#cannot believe Luke has finally wormed his way into my head

[lastminutestarwarsfan]

Its honestly so painful to me, the sheer amount of turmoil that Anakin has experienced in his life. If you really sit down and think about what he's been through, he truly is one of the most tragic characters in fiction.

Born a slave to a single mother on a backwater, forgotten, barren world with no opportunities (Sidenote as much as we laugh at the "I don't like sand" meme, it actually is a meaningful line. He hates that world, that life, wants to put it behind him. Can't help but think of the mother he abandoned there)

Forced to choose between freedom and leaving his mother to her fate. A ridiculous amount of pressure to put on a 9 year old

Loses the only father figure he's had, and ultimately the only person to truly show faith in him, almost immediately after finding him

Becomes a burden and disappointment to a reluctant, inexperienced master (Before you come at me, I ADORE Obi-Wans and Anakins relationship. I love their banter, and I truly think they loved one another ridiculously and my heart breaks at what they became. But I do think that Anakin felt like a burden and disappointment sometimes. Especially at the beginning, Obi-Wan only really takes him on out of duty to Qui-Gon, it wouldn't have been his own choice. He didn't believe in him the way Qui-Gon did. And because Obi himself was grieving and young and inexperienced, he didn't have the confidence to guide Anakin the way he should have. He falls back on the rules too much, after bending them to take him on in the first place. He's too strict with him, too harsh. He doesn't tell him how much he loved him until it's too late, which just adds to the angst)

Is constantly told that he needs to let go of his attachment to his mother whilst being plagued my dreams of her death.

Watches his mother die in his arms with the knowledge if only he could have done something sooner he could have saved her (and this is the moment I think, pivotally, that his capacity for the dark side becomes real. Not the moment when he kills the Tuscans in anger just after. But in this quiet moment of death. The moment that voice in his head starts burrowing like a worm "Not enough, more, better, faster, stronger". If he could just burn hotter, brighter, push harder, then no one else would die.)

Is thrust into a war at 19

Is entrusted with a 14 year old apprentice at 20. Loves her like family only to watch the order he gave up everything for, the order that let his mother die, the order that is the reason he cannot have a normal life with his wife, drive his little sister away from him.

Plagued to madness by visions of his wife dying. Goes insane to try to save her only to be her own downfall. Is cut into pieces and left to burn alive by his brother. Suffers excruciating pain being pieced back together. Is forced to live with the knowledge that he led to the love of his life's death, where every breath is a reminder of the monster he has become.

Becomes increasingly aware that his new master, the only person he has left, the person he betrayed everyone for, the person he trusted in his times of need and thought understood him, would toss him away without a second thought and replace him with Luke.

That smile when he takes off the mask and looks at Luke in Return of the Jedi means so much. It's so pure, and light and carefree for those few seconds. The first time we've ever seen him truly at peace. He is finally free from the pain.

[arielsojourner]

Vader Strikes Back - Part the Fifth

Not beta read/really rough/not really proof read/plot holes and OUT of order.  Also spoilers for the original first story in AO3 Back From the Future: Episode VI The Clone Wars.  Check the tag #vader strikes back on my page for the other parts to this mess/fic outline. Again I value feedback and ideas if you have any.

*

The Medical Quarters were unusually full. It was driving Quick crazy. He could barely make his rounds in between all the visiting clone brothers and his patients moving around to cluster around Fives’ bed since he was still the most incapacitated. The holoscreen was blaring and he’d nearly lost track of whom he’d given meds to already and who still needed their daily dose twice. If things didn’t calm down and soon he was going to break his promise and throw every healthy clone out and tie down all his patients until they were healed! 

Enough was enough. He was calling Captain Rex and putting a stop to all of this right now.

*

“So that’s what we’ve got,” Uni finished, muting the holonet. “The whole story came out of a leak from Senator Organa’s office but the real source appears to be the Jedi Council. Now most of the Holonews isn’t touching the stuff but the story is gaining traction and it won’t be long before it will be featured on even the biggest networks.”

“It’s total poodoo is what it is,”  Slice grumped. “Luke died a hero and Vader isn’t interested in ruling anything! The Order is just--just prejudiced.”

“We know all that, but what are we going to do about it?” Echo asked. 

“We could go public,” Hardcase suggested. “Tell the truth.” At the incredulous looks of his brothers, Hardcase rolled his eyes. “C’mon, stop thinking like you’re still on Kamino. We have rights like any other sentient. We can and should speak out just like any natural born person. We’ve got a story. We should tell it.”

“But who’s going to listen?” Mixer interrupted. “Luke and Vader and a few systems may treat us like we’re free but everyone else thinks we’re no better than fleshy droids. No one’s going to believe a clone. The Republic doesn’t care about us. The Separatists hate us. The League aren’t the problem and the Order, well, they’re the cause of all of this!”

This sparked off a chorus of voices yelling over one another.

“Hey, hey!” Fives yelled from where he lay flat in the middle of the arguing brothers. “Enough! Hardcase, sit down before Quick sedates you. The rest of you shut up for a second.” The men quieted around him. “Now, Mixer has a point-- no, quiet and listen. Just because you don’t like to hear it doesn’t mean it’s not true. We are more than just numbers and canon fodder but that doesn’t mean anyone else out in the galaxy knows any of that. If we want to fight these lies we need to get people to trust us first.”

“Oh, like that’s going to be so easy,” Mal said with a scowl. “None of us even know any civilians, let alone holonet reporters. It’s not like we have friends or family outside the GAR. What do we know about getting people to trust us? We’re lab grown clones. What do we even know about any of this? Nothing. Each of us is barely a handful of years old and we know nothing about anything except how to fight and how to kill!”

A pillow hit Mal smack in the face and the troopers began shouting again.

“I’ve got friends.”

“What?” Fives yelled over the din, trying to raise his head. “Shut up would you? What did you say? Uni, get off Echo! Who said that? CT-9779, what did you say?”

Over a dozen faces turned to the young clone on the edge of the group. He was engrossed in his data pad. 

“CT-9779! Hey!” Hardcase said waving his arms. “What did you say?”

The unremarkable familiar face devoid of ink or anything other than the standard hair cut looked up. He flushed under the regard of his older brothers. “Er, nothing, nothing.”

“No, you said something about friends. What was it?” Fives prompted him. 

CT-9779 shrugged. “I’ve got friends. Y’know, who aren’t brothers. Civvies.”

“Who you? Yeah right. How?” Mal scoffed.

“Shut up, Mal,” Slice said digging his elbow into his squad mate’s side. 

“Who’re you friends with?” Hardcase asked. “Anyone I know?”

“Er, well, on the holonet,” he said pointing to his datapad. “I joined the groups that Hack Squad set up, y’know between squads and I messaged a couple of brothers I know in some other battalions and shared some of my credits from my stipend and helped them get datapads so we could stay in touch and then, well . . . I messaged Ventress and connected with her, and then just for a joke I messaged the Duchess Satine on this one holosite and they both messaged me back! So I joined a few other sites. They’re free and everything. And I started sharing and reblogging things. And the stuff I shared, and it wasn’t classified, I was careful, it was popular. There’s not a lot of news from the front y’know. People, natural born people, civvies, they wanted to know. And the Duchess has all these contacts on a bunch of systems and they connected with me on all these different holosites, asking questions and being  . . . nice and-- and we’ve become . . . friends,” he finished awkwardly at the incredulous looks he was getting. 

Uni moved closer reached for the datapad. “Lemme see.” Before CT-9779 could stop him he snatched it up and started scrolling through the open programs and pages. “What the hell?” he muttered. 

The clones leaned forward trying to see the screen. 

“Be careful!” CT-9779 said. “I was in the middle of posting something. Don’t delete it. I haven’t saved it yet.”

“What? What is it?” Echo asked.

Uni shook his head. “This can’t be right. This says you’ve got close to  a million followers on this one site alone. And over here, you’ve got almost a three hundred thousand just following what holo pictures you take and most of these followers aren’t brothers at all. It’s gotta be fake.”

CT-9779 tried to take back his datapad but Uni moved out of his reach. “They’re not fake. They’re natural born people.”

“You’ve got a ton of people as an audience without even trying. And they-they like it. They like things you write about and post about, about clones, about General Skywalker and Luke, about Vader, about all of us.” Uni handed over the datapad to Slice who after a moment passed it to Mal and then around the rest of the circle of clones. “We can use this. You think no one will listen? These people will and if we really try, we can spread this everywhere. Who needs the holonews? If enough people talk about it we’ll make our own news.”

“You can’t seriously think this will work though?” Mal asked. “Just because a bunch of civvies talk about us and about the truth isn’t going to change anything.”

“Worked for Luke though,” Chatterbox reminded him with a shrug as he took the datapad and Force tossed it back to CT-9779.

“Yeah, yeah it did,” Fives said with a growing sense of excitement. “Luke said the war was over and everyone thought he was crazy. I don’t even think Vader believed it. Hells, we didn’t believe it at first either, but he kept saying it. He kept saying it to everyone, senators, other Jedi, planetary leaders, all of us and look around. The war is over! It’s over because he said it was  over and he did everything he damn well could to show everyone else the truth. We just need to do the same thing.”

“It could work,” Slice said rubbing his chin. “But it would be better if we could talk about what we’re doing now, share that on these media sites.”

“What, healing and driving Quick crazy?” Hardcase joked.

Fives hit his clenched fist against his bed in frustration. “No, we need something big. Something important so people pay attention, something like--”

“Something like Vader’s plans to liberate Tatooine,” Rex said, stepping into the Medical Quarters, Quick on his heels.

The men came to attention as best as their various levels of health would allow.

Quick glanced around his domain and stomped over to start picking up previously thrown pillows and cups and bits and pieces the troopers had knocked over during their arguments, muttering under his breath. 

“Captain,” Echo said, standing at attention. “We, er, we’re off duty and just visiting.”

Rex merely raised one brow at the ARC trooper who winced and shut his mouth. “Seems more like planning than visiting to me, trooper. And your plans not half bad to be honest. You just need a little more focus and a little less throwing of pillows.”

“Yes sir,” the men chorused. 

“CT-9779,” Rex snapped.

“Y-yes sir,” the clone said, saluting sharply. 

“You’re reassigned to Hack Squad effective immediately. Get started on a media campaign with them to get the word out to the other Battalions and to the civvies on both sides of the galaxy. The rest of you that are well enough, I’ve got Vader’s plans uploaded on the shipboard link and they need to be firmed up. I want suggestions and creative ideas. This isn’t your standard liberation plan against the Seppies. When we rendezvous with him in a half rotation, I want to be ready to brief him in full and get moving on the campaign as soon as possible.”

“Yes sir!”

“Very well,” Rex said with a nod and then his stern features softened slightly. “I think-- I think Commander Luke would’ve been very  . . . pleased to see you all working together like this. Good work, all of you.”  

The troopers all looked at each other and smiled as the Captain left.

“Well, you heard the Captain,” Hardcase said gleefully, using the Force to snag the remote and unmute the holoscreen. “We better get ready for the briefing.”

“Now wait just a minute!” Quick yelled snatching the remote from him. “You are not well enough yet to do anything, let alone go to the briefing! Back to bed, all of you and the rest of you get out!” 

*

Krennic has surrounded himself with bodyguards but it makes no difference. They die screaming under Vader’s blade. He stops briefly at a computer terminal to infect it with the worm Hack Squad has prepared for him and continues the hunt. Vader is trying to treat this like any other mission. He tries to remind himself that this is no different than hunting down Rebels or the Death Star plans but the mere thought of that turns his stomach.

(Leia. He had tortured his own daughter).

But at least the hate is better than the grief. It may burn inside him but it is better than collapsing numb and powerless under the weight of sorrow. Let me burn, he thinks to himself savagely as he tears apart the droids barring his way, slashing through bulkheads following Krennic’s desperate trail. Let the rest of me just burn away. 

Vader finally breaks into the last panic room and Krennic shoots at him frantically. It is all too easy to block the blaster bolts, tear the weapon from the man’s hand and strangle him. He watches as Krennic collapses, turns blue and then purple and then finally gagging drops dead to the floor.

Vader grips his lightsaber tighter and looks down at the body. He has long hated Krennic with his weaseling manipulative ways, his blatant desire for power and authority. He’s dreamed of killing him more than once. It is good that he is dead and his weapon plans destroyed. 

But Vader can feel no satisfaction. He still hates and wishes that Krennic had somehow marshaled more of a challenge against him, provided more targets for him to vent his rage against. He casts his mind out. Perhaps there are still some bodyguards or droids left alive. Perhaps there is someone else he can kill or destroy.

But no. He has been thorough. There is no threat left alive. 

Everyone is dead.

He turns and goes back to the computer terminal. Maybe there is a new trail to follow, a new name he will recognize and he can start the hunt again.

(The Emperor’s Hound, his attack dog, Sith monster, the Emperor’s pet killer running his quarry to ground . . .)

Vader draws himself up short. He’d hunted Luke this way, chasing down leads, slaughtering as he went and in the end it was a simple message not a threat that brought his son to his side.

Without thinking, Vader reaches out through the Force for his son.

--dark, warm, sad, pain, burning--

Vader wrenches himself away from the baby’s Force presence, cursing himself. He knows better. His Force presence filled with hate and anger overwhelms the baby. He will destroy both of the children if he is not careful, if he cannot control his weak ways. He needs to stop reaching out. There is no one to reach back.  

Luke is dead.

He stares at the computer screen blankly. What is he going to do now? he wonders bleakly. Vader considers the still lit saber for a long moment.

His commlink beeps. He answers it.

“Captain Rex reporting, sir. We’ve just arrived in orbit. We have a company ready to join you on the surface if need be.”

Vader disengages his saber.

“There is no need Captain. The target is dead. I have destroyed the files. I will rendezvous with the ship shortly.” 

“Understood sir. Oh, and sir?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“We have some information to brief you on when you arrive on board.”

“Very well. Vader out.”

Vader turns and begins the journey back to the Twilight. Perhaps the 501st will have a new mission. Perhaps Hack Squad has found another danger that needs to be destroyed. Perhaps . . .

*

Obi-Wan  finds Anakin in the nursery. He is soothing the children. Luke is crying and Leia is whimpering in sympathy. It is good to hear Anakin’s voice again.

“Are they all right?” Obi-Wan asks.

“Luke’s just a little scared,” Anakin replies. “I think . . . I think Vader sometimes forgets. He reaches out and . . .” Anakin shrugs.

Obi-Wan’s eyes widen in shock. He hurries over to the crib, looking anxiously at the twins. “Do you mean, he actually . . . is he here?”  Obi-Wan doesn’t know what to do if Vader has come to Naboo. Will he have to fight him? What if he comes for the children? What does he want?

Anakin shakes his head. “He’s light years away. He won’t come here.”

“Light years? But--”

“If size doesn’t matter to the Force, and time obviously doesn’t matter to the Force, then distance probably doesn’t matter either,” Anakin says sardonically as the babies quiet under his hands. 

For Vader to be that strong . .  . Obi-Wan internally shudders at the thought. He looks at his former Padawan and wonders what feats of the Force Anakin is capable of.

“How do you know he won’t come here? If he’s reaching out as you say . . .”

“He doesn’t mean to. He doesn’t mean to frighten Luke. He pulls away as soon as he realizes it’s  . . .not who he’s really looking for.” Anakin says softly. “He’s not going to come to Naboo or anywhere Padme or the children are now or ever. He’s not going to come because I wouldn’t come.”

“I don’t understand,” Obi-Wan says after a long moment. It makes no sense to him. Seeing how devoted Anakin is and remembering even those few moments with Vader, how desperate he was to protect Padme as she was giving birth, he would expect Vader to come. He feels like he doesn’t understand Vader, never understood Anakin properly at all. 

“When you hate yourself that much, when you are afraid that you will destroy who you desperately want to protect, you avoid the ones you love.”

Obi-Wan swallows hard. He knew Anakin’s emotions ran strong and he didn’t think he would ever forget the Forcestorm of hate, betrayal and self-loathing he felt from Vader. But he’d always believed that those who fell to the Dark were different, altered permanently from those who stood in the Light. Anakin couldn’t possibly know all this unless he knew what Vader was thinking and feeling intimately. “And you? Do you feel. . .” Obi-Wan trails off. He doesn’t want to ask. He doesn’t want to contemplate that the boy he raised has anything in common with the Sith Lord. 

Anakin looks at him and smiles painfully. “Always. The fear’s always been there,” he admits and it’s like a blow that leaves Obi-Wan breathless. “The hate . . . that grew later. But one of us needs to be here for Padme, for Leia and Luke, for Ahsoka, and for you. So I’m staying here and he’ll  . . . stay away. You won’t have to fight him, not unless you seek him out.”

“No. I cannot face him. I won’t.”

Anakin nods, gaze returning to the now sleeping infants. “Thank you,” he whispers. He takes a few shuddering breaths, hands gripping the edge of the crib tightly. “I know I’ve failed--”

“No, you didn’t fail. You didn’t Fall.”

He huffs a laugh. “Close enough.”

“Close only counts with Hardcase and pulse grenades,” Obi-Wan reminds him sternly. “You’re still here.”

Anakin closes his burning eyes tightly, too ashamed to even look at his old Master. “Obi-Wan, you have no idea,” he says, voice breaking. “I’m no Jedi. Not really. I could never learn how, no matter how hard I tried. You were right, Yoda was right. I’m dangerous.”

Obi-Wan takes hold of Anakin’s shoulder and turns him until they stand face to face. “Listen to me, Anakin. Please, just listen. There is good in you, so much good. If you have struggled with the Dark, if you have been unable to master letting go of your attachment, your fear, your anger, and your hate that doesn’t mean you’re not a Jedi or that you’re a failure. The truth is . . . I haven’t mastered those skills either. I don’t think I ever will. I’ve just gotten very very good at pretending,” he confesses gently as Anakin wipes at his eyes with one hand. “So, if that’s what makes someone dangerous, then you’re not alone.  I just hope you don’t mind the company.”

“No,” Anakin says with a watery laugh. “I don’t mind.”

“We’ll figure this out, all of it, together. We’re safe and the war is over. We have time and I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.”