#cannot take a shower w/ out The Body Memories. cannot put on lotion w/ out The Body Memories. cannot brush my teeth without The Terror Bite
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ohh the torment is endless i see it now
#cannot take a shower w/ out The Body Memories. cannot put on lotion w/ out The Body Memories. cannot brush my teeth without The Terror Bite#Down And Gag (The Body Memories). cannot lay down without-#but oh my god it makes me so mad how so much important necessary mundane stuff is hellish nightmare for me#distancing self from the body only does so much. the body is still experiencing the horrors#it is more present and real and visceral than what is actually present. it is so hard not to break down today#it is so difficult. i feel like i cant even tell what it is that i am remembering except that my body moves#without my control over what it does - bite. kick. move my hands over my eyes. push away with arms#over and over and over and over and over. it plays out the same motions every time and they are connected to.... i know not what 👍#because i am too far away to know. and i dont want to know anyhow#watching my body break down and relive whatever-it-is again and again and again just because i am taking care of its#physical needs is never going to get any easier i dont think
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