#cardinal tedesco x fem!reader

[femalefemur]

Forgive Me Father For I Have Sinned.

warnings: weed, intox, smoking weed, religion, please let me know if I missed anything!

word count: 1.8k

A/N: i'm sorry i made it a little sad at the end, i don't know what came over me.

okay so i can't stop thinking about it apparently!!

being a nun came somewhat naturally to you, you wouldn't say it was something you always wanted to do but it was something that was always there. a little thought at the back of your mind that would sometimes grow so large you felt as though it was taking over your very being. you joined a few years into your 20s, you had gone to university, had a job for a while and then found that it really wasn't for you.

it held nothing, there was no peace and quiet, only festering at your soul which grew with each day; each bill, each payment of rent, each early morning squished on a bus as you made your way to your office and sat at your desk. often scrolling mindlessly on your phone for hours as your work for the day had been completed already.

it was then one late night that you had decided that maybe you should give it all up, nothing in your life seemed to fit right and click into place like you had been told it would. things only seemed to drone needlessly, an empty void deep within you that couldn't be filled no matter how hard you tried. so you left, told your loved ones goodbye and joined an order.

somehow in those early morning prayers, vows of chastity and sometimes silence, you found peace at last.

maybe it really was the life you were meant to lead, to be a nun in a time where it seemed ridiculous to even consider giving up your life for this. but it soothed that ache in you, the void inside you filling bit by bit with each prayer, each communion, each sip of wine that was taken as christ's blood.

it was a few years after you had taken your final vows that you had been sent to an order in italy, rome, your eyes drooping closed in your plane seat and you drifted off to sleep. when you landed you were greeted by your new sisters, taken in and shown to your room and left to unpack before joining them for lunch. it was that night at mass that you first met him. cardinal goffredo tedesco. this was his church, his flock, and he was here to greet the new lamb that had joined them.

you don't see much of him after that, busy as he is, though you do occasionally pass him in the halls when the abbess has need to seek his counsel. you don't think much of him, what can you think really of a man who still holds traditional values close to his heart despite the pope himself being progressive.

and then there was the vape, always in his hand or on his person, a billow of smoke following him around like he was a some sort of dragon. it at times made you miss smoking, not cigarettes as those were as readily available as prayers, even in the convent. but rather you missed weed, it was not something you often smoked but you missed the feeling of being high nonetheless.

the months passed, seasons changed, you gradually saw more of the cardinal as you went about your daily duties. sometimes you would be asked to take things to his office, those days were nice as you had the chance to wander through rome, see happy families, couples, watch little children laugh in glee as they ran about.

it warmed your heart, to see the good of humanity, the love that we all share and hold close to ourselves, something that makes the very fibres of our being.

it was those days that you often saw more than a fleeting glimpse or a foggy pass of tedesco, even if you were handing the papers to someone else who worked for him. you would often see him at his desk, glasses perched on his face as he read, a small glance spared your way as you handed over the papers, a polite smile on your face in return.

he was handsome you supposed even if his morals were off putting. the greying hair working in his favour, the sparkle in his eye still there as if he was nothing more than a mischievous boy who had been running amok in the yard. he did his job well though, you could not deny him that for all his flaws, he cared about the church and his flock, perhaps a little too much you thought.

the seasons kept changing until it was finally summer again, the warmth of the sun mingling with the chirp of insects and the cool afternoon breeze. it was then that a group of your sisters passed by, all giggles and hushed whispers as they hurried across the courtyard. what caught your attention though was the slightly dazed look in their eyes, you knew that look and you had no idea how they even managed to get some.

you followed after them in hurried steps, catching them just as they entered a room, your voice low and hushed as you asked where they got the weed. it startled them at first to be caught, begging you not to tell the abbess, though if you knew the abbess then she was already aware, nothing passed by that woman, not a single speck of dust made it by without her notice. after some reassurance though they calmed and told you, let you know they had a dealer, an older woman who grew it for some extra money on the side, and promised to get you some the next time.

it was a few weeks later when there was a knock at your door, at a time before bed and after nightly prayers. one of the sisters you had caught before standing there and pressing a small ziplock bag into your hands with a smile before she disappeared back down the hall. it was pre-rolled you realised as you stared down at the joints in the bag, thankful as you had nothing to grind with.

you slipped out later that night into the dark, passing through the sleeping quarters and out past the courtyard to a small secluded place in the far garden. lighting the joint and taking a hit.

you don't know how you didn't hear him, maybe you were too in your own world, happy to have this small moment or perhaps he was just light on his feet when he wanted to be, either way you were soon face to face with cardinal tedesco. both of you staring at each other as smoke left your mouths.

"i did not think anyone would be here" he mused as he stared at you, eyes flickering to the joint between your fingers.

"neither did i" you replied as you swallowed.

there was no point in trying to hide the joint, he had already seen it and if you were going to be punished for it then so be it. you don't know what compelled you, perhaps it was the fact that he hadn't immediately starting ranting at you, or perhaps it was the way his gaze lingered a beat too long on the joint, but you held it out to him. blinking up at the man who just raised a brow before slipping his vape into his pocket and gently taking the joint from you.

the two of you smoked in silence, passing the joint back and forth between you as you stared up at the night sky, watching the few twinkling stars you could see and the planes that flew with their blinking lights. the occasional glance at the cardinal as you smoked.

perhaps he was more handsome than you realised.

it became a semi-regular thing after that, once a month you and tedesco would meet in the garden, sit under the tree and share a joint. it wasn't until you had all been called to the vatican that the relationship between the two of you progressed any further.

it was nearing the beginning of winter, your sisters and you packed onto a bus, excited murmurs and giggles as you passed through rome and into the vatican. there was an important meeting for the cardinals and the nuns were required for help, setting the tables for meals, cooking, making sure everything ran smoothly in all honesty.

it was the fourth day into the week when you had enough time to slip away, everything being wrapped up earlier than the previous days, you finally had some time to yourself. you snuck out, exploring the apostolic palace before a hand encircled your wrist, gently tugging you back.

"sister, you are where you shouldn't be" tedesco's voice filled your ears as he grinned down at you.

"sorry, i must have gotten lost" you smiled innocently as he laughed at your answer, tugging you away to a secluded corner.

you lit the joint as you both huddled together, a new feeling of secrecy and excitement between you both from doing something you shouldn't be. you were almost pressed together as you smoked, your eyes looking up into his as he spoke, low and hushed, the two of you giggling over things the other cardinals had said and done over the days until the joint was finished.

you would blame the weed if caught, but really you wanted this, his lips pressed to yours as your fingers gripped his cassock, your head dizzy with excitement and need. the feeling of his tongue against yours as he licked over the roof of your mouth making your knees buckle, choking back a whine as you lapped into his mouth and pressed impossibly close to him, the two of you making out. his hands gripping your waist before sliding down to cup your arse, gently squeezing and letting out a soft groan into your mouth before parting.

"we shouldn't have-" you started talking as you stared up at him and swallowed, the taste of him in your mouth.

"what is one more sin?" he grinned before it became something softer, a look in his eyes that shouldn't be there and a softness in his touch as the back of his hand ran over your cheek, "god will forgive us" whispered as he pressed his lips back to yours, gentler this time.

the urgency was gone now, leaving something else in its place as he cupped your jaw and angled your head up, the kiss slow and gentle, loving. something that it shouldn't be, something that should never have happened. yet here you were in his arms, kissing him as if he was your husband not god, as if you both hadn't given your lives away to something greater, something that entangled you both and wouldn't let you leave.

you could both have this moment though, this little something that you shared in stolen moments while hidden away from the world. a small amount of time where it's just the two of you and you can be something close to lover, something even closer to a husband and wife, but also nothing at all.

because who were really? who was he? the two of you could never be, you were both taken, lives given to something else, married to the same man who watched over you now with nothing but love in his heart.