#carrie is the kind of psychic where she’s EXTREMELY open and EXTREMELY vulnerable

[annyankers]

Fic idea i’ll never get to but i wike it so i shawe it: buffy dies as per normal but she’s a ghost the idea being that she’s just hanging around long enough to make sure people are okay before she rests in peace and meets carrie since she’s my on hand medium and they talk etc. carrie offers to help buffy with making sure everyone is okay so she can rest and they just generally become pretty friendly will carrie helps her to adjust etc. buffy doesn’t really want to have any big conversations with the scoobies, she just wants to make sure no one is nosediving etc so she mainly hangs with carrie and realizes carrie needs help. The problem with being a psychic medium on a hellmouth is there’s all kinds of incorporeal entities and demons and shit who want to kill you/possess you/etc and no great way to defend yourself unless you have a knack for magic. So buffy shifts gears to helping to protect carrie since now SHE’S a spook and can roundhouse spooks. Its basically a “you’re nice and you helped me out so i’ll do you a solid until you can move out this hellhole” kinda thing. And buffy get to learn all about this whole section of the supernatural she never knew about and do wild shit etc and she’s enjoying this lil pitstop before peace and the freedom and the gentle supportive and hilarious companionship she gets from carrie and blah blah blah.

And then the scoobies bring her back to life.

[honeypirate]

In Madness lies Sanity

Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader - College AU

Based off the bit by Allan Watts. I read the transcript and I thought— Ushijima in love with his best friend listening to this talk about love in one of his classes and realizing that he needs to tell them the truth. Allan watts bit is in blue, the fic is in white.

Ushijima wasn’t one to dwell too long on trivial matters. He works through them and then forgets them. He focuses on what is important and what will bring him closer to his desired future. He isn’t one who is sucked into madness and drama, he has a strong level head and it’s something he takes pride in. So he’s trying to apply his ideas to how he handles his feelings for you, is it trivial? Is it important to tell you? He was struggling before he walked into class Monday morning and had his eyes opened by the video played during lecture.

- I’m going to talk to you about a particularly virulent and dangerous form of divine madness which is called falling in love. Which is, from a practical point of view, one of the most insane things you can do, or that can happen to you. Because in the eyes of a given woman or a given man, an opposite who go to the eyes of everybody else a perfectly plain and ordinary person can appear to be God or Goddess incarnate .... And this is an extraordinary disruptive experience a subversive experience in the conduct of human affairs

You were never a plain and ordinary person to him and he believes that’s where it got confused. He always has and always will see you as an extraordinary individual, regardless of things that may be seen as flaws or imperfections, regardless of your mistakes. You didn’t transform from one thing to the next, you were the same angel he knew, so when his heart flipped from friendship to love, he wasn’t paying attention.

- Because you never know when it will strike off for what reason. It’s something like contracting a very chronic disease once you get into it

If anyone asked Ushijima who his best friend is his first thought is you. His first thought thought is always you. His constant. His true best friend who is there for him through anything. He’ll open his mouth and say “y/n is my best friend” and when people would point out just how close they are he just shrugged, weren’t friends supposed to be close?

When he thinks back now, now that his feelings are obvious, he realizes that it was just a matter of time until he fell in love with you. He can pinpoint every moment along his life where love was obvious, every joke and hug that at the time he thought was just nice, when he loaned you his sweatshirt and then didn’t wash it because it smelled like you. When he would spend all his valuable and limited free time with you just because he liked the way you would smile as he walked you home. He thinks back to all of his dates in high school and college, of the dating app conversations he’s had or blind dates his friends had set up, and they all failed because of one simple reason- none of them were you.

- I would like to make some reflections on this particular form of madness, and to raise again a very disturbing question. And this disturbing question is as follows: Is it only when you are in love with another person that you see them as they really are? And in the ordinary way, when you are not in love with people you see only a fragmented version of that being.

He’s spent hours turned to days to weeks as he keeps thinking about whether or not he loves you or if he just thinks he could because of how close you already are. He’s lost track of time connecting different dots and making different lists and theories, replaying you’re entire friendship back in his head. He’s thought about the times he saw you drunk in college and puking on his shoes as he helps you home, when you decided you wanted to try and longboard and turfed it so bad your arm was gashed from wrist to elbow and he had carried you to the urgent care. all your reckless and crazy ideas you dragged him along with, you were almost as bad as tendou but he just wanted to take care of you as best as he could. He can feel the desire in his bones to make sure you were always taken care of, a feeling he knows he’ll have until he dies.

He thinks about when you had dated Oikawa and for the entire three months he had an ulcer but didn’t know why. He thought it was because of his pain relievers and quit them the week you broke up with him, not realizing the connection. When he’d get acid in his throat when you talked about dating someone else, he thought he just needed some milk. How blind he had been.

-Because when you are in love with someone you do indeed see them as a divine being. And suppose that’s what they are truly. And your eyes have by your beloved been opened in which case your beloved is serving to you as a kind of guru. An initiator. And that is why there is a form of sexual yoga, based on the idea that man and woman are to each other as mutual guru and student. And through a tremendous outpouring of psychic energy in total devotion and worship to this other person who is respectively the goddess of the god.

Being someone’s best and closest friend consisted of seeing their entirety and choosing to stay and love them anyway. To care for them. He can’t say for certain where he crossed over into love, into wanting to hug you and kiss you, wanting to be the only one you think about, but there’s not much he can do about it now and he doesn’t want to.

Ushijima sees you. He sees your good and your bad and everything in between, he sees you for you. Your ordinary mundane ways of life that he can’t help but want to share with you. Grocery shopping, library trips, post office runs, he wants them all to be done with you. He truly cannot imagine anyone else taking that spot in his heart.

Wanting to show you what he sees. What he knows to be true about you. he wants to scream from the rooftops how amazing you are and he’s not a very loud person. He sees the way you care for your friends selflessly and give and give all you have just so that others can be happy and you never complain. You do what you can when you can and still have time to take care of yourself he never knew how you did it so effortlessly, even when you’d vent to him you never regretted helping others.

He sees the way you lift up those around you. How you leave everyone a little more positive than before you talked to them. He doesn’t know how you do it. He’s convinced you’re an angel and he’s dying to show you just how amazing he knows you are. But he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship. He sees your entirety, your full book instead of just the cover, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. He wanted to give you this energy and receive it in turn and he’s never been so absolutely terrified.

-You realize by total fusion and contact with the other organism. You go down to the divine center in them and it bounces back and you discover your own or you could put it in this way which is another aspect of it that by falling in love and regarding falling in love not just as a sort of sexual infatuation, because it’s always more than that, isn’t it. I mean you can have a great sexual enjoyment with a pleasant friend, you know. But you may do so simply because he or she appeals to your aesthetic senses. But when you fall in love, it’s a much more serious involvement, you just cannot forget this person. You feel miserable when not in their presence, you’re always yearning, that’s get to see more of each other let’s get together that’s we’re completely entangled and then you see you’ve actually kind of out what I would call spiritual element has been introduced. And the Hindus were sensible enough to realize that this was a means of awakening, enlightenment, and therefore it was. Surrounded. With a sort of rigid religious ritual meditative art, with a form of sexual yoga that is designed to allow the feeling of mutual love to the extent of grand passion to have an extremely fitting fulfillment and expression.

Ushijima has always thought you were beautiful. Any human with eyes would think that. But your beauty and attraction went far deeper than that. Sure he’s had fleeting thoughts about how good you looked in a dress but he never let them linger. It felt wrong to think of you like that. But now that he’s an adult, a grown man and not a teenager anymore, he wants to kiss you, to hold your hand, maybe more but it wasn’t about that. It was about the intimacy, the closeness, the vulnerability.

Awakening. Enlightenment. Two words that before he didn’t really think about. But now he feels changed. Now that he’s realized how much he loves you has lifted his spirits, made him dream of the passion and happiness you could have together. He feels himself slipping into the joy of being in love with his best friend and imagining all the ways that love could grow. He feels only half of himself when he’s without you, always needing to see you or be around you, but you never made him feel clingy or bad. You met him in kind, telling him how much you wanted to be around him too.

At first he thought that this love was a trivial thing, something he could push from his mind, but after his weeks of thought he knows this is a lot more serious than he’s experienced before.

-Falling in love is a thing that strikes like lightning and is therefore extremely analogous to the mystical vision. We don’t know. No how really people attain the mystical vision. There is not as yet a very clear rationale as to how it happens because we do know that it is opened to many people who never did anything to look for it. And many people especially in adolescence have had the mystical vision all of a sudden without the slightest warning and with no previous interest in that kind of thing

He remembers what he was doing when it dawned on him that he was in love, when he felt the air leave his lungs and his eyes widen softly when he realized how nice it would be to kiss your temple and he couldn’t even finish the thought as the feeling ran from his head to his toes.

He was standing in your kitchen as you finished making your lunch for the following day and you made a joke that made yourself laugh, he didn’t think it was a very funny joke but you didn’t care. You giggled to yourself and he couldn’t help but wish he could witness that forever. It hit him like a brick that he would, in almost an instant, give his entirety to you. It terrified him when he imagines you and him ending like his parents. But behind the terror, the fear of divorce, was a softer and quieter emotion that he tried to focus on harder than the insanity of his anxiety. A softer, lovelier, hopeful feeling that he usually gets every time you smile at him. That was the feeling he was searching for, everything else was irrelevant for a few glorious moments.

-But as yet we are not clear as to why it comes about and if there is any method of attaining it the best one is probably to give up the whole idea of getting it…. you see it is completely unpredictable and so it is in that way like falling in love, capricious and therefore crazy. But if you should be so fortunate as to encounter either of these experiences. It seems to me to be a total denial of life to refuse it. And what we therefore have to. Admit in our society is so that we can contain this kind of madness.

He called Tendou that evening, telling him that he thinks he loves you, and Tendou about had a conniption. He was in Paris as his best friend fell in love for the first time. He talked him through it, told him how good it can be. That yes it was going to be work but the reward would be worth it. To not sell himself short out of his own fears. He deserves much more than that. Tendou’s last phrase is what sunk in deep “I know it was unpredictable, that it feels so fickle, but that’s what love is like buddy! You can’t deny it Ushi, you can’t run from it or hide from it, it will only hurt you in the long run”

- You see, in this way we can think about and structure the necessary stable social institution of family sometime without it being constantly threatened of foundering on the rocks of love. Now you see this then means that when when people marry they take any vows at all to each other instead of saying that they will always be true to each other in the sense of meaning I Will Always Love YoU, It means I will be true to you in the sense of I will always be truthful to. I will not pretend that my feelings towards you ARE other than what they are. Because I marry you, because I think that you are a reasonable person to live with and therefore I want you to be you I want you to be someone else I want to be a rubber stamp of me–how boring that would be?! an arrangement in which people set each other free and make an alliance to cooperate with each other in certain ways. Now if it should so occur that they are of immense sexual attraction to each other, so much the better? That this should not be a primary factor in entering into marriage. Admittedly, you must be to a certain extent attractive to each other otherwise there will be no progeny. But this is this is seems to me to be a sensible and reasonable view and just because it is sensible and reasonable it can accommodate what is not sensible and reasonable which is falling in love.

Ushijima is terrified. He’s terrified because the instant immediate joy he felt when he realized he loved you was almost overtaken by worries and stress. He loves you! Now what? He loves structure in his life and he values stability but he knows how rocky relationships can be and how they can ultimately end. He knows he won’t deny it, he won’t back away because of his fear but he needs a plan. A plan to take to you and talk about it, he knows you’ll have the right thing to say but he doesn’t even know what he’ll even say to you yet. He loves that you are so carefree and goofy, a breath of fresh air to his stoicism. You’ve even gently worked your way so deep into his soul that you feel like his other half, his complete other in every way, someone who wasn’t like him at all and how wonderful that is.

Once in his life he thought that arranged marriages were smarter, you did it out of logic and bloodline and family, nothing messy to deal with. But that structure, that boring empty rocky foundation that an arrangement might bring made his mouth taste bad, although at the time he convinced himself it was because it would be more like another job that takes up his time (away from you)

Sensible and reasonable was right up his alley, he thought how nice it would be to have a mini him but he couldn’t think about having that with anyone. He couldn’t think of another half of dna that baby would share that would make it worth it. Not until he saw a picture of you holding your nephew, now whenever he thinks of his babies they share your genes. He thinks of a chunky baby with your eyes and his hair color, a mix of your personality and he’d share volleyball with them. He’s never wanted kids as much as he does when he thinks about sharing them with you. And that’s the part that feels senseless, the love part, the part where you give your entirety to someone and trust that they will care and keep you, no matter what happens, save its not infidelity or other deal breakers of yours he already knows.

Ushijima’s theorizing and thoughts about you over the course of time went from being about understanding why he feels like this to imagining fake scenarios where he wants to take you abroad to travel together, to be together every day and share the hard times and good times, babies or not, marriage or not. He just wants to make you happy for the rest of his life no matter what and he can’t go on much longer without knowing he has a chance to do so

- Well now really when we go back then to falling in love. And say it’s crazy falling. You see we don’t say rising into love. There is in it the idea of the fall. And it is goes back as a matter of fact two extremely fundamental things that there is always a curious tie at some point between the fall and the creation. Taking this ghastly risk, is the condition of there being life. You see, for all life is an act of faith and an act of gamble

And so here he was. Sitting on a bench outside of your dorm, feet bouncing as he stared at the small patch of grass growing in between the sidewalk crack. It’s been a while since that class and he’s been thinking about this constantly.

He knows the risk, feels it in his heart every time he meets up separately with his parents since their divorce. He sees it every time he remembers his childhood and the messy separation. That mess he never wants to repeat. The fall that comes with this love is like that class video had told him, ghastly. He doesn’t know if this could ruin it all, if he takes the leap of faith and it all comes crumbling down years later he’ll be just another divorce. He doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to end up like his parents and have a child who feels the same. But when he imagines his life he doesn’t think he could be haply without you by his side.

- the moment you take a step, you do so on an act of faith, because you don’t really know that the floors not going to give in to your feet. The moment you take a journey what an act of faith. The moment you enter into any kind of human undertaking in relationship what an act of faith you see you’ve given yourself up. But this is the most powerful thing that can be done surrender see and love is an act of surrender to another person. Total abandonment. I give myself to you. Take me, do anything you like with me. So, that’s quite mad because you see it’s letting things get out of control all sensible people keep things in control.

You know something is up the moment you open the doors and see his back on the bench. You were going to his place since he wasn’t answering his phone, you freeze at the doors at watch him for a moment as your anxiety spikes in your stomach. His shoulders are tense as he leans forward, elbows on his thighs and hands clasped together as he looks down between his bouncing feet. Before you really think about it, you follow the urge to comfort him, to talk to him and make sure it’s all okay. Your feet carry you quickly to his side and you sit down, pulling him into a side hug and wrapping your arms around him.

He gasps when you sit and as you’re wrapping your arms around him he furrows his brows and hugs you back. His heart racing As his fears take the back burner. He didn’t expect you to find him but he also didn’t know how long he’s been sitting here. He buries his face into your neck as he you hold each other in the cool spring evening.

“What’s wrong?” You ask as you hold him and feels his walls break down, his arms tighten around you

“I’m scared” he says quietly and his voice cracks

“Of what Toshi? You can always talk to me” Your fingers run through his hair softly and it soothes his nerves.

He pulls back and cups your cheeks, his eyebrows were still furrowed and his stoic expression was broken by his eyes that were swimming with worry and insecurity.

You saw everything in his eyes and you met him with your determination and steady unwavering love he finds in your eyes. God he feels so mad. So incredibly and undeniably mad and insane and like he isn’t in control. He needs to tell you. Needs the words to come out of his throat so he can calm his heart and soothe his ulcer. The anxiety felt like it was immeasurable and his breathing was starting to get faster until you placed your hands on his cheeks, smothering the bad feelings completely “it’s okay Wakatoshi, I’m right here”

Ushijima feels the exact moment his heart relaxes into the faith, the surrender into love trusting that the floor isn’t going to collapse under his feet, the moment he gives his whole self, body and soul, to the fall, and that moment was when your lips touched his for the first time. Then he let go, the madness left his body and was replaced with a calm assurance that yes, yes this was it, what he’s been waiting for, what he’s been yearning for.

- for all the cost and wisdom what is really sensible is to let go that is to commit oneself to give oneself up and that’s quite mad,

-so we come to the strange conclusion that in madness lies sanity.

[mr-gallows]

Astrological signs for Anakin Skywalker!

I mostly just focused on the signs and planets, not on the houses that they fell into, so there may be some inconsistencies! I might change these later the more I learn, but this is just for fun! Here is my take on Anakin! (with some minor Obi-Wan analysis for comparison!) Read Obi-Wan’s interpretation here. Edit: I changed Anakin’s moon!

Before I get into this, I want to explain the elements and the modes: Air = thoughts/intellect Earth = materialism/pragmatism Water = emotion/spiritualism Fire = Action/Instinct 

Cardinal = initiative Fixed = stability Mutable = adaptability

Anakin has mostly Fire and Water, making him active and emotional. He has just enough air to give him an unconventional intellect. He is also Cardinal and Fixed dominant, which gives him initiative and stability (not often a word you would describe Anakin with!). He has a beautifully intense chart, this boy belongs in a Gothic novel. Lord Byron would be proud.

Scorpio Ascendant: The ascendant is our mask or ‘filter’. It is the first layer of our personality, what we show to people before they truly know us. Anakin processes the world around him through the lens of a Scorpio; with high emotional intensity and an almost psychic perception. He is reserved with most people around him, he keeps his guard up like a Scorpio. Most of the time he keeps quiet, letting Obi-Wan do the talking with his more chatty Libra Ascendant. Scorpio Ascendants also look very intense, and may come across as cold to people. Unlike Obi-Wan’s airy Libra, Scorpio has a very heavy presence, because it’s a fixed sign. It has the intensity of a black hole. 

He’s not going to budge an inch, until he knows that he’s safe around you. 

This is probably why Anakin comes across as a loner most of the time, even though this boy is like ‘im so lonely please love me i’m so lonely’. When people get to know Anakin better, and he lets his guard down, they get a glimpse of his core Aries self (Obi-Wan is very familiar with this side). 

Aries Sun: The Sun is the ‘core’ part of the personality. Anakin is an Aries Sun, a fiery cardinal sign, making him highly action-oriented. Anakin seems to have a lot of trouble staying still, always needing to do something with his body or work with his hands. He needs to see the fruits of his labors right now dammit.

Anakin often gets typed as a Scorpio Sun, however I think Scorpio, for all of its emotional volatility, can be frighteningly calculating. Scorpio Sun likes to hide in the shadows, waiting patiently for the perfect opportunity to strike. Anakin broods like a Scorpio, but he has the impatience of an Aries, and carries out most of his actions like an Aries.

His Aries Sun is very active, always on the move, acting on its feelings almost without thought. Anakin seems to be flying by the seat of his pants in most areas of life. He’s also naturally pretty fiery and competitive, having no issue with showing off. Anakin is restless, he has an urge to push boundaries and to experience everything. He’s very open, and his moon blends in easily with this. It’s this fire and action-oriented cardinal energy that has given him drive to become a Jedi, and probably his Aquarius/Scorpio that gives him the follow-through. Cardinal energy wants to lead, and Anakin is a natural-born leader. It comes more naturally to him than to Obi-Wan’s mutable Virgo!

Moon in Sagittarius Leo: The moon is our vulnerabilities, our emotions, and our maternal instinct. It is the side of ourselves that comes out when we are most comfortable. I thought that Anakin was a Sagittarius moon, since he seems given to sensory experiences. The more I saw how he interacted with Ahsoka, however, I’m starting to think he is in fact a Leo Moon. His emotions are wrapped in his pride. I remember the idea that Anakin wants more than what a Jedi’s life offers, even though he shouldn’t. He has strong desires. There is a nobility to Leo, fiercely protective of what it claims as its own. The way he tells Ahsoka he would never let anyone hurt her makes me think of a lion protecting its cub. Anakin is so fiercely protective of her, he sneers at the mere implication that Asajj sees a part of herself in her. With Padme, he wants to express his love in grand, dramatic gestures, probably in ways that he wishes he could show the whole world, but he can’t. He wants to save people who are suffering and right wrongs in a very grandiose manner. It feels like a divine calling, a narrative in which he is the main character, it is his purpose in life. This is how Anakin mothers the people he loves. Extreme, devout protection and gestures of adoration. Just think of a Lion’s majesty and ferocity, and you’ve got Anakin’s moon. 

Mercury in Aquarius: Mercury is all about how we understand things, think, and communicate. Anakin’s Aquarius Mercury is having a hard time breathing with all these fire and water signs around it. This is where Anakin’s unconventional thought patterns come from. Anakin will come up with a solution to a problem that is very unexpected. Anakin’s action-driven Sun, his possibility-driven Moon, and his forward-thinking Aquarius Mercury combine to make him a very daring pilot. Honestly it makes him very daring in many areas. His Aquarius Mercury is fascinated by tech and creating new things with it. He also doesn’t care much for social etiquette, and may even be amused by saying something blunt. He has a taste for innovation. Him and Obi-Wan having Mercury signs in air makes me think that’s why their banter is so amusing. They are both quick witted in this regard.

Venus in Scorpio: Venus rules romance, aesthetics, and taste. Oh boy, this is a doozy. Where do I start?

Having a water-based Venus is compatible with Obi-Wan’s water-based Moon. Water signs are compatible with other water-signs. However, there is a problem: Obi-Wan’s moon only comes out when he feels completely comfortable to do so. That happens extremely rarely. 

Anakin’s Venus is pulling at Obi-Wan’s Moon, demanding that Obi-Wan share a part of himself that Obi-Wan only shows when he feels absolutely safe to do so. Unfortunately, being a Jedi, it’s never safe to do so. Scorpio probes, which might even feel parasitic to Obi-Wan.  Obi-Wan will block it out, because it’s sensitive, it hurts. Anakin interprets this as a rejection, and thinks that he did something wrong, when it’s really just not the way Obi-Wan expresses his love (most of the time). That said, the detail-orientation of Obi-Wan’s Venus and his emotionally-psychic moon are extremely precise in detecting Anakin’s mood-changes and feelings.

(Obi-Wan’s Moon/Venus: “I love you but I don’t know how to deal with this.”)

Anakin’s love is raw. It is an all-consuming type of love, it’s like an addiction, a drug. Anakin wants to know the depths of someone’s soul, he wants to know someone’s deepest traumas and demons, to accept them and love them for all that they are, because ultimately that is what he craves for himself.

This kind of love is extremely intimidating to Obi-Wan’s gentle Virgo Venus and sensitive Cancer Moon. I don’t think Padme really knows how to deal with it either. I don’t think he’s shown all of it to her.

Scorpio Venus, along with his Scorpio Ascendant, makes Anakin very possessive and stubborn. This doesn’t mean that Scorpio Venuses are bad, only that they have an urge to take things to an extremely intense depth that most others don’t feel comfortable going to. Not everyone sees that as love. A Scorpio Venus has to learn that not everything has to go that deep, and that boundaries need to be respected.

On the plus side, you can probably tell your deepest secrets and insecurities to Anakin, and he won’t tell a soul. He’ll probably feel closer to you. 

Suspecting rejection, Anakin thinks he has to prove how much he loves someone, so that they don’t let him go. I think of the scene where Anakin gives his lightsaber to Padme, as a symbol of his life and love (I also suspect that Padme is probably a Cancer Ascendant, which would explain Anakin being drawn to her because she has a mothering, caring energy that he wants in love). Anakin doesn’t realize that he doesn’t have to go to these extreme lengths to prove that he loves someone, he doesn’t see that they already love him. He feels wrong and broken, and he wants someone who can heal his soul, when he really needs to look inwards and heal himself.

A Scorpio Venus can also take things very personally and become wrathful. Scorpio has a divine wrath, it is complete and utter destruction. Anakin is fire and ice, he burns everything to ash and freezes it over.

(Anakin’s Leo Moon/Scorpio Venus: “Why are you leaving me? What did I do wrong?”)

Losing someone he loves is death itself to him. When he speaks to Master Unduli about not giving up on Ahsoka, the thought of losing her looks like it physically pains him. 

In short: Anakin not properly dealing with his Scorpio Venus/Leo Moon is probably the cause of his fall. 

Also: Scorpios like darkness and intensity. To them, it is the most real, the most deep. Explains why Anakin likes black, huh?

Mars in Aries Scorpio: Mars rules passion, war, instinct, and sexuality. An Scorpio Mars is a planet in the sign of its old rulership! It is not as potent as Aries, but I changed it because I examined the way Anakin goes to war. He is more likely, at least later on, to use underhanded and sneaking tactics. This is where he becomes very cold, calculating, unyielding. Having a third inner planet (Ascendant sort of counts as a planet) in Scorpio makes his personality slightly unbalanced. There’s a LOT of Scorpio here, a lot of intense emotions that he has difficulty understanding. He can never completely express himself, there is something he’s always holding back, and he doesn’t even know what it is that he’s holding back.  

When it comes to sexuality, this is another area where Anakin gets possessive. This is where not only his Mars, but his Scorpio Venus and Leo Moon all come out to play. The eroticism is ridiculous. It’s wild, uninhibited, dark, passionate, emotional, and probably loud. What a drama queen. He’s easily aroused and wants to give everything he can to his partner. Having Scorpio in the planets of love and sexuality makes his expressions of love tinged with darkness. He probably has a dominant edge and wants to explore dark taboos. He wants to utterly consume his partner and have them consume him in return. This is an intense sensory and emotional experience for him, and he wants the best. His ideal is a luxurious bed with candles, a beautiful moonlit view, and nobody else for miles. Leaving his partners exhausted and satisfied is what he strives for, and he’d wish they could do this forever. Aries/Leo/Scorpio make his head, back, and well...his genitals, his erogenous zones, respectively.

[evolutionsvoid]

While I have talked a lot about how the term "dragon" is thrown around a lot and misused, the word "vampire" is another one that suffers such a fate. The "Dragon" label  is slapped onto any giant, dangerous creature, and the title of "vampire" is used whenever a species or entity feeds on blood. As you can clearly see, these requirements for such a title are very vague. So often they are slung around with reckless abandon, to the point where such names hardly mean anything. The moment some culture or group learns that a creature feeds on blood, they instantly start calling it a "vampire." For a natural historian, such as I, it is extremely confusing. You will go to some town and have people raving about "vampires," and you go to investigate only to find that it is a roost of small blood sucking bats. This is the other problem with calling everything a "vampire," as it instantly demonizes whatever species it is used on. These bats hardly drink enough blood to cause harm, yet people are ready to slaughter them just because they believe they are bloodthirsty beasts. Real vampires are real problems, as the human host is reduced to a feral state that makes them extremely aggressive. Vampire outbreaks can wipe out towns, which is why vampires are so despised and hunted. This level of threat and danger shouldn't be thrown around so sloppily. What if a band of knights come riding to a town under the belief that they are besieged by vampires, only to find out that the townsfolk have been panicking over large mosquitoes? It would be such a waste of time and resources, while real vampires are out infesting others! What I am trying to say is that we should watch our use of the term "vampire" so that innocent species aren't demonized and natural historians can keep things straight. The reason I bring this up in this entry is because the species I am writing about is often called a "vampire." This is obviously a false title. Yes, is does feed on blood, but it does eat other things! And yes, it is a little creepy looking, but that still does not mean it's a vampire! The species I am referring to is the Cukalid, a large species of flying insect. These creatures are quite hardy and well adapted to their environment, allowing them to live in a wide variety of habitats. They prefer temperate to tropical climates, and the only real thing they need is trees for roosting. Cukalids are a nocturnal species, going out to hunt around dusk and retreating to the cover of trees when the sun rises. Despite this lifestyle, they are not vulnerable to the sun. Its rays do not burn them like one would expect for a "vampire." Rather, night is when their prey is easier to target and ambush, while daylight makes their attempts rather obvious. Stalking prey during daylight hours would be difficult, as Cukalids grow to the size of an adult human and are red in color. Kind of hard for prey not to notice something like that. Though their limbs can allow walking and crawling, Cukalids prefer to travel by flight. Their large wings allow them to zip around rather quickly, or hover in place so that they may scope out an area. These wings are designed to be silent during flight, making it easier for them to sneak up on prey. To go with this lifestyle, Cukalids have specialized limbs. Their lowermost appendages have backward joints and dexterous hands that aid in perching and snaring small prey. Their middle appendages are fused and spiky, which they use for holding larvae and grooming. The upper limbs are much like our own arms, allowing them to grasp tools, prey and larvae. And if six limbs aren't enough, their proboscis is prehensile! So many options!

Now it should be obvious by the "vampire" moniker, but I do have to say that the diet of a Cukalid primarily consists of blood. Their tongue-like proboscis is covered in hundreds of tiny sharp hairs that pierce the skin and siphon bodily fluids. They are so small and sharp that prey often doesn't notice, only feeling an itching sensation as the Cukalid feeds. Often, Cukalid's target large sleeping animals that won't notice it feeding. Its silent flight and long tongue help it sneak up and drain blood without rousing the target. In some cases, the Cukalid may ambush and overpower smaller prey. Using its limbs, it pins the victim to the ground and drinks its fill. If large prey is in short supply or the Cukalid is feeling a bit peckish, they are known to nab small mammals and drink them dry as if they were a pouch of juice. What I think is rather interesting is the fact that Cukalids do eat other things besides blood. While such foods are a small portion of their diet, it shows that they do not rely solely on hematophagy. Using their long tongues, Cukalids have been seen drinking nectar from certain flowers, or draining juices from ripe fruits. Perhaps sugar is a needed nutrient for their diet, and they gain more by drinking such things. While Cukalids are large, bloodsucking insects, this is not what has made them so infamous. Rather, it is their reproductive cycle that makes people so fearful and disgusted of Cukalids.  After a female and a male Cukalid mate, the female begins the development of two to three eggs. While other insects may lay these eggs and leave, Cukalids will actually keep them safe in their armored abdomen, refusing to lay them until they are almost ready to hatch. When the time comes, the female will finally release the eggs and guard them until the larvae emerge. Two to three larvae will be born, and their mother will pick them up and carry them on her body. What comes next is rather interesting, as Cukalids are brood parasites. Rather then care for them on her own, the mother will seek out large, blood-filled prey to help her out. Once she spots a suitable target, she will strategically place one of the larvae on the host and keep watch. Once planted, the larvae will dig in their legs and reveal a long, forked tongue that is used to pierce the prey's skin. Sliding this branching tongue under the skin, the larvae will begin to slowly feed on blood and other fluids. Its legs help anchor itself to the host, while the strange tongue makes removal difficult and painful. When the larvae is safely secured, the mother will fly off to plant the other siblings. The young will remain on the host for days, gaining strength and energy from its victim's blood. Now one may wonder why the host just doesn't squash the little bugger, as it would seem like an easy solution. The reason this doesn't happen is because while the larvae steals blood, it is also injecting something else into the host. This strange fluid (maybe venom? A tranquilizer?) causes the victim to become oddly motherly to the attached larva. Like how a mother lovingly cares for her child, the host will begin to act much like that, seeing this parasite as their own offspring. Even when the host is male or another gender, their behavior will change so that they care for and protect the parasite. Over the next few days, the host will become infatuated with the larvae. Any attempts to harm the parasite or point out that it isn't a real child will cause the host to lash out angrily and violently. This behavior is even seen in species who do not care for their offspring or interact with them in any way. When someone is being fed on by Cukalid larvae, it is pretty much impossible to convince them it is a parasite and not some precious baby. After a while, the larvae will have gained enough nutrients to begin pupating. When the host falls asleep, the young will remove itself from their body and crawl off to a nice, dark, safe place. There it will cocoon itself and begin the process of becoming an adult. When the larvae leaves the host, the host will wake up with no recollection of the past few days. Their memories of their time under its influence will be blurry, and some may even write it off as a drunken stupor. While some may believe that female Cukalids are uncaring mothers, there have been reports of them being quite protective of their young. Even when the larvae are planted on a host, their mothers have been seen checking in from time to time. They spy on the victim from a distance, making sure everything is going well. In certain cases where hosts have been harassed or targeted by others of their kind, the mothers have tracked down the offending individuals and viciously attacked them. With that, some people have found that it is best to let hosts be and wait for the larvae to leave under its own power. As you can imagine, such a life cycle has made Cukalids a terrifying creature in the eyes of many. Tales of them swapping out babies and preying on sleeping victims are plentiful. To make things even worse is its appearance. The devilish red, the cruel tongue and that bizarre visible brain. To this day, no one is really sure why the Cukalid has such a large, obvious brain. Compared to other insects, the Cukalid boasts the largest brain to body weight ratio. Some believe such a large organ is what gives Cukalids such cunning and cleverness. Though I did not state it before, but Cukalids are rather smart little bugs. They can open doors and windows, sneak into locked areas and plan out attacks so that they maximize success and minimize failure. This also helps when planting their young, as they choose hosts that will provide proper safety and food for their larvae. Even with this, though, their brains seem too big. Other insects are good at planning and hunting, and yet they do not possess such large brains. Giant ants are quite smart and clever, but their brains are tiny compared to the Cukalids! Another theory is that the Cukalid's brain makes them immune to magic. This I don't know much about, as I am not educated in such a department. The other popular theory is that this organ grants the Cukalid psychic powers. This one I believe is based more on hysteria and paranoia, the belief that Cukalids are masters of mind control and hypnosis. Many believe that Cukalids use their powers to lure in victims for their thirsty brood, or place attackers in a trance so that they may escape harm with ease. Some even think Cukalids use their tongues to suck the intelligence and memories out of a victim's brain! Why a giant insect would want to steal thoughts is beyond me! It has gotten to a point where some humans believe that Cukalids are designed specifically to hunt and feed on them. Their larvae can give the appearance of a swaddled baby, and Cukalids often target humans due to their efficiency as hosts. To them, Cukalids are worthy of the title of "vampire." To me, I think it is all ridiculous. Yes, Cukalids feed on blood and a brood parasites, but it doesn't make them psychic blood beasts. This talk of mind control  and stuff is just silly, as there have not been any reports or findings of such abilities. I would know, as I spent a month researching them! I spent days on end watching them and compiling notes of their behavior, and nothing ever happened to me! They say they use their big eyes and brains to entrance prey, but I have made eye contact with several Cukalids and none of them ever hypnotized me! Well, not that I recall. Actually, now that I think of it, I wouldn't exactly be able to tell that sort of thing, would I? I don't exactly have a research partner to confirm or deny such a thing. Weird. I am probably just overthinking things, but that would explain why my notes of Cukalids are surprisingly thin and scattered. You know what, scratch what I just said. I need to go see a mind cleaner to make sure there isn't something stuck in my brain. Depending on what they find, I may have to write a new entry for this species. Chlora Myron Dryad Natural Historian