#cannot emphasize enough that i spent 3 hours typing and formatting this and don't expect anyone to gaf. but i appreciate u so much if u do!

[voxvaughn]

i can connect anything to my selfships (lyric re-interpretation addition)

ascensionism // rain (LONG analysis under the cut!!!)

CW FOR THE HEAVIER THEMES ASSOCIATED WITH VOXVAUGHN!!! Valentino is mentioned (negatively, he's Vox's abuser), and themes of emotional abuse, internalized biphobia (Vox), feeling neglected, and generally Rough start of relationships due to improper communication between two troubled men is discussed. please proceed with caution and nuance!

i NEVER get to analyze & reinterpret lyrics the way i like to when i listen to music ANYWHERE and then realized i could on my blog where i specifically AM cringe but free. i'd love to do lyric associations with other people's ships sometime, too, if this post is well received :-D! anyways, onto my brainworms.

Ascensionism by Sleep Token is a song i've established to have associated with VoxVaughn before, but it is a Vaughn-centric perspective on the relationship. Vaughn comes from a life of neglect, petty crime and hustling to get by, both in life and before dealing his soul to Vox, so theres an emphasis on the "filthier" aspects of the relationship ("Lipstick, chemtrails, red flags, pink nails" & "..rose-gold chains, ripped lace, cut glass / Blood stains on the collar means just don't ask") because that's all he knows as he enters the relationship. Being thrust into a life of disposable money and power that came from being so closely associated with The Vees ("...a black-lit paradise, Diamonds in the trees, pentagrams in the night sky") is a complete 180 of the lives Vaughn had lead before, and he doesn't know how to process it healthily at first at all.

This is escalated by how on-and-off again the initial romantic partnership between him and Vox was (and this was due to Valentino guilting + threatening Vox out of getting "too close" to Vaughn for a while, but Vaughn isn't aware of this at first. Miscommunication is so sad to see.); so Vaughn perceives himself as an escape for Vox and is torn between his genuine attraction to Vox and Vox's assumed disinterest ("Well I know what you want from me. You want someone to be your reflection, your bitter deception; setting you free." & "Make it real, 'Cause anything's better than the way I feel right now" ). He hates the idea that he's nothing but a "getaway" but he's so genuinely enamored and in love with Vox that he puts up with the "lie".

There's clear adoration for Vox's presence and his appearance throughout the song, emphasis on technological aspects and influence ("Half algorithm, half deity / Glitches in the code or gaps in a strange dream" and even more directly "Digital demons make the night feel heavenly") and more subtle references to how he monitors Hell ("With one eye on the door, other eye on a rail / Other, other eye following a scarlet trail"), but most importantly the yearning of just wanting to know Vox and wanting to be known and seen by him the same way ("Won't you come and dance in the dark with me? Show me what you are, I am desperate to know." , "Who made you like this? Who encrypted your dark gospel in body language?" and "Tell me you met me in past lives, past life, past what might be eating me from the inside, darling") haunts the track.

The feeling of conflicted melancholy and want to be in a genuine relationship is carried over to Rain, another track by Sleep Token. in this context, this track is an a parallel to Vaughn's Point of View in Ascensionism; focusing on Vox's train of throught and interpretation of the beginning of their partnership. To Vox, Vaughn's presence in his life is refreshing, like a breath of fresh air ("And just like the rain, you cast the dust into nothing and wash out the salt from my hands"). Vaughn is firm about protecting his peace, and is insanely headstrong despite the threats he gets from demons with far more power than him; and that reckless resilience is so inspiring to Vox.

This is especially true at the time of their proper meeting and soul contract proposal; Vox was receiving the worst of Valentino's anger and frustraion about Angel Dust moving into the Hazbin Hotel, causing Vox to shut in on himself. Vaughn's arrival in Hell and the actual threat he posed to the Vees as an outsider was eye-opening to Vox. It made him realize he didn't need to be as complacent in his misery as he was, despite being in Hell. ("For so long, I have waited / So long that I almost became just a stoic statue, fit for nobody. And I don't wanna get in your way, but I finally think I can say that the vicious cycle was over the moment you smiled at me").

Even after realizing this, and acquiring Vaughn's soul, he's hesitant to be fully dedicated to Vaughn and cut ties with Valentino. Partially because he tries to reason that it's "purely a business endeavor" to have Vaughn's soul (it's not), but also because he feels like he deserves the abuse from Valentino (who also threatens Vaughn's safety when he notices Vox's interest in the "lesser demon"). Vox was a cultist in life, but he died in the 1950's, and is convinced his sexuality played a part in his arrival in Hell due to the upbringing of his time period. He's not ready to confront that it's possible to be in a healthy relationship with another man, and that's part of why he took shit from Valentino for so long; "serving [his] eternal punishment" or whatever. ("I know, I know, the way that it goes / You get what you give, you reap what you sow")

At first Vox tries to ignore his attraction, but it starts consuming him. He always smiles more when Vaughn is in the room, the workload feels less straining when Vaughn gives it to him, he laughs more, and he doesn't know how to process it. He wants there to be more, it claws and tears at his chest that the time they spend together always has to end. It drives him crazier knowing it doesn't have to. ("It's that chemical cut that I can get down with / Up like the moon and out like the hounds. A dangerous disposition somehow refracted in light, reflected in sound / I'm coiled up like the venomous serpent, tangled in your trance and I'm certain you have got your hooks in me." , "I know, I know, I am what I am / The mouth of the wolf, the eyes of the lamb / So darling, will you saturate?" and "Nobody can say for certain if maybe it's all just a game / When I open my eyes to the future, I can hear you say my name")

TLDR; Vox and Vaughn were both a insanely mentally ill and traumatized at the start of their relationship with each other in different and complicated ways that makes their eventual growth and understanding of eachother so much more beautiful . that & i can process anything through my selfships .