#carla the clerkie

[itscarlawthac]

#CarlaTheClerkie: First Week - Internal Medicine

I haven't blogged about the uncertainties I have with clerkship. I haven't even blogged how I passed third year and how I maintained my scholarship and all those mushy year enders. Sorry for making this tiny space not updated but I promise this time, I'll do it weekly per rotation *proud happy dance* Hingang malalim, here it goes. INTERNAL MEDICINE. The moment I saw that our first rotation was IM, I really didn't know what to feel. Relieved since come comprehensive exam time, we will being having time to review or extra scared since it is the most toxic and tedious rotation among all departments. When people ask me what kind of doctor I'd like to be, I will easily say "Di ko pa alam eh, basta sure ako hindi Pedia at naka cross out na ang IM" IM is my waterloo subject and it is practically composed of all specializations imaginable - cardiology, neurology, endocrinology, nephrology, oncology, hematology). It is the meat of medicine! Imagine how I struggled last two years because of IM and now IM pa talaga ang first rotation ko, edi gulatan kung gulatan! It's a sunday and thankfully, I didn't have to give up sleep and food. I messaged my mother to bring me to somewhere happy. Kahit saan basta sa masaya kami kakain ng lunch. I feel so drained and tired and every duty night when my feet hurt from going down to the laboratories from 4th floor (the elevator is so slow and everything needs to be fast!!!) I ask myself, "bakit ganito kataas ng pangarap ko? Hindi ba pwedeng simpleng trabaho na lang yung pangarapin ko?" then I would encourage myself with "kaya mo yan doctora, kaya mo yan carla" or "4 hours na lang uuwi ka na" or "nakakahiya kung magq-quit ka, sayang three years" because those are my real thoughts for this week. I feel so lost because kahit anong endorsement ng higher years sa amin, kahit anong tips experience is really the best teacher. So don't be on the sidelines, stay where there is action because from that, you will learn. Ilang beses ko nalunok yung pride ko at kung ano pa. Sabi ko nga, feeling ko tupa lang ako na imbis na baa, baa ang sinasabi ko, "opo mam, opo sir", "yes po doc, sorry po doc", "patulong mam nurse, salamat mam nurse" pero at least may mga tao kang kasama sa laban na ito. Mga taong hindi ka papabayaan. Ayan naiiyak na ako, ilang beses kasi ako napagsabihan dahil sa kashungaan ko. I am the kind of person who hates being lost, yung not in control in anything, OC ako eh. And yung first week ko, ramdam na ramdam ko na disorganized ako as a person. Sobrang inefficient. Magulo yung quarters namin, madaming papeles na hindi ko pa kabisado, may mga taong hindi kilala, may mga procedures na hindi kayang gawin, naliligaw pa rin sa ospital - I want to control how things work but that was not applicable bilang I am a mere dirt sa hierarchy sa ospital. Nasisigawan, nasasabihan. Nakakapagod pero kapag bumisita ka naman sa mga pasyente mo para kunan ng vital signs, mawawala yung pagod mo sa simpleng "kain na tayo, doctora" o "ayos ka pa ba?" Yung mga kwentuhan din nila na ayaw mo man putulin ay dapat magcarryout ka na. Tapos yung mga mam nurse at sir nurse na pwedeng pwede mo lapitan kapag kailangan mong ipa-paracetamol yung isang pasyente, wala ka ng 5ml syringe, o kailangang kailangan mo ng tulong sa reseta. My co-rotation interns na super amazing sa skills, isang tusok lang pasok na kahit edematous pa salamat kahit ang kulit kulit ko na andaming tanong! To my co-service residents who try their best to be understanding of our kashungaan, I promised you a new and improved Carla so antay lang po. Super dami ko na agad natutunan from them kasi ang galing nila magturo. Pasensya na po kung di ako makasagot agad agad sa tanong. Siyempre nagrant talaga ako sa post na ito. Dami kong cases na nakita, stroke, coronary artery disease, UTI, sepsis from CAUTI, rheumatic fever!!!, hypokalemia, dengue, CHF, super laking sacral decubitus ulcer, supraventricular tachycardia na ako nag ECG, alcoholic liver disease na andaming complications, MI, etc... I practiced skills - IV insertion, venipuncture, ABG, ECG, walang kamatayang vital signs... still no foley cath and NGT insertion pero nagawa ko na naman yun sa Pahinungod. One week and I LEARNED SO MUCH. Medical cases, skills or papers, my favorite learning is HUMAN INTERACTION. I dealt with a lot of different personalities, work ethics, attitudes, and values. From how my co-clerks handled every duty, how my interns are already tired and feared for their boards yet still willing to help, our residents trying to be understanding and patient with us, the nurses and the difficulty of their job, the bantay of patients who are so eager to tend to their loved one even though there are lots of things to do, and the patients. The patients who try their best to cheer you up after hours of no sleep, no food, and no bathroom break by encouraging you to try another vein, ask you how you are, pretend it does not hurt so you would calm down and relax. So when asked what my favorite learning is, it would outright be HOW TO BE HUMAN ENOUGH FOR OTHERS.