoying the strained expression on Dean’s face. “Heh, ahem, just a little, yeah..” He gasped out as you let go of him. You brushed your thumb over his full bottom lip. “Take it as retaliation. You’ve been a complete dick to me for the past five years. Payback’s a bitch, isn’t it?” You smirked at his speechless face and opened the door slightly, to check if it’s safe to go out again.

You heard yelling coming from downstairs, as Jacob’s family tried to find whoever was responsible for his death. “If we do it quickly, I think we can sneak out of here.” You whispered over your shoulder to Dean and slipped out of the door, checking your left and right before motioning Dean to follow. You quietly snuck through the hallways, trying to avoid getting caught. Unfortunately it didn’t go that well.

As soon as you got downstairs, you were spotted and under direct fire. Dean started covering you, but it still wasn’t enough and you got grazed by a bullet in the shoulder. “Ow, fuck!” You shouted and ducked down immediately. “Are you okay?” Dean asked between shots. “Yeah, just a graze. I’ll be fine.” You were almost at the front door and when Dean pulled it open, both of you bolted towards Baby.

Safely in the car, Dean pulled away from the spot with the squeal of the tires. “Let’s get onto the main road, then we’ll make a little stop and I’ll help you with your shoulder, alright?” He took a quick glance at you. “Okay, yeah, thanks.” you said quietly, looking only at the road. 

You were driving in silence, only sounds coming from you were occasional groans, when you moved your arm. Luckily it seemed to you that the cut wasn’t that deep that you’d need stitches, although you knew you'd let Dean make the final decision. 

After a few minutes he pulled aside from the road, got out of the car and walked to the trunk to get the first aid kit. You followed his lead and climbed out of the car. Sitting on the hood, you kept the pressure on your wound until he finally joined you. 

“We only have some vodka here to clean your wound, it’s not the best, but it’ll do until we get back to the Bunker.” He gently removed your hand from your shoulder to take a closer look at the wound. “I think you won’t need stitches. But it’ll hurt like hell.” You only managed to nod a little, knowing very well that it’s going to hurt. 

“Wait, wait, wait.” You stopped Dean from cleansing the gash. His proximity and smell of his spicy, leathery cologne made you slightly dizzy and...needy. “I need a sip of that.” you reached out your hand and waited for him to hand you the bottle. “Uh..okay.” He couldn’t hold back his surprise. You chugged three big gulps from the bottle, enjoying the warmth of alcohol spreading inside you.

That's what you thought it was. Or it was just the effect of Dean on you. You handed the bottle back to him, and the last of the vodka left in there, he poured onto your shoulder, making you bite down on your fist. “Son of a-!” Dean immediately applied pressure on the wound, slightly lessening the stinging sensation with that. “Shit, that hurt!” You couldn't hold back a light laugh. 

“Told you.” he said with a small smile while he dried your skin around the graze before applying a bandage over it. “All done. You'll live.” He leaned onto the hood of the car next to you.

Your eyes locked into his and you smiled fondly at him, gratitude clear on your face. You tried to remember the exact moment you actually fell for that man. Was it at the first sight, when he had saved your life? Was it just after he invited you to live and hunt with them a few years back? Or maybe it was the moment when you saw how desperately Dean was ready to fight for his loved ones. He was always ready to save his baby brother, no matter what it took from him. He may seem like a complete dickhead at first glance, but in reality Dean was the most selfless, most compassionate man you had ever met.

“Thank you, Dean.” He looked at you with a surprised expression, as if he didn't believe you had really said those words. “Hey, no worries. We were caught in the fire, I'd patch you up again if needed to. We did it though. Got the Compass.” Comfortable silence fell around both of you as you sat there on the hood, enjoying the brisk air around you. You were admiring the stars in the clear night sky when Dean suddenly broke the silence. “You did good today, Y/N.” You snorted loudly. “Yeah, right. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you saving me from him.” You said quietly and kicked your eyes down to the ground. “Damn it, woman, take the compliment. You know that I don't usually give them lightly. You did good. You're a good hunter.” 

You rolled your eyes at him. “Really? So that's why you've been a jackass to me for the past years?” 

“No. Not because of that.” You raised your eyebrow in confusion.  

“It's because..well.. you're…you.” He suddenly seemed nervous. “Dean, you're not making much sense.” 

He took a deep breath and held it for a moment before continuing. “You're you, Y/N, amazing and beautiful in your most natural way. I’ve thought all these years that if I was just an asshole to you, it would be easier for you to push me away and for me to not think about you all the time. But I was wrong. It is not easy for me to get you from my mind.” You turned away your gaze from him, to hide one tear that freely ran down your cheek. You had no idea. You had no idea that your feelings for him were reciprocated. All this time you've been thinking that he really sees you just as a hunter, not even as a woman.

“Dean, I-” He cut in before you could finish the sentence. “Yeah, I know. You don't feel the same and don't know what to say. You don't have to say anything. Honestly. I get it. I know that I'm not the easiest to be around, not to speak of being someone you'd ever fall for.” He sighed and got back into the Impala. “Dean, wait!” You hurried after him, climbing into his lap as soon as you got into the car.

“Stop it!” You panted, slightly out of breath. You turned his chin up, face towards you and looked him straight into his eyes, that were glimmering even in the darkness. “You can't just say all those things and then run away from me without letting me answer, because..” you got lost in his eyes and the warm breaths leaving from his slightly parted lips started to intoxicate you with the way they were flowing over your skin. You knew that no words could really give away the feelings you had for him, so you gathered the courage and just kissed him hard.

At first you felt like Dean didn't know how to react to your kiss, but as soon as you started to nibble on his lip, asking permission to enter his mouth, he deepened the kiss and his fingers slipped under your dress, with blunt nails digging into your hips he pulled you closer. You chuckled against his lips, feeling his erection through his pants again. “Really? You're hard again?” He bit your lip teasingly. “Mm, not again sweetheart, since we were in the closet actually. Haven't really gotten time to do anything about it.” You shimmied backwards on his lap, leaning against the dashboard. You knew you were both waiting to release some of your past sexual frustration, but you were pretty sure neither of you had protection. “I'm not on the pill, do you have a condom on you?” 

“Ah, fuck. No, I don't.” Dean sighed defeatedly, running a hand over his face. You leaned back in to kiss him.

“Well, no worries, we can still have some fun, you know?” Your hand started to work on his belt buckle, to free his dick from the restraining boxers. You took his hand into yours and spat into his palm before guiding it down to his cock and slowly started to move it up and down. “I want you to jerk off.” His laughter rang through the car. “And what are you going to do?”

Without another word you moved back on his lap, leaving as much as free space between you as you could. You lifted both of your legs on the seat on either side of him, opening yourself completely to him, revealing your drenched lace underwear.

Your dress was moved up enough so it was just resting around your waist, thanks to the long slit it had. With a devilish smile, you hooked your fingers into your underwear and started to pull them away.

Due to the position you sat in, when they reached your knees, they were pretty much into Dean's face and you were not expecting what he did next. Dean lifted your left leg from his right and slightly bit down on your inner thigh, making you yelp, before pulling your underwear off with his teeth. “Ugh, fuck…you're delicious.” He muttered quietly, your panties still in his mouth. He pulled them out of his mouth and threw on the seat next to you. “Can't wait to eat you out. Can I please?” He looked at you with bright green puppy dog eyes. “Not now.” You whispered and slowly slid your fingers between your glistening folds, teasing Dean.

“Well, I'm going to play with myself. I hope you're not just going to watch?” You cocked an eyebrow at him and pushed one finger into your dripping pussy, making Dean groan at the sight of you. He began to slowly stroke his cock, catching a bead of precum with his thumb and spread it along his shaft, with deep sighs leaving his lips.

“Fuck, you're so beautiful. Big. Thick.” You moaned yearningly, wishing he'd be inside you right now instead of your fingers. The sight of him slowly massaging his dick, head resting on the seat, sighing and groaning softly, made you even more aroused, and you knew you wouldn't last very long.

“Did I really turn you on before we left for the gala?” you whispered, breathing slowly getting heavier from the pleasure slowly building deep in your core. “Yeah..you really did.” He offered a half-smile, as his eyes fell down between your legs, where you had your middle and ring fingers sunk as deep as possible into your pussy, while your other hand rubbed your clit. “What were you thinking of when you were masturbating then?” You had your eyes closed and you imagined him in his room, jerking off earlier in the evening.

“Look at me, Y/N, then I'll tell you.” He said quietly and you immediately locked your eyes with him, still fucking yourself with your fingers. “I was imagining having you in there with me. Feeling your beautiful lips around my cock, sucking hard, almost choking on it, or having you spread out on my bed, screwing all the hate you have against me out of you.. making you cum on my cock..” You ran your thumb again over his lips. “Oh, Dean, I don't hate you..never have..never will, but if hate-sex is what turns you on, I can always pretend.”

“Please..I need to taste you more, Y/N, so bad..” he begged and you pulled out your fingers, clenching around nothing when Dean lifted your hand to his mouth, closed his eyes, and began sucking hard on them. With one hand still rubbing himself, the other one found his way to your pussy, not letting you be empty for long, his long fingers filled you perfectly. That angle was so much better for him to finger you while you went back to rubbing your clit. You clenched around him hard, moaning and whimpering when his moves sped up, hitting the sweet spot deep inside you. “Oh, fuck, Dean, I'm-!” He was still sucking onto your fingers, and you had to brace yourself on the roof of the car with your other hand, when an intense orgasm overpowered all your senses. You had forgotten what words were and only whimpers were leaving your mouth when he continued fingerfucking you through your climax. You had now completely ruined his pants with your juices, but he clearly didn't mind, as he watched you coming off your high while he started to jerk himself off. “You're so fucking beautiful right now.” You were squirming in his lap, as he continued rubbing your clit, all sweaty and breathless from your orgasm. “The view I have right now.. fucking hell, you're..” he gasped and shut his eyes as he finally came hard, cum spurting onto your stomach. “Fuckk..!”He continued to stroke himself until he was all out. Both of you were out of breath, when you leaned into him to close the gap between you.

Your kisses now were much sweeter, slower. “I ruined your dress, babe.” He whispered. You smiled against his lips. “I ruined your pants, so I guess we're even.” Your fingers ran through his hair, gently scratching his scalp, making him moan softly. “Thank God you always make us pack up some extra clothes for the hunts. Wouldn't want to explain this to Sammy.” 

You reluctantly pulled away from his arms and sat next to him, both of you still half-naked and not bothering to cover yourselves. “I think he'll be happy for us. Or at least that much, that he doesn't have to be afraid that we'll jump each other's throats.” For some time, you sat there in silence, still not able to think clearly. Even after that intense orgasm that you had, there was still desire burning inside you for his cock. “Dean…” you started, slowly moving your hand up his thigh again. “What if we make a little detour before going home?” You looked up at him with big doe eyes. “What do you mean?” He smirked at you. Your smile widened. “What if you fuck me right now like you imagined and afterwards we buy some morning-after pill and hope for the best?” You were clearly blinded by the arousal, but as you learned, so was Dean, when he hungrily pulled you back into his lap.

“Are you really sure about this, Y/N?” He purred against your neck. “Yes, I'm sure.”

Basking in the afterglow, you were both again breathless and speechless. “Oh...uhm..fuck..that was..yeah.” Dean had a hard time finding words to describe what you both just experienced. “Yeah..I know.” You smiled at him, totally satisfied with yourself now and you knew Dean was too.

Taglist: @jackles010378 @cevansbaby-dove @deanwinchestersgirl87 @alternativeprincess94 @il0vebeingdelulu

[thebeautifulbook]

GOSPEL OF JUDITH OF FLANDERS

Jeweled cover with silver-gilt repoussé figures of Christ in Majesty and the symbols of the four evangelists, Continental work, last third of the eleventh century. On: Gospels of Judith of Flanders, in Latin; Canterbury, England, ca. 1060. Manuscript on vellum. Purchased by J. P. Morgan, 1926.

[artist-issues]

I think the problem is when you say "nothing about you is good" is that a lot of people, young people in particular, afraid admitting leads them to think "Why am I even alive then? If nothing is good about me, maybe I should just die", it leads to despair and sometimes even suicide and the only solution they see is self-love and self-compassion.

Not only that, the powers that be which is modern secular society make it where those who admit this are punished for it. Especially on social media.

You admit you're wrong or not perfect, another person will use that as justification to bully you or use your faults flaunt their supposed moral superiority, not unlike Jesus's parable about the Pharisee and the Tax Collector. Only the Pharisee is more rooted in secular beliefs.

Modern society has made it that if you admit your no good and be selfless and self-sacrificial, then they get to exploit that to punish you relentlessly and call you a hypocrite when you fight back.

It's kinda social coercion and its despicable when you think about

But too many people just gloss over all this and just try to lecture someone in once again, moral superiority

Not saying you're wrong or what you're doing, but I think understanding the current circumstances, personal, cultural, and societal can help address the issue in a way young people can understand and know what to do.

Could be. I agree with what you’re saying. The thing is, figuring out how to say it in the right way only has so much power. Truth is truth; even if you say it in the perfect way, at the perfect time, there are still people who are just not going to like or accept it no matter how well or carefully it’s presented. My post about Wish got a reblog where someone said, “I like how this person is tiptoeing up to saying they wish Disney was Christian without actually saying it.” Because it’s like, yeah, that is what I meant, and no, I didn’t come out and say it exactly like that—but someone still saw what I meant, and they disliked the truth that was there. No matter how I couched it.

I mean, we can agree that everything Jesus said, He said perfectly, at exactly the right time, in exactly the right way. But people still rejected it. And I certainly can’t do better than He did.

So at some point, it’s not how you say it; the problem’s not with how it’s said. At some point, the problem might just be with the person you’re talking to. It’s like a bridge. One end (speaking truth in the exact right way and right time for the audience you’re speaking to) goes halfway, and that’s great, but the other end has to meet it in the middle (the audience has to accept the truth when they realize it is there) or else the bridge doesn’t work.

But please note; both sides are equally important. I agree with you that the truth has to be spoken in the right way, in the right place, at the right time (and I certainly don’t do that well all the time, or even most of the time.) That’s what the Bible means when it says, “speaking the truth in love.” It’s got the power of a hammer but it’s supposed to be used with the precision of a scalpel.

Anywho, as far as people not wanting to admit they’re broken or wrong or have no good in them—welcome to the human race.

(I’m going to say some potentially triggering things below the cut, but it ends hopefully, so if you’re reading and you’re someone who struggles with suicidal thoughts, proceed with caution ((I know what it’s like, it can be too slippery a slope to chance at certain times in life))—but it ends hopefully, which is why I’m saying it at all.)

And actually, going from “there’s nothing good in me” to “why am I even alive? What’s the point of me, then?” is scary because yes, it can lead to suicide…but that is logical. It is natural. If you stop at “there’s nothing good in me,” then yeah, the conclusion of that thought, alone, is hopelessness. Of course it is. Of course that’s why we shy away from it.

But you’re not supposed to stop there. You’re not supposed to stop at “there’s nothing good in me.” And really, you’re not even supposed to begin there either.

That’s just the middle part.

The beginning part is, “there was supposed to be something good and worthy about me—I was made in the image of God. He bothered making me, and loved me and wanted to make me, when He didn’t have to. He set humans apart and gave them dominion over everything else He created; we were special, we were chosen, and even now we get to have something His other heavenly supernatural creations, angels, don’t have. I was made as His “very” good creation—everything else was just ‘good.’ I am special to Him; He made me special.”

Then the middle part is: “And it’s ruined. And there’s nothing good in and of me, because I reject the very source of Goodness, and I reject what I was made to be, which is good. And I’m not special—because I reject the One who invented “specialness” and gets to decide what that is. And I’m not worthy—“

Then the best part, the conclusion is: “—except that GOD GETS TO DECIDE WHAT “worthiness” IS, and what “worthiness” is for, and HE said having a right relationship with me instead of leaving me as an evil empty corrupt creature of the dirt was worth the ultimate sacrifice. The ultimate sacrifice is what I’m worth, and the ultimate purpose is what I’m worthy for.”

If I didn’t have that last part, that part that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with God, I wouldn’t be here to type this, about ten times over.

There is no hope, no light, no truth, no life, inside of you by yourself. It’s only outside of you. It’s only in God.

But there’s a third point of view here. We’ve established Point of View 1) “I’m worthy because God says I am,” and we’ve established the one that gets stuck halfway, Point of View 2) “I’m evil and there’s nothing good in me.”

But then there’s Point of View 3) “Yahweh doesn’t get to decide what makes me good or worthy or anything because if He did, that would make Him God—in charge—and I don’t want Him to be in charge of me, or to say anything about me; therefore the only thing that matters is what I say and how I feel about myself. Hope, hopelessness, worth, unworthiness; it’s all defined and felt by me, for me, nobody else…(which makes me God.)”

Point of View 3 is the one that most people are actually stuck on. So they reach for it and condemn anyone who has Point of View 1, and meanwhile try to encourage Point of View 2 people to get to Point of View 3 with them.

But Point of View 3 is going nowhere. It’s empty and hollow. Because once you decide you can define good for yourself, and worthiness for yourself, both “good” and “worthy” change to be whatever you want them to be moment-to-moment, and therefore…lose all objective, real meaning. And even if you can fool yourself into thinking that Point of View 3, which does not line up with reality, isn’t as hollow as it is, you’ll still have to deal with the consequences of that eventually.

Read the book of Romans, or the book of John. It’s all there.

Romans 2:11-12:

“…Remember that you were at that time without Christ, alienated from the citizenship of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.”

[mitochondriaandbunnies]

Miami Vice S1E18: The Maze

Tubbs is sent undercover to save hostages in an abandoned hotel.

This is absolutely one of those Vice episodes where you are given two versions of the truth and are asked to be discerning enough to realize which one is real. Vice likes doing this a lot with music-- you see something happening on screen that's contradicted by lyrics or musical tone, and you have to figure out if what you're seeing is the lie or whether it's what you're hearing. In The Maze, we are presented with a spoken truth (some people aren't "good enough" to be cops, the world is hard and dangerous, a kid with a gun can't be thought of as a kid ever again) and a witnessed truth (a "bad cop" is suffers no consequences because he's a cop, people you think of as disposable or even frightening are worth protecting, a kid with a gun may be dangerous but that doesn't make him not a child) to striking, devastating effect. There's a distinct sense in this episode that our protagonists are playing proscribed black and white roles in a drama they're not quite ready to see shades of gray in yet-- later in the series their disenchantment with the justice system will come, but in this point in the series, they don't quite see what we, the audience see.

I started this one thinking "it's always weird seeing other cops outside of the main squad," and then one of them immediately died

Womp womp

The two "new" cops, Tim and Dickie, are talking about how they finally made some "real arrests," and how they usually can't get charges to stick because something-something-the-law, and that it's because of guys like them that the area they're in is starting to get "cleaned up"

Immediately Sonny and Rico correct them, very gently explaining the concept of community organizing, and pointing out that whatever "clean up" they've seen happen recently has nothing to do with the cops and everything to do with the people who live here deciding to stand up for themselves and invest in their neighborhoods

This is the thesis of the episode

From here on in it becomes a split between Tim's tough-on-crime view (what's said) and Sonny and Rico's maybe-heavier-policing-isn't-the-answer view (what's shown)

The dancing guy, Pepe, is played by a choreographer known by the real-world name of Shabba-Doo

Sonny pours water on him because Sonny is an asshole

There is a scene in which Switek offers Zito lunch while Zito tries to pick up a woman through the window of the bug van; both of them tell the other they're "pitching" and I. I have questions

Tim, the asshole cop whose partner got shot, suggests that the best way to catch the criminals that killed Dickie is to just go into a building full of squatters guns blazing, random innocents be damned

Sonny glares at him like he is a leopard and Tim is a plate of ground beef

They decide to, instead, send Tubbs undercover in to see if he can clear the squatters out and get them to safety before they go after the Escobars. In order to do this they dress Tubbs up as the world's most beautiful filthy transient. He looks like he should play Jesus in a modern version of Jesus Christ Superstar

It should be mentioned that the ~*scary dangerous building*~ the homeless people and the Escobars are in is a dilapidated hotel owned by a rich white guy who's on the phone about golf when we meet him, and it turns out the only thing really scary about it is that the people inside are living in terrible conditions because they are poor. In case, y'know, other parts of the episode weren't already clear enough on the whole "maybe the system is broken, actually" angle.

After Tubbs is in the hotel for approximately three and a half minutes, Tim charges across the street with his gun because it's "ridiculous" that this is "taking so long"

He completely ruins the operation and causes an immediate gunfight between the police and the Escobars to break out; Tubbs and the rest of the squatters are taken hostage as a result. Tim is not punished for this-- Castillo says that if he "didn't need every man," Tim would be sent home, but that's it.

Let's be very clear, this is a perfect example of why the whole "one bad apple ruins the whole bunch" thing is 100% true about the police

You get one Tim the Asshole on your squad and people fucking die

Actor Joe Morton, who I best know as Henry Deacon from Eureka, but who others may know better as the SkyNet Scientist from Terminator 2, plays hostage negotiator Jack Davis. He has a big ol' stick up his ass, but he's kind of hot anyway?

Sonny smokes like twelve cigarettes in the course of about 3 minutes, and then goes outside because he can't stand to look at Tim any longer. Castillo makes an attempt to comfort him in his extremely Castillo way (he's the one who says the Escobars, who are a bunch of teenagers, "stopped stopped being kids when they started using guns"), which does not seem to calm Sonny down much. He tells him the best thing he can do for Tubbs is "be cool," and then there's a lovely little match on Sonny's face and Rico's face, both looking off to the side, both looking worried.

The graffiti in this episode slays me

666 is COMIN

Why ME

Rico plays with the child hostages, and a teenage girl dances to the music playing inside her head. I genuinely feel like this is one of the saddest episodes of Vice-- we see the squalid conditions these people are forced to live in, they're humanized and made very real feeling, even if they don't have many lines, and you know that even if they all get out alive, nothing good is going to come of it, because they've been living illegally inside an unused building and the police will have to remove them, leaving them all completely homeless. There are multiple shots throughout the episode of the beach-- its crystal blue water, the sun, the pristine sand, palm trees-- through the broken windows of the collapsing hotel. The squatters are bereft in an ostensible paradise, completely disconnected from the glamorous world outside their crumbling walls.

Sonny suggests that they pinpoint the exact location of the hostages; Tim asks why they should bother when it was the hostages who "got them into this."

Yes Tim

Definitely not you, fuckwad

When Davis negotiates to let the small children hostages go, Jaime, one of the Escobars, argues with one of the older boys that "they're just kids," and that they should do as the police said and let them free. Jaime appears to be about fourteen.

Sonny insists he go in to find the hostages; Davis stands behind him shaking his head no at Castillo. Sonny goes in to find the hostages. He climbs over a fence and through a hole in the wall in his loafers and chinos.

When Sonny figures out where the hostages are located, they send in what appears to be the entire national guard of Florida. The Escobars, it should be noted, are five teenagers.

At the end of the episode, approximately twenty adult men with machine guns point their weapons at one teenage boy. He breaks down in tears and falls to the ground, because no matter what Castillo said, he is ultimately a frightened child.

The episode ends on a freeze frame of Sonny and Rico looking at each other, silent, with the darkening blue sky behind them.

[mote-historie]

Giorgio di Tomaso Schiavone (Dalmatian, ca. 1433-1504), Madonna and Child with Angels, between 1459 and 1460.

In this altarpiece, the Virgin Mary wears gold brocade with pearls, and the Christ Child, with his necklace of red coral, stands on a tasseled cushion. Through these precious materials, the painter has communicated the divinity of the figures. On the parapet at the bottom of the painting is a carnation. Its Greek name, dianthus, means "flower of God."

Schiavone uses the vibrant color of coral throughout this painting and portrays the baby Jesus as wearing a coral necklace and pendant. Having these figures draped in luscious fabrics and fine gemstones set them apart and was a way to depict to the viewer how divine the figures were.

Children were gifted branches and strands of coral beads to wear as a form of mystical protection against evil. Once the child grew up and their strand of beads became too short, they might double the strand and wear it as a bracelet.

Schiavone was born in Dalmatia (present-day Croatia) and immigrated to northern Italy, where he studied with Francesco Squarcione of Padua. On the cartellino (little paper) in the foreground, he proudly identifies himself as the disciple of this master. Like his contemporaries, Schiavone was concerned with reviving the arts of antiquity, as seen by the garlands at the top that imitate Roman sarcophagus reliefs.

[pwlanier]

Jean de Loisy (1603 - ca. 1670 Besancon) - The Shroud of Besancon

France at the end of 17. Century, the image of Christ in the tomb copper engraving in Siena red on silk, wounds colored by hand, surrounded by silk embroidery in the form of large flowers and tendrils, in the corners relief embroidery with silver lan, fixed on cardboard with nails.

The center with the shroud is identical to the copper engraving of Jean de Loisy, the flower embroidery is different instead of the printed group of figures which presents the shroud to the viewer in the engraving template of Jean de Loisy from 1634.

Dorotheum

[chrysocomae]

Black Jesus

Clementine Hunter(American, ca. 1886 - 1988)’s Black Jesus is part of a tradition of imagery that dates to the early 19th century when Robert Alexander Young, in The Ethiopian Manifesto (1829), referred to the coming of a black messiah. Since then, artists have re-created the black Jesus in paintings, stained-glass windows, Bibles, and more. Hunter was known for her many depictions of Christ’s crucifixion, although this version stands out because it lacks a cross.

Hunter had no formal art training and only began painting in her fifties. She spent most of her life on the Melrose Plantation in Louisiana, picking cotton and collecting pecans. Later she worked inside, cleaning houses and washing clothes. Once she did begin painting, she was quite prolific. It is believed that she produced several thousand works.

Description

This oil painting depicts a human figure with arms extended horizontally. The figure wears a long loose dark red/brown robe that flares outward towards the hem. The figure's head, an oval with two white spots for eyes as the only defined features, has short lines radiating outward from the scalp. There are two small round red spots over the figure's chest. At the ends of each horizontal arm is a larger oblong of paint. Each oblong has a streak of red trickling from the center. At the bottom of the figure are two short triangular brush strokes. Each triangular shape has a red streak running through the middle. To the right of the figure are two short vertical lines crossed by three horizontal short lines. They are done in a dark reddish-brown color. Pencil lines are visible underneath the brush strokes. There is a dark grey blue line of color across the top of the painting, and a green line across the bottom."

- source

[artthatgivesmefeelings]

Pablo de Céspedes (Spanish, 1538-1608) Christ's Descent into Limbo, ca.1600 Newfields In this painting by the artist-theorist Pablo de Céspedes, the radiant, white-robed figure of Christ descends into hell to liberate the souls of the righteous. Behind him, Adam and Eve represent humankind, its origins, fall, and salvation. The idealized physical beauty of these figures signifies their restoration to a state of perfection. Significantly, Adam’s features appear to be those of Céspedes himself.

[kerryweaverlesbian]

2023, cawis created...

Last year I made a post (which I cannot find) delighted to have published 81,932 words to Ao3 over 20 fics. This year I beat that with 111,227! 25 fics new last year! and that's not including poetry or things I only posted to tumblr! How wonderful!! I'm gonna do a little commentary on each of them (and I will thoughtfully put it below the cut because as I said there are 25. There is a "horny" section with some explicit quotes so just scroll past to the next heading if you don't want to see that lol.

Comedies I like to go hehehe hahaha

Stakes Aren't Just For Vampires Cas and Dean get high and silly "You're repulsive," Dean says by rote, and he isn't sure if he meant it to but it comes out cloying and sweet, like an affectionate nickname.

The first one I posted last year! It took me until March :0 I wrote this one. For maybe a slightly mean reason haha. I saw a fic where Cas did a bet for money and I was like ?? why would CAS care about getting money?? So I tried to think of a situation where he would make a bet and this one materialized!

Did you notice! I used the old reliable Rule Of Three to make the ending of Dean not sure if he said "I love you" or just thought it more potent? He thinks and then immediately says what he's thinking twice before: Cas is perfect/"You're perfect" - Dean wants to kiss him/"I want to kiss you" - and then: "I love you Cas," he thinks he says. I chose "1000 dollars" from the CBBC comedy sketch show Stupid sketch where 2 old ladies ask how much something costs and it's a normal amount and they mishear as "A thousand pounds?! You can't expect me to buy a bun for a thousand pounds. Shame on you!! I am taking my business ELSEWHERE!". The comments won't all be this long lmao (<- edit: she's wrong)

I'll Drink To That Sam and Dean both come out as bisexual at the same time late in life and they're both flabbergasted "What, do you think about how every friend we have would be in bed?"  Dean tips his head to the ceiling thoughtfully and Sam wants to melt into the floor.  "You're horrible. I hate you. I hate spending time with you." 

The SECOND one I posted last year!! I had to cut off a joke where it's suggested that Cas may have had sex with Jesus Christ (but it's very possible he's just messing with Dean) for the sake of flow. First fic I chatted with @homoangel about so I always think of him when I think of this fic <3

I'VE CRAWLED FURTHER INTO THE VCR Cas's dream of being vored by the VCR machine is finally realised Intricate, high effort collaboration, all for the relatively unimportant end of entertaining other humans for somewhere around an hour and a half. The entire enterprise amounts to making pleasing shapes and noises for each other. Fruitless. Pointless...To spend months, years even, producing something, the only purpose of which is to waste more time…the decadence was astounding. [horny]

Speaking of fics that make me think of my friends! Wrote this for dear @castielsprostate's 1k event. Get weird get wild!! He is THE teevee angel and I love him I love him I love him for it!!!!!!

Tragedies Auogh ouch ow ouchies. Hehe <3

The Aftermath Dean and Cas have sex. It was great. Dean can't let it happen again. "He wonders - and he shouldn't, but - he wonders if Cas will sit here again, later, feeling out the absences that Dean is going to leave behind."

The THIRD one I posted this year!!! I went directly from silly silly silly to "[Dean] is a practical man, always has been. If there's something behind you that would kill you to look at it, you just don't look at it.". I think this is one of my best (<- guy who is going to say this about most of her fics sajbfhsv. I wouldn't post them if I wasn't proud of them!!)

Time/Body Problem Cas and Dean make out in the car before Cas's date in Heaven Can't Wait. It doesn't change anything. he's all sensation now, mind-body-time melted together like carved figures on a wax candle.

I wrote this and Aftermath on the same day. I was THINKING about how Dean and Cas so so so often ALMOST have it. Dean, here, is enthralled by the idea that Cas is human now and could want him (although, Cas definitely also wants him as an angel lmao but this is what Dean thinks) but also put off by it. When they kiss, he sees Cas as angelic, with a streetlamp halo, able to melt time, but when Cas is walking away from him, he's just some human guy who, crucially, can't save Dean anymore. Cas had reliably been the guy who could blast into any dangerous situation and come out on top (hot) and while that's not the only thing Dean likes about him, it WAS such a relief for scaredboy dangerlife Dean to have a guy who makes things SAFE. And now he can't. So the risk of making their relationship deeper feels even greater. Perhaps it is a selfish thought for Dean to want Cas to be able to rescue him still, but they're both in such perilous positions. He's worried for Cas too.

Oh did yous get the title by the way? It's like the mind/body problem which is, 'is the mind separate from the body or are they completely inextricable'? 'If I think of something sad and start crying while I'm hormonal, is that feeling from by body or from my mind' is how I understand it, but I'm not a philosopher haha. So time/body problem is like, all three of: Does their relationship need human senses and physical touch in order to be meaningful? Does Castiel's new experience of linear time (aka not being an angel) change how he and Dean relate to each other? And also, the more straightforward, they don't have enough time. Not to say I thought all that when the phrase came into my head, it's just bc I knew the phrase mind/body problem and mind slant rhymes with time, but that's why I liked it enough to use as a title haha.

Smoke Breaks series Dean and Cas share cigarettes at different points in their lives. Cas trails off, taking another long pull. He's going to smoke the whole thing at this rate, rude and overindulgent. Dean doesn't begrudge him, neither the cigarette nor the silence. He knows what he means. 

Someone told me in the comments that reading the first one fit exactly into their actual smoke break I was like WOAH :0!!! Smoking is, unfortunately, really sexy.......I keep trying to think of a way to add another fic to make this thing end on a positive note but the theme of smoking thwarts that haha. Inherently, it is about doing something you know is unhealthy and grey and makes you feel worse, like hunting, like endverse Cas's relationship with endverse Dean, like coming back to see the lover you hurt when you can't touch them or change anything, but it's always bitter sweet because you sometimes get that burst of relief. (That's not a commentary on smokers, just on the theme of smoking as used by this series!)

The last one I think drives that home most bluntly, "No amount of talking is going to change anything." but they still hold on to each other. Also in the last one, I just wanted them to be in kind of miserable surroundings and decided on a weird, dank, alice in wonderland themed motel room, which is a) something interesting to describe when I need space between dialogue and b) the ill-advised freaky looking murals of half-humanoid Wonderland characters is a reflection of how Castiel feels - not human enough, not Other enough, twisted out of shape and c) it 'reflects' (I'm about to do a pun) their relationship has gone 'through the looking glass' (teehee) from the understood 'brothers in arms' to a strange, uncertain place where the rules have changed.

Shaking Out The Nest John gets frustrated by Dean asking to visit Sam at college. "I talk a lot of shit, but [Sam]'s always gonna be family. He's..." the only reason I'm alive, same as you, John can't quite get to come out of his mouth, so instead he repeats, "He's good."

In the demon plane episode where it's revealed that John would rave about Sam getting a full scholarship to Stanford. I think about it SO MUCH. John loved his kids but that didn't make him a suitable parent. I wanted to explore those complicated emotions and the thought patterns that might lead him to what he does. Like I don't think it's deliberately thought out scheming malice that makes him say things that make Dean feel worthless. But he only sees him as a kid when he "fails" at being an "adult" (as in, when Dean disagrees with him) and he thinks it's his job as a parent to tell Dean to knock that off. He wouldn't see his reframing of Sam leaving to "He left both of us because of his pettiness" as playing them off against each other, even though he IS, he'd see it as telling the hard truth and trusting his son to be a grown up about it. John is very emotional and parenting just via your own emotions rather than being able to step back and go 'am I being fair? is this a reasonable response to what's actually happening?' leads to situations like John blaming Dean for the Schtriga incident or saying he should 'rot in jail' for stealing peanut butter.

Horny ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Close Zoom (too close) Dean and Cas make out for the first time while watching a movie. Cas gets overexcited. [Cas] replays the experience of holding Dean; the way his eyelids had fluttered shut with relief when their mouths first connected; the lean in by increments that ended with Dean on top of him....He wants to touch him. No, he amends the oft repeated thought, he wants to touch him again. 

I also wrote this inspired by going huh??? from another fic where they watch a movie together on a date on a first date and DON'T make out like. What are we doing here gang. If they are "watching a movie" and enjoy making out, then they ARE making out before the credits roll lmao. (In MY humble opinion!!!) Obviously chose The Mummy bc Dean's bisexual and I KNOW that man is showing Cas all his Formative To My Sexuality movies as a move to try and suss out what Cas's preferences are. The Lost Boys, Mr & Mrs Smith, Van Helsing, Labyrinth, Indiana Jones, Charlie's Angels, the list goes on.... Also my first installment with Cas having a bit of a pain kink (excited by the thought of a shock collar lol which I havvve been thinking about doing something more with.)

I have. by the way. a second work in progress where Cas gets wayyy more worked up than he was expecting and Dean is similar to here, slowing him down so it's not overwhelming, so look forward to it!!!!

Thunderstruck Cas has them struck by lightening while Dean sucks him off. HELL YEAH. Emanating from Castiel are intermittent bursts of white electric light, shocking across the black sky, sketching outlines of six invisible spread wings. That same light forms thin circular halos behind Cas’s head, some small, some so massive Dean can only see them in pieces. His eyes too - completely obscured by brilliant white light. He is radiant in all senses of the word. 

hehehehe. If your boyfriend can make it safe to be struck by lightening like you GOTTA do it just for the experience. I decided to have Dean not be like, blown away by it (but he is blown away by seeing a bit of trueform Cas) and instead find it just kind of weird but not bad to try and be true to life. sometimes you try something and don't love it or hate it and that's okay! Normal part of having sex. Sex is just another activity with lots of things you can do with it. That, and, it can't all be high points lol. That's why Cas is a little subdued when Dean says he only has 6 wings. peaks and valleys :)

The Feeling Is Enough Service top Dean :) "Cas - Cas, please...please can I come?" Cas doesn't say anything, just smiles up at him adoringly.

This one was bc @faithdeans lamented the lack of service top Dean destiel and I raced to his aid. Literally Dean would LOVE doing this.

Red Velvet Lines The Black Box Vampire!Dean sucking Cas's blood :) Cas is the only angel human enough to have workable blood.... And even if there were anyone else, Dean wouldn't want them. His is the only blood in Dean's veins.

This one was bc @domesticatedangel lamented the lack of vampire destiel smut and I raced to her aid. Castiel the rebel angel being horny over being given an order that he chooses to follow of his own volition? It's more likely than you think! The unmissable return of Castiel's pain kink lmao, even moreso in the second chapter. His penis! in peril!!!!!

The Girl Is Dead. Long Live The Woman. (Anna/Pamela*) Anna visits Pamela to find out what she wants and they have sex :) "I'm not used to - being part of things still. Being touchable. I didn't make the most of it, as a human. I didn't do enough. I was afraid. Embarrassed of my own feeling. I think I wasted my life."  "Be fair. You were a kid for most of it. You didn't know who you were." 

THIS one was because @honestlyhaunted lamented the lack of Pamela/Anna smut and I RACED to their aid. You may be noticing a theme. It's quite possible that if you sigh forlornly over a lack of erotica and I see it that something will be done about it. No promises though lol.

I tried to go for a more season 4 and 5 "everyone just fully states their unique moral philosophy out loud" vibe. And a "Pamela's disability actually affects her life in a practical way" vibe that the show itself elected to ignore. I DID get distracted a few times from my goal of "they have hot sex" because I got too invested in Anna's weird life. As I said in a comment response, Anna is the butterfly that wants to squash herself back into her cocoon. She went from being very emotionally present in her body as a human to having a very flat affect as an angel again (in part because she didn't feel the need to mask her autism anymore. Anna's autistic just like Cas and Hannah and people are not saying this!!!!). And, finally. I wanted a woman to have sex with a woman using a strap on because I hadn't done that yet LOL.

*If this ship was more prominent we could be calling it Pamelanna which is very fun to say.

The Dog, the Lamb and the Butcher Dean and Crowley are having sex during their summer of love and Cas is caught watching them >:3 Then again, fairness doesn't seem to be the watchword here. Dean's looking up at him with what could be adoration, but there's a wildness to him too, a sparkling mischief that undercuts any implied promise of loyalty.  "You like me, don't you Cas? You like me. Uhhn -" A groan born out of Crowley picking up the pace again, making Dean rock into the mattress, "You like me. You like me all the time, no matter what I do. You even like me now." 

Nobody asked for this I have no one to blame but myself. I love and adore the Dean who cannot speak his feelings no matter how much he wants to but there is always room in my heart for an overemotional Demon!Dean who says and does whatever he wants because he's lost the ability to care about the consequences. We could have had it alllllll.

Ask for it Cas caught casturbating by Dean. What happens next WON'T surprise you. His breathing is labored, and he's making quiet sounds of effort, which probably have something to do with the fact that his fingers are pushing in and out of the wet, open pussy between his legs. The pace doesn't slow at Dean's interruption, giving Dean ample time to absorb the image of Cas’s long fingers being swallowed to the last knuckle. 

I am asking here now. I am the one sighing forlornly. I don't CARE that there are already 232 accidental voyeurism destiel fics. MAKE MORE. SHOW ME MORE. SHOW ME MORE. I WANT TO READ MORE. MORE SHAMELESSLY SELF-PLEASURING CASTIEL AND/OR DEAN AND THEY DON'T HAVE A SOCIAL SCRIPT FOR THIS SITUATION SO THEY'RE JUST GOING ON INSTINCT AND THEIR INSTINCT IS TO BE CRAZY HORNY ABOUT IT. SHOW ME MORE!!!!!

Ahem. Or don't teehee. This was my most self indulgent smut (and that's really saying something!!!!). I highly recommend just fuckin going for it because it means I get to reread something all the time that is exactly suited to my tastes!! Hell yeah!!

Fluff :3 this is uwu-hat uwu've aww been uwu-ating fow :3

Pretty Wife Closeted to even himself genderqueer Dean inadvertently insists that he's Cas's wife. Neither of them are opposed! "I think I understand," Cas says, nodding to himself with his 'I got it' smile, "Yes. We are playing roles. I will 'take out the trash' while you 'sit there and look pretty'."

My kingdom for genderqueer dean. He's literally butch. Helloooo!!

Okay that's all for fluff. LOL. SORRY. I post most of my fluff directly to tumblr!!

Carefully Plotted!!! These are the big ones!!!!!!!! All three of these are "One of my best".

A Light Above Descending Cas gives Dean his Grace to calm his Mark of Cain rages. He assumes Dean doesn't remember what he tells him when he's being fed, so he allows himself to be kind. He assumes Dean would prefer that he quietly sacrifice his life for him. He assumes that he hasn't got any family left who love him. He's wrong. A rat gets what a rat gets, is the phrase that repeats in his head, although he can’t speak them over the pounding of his heart, a rat gets what a rat gets.

I have talked about this one at great length in my #cawis commentary tag so I will not reiterate here. Other than that I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo so so so so proud of it and I love it so much.

The Voice In My Earpiece Thinks You're An Idiot (Jo/Bela) JoBela heist fic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“If anyone touches you again, I will cut off their fingers.” The fierce darkness of the promise plunges into Bela’s stomach, like a punch. Nobody has ever made her a promise like that before. Not one she believed, anyway.  “Do you believe me?” “That would -” Bela clears her throat, finding her voice croaky - “That would blow our cover.” “I don’t care.”  She means it. Bela remembers what Jo said when they properly introduced themselves - “I make a promise, I keep it.”. Stupid, it is, to throw away their plans over a few moments of discomfort. Ridiculous. Childish. “Do you believe me?” Jo repeats, and Bela nods, jerky, unpracticed. “Yes.” She takes a breath, then says again, “Yes.”

They get the biggest quote because theyyy mean so much to meeeee. I'll probably do another cawis commentary on this at some point bc there are too many things I did on purpose to say them all here. For now: when the woman who's learned to never trust anyone comes to trust the woman who's never felt trusted. And they banter and have hot lesbian sex. ROMANCE.

In Case of Emergency S1 Faith!Dean gets a new roommate at the hospital who's weird and intense and unexplainable things happen to him at night. I wonder who it could beeeee surely no one who's significant to Dean!!! (It's S5 Cas when he did the angel banishing sigil on his own chest) One of the machines on the other side starts going crazy with noise just as the curtain is cast back in a dramatic swish. The shadow of a man looms, sinister and ominously silent. He's watching Dean, but Dean can't do the same, his face impossible to make out. A red light flashes off kilter to his head from his monitors, and Dean gets the absurd thought that it looks like a knocked off halo. 

You know it you love it it's In Case Of Emergency. I just think. They DON'T have a supernatural soulmate connection but they just get on as people. If they met at any time in each other's lives for the very first time (aside from Godstiel lol) they would end up getting along! They click! They LIKE each other!

I thought a lot about the Sam role in this fic. If you have 3 people and 2 of them want something (to hang out all the time) then the 3rd person SHOULD be getting in the way of that (closing the curtain) for a believable reason (Dean needs to rest and stop tiring himself out with this random stranger!!!). Sam comparing Dean's imminent demise to Mary's death and Dean eventually asking what he'd want Mary to say to him (with the subtext; what can I say to make it better that I'm dying) made me cry as I wrote it and every time I reread it. It's making me cry NOW lol. augh fuck im rereading i'm crying. turns out. when you write exactly what touches you emotionally. you feel touched. emotionally. to read it.

Also this fic now makes me think of darling @forestofsprites bc they've left such wonderfully kind tags every time they've reblogged it :') ily

Misc I dunno. These don't fit in the other categories lol.

6th Life's The Charm! Sarah Blake/Bela Meow!!!!! Sarah gets a mysterious commission to find a painting, and a strangely perceptive cat follows her home the same day. But those can't possibly be connected I'm sure. Smiling with her eyes closed, Sarah puts a hand on B's back and touches. Skin.  She startles awake and jerks her hand away. By the embers of the fire, she can see the woman lying on top of her....The woman is watching her, smiling, and her pupils are strange. They creep a little too far into her irises. She's also the most beautiful woman Sarah has ever seen. Stunning, in both senses of the word.  "No questions?" The woman asks eventually, as Sarah's silent stare ticks on. Her tone is a) British and b) faintly mocking, like she knows something Sarah doesn't. 

Little turned into a kitty cat romcom!! I do fun little asides in footnote format! Middle aged yaoi ummmm but what about middle aged YURI??? Sarah references Sex in the City and is having a midlife crisis what more do you want from me!!! I did want to have a little moment of Sarah saying "sorry about the collar attempt" and Bela flirtily going "hmm, I think it'd look better on you" and Sarah spontaneously combusting but it didn't quite flow. Maybe in the horny sequel I kinda want to write...

MEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello, Sun In My Face Cas realises he's in love with Dean. The natural thing to do is to tell him right away. "Don't," Dean pleads, and it's not clear whether he means don't love me or don't tell me. Either way, Cas is going to let him down.  "I love you," Cas repeats, firmly, "I have loved you. I will love you. That's all."

Too angsty for the fluff section, too sweet for the tragedies. What are you. As may be clear from previous works, in MY world, Dean and Cas platonically sleep together every night and snuggle the whole time :3 even if it's a world where they're aromantic I firmly believe this would be the case. When I say platonic I am not saying it with a wink and a nudge, as a few scattered comments seem to suggest they think. But also in this one they are also romantically in love haha.

How Do You Go From Wanting To Having? When Cas stumbles back to life after escaping from the Empty, Dean can't speak the words in his heart. But he can write them. You can have it, and variations thereupon: You can have it, damn it; could have fucking taken me, asshole; what do you think is supposed to make me happy now, you arrogant, stupid son of a bitch?

I don't know if I made the most of this premise lol but I had fun building the evidence of grief into the Bunker. They pushed a heavy object in front of the door to the dungeon so they didn't have to see it, Dean filled his room with lights so he didn't have to be in the dark (a general post-canon headcanon of mine that both Dean and Cas have lamps on all night), Dean's stiff position during his nightmare. Little clues that Cas does NOT pick up on bless his heart.

This Is A Love That Lasts Forever It's about Claire giving Cas a haircut. It's about grief. It's about love. Cas remembers - though he shouldn't, ethically - sending Claire for a time out for saying the word 'damn' when she was 6, though she surely couldn't have known what it meant. Swinging her hand on the way to church on Sundays. Clapping for her awkward turn at playing Mary in the Christmas Nativity. Loving Claire had only deepened Jimmy's love of God, and this was the love that Castiel had taken advantage of. He doesn't deserve even a moment of Claire’s forgiveness. 

Last one! I uploaded this on the 29th of December but it ISSSSSS absolutely 1000% one of my best. Cas and Claire's relationship in canon is so WEIRD. One doesn't typically accept grumpy cats from the guy wearing your dad's corpse as a skin suit??? Even if he's kind of nice to you?? So this is my way of figuring out how to make it make sense. She can't ditch Cas because that's where all her dad's love is stored and nobody else in her life knows her dad anymore. And they both have to try and make that work.

I had a different ending in mind for a little while - Claire completing the haircut and then going oh my god. now you don't look like my dad anymore. what have I done now I won't remember him I'm so stupid!!! put it back how it was!! and Cas is like um I can't do that though I'm low on Grace and Claire cries herself out about it and they talk about having to get used to new, unfamiliar circumstances. But I like what I went with more (obviously. because I wrote it lol).

Little headcanons that I carried across from other works: - Claire will allow Donna to be as cutesy and affectionate as she likes and Donna calls her "Claire-bear" and nobody can figure out why it's a shy little happy smile when Donna pats her cheek and beams at her and she would kill anyone else who tried it with her laser eyes. I do though, I know why. It's bc of Donna's easy open affection that genuinely isn't trying to hide anything. Claire knows Donna isn't faking it because Donna is kind to everything and everyone. She would have a harder time with Garth though even though Donna and Garth are very similar in this regard, just because. Well. The girl has been traumatized and betrayed by so many "nice" men. God how did I get onto this. Donna is the mom/aunty figure Claire has needed for a long time. I talk about this in Growing A New Half Soul - Angel's were never children I talk about in A Light Above Descending.

THE END.

If you've read this. Are you sure you didn't have anything better to do with your time avhsbv but thank you!!! Go follow all the friends I've @'d because then they might do follower events and I might write more things as a result!!!! Also go and write some dean walking in on cas masturbating fic and then send it to me.

My challenge for you is to think about women falling in love with other women. Wow, beautiful, right? And also to think of ONE thing you did that you are proud of this year. Even and in fact especially if it's something you're not "supposed" to be proud of. Did you find something new you liked. Were you kind to someone. Were you kind to yourself when you didn't have to be. All these and more are things to take pride in.

I, for one, am proud of having written 111,227 words of complete short fiction!!!!! So much so that I wrote another 4936 words talking about them here :)