#carver: bad at expressing himself but good at being on family's side vs anyone else

[shivunin]

At the Dead Drop

A letter in an elegant, curling hand which seems to have met with some incident in its sending; it is dotted with water spots and features several crossed-out sections:

16 Guardian, 9:37 Dragon

Carver, 

Checking in, as always. Will leave this letter in the usual manner; let me know if this is no longer the acceptable way to pass messages on. Or—flames—let me know anything at all. It’s been months since I’ve heard from you. Your big sister worries. 

The manor is fine. It’s held up against the snow after the repairs, and there was minor damage, really. None of your things were ruined, and Mother’s room remains in the same state. As for my own bedroom—a little water damage means little. All the important things are downstairs, after all. We did find an unused corner of the wine cellar, though—sold off the really fine stuff after I let the others peruse it for their choices. I’ve plenty of ideas for what to do with the money. 

I suppose there is one thing that I needed   that you should   Flames, I’ll just say it. Fenris and I are together. For good this time.

I am not seeking your approval. I know what you’re going to say. I know how many letters I sent you three years ago, and I know how much of a mess I was then. But—stop making that face right now—this is different. 

I’m not looking for your approval. But—I would like to have it anyway, Carver. You’re my only family left except for—Andraste’s elbow, I haven’t told you—Gamlen and his daughter. Yes; Charade is her name, if you can believe it. Entirely beside the point. I know you hardly ever get these letters, and then it’s all at once, so I’ll write another letter about that when I’m done with this one. 

Things are bad in Kirkwall at the moment. I know you can tell already from other things I’ve said. But Fenris is…he is the only good thing I can count on without reservation. Everyone else has other concerns and other loves. They aren’t wrong to—of course they aren’t. But I need someone who wants me, and not what I can do for them and who will choose me first.

Perhaps that’s selfish of me, or unfair to say. I cannot say I don’t know that. But Carver, maybe it’s time for me to be a little bit selfish. Selflessness didn’t save Bethany, and it didn’t save Mother either. I can carry them with me forever, along with the whole of Kirkwall, or I can live. I know now that I can’t do both.

Maker, how maudlin this is. Oh, well. I’ve heard that you Wardens love a good melodrama, or—maybe just the Ferelden ones. I hope this finds you well, regardless. 

Write back soon. I mean it. 

Your beloved, clever, self-absorbed sister, 

—Maria

A scrap of paper torn from a larger piece; there is writing on one side and what appears to be a section of schematics on the other:

M—

Since when have I given two figs about your relationship drama? You want my approval, you have it. Do what you want, M, you're a big girl and you don't owe anyone shit. Just don’t come crying to me if it goes tits-up again. I’m busy. 

—Carver

P.S. Charade? Say you’re joking.

Another scrap of paper; the drawing on the other side lines up with the schematic on the first:

Fenris, 

If you break my sister’s heart again, I’ll kill you myself. Fair warning.

—Carver

A crisp-edged and carefully folded square of parchment, sealed thickly with charcoal-colored wax. The handwriting is meticulously neat:

Carver:

If I break your sister’s heart, I will let you.

—Fenris

(For day 8 of @14daysdalovers: Approval.)