#captain america wants you to vaccinate

[doctormead]

Got my booster today!

[unusualtfs]

Marvelous Corruption: Captain America

heads up, this story contains lib to con tf as its main focus, so you might want to skip this one if that's not your thing. as a disclaimer, this story is in no way intended as a glorification or endorsement of conservatism or the republican party! that being said, i hope you enjoy the ride...

Crazed cultists weren’t the types of enemies the Avengers typically fought, Steve Rogers mused as he battled his way through waves of hooded henchmen, but he supposed there was a first time for everything. Apparently this particular cult was worryingly close to summoning an actual demon, so it fell on Captain America to put an end to their plans. Not just Captain America, too — Iron Man, the Hulk, and Thor himself were there as well, racing to the center of the complex to stop the ritual before it was too late.

Sometimes Steve missed the relative simplicity of his original time. Sure, the 21st century had smartphones and polio vaccines, but it also had alien invasions and, apparently, demon summonings. But he didn’t let those thoughts distract him as he threw his shield out in front of him, clearing the path forward.

Eventually, the four superheroes reached the central chamber, where numerous cultists chanted in front of a glowing red pentagram.

“Hey Cap, look at that — a star inside a circle. I think these guys are trying to steal your style,” Tony quipped before leaping into battle, the rest of them following suit.

Steve had thought the battle was going well, but just before he slammed his shield into the last cultist standing, the circle on the floor flared with blinding light, forcing the Avengers to avert their eyes. When they were able to look again, they were faced with the sight of a muscular man with ruby-red skin and hair vaguely shaped like devil horns. Steve’s first thought was that the hair was a little on the nose. His second was that they had failed to stop the ritual.

“Mephisto,” Thor growled. Evidently, the Norse god recognized this demon. Still, he made no move against him, instead idly swinging his hammer in his hand — perhaps he was waiting to see what Mephisto would do.

“Indeed, it is I,” Mephisto said with a flourish. “And you foolish Avengers have fallen right into my trap!”

Steve tensed, ready to leap back into action, but the demon just continued standing there.

“Uh, is anyone else not seeing the trap?” Iron Man said. “Because gonna be honest, I’m not feeling too trapped right now.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Steve saw Thor slightly shaking his head. The four heroes stood there, wary of what the demon was planning, but it wasn’t long before the Hulk apparently had enough. With a mighty roar, he charged at Mephisto, aiming a green fist directly at his red face.

Moments before impact, Mephisto did something, and Hulk’s clenched fist stopped inches away from its target, surrounded by a faint crimson aura. Steve moved to assist his teammate, but found to his chagrin that he too was frozen in place — as were Iron Man and Thor. He struggled and strained, but it was no use. Despite the super strength granted to him by the serum, he was powerless against the demon’s occult magic.

“My, such anger! Such violence!” Mephisto taunted. “For all that you claim to fight for good, there is evil in your hearts, Avengers. Such beautiful darkness…”

Fear slowly crept into the back of Steve’s mind. Whatever this guy’s deal was, he might be too much for the four of them to handle, he realized.

Mephisto continued his monologue. “Why not embrace the dark? If you let the corruption take hold, you’ll be rewarded with pleasures unimaginable. In fact…” An eerie smile spread across the demon’s face. “…By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be positively eager to cast aside all that useless morality.”

Steve couldn’t abide by this. “You’re wrong!” he growled, struggling to overcome the immobilizing enchantment. “We’ll never give in to you!”

Mephisto turned to look directly at him, and Steve felt those demonic eyes boring into him. “Ah, Steve Rogers. Captain America himself. You’ll enjoy this process the most, in the end.” Steve felt a renewed sense of foreboding as Mephisto’s sickly smile grew wider. “After all, the brighter the light… the darker the shadow. As you’re about to find out.”

Quickly, the demon muttered an incantation as he aimed a burst of crackling red energy directly at Steve. He only got a brief glimpse of the horrified faces of his friends before his surroundings shifted impossibly around him. Although he remained stuck in place, he felt himself falling faster and faster, until eventually the world around him stabilized. Suddenly released from the spell, he stumbled forward and warily examined his new surroundings.

It looked like he was in an office, and a fancy one at that. In the center was an ornate mahogany desk neatly outfitted with stationary and all manner of documents, accompanied by an expensive-looking leather chair behind it. It was flanked on both sides by large bookshelves filled with books and binders of varying thickness. The office was decorated in a way that clearly indicated the owner’s immense wealth, from the exquisite rug on the floor to the opulent paintings placed tastefully on the walls. Currently, the far side of the room was covered by velvet curtains, which Steve opened to reveal a large floor-to-ceiling window. Through it, the Capitol Building could be seen, and much further in the distance, the Washington Monument.

“I’m in Washington?” Steve muttered. “Why would he bring me here?”

It didn’t matter, he decided. He’d simply exit the office and navigate to one of the Avengers’ safehouses. Hopefully his teammates could handle themselves without him. But that plan quickly ran into a fatal error: the door was locked. It refused to budge no matter how hard Steve jiggled the doorknob, much to his consternation. What kind of door couldn’t be unlocked from the inside?

Well, it was no matter. He’d tried doing things the easy way, so it was time for the slightly less easy way. Holding his shield in front of him, he braced himself, sent a mental apology to whoever owned this office, and then charged full steam ahead at the locked door. He expected it to fly right off its hinges, no match for his super soldier strength. Instead, it stayed stubbornly put, sending waves of pain through his arm as his shield crashed futilely into it.

Befuddled, Steve looked down and clenched his fists. How had that not worked? How had he met his match in a simple door? But that was when he noticed something odd. His gloves had disappeared, fully exposing his hands. And his hands…

Steve gasped. Before his very eyes, his hands seemed to be aging, piling on years of wear and tear every second. As if he was watching a timelapse, he could only stand there in horror as a patchwork of veins and arteries became visible over newly wrinkled skin. Before he knew it, his hands had become gnarled and leathery. These weren’t the hands of a superhero in the prime of his life. These were the hands of an old man.

Shocked, he stumbled over to the window, dreading what he’d see reflected back at him. He tore off his helmet and threw it aside, not noticing that it faded into nonexistence before ever touching the ground. Sure enough, the face he was greeted with was vastly different from the one he’d woken up with. Oh, his facial features were all the same, but they were now accompanied by a wide array of forehead creases, crow’s feet, frown lines, and more. Every type of wrinkle one could imagine was now present on Steve’s face. Making matters worse, as he gazed into the window, he could see his hairline rapidly thinning and receding like an ebbing tide. Concurrently, his blond hair was being shot through with gray; soon enough, it had become entirely silver.

That was enough for Steve to start panicking. What had that demon, Mephisto, done to him? Had he extracted the super soldier serum from his body, made it so that the years spent under the ice were finally catching up to him? Would he soon be nothing but a frail old man? He felt his legs beginning to quake from the stress, so he quickly collapsed into the nearest thing he could find: that leather office chair.

As if a switch had flipped within him, Steve felt himself calming the moment he came into contact with the chair. It was a heavenly feeling, the way the soft leather hugged his ass, allowing him to sink into it the perfect amount for maximum comfort. That comfort paved the way for his next changes as an insulating layer of fat rippled into being all across his body. It started with where he was sprawled in the chair, with his back sagging under its own weight and his ass becoming as soft and cushioned as the chair itself. From there, it spread to his arms and legs, which threatened to burst out of his superhero gear due to their newfound width. His hands grew meaty with fat, larger now than they’d ever been. His torso was blessed with the presence of his newfound flabby moobs and perfectly round musclegut. Finally, the fat reached his face, framing his square jaw with stately jowls. He should have been freaking out, but strangely, he found he didn’t mind the changes. Enjoyed them, actually. His muscular figure hadn’t disappeared — he could still feel its power underneath the added weight — it had just been enhanced. He may be turning into an old man, but with his physique, no one would ever think of him as frail, he thought with no small satisfaction.

Strangely, the sense of comfort was beginning to extend beyond the chair to encompass the entire room. The office felt strangely familiar to Steve, and he wondered if he’d been in here before. It certainly felt like somewhere he’d spent a lot of time in — as if it was his base of operations, his seat of power, almost. Was that weird to think? No, he didn’t think so. The more he considered it, the more he could distinctly remember fielding calls and hunching over legal text in here.

Lost in his reminiscence, he didn’t register anything abnormal when the color began to fade from his uniform, becoming monochrome — pure white above his waist, pure black below. His clothes were changing in other ways, too. His pants weren’t designed to hug his no-longer-muscular form anymore; instead, they became black slacks that hid how his fat legs jiggled whenever he moved. They were soon joined by spotless leather dress shoes and a belt with a simple, but elegant, buckle. Meanwhile, his upper half was soon covered by a perfectly ironed white dress shirt, and that was soon covered by a woolen black suit jacket. A tie in matching black whipped into existence, wrapping itself around his collar to form a perfect Windsor knot. Finally, his shirt tucked itself into his pants, beautifully framing his round belly in the most flattering way possible. Steve couldn’t help but love the sensation of his belt buckle digging into his belly. It made him feel masculine. Powerful.

Speaking of power, something shifted within him as the strength granted to him by the serum was redirected toward a different purpose. His physical capabilities were diminished to the level of an ordinary man of his musculature — which was still far greater than average, but nothing more. But he was still just as powerful as ever. It was just that now, he used his power in subtler ways. Beating up bad guys morphed in his mind into humiliating his opponents every six years. Motivating his teammates with inspiring speeches shifted into winning the support of skeptical voters with empty promises and divisive rhetoric. People looking at him in admiration transformed into people gazing upon him in fear and envy — a change that made him swell with pride. Somehow, these new memories were so much more pleasurable than his old ones, so he embraced the new ones.

Steve didn’t even stop to question where these memories had come from, as the more he thought about it, the more he realized he already knew the answers. After all, he couldn’t have served in the Senate for this long without becoming a master of the game. Coming up on the end of his seventh full term, he had seen it all, and he had thrived in this world of smoke-filled rooms and underhanded deals that weaker men recoiled from. He had rapidly climbed the ranks, going from backbencher status to national prominence in no time at all, aided by his ruthlessness and total lack of morals. His appearance was swiftly updated to match his newfound personality, as his face became capable of exactly two expressions only: a mean, unpleasant scowl, and an arrogant smirk. Meanwhile, a golden Rolex appeared on his wrist, and he fondled it lovingly — it was just one of the many “gifts” he’d been given over the years in exchange for his full-throated support for one bill or another. 

But as much as his cutthroat personality had helped him gain power, it was ultimately his ideology that endeared him to his colleagues. After all, without their support, Steve could never have become the Republican leader in the Senate. Selfish, conservative ideals rushed into Steve’s head like a tidal wave, drowning out any previous convictions he’d held beforehand. With them came even more memories, which felt more real — and more pleasurable — than ever.

He remembered voting against expanding healthcare, because he’d used the payout from the insurance lobby to buy a second summer home in the Hamptons. He remembered voting to fund increased coal mining and fracking operations, because it would be so much better for his stock portfolio that way. He remembered railing against the immigrants and the queers on the Senate floor, frothing with rage, because they weren’t real Americans, not like him.

He remembered all this, because he was no longer Steve Rogers… He was…

Wait, no!

For a brief second, his old identity reasserted itself. He wasn’t some curmudgeonly, conservative politician; he was Captain America, dammit! Desperately, he held on tight to the very pillars that formed the core of his identity as Steve Rogers: his childhood growing up in Brooklyn, his time spent fighting HYDRA in World War II, his commitment to looking out for the little guy, his loyalty to the American ideals of liberty and justice. But all of those rang increasingly hollow to the man he was becoming.

Why would he have fond memories of Brooklyn? He was a real American, born and raised in a small Missouri town — he felt nothing but contempt for that woke shithole, he thought as his hairline receded an inch farther.

How could he have fought in World War II? That was decades too late for him, and in any case HYDRA was small potatoes next to the real threat — communism. As he mentally reaffirmed his commitment to his rancid ideologies, the wrinkles on his face deepened by another year.

Why would he look out for the little guy? Unlike the so-called “little guy,” he had worked hard to reach his station in life, and he saw no problem with doing whatever it took to maintain his place at the top of the pyramid. Freed from the burden of caring for others, his greed and ego reached new heights, causing another pound of fat to be piled onto his portly frame.

And as for liberty and justice? He scoffed and cast them aside, feeling a wave of euphoria wash over him as he did so. That wasn’t the America he believed in. No, his America was one that revolved around himself, one that allowed him to line his pockets and ascend the ranks of power while closing the door on anyone who wanted to reach those same heights. Reacting to this redefined America, the shield that had served him so well in his life as Captain America floated into the air and flung itself at him. By the time it reached him, though, it was no longer a shield, but a small metal American flag pin attached to his lapel.

But still, throughout all this, a small piece of Steve remained within the new, old man, fighting desperately to hold on against the barrage of corrupt conservatism. Despite everything, he refused to give in to the alluring pleasure that tormented him. But then a familiar voice made itself known in his head.

“See Steve Rogers, didn’t I say you’d enjoy this? Like I said, the brightest lights produce the darkest shadows,” Mephisto said. “And your shadow is dark, indeed. Don’t you think it’s time to embrace it? Embrace him?” His voice lowered to a seductive purr. “You don’t have to fight it. Tell me you want it, and it will be yours.”

Steve tried to shut the demon out of his head, but his words echoed in his mind. Combining with his memories of life as an unscrupulous politician and his immaculate clothes and his fancy office and his burly old man physique, it all coalesced into a cascade of pleasurable pressure. He tried to resist. He tried to want to resist. But…

His wealth. His power. His personality. His body. The temptation was too much for Steve to bear. “Yes!” he shouted desperately. “Yes, I want this!”

And that was all Mephisto needed to hear.

Finally, his identity as Steve Rogers detached itself fully, unable to hold on in the wake of the corruption he was experiencing and embodying. He gleefully cast his old self aside. He wasn’t Steve Rogers, not anymore. No, the old man thought triumphantly as he allowed his new personality and memories to settle into their rightful places, he was someone far superior. He was Senator Roger Stephenson.

Roger breathed deeply, satisfied, as he grounded himself in his new life. Not that he had ever experienced another one, he thought as he mentally went over his biography.

Roger had been born in 1943 — ironically on the very day his former self would have received the serum if he hadn’t been deleted from reality — and many said his outdated policies hadn’t changed much since then. Consequently, he was celebrated as a hero by the American conservative movement, and equally reviled by those on the left. His approval ratings were among the lowest in the country due to his blatant corruption, and yet it was thanks to that corruption that he always won reelection comfortably. He was well-known as a slimy, cantankerous old bastard — that combined with his aggressive jingoism had earned him the moniker of “America’s Ass” — and he was proud of it. 

On a whim, he turned in his chair and gazed out upon the cityscape outside, feeling a surge of intoxicating power wash over him. Sure, the President got all the press and the credit. But up here on Capitol Hill, Roger was the one in charge. He decided which bills passed and which ones failed before ever reaching the floor. His endorsement was widely coveted, and with his mountains of cash he could swing elections however he wanted. He had all of Congress, all of the country, wrapped around his fat, wrinkled finger.

Speaking of which, he took a glance at his schedule for the day. This afternoon alone, his office would be visited by a couple of junior lawmakers, a team of auto industry lobbyists, and even a foreign dignitary or two. All of them were coming to grovel at his feet for his support, and he would give it to them… so long as it enabled him to garner more wealth, more influence, more power. To do so was his god-given right as an American.

Roger smirked. God bless America, indeed.

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 41 – FRIENDSHIP

STEVE & SAM

Big Enough Bucket by Kathar

Pairing: Steve & Sam Rating: G Words: 1,659 Tags: ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, Sam's Wings, Social Media

Summary: "Sam, no," says Captain America-- because if there's one voice instantly recognizable these days no matter how distracting the background noise is, it's Steve Rogers. People hear it in their sleep. Or... going to sleep. It continues: "This is crazy. And unnecessary." Sam Wilson takes the ice bucket challenge.

Reasons why I love it: Wow, the Ice Bucket Challenge, that really takes me back. I really love the Avengers spin that Kathar put on it – adrenaline junkies, the lot of them – and I especially enjoyed the meta commentary about what's happening on social media while the video airs. This fic is fantastic, and I really hope you give it a shot for yourself!

Barefoot Over Broken Glass by Ultrageekatlarge

Pairing: Steve & Sam Rating: T Words: 3,377 Tags: PTSD, Panic Attacks, Serious Talks

Summary: It’s been three weeks since the helicarriers, and Sam’s not doing too great.

Reasons why I love it: This fic feels like nails on a chalkboard in the best possible way. It's tense and uncomfortable and everything that I love in a fic that portrays mental health struggles. Poor Sam is going through a lot, and Steve is struggling so much with how to help him that it hurts my heart. And the ending gave me hope as much as it made my heart sink. This fic is fantastic, and you should definitely read it!

Audio Commentary Track With Steve Rogers by copperbadge

Pairing: Steve & Sam Rating: T Words: 3,003 Tags: Academic Conferences, Film Studies, Rhetoric

Summary: Steve didn't know you could go to college to study movies.

Reasons why I love it: As someone who went to film school, this fic feels like it was written specifically for me. The thought of Steve being a movie buff who's interested in making his own someday makes me want to do a happy dance. Anyway, I love this fic, and you should definitely read it, if you haven't yet!

Next-morning-itis by Feather (lalaietha)

Pairing: Steve & Sam Rating: T Words: 4,425 Tags: Mental Health Professional, Recovery, Worried Sam

Summary: Sam doesn't care if the rumours are true and Genius Stark does have a computer program or even an AI to screen his calls, eventually that's going to get tired of Sam calling, even if it has to develop sapience first to do it. Although Sam's phone might beat him to it: he feels like Siri's getting annoyed at him already. Doesn't matter. He can do this all day.

Reasons why I love it: Sam truly is the best friend anyone could have. His worry for Steve is really touching – and understandable, because Jesus Christ, Steve. I also really love the conversations Sam has with Pepper and Laura respectively, they're both such queens. Definitely check this one out, it's amazing!

Vaccinate Your Fucking Kids by bisexualamy

Pairing: Steve & Sam Rating: T Words: 2,355 Tags: Liberal Steve, Politics, Anti-vaxx

Summary: “Sam, these kids are trusting their parents to protect them,” Steve said, “and these parents are listening to this ‘Jenny McCarthy,’ and people like her, who are telling them that the best way to protect their kids is to stop them from getting one of the best things modern medicine has ever invented. I can’t just sit here drinking coffee and pretend I didn’t read about this.” Sam, knowing what was about to happen and realizing he was going to get dragged into it too, sighed and stood up a little straighter. “So,” he said. “I guess the question I should be asking is: what are we going to do about it?” (Or, the one where Aggressively Activist Steve Rogers finds out about anti-vaxxers and can't keep his mouth shut on the issue once he does.)

Reasons why I love it: Steve's outrage was basically my reaction the first time I heard of anti-vaxx as a concept, so this fic felt very cathartic for me. Not to get too political here, but this is something that I feel strongly about, so I'm very happy to see it represented in fic form. I hope you check this one out, because it deserves all the love it can get!

[sineala]

Do you know of any Captain America comic where Cap thinks about or does go back to his original time, but then decides he doesn't belong there anymore and comes back (or decides not to go back at all idk)? Is that a thing, or did I make it up in my head? I figured you might know, but if you don't sorry to bug you!

You are thinking of a real comic! The comic you are probably thinking of Mark Waid's five-issue miniseries Captain America: Man Out of Time, which is a modern retelling of Steve's origin story. Man Out of Time is probably my favorite Cap comic, specifically because of the decision Steve makes.

So there's him getting frozen and found by the Avengers in Avengers #4, but the retelling also covers a few more of the issues after that. In particular, it goes up through Avengers #8, which is the first appearance of Kang the Conqueror. (Though, technically, of course, he says he's also a couple other villains who have already appeared. Kang's gonna Kang.)

What actually happens in Avengers #8 is a fairly standard supervillain fight -- the Avengers fight him, mostly get captured and taken to his spaceship, get rescued, then punch him some more. They destroy some of his weapons and reflect others, and then he gets in his spaceship and retreats, zooming away. So that's canon. Just so you know what canonically happens. Nothing that happens in Man Out of Time is technically 616 canon. But that doesn't mean it's not a good story.

So this isn't how it goes in Man Out of Time's version of Avengers #8. At all.

I was going to make this a much longer post with many more panels but the very very short summary of the miniseries is that this is a version of Steve's early days in the future focusing heavily on his alienation from modern society -- he spends almost all of Avengers #4 convinced he's dreaming and he's going to wake up any minute.

He must be dreaming. Why are the Dodgers in Los Angeles?

When he finally accepts that it's real, he immediately wants to find someone who will send him back so he can try to save Bucky.

Reed Richards has a time machine, so Steve does possess the capability to go back.

Tony takes Steve on a date to the Smithsonian (as well as a private Radiohead concert and apparently Steve likes Radiohead?) and tries to sell him one last time on the wonders of the future, like how we have space travel now and less sexism and less racism and way fewer vaccine-preventable diseases and God I liked this book so much better when I thought people would all want to be vaccinated against diseases that could kill them.

Anyway. Steve can't be convinced; he still wants to go back to the forties. Eventually the president has to tell him he can't go back because he knows too much about the future.

Steve's not happy.

I was going to say that Mark Waid did not have to go this hard but I think maybe he did.

So Steve has to stay and he's miserable and then he starts to hate a lot of things about the future that are still bad. He finds out human trafficking exists. He finds out the designated-hitter rule exists. These things are not really comparable but he's upset about both of them. He finds out about domestic terrorism. The Vietnam War. MLK's assassination. This wasn't what he thought he was fighting for.

(The events of Avengers #5-7 happen in the background.)

And that's when we get to Avengers #8 and Kang. Kang captures the team. And Kang sends Steve back in time. To 1945. To V-J Day. So this is after Bucky is gone, but still, this is Steve's home, right? He should be happy. And for a bit, he is. He's a returning soldier, just like all the other GIs. A hot dog costs a nickel, like it ought to.

And then things start to fall apart. He goes to a Dodgers game, the Brooklyn Dodgers, as they obviously ought to be. I don't know why so much of Steve's personal betrayal by the future and also the past is about baseball, but, yeah, it is. So he watches the game and he starts talking to the kid and his father sitting next to him and the kid's a big Dodgers fan, right? Loves baseball. So Steve asks him if he wants to play for the Dodgers when he grows up.

Relevant information: the kid's black.

(Other relevant information, if you're not a baseball fan: Jackie Robinson, the first black man to play in major-league baseball, started playing for the Dodgers in 1947. He was in the minor leagues in 1946. But this story is set in 1945.)

So naturally the father would like Steve to stop lying about how his son could ever play for the Dodgers because obviously integrated baseball is a fantasy.

Steve is starting to suspect that maybe the past isn't as great as he remembered.

(Incidentally, a nice development in actual baseball news a couple years ago is that Baseball Reference, the big baseball stats organization, finally integrated... their data. All of the Negro Leagues statistics are now listed as major league, so a lot of good players are finally getting the recognition they deserve.)

Anyway. Steve can't find most of the people he knew in the war but then runs into a GI he knew, who wants to talk to him about how great life is now. He's not feeling it.

He realizes it's because he left the Avengers. He couldn't save Bucky. But he can still save the Avengers from Kang. He needs to help them. That's where he needs to be.

Luckily, he has his identicard still on him! And he can leave them a message!

He tells Rick when and where he is, and Reed comes and picks him up in his time machine.

And then he and the Avengers kick Kang's ass.

The miniseries then ends with Steve going to the Grand Canyon, where Bucky said he always wanted to visit. So Steve draws Bucky. But Steve knows now that he can't live in the past. It's tempting, he says. But it's where fossils come from.

So he lies there. He goes through his CDs. He sets aside Bing Crosby. And he listens to Radiohead. Because he lives in the future now.

So, yeah.

I love this miniseries and it really shaped how I view Steve as a character and I love that he got the chance to make this decision and he made it and I really didn't like Avengers: Endgame.

(There is another universe where Steve faces a similar decision. This is probably not the issue you were thinking of, but Marvel Adventures Avengers #37 has a plot where the Invaders -- who seem to be some kind of combination of the Invaders and the All-Winners Squad, and also it's the 50s -- come to the present and offer Steve a chance to come back. Steve seems to be seriously considering it but before he can decide whether to use the doll that will send him back to the past, Wolverine destroys it because the future needs him here and Steve's like, yeah, you're probably right. So he's still in the future but... he didn't actually get to decide that.)

I hope Man Out of Time is the comic you're thinking of! If you like Steve at all, you should read it. It's the best.

[themeatlife]

Marvel Pitstop: A Look Back at the MCU’s Phase Four - Television

A continued look at the MCU Phase Four.  Unlike previous phases, this latest phase has television series included.  There seems to be an over-saturation of content with these television series popping up between the feature film releases.  I think that part of the reason for talk of middling quality of releases in the discourse is probably because of the sheer amount of content in a short amount of time to varying success as far as storytelling and quality.

Here’s a look at the television offerings.

TELEVISION

It is a bit of a mixed ride with the television series Marvel featured on Disney+.  The highs were certainly very high, while the valleys were at least entertaining but left a bit wanting.

WandaVision - Released January-March 2021 the Meat Life Rating - 8/10

Very interesting concept.  Much of the episodes in the series a small New Jersey town are trapped in sitcom life, going through the different sitcom decades set forth by Wanda’s powers but ultimately influenced by Agatha Harkness.  The series deals with Wanda’s struggle with losing her love Vision in the events of Avengers: Infinity War.  The series felt was strong.  Upon initial watch, I thought the finale was weak compared to the rest of the series.  On the rewatch, though, I felt like the finale held up pretty well.

Best Performance - Kathryn Hahn as Agatha Harkness This was a tough call because I always enjoy Randall Park in anything, it was cool to see Kat Dennings back in the MCU, we see Teyonah Parris as a grown up Monica Rambeau, and we see strong performances from the leads Elizabeth Olsen and Paul Bettany.  Also the surprise appearance of Evan Peters as the sitcom version of Pietro was also good.  But in most scenes she’s in Hahn steals the show.

Best Episode - “Previously On” Throughout the episode Agatha forces Wanda through her past to find out how she was able to harness her powers.  We see the history of trauma and loss that Wanda goes through over the years and how her family would watch old sitcoms in their house in Sokovia.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier - Released March-April 2021 the Meat Life Rating - 8/10

This is probably my favorite MCU series so far and is a more conventional approach to television series and the Marvel storytelling.  The series is the journey Sam Wilson takes as he grapples with whether or not to take on the mantle of Captain America, dealing with race and what it is to be a Black man in America.  While Sam grapples with this, a soldier named John Walker takes on the mantle, given the shield by the US government...and to disastrous results.  We also see Bucky dealing with his Winter Soldier past.  Both of these occurring while the duo learns to work as a team together to topple the Flag Smashers, an anti-national group looking break up international efforts to reestablish pre-Blip conditions.  The Flag Smasher storyline might have been very different, with rumors of a virus or bioweapon storyline edited out due to COVID-19.  You can see remnants of this when the Flag Smashers are stealing vaccines and the Smashers leader Karli Morgenthau mourns the death of her mentor due to “an illness,” later identified as tuberculosis.

Best Performance - Carl Lumbly as Isaiah Bradley Daniel Bruhl’s Zemo was great and even had meme-able moments, Danny Ramirez’s Torres had moments, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s surprise cameo was great.  Some of the other guest stars were good and the leads Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan’s chemistry was palpable.  But Carl Lumbly as Isaiah Bradley was the best performance.  You could really feel the pain in his voice and the performance really added depth to the Falcon storyline as he grappled with whether to take the Captain America mantle.

Best Episode - “The Whole World Is Watching” In my opinion, the first five episodes are all really close, particularly 2-Star Spangled Man, 3-Power Broker, and 5-Truth.  But the fourth episode The Whole World Is Watching is the best.  The episode has the best buildup, a look at John Walker’s struggle to live up to the Captain America mantle, the charm of Zemo, the teamwork of Sam and Bucky, and the badass Dora Milaje fight in the apartment.  And it has a clear juxtaposition with the redeeming un-brainwashing of Bucky in a flashback at the beginning of the episode and then the shocking killing of a Flag Smasher by Cap Walker with the Captain America shield after a fight with the Flag Smashers leads to the death of Walker’s partner Lemar Hoskins.

Loki - Released June-July 2021 the Meat Life Rating - 8.5/10

In much the same vein as the approach taken with WandaVision, Loki is different.  Different in a great way.  Falcon may be my favorite show, but Loki as far as quality is probably the best MCU Disney+ series.  Following the events of Avengers: Endgame where 2012 Loki steals the Tesseract and disappears, we follow Loki after he is captured by the Time Variance Authority.  The TVA is responsible for keeping the Sacred Timeline in tact and eliminate time variants that disrupt it.  TVA agent Mobius recruits Loki to hunt down a dangerous variant - a female Loki variant named Sylvie.  Loki, in tandem with Spider-Man: No Way Home, serve as MCU primer for multiversal storytelling.

Best Performance - Jonathan Majors as He Who Remains The chemistry between Owen Wilson’s Mobius and Tom Hiddleston’s Loki is great and is rivaled only by the chemistry between Hiddleston and Sophia Di Martino’s Sylvie.  Gugu Mbatha-Raw as Ravonna Renslayer and Wunmi Mosaku as B-15 are strong performances as well.  But in the season finale (Loki announced it was renewed for a second season at the end of the first season), Majors stole the show.  He Who Remains is a variant of Kang the Conquerer who we will see in the next Ant-Man/Wasp movie.  Even with only screen time in the finale, Majors’ performance and execution drive not just the series into another direction, but possibly change the course of the entire MCU.

Best Episode - “For All Time. Always.” All the episodes are solid and of similar quality, so this was a hard decision.  But I think the season finale “For All Time. Always.” changes the direction of the MCU on the level Captain America: The Winter Soldier did.  It opens up the concept of the multiverse when Sylvie decides to kill He Who Remains, wrecking the end of the Sacred Timeline and stopping the control over time variants.  We have yet to truly see how this may impact the rest of the MCU.  There were other things that disrupt things and open up the multiverse, so we may see the culmination of all these things in one of the upcoming releases.

What If...? - Released August-October 2021 the Meat Life Rating - 6.5/10

A cool concept: what if your favorite Marvel hero’s journey was different?  What would that look like?  While there were several episodes that were spectacular, a lot of the episodes, while entertaining, just felt like something was missing.  I’m not too into animation, I didn’t really get into the Star Wars Clone Wars or Star Wars Rebels animated series, so maybe that’s why I wasn’t too into this (although nowadays with all the CGI in things, the “live action” films are also heavily animated).  It also felt incomplete, for example with a Thanos-like Gamora featured on the promo art but only appearing in the finale (her episode was scrapped because of production issues due to COVID).

Best Performance - Chadwick Boseman as T’Challa Man, what a loss the entertainment world endured with the untimely passing of Chadwick Boseman in the summer of 2020.  Boseman’s voice acting in What If was the last project he worked on before his death and was featured through out the series - four out of the nine episodes, in fact.  He even had his own episode - “What If...T’Challa Became a Star Lord,” which was tons of fun.

Best Episode - “What If...Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?” Although I felt this show was the weakest of the Marvel Disney+ releases, there were a few strong episodes.  “What If...T’Challa Became a Star Lord?,” “What If...Zombies!,” and “What If...Thor Were an Only Child?” were all wildly fun.  But the strongest episode was the darkest.  In the Doctor Strange episode, the death of Dr Christine Palmer leads Strange down a dark path to gain more power in an attempt to go back in time to save her life.

Hawkeye - Released November-December 2021 the Meat Life Rating - 7/10

Based heavily on the Matt Fraction comic run, Hawkeye is a fun, holiday-themed look at the aftermath of Clint Barton’s reign as Ronin in the post-Endgame world as well as mentoring a new Hawkeye in Kate Bishop.  We get Echo and the Tracksuit Mafia run by Kingpin as the main villains as well as a look at Yelena Belova looking to avenge Natasha Romanov’s death as she believes Barton responsible.  There are some serious moments in Barton dealing with the Ronin spree as well as Bishop looking at her development and at her mother Eleanor Bishop’s possible involvement in criminal activity.  There are some weak areas (the Larpers were a bit of an odd addition) but this is largely a good.

Best Performance - Florence Pugh as Yelena Belova/Black Widow There are many strong performances.  Jeremy Renner is good, Hailee Steinfeld is great.  The surprise appearance of Vincent D’Onofrio’s Kingpin was great as well.  But Pugh steals the show with her charm and line execution.  Her banter with Steinfeld as well as her fight with Renner in the finale were excellent performances.  She kept grabbing up the screen with her performance.

Best Episode - “Echoes” We see the origin story of Echo and the relationship she has with Kazi, the head of the Tracksuits.  There is a great break out fight scene in the toy store headquarters of the Tracksuits as well as the subsequent car chase scene.  The continuous shot during the car chase from inside the car is top-notch.  And the episode ends on a cliffhanger inside the Bishop apartment as Kate tries to break into her mother’s company’s system.

Moon Knight - Released March-May 2022 the Meat Life Rating - 6/10

The 2022 Disney+ show releases are a bit of a letdown.  Moon Knight had some very high highs, but I think this show and many of the Marvel shows suffer from is a rushed plot.  I feel like this could have benefitted greatly from another few episodes to flesh things out, maybe 10 episodes rather than six.  Moon Knight the show follows a man Marc Spector as he reckons with other personalities/alter egos within himself.  Marc’s biggest conflict within himself is with personality Steven Grant.  Marc also embodies Moon Knight to do the bidding of Khonshu the Egyptian god of Moon and the night sky and battles Egyptian goddess Ammit.  It was a revealing look at a character with DID or Dissociative Identity Disorder and what those people may deal with.  It was also nice to see representation of Egyptian characters by Egyptian actors and directors.  But those storylines seem to fall apart or appear rushed.  Also, some of the action sequences were plagued by CGI issues (many times you can tell the difference between a person in costume and a CGI rendering of a person in a costume) and subpar fight choreography (not on the same level as some other Marvel projects).

Best Performance - Oscar Isaac as Marc Spector, Steven Grant, Moon Knight, and Jake Lockley For all the issues with the series, Oscar Isaac was acting his ass off.  Isaac jumping back and forth from Marc and Steven was spectacular.  Ethan Hawke was a decent villain as Arthur Harrow, a David Koresh-like cult leader who professes the wishes of Ammit.  May Calamawy was also solid as Layla El-Faouly, Marc Spector’s ex who helps Marc/Steven navigate to fight against Harrow/Ammit.  But Isaac kills it.  The British accent may be off a bit (they even joke about it in the series) but outside of that, some great work from Oscar.

Best Episode - “Asylum” In the tradition of the other Marvel Disney+ series, the fifth episode is the strongest.  Asylum is kind of the Christmas Carol type episode, in the same vein of WandaVision episode Previously On.  We see Marc after Marc/Steven dies and has to resolve the issues in their life before they can cross over to the after life.  We get Marc as a child and the origins of how the Steven personality came about.  A rough but touching episode that stretches Oscar Isaac’s acting muscles.  A great episode of television in general from a very middling series.

Ms Marvel - Released June-July 2022 the Meat Life Rating - 6/10

Ms Marvel follows Pakistani-American teen and Captain Marvel superfan Kamala Khan as she discovers hidden superpowers and her family history.  While discovering this, she has to stop the Clandestines, a people exiled on Earth trying to get back to the Noor dimension which may lead to the end of Earth. This is another series that would have benefited from a few more episodes, or perhaps separating the story out into another season.  I think, as with a lot of minority stories told in American entertainment, they were afraid this would be their only shot to get all of this done (the creators behind this - writers, producers, directors, are all of South Asian decent and were probably afraid this was their only chance to tell the story).  This feels like two different seasons smashed into one - the first part a teen comedy, the second an immigrant family backstory.  A lot of the plot feels rushed or compressed for time and could have benefited from letting the story breathe and stretch out.  The series suffers from too much going on all at once and doesn’t hit in the way say Everything Everywhere All At Once does.

Best Performance - Iman Vellani as Kamala Khan/Ms Marvel There are some strong performances from the supporting cast, particularly Matt Lintz as Kamala’s BFF Bruno, Yasmeen Fletcher as overachiever close friend of Kamala in Nakia, Zenobia Shroff and Mohan Kapur as Kamala’s parents, and Saagar Shaikh as Kamala’s brother Aamir.  But Vellani is so charming in her performance as Kamala Khan.  The naive teen discovering herself through her family’s history and her powers was really relatable and the best part of the series.

Best Episode - “Generation Why” The first episode is the strongest.  You see Kamala’s life as a regular teen in Jersey.  You also see her strong family life and her Pakistani/Muslim background.  Kamala’s strong artistic imagination is on display.  And the main conflict is the relationships she has with her friends and the contrast with the views of her family, the push and pull between American culture and Pakistani tradition.  It really encompasses the child of immigrants story very well, it is the biggest part of the story of Ms Marvel I relate to.

She-Hulk: Attorney at Law - Released August-October 2022 the Meat Life Rating - 5.5/10

I want to preface this by saying that there were some moments that were really enjoyable.  But, I have to say by MCU standards, this has very diminished returns.  I know that the teams working the CGI industry-wide are shortstaffed and overworked from all the projects out, but the CGI of the She Hulk is rough.  The She Hulk effects in action scenes are decent, but the She Hulk scenes in regular interaction with actual people is very stiff and fake looking.  It’s hard going from the Endgame Hulk and the quality of that to the low quality of the She Hulk.  And that takes you out of it.  The show takes a more conventional trial-per-epidose approach and is very Ally McBeal in its vibe.  They took some swings and I’m glad they approached this show differently from the other MCU content (like the sex jokes were a welcomed change), but for the most part this series struck out for me.

Best Performance - Tim Roth as Emil Blonsky/Abomination Tatiana Maslany as Jennifer Walters/She Hulk actually isn’t bad.  Benedict Wong is cooking in Phase Four altogether and is pretty solid straight man in this.  Mark Ruffalo is always great as Bruce Banner/Hulk.  It was nice to see Charlie Cox return as the MCU version of Matt Murdock/Daredevil, although I don’t know how I feel about that version yet.  But Tim Roth is hilarious in this.  Great performance and steals scenes.  I almost wish he was in this more.

Best Episode - Ribbit and Rip It Outside of the pilot episode A Normal Amount of Rage, I think Ribbit and Rip It is probably the most complete episode.  This is the episode She Hulk teams up with Daredevil to track down LeapFrog, who is fraudulently suing superhero suit designer Luke Jacobson.  Great chemistry between Maslany and Cox.

Originally I was going to go over the upcoming Marvel slate.  But the last couple years has seen that slate and timeline change multiple times.  So I’ll just conclude by saying that all these film and television projects might have benefited from some time between project releases.  It feels the MCU oversaturated and that the quality of the content has been down.  But if you kind of compare Phase Four with Phase One, they are very similar in how they are trying to feel out what works, what doesn’t, and where to go from there.  I will say that the movies were much stronger overall than the TV shows, particularly in 2022.

Let’s see what the MCU in 2023 and beyond will bring us.

[captainconvey]

Twitter File Release #15 – Hamilton 68 Group Labels Counter Opinions “Russians”, Corporate Media Amplified, But Twitter Could Not Find Evidence

Twitter File release #15 is presented by Matt Taibbi and covers the vast Russian conspiracy as promoted by the media in 2018 and beyond. [SEE HERE]

As noted within the email discussion viewed by Taibbi, feeding the media narrative was a very specific group known as Hamilton 68, “headed by former FBI counterintelligence official (and current MSNBC contributor) Clint Watts, and funded by a neoliberal think tank, the Alliance for Securing Democracy (ASD).”

[Twitter File Release #15 HERE]

The entire assertion presented by Hamilton 68 and ASD was bogus, and Twitter executives knew it all along.  At first, Twitter tried to push back, telling the media there was no evidence to support the claims of the Hamilton 68 group.  However, the corporate media desperately wanted the Vast Russian Conspiracy to be true, so they disregarded the analysis done by the team at Twitter and kept pushing the lies.

The United States Department of Homeland Security made a quiet and alarming announcement on August 13, 2021, creating the official position of the United States Government under the Joe Biden regime. [SEE DHS STATEMENT HERE]  According to the statement, if you questioned the orthodoxy of government mandates, or COVID-19 responses from the U.S. government, you were -effective immediately- considered a “terrorist”, specifically a “Domestic Violent Extremist” (DVE).

Most people missed this remarkable development, yet it seemed to underpin a tenuous, unstable and fragile disposition of the current administration.  Within this continuation of the Obama-era initiatives, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) seemed rather paranoid in their need to label anyone who would question the COVID-19 response.

Considering the polling at the time, more than half the country would be defined as dissidents and domestic terrorists within our homeland.  Think about that.

DHS – The Secretary of Homeland Security has issued a new National Terrorism Advisory System (NTAS) Bulletin regarding the current heightened threat environment across the United States. […] These threats include those posed by domestic terrorists, individuals and groups engaged in grievance-based violence. […] Such threats are also exacerbated by impacts of the ongoing global pandemic, including grievances over public health safety measures and perceived government restrictions. (read more)

Notice the wording of that introductory paragraph.  The government-imposed mandates, mask and vaccination requirements were only “perceived government restrictions.”

The chains that bound your expressions of liberty and freedom were essentially being defined as mere figments of your imagination.  The rules and denials of activity that we are forced to live by, under the auspices of “public health and safety measures“, were described as perceived demands.

Captain Convey Note

Twitter files # 14 exposes the BIG biden regime lie that 1/2 of America didn't believe at the time the false narrative was being promoted by the biden regime.

The biden regime along with the cabal of criminals included continue to promote false narratives and lies everyday.

The manufactured war in ukraine with russia along with the need to get the deadly covid "vaccine" JAB.

In fact almost 100% of what the biden regime and news media report is based on lies.

To know the truth you must do some research because of social media suppression on the truth and the national and local news parrot.

Visit these websites for the real news and the real truth:

TheConservativeTreehouse.com

[amicamainecoon]

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[dr-foster]

Jane’s heart stopped when she saw the figure in her office, identity obscured by the shadows of the darkened room. This was the worst case scenario. Somebody found out. Somebody was going to steal her work and they would- Then just the barest bit of light glanced off a metal hand and Jane knew who had broken in. Not the worst case scenario. Just the second worst.

“I didn’t want you to find out this way.”

The words came out softly. Whether they were an apology or explanation, Jane could not be sure. If she was being honest, Jane had not wanted ANYONE to ever find out about what she was currently working on. The end result, certainly, but her process was always meant to remain a secret. There had literally been decades of bloodshed and lives ruined over the Super Soldier Serum. Not that Dr. Foster wanted it for any of the reasons that wars had been waged for. She did not want more soldiers. No, Jane didn’t tell anyone what she was working on. No group or government could ever be trusted with her knowledge. Trusted all of them about as far and her weak scientist arms could toss them.

But if anyone like Bucky, who had their entire universe turned upside down and set on fire because of the serum, were to find out? Jane thought the last way they should have done so was through breaking into her office. Unfortunate.

Was she afraid? Yes. Anyone who was not at least a LITTLE worried in the face of a furious Winter Soldier would have to be stupid or out of their minds. But Jane knew Steve and he gave his trust to the man before her implicitly. Bucky wouldn’t hurt her once he understood her reasons, if he was even inclined to right now. After all, he had not actually threatened her. Bucky might destroy everything still but he would not hurt her. That certainty kept the doctor from retreating. Jane swallowed, releasing a breath and crossed the room to her paper-strewn desk. 

“I haven’t kept anyone in the loop about this.” Jane explained, nervously tucking loose hair back behind her ear as she withdrew another file from her desk drawer. This was one Bucky would be sure to recognize. It was Steve’s after all. “I took samples from Steve.” She admitted, dark eyes not meeting Bucky’s gaze. “So that I could try to figure out the components of Erskine’s formula.” 

She flipped the page over to a photo of Steve pre-serum alongside a list of his many known ailments. “Erskine invented a soldier to end the war, but in doing so cured all of these. Diseases that many died from in those days. More lives could have been saved by developing this into a vaccine than by making Captain America. Unpatriotic as that might sound….” Jane’s voice was steeped in frustration now, forgetting that she should be worried and lost in the anger of misspent medical advancements. The whole world had needed this. “Maybe he died before he could realize the implications….” 

Jane chanced a look at Bucky then, far more determined now than apologetic. “I just thought maybe the serum could be broken down and used to cure even more diseases today than we knew about in the 30’s and 40’s.”

@dr-foster : “I didn’t want you to find out this way.”

There was a light tremor in his flesh hand. The metal one – either of them – never shook, no matter the situation. Sometimes it was the only thing that let him finish a mission, when the rest of the body was breaking down, the arm stayed steady and he took the–

The paper crumbled in his hands, the manila folder tearing under the force of his grip as he came back to himself, yanked violently out of the well of his memories by the voice across the room. He doesn't pull a gun. He already knew he didn't need to, not yet. Besides: he needs answers. Shooting first won't really work in this situation.

"The idea you were planning to tell someone like me is pretty laughable, no offence," Bucky said, turning slowly on one foot to face her, muscles tightly coiled, tension in every inch of him. "I'm not normally kept in the loop on mad science bullshit. So before I burn this place to the ground, give me the details. And believe me, I'll know if you're lying."

[doctormead]

“I’m not getting any of those vaccines! I’m not about to put all that toxic crap in my body!” says the person with a pack of cigarettes in their front shirt pocket.

Me:

[buckykingofmemes]

you can either vaccinate your kids or die horribly. the death will either be from diseases or from steve in righteous-fury mode

[doctormead]

As my old chemistry professor loved to say, “Water in sufficient quantities is toxic. It’s called drowning.”

DO NOT GIVE OR GET ANY VACCINATIONS FOR YOURSELF OR  YOUR KIDS………..

[odinsblog]

Okay so first off, fuck dumb ass antivaxxers and anti-maskers, and fuck their idiot king, Joe Rogan & Spotify for emboldening these dumb fucks during a growing pandemic. And fuck that walking disappointment Robert Kennedy Jr. for carrying on his “anti-autism” grift way too far. And Evangeline Lilly putting her elderly, cancer-stricken father at risk tells you literally everything you need to know about her personal “character.”

And just something to think about: remember how gun nuts used to try to lure you down their rabbit hole and try to confuse people who wouldn’t adhere to their unimportant terminology? “No, that’s not technically an automatic weapon because the length of the stock is 12 inches, not 15 inches, so you lose the debate!” Remember that dumb shit?? Antivaxxers are pulling the same okie doke: “No, I’m not an ‘antivaxxer’ I’m just anti-mandates. So you lose the debate!” Same thing. They’re tryna mire you down in minute distinctions, and declare your point invalid when you correctly ignore their bs “logic.”

And just because I know someone somewhere out there is thinking it: NO, Captain America would not be on the side of fucking antivaxxers. Steve Rogers was a sickly boy who lived through Polio and Smallpox, who probably got vaccinated against them, and Steve most definitely took a highly EXPERIMENTAL drug on the off chance that it might help save people (people who were not himself). Steve realized his rights came with responsibilities, he wasn’t a selfish asshole, and when he thought he might endanger others, he chose to sacrifice his life and crash an aircraft in the most desolate place he could find. I highly doubt Steve Rogers would be joining covidiots protesting to go maskless at the local diner because they think they should have the “freedom” to infect underpaid frontline workers and immunocompromised, at risk people who want to live.

[feral-dumbass]

Straight to Video

James “Bucky” Barnes/ Female Reader 

Summary: Steve comes across one of your hobbies you do with your boyfriend on the internet. 

Includes: Steve on PornHub, Male Masturbation, description of porn videos, Beefy Bucky, Plus size Reader, unprotected sex, Oral (female receiving), Bisexual Steve Rogers, Amateur Porn featuring Reader and Bucky, size kink, Bucky’s packing as always

Words: 1,337

A/N: Hi! Thanks for the 500 followers! I really appreciate it!!! This fic is a little different. Hope you like it! Title Credit to Mindless Self Indulgence. Tagging my friends @babybluestan​ @gagmebucky​ @heresyoursnackdumbass​

Masterlist

Steve wasn’t lying when he said the twenty first century has a lot more to offer; the ever growing advancement of vaccines, a much better variety of foods, and the internet. He loves it honestly. Steve used the internet heavily as a crutch while trying to adjust. Whenever he didn’t understand something, he’d whip out his encrypted smart phone and start googling. Steve not only uses the internet as a tool, but as a source of entertainment. One of his favorite past times is making politicians angry on Twitter. What are they gonna do? Start a fight with a centenarian? He’d like to see them try. 

There are also other ways Steve entertains himself. Websites nobody thinks Captain America would know. Websites that help him destress after a rough mission and piles of mission reports he needs to look over. One of Steve’s favorite features of the twenty first century is porn. 

It’s what he currently finds himself looking at now as he scrolls through Pornhub. Fresh out of the shower, he’s forgotten his long day. Whether it’s for the Avengers or the government, running around pretending to be the golden boy that Captain America is always leaves Steve in a sour mood. After the press tour, he declined a late dinner with you, Bucky, and Sam. His mind was already set on heading straight to the shower. 

Steve sits in his bed leaning against the headboard in just a pair of lounge pants as he scrolls through his tablet. Video after video. Page after page. Nothing really interests him until he passes one thumbnail. He has to scroll back up to fully register it. Creampie and then I eat her out. PornHub then chooses that moment to load the previews for the video. No faces are shown and Steve sees the most muscled back he’s ever seen. He’s left with the vague thought that it rivals his own as he feels his dick twitch with interest. The thick thighs wrapped just above the pert ass cements to Steve that this is the video. Without a second thought, he clicks on the link.

The website logo flashes across the screen with the sound of drums before the screen fades to the main event. It starts off as a side view. The overly beefy man with muscles on top of muscles drags a thick woman closer to the edge of a black leather couch. Her giggle lilts through Steve’s earphones. He barely registers the familiarity of the couch before the man’s voice stop any of his thoughts. 

“Beg for me.” The man speaks with an authoritative deep drawl. It has Steve wanting to comply too. Those three words in that deep of a voice curl in the base of Steve’s skull, satiating a baser need in his brain and sending a calming tingling sensation across his whole body. Later Steve will debate if porn is allowed to be ASMR, but all second thoughts are flying through the window as his dick hardens in his sweatpants.

 The woman speaks in whispers the audio couldn’t pick up. That’s fine. If this couple is letting the internet watch them have sex, they can have a moment of intimacy to themselves. Obviously, she said something right. His massive hands drag down her waist to slip in between her thighs. Her thighs block the view, but it’s obvious what he’s doing as his muscles bulge, veins showing on his forearms. He curls his fingers just right and she lets out a genuine moan. The wet slide of fingers into her cunt is audible. Steve’s skin breaks out in goosebumps. The temperature in his room gets warmer. She rolls her hips back onto his fingers, trying to get him deeper. She lets out a frustrated groan.

“C’mon, please.” The woman finally speaks in a lust filled voice. How can she sound so wrecked already? Her desperation has Steve’s dick aching. He reaches past his tablet to palm himself through his sweatpants, basking in the relief at any friction on his cock.

“Relax, baby. I’ve got you.” Before his brain can track the familiarity of the voices, Steve gets distracted. The man removes his hand from the apex of her thighs, bringing his hand to his dick to smear her wetness on himself, and that’s when Steve finally notices it. Jesus Christ. A reddened cock with a girth that could rival a soda can, Steve goes through a whole range of emotions, sympathy for the poor woman, but mostly jealousy. He doesn’t know who he wants to be more. Steve forgoes palming himself and takes his dick out of his sweatpants. 

The man strokes his dick a couple of times before guiding himself into the woman. Her back bows off the couch as he enters her. Both of them let out a synchronous moan that curls into the base of Steve’s skull again. Steve can feel himself leaking into his hand, aiding in stroking himself. His not gonna last the whole video.

The man fucks into her slowly, giving her a few seconds to adjust after his hips are fully flushed against hers. He grinds into her. Her breath hitches as she moans. Her hands curl around his arms, fingers digging into the meat of his biceps. He draws his hips back and thrusts back into her. The wet squelch of her pussy is a sound that will haunt Steve for the next few weeks as the man builds a steady pace. Steve ends up matching the pace of the beefy man’s thrusts and is happy when his pace quickens. The woman obviously happy with the pace too as she lets out moans and whimpers.  Even with a side view of the man’s back, Steve is entranced by the rippling muscles and the way the woman moves to meet his thrusts. The woman wraps her legs around the man’s waist, heels digging into his ass as she encourages him to fuck harder. He grabs her hip, really plowing into her now. The couch slips a little across the floor with every thrust and Steve gets desperates.

 He strokes his cock faster and faster, thumb swiping over his head messily until he coming before the couple can. He comes hard, ears ringing as rope after rope across his stomach and knuckles. He grunts, eyes temporarily closing as he wrings out everything he can out of the orgasm. It’s when the woman lets out a pornographic moan that Steve’s eyes fly open. 

The scene has changed. The video has now changed to a front facing view of the couple. The man kneels between her legs as he eats her out. Her hands dug into his shoulder length hair. You still can’t see their faces, but his bare back is on full display. Both of his arms are pushing her legs to her chest. There’s something that Steve can quite place about the left arm. Almost like it’s glamoured by some cloaking device. It’s not obvious to the untrained eye, but Steve would notice. As if Steve wasn’t already putting the puzzle pieces together, the woman’s leg twitches, making the man push it back farther, bringing Steve’s attention to the north east side of the screen. Steve recognizes with a certain horror the painting hanging on the wall. He made it for you for your birthday in the style of one of your favorite Impressionist painters. Steve is ripped out of his post-orgasm bliss with the sudden realization that he just masturbated to two of his best friends fucking. 

It’s that realization that has Steve chucking his tablet like a frisbee across the room and into the wall in a nervous reaction. Steve throws it with force causing the tablet to be lodged into the drywall, but apparently the tablet still plays. The audio of your moans and Bucky’s obnoxious slurping ring through his ears. He sighs defeated and still slightly turned on. He gets up from bed. Steve started the video, he might as well finish it.

[johnemulaney]

John Mulaney: From Scratch in Las Vegas, September 4

Once again, spoilers for the show and what will presumably be in the special. This is about his relapse so tread with caution is that will be an issue for you. However, the tone of his struggle is the same one he used in his past specials so if you didn’t have any issues then, I think you’d be ok with this. Of course, use your own best judgement, friends.

The opener was Seaton Smith. 

He opened with trying to find the rich people in the crowd but acknowledged that they’d go mwrmwmwrw money isn’t everything so then he started talking about golf and went aha I got ya’ll. 

There was a joke about weed being the only Christian drug

He had a bit about when white people are nice, be nervous

He had a bit about there being a black man on the Bachelor and was like America (ABC and Disney+) were not ready for a black man to be fucking a house full of 50 white women. That shit premiered on Tuesday and the Capitol burned on Wednesday.

He also did some crowd work and roasted a couple in the front row for having different answers about kids and she was like I didn’t hear the question and was roasted about how not hearing questions you don’t want to answer is certainly a tactic, often used by drug dealers

He also had a bit about how different child rearing is in Texas versus New York and about how hitting your kids is treated differently, like his dad would have just threatened it whimsically. 

Now on to the Main Event!

The first thing he said was “hiiiiiiiiii” exactly in the tone you think he said it in. he followed that up with a little shrug looking adorable and a little bashful

“It’s him! Mr. Problems. Oh Las Vegas, Oh my god” he then talks about how Vegas is a land of vice and a Choice for him to preform in as a recovering addict. He had a sober buddy and 3 bodyguards with him at all times. 

“And here’s what happened” December 18, 2020, he gets invited to a friends apartment for dinner AND HE’S TWO HOURS LATE because he stopped, coked out of his mind, at SNL for a haircut because he still had his building access badge and he went to the hair department and they were like, he’ll leave faster if we just do this, and then he stopped at his drug dealers. 

He called venmo and cashapp, apps for drug deals and was like what do normal people even use them for. He maxed both out paying for drugs. 

He was the best looking person at his intervention. “Coke skinny, new cut” and the 12 people intervening looked like shit. He looked “tears for fears while they all looked jerry garcia” (I hope you know who those musicians are besties). 

He immediately yelled “Can I go to the bathroom” to you know, dump his drugs because when you walk into that, you know what it is. 

He was not allowed to go (he would be asked if he still needed to pee later and would say “what?”

There were 6 people in NYC and 6 people over zoom in LA because he guesses 6 people couldn’t be bothered to fly in for HIS INTERVENTION

Interventions can go two ways, it can be kind of accusatory and this is how you let us all down, or it can be supportive. Everyone but Nick Kroll got the memo to be supportive.

Nick Kroll went first.

Nick Kroll listed all the ways John was a bad best friend and brother over zoom and John was getting texts during the intervention saying Nick wasn’t supposed to do that and they were all sorry. 

Bill Hader went next. he originally wasn’t going to be able to make it so he had recorded a thing but since he was there, he did it live. (He would eventually send the video to John in rehab, which is not what you want on the way to rehab “awesome, more intervention”)

He tried to derail the intervention, “there’s not enough latinx representation” he said he’d go to any rehab except the one they had picked out for him. This was a star-studded affair and he was mad no one was being funny. 

 Natasha Lyons went next, telling him his life and career is in shambles

So he gets carted off to rehab after this intervention. Don’t let 12 comedians pack your bags for 2 months at rehab. it was bombas socks and iphone chargers. 

A little secret about rehab, you’re not allowed to bring drugs in. You remember how he was late? In his pocket on the way to rehab included: a huge amount of pills, 3g of coke (which was 2g by the time he got there, courtesy of a koala station in a gas station bathroom), and $2000 in cash. He had other plans for the weekend. He was admitted for xanax, coke, perocet, and adderall addiction. Say what you will, but he does not do anything half way.

It’s 4am when he’s sent to detox, he’s been awake for 3 days. 

He also gives a small lesson on how to get drugs. Find the lowest rated doctors on yelp and webmd reviews and go ask for them, they need all the business they can get. You become like Captain Phillips, I am the doctor now. 

Dr. Michael was his shady doctor. He was a first avenue apartment where he would write prescriptions from his kitchenette where his girl Minerva was always asleep. “I didn’t kill my wife Minerva.” But John would ask for his drugs, Dr. Michael would write the script and then ask what he needed it for. Dr. Michael would also make John take his shirt off, always offering a flu shot and going no, shirt all the way off (in case you were wondering how bad this addiction actually was)

The first moral is now you know. The second moral is get vaccinated.

He’s sent to the regular ward the next afternoon and they finally get him to sleep. 

He’s sketched out that doctors have last names at this establishment

He asks for drugs such as klonopin and is taken aback a bit when he doesn’t get them. The doctor is like PA state law says no, and so John suggests they go to a CVS in Jersey to get some. 

His bestie Pete Davidson starts calling that night. Except Pete changes his number every month and a half so John has him send a selfie and saves the new number under some other random name, at this point in time, Pete is saved as Al Pacino. (We get an Al Pacino impression) John is asleep and his nurse sees Al Pacino trying to call him 5 times and so she wakes him up. 

Pete Davidson and John Mulaney did not do drugs together. (The author is lowkey surprised and sad about that, like if Pete was my bestie, we’d make so many poor choices) But Pete was always very supportive of his sobriety. 

John needs recognition so badly, in group when they introduced themselves he said “I’m John M.” and no one cared. So he left a tabloid out with the news of his admittance and his face on it in the rec room on the table. The not being someone was “driving him bananas.” When they talked about what they do for a living and he said I’m a a stand up comedian, someone asked if he made a living that way. He said “yeah ask your daughter” (or your son)

One of the things you do at rehab is break up with your drug dealer.

One of his drug dealers only bought drugs to keep John from buying worse off the streets and only got into the game because John kept asking him for drugs and was his only buyer. That guy was originally a painter and John has no idea how they met. John is the only person to turn an innocent man into a drug dealer. 

Here he did the Baby J is back baby joke. the Park Theater is one of the biggest stages in the world so he did that joke in one pace across the stage and said the stage is that joke long. 

“I am no longer on drugs. It’s very good but also ah---” He’s in a 12 step anonymous group. 

“I need attention, clearly.” After a show you think he would be sated, but no. 

He wants that attention that the kid who’s grandparent died and showed up to school dressed for the funeral and got to sit in the beanbag chair for reading despite it not being his turn, gets. He went on about being willing to let one of the lesser important grandparents die so he could get attention, for quite a while. 

He feels left behind in science, like his C’s and D’s in those classes. All those classes were was putting things on a windowsill for the janitor to throw away. He had a bit about how the fuck people put dinosaurs back together, it’s like getting wayfair furniture without the instructions. 

He also things the moon belongs to America. Like we got there first and when other countries say stuff about the moon he’s like mmmmmmm.

He also had a joke about paying to get into college and like, for white people that’s always how it’s been. 

The show ended with him going over the highlights of that GQ interview that he was so coked out for that he forgot he did it entirely. He has no memory of it at all. He was just called up that day and asked for an interview and you know how coke is the best drug to receive attention on? He just did whatever he wanted with that attention. 

And that was the show.

[mysticalrambling]

Adorable Addition(Part 1)

Chris Evans Fan Fiction (Fan Fiction Masterlist)

(Part 2)

Warnings: None. Fluff all the way.

Summary: dad!Chris Evans x reader. Chris and you decide to adopt a dog when you see your son with Scott's dog. It is a cute family day and you all enjoy it to the fullest.

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Putting Oliver down for a nap proved to be a difficult task for Chris as the little boy refused to leave his side. It made sense as he hadn't seen Chris for the past three weeks. He went to Colorado for a shooting of his upcoming movie. When he finally managed to put the hyperactive boy to sleep, he sighed in exhaustion.

"Chris, I don't think our family is ready for a dog just yet." You paced across the room as your husband plopped on the bed, looking amused and tired. Of course, he would find this situation funny. Your indecisiveness was his new form of entertainment from the moment he met you.

"Babe, you are the one who suggested it."

"I know that." You sighed in to your hands as you slumped beside him, the sheets ruffling slightly on the contact.

"It's going to be okay, (Y/N). We did a trial run with Scott's dog and Ollie was so good with him. I have never seen a two year old taking such good care of a pet."

The mention of your son brought a smile to your face. He was the best thing that could ever happen to you, besides Chris, of course. From the moment you found out that you were pregnant with Ollie, you were scared. Chris and you were just settling down in to your normal life after your honeymoon month. But, safe to say, he was ecstatic. He twirled you around with tears pooling in his blues. The baby responded to him so well whenever he used to gently talk to it in the womb. Oliver was a daddy's boy from the very start.

"Let's just watch some movies on Netflix till our little prince wakes up from his beauty nap." You were not in a mood for a movie tho so you put on your favorite show, Defending Jacob, despite your husband’s protests. Chris in a suit was something you could not get over and at the end of the day, he was all yours. Time whizzed by with Chris telling you back stage stories and his feelings regarding each scene. Not going to lie, you were quite enjoying this alone time with the love of your life.

The crying on the baby monitor broke you both out of your bubble. Chris went to make his bottle while you went to console your little munchkin. Sitting in the rocking chair with your son, you gently sang a lullaby as he clinged to you like a koala. After he was finished with his bottle, he extended his hands to Chris who leaned on the door.

"I will get him ready and you can pack his bag." You went to pack his bag and kept his stuffed Captain America in the front pocket. Ollie has had that toy from the past year and he does not go anywhere without it.

"We are all ready. Let me just get my cap and sunglasses."

"Why do you always have to hide this beautiful face?"

"It's because everyone finds it beautiful as well." He cackled when you screwed your face at his lame comment. Strapping Oliver in to his stroller, Chris pushed it out of the house. As soon as the stroller was out of the house, you covered it fully with the shade. Your son was busy with a pacifier in his mouth and a teddy bear in his chubby hands. The pet shop was just two streets down so you both had decided to take a stroll.

"Have you decided on the breed?” questioning your husband, you adjusted the bag on your shoulder. He just shook his head and wrapped one of his hands around your shoulder while the other one continued pushing the stroller. You both were aware of the paparazzi sneaking behind you and you just sighed.

Sometimes, it was really difficult for you to have a family moment without it being publicised to the whole world. Sure, Chris was a celebrity and people wanted to know what he was up to but you wanted some alone time with your husband as well. You also knew the hate that you and your son were subjected to online. Chris always steered you away from negative publicity but sometimes you can’t help but think it is true. You did not deserve him.

“I am sorry, love.” The hand that rested on your shoulder trailed down your back and slowly drew soothing patterns. He always knew what was going on in your head and always made sure to rid you of all your insecurities. “Don’t mind them.”

“Dadda!!” Chris quickly pulled the shade up and you came face to face with your son’s scrunched up face. “Pick me up.”

“Baby, we are almost there.” He tried soothing the toddler with another stuffed toy because he didn’t want the paparazzi to get his pictures. However, your son was having none of it as he let out a piercing wail and threw his pacifier out of the stroller. You were going to scold him but Chris stopped you and went to pick him up.

Kissing him on his forehead, Oliver placed his head on his father’s shoulder and gently sucked on his thumb. You started asking your son about the type of dog that he wanted. He explained it all with big hand gestures and a twinkle in his blue eyes that warmed your insides. Soon, you reached the shop and went straight towards the dog section.

“Go and pick out your favorite one, buddy. We will take it home today.” You went with Oliver when the workers at the pet shop wanted Chris’s autographs and pictures.

The little boy roamed around the whole section with a thumb in his mouth and the Captain America teddy bear in the other one. He slowly came to a halt in front of a small cage. Inside it was a golden retriever pup with a red collar around his fuzzy neck. He slowly stepped forward and before you could stoop him, Ollie reached out his hand to pet him. The small creature gently nuzzled in his hands and your boy let out a squeal.

“This is a four month old golden retriever. He is fully vaccinated and very well tamed. Your son chose well” The teenage worker walked in with Chris and gave you the necessary information regarding the small pup.

“Does he have a name?” Chris enquired as he gently patted the pup on the head as well.

“Dodger.”

“That’s a good name. Do you want him buddy?” Oliver nodded his head so furiously that Chris was worried he might hurt his neck. Chuckling, he got up to sign all the agreements and buy the necessary things.

You guys took Dodger home and the whole way, Oliver stayed by his side and silently stared at him in wonder. One time, he was about to trip on a rock and Chris saved him from falling down. But that did nothing to stray him from his fascination. You were sure tomorrows headline will have your family’s picture in the front with the headlines,’An Adorable Addition to the Evan’s Family’.

The moment you all reached home, Oliver took a hesitant Dodger towards his room and show him all of the toys. You gently side hugged your husband and whispered to him,”I am grateful for this addition in our family.”

“Me too. Now, let’s go to our son before he scares Dodger from all his excitement.” Following Chris to the upstairs room, you wondered how lucky you were to have a family like this and you silently prayed for all of this to remain the same. Gently placing a hand on your stomach, you just knew that your family was ready for another addition as well. You were going to surprise your husband tonight.

Hope you guys enjoyed it!! Here is the link to Part 2.

._._._._._.

A/N: This is just some family dribble that I wrote related to Chris Evans. I just love the idea of dad Chris. Send me some ideas related to Chris as a family man and I will be happy to write about it.

Like, comment and reblog.

Taglist: @maximeevansblog, @justile

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[jimblejamblewritings]

falling for the captain | part 11.

Summary: Captain Y/N L/N. Leader of the Avengers on Earth-563, not really a family or team strictly just coworkers. A lot of responsibility for someone only nineteen. What happens when the Captain finds herself on “Earth Earth” in the compound of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. Stuck on Earth for the time being, Y/N sees what these Avengers are about. And Captain America finds himself falling for this leader, even though her age is throwing him… that and the fact no one knows if she’ll head back to Earth-563 the minute she can.

Warnings: AGE GAP (clear from the summary, it’s a young reader but legal), slight smut

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

Word Count: 4.0k

Previous Part | (Series Masterlist)

Nearly the whole team was in the gym for training, you were doing yoga with Nat for flexibility, when Tony and Bruce busted in.

“We did it! Project Beetle. The poison compound, the vaccine. We have it all!” Bruce said excitedly.

“Tell Nick. We’re going to be moving fast now. They’ll probably roll us out in a week,” Steve commanded.

Bruce and Tony nodded before walking out. This was a breakthrough and maybe after the breakthrough you guys would get a real break. Fighting was your thing so you would never stay away for long but you really wanted a vacation for the team, like the farm but longer than a week. Training was pretty much over once Tony and Bruce told you guys they solved it.

You changed into your own clothes for once. Of course, Steve’s clothes were always your favorite but you had your own style and it’s not like Rogers owned any dresses or cute shorts— although if you were wearing a skirt or shorts you’d probably still steal his shirt.

You were sitting on the counter talking to Peter about MIT and his excitement at his acceptance. You both were happy however you knew he wouldn’t always be available for missions and almost nightly movie watching would be relegated to the weekend when he came home to the compound.  

“So what did you major when you were in college?”

“You’re going to laugh when you hear it.”

“I promise I won’t,” Peter said as he handed you a grape popsicle from the freezer, he took a blue raspberry.

“Double major in Early Childhood Education…”

“And?”

“Acting.”

“That’s cool. Would you go back? Finish I mean.”

“You know after being stuck here I never considered. Maybe, I’ll probably take summer classes. Or I’ll just come and annoy you at MIT.”

“You know what, don’t go back to college.”

You and Peter laughed. You both switched popsicles, not the most sanitary but you did it anyway. The rest of the team watched from the couches. At first, they wondered how Steve kept his jealousy in check when it came to how close you and Peter were. Steve would be lying if he said it never bothered him at first but after your first discussion about movie night he came to see that to you Peter was a brother. Like Bucky or Sam.

And not once did Steve ever feel bothered about the closeness you had with Sam and Bucky so why should he with Peter just because he was younger? However, he was happy that you and Peter started joining the team occasionally for movie nights as long as you two got to pick the movie.

The popcorn finished popping and Peter poured it into a bowl. He grabbed two more popsicles for the two of you and you guys made your way to the couches. You took your spot on Steve’s lap while complaining that you were cold.

“If you wore real clothes and stopped eating popsicles maybe you wouldn’t have this problem.”

“You know what, Sam. Ain’t no one ask for your opinion.”

“Next time don’t complain out loud,” he joked as he threw a blanket and pillow at you.

You turned a little in Steve’s arms before the movie started so you could see him slightly. It felt nice to be able to do couple stuff around the rest of the team. You offered him the popsicle but he shook his head so you turned back around and continued to eat it. The movie was Peter’s choice and was Saw. It wasn’t on Earth-563 so it was a new movie series to you.

Steve looked around the room. Everyone was lounging about, some cuddled up, and focused on the movie. He was too, partly. The other part was focused on you licking your fingers clean of any melted popsicle. You jumped and grabbed the pillow when a jump scare happened. Natasha, who was getting a second bowl of popcorn, noticed as she sat back down on the floor near Wanda and Clint.

“Like the movie, (Y/N)?” she asked.

“Yeah, act like you didn’t see that.”

“Short-stack doesn’t do horror?”

“I like horror, but jump scares still mess with me. Just ignore my screams from the corner.”

Everyone chuckled and returned to focusing on the movie. You readjusted so you could hold onto the pillow and keep the blanket covering you and Steve. Steve’s hands were rubbing your thighs. It started off as a way to calm you after the jump scare but then his fingers brushed the hem of your dress. You tried to contain your gasps as he gently rubbed circles over your underwear. Most didn’t notice your gasps, except for the only other super soldier in the room.

“Reach for the popcorn right now if you don’t want this,” Steve whispered in your ear.

You didn’t do anything.

“Okay, baby. Then be quiet unless you want everyone to know how dirty you are getting off on my fingers while we watch a movie.”

You clutched the pillow a little tighter, mainly to make sure that Steve’s minuscule hand movements couldn’t be seen, while he moved his hands underneath your panties.

“What do we say, baby?”

“Yes, Captain,” you whispered.

The heat rose to your face when Bucky stood up coughing and saying he needed to get water from the kitchen. Steve just smirked as he walked away. He kept going till you were close and suddenly it was all gone. Steve just smiled as he wiped his fingers on your skirt and went back to the movie like nothing happened. You turned to look at him, he pecked your lips. You realized what was happening the second time he did it. He would always tell you to do something if you didn’t want it anymore and when you let him know it was okay his fingers found their way to your heat. Steve was edging you the whole movie. When the movie ended you announced you were over the scary movie night and were calling it a day.

“It’s not even late,” Wanda said.

“I’m tired and don’t want to be scared again, goodnight.”

They all said their good nights and Steve followed you to your room soon after. You grabbed at his collar and pulled him in for a kiss.

“And you have the nerve to say I play dirty, Rogers.”

The ride in the quinjet was silent but drummed with energy. You were on your way to the main headquarters of Project Beetle. With the compounds and incriminating receipts, S.H.I.E.L.D. gave you guys the go ahead to end Project Beetle. If some of the poison managed to slip out they had a vaccine. So you guys were there to kill the last factory and arrest everyone you could.

Like always, you and Steve shared headphones. You weren’t playing a game with Peter this time. He was reading to try and keep himself calm and focused. Steve slipped your bracelet off his wrist and back onto yours so you now had all four kimoyo beads on your person.

“Hey, Steve?”

“Yes, (Y/N).”

“Would it be too forward if I asked to move in with you…to your room?”

Sam and Natasha smiled as they watched:

They had caught you pacing back and forth on the balcony holding Tony. You had set Tony on the table and crouched to the his level.

“So you see my problem? What should I do?”

The chicken just clucked.

“I need more than just spit it out Short-stack.”

The chicken clucked again. Natasha made her and Sam’s presence known.

“So can you actually speak to animals because first the cat and now a chicken. Also where did you get the chicken?”

“It’s Tony.”

“You stole Clint’s chicken?” Sam raised an eyebrow at you.

“I borrowed the chicken for advice.” You opened a portal back to the farm and patted the chicken on the butt until he walked into it.

“You always go to the chicken for advice?”

“Helped me kiss Steve.”

“So you do speak chicken?”

You rolled your eyes. You started to walk away but Sam stopped you.

“We saw you pacing. Need help, kid. Human help?”

“He’s gonna say no. It’s going to make our relationship weird.”

“You want to move in with him?” Once again, Nat was right on the money.

“I was going to ask you the same thing. You’re practically in my room every night anyway, wanted you to move in after the mission,” Steve said.

You both smiled at each other. Sam and Natasha, who weren’t even pretending to not be listening, gave you a thumbs up.

The fight started the minute the quinjet landed. The team had never seen you and Steve in action as an established duo and while they were occupied with their own fights, they snuck glances at you two when they could. Steve would fight before throwing the shield, knocking out a few guys while it passed underneath your feet and charged you up. You would open a portal so the shield would fly through it and back into Steve’s hand.

“(Y/N)! Peter!” Steve called to you.

You looked to see a bunch of guards ganging up on him. You ran at Steve’s shield. He knocked out a guard with the shield before bracing himself as you stepped on the shield. He pushed you off of it and you went flying with lightning sparking at your hands and feet. You landed and began to help Peter.

The upper levels had the most guards and it started to dwindle as you guys traveled downwards. You were fighting less people and throwing more of them through portals to S.H.I.E.L.D.’s holding cells. Natasha and Bruce separated from the rest of the group in order to recover any last bits of information from the computers and wipe them completely. The rest of you continued on to the main lab and meeting room. There were a few guards in the meeting room but Sam and Tony took them out no problem. You were opening portals as the rest of the Avengers threw people in your direction to the holding cells.

Until you spotted him in the back. Right next to Senator Lance Bolton, who was being dragged towards you by Clint, was Abel Bolton. You weren’t even looking at Clint when you opened the portal for him. The team watched as you stalked towards Abel Bolton who was wearing a stupid smirk on his face.

“Miss Mitchell, or should I say Captain (L/N)? I was so hoping we could go on a second date but this might put our plans on hold. Shame. I was looking for another night, with you to keep me warm.”

You lunged at him. No one moved as you hit him. You punched Abel like he was a punching bag in the gym. You spared him nothing, treating him like he was Steve or Bucky, someone who could actually take your hits. Eventually Abel’s face was becoming more bloodied by the second.

“She’s gonna kill him,” Tony said as they watched.

Steve watched as your knuckles started to bleed a little. He grabbed you around the waist and pulled you to his back until you were off of Abel. Hot tears fell down your face as Steve shushed you.

“I know, doll, I know. But we need him alive.”

Without a glance, you opened a portal for somebody to throw the scumbag through. You opened the portal for everyone to go home. Steve sat you on the counter and took out a first aid kit. Bucky took over, mentioning he was used to cleaning up you and Steve’s injuries back in the 40s.

“You good Lucky Lou?”

“I’m fine, Buck. What time is it?”

“7 pm.”

“Oh good, she should still be in. I think I’m going to go see Dr. Lin for a session. Captain, can you take Goose outside for her walk.”

Steve’s jaw didn’t clench this time. You weren’t calling him for anything kinky. Captain. You needed someone to be in control while you weren’t. He was a constant. Steve gently kissed your forehead and muttered of course. Your hands were shaking and not just from the extra charge of the fight. Silently, Steve removed your kimoyo beads and slipped them on his wrists. He grabbed both your hands until you were looking at him. Steve kissed your hands.

“Go see the doctor. Goose and I will be in our room when you get back.”

You hopped down from the counter and walked towards the elevator.

~~

Steve and Goose were lying on the bed when you came back. Steve held out the beads for you but you shook your head still not relaxed enough to put them on.

“I cleared out half the closet and drawers for you.”

“Thank you. Do we think we can find a place for my armchair?” Steve could hear the exhaustion in your voice.

“Yeah. I’ll just move the desk a little.”

“Okay. I’m going to take a bath.”

You slowly shuffled to the bathroom. Steve left Goose on the bed. Bucky caught him carrying your stuff to his room. He smiled at Steve before retreating to his room to get ready for a date. Steve wasn’t sure how you’d organize your stuff and he imagined you’d probably change it later but he put it up for now just so everything would be put away.

You came out of the bathroom pleasantly surprised to see your armchair was already in the room, Steve’s shield in it and the Basotho blanket that T’Challa and Shuri gave you was draped over it. Steve was nowhere to be found at the moment, just Goose who meowed from your chair. You changed and sat down in the chair, wrapping yourself in the blanket. You felt calmer and realized the blanket had vibranium woven through it. You moved Steve’s shield so it was more to the side and you could lean on it like a hard pillow. He came back in with a warm drink for you. Steve sat on the edge of the bed, facing you.

“Dr. Lin wasn’t too thrilled I hurt my hands. But she says I did good, not shutting down… I still don’t think she gets me beating him up but she said the anger was better than nothing.”

“That’s good, (Y/N). I’m glad you went to her.”

“Me too,” you said before taking a sip. “Thank you for being patient.”

“It’s nothing.”

“No, it’s a lot. It can be a lot and I know that. Thank you for being patient with me, Steve. I love you. Seriously.”

“I love you too, (Y/N).”

You two sipped on your drinks in silence. When you finished, Steve turned off most of the lights to go to bed. You stayed up for a bit to read before leaving your armchair. When you got up and slipped into bed, Steve turned over and wrapped an arm around you.

~~

Vacation actually came. Nick agreed that you all deserved two or three weeks off. Anything S.H.I.E.L.D. found would be handled by agents— bar an alien invasion maybe. So you guys were leaving the compound and the city for a five hour drive to the Cape Cod area of Massachusetts.

With a lot of you, there were five cars. You, Steve, Shuri, Peter, Sam, and Bucky in one car. Tony’s car held him, Rhodey, Pepper, Thor, Happy, and Bruce. Vision was with Wanda, T’Challa, Okoye and her husband W’Kabi, and Nakia. And Clint was driving with his family and Natasha. You were glad the Wakandans managed to take a break and come with you, but they could only stay for a week.

You could’ve portaled everyone there or taken the quinjet but everyone thought a good old-fashioned road trip would be fun. Your car was slowly regretting that decision— you, Shuri, and Peter were driving them up a wall with your music. Currently, Sam was driving and, even though Bucky was in the passenger’s seat, Shuri took control of the aux cord. It had started off calm until Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco came on. The songs weren’t bad. It was the three of you screaming them at the top of your lungs. The three older men breathed a sigh of relief when you, Peter, and Shuri had passed out. It wouldn’t last long and they knew it but they accepted the quiet while it lasted.

“Were we that bad at their age?” Sam asked as he turned down the volume.

Like they predicted, the quiet didn’t last long. The minute the cars pulled into the gas station for a refuel, you guys woke up. After filling with gas, your car parked at the spots in front of the station so as not to block other cars. People went to the bathroom and got snacks. The gas station was playing “Gasolina” by Daddy Yankee.

“Bust a move, Pete!”

You and Shuri laughed at Peter’s surprisingly decent twerk skills. You filmed him and wouldn’t delete the footage, locking your phone before Peter could grab it from you. You piled back into the car for the final two hours, Steve driving and you in the passenger seat. The last thing anyone in the car was prepared for was the fact that not only did Steve know who Lady Gaga and Beyonce were, but that he listened to their music. But the other passengers were watching you and Steve perfectly sing “Telephone”. First thing Peter did, pull out his phone and record— not that Steve and you noticed.

The car rolled to a stop in front of the beach houses that were rented for the weeks. They were huge houses so you guys only rented three and split people accordingly. Everyone that wasn’t coupled were in bunk beds and shared rooms. The houses were right next to each other, back porches facing each other.

~~

“I want a picture of all the couples!” Tony called out.

He handed a camera to Happy. You joined the group photo, jumping onto Steve’s back. It took several tries for the photo— people claiming they didn’t look good every picture. Finally, you got a picture everyone was satisfied with.

“Someone tan with me,” Natasha said as she stretched out on a towel.

“Well I think that counts all of us out,” T’Challa said, making you laugh. However he and Nakia sat down with Nat anyway.

You played beach volleyball with Steve and Clint’s kids. He loved his family but Clint and Laura gladly dumped the children with Uncle Steve and Aunty (Y/N) for at least an hour. Despite being on vacation, there was still team dinner every night. Not that anyone was complaining. The thunder clap scared everyone.

“Damn, I was looking forward to a night on the boardwalk,” Rhodey said as he looked out the window.

You just smiled. You grabbed your bracelet from Steve and stood up from the table. Everyone looked at you in confusion when you opened the porch door. You stood outside but only the thunder was clapping, you turned around.

“Thor? Can you do something about that?”

“You want the lightning?”

“Need to show you guys a trick.”

Thor stood up to help you. His lightning alone didn’t charge you up, it had to be from a natural source but he could help jump start the sky. The others jumped up in surprise when they watched the first strike hit your hand but nothing happened. You waited until more strikes aimed at you. When you came back inside, your hair was sparking and both eyes were purple.

“Who wants a mini trip to my hometown?”

~~

Steve dropped in the bed next to you.

“Earth-563 wasn’t as different as I thought it would be.”

“I’m not an alien Steve.”

“I know, still thought it would be a whole lot more different. I mean you haven’t heard of half the things we have here.”

“Are you still holding the fact that you knew Beyonce before me over my head? Because I thought we established—”

Steve kissed you to shut you up. You pulled away before kissing him one more time and turning to a comfortable sleep position.

~~

The club scene in Cape Cod wasn’t the same as the club scene in New York. For one, it wasn’t some jumping high-packed club. It was more of a bar with a nice space for a dance-floor and the occasional karaoke night. The team had split between a boardwalk night and going to the club (Clint and Laura having no choice with young children but to choose the boardwalk).

While being an Avenger got you Peter, and Shuri into the club, it couldn’t get you drinks at the bar. So the three of you drank sodas, happy to at least be in. Getting ID’d was still something you weren’t used to on Earth-Earth. You enjoyed cheering on the drunk and tipsy as they sang their hearts out to songs out of their vocal range.

The club scene in Cape Cod? Different but good. And even better when the DJ came back from a break. Shuri was up the minute “Single Ladies” came on. For someone who lived in Wakanda, she absolutely loved American pop culture.

“Sorry, not exactly a single lady.”

“For three minutes you can be.” Shuri pulled on your arm.

You shrugged and got up. “It’s not me Steve, the song requires it. Our relationship will truly be missed.”

He laughed as you handed him your soda and joined Shuri. Soon, Peter joined when “Soulja Boy” came on and after “Electric Slide” naturally Sam and Rhodey had to join. Nakia, T’Challa, Steve, Bucky, and Wanda only joined when you pulled them over promising that the Cupid Shuffle literally says what to do in the song.

And then you, Sam, and Rhodey’s eyes lit up upon the opening notes of “September”. Even Shuri, American pop culture extraordinaire, wasn’t prepared. The only other person who knew what was going on as the dance floor cleared into two lines was Peter because well he lived in New York and his best friends were Ned and MJ, how would he not know. It didn’t take long for the others to understand the concept of a Soul Train line.

“No, no, (Y/N).”

You were trying to pull Steve along as you got closer to your turn going down the line.

“You don’t have to dance well, Rogers. Just groove on down the train. Come on, old man.”

He caved, when it came to you Steve would always cave. You cheered him on as he went with you. The cheerful atmosphere continued even as the songs died down into slower, calmer songs. Eventually, some songs from the 40s came on. Bucky and Steve looked over to the DJ who gave them a wink and raised a glass.

“Doll, would you like to go dancing?”

“I expect you to sweep me off my feet, Captain Rogers.”

The others watched from the bar. It was like the bar had gone back in time for those few moments. You and Steve swayed and twirled to the music. Steve looked at you in the dim light. The box braids you had gotten for vacation framed your face. Yeah, you were his sun and he knew it. He leaned in to kiss you. The others watched the slight spark of your hair as your lips met his.

(Part 12)...