#car parked out front and dean talks baby up. the man chuckles. “i didn't catch your name.” “dean winchester. nice to meet you.”

[vminvisiblestring]

ron swanson: dean winchester father-figure

cant get ron swanson being deans father-figure out of my head so i'm holding yall hostage- i mean, sharing the madness with you, i'm sorry. and listen, yes, i know, i know how it sounds but hear me out:

both have similar (incredibly unhealthy) diets/ love bacon an unhealthy amount

love to fish, in ron's words "it's like yoga except i still get to kill something"

both like good alcohol (as casual drinkers only, depressed-drinking-in-excess-to-numb-the-pain-of-losing-cas-dean-winchester does not apply)

the biggest soft spot for their closest friends

great with kids

fans of old movies/music

love sex

love big dogs

literally both are so wild and unpredictable sometimes, it's insane

now i know what you're thinking: you stupid idiot, ron's whole schtick is being this hyper masculine "manly man" who doesn't like weak-willed men, how could he possibly be a good father figure to poor, traumatized, "just wants to be loved", dean?

and to that i say, you fool, thats exactly why ron would be a great father-figure: ron's inherent soft side for the people he loves opens him up even if he is a "man's man" and he doesn't shy away from that vulnerability. and besides, dean may be many things, but weak-willed he most certainly is not. in ron's own words:

if you don't believe in love, what's the point of living?

yes, ron believes:

boys should grow up to be "strong men" who should only cry "at funerals and the grand canyon"

and

thinks america is the country of all

and

he's a hard-core libertarian

but he also

hates big government

and

loves and respects strong, independent women

plus he deadass opposed his fathers order to work in a steel mill (literally. his dad dropped him off at the mill and told him not to bother with school and ron got a ride back to the college anyway).

you're gonna tell me the man who basically said, "fuck you dad i'm going to college" wouldn't beat the shit out of j**n winchester when he found out all the trauma dean has because of him? you'd be lying to yourself.

and oh my god! imagine the support system dean would have in ron and vice versa? like imagine dean supporting ron at his jazz shows and ron supporting dean during karaoke night? considering how he supported tom and his snake juice venture (if you know you know, and if you do, i love you), it's safe to say he'd be going to every table in his deadpan voice like, "yes, that's my son. yes, he does have the voice of an angel." (and you can take ron's statement to the bank because "a recommendation from me is essentially a guarantee.") and what about deans jokes? finally someone who'll understand and laugh at his jokes. remember deans face when donna laughed at his joke? yeah, imagine that face but all the time with him and ron. but most importantly, whenever dean needs advice, who would begrudgingly (affectionate) get out of bed and bring the good scotch and bacon burgers over for a heart to heart? exactly.

and that's not even mentioning the wood working! ron teaching dean about wood working!! he starts showing dean how to make small stuff at first and then dean starts branching off doing his own thing (he did make the ma'lak box by himself, after all). and one day he surprises ron with a rowboat he made and they take it out onto a lake to fish and in the serene peace of it all ron would tell dean how proud he is of him and mean it, and more importantly: dean would believe it.

now some of you might also be thinking: well if you want dean to have an alcoholic, manly father-figure, he already has bob- [gunshot]

no, fool! bobby may have been leagues better than j**n, but he wasn't the most gentle man in the world, either. i don't forget you belittling my sons feelings, bobby singer. but i also thank you for playing catch with him. but there's little things here and there that make bobby an unfit father-figure for someone like dean. for example: his use of traditionally effeminate words or words used to describe effeminate men and using them as insults, on multiple occasions to deans face. not exactly directed at dean, although sometimes they were.

bobby is a kind of "manly man" in a... different way than ron. arguably both would consider themselves manly, but ron would say it in a confident way, very sure of himself; bobby would say it as a reassurance (insecurity) because his masculinity was somehow called into question. and there's the big ol' elephant in the room: bobby is burdened by life. the last thing dean needs is another man burdened by life, he already had that with j**n and look what he did to him. someone with that much baggage would unload it on dean sooner or later, just like j**n did. and knowing dean, he would feel it's his responsibility to look after yet another person, and he doesn't deserve that.

ron, on the other hand, lives completely unburdened by life. he lives in a cabin in the woods with his hidden gold and his books and his scotch and his wood shop just vibing. ron loves life! and guess what? so does dean! dean was always meant to live a laid-back, easy life fishing, eating bacon, loving nature and just vibing too! he'd feel contentment with ron. easy living and much deserved peace.

plus, you're gonna sit there and tell me ron (as the director of the parks department who thinks people should be able to do whatever they want) wouldn't have some kind of pull to get dean a nice piece of land and help him build a bar! and a house!! ron would give dean stability, a chance to live a peaceful, normal life.

and he literally doesn't give a shit who you love so imagine dean showing up with cas one day to dinner? they'll shake hands, ron would comment on cas's firm grip, they wouldn't notice they both have deadpan voices and expressions and hijinks would ensue. ron would love cas! he's strong, stoic, smart, but endearing and kind and open. know ron would just look over towards the other end of the table at dean and just give him a small smile and slight nod and dean would know exactly what he means: you did good, kid.

in conclusion: